#sweet jesus i need to find a default feet replacement

[pixelwand]

work has been crazy busy during the past week! mai can't wait until her paid vacation starts during the holiday season 💅

[atths--twice]

Five Times Mulder and Scully Stopped for Gas

During a group rewatch of Dreamland, a comment was made: “From Scully's confused expressions in this gas station scene, I like to infer that M&S have an established routine at gas stations, and obviously Morris Fletcher isn't complying.”

Well... how could I not answer the call? 

So here is a glimpse into five different times Mulder and Scully stopped for gas, and where we find them as they do. 

They pulled into a gas station and up to the pump, their first case together just beginning, and the rental car low on gas. Scully unbuckled her seatbelt, opened her door, and started to get out of the car.

“Oh,” Mulder said, causing her to pause, and look back at him. “No, I got it.” He took his seatbelt off and started to get out of the car.

“I’m quite capable of pumping gas, Agent Mulder,” she said hotly, the conversation she had with Ethan recently, fresh in her mind. That ideas such as taking out the trash or pumping gas was a “man’s job” and how that belittled women. “I can and have done so on my own, I don’t need—”

“Agent Scully,” he cut across her, his brow furrowed. “In no way am I insinuating that you are not capable of doing something as mundane as pumping gas into a vehicle. I was merely defaulting to the arrangement I have had with other partners, in which the driver is in charge of filling the tank. I don’t know how you did it before, but that’s how I’ve always done it.” He stared at her innocently, and she felt her anger abating, nodding at him once before she closed her door, leaned back in her seat, and buckled her seat belt.

He smiled and nodded, getting out of the car and heading inside the station. Coming back out a few minutes later, he laid the items he purchased on his seat - sunflower seeds, two bottles of water, and a chocolate bar - which he handed to her. She looked at him in surprise and took it before he started to pump the gas. Looking down at the chocolate bar, she smiled at the small peace like offering, and put it into her bag to enjoy later.

Leaving Comity, determined to never come back, Scully angrily drove them out of town, blowing through a stop sign. Mulder sighed and then sighed again, before she told him to shut up once more. Silence hung heavy in the car and her anger was palpable. Seeing the gas gauge on empty, it was her turn to sigh, and then shake her head.

A station appeared a few miles down the road and she pulled in and up to the pump. Mulder took off his seat belt as she put the car in park. While they usually did adhere to the long standing whoever drives pumps the gas, more often than not, Mulder would take the role upon himself, regardless of his position in the car. Even if she tried to stop him, he would simply grin and shrug, continuing with the job at hand.

Sometimes she did not mind being the one who paid and collected snacks, but some days, she would blow up at him that this was once again a hunter/gatherer type situation. At his confused look, she would shake her head and explain, again, how for some reason pumping gas was seen as manly, so of course he would jump to do his duty. To which he would then shake his head, and explain to her, again, how that was ridiculous and he never saw them that way.

Well, tonight she definitely did not want his help, not in any way. “I got it, Mulder. Please, don’t trouble yourself.” Taking off her seat belt angrily, she opened the door and slammed it as stepped out.

“What the hell?” She heard and turned around to look at him, standing outside the car.

“What, Mulder? I’m the driver, I get the gas. That was one of our agreements, right?” she asked, seething inside as she crossed her arms and stared at him. She had half a mind to drive away and leave him in that crazy little town, never looking back.

“Jesus Christ, Scully,” he said, shaking his head. “Are you seriously still angry? Everything has gone back to how it’s meant to be and yet you’re still upset. So yeah, what the hell?” He opened his arms, moving around the trunk of the car, walking closer to her.

“Are you kidding me?” she said, raising her voice and stepping closer to him. “You … you degraded me in front of Detective White, repeatedly. You made me feel less than, numerous times and you’re just going to what, blame it on the alignment of the planets? The planets made you act like a jackass? Made you treat me as … your tagalong, the person whom you ditched to hang out with some tall perky “blonde.” None of that was you?” She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms tighter.

“I did not ditch you,” he scoffed and she answered with a scoff of her own. “I didn’t. I … you were checking on Jay’s body and we had been … at odds with each other -”

“Because you kept cutting me down in front of Detective White!” she interrupted, throwing her hands up and staring at him. “Not only was that rude to do to me personally, but professionally … Jesus, Mulder. Do you have any idea how that made me look? I don’t care who else is around, male or female, I am your partner and you treated me like some afterthought who was called upon when needed, but left once something, or someone, better came along. The ‘alignment of the planets’ is a shitty excuse for your behavior.”

“You think I would have behaved that way if it hadn’t been the case? That I really feel that way, like you’re a tagalong?”

“It started the minute we walked into that funeral home, Mulder,” she said, shaking her head “If you detect a hint of skepticism or incredulity in Agent Scully’s voice …” Why? Because I chose to want to look further than the ‘satan is to blame’ fear mongering? The belief that satanic rituals were the culprit was enough, simply because someone said so? Well, then, look at me! I’m the Queen of England! It’s true, I said so!” Throwing her hands up again, she stared at him and he shook his head.

“The eyewitnesses to the kids murder said it was as much, and yes I now know it was a lie, but their stories corroborated each other, why would they not have been believed?” Mulder asked, and Scully walked a couple of steps away, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Mulder,” she said, turning to him with an incredulous look. “Is it so much easier for you to believe in satanic rituals, than two pretty, popular girls deciding one night to kill someone? It’s not as though it hasn’t happened before.” He stared at her and she scoffed again. “Well, I can’t look at evidence that points to a satanic cult ritual story and not try to find a plausible explanation. I can’t accept at face value, something that others believe without question. That is not me … and you should know that by now.” She deflated like a balloon, no longer angry, just hurt by his actions. “I deserved to be treated better than I was by you, in front of others, alone, planets aligned or not.” He looked down at the ground and nodded, before looking up and nodding at her once again.

She sighed and walked into the station to pay for their gas. Watching him from inside, she saw him get back into the car and she sighed. “You okay, ma’am?” the young clerk asked, and she nodded with a forced smile. Taking her receipt, she took a deep breath, and stepped outside and over to the already opened gas cap.

Choosing to let it be a peace offering, even if it slightly enraged her, she pumped the gas. Watching the back of his head as she did, she tried to let go of the past few days, and the argument they had just engaged in, in public no less. Closing her eyes, she stood until the gas shut off and she replaced the nozzle, closed the tank, and got back in the car. The silence a little thinner, they headed out of town, relieved to put it behind them.

________________________

Another chemo treatment with an unscheduled stop along the way, as she was unable to keep her stomach from throwing up what little was inside it. The effort it took left her weak and sweaty, but she tried her hardest not to let it show. She took deep breaths and tried to swallow down the returning bile that threatened to gag her every few seconds. Her eyes closed, she felt the car slowing down, causing her to open them.

“Uh, I’m sorry, I need to stop for gas. I was in a rush this morning and I didn’t have time. I’ll be quick,” Mulder said quietly, and she hummed in response, knowing he must see how weak she was feeling, and she hated it.

As the car stopped, she was determined to not let the cancer or the exhausting rounds of chemo take so much from her. She unbuckled her seat belt and pushed herself up into a better sitting position. Reaching for the door handle, she was easily stopped by Mulder’s hand.

“What are you doing, Scully?” he asked so incredibly softly, it was as if no words were spoken at all.  

“Snacks,” was all she could breathe out, before she broke out in a sweat, falling back into the seat, her eyes closing.

“I’ve got it, Scully. I’ve got it,” he said, softer than before, if that was possible. His hand moved gently from hers, his door opening and shutting softly.

She remembered the sound of the gas cap being removed, the nozzle being placed inside, but nothing after, until he was unbuckling her seat belt and helping her out of the car.

“Come on, Scully, I got you,” he said quietly, bringing her carefully to her feet, letting her try to stand on her own, before putting his arm around her waist and walking her slowly to her apartment.

She was sweaty again and nearly there, when she almost collapsed. He caught her and lifted her into his arms, walking the few remaining steps down the hall to her door. He opened it, carried her to her room, and set her on her bed. He took off her shoes and helped her to lay down, before disappearing.

She heard the front door open and shut once, then again, as she kept her eyes closed, focusing on her breathing. It was quiet for a few minutes, and then his voice spoke softly close to her ear.

“Scully, drink this, but just a sip.” A straw was placed in her mouth and the sweet, cold, bubbly taste of 7-Up filled her mouth. “That’s it, just a little bit. It should help settle your stomach.”

She took slow sips for nearly an hour, before he was satisfied she would be okay, and could hold more down. He gingerly helped her remove and change her sweat soaked shirt, before she laid back down. A soft moist cloth, gently stroked across her face and her forearms, cooling her down. She kept her eyes closed throughout, thanking God for gas stations with little convenience stores and a man like Mulder who was there to catch her when she stumbled and needed him most.

_______________________

“You seriously expect to drive?” Mulder asked, as they walked toward her car on their way to her Lamaze class.

“I do expect to drive. I drove home from the bureau today. I’m not an invalid, I’m just pregnant,” she said, giving him a look.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “You are very pregnant.”

“Excuse me?” she asked, turning to him and placing a hand up to stop him from walking.

“I meant … that’s very true … you’re pregnant." He cleared his throat as he hugged the pillow he had grabbed from inside, a poor item choice to protect his body. She narrowed her eyes at him and he winked at her. “I thought we were in a hurry?” Staring at him a second longer, she moved her hand and continued on to the car.

As she drove away, after exhaling loudly when she sat down, while Mulder wisely kept his mouth shut, she saw the gas tank was empty. Sighing, she headed to the gas station, and pulled up to the pump. Turning off the car, she looked over at him.

“Well, I can’t pump the gas, I’m pregnant,” she said, trying not to smile. He stared at her and shook his head, smiling himself as he opened the door and got out of the car. She smiled as the door shut and she rubbed her belly.

A knock sounded on her window and she jumped. Looking at him, she rolled it down and raised her eyebrows. “Do you want anything from inside?”

“Surprise me,” she smiled and he leaned in to kiss her. Pulling back, she grinned and he shook his head before turning around and walking inside. She laughed as she continued to rub her ‘very pregnant’ belly, and waited for him to come back.

He walked out, his hands behind his back, heading for her door. “Pick a hand,” he said and she smiled. Pointing to the left, he handed her a bag of sunflower seeds and she stuck out her lip. Smiling, he held out his right hand and the package of peanut butter cups. She gasped and grinned as she grabbed it.

Stepping back, he smiled and walked around the car to pump the gas, as she opened the wrapper on her candy. Taking a bite, she closed her eyes, smiling as the delicious combination of peanut butter and chocolate hit her tongue.

A couple of minutes later, he opened the door and got inside, smiling as he did. She wordlessly handed over the other half of her candy and he grinned as he took it and shoved it all in his mouth, chewing it up as she started the car.

“I’m driving on the way back,” he mumbled, nearly incoherent around his mouth full of chocolate and peanut butter. She laughed as she rolled up her window and they drove away.

___________________

The sun was beginning to rise as she pulled into the gas station, Mulder asleep beside her. She shook her head and turned off the car. Grabbing some money from the bag in the back, she looked at Mulder once more before going inside to pay for the gas and some essentials.

There was a doughnut shop next door and she stepped in to buy a few for the road, two coffees, and two bottles of orange juice. Walking back to their car with a tray holder and the bags of items, she carefully opened the back door and set the drinks on the floorboard and the bags on the seat. Shutting the door softly, she pumped the gas, filling their car with the necessary fuel to keep them moving.

Pulling away slowly, she entered a parking spot away from the pumps, as she looked out onto the wide expanse of the desert. Mulder was still asleep beside her and she glanced over at him, before getting out of the car, to grab the food in the backseat.

Sitting back down in the driver’s seat, she took out her doughnut and watched the sun rise. A week on the run and it was already exhausting. The constant moving from place to place was a necessity she knew, but it was hard. A moment of peace in this little corner of the world, was everything to her right now. Taking a sip of coffee, she looked over as Mulder began to stir. Opening his eyes, he blinked at the early light around him.

“Hey,” she said with a smile and he yawned, stretching and sitting up straighter. He shivered and looked around with a deep breath. “There’s coffee and orange juice, plus some doughnuts.” He nodded as he yawned once again.

“I need to pee,” he said, getting out of the car, and heading into the gas station. Scully drank some more coffee and waited for him to come back, the sun slowly brightening the sky.

He was back quickly, shivering in the cool morning air and sat down in his seat, reaching for the coffee she offered. They were quiet as they drank, him just waking up, and her with thousands of worries burning inside her mind.

“You sure this is what you want?” he whispered in the quiet of the car, and she looked at him, staring at his profile, before he turned to look at her. He shook his head and she smiled softly.

“My answer hasn’t changed since the last ten times you’ve asked me that question,” she answered quietly. “This is where I want to be, need to be. Sitting here in some gas station, just like countless other times, together. Mulder, I can’t be away from you anymore, so yes, this is what I want. Is it what you want?”

He frowned at her and shook his head. “Running, always looking over our shoulder, no that isn’t what I want. Especially not for you,” he sighed and looked out the window. “But I can’t imagine being here alone, not again. I ached for you, Scully. Physically ached for you.” He turned to look at her again and she reached to touch his face.

“I know. I did for you too,” she whispered. “So yes, this is what I want. I’m right where I’ve always been meant to be.” He touched her hand that was resting on his face. They stared at one another, the sun casting them both in the early light. He kissed her palm before she moved her hand.

Setting her coffee in the cup holder, she started the car, backed up, and left the gas station. Reaching for his hand, she squeezed when he laced his fingers with hers.

“Did you happen to get any sunflower seeds?” he asked, after a few minutes of silence.

“Mmm-hmm and a couple of iced teas too,” she said with a smile, causing him to grin.

“My little gatherer,” he teased, squeezing her hand, causing her to narrow her eyes. Lifting her fingers to his lips, he looked at her. “Could be love.”

“Oh, it definitely is,” she affirmed, squeezing his hand lightly.

He kissed her hand once again as she turned her eyes back to the road, heading wherever it would take them.

[ohioguru03]

It may not be easy, but it will be worth it...

I’ve written several times on here about working out, diet, and my own personal struggle with body image, so it won’t be a surprise to the throngs of people who read my C- blog that the topic is resurfacing. This is something I’m passionate about, and I truly believe many people struggle with these same issues, which is why I write so much about it. 

Working out has never really been an issue for me, rather, the diet and body image side of things is another story. Of course, if you read my blog, you already know this. 

A little over a year ago, I penned an article referencing my increase in body weight and vowed that it would be taken care of immediately. I forgot one, small aspect to that, which is cleaning up my eating. I increased my workouts but failed to work on my diet. Guess what? If you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten. Pretty basic, but how often do we live as if this isn’t true? We somehow believe that we will be the exception to the rule for the first time in human history. I guess that sums up how selfish we can be, but that’s another topic for another day. 

I don’t know if it was the moron side of me or what, but I couldn’t understand why my waistline continued to grow despite working out at what I felt was an intense level. The more I worked out, the more and more I ate...anything and everything. 

The picture shown below on the left is from January 6, 2018 at 208 pounds compared to the one on the right taken on July 25, 2018 at 179.8 pounds. 

After summer ended, and I didn’t have to wear tank tops or swim trunks any longer, I found it cool to become a little thicker like I was some sort of powerhouse or something. However, it wasn’t long before I noticed my skin becoming nasty, my face ballooning, and my belly popping out in my sweaters at school. 

One of our secretaries at school made reference to me being happy after I returned from our Honeymoon. Of course, that was true, but I know she was also noting my plump, jelly-belly. See, I returned from my honeymoon at 208 pounds, which is the most I have ever weighed. Mentally, I was beating myself up day-after-day but just couldn’t seem to get things turned around. It was like a hamster on a wheel. 

The wife and I quickly hopped on the 80-Day Advocare Challenge after we returned from our Honeymoon, but I don’t think either of our mindsets were completely dialed in on the mission. Needless to say, we didn’t last anywhere close to 80 days. Maybe 80 hours? Despite the setback, I still managed to drop a couple lbs. 

Over the next couple of months, I struggled mentally to turn on my discipline. In my mind, I woke up every morning wanting and hoping to make a change in my eating. I was somewhat becoming depressed with it. I just couldn’t seem to get it turned around. 

Meanwhile, from January to the end of April I continued to eat very poorly...all day long! I continued to work out, but my workouts were so sluggish due to the increase in body fat. My sleep was being disrupted by the late night eating and all the crap I was putting into my body. When I say I was eating all day long, well, that is not an exaggeration. Pizza, cookies, donuts, cupcakes, candy bars, crackers, pretzels, chips, french fries, etc...Sweets during the day and pizza and french fries at night. This was all on top of everything else I was eating whether it was good or bad. 

Over the past year, we got married and bought a new house during the school year, so there was some added stress, but no reason to turn to things that promise things they can’t deliver on. You know the momentary comfort (maybe 10 to 15 seconds at best) followed by the hours of guilt and beating yourself up for how you are eating and feeling. In other words, sin (gluttony) over promises and under delivers.

Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. -Philippians 3:19

I even started a weight loss challenge at school to get me kick-started, but even the first three weeks of the challenge weren’t enough to knock down the mental bind that clamped me down and was squeezing the energy out of me. You are likely asking yourself, is there a turn in the story? Thankfully, the answer is yes!

In the latter half of April, my wife’s sister got married in Nashville, and like most weddings and receptions a lot of pictures are taken. It wasn’t until those pictures surfaced a week later that reality hit me with a Mike Tyson haymaker. 

When I saw myself in those pictures, to be quite honest, I was disgusted in every sense of the word. I looked like I had aged quite a bit, my skin was nasty, and it appeared someone pumped me up with an air pump of hot garbage. Harsh enough? This is me on the left. My belt is begging for mercy. The last notch life. 

I know I’m a child of God and made in God’s image, but He never meant for me to indulge in food and gluttony the way I had for nearly two years. Once I recovered from seeing those pictures, I knew there were no more excuses, it was time to get serious. 

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

On April 30th, I began my journey and I love the word journey because anything worth doing is a journey or a marathon if you will. I started the beautiful journey at 202 pounds. 

But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. -1 Corinthians 9:27

I really didn’t have a plan of what I was going to eat, but more so when I was going to eat. To start, I used my Advocare eating plan to time my meals and know what I needed in each. I used Advocare’s Spark, Meal Replacement, and Muscle Gain to support my change in eating. This wasn’t simply a change in eating, but a complete lifestyle change. 

I kept telling myself, if I can make it through the first day, I can turn the corner and get this done. It started with a pound the first week and then another pound the second week. I refused to get discouraged despite only two pounds being dropped after two weeks. I was laser-focused on staying the course. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. -Jeremiah 29:11

Finally, in week three, I dropped a total of three pounds. It’s hard to tell when you see yourself daily because in case you weren’t sure, you are always with yourself, but I’m sure inches were coming off if pounds weren’t. I knew that if I ate that poorly for two years, things weren’t going to change overnight. 

It’s a slow cook that’s food worth eating is what I like to say. No pun intended.

My goal when I started was to get down to 185 pounds, and if I was able to attain that, my ultimate goal was 180. After 90 days, I can humbly say, I’m still eating clean. I have to be honest, I’m proud of myself, but also know it’s God’s strength that allowed me to accomplish something I wasn’t sure was ever going to happen again. Praise Him for the ability to persevere! 

I’m not absurd about my eating, but there are things that I’ve totally steered away from including pizza, chips, pretzels, sweets of any kind, and fried/fast food. Oh, I did have an order of French Fries from Bob Evans after running the Savage Race back in early June, but after that race, I would’ve eaten the southbound end of a northbound skunk. 

My energy levels have increased, I’m sleeping better, my overall performance at the gym and on my runs has increased significantly, my internal confidence has grown in many areas, and my wife tells me how good and young I look daily (that tops all of the other things). I honestly feel like I’m in my mid-20′s again. She has been my biggest supporter and encourager, and for that, I can’t thank her enough for her unwavering love! 

The coolest thing happened, on day 50, I hit the 185-pound mark and finally on day 84 (12 weeks) I went under 180 pounds (179.8) for the first time in over two years. 

My fitness journey is a perfect parallel to our spiritual journey. We go through seasons of peaks and valleys, but despite the valleys, our faith remains steadfast. 

With my eating habits going out of control, it felt like I couldn’t see 5 feet in front of me as my windshield was smeared with heavy mud. However, through it all, God continued to teach me things and work on me even if I couldn’t see. This is precisely how our walk with Jesus can be sometimes. We can’t see the next step, but we know the One that holds it. It takes faith to move forward even if we aren’t sure where we are headed.

And without faith, it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. -Hebrews 11:6

Whether you are struggling with weight, diet, mental strongholds, relationship issues, trouble with your kids or parents, addictions etc...I encourage you to just keep pressing forward. Your situation may not change today, tomorrow, next month, next year, or the next decade, but if you entrust it to God, I can assure you it’s in much better hands then striving to do it on our own.

Please, please don’t do life alone! We were never created to do life alone. I’m speaking to myself here as well because my default is to retreat and seclude myself especially when I’m going through the trials of this life. See, our enemy wants us to do this very thing because when he can get us alone that is when he will torment our minds and fill us with lies. 

So, again, I encourage you to surround yourself with people that love you, will support you, encourage you, and tell you the Truth in love when needed. 

I hope you find these scriptures helpful and bring peace to your soul no matter what you are going through. 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:12

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. -Galatians 6:9

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. -James 1:12

[atths--twice]

Five Times Mulder and Scully Stopped for Gas

As asked for on Twitter, I have written a little story with a glimpse into times Mulder and Scully stopped for gas. Hope you enjoy it. 😊

They pulled into a gas station and up to the pump, their first case together just beginning, and the rental car low on gas. Scully unbuckled her seatbelt, opened her door, and started to get out of the car.

“Oh,” Mulder said, causing her to pause, and look back at him. “No, I got it.” He took his seatbelt off and started to get out of the car.

“I’m quite capable of pumping gas, Agent Mulder,” she said hotly, the conversation she had with Ethan recently, fresh in her mind. That ideas such as taking out the trash or pumping gas was a “man’s job” and how that belittled women. “I can and have done so on my own, I don’t need—”

“Agent Scully,” he cut across her, his brow furrowed. “In no way am I insinuating that you are not capable of doing something as mundane as pumping gas into a vehicle. I was merely defaulting to the arrangement I have had with other partners, in which the driver is in charge of filling the tank. I don’t know how you did it before, but that’s how I’ve always done it.” He stared at her innocently, and she felt her anger abating, nodding at him once before she closed her door, leaned back in her seat, and buckled her seatbelt.

He smiled and nodded, getting out of the car and heading inside the station. Coming back out a few minutes later, he laid the items he purchased on his seat - sunflower seeds, two bottles of water, and a chocolate bar - which he handed to her. She looked at him in surprise and took it before he started to pump the gas. Looking down at the chocolate bar, she smiled at the small peace like offering, and put it into her bag to enjoy later.

______________________

Leaving Comity, determined to never come back, Scully angrily drove them out of town, blowing through a stop sign. Mulder sighed and then sighed again, before she told him to shut up once more. Silence hung heavy in the car and her anger was palpable. Seeing the gas gauge on empty, it was her turn to sigh, and then shake her head.

A station appeared a few miles down the road and she pulled in and up to the pump. Mulder took off his seatbelt as she put the car in park. While they usually did adhere to the long standing whoever drives pumps the gas, more often than not, Mulder would take the role upon himself, regardless of his position in the car. Even if she tried to stop him, he would simply grin and shrug, continuing with the job at hand.

Sometimes she did not mind being the one who paid and collected snacks, but some days, she would blow up at him that this was once again a hunter/gatherer type situation. At his confused look, she would shake her head and explain, again, how for some reason pumping gas was seen as manly, so of course he would jump to do his duty. To which he would then shake his head, and explain to her, again, how that was ridiculous and he never saw them that way.

Well, tonight she definitely did not want his help, not in any way. “I got it, Mulder. Please, don’t trouble yourself.” Taking off her seatbelt angrily, she opened the door and slammed it as stepped out.

“What the hell?” she heard and turned around to look at him.

“What, Mulder? I’m the driver, I get the gas. That was one of our agreements, right?” she asked, seething inside as she crossed her arms and stared at him. She had half a mind to drive away and leave him in that crazy little town, never looking back.

“Jesus Christ, Scully,” he said, shaking his head. “Are you seriously still angry? Everything has gone back to how it’s meant to be and yet you’re still upset. So yeah, what the hell?” He opened his arms, moving around the trunk of the car, walking closer to her.

“Are you kidding me?” she said, raising her voice and stepping closer to him. “You … you degraded me in front of Detective White, repeatedly. You made me feel less than, numerous times and you’re just going to what, blame it on the alignment of the planets? The planets made you act like a jackass? Made you treat me as … your tagalong, the person who you ditched to hang out with some tall perky “blonde.” None of that was you?” She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms tighter.

“I did not ditch you,” he scoffed and she answered with a scoff of her own. “I didn’t. I … you were checking on Jay’s body and we had been … at odds with each other -”

“Because you kept cutting me down in front of Detective White!” she interrupted, throwing her hands up and staring at him. “Not only was that rude to do to me personally, but professionally … Jesus, Mulder. Do you have any idea how that made me look? I don’t care who else is around, male or female, I am your partner and you treated me like some afterthought who was called upon when needed, but left once something, or someone, better came along. The ‘alignment of the planets’ is a shitty excuse for your behavior.”

“You think I would have behaved that way if it hadn’t been the case? That I really feel that way, like you’re a tagalong?”

“It started the minute we walked into that funeral home, Mulder,” she said, shaking her head “‘If you detect a hint of skepticism or incredulity in Agent Scully’s voice …’ Why? Because I chose to want to look further than the ‘satan is to blame’ fear mongering? The belief that satanic rituals were the culprit was enough, simply because someone said so? Well, then, look at me! I’m the Queen of England! It’s true, I said so!” Throwing her hands up again, she stared at him and he shook his head.

“The eyewitnesses to the kids murder said it was as much, and yes I now know it was a lie, but their stories corroborated each other, why would they not have been believed?” Mulder asked, and Scully walked a couple of steps away, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Mulder,” she said, turning to him with an incredulous look. “Is it so much easier for you to believe in satanic rituals, than two pretty, popular girls deciding one night to kill someone? It’s not as though it hasn’t happened before.” He stared at her and she scoffed again. “Well, I can’t look at evidence that points to a satanic cult ritual story and not try to find a plausible explanation. I can’t accept at face value, something that others believe without question. That is not me … and you should know that by now.” She deflated like a balloon, no longer angry, just hurt by his actions. “I deserved to be treated better than I was by you, in front of others, alone, planets aligned or not.” He looked down at the ground and nodded, before looking up and nodding at her once again.

She sighed and walked into the station to pay for their gas. Watching him from inside, she saw him get back in the car and she sighed. “You okay, ma’am?” the young clerk asked, and she nodded with a forced smile. Taking her receipt, she took a deep breath, and stepped outside and over to the already opened gas cap.

Choosing to let it be a peace offering, even if it slightly enraged her, she pumped the gas. Watching the back of his head as she did, she tried to let go of the past few days, and the argument they had just engaged in, in public no less. Closing her eyes, she stood until the gas shut off and she replaced the nozzle, closed the tank, and got back in the car. The silence a little thinner, they headed out of town, relieved to put it behind them.

________________________

Another chemo treatment with an unscheduled stop along the way, as she was unable to keep her stomach from throwing up what little was inside it. The effort it took, left her weak and sweaty, but she tried her hardest not to let it show. She took deep breaths and tried to swallow down the returning bile that threatened to gag her every few seconds. Her eyes closed, she felt the car slowing down, causing her to open them.

“Uh, I’m sorry, I need to stop for gas. I was in a rush this morning and I didn’t have time. I’ll be quick,” Mulder said quietly, and she hummed in response, knowing he must see how weak she was feeling, and she hated it.

As the car stopped, she was determined to not let the cancer or the exhausting rounds of chemo take so much from her. She unbuckled her seatbelt and pushed herself up into a better sitting position. Reaching for the door handle, she was easily stopped by Mulder’s hand.

“What are you doing, Scully?” he asked so incredibly softly, it was as if no words were spoken at all.

“Snacks,” was all she could breathe out, before she broke out in a sweat, falling back into the seat, her eyes closing.

“I’ve got it, Scully. I’ve got it,” he said, softer than before, if that was possible. His hand moved gently from hers, his door opening and shutting softly.

She remembered the sound of the gas cap being taken removed, the nozzle being placed inside, but nothing after, until he was unbuckling her seatbelt and helping her out of the car.

“Come on, Scully, I got you,” he said quietly, bringing her carefully to her feet, letting her try to stand on her own, before putting his arm around her waist and walking her slowly to her apartment.

She was sweaty again and nearly there, when she almost collapsed. He caught her and lifted her into his arms, walking the few remaining steps down the hall to her door. He opened it, carried her to her room, and set her on her bed. He took off her shoes and helped her to lay down, before disappearing.

She heard the front door open and shut once, then again, as she kept her eyes closed, focusing on her breathing. It was quiet for a few minutes, and then his voice spoke softly close to her ear.

“Scully, drink this, but just a sip.” A straw was placed in her mouth and the sweet, cold, bubbly taste of 7-Up filled her mouth. “That’s it, just a little bit. It should help settle your stomach.”

She took slow sips for nearly an hour, before he was satisfied she would be okay, and could hold more down. He gingerly helped her remove and change her sweat soaked shirt, before she laid back down. A soft moist cloth, gently stroked across her face and her forearms, cooling her down. She kept her eyes closed throughout, thanking God for gas stations with little convenience stores and men like Mulder who were there to catch her when she stumbled and needed him most.

_______________________

“You seriously expect to drive?” Mulder asked, as they walked toward her car on their way to her Lamaze class.

“I do expect to drive. I drove home from the bureau today. I’m not an invalid, I’m just pregnant,” she said, giving him a look.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “You are very pregnant.”

“Excuse me?” she asked, turning to him and placing a hand up to stop him from walking.

“I meant … that’s very true … you’re pregnant,” he cleared his throat as he hugged the pillow he grabbed from inside, a poor item choice to protect his body. She narrowed her eyes at him and he winked at her. “I thought we were in a hurry?” Staring at him a second longer, she moved her hand and continued on to the car.

As she drove away, after exhaling loudly when she sat down, while Mulder wisely kept his mouth shut, she saw the gas tank was empty. Sighing, she headed to the gas station, and pulled up to the pump. Turning off the car, she looked over at him.

“Well, I can’t pump the gas, I’m pregnant,” she said, trying not to smile. He stared at her and shook his head, smiling himself as he opened the door and got out of the car. She smiled as the door shut and she rubbed her belly.

A knock sounded on her window and she jumped. Looking at him, she rolled it down and raised her eyebrows. “Do you want anything from inside?”

“Surprise me,” she smiled and he leaned in to kiss her. Pulling back, she grinned and he shook his head before turning around and walking inside. She laughed as she continued to rub her ‘very pregnant’ belly, and waited for him to come back.

He walked out, his hands behind his back, heading for her door. “Pick a hand,” he said and she smiled. Pointing to the left, he handed her a bag of sunflower seeds and she stuck out her lip. Smiling, he held out his right hand and the package of peanut butter cups. She gasped and grinned as she grabbed it.

Stepping back, he smiled and walked around the car to pump the gas, as she opened the wrapper on her candy. Taking a bite, she closed her eyes, smiling as the delicious combination of peanut butter and chocolate hit her tongue.

A couple of minutes later, he opened the door and got inside, smiling as he did. She wordlessly handed over the other half of her candy and he grinned as he took it and shoved it all in his mouth, chewing it up as she started the car.

“I’m driving on the way back,” he mumbled nearly incoherently around his mouth full of chocolate and peanut butter. She laughed as she rolled up her window and they drove away.

___________________

The sun was beginning to rise as she pulled into the gas station, Mulder asleep beside her. She shook her head and turned off the car. Grabbing some money from the bag in the back, she looked at Mulder once more before going inside to pay for the gas and some essentials.

There was a doughnut shop next door and she stepped in to buy a few for the road, two coffees, and two bottles of orange juice. Walking back to their car with a tray holder and the bags of items, she carefully opened the back door and set the drinks on the floorboard and the bags on the seat. Shutting the door softly, she pumped the gas, filling their car with the necessary fuel to keep them moving.

Pulling away slowly, she entered a parking spot away from the pumps, as she looked out onto the wide expanse of the desert. Mulder was still asleep beside her and she glanced over at him, before getting out of the car, to grab the food in the backseat.

Sitting back down in the driver’s seat, she took out her doughnut and watched the sun rise. A week on the run and it was already exhausting. The constant moving from place to place was a necessity she knew, but it was hard. A moment of peace in this little corner of the world, was everything to her right now. Taking a sip of coffee, she looked over as Mulder began to stir. Opening his eyes, he blinked at the early light around him.

“Hey,” she said with a smile and he yawned, stretching and sitting up straighter. He shivered and looked around with a deep breath. “There’s coffee and orange juice, plus some doughnuts.” He nodded as he yawned once again.

“I need to pee,” he said, getting out of the car, and heading into the gas station. Scully drank some more coffee and waited for him to come back, the sun slowly brightening the sky.

He was back quickly, shivering in the cool morning air and sat down in his seat, reaching for the coffee he offered. They were quiet as they drank, him just waking up, and her with thousands of worries burning inside her mind.

“You sure this is what you want?” he whispered in the quiet of the car, and she looked at him, staring at his profile, before he turned to look at her. He shook his head and she smiled softly.

“My answer hasn’t changed since the last ten times you’ve asked me that question,” she answered quietly. “This is where I want to be, need to be. Sitting here in some gas station, just like countless other times, together. Mulder, I can’t be away from you anymore, so yes, this is what I want. Is it what you want?”

He frowned at her and shook his head. “Running, always looking over our shoulder, no that isn’t what I want. Especially not for you,” he sighed and looked out the window. “But I can’t imagine being here alone, not again. I ached for you, Scully. Physically ached for you.” He turned to look at her again and she reached to touch his face.

“I know. I did for you too,” she whispered. “So yes, this is what I want. I’m right where I’ve always been meant to be.” He touched her hand that was resting on his face. They stared at one another, the sun casting them both in the early light. He kissed her palm before she moved her hand.

Setting her coffee in the cup holder, she started the car, backed up, and left the gas station. Reaching for his hand, she squeezed when he laced his fingers with hers.

“Did you happen to get any sunflower seeds?” he asked, after a few minutes of silence.

“Mmm-hmm and a couple of iced teas too,” she said with a smile, causing him to grin.

“My little gatherer,” he teased, squeezing her hand, causing her to narrow her eyes. Lifting her fingers to his lips, he looked at her. “Could be love.”

“Oh, it definitely is,” she affirmed, squeezing his hand lightly. He kissed her hand once again as she turned her eyes back to the road, heading wherever it would take them.