#tara was in therapy the entire time but she just refuses to cooperate. you can't help someone who's not ready to be helped.

[krikeymate]

Double whammy of the Sam with a 10 year age difference having a conniption cause Tara is trying to go around sleeping with random guys

Sam was NOT prepared for handling a teenager, let alone a teenager with PTSD. She's barely feels like an adult herself, and only two years after finally getting her mother out of their lives, her little sister is nearly killed, all because of her.

Tara's 14 (&3/4) when Amber and Ritchie try to kill her in this AU, so let's not try and make that too 😬... hmm, got it.

In the aftermath, she does not cope well.

Tara's always had moments where she's chafed against Sam's authority, where she's been distant, especially since she became her legal guardian, but nothing like this. Sometimes it feels like Amber had managed to kill Tara after all, and she's left trying to care for a ghost. Sam wishes she could kill her all over again... and again, and again, for the rest of eternity, for the anguish she's caused her girl.

The attack at the hospital and again at Amber's only makes her injuries worse. In the end, it takes her leg 4 months to heal, and she was confined to the bed full-time for a month, with another month of being confined mostly to her bed. Needless to say, she doesn't cope well. Tara's not a baby anymore, and she can't stand to be coddled, can't stand the reminder that she isn't like the other girls in her class. She can't stand the fact she can't even dress and undress herself in this state. Can't stand to think of Amber.

And the pain, it's constant, it's everywhere, in her body, in her heart, in her head. The only time she's somewhat happy these days is under the influence of the painkillers that leave her floating between awake and asleep, where everything is fine and good. Sam can't bear to see her sister in this state, drugged up and absent. It's the only time she sees her sister smile anymore, and it hurts. But it's the only thing that keeps her going, and Tara's constantly in pain, so she keeps refilling the prescription. Later, she'll wish she was stronger, she'll wish she had listened to the part of her that said something was off. But Sam's never listening to herself, to anyone, over her sister.

Tara takes painkillers long after she needs them, and eventually, they stop providing the void she's always searching for. So she finds other options. Tara's newly 17 and lying beneath some guy, drugged out of her mind, in the basement of someone's house. They'd been making out for what felt like hours, when she felt his hand slip down her trousers, and then her sister had stormed into the room, throwing fists. What happens after that is as foggy as what came before that.

They move to New York.

Apparently, Sam is best friends with Gale fucking Weathers these days, because Sam gets a job with her, and that job apparently comes with an apartment. Tara finishes her school career online, in the corner of a studio or in a dressing room or the back of a news van, wherever Sam or Gale go, Tara is stuck being dragged around by them. She knows why. She's not stupid. She kind of hates Sam for it. She hates herself more for thinking such a thing, for being so weak.

She still has her vices, despite it all Sam never took her privacy from her. So Tara still has seedy chats and pictures and videos to distract herself with when she's feeling empty. It feels good to be loved, adored, for a little while. She can't bear to expose the emptiness inside of her to Sam, can't bring herself to talk about what happened to the therapists, to talk about Amber. Or the things she said, the things she did.

She's nearly 18 when they're attacked again. Ethan, Sam's clumsy assistant with the sweet smile and who always had a kind word for Tara, and their neighbour, Quinn, who liked variety in her men. Some of those men had little brothers she would introduce to Tara. They're Ritchie's family, and they want revenge.

Tara begins sleeping around as a coping mechanism after that. She won't go back to the drinking, and the drugs, she doesn't want to do that to Sam again. Her sister already has so much going on, she doesn't want to add to that. It doesn't even occur to her how much this would hurt her as well.