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skzhocomments · 1 year ago

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I can read your smile - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter 19 - Anxiety

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

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Chapter 18 | Chapter 20

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Chapter 19 - Anxiety

word count: 2.1k words

~January, the night of the game~

"So, ready for tonight?" Jude asked around the table excitedly.

"Wait, don't tell me you're all coming." Minho chuckled.

"Of course we are!" Key replied. "It's not like you lose in the Finals every other day!"

"You little shi-"

"I even took time off work." Crystal cut Minho off, eating lazily from the tray of food he brought her.

"Don't listen to Key, you have to win." Taemin stared him down. "This table is for winners."

"Of course, that's the plan." Minho waved his hand around as if to dismiss him, then looked at his plate.

He was nervous, they all could tell.

After eating, Minho and Crystal headed home, as he wanted to rest a bit before the game, and she had nothing else to do.

Even though he's been home for almost two weeks, they haven't spoken much except for lunchtime, because he was always away training. This game was stressing him out a lot, and Crystal worried about him. He's been acting off for the past few days, even since returning home, which gave Crystal a really unpleasant feeling in her stomach.

At 6PM, two hours before the game, she knocked on his bedroom's door.

He didn't answer, so she concluded he must be sleeping, but still, the game would start in 2 hours and she knew he was supposed to leave home in 30 minutes, so she decided to open the door and check on him.

He was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands, and he was sweating badly and shaking.

"Oh my God! Minho! Are you okay?" She ran towards him and kneeled down in front of him, forcing him to look at her.

"My chest- it hurts badly. I think- I think I'm having a panic attack." He barely spoke. He was breathing heavily and shivering.

"Okay. Okay. Here, breathe with me for a bit." She instructed him, but he didn't seem to calm down.

"I'm so anxious, Crystal." He panted. "It's my last game. If I don't win-"

"Okay Minho, let's not think like that. I want you to listen to my voice closely. Lay down on the bed."

He nodded and she helped him lay down.

"Close your eyes and breathe in slowly, then out. Like this." She breathed with him. "Now focus on what you're feeling and locate it in your body. You don't have to tell me where it is. Just locate it, let yourself feel where it is, and give it a colour. Anything you like, it might be blue, like the walls in this room, or maybe black, or red, or why not green like the colour of our plants on the balcony? Once you've figured out what colour you want to give that feeling, think about how the colour is moving in your body. Perhaps it's a ball rotating at full speed, or maybe it's moving slowly. Visualise it, Minho, and then take your right hand and move it to where the feeling is located, and grab the colour. Hold it in your hand for a while, in front of you, and make it move differently. You can control if it rotates from left to right, if it moves slowly or fast, you can do anything with it. Make it jump up and down, or make it melt. You are feeling it in your hand, aren't you? It almost burns. Now go ahead and give it a different colour. And give it a different shape too. It's now another feeling that you control, so you can put it back in your chest. Take your hand to your chest and let the colour go in. You are probably noticing by now that you are no longer anxious, and that you can breathe normally, so you can open your eyes. Feeling better?"

"What the heck." He looked at Crystal. "That was incredible. How did you do that?"

"It's hypnosis." She laughed.

"I'm feeling so much better."

"I'm glad. It's almost time to go. Will you be okay?" She caressed his hair gently, then stood up.

"Yes. Thank you, Crystal."

The evening came by quick enough, and the group of friends was seated to watch the game.

The university's team was playing against another university, which was supposed to have the best team in the country.

The game started off good enough. Minho's team had the ball advantage most times, they even tried to score a few times, but to no avail. The problems started arising when the enemy team got hold of the ball and went directly for the gate, managing to score one easily.

0-1.

That's okay.

You'll surely win.

Crystal thought anxiously while watching Minho get more and more stressed. She recognised the lines on his forehead and the habit he had of biting the skin around his nails when he was anxious. She's learnt he does this a long time ago, when they were still studying together.

She wondered if he'd like to study together again, or if things would start getting awkward between them, because they've been close to kissing one more time before getting interrupted, and they haven't addressed it since. She was too scared to bring it up, and Minho had something else on his mind, which was more important. The game tonight.

Around the 30-min mark, the enemy team scored another point.

0-2.

Come on.

Crystal started biting her nails as well, looking at Minho. He looked defeated. Why? He always had the most positive attitude in the world, so what was it about tonight that made him like this? She remembered the panic attack he had in his room earlier, and she started getting worried. What if he would have another one?

The only difference now was that he didn't exactly look anxious, but... angry. He must've been angry at himself.

Was he that intimidated by the enemy team? Did he start distrusting himself?

Because if he did, he needed someone to assure him right back.

"This will never work." Crystal said out loud.

"What?" Taemin asked, confused.

"He is doubting himself. It's not okay. We have to do something." She frowned.

"Like what?"

"Like, I don't know. Talk to him somehow!" She was fretting.

"Oh, I know! Let's go to the locker rooms! They have a 15-min break soon." He said, and grabbed Crystal's hand, dragging her after him.

"Is this really okay? Wouldn't they rather talk strategies or something like that during the break?" She frowned again when Taemin spoke to one of his friends who opened the back door for them, and they made their way inside the locker rooms.

They waited for 10 minutes, when the whole team returned. All of them were upset and stressed out, but Minho was the most disappointed.

"What are you doing here?" He asked annoyed at the sight of Taemin and Crystal.

"We just thought-" Taemin started, but was cut off.

"Go back up. We are busy."

"Minho, stop it." Crystal spoke and watched his cold gaze.

"I'm just saying, there's not much time, and-"

"Can I talk to you? For just 5 minutes, in private" She interrupted him.

He sighed and nodded, and they went to an empty locker room close to the lockers his team was in.

"What is it, Crystal?" He asked, his face gentler now, but his eyes still angry.

"You're not yourself, and you're not playing as good as you could, because you're still stressing out."

"I'm trying, but I only made mistakes, and we will lose because of that. Because of me." He sat down on the bench in the room with his head in his hands.

"I know you are upset. But look, you're the best there is. You can win this game still."

"Yea, right. Did you see how I played?" He chuckled bitterly.

"Shut it, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, but don't ponder on them for the whole game otherwise you'll really lose this." She scolded him.

"I'm so stressed, fuck." He cursed, and Crystal pressed her hands on his shoulders and made him look at her.

"Then do something about the stress, damn it!" She almost shouted at him, annoyed to no end. This was not him, he had to do something to revert back to his positive self.

"What do you want me to do?!" He asked, annoyed.

"Let it go! Take it all out!" She encouraged him. "What, can't you do it?!" She mocked him, and he stood up, annoyed. She was provoking him.

"How?! How do you want me to let it go?"

"How much time until you have to go back?" She asked.

He looked at the big clock on the wall.

"10 minutes."

"I have an idea, but I'm not sure if you'll like it or not." She spoke, breathless.

"What?"

"... use me." She said quietly, almost in a whisper. She hoped he didn't hear it.

"What?!" He exclaimed, shocked.

He did hear it.

"I mean it. Use me, get off, stop with this pointless stress and go and win."

"But that's selfish. How could I-"

"Then be selfish. There's not much time." She spoke hastily, then grabbed his shirt and dragged him onto her, kissing him, without thinking too much.

He reciprocated and kissed her back, their tongues fighting against each other as her back found one of the lockers. He raised her body and supported her weight as she kept kissing him.

Their first kiss was feverish, unexpected, and intense. She didn't want to think at all, she just wanted to feel.

And Minho wanted the same thing.

Damn Crystal and her sundresses. It was way too easy to raise her sundress and pull her panties aside, aligning himself with her.

"Tell me to stop. Please." He whispered, almost in a begging tone.

"Please don't." She responded. She knew it was wrong. They were crossing a line they probably should've never gotten to the point of crossing, especially not before they got time to talk things through.

But since they are already here, why not just cross it and worry about the consequences later? He needed this.

He seemed to think the same, as he pushed himself into her, sliding in with ease, the stretch feeling delicious.

Minho wasted no time, and she barely had time to adjust to him as he started thrusting into her hard, taking out all of his frustrations on her.

How much he needed to win, since it was his last big game, how strong the enemies were, how many mistakes he's made. He let it all go as the room was filled with hurried breaths, obscene moans and sounds of skin slapping. Minho kept thrusting into her and she held onto his shoulders for support, letting him get lost in the crook of her neck and biting her.

"I'm so close." He whispered in her neck.

"Let it go, hm? It's okay." She spoke, and he kept pounding into her vigorously. A few thrusts later, he released himself inside of her with a groan. He pulled out of her and helped her back on the floor, and she instinctively started rearranging her dress.

"I have to go." He spoke hastily, looking at the clock. "Let's talk later. We really need to. Thank you."

With that, he left the room in a hurry, leaving her behind. She didn't even look at him get out of the room. She couldn't.

She should've been happy. She finally kissed him, and did even more than that. She had him. But... she somehow felt drained of energy.

As his cum was dripping down her legs, she realised that she told him to use her, and she really felt used.

Small tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

Damn, I'm more sensitive than I thought. She chuckled bitterly.

Maybe she was just good for a quick fuck, and nothing more, and that's why he's never talked to her about them after Christmas. What did he even want to talk about now, after the game? Will he just reject her again and tell her this has been a mistake? Will he just nonchalantly thank her again for letting him get off using her body?

Fuck, she needed to buy a plan B, too.

She rubbed her eyes with her left hand and exited the locker room, heading towards the bathroom, and after she cleaned up, she saw Taemin waiting in the hallway.

"Crystal! I don't know what you told him, but it worked!" He ran to her happily, and she gulped down and held back her tears, burying her feelings deep down just as she's used to. "He was really optimistic, even spoke to his team and got the morale up again!"

"I'm so glad! I talked some sense into him, alright!" She smiled happily. That was so far from the truth, but Taemin didn't need to know what really happened, or that her heart was currently breaking.

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Chapter 18 | Chapter 20

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