#taken from album listening party 3 - metalizer

[the-wheel-of-time-begins-to-turn]

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

your writing is incredible! do you mind writing something about dilf dave mustaine corrupting young female reader

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoy my writing!

A/n: I got, like, halfway through writing this and then had a better idea on how I could've answered this request but I didn't want to rewrite it because I still liked the story so I hope you still like it just as much :3

Warnings: Smut, unprotected pnv, oral(male receiving), fingering(reader receiving), if you think I missed anything please let me know otherwise enjoy :3

The sunset strip. Many things come to mind at the sound of that title. Band startups, drinking and drugging, all things surrounding rock, punk, metal and all sorts of other kinds of music. This was the scene, and you were finally here.

After high school you skipped out on the gap year and went straight to getting higher degrees. After those years of extra gruelling homework you took your break, taking a well deserved time off before heading into the workforce.

This being your year of true freedom, a kind you probably won’t get close to again, you went to the one place you’ve always wanted to be. The sunset strip.

Now, you weren’t much of a party person. When all your friends were out at someone’s house you were at home studying, reading, a few jobs on and off. The whole crowded place was not something you wanted. But the sunset strip was where you wanted to be all that time. Even though it was way out of your comfort zone.

You looked through some of the clothes in a store you found called ‘Retail Slut’. The clothes were of all kinds and you were quite happy to be digging in all of it, unique smells and all.

In the back there was a small stand of records which you thought were pretty cool. While you were going through them a tall man with ginger hair came up to the table and seemed to be pretending to look around at the albums. You caught him glancing at you a few times and he eventually spoke up.

“I haven’t seen you around here before,” he said, “new to town?” He had this friendly presence to him. His smile was warm and he had the cutest glasses on. He wore this cute brown coat and light blue jeans. Fall incarnate. A fallen leaf on a frosty day.

“Just visiting, I grew up watching everything happen here and I’d never been.” You explained. The man nodded in understanding. You picked up an album with a hammer in a red and black frame titled ‘Kill ‘em All’. The ginger haired fellow took it from you and put it under another stack of albums further down the table.

“I’ve listened to some of their shit, you wouldn’t like it.” He stated, glaring down at the assortment of other records.

“How would you know what I’d like?” You asked, crossing your arms around your chest. The man looked up at you. He eyed you from head to toe, biting his lip as he did so.

“There’s a band playing just around the corner at a bar I like.” He walked around the table to stand in front of you. “Care to join me?” He asked, holding a hand out for you to take. You hesitated for a moment. You’ve never done anything like this before, running off with a stranger to some bar. Right into a party? No one ever would’ve taken you for the type, least of all yourself.

But this was the strip, and you came here to be free. So you took his hand and he led you out of the thrift store.

You walked down the streets hand in hand. You kept scanning around at everything happening, all the laughing, smiling faces. Rock posters everywhere, record stores, guitar shops. Everything you’ve dreamed of.

“I’m Dave, by the way.” The man said. You’d been trying to work up the courage to ask but the words kept fizzling out before they came out of your mouth. “In case you were wondering what name to call out tonight.” You thought about it for a moment, trying to think of a scenario where you’d need to call for him when it clicked as to what he was referring to. Your cheeks heated up and your gaze fell to the ground as you entered a dark club.

Dave threw an arm over your shoulder, keeping you close in the crowded area. Being so close to him you could smell his cologne. The stench of the club nearly covered it but you managed to focus on it. It helped keep you calm in this unfamiliar scene.

The ginger walked you through the club and sat down at the bar. He ordered you both ginger ale. “Unless, the lady wants something else?” He offered. You shook your head and the bartender walked off to make your drinks. “Not a drinker?” He asked, half leaning on the counter.

“I’m not even a partier.” You replied, almost exasperated. The bartender returned a few moments later with your drinks. You thanked them and reached for your purse. Dave gently pushed your hand away and handed the worker some cash.

“Pretty girls don’t buy drinks, doll.” He told you, taking a sip of his drink.

The two of you got to talking, having a few more non-alcoholic drinks and just chatting your time away. This was much more pleasant than the stories of parties you’ve heard all your life. This was nothing compared to the scene you’d come here expecting, but it was a much appreciated one.

Dave’s hand found its way to your knee, slowly moving higher and higher. You decided on a leather skirt and fishnets to go along with your red tube-top and thrifted leather jacket. His fingers were dipping under your skirt, just enough to have your stomach fluttering.

Finally, after hours of teasing you with his touch that was barely considered innocent, Dave leaned in to whisper in your ear. “Why don’t you come with me for a minute?” He held his hand out for you to take, and you did.

The ginger led you through the crowd and to the bathrooms. He tried to pull you into the mens room but you stopped. “I-I can’t go in there.” You said, glancing around to see if anyone was looking at you. They weren’t, all of them too preoccupied with the show on before them, all wasted and having their own fun.

“Come on.” Dave groaned with a smile. “It’ll be fun, I promise.” He urged, gently pulling you into the bathroom.

He got you on the counter, your legs wrapped around his waist, his hands on your hips. Your lips crashing against one anothers, tongues dancing together and exploring each other's mouths. Dave was pushing your skirt up, bunching it around your hips. You could feel him hardening as he would grind against you, short and harsh rotations of his hips.

Dave’s hands began to wander. He’d run the tips of his fingers over the inside of your thighs, sending shivers up your spine and knotting your gut. “Fuck, you’re so hot.” He mumbled against your lips when his thumb finally pushed against your panties. He pushed the thin piece of fabric to the side and slid a finger through your folds. That alone had your back arching in anticipation. “Fuck me, you’re so fucking wet.” He mused, starting to kiss down your neck. Nipping and sucking the tender flesh and leaving love bites. You screwed your eyes shut and your mouth fell open in soft sounds as Dave slid a finger into you.

He curled his finger against your gummy walls, pressing against that special spot inside you. Your eyes rolled back and you gripped his shoulders. “Such a sweet thing, huh? Never felt this before, have you?” He hummed as he pumped his long, thick fingers in and out of you. He started slow, letting you get used to this new sensation before he picked up the pace. The sound of skin slapping against wet skin rang through the small, tiled room along with your whimpers.

“Oh, fuck, please! Please, fuck, I c- I can’t.” You whined, tears threatening to spill down your cheeks. Dave then pulled his finger out of you, taking away any pleasure you had just been feeling. You stared at him with wide sad eyes and a pout. “Why would you do that..?” You asked, your voice shaky and weak. Dave looked at you with an apologetic, pitying look.

“Oh... Is my baby needy?” He brought his hand up to cup your cheek, gently caressing it. “All sad and pouty because she doesn’t get to cum yet?” He ran his fingers through your hair and gave you a kiss on the forehead. “Don’t worry, daddy’ll take care of you.” He pulled you off the counter, your knees buckled and you fell to your knees on the cold tile in front of him. You stared up at him with that same wide-eyed stare. “You just have to do something for me first, sweetheart.” Dave said as he unbuckled his belt.

His pants fell to the ground, leaving him in his boxers which had a prominent bulge from his cock. “Go on, doll, make daddy happy.” You were hesitant at first, gaze flickering between him and his eyes. You brought your hands up and dipped your fingers under the waistband of his boxer, gently tugging them down until they fell to his ankles with his pants.

Dave’s hard member hit you in the face after being brought out from its confines, traces of pre already sticking to your cheek. “I-I’ve never...” You trailed off, not sure whether it was because you were distracted by his dick or that you just didn’t want to finish the sentence.

Dave’s hand went to your face again, holding you by the chin to tilt your head up so you’d look him in the eye, though your gaze flickered to his lips a few times as well. “Don’t worry, I’ll guide you.” He mused, wiping the liquid from your cheek. You gave a weak nod and opened your mouth for him.

The ginger slowly guided his cock over your tongue, letting the weight lay on the muscle for a moment before he went further. His hand was still on your head, holding you in place for him. He was only about halfway in when he stopped, letting you get used to just that. “Watch your teeth now, doll, but give it a suck, would you?” He said in that same soft voice he’d been using with you all afternoon and now into the night.

You did as he told you to, your tongue traced the veins on the underside as you hollowed your cheeks for him. You pulled your head back a bit to pay more attention to his tip and he let you, for a moment. Before you knew it he was slamming his hips to meet your face, fucking deep into the back of your throat at a brutal pace. You gagged on him and the tears that had been pricking your eyes fell in streams down your red cheeks.

Your knees and throat hurt but Dave didn’t stay like this for long. He didn’t finish but he pulled himself out of your mouth and pulled you up off the floor. He pushed you up against the counter with your back facing him so you’d be looking into the mirror. The ginger stared down at your exposed ass, hands firmly planted on your hips as he spread you apart. His thumb pushed the fishnet and your panties aside so he could feel just how wet you were, all for him.

“Fucking gorgeous.” He hummed. “All pretty and mine.” He said, and with a quick tug he ripped your fishnets, then your thin underwear. He lined himself up with you and pushed in, bottoming out without giving you time to prepare yourself.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, drool slipping out of your puffy and bruised lips, tears rolling down your hot cheeks. You didn’t care, anything besides Dave’s cock stuffed deep inside you was beyond your comprehension right now. You loved the feeling of him, the way he hit every spot that had you seeing stars, the way he held you so close to his chest.

After letting you adjust to him for a moment or two he wasted no time in setting a fast rhythm, thrusting into you without a care in the world. He groped your chest and bit your neck, leaving red and purple spots in his wake as his hips slammed against yours. You weren’t processing any sounds you were making but based on the expression you saw staring back at you you could imagine they were pretty loud, all lustful moans as Dave slid in and out of you, his head pressing right up against your cervix.

The knot came back full force when Dave started circling your clit and quickly burst. You screamed out for him, creaming around him. Your juices dripped down his cock, your ass and thighs getting coated as well while the liquids made their way to the floor which was already covered in a layer of other fun times. However, Dave didn’t stop. His thrusts were relentless as he kept bucking his cock into you.

“Fuck-fuck, so pretty, so pretty just for me, so tight around daddy’s cock.” Dave praised, landing a harsh smack on your ass, then another and then a third, each one drawing a yelp from you. Dave took your hair in his hand, bunching it into a makeshift ponytail so he could pull your head back to force you to look into the mirror. “Look at that, look at my little slut, all fucked out on daddy’s dick.” Your eyes were fluttering, you felt like you were on the verge of passing out but you managed to keep your standing.

Dave began losing his rhythm and just sloppily fucking into you, doing anything to reach his own high. The coil in your gut returned, this time you got to see how that looked on the outside. Dave behind you with his long, ginger hair sticking to his face and your shoulders from sweat. You watched the way your ass shook every time he rammed into you, you saw the small bulge in your stomach. Dave saw it at the same time and smiled a wicked grin.

“Look at that, all ready to have my babies, are you?” He teased. You let out a loud, sultry whine and Dave’s eyes rolled back as your walls squeezed him. “Oh, fuck~ Do that a few more times and you just might, dollface.” You continued to watch the bulge appear and disappear only to reappear right after over and over, bringing you over the edge once more.

Your body shook and your knees buckled. You clenched around Dave bringing him to his own release. Thick, white liquid shot into you and the ginger bent you over the counter, pressing down onto you as he kept bucking up into you.

He kept going a few more seconds before pulling away. He pulled out of you and watched his cum seep out of your hole. You looked back at him, then to the floor where the liquid fell. Dave saw the pout on your face, the one you hadn’t even realised was there, and pulled you into a hug. “Don’t worry, doll, I’ll get you good and pregnant next time.” He smiled, kissing your forehead. “I can bring you back home right now, would you like that, dollface?” You smiled back up at him and nodded, your eyes closing as you melted into his warm embrace.

[hit-song-showdown]

My favorite songs of 2023

I am putting together my favorite songs released in 2023. I started off doing a project where I listened to as many new albums as I could (and recording my findings in a spreadsheet), but that project tapered off around June when my move + school year started. But even though I wasn't able to listen to every album that came out, I still came out of 2023 with some of my favorite musical projects of all time. Also as another disclaimer: I am not a professional music writer.

I am also limiting this list to 1 song per album/project.

1. Scaring the Hoes by JPEGMafia and Danny Brown. I wish I could go back and experience again what happened to my brain when I first heard this track so I could properly convey it with text. When I first saw this project was announced, I knew it would take over my life. When I heard this track before the album was released, I knew I would have to form some kind of religion around it. The reason why I'm limiting this list to one track per album is because Scaring the Hoes has 14 tracks so I wouldn't be able to fit them all (other songs I would have given the number 1 spot include Burfict!, Shut Yo Bitch Ass Up/Muddy Waters, God Loves You, and Kingdom Hearts Key). But the title track is the perfect introduction. It's less of a single and more of a thesis statement for the entire project. The production throughout this album is incredible, but STH hits different. The rhythmic, almost menacing handclaps (fun fact: those aren't handclaps--that's the sound my asscheeks make when this song comes on) and the horn sample which I can only describe as Blood Money era Tom Waitsian, it is by far my favorite beat of 2023. Combined with Danny and JPEG's charisma and the way they bounce back and forth, this song is a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart. Also I saw them live and that experience elevated a 10/10 to a 20/10 for me.

2. Prof. Aronnax' Descent into the Vast Oceans by Ahab. I started seriously listening to German nautical funeral doom metal band, Ahab around early 2022 so this was the first new release I got to experience. Even though I loved what I heard previously, nothing could have prepared me for this. The opening track is everything I want from a doom metal song. It starts out with a frantic onslaught of screaming and inhuman growls before mellowing out into a serene instrumental before the mournful vocals kick in. It really feels like the initial shock of your body slamming into the water, then having to slowly drift among the waves as your muscles give out and you're taken deeper into the depths. That's what I like about doom metal: it's music to decay to. This track (and by extension this album) hooked me from a story-telling perspective right away, which shouldn't be a surprise as it was based on Jules Verne's Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. The story presented in this album intrigued me so much that I had to read the book for myself. Then I read it again. Then I read two different translations. Now I'm working on a visual novel adaptation. I know metrics for album rankings are subjective, so I'm willing to give an album an extra bump if it gets me to read a 19th century novel at least five times in less than two months and learn Python coding. (Other tracks I would have included: the album is at its strongest as a single listening experience, but I especially enjoyed Mobilis in Mobili and Ægri Somnia).

3. What A Man by Debby Friday. This is a track off of Nigerian-Canadian electronic musician Debby Friday's first album Good Luck and holy shit, what a debut. This is such a well-formed project I can't believe it. I was already enjoying the album throughout the first few tracks. It brought me back to listening to 2000s club music and thinking "wow I wish I got invited to parties." But then I got to What A Man and the world screeched to a halt. I think I was posting on my main blog at the time, so anyone unfortunate enough to follow me had a chance to see my incoherent screeching in real time. This track is incredible. Debby's warm and sultry voice, the spacey production, THE ELECTRIC GUITAR? The first time the guitar kicks in, that's just a teaser for what ended up being one of my favorite music moments of the year. The electric guitar feels like an oncoming storm and Debby is standing strong before it, taking on the wind and rain as her voice becomes louder and almost yearning. Then the song builds with Debby yelling to the high heavens as the guitars wail around her before fading back down into the low bass and rhythmic breathing motif found throughout the album. This track is an experience, and the music video is gorgeous too (the picture I chose for the banner is from the video itself) and the fact that it has less than 20K views hurts me. (Other tracks I would have included: I Got It, So Hard To Tell, Let U Down)

4. Bite Back by Algiers (ft. billy woods and Backxwash). Speaking of songs that build... This is the sixth track off of Algiers' album, Shook and by this point I was already feeling pretty good about the release. I was already prepared to put the opening track, Everybody Shatter on my top 20, but when Bite Back kicked in, something changed. Here's a recreation of my initial reaction: "this sounds pretty good, I like the way this intro...is that billy woods??") Just to be transparent: billy woods' involvement would have been enough to give this an automatic top slot for me, but it helps that his verse is fantastic. His flow is slower than the introductory verse, but that only makes his lyrics stand out more. From the opening lines "One hand wash the other, they both wash the face / Centrifugal force and inertia keep everything in its place / Slowly, spinning in space, speeding, lead foot on the brakes" I knew I was in for something special. One thing I really appreciate about this track is the production. billy woods has a very steady flow with an almost menacing quality to it depending on the subject matter of the lyrics, and the beat shifts during his verse to reflect that. It sounds like it could be a billy woods beat, but it doesn't sound like one of his beats was carelessly shoved into an Algiers song. It's like the beat ebbs and flows with the artists involved. The production gets gradually more intense as billy picks up more ferocity in his delivery. A detail I really like is when billy says "claws rattling, delicate as roaches' wings," the percussion on the backing track picks up an almost rattling quality, but it doesn't sound corny or too obvious. Then billy continues, the backing track picking up even more intensity until it feels like each noise is blasting at full power...and then the tension releases and settles down with Algiers frontman, Franklin James Fisher, delivering the second verse. His delivery contrasts wonderfully with billy woods' too, with his faster, almost whispered vocals allowing the track to pick up momentum again after the previous release of tension. This track knows when to breathe and it's fantastic. But it also knows when to take the air from your lungs as Fisher goes all out with the vocals in the hook and third verse, reinstating what an absolute powerhouse vocalist he is. And just when the track is at its peak ferocity, in comes Backxwash with the steel chair! If billy and Fisher were allowing the beat to gradually shift under their performances, Backxwash grabs the song by the throat and makes it do whatever she wants. Her verse then trades off into Fisher delivering the outro, operating at full power in his delivery. This song is so well-crafted and none of the artists feel out of place. (Other tracks I would have included: Everybody Shatter, A Good Man, Irreversible Damage)

5. Billions by Caroline Polachek. As of writing this, I haven't been keeping up with other people's year end lists, but I know this album is going to make everyone else's. So I feel a bit intimidated to talk about it, but I will try. The production on this album is so good my brain can't even comprehend how it was crafted. I've seen it described as "maximalist," but that doesn't fully capture how well this album knows when to pull back and let the tracks breathe. Billions is one of the more sparse tracks compared to some of the others, but that only makes each production decision stand out more. The second time Caroline says "give me the closure," you hear a little musical sting in the background (probably some kind of synth, but at first listen I thought it was an electric guitar) which didn't show up after the first time that lyric was sung. It's that attention to detail and letting the production build on itself that makes this project incredible. And it goes without saying that Caroline is an outstanding vocalist. She sounds like a siren. It's ridiculous. (Other tracks I would have included: Welcome to My Island, I Believe, Hopedrunk Everasking)

6. The Black Seminole by Lil Yachty. Opening track off of Lil Yachty's psychedelic rock album, Let's Start Here, and what an opening track on a fantastic project. It should be clear by this point that I love songs that build, and holy shit does this song build. I first listened to this album while I was on a plane, and this track synced up with my takeoff. So while the plane was lifting off the ground and I was being pressed against my seat, Lil Yachty gave the final line before the electric guitars and the female vocalist kicked in, both wailing with equal ferocity. Top 10 music experiences of the year, but even going back to listen to that same track when I'm not on an airplane delivered the same euphoric experience. (Other tracks I would have included: Drive Me Crazy, Should I B, We Saw the Sun)

7. Xena by Skrillex and Nai Barghouti. I debated whether to put this song or Hydrate on the list, but Xena was the first track that made me fall in love with this album. With vocals by Palestinian singer, Nai Barghouti, Skrillex delivers an absolutely outstanding dubstep track. Like Billions, it's the kind of music production that makes me have to step back and fully appreciate the craft. The song is incredible at building intensity, but he also knows when to pull back to let the tension build again. And Barghouti isn't just a feature--she is the heartbeat of this song. Her voice melds with the production so well, but in a way that sounds like she's commanding it. My absolute favorite part of the song is when she starts singing in her lower register as the production turns to more naturalistic instruments. Sometimes I see electronic producers robbing their singers of their voices for the sake of cohesive production, but that isn't the case here. Nai Barghouti's voice is crisp, unique, and perfect. It's a fantastic melding of producer and vocalist that makes way more sense than it should. (Other tracks I would have included: Hydrate, Rumble, Ratata)

8. Babylon by Bus by billy woods and Kenny Segal. I already talked about billy woods, but he was a feature so this still counts. Everything I already said about billy woods' skills applies here as well, especially now that he has full control over the track. billy's flow sounds both effortless, and that he knows the perfect word to use for each line. And he uses interesting words. "Glistening waterbug on clean counter / Plague mask, gave the place a cursory glower / He ran away, I gave chase but gave up and sat on his gate for hours" I love this series of bars. He is a storyteller. And then, the beat pauses after billy's first verse, with low menacing notes, a clattering of naturalistic metallic percussion, and then the switch up??? Seriously the way the beat ramps up for SkrapKnel's verses takes the song to another level. The way the Curly Castro and PremRock pass the mic back and forth to each other is outstanding. This doesn't feel like a guest verse; this is a fully realized project. The shamelessness is even more apparent when billy takes the mic again for the final verse, but now with more ferocity in his delivery as if he's building off of the energy created by SkrapKnel. This song is masterful. "I take care of these words, Munchausen by proxy / Somehow beat the tox screen / God save the queen, but that train doesn't stop here anymore" (Other tracks I would have included: FaceTime, Year Zero, Soft Landing)

9. Drain You Empty by Cannibal Corpse. I listened to this album right around midterms and I needed it. But this was the song I kept coming back to. For one, it's fun. Obviously: it's Cannibal Corpse. But I love the way the song opens with a full minute of just blasting you before the drums, riffs, and screams really kick in. Good god the drumming on this album is so good. I absolutely love Corpsegrinder's delivery on this track. The way he shifts from bellowing growls to shrieks, the way he speeds up his delivery to match the pace of the drums, it's so good. I'm sorry I don't have a better analysis. It's fun. (Other tracks I would have included: Chaos Horrific, Overlords of Violence, Blood Blind)

10. Crossing Guard by Model/Actriz. This is a song that made me wish I went to gay clubs more. Yes, it's a killer dance song, but what draws me in is how chaotic the production is. It starts out slow and quiet, then bam! The production starts screeching at you in a glorious onslaught of noise, held together with a fantastic bassline. I love the vocalist too. He can be monotone and subtle, but he also knows how to raise his voice to match the ferocity of the production. I listened to this song countless times last year (often while crossing the street and trying not to get hit by cars), and the line "Like Germanotta, Stefani / Pull the weight from under me" will be stuck in my head forever. (Other tracks I would have included: Donkey Show, Amaranth)

[trashcanfills]

Hear me out okay hear me out

Reader being in a poly relationship with Lucio and Junkrat🥰🥰

Ok first of I shall apologise to you anon because I was heavily procrastinating on this. I mean, I know junkrat and lucio but I didnt fully know how the two would interact, much less in a romantic manner. I legit had to look up boombox fan content for this. It’s a cute ship I must say.

Tbh I previously managed to actually write a good chunk of stuff out for this prompt of the three being poly (at least not the one where the two dudes are “sharing” the reader, nahh everyone gets the lovin) EXCEPT IT DIDNT SAVE WHEN I LAST CAME BACK TO EDIT AND POST IT.

Yea that got me shudhekakdjw fucking crying i swear and I just procrastinated on answering the ask for a bit longer. But im back and god I should actually release it from my inbox.

Here. Fly. Be free now.

Being in a poly relationship with Lucio and Junkrat

First of all, dear god the chaos.

Bruh you have Jamison from the lawless radioactive wasteland that is Australia and Lucio the freedom fighter dj. Being in a poly relationship with this two dudes will never be boring with the amt of shit you get into (which most of the time it’s Jamison’s fault oof)

I can see Lucio and Jamison being rather physically affectionate with you and each other, so I do hope you are someone who doesn’t mind all that. If you do, its ok cus Lucio understands all that personal space jeez, aand will do his best to explain and help Jamison understand cus Jamison is a bit more uhhhhh intrusive lmao

Group cuddle sessions are a thing and participation is made mandatory, the latter being a rule that was first made up to keep Junkrat out of his workshop to tinker stuff, but now it’s used for any time one of you gets too into work or need comfort of some sort.

They both are incredibly energetic and fun people to be with too! Thankfully you and Lucio can contain a bit of Jamison’s manic and destructive energy (and maybe teach him more abt what the rest of the world is like and morals). If you tired of socialising, they will def be chill in just hanging out in the same room, though Jamison needs some explanation and time to understand that first since hes not so people smart.

Fun activities would include gaming, workshop binges (Jamison makes shit while Lucio and you join in or add more dumb whacky ideas), MUSIC LISTENING PARTIES like Lucio is a DJ he wants to show yall all these cool artists and know yall tastes ok

Lucio makes a curated playlist for you amd Jamison. Aaaaand maybe a upcoming new album inspired by the two of you shhhhh its a surprise. And Jamison loves creating new trinkets for you and Lucio! He made a smol metal wire sculpture with a rat, frog and another animal representing you. Its considered a treasured possession that you can Lucio took turns to keep it in your rooms lmao, until Jamison made another one :3

Honestly you three prob got a lot of questioning looks when you all came out as a polyamory couple. Mostly cus of Jamison reputation as a crazed maniac and wanted criminal ngl but when everyone in overwatch sees the three of you hanging out, its really sweet.

I say some issues u guys would have would be first and foremost, Jamison’s questionable morality and lack of understanding of many things. He did kill people yes, but to him it was his way of life from the nuclear wasteland that is his home. It has taken a number of therapy sessions (as required for a reformatory programme Jamison is enrolled in because how else will he be in overwatch bruh), but hey hes getting better i suppose. Be patient with Jamison at times alright? Because he’s still figuring out all these new things and reframing in his worldview.

Another issue for sure would prob be Lucio’s tendency to be stubborn on some things. Haha u didnt think i was gonna say that huh.

To clarify, he’s someone passionate on various causes, and because he is such a nice and caring person pushing to gain support for other’s welfare, Lucio doesn’t fully grasp the consequences of his actions at times. It’s like…he’s naive or a bit simple-minded. Not unintentionally or fully dumb, more like he gets into this helping ppl mindset so much he forgets other things to consider. Like how he faces the Vishkar conflict. It’s a huge sore spot for him, and it’s a big reason why he doesn’t like Symmetra that much because he assumes that she is bad and aware of her corporation’s questionable deeds, which is not completely true. Its also personal for him because it was his hometown that was being affected, and because of that Lucio had to do something to save it. All these feelings mean that Lucio gets blinded by them at times, esp when its got to do sth that he’s passionate abt. Its good to fight for the things you love, but sometimes fighting is not always the solution and can make things worse. And he forgets that sometimes when he rants to u guys abt dealing with some obstinate person doing questionable things.

There will be times he sticks to his moral values and stand by them, without realising that he needs to open his kindness and empathy to those who seem to be the most unworthy of it. In fact, its thanks to being with you and Jamison and over time that Lucio realises this fact.

Holy sheet whew Im done. Yea I did elaborate a lot for Lucio’s issue because I wasn’t too sure how to put it fully into words. So pardon the word vomit lol im not sure if ppl get what I mean so uhh rip. Sorry. You can clarify with me if u wan to ask abt how I characterise Lucio hahaha.

[burlveneer-music]

Synthetic Villains - Christmas Album - a mix of traditional and original instrumentals, in electro-folk fashion

I like Christmas music. As a small child, it really was a wondrous and magical time, and music sound-tracked that joy and excitement. It's stuck with me. Every Christmas over the years, and whilst making this album (over several months), I've listened to a lot of Christmas music. I don't like all of it, I'm pretty discerning, but I've taken on board everything from old carols up until recent times. I've researched the history of Christmas, including it's various pre-Christian roots, and the history of Christmas music. A lot of Christmas music is basically folk music (that more people listen to). Many of the melodies and some of the words have been sung for centuries, and like folk music, those melodies and words have evolved, been adopted and co-opted over the years – just like mid-winter pagan festivals, Norse Yule, Christian Christmas, and the mostly secular version we currently inhabit. There's probably the need for a good book about it all. But for now, suffice it to say, I've tried to encapsulate the spirit of Christmas (an umbrella term for all of it's permutations) within these 12 tracks. There is no snark here, it's a totally sincere album. My greatest wish would be for it to become part of your Christmas tradition - I hope you like it, and play it every year!creditsreleased December 2, 2022 Tracks 2, 5, 6, 8 written by Richard J Turner. Tracks 1, 3, 4, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12 trad/expired copyright. All tracks arranged and played by Richard J Turner. A Flood of Sound Production. For the gear nerds: Fender Mustang guitars, Fender Musicmaster Bass, Fender Twin Reverb Amp, Korg Volca Beats, Korg Volca Kick, Korg Monotribe, Korg Minilogue XD, Casio MT100, Casio MT45, Casio Rapman, Yamaha PS2, Yamaha MR10, Yamaha DD5, Rakit Metal Synth, Rakit Drum Synth, EHX Crash Pad, MPC Tymp, Akai MPK Mini Play, xylophone, glockenspiel, chime bars, jingles, tambourine, shakers, finger cymbals, bell, bike bell, shekere, samba whistle, party hooter, crackers, siren whistle, cuica, zither, bouzouki, Guild D4 acoustic guitar, music box, effects pedals.

[chilling-seavey]

There Goes My Life - Chapter Twelve

A/N Daniel and the rest of his band (😛) are back!!

Monday, December 20, 2038 – 7:58pm

Lucy and Penelope sat on the end of Clementine’s bed, watching their oldest sister apply her makeup in the ensuite bathroom. The sisters had barely spoken at all that day…well, the entire family had barely spoken at all that day since tensions were running high thanks to Clementine’s emotional aggression. It was a slow day, mostly spent packing their last few things for their yearly Christmas trip to Vancouver, however Clementine hadn’t even touched her suitcase. Instead, she spent the day glued to her phone in her room and took her meals to bed instead of eating at the table with her family. Once dinner was finished, the girls hid away in Penelope and Clementine’s room while Daniel and Florence settled down together on the couch in the living room.

“Where are you going?” Lucy asked, breaking the sisters’ lingering silence, her legs crossed in front of her as she sat on the end of the double bed.

“Out.” Clementine answered plainly, swiping her eyelashes with mascara a few times.

“Mum and Dad aren’t gonna let you out. We’re leaving for the airport early tomorrow. Have you even started packing?” Penelope asked.

“God, Nell, get off my back.” Clementine tisked, tossing her mascara back in her makeup bag on the counter.

“Why are you so mad with Mommy and Daddy?” Lucy frowned.

Clementine glanced out from the bathroom to look at Penelope and the two shared secret looks. Lucy looked between them.

“What are you leaving me out of now?” Lucy whined.

“You should tell her.” Penelope said.

“No way. She’s just going to turn around and blab to Daniel.” Clementine scoffed, leaning back towards the mirror to apply her lipstick.

“Daniel?” Lucy was taken back at the sudden name drop and she looked between her sisters a bit faster. “What’s going on? Is Dad in trouble?”

“No.” Penelope assured her.

“Kinda.” Clementine said at the same time.

“Clementine.” Penelope sighed in frustration at her little sister’s wide scared blue eyes.

The eldest sighed and set her hand on the counter as she turned to look at her sisters, her now dark hair in waves over her shoulders and barely touching the top of her low-cut red crop top; a type of outfit Penelope only ever saw her wear while away at school. She could only imagine her parents’ reactions - her father’s reaction - when he saw her outfit.

“Lucy,” Clementine started, “If I tell you this information it has to stay between us three only, okay?”

“Okay.” Lucy nodded quickly enough that her blonde waves shook messily with her fierce desperation to know the supposed secret.

“I don’t have the same dad as you.” Clementine whispered.

Lucy’s eyebrows furrowed a moment as she processed the information, looking slowly over to Penelope on her right who was also staring at her expectantly for any sort of reaction. The youngest cocked her head to the side a little as she looked back to Clementine.

“That doesn’t make sense.” Lucy finally said.

“You’re the one who put the dates in that photo album. You figure it out. I need to head out.” Clementine said plainly, flicking off the bathroom light and stuffed her lipstick in her purse.

“Are you ever going to even bring it up to them or are you just going to be a jerk until the entire family breaks apart?” Penelope asked softly, leaving their youngest sister to still try to piece together the ridiculous suspicion that she was just told.

“I want them to feel like so much like shit about lying to me that they tell me.” Clementine shrugged as she slipped her Kate Spade purse over her shoulder.

Without another word to her two younger sisters, she headed down the hallway. Her movement of opening the closet doors raised suspicion from her parents who were curled up on the couch together and they both shared a concerned glance as the nineteen-year-old pulled her winter coat on over a revealing red shirt and low-rise black ripped jeans.

“Where are you going, Clem?” Florence asked.

“A party.” Clementine answered dryly.

“No you’re not.” Daniel replied without looking up from his phone.

“I wasn’t asking.” Clementine scoffed, pulling out her phone and typed something quickly before sliding it back in her purse.

“Our flight is early tomorrow and you need to finish packing.” Florence sat up, her movement from his arms making Daniel set his phone down on the arm of the couch.

“No I don’t.”

“Have you finished already?”

“No. I didn’t even start because I’m not going.”

“We go every year to Vancouver for Christmas and this year is no different. So turn yourself back around and get packing.”

“I don’t want to fucking go to Vancouver.” Clementine snapped.

“That’s too bad.” Florence shrugged.

“I’m an adult, I’m 19, almost 20, so I can decide where I go and when I go.” Clementine crossed her arms over her chest.

“Not when you’re acting like a seven-year-old, you can’t.” Daniel said coolly, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the strange teenager in the living room doorway. He wasn’t sure who she thought she was, but she definitely wasn’t the same daughter he dropped off at university mere months before.

Clementine only huffed, glaring intensely at her parents.

“Go back into your room, get into some normal clothing, and pack. We won’t ask again.” Daniel ordered.

“Good. I don’t want you to.” Clementine said smugly, pulling her shoes on her feet with her dark glare on the wood floor, a manicured hand holding herself up on the white wall.

“I don’t know where this attitude came from but it better be gone by the time we get on that plane tomorrow, so help me God.” Florence said loudly.

“Funny, because I’m not getting on the plane. You’ll be rid of me soon enough, don’t worry.” Clementine zipped up her coat and pulled her phone from her bag again.

“You’re going to have a fun winter break of staring at the same four walls if you keep this tone with us.” Daniel threatened.

“You think you can tell me what to do?” Clementine laughed humourlessly. “That’s rich.”

“Take your coat and shoes off, young lady, and bring your phone over here.” Daniel said sternly, holding out his hand.

“Fuck you, Daniel. I don’t have to listen to you.” Clementine scoffed, stomping towards the front door.

“Excuse you? Clementine Ophelia Seavey, don’t you dare walk out that door!” Florence shouted after her, walking briskly across the apartment after her, Daniel quick behind her.

“I’ll be home by 3...not that you even care.” Clementine said with a fake smile before walking out the door.

“Make it 12 or you’ll have a big problem on your hands!” Daniel called.

“Make me!” Clementine spun back around to him, standing in the apartment building hallway with him just inside the threshold of their foyer, Florence right behind him.

“If you want to act like a spoiled brat then fine! Stay out however long you want! But I will be waking you up at 6am and you can explain to your family why you’re falling asleep at the dinner table.”

“I’m not going!” Clementine yelled, her voice echoing down the building’s hallway. “I don’t want to see your stupid family!”

“Your attitude is disgusting. Consider Christmas cancelled for you. No treats, no snowboarding, no presents. Nothing.”

“Then why even make me go?! God, you’re so fucking infuriating!”

“You’re not a walk in the park either, honey!”

“I wish you and mom never met! I hate you!”

“Excuse me? How grown up of you!” Daniel pushed back his hurt with his anger as he watched her take a few steps backwards down the hallway, “Get your ass back in here!”

“You’re not my fucking dad!” Clementine screamed back, barely even stopping to process his reaction before she rushed to the stairwell, slammed open the metal door, and rushed off without a look back.

Tag List: @hopeinglimelight​ ~ @kizakat26​ ~ @badbunnypr​ ~ @calumhoodiskindahot​ ~ @sothisisathingforsomereason​ ~ @jocelyntheduckie​

[happymetalgirl]

2019

Despite all the hubbub about year-end wrap-ups, and decade-end wrap-ups this year, it feels to me like as soon as the year is over and the next one starts people immediately stop caring about all the top tens and bottom tens.

I got really busy over this past December and, along with missing out on reviewing several albums I wanted to review, I totally missed writing the extensive year-end lists I had planned. Last year I had listed over 50 of my favorite albums and nearly 100 of my favorite songs, and I wanted to do lists this year that would follow 2018′s lists respectably. Unfortunately, time got the better of me, and it still has the better of me, but I feel like I still should at least offer some kind of closure on last year.

It’s not going to be nearly 150 entries, but I do want to very briefly give an abbreviated list of my favorite songs, my favorite metal albums, my favorite non-metal albums, my least favorite albums of 2019. I’ll be keeping the lists pretty short, but I’ll go numerically still, starting with the bad news first.

The Bottom 10 Albums of 2019:

Maybe it’s my being calloused to what’s awful, or just doing a better job of avoiding it, but I feel like I wasn’t as angry at my bottom ten this year (2019) as I was at the two that preceded it, and perhaps it’s because I feel like I got pretty much what I was expecting with most of what I heard here; not as many of these were tremendous letdowns like Bullet for My Valentine with Gravity or just horrendous beyond comprehension like Black Vale Brides’ Vale. But just because I expected the shit didn’t mean it necessarily went down any easier when I had to ingest it this year.

Like the two years before 2019 when I did worst-of lists, a lot of the worst of the genre came from obviously contrived mainstream playlist/radio bait projects from bands to which it comes as no surprise. This year didn’t include as much shitty political commentary (being that I could probably fill this list with NSBM if I actively sought that shit out) or nostalgic cash grabs as the past two years, but the staleness of the long-tired formulas by which these radio-aspiring bands adhere to in their pursuits of mainstream crossover (or maintenance) only grows more frustrating the older they get. And the amount of surrender by so many bands to Imagine Dragons’ way of dominating the rock charts has been similarly frustrating. Often cited as the new Nickelback, we now kind of look back on Nickelback with a little bit of rose-tinted hindsight with the realization that it was mostly their omnipresence that irritated us all, and the case is the same for Imagine Dragons, but I don’t remember quite as many bands trying to copy the very unoriginal Nickelback and replicate “Photograph” or “Rockstar”. But I have heard so many acts churn out knock-offs of “Radioactive”, and “Believer”, and “Whatever It Takes” in obvious attempts to get themselves into that band’s royal court on the rock charts. There was of course plenty of unimaginative atmospheric blackgaze and post-metal to be found, but even the worst of that was just ineffective and boring at worst and not so much torture upon the eardrums like the albums to follow are.

10. Bad Wolves - N.A.T.I.O.N.

We didn’t get a Five Finger Death Punch album this year, so Bad Wolves came to the rescue to fill that void in 2019, despite also releasing an album in 2018. Though I’ve seen already that FFDP are slated for a release in 2020, so, great... While I would say that N.A.T.I.O.N.’s few high points made it a slightly better project overall than the band’s debut, those highlights were not nearly enough to outweigh the bafflingly poorly arranged variety pack of trashy alt rock ballads and formulaic alt metal from ten years ago that made up the majority of this album. As erratic as its flow was, everything on this album was so predictable once you got a ten-second taste of any given song, a few too many of which reeked heavily of Nickelback (and I know I just got done saying not that many bands really copied them, but that’s how obsolete and dated this album sounds at times). It’s obvious trying to market to FFDP’s demographic and co-occupy that giant, lucrative SiriusXM niche with them, and I’m just not thrilled to have basically a clone of FFDP walking around, taking up space in the metal ecosystem to keep an eye on.

9. Municipal Waste - The Last Rager

It might seem mean to put an EP down here, but my god this was terrible. If it had gone on longer it would undoubtedly quickly make its way to the top (well, bottom) of this list. I feel like my negative review of Slime and Punishment and this EP could at face value be miscontrued as me just being a sourpuss and a way too self-serious critic or just having it out for Municipal Waste, but I love thrash, I love totally not serious music, and I wish there was more high-profile fresh thrash being released these days. I wish one of the few notable thrash releases I heard in 2019 wasn’t bottom-ten quality. But that is just where Municipal Waste are right now, lazy, run-of-the-mill party thrash that is so deficient in that real vibrant party energy that this style of music needs to work. Yeah, I get that it’s not supposed to be taken seriously, but it’s so clearly recycled that it’s not even fun, the one thing it’s supposed to be. It’s like the shit near the end of the human centipede.

8. King 810 - Suicide King

I really wasn’t expecting much from this album, and that’s pretty much what I got, with the added bonus of a weirdly amateurishly experimental flair to King 810′s usual street-cred chest-puffing brand of retro rap/nu metal. I imagine fans of the band enjoyed the added theatrics and the usual chug-backed struggle bars, but I found the whole thing to be just kind of ham-fisted and kooky. It wasn’t one of the more infuriating releases I heard all year, but I sure as hell won’t be eagerly returning to it.

7. Attila - Villain

This was another musically recycled album from a band that usually makes their appeal through fun, nasty bangers. While the music on the album was, sure, as derivative as Attila’s deathcore usually is, the primary issue with Villain was the soured attitude of the band’s usually charismatic frontman. Fronz went from being the life of the party (who, while oozing with fratboy energy that you really wouldn’t want to be around anywhere else except a crowded rager, you could at least count on to be cool and keep the party going) to that loud, overzealous asshole trying to turn up when it’s totally not the time and then getting pissy when met with resistance, making it about him and making everyone around him uncomfortable and totally. Fronz sounds like a drunk asshole challenging you everyone to chug faster than him at best and like a pushy frat bro at worst, embodying the title of the album way to much in a manner where it’s justified that he be viewed that way, if not generous given the term’s romanticized connotations. Silver lining: I listened to “It Is What It Is” during a workout the other day, and that track is a qualified banger.

6. Saint Vitus - Saint Vitus

I think this is the only doom metal album to reach a bottom ten spot for me at any point this decade, and I’m not surprised that it’s Saint Vitus doing it. The band’s self-titled record was so derivative and wholly unoriginal, it was like listening to a cheap Sabbath cosplay. It was so long ago that I listened to it in full that I honestly don’t remember anything specific about the album, but I sure remember how I felt while listening to it every time.

5. Steel Panther - Heavy Metal Rules

Probably the biggest letdown on this list, I actually really enjoyed the band’s 2017 effort, Lower the Bar; I felt like they had got a better handle on their comedic parody of 80′s glam metal than any of the three albums before it, despite it not getting as much attention as their debut, for instance. This one, however, captured the cringe and cheese of the 80′s just fine, but with the jokes falling flat or way too repetitive, it just sounded like a less subtly raunchy version of an actual hair metal album. It’s another album that’s just supposed to be fun, but wasn’t nearly the experience it set out to be, the difference being that this one’s failure seems to have come more from a bout of writer’s block than anything else, which is understandable, five albums in, to a project that specifically makes fun of one dead subgenre of metal.

4. Arch Enemy - Covered in Blood

This has to be one of the shittiest covers albums I’ve ever heard, with Arch Enemy earning record points for monotony on this one. The whole thing sounds like the band just tossed a hefty album’s worth into an Arch Enemy processor that just stripped away all the songs’ character and replaced it with low-effort growls and robotic melodeath guitar playing. At its best, the band offers up passable by-the-books rehashes of songs up their melodeath alley; at its worst they butcher songs they have no business putting so little effort into covering. And it’s fucking 70 minutes long! So they get points for the agonizing length too, as well as incompetence points (I’ve yet to hear a death-growled cover of an Iron Maiden song go well), and, yeah, laziness points too. So many of these were recorded already years ago as bonus tracks to past albums, yet the band couldn’t spare the effort to make the new recordings like a little bit exciting.

3. Papa Roach - Who Do You Trust?

I’m not even mad about this one; I knew it was gonna suck, my curiosity just got the best of me and I was treated to some of the most laughably amateurish lyricism and poorly dated rap rock and alt metal instrumentation I’ve heard since the Prophets of Rage album two years ago. Jacoby Shaddix is doing features these days with hit or miss results, but what the hell is Papa Roach going to be this coming decade? More of this? I just don’t know whose socks this is supposed to knock off. Who’s getting hyped for more Papa Roach in the 2020′s? Probably me, just to see how poorly this band continues to try to keep up with the already sluggish pace of radio rock trends as the signature style they feel obligated to keep a tether to ages poorly.

2. Skillet - Victorious

Now this one I was kind of mad about, and I was expecting it to be pretty bad too. Skillet sold their soul to the whim of pop rock radio early last decade and haven’t been interesting to listen to for a long time now, to the point where it’s so obvious that raspy frontman John Cooper started his own side outlet for his more passionate urges while he lets the winds of pop rock and Christian rock playlist curation steer his main project for little more than a paycheck. The band’s reputable touring work ethic is such a stark contrast to their transparent artistic laziness and spinelessness. Again, despite the formulaic broad-reaching rock radio fodder, embarrassingly cheesy ballads, the token heavy tune at the end for the long-time fans, and even the obviously contrived Imagine Dragons mimicry being totally predicted, it was still so frustrating how blatantly soulless and capital-motivated this thing was to hear.

1. Mark Morton - Anesthetic

I didn’t really have any expectations for this album, but my god was it the year’s quietest disaster of a collaboration project. I didn’t hear anyone else talking about this thing after it came out nearly as much as I did leading up to it, and thank god. The album is supposedly a solo project from the Lamb of God axeman, a distilled showcase of his creative voice, but the whole thing feels like it was in the hands of label execs the whole time and he was just the guy who recorded guitar tracks to all these songs. For some reason, a lot of these “star-studded”, compilation-album-feeling projects in the metal world don’t seem to come out so well, maybe because no one involved is bringing their A-game to a feature in a compilation album, and that is exactly what Anesthetic suffers from, and it suffers fucking hard, not just from the utter lack of cohesion and poor flow from track to track, but from the phoned-in performances of the guests on the variety of generic, underwritten, surface-level songs. Like, again, this is a project under Mark Morton’s name, one that’s supposed to be guided primarily by his artistic vision; you’re telling me, Spinefarm Records, that the Lamb of God guitarist’s vision of a solo album is various flavors of neutered rock/metal radio bait? And he was satisfied with everyone’s contributions to this thing? The whole thing feels like he was just along for the ride and the project was never even in his hands, like Spinefarm had the idea/opportunity to do a various artists comp. album but thought putting under Morton’s name would be more marketable or something. Maybe that hypothesis is totally off, but regardless, this album is a colossal failure on the performance and writing fronts, the worst thing I voluntarily heard in 2019.

My 20 Favorite Songs of 2019:

Okay! With the trash taken to the curb, I feel like it might be time to address before getting into my favorite songs that they might not resemble my favorite albums quite as much as previous years, one, because this is very abbreviated, and, two, because some songs really lend themselves to enjoyment outside the context of their album more than other songs. One band here lands three entries and probably would have landed a whole lot more on a slightly longer list simply because of how great of music their album this year was for me to work out to. But I tried to diversify this list a bit so that it wasn’t just my favorite additions to my workout playlist. The top albums, I promise, are a far better representation of the year in metal for me. But anyway...

20. Periphery - “Blood Eagle”

Periphery have pretty much crystallized their brand of djent now and spent much of this year’s album doing a little adventurousness with it, but the first single, “Blood Eagle”, was one of the more traditional, crushing, explosion tracks from the album, harnessing hardcore groove, punishing accents, tasty guitar tones, and emphatic vocals of both the coarse and soaring variety. The song isn’t anything new for Periphery, but it’s a tremendous example of how potent they are at their heaviest and how easy it is for them to disprove their detractors who lampoon them for Spencer’s clean singing.

19. Panopticon - “The Crescendo of Dusk”

Despite being a one-off piece kind of off the beaten path for Panopticon for a two-track EP recorded during the previous double-albums’ sessions, this song is a fantastic example of bold, cathartic blackgaze whose soulful choral climax is built up to and pays off phenomenally, and that’s not the side of atmospheric black metal Panopticon usually wanders too. It’s a gorgeous piece that is worth it for every moment of its 12-minute runtime.

18. Car Bomb - “Scattered Sprites”

Switching quickly to a much shorter and more jolting song, it was hard to pick a prime highlight on Car Bomb’s new album, but ultimately I found myself loving the tasty, effects-laden, Meshuggah-esque 8-string mathcore groove of “Scattered Sprites” and the rest of the song’s fascinating tonal jumps from Deftones-ish atmosphere to crushing distorted madness. It certainly represents very well the constantly transforming beast that the band’s fourth album was.

17. Spirit Adrift - “Angel & Abyss”

On yet another album full of songs that would have packed a longer list, Spirit Adrift’s standout moment on Divided by Darkness was, for me, the melodically soulful trad-doom power ballad of sorts, “Angel & Abyss”. The melodic guitar leads being the obvious driver of the song’s feels, the clean and rhythm backing and the seething vocal delivery are perhaps the underappreciated foundation for the extra emotive NWOBHM-influenced guitar leads to shine through.

16. Inter Arma - “The Atavist's Meridian”

Definitely the standout track from Sulphur English, “The Atavist’s Meridian” is a menacing mammoth of a song, twelve-and-a-half minutes of brooding, towering sludge and haunting echoed throat-gurgling growls. Even when the wall of sound gets less jagged, the lour does not let up as the band maintain their fearsome, ominous presence in the song’s more atmospheric middle section and burst back so satisfyingly to round it out. There are bands out there that stick to this form of sludgy, death-y doom metal much more exclusively and religiously than Inter Arma who wouldn’t be able to top this.

15. Opeth - “Charlatan” My favorite cut from Opeth’s most ambitious album this decade, the band actually sound energized and adventurous on this song rather than just playing 70’s prog dress-up. The Meshuggah-esque bass groove on here is of course right up my alley, but the whole song is full of actual progressive dynamic that keeps you fixated on it and it’s intriguing emotive journey.

14. Sermon - “The Preacher”

Being the second-to-last song on the album, “The Preacher” kind of goes hand-in-hand with “The Rise of the Desiderata” as part of the album’s climactic ending, and it’s as meticulous and calculated as every track on the album with its small, this song being a standout for its particular dynamic between is louder and softer sections, making it such a thriller of a track that serves its role as part of the album’s climax beautifully.

13. Misery Index - “New Salem”

I’ve loved Rituals of Power all year and there have been several standout tracks for me, but “New Salem”, with its gruff refrain and relentless powerviolence aggression, has been my favorite from the album this year, one of them top workout playlist tracks for me this past year. It’s a pretty straightforward, fast, brutal track, but god is it effective.

12. Korn - “You’ll Never Find Me”

From the irksome guitar wails from Munky and the thick and tasty seven-string accents from Head, to Jonathan Davis’ volatile vocal delivery, “You’ll Never Find Me”, is one of the (several) prime examples of Korn’s committed return to their old-school sound on this album that really fucking stuck the landing and impressed. That build-up to that fucking intense headbanging crash at the bridge is exactly what made me such a fan of Korn’s early work in the first place, and this song is one of, again, several that shows why more than twenty years down the road while all their imitators have come and gone, Korn have been the dedicated champions of nu metal.

11. Cattle Decapitation - “Time’s Cruel Curtain”

It was honestly hard picking a favorite from Death Atlas, but I felt like this song captured the album’s lyrics’ overall dread and gloom in the musical sense pretty well through the dissonant clean guitars and Travis Ryan’s melodic snarling, which is particularly gut-wrenching on the chorus. And it’s as fierce, fast, and disgustingly brutal as we’ve come to expect of Cattle Decapitation now.

10. Motionless in White - “Thoughts & Prayers”

One of the many vibrant, tasty alternative metalcore bangers from the band’s fifth LP that dominated my workout playlist this year, “Thoughts and Prayers” is undoubtedly the most blasphemously in-your-face, Slipknot-influenced cut that highlights the highs of metalcore heaviness the band have no trouble reaching. The defiant attitude of the melodic chorus’ refusing of prayers for help, and really the whole song’s self-sufficient denial of religion over some of the band’s most potent metalcore to date, got me past a lot of physical thresholds this year.

9. Babymetal - “Arkadia”

Babymetal on their first two albums for me have been a project trying to iron out their vision of J-pop metal fusion in real time with the first and second albums’ primordial experiments producing the odd hit among many more misses, but this year’s Metal Galaxy was far more consistent, less stylistically clumsy, and packed full of hits. And if this list was longer, there wold be several bops and bangers from that record here. And while circumstance had just one song in my top 20 this year, what a tremendous entry it is. The album’s closing track, “Arkadia” starts out like a basic-ass Dragonforce cut, but the triumphant melodies quickly lead into higher and higher echelons of catharsis with the guitar vocalist Su-metal delivering the most powerfully soaring performance of the band’s career. It’s like a Dragonforce song that blows most (if not all) Dragonforce songs out of the water through its sheer unashamed passion. And while I know there are many in that camp who stiff-arm Babymetal and would wretch and rage-quit upon simply hearing Su-metal’s voice come in, I imagine they would have a hard time denying this song’s power if tricked into listening to a guy’s vocal cover over the instrumental.

8. Rammstein - “Puppe”

While Cattle Decapitation’s “With All Disrespect” is certainly a gut-punchingly grim outlook on humanity’s self-destruction, this standout cut from the German industrial metal juggernauts’ self-titled album is undoubtedly the most chilling cut on this list, and quite possibly Rammstein’s entire catalog. Till Lindemann’s poetic narration of the song’s dark story is expertly timed and laid out, but his gripping, manic, wholly unsettling vocal performance, coupled with the rest of the band’s brilliantly scored instrumental tracking, is what paralyzes you in terrified awe of the song.

7. Motionless in White - “Disguise”

Another alt-metal banger that dominated my workouts this year, the opening title track to the band’s fifth album isn’t really doing anything all that revolutionary or stylistically original, yet it’s somehow distinctly Motionless in White and it succeeds and makes it here simply because its execution of such a straightforward, yet often fucked-up style is so on-point.

6. Sermon - “The Rise of the Desiderata”

The grand finish to one of the subtlest, yet most magnificent progressive metal albums of the decade (spoiler I guess), “The Rise of the Desiderata”, even outside the context of the album building up to it, is a tremendous work of patient, well-measured progressive metal that exemplifies so magnificently what that band did with such a small musical arsenal on Birth of the Marvelous. The slow, brooding build-up to the absolutely orgasmic finish is hardly a mere waiting game, with not a dull second of the song, and the thematic climax of “rise! rise!” chants the song finishes on is, for me, the kind of representative of rewarding and immersive journey prog metal is all about!

5. Motionless in White - “Holding on to Smoke”

This one was the sleeper hit (in my eyes) for the band this year; in the album’s marginally weaker second half after the slew of bangers that occupied the first, “Holding on to Smoke” is the perseverant anthem among anthems that almost single-handedly lifts that second half. But outside the context of the album, “Holding on to Smoke” is not excessively heavy like “Thoughts & Prayers”, not even as catchy as the bouncy “<c/ode>”, and not even as sick in the breakdown department as “Disguise”, but it more than makes up for it in sheer performative passion and the compositional consistency that characterizes the whole album and strings the determination teeming throughout the song together into a hugely triumphant banger of a track.

4. Periphery - “Satellites”

Periphery really outdid themselves on the grand, ethereally cathartic closing track to their fourth (and best) self-titled album. Unlike the directly aggressive “Blood Eagle”, “Satellites” is a much longer, more multi-staged, moodier piece that gradually builds up from bright, somber reverb-driven ambiance into several tremendously heartfelt and instrumentally full-bodied crescendos, with the band timing their bursts of heavy energy perfectly. Spencer wildly outdoes himself in particular with his gloriously high-flying vocal performance during the song’s cathartic climax. It’s such a great ending to a great album, and such a great picture of Periphery’s constant perfecting of their sound.

3. As I Lay Dying - “My Own Grave”

It was released in 2018, but I included it here instead of that year’s list because I had the hunch at the time that it would be part of an As I Lay Dying album, and it was. But the first song the band released after their unlikely reunion was always going to be a contentious one given the situation with Tim Lambesis, and being that the song was released at a time when Tim would have still have almost two years in prison to go if he had done his full original sentence of six years, the importance of the band’s first release since that whole terrible situation transpired is hard to overstate. Everyone else in the band had to justify linking back up with a convicted felon and reentering the fold of music again, and “My Own Grave” is exactly the statement they needed to make. During his trial and after his early release, Tim had kept pretty quiet, but from the one somber video exposition he gave before entering prison, it was pretty clear he knew and finally accepted how badly he fucked up, and that awareness of his own terrible failure, succumbing to evil, and his understanding that he still has a lot to do to make things right is what makes this song so vitally confessional and the determination expressed so powerful. And this all comes through not just in the lyrics, but in the passionate performances from everyone on the song as well. It’s an emphatic triumph in classic metalcore fashion through (higher, more real-life stakes than usual for the genre) the worst of one’s own faults.

2. Demon Hunter - “Peace”

This one is kind of the enigma of this list, a more subtle, hard rock track than the rest of the heavy, boisterous bangers here, but what an excellent song it is from the mellower of the sister albums the band released in 2019. Ryan Clark’s smooth, baritone subtlety serves as a veneer of calmness in the face of collapse as he sings a tearful welcoming of the peace from the pain of a sin-ridden world that finally comes with death. There’s almost a suicidal angle to the song, but it might be more representative of one’s readiness to be taken into a divinely peaceful afterlife after a lifetime of struggle, which is pretty insightful from Ryan Clark and captures that feeling in a tangible way even for people with (ideally) many years ahead of them like me, I must say. Either way, it’s a much more sober pondering on one’s own mortality and the temporariness of everything around us than its upbeat rock tempo initially lets on, the kind of meditation that gives people hope and faith in a heavenly afterlife.

1. Rammstein - “Deutschland”

Simultaneously subtle and directly expressive, Rammstein’s lead single from their self-titled 2019 album may not have been as musically outrageous as its grand, ambitious video was, but the song itself sure stands on its own just fine as a tense, conflicted song of pleading heartbreak to a nation and its history, and who better in metal to write a threnody for a Germany caught in the middle of the rest of Europe’s refugee crisis and its own version of many nations’ recent fights against a resurgence of right-wing extremism than Till Lindemann. The tone of the song is so mournful and heartbroken, as though it’s a song about leaving a lover you still want to love, yet stern and firm in its principle.

5 Outside Albums of 2019:

I’ve made a point the past two years to highlight the music I enjoyed outside the metal sphere, usually keeping it to a few mini-reviews of five “outside” albums, and this year it was certainly hard to narrow down the immense amount of quality hip hop, indie rock, experimental rock, especially jazz (Jesus, there was so much good jazz this year), and even some respectable pop music I heard this year. The paragraphs are going to be shorter this time around, but I still wanted to show my appreciation for these albums.

Purple Mountains - Purple Mountains

Formed by David Berman, the former frontman of Silver Jews (who helped pioneer the flavor of indie rock/alt country in the 90′s and early 2000′s that got me more into indie music) ten years after the termination of Silver Jews, his short-lived return from retirement from music through Purple Mountains’ sole eponymous album only became more tragic after Berman committed suicide less than a month after the record’s release. The subject matter was as confessional and depressive as anything from Silver Jews, my favorite song from the record immediately after its release, “Nights That Won’t Happen” (a song very clearly indicating Berman grappling with the guilt of his suicidal mindset), being an even more bleak song in the posthumous context. Upon learning that Berman had come back to music, formed this project, and made this record full of emotionally retching expositions of his mental state in an effort to pay down a crippling mass of debt (which I’m sure had a significant impact on his decision to end his own life), it makes the album all the more devastating and my feeling toward it much more complicated. Much like David Bowie’s Blackstar, Purple Mountains takes on a different light in the aftermath of its creator’s death so soon after its release, the songs on Purple Mountains pretty much as prophetic as those on Blackstar, though Berman’s foreseeing of having to take his death into his own hands as opposed to Bowie’s waiting for the inevitability of the progression of his cancer gives this album a much less celebratory, commemorative feeling than that of Blackstar, though listening back through it now with 20/20 hindsight really puts the similar element of inevitability into perspective too, and it makes it hard to really enjoy this album in a sense similar to how I enjoy most of my metal and most other music. Knowing that this album was secondarily a last ditch effort by Berman to lessen the burden of the tremendous anxiety caused by his poor financial state, and primarily a means of talking himself through his decision to end his life in the likely event that the album and its touring cycle didn’t make that burden bearable enough, it’s very hard to listen to and be thankful for this album that kind of indirectly killed its creator. The existential dread of crippling debt is no light weight, however, and the art Berman made and was proud of should not bear the brunt of the blame for what the procedures of a heartless and oppressive economic system at least catalyzed, if not caused. Purple Mountains is a hard album to listen to, but its tragic surroundings aside, it is a welcome return of one of indie music’s most brilliant and influential voices, even if just for a moment.

Denzel Curry - ZUU

On a much different note, Denzel Curry made a quick return to the studio after creatively upping his game yet again on his 2018 album, TA13OO. And while not as ambitiously conceptual or dense as TA13OO, ZUU was yet another banger-packed display of pure rapping prowess. It’s been stated that good form is just that, temporary, and a mere snapshot of an artist’s trajectory, and that it takes time and consistency to prove class. Well Curry is undoubtedly in very good form right now, and has been for the past five or six years and has been making the most of it, only getting better and better across his main projects and his consistently fire guest appearances. And sure it’s arguable that he’s just making the most of his hot streak by putting out as much as possible while he’s one fire, but it’s at the point where if this was a flash in the pan it would have been over by now, and Curry’s still going. The dude put out a megamix of spare verses already this year, and it’s killer! The man at this point, in my eyes, is class, and definitely one of hip hop’s most exceptional forces now that he’s finally getting his long-deserved acclaim. As far as ZUU goes, yeah it’s quick and more about tight bars and emphatic delivery than any grand concept, but to reduce assessment of this to as if it mere turn-up music would be improper, as Curry uses this album to jump at the opportunity given to him by the traction of TA13OO to elevate his hometown and pay tribute to his friends and family who have been with him throughout his journey, and shed light on the roughness of the reality of life for the people he cares about in Carol City, Florida. And he pays tribute to those who got him here with such passion and splendor that it’s tangible and invigorating even from far outside.

Angel Olsen - All Mirrors

I saw a fair amount of people (mostly outside her fanbase) complaining about Angel Olsen’s handling of her more instrumentally dense fourth LP, which I don’t get at all. Olsen had tread the ground of minimal indie folk thoroughly on her early work and she proved she could handle a bigger instrumental pallet on 2016′s My Woman, of which All Mirrors is a well-executed expansion on that bolsters Olsen’s emphatic sonic presence without suffocating her out of her own songs, which I never had any worries about with the raw vocal power she’s showcased convincingly before. And Olsen remains at her open, heartfelt best in terms of lyricism and songwriting on the album, no drop-off in emotional potency or sonic beauty, so I’m a little confused with some of the griping over this album. I love it and highly recommend it.

Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah - Ancestral Recall

It was hard to pick a from the several great jazz records this past year (so much great afro-percussion-driven stuff coming from the UK lately that has been scratching my itch like crazy), The Comet Is Coming had an LP and a similarly impressive follow-up EP both in 2019 that made thrilling use of electronics amid the energetic jazz madness and Matana Roberts had put out an intriguing spoken-word concept album tied together with some of the most eccentric avant-garde jazz instrumentation I heard all year. But I ultimately went with the dynamic and delicious Ancestral Recall from Christian Scott, whose impressively holistic weaving together of traditional jazz elements with hip hop and modern jazz atmosphere, despite not being as quite up my violent jazz alley as other records this year, I could not deny the magnificence and accomplishments of. The electronics are kept to a minimum and used only to highlight the work of the piano, horns, and percussion typically associated with the genre, but none of it feels at all unnatural or clashing, rather a cooperative interplay between old and new that elevates both and shows what they can achieve in harmony. And yes, there are plenty of boisterous trumpet performances from the main man to quench that thirst. But it’s an album about respect for the foundational work of the genres incorporated and expanding on it rather than demolishing and rebuilding it.

clipping. - There Existed an Addiction to Blood

My favorite non-metal album of the year, clipping. really took the campy genre of horrorcore to far more cinematic and tangible realms through their signature noisy/industrial approach. And There Existed and Addiction to Blood is a project where after hearing it, it left me with a sense of “well, duh”. Of course clipping. would absolutely nail an actually immersive and not totally laughable horrorcore album. The members’ experiences in cinema serve as a tremendous asset to this album as William Hutson and Jonathan Snipes produce an industrially enhanced horror score to soundtrack Daveed Diggs’ gripping rapped storytelling, which takes so many of the genres tropes and breathes fresh air into them to make them far more vital and consequential in this day and age. And the songs (many of which are serious bangers) are immersive, cinematic, and intense in a way that I could see a lot of metalheads enjoying. I could seriously go on about the chilling bursts of distortion on the twisted club turn-up track, “Club Down”, or the cold swagger of Diggs’ delivery on the industrially tense “All in Your Head”, or the suspense of the more instrumentally traditional house-hideout cut “Nothing Is Safe”, but I would be going on for paragraphs, and I said one. If there’s one album for people reading this section to check out, it’s this one.

My 30 Favorite Metal Albums of 2019:

Yeah, 30 is keeping it really short here; I feel like I could have included a couple dozen other very praiseworthy metal albums here, but this post is massive enough and I don’t have time for that. As far as patterns or trends go, metal’s respective subgenres largely continued to mind their own business as the divergent evolution that the genre has been undergoing since the passing of its peak of mainstream limelight has progressed. The metallic hardcore revival is still going strong with a lot of bands outside that scene taking notice and influence from these vibrant younger bands (Code Orange being the obvious prominent example) and their ancestors. I heard a lot more hardcore-influenced breakdowns and noisy industrial-ish guitar work this year than usual, and even though it graced that shitty aforementioned Bad Wolves album, the metallic hardcore song was a highlight and most of the hardcore influence I’ve heard outside that scene has been implemented well. The year also saw a lot of big, storied names in metal releasing high-profile projects and really coming through and exceeding most realistic expectations (with one quite notable exception), so a good portion of this top 30 is going to contain your basic bitch, Loudwire-type picks, but, you know, those acts delivered and earned their way here in my eyes. This whole thing has gotten pretty out of hand, and what was planned as a quick year’s recap is now a gargantuan mega-post, so I’m going to TRY to make these quick.

30. Full of Hell - Weeping Choir

It’s hard to complain about a pretty continuous sequel to one of the most addictive deathgrind albums in years (Trumpeting Ecstasy); I’m sure not griping about it. Weeping Choir may not have as high of peaks as its predecessor, but it’s a similarly compact, dizzying, and forward-thinking release that definitely earned similar respect.

29. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - Infest the Rats’ Nest

Thank god King Gizz released this, otherwise there wouldn’t be a bonafide thrash album in this top 30. Despite not really being a “thrash band” or even a “metal band”, King Gizzard’s adventurousness and versatility makes their adaptability to this style come as no real surprise. In fact the naturalness with which the band play shows that they have clearly always had a true reverence for the genre and have wanted to make this album for a long time. The album is as fuzzy as King Gizz usually is, taking on a very old-school vibe in tribute to the genre’s progenitors without being mere nostalgia. I doubt they’ll do it, but I can dream of more of this from the Gizz.

28. Knocked Loose - A Different Shade of Blue

Knocked Loose have quickly established themselves as one of the strongest forces in metallic hardcore these days, with each album improving significantly off the last, and A Different Shade of Blue being the latest in a string of stronger and stronger releases from them, embodying pure hardcore aggression with precision accuracy and efficiency.

27. Lord Mantis - Universal Death Church

Looking back through this band’s catalog (I hadn’t heard of them before this album), they’ve always taken a very sinister and esoteric approach to experimental black metal that makes them and Profound Lore a match made in heaven as a prime representation of the boundary-pushing ethos the label does well to curate, and Universal Death Church is a fine example of the band’s signature incredible capacity to make black metal nastier and more nightmarish than it already is.

26. Infant Annihilator - The Battle of Yaldabaoth

The Battle of Yaldabaoth is such a ridiculous album and such a treat for it, the unreal, gratuitous techdeath wankery so obscene, it’s impossible to take too seriously and not love for its absurdity. It’s a fun album and one that fast-forwards much of the increasingly fast and techy death metal straight to its next musical checkpoint.

25. Venom Prison - Samsara

A far more holistic death metal album than Infant Annihilator’s, Samsara is just teeming with performative power and calculated technicality. I had said at first that it wasn’t really much of a step up from Animus, but as I’ve listened to it more throughout the year, the band’s subtle maturation really began to show and the album grew on me more and more, so it’s definitely one of the year’s best death metal records.

24. Misery Index - Rituals of Power

Even more emphatic than Samsara was Misery Index’s reaching the pinnacle of their form of powerviolence on their best album to date, Rituals of Power, which suffers no loss of intensity in its incorporation of infectious (though still hardly melodic) hooks, and it puts them at the top of their league.

23. Demon Hunter - War

I had originally cited the more measured, hard-rock-driven partner album, Peace, as the better of the two records Demon Hunter had released this year, but over time, so many of the tracks on the intentionally heavier War that I thought might wane on me stayed strong and some of its other tracks grew on me. The album and its counterpart were such a refreshing pair of releases for the band that I hope revitalizes them going forward.

22. Opeth - In Cauda Venenum

And we’ve got the most basic pick of the list so far here, post-Watershed Opeth. That term has annoyed, frustrated, and infuriated so many within the band’s fanbase who have, at this point, given up (either out of acceptance or intolerance) on hopes of the band’s death metal sound ever returning to the progressive music they make, and I myself have found the band’s lack of ambition beyond simply eschewing growls and metallic elements on the band’s past three albums to be a bit underwhelming with the clear 70′s-prog LARPing finding them punching pretty below their weight. Wow, that was an annoyingly long sentence too. But Opeth finally came through with an album that did more than just imitate the likes of their prog idols like King Crimson, Styx, Yes, and Pink Floyd. In Cauda Venenum is a theatrically big album that puts the band in the kind of creative context in which they’ve proven to succeed in and established themselves in their career in it as the death metal pillar of the prog palace, and the band came through with a rewarding progressive rock album without needing to bring their death metal elements out of retirement.

21. Deadspace - Dirge

Dirge was not the album I expected from Deadspace, but it shifted them from their more somber atmospheric style of black metal into something so much more suffocatingly dark and sinister that they went on to produce another full-length album and an EP in the style of before the year’s end, and I have been loving the Australian band’s more menacing side since the transformation. The band’s first album in this newly terrifying style for them is a masterpiece of vile, demonic black metal that still features what has made Deadspace a worthwhile figure to follow in the worldwide atmospheric black metal scene, and I imagine there is plenty more to come from the tenacious Australian group and have been so proudly supportive of, which I am eagerly looking forward to.

20. Uboa - The Origin of My Depression

This is the first not-completely-bonafide-metal-album entry on this list, but it is a worthwhile and impressive one that I think a lot of fans of the kinds of experimental and black metal that incorporate dark ambiance, industrial elements, and harsh noise could get into. But it is an album as intensely depressive as its title suggests, a meditation on the turmoils associated with its creator’s gender dysphoria and the efforts to cope with and mitigate it that comes through in all shades of pain, from melancholic-ambiance-backed stone-faced recitations of doubt about self-worth to seething, agonized screams of torment for release from the hell of the creator’s condition over abrasive industrial noise. It is not by any means easy listening, and its lyrics demand a lot of emotional energy. Be advised. But also it’s really painfully cathartic and expresses an important and often quieted perspective for those not affected by gender dysphoria to hear.

19. Blood Incantation - Hidden History of the Human Race

I do like this album a lot, I really do, but it has to be the most overrated album on this whole list. So many people wetted their britches over this damn album and jumped to call it a perfect masterpiece of death metal. It’s a very very good death metal album, but it’s not beyond improvement. And, again, it’s good and I don’t want to be tempering the jubilee over this thing in this list where I’m supposed to be highlighting my appreciation for it, but it makes me wonder if this is how people who aren’t that into Meshuggah see the band’s adoring fans (like me). But Hidden History of the Human Race, mind-blown ancient aliens sci-fi concept aside, is a great continuation of the semi-psychedelic modern twist on early death metal that started on Starspawn, and the band’s progressive compositional abilities certainly do deserve a lot of praise, and I do hope that they continue building on this.

18. Inter Arma - Sulphur English

Another band making continual improvements on their sonic foundation, Inter Arma have never let their labels of death or sludge or doom or post-metal box them in or make them feel forced to pick one and stick with it, and Sulphur English is a fantastic example of how wide the band’s capabilities span, with elements of all the aforementioned subgenres mashed together in so many different configurations together and on their own, and it makes for such an overpowering record whose wall of sound really takes a lot of spins to withstand the continuous impact of.

17. Fit for an Autopsy - The Sea of Tragic Beasts

Okay, I’m gonna have to really start being shorter now, because now we’re getting into the top of the list, the cream of the crop of the cream of the crop. And I’ll be here until 2021 if I don’t slow down. Anyway, Fit for an Autopsy reinforced their melodic supplementation to their brand of deathcore on The Sea of Tragic Beasts, and clearly put the work into making sure it meshed well with their style. And the work paid off. While a lot of deathcore these days is kind of departing from that original “core” core that the genre’s early contributors established for more straight-up death metal and other progressive or techy styles (basically just retaining the affinity for breakdowns), albums like this are a fine example of how beneficial this evolution is for the genre.

16. Rammstein - Rammstein

It’s hard to be brief with an album ten years in the making, featuring the best song of the year, but I’ll try. Rammstein’s long-awaited follow-up to Liebe ist für alle da does very much pick up where the band left off in 2009, feeling like a natural successor rather than some contrived nostalgia trip to Sehnsucht or Mutter to appease fans for their patience. And for as much as I unpacked every song in detail in my review, the album as a whole is hard to sum up beyond simply a solid offering of Rammstein tracks, several of which have grown on me since my write-up, like the ballads “Diamant” and “Was ich Liebe”, and especially the whimsical “Ausländer”. Lindemann’s lyricism remains a strong point for the band, and the tight compositions another positive on the album. I just hope it’s not so long until the next one.

15. Slipknot - We Are Not Your Kind

Like I had said in my review, every new Slipknot album is one of the biggest events of the year for metal, if not the biggest, and aside from Tool’s underwhelming return to the studio with Fear Inoculum, We Are Not Your Kind was definitely the year’s biggest release. As has become kind of the norm for them now, Slipknot’s sixth album was steeped in its own turmoil, this time being the confusingly ugly departure of Chris Fehn. Nevertheless, the rest of the band pulled through with a solid album that did quite well to highlight the band’s various strengths and a good balance of classic Slipknot aggression with forward-thinking experimentation with their sound. Yet another big name delivering the goods this year.

14. Korn - The Nothing

And speaking of success from storied bands, Slipknot’s supposed nu metal rivals also really came through this year with one of their best albums in a long long time, and this is coming from someone who has been a fan of Korn’s later era, their untitled album, See You on the Other Side, etc., but the band’s increasingly more committed return to their old-school sound this decade, after the flop of The Path of Totality, has culminated magnificently on The Nothing, which essentially sounds like a modern-produced Untouchables or Issues. The songwriting is consistently well-measured and Jonathan Davis’ chilling performances in the wake of the loss of his wife especially give the album such a real sense of turmoil that heightens the intensity of everything around them. As therapeutic as music is in times of great pain and loss, and as great as this album is, I hope Jonathan’s grief wasn’t exploited or exacerbated for this art, and I hope he is doing okay.

13. Baroness - Gold & Grey

This album got a lot of flack for its indeed frustrating production, with a lot of critics not being able to get past the blown-out, fuzzy, lo-fi crackle that blurred a lot of the songs’ finer details away. And I agree that the band certainly could have put their sonic strengths in a better light with clearer production and probably should going forward. Nevertheless, underneath the hazy veneer of grainy mixing, Gold & Grey boasts great songwriting in the styles of Purple and Yellow & Green, as well as treading newly segue-heavy ground for them. And after a few listens getting used to (or getting over) the album’s production, the sharp-as-ever songwriting and booming-as-ever vocal performances from John Dyer Baizley really come through and are worth appreciating.

12. Pensées Nocturnes - Grand Guignol Orchestra

Arguably the weirdest album to come out of 2019, yet so much more than a novelty project, Grand Guignol Orchestra takes the creepiness of the often-mishandled dark carnival aesthetic and applies it to the band’s twisted brand of avant-garde black metal to make something truly weird and unsettling, yet fixating. The psychotic clown-like screams and wails across the album reinforce this aesthetic to the point of perhaps creating a new subgenre of metal: carnival metal perhaps.

11. Waste of Space Orchestra - Syntheosis

The work of two whole bands (Oranssi Pazuzu and Dark Buddha Rising) joining forces in their entirety, Syntheosis is a surprisingly cohesive and immersive project, as synth-driven as its name suggests and cinematic in its massive sound. It’s a weirdly atmospheric form of experimental, psychedelic black metal that is both serene and crushing; the artists involved clearly had this ambitious project in mind and they worked meticulously to make sure their vision was realized.

10. Spirit Adrift - Divided by Darkness

Again, really trying to keep it short here, but what an album from Spirit Adrift. Divided by Darkness is the album that sounds most like and reminds me most of the most recent perfect album I heard (2018′s Desolation by Khemmis), and the emotional potency bubbling up to the brim of this album’s doomy melodies and soaring vocals is similarly enriching, while not as ridiculously perfect as Khemmis’ latest release, Divided by Darkness takes Spirit Adrift to new heights and makes them one of modern doom-influenced melodic metal’s most promising figures.

9. Nile - Vile Nilotic Rites

The departure of longtime guitarist/vocalist Dallas Toler-Wade was arguably a blessing in disguise for Nile, with their ninth album, Vile Nilotic Rites, being a roaring comeback from the relative lull of their previous two albums, much of which is due to the reinvigorating performances of new guitarist/vocalist Brian Kingsland, whose more traditionally roaring growls breathe new life into and provide a fitting new angle to the band’s Egyptian-themed brand of extremely fast, technical old-school death metal. It’s great to have them back in such emboldened form.

8. Lingua Ignota - Caligula

This is the album that just got me. Very much in a similar, yet more neoclassically-inspired vein of industrial darkwave as Uboa’s album, Kristen Hayter herself has said that Caligula is also not a metal album, and she’s right, but holy shit does it hit harder than a lot of metal tries so hard to hit. I had been trying for months to write a review for this album, but it never came, partly because the subject matter from which the album is pulled is tender and not easy at all. But it’s incredibly important to talk about, and I want to give Caligula some of the written attention it deserves from me. Sure if I just put the album on for unassuming listeners, they probably wouldn’t immediately pick up on the manically shrieked and operatically wailed languishing and biblically proportioned defiance being curses of the project’s creator toward her sexual abuser, but the resilience she puts forth into these proclamations of insubmissive survival is certainly tangible even without knowledge of the heartbreaking history that birthed it. And while it makes tremendous compositional strides from All Bitches Die and Let the Evil of His Lips Cover Him, Caligula, like the two albums before it, is such an enigmatic album that feels wrong to consume in the conventional sense or without anything other than pure undivided attention and empathy for what Hayter is so courageously pouring out of her mind and body for the music. It feels wrong to just put music on as a background for room-cleaning or even working out that comprises real, unbridled emotion about its creator’s rape. Yet I know that everything about Caligula and Lingua Ignota has been about surviving that and overcoming that suffering, so it certainly deserves to be listened to and respected; I would posit, though, that if you’re going to enjoy the sounds borne from Kristen Hayter’s subjection to sexual abuse, its candid portrayal of its aftermath should at least serve as further deterrent from committing such abuse to another person, if not convicting you to stop doing so if you are or actively seeking to prevent it where you know you can.

7. Periphery - Periphery IV: HAIL STAN

Periphery have been a band who I have gradually come to realize I quite respect and rate very highly. Their Juggernaut double-album in 2015 was the major catalyst in this and has become one of my favorite albums in djent (if not my favorite if you don’t count Meshuggah’s music as djent). And while I wasnt as into their 2016 album, Periphery III: Select Difficulty, I have definitely seen this band’s continuous improvement and strong upward trend that their fourth self-titled record has continued. The band went for more than just thick, tasty djent on this album, though the thick tasty djent that is here (like “Chvrch Bvrner” and the aforementioned “Blood Eagle”) is some of their thickest and tastiest. But the band expanded their sound to more ethereal corners that produced impressively cathartic results (such as the aforementioned “Satellites”, and the swaggering “Crush”, and the bright “Garden in the Bones���). Major respect to this band that keeps getting better and making it harder on their stubborn detractors.

6. As I Lay Dying - Shaped by Fire

To say this album was controversial would be an understatement, and to point out that it was important that As I Lay Dying  come through in several big ways would be as well. Yet for every bit of vocal disapproval and expression of how irredeemable Tim Lambesis was there seemed equal rejoicing about the metalcore legends’ return. It was important, though, that the band come through with and album the showed their understanding of the heaviness of the context and didn’t come across as trying to bypass it or sweep things under the rug, and they did a tremendous job of rising to the occasion. The band continued where they left off before their disbandment as the strongest force in metalcore, sounding even more impassioned and vital upon their return, clearly enriched by the real-life consequentiality of their music. And while it certainly looks even more impressive given the withering state of NWOAHM metalcore in 2019, let that not detract from the incredible power of the genre’s juggernauts’ return to and improvement upon their best form of themselves before their disbandment.

5. Motionless in White - Disguise

When this album came out I honestly didn’t have a lot of hope invested in it. I had hoped that the band would expand on the best tracks from their previous album, Graveyard Shift, the alternative metal bangers, and focus on what worked well for those songs, and to my surprise that’s actually what the band did on Disguise. I had initially said that the high points on Disguise were not as high as the peaks on Graveyard Shift but after listening to Disguise so much this year, it’s shown itself to me to be such a ln impressive improvement on the direction that Motionless in White we’re heading in, and to put it any lower on this list for the sheer fact that it’s not a particularly critic-friendly album would be dishonest. But after getting more into their catalogue I think that this band are one of the best in their field, and sure, they’re very much an amalgamation of their influences, but goddamn do they channel those influences so effectively into so many flavors of delicious, nu metal, gothy, metalcore bangers. And it’s totally accessible too, I wish more of the bands who are trying to achieve more mainstream success would take the approach Motionless in White are taking, because this shit is actually really fucking enjoyable and full of soul.

4. Numenorean - Adore

Making strides from their debut full-length, Numenorean’s sophomore album is a great example of atmospheric blackgaze at its best without resorting to cheap Deafheaven imitation. Numenorean have found their own way to harness the power of blackgaze into emotionally vibrant compositions that come through triumphantly. I just hope the band can keep this up and expand on what they did here.

3. Car Bomb - Mordial

I had this as the number one album for a hot minute, and even teased about it maybe being a perfect release in my eyes as well, and even though it’s neither of those things, Car Bomb’s deeper foray into melodic and slightly atmospheric territory with their Meshuggah-esque brand of technical mathcore produced some seriously impressive results that I can’t wait to hear more of in the coming years.

2. Sermon - Birth of the Marvelous

I already said so much about this debut album, and it was so close to clinching that top spot, but Sermon deserve to be basking in so much more acclaim than I have seen for them, as this album is a nearly perfect prog metal example of how to do a lot with relatively little. I had expressed my disappointment in Soen’s and Tool’s albums this year, but I think this album really fits nicely into that cleaner section of progressive metal and knocks it out of the park. I know I’m repeating myself a lot from my review, but every little detail and accent is expertly calculated to make as positive of an impact as possible on the album, every note is arranged with both microscopic precision and with the grander scheme in mind, and I cannot get over how mind-blowingly well done this album is with so few bells and whistles or shortcuts. This is THE new band to keep an eye on.

1. Cattle Decapitation - Death Atlas

I don’t know if I like giving the top spot to such a grim, hopeless album, but fuck have Cattle Decapitation earned it, and I can’t blame them for their pessimism either. After aptly applying the disgustingness of goregrind to commentary on human mistreatment of animals and the ugly underbelly of the food industry, Cattle Decapitation turned their sound and their scope to even grander proportions, expanding the boundaries of deathgrind and the possibilities of dirty vocal technique to criticize humankind’s fucking up of the entire planet and foretelling the catastrophe that science has long foreseen. Despite their already bleak outlook on Monolith of Inhumanity and The Anthropocene Extinction, Cattle Decapitation somehow sound even more hopeless in Death Atlas, and Travis Ryan’s greater expansion of his melodic vocal application helps facilitate this, and the band takes their ever-furious rapid grinding battery through so many channels to enhance its epic scope. I should probably try my best not the just regurgitate my very long review of this album, but the band are essentially reading humanity its eulogy in advance and beckoning the end of our species in no romantic fashion, beckoning the universe to ruthlessly purge the species they refer to as a shit stain and move on like we never even happened. This is obviously an exaggeration of their frustration at the inaction and denial of many of the consequences our actions are inviting into our future, but it’s so fitting for the grave circumstances at hand. If there’s any band whose lyrics and sound represent humankind’s self-inflicted ecological apocalypse, it’s Cattle Decapitation, and of there’s any album that paints an adequately dismal picture in fittingly horrifying bluntness of where the world is headed that needs to be understood, it’s Death Atlas. The best and most important album of the year.

And that’s it. 2019, great as always for a genre that refuses to go quietly into the night. A lot of people have been doing decade-summarizing lists, but seeing how long this was, I don’t think I’ll be doing that. Maybe I’ll just post a quick tribute to a few of my favorite albums of the decade that I didn’t get to write about before. But for now, 2019 is over, here’s to 2020, it’s going to be a big year, and I have a few things about that I need to say about that, so that’ll be coming soon too.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Tonight on Legend of the Hare: Oh right, I still update this comic! In reruns because I wrote this comic many years ago and am looking back at it in dismay! 

There’s not a whole lot to say about this page, if we’re being honest, but I really liked whole of the hecklers asking why their costumes don’t have a consistent visual motif. Heckling children making art critique is funny, IMO. Also good: Jill flipping off children. She should have done that more, honestly. In the aborted LotH remake, this scene (which would have taken place before the rabbits appeared), would have been a birthday party, and Riley would sing inappropriate-for-children songs. Jill would push back on this slightly, but Riley would convince her to rock the fuck out of some ten year olds and the band wouldn’t get paid because the parents were furious. Obviously, none of that happened, but it would’ve been smoother scene better at establishing the “Jill is smitten with Riley even though he’s kind of a bad person” relationship.“

This is how the song starts” is veering a liiiiiiittle too close to “This is the beginning of the song” being the first line of a song from Scott Pilgrim vs the World. The song lyrics also don’t really relate to what’s going on in the rabbit world in any coherent metaphorical way. The song is bad, in every way. The lore post for this page, though, is one of the better ones, being a review of the band’s first (presumably self-published on Bandcamp) album, with the joke being the continued lack of thematic consistency:

“The Pit of Sad Despair Satanic 3 and Knuckles

Singer/Guitarist: Riley Harrison Bassist: Jill Leverett Drummer: Starflower Embershire

Tracklist

01. We are a band and our name is Satanic 3 02. And Knuckles 03. The Pit of Sad Despair 04. Death Rides a Tiger Skull 05. Moonvalley Octopus Tangerine 06. Everyone you love will eventually die 🙁 07. Cuntfister Batallion 666 08. I love you and you and you and all of you 09. An eight year old girl’s mom has cancer 10. My vagina grew a dick and my dick grew a gun and now it’s overthrowing the capitalist patriarchy VII. 11. Sunflowers [Bonus Track] – The flaming skull loves us all tragically.

The Pit of Sad Despair, the sophomore album from Somerville-based based rock/metal/folk fusion band “Satanic 3 and Knuckles” sucks. There’s no nice way to put it. Less of an album and more of a collection of mishmashed singles, The Pit of Sad Despair amazes in that every every single track is worse than the last one, regardless of what order you listen to them in. The album was apparently recorded on a webcam microphone, and entire instruments will fade in and out of songs at random intervals. Did anyone in the band even listen to this tripe before trying to sell it? If not, they’re smarter than us.

The Pit of Sad Despair isn’t even worth the time to read about, and the remainder of this review will simply be a translated except of The Iliad, in the hope that some value may be given to someone for this turd’s existance.

Zero trilbies out of a possible six point three trilbies.”

Oh hey, I did mention Jill was the bassist! Go past me, establishing plot points that never come up again. Less good is that one of the people picking track names is a goth (presumably Jill) and the other is an edgelord, but Riley never does anything edgelordy in the comic so it just seems kind of randomly profane for profanity’s sake.

Or maybe Riley’s the one with all the hippy dippy track names and Starflower the drummer is the real 14-year-old edgelord. 

Like this comic? Discuss it on discord!

[zayndrivesmeinvain]

The One Where He Comes to your College Graduation

-

The moment you’ve been waiting for, all the long sleepless nights and falling asleep in the library has paid off. You graduation day is finally here and you couldn’t be more proud of yourself, you’ve come a long way and getting two different degrees will really pay off. Since you’ve completed your internship last summer, they were highly impressed by your work ethic and drive to learn that they offered you a full time position for the fall.

You’re beyond excited but your nerves have gotten the best of you, both of your parents will be attending but they recently haven’t been on the best of terms, your younger siblings will also be attending and you somewhat feel responsible to create a sense of role model for them since you’ve done so well since both of your parents didn’t go to college and you are the first in the family. Your family never severely struggled, however there were bumps in the road and your parents had to work 2-3 jobs at times when you were younger to pay the bills and get food on your table.

You’ve been very fortunate to have the parents that you have because they have done so much for you, however you saw how they struggled with you and your siblings and you vowed that your children would never have to ever wonder if they’ll have a meal the next day, or ever let your children see you in such distress that you witnessed your parents.

-

You’ve just arrived at your graduation ceremony and you’re waiting impatiently in the back with the rest of the graduates. You palms begin to sweat and you just want to have your diploma in your hands by now. Big crowds make you nervous and waiting your turn does too. You’ve spotted a few of your friends as more people start to walk through and make their way in. They look just as impatient as you do, however happiness over runs those emotions. As you look away for a moment, a wave of white overcomes the room and the one big room feels so small.

They required us to wear some sort of white or light colored outfit and you’re thankful they did because the pressure of finding a dress these past few weeks had to be the last thing on your mind with finals and thesis’ due. Thankfully, you found a beautiful thigh length flowy dress online and paired it with some nude wedges. Since it’s your big day you decided to bump it up by curling your hair and doing some extra make-up to symbolize your special day.

“Y/N, Y/N.. are you even listening?” you come out from your own thoughts and look back at your friends.

“ I’m sorry, I uh- I uh- was just thinking.. What were you saying?” a nervous laugh escapes my lips and I pull my attention to my friends.

“ I was asking if Harry was coming? Isn’t he in London recording again?” If you’re being completely honest the thought of Harry coming to your graduation never really crossed your mind. You obviously mentioned it, however you knew he was busy and last time you talked to him last night, he was in fact in the studio. He was there with a few of his friends having a few drinks and sharing some laughs. The pressure of having an album ready hasn’t taken its toll on Harry yet since it’s still early but when the time does come, he was be completely focused.

“ Oh, I don’t know. It’s been really hard for him to come back and forth all the time, and he had some meetings to get through this week so I doubt it.” Sadness has overcome your conscious but you can’t show your friends how you’re actually feeling because this is supposed to be one of the most exciting days of your lives. Harry has always tried his best to come to the important events in your life but it’s always caused an issue because he gets recognized and an important and beautiful day that is supposed to be yours, is spent having him sign his autographs and taking pictures with fans. It’s never his fault but the two of you had agreed maybe your graduation wasn’t the best place for him to come, which is why you never minded: until now.

-

You’ve been sitting in the metal folding chair for the past hour and graduation has moved smoothly. Attending a State University has really taken the pressure off of yourself because in realization there are thousands of students graduating today. Many of these students you haven’t seen since Freshman English, Math or Science. Some of these people have really changed since freshman year and some of those you never thought would graduate but they did it.

You notice your phone vibrating and you pull it out from your dress pocket and it’s a sweet message from Harry.

“ Hey Bubs, good luck today! I’m so proud of you and all that you’ve accomplished. I can’t wait to celebrate when I see you. xxH”

Even though you’re understanding, Harry is truly one of the very few people if not the only person you cared for if they came. Even though your parents helped pay for the first few semesters Harry has been the only one to take an interest in what you’ve been going for. He’s taken the time to really get into it with you and has listened to all your hopes and dreams, the last year he’s helped you pay for school even though you made a deal with him to pay him back. However, him paying for your schooling has helped you save up some money and you’ve caught up with rent and has let you buy some new appliances for your apartment.

You’ve always prided yourself on being independent, especially when it came to college. No one helped you when it came to filling out the applications or taking the SAT’s or helped you study for your AP classes in high school. Because your parents were so busy you often took the bus to interviews and college fairs throughout the city. When Harry come into your life, he insisted on helping you financially as much you let him but he never overstepped his boundaries. You never wanted him to feel as though you were taking advantage of him or his money because he earned that himself and he wasn’t your personally piggy bank even though he offered to be.

-

Names were being called and after 20 minutes your rows turn was up and you were about to walk across the stage. The moment you’ve been anxious about, studied hard for, pulled all nighters and even cried many times for, is here.

You walk over and get in line and only a few people are in front of you, all your beloved teachers are standing up there and some that you have never met before.

“ Y/N,” you walk across the stage, shake a few hands, exchange a few hugs and stop to take a final picture. The moment flashed before your eyes before you knew it, and it’s all over now. Your college career has finally come to an end and you couldn’t be more overjoyed yet sad at the same time. You spent countless hours in this building for pep-rallies and parties and you won’t be coming back. The last 4 years of your life have flashed before your eyes, and what you would do to go back.

-

My family rushes over to me as I meet them outside where the rest of the students have met their families. My parents are getting along for the sake of the day, my siblings holding onto balloons and flowers for me. My younger siblings run into my arms and I take them into a tight embrace as they congratulate me.

“ It seems like yesterday you were running around in your diaper in our first apartment together. I always knew you would do amazing things Y/N, I just didn’t know they would come so soon.” My mom pulls me into a tight embrace as I can feel her tears falling onto my shoulder. My mom has always been a very strong person, especially growing up as a teen mom, and she rarely has ever cried in front of me.

-

Out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of someone familiar. When realization kicks in, I instantly start running towards them and fall into their embrace.

“ You think I’d miss the most important day of your educational career, Bubs?” Harry really came all the way to the States to come visit me.

“ You seriously don’t know how much this means to me, Harry. Thank you.” A sweet quick peck was shared between us before the rest of my family joins us.

-

You ended up going back to your parents house after your graduation ceremony, where your parents made dinner and had a cake for you. You honestly preferred this over some lavish dinner, even though your family can be annoying and at times dramatic, you have stayed close knit together, and they take Harry’s job into consideration which leads to a lot of family gatherings.

One of your favorite parts of Harry is that he’s adjusted to your life so well, he knows that you don’t ask for much or even expect anything from him, he understands where you come from and how your family is. Your parents adore him and so do your siblings, it’s the perfect family picture with a lot of dark pasts.

-

The night is slowly coming to an end, dishes are being put away in the washer, napkins and tablecloths are being put away, drinks are shoved back into the freezer and cake is being wrapped up so you can take it back to your apartment.

You thank your parents once again, Harry and you make your way out the front door after many hugs and kisses and endless goodbyes and congradulations.

“ Are yeh ready to have a party of our own at home, Bub?” even in the dark you could see Harry’s eyebrows wiggling up and down, a swift smack to your ass followed by a gentle nudge to your arm.

[the-wheel-of-time-begins-to-turn]

[aurora-daily]

AURORA’s Q&A during Spotify Listening Party

Q: Hello Aurora. Is „In Bottles“ related to „In Boxes“ because in „In Bottles“ you are singing underneath her bed and when she is lying in bed maybe she is laying on her spine. Is that the story behind that phrase ? ❤ You are the Best and i Love you ❤

A: they are both about the same lady... that is really well spotted. It has a really strange meaning to it. she wants to be close to people in a very strange way... !

Q: Aurora what is your favourite song on the album?

A: it changes from day to day.. right now its Soulless Creatures. because of its meaning.

Q: Where do you record the álbum?

A: i did it in bergen last november with Magnus <3

Q: Can we expect Step 3, or it's the end of "A Different Kind" era?

A: this is definitely not the last step... but i cannot tell you yet when it will be released.. !

Q: when is the time of day/night you write music the most?

A: i definitely have the most ideas at night, or when im about to fall asleep, sometimes it can keep me awake for hours later than i should stay awake.. but its worth it.

Q: Will you travel to Vietnam???

A: YES

Q: Are you singing in Frozen 2?

A: i might be heard in the wind…

Q: your birth name represents just your music, the universe, peace ... have you thought how would you call yourself artistically if you had another birth name? Which one identifies you?

A: ive always felt that my name fits me so well, and i remember when i learnt what it meant when i was young that i took it like a little mission in life. to create a little light in the world, in one way we all should

Q: Aurora, I meet you the last month and I gave you a skirt, I just wanna say sorry cause it was too big, And I send you a message in your private (sorry)Facebook horse account, I need and advice

A: i love it!! im going to make it a bit smaller, haha !thank you so much!

Q: Do you make your own clothes?

A: yes i make them with my sister Viktoria who knows how to sew!!! i like to know where the clothes comes from, and with her i know the source of the clothes, which feels very good! i like to wear whatever feels good, so its good to have someone who can turn my dreams into real clothes!

Q: Tell us about your language in ADKOH single... what does it mean?

A: its my own language, and one day i will tell you. its based around its core which is human emotions. i want to make it easier for us to discuss our emotions with the world!

Q: Thank you for supporting us - LGBT. I must admit that it is very useful in Poland. We fight a homophobic government and you give us power

A: that moves my heart so much to hear. im sending you so much love. and that is just the beauty of love - it is so much bigger than us. anyone who dares raise a fist against it will always loose the fight. love will win <3 always.

Q: I have found that this album is best fully realized while being outside. I've been running and interpreptly dancing around my neighborhood everyday and it's transportive

A: i love this so much `3

Q: What was your favourite song to produce?📝🤔

A: i loved producing Soulless Creatures and Appletree. ADKOH was also a journey of its own kind. very lovey. Ive used samples from my life, and mixed them with the beauty of electronic music. A bit of both worlds, living in harmony.

Q: How long did it take to right this album? Where did you write?

A: ITs taken me two years to work on all the songs from both Step I and II. and producing Step II took a whole month, with no sleep and long days me and Magnus Skylstad made the whole thing with some help from a norwegian artist called Askjell (on Daydreamer and ADKOH) we cried so much. and laughed. so many emotions. very very beautiful.

Q: Why is 8 your favourite number?

A: i cannot really explain it. i just feel its right. i have a very strange relationship with numbers, i need them to be right. and 8 and 11 have always made me feel so good. their both the same when upside down and mirrored which i love. very reliable.

Q: Can we expect some songs in Norwegian?

A: yes...!

Q: We know in AMDGMAAF you had a sample of you hugging a tree, have you sampled anything unusual/interesting and put it in this album?👀

A: ive sampled all kinds of stuff, my breath, rain, steps, books, washing machines, crushing things, animals, chewing... etc. its so fun. i love working that way. On soulless creatures i have the sound of me tapping my own chest to my heart. <3

Q: "fear not, fear not when you go" that part gets me every time (and i have listened to this song like 100 times)

A: <3 <3 <3 !!!

Q: how do you keep up with all the questions? hahah

A: i dont!! hahaha

Q: do you write lyrics for other artists?

A: yes sometimes i do!!

Q: The symbols in adkoh are a new language right? But are they letters, more like a code, or it's literally a new language where symbols can be a entire word?

A: their all a part of my own language, one day i will show you all of it.

Q: I think your albums are literature, it is really interesting how there is a connection between all of them. From awakening to mothership, is there any plans of releasing a book some day?

A: i will x !!

Q: are there any more music videos coming?

A: Y to the E to the S

Q: I know some people in Tromso but theyre a bit strange. Is everyone from Tromso strange?

A: yes.

Q: Everyone is talking so quickly, I guess I'll shout into the void :p If you get a chance to read this Aurora, I know that you know how many lives you've touched so I'm not special for saying that you as a person, as well as your music, have saved my life. You're so good at making us all feel like your best friends, but I know what it's like to not be a very social person and it's scary. You're so brave and wonderfully peculiar in your heart. please stay true to yourself.

A: thank you so so much for these beautiful words x i promise i will. forever and ever.

Q: the choir goes SO GOOD with in bottles YOUR MIND

A: !!!!!!!!!

Q: Your numbers are 8 & 11? Very cute, in spirit these are good numbers, one means positivity and the other is financial abundance

A: i dont believe any human being could know the true spiritual meaning of them, they belong with the gods, or the trees. everything that we dont know x

Q: .I want to know about that percussion sound that's in a different kind of human...it sounds so different but really "authentic", I know that sounds weird

A: i am really into strange percussion. and im a percussionist myself so i tend to focus a lot on the rhythms. i had the beat for this song in my mind days before even writing it. and i wanted it to sound like something that doesnt exist from before. like ship. the mothership.

Q: What's your patronus?

A: a big wolf. <3

Q: I feel like an ant!

A: me too.

Q: Which song are you most excited to play live that you haven’t already?💃🏼🎶

A: appletree and daydreamer. so full of energy.

Q: Hei Aurora ^_^ En hilsen fra *nesten* nabokommunen din, Kvam! Jeg så deg for første gang på Bygdalarm i 2016. Jeg lytter til musikken din hver dag, den åpner dører, gir meg friske pust. Jeg ville egentlig bare si at jeg er så stolt over deg, selv om jeg aldri ordentlig har "møtt" og snakket med deg. Jeg føler du lager sanger som representerer en helt spesiell del av det å være menneske. Å ha et åpent sinn, se ting som andre ikke ser. Vokste selv opp midt i en skog, tekstene går rett til hjertet!

A: tusen tusen takk. dette var helt nydelig.

Q: Where did you get the inspiration to make "Apple Tree", not only the lyrics, but the sound of it since it's different from anything you've ever made.

A: i dont really like to put any walls around myself, so that day i felt like i wanted to do whatever made me feel nice. and i felt very playful! i have always liked to make different kind of music, like The seed and animal, it happened quiet and under the water etc. its nice to try lots of different expressions. thats what its all about.

Q: I just want to thank you. I've recently been diagnosed with ME, also known as chronic fatuige syndrome. Your songs fill me with strength and energy when I listen to them<3

A: that is so good to hear. I am so sorry youve gotten this extra thing to deal with in your life. im sending you lots of strength. and love.

Q: Do you believe in aliens? I do!!

A: of course!!!!

Q: Have you ever listened to a Black Metal band?

A: yes i love it so much. i love Gojira, Mastodon, Tool, System of A down and Perfect circle too. very nice.

Q: what do you think is the most important message behind your album? <3

A: I think all of them are. The fight for love, the fight for nature. the whole thing about our consuming, and the way we dont appreciate what we have. about having respect for eachother and mother earth. its about so many things that i care about. maybe the environmental focus is one of the most important message right now, and that we all can save the world together. In appletree its all about that. We. can. save. the. world.

Q: Is your language an alien language and are you actually an alien?

A: i am an alien yes, but i belong here on earth too. my language is al alien language that i have made x

Q: Just want to let you know that your music is well-loved in Asia even many of us don't speak English,your music is no boundaries,can we except your Asia tour soon ?

A: my dream is to go to asia. so yes. YES

Q: i don’t use spotify and i couldn’t get this stream to work so i deadass created an account and bought premium for this smh i love u aurorie

A: Oh My GOD!! really!_! that is amazing. thank you for doing all that to be here with us !

Q: Mothership is so important and special to me because last year my best friend committed suicide and it makes me feel like she's gone to a safer place ✨🌿💗

A: i am so sorry to hear. The Mothership will take those people, who felt like the world was a too dark place to be. Its a horrible thing when people think that is the only way out. Sending love to you and the family who lost a loved one. She is in a safe place now.

Q: Have you ever attended piano lessons, can you read notes, or rather you are self-taught

A: i dont know anything about music theory, im self taught!

Q: Aurora, I'm a painter. And I can not get my paintbrushes and paint something without listening to their songs. You inspire me a lot. That's the reason I can do everything I do. Thank you for that.

A: aaaaahhhhh. thank you so much for letting me inspire you. thank you. keep painting!

Q: aurora do you sometimes feel like talking to trees and plants? cause i do sometimes and they are beautiful creatures! they have a very caring and loving energy!!

A: i do too!!!

HEllo hELlo you lovely people. I am really trying my best to answer all of you. but its as difficult as building a castle of melted chocolate. Soon the chat will close, but before i go. i want to say thank you to all of you. you are such great people, and i am so happy to share this album with you. thank you for diving into it <3

thank you all for coming!!! will stay for 11 minutes more until the chat closes!!! JUST HAD TO SAY THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

Q: What is the emotionally hardest song for you to sing from your new album?

A: i think Dance on the moon. x

Q: I seen in a fanwiki page that you like minecraft, DO YOU PLAY MINECRAFT???

A: i love it so much. i always play on creative mode though!!

Q: Do you intend to write a book someday? We would love to read it!🥚

A: i will, and i think its so nice that you are all interested in me doing so!

Q: The beat from apple tree has any inspiration from olodum ? (A Brazilian type of beat )

A: YES! and hip hop too. i felt it deserved a very alive and bad-*** groove.

Q: Have you dealt with anxiety and/or depression?

A: Yes i have. its a long time ago since i was depressed, its so strange how ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************!!

Q: Are there any songs that almost didn’t make it to the album?👀🎶

A: actually daydreamer and dance on the moon just barely made it!!!

Q: what helped you get through the lows of your life?

A: making music. and giving myself time to heal. ive never felt guilty for being a bit out of ... tune with myself. being an emotional human being is hard, but at least you can always make yourself feel better by finding an outlet. or talking. or crying. just let yourself feel, dont escape from it. then suddently youll feel better one day.

Q: AURORA THE FATE OF THIS WORLD DEPENDS ON YOUR ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION!!!!!!! what is your favourite primate? is it the humble chimpanzee which would align with my favourite? or perhaps the solid orangutang. i am curious to see

A: haha this is so funny. i love the orangutang.

Q: You’ve talked sometimes about there are some things on the industry and big companies that you don’t like. How do you deal with it? How is your relationship with big production companies?

A: just remember to always follow my instinct. <3

and thank you for all the birthday wishes!!!!

Q: AURORA'S FANS ARE THE SWEETEST!! I LOVE YALL AND AURORA SO MUCH!! YOU MAKE THIS PLACE SUCH A SAFE PLACE TO SHARE, AND TO THE FANS TRYING TO PUT DANCE ON MOON ON NASA'S PLAYLIST, YALL ARE THE B ES T!!!!!!

A: I KNOW!!

Q: Aurora, Is Star wars still on you phone ring?

A: hahah yes!!

Q: Do you read the messages we write on instagram

A: yes <3

Q: Aurora your a inspiration and a safe place for a lot of LGBT+ that listen to your song, especially me, thanks for all the love you spread across the world

A: thank you so much! <3 sending you love. love love love love love

[credits for this recap!]

[grimelords]

My March playlist is finished! This one is slightly more diverse than usual, swinging all the way from vibraphone jazz to Bhad Bhabie to black metal so I’ve taken the liberty of actually sequencing it properly for you. So if you’ve got 3 hours you can listen to this straight through and be taken for a hell of a ride. No matter what you like I’m sure you’ll find something in here that you love.

Tahiti - Milt Jackson: For an unknown reason I had a big jazz vibraphone phase this month and when you're talking jazz vibraphone you're talking the Wizard Of The Vibes himself, Milt Jackson. I feel insane even having an opinion on this but it's a shame that some of the best vibraphone performances were made at a time when the actual recording technology wasn't really there, they all have this very thin quality that I think misses a lot of the great character of the instrument.

Detour - Bill Le Sage: Like compare this from 1971 to Wizard Of The Vibes from 1952, the sounds is miles warmer and gives so much more of the full range and detail of the instrument. I also listened to this song five times in a row when I first heard it, the central refrain is just so fuckin good. Like I said, big vibes vibe and who knows why.

Blowin' The Blues Away - Buddy Rich And His Sextet: Superhuman playing aside, it's unbelievable how good these drums sound. The whole first minute just feels like a tour of each specific drum and I absolutely revel in it. I feel like flute and vibes is a relatively rare combo so it's extremely nice to hear Sam Most and Mike Manieri go ham in tandem.

Yama Yama - Yamasuki Singers: A friend sent me this song that he's had stuck in his head for ten years ever since it was in a beer ad from the days when beer ads were incredible strange for complicated legal reasons about not showing people enjoying the product or something https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORfkh0OojxY and this incredible song is apparently from a 1971 French concept album where a couple of guys wrote a bunch of psychedelic songs in Japanese for an unknown reason that later became a massive drum and bass breaks album, and one of the guys was Thomas Bangalter from Daft Punk's dad! Music is crazy.

Alfonso Muskedunder - Todd Terje: I'm starting a petition to get Todd Terje to write the soundtrack for the next Mario Kart. I absolutely love this song and this whole album because it's so joyful and strange and it just sounds like nothing else I've ever heard. He seem to truly operate in a world entirely of his own.

Pala - Roland Tings: I love this song. It's like he wrote it with normal sounds and then went back and replaced every instrument with the party version. This song hands you a coconut and says welcome to the island where bad vibes are punishable by firing squad.

Keygen 13 - Haze Edit - Dubmood: There's a fucking album of keygen music on spotify and it's absolutely great and so good that someone's doing the work to recognize the value of the music this extremely weird scene produced and preserve it. If you don't know, back in the day when you pirated photoshop or whatever, you would download a license key generator which was a program made by extreme nerds who had cracked the license key algorithm to give you a fake one, and for unknown reasons they would make the keygen program play original chiptune music that someone in their nerd crew would compose. Who knows why but god bless them.

My Moon My Man (Boys Noize Remix) - Feist: The very concept of a Boys Noize remix of My Moon My Man is hilarious and it turns out it sounds absolutely amazing as well. Two great tastes that taste great together.

Low Blows - Meg Mac: I had a big Meg Mac phase this month too, listened to her album a lot and it's extremely solid. Great timing too cause her new one comes out in a month or so too. I really am excited to hear her next album because she's so good but I've always got this feeling that she hasn't reached her full potential yet, she's only going to get a million times better in an album or two.

Patience - Tame Impala: I love that the cover of this single is a pic of congas because it feels like that's the central thesis here. Kevin Parker bought some congas and is making disco Tame Impala now and I really couldn't be happier about it.

Unconditional (feat. Kitten) - Touch Sensitive: I love a 90s throwback done with love. There's nothing cynical or ironic about this it's just fun as hell!

Last Hurrah - Bebe Rexha: Get a fucking load of this Bebe Rexha song that interpolates Buy U A Drank by T-Pain for the chorus! It's a testament to how good that song is that she's using the verse melody as the chorus. T-Pain will quite literally never get the respect he deserves. Also this song goes for 2.5 minutes. There's something happening where pop songwriting is getting more and more compact, completely trimming the fat and ornamentation and it's very interesting.

Hi Bich - Bad Bhabie: Also I'm fully six months late on Hi Bich but I'm of the opinion that it's extremely fucking good. A perfect little reaction gif of a song and it only goes for 1m45!

Friends - Flume: I'm doubling down on my thesis about emo rap from last month but this song literally sounds like a Flume remix of a Hawthorne Heights song. The whole melody of it, the overlapping yelled/clean vocals. The lyrics obviously. I don't know it's just very odd how close it is. A sort of emo trojan horse to trick people into thinking The Used are cool again. 

How To Build A Relationship (feat. JPEGMAFIA) - Flume: I've been meaning to check out JPEGMAFIA (AKA Buttermilk Jesus AKA DJ Half-Court Violation AKA Lil' World Cup) for a while but this is the song that convinced me. There's just so much to digest in this. Every line is gold and delivered with massive conviction even when he realises it's total nonsense like 'dont call me unless I gave you my number'.

Bells & Circles (feat. Iggy Pop) - Underworld: Underworld alive 2019?? I love this song becuase Iggy Pop has been riding a fine line between punk provocateur and old man yells at cloud for a while now and this song is the perfect mix of both. You can't hijack airplanes and redirect them to cuba anymore and as a result it's over for liberal democracies. Just yelling about air travel for six minutes and it's good.

Guns Blazing (Drums Of Death Pt. 1) - UNKLE: This beat is some of my favourite DJ Shadow work I think. The menacing organ bass throughout, and especially the distorted drum freakout near the end. It's just great all the way through.

Homo Deus IV - Deantoni Parks: Another Deantoni Parks track like I was raving about last month. This whole album is great and flows together as a single piece of work amazingly. I love the purposefully limited sample palette of each track forcing an evolving groove throughout. He absolutely wrings every bit of variation he can get out of every single sound he uses and once you get into the groove of it it's absolutely mind blowing.

Boredom - The Drones: I love that The Drones can write a song about joining ISIS that's also a lot of fun. Spelling out radicalization in a way anyone can understand and sympathise with and then switching it in the second verse to spell out how we got into this situation anyway. 

Loinclothing - Hunters And Collectors: I love how much this song sounds like a voodoo celebration in christian hell.

The Fun Machine Took A Shit And Died - Queens Of The Stone Age: There's a good bit on the live dvd they put out after Lullabies To Paralyze where they play this song and they say it was supposed to be on the album but somebody stole the master recordings from the studio, which is an incredible and brazen crime. Then when they put it out on Era Vulgaris as a bonus track Josh Homme said in an interview "The tapes got lost. Actually, they were just at another studio, but we falsely accused everyone in the world of theft" which is extremely funny. This is really one of their best songs and I sort of really with it had been on Lullabies because it fits perfectly between The Blood Is Love and Someone's In The Wolf type of vibes, I love how it just kind of keeps shifting ideas and riffs throughout. An absolute jam overflowing with ideas.

10AM Automatic - The Black Keys: This song is an all time great in my opinion. It's so straightforward and so effective. I wonder if we'll get a blues rock revival ever or if Jack White still being alive and bad is souring everyone on that idea. This song also has one of my favourite guitar sounds in history I think - the outrageously huge sounding solo that comes out of nowhere and swallows up the rest of the mix like a swirling black hole near the end.

Gamma Knife - King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard: I've never gotten much into King Gizzard and because of their one million albums already it's hard to know where to start but I've been listening to Nonagon Infinity a bit and it's great, it's just good old fashioned 70s prog jams front to back.

Gina Works At Hearts - DZ Deathrays: I absolutely love this song and I absolutely love the second guitar sound in the chorus of this song that sounds like it's made out of thin steel.

Black Brick - Deafheaven: When I saw Deafheaven the other month I was right up the front and it was a life changingly great experience AND they played this new song live for the first time before it went up everywhere like three hours later which was very exciting to be given a sclusie like that. After they finished a guy behind me whispered to his friend "Slayer..." which was very funny to me.

Gemini - Elder: I found this band because one of my Spotify Daily Mixes was all stoner metal for a while, which is a good genre to see all lined up because it'll have Weedeater, Bongripper AND Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats right there in a row for you. Anyway this album is extremely good, the very best kind of stoner metal where it's groovy and fun and has big meaty riffs and ripping big solos and it's extremely easy to listen to three times in a row.

The Paradise Gallows - Inter Arma: My big obsession the past little while has been Inter Arma ever since Stereogum posted The Atavist's Meridian from their new album. It is just so fucking good and I can't believe I've never heard of them before. You know when you find out about an amazing band and then you find out they've been around for nearly ten years and you can't believe everyone in your life has been selfishly hiding them from you?

The Atavist's Meridian - Inter Arma: I think a big part of my enjoyment of this band has also been that I discovered them at the same time as I'm listening to an audiobook of the complete Conan The Barbarian omnibus so I'm very much in the brain space for music that sounds like it would be nice to swing an axe to.

Untoward Evocation - Impetuous Ritual: I love how halfway through this kind of just turns into a big swirling mist of dark sounds. It feels so formless and dark that it could just shake apart and dissipate at any moment and you'd look down to realise your skin is gone.

Eagle On A Pole - Conor Oberst: from Genius: 'In an interview with MTV news, Oberst stated “We were on the bus one day and a friend of ours that travels with us and works for the band kind of came out from the back of the bus and said that first line: ‘Saw an eagle on a pole… I think it was an eagle.’ And then this guy Simon Joyner, who is a great songwriter from Omaha and one of my great friends, he was on tour with us and sitting there and he was like, ‘You know, that’s a great name for a song.’ We kind of had a contest where he wrote a song with that first line, and [then] I did, and a couple of our other friends. We kind of all played them for each other. Simon’s is better than mine, but it is a good line to start a song.” Another version–Mystic Valley Band drummer Jason Boesel’s interpretation–is on the next album, Outer South.' The idea that such a good song has such a braindead origin only makes me love it more.

Lake Marie - John Prine: When I saw John Prine the other month he played this song that I had never heard before and I had to look it up after and now I'm completely obsessed with it. It feels like falling asleep during a movie and missing a critical plot point so the rest doesn't make sense when you wake up but is thrilling nonetheless. Also he absolutely screamed "SHADOWS!!!" when he played it which was a fucking cool thing to see a 72 year old man do.

Little White Dove - Jenny Lewis: The drums on this whole album are absolutely huge for some reason and I love it. My favourite recent sound is in the first chorus where there's a funny little pitch correction noise as she sings 'dove'. It's very strange and very very good.

Locked Up - The Ocean Party: I only found out The Ocean Party existed as they announced their farewell show this month which is a real shame but I'm glad I got to hear of them at all because they're very good. A very good song about that feeling we all know and love: driving for a long long time.

Plain & Sane & Simple Melody - Ted Lucas: I found out about this song from Emma Ruth Rundle's Amoeba Records video and she makes a good point about this whole album sounding like something's gone wrong and it got accidentally pitched down slightly in the recording process. It's unclear if that's what happened or that's just how he sounds but it adds a very softly spooky undercurrent to a very nice song.​ 

listen here

[vinylbay777]

Five More Dark & Creepy Rock Songs for Your Halloween Playlist

It’s Halloween time again! The holiday of ghouls and demons provides many with the chance to celebrate their love of the occult with spooky décor, costumes and haunting music. But before you put on “Thriller” for the thousandth time, why not look for something a little more off-beat.

If you haven’t caught our previous Halloween song lists (1, 2 & 3), Vinyl Bay 777, Long Island’s music outlet, is back to bring you even more off-beat horror rock songs to add to your Halloween party playlist. Here are five sure to up the creepy factor at your next get-together.

1.       My Chemical Romance, “Helena”: The dark, theatrical nature of “Helena” is haunting. Written by frontman Gerard Way about the passing of he and bassist Mikey Way’s grandmother, you get this sense of mourning and anger from it. The combined sadness and anger explode in the big outbursts of the chorus, while the verses seem internal and head-y. (video)

2.       Ice Nine Kills, “IT Is The End”: If you’re into horror films, than Ice Nine Kills latest album, ‘The Silver Scream’ would be right up your alley. Each song is about a classic of the genre and any one would be perfect for a Halloween playlist. But there’s something about “IT Is The End,” a spin on the ‘IT’ franchise, that is just special. From the circus theme woven into the melody to the somewhat unhinged vocals of frontman Spencer Charnas, this retelling is as disconcerting as the film itself. Also, Charnas’ clown costume in the music video is terrifying. (video) (Note, the video is the final part of a series. Watch parts 1 to 4 first because otherwise you will spoil the ending for yourself.)

3.       Nine Inch Nails, “Closer”: One of Nine Inch Nails’ most well-known tracks, “Closer” is also one of the creepier tunes the band has released. The lyrics are a bit two-faced, on the one hand they read like a sex offender vocalizing their inner demons, and on the other crying out for help. Trent Reznor’s slow, almost spoken vocal delivery is deliberate against the song’s dark, creeping, metallic instrumental, adding to this cloying unwell feeling you get from the song. (video)

4.       Bauhaus, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”: Don’t listen to “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” in a quiet room in the dark. First off, the song is melodically eerie with its screeching guitars that feel like mice scurrying around a room and Peter Murphy’s haunting deep vocals. Then towards the end you have these moments when the song cuts out and are filled with unsettling noises like knocking on a door or a brass instrument that sounds like moving furniture. It’s definitely a sensory overload that will have you questioning your sanity. (video)

5.       AFI, “Miss Murder”: It’s hard to know what “Miss Murder” is referring to, mostly because AFI frontman Davey Havok won’t say. But it’s creepy, haunting lyrics have always hinted at something otherworldly, like an alien or cult waiting to be taken home by their ship or higher power. The passion with which Havok sings adds to the darkness, evoking points of both sharp power and deep pain all in one track. (video)

With Halloween right around the corner, you need the right playlist of creepy songs to get the mood just right. Check out some of the off-beat unsettling tracks above and let us know what haunting tunes you like to listen to at this time of year in the comments below.

                                                            ---

Find music for all of your perfect holiday playlists at Vinyl Bay 777. As Long Island’s top new independent record shop, we have thousands of titles to choose from in a wide variety of genres to choose from. Browse our selection of new and used vinyl records, CDs, cassettes, music DVDs, memorabilia and more tin store at our Plainview location or online at vinylbay777.com. With more titles being added to our selection all the time, you never know what you might find at Vinyl Bay 777. 

[thesinglesjukebox]

CHARLI XCX & CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS - GONE

[7.79]

We do NOT fucking hate these people...

Elisabeth Sanders: I have no idea if this song is good or bad, all I know is that I am a homosexual. [10]

Alfred Soto: She triumphed at Pitchfork Festival against every one of my expectations: a diva who pirouetted, thrusted, and sashayed like a star with no interest in behind-the-scenes song doctoring. She played "Gone" in vivider incarnation; she sung "I fucking hate these people" as a shared joke between her and the festival's largest queer audience. The boom boom clap of the percussion keeps out of the way, but I wish it presented an obstacle over which she could hurdle. [7]

Nellie Gayle: Social anxiety does not exactly read as a the prefect pretense for a banger pop song, but then again, Charli XCX has a certain gift for emotional subterfuge. 'Gone' is a collaboration between Charli and a more subdued pop star friend, Christine & the Queens. The two wrestle between seething anger at fake social niceties and and a deeper issue - the desire to be loved and seen, even if by a group of people you couldn't care less about. It's comforting to know that even a seasoned partygirl like Charli XCX can feel the same debilitating and restrictive sense of social "unbelonging" - a scene she depicts fairly literally in the accompanying music video which features her in bondage. The jump between this wallflower characteristic and the club-ready beat feels like a perfect metaphor for Charli's career and persona itself. As pop music evolves and begins to cater to an even more confessional and vulnerable audience of millennials, it makes sense its most forward thinking vanguards would keep the pace by divulging their deepest longing while also maintaining a danceable beat. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: Sharp, rubbery bass backflips, pirouettes and twists as soapy, seething synths and steel tipped drums shimmy across the shoulders as Christine and Charli spin through as they become intertwined as one. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: What's that? Charli XCX writing a song about loneliness and social anxiety -- but somehow making it work as a duet? More like Charli doing this again, except this time instead of ruminating about the cosmos, commiserating about lost love, or contemplating redemption, she and Chris are plotting their escape. They spend the entire track pouring gasoline on their worries and stresses, until 3:04, when they finally erupt into flames. And then they're literally gone, leaving behind only the glitched screaming ghosts of their pop consciousness, any chance at salvation vanishing with them. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Charli XCX's trajectory since the release of Pop 2 has been confusing. Over the past year and a half, she's released 15-or-so singles/features, running the gamut from remixes of experimental rappers to big shiny club collabs with Diplo, Lizzo, and Troye Sivan. It's largely been good material (save for that Diplo Spice Girls remix), but the songs have kind of felt like diversions from the goals set out by Pop 2's post-PC MUSIC synthesis of pop artifice into sincere emotion. This is entirely her right-- if Charli just remade Pop 2 until she retired, it wouldn't have the same deconstructive power it had when it first came out. Yet even the best of her singles from last year (songs like "5 in the Morning" and her remix of Tommy Genesis' "100 Bad") felt somewhat unambitious-- playgrounds in the wreckage of pop, rather than attempts to build a new level upon it. "Gone," then, is that new level. It's the best of all possible worlds: the shiny synths and hard-hitting rhythms of "Nuclear Seasons"-era Charli, the glitchy breakdowns of her PC Music collabs, and the open, collaborative feeling of her wilderness year. "Gone" encapsulates Charli's appeal in a compact 4 minute salvo, taking a conventional core lyrical concept-- dancing the social anxiety away-- and twisting it to her will. Chris makes for perhaps the best partner Charli's had on her pop mission: her voice is clearer and more sincere, the perfect tool to clear out any suggestion of irony. But Charli herself is the key to why "Gone" works. She's the glue that holds together the disjointed impulses of the track, like she always is, but here she's also constantly moving it forward. Her vocals here are perhaps the best they've ever sounded, aloof and emotive all at once, and the fragmented lyrical picture that she and Chris paint is vivid. It took her a while, but "Gone" reveals a revitalized Charli XCX, capable of pop mastery once again. [10]

Oliver Maier: "Gone"'s release feels timed to ensure that Pop 2 fans don't abandon hope for Charli's album after the disappointing "Blame It On Your Love", with metallic globs of bass and sparkling synth arpeggios hearkening back to the palette of the 2017 mixtape. However, it's actually Christine and the Queens who gives the stronger performance here; Charli excels in emotional extremes and bratty earworms, but the purgatorial feeling of anxiety that "Gone" reckons with -- as well as the song's cavernous arrangement and less immediate hook -- are better suited to Chris' subtler wheelhouse. The breakdown in the last minute is a little superfluous, more a signifier of a willingness to experiment than a successful experiment in and of itself, but "Gone" still provides a brighter forecast for Charli than we had a few weeks ago. [6]

Joshua Copperman: So I did the dumb remix thing again. The Katy Perry one was a reorder of different parts, but this one adds more instrumentation and a four-on-the-floor kick that takes Charli back to 2009 instead of 1999. Despite my favorite performance I've heard Christine give ("do they wish to run through mee," the plainspoken way she says "baby" just before the breakdown), and the clear vocal chemistry between her and Charli, this song has so much empty space when a melody like that requires bombast. That breakdown feels like someone trying to recreate NSYNC's "Pop" using "Call Your Girlfriend" samples on a broken MPC. Couple that with the ugly flanging on Charli and Christine's voices, and any momentum and goodwill feels squandered. "Gone" is so strong until that point that it's still extremely listenable, but extremely listenable feels disappointing when it's this close to being great. [7]

Kayla Beardslee: I can't think of a more appropriate artist to enter the "crying on the dance floor" pantheon than Charli XCX: pop's resident party girl saying that she "fucking hates" the people at this party is not an artistic confession to be taken lightly. Although the marketing for this track has been informed by the tired "most personal album yet" cliche, Charli has thankfully pulled off the introspective turn by maintaining her PC Music inspirations, metallic synths bouncing off the edges of the song and giving the message of grappling with anxiety some much-needed bite. The presence of a feature is another XCX signature, and Christine and the Queens is a welcome addition: for once, a Charli track clearly shows the collaborator's influence, in this case with its clipped melodies and off-kilter yet evocative lyrics. [8]

Will Rivitz: "Backseat," off 2017's Pop 2, cascaded into perfection on the strength of its final minute ripping the preceding three into shreds. "Gone," in doing exactly that again, but even more transcendentally sublimely this time (and with a transcendentally sublime beginning three-quarters to match, something its predecessor missed by a hair), is by extension better by about one degree. And I gave "Backseat" a [9], so... [10]

Joshua Lu: In light of the multitudinous takes on social anxiety pop stars have churned out in recent years, "Gone" feels surprisingly honest. Anxiety is seen as illogical (Charli's cry of "they don't care" seemingly comes out of nowhere, which is where these feelings often come from), shameful (the song opens with an apology), and maddening (the entirety of the prechorus and Christine's verse is filled with an untempered rage), and the song's unapologetic portrayal of these aspects acts as an effective catharsis. It hits harder when casted over the stutter-step instrumental, filled with uncomfortable white space and coarse industrial noises that put the listener on edge. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: A song about being impossibly and destructively tired, so much so that one can't help but be vulnerable as a last ditch effort to maintain sanity. The production captures it perfectly: steely and anthemic and spacious, it encourages one to sing along in a sort of therapeutic karaoke session. The outro is a cute release--a moment to decompress by way of A.G. Cook's love for Scritti Politti. [7]

Michael Hong: Like the best Charli XCX tracks, "Gone" deals with solitude in crowded spaces, no matter the number of collaborators involved in the track. The industrial soundscape threatens to cave in at any moment -- something that fueled by the pair's anxieties does inevitably occur, and yet remains this moment of euphoric bliss. While Charli and Chris pose several questions across the track, none are really answered. Instead, the two end with a shared statement, "don't search me in here, I'm already gone, baby," and by tossing aside the anxiety of the party, the two find peace outside of the crowd. In a crowded field of tracks about wanting to leave the party, "Gone" is one of the most captivating because of Charli's introspection and ability to bring her dystopian future into the present. [7]

Kylo Nocom: This song is a fever dream of DJ Mustard stabs warped into freestyle-esque basslines, Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis communicated through modernized rhythms. "Gone" shines in stark contrast to the notable collaboration Charli's done with a certain other '80s fanatic back in late 2017, substituting emotional atmospherics for feverish danceability. Charli's unstoppable pop glee is bared down to the essentials, stripped of the dumbness that felt defining of her singles the past two years; Christine's dense songwriting and anxious percussive affinities are polished up and displayed proudly here, with no signs of the occasionally campy production cheapness that defined her 2018 album's weaker missteps. "Gone" pays empathetic attention to the overstimulation some feel at huge parties, and the bouncing, metallic chorus shivers with a knowing sensory discomfort that eventually culminates in a gloriously alien glitch breakdown. [8]

Alex Clifton: A contender for Song of the Summer that isn't "Old Town Road" (which I love dearly but does not work on its own as a party playlist). Charli and Chris are always Interesting Artists, never boring and always looking forward, and this is a perfect marriage of their strengths and sounds. It has the electro production Charli favours but never gets too overwhelming; it has a good dose of Chris's quirk and gravitas but retains a lighter touch. Moreover it's just a fun song--I can only imagine what it was like to record this in the studio, and that enthusiasm spills over to the listener. Like Jane Austen's prose, "Gone" is complex and layered but performed with ease. It's one of the hardest tricks in the book, but Charli and Chris have absolutely nailed it. [8]

Iris Xie: "Gone" listens like the measured dissertation of an almost ideal pop song in a post-PC Music world that is more open about mental health, attachment trauma, and how it damages relationships. Out of the two, Letissier is the one who delivers the vocals with the exact emotion required to hit catharsis, due to her visceral and forceful cadence that is in tune with the chorus's frankness: "I feel so unstable, fucking hate these people / How they're making me feel lately." The post-chorus is beautiful though, with one of my favorite pop-R&B vocal tropes where they both catch on the fourth word of each line, "Why do we love--" before Charli and Letissier exhale with a sharp glide before jumping back into step with the stuttering beat, with "--if we're so mistaken?" Another treat is served with the sudden drop-off into "Why do we keep when the water runs? / Ne me cherche pas, je ne suis plus là, baby," a dreamy and sad breakdown that then breaks down into more jagged edges and clipped and chewed up repetitions. This song could only be written by people who love pop music so, so deeply that they have command of masterful hooks and turns of phrase and expectations. Unfortunately, I also don't like it as much as I should, because for all of what it does right, it still lacks dynamism and range to make it stick in a way that really makes me overjoyed for it, because I feel both of their solo work was a lot sharper and more evocative, and I find the sound more muddled here, even amongst all of their loving approaches. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: One of my favorite songs is The Tycho Brahe's "Steel Wheels," a song about defeat and cutting ties to pursue other defeat. "Gone" is a lot like that song, attached to a lesser song: yet another false, poppily marketed take on social anxiety. When I'm socially phobic, which is almost all the time, it's never "those people" I hate -- I don't hate anyone without a good reason, and doing so would just add guilt and make me feel worse -- but myself. It seems too simple to posit that one song is Chris's contribution and the other's Charli's, but more to the point, I actually can't tell which is whose. Neither artist seems fully themselves, vocally or stylistically. Chris's strengths are staccato lyrics and precise bits of introspection: needles to the exact point that hurts. Charli's strength is sweepingly cathartic songs, emotions hemorrhaging out of the music and the skin. "Gone" is the midpoint of those strengths, playing to neither. [6]

William John: A favourite moment of mine in the Christine and the Queens catalogue is early single "Nuit 17 à 52", which, in its English adaptation, features a speaker in a "lace-like" state of being, waiting "for the rain to come through". It's an image of defencelessness that's so brusque it requires gentle piano chords to soften the mood. Water provides no solace to the song's protagonist; the fifty-second, pivotal night of melodrama fails to leave her mind. This is an image Christine and the Queens returns to for her contribution to Charli XCX's new single - interviews have made it clear that she penned the chorus, but it's obvious to anyone familiar with the charming peculiarities of her brand of franglais. This time the punishment of water is accompanied by inquisition - the metaphor is not used as a mere acknowledgement of self-flagellating tendencies, but and a need to know why they might arise is attached. The contention is that in the quest to know more about oneself, water can be framed not as a suffocating force, but as one of cleansing and catharsis; that in daring to be vulnerable, we open ourselves up to freedom and greatness. Enlisting a partner-in-crime to assist with such a quest doesn't hurt, and there's been few moments in pop this year as thrilling as the way these two jointly bellow "loathe" before the song gives way to its chirpy coda, as together they will themselves toward liberation. [9]

Jackie Powell: The production on "Gone" matches the exact emotional plot of the song itself. The bass synths and percussive claps are accurately abrasive and in your face. The vocal performances that both XCX and Christine give are impassioned. While the chorus might be a bit muffled and not as enunciated as I would have liked, they achieve a goal that all artists should strive for⁠--the ability to transfer their emotions through their lyrics and sounds into the soul of the listener. The mixing from their chest into their head voices that both singers do on this track brings out some sort of euphoria in me. Charli's previous singles "1999" and "Blame it on Your Love" have been catchy, but maybe not as substantive as Charli stans have wanted. I understand her strategy. It reminds me of Carly Rae Jepsen's approach to how she released "Dedicated." Both artists released advance singles that were a bit lighter in content and sound. And then of course, we heard "No Drug Like Me". The third single put out to the world was the sucker punch, the sly off-speed pitch that hits right in zone after two high fastballs that don't quite elicit a flinch. The 52-second outro in "Gone" was confusing when I first heard it, and maybe it should be a tad shorter, but I finally understand the reason it exists to begin with. If you listen closely, Charli and Christine's voices sound as though they are gargling water or are putting their faces into the water that they are claiming is still running. They make their point though, we've got to question why the water is running and it's up to us to stop it. It's uncomfortable, but we have the power to stop it. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[thearkhound]

Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake liner notes translation

The following is translation of the liner notes from the original soundtrack album to the MSX2 video game Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake released in 1991. It features a round table-style interview with the game’s development staff. While the members are addressed by nicknames, it’s pretty easy to know who is who since they still use their real surnames. Thus, it doesn’t take much of a genius to figure out who Snake Kojima is (it’s probably Joakim Mogren).

Piston Uehara: "Well, the reason we’re gathered here is because the Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake album CD being released soon, I thought so they could provide their voices into the liner notes. Moreover, it’s been a while since we last saw each other, which is another reason for the reunion."

Snake Kojima: "Has it really been nine months?"

Everyone: "How nostalgic..." "It's like a class reunion."

Piston Uehara: "I think we can expect that the recording for the CD will go quite smoothly without any incident and it’ll be a product to look forward to."

Ikachan: "Uh-huh.... We were really tired by that point."

Piston Uehara: "Today, we will talk about our personal anecdotes and such involving the development of Metal Gear 2. Shall we let our readers who we are?"

Akababa Akada: "I'm Akababa Akada (henceforth known as Akababa), who was the lead programmer. Pleased to meet you."

Monkey Oka: "I was the assistant programmer. The name is Wild Monkey Oka (henceforth known as Monkey).  My pleasure..."

Madamuyan Fukui: "I'm Madamuyan Fukui (henceforth known as Madam), who handled the characters."

Shoulder Nishio: "Uh... I'm mecha designer Red Shoulder Nishio (henceforth known as Shoulder)  and if I caused too much trouble for you guys then I’m sorry..." (everyone laughs)

Cocotte Yabu: "I'm Cocotte Yabu (henceforth known as Cocotte) and I drew the bottomless swamp."

Piston Uehara: "I did the sound effects and audio programming. The name's Piston Uehara (henceforth known as Piston)." (bows repeatedly)

Ikachan: "And I'm always here to assist you. I’m Ikachan, the composer."

Snake Kojima: "I was training at Mt. Takatori. I'm the planner, Snake Kojima (henceforth known as Snake), pleased to meet you."

Piston: "Well, let's discuss any inside stories we have about the game's development."

Akababa: "We have lots of things to talk about... Many things."

Snake: "Indeed. Many things happened during development... Like Shoulder getting lost in Tokyo."

Piston: "Shoulder went to Tokyo for the first time in his life in order to photograph the Metal Gear model figurine for the magazine ads."

Shoulder: "It was a one-man journey to Tokyo..."

Snake: "And there were bugs that became proper features..."

Monkey: "That’s right, the camouflage mat was born from a bug..."

Snake: "There was a hole data for a truck that was casually misplaced... I think someone reacted with ‘what is this?’ in a surprising and amused way and we decided to give the player an item that replicated the effect."

Akababa: "In contrast, there were also many features planned out that didn't make the cut such as wires, flying soldiers, searchlights..."

Shoulder: "Maniac Cop, piranha, and a tank.... there was even a mass-production Metal Gear model that I've designed..."

Snake: "Shoulder wasn’t paying attention to the game’s ROM size..."

Monkey: "I went through a lot of trouble trying to fit in everything thanks to him."

Shoulder: "Gulp..."

Madam: "Our ROM capacity was pretty tight and there were many characters that we had to cut out from the final version. The game’s specifications had to be changed quite a few times too since we kept exceeding our limits."

Piston: "Speaking of specification changes, we were initially told that we didn’t need to put that much music into the game ..."

Ikachan: "That's right. It was my pleasure to work on this and SD Snatcher at the same time at first, however..."

Snake: "Initially we aimed to create a heartbeat-like sound in order to bring a feeling of tension, but Piston wasn't able to creating such suitable sound effects."

Piston: (munching) "It wasn't the type of sound suitable for the SCC chip. In the end, the tune we made ended up being played only when the player infiltrates Zanzibar Building through the vent shaft."

Ikachan: "Thanks to that, I have to work in extra hours every night... My home life was on the verge of collapsing."

Piston: "If I remember correctly, I believe your infant daughter started calling her maternal uncle "papa" around this time."

(everyone else is shocked)

Piston: "After all, you did compose over 40 BGMs..."

Ikachan: "46 music tracks and 130 sound effects to be precise."

Piston: "The biggest Konami soundtrack yet!! Well, I hope you’re able to appreciate the fruits of your sacrifice with this CD." (munching)

Snake: "With all the specifications changes that happened during the development, naturally you're wondering whether the storyline was affected too. That year was pretty tumultuous for the world. The Tiananmen protests, the Romanian Revolution and the Unification of Germany.... We were taken by surprise with the real life demolition of the Berlin Wall, since in the game's storyline I've wrote that it was destroyed during the mid-90s. I had to do some last minute rewrites since Natasha Marcova's involvement and credibility in the story started having some holes."

Akababa: "But that game has so many situations that are hard to see as just fiction, so while they’re scary, they were also foreseeable. If the game was being made now, we would have to be even more careful..."

Madam: "No one could've foreseen the Gulf War back then."

Snake: "Well, war games are not really viable unless there’s peace."

Monkey: "Speaking of peace, there was this one happy person who had their last name changed during development." (everyone laughs)

Madam: "Yeah... That’s why [my] surname was different between the opening and ending credits..”

Akababa: "[So you] got married during development!!" (whistling sound)

Monkey: "There were many opportunities to fix that during debug... I'm sorry for the slip-up..."

Akababa: "I'll leave..."

Madam: "Maybe we should do a debugging tournament for the next rookie welcoming party."

Cocotte: "I probably would've brought the MSX to my home and checked for bugs there."

Snake: "Ah, the 'I don't know how to use it’ incident."

Cocotte: "That's right!" (heart pounds)

Everyone: "Ah we remember that."

Piston: "I remember going to the burger joint in my pajamas during midnight while the ROMs were being burned."

Snake: "And then on the day of the game's release, I saw nothing but  developers forming a long snakeline at the local game store. They were the faces of shrewd users."

Cocotte: "I got an SD Snatcher paper jacket for pre-ordering"

Shoulder: "Huh!! I got an ugly t-shirt." (everyone laughs)

Piston: "We still some time left before we wrap things up. Can each of you give us a few words before we end this?"

Akababa: "I'm certainly confident in the work I put into the game and I hope there's a copy in everyone’s home. Please buy our game."

Monkey: "Although this was the most difficult game I've worked on in terms of direction, gameplay system and such. I was very absorbed in my work... I did my best. If they say they're going to work on a 'Metal Gear 3', it’s going to be a bit (mumble) tiresome though."

Madam: "That’s because even though the game's theme is war, it was flowing with love underneath."

Everyone: "That’s cool!" (whistling sound)

Cocotte: "This is the first game I've ever worked on... So for me it was a memorable experience, I think." (coughing)

Shoulder: "For me... I was delighted to broaden my interests to include new hobbies such as model building and playing survival games. Let me reveal a little bit about how I made the Metal Gear D model kit. It was based on the K***e model kit by a company called N***o [note: likely referring to Ma K. Krote kit by Nitto]. Unfortunately it's been discontinued, so it’s not easy to get a hold of these days."

Ikachan: "This has felt like a one-year class reunion, but I hope I will keep on making good soundtracks, even if I'm no longer working with the same people. Please continue with your support."

Piston: "I think this game utilized the full resources of the SCC format.  The SCC usually outputs a waveform of 100P, but that’s impossible on a weak hardware unless the software allows you to adjust the timing. There's already a battle occurring against noises just before the processing time...

Akababa: "Thanks to that we had a few problems with the main programming..."

Piston: (scratching) "If you haven't bought the game yet, then please play it already. And then listen to this soundtrack."

Monkey: "That sounds like some good publicity. As expected from the sound division."

Snake: "While the subject matter of the game is definitely war, I want to transmit something in players' mind than just mere battlefield action, something to keep in mind... I hope this game will be the first step for most players in being interested in real world affairs and not just end there."

Piston: "Are you anxious to make a third Metal Gear game?"

Snake: "Well, I have several story ideas for a third game in my mind, but I haven't decided on how to make it yet.. Perhaps Metal Gear will come back when the world least expects it during a time of peace. Because when there's peace, there's also Metal Gear... Until then, I’ll await those fan letters."

Piston: "And on that note ends this rather serious liner notes. Thanks for all your good work."

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You and Axl have made peace with each other since he showed you kindness after your accident. One day, you hang up the phone from a call with him as Bonham gets home. She asks who it is, and when you tell her she says, “Ah, Axl. How is he, that bitch?” How do you respond?

He’s doing good. At least better than before. He’s on meds now so he’s no longer a psycho bitch. 

2. You get to your band’s hotel room one day to hear uncontrollable laughter coming from Sean and Linus. You get there and hear Bonham say into a phone in a very bad and exaggerated Eastern European accent, “Hello! You have reached Svertik, the famous cheese maker. What can I do for you this evening?” You ask what’s going on, and Erik says, “They bought a burner phone and posted the number online with the title, “War Angel hotline” and now she’s answering it and doing this crap.” How do you respond, and what does everyone say once the ‘hotline calls’ end?

“Seriously? You could at least answer burning questions.”

They don’t stop they keep coming at all hours of the night. One day I’ve had enough of hearing it ring so I take it, lower the window in the bus, and chuck it out the window while screaming, “By War Angel Hotline. Don’t fucking come back!” 

Linus: You realize we can get another one right?

Sean: Jesus! Psycho much 

Bons: Jesus Christ! You could have at least answered it 

Erik: That was unnecessary. 

They buy another one at the next stop and it starts over again but now we place a do not disturb function on it between the times we sleep.  

3. Bonham has been quiet lately, and one day she comes to you and the rest of the band and says, “I want to expand my artistic horizons, I want to cover that album So There by Ben Folds. Before you say anything, I know it’s nothing like our direction. I know that, and that’s why I want to do it by myself. This is going to be a 100% solo effort, and all I ask for is your blessing.” She wants to do something entirely on her own, which will translate into her taking at least a 2-year hiatus from the band. What do you all say and what is the final decision?

We agree because we have been touring non-stop and it will give us plenty of time to relax and come up with new material. Erik goes back to Germany to spend time with his family, Linus ends up using those two years to release a solo instrumental guitar project, Sean comes and lives with me and Kevin since his parents kicked him out after he joined our band, and this gives me and Kevin enough time to spend with Mal (and ends up with Eddie coming along right before we get back together) and then after the two years are up we get back together and bang out a kicking new album. 

4. Your band and NSP are collaborating on an album, and you need one more song. You’re struggling to include everyone until Bonham one day suggests that you get together with QR as well and do a big group cover of Rick Wakeman’s Buried Alive (available on request). How does everyone react to the suggestion and what do you all do?

We all think its a great idea. The only problem is Kevin and Danny keep fighting and singing over each other for the lead vocals part until I tell the two of them to stop acting like children. 

5. You’re at work one day when you get a call from Danny and Arin. “Yeah, we got a call from YouTube the other day. That Q&A we did with your band got taken down because of Bonham’s little mini-rant on that Waco incident from the 90s, and she was just arrested for conspiring against the government and disturbing the peace. She used a phone call to call Dan cause she said that you didn’t answer your phone and neither did Kevin, so we’re telling you.” How do you respond and what do you do?

“Ah fuck. I’m in work a the moment. Is Dan still on with her?” 

I hear Dan scream yes through the phone. 

“Tell her school’ll be finished in an hour and then I’ll drive down to pick her up after I drop Mal and Eddie off at a sitter’s.” 

“I mean we could watch them for you.”

Arin and Dan end up watching Mal and Eddie (and making a power hour out of it) while I go to bail Bons and get this whole mess settled. After some legal disputes (that bring us publicity) she is given a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again. 

6. Bonham went with Chuck to a party for one of their dad’s friends one evening, and when they get back you hear them arguing. “I don’t care what he was doing, you shouldn’t have hit him!” she says. You ask what happened, and Chuck says, “They had a male stripper there, and fucking Anita paid him to grind on me. I told him to quit and he didn’t so I punched him. And then they all got mad at me. I didn’t do anything wrong.” What does Bonham say and how do you respond?

Bons: You did do something wrong. He was paid to do that. You don’t just fucking punch him! 

Me: Yeah, not cool dude. You should be lucky if he doesn’t press charges. 

7. Your band is all making guest appearances in an NSP video, and as a result, you’re all wearing spandex pants. At one point, Sean says to Bonham, “Hey, uh, I just wanted to say that, uh, you guys (meaning you and her) look nice in your costumes.” You can see he’s a bit flustered but before you can say anything, Bonham says, “Thanks, these pants really do have a nice ASS-thetic.” How does Sean react, what do you say, and how do Erik, Linus, and Danny respond?

He blushes and runs out of the room while wrapping his cape around him. 

Erik: Do you have to go take care of something buddy! 

Linus: Yeah, just don’t be too long. 

Danny: I didn’t know those pants would have THAT effect on him. 

Me: I could see these pants having that effect on Kevin, not Sean. Linus could you go check on him, please. 

Bons *gag*: I really don’t need to think about Kevin being turned on by you in a spandex outfit. Do you seriously think us in spandex pants did that to him? 

8. Your band is filming a video one day, and at lunch, Sean is munching on an uncrustable. Bonham, who likes giving him shit, asks him, “How does it feel to be a grown ass man eating an uncrustable?” He looks at her and says, “Well right now it doesn’t feel so good.” He takes a bite, and says, “But now…” and smiles with a full mouth. How do you, Bonham, Erik, and Linus respond?

Me: I hate Uncrustables and PB & J sandwiches. 

Erik: How?! It's heaven in a sandwich!

Linus: I wouln't go that far. 

Sean *Though his full mouth*: I would 

Bons: Ok, I get the point. Don’t talk with your mouth full of food. We can’t understand you. 

9. Bonham is being overly critical in the studio one day, and at one point Sean has had enough. “I’m gonna need some ketchup for all those HARSH-browns you’re serving up.” How does she react and how do you and the boys respond?

Bons: ...That one was actually pretty good. 

Me: Bons, I think you have a run for your money in the pun department. 

Erik: Hah! Harsh-browns! Hah!

Linus: You all are idiots. 

10. You get a call one day saying that there’s a new fantasy game in development and they want you, Bonham, your band, Kevin, and a few others to do the voice acting. They want you to be the princess, Sean to be a child, Erik to be a traveling merchant, Linus to be the bard, Bonham to be a siren, and Kevin to be a priest. Soon, you learn that Arin and Dan are there too. They voice a wizard and the game’s deity, respectively. How do you all react to your assigned roles, and how does recording go?

I think its cool and we all have a good time. With a few hiccups here and there (Kevin and Danny seem to butt heads a lot) 

11. You, Kevin, and Bonham are at an award show when Kevin sees Blackie Lawless, someone who he’s a fan of. You all go up to meet him and Kevin says how much he appreciates his work. Blackie is beyond wasted, and he says to Kevin, “I’m gonna kick you in the nuts.” Before any of you can process what he said, he cocks back and punched Kevin in the dick, really hard. He groans and falls to his knees. How do you all respond?

Me: What the fuck?!

Bons: Why did you do that dude?!

Kevin is writhing in pain on the floor and just groaning in agony. 

____________________

1) You and your singer are making Christmas cookies in your kitchen when she turns to you and goes, “Hey, Bons.” You turn and ask her, “What?” She takes her flour-covered hand and smears it down your nose and arm before running away. What do you do?

2) You, Rudy, and your singer are carving pumpkins. Rudy puts his hand in his pumpkin and goes, “Ewww, it’s so gross.” Your singer rolls her eyes at him and goes, “Oh stop being a big baby.” Before she puts both her hands in the pumpkin and pulls out a bunch of seeds and slaps them on the newspaper covering the table. How do you and Rudy respond?

3) You take Mal, Will, Eddie, Jeremy, and Roxanne to the mall to visit Santa. While in line, you see Santa get up from his chair after listening to a little girl’s wish and he goes over to an older man with four elves. The next thing you know, he’s whamming on him and screaming, “Ho! Ho! Ho! Motherfucker!” Someone whispers in line that the guy he’s beating on is a child molester. How do you and your singer respond and how do you explain this to your kids who are between the ages of eight and two years old?

4) Your band is working on a new album and you and the boys go off to get lunch while your singer stays behind. When you get back, you find she has earbuds in and her head is cocked oddly to the side. Her finger is flicking oddly almost as if she’s following an invisible line. Sean leans over to you and goes, “What the fuck is she doing? Has she gone insane?” Your singer answers, “No, I’m trying to pick out the individual instruments from this song. Now shush.” How do you, Erik, Linus, and Sean respond?

5) You and your singer are at her work’s Christmas party with Kevin and Randy. She’s talking to a guy and she goes, “Ugh, I hate this music.” He looks at her and goes, “How can you hate it?” “I like metal.” “Oh, you’re one of THOSE girls.” You whip around at this point and go, “What is that supposed to mean?” “You know...you’d rather bang your head than be banged.” Your singer pulls Kevin over and kisses him deeply before pointing at the guy and saying, “Kevin, would you like to explain in painstaking detail our sex life?” How do you, Kevin, and the guy respond?

6) You and your singer are celebrating Christmas in your apartment but your old roommate, Stephen, has come over to spend the holidays and brought along a drunk Robbin. They’ve been at your apartment a bit when your singer goes to Stephen, “Can I refill your eggnog? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?” How do you, Stephen, and Robbin respond?

7) Your singer goes with you when you’re supposed to be the guest on The Ten Minute Power Hour with Dan and Arin. She refuses to go on the show though o she sits on the side. About halfway through the show, Dan gets up and starts to pull her into the shot, “Come on, people need to see you.” “No.” “Millions of people stare at you every day. How is this different?” He loses his grip on her and goes flying back through the shot. Your singer gasps and goes, “Oh my god are you ok?!” Before going to help him with the cut on his head. All he says is, “Hah! I got you in the shot!” She rolls her eyes before going, “I’m leaving after this. And you better cut this out.” How do you and Arin respond to this?

8) Your singer is still with you while you’re doing the show. Arin asks her something and she says, “Do you want to see something cool?” Dan shrugs a sure and your singer pulls out a switchblade. Both Dan and Arin jump back once she tosses it and it embeds itself in their table. Dan all but screams, “What the fuck?!” Your singer shrugs and goes, “I get bored. Also, Tommy taught me that so you can thank him.” How do you, Dan, and Arin respond?

9) While you are on the show, Dan and Arin ask you to tell some crazy stories of the bands you’ve hung out with. Your singer pipes up from the side, “Oh, I could tell you stories. There was that one time Tommy and I got super drunk and I kissed some random chick in the middle of the bar. Or the time I got in an all-out brawl with Nikki over the last bottle of Guinness. Or the time Kevin, Bons, and I had to disguise ourselves to get out of a crazy hoard of fans. Or...” How do you, Arin, and Dan respond?

10) When you’re wrapping up the show to leave, Dan and Arin say goodbye to you and Dan goes, “I’m a little afraid of your singer. Is she always like that?” Your singer pipes up next to him, “I hear everything you know.” How do you respond to Dan ‘s question and how does he react to your singer?

11) You are working on your album with Crüe and Nikki had brought a pack of Guinness with him. Your singer and Nikki have been drinking them throughout the day and there’s only one left. They both look at it and then dive for it. After a bit of tussling, your singer grabs the bottle and goes, “What have I told you, Niks? I always come out on top.” Before she pops the cap and chugs the beer while sitting on him. How do you, Tommy, Nikki, Vince, and Mick react to this?

12) You are over at your singer and Kevin’s when you hear your singer yell, “You are not taking a fucking knife in the shower. Lay the fuck down.” And the next thing you hear is Kevin screaming. You run to their room to find your singer straddling a shirtless Kevin and ripping these heart monitor pads off his chest. “Stop pushing them in. It’ll make it worse. This is what you get for doing too much cocaine.” What do you say and how so the two of them respond?

13) You know that your singer is dating Rudy’s brother, Robert, (after Kevin broke up with her so that he could get himself clean) but Rudy doesn’t know. You invite the two of them out to dinner on a double date with you and Rudy. How does Rudy respond to your singer dating Robert and what do you, your singer, and Robert say?

14) You and Randy are helping your singer set up for her and Kevin’s wedding. She places a sign by the bar that says, “Our wedding will have an open bar. It will also be heavily photographed.  So any drunken shenanigans will be well documented and thoroughly mocked for years to come. Proceed with Caution.” You say, “Did you add this because of Nikki and Tommy and the other heavy drinkers being here?” “Yup.” Randy goes, “You know this won’t stop Kevin right?” Your singer says, “Oh yes it will. Because he also has the threat of no sex for three weeks.” Kevin walks in right as she says this. How do you, Randy, and Kevin respond?

@osbournebemydaddy   your turn Bons :)