#tag about how carmilla still holds up and that’s why it’s better and it’s one of the funniest things i’ve ever read

[barb-l]

Vaggie is my favorite character, so I want to know where all of this hate for her came from. Like…people hate Vaggie yet love Lute, for example….. wtf? How? And I’m not saying people have to like the same things I do, but I’ve seen mfs bash Vaggie for things other characters have done. Again… what? The? Fuck?

Oh hohoho

I'm in a ranting mood, so let me tell you exactly why by paraphrasing some of the hate posts I've seen classlessly left in the chaggie tag before I blocked the OP's for said posts

"Vaggie has nothing going for her character. All she is, is Charlie's girlfriend"

- not even remotely true. She has a lot going on with her character aside from being The Girlfriend. She struggles with deep self-hatred, something that doesn't necessarily revolve around Charlie, although it does affect her relationship with her(codependency). It's a huge character flaw, though not necessarily bad character writing. It's something she needs to grow from, and something we can still see unfold in the coming seasons. Although she's helping with the hotel to be a supportive girlfriend, it is also something Vaggie believes to be the right thing to do regardless of Charlie. As Rosie inferred, Vaggie saw helping with the hotel as a way to atone for her sins and to do better. Even if the person running the Hotel weren't Charlie or anyone she fell for, I believe it's something she still would have helped with given her backstory. She has connections with other characters too that can be explored more in the future. Aside from just being "Charlie's girlfriend", she is Carmilla's possible additional daughter figure, she is Alastor's biggest obstacle in gaining whatever tf from Charlie, she is Lute's rival, and finally she is Lucifer's blatant parallel.

"Being a fallen angel is the only thing carrying her character. And we barely got any build up on that."

- let's say that's true. IF that's the case, why isn't anyone spitting hate on characters like Husk whose only "thing" is being a past overlord? Even though this had less foreshadowing than Vaggie's angel secret? Even though his only purpose in the story so far is to be Angel's love interest? He may be an alcoholic, but it's barely touched upon what terrible effects that may have for him. And although having his soul owned by Alastor sucks, does he actually suffer aside from that one time Alastor threatened his life? All Alastor is making him do is man the bar(so far). He has nothing to develop from with his character either. In fact, aside from the swearing and the grumpiness, he's a pretty swell guy who doesn't seem to fit in hell. He doesnt have a flaw that the story can aim to have him improve from. All he has going for him is his romance arc with Angel, and his past as an Overlord. Which, i repeat, isn't a bad thing! But how come Vaggie would get so much hate for similar criticisms, while Husk is widely loved by majority of the fandom?

"She doesn't have any chemistry with Charlie"

- something told by someone who ships:

Ch*rl*stor - two people who have only had direct interactions in the pilot(a quick dance number), episode 5(Alastor taking advantage of Charlie's daddy issues to curry favor with her and hit Lucifer's ego), and ep 7 (Alastor taking advantage of Charlie's dejection to make a deal with Charlie). A ship involving the kindest soul in Hell and a serial killer who has no desire to change and ridicules the dream Charlie holds so dear and is so passionate about. It isn't a bad thing to crack ship. Hell I do it too, but it's such a hypocritical thing to say that a canon ship has no chemistry only to claim that two people who have barely any meaningful conversations and positive interactions objectively look more like a couple and would be a better choice to be canon. Just because you like how they look in your imagination doesn't mean canon is objectively bad.

Ch*rlie/Emily - two characters who share so much similarities they can be sisters. It is such a personal thing. I have nothing against those who ship them. It just isn't for me because of the amount of similarities they have. With the intentional parallels, I personally think Emily would be better off having a gf that resembles Vaggie. Where Chaggie has a sunshine demon X grumpy angel duo, Emily could visit hell and fall for a demon who would be her opposite.

Ch*rlie/Lucifer - it's. Incest. Cmon.

"She doesn't care about the denizens of Hell"

- Vaggie's in Hell in the first place because she spared a demon's life. She cares TOO MUCH!

"Vaggie lied to Charlie. Even Adam was more honest with her!"

- I dont even... It should be common sense why Vaggie, who had just been betrayed by ANGELS, would not trust a demon princess with her true identity. Charlie and Rosie already talked about this. Or did they have their eyes and ears closed throughout episode 7?

"She ruined Lucifer's song by reprising it. Why would she do that when it's supposed to be Charlie and Lucifer's thing?? Why would she go and use a song about familial love and change the meaning to romance??"

- musicals that reprise songs to change its initial vibe has always been a thing, first of all. Vaggie reprised Lucifer's song specifically because they have been parallels of each other for the whole show. In fact, Lucifer indirectly echoes back Vaggie's reprise, with his lyrics in The Finale mirroring Vaggie's lyrics. It's not about Vaggie "stealing Lucifer's thing", it's about these two angels who both love Charlie reminding her of that love and how much they believe in her, despite being withheld of Heaven's love and losing faith in it in the process. It's about these two forms of love withstanding Heaven's abandonment and being there for someone who wants to face Heaven head on.

This is probably one of the most ridiculous anti-Vaggie criticism I've read. It's so weird to see such an earnest act of love as something audacious. If anything, Lucifer's the one with the audacity. I love him a LOT, but he did not deserve to be forgiven just because he had a beautiful song number with his daughter. It doesn't change the fact that he neglected Charlie for ages. If anyone deserved to sing More Than Anything, it was Vaggie because she has truly shown her commitment to Charlie. But, yunno. Baby steps.

Honestly for a lot of the characters in this show, all it seems to take for the fandom to like them is to have a song number that they like. People find Vaggie's songs boring. So they find her boring. Not a lot is known or shown of characters like Vox, Velvette, Alastor, and Husk, but apparently they're better developed. Just because they have sick song numbers doesn't mean they're better developed...

[seafleece]

y’know for the record, carmilla walked so first kill could also walk

[schrijverr]

Smallness lies in the eye of the beholder

No matter how old Jonny might be, he had been young when he got mechanized. This meant he was small, something all the others noticed upon first meeting him.

AKA 8 times a Mech met Jonny for the first time and saw he was small.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none, but tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!

~~~~~~~~~~

1. Nastya

Nastya was running, her feet thumped beneath her as she tried to get away from the lab. She didn’t want to be here, she wanted to go home, but her home wasn’t there anymore.

It wasn’t there anymore.

Tears sprung in her eyes as she the memories of death and misery floated through her brain once more. Her home, everything she’d ever known, run over by angry people.

Her thoughts were cut short by a loud thud and pain as she fell to the floor.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going.” a young indignant voice called out, there was a slight foreign accent there that didn’t match the one of the woman she’d woken up to.

She looked up and saw a boy getting up from the floor, he couldn’t be older than 17, definitely younger than her, but he looked more in control than she’d ever been as he dusted himself off with a huff.

He saw her staring and raised a brow as he asked: “Like the view?”

A frown swept over her face and she thought ‘oh no, he’s not that sort of guy, right?’ Apparently he noticed, because he quickly said: “Oh, not like that, you’re just staring. You must be the person she wanted to pick up. I’m Jonny.”

Hesitantly she replied: “I’m Nastya. So you have been here long?”

“Yeah.” there was a sad undertone to it, but Jonny shrugged it off and said: “But, you know, at least there’s booze and good food. Here I’ll show you.”

“You know how to make food?” Nastya couldn’t help but sound surprised.

It earned her an offended look and said: “Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I can’t cook, okay. I don’t know how y’alls stupid gender rolls worked on the planet you’re from, but I can cook just fine and gender rolls are, as I said before, stupid.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that at all, you’re just so young and I ca-”

She got cut off by Jonny: “Hey! I ain’t young, lady.”

“What?”

“I ain’t young, I’ve been on this ship for a few centuries now, okay, I am the First Mate and I ain’t young.” Nastya didn’t have the heart to tell him he looked very young when he pouted like that, so she kept her mouth shut and just agreed with him.

After that she dropped it, because he was giving her food and she was starving and when she finally figured out what had happened, she knew he had been speaking the truth, no matter how unbelievable it looked.

2. Ashes

They almost laughed when Carmilla introduced the person who’d be going with them to help them burn everything to the ground, before they went with her.

It was a boy, a literal boy.

Sure, he had a manic enough look in his eyes and carried himself with the presence of someone much older, but he was still a boy. There was some baby fat still in his cheeks and Ashes was taller than him, so was the girl slinking in the background and the Doctor herself.

But Ashes had become good in reading danger, so they didn’t argue with Carmilla and just decided to keep a close eye on him to make sure this kid wouldn’t muck everything up.

In the end it turned out the kid didn’t need a close eye at all and that he was very capable of vengeful violence, although they suspected it was more senseless for him, but nonetheless it was something Ashes could appreciate in a person.

They would soon find out that this kid wasn’t really a kid at all, but that didn’t stop them from calling him ‘kiddo’ to annoy him.

3. Ivy

The data didn’t match, the data didn’t match at all.

Jonny was supposed to be the oldest member of the crew, it said it right there in his file that had been uploaded to her brain. There had also been a 98% he was childish based on his description, but she hadn’t expected it to be so literal.

The man, more a boy really, in front of her raised a brow at her and asked with a British voice that also didn’t match the file, which stated he was from New Texas: “Hello, you in there? Carmilla said you were functioning, so you must be. Hello? Hello?”

He waved a hand in front of her eyes and she blinked at him, then she said: “I did not expect you to be so young.”

While he had brightened with the fact that she reacted that fell the moment she finished her sentence. He huffed: “Why does everyone keep saying that? I’m not young, most would qualify me as quite old, you know.”

Ivy ran through everything she knew then told him: “Well, most old people like hearing how young they look for their age.”

Jonny chuckled at that and said: “I like you, you can stay.” then he turned around and as he walked away he called out: “Come and I’ll introduce you to the others and give you some food. You probably need it.”

And with that Ivy followed, deciding not to mention it again if she wanted to keep him as a friend.

4. Brian

He had woken up without any memory of who or where he was. There had been a lady, who told him his name was Drumbot Brian, which was a strange name, but he couldn't really argue with her, since she seemed to know more about him than he did.

She had explained she had found him and fixed him, made him better. After that she forced him to do all sorts of test ranging from uncomfortable to horrifying, leaving him exhausted and scared.

When she finally left and he was all alone in this strange place.

He hated the loneliness almost as much as the experiments and he longed to see another face to tell him it was alright.

Lost in thoughts as he was, he nearly missed the sound of the door sliding open and footsteps coming into the room. He looked up to see a boy giving him a sad smile, which he hadn’t had the heart to return.

What sort of place was this if they did this to kids, he wondered.

“Doc Carmilla said you don’t need to eat and stuff, but I thought you might like some company, most do right after.” the kid said, “I’m Jonny, who are you?”

“Uhm, Drumbot Brian, I suppose.” he answered, then “Wait? Others? How many are there?”

“She told you that was your name?” Jonny answered with a gaze that had hardened with his words, ignoring his question for now.

He nodded in return, then fearfully he asked: “Is that not my name?”

Hearing the fear Jonny assured him: “It probably is, why would she give you a fake name, right? Anyway, you’re the fifth, sixth if you count Doc Carmilla.”

Brian, apparently, was not really assured, but ignored it to ask: “Is everyone so young?”

He did not know how old he was, but he somehow knew he was older than Jonny, he was at least taller, more massive, entirely made of metal… Not the time. And if everyone was that young, he would feel very out of place.

A laugh shook him out of his musings as Jonny grinned: “You’re the youngest aboard this ship.”

“What?”

“You’ll figure it out.” Jonny told him mysteriously, “Here I’ll introduce you to the others and if you manage to figure it out, I’ll try to steal your file to figure out how she found out about your name. Deal?”

Brian got the feeling he was making a big mistake, but he shook Jonnys hand anyway: “Deal.”

5. The Toy Soldier

It had been picked up by really the most jolly of chaps, they’d warned it to not come with them, apparently it wouldn't like it, but with how it had felt on that stage, it couldn't imagine following anyone else.

Still, it seemed like the nice music people were playing some sort of hiding game, but The Toy Soldier did not mind looking for them, it was a fun game.

Then it found someone, but it wasn’t anyone it knew. The person was small and The Toy Soldier identified him as a kid.

The Toy Soldier knew how to deal with lost children, so it cheerily asked: “Hello, Small Person, Are You Lost? How Can I Help?”

“What? Who the fuck are you?” the boy asked grumpily and confused.

It saw a bottle of whiskey in his hand and wondered who was in charge of this boy as it replied: “I Am The Toy Soldier, Sport. Who Are You? Where Are Your Parents?”

“What! I am not some kid, what are you doing on my ship?” the not-some-kid shrieked.

“I Am Sure You Are Very Grown Up, I Merely Wish To Help. I Followed Some Musicians Onto This Ship, Are They Your Guardians?” The Toy Soldier asked.

Fury overtook the boys face and he coldly said: “Oh, so you’re the one they replaced me with.”

Then a bullet ripped through The Toy Soldiers face and when it awoke, it was floating in space as the ship it had snuck onto disappeared out of sight. However, it was determined to find those people again and help that boy find his parents, so it began to try and find its way back.

The Toy Soldier never learned why Jonny would always be annoyed at it, even after it had figured out he wasn’t a little kid.

6. Tim

There were many kids too young for war on the front, Tim had seen many taken before their time lying on the battlefield with unseeing eyes, but that did not mean it got easier to see them get send out into the fire.

So when he saw the kid with too much fire and blood lust in his eyes for him to survive this war, Tim decided to make sure he wouldn't get himself killed right away.

He knew the younger they were, the more of a man they thought themselves to be, which is why he introduced himself with: “Hey, I’m Tim, you been here long?”

The kid gave him a quick one over and shrugged: “Not here particularly, but I’ve been around.”

Hmm, maybe not as much of a rookie as Tim had assumed, although it could be a facade to seem tough.

“Well, then I’ll show you where you can get some booze, my friend Bertie smuggled some in.” Tim told him conspiratorially, holding out a hand to heave him up.

The kid took his hand with a grin and told him: “You’re talking my language, Tim. I’m Jonny, show me that booze.”

Later Tim would be surprised at how well Jonny held his booze, after that he would be surprised at how good at surviving he was despite his complete lack of survival instinct, and finally he would be surprised to hear his voice after waking up from something he didn’t think he would.

“Jonny?”

A sad sigh: “I’m sorry, Tim, I tried to stop her.”

“What happened? What’s going on? Where am I, Jonny?”

“I’ll tell you, just let me show you where you can get some booze first, okay?”

7. Raphaella

Raphaella was a woman of unethical science, but even she had her boundaries.

She, from what she heard about the woman, who had mechanized the others had been a bit of an asshole, but she could see her work was well done when the others allowed her to look at it.

There was only one person she hadn’t been allowed to inspect yet, Jonny. She hadn’t even met the man, hidden away from her as he was. Some of the others had assured her it was nothing personal, he just didn’t like science people in general.

Which was why she was surprised to see an unfamiliar outline in the doorway of her lab. Not allowing herself to be fazed, she asked: “Hi there! How can I help you?”

“My heart is ticking weird.” a young, suspicious, yet unsure voice came.

“Ah, you must be Jonny, then. I’m Raphaella, but you can call me Raph, I don’t think we had the pleasure of meeting before.” she greeted him.

“Hm, yeah, pleasure.” Jonny answered, “Just don’t do anything without warning.”

When she agreed, he stepped into the room and he face got lit up by the lights in her lab, revealing this mysterious Jonny, she’d been kind of curious about.

He was not what she had expected. He was short and still had a baby-face, not at all the mysterious oldest member she had imagined. It suddenly hit her how young Jonny must have been when he had been mechanized.

She was pulled out of her musings by a cough from Jonny, who was sitting on one of her tables. Snapping her head his way, she caught the hint of an eyebrow raise.

With a smile, she said: “Sorry, just distracted. I am going to start with inspecting the casing outside and I will try avoiding having to cut you open, okay?”

He seemed surprised as he agreed and she felt a bit of fury at the person, who had done this, no matter how cool all her work was.

More conversationally she asked: “So, how old were you when you got mechanized?”

His eyes got wary and he slowly said: “Just turned 17, I think. Why do you want to know?”

“Oh, just curious. You know, with the aging process being shut still and all I wondered what sort of impact it would have on puberty and you are to only one still really in it.” she told him.

Fear filled his eyes and he swallowed, before saying: “You ain’t testing shit on me.”

“I won’t, I won’t.” she assured him, “I personally think it’s counterproductive when you have an unwilling participant, they’re much more likely to try and please you, which throws the data off. It’s really annoying. Besides I was only wondering if your voice still cracks sometimes.”

“Who even are you?” Jonny said with wonder.

Raphaella grinned: “I’m Raphaella la Cognizi, Science Officer. Well according to Ashes anyway.”

After that Jonny hung out with Raphaella more often, and yes his voice did still crack sometimes.

8. Marius

Finally stumbling onto the ship he had been chasing for a long while now, Marius came face to face with a kid holding a gun. The kid raised the gun in question to Marius’s head and asked: “Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing here?”

With his last energy, he did a bow with a flourish and said: “Doctor Baron Marius von Raum, trying to find the other Mechanisms?”

“The other?” the kid frowned.

Marius showed him his arm and shrugged: “Met an acquaintance of them.”

Fear filled the kids eyes as he looked around, before grabbing Marius by his collar and pulling him down with unexpected strength as he yelled: “Where is she? Are you working for her?”

“What? No, I’m not. She’s not here, I just want to find some other people that can’t die, there aren’t much of those, you know?” Marius told him, not sure why he was telling a kid all this.

“I don’t believe you, but only one way to find out if you’re lying, eh?” then Marius world went black as the kid pulled the trigger of the gun.

When Marius awoke there was a metal man, who questioned him until he was satisfied. As he unbound him, Marius asked: “Who was the kid that shot me?”

Drumbot Brian, as the man was apparently called, chuckled: “Oh, you mean, Jonny? He’s not a kid, actually the oldest of us all. Everyone made that mistake. I would recommend not calling him that to his face. The Toy Soldier still gets thrown out of an airlock for it from time to time, even though it hasn’t done it in centuries.”

Marius would get shot in the face once more, before he truly learned that lesson, but that was just part of life aboard the Aurora.

[jettingtothemoon]

Save You; chapter 8

➳ pairing: hector x witch|reader ➳ genre: fantasy, angst, fluff ➳ warnings: violence, swearing, smut, mentions of rape, past slavery, spoilers for seasons 1 thorough 3. ➳ word count: 2572 ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ summary: In which y/n and Hector continue to flee from the council of sisters, finding refuge among an unlikely acquaintance with fresh scars and a cold personality. ➳ Part two of, ’Rescue You’. ➳ tags: @afierayeehaww​

Chapters: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09,

Feeling Things

When Alucard awoke, he went into a panic. Feeling the two bodies lying either side of him dug something up that he had been trying to bury for quite some time now and, as he looked at you and Hector, all he saw were the bodies of Sumi and Taka.

Then, those faces changed back to your own, only blood was gushing from your necks as you lied there with your eyes open, completely unmoving. It had happened again. He was alone again. Or so he thought as he began to hyperventilate, clutching his heaving chest and feeling as though he were about to die.

Then, there was the feeling of a gentle hand on his back, pulling him back to reality.

"Alucard? Look at me, calm down. Please." You begged, trying to keep your voice calm in hopes of calming him.

When his eyes finally focused and his erratic breathing began to slow down, you let out a sigh of relief. His shaky eyes flitted to you, the icy fear within them melting the moment they saw you. You were okay. Then, his head snapped to Hector who was sitting to the other side of him, looking just as worried as you.

"What happened?" He asked, bringing a hand up to delicately brush stray strands of hair away from Alucard's face.

Alucard looked forwards once again, catching his breath as he calmed himself down only to feel tears building up all over again. As they began to roll down his cheeks, he lied back down and covered his face with his hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He mumbled.

You and Hector exchanged a glance and lied back down beside him, both facing him from only inches away.

"It's alright." Hector soothed, placing a hand over Alucard's arm.

Then, it was your turn to reassure him, "You don't have anything you need to apologise for."

After a moment, Alucard moved his hands away from his face but still couldn't seem to bring himself to look either of you in the eye.

"If you're not ready to tell us then you don't have to, but know that we are here to listen when you are." Hector sighed, this thumb gently rubbing over the skin of Alucard's arm.

A silent moment passed while you all lied there until Alucard finally spoke, "It happened a few months before the two of you arrived."

You and Hector focused your full attention on him, ready to hear what he had to say but he paused again. He looked up at the ceiling, face looking somehow both full of sorrow but also void of emotion. Then, he took in a deep breath and continued.

"Their names were Sumi and Taka. They came here hoping to learn to hunt and kill the vampires who took their home... They were kind and full of hope. Their passion to take back their lives was admirable... but they grew impatient and had their trust in me faltered."

He went quiet again, his voice breaking ever so slightly as yet another tear dripped down the side of his face.

"They came to my bed and, when I was at my most vulnerable, they tried to kill me."

Silence yet again as you and Hector took in the trauma he spoke of, finally understanding why he found it so difficult to trust you when you first arrived. You just wanted to hug him again, to hold him and tell him everything was alright but, instead, you reached out and wiped his tears away with your thumb.

"Is that how you got the scars on your arm? From them? I- I'm sorry, I saw them before but I didn't want to ask in case you didn't want to talk about it." Your voice was careful, hesitant, you were unsure of whether you should have asked about them or even brought them up.

He turned his head to you, his golden hair bunching on the pillow beside you as he nodded, "They're not just on my arms. They're everywhere. My arms, legs, chest, back. The scars that haunt me are on every inch of my body just reminding me what they did... and what I did to them."

Hector tenderly turned Alucard's face towards him and tried to offer him a reassuring smile, "It wasn't your fault. None of it was. They hurt you, they tried to kill you. You did what you had to Alucard. You're not the one to blame."

"I- I just wish it could have turned out differently. Maybe if I hadn't tried to delay their teaching then they might have believed me and returned to their home safely. I... I just didn't want to be alone anymore..." He broke down all over again, his hands once again coming up to catch his tears.

"You're not alone, Alucard. You never will be again, I promise you." With your words, he turned back to you with a sad smile.

Hector wrapped an arm around him and hugged him tight, "We're not going anywhere."

You too leaned closer, resting your head on Alucard's shoulder. The three of you sat in silence for a moment until Alucard's tears stopped falling. Then, Hector decided it was his turn.

"I went through something similar... when I was being held prisoner at Carmilla's castle. There was a woman, a vampire. Lenore. She tricked me, manipulated me into thinking she cared about me when all she wanted was my loyalty."

It surprised you to hear Hector speak her name, especially when you knew the sheer mention of her made him feel sick to his stomach. Alucard too seemed surprised that Hector was sharing his experience with him. He didn't know what exactly had happened before you wound up at his castle but he knew it was bad, he could see the pain reflecting in both of your eyes, especially Hector's. A pain that mirrored his own. It was one of the reasons he let you stay and the main reason he gave Hector a chance in the first place.

"She tricked me into sleeping with her and turned me into a slave. A pet." Hector spat and you could hear the bitterness in his voice.

"I'm sorry." Alucard sighed but nonetheless sounded grateful that Hector also trusted him enough to confide in him as he had just moments before.

Hector shook his head and sat up, climbing out of the bed, "It doesn't matter now. What happened, happened. What matters right now is that we're safe and we're away from there. No to mention, we have each other and Alexander. None of us are alone, not anymore."

You climbed out of the bed just after, following Hector in getting dressed. Alucard smiled, knowing that you were not like Sumi and Taka but more like Trevor and Sypha. You were his friends, his companions, and you weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

"Adrian."

When he spoke, both you and Hector turned to him looking confused and so, he explained, "It's my name. My birth name. I think- I think I want to use it again."

You both smiled and nodded before going back to getting dressed. Adrian left to give you some privacy, although neither of you minded his presence there. When you were done, he was already dressed and making breakfast for everyone, including a little bowl for Cezar.

By the time Alexander and Cezar came down to the kitchen, seemingly following the smell of a deliciously cooked breakfast, everything was neatly laid out on the table just waiting for you to eat it. The boy smiled and sat down at the table, noticing the brighter atmosphere surrounding the rest of you.

Once you had all eaten, Adrian went fishing for dinner. He took Alexander with him as the boy seemed eager to lend a hand and go on an outing. Not that you could blame him, being cooped up inside this castle, no matter how large it is, can be a bit much. He will surely enjoy the trip and you had no doubt that they'd come home with enough fish for dinner.

When they left, you and Hector went to the study. Cezar followed at Hector's heels, happy to follow his master around once again after looking after Alexander for so long.

Hector used the magic you had taught him to light the fire, warming away the draft that had crept in over the night, while you browsed the shelves for a good book to read.

"I'm glad Alu- Adrian is doing better. Last night and this morning seemed to help." Hector stated, pulling his shoes off to warm his feet by the fire.

You smiled, "Me too. I'm glad we could provide at least some comfort to him."

When you found a book that piqued your interest, you walked over and sat on the floor by Hector. Cezar was already in his lap, tail wagging happily as Hector scratched behind his ears.

"y/n."

Sensing the seriousness in Hector's voice when he said your name, you closed the book you had only just opened and turned to him. Your eyes alone beckoned him to continue and so, with a sigh, he did.

"I think... I think I'm feeling things I shouldn't be."

Your brows furrowed, "What do you mean?"

He looked away from you, almost as if he was afraid to look you in the eyes, "I love you, you know that but-"

Another pause as he sucked in a breath.

"Nothing is going to make me think you love me any less, nor will anything you're about to say change how I feel about you." You reassured and, although his tense muscles relaxed a little, he still seemed somewhat uneasy.

He hung his head, curtains of silver hair covering his honeyed face, "I think I'm feeling things- something- for Alucard... I know it's completely wrong and I shouldn't be. I mean, he's a man and a vampire and- and just a friend but-"

"I know what you mean." You sighed, leaning your head onto his shoulder.

He looked down at you, somewhat startled, "Y- You do?"

You nodded and reached for his hand, entwining your fingers with his as you continued, "He's charming and broken... just like us. Handsome, we're both jealous of his hair, not to mention he's the sweetest little vampire I've ever met."

"S- So you feel it too?"

Hector seemed to feel less guilty about his straying thoughts and feelings when you admitted to being in the same boat as him. Even going as far as to listing the reasons you too were feeling something for the vampire.

"I don't love him. Not like I do you, not yet. But... I won't deny that even I've noticed this thing between the three of us."

Hector breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank God. I thought you were going to think I was going insane."

You chuckled and reached for your book, turning your body so that you were sitting with your back against Hector, "It's not insane to care about someone, Hector."

The two of you sat quietly for a while. You just read your book, enjoying the tales about dragons and knights. Hector seemed more at ease but it was clear he still had a lot to think about. He wasn't, it seemed, as open to these things he was feeling. It was clear he wanted to at least try and make sense of things or perhaps he was simply allowing his thoughts a rest as he watched the crackling fire.

Not long after lunch, Adrian and the boy had returned with plenty of fish for dinner.

"You should have seen him, Alexander is a natural." Adrian beamed, ruffling the boy's hair as he placed the fish down on the table.

Of course, Alexander just grinned and, unexpectedly ran over to hug you. It wasn't so strange for him to hug you but it was strange for him to hug you seemingly without reason. Perhaps it was his new way of greeting you upon his return as he couldn't do it verbally. Whatever the reason, he soon also eagerly hugged Hector and then ran off to play with Cezar.

"He seems happy." Hector stated with a smile as he pulled out a chair to sit down.

You took the fish and put them into the sink in order to wash them before you would prepare them for dinner.

"He liked it. Going out, doing something new. It's good for him." Adrian stated, wiping down the table with a cloth to clean up the mess he had made by initially putting the fish there.

Once you finished cleaning the fish, you decided to leave them in the sink for a moment to talk to the two men who sat chatting around the table. You pulled out a chair and sat with them, turning to Adrian with your arms resting on the table.

He just looked at you for a moment, seemingly questioning what you were looking at him for but, before he could ask, you turned to Hector.

"I have a proposal." You declared, looking back at Adrian and then from him to Hector once more.

They both looked confused, looking at each other to see if the other knew what you were going on about but, when clearly neither of them had a clue, they looked back at you.

"Um... What is it?" Adrian asked, tilting his head curiously towards you.

"Well, a proposal and a confession." You admitted, although they both simply looked at you with the same blank expressions as before whilst waiting for you to elaborate.

You sighed and turned to Hector, "You know what we talked about earlier? In the study?"

He nodded slowly, eyes almost worriedly snapping to Adrian and then back to you.

"I have an idea," Your head then turned to Adrian, "How do you feel about sharing our bed again tonight?"

He furrowed his brows but answered nonetheless, "Well, I wouldn't hate it. Sleeping beside the two of you last night was probably the best sleep I've had in months. It was... comforting."

"I'm glad it was nice for you," You smiled sincerely, "But this time I was thinking maybe we could... make things more intimate?"

It seemed to take him a moment to catch on to what you were implying, the cogs turning in his brain until finally, something clicked.

"O- Of course, if you don't want to then we don't have to. I know you probably don't have anything good to associate with that kind of thing after what you went through and- God, maybe it was a terrible idea to suggest it. It's just that Hector and I like you, we really like you, and we want to understand just how far those feelings go." You rambled, suddenly worried that it was not a good idea to bring this idea up. You didn't want to make Adrian or Hector uncomfortable but you wanted to at least explore this, especially after hearing Hector's own feelings earlier on.

Adrian's hands settled on your shoulders, thumbs rubbing gently against you as if to soothe you, "It's alright."

Then, he looked at Hector, their eyes met for a moment before he lifted his hands from you and looked back into yours, "I- I trust you. Both of you. So, if this is something you both want, then I won't reject the offer. Anyway, I also have some things I want to confirm."

The two of you turned to Hector, waiting for his input on the matter with expecting eyes.

He breathed in, then out, before smiling softly at the two of you with a slight nod of his head, "I want to as well."

Just like that, the three of you had made your decision. Whether you would go through with it or not was another matter.

Chapters: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09,

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Fluffabet! - Tulula

@dat-silvers-girl you tagged me in this I don’t even know how long ago. You probably don’t even remember, that’s how late I am. Nonetheless, nonetheless! I recently got an anon asking me about Tulula as well, and so I shall heal two birds with one veterinarian! (What, what do you mean that’s not the phrase? I like it better this way.) Let’s go ahead and tag @weirdcursedvaultkid @carewyncromwell and @carmilla-the-bird if you’ve already done it and want to do it again you could totally do a different ship? Or anything you like. Let’s go!

A= Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Merula is attracted to Tulip’s outlook, her tendency toward chaos and ability to plan such chaos so meticulously. That smirk is a killer as well. Tulip, meanwhile, is attracted to Merula’s unwavering ambition and her dominant personality. Her eyes are pretty captivating, too. I think Tulip’s passion for mayhem rubbed off on Merula, and I think her taste for glory rubbed off on Tulip. So they became a little bit like each other.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not)

I feel like Tulip would love the idea of having a youngin’ that was theirs, that she and Merula could train as their apprentice in the ways of trouble - and with how Tulip was raised, you know that’s exactly what she would do.  Merula is a tricky case...I feel like she’d be conflicted about having children. I think having a family environment would definitely help her mental health thrive, but I also think she wouldn’t know what to do with a child. She hasn’t exactly had the best examples to go on with motherhood. 

C= Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Merula reads to me as someone who would hide her face while cuddling, like in Tulip’s hair, neck, or chest. I also definitely see Merula being shorter, so I can just picture Tulip pulling her into her lap all of the time. It reminds me of that meme. Tulip cuddling Merula and gushing about how cute she is, and Merula sleepily muttering that she could kick her ass. 

D= Dates (What are dates with them)

They’re adventures, for sure! These two little delinquents are going to go off to explore the Forbidden Forest, check out all of the abandoned corridors and rooms in the castle, probably searching for a Cursed Vault. Or else just planning a big prank on someone they want to get back at. Competing with others and (playfully) with each other, they’ve definitely got a scoreboard.

E= Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

“Merula, you are the one who makes it worth it. The chaos in the world is a wonderful thing, but I can’t imagine experiencing it without you. It all seems so dull and pointless. You invigorate me, you motivate me.” 

“Blimey, you really are mad for me, aren’t you? Hehe. Well, I suppose...you mean a lot to me too, you know? I know I don’t normally say it, talking about this kind of thing is awkward. But even if I’m the most powerful date in Hogwarts...you could give me a run for my money.”

“Do you really mean that?” 

“Of course I do. And I’m not saying it a second time, so savor it.” 

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

I so firmly and sincerely believe that Tulip knew as soon as she betrayed Merula. I feel like they would have been somewhat open with each other about having more-than-friendly feelings, but it wouldn’t have been anything official, since, y’know, they’re preteens at this point. But when Tulip leaves Merula, it truly sinks in just what she’s lost. Merula would shrug it off and try to tell herself she’s over Tulip - but seeing her working with MC and being friends with them...yeah, that would be the moment Merula realized and probably skulked off to hex a training dummy and cry. Mutual pining and mutual pain, be still my heart. 

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

As much as we all snort at the idea of Merula being gentle, I think she can be, given the right context. It’s not a side of her that anyone would see very often, so even Tulip would normally get her default personality. But when they’re alone and at peace, I could see Merula softening. For Tulip, I think it would be far easier. I think she actually adapts herself to be less gentle for Merula’s sake, since Merula tends to respond more to power.  One of Tulip’s greatest strengths as a partner is the ability to adapt.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

I feel like Tulip does this thing where she embraces Merula from behind and grabs her hand. Not to mention grabbing her hand when they’re running from Filch. And it just becomes a habit for her, so that even when Merula is hugging her, Tulip holds her hands. But it would be a much bigger moment the first time that Merula actually reached for Tulip’s hand of her own accord. Whatever you do, don’t imagine Tulip tearing up when it happens.

 I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

I think Tulip made it her mission to prank everyone in her class before the first year was over. If you want to get into head-canons, that could mean that any number of hijinks from Year 1 were actually caused by Tulip, including the “You are a [House]” schemes. But Merula was the one person that she failed to prank, Merula caught the act before it was complete. Which probably led to them developing a mutual admiration for each other, after the initial conflict. 

J= Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Merula does. Boy oh boy, does she get jealous. I feel like Tulip wouldn’t necessarily, but it could depend. Merula is highly insecure and I think she very much was jealous when MC and Tulip started hanging out. Likewise, I also think that Tulip was jealous of Merula and MC in Year 5, and Merula even taunted her about it during that scene in Jacob’s Room. But I think Merula wants Tulip all to herself. Tulip, I think, wouldn’t be that strict...but she would hate the idea of Merula just completely moving on to someone else and having no room left in her heart for the rebellious ravenclaw. Which is probably what’s happened by Year 6...

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Not really sure. All I know is that Merula really wants to snog Tulip but is awkward about it. So either because it’s her nature or because she knows Merula is insecure, Tulip is probably the one to pull her in. I’d imagine that Tulip initiated the first kiss as well, or it might have been a same/time thing. If we want to have more heartbreaking fun, just picture Tulip wishing Merula luck before the Portrait Vault and asking her to be careful. And then blindsiding her with the first kiss. What if Merula wasn’t just being all shy and sheepish early on in that chapter because she was connecting with MC, but because of that too? 

L= Love (Who says ‘I love you first?)

With how emotionally guarded and repressed Merula is, it was definitely Tulip. I also feel like neither of them would really have verbal expression as a way of expressing their feelings, because they’re both awkward as all hell. Merula shows her affection through expressions of power, and Tulip with her pranks. They’re in a constant effort to prove themselves to each other when there’s no need, always missing the point ironically at least until they're older. 

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

Going off the idea that they became partners in crime after Tulip tried and failed to prank Merula, I feel like they became similar to the Marauders and explored the Castle for Cursed Vaults. I have this headcanon that they discovered the Room of Requirement at this time and initially investigated it just in case it was a Cursed Vault. It wasn’t, but it became like their sanctuary for a while before they moved to Jacob’s  Room. In my head-canons, when they eventually reconcile (they will, damn it!) they’ll return to the “sanctuary” room as neither has ever been able to open the Room without each other.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

No idea if either of them is particularly wealthy, but I like to imagine that when it comes to love languages, Tulip is more of an “acts of service” sort of person. She’d pull off all kinds of schemes in the hope of making Merula smile or laugh. Merula strikes me as a physical touch sort of person, and I feel like she wouldn’t be much of a gift giver either, but they could definitely go all out given the right circumstances. I feel like Tulip, post-graduation, would engineer a scheme to try and break Merula’s parents out of Azkaban. She would of course, fail, but imagine Merula trying not to cry as she realizes how lucky she is. 

O=  Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

This one is rather simple, but I feel like the colors that remind Tulip of Merula is either emerald green, or violet. To match either her House, or her eyes. The colors that remind Merula of Tulip are crimson red (for her hair) and midnight blue, because she’s a Ravenclaw and also because it would resemble her Celestial Ball dress. Did these two go to the Celestial Ball together? Unlikely, given that they were at odds, but still possible. Otherwise, one of them could have looked on forlorn as the other danced with MC. 

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?

Merula has a tendency to refer to people by surname, and only use their first name if it’s a serious moment or if she’s grown to care about them. I feel like the opposite would come into play with Tulip. Most of the time she just calls her by her first name, but in more serious moments, she playfully calls her “Karasu.” Likewise...ever notice how Tulip, notorious for referring to people by first and last names every time...has only ever called Merula by her first name? Just saying. Other than that, I’d imagine she tried to use some nicknames for Merula playfully, stuff like “Meru” or “Ruru” or “Rula” and promptly dodged the incoming hex at the idea.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

I mean, they’re witches, so most of the hobbies and everyday things they come across aren’t going to be modern, especially in Merula’s case. But Merula appears to be a Quidditch fan, even if she doesn’t always let on. I feel as though Tulip doesn’t care about that, but could gladly get on board with playing alongside her. Meanwhile, Tulip strikes me as the kind of person to enjoy Wizard’s Chess. (EDIT: Apparently, this is straight up canon. Yay!) She would pull out victory in unexpected ways, make different plays that her opponents question as cheating or risque, but never be able to prove anything.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

I think this is where Tulip being more well adjusted than Merula would come into play. A rainy day would be the perfect chance to write some letters to folks they know and care about, that they could catch up with. Merula would scoff at the thought, wanting such people to contact them first. Tulip would talk her into helping or, if nothing else, sign the letters from both of them, bless her heart.

S = Sad (How do they cheer each other up?)

Merula only knows how to measure things in terms of power and success. She would learn to translate that for Tulip, who is constantly insecure, I think, about who she is. I feel like the lack of love Tulip got from her parents affects her, and that she sees far too much of herself in Rakepick. Merula attempts to comfort her by reassuring Tulip that she is her own person. Unique and better than any of them. Likewise, I think Tulip very much imbibes negative energy from those around her, so Merula working on herself also helps, and just generally being nicer. Tulip, meanwhile, is good at adapting, like I said earlier. She learns quickly how to console Merula and feed her ego, understands when to be blunt and when to just let her win. 

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

I feel like Tulip always has a funny story to share, but winds up telling it in a way that the joke doesn’t land. I think Merula likes to boast about her adventures, but her self-praise rings hollow since no one else was there. In both cases, it’s an example of “you had to be there.” hence these two always prefer to stick together when they can, but are always willing to listen when the other needs to vent, and they often trade clever quips and one-liners, just overall a lot of fun banter.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Merula almost never relaxes. I think having Tulip around in general would help with that. I can imagine the two of them kicking back after a long day of adventures, sharing a pot of tea and chatting about the different antics they shared, as well as bringing one another up to speed on what the other missed. Bonus points if they’re cuddling on the couch. Again, I’m a sucker for that whole setup? Is Merula a big spoon or a little spoon? She’s obviously a knife. Just kidding, she’s a little spoon.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

This is Merula we’re talking about. She is constantly showing off and enjoys the attention because Tulip will inevitably get heart-eyes, every time. Whether it’s mastering a new spell, bullying and/or “standing up to” someone she had a quarrel with, or even just a new style for her hair, Merula would always want Tulip’s attention. I feel like Tulip is mostly proud of her schemes and ability to plan big events, usually ones that cause mayhem, and those are her proudest accomplishments. 

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?

So, my vision is that Tulip’s initial prank that she planned on Merula, who she saved for last, involved knocking her into the fountain of the Hogwarts Courtyard. Merula saw this coming and dodged at the last second, instead pushing Tulip into the fountain. To her immense surprise, Tulip was not angry, she was delighted at having been outsmarted. My belief is that some time after Hogwarts, maybe after the second war ends, maybe before it starts...Tulip takes Merula to some garden where there’s a fountain, and abruptly knocks both of them into the water. Once they’re in there, Tulip pulls out the ring. Obviously, Merula says yes, before security chases them off. 

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Oh I’m so glad you asked, my friend. Their song, in-universe, is the Celestina Warbeck song called “You Charmed The Heart Right Out Of Me.” This is something that I believe they shared, a love of Celestina Warbeck and of singing in general - though Merula was the only one who was good at it, of course. Seriously, this one would have been in the songbook, and circled with a bunch of hearts. Don’t @ me. It just would have. Additionally, if we’re talking about out-of-universe, this song reminds me a lot of the storm that Tulula would be.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Yup! The fountain incident is the proposal, and I think Tulip knew she wanted to marry Merula for years, even before they left Hogwarts. Likewise, I think that Tulip’s attempt to free Merula’s parents clued Merula in to how she was really feeling as well, which previously she wasn’t able to access. So she would have secretly wanted to marry Tulip as well, but not had the guts to propose.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

They already have a pet and he is the magnificent Dennis. He is their son, and always watches over them, being just as much of a trickster as Tulip. Likewise, my interpretation is that Merula has a black cat called Bitten who is just as much of a grumpy ass as Merula. Bitten and Dennis have a close friendship, even if it’s unconventional and Bitten refuses to let on that he cares, he will allow Dennis to sleep in his bed without biting him.

[a-bear-at-hogwarts]

!! I was tagged by @mervinamoonishere​ , thank you so much!! ^-^

I’m not very good at tags sorry nlkjbh so I’ll tag two folk and anyone else who’d like to do this!! @carmilla-the-bird​ and @gayandvibin​ if y’all would like to ^-^

Character opinions - under a read more because it’s a bit long!!

Favourite Gryffindor: ooo hm, ,  I think I’d have to go with Bill for this one!! The older brother figure mc really needed throughout the ordeal that is the vaults njkbhu - he’s supportive and tries his best to be there for the younger kids, even post graduation!

Least Favourite Gryffindor: Tyler for sure, she’s just, , eesh. What’s her damage?? Why’s she so concerned with a girl two or three years younger than her being popular?? Why’s she so hell bent on making life worse for everyone else?? 

Favourite Hufflepuff: I’ll have to go with Chiara for this one!! She’s such a fun character, invested in healing and helping others despite her isolation and fear - I’m often at odds with the pushiness of the mc, but I’m glad she’s got a friend she can trust now at least <3

Least Favourite Hufflepuff: I don’t really have one tbh? They’re all at least vaguely endearing nkjbh

Favourite Ravenclaw: Talbott!! I love all the Ravenclaw kids tbh, but Talbott’s one of my favourites - he’s awkward and alone, and the slow friendship that builds is really lovely imo ^-^

Least Favourite Ravenclaw: lnkjbhuv like I said, I love all the ravenclaw kiddos so I don’t really have one of these either ^-^

Favourite Slytherin: Merula - I’m basic I know nlkjbhiv. I just think she has so much potential to grow, and she seems to genuinely want to do better!! I love her!! But I also love Liz, , and Barnaby, , honestly I adore most of the slytherin kids too njkbhj 

Least Favourite Slytherin: I have to say Ismelda here - I do think she has the potential to grow as well!! But she never seems to want to which bothers me. That said her character is interesting af, and while she’s not a character I love so much as Merula she’s still got a really interesting potential arc!!

Favourite Quidditch Character: Rath, 100%!! I love Murphy too, but I’m gay and I both love Erika and project onto her highkey nlkjbh

Least Favourite Quidditch Character: I know this is far from an unpopular opinion, but probably Skye ^-^’ I do understand in part why she might be the way she is but... the rumour thing? And how she responded to it? She doesn’t even seem to acknowledge what she’s done is wrong. Fair enough if you like her!! l know she has the potential for a great arc, it’s just not one that appeals to me ^-^’

Favourite Teacher: McGonnogal!! Professor Sprout is a close second ^-^

Least Favourite Teacher: Severus. Biggoted prick

Favourite Non-Teacher Adult: Madam Pomfrey!!

Least Favourite Non-Teacher Adult: Rita Skeeter - her writing in the books is problematic tbh, but setting that aside she really needs to stop bothering people and writing such horrible stories about folks. “It sells” isn’t an excuse

Rate Rowan on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “Why are we even friends?” and 10 being “BFFs for Life!”: solid 8!! Dahlia’s close to them, and while they’re not the closest of their friends they’re the first, and hold a special place in her heart.

Rate Jacob on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “You’re dead to me” and 10 being “Love you forever, big bro!!”: Setting aside jammy’s god awful writing, Dahlia goes between a 4 and a 9 at any point in time!! Leaving them behind?? Bad, rude, you’re an idiot. But also she’d die for him y’know?? And she can’t mourn him again

Rate MC and your similarities on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “MC is nothing like me” to 10 being “MC is ttly a self-insert lol”: Oof, probably about?? 4ish?? Like I yote my hair on her, and my body issues to try and trick myself out of them njkbh, but in terms of height and general temperament and family situation she’s completely different!! She’s also got elements of my own hyper empathy and learning style!

Favourite Side Quest: Hm, I think, , probably the Werewolf ones!! It’s got potential story stuff for my mc what with her family’s complex relationship with werewolves and the likes, and also allows you to meet Chiara!!

Least Favourite Side Quest: The fairy one. I’m still not done jnkbhvgh

Your Ideal Ending for Patricia Rakepick: Jail! Jail for one thousand years! jkghivu though she might end up dying in my telling of the story ngl, Dahlia’s not the most stable in regards to her :,)

[strawberryybird]

Me sees the character songs post, immediately wants to know what character songs you have for the characters and why.

ok so. welcome to the rabbit hole that is my music taste and what is my no.1 most frequently done activity.. plastering emotions i have for fictional characters all over my music taste. I restricted myself to ¾ songs for each character & then to Edie, Hubert, Dorothea, Lysithea & Byleth because otherwise we’d be here all day (and those are the Primary Daydream Candidates rn)

under a rm because as im sure we’ve all seen.. i just don’t fucking stop.. also i got weirdly deep about some of these topics. i don’t know how to tag it. tread careful?

Here are some songs.. welcome to my (notoriously bad) music taste. alsoi go in Very heavy handed about it all. i make only a few apologies:

Edelgard:Everybody wants to rule the word - tears for fears. (ucan go with Lorde’s cover but i prefer the original bc im like that.) i meanit’s pretty heavy handed but it’s such an Edelgard song it !!!! fuels my ficwriting. if it’s not so very Edelgard’s relationship with twsitd then idk whatto tell you. plus it’s an iconic song

Medicine - daughter. (daughter is My Favourite Band. Ever. I cannot articulate how much ilove their (and ex:re’s) music!!) anway. this is a hegegard song & i don’ttake constructive criticism. I’ll reiterate this better in other descriptions,but please don’t take my inclusion of a song about such a topic as adevaluation of it in any way, that’s not my intention. The reason I go so feralfor Hegegard is because im no stranger to watching someone you care about hurt themselvesin a way you can’t stop, and that’s what the AM ending evokes in me. Hence: asong I love that one can read the same story in. And then the lyrics ‘You couldstill be / What you want to / What you said you were / When I met you” just !! parallelsEdge of Dawn’s lyrics about regret & overall I’m very feral about this.

(Don’t Fear) The Reaper - blue oystercult. this is PRIME Edelgard telling freshly-awokenbyleth she’s been waging war for 5 years. also !!!! “Seasonsdon’t fear the reaper / Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain, we can be likethey are” >>> “The Edge of Dawn (Seasons ofWarfare) (フレスベルグの少女～風花雪月～,lit. Girl of Hresvelg ~Wind, Flower, Snow, Moon~)” .. the link is tenuous but coincidence?? is it, fuck.

Seneca - Novo Amor. this is another one of those songs that could mean something different to everyone. very easy to project onto, is novo amor. I like the story of being prepared to run and break ties at any given moment, but ending up - emotionally or physically - in the same place one always was. apart from the glaring tie of how Edelgard returned to garreg mach, this song is a lot of me trying to repatriate Edelgard’s lack of emotional arc in the game by saying . well. this song. 

You can call me Al -  paul simon. am i projecting edeleth thoughts onto my favourite song? it’s morelikely than you think!!! but also i like the chorus and all the exasperating ‘call me el’jokes i can make.. i may be half writing a fic based on this song.

Dorothea:Agnes - glass animals. so i have significant emotions about edelthea at the best of times !! and this song !!! really bloody hits it home !! yes I knowit’s got a really heavy and real subject matter and I’m not trying to devalueit or minimise it.. but the story - about watching someone close to you hurtthemselves/get hurt, and doing so in ways you can’t stop them from - is adamn real one. And a Lot of why I love Dorothea’s character in the gamebecause she’s the one who can’t stop her friends from getting hurt – through exposureto warfare .. or  stopping Edelgard becomingthe monster at the end of the story. Even though she’s one of the healers onthe beagle’s team. And I feel that.

Ex’s and Oh’s – Elle King. So you know that one spn fanvid featuringthis song about all of dean winchester’s relationships? That, but for my flirting Queen Dorothea Arnault. (and I have the dumbest most fun little headcanon thatonce Dorothea and Sylvain derailed a lgbt+ society meeting whilst Edie wastrying to go over the budget by blasting this song and dancing on the table.The idea makes me laugh)

Hold My Girl – George Ezra. The whole thing about wanting just that onemoment to cherish the people you love for one moment more before you have goout face the world? If that’s not the timeskip’d Dorothea Arnault Aesthetic, Idon’t know what is.

(Call Me Out – sea girls. On a much lighter note, this song is fueling the later half of mydrafts of road trip au. And it’s literally because of that one verse. im gayshut up.)

Hubert:Red Right Hand – nick cave and the bad seeds. Is it on the nose? Is itheavy handed? Oh u fuckin bet but that won’t stop me!!! A) it’s a good song. ItIs. B) I like narrative songs. C) Any ‘red right hand’ symbolism in Anycharacter has me love them immediately and also plonk this song in the middleof any playlist about them. sure, the artic monkeys version might be a bit more on hubert’s brand.. but my mileage varies about it lmao

I had fortress by bear’s den earmarked for Hubie, as I think it’s easilyread about boundaries and a one sided intense relationship & that’s! Hubiebaybee! But I can’t possibly cover unhealthy relationships without shoving thealbum Hospice by The Antlers into every which way of it. It’s by no meansdirectly translatable to Edelgard and hubert’s relationship and it’s arguable ifI should even mention it in the same sentence as a bloody fictional character… that beingsaid, I’ve been having emotions about:Shiva – the antlers. This song specifically reads to me to be a really goodarticulation of my own thoughts about Hubert’s perspective of Edie getting experimentedon. heavy but damn. I like that. I just see a lot of what their teen years togethermust have been like in Shiva.

Time – Pink Floyd. Ok so.. it’s like Hubert in parallel bc I think thissong is a lot about searching for a purpose/reason or a quote unquote bloodyred path in life. And I may have been listening to it when I watched Hubert/DorotheaA support & now it’s just permanently associated with it bc it complementedit so well. And I like it. So . it stays. It’s very much a beagles song to meas well.

Lysithea:The Beautiful Dream – George Ezra. Ok so I read this Edelysithea ficwith this on repeat bc the title reminded me of it, and then I stuck it onrepeat because it worked too well and now.. im crying.. and i like the inflection of Lysithea’s bitterness over the titular lyric. (but also, it remains one of my steadfast edeleth songs.. sorry lys)

Secrets (Cellar Door) – Radical Face. Another Edelgard&/Lysitheasong!! I really like their relationship ok. And given the song itself can beread straight or an allegory for whatever you particularly want, but the storyis just too on the nose for me not to mention it here.(also general advocation of listening to the whole of radical face’s musicbecause I’ve loved it for years now & the work is beautiful.) (also it’swonderful for fe awakening projection. Or ur own.)

Oh Children – nick cave and the bad seeds. there’s a million different interpretations of this song, but to try nail a few onto Lysithea.. there’s the harry potter use of making/finding a light in the depths of tragedy & i love that for Lys. there’s the whole ‘the kids aren’t alright’ theme and it’s various depths. and i like narrative lyrics to plaster my large fictional-character-caused-emotions onto, so make of this one what you will.

Marianne (and Lysithea too if you like)Bad Blood – Radical Face. Ok so. This is one of my favourite songs in bloodyexistence, and it’s so loaded with meaning & it has a metric tonne of it. Icould wax lyrical about how much I love Radical Face’s work. I don’t want myinclusion of this song (specifically this one) to in any way devalue it. Butmusic is ofc incredibly subjective, and so is my reading of a lot of threehouses – in case it’s not bloody obvious by now. There’s a Lot of stories onecould take from Marianne’s character (and none of them are More Valid^tm thanany other), and I do see a very personal story in her – as I do in this song. Hgghhghive just spent 10 minutes trying to find an impersonal way to talk about twovery personal and relative stories, which naturally doesn’t work. That, and theway I read her story is Real Fucking Dicey for tumblr.com. so if this song is about accepting rejection because of parts of yourself so deep they’re in your blood, i think.. y’all can see.. where my neurodivergent gay self is going with this..

Byleth:Something to Believe In – Tom Walker. Yeah. You’re bloody welcome. If this isn’ta completely on the nose Byleth song, I’ll eat Dorothea’s hat.

Don’t Let the Man – Fatboy Slim. ~ And the sign said green-hairedpartially possessed emotionally void mercenaries need not apply for aprofessorship at the country’s most prestigious academic centre… ~

Emigrate - Novo Amor. this just fucking Got Me in the ‘actively choosing crimson flower’ feelings. im an emotional wreak but its aight. the lyrics just matched up too well for me to let it go !!!

Alps - Novo Amor. this hit me in the ‘i miss the gremlin child sothis’ feelings one day and now it’s permanently stuck that way.

Make Them Gold – chvrches. (this is very much associated with awakening’sfuture past kids and also the Carmilla series in my mind But!!) I love a story about‘if we’re all falling, we’re going down together’ and the magical power of teamwork, and how it brings out the best in people.. & that’s what this song& Byleth kinda bloody stand for ya know??

woooh.. oh my god . i need another cup of tea.

[wildfireornot]

tagged by @pastel-rainbow-galaxy (aka the only person who tags me in cool stuff on here lmao bless you <3)

rules: tag followers that you want to know better

name: W

nicknames: -

gender: this question again? *sigh* psa: label me as cis-female if you wish but don’t assume that means anything about me or how i feel about myself bc plot twist: it fucking does not. (edit: by “label me as” ofc i meant shut up you don’t rlly get to label me ykno? -not adressed to anyone in particular dw-)

star sign: leo (i don’t relate to it tho so eh whatever)

height: 1m71 / 5′6 (the last time i checked was probably like one or two years ago but i guess im still the same height)

sexual orientation: queer/gay/polysexual are terms i use to describe it. don’t call me a lesbian, i don’t like that term, thanks

favorite color: purple, violet

favorite animal: felines/cats/wolves

average hours of sleep: these days i can sleep 9 or 10 hours (usually from approximately 2am to 12 or 1pm), i usually sleep wayyy less on week days when im not on holidays

cat or dog person: CATS

favorite fictional characters: gonna copy/paste my previous answer to this question: ellana (from pierre bottero’s books) - salim (same books) - stiles stilinski – spencer reid - wolverine

favorite bands/singers: papa roach

dream trip: road trip somewhere i can encounter different kinds of landscapes, especially forests

dream job: storyteller

when was this blog created: may 2013

current number of followers: 719

when did your blog reach its peak: do u mean papa roach peak or mika peak? o/ but yeah my blog is kinda lame but idc

time right now: 6:10pm

song stuck in my head: -

last movie i watched: War Dogs (my dad chose it lol) and before that Gallows, which made me extremely paranoid last night lmao bad decision

last tv show i watched: orphan black (watched it a month ago and now i kinda wanna catch up on spn but idrk...)

what i am wearing right now: red shorts with moose on it (i bought them in Canada and i love them lol / edit: hahaha i googled it and that’s the ones), and a “parental advisory consent” shirt lmao remind me why i bought this?? (in my defence i was 15 or 16)

what kind of stuff do i post: (i know this should be a short answer but i feel like going into details oops) - what i reblog: cats, movies, harry potter, dylan o’brien, comics (Marvel, Wolverine...), quotes, words/vocabulary/languages, books, art, TV shows (spn, got, orphan black, teen wolf, carmilla, quotidien -french tv program), cute and motivational stuff, pictures i find aesthetically pleasing, nature/landscapes/forests, posts about historical facts/history/interesting things in general/culture, feminism, queer stuff, nonsense/funny stuff, aaron taylor-johnson, depression and anxiety etc (nothing too triggering -i think?)... i used to post a lot about mika but atm it’s on hold lmao. - what i post myself (not regularly): posts about tv shows/movies, pieces of writing/stuff from my notebook, sometimes art/drawings, personal posts, links to my concert reviews, sometimes pictures ive taken, travel/concert pics... - people/movies/shows I have posted about: Papa Roach, Mika, Fantastic Beasts, Dylan O'Brien, Teen Wolf, The Maze Runner, Matthew Gray Gubler, Criminal Minds, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Marvel, Skins, Game of Thrones.

do i have any other blogs: 2 active side blogs (one is gubleroach, the other i keep for myself), and 4 inactive ones (i use 2 of them as “redirection” pages)

do i get asks regularly: no :(

why did i choose my url: “wildfire” bc of someone whose (old, they no longer use it) username inspired me in a way (this is only one of the 5 explanations I could give for my username), “ornot” for obscure reasons

lucky number: 3

following: 1299 (wow wtf that much??)

tagging: @wosslbird @chillyls @ookaminoki @dolphindewott @this-is-not-an-inspirational-url @sleepylunas @o-misfits @catbvtt and anyone wanting to do this, really :)

[martxoa]

As promised: Superhollstein!

Here you guys go. It’s kind of hard to write them without giving anything away. xD But here’s one. You can follow the tag ‘superhollis au’ for anything pertaining to the story, ‘sisters of steel’ for Ell and Laura brOTP stories, or superhollstein if I write anything else for them. 

Thank you all again for your great response to the stories! :D 

                                                Superhollstein

Carmilla had a habit of falling asleep at her desk while she worked.

She made light of it. She was lazy at heart, naps were the best thing God ever gave man, so on and so forth. But Laura saw through it. And why wouldn't she? It was easy to tell she was deflecting.

The truth was Carmilla slept at her desk because she couldn't sleep. Not in bed. Not when trying to clear her mind for sleep opened it to images of Will, of her mother, of Silas that burned behind her eyes and made it impossible to find any peace. Not when what she saw in her dreams was far, far worse.

So better to not give her a moment to think. Better to fill her mind with paperwork and contracts and financials until it was so numb and tired that Carmilla fell into dreamless exhaustion for six hours without even realizing it.

It wasn't ideal, but it made her able to function, and she was used to it.

But Laura wasn't.

She’d just fallen asleep, in the middle of reading a budget report, when she felt someone gently shake her awake. Carmilla's head snapped up.

“Wha--?”

“Shhh, Carm, it's me.”

Carmilla blinked and realized, in the dim light the desk lamp provided, that Supergirl was standing in front of her.

Why was Supergirl at her--

Right. Right. Carmilla shook her head slightly. Laura was Supergirl. Her girlfriend was Supergirl. They were the same person, something which took a moment for her sleep addled brain to piece together.

But that still was kind of weird.

“Laura, why are you here so late? It must be--”

“Two thirty AM,” she interrupted, “yeah. I had to take care of a late night robbery and--well, you said I was free to stop in whenever I wanted. I got worried when you weren’t in bed and I followed your heartbeat here.”

“What were you planning if I had been in bed?”

“...To surprise you in the morning with cuddles?” Laura answered, smiling sheepishly. “I'm sorry, that's weird, right? I know it is--”

“Sweetheart,” Carmilla interrupted gently, “seriously. It's fine. I would not have complained. Besides, I wouldn't have offered ‘whenever’ if I didn't want you to take me up on it.”

Laura blushed as Carmilla reached forward to gently play with her fingers. Then she frowned.

“Well, then let's talk about the way more important fact that you are sleeping at your desk.”  your desk,” she said seriously, and Carmilla groaned.

“Laura, it’s not a big deal. Really. I’m used to it--”

“Used to it?”

Carmilla winced. “I didn’t mean--”

“That you do this...a lot? Sleep at your desk in your home office instead of going to bed?”

“I’m a busy CEO. It happens.”

“How often?”

She looked so concerned, so upset at the thought of Carmilla getting a good night’s sleep, that she felt guilty. Carmilla swallowed.

“Not that much.”

“Carm, I don’t believe you,” Laura answered, “I know what you look like when you lie.”

“What do I ‘look like?’”

“You try to look cold. Like your mom. But you’re not, and there is something you are not telling me.”

Carmilla sighed. She stood up, smoothing out her clothes.

“I...can’t sleep,” Carmilla admitted.

“You...can’t sleep.”

“No,” she shook her head, “not since Will’s trial, okay? Are you happy? I can’t do it. So I have to sort of...trick myself into doing it.”

“By working until you literally pass out from exhaustion.”

“You make it sound so horrible.”

“It is!”

Carmilla smiled a little. Normally she’d be annoyed. But it had been a long, long time since someone showed any concern, any real concern for her well being. Most people only cared about whether she was well enough to run K-Corp, well enough to function in public.

“Laura, it’s okay,” she repeated, “I told you, I’m used to it. I get along fine. I can do my job, and I certainly don’t run out of energy with you,” she wiggled her eyebrows for effect. Laura huffed out a laugh.

“Oh Rao, Carmilla, really?”

“Am I wrong?”

Laura walked forward to hug her, Carmilla pressed against her form fitting suit. Laura’s body was warm, literally a living solar battery, and Carmilla couldn’t help but sigh a little as she laid her head against her shoulder.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Laura asked softly.

“I tried taking sleeping pills,” Carmilla answered, “but they just made me feel like shit during the day, so…” She shook her head, “there isn't really anything.”

Carmilla should have known better. Should have known that telling Supergirl ‘you can't help’ would have made her move mountains for a total stranger, let alone her girlfriend. But she was tired and Laura was warm and Carmilla was having a rare, blissful moment where she wasn't thinking.  

Laura curled her arms around Carmilla a little tighter.

The next time Laura showed up late, it was almost midnight and she had a bottle of champagne.

“Girl scout, you know New Year's isn't for awhile, right?” She asked, when Laura had touched down on her balcony and tapped on the sliding glass door. Laura shrugged.

“Yeah, but I know it's your favorite. Not working tonight?”

Carmilla waved her in. “I was taking a break to watch old movies on late night TV. You know, the typical exciting life of a Karnstein.”

Laura didn't move. Carmilla raised an eyebrow.

“Come outside.”

“Why?”

Laura's smile widened. “You trust me right?”

“Unwaveringly, sweetheart, but it’s late.”

She sometimes wondered if Laura had powers she didn't even know about. Like some sort of magnetic pull. Because even as Carmilla protested she got up, opened the door, stepped onto the balcony. She crossed her arms.

“Well?”

Laura leaned in to give Carmilla a quick peck on the lips--when she pulled away Carmilla leaned forward, just slightly--then held out the bottle.

“Here.”

“Shouldn't I have grabbed us glasses first?”

Laura shook her head. “No, you need to hold it so my hands are free to carry you.”

“Laura, I'm in sweatpants and no bra. That's not a great combination for flying.”

“It's not that far. I promise.”

Carmilla stepped closer, and turned around, so Laura could grab her around the waist.

“Hold on tight to that bottle Carm!”

“Can we please get the up up and away over with?”

Laura rolled her eyes fondly and flew upward. When she landed, Carmilla looked around.

“The roof?”

“You don't see it?”

Carmilla stared at Laura.

“...No super vision. Right.��

She let go of Carmilla's waist, grabbing her free hand. They walked forward, until Carmilla could just barely make out what Laura brought.

“...A tent.”

“With a blanket.”

“With a blanket. On the roof of my apartment building. Not that this isn't romantic, but why the weird timing?”

“Because,” Laura answered, “if you're not going to sleep, I'm going to stay awake with you.”

The wind went out of Carmilla with a soft ‘oh.’ Laura, nervous by her silence, kept speaking.

“I had insomnia too--I still do, sometimes,” she explained, “but Ell, she would stay awake with me. She'd make a blanket fort and stay awake with me, all night, and we'd play games, we'd talk, we'd eat cookies...all so I didn't have to be awake alone in my bed all night. Even if she had school. Even if she was tired.”

She squeezed Carmilla's hand. “And I just thought that it was time I pay it forward.”

“Laura,” Carmilla breathed, “I…” She shook her head. “I can't let you do this for me. You need to sleep. Your job is kind of...demanding.”

“Please. I'm the girl of steel, the maid of might. I do not bend, I do not break, and I certainly do not need a nap.”

Carmilla just stared incredulously.

“Carm, honestly, I don't need as much sleep as you do. This won't bother me. I just...don't want you to be alone every night when you can't fall asleep, okay? Just this once?”

She tugged Carmilla a little closer to her side. Carmilla closed her eyes, smelling Laura's citrusy shampoo, feeling the heat radiating off of her.

“I, uh...you know what, fuck it,” she said, “sure.”

They were on their last glasses of wine after finishing off the bottle, Laura having had much more than Carmilla. Laura was sitting with Carmilla curled into her side, one hand gently stroking her hip.

“...and that's Orion the Hunter,” Laura finished, “that's all of them.”

“Mm-hm,” Carmilla mumbled, her glass dangling loosely from her fingers. Laura pulled it gently from her grasp to set it down. “You know a lot about it, sweetheart.”

Laura smiled. “When we were kids Ell would teach me all about them if I promised to tell her all about the other planets I'd been to. Andromeda is my favorite.”

“I like Polaris.”

Laura laughed. “That's a star, not even a constellation.”

“I know, but...when everything started happening. With my brother. It was just nice to look at,” Carmilla shrugged. “The north star, an ever constant fixture in my otherwise screwed up life.”

Laura tightened her grip a little. “You know...I am now too, right? I’m not going anywhere.”

Carmilla smiled. “You’ve been for awhile. Even before I knew you were Supergirl. You would not leave me alone.”

“Oh, yeah,” Laura rolled her eyes affectionately, “stockholm syndrome, is that what this is?”

“Mm, maybe.”

Laura was about to say something else when she realized that Carmilla’s breath had slowed and deepened, and her eyes were closed.

She’d fallen asleep.

Laura smiled. She started to try and get up, but Carmilla stirred a little, snuggling closer.

Laura stopped.

She gave Carmilla a quick kiss on the forehead.

“I promise,” Laura said softly, “I’m not going anywhere.”

[jeffsghostlydollfarts]

TAAAAGGED!

@rennoftheraven-clan tagged me in one of those, get to know your followers better things, thank you for that, really enjoyed reading yours.

Nicknames: (friends) Kain/Kainey. (Parents) Lay/Windy, (Niece) Tay. Zodiac sign: Capricorn Height: 5′2... but I will still fuck you up. Look at these guns. Last thing you googled: I actually rarely google anything interesting lol it’s just normally bus time tables. :/ sorry! Favourite music artist: Tegan and Sara. Song stuck in your head: A Thousand Miles by Vanessa whatsherface, we play it in work. All. The. Time. -_- Last movie you watched: Get Out. It sucked. :( What are you wearing right now: grey sweatpants, Maroon Hoody, pink sneakers. lol Don’t judge me. Why did you chose your URL: Because Jeff farts a lot. People think I’m a boy called Jeff because of this but No, I am a girl. My Name is not Jeff. Jeff is sitting behind me with the other kids. He occasionally makes an appearance on my blog if you are lucky enough to catch him. Do you have any other blogs: No, but Ellie does. She hasn’t touched it in months. What did your last relationship teach you: So many things!

All the signs to look for in a sociopath. Never put anyones happiness before my own again. Trust my gut not what they are saying. Not everyone is as loyal as I am, no matter how much they ‘talk’ about it. That I deserve someone that treats me how I treat them. Toxic people will always ruin your life, but not for good, just keep going! The juice wasn’t worth the squeeze.

BUT on a good note, I actually discovered really like affection, giving and receiving it. :)

Religious or spiritual: Spiritual. Favourite colour: Purple. Average hours of sleep: I always try to get 8, I wake up dizzy and forgetful if I have 6 or less. Favourite characters: Too many to list of of them but Ellie Williams, Xena, Carmilla, Claire Redfield, Zhao Yun (RIP) How many blankets do you sleep with: One duvet, but one thick, fluffy, double blanket folded in half so it’s like two. Dream job: ROCKSTAR! :P

I’m gonna tag, @holliemaychoquette, @thisfrigginpunk, @ellie-hold-my-flower, @mulxer, @diz3ster, @wonderfullyrandomph, @agentseductive, @chamucarobota

This is just for fun, no pressure to fill this in. If any other follower would like to do this feel free, just remember to tag me so I 100% see it. :)

[schrijverr]

A hairy situation

People loved Jonnys long hair, but then he shaves it all off during a middle of the night breakdown, after which he has a breakdown about shaving his hair off. The others still love him and his buzzcut.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: PTSD, mentions of mild corperal punishment, bar braw and Jonnys breakdown where he shaves his headl. Tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Jonny had allowed his hair to grow out when he’d gotten stuck in a prison on some random planet and had decided to stick around to see what happened. No one died and it was painfully boring, but the hair was nice.

When he had returned to Aurora he had debated on cutting it off, but then Raphaella had wanted to practice braiding on it and that had been nice.

Her fingers brushing through his hair as she hummed slightly and her nails would scrape over his scalp from time to time. It was relaxing and he could allow himself to sag into the touch and close his eyes.

From there on out it had grown.

Tim wanted to try braiding flowers into hair, Nastya found the motion soothing, Ashes liked doing his hair while they gossiped and The Toy Soldier had just been happy to be involved. Better not to talk about its earliest attempts.

So it had become kind of a thing. Jonny liked it, it was fun to sit with his crew mates and talk or watch something together during crew night. And he basked in the attention and soft touches. No matter how much he adored violence, it was nice to feel cared for every once in a while.

Jonny liked having long hair. He thought he was going to keep it for a long while, maybe even a few more centuries, no matter how prone to change he was.

But then they were fighting. It was a normal bar brawl. Tim had instigated it and Jonny had gleefully ran into it to join once it had started.

He was currently in top of a guy bashing in his face with a grin, his bullets having run out a while ago, when the guy suddenly yanked at this hair. He made a startled noise as his body unwillingly followed his head.

When he had regained his senses once more the roles were reversed and the guy was beating in his face in return until his world went black, hand still in his hair, keeping him down.

When he woke up he was on the Aurora again.

At first he went on about his life, nothing new about getting beaten to death by some random guy. But an uneasy feeling crept over his spine that he couldn't seem to shake. He didn’t mention it to the others, but he replayed the encounter over and over again until it suddenly hit him.

Carmilla.

She had done many things wrong, no matter her intentions and Jonny suddenly recalled how she would tug on his hair as a tap on the wrist whenever he did something she didn’t like. Whenever he had tried to run away from her, she would just grab his hair and yank him back.

It was late at night, nearly two o’clock on Aurora’s internal cycle and Jonny was alone in his room. The shadows suddenly seemed taller and darker and there were flashes of movement in the corner of his eyes that he knew for certain shouldn’t be there.

Somewhere deep down he was aware that it was probably his mind playing tricks on him, but that did not soothe the fear that was clutching his throat tightly.

He needed to make sure she couldn't grab him, that he could get away next time she tried.

And before he was really aware of what he was doing, he found himself standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom with a razor and scissors chopping all his hair off until there was nothing left to hold onto.

The implications of what he had done only hit him when he looked back to his reflection.

He immediately hated himself for scumming to the fear, hated himself for how safe he felt without the hair, without the potential handhold. He hated how she could still control him.

Jonny couldn't have stopped the tears if he’d tried. They rolled over his cheeks as he stood completely motionless in front of the mirror.

This was the end of the attention.

They wouldn't care for him anymore, he was useless again for practicing braiding or for soothing and everyone would suddenly stop.

It felt like there was something lodged inside his throat as he realized he would have to face everyone again tomorrow, to see how disappointed they would be, how they would toss him aside when he didn’t have the hair anymore.

Crumbling to the floor he sat there silently and with a blank stare for the rest of the night.

He didn’t show up for breakfast the next day, nor for lunch or dinner. He had managed to crawl into his bed and tug the blanket over his head as he hid, telling Aurora that everyone should leave him the fuck alone.

There were few knocks on his door, but he ignored them. He didn’t want them to see, he didn’t want them to know.

Of course, he knew that it would only get worse if he hid away, so the next evening he showed up for dinner. He could hear them all laughing about something and braced himself before he pushed open the door.

Everyone fell silent as they looked at him. Their eyes felt heavy on him and he swallowed uncomfortably, before he glared determinedly at them and spat: “Not a word.”

If they couldn't say anything about it then they couldn't hate him for doing it, he reasoned as he stomped over to his seat and threw himself into it.

Dinner was silent, but Jonny could see them all glancing at him from time to time as the stabbing with his fork became more and more aggressive. He almost thought he would make it to the end of dinner when Marius carefully said: “I thought you were planning on dyeing your hair light pink.”

“Plans change.” Jonny told him, not looking up.

“That’s fair.” Marius replied with a shrug and Jonny couldn't help, but send him a quick confused glance when nothing else came except: “It suits you.”

With Marius still alive Brian also dared to say: “Yeah, looks good, Jonny.”

Wordlessly Jonny nodded then he ducked his head and quickly shoved the rest of his food into his mouth, before he hurried out of the room.

Over the course of the next few days Jonny showed up sporadically and left the moment anyone said anything about his hair. The crew had learned not to mention it and with that things returned to normal, mostly.

Jonny still couldn't believe he’d done that.

He was avoiding mirrors and had trashed his bathroom angrily when he’d found a hair tie. He knew why his skin felt wrong around him and the whirl of badness hadn’t left him alone, crew night was coming up.

Crew night meant bad movies with too many snacks and just dicking around with each other as they trashtalked planets or brainstormed about albums. It normally ended in a heap of limbs on a pile of pillows, but not before they’d all sat around in a circle, usually someone braiding Jonnys hair.

Jonnys hair that was now gone.

Tears welled up in his eyes again at the thought. He was standing in a hallway, since he’d just been walking as it suddenly hit him again.

He was actually considering skipping the night all together. He did not want to know what it would feel like to be tossed to the side and left out. But no one skipped crew night, it was against the rules and Jonny loved seeing his crew happy.

Even if that might be happy without him. They could be content and braid Tims hair, or Raphs, she had long hair as well as Ashes or Nastya, or they could try and figure out what they could do with the wires on Brains head.

They didn’t need him, he’d always known that, but it didn’t make it any easier. And the tears only became stronger as he imagined how perfectly fine they would be without him.

Jonny was still standing in that hallway with dried tear tracks on his face when the sound of footsteps startled him. Whipping his head around he saw Ashes, who waved at him. Carefully he waved back, but quickly walked off while hiding his face when they got closer.

Two days later and he was hesitating outside of the common area.

Inside he could hear the other setting up and bustling around. Crew night would soon begin and it was custom to show up early, although Jonny was currently nearly late.

“Do you think he’s gonna show up?” Raphaella asked, getting Jonnys attention back to the sounds.

It was quiet for a moment then Tim answered: “I don’t know, with how he’s been the past week it wouldn't surprise me if he didn’t.”

“But it’s crew night.” Raph exclaimed, “He wouldn't miss crew night, would he?”

“I don’t know.” Ashes replied, “He didn’t really seem in a mood to talk to people ever since he cut his hair.”

“Yeah, he’s really sensitive about that, isn’t he.” Marius said, “Anyone know why?”

“No, I don’t, but if we want him to show up and stay, it would be a good idea to keep your mouth shut, okay. Now’s not the time for your theories.” Ashes told him, slightly threatening.

“I wasn’t going to.” Marius put his hands up defensively, before he pouted, “Just curious why he did it, since he seems to hate it so much.”

“What did I just tell you!” Ashes said angrily.

Not that Jonny really heard them. He swallowed thickly and tried to breathe as he fought of the memories of the reason why. Dropping the bottle he was carrying, he brought the hand up to his hair and felt how short it was as he mentally told himself: See, you can’t grab it, you’re safe. You’re safe.

He was not paying attention to his surroundings anymore, just trying to calm himself down, and did not see eight people turn to the doorway at the sound of a bottle shattering.

They found Jonny looking through them as he failed to grab his hair and tried to breathe normally again. Ashes glared at Marius instantly and said: “What did I fucking tell you, you idiot.”

While they strangled Marius in the background, Brain and Raphaella ran up to Jonny. He blinked once when they got in sight and allowed them to tug him over to a couch and situate him on it while they kept up a constant stream of soft soothing words.

The Toy Soldier cleaned up the broken bottle and by the time it was done Jonny had calmed down significantly.

Once they saw he was back to himself, Raphaella smiled at him and Brian gently said: “Hi there, Jonny. How are you feeling.”

“Oh, uhm, good, fine, great.” he answered. Brian sighed and Jonny swallowed: “Okay, so maybe not all that, but better.”

He still had a hand on his head and was trying to tug on the short strands in vain. Raphaella couldn’t help but observe it and asked: “Is that calming?”

Startling slightly Jonny pulled his hand away and blushed as he mumbled: “I- uh, yeah, kind of.”

“I didn’t tell you to stop, just curious since-”

She got cut of by Ashes who had just murdered Marius and had walked over: “Did none of you fucking listen, I swear to fuck all that I won’t hesitate to kill you too.”

Jonny looked between them and Raph with big eyes, secretly touched that they were murdering for his comfort, before he said: “Don’t do that on my behalf.”

“Why not?” they asked, “They know you don’t wanna talk about it. It’s a dick move.”

Raphaella looked slightly guilty as she said: “They’re right. Uhm, I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s alright.” Jonny quickly said, feeling more and more uncomfortable under the scrutiny as seemingly all the others looked at him.

He bounced his leg up and down nervously and fiddled with his shirt, then he confessed: “No need to feel bad or something, I don’t hate the hair. Not completely, it’s nice that- that, uhm, that people can’t suddenly, you know.”

The others gave him a curious look, but he didn’t really know why he had said it either. He just wanted them to stop walking on eggshells around him and he didn’t like it how they were treating him with kid gloves.

“Can I touch it?” Raphaella broke the sudden silence.

“What?” he asked confused about her request.

She bit her lip and bounced a bit, before she explained: “I always wondered what a buzzcut feels like, but Ivy and Ashes refuse to let me feel it, but it looks soft and you’re the most fun person to pet the hair of, so I wanna touch it.”

“Raph, that’s a secret.” Tim whined.

“Yeah, why can’t you keep your mouth shut.” Ashes glared.

More people voiced their complaints about Raphaellas explanation, but none of it made sense and Jonny was just getting more confused. Carefully he asked: “Can someone please explain what’s going on?”

Unable to lie and ever so helpful Brain answered: “Raph wants to pet your head and in order to get your permission she told you about how your the most fun to pet the head of. They,” he indicated some of the others, “have decided that, but it is a secret, so they didn’t want to tell you and now they are mad at Raph, because she did.”

“Why does MJE never keep you from sharing secrets, isn’t that wrong too?” Tim pouted.

“Probably, but helping Jonny added to the pro side of being allowed to do it.” Brian shrugged.

Before the conversation could devolve into philosophy as they tried to figure out what Brian was and wasn’t allowed to do, Jonny asked: “But why is that me?”

“It’s better to show you. Can I pet your hair?” Raphaella jumped on the opportunity to get her way.

“Uhm, yeah sure.” Jonny was not protesting regaining what he had believed he’d lost forever, even if he was confused about it.

She cheered, before sliding a hand over his head. The hairs bent backwards with the movement, kind of like grass. The sensation sent shivers down his spine as he closed his eyes with a little sigh and leaned into the touch.

Raphaella pulled her hand away and he blinked heavily as he opened his eyes.

“See!” she exclaimed, “You go all soft, like an octokitten! It’s adorable. No one else does that. Tim is boring and always complains about tugging, just because he can’t brush his hair properly.”

“I can, you’re just always too rough and mean.”

“Whatever. Nastya doesn’t like people touching her, same goes for Ashes but they’re mean about it and The Toy Soldier is too statue-esque.” Raphaella babbled on, “We thought you didn’t want you hair played with anymore and that was why you cut it off, but if you still want to than that’s great! The buzzcut feels funny and nice!”

It took Jonny a second as he went through all the information. Apparently they did still want to pet his hair even if it wasn’t long anymore, they even liked petting his hair best and the long hair had just been a good excuse.

He’d been afraid for nothing.

Tears sprung into his eyes again, this time of relief as he sagged, resting his head against Raphaellas hip since she was standing right in front of him. Her hands returned to his hair and soothed him as he took a shaky breath.

“Are you okay?” Brain asked carefully.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Never better.” Jonny told him, not entirely present and still kind of trying to throw off more than a week of stress and worrying that had somehow dissolved suddenly.

“You sure?” Brian check in just to be safe.

Jonny cleared his throat and quickly wiped his eyes dry as he said: “Yes, one hundred percent.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ashes asked with a voice that made it obvious that they would prefer it if he didn’t want to talk about it.

Luckily for them Jonny had the same emotional range, so he answered: “I’d rather not, honestly.”

“Good.” Ashes nodded at him and he nodded back, then they turned to the screen and said: “It was Tims turn to pick a movie and he chose a dumb earth movie.”

“Hey, Treasure Planet is an absolutely amazing movie and I will stand by that!” Tim yelled from where he was putting on the movie.

“That was already dated by the time you were born, why do you even like that crap. It’s not even accurate to real space travel.” Ashes said.

“A good drawing is still a good drawing, okay. And it’s fun, stop complaining, you get to pick next time.” Tim huffed, before he ignored their other complaints.

Jonny was really grateful for them, they both knew he didn’t like the attention in these moments and with conformation that he really didn’t want to talk about it they immediately set to being a distraction.

The others caught on pretty quickly and soon they were just chilling on the couch watching Tims stupid movie like they would any crew night.

He’d gotten wedged between Tim and Raphaella on the couch that was slightly too small for everyone to fit. He had pulled his knees up to his chest and had rested his chin on them as he watched the movie.

It was about halfway done when he started to feel exhausted.

The past weeks had been spent in a haze and he barely remembered really resting or taking care of himself. But now, reassured and safe with his crew it crept up on him as his eyes blinked heavier each time and he slowly slid to one side.

He was practically draped over Raphaellas side as he let out a small yawn and began to lose most awareness.

Sure, he could feel his feet lying in Tims lap as he stroked his leg and he could feel Raphaellas hand go through his hair, but he did not connect that to him being draped over them and allowing himself to be vulnerable as he fell asleep.

All he felt was safety and comfort.

Jonny slept through the rest of the movie like that and missed the second one all together as his deep breaths turned into soft snores.

After the movies he was carried to bed by Ashes and softly tucked in with a fond eyeroll as he grouched about the movement still very much out of it. They quietly told him: “You’re an idiot, sleep tight.”

“Nhg, tight.” he mumbled in return, before he curled into himself and drifted away.

He stumbled into breakfast the next morning with smudged makeup and a rumpled outfit as he squinted against the light, obviously not pleased with the fact he was awake. Tim grinned brightly as he loudly exclaimed: “And good morning to you, good Sir.”

“Fuck you, Tim.” Jonny told him without much feeling as he slumped into the chair next to him.

“Ahw, you know you love me.” Tim teased as he slung an arm around his shoulder and pulled him to his side, sliding a quick hand over his buzzcut.

Jonny had been planning on protesting, really he had, but, well, Tims side was comfortable and nice, so he just groaned lightly instead as he burrowed his face into Tims chest.

“You really are just like an octokitten.” Tim told him, but he didn’t let him go.

Nastya commented: “Of course he is, I once heard him purr while he was lying close to Auroras heaters.”

“Really?” Raphaella asked, while the others laughed in the background.

“Yes, I hadn’t known him for long, but I was-”

“Nastyaaaa.” Jonny whined, still not really leaving Tims side as he pouted.

Nastya ignored him: “-exploring the ship when I stumbled upon him in her engine room. He had this big pile of pillows and blankets he was lying on, right in front of her furnaces and he purred and thanked Aurora when she sent a blast of heat his way. It’s actually how I met her properly.”

“Are you serious?” Tim stopped petting Jonnys head for a moment and got a disgruntled noise from the First Mate.

“No, she’s lying.” he told him.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Prove it.” Nastya raised a brow at him and he added: “On second thought, maybe don’t.”

“Prove it, prove it, prove it, prove it.” Tim started chanting, soon followed by the others.

Jonny tried to stop them, but Nastya had already pulled up a screen from Aurora and was furiously typing as all the others moved to watch over her shoulder to see what she was looking up. She grumbled a bit, but then grinned victoriously.

On the screen there was a picture taken by Aurora. In the picture there was a huge blanket/pillow construction with in the middle Jonny and although he was exactly the same as he was now, still untouched by the aging process, they hardly recognized him.

He was just wearing a plain white T-shirt and no belts. He had also switched his normal pants for loose shorts and his makeup was nonexistent. His hair fell around him on the pillow, it would fall just over his ears if it hung downwards.

His face had a peaceful expression on it as he closed his eyes while he was seemingly stretching like a content octokitten.

It was weird, he didn’t look like their Jonny.

Jonny dived over the screen and covered it while he yelled: “Don’t look at that. Where did you even get that, Nastya? You weren’t even aboard back then.”

“Aurora likes taking pictures of her family.” Nastya shrugged, “Not the point, the point is you looking like an octokitten.”

She had pulled the screen back from him and showed it to the others once more, using her height to fight him off and keep the screen out of reach.

“You really do.” Tim laughed. Jonny pouted at him and he petted his head as he told him: “Not a bad thing,” Jonny just pouted harder.

“Although he wasn’t that much of a touch-y person as he is now when I met him.” Nastya commented.

“That’s because you were an asshole.” Jonny told her.

“I mean, probably, but so were you.” Nastya said.

“You always tugged on my hair.” he pouted.

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Did not.”

“You did!” Jonny exclaimed, “Why are you even denying that right now?”

“Okay, so maybe I did.” Nastya huffed while she crossed her arms, “But not long enough to remember. I certainly didn’t keep doing it after, you know.”

She gave him a look and Jonny suddenly realized that she still remembered the memory that had been unlocked again after the man in the bar pulled on his hair. He gave her a nod, before he said: “Oh, yeah, right. I know, you’re right.”

The other mechs, who had been following the exchange like a tennis match, frowned in confusion and Ashes said: “What the fuck did we miss.”

They looked at each other, then back again, before they said: “Nothing.”

“God, I hate it when you two do that, it’s creepy.” Tim exclaimed.

“When did that even stop?” Jonny asked her, he suddenly felt the need to know why she’d done that to him and Nastya, while Ashes seemed oblivious to it. Why it had ruined something nice for him (even if it turned out to be nothing), and Nastya seemed to know.

“I think when I didn’t care about it enough for it to work.” Nastya told him.

“It didn’t?” Jonny asked.

“Yeah, I’m not a sensitive crybaby.” she smirked.

“I’m not a crybaby!” he yelled.

“So you’re saying you’re sensitive?” she told him, victory in her eyes.

“Well, I didn’t- you’re putting words in my mouth!” Jonny accused.

“Okay can we please get an explanation now?” Marius asked, “You two are not clearing anything up and only giving us more questions and I’d like you to stop now.”

They turned to the others sheepishly, like they had forgotten they were there. Nastya turned to Jonny and raised a brow at him. He pulled a thinking face then nodded back at her with a shrug, before he made big eyes at her as he gestured to her.

The others waited in silence while they had that little conversation, then Nastya turned to them and said: “She pulled on hair as disciplinary action when misbehaving. I didn’t really react to it, so she came up with other shit, but Jonny was already here for a long while before I came.”

“I had almost completely forgotten it, but…” Jonny didn’t finish his sentence, he didn’t want to tell them about how something, that he found quite minor and stupid, had given him enough of a breakdown to shave his head almost completely.

Realization dawned on the other faces and Ashes supplemented: “The bar brawl. I shot that guy, bit too late as it turned out, but, you know, thought that counts.”

It was quiet for a moment, while the other also put the pieces together. But before they could say something Jonny said: “Anyway, I still haven’t had breakfast yet,” and walked back to his seat as he made himself a bowl of cereal.

The others quickly caught on to what he was doing, obvious as he was, and sat back down again, only teasing him some more about his outfit with things like: “See you can survive without a belt, Jonny.”

After that they didn’t really mention it again. She was rarely a conversation topic and this was no exception. Instead they just kept petting Jonnys head as his hair grew out again.

Their little octokitten.

[schrijverr]

Story of my Life

How Ivy got on Aurora in ancient Greece with the help of the future that is also the now.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Wanings: burning of a building and Ivys trauma. Tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!

~~~~~~~~~

“Ashes, I swear to god if you accidentally light this library on fire I will make sure I kill you in such a way that it takes you a decade to regenerate and don’t think I haven’t done research on how to do that.” Ivy threatened as they made their ways through the halls of an ancient library.

Of course it wasn’t currently ancient, but later it would be described like that and the Mechanisms knew that, hence why it was referred to as such.

Ashes wasn’t even sure why they’d come, dusty boring papyrus scrolls or tablets weren’t really their scene and Ivy could be scary. They would much rather be with Jonny and Tim, who had been allowed to inspect the camps of the legion laying siege to the city.

Of course, Brian and Nastya had made rules for the two before they set them free. No guns, no steampunk outfits, no English and not together, but at least it would be fun.

Maybe they had silently hoped Ivy would let them sneak off to have some fun, but alas the smaller archivist had kept a close eye on them and scolded them whenever they had tried, leaving them here bored in a library while they could be committing arson.

They sighed and focused back on Ivy, who was seamlessly navigating the twisting corridors of the library. They asked: “Is it a library power or something that you know the way here, or what?”

“Oh, no, I know it from my dreams.” Ivy responded, more focused on the literature in front of her than what she or Ashes had just said.

“A dream?” they repeated, voice a bit higher.

“Yes, a dream, I just- oh.” Ivy now too realized her confession.

Her face remained impassive as she hummed and looked around silently. When nothing else came after that Ashes said: “It’s that it? Just an oh, nothing more?”

“I am thinking.”

“Oh that’s a surprise.”

“Shut up.”

Ashes shut up to let Ivy think. When it took a while, they started flicking their lighter and letting their gaze drift over a to a reading area, where a dark-clad man with long red hair tried to convince a plump man with white hair and a white robe to leave.

Their attention was snapped back to Ivy, who said: “I think I understand why I wanted to visit this place now, I am connected to the library and I wanted to save some of it.”

“That makes it sound like it’s gonna be destroyed.” Ashes replied, starting to like where this was going more and more.

Ivy glared at them and walked away, starting to take as many scrolls as she could carry. When Ashes didn’t follow to do the same, she turned back to them and said: “Aren’t you going to help? You got those big strong arms, make them useful for a change.”

“Hey, don’t complement and reprimand me in the same sentence.” Ashes frowned as they started to help.

They got ignored by Ivy, who walked on, suddenly stopping making Ashes bump into her. They were about to ask indignantly why Ivy had stopped, but the archivist was quicker, holding up her finger to indicate they should be quiet.

“What’s going on?” Ashes whispered, suddenly on high alert.

“You have to stay calm and promise not to freak, okay?” Ivy whispered back.

“Okay, sure, what is it?”

“I think I just saw Carmilla walk by.”

A moment of silence hung between them, Ashes quickly registered the information and put it in a box in their mind labeled ‘do not interact’ before they said: “Well, then I think Jonny is going to have a whack time, because I faintly recall him telling me he saw himself, right around when you came aboard.”

“Jikes.” Ivy replied, checking around the corner again, before continuing collecting scrolls.

“You’re not gonna follow her?” Ashes asked, “Don’t you want to see, want to remember?”

“From what I have gathered it was not very pleasant and I do not think seeing it will help me, Ashes.” she said.

“Oh, come on, I’m not allowed to fight, not allowed to burn down the library and now I’m not even allowed to see baby Ivy.” Ashes whined.

Ivy gave them a look and deadpanned: “Not a baby, I will look exactly the same.”

“Please, it’ll be fun. We can make sure you have fun trauma.” Ashes pleaded.

“I don’t need “fun” trauma, Ashes, what I need is for you to carry more scrolls and make sure we get out when this whole thing burns down.”

“It’s going to burn down?”

Ivy took a deep breath, trying to keep her temper in check, then strained yet calmly she said: “Yes, it is and if you behave you get to help set it alight, okay?”

“And I get to see baby Ivy?” Ashes tried to push their luck.

“Maybe, if you’re good.” Ivy decided to give up on arguing and just pushed some scrolls into their arms as she attempted to remember more of her dreams in order to find out what the narrative wanted from her here.

It seemed it worked, because Ashes followed her, paying more attention than before and with that giving Ivy the peace to think. She knew this place was burning down and she knew she was here and would be no more after tonight.

So now what?

Her feet were going somewhere without her permission and her hands were taking scrolls without her looking too much, like her limbs knew what to do more than she did.

As they were walking Ashes had picked up a bag to store the scrolls and now had their hands free as they were nervously flicking their light on and off. In the distance the two could hear voices talking and without even looking at each other they hurried down the hall to check.

“I need you to come with me, it is important. You need to be part of the story.” a familiar voice said, not directed at them.

A younger and equally familiar voice replied: “Why would I trust you, I am perfectly fine here. I’m not part of anything, leave me alone.”

The Ashes next to immortal Ivy shifted uncomfortably and whispered: “I really want to set something on fire right now, and I mean more than usual.”

“Do it.”

“What?”

“Do it. The stories need me there too and past me needs a reason to go, so do it.”

“Oh, hell yes.” Ashes cheered softly, immediately setting to work on some timber, making Ivy cringe when they grabbed a few papyrus scrolls for it.

It took Ashes about ten minutes to set up a construction that would light up multiple parts of the building at once. They were skilled, Ivy had to give them that. Meanwhile old Ivy was still arguing with Carmilla.

Carmilla tried to point out the fires and younger Ivy started to try and save some of the scrolls, burning her hands in the process. She got pulled away by Carmilla, but right at that moment a bit of the ceiling came loose, falling down and crushing Ivy. Carmilla sighed and said to herself: “And here I really hoped we could avoid a mess this time.”

Ashes and Ivy watched the two leave Ivy slung over Carmillas shoulder. The black-clad man from before also walked passed, they heard him say to his companion: “No, this wasn’t my side, angel.”

Then they disappeared out of sight as well. When they deemed it safe Ashes turned to Ivy and said: “Uhm, I guess sorry for killing you.”

Ivy shrugged and replied: “I have a better library now.”

That made Ashes smile, before they pulled Ivy out. She noted how they were extra careful with the bag as they did so, which made Ivy smile as well.

Outside in the city it was chaos, probably Tim and Jonny, who were not following the rules set for them. They hurried through streets back to where Aurora was, meeting Jonny and Tim at one point, both wearing matching grins.

“Guess what we saw.” Jonny yelled when he saw them.

“A Jonny look-alike!” Tim answered before they could, earning a glare from Jonny himself.

Ashes and Ivy shared a look and collectively decided to not tell them that it was actually just Jonny, but then younger. They wanted to get off this planet, a new story was already calling them.