#talking over and over again about the same people with the same issues just to end up with the conclusion that 'oh glad we aren't like that'
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so all you need to do right now is disappear.
HHHHAPPY ISATVERSARY EVERYONE. here’s redraws for every single battle cg in the game. 36 drawings this time around, with 11 of those being custom (though admittedly a good portion of those are edits). combined with the portrait redraws i made back in september, i’ve made 114 redraws for this project! jesus christ! just like those redraws, these are completely free to use!! as long as i’m credited and it’s not for commercial purposes, go wild!! do whatever you want!!!
no i didn’t make these for isat’s 1 year anniversary this is just wildly good timing.
i genuinely can’t fit all of these cgs in one post even with the 30 image limit on browser, but i’ll still try to fit Most of them below the cut (without making this post horrifically long), along with some notes that might be important 👍
okay! once again, i labeled all of the custom art as such in the drive, but if you want a full list, the customs are hatless siffrin jackpot, bonnie jackpot, bonnie special attack, bigfrin attack, and a bunch of alts which are definitely not related to any projects i’ve been thinking about don’t worry about it. and out of those customs, only like. 3 of them are actually completely from scratch.
while i did my absolute best to keep the aspect ratios completely the same as the originals, there’s 3 exceptions that i just couldn’t get to work.
isabeau’s hair in his special attack cg wouldn’t fit in frame if i kept things completely accurate to the og, so i moved his cg down a bit. it shouldn’t cause any issues with modding or anything, it’ll just appear slightly lower than it does in game. alas…
isabeau’s sleeve and mirabelle’s hair made their jackpot sprites a little larger than the originals? i’m hoping this doesn’t have too much of an effect (since the jackpot sprites have inconsistent sizes) but i can’t test this myself unfortunately. aaa feel free to let me know on discord if any problems arise!!
i managed to fix these, so they aren’t going to cause problems now, but my original drawings for mirabelle and siffrin in the final attack scene were a pain in the ass to fix. mirabelle’s sprite was slightly too talk to fit in frame and siffrin’s hat whacked bonnie in the face while i was editing everyone together. i’m only mentioning this because it took like an hour and a half to fix them and finish the scene.
all that aside, these were a fucking BLAST to work on. apparently this ended up taking 57 hours over exactly 10 days. which is a little worrying if you do the math on that but somehow i have not burnt myself out. i will be doing enemies at some point!!! but probably not for a little bit. i think my friends will actually kill me if i don’t take a break.
once again, happy birthday isat. you’ve ruined my life and i wouldn’t have it any other way (silly).
also, on an actual serious note, this little timeloop game has genuinely changed my life for the better? you guys are probably sick of hearing it at this point (or maybe not, i don’t talk about myself That Much. i hope), but i was practically a ghost for about 2 years before joining this fandom. it’s a little surreal to suddenly have friends (plural!!!) and people who Care about me, or even know i exist, honestly. it’s weird!! in a good way!!!
i don’t think i would’ve ever come back to social media if this community wasn’t so welcoming. i’ve met a lot of really great people through this game!!! so, uh, thank you isat, i guess. here’s to another year.
#marshdoodles#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#also for full transparency. the sadness death redraw is effectively just a trace job. i’m not super happy with it because of thag#but i think i would be Killed if i tried to redo it. i dunno. maybe ill try to change it when i do sadnesses. maybe not.#besides that GOD im really happy with how these turned out#bigfrin was a last minute addition but i think he turned out fantastic#bonnie’s special attack isn’t my Favorite but i think it turned out pretty well considering the Struggle#gggod. trying to make a heavily foreshortened pose that still feels dynamic is really hard. how did id5 do this.#also don’t. worry about the Extra custom sprites that’re in there. i’m not planning anything.#happy isatversary everyone.#i blow away in the wind
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I agree with this comment here so hard, I remember getting blasted for calling readers who don't comment "leeches" on R/Fanfiction and I'm glad people are seeing that for what it is even if it's four years late
So, I'm gonna share my own little story here because discord has actively ruined communities for fanfic (and art too I'm not gonna leave y'all out cause my bestie @zoetiger-1106 is an artist who deserves way more praise than she gets!!) The reason why authors and myself see the "I'm shy" shit as an excuse is because the same people will type long ass tirades on Discord without a single thought. YOU CAN EDIT AO3 COMMENTS PEOPLE! If you make a mistake, read it back over and edit it. I've watched it happen in real-time with one of my favorite commenters on my one-shot where they left a short gushing comment and then came back and wrote more, you have no excuse much less reason to go "Man fandom keeps telling me to not critique and I might make a mistake so I will say nothing and consume like the average TV and Streaming consumer who thinks there doing something!" YOU have a lot of power with comments and even those bookmark tags hell just copy-paste what you put into those bookmark tags as a comment I DON'T CARE AT THIS POINT USE THAT LIL BOX TO VOICE SOMETHING!!!! God this is all over the place idc but I read back at those bookmarks, and saw people call my works the best and super cool and I APPRECIATE THAT but tell me! Stop taking the easy route, I been blasted for misunderstandings over comments multiple times cause people take my "tone" terribly cause it sucks being black and emotive online yay and for some reason people think !!!! Is bad? yes, I've been hit with that but I keep on trucking cause fuck whatever some weirdo thinks about exclamation points! Anyways back to discord and why I hate it now, I was in a small fandom, KFP got invited to a discord cause ONE person commented on my works and saw they talked about my fic, and at first, I was happy and people TALKED about my chapters at length in the fanfic channel. I basically was the ONLY ONE posting consistently in that channel and it was great but also I wanted that on my fic to show I improved so guess what I did? I went all in trying to one-up myself to be noticed, to have the acclaim my peers did so it would evolve outside of discord channels but it never happened. And Imma tell y'all now; it never will. Readers prefer convenience over your hard work, they are not gonna take time for you no matter how much you improve. People told me over and over while I looked for solutions for this; "We can't make commenting look like an obligation." "Add more prose, space these paragraphs better" all this just for no one to take the initiative and say something SINCERE towards a work they love on it. I've had to tell my own ex-friends now to go leave comments on works they called Masterpieces while ignoring me. Despite the fact they wanted Gen content in which I WROTE. Or met people who have very weird "I don't review" rules for themselves despite getting motivated by reviews themselves!! We're in a shitty time for creatives much less community cause we don't see each other as humans much less want to treat each others as we desire to be treated. Fanfic readers want to treat authors like showrunners and I hate it. But then your peers will tell you 'not to worry about engagement" and no I am because why is my hit count going up every day but ain't no one saying shit? Make it make sense!! I sat in that community commenting as much as I could, especially on long fics; it wasn't all perfect but I TRIED. I didn't expect shit back but hey it would have been nice but it never happened and again I learned; it never would. That's the real issue, no one wants to give no more; just take and take and take til you're sucked dry of passion worse than any corpo out right now. It's why I thankfully switched fandoms. I got ONE consistent commenter and they are better than that ENTIRE SMALL CLOSED COMMUNITY!! So, to any discord reactor for fanfic you better skip on to that message you made and copy and paste it in this box right here and never utter "I'm shy" ever again cause we see you, our friends tell us about you. You are not as anonymous as you think! 🫵🏽
A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.
My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.
My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.
This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.
Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.
I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.
So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.
#fanfiction#fanfic#god I hate talking about that ol fandom shit#i sound like a vet whose seen some shit#but im sick of other writers and readers downplaying how we feel#taylor talks
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I'm feeling bitchily critical today so. Let's get critical.
Reasons why Season 8 of 911 (so far) sucks:
Bobby and Athena are aimless
They have no house. The logical development is for them to look for one, one for their future. That is theirs. Where are the house hunting woes? The disageeements and compromises? Are they ever going to have a chance to find a place they both love? Or build one, even?
Athena's job description is all over the place
She's giving school talks. She's conducting traffic stops. She's escorting a prisoner across state lines. She is mentoring new officers. She's a goddamn Sergeant but what is her job scope? Every single thing requiring the presence of police, apparently!
Hen and Karen have little direction for growth
The Mara adoption issue could have brought out more of their relationship, developed them in terms of relying on each other through a difficult time. The storyline with Ortiz could have really delved into the struggles of the foster care system, and how Hen and Karen broke rules designed to protect the kids. (Seriously, if a child is removed from a foster family, it's logical not allowing the foster parents to meet the child that was removed for the safety of the child). Where was the appeal to Ortiz as a mother? Where was the struggle? Where is the tension between the Wilsons and the Hans? Instead there was a Deux Ex Gerrard. And I am not even gonna start on the whole "why didn't you take leave for Halloween" shit, that stuff should have been settled when Denny was a baby. What are their next steps? Same old same old?
Gerrard is a joke
An established bigot and racist returns. He could have been a great way to show how the 118 has grown beyond him and his bullying. Instead they're cowed by him, and lets him yell at Buck? Whatever happened to the "who cares" courage in Season 7? And he gets the reward of his dream job?
Eddie is still not healed
He emotionally cheated on his girlfriend with his dead wife's doppelganger. Has he even processed what that actually means? No! His son moved to Texas. Has he coped with the loneliness in his house? Who knows? Certainly not the audience, since we don't see him go to therapy or, hell, have a full breakdown! He confides in people who aren't his friends, let alone his so-called best friend! Bobby gave him a prayer book but we don't even hear Eddie rage at a God who keeps putting devastation and challenges in his way. What wa the point of the prayer book then? He just danced in his underwear and somehow that made him smile and now he's moving across the country and, what, giving up on his home and his job? Is that really healing, Edmundo Díaz? Or are you just running from the problem again?
Chimney has no internal or external motivation
He was providing for Mara for a few months. Was he stressed about it? Did he think about seeking a promotion for a higher salary? Also, he is an immigrant. Does that influence how he teaches Jee? Has he and Maddie, white suburban raised Maddie, ever discussed the potential problems Jee might face? Or whether they wanna include some Korean culture in Jee's education, since they gave her a Korean name? Does he ever think about any of these issues? Is he at all conflicted? What does Chimney want?
Maddie
She was the one who wanted to meet Tommy. Has she done so outside of the wedding? What was her opinion of him? Is Maddie content to stay in Dispatch in the exact same position? Has she any career ambition? And about Jee: does she never think about the Korean part of Jee? Connecting to her own culture? Learning Korean, maybe? That would have been interesting because perhaps she wants her daughter to connect to that part of her roots but Chimney doesn't, for his own reasons. Also, if she wants to have a second kid, why didn't she discuss it with Chimney outright before the pregnancy? Was she not taking the pill? Were they careless again? What would she do if Chimney didn't want a second child? Abort? Given how the first pregnancy was traumatic for the whole family, including her brother, this development is showing her to be pretty self-centered, frankly. I don't know this Maddie. She's not the same one that gave Buck her Jeep to escape, knowing that she'll be hurt by an abusive husband.
Brad
Why is airtime devoted to a character that is barely connected to the 118? What is the reason behind giving him so much focus? Is he supposed to quit acting and become a firefighter or something? What is the rationale for his existence?
.
.
And I haven't even touched on Buck or Tommy.
#911 critical#feeling bitchy#anyway.#it irks me when a story's potential isn't met#and there is so much potential lost
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don´t know if Tim is harsh in how he talks about bucktommy but I think they were caught of guard by the reaction to the break up and I think Tim could just dislike the implicit critisicm of his work here. OS might resent that this arc is not exclusively seen through the lens of Bucks sexuality but he can thank Tim for that as well. Becasue Tim did not make it an issue on the show at all other than Buck being attracted specifically to Tommy. It was never talked about outside that context. Maybe they also thought the Abby thing would be a bigger deal than it was? Or that people, other than Buddies, would welcome the break up because of it? But it was a cheap stunt and had, in the end, no effect on Buck and Tommy and why they broke up so why should anybody care?
It had literally no bearing on why they broke up except as a catalyst for Buck to move too fast and that to scare Tommy off but Tim has said it was abrupt by design so maybe he’s got something in mind for fixing that abruptness (or maybe he’s covering his ass) but regardless of their intentions, the breakup episode is very disjointed in how it plays out: they set up better reasons for a breakup in Buck being disappointed in Tommy’s treatment of Abby (and then resolve it with a speech from Josh) or in Tommy being weird about women being attracted to Buck and Buck being weird about acknowledging that he still is attracted to women (but God Forbid the bi arc about Buck actually acknowledges that he’s bi) and instead they chose to have the breakup be about them not being on the same page about their relationship (which has its own problems), which is an easily resolvable problem. The fact they’ve managed to stretch it out over 3 episodes to limp it over the finish line of the mid season should give me hope but I wonder if maybe that’s because they’re too cowardly to just shut the door already.
Other people have suggested that maybe the upcoming Buckley Family Drama that’s being teased by Tim is actually Maddie moving away for a little while (again) and they couldn’t write Buck spiraling from abandonment issues if Tommy was around to catch him and that seems plausible but honestly I don’t know that he’s planned that far ahead anymore.
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Yes! That’s… less of a clear answer than I feel comfortable with to join a movement or admire its leaders, but it’s something.
I always get the sense in conversations like this that people are much more comfortable than I am just being like “who cares about the edge cases?”
I care about them, both because I’ve *been* the victim of things committed by people too deep in their mental illness for anyone who tried to convince them to stop, and because if we truly believe everyone is a person (which I see as a key tenet of leftist values and part of why I choose them over right wing values in the first place) then we believe some things are too cruel even for people who do horrific things.
So I don’t see it as an issue we can avoid.
Also like I’ve mentioned I work at a homeless shelter. The reason a lot of academically inclined leftists can talk about crime like it’s rare is because they don’t spend time in environments where people who’ve committed crimes are common. I don’t think they’re wrong that most people are basically good, but I think they can be naive about what it takes to convince someone crimes are not a great idea. If someone has a patten of criming, it’s because that’s what they believe works for them. Getting them to stop is about changing their outlook and habits, which is far from impossible but a lot slower and more bumpy than many people who never did much criming want to think.
Also I think a lot of people really don’t have an accurate picture in their heads of serious mental illness. I think very often people have an idea that even very acutely ill people are fairly rational, and you can usually help them deal with their anxiety, give them meds, whatever, and they improve a lot. Again, I don’t think this is fundamentally incorrect; disease isn’t destiny. But having interacted with a lot of people whose illness is particularly intractable, I think that people often have… the same kind of image in their mind, where they don’t really understand how incremental incremental can be.
There are many people, including one client I’m very morose about, who improve a little when treated well, but a little isn’t enough. My moroseness? That client has been banned for fighting, unless she appeals the decision and wins. I don’t *like* the thought that she’s going to lose her place here and that’s likely to only make things worse… but I don’t have the fundamental confidence to say that kicking people out for violence is too cruel, we can make sure it’s fine. Making sure it’s fine is very clearly above my pay grade, and while there are people with more experience and better degrees than me I don’t have the impression they’re less confused.
All of which says to me that deciding we’re ready to stop imprisoning people who do bad things is at the very least premature (and to their credit a lot of abolitionists do agree that prisons will be phased out over time.) I think it’s unrealistic not just in a way that paints a rosy picture of humanity (as a whole? My picture of humanity is also fairly rosy!) but also in a way that fundamentally ill prepares us to really help perpetrators in ways that matter.
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Hey, I've loved your insight on John and Paul's relationship after the split. Can I ask you a different question?
Namely, do you think Paul is autistic?
You don't have to answer if you don't like.
Hi Anon!
Sorry I’ve taken so long to respond to this one, I wanted to dedicate some proper time to it as it’s a more complicated one and I wanted to give it the thought it deserves. I’m sort of in the best and worst position to answer this. The best in the fact that I am diagnosed autistic (probably AuDHD but that’s a whole other thing) and present atypically (good eye contact, empathetic, have learnt to read people fairly well etc.) and in a way that many people don’t realise I’m autistic until they know me well or I tell them. However, that almost means I’m in the worst position because the possibility that I’ll potentially project traits onto Paul is much higher than the average person. But I’ll try to be as unbiased as I can.
To properly judge whether Paul is autistic you would of course need a specialist who can assess his behaviour in-depth so all of this is of course speculative. From my own-brand observations and perspective, I think I would be comfortable saying that there is a distinct possibility that Paul is neurodivergent. This could be AuDHD or just straight up ADHD or PTSD (there’s a lot of symptom overlap between the three and childhood ptsd leads to restructures in the brain). This due to the following traits that I’ve noted:
Inability to appropriately assess risk (posing lying half on a diving board over an empty swimming pool anyone?? And so many pictures of him perilously close to edges)
High need for stimulus
Perfectionist yet unable to finish things properly (Paul himself admits there’s albums that are clearly unfinished)
Trouble expressing himself
Constant fidgeting (Ringo said he was unable to keep still)
Hyperfixations that get in the way of other tasks
Intense procrastination despite periods of aforementioned hyperfixation (sorry George Martin no I haven’t done the entire score for a film until the last minute I’ve been hanging with John)
Synthesia
Potential hyper mobility (let’s just climb onto the packing in one step)
Maaaybbbeee potential co-ordination issues (man can’t really dance and when he learnt to ride he started cycling backwards)
Rejection sensitivity
Rigid thinking
Insensitivity
Distracted focus (his dad talking about him watching television and doing his homework at the same time)
Tics and stims
A musical savant
So there’s quite a bit there tbh when taken all together. That being said without proper assessment it would be impossible to say which of the three he would fall under, if any. Once again though, he shares traits that I recognise in myself and my neurodivergent friends and wouldn’t be at all surprised if he was.
On that note, I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this anon but I think you’ve asked quite a few people this question on here? I’m guessing (again apologies if this is wrong) that you’re also autistic and relate to Paul in some way that is quite personal to you? I only bring it up as I’ve been there, being autistic is hard and a lonely experience at times and finding decent representation for high functioning autism is near impossible. I would say even if Paul is autistic or not, he’s still a great example of how having these traits in no way stops you from being loved, valued and even adored. Paul has lived an incredibly successful life partially because of his traits of neurodivergency, regardless of label that in itself is pretty great to see. So yeah whilst I wouldn’t want to put a label on it, I think he might be in our general camp and I’m really happy to potentially have him here.
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*takes you by the hand as gently as I can*
You can dislike Maya without turning her into a one dimensional villain that serves no purpose to the story.
You can dislike Maya without disparaging the story and message the show is trying to convey.
You can hate Maya without moralizing your hatred. You can just hate her. It’s okay.
#i hear the sunspot#hidamari ga kikoeru#im just so tired of people shitting all over maya because she’s not perfect#she is complex and nuanced and maybe if given more than. oh i don’t know. one episode? we will see the complexity and nuance that is there#we had 7 episodes to learn about how kohei handles losing his hearing and he was offered grace#and i need you all to understand that i also don’t fucking like maya#she is an unlikable character#but thats kind of the point#but everyone’s reaction to her just proves her incorrect point about how people treat others with disabilities#yall can just say she’s unlikable without saying she’s pointless and why is she even friends with kohei anyway#yall can just say she’s unlikable without questioning the entire show#i’m gonna need everyone to take a minute and just think. think about how young she is. think about what she is actively losing#think about WHY she is behaving this way before jumping down her throat because she isn’t the perfect disabled person#and genuinely i want you to sit with my next question for a minute. just sit with it. i don’t need to know your answer#whether its yes or no that is between you and yourself#but i need you guys to think#would you hate maya this much if her gender was swapped?#would you have the same issues with how she’s acting if she were a boy instead of a girl?#again i don’t need to know your answer#but if you think your answer might be no…i want you to examine that#anyway that’s all. be careful how you approach me in talking about this btw. cause i have had it with the treatment of maya#i don’t want to defend characters i don’t like but some of the takes i’ve seen are just plain wild y’all
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I saw a "Yttd hot takes" post yesterday and it actually tickles my brain a bit how the majority of responses are not hot takes at all and mostly boil down to not caring for/hating Midori and saying that he's not deep or interesting at all and very surface level, thinking soushin is "proship" and if you like it you're probably an abuser irl or that you're ""romanticising"" abuse (that word needs to be put on the highest possible shelf btw) if you interpret it as romantic and that the greenblings reveal sucks because somehow it means that Sou and Kanna aren't found family anymore. There's having hot takes and then there's misunderstanding characters/dynamics and spouting the same dangerous bs all fandoms do, and 95% of the responses leaned heavily towards the latter options.
I have opinions on that greenblings take, but those soushin and Midori takes are something else and by that I mean not at all. Like, I'm sorry, but if your "hot take" doesn't oppose the general consensus of the fandom you're in, it's not a hot take. You're serving me white rice with unseasoned chicken and bland curry and I call that false advertising.
#yttd#your turn to die#i'm actually a lot more amused than mad cuz it's comically silly#how do you think “i don't care for this character and its main relationships at all and can't find anything worth analysing or interesting-#-so fans of this character are just reaching cuz there's nothing there tbh" and not connect the dots XD yeah gee golly i wonder why that is#this is just classic yttd twitter being yttd twitter so it's nothing surprising but c'mon at least give me something actually spicy#i want to hear opinions that are not just the same “x character/ship is overrated/mid/underrated” over and over again#give me something that challenges a popular headcanon without bastardising the character to do it#highlight a legit issue in the fandom that barely anyone talks about cuz they all buy into it#i deadass need someone to be like “i actually ship keisara and think it fits the characters and their personalities” or something like that#regardless of if i agree or not i can respect someone saying that with their whole chest in a fandom as puritanical and antiship as yttd's#well the temperature of that take changes depending on where you say it but i'm talking about the western side of the fandom specifically#if your hot take doesn't make people wanna crucify you then what's the point#momento rambles
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VENUS COULDN'T SAY for certain that she would've declined his request to go on a date while he was married. almost everything that they're talking about is hypothetical. she knows for sure that she would've been okay with a confession about him liking her, but the date was questionable. "that doesn't explain you sitting hours through a wedding for liv but okay." she becomes short with him. venus caught on to his slip up of calling her by her nickname and she believes he's dancing around the subject again. his question about her cleverly said insult causes venus to laugh but she shakes her head to play it off. "i am. because you keep doing dumb things." she owns up to it. "rafael, i need you to be so serious right now. i'm not trying to reassure you. you keep asking me if i like him so i told you the level of extent i'd go with him. you got your damn answer so what's the problem? if you like me then you shouldn't need reassurance anyway. you're being so insecure and unreasonable that you're not even listening to what i'm saying and honestly, it's pissing me the fuck off and you're about to get out of this tent and join gavin." she warns him. her tone has edge to it but she's not yelling at him surprisingly. her frustration is visible and that's good enough for her. "if i'm telling you i wouldn't date him again because of my experience with him, you should accept that because i'm opening up to you and you've damn sure haven't been opening up to me and returning that same energy. your concerns are bullshit. whatever issue you had about olivia, i'm not that so don't bring it over here." venus doesn't mind calling him out. she never imagined speaking to rafael out of all people in this way but she doesn't like when people don't hear her out. she's been shut down her entire life, from growing up to being in bad relationships. "if you're jealous then just say it but don't act like i give you reasons to be. i already told you i'm single and i'm gonna do single things. we're in no relationship. now, if we were in a relationship then that would be a different story. but me being on good terms with an ex is just that and nothing else to it. being attracted to him and saying i'd sleep with him is a duh type of moment because he's an ex of mine. that doesn't mean i will. attraction doesn't mean i'd drop everything and go be with someone. isn't that what you think about your precious liv, your ex wife who had to contact you because you sleeping with her was so recent that you came into question when it came to who the father could be?"
"i don't think i was ready to face you saying no to me saying i liked you and asking you on a date, while i was still married… i don't know-" he sighs, drumming his fingers on his knees. he’s anxiously listening to her. there's so much tension radiating from this conversation, and rafael can't seem to de-escalate the issues they're having. he somehow keeps putting his foot in his mouth. "my feelings for li— olivia— have changed drastically over the course of this entire year and even before the papers were drawn up, even before we separated and while we were trying to work on things. it has little to do with me liking you. it’s not really about that.” he looks over at her for a second before continuing. “if olivia and i were able to fix what was already broken in our relationship… before i developed these feelings for you, and i wanted her, then yes… i’d use that logic, but the feelings are not there. maybe some nostalgia, but i’ve let that go.” he can understand why she doesn’t think he’s over olivia, but there’s nothing between them anymore, but memories now. “at the time of the wedding i was mad, now i just… i don’t know? i’m not angry really. i like you, she’s getting married and having a baby. i’m here, she’s there.” he tries to explain how he feels in the most honest way possible, but seeing. how she responds to everything he has said, he doesn’t know how she’ll take it. “are you calling me dumb?” he asks seriously with a straight face. “you still talk to christopher vee, it’s different. you also just talked to him today. you say nothing more is there romantically— okay. you’re still attracted to him, and you’d still sleep with him. as someone who strives to one day be committed to you, that’s not reassuring? nor is it making the friends thing less alarming. i think i can be ok with it, i really like you. i wouldn’t let something like that ruin everything but i have my concerns
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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me at my bookstore job to the 27th young adult straight edgy fantasy romance to come in this month
#full disclosure in case this blows up somehow because of booktok or something - IT'S NOT JUST BOOKTOK CRITICISM OR HET ROMANCE CRITICISM#this is me getting annoyed about the fact that the genre itself is oversaturated with too many of the same cookie cutter plot#girl in magic land meets guy and they hate each other but they don't really!!! but their love grows over the tides of the kingdom's war.....#<- THIS PLOT RIGHT HERE. I'VE SEEN FIVE SEPARATE AUTHORS DO THIS#and again - to clarify - it is NOT just booktok with this oversaturation issue#regular fiction is oversaturated with WW2/victorian era romance dramas - where the plot is good! but then A GUY SHOWS UP#AND THE WOMAN MUST MAKE A CHOICE..... TO SUPPORT HER CHILD OR LEAVE BEHIND HER OLD LIFE etc etc WE GET IT. FUCK.#and it's not just fiction too!!! the charts are oversaturated with crime novels in general right now#granted - most of them are good and try to be original - however there's just too many in the main chart#i won't list all of them to prevent drama - but in two past 'six new chart topper' deals - four were crime#and they haven't sold well. even bringing in popular authors didn't help them sell well#there needs to be a shake up. i don't want to be elitish or snobbish - PEOPLE CAN 100% WRITE WHAT THEY WANT#everyone's art is unique and beautiful because they did it#and they have the freedom to do so#but writers nowadays are falling too much into keeping with trends that it's actively tiring out consistent readers#write your fantasy novel - but lean into the worldbuilding. write your world war novel - but elaborate outside the characters.#write your fiction or crime - but try to vary up the beats of the plot to surprise readers more#stop trying to cater to what you l they want and what works - try and surprise them with something new and unexpected.#anyways rant over. i can talk about this for ages but i won't. but i could#spark talks about nothing of relevance#clip from the shadow the hedgehog rtfd 👍 thank you devil. from bible.
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to be so honest im starting to think i really need to see a professional for my social anxiety
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#it is so bad in ways i can’t even articulate but today i felt sick over having to send one text message and procrastinated the entire day#i’ve gotten so bad recently#and that’s not even a fraction of the texts i need to reply to.. i feel like im crumbling under the weight of how awkward i am#and i hate it because im sure everyone thinks i’m rude and i know it comes off as so weird when i reply to a text fucking SIX WEEKS late#but i genuinely feel so awful and guilty over it i just cannot make myself do it. i’m so scared ill say the wrong thing or fuck up#or i just forget because i have memory issues but it’s awful all the same and i feel so terrible#and i assume everyone hates me until i see them again because i never texted back and it makes me feel like an awful person#but i have good intentions and i really just want to give everyone the kindness they deserve but i get so scared to talk to ppl it’s crazy#it’s so awful. i really need it fixed it feels like it’s rotting my soul and ruining my relationships#people will be so nice to me and then i just don’t get back to them… it’s horribly horribly rude and i know it i just get terrified#or i forget most the time i really do just forget but it feels bad all the same#i think it stems from like.. i don’t want to say the wrong thing so i need to think hard about what to say but then i forget or get so ->#caught up in trying to say the perfect thing that i get overwhelmed and procrastinate then forget entirely#i’m an awful person i truly cannot stand myself#i guess the only way forward is to just be better in the future but fuck i feel so guilty
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#me quietly to myself: am i finally ready... to follow the skz people blogs I've been living at for at least a year now anyway?..#I'm with my usual bullshit pay me no mind#people who already know know ajhsjd#this thing where i can't follow new people because the dash seems overwhelming as it is#(and by new people i mean people whose blogs I've been visiting daily for a year yes)#and recently yes im feeling like my dash is actually a bit overwhelming#i sometimes can't even catch up with it after i wake up (a thing that is normal to want and possible to archive)#but also im literally like at the skz people's territory all day every day#spending more time over there than on my dash#like maybe it's time#besides today with the livestream and everything#i was sitting there so cozy thinking like ah we're watching this together it's so nice#the only thing that would make the experience better is me actually FOLLOWING PEOPLE#anyway I'll sleep on it and like again pay me no mind this is the brain issues i just seem to have#still such a funny problem to have#as far as I'm concerned most people on tumblr follow so many more blogs#and i get overwhelmed with just a few#you'd think I'm not having fun on here but thats not true#but i am in fact always have more fun on here when i manage to psspspsp someone with the same interest#i love tags reblogs replies i love these interactions#and the funny little follow button makes all this so muuuuch easier#alas the brain bugs that are eating my brain are never asleep#but still I'm gonna go sleep and im gonna just be chill about all this#thanks for coming to the least making sense ted talk#chattering
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“There is no fanfic on Stephs treatment I have checked” that’s like the whole point.
#I’m not saying ur wrong bc it’s not canon#I’m saying ur wrong bc ur perpetuating the misogyny that got u there in the first place#and yeah imma take it there it IS that deep to me sorry#like this isn’t like a diff in opinion on an arc or smth#this is quite literally the bigotry that fandoms supposed to be an escape from manifesting itself again with a rainbow flag over it it’s so#like first of all not that serious but concerning to me is getting into smth without knowing the source material#u don’t need to know the exact timeline of events and which specific Batmobile Bruce had in every era duh#that’d be hypocritical to say I read character to character screw the timeline lmao#but it’s like. ur telling me u adore Dick Grayson and have never picked up NTT?#u wanna analyze the queer coding in Tim’s character but you’ve never read his og robin run?#u wanna talk about Damian’s character growth but you’ve only read Batman and Robin 2020s?#u ADORRRRE steph and cass and you haven’t even read batgirls#and that’s like nonissues#my issues are u wanna discuss how Barbara is actually so cold and cruel to dick for how she handled Catalina and you’ve never read birds of#prey and actually dick never cheated so (this isn’t me being hypocritical if you’ve seen that post I just lowk changed my mind)#or if he did it was justified or whatever#you wanna talk about how Jason and Roy are soulmates and you can’t tell me a single thing besides he’s an archer a father and an addict#it’s like ur putting shit out there about these characters and their relationships and you don’t know them#and more people who don’t know them see ur shit and do the same thing#and that’s mid level issue#the BIG issue is that y’all have not unpacked ur racism misogyny or classism enough to do this and then turn around and say ur fixing dc or#whatever. u have not done enough work to speak on Jason or Damian and say they deserve better whilst u water down their anger into smth#palatable and sweet on ur white faves. u don’t get to complain about how there’s not enough about steph and all u do is spread more made up#shit to infantilize tim. and I’m not saying I’ll never read a tim centric fic that’s ooc and stupid and have fun#I do that and I don’t talk about it bc that shit should not be the main writing you find when you look for BATMAN lmao#and even then they HIGHEST problem is that even when people make more content centering the woc poc and yes even WW it still doesn’t get any#traction bc y’all haven’t unpacked as much of ur racism and misogyny as u think u have#making hcs about tim being a Barbie and Jason being a feminist and dick painting his nails is not progressive when Steph and cass are#cardboard cutouts or the vehicles through which the white men discover feminity is ok actually and nothing else#and then Duke and Damian are the token straights or allies. like y’all are so sick lmao
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kind of frustrating that people took "fat does not equal unhealthy" to mean "fat is not unhealthy." sometimes being obese IS unhealthy & excess fat can cause a lot of problems. ignoring health issues isn't progressive. real "oranges kill people with depression" moment
#i have a lot to say but i think it all boils down to this:#the only reason people think this way is because they experienced body shaming & bullying for their fatness#& instead of gaining a healthy relationship with their body & its needs they went full denial mode#people that aren't fat that think this way are just going with things uncritically which is also bad btw#because when you have decades of proof that being severely overweight can be detrimental to your health#(& no i don't mean fucking. supersize me. i mean medical proof that too much fat causes diseases & early death)#but you're ignoring that because a tiktok influencer that has no medical experience said so#that is a huge lack of critical thinking skills on display & people are gonna listen to that misinformation & some might die#this isn't some light shit that can be waved off as non-harmful because it IS harmful! it is actively hurting people!!#again being unhealthy isn't a moral failing & no one deserves shit for that!! but that's the whole damn point isn't it!!!#militant fat activists are so afraid of their fatness being associated with anything negative they turn right around into ableism#they don't WANT to be considered disabled! because being disabled IS a moral failing to them. disability is abnormal#& of course being morbidly obese is totally normal. because if it wasn't then they'd need to do work & handle an ED#& that's too much to grapple with mentally so. no. they're normal. super normal. don't look at the lifespan of someone over 300lb#btw i am 100% aware that a lot of this is combined with other issues like racism sexism homo/transphobia genuine fatphobia#but also sometimes they really can't operate on someone that can't recover afterwards#like i wouldn't call the vet bigoted & cat-hating for being unable to operate on my 20yo cat#Minnie would simply not survive that. because she is so damn old#unfortunately for Minnie she can't get younger but people CAN lose weight in multiple different ways#& it may seem like the world is attacking you but you really have to train yourself out of automatic bad faith reactions#''you couldn't possibly understand!!'' yeah okay i'm sooo abled & privileged you got me there (<-sarcasm. if you couldn't tell)#just because someone hasn't experienced your EXACT thing doesn't mean they can't relate & haven't gone through similar#it's so difficult to train your brain out of that shit i get that but you really really really have to. or you will die#or at least be miserable#DISCLAIMER: i'm not talking about every person who has even a little fat on their body. fat is NEEDED#but like all things too much of a good thing can cause problems & fat is not exempt#this is about morbid obesity. not someone who's like 160lb that shit is normal#& people need to stop thinking anything over 110lb is fat#because it isn't & i think most people are getting into unhealthy territory at that low of a weight#basically i view being too fat the same as being too thin. they both cause health problems & should be taken seriously
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fuck, I hate telehealth, but ya know, I think I’d actually like it if it was in minecraft instead of a video call. Let’s do therapy in roblox or something.
#having a relationship with your therapist is unethical… but what about running a dungeon together in world of warcraft??#today we’re going to talk about my abandonment issues while we build a mountain base in minecraft together#shit… I was just joking but this is actually sounding kinda rad#but wowwee do I hate telehealth#I hate professional video calls#I always feel like I’m saying the wrong things or I’m not talking enough#my last psych appointment was telehealth and it suuuuuuucked#oh man I don’t even know if I ever posted about this#it just felt so awkward and I was always worried someone could hear me on the call through the apartment walls#and he was like basically ‘just try to think positive’#fuck you fuck you fuck you and also think about my butthole and fuck you#thanks for the meds but never say that shit to me again#like… my therapist is a cool guy. I ‘love him. or as much as you can love your doctor in a distant platonic way#he’s always so cool about ‘yeah your chemicals are all messed up’ and he’s doesn’t shut me down at least not without actually understanding#but my psych who works in the same office does telehealth and seems very distant and not great at talking about deeper issues#which is fine. really. I just needed a doc who’d give me a fair shake and help me with the medication side#but I have to do telehealth for him and it feels so awkward and shallow#can’t we just do a 5 minute phone call? ‘hello. can we up the dose of my meds? yes? okay thank you.’#I see you typing on your computer a lot. I’m not saying anything interesting. if you’re on neopets just say so#anyway I only thought about this bc I guess I COULD do telehealth therapy today or something#but like I said. telehealth feels awkward and I wouldn’t be able to open up over it#it’s cool tho for like… I dunno. people who can’t go in person or need quick visits or whatever#I’m not saying it’s not useful or a viable option. I personally just hate phone calls and video calls.#and I love video games bro 😎#and I love you#goodbye forever#text
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