#t:sweet as pie

[barchiefanfiction]

Sweet as Pie

by keiraknighted

for Barchie Halloween

prompt: that pumpkin pie sucks but I will eat three slices because you look so proud 

AO3 // ff.net

Archie doesn’t cook. Ever. It’s not that he’s against cooking. It’s just that he’s terrible at it. He’s so terrible at it that once, when his dad wasn’t home, he tried to make mashed potatoes by putting raw potatoes in a blender. He’d called Betty to ask her why it wasn’t working and she’d just laughed at him for five minutes. Not his finest moment.

But despite his disastrous previous attempts at cooking, he’s trying again now.

Betty had texted him an hour ago saying she was craving pumpkin pie. Her mom used to have a tradition of baking it on the first Saturday of October every year, but since Hal went to prison, a lot of family traditions have been abandoned.

So Archie had found a recipe online, and now he’s in the kitchen, covered in the cinnamon that he’d spilled everywhere earlier, trying to work out the difference between beating and whipping.

He’s not entirely sure what he’s doing, but how hard can it be to follow a recipe?

His dad walks into the kitchen, surveying the carnage with dismay.

“I’ll clean it up, I swear,” Archie promises.

Fred looks amused. “Are you actually cooking?”

“I’m baking,” Archie corrects. That’s right, he knows what baking is. “Betty wants pumpkin pie.”

“Ah,” Fred nods knowingly. “Archie to the rescue, is it?”

“Something like that,” Archie mutters, turning pink. He avoids his dad’s knowing smirk.

“Good luck,” Fred says, leaving Archie to google whether or not brown sugar is the same as normal sugar.

The pie is in the oven when the doorbell rings. Archie doesn’t bother taking his apron off before answering the door. It’s Betty.

“You weren’t supposed to be here yet,” he says.

“I’m bored. You weren’t answering your phone.” She looks him up and down. “Are you… baking?” she says, incredulously.

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

Betty grins. “Sorry,” she says. “It’s just… remember the time with the mashed potato?”

“I remember,” Archie sighs. “Are you coming in or what?”

“Yes,” Betty says, still grinning impishly. “Veronica’s coming too, by the way. She’ll be here soon.” She brushes past him to get inside. “You smell like cinnamon,” she notes. Archie flushes.

He follows her to the kitchen where she leans against the counter. The timer dings and Archie goes over to the oven, slipping the oven mitts on his hands.

“What did you make?” Betty asks, peering over his shoulder.

Archie pulls the pie out and turns around, presenting her with the pie. It actually looks like it’s supposed to.

Betty’s face lights up, and Archie can’t help but smile proudly. “You made me pumpkin pie?” Betty says, clasping her hands together.

“Yeah,” Archie smiles, pleased with himself. “You want a piece?”

“Yes!”

He cuts her a piece and puts a dollop of whipped cream on the top before placing the plate in front of her with a flourish. Betty picks up the spoon he’s provided her with, and Archie watches with baited breath as she takes the first bite.

She pauses. Then she keeps chewing. She swallows.

“Well?” Archie prompts.

Betty smiles. “It’s delicious, Arch. Great job.”

Archie beams with pride and Betty shakes her head, smiling fondly.

“I’ll have some too,” Archie says.

“No!” Betty bursts out. Archie frowns at her, confused. She looks a little sheepish. “I, uh… want it all to myself?”

Archie rolls his eyes and cuts her another slice, though she isn’t even halfway through the first piece. Betty grabs the can of whipped cream and sprays it all over her pie. “It isn’t really pie unless it’s covered in whipped cream,” she explains.

Archie grabs the can and sprays it directly into his mouth.

“You’re disgusting,” Betty says affectionately.

“Says the girl who sprayed half a can of whipped cream on her pie,” Archie smirks. “You know you want some,” he says, holding the can in front of her mouth. Betty screws up her nose but she opens her mouth. Before Archie can press down on the trigger, Fred walks into the kitchen, and Betty quickly turns back to her pie, embarrassed. Archie puts the can of whipped cream down.

“What are you kids up to?” Fred asks. “How did the pie turn out?”

“Delicious,” Betty says with her mouth full. She gives Fred a thumbs up.

“Cut us a slice then,” Fred says to Archie, and Betty doesn’t object to sharing some of her pie with Fred so Archie cuts a slice for him. Fred takes a bite and puts his fork down, nodding. “Not bad, son.”

Fred and Betty share a look that Archie can’t decipher.

“I’ll eat your piece if you don’t want the rest,” Betty offers.

Fred raises his eyebrows at her. “Sure. I have to head out anyway.” Fred leaves the kitchen, and as he exits the house he calls back, “Veronica’s here.”

Moments later, Veronica joins them in the kitchen.

“Hey, V,” Betty says. She’s finished her first piece of pie and is nearly done with the second. Veronica eyes Betty’s plate.

“What are you eating?” Veronica asks.

“Archie made me pumpkin pie.”

Veronica looks to Archie. “You cooked?” she asks, incredulously.

“Why is everyone so surprised?”

“You don’t cook. You suck at it.”

“Oh yeah? Try this pie and prepare to eat your words,” Archie says.

“No, don’t,” Betty says.

“Why not?” Veronica says, even as Archie is cutting her a sliver.

“Betty wants it all to herself,” Archie rolls his eyes.

“It’s just a tiny piece, B,” Veronica says. She gets a small piece on her fork and puts it in her mouth. Then she promptly spits it out.

“What’s wrong?” Archie asks, concerned.

“No offence, but this is terrible,” Veronica coughs. “Betty, you actually ate this?”

“It’s not that bad!”

Archie looks to Betty. “You said it was delicious.”

Betty grimaces, turning pink. Veronica snorts. “She clearly lied.”

Archie stabs his fork into Veronica’s piece of pie to taste it, only to find out, it is, in fact, terrible. It’s definitely not sweet enough, and the pasty isn’t really cooked on the bottom. Plus, the pumpkin part has a weird consistency. Archie spits it out.

Betty looks at him apologetically. He bursts out laughing.

“God, why did you eat so much of it?”

“You looked so proud, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings,” Betty shrugs.

“You two are impossible,” Veronica huffs. “Archie, you cooked her pie, despite the fact that you can’t cook. Betty, you actually ate the pie, despite the fact that he can’t cook. You really are made for each other.”

Archie goes red, and risks a glance at Betty, who is steadfastly looking at her plate, her cheeks tinged pink.

“I need to go wash my mouth out,” Veronica says, heading to the bathroom.

Archie turns to Betty. “You really didn’t have to eat it,” he smiles.

“But you went to so much trouble,” Betty says.

“Yeah, but,” he shrugs, “I only went to that trouble to make you happy. Kind of defeats the purpose eating the pie made you miserable.”

Betty laughs. “It didn’t make me miserable. You being happy makes me happy.”

Archie grins. “Me too.” His eyes flick to her lips. She has a little speck of whipped cream on her bottom lip. “You have cream on your lip,” he says, brushing it away with his thumb, then sucking the cream off his thumb.

“Arch—” Betty says, and then she surges forward to kiss him. He kisses her back, and luckily, she tastes more like whipped cream than the terrible pumpkin pie.

Veronica chooses that moment to walk back into the kitchen.

“Barf,” she says, and Archie and Betty break away from each other. “Can we go to Pop’s for some real food or do you two need some alone time?”

“We can go to Pop’s,” Archie says. “But just know that the whole time I’ll be thinking about kissing Betty.”

“So what’s new?” Veronica rolls her eyes. “Let’s go, I’m famished.”

Archie takes Betty’s hand, and they follow Veronica outside.

“Hey, Arch?” Betty says.

“Mmm?”

“I really appreciate you making me pumpkin pie and everything,” she says. “But please never try to cook again, okay?”

Archie laughs. “Or,” he grins. “You can teach me how to cook.”

Betty smiles. She stops to give him a peck on the lips. “Deal.”