#take advantage of the insomnia why the hell not amd thatll give me good savings amd i can take vacations enough that

[winterrose42]

Its one am and actually im not done bc im thinking about casually sharing spaces like- i am not a person that really wants marriage. That's a lot for my poor aro heart i just cant but like casually living with a friend? Sharing a space and taking care of it together and doing our own thing in the same room but every now and then go "hell yeah you're doing great!!" and then going back to doing the things?? Please!!!!!! Give me casual platonic living where like, they text you while you're both at work and they're on their lunch break going "hey i found this pie recipe you make good filling and i can do fancy crust wanna make a fancy desert together when we get home?" Yes!!!!! Absolutely!!!!!!!!!! "Hey im having a rough day can we have a slouchy evening?" Beloved i will make you the softest most comfortable blanket nest and your favorite hot drink with comfort movies and shows on a list or something you can pick from so you dont have to use much energy making decisions and we'll have a simple dinner and cuddle fuck everything else i wanna make you happy. "wanna go on a walk with me?" Hell yeah but may i please hold your hand some bc i love you a lot and i fidget anyway and id rather rub my thumb across your knuckles than fiddle awkwardly with my fingers. "im having a quiet day" cool if you need anything or get lonely we can text within the same house who cares and when you want company i will happily sit quietly with you doing my own thing listening to whatever music or podcast or whatever you want this is fine. Just *cries* communal platonic living and care i want that so much the yearning hour is strong

Alright so my head was extremely spacey and unconnected today and NostalgiaTM was activated and it just eugh. So i went on an hour long walk blasting music bc it was cold and loud and it helped and i just- I'm so in love with people and places and things.

My neighborhood used to be not great. Kids were assholes and loud and bullies and sometimes drug dealers would move in and there were weird things at the park and one time the house beside us was a halfway house and we weren't told and it just- wasn't great. And I think I've posted about this before but it got better and it's greener and the kids grew up and the kids here now are polite and the parks really nice but now since it's the pandemic it's really quiet and sometimes since my house is really quiet you get really crushingly alone and quiet and you feel like you're the only one around. Whatever anyway not the point but it's nicer than it was is the point.

While I was walking there aren't as many stray cats around which makes me really happy bc people have started taking them to good shelters so i know they're getting in good homes and they'll be warm in the winter and making owners so happy and the cats are so loved. And there's dogs that are so sweet and friendly and their owners will wave at you and smile and you know they're taking care of their pets and that's so nice. There used to be an old man I'd talk to at one house who would sit outside with his cat on a leash and he'd let me pet her and we'd talk about i dont even remember. I dont see him anymore but his chairs still there and kinda dipped and worn from how much he sat out with her.

The roads are good and there arent as many cracks in it anymore and the trees glow red with the late fall sun now and there was flocks of geese flying a lot today and even though all the plants are dead people have their flower beds prepared for winter and christmas lights up and sometimes i find that annoying but today i just thought about how lights are up where kids toys are in the yard and how excited were the kids that christmas decorations were going up and how happy and exasperated the parents probably were. Leaf piles are flat from being jumped in and the ones on the road dont crunch but when they fly ik the wind they're so heckin pretty and the sky was that duller winter blue that's really calming and lovely and you can look at it without blinding yourself. My arms went a little numb bc my sleeves were rolled up but the air felt really nice and there's a really big hill i walked up that was hard on my cranky hip but the view is always so far and gorgeous i love where i live.

People used to give me shit for living in a trailer court. Trailer rat trailer trash I've heard all the stupid shit but the people are so lovely and smile and wave at you and i dont really talk to or know anyone anymore but its still friendly you just gotta know what houses to avoid bc there's hardcore republicans here but even they're pretty quiet. And its surrounded by trees and in a valley so we live in a big comfy bowl which i just realized today and was laughing over. I dont know im rambling but im really glad im still alive bc holy shit there's so much around yo look at and notice.