#sysmates you didn't see this okay

[fictive-culture]

Was gonna make this a fictive culture is post to queue but then decided I wanted to make a long thing tw: anti endo mention

Sometimes fictive culture or even just Introject culture is something negative happening related to the source and headmates not showing up till after the bad feeling subside by time

By this I mean that and I don't talk about this often but when we first realized we were a system we were eventually presented with telling our friends, sure there is always the option of not telling they aren't owed that information but for better or worse we hate being friends with people that don't know? We hate hiding ourselves and not being able to be friends with people as individuals rather than a collective. We were horrified and while it went well for the most part, the system I already knew was thankfully supportive of endos and another friend even shot back with a same! There was one friend that wasn't supportive a singlet that was firmly anti endo and one of my best friends at the time. We met on a kin server both being tf2 kin though after realizing we were a system those tf2 kins were for sure not kins. We were both huge fans and would create things for each other fanart, writing. It hurt a lot losing them and even if we didn't have solid proof we knew we had tf2 headmates could feel them even if we couldn't interact with them. It's been nearly two years since then, and they fronted for the first time since learning we were a system in September of last year just a few months ago and we were ecstatic. Just felt like a sign we were healing and we were getting truly comfortable in our shared reality and it felt so nice knowing they weren't trapped any longer we have names and faces to people we couldn't reach for so long and it makes us genuinely so happy to see them on our sp and see their chat messages we can also look at tf2 content without being sad anymore? We can enjoy something we lost for a really long time and I don't know I just wanted to share that with y'all? Things hurt but it lessens over time, if you lost a joy you may be able to enjoy it again one day, if you are worried about a headmate they may return to you one day, if you are that headmate from a source the body has bad memories of know that you will still be missed that you are still wanted and your sysmates will smile and cry and hug you if you returned from disappearing. Sometimes we still miss them, especially one of our tf2 crewmates but we are all much happier knowing they aren't in our life and we aren't trying to fit into their box of what is and isn't okay. Even if we did end up being mostly traumagenic traumaendo the endo part is still so important to us and we and all of you deserve people that accept and love those parts of you too.

[rottingsunshine]

fault

it's always your fault. for being this way. for being closed off. for being scared. for not *always* assuming the best of other people.

apparently someone who called herself your best friend never messaging you first, you being angry and upset about it, about the fact that when you stopped messaging her, she never ever tried to see what was going on. was your goddamn fault.

because it's perfectly fine on her part to just assume you're fine! to assume you just don't want to be talked to! instead of doing any fucking talking! so when you don't talk, because you were feeling awful, it's your fault. but when she doesn't talk, it's perfectly fine!

you weren't this angry before. but you are now. this is one of the few things you almost never stop being angry about and just blame yourself for! you get mad at yourself when you can't respond to people, or message them at least sometimes.

it's happened to you over and over. twice it has been resolved. and it's nice, even if you're still miserable. but only once, it went over smoothly. the other time, they said they would, but didn't. it felt like getting responses out of a brick wall. and then through so many things, eventually things resolved.

you can talk very much! but you don't appreciate no responses. it hurts.

is it so entitled to want a little bit of attention? to get responses when you talk? for people to message you first sometimes?

seemingly it is! you should just be okay with being the giver every day, every hour, every minute, every second! shouldn't you?!

but you aren't. maybe you once were! but you've changed since then. and it's not enough.

you think nothing might ever be enough anymore! how lovely is that~!

it isn't lovely. it's awful.

you're awful too, so you suppose it's fitting. you feel like you're pulling teeth.

you want someone, someone other than your sysmates, to care about your life. to put in effort, real effort. nobody will. that must mean you're an awful terrible person, that there's something wrong with you. that's how it works. because either you're driving everyone away for you, or you're expecting too much. either way you're awful!

you wish you were cared for.

[welcometothenightcourt]

Hey! I want to apologise again for how I acted with reblogging personal things without at all thinking, hurting one of your sysmates and probably others, but now I have a.. Concern

I think I messed up with my system a bit, let me explain. So, I think I accidentally made myself the 'core', for multiple reasons.

1, my headmates genuinely believe they are my, emphasis on my, altars.

2, when Addison (not me, a headmate) spoke to my partner (also we rarely have amnesia barriers), there was a specific question asked by my partner and Addison replied with 'Anything for you and Emerson', no second thought for herself. At all.

3, they get extremely worried, or at least a bit worried, that I'm not either co-fronting or talking, thinking I disappeared forever and then get huge relief when I'm actually there.

I feel like I'm the main person doing everything, which I am usually fronting, but I don't think this is a healthy mindset for the system at all. May I hear your opinion on this?

P.S. - I really didn't mean to hurt you when I reblogged, I never think at all when I reblog, but I'll admit that's a reason and not an excuse, so I'll apologise again.

Okay so first of all, don’t use the word “core.” There’s no such thing as the core in DID/OSDD. The core is the “original personality,” and that implies that there was a whole singular personality to be the “original” in the first place when there wasn’t. If there was, you wouldn’t have DID/OSDD.

1) A lot of headmates may feel that way at first, and it’s up to you to put you all on a level playing field. See to them, you’re the person who does all the talking, you’re the face of the system. You control the body, and that gives you the most say over it. A lot of alters tend to believe that the host is in charge or more important at first, and that they’re only there for their benefit. It’s up to you to show that you value them and their individual contributions and that rather than them being second class and you being first, you’re all really a big team and you’re equal in what gets done.

2) This is extremely common, especially in protectors, and double especially in protectors that aren’t comfortable in/don’t identify with the body. Alters are formed to help the system, and more often than not, the best way to help the system is by helping the host. The host controls the body, its contact with others, its health, etc., and the body is so important to the system. After all, a hurt body hurts all of you. And if the hosts mental health is bad, so is their physical health. That’s one of the easiest ways to harm the system. Alters are normally very protective of the host and the body and willing to do things for them to keep them happy and healthy for the sake of everyone. Once again, it’s up to you to let them know that they’re allowed to be individual and have their own opinions and wants and to express them.

3) Imagine you spent your whole life living in this house, and you’ve never really had any contact with anyone outside. The parent always opens the door and talks to people and provides food and does the shopping and the teaching and everything. Then, one day your parent just vanishes. You have no idea where they went, but now you have to start answering the door and talking to people and going shopping and making dinner. You would be terrified and worried. That’s an entirely normal reaction. I would suggest letting them know through a note or something (if possible) before you switch out that you’ll be out for a bit but that you’ll be back. Try to set their minds at ease. You’re the host, and for the last who knows how many years you’ve been doing all of the bodily stuff. Suddenly leaving another alter to do it without any guidance can be potentially overwhelming or scary for them and I’d like you to understand that. Try to work up to full switch outs with them and give them some encouragement and tips on how to run the body.

Tl;dr: you didn’t mess up your system. Your system is newley discovered and things are going to be shaky at first. Learning to work together and be part of a cohesive, equal group can be hard and scary and that’s normal. Try to let the others know that it’s okay to be themselves and to be unique and to have personal opinions and such. Let them know that they’re just as important and vital as you are in the system through both word and action.

(Also, you’re the host, so you doing things in the body and closely identifying with it more than the others is entirely expected.)

Hope that helps.

-S