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nothing terrifying about “adulthood”, that’s just capitalism

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every frame is a painting (13/27):

frieda and diego rivera, frida kahlo // frida, dir. by julie taymor

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“With every act of self care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side; each day I am more and more on my side.”

— Susan Weiss Berry

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so many white people don’t get this

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“they set my aunts house on fire i cried the way women on tv do folding at the middle like a five pound note. i called the boy who use to love me tried to ‘okay’ my voice i said hello he said warsan, what’s wrong, what’s happened? i’ve been praying, and these are what my prayers look like; dear god i come from two countries one is thirsty the other is on fire both need water. later that night i held an atlas in my lap ran my fingers across the whole world and whispered where does it hurt? it answered everywhere everywhere everywhere.”

— what they did yesterday afternoon by Warsan Shire

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bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

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I overthink. I over love. I over feel. I’m the sea or I’m nothing.

Juansen Dizon

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“Art is how we decorate space, music is how we decorate time.”

— Jean-Michel Basquiat

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Tegla Loroupe (b. 1973) is a long-distance runner from Kenya. She has been the World Half-marathon champion three times, and held the world marathon record, as well as the records for 20, 25, and 30 kilometres.

She has won several important marathons, such as the New York, London, and Berlin ones. Additionally, she is a devoted advocate for women’s rights and education, establishing a school and an orphanage in her native Kenya. She founded the Tegla Loroupe Peace Foundation, promoting world peace through sports and cooperation.

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@shudu.gram

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This White Feminist Loved Her Dreadlocks – Here’s Why She Cut Them Off

The Harmful Messages I Was Sending to the World as a White Woman with Dreadlocks

It finally became clear to me that by wearing my hair in dreadlocks as a white person, the nonverbal statements I was making to folks of color were:

“Look! I can reject all of mainstream society’s expectations of me and still be treated with more respect than you!”

“Your legacies of cultural resistance are so irrelevant that they’ve become nothing more than afashion accessory to help me evade the expectations of white womanhood!”

“I don’t care that my presence illicitness discomfort and sometimes communicates what is seen as blatant disrespect!”

“I don’t care that my hairstyle symbolizes the kind of white entitlement that has resulted in centuries worth of global, colonial violence.”

Etcetera.

I’m pretty embarrassed to say so… but even after this new stage of awareness I stiiiiillllll had a super hard time letting them go.

Some examples of my last stitch arguments were:

1. “Lots of cultures throughout the ages have worn dreadlocks! I’m part Scandinavian! My ancestors were Vikings!”

To which my friends responded:

Yes, it’s true that dreadlocks are worn in all different cultures around the world, but the context for which they are worn in the US is explicitly rooted in black folks’ (Rastafarians specifically) symbolic resistance to white supremacy.

When white people in the US wear dreadlocks, the power of this symbolic resistance is reduced to an “exotic” fashion trend wherein the oppressor is able to “play,” temporarily, an “exotic other” without acknowledging or experiencing any of the daily discriminations black folks have to face.

2. “We live in an intercultural society. Black women wear white hairstyles, so what’s up with the double standard?”

To which my friends responded:

Black women are told that in order to appear “respectable” in US society, they need to invest an obscene amount of time and energy into making themselves “look more white.”

Due to this fucked-up societal pressure – and due to the institutional power that white people have in determining mainstream beauty standards – it’s not the same.

3. “Nobody can control me! I do what I want!”

To which my friends responded:

…and you know what? You’re white, so it makes complete sense that you’d feel that way.

4. “By wearing dreadlocks, I’m giving up my white privilege to stand in solidarity with POC.”

To which my friends responded:

You are an oppression tourist – a white girl who always has an escape route back to the open arms of white supremacy once she is through rebelling. You can cut them off anytime.

To pretend otherwise or assume yourself a martyr is misguided and offensive.

5. “But there’s a difference between ‘appreciation’ and ‘appropriation’ isn’t there?”

My friends referred me to articles like these, saying:

I’m trying to think of examples of things I respect and how I show that respect. I’m actually struggling to think of a time when I respected something, and decided the best way to show that respect was by taking it. You know how I show respect?

I listen.

I listen hard, I listen deeply, and I listen constantly. I listen to stories, I listen to histories, I listen to learn, and I listen to hear when I’ve misstepped. I listen so I can become a more complete human being.

6. “But that’s not what I mean! What about the purpose they serve me?”

To which my friends responded:

Whether or not you mean to be disrespectful, the statements you are communicating are out of your control. Certain cultural symbols will always have semiotic weight – you wouldn’t wear a swastika pendant just because you thought it was pretty.

The Haircut

I finally cut them off – and when I did, I felt (literally and figuratively) a dozen pounds lighter.

Though I am still pretty “alternative” looking, I’ve learned to stand up against systems of oppression by doing the actual footwork in my daily life. I no longer naively expect my physical appearance (on its own) to do that work for me.

Cutting off my dreadlocks was a form of accountability – an acknowledgment of the ways in which I’ve benefited (and continue to benefit) from legacies of extreme, racialized violence.

Cutting off my dreadlocks didn’t make me an instantly “good white person” or even a trustworthy ally, but it sure as hell dismantled some of the barriers that stood in the way of cultivating deep, meaningful relationships based on mutual respect, trust and solidarity.

As feminists, we do need to continue working hard to dismantle society’s oppressive messages about femininity, but we also need to be thinking about the intersections of race, class, and gender, the ways some of us benefit from the system in which we live, and how we can empower and liberate ourselves without contributing to the oppression of someone else.

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four ways to survive - the paper trail

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Dreams 1990 ‘夢’ Directed by Akira Kurosawa, Ishirô Honda

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Black excellence

I wish the video never ended

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I’m pretending all the time to be, kinder, stronger, funnier, more sociable than I am. I guess we’re all like that but it just feels so inadequate.

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Watch: Kristen Bell opens up about the mental health double standard and how she manages her own struggle.

Follow @this-is-life-actually