#swinger resort Florida

[swingosphere]

Secrets Hideaway Resort and Spa Review: October 2024 Visit

/category/re/category/review/If you find yourself in the Orlando Florida area and looking for a fun, sexy, and inclusive getaway, Secrets Hideaway Resort and Spa in Kissimmee, Florida, should be on your radar. During our recent visit in October 2024, we had the pleasure of experiencing the resort’s vibrant atmosphere, meeting amazing people, and seeing firsthand why it continues to be a favorite…

[secretplaywife-hotwife]

Hi, I have been following you on various platforms for a while. I was wondering do you ever attend the Splash Mocha events?

https://www.splashmocha.com/

Thank you, John

SecretPlayWife attended several Florida Splash Mocha events without me. She loved it and told me all about it. It made me crazy horny for my wife. At last I went to an event with her and it was MIND BLOWING! Better than I had imagined.

I wrote about my experience by posting twice during the event, followed by a summary afterwards.

Enjoy! Mr Spw

First Post:

Oh My Fucking God!!

Or more correctly,

Oh my beautiful BBC-fucking goddess

She fucked 15 guys Thursday night

She fucked 9 more guys last night

She’s getting dressed to go play again.

One hell of an event.

Second Post:

Climax Count… Lost Count

I have rarely seen my wife climax so many times in one night.

Holy fuck.

Literally.

It was spiritual

Third Post:

Florida Interracial Takeover

Do you remember that cheezy swinger place you went to that creeped your lady out and ended all chances of your having a hotwife?

This was NOT that place.

This was a*m*a*z*i*n*g

A major hotel closed itself off from all bookings so that it could be used exclusively as a lifestyle play resort for three glorious days.

The event managers arranged for security to ensure no one came on the premises except registered lifestyle attendees. All ground level entrances had blackout curtains to prevent passerby peeks, and the main lobby was declared must-be-clothed. Otherwise, it was clothing optional, sexy wear encouraged.

300 people. 5 hour pool parties.

120 mostly Caucasian couples, plus 70 specially selected Black men, all handsome, endowed, respectful, social, and agreed to always use condoms, which they provide.

Women walked around in sheer or scant clothing, some none at all. No cell phones allowed out, and no photos ever.

About 10 ladies were 20-something model caliber, perhaps 30 or so were svelte enhanced milfs, with the remainder mostly 40s lovely women of all sizes, though SecretPlayWife was probably among the largest. All were pretty and all were there for the BBCs.

The Caucasian husbands didn’t play. But the wives certainly did. As much chocolate as they could handle.

Think Spring Break for the milf-40s crowd. Tiny bikinis that come off when the music gets pumping. DJs and speakers everywhere. Large ballroom dancing in the evenings, themed play rooms open at 10pm and stay busy until 230am.

Every play room was a separate large hotel conference room with speakers, each playing a custom music set, each with different colored uplighting, and canopy beds with decorative netting. All had many mattresses with fresh clean sheets changed after every single encounter. Each room was lined with chairs for husbands and couples to watch the various wives playing, but set far enough back that no one felt overly voyeured or uncomfortable.

Saturday night I was sitting in a chair going on my fourth hour of watching my wife scream in orgasmic ecstasy as her sixth BBC pumped her to yet another squirting climax. She was in the central tent while I sat 15 feet away in the low colored lighting with two black gentlemen sitting immediately to my right and a beautiful woman giving both oral. The sounds of screams and moans filled the large high-ceiling hall as six additional women were getting pumped in the various mattresses spread around the room’s perimeter. Two men that had fucked my wife to orgasms the previous night came up to me to chat and we had nice conversations while the sounds of flesh slapping and women moaning melded with the music. People were walking by circling the large room and clusters of people were conversing and laughing throughout. Many more clusters of people were chatting in the large hallways, yet none of the chatter was distracting. I thought to myself, how surreal is this experience. Few will find themselves in such an environment. I felt lucky and grateful for my wife accepting a transition from monogamous to adventurous. I love her very much.

[tampabaylifestylers]

How about a trip?

TBL will be visiting Hedo 2 next summer. And we want you to “cum” with us! If you call Char Travel at 215-321-4451 and tell them that you're with the Tampa Bay Lifestylers, Char will give you $50 off your package price for the June 8 – 13, 2019 trip!

WHAT IS HEDONISM?

HEDONISM IS THE SEXIEST PLACE ON EARTH, WHERE YOU CAN BE WICKED FOR A WEEK!

Hedo®, Hedo 2®, Hedo II®, H2®, or HII®. No matter what you call it, Hedonism II is the world’s most iconic adult playground. An all-inclusive paradise where you can turn your fantasies into reality! Experience what you only read about in erotic novels and let loose! Be as mild or as wild as you like! People travel to Hedonism II from all corners of the world to live out their fantasies, to escape their inhibitions, to play. Life is too short. Do it now, before later becomes never. Your Pleasure Is Our Passion!

He.don.ism: (noun) the pursuit of pleasure; sensual self-indulgence. synonyms: self-indulgence, pleasure-seeking, self-gratification the ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life.

WHAT TO EXPECT

Wondering What to Expect When You Arrive at Hedonism II?

Expect a personal paradise where you can explore and enjoy all your hedonistic desires. A place that feels like a second home complete with a friendly, helpful staff that’s ready to assist you as you discover all the sensual pleasures Hedonism II has to offer.

As Master of your own domain, you are free to be as mild or as wild as you wish. Indulge in all the allure life has to offer. Tantalize all your senses from the scent of a crisp ocean breeze to the taste of a favorite top-shelf cocktail. Indulge in the decadence of gourmet meals crafted by award-winning chefs. Feel the pillow-soft sand beneath your toes, the brilliant sun as it envelops and warms you with its glow and take in the panoramic vistas of Jamaica’s world-renowned 7-Mile Beach that edges our newly renovated resort.

Expect All-Inclusive Gourmet Dining and Premium Cocktails

Hedonism II has garnered numerous awards for its cuisine, and no other all-inclusive resort in Jamaica can compare to the number of premium brands served here. Our world-class dining includes several open bars, three specialty-cuisine restaurants, beachside grills and a buffet-style dining terrace.

Expect to Have Unrestricted Fun, Your Way!

Hedonism II is the world’s most iconic adult playground. It’s a place where people from all over the world come to live out their fantasies in a sensually charged environment. Whether you want to slow down for some R&R at the spa or pick up the pace with some games and entertainment, our countless amenities like volleyball, scuba diving, snorkeling and tennis will keep you having fun whether you’re in the water or on land.

Expect to See Naked People

Hedonism II is a lifestyle-friendly, clothing-optional beach resort where you can do pretty much what you want when you want. Our dining areas require clothing, but, if you want to take it all off on our beach or pool areas, go for it. If you prefer a little cover up, that’s absolutely fine, too.

At the end of the day, life’s too short to wait for pleasures. Get those deep kisses, amazing experiences and midnight swims, or hot, lustful encounters while you can. Memories of all of it will bring a twinkle to your eye and have everyone guessing about where you went on vacation.

Expect the Chance to Enjoy Our Playroom

Yes, the rumors are true. We have a playroom. It’s called the Romping Shop. It is an environment purely designed for pleasure and play, a place for you to experience your deepest desires in a decadent, exotic setting. Imagine soft lighting, white flowing drapery, soft fluffy pillows on beds surrounded by waterfalls – perfect for stargazing through the open rooftop. It’s an intimate atmosphere, sultry, sexy and beautiful.

Expect the Vacation of a Lifetime

There’s a reason our guests come back time, and time again. Our pressure-free, no-judgment, pleasure-seeking utopia is a little slice of heaven on earth where people from all over the world to come together with the simple desire to pursue pleasure and live life to the fullest. Between the chance to make amazing memories with new life-long friends and our unwavering commitment to first-class hospitality and superior 5-star service, you can be certain you have the vacation of a lifetime! Don’t take our word for it, see what our guests are saying about staying at Hedo.

Swinger and exhibitionist-friendly all-inclusive resort on Seven Mile Beach

Designed for adventurous people who want to add a bit of spice to their vacation, the all-inclusive Hedonism II is a popular upper-middle-range nudist resort tucked into a quiet, secluded section of Negril’s Seven Mile Beach. With a wide variety of activities and entertainment, this adults-only resort encourages guests to explore their wild side and indulge themselves. There are both a “prude” (clothing optional) and a “nude” (totally nude) section of the resort to accommodate different comfort levels, and property highlights include the nude beach, theme parties, and a variety of pools and whirlpools on both sides. And guests that want to explore the area are close to a variety of restaurants, bars, and shops in downtown Negril.

The fact that this resort has "Hedonism" in its name should give some indication as to the scene here. This adults-only property draws a mostly mature crowd (in their 30s to 60s), including large parties (such as the Tampa Bay Lifestylers) of like-minded (that is to say, open-minded) guests looking to socialize, and in some cases, swing. But besides exhibitionists and swinger couples, and some single travelers, there are also plenty of mellow couples & singles just looking for a little bit of raunchiness and liberation. The resort is divided into sides to accommodate different comfort levels; on the nude side, nudity is required at the beach, pool, and hot tub.

The nude pool is the liveliest (and most PDA-centric) part of the resort during the day, while at night, the most sensual activities take place at the Romping Shop Playroom where condoms are provided, with mirrors above every bed, and nightly themed parties (Leather and Lingerie, Toga and Foam, to name a couple) also enhance the mood. There are plenty of non-sexual activities, too, including water sports and cornhole toss. The vibe is not only respectful but secure: Upon arrival, guests pass through security gates before reaching the circular drive and open-air lobby. Guests can walk right through the lobby to the large main buffet restaurant and dining area, which features a big stage and open doors to the rest of the resort.

Tampa Bay Lifestylers Hedonism II Trip

Tampa Bay Lifestylers first group trip to Hedonism II, Jamaica.

Hedonism II, where it all began, is the ultimate adult lifestyle playground and remains to be nourishment for the mind, body, spirit and soul - the pleasure comes in many forms!

Overview

June 8 - 13, 2019

The Tampa Bay Lifestylers group are extending the fun from Florida to Jamaica. Join us as we host the first TBL group trip the the hottest adults-only resort anywhere - Hedonism II, Jamaica.

Venue

Hedonism II Negril, Jamaica

Getting There

Fly into Sangster International Airport in Montego Bay. Airport code MBJ.

Char Travel provides the complimentary direct, round trip transfers to the resort and back to the airport for our guests; the bus ride is about 1 hour 20 minutes. If you wish, there are several small commuter airlines that run flights to the Negril airfield across from the resort. Flights are about 15 minutes.

Rates and Accommodations

Garden view Regular (Clothing optional – Formally known as the Prude side)

Ocean view Regular (Clothing optional – Formally known as the Prude side) Garden view Nude-side Ocean view Nude-side

Jacuzzi Rooms Upgraded and Premium rooms

Themes

Hedo 2’s Current theme nights:

Monday – Jamaican Night Tuesday – Bare as you dare Glow party Wednesday – Fetish Fantasy Leather and Lingerie Thursday – Toga Foam Party Friday – Rocking Rock star Saturday – Hats & Heels Sunday – Naughty School Reunion

Tips

Take advantage of our Club MoBay VIP arrival and/or departure service.

Nearby things to do

Walk the 7-mile beach past all the other resorts

Visit Margaritaville. Enjoy the many restaurants in Negril. Take a cab to Rick’s Café and watch, or join the cliff-jumpers. Catamaran cruises are available from the Hedo beach. Have lobster at the Office of Nature beach bar.

Contact Char directly to request a quote at:

https://www.chartravel.com/groups

215-321-4451

[randylazdv-blog]

Fl swinger clubs reviews. Secrets Hideaway Resort and Spa Florida Swinger Parties and Lifestyle Swi 5d058a05a4661

[martadriezu]

Pa’ sali’te del pellejo

Todo empieza en la estación de metro de Times Square (Nueva York) a las 9:30h de la mañana de un martes de abril. Tengo unos instantes para aclararme con el mapa antes de ser arrollada por la horda formada por el servicio de limpieza, más los que entran a las diez, más un grupo de adolescentes góticos, más un negro muy alto con gabardina parecido a Kareem-Abdul Jabbar. Manhattan es olor a hot dog, cucarachas voladoras, ambición que se abre paso como la mala hierba, bombardeo de estímulos sin piedad… y, de pronto, cuando la cabeza va a estallar: esa música, a muchos más decibelios de lo que la decencia permitiría. No suena, retumba. No hay puerta: tres paredes forman Record Mart, una de las tiendas de discos más antiguas de la ciudad. Aunque ha tenido que ampliar el mercado -tiempos crueles-, hubo décadas en las que sólo vendía un género y un formato: rarezas latinas en vinilo. Whoa! Jesse Moskowitz es el dueño del negocio. Peina el pelo gris de sienes blancas con brillantina y hacia los lados, como el Paulie de Los Soprano. Cumplió 75 años este abril. Algo en su rostro parece tener ganas de enviarlo todo a tomar por saco, ennoviarse con una jubilada de Florida que lleve chándales color pastel y bailar agarrados bajo la luz de la luna con pasitos torpes en el porche de su casa. Con todo, sigue levantando la reja cada mañana, y dudo que se le escape un centavo del cambio que devuelve. Si se está, se está. Y Moskowitz está en Record Mart desde hace 50 años -este 2007 es su aniversario. Por el camino cayó su fiel escudero Harry Sepúlveda. Harry era esa presencia imprescindible en las tiendas de música que es el cliente habitual que se fusiona en el ambiente, como el papel de pared o la banquetilla para hurgar cubetas bajas. Harry gastó allí 40 años; muchos clientes se referían al negocio como “lo de Harry”. Debemos interiorizar lo que significa tener los arrestos para abrir una tienda de música latina no-comercial en 1957. Ante todo, la preferencia visionaria de estar bajo tierra, en un lugar de paso, no de ocio. Muchos aficionados acabaron forzándose a hacer el transbordo de metro allí, a pesar de que les iba peor. Segundo punto destacable: la oferta. Música latina, un concepto demasiado amplio, como música americana (¿bluegrass? ¿gospel? ¿country?). Inabarcable, confusa, y en muchos casos contemporáneos, repetitiva y comercial. Pero escarbando en lo latino aparece oro: Dizzy Gillespie y Machito, Mario Bauzá, Stan Kenton, Willie Bobo, Louie Ramirez, Xavier Cugat, Pete Rodriguez, La Lupe, Joe Bataan, Los Adolescentes, Orchestra Harlow, The Lebron Brothers… Moskowitz empezó a interesarse por ese estilo en el resort judío de las Catskills, donde cada verano de su infancia escuchaba en directo a Tito Puente, Richie Ray o Dick Sugar. En 1958 abrió su propia tienda. No quería turistas ni ricos: se emperró en una ubicación por la que pasara gente trabajadora. Durante los 60, Record Mart vivió sus mejores tiempos. “Fui el segundo cliente que tuvo Masucci [cofundador del sello Fania junto a Johnny Pacheco]. Le compré un disco de Barretto”, explicaba Jesse en una entrevista al The New York Times. “En los sesenta había muchas fábricas textiles por el bajo Manhattan, y los hispanos trabajaban en ellas. Pasaban por aquí, sobre todo los viernes, nos pedían música y, si no la teníamos, nos la apuntábamos. Los clientes me decían: aquí está el real vibe de Nueva York”. Boogaloo, latin jazz, afro-cubano, guaracha, mambo, guajira, montuno, danzón, marimba, cumbia, salsa… “Lo mejor hecho entre los 40 y 70 aquí, en Cuba, Puerto Rico, España, Brasil, el Caribe y México”. Record Mart afrontó un paréntesis entre 1999 y 2006, los años que duró la lenta remodelación de Times Square. Mientras, Internet se hacía omnipresente, descendía la venta de discos, creció el copyleft, las multinacionales se pegaron el gran leñazo, etc. Pero cuando volvió a abrir ($4.500 de alquiler al mes tracatrá), Jesse recuperó a sus habituales, uno por uno. Volvieron los que se habían dejado pagas enteras, algunos con sus hijos, y vinieron compradores nuevos. Hoy, el cedé se come la mayor parte del espacio, junto a pequeños cacharrillos electrónicos de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme. En los vinilos, la tienda mantiene la mirada alta: reediciones y originales de los sellos Fania, Alegre, Cotique, Fonseca, Swinger, Qbadisc, Speed… “Cuando algún cliente nuevo da vueltas por la estación y llama porque no nos encuentra, le digo: sigue la música”. Record Mart es la mejor embajada posible del East Harlem, también llamado El Barrio, al noreste de Central Park. Allí se palpa de dónde le viene el nervio a esa ciudad. El Barrio es terreno nuyorican, cubano, dominicano, yemení, coreano y haitiano. Caminando por el Upper East Side, se deja atrás el hospital Mount Sinai (donde paren las ricas de Manhattan), y de repente, en dos manzanas, crecen montañas de periódicos El Especialito, hamburgueserías, madres cogidas del brazo de hijos obesos, gorras sin calar en lo alto de un afro, ghetto blasters en las ventanas, solares llenos de mugre y… otro ritmo. Ésa fue la cuna y lugar de adopción de los grandes: Tito Puente, Ray Barretto, Charlie y Eddie Palmieri, Machito, Lavoe… En el último paso por Times Square antes de dejar la ciudad, me giré y miré un segundo la tienda. Temo que la próxima vez ya no encuentre a su dueño. Añado a Jesse a mis pregarias antimuerte, que renuevo semanalmente. Oh buen Dios, no te lleves todavía a Moskowitz contigo, ni a Oscar Niemeyer, ni a Louise Bourgeois, ni a Lázaro Escarceller, ni a Alan Sillitoe. Días después, de nuevo en Barcelona, retomo (obsesivamente) las escuchas latinas allí donde las había dejado antes del viaje. Suena el Tighten Up de Al Escobar. Consuelo los celos de mis viejos discos (Kent, Stateside, Brunswick, Trojan, Norton, Stax, Sundazed, Chess, Studio1, Okeh), acariciándolos, diciéndoles que sí, que volveré enseguida, que probablemente sólo sea una época.

[Publicado en el suplemento Cultura/s de La Vanguardia en septiembre del 2017. La edición del 7 de mayo del 2012 de The New York Times incluía el obituario de la muerte de Jesse Moskowitz]

[swingerresorts3-blog]

Adults Only Resorts

Swinger resorts

When the considered going along to some full lifestyle resort has you a little scared, there are many adults only resorts that could interest you. Maybe you are not swingers, but still wish to be able to take pleasure in the eroticism that the lifestyle resort provides along with the guaranteed child free zone for the vacation experience.

topless optional travel

There are several major differences between the adults only resorts on offer. You will notice that a real lifestyle resort will not allow singles. You have to book and attend being a female and male couple, and will also be beaten down or inspired to leave when it becomes apparent that you're not a real couple. Some resorts or cruises will allow you to bring an individual female together with you. Other adults only resorts allow singles since they are seen as traditionally non-lifestyle. That's not to express you will not find swingers here and actually many swingers still vacation there, however the public displays of love are more tightly controlled and the atmosphere could be more of an event.

The majority of the adults only resorts are typical inclusive, which can be handy if the choice of attire leaves little to the imagination plus you've got nowhere to transport your wallet.

Temptations resort is a good choice; classy, sexy and erotic, but minus the full 'in your face' open sex. Included in the Original Resorts group, they've got carefully and tastefully captured two important niches in couples only complete lifestyle resort vacations. Temptations are presently at Riviera Maya near Cancun and Los Cabos near Cabo San Lucas. Temptations is really a topless optional resort, but it's not mandatory to be topless.

Hedonism, or Hedo as it is additionally known, is yet another popular erotic destination. Located in Jamaica, it's seen as more of an event destination with a very relaxed atmosphere. The place is divided between a nude plus a fully clothed area.

Caliente is an additional among the best adults only resorts. They've locations in Florida as well as the Dominican Republic. It really is mainly touted like a nudist resort, nonetheless it does occasionally hold lifestyle events and lifestyle nights.

Desire Resort and Spa in Mexico can be regarded as a favourite for a number of swingers. There are plenty of repeat guests that each time you go, you're sure to have an acquaintance. Very often, before men and women plan a vacation at Desire, they'll confer with friends they have met there previously concerning when they're booking in most cases book round the same time. Desire is clothing optional, which means you can wear as much or less than you need, but most like the latter.

Even if you're not swingers, in order to visit that is dissimilar to most, you need to visit one of these simple adults only resorts at least once in your lifetime.

[kbaldwin0609]

'The Bachelor': 29 thoughts about Arie's 29 women

Waiting for the new season of The Bachelor is kind of like dating. There’s a lot of misplaced hope, as we in Bachelor Nation pore over the photos of bios of the “ladies” who have signed up to humiliate themselves/possibly find temporary companionship on national TV.  Maybe this will be the year that the majority of the contestants have a real job, not just a real job with the word “former” in front of it. Maybe this will be the year that not every single woman will have hair that looks like Cousin Itt asked someone to give him a Farrah Fawcett perm. (Topical references for the win!) Maybe this will be the year that watching The Bachelor doesn’t make us hate ourselves, men, and most women on the planet.

Recently ABC released the names of the 29 women who’ll try to win over new Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr., and I can happily report that this year, at least one of those wishes came true. Click through to learn more about Arie’s 29 women, courtesy of the always fun facts gleaned from their ABC bios.

The Bachelor premieres Monday, Jan. 1 at 8 p.m. on ABC.

Ali, 27

She’s a personal stylist from Oklahoma. Listens to Nickleback, and has the good sense to be embarrassed about it. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Amber, 29

She also would like to be a Disney princess. So there’s that. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Annaliese, 32

This event designer from California is probably the first Bachelor contestant ever to drop a Futurama reference into her bio — so she’s got that going for her. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Ashley, 25

This real estate agent from Florida thinks New York City is the most romantic city in the country. Same. (If by “romantic” you mean “most likely to smell like urine.”) (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Becca K., 27

This publicist from Prior Lake, MN can’t live without Chapstick. Same. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Bekah M.

This pixie doesn’t reveal her age on ABC’s site, though Reality Steve says she’s 22, which would make her the show’s youngest-ever contestant — not counting emotional ages, of course. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Bibiana, 30

This executive assistant from Miami loves popping pimples and wishes she could “be art.” Gonna go ahead and guess that she was slightly tipsy when she filled out her questionnaire. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Bri, 25

This sports reporter from Oregon says she has an Emmy. Bri: 1, The Bachelor: 0. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Brittane J., 27

Brittane says if she could have lunch with any three people living or dead, she’d choose Whitney Houston, Bernie Sanders, and Beyoncé. Putting together that amazing hypothetical threesome may make Brittane the most accomplished Bachelor contestant to date. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Brittany T., 30

In 5 years this tech recruiter from South Carolina hopes to be “married with two corgis” — so The Bachelor is a logical first step toward that goal. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Caroline, 26

She’s a realtor, a former Miss Massachusetts Teen USA, a Riverdale fan. Plus, she has a plant named Phil. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Chelsea, 29

Chelsea says she hates it when her date displays “over-the-top PDA,” so I’m sure she’ll be real comfortable having 1920×1080 pixel images of Arie’s tongue in her mouth being broadcast in high definition all across these United States. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Jacqueline, 26

Jackie is working toward getting Ph.D. in chemical psychology and says her career is “very important to me.” So let’s hope she applied to be on The Bachelor as… research? (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Jenna, 28

I’m starting to get face blindness from all these perky, long-haired blondes, tbh. This one is a social media manager, or something. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Jenny, 25

She’s a graphic designer and loves “Sundays lying in bed all day, watching reality TV and eating pizza.” Same. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Jessica, 26

She’s a TV host from Canada, and she claims her all-time favorite book is Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes — so you know she’s gunning for a job at ABC when this whole Arie situation is over. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Kendall, 26

Ah, the token “weirdo.” Her spirit animal is a bat, she collects taxidermy, and she once drove a car through the caboose of a moving train. Definitely too interesting for Arie. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Krystal, 29

This fitness coach from Montana uses the phrases “not my jam” and “thebomb.com” in her bio, so there’s that. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Lauren B., 25

This tech salesperson from Virginia Beach has always wanted to be a Disney princess and admits to being “basic.” Welp, at least she’s self-aware. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Lauren G., 26

This executive recruiter from Indianapolis, IN loves Oprah and hates grocery shopping. Same. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Lauren J., 33

Arie’s oldest potential wife, which may be why she’s confident enough to admit to “putting a legit body towel over me and ordering pizza.” (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Lauren S., 31

She’s the second-oldest contestant, which may be why her questionnaire reads like it was written by a 12-year-old. Sample life goal: To be “literally anyone in Taylor Swift’s girl squad” for a day. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Maquel, 23

I’m sorry… Maquel? Are we 100 percent sure that’s actually a name? (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Marikh, 27

This restaurant owner from Utah secretly longs to have silver hair, even though it would clearly be a terrible match with her skin tone. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Nysha, 30

Nysha, an orthopedic nurse from South Carolina, seems to know that “applying to be on a reality TV show where millions of people will judge you” might not be as fun as it sounds. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Olivia, 23

Her favorite book of all time is 50 Shades of Grey, so… yeah. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Seinne, 27

Her favorite holiday is New Year’s Eve, which means that the harsh grind of mundane reality has yet to crush her spirit. Stay strong, Sienne! (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Tia, 26

The physical therapist from Arkansas says her best trip ever was a trip to a “random swingers resort” in Cancun — so she should fit right in at Casa Bachelor. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Valerie, 25

Is this the first-ever ringer tee in Bachelor bio photo history? Go on with your bad self, Valerie. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

[kbaldwin0609]

'The Bachelor': 29 thoughts about Arie's 29 women

Waiting for the new season of The Bachelor is kind of like dating. There’s a lot of misplaced hope, as we in Bachelor Nation pore over the photos of bios of the “ladies” who have signed up to humiliate themselves/possibly find temporary companionship on national TV.  Maybe this will be the year that the majority of the contestants have a real job, not just a real job with the word “former” in front of it. Maybe this will be the year that not every single woman will have hair that looks like Cousin Itt asked someone to give him a Farrah Fawcett perm. (Topical references for the win!) Maybe this will be the year that watching The Bachelor doesn’t make us hate ourselves, men, and most women on the planet.

Recently ABC released the names of the 29 women who’ll try to win over new Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr., and I can happily report that this year, at least one of those wishes came true. Click through to learn more about Arie’s 29 women, courtesy of the always fun facts gleaned from their ABC bios.

The Bachelor premieres Monday, Jan. 1 at 8 p.m. on ABC.

Ali, 27

She’s a personal stylist from Oklahoma. Listens to Nickleback, and has the good sense to be embarrassed about it. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Amber, 29

She also would like to be a Disney princess. So there’s that. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Annaliese, 32

This event designer from California is probably the first Bachelor contestant ever to drop a Futurama reference into her bio — so she’s got that going for her. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Ashley, 25

This real estate agent from Florida thinks New York City is the most romantic city in the country. Same. (If by “romantic” you mean “most likely to smell like urine.”) (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Becca K., 27

This publicist from Prior Lake, MN can’t live without Chapstick. Same. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Bekah M.

This pixie doesn’t reveal her age on ABC’s site, though Reality Steve says she’s 22, which would make her the show’s youngest-ever contestant — not counting emotional ages, of course. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Bibiana, 30

This executive assistant from Miami loves popping pimples and wishes she could “be art.” Gonna go ahead and guess that she was slightly tipsy when she filled out her questionnaire. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Bri, 25

This sports reporter from Oregon says she has an Emmy. Bri: 1, The Bachelor: 0. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Brittane J., 27

Brittane says if she could have lunch with any three people living or dead, she’d choose Whitney Houston, Bernie Sanders, and Beyoncé. Putting together that amazing hypothetical threesome may make Brittane the most accomplished Bachelor contestant to date. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Brittany T., 30

In 5 years this tech recruiter from South Carolina hopes to be “married with two corgis” — so The Bachelor is a logical first step toward that goal. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Caroline, 26

She’s a realtor, a former Miss Massachusetts Teen USA, a Riverdale fan. Plus, she has a plant named Phil. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Chelsea, 29

Chelsea says she hates it when her date displays “over-the-top PDA,” so I’m sure she’ll be real comfortable having 1920×1080 pixel images of Arie’s tongue in her mouth being broadcast in high definition all across these United States. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Jacqueline, 26

Jackie is working toward getting Ph.D. in chemical psychology and says her career is “very important to me.” So let’s hope she applied to be on The Bachelor as… research? (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Jenna, 28

I’m starting to get face blindness from all these perky, long-haired blondes, tbh. This one is a social media manager, or something. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Jenny, 25

She’s a graphic designer and loves “Sundays lying in bed all day, watching reality TV and eating pizza.” Same. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Jessica, 26

She’s a TV host from Canada, and she claims her all-time favorite book is Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes — so you know she’s gunning for a job at ABC when this whole Arie situation is over. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Kendall, 26

Ah, the token “weirdo.” Her spirit animal is a bat, she collects taxidermy, and she once drove a car through the caboose of a moving train. Definitely too interesting for Arie. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Krystal, 29

This fitness coach from Montana uses the phrases “not my jam” and “thebomb.com” in her bio, so there’s that. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Lauren B., 25

This tech salesperson from Virginia Beach has always wanted to be a Disney princess and admits to being “basic.” Welp, at least she’s self-aware. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Lauren G., 26

This executive recruiter from Indianapolis, IN loves Oprah and hates grocery shopping. Same. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Lauren J., 33

Arie’s oldest potential wife, which may be why she’s confident enough to admit to “putting a legit body towel over me and ordering pizza.” (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Lauren S., 31

She’s the second-oldest contestant, which may be why her questionnaire reads like it was written by a 12-year-old. Sample life goal: To be “literally anyone in Taylor Swift’s girl squad” for a day. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Maquel, 23

I’m sorry… Maquel? Are we 100 percent sure that’s actually a name? (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Marikh, 27

This restaurant owner from Utah secretly longs to have silver hair, even though it would clearly be a terrible match with her skin tone. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Nysha, 30

Nysha, an orthopedic nurse from South Carolina, seems to know that “applying to be on a reality TV show where millions of people will judge you” might not be as fun as it sounds. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Olivia, 23

Her favorite book of all time is 50 Shades of Grey, so… yeah. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Seinne, 27

Her favorite holiday is New Year’s Eve, which means that the harsh grind of mundane reality has yet to crush her spirit. Stay strong, Sienne! (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Tia, 26

The physical therapist from Arkansas says her best trip ever was a trip to a “random swingers resort” in Cancun — so she should fit right in at Casa Bachelor. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV

Valerie, 25

Is this the first-ever ringer tee in Bachelor bio photo history? Go on with your bad self, Valerie. (Photo: ABC)

Source: Yahoo TV