#switch the places of mom & dad and it’s literally ​me 💀

[sadgirlautumn]

I’m definitely overthinking a Christmas party right now so I’m going to put my thoughts under the cut lmao

Okay so!!! Basically my dad’s work Christmas party is this Friday and my mom wants me to go with them but I’m very torn about going for multiple reasons.

Firstly I feel weird for going because a lot of the guys my dad works with (my dad is a shop welder and he helps fix equipment for a demolition company) don’t bring their families and the only ones who do bring their families are the boss’s family technically. My mom keeps saying how it was fine and wasn’t awkward last year but idk I still feel weird about it! I know these guys wouldn’t give two shits if I was there but I still feel weird about it.

Secondly the place that the Christmas party is held at is where my sister’s ex boyfriend of 11 years works and I literally haven’t seen him since they broke up and I’d like to keep it that way! Especially since when my sister broke up with her ex girlfriend she started talking to him again and she was thinking about getting back together with him so he broke up with and made his current girlfriend move out only for my sister to catch feelings for some other guy. 💀 So he’s definitely going to be working the party and it’s going to make me want to die inside because I don’t really agree with my sister’s actions either even if my sister’s ex boyfriend is kind of an asshole. 🧍‍♀️

Thirdly and the big one that I’m overthinking the most. 🙃 Basically in middle school my last class of the day was combined with the 15 minute wait for dismissal so we had plenty of time to chat with people in that class and I ended up becoming friends with this guy. We had this elaborate inside joke and everything but one day one of my classmates said this boy had a crush on me which kind of made me uncomfortable but I brushed it off (because I was so insecure I couldn’t believe anyone would have a crush on me + I was so hopelessly crushing on this one guy for years and he was oblivious to my existence so I wasn’t really thinking about the potential of my other classmates liking me lol) and we stayed friends anyway and after the end of that school year we didn’t really talk much ever again because that’s when I got sick and started missing school, eventually switched to online school, got held back a year, and then decided to drop out when I was 17. I haven’t seen any of my classmates properly since I was in middle school aside from a handful of them that I barely even exchanged a hello with. Now this guy has been working with my dad and my dad is always saying how he’s such a good worker and my dad lets him steal snacks (just like how I used to let him steal snacks in middle school). And my dad knows that I used to be friends with him and the guy knows that he’s working with my dad and I’m too embarrassed to drop this lore on my parents so I’m venting here okay? Because in hindsight I really do think he had a crush on me (but idk I could be biased) and he was so sweet and funny! As much as I would love to reconnect with him again I’m terrified because I have a hard time processing that the boy who was nice to me in middle school is now a grown man who I don’t know who works with my dad. I’m definitely overthinking this because if I do go he’ll probably just talk more directly to my dad anyway. I’m just tired of attending events and getting my own hopes up by thinking “oh what if I reconnect with one of my old friends” only for it to be a very short interaction that ultimately means nothing.