#taken me seriously and offered advice even if she didn't understand. because she always made an EFFORT to understand.
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I mean. I guess the good news is that I am now 100% sure I'm not in love with Her™ even a little bit at all anymore, but like. At what cost.
#I think mostly I just. I miss my friend. she and I were friends. I LOVED being friends (until it became untenable obviously)#and I wish so SO much that we could have held onto that.#and I guess I could try again now but it's been so long. I doubt she even has an interest in that anymore. we've been completely no-contact#for enough time that I don't...think it's actually possible to build that back up. and I'm not sure that I won't get cagey and Weird™#about it because. you know. the memory of hurt is still there even if I can't bring myself to be mad at her anymore. even if genuinely#in a platonic way I just miss her.#though apparently she did keep the shirt I gave her and thinks about me every time she wears it. I know this because she told me#herself when I caved and messaged her a few weeks back.#there was a time where...I COULD have talked to her about everything that's going on. where I know she would have listened and#taken me seriously and offered advice even if she didn't understand. because she always made an EFFORT to understand.#and she wouldn't have judged me for handling things so badly or like...feeling them in the first place? for all the shit that happened she#never thought I was An Inconvenience™ or too Messy™ to bother with.#she always took me seriously in a way that few people ever have. she was so...patient. and thoughtful. and it was never a burden for#her to be those things. I'm a difficult person I think. but it didn't seem like that when I was her friend. and GOD do I mourn that.#anyway. enough waxing poetic on my fucking birthday lmao.#today is for playing Farming Game and talking to friends#In the Vents
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