#sweet baby jesus panel 2 is bad

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 283: I'M MARY POPPINS Y’ALL

Previously on BnHA: Everyone was all, “Tomura what do you have?” and Tomura was all,” a quirk bullet!” and they were all, “NO!!” He then threw the bullet at Aizawa, who ironically actually did have a knife, and since no one bothered to say “no!!” this time he proceeded to CHOP OFF HIS OWN LEG. Just, schwoop. Lopped it right off. Didn’t even fucking care. Anyway so then Tomura was all, “you know what who even needs quirk bullets” and somehow broke free from both Deku and Ryuukyuu to go claw off Aizawa’s face. Thankfully Todoroki “I've spent the past eight chapters puttering around waiting for the coolest moment to strike” Shouto finally decided to join the fray by impaling Tomura, and everyone was all, “ahaha, classic Shouto”, and Tomura was all, “don’t worry though I’m fine”, and it seems like he really is now, since he’s finally regenerated and all his wounds have healed again! The chapter ended with Gigantomachia stampeding towards Jakku, which is super terrible, but what else is fucking new.

Today on BnHA: The Gunga kids spend a few pages standing around letting all that trauma soak in nice and deep as Machia rampages on towards Jakku. Back in the Shigaraki Wastes, the heroes regroup, which mostly consists of the remaining conscious adults tearfully being all “you kids get out of here... save yourselves...” and the kids being all “YOU JUST SIT THERE AND CHILL, DAD” and ��[EXPLETIVES]” and “I’M YOUNG AND FILLED WITH RIGHTEOUS SHOUNEN RAGE”, all of which is very entertaining to me and makes me very proud. Anyway so then Tomura’s body sort of explodes a bit, and he’s all, “what”, and then it finally sinks in that he might have popped out of the toaster early, so he tries to end the fight right there and then with another round of Decay. Except that Deku counters it by SPONTANEOUSLY LEARNING HOW TO FLY, which is probably SO CONFUSING for all the non-Gran-and-Kacchan people around, which is just one of the many things I love about it. And the other things I love about it are that it’s (1) THE MOST BADASS THING EVER, and (2) just, really fucking great. So yeah. Rage, Deku, rage.

OH NO MY BABIES

don’t tell me. I’m not sure I want to know what it is they’re looking at. how many of the pros are fucking dead now ffffmg

also that is an extremely intriguing chapter title, though. 75? as in percent?? oh my god is something finally going to go fucking right for our heroes. or at least, you know, less wrong

OOOF

dammit Momo he was supposed to go to sleep! WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL OF THAT MATH FOR, THEN. did he grow bigger, or did she just somehow miscalculate the dosage, or is he finally going to go night-night halfway to Jakku?

btw Momo I’m not actually mad at you, you’re still the only one who fucking did anything at all. if anyone tries to give you shit, just look them in the eye and ask them “okay and how many things did YOU do?”, and they’ll be like, “oh shit, none”, and you’ll be all “yeah that’s what I fucking thought” because YEAH

OH MY GOD SERO ANGST

I have never seen Sero this badly shaken before. it’s somehow so shocking?? holy shit you guys, I know I’ve been saying for ages “lolo all these kids about to be traumatized af” but somehow it’s one thing to know it’s coming, and another to finally actually see it. oh god

anyway let’s just hope all of the grown-ups aren’t actually fucking dead. but based on all of the kids’ expressions, it really feels like a lot of them might be, and that’s just... ...

and they had to see it. right? is that what this is implying?? holy shit. they watched it all happen. that’s it, the rest of this arc is cancelled, please proceed directly to the emergency therapy arc right now

TOKO!!

holy shit look at the size of that rock that fell on the medical tent. and DS pulling people out of the wreckage. it really feels like everywhere you turn this arc, the intrepid young scamps of U.A.’s first year hero class are the ones out here keeping things one step from total disaster

oh shit

excuse the hell out of me young Momo but what the hell is up with this use of the word “dead” with the implied “like everyone else” hanging there at the end?? what is up with that. that’s a very bad sentence I don’t like that at ALL

and what the actual hell is this panel of FATGUM AND TAMAKI IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CARNAGE, TWO PEOPLE WHOSE NAMES I’M QUITE SURE ARE ON THIS CONTRACT OF “PEOPLE WHO AREN’T ALLOWED TO DIE” WHICH HORIKOSHI IMPLICITLY AGREED TO THE MOMENT I STARTED READING THE MANGA. BOY WHAT

JESUS MOTHER F. CHRIST

THAT’S. THAT’S, UH

OH THANK FUCK

I mean, I already knew they survived, though. so WHY AM I STILL SO FUCKING ANXIOUS. good grief

and in before Majestic fucking dies on the next page, having saved the children with his very last act. I fucking hate you Majestic, you blue-balling child-preserving magnificent wizard bastard

HE FRISBEED THEM TO SAFETY GAH

WHY COULDN’T YOU DO THAT TO MACHIA THOUGH. BUT AT LEAST HE SAVED THE BABIES. TOO BAD HE’S FUCKING DEAD hahaha sob sob sob

is anyone still alive?? did the guys who were fighting off Snoopy Sno-Cone and RD back at the mansion at least make it out in one piece??

(ETA: from here on out all of these guys shall be referred to as Schrodinger's Heroes until further notice.)

so now Mineta is questioning whether or not their Smart Momo Plan even fucking did anything, which. same, Mineta, honestly. but it must have!! right?? ????

anyway so here’s some more panels of everyone dying do you want to see them. sure. why not

can we get back to the Tomura fight now. I’ve had just about enough of this, I’d like to see some 75% business now before this turns into the most depressing chapter of all time

BOOOOOOO

goddammit. well for now my money’s on Machia collapsing just as they make it back to Jakku. so Momo’s plan does eventually work, but the League still makes it back to Tomura thus ensuring more shenanigans can take place. goddamn, lol, just when I thought the arc was nearing its climax. feels like it just fucking respawned with a full life bar

also Toga is really looking... not great. I’m so scared for whoever she ends up fighting after this. OCHAKO MY SWEET BABY GIRL PLEASE WATCH OUT

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE

PLEASE ARREST HIM FASTER. holy fuck if you fucking screw this up and he gets rescued I SWEAR TO GOD

oh wait is he just here to provide more backstory on Gigantomachia

GO BURNIN’, YOU GOT THIS. also, gonna be honest, at this point I really would not mind if Machia did a little less living for Tomura and a bit more dying

FINALLY!!!

FKFKF Aizawa not looking too good oh god. and Deku looks like he’s about to spontaneously develop ALL OF HIS REMAINING QUIRKS JUST LIKE THAT ON THE SPOT, FUCK YOU TOMURA

oh my god DON’T GET DISTRACTED!!

Shouto’s arrival is either about to make Endeavor more useless than ever, or suddenly a whole lot LESS useless, and right now it’s up in the air and I am excited but also scared

EXCUSES EXCUSES

BLAH BLAH BLAH. “SORRY I’M LATE, I WAS SAVING PEOPLE’S LIVES,” Shouto lies through his teeth, clearly not aware that Tomura has a built in GPS and knows full well that Shouto was actually only a few feet behind Bakugou and Deku and so that explanation doesn’t fly at all. the real truth must be something so embarrassing that he’s ashamed to admit it. did you get lost. did you run into an NPC who wouldn’t let you pass until you had completed some sort of quest

THERE YOU ARE KACCHAN, I WAS WONDERING

just as enraged as Deku! it’s almost like he just witnessed his sensei chopping off his own leg and subsequently almost being murdered or something

(ETA: actually lol I think he’s mad at Deku, for taking off earlier and leaving him behind with Gran. though there’s no law that says he can’t be mad about two things at once! anyway so do you guys think that being beaten to the punch by Deku here may perhaps frustrate this young man and contribute to his decision to return the favor at some point later on in this battle, perhaps with dire consequences? hmm.)

anyway so if you all are keeping up with the math, and I think you are, it seems like just about every one of the adult pros is either down for the count (Aizawa, Gran), or recovering (Endeavor, Ryuukyuu??), or Might As Well Not Even Be There (a certain TWO OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL IN A TIME OUT AND HAD BETTER BE THINKING GOOD AND HARD ABOUT WHAT THEY’VE DONE. OR MORE PRECISELY, DID NOT DO OR EVEN ATTEMPT TO DO). anyway so all of that means that the only ones actually ready and raring to go here in Round 2 against the newly regenerated and POSSIBLY HAS HIS DECAY QUIRK BACK Shigaraki Tomura are... drum roll...!

okay but FUCK YOU GUYS though oh my god YOU’RE EVEN RUINING THE DRUM ROLL

DID YOU NOT EVEN NOTICE HIS LEG BEFORE?!?!? holy -- can I -- can I please just slap them, I --

anyway so RockLockRock looks like he has something to say here. probably going to tell Deku to take Aizawa and run, as if Deku isn’t the fucking glue holding this entire operation together at this point now that Aizawa is KOed. can you believe these guys are so incompetent they’ve actually got me arguing in favor of the child soldiers now, what even

...fuck

shit. that face. he’s ready to die to give them all a chance. he knows he wouldn’t last two seconds against Tomura and yet he’s willing to sacrifice it all. damn it RLR... okay fine your time out is done now, but I’m still calling your parents

unfortunately, you’ll never believe it, but Deku doesn’t seem all that inclined to listen to this man telling him to bail and save his own skin sob

ngl though I am living for the Enraged Vengeance Deku we’ve been seeing in these last couple chapters. maybe now everyone will stop dismissing him as just a soft boi who always eats his vegetables and doesn’t swear, and remember that in truth he’s actually a mildly unhinged feral child with an infinite pain tolerance and a god-given talent for never listening to any life-prolonging advice that adults give him ever

oop don’t tell me he’s gonna do the Decay thing again, shit

-- uh

“eh?” lmao what the fuck. my boy's torso just opened up like a fucking door hinge and all he can say is “eh.” this fucking manga

like he’s seriously just calmly standing there trying to assess what the heck has gone wrong

you really don’t feel pain do you. “haha lol what why is my arm falling off I thought I fucking ascended”

OH MY GOD

IT’S OCTOBER THIRD. looool the fuck

Tomura. my sweet little S+ ranked death machine with an A rank in knowledge. who’s spent the past 15-20 minutes battling to the death with the number one fucking hero and all his pals. who all just HAPPENED to be there all ready and waiting to fight him the instant he woke up. Tomura. buddy. did it really only just occur to you that maybe something went wrong somewhere along the line. that maybe things were not, in fact going according to keikaku. that maybe the heroes didn’t just sit around waiting for you to finish cooking in your villain bake oven. like please forgive my impudence but TOMURA ARE YOU STUPID, is what I’m saying, I guess. but gently

(ETA: SHIGARAKI TOMURA, WHOSE ARM IS CURRENTLY DANGLING BY A THREAD: “hold up lol what day is it.”)

I really like how Deku’s just crying nonstop this entire time though. but like, you know. crying with RAGE

lol and he’s figured it out as well, and I fucking love the connection his mind made, look at this

sudden feelings of solidarity. “WE’RE NOT SO DIFFERENT, YOU AND I” lmao

AHH MIRKO

how does she still have two legs?? Horikoshi I can’t believe you forgot how many legs your own favorite character has. but anyways yes this has been your friendly reminder that Mirko saved EVERYONE and should have a battleship named after her

okay NOW he’s doing the thing

good job Tomura you finally got them!! good thing none of them can fly, or Float. RIGHT, DEKU

AHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSS

YOU LOVE TO SEE IT. AND A BLACKWHIP/FLOAT COMBO, TOO! TOMURA, YOU WERE SAYING??

(ETA: he even grabbed Kacchan too. “I can fly by myself!” YOU SHUSH MISTER.)

(ETA 2: and what I also love about this is that we know the SIXQUIRKS are seemingly in tune with Deku’s emotions, so it honestly makes perfect sense that in the heat of the moment with Tomura threatening to kill all these people that he cares about, the quirk just basically acts on his instinct to save and doesn’t stop to ask questions. we’re saving everyone, no buts. and he even activates Float at long last, acting on that same instinct. honestly Kacchan had the exact right idea the whole time, all the way back in chapter 217. “it’ll activate when he’s in trouble, right?” exactly.)

NO GRAN STOP NO ONE ASKED FOR THESE FEELS

OH MY GOD

NEVER HAVE I STANNED THIS BOY SO HARD. HOT DAMN

he’s so fucking mad. omg??! omg

okay so I’m gonna try my best to explain why I love this so much lol. all right. so the thing is, it’s actually so rare for Deku to actually take the reins like this. even though he’s the main character, even though he’s All Might’s heir, his personality is such that he genuinely doesn’t mind being in the backseat and is perfectly content to share the spotlight with others, or even relinquish it completely. BnHA has had... how many arcs so far? hold up let me check

-- okay I just checked and it’s 18. so, 18 arcs. and out of all those arcs, Deku has had a solo fight in approximately... five of them. and two of those fights were against Bakugou and Todoroki, respectively, so he was still sharing the spotlight even then. aside from that, he’s fought Muscular, Gentle, and Overhaul (oh, and Shinsou, I guess). that’s it! and it’s been almost 300 chapters! and again, he’s the main character. in a shounen manga. like seriously though, that is wild

and so seeing him here like this on the last page, ready to throw hands with Tomura, presumably while using Blackwhip as some sort of physical barrier to coat his attacks and prevent Tomura from trying any more Decay shenanigans with him? dude. I FELT THAT HYPE. it’s just a really effective way of keeping me from getting Main Character Fatigue like I might get in most other shounen series. because Deku doesn’t get the spotlight all that often in comparison, it still feels fresh to me, especially now with him actually going up against the Big Bad. just, idk what else to say except “hell yeah” lol

anyway, so I don’t even know how long it’s gonna last, and I expect that Kacchan and Shouto aren’t going to be content to just sit back and let Deku have all the glory either (Kacchan in particular is probably frothing at the mouth already), so in all likelihood it’s probably going to be more of a 3-on-1 than a 1-on-1. and it’s also very likely to end with Tomura gaining the upper hand and trying to take OFA! and so in truth this is a very fleeting moment of triumph, and the most premature of celebrations! but even so... damn. and also I just love seeing shounen kids lose their damn minds and explode with angry determination. and I especially love seeing it with Deku, because I love the reminder that beneath that sweet, unassuming nerdy exterior lies a core of fucking steel. that look in his eyes, though. TOMURA ARE YOU SCARED. you should be a little scared, lmao

anyway. so that’s the chapter! and I’m really glad we ended on this note, not just because Deku is a badass, but also because like I was saying earlier, this was about as bad a situation as the good guys have ever been in, and I felt like the manga was starting to lose that feeling of hope that still needs to be there at its core even when things are at their darkest. idk, I feel like we needed this. Tomura got a chance to catch his breath in the last chapter, and now it’s the heroes’ turn. whew

[anika-ann]

The Line between Respectful and Stupid - Pt.2

Safe and Sound

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader       Word count: 2400

Warnings:  medical blood, swearing, attempt at humour… and starting on the fluff

Summary: A gunshot wound, an exasperated Steve. Yeah, you did great. But it seems the Captain has some aces in his sleeves and you might be in for a pleasant surprise. Also, you’re never taking pain-meds again. Ever. 

Story Masterlist

SHIELD’s idea of a safe house was very different from yours.

For one, you didn’t expect a safe house to look so homey and romantic. You suspected you’d learn better once you’d be inside, but when Captain Rogers parked in front of a nice wood-faced cabin in the middle of nowhere (seriously, you had almost missed the turn he had oh so confidently took, blame it on the blood loss), you were seventy percent sure he had made a mistake and now wanted to ask for directions.

“Alright, let’s get inside. There should be medical supplies, food, anything we could need,” he announced, getting out of the car, circling the vehicle and opening your door before you could win the war with the door handle. “Told you to keep the pressure.”

“Sorry, Sir,” you shot back automatically, not sure what you were apologizing for. It was just the tone he said it in, like a disappointed parent or something.

You followed him to the door as he knocked four times next to the doorframe; one of the wooden desks moved up, nearly making you jump. It revealed a panel with a keyboard and you quickly looked away as Captain Rogers entered the right combination. Now this felt more like SHIELD and less like a vacation residence.

“Shall we?”

This time you actually did jump, quickly following him inside. You passed the welcoming committee in a form of the hangers, stepping inside what seemed to be a common living room. And wow, SHIELD spared no expense on its safe houses.

The room was spacious, wood-faced as well, fluffy carpet in the middle, creating a pad under a coffee table, bordered by an elegant seaweed sofa and two armchairs in the same colour. The thing was, there was no fabulous view on a TV. There was a fireplace instead.

“Holy shit,” you breathed out, not quite realizing you had stopped dead in your tracks so you could blatantly stare.

“Yeah. I know. Tony likes to have his luxury. Sit on the couch?” his voice slowly trailed off as he disappeared god knew where.

You eyed the couch warily, not sure you should be getting near that fancy thing. You were bleeding, for god’s sake and the thing looked like it cost a shit-ton of money.

Also, did he just say ‘Tony’? As in… that Tony?

Captain Rogers reappeared with a frown on his face and an impressive box with medical supplies in his hands.

“Something wrong with the couch?”

“Did you just say ‘Tony’?”

“Yes. Now would you sit down?” he challenged you and really, who were you to oppose Captain America? If he was telling you to sit down and ruin Tony freakin’ Stark’s property, who were you to protest? You shuffled towards the sofa, seating yourself heavily.

You winced when your arm throbbed with the ungraceful landing.

Your commander placed the first aid kit on the table, pulling an armchair to sit opposite and sort of side-by-side with you. You watched his hands open the box as if you were hypnotized, accepting the bottle of painkillers with his firm ‘two pills’, swallowing the dose and ignoring the bloody taste which they took after your hand.

Now what? Was he going to thread the needle for you as well?

You finally found the courage to speak again, self-conscious at the display of care. This wasn’t right. You were supposed to be doing these things. Sure, you were a bit indisposed, but still. It was not common for a commanding officer to treat baby agents in kinder gloves.

“You don’t… you don’t have to do that. It’s not—it’s not required from a captain to treat ordinary agent’s wounds. I don’t want to bother you,” you whispered as he put on gloves, stopping in mid-motion when you reached out for the supplies.

“Keep the pressure,” was his answer and you obediently retreated your hand from his playground and pressed again, trying your best not to faint at the dulling pain. “You know, I really wish SHIELD would draw the line between respect for superiors and stupidity a bit sharper.”

Oh. You gulped at the harsh words, a lump growing in your throat. That sounded more like superior-inferior relationship.

“I’m sorry, Sir.”

He must have picked up on something in your voice, because he looked up at your face with intense brilliant blue eyes that widened a fraction.

“Oh, no! No, I’m not calling you stupid!” he hurried, suddenly sounding guilty. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”

Superior or not, you had to admit that his obvious discomfort – embarrassment even – was endearing. It took you by surprise. Your voice softened involuntarily, following his example.

“It’s alright, Sir.”

He sighed, indeed threading a needle as if he was about to patch you up. Which he probably was. You weren’t sure what to think of that.

“See, this I what I’m calling stupid. Hierarchy, system, it’s important, following rules and orders… but the training is focused on it too much. Clearly, you wouldn’t be able to stitch it yourself and if you were, it would take longer, which would equal bigger blood loss. It’s like they are trying to kill people’s common sense.”

You thought about his words, your mind racing as his eyes focused on the growing stain under your palm. You couldn’t believe you just heard Captain Follow-The-Rules say this.

He reached out to your arm with scissors in his hand, hesitating only inches away. His gaze found yours, blue shining with severity.

“May I?”

You didn’t dare to blink under his gaze seeking answers in your eyes, effectively making you lost in his. Jesus, what was he doing to you? How? And was he seriously asking for permission?

“Of course, Sir.”

You eased the pressure, making space for his hands and his surprisingly gentle fingers felt around the fabric before deciding it did need to be removed and he used the scissors, clean cut from the end of your sleeve to the torso of the tactic gear since the injury was very high.

The torn fabric fell apart, revealing a bit more skin than you would think was necessary, but you were not about to complain – especially since it wasn’t anything incriminating.

“Should have bought you dinner…” he muttered under his breath and you couldn’t help but chuckle. He shot you a horrified glance at the sound.

“Oh. I wasn’t supposed to hear that…. Sorry, Captain.”

“I think we’re past ‘Captain’ and ‘Sir’, Agent. It’s Steve,” he offered softly, and again, who were you to deny him? “And my ma’ raised me right, alright? In fact, I should have bought you flowers, too.”

As the moment was getting more surreal each second, his handsome face displaying what could be an attempt of a smile only emphasized by his words, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“They didn’t warn me you’ll be funny, S-- Steve.”

“Oh? What did they warn you about? And this is gonna hurt, sorry.”

He poured a fair share of disinfectant into the wound and you would swear your arm was about to burn down. You flinched back with curses falling off your lips and tears in your eyes.

“Shit, shit, SHIT-“

“Sorry. Doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would though. Not exactly a graze, but not straight through the middle either. And I’m waiting.”

You knew what he was trying to do with the question. He wanted to distract you. And to be honest, his unreadable expression, his sharp jaw and heavenly eyes would be working on their own, but you humoured him. After all, he was being so nice to you, so nice, sweet even….

Through your gritted teeth, you strained several words. “Well. That you’re a… a hard-ass and a tight-ass.”

His eyebrow shot up nearly to his hairline and the expressiveness surprised you enough to breathe in and out.

“That so? Gonna start with the stitches now.”

You forced more air to your lungs, bracing for the pain, tears in your eyes. You tried to focus on what else you had heard about him, words spilling from your mouth.

“Yep. He hates when you don’t follow his orders. Harper here left his position the other day and Rogers looked like he was about to kill him on spot, they said.”

“Oh, Harper. I remember him. It was a stupid move to leave his position. He could have died – or get his teammates killed. So… I admit I might have been hard on him. But it was for a good reason.”

“You remember him?” you blurted out, taken aback.

“Yes. Black hair, scar above his left eyebrow, right? Tall, not so graceful all the time.”

“Huh—Shit-“ you cursed when he prodded a tender area – well, more tender area than the rest, which meant something, okay.

“Sorry. What else do they say about me?”

“That you’re either a— an asshole full of yourself or really crazy since you supposedly yelled at Fury the other day.”

His lips twitched, the movement fascinating you. “I didn’t— it wasn’t yelling. We… had a little disagreement.”

“Uh-huh.” You weren’t convinced, but decided it was best not to probe.

“Anything else?”

You huffed. If it wasn’t for his extremely focused face, you would think you two were just chatting over a coffee. And for the pain. There was a blinding yet dull pain throbbing through your right upper limb – a limb that was shockingly still attached.

“That you’re a badass. Naturally.”

“They really use the A word when talking about me a lot, don’t they? One would think about himself he’s an ass, hearing all that,” he joked lightly, and wow, Captain America was able to do that? It wasn’t for the first time! And he said the A word! Maybe it was Steve Rogers coming out to play? An actual person?

“Nah. I’m sure that the tight-ass thing is just ‘cause it is so tight…”

Steve’s hands froze in the middle of doing a stitch, his whole body tensing. You were mortified when you went over what you had just said.

“Oh god, I did not say that.”

Captain America, or Steve Rogers, whatever, was a good man though. He just cleared his throat and continued his work. Except there was a bit of a smirk on his lips that felt nearly cocky. For some reason, there was a hint of embarrassment too, a touch of crimson in the tips of his ears that definitely hadn’t been there before.

“Oh no, go on. The pain-meds apparently make you very honest. Tell me more.”

“I’m sorry, Sir, that was not-“ you stuttered, letting the wrong – right? – addressing slip in again and he sighed.

“Relax… and I mean it, relax. I can’t finish these stitches it you’re tense like this…. Good.”

You watched him for few moments, silent. You hadn’t been lying when saying all of the things that were rumoured in the halls of SHIELD about him. But you couldn’t help but being stunned by the man in front of you, the picture so different from what you had expected it to be.  

“Thank you for doing this,” you whispered sincerely, rewarded by a small smile.

“Well, what kind of a gentleman would I be to let you bleed out? Not to mention blood is hard to get off the expensive cushions and floor, so…”

“Alright, I’m adding ‘smartass’ to the list of your rumoured features,” you decided, grinning right back at him.

How was he putting you at ease? He was… he was… him. The legend. And yet… the sound of his laughter echoed in your heart right now and you saw nothing but a simple man, laying down all of his shiny armour. It was refreshing and freeing.

You wondered if it made him breathe easier too.

“I guess you’re not wrong there. Here, all done,” he announced, placing a bandage over the rather neat stitches. Huh, artistic. Any other hidden talents?

“Thank you, S- Steve.”

“My pleasure.”

He stood up, stripping his gloves and tossing them in a nearest trash can before walking back to you, locking his once again serious eyes with yours.

“Why don’t you lie down? There’s a bedroom right there. Come on, I’ll help you.”

You let him support you from your healthier side, grateful he was there when your head spun with the movement.  

“I’m bloody and sweaty,” you mumbled absently, leaning onto the wall of muscle. Oh yeah, there was no other way, you could be ashamed later. At least you didn’t explicitly felt around his abs and pecs with your fingers. Or the huge arms – and they were calling out for you to touch them, alright.  

Just… shut up, thoughts.

“Good thing I won’t be the one doing the laundry then,” he hummed, walking you to another room. Your eyelids felt heavy all of sudden when you saw the king-size bed almost in your reach.

“Thanks— wait, where are you gonna sleep if I take the bed? There’s another one somewhere, right? You won’t have to sleep on the couch? ‘Cause I don’t think that you’ll fit there with the shoulders of yours. They’re like really, really broad – oh geez, I need to stop talking.”

Your words slurred into a mumble, but he seemed to decode your cryptic speech, because he chuckled, helping you to land on the bed – not before pulling the covers away so he could later tuck you in.

“I won’t sleep anywhere. I have to wait for the response to our distress signal… and watch over you, because I think I might have overdosed you with painkillers and I don’t want you to stop breathing while I’m having a nap.”

You thought you frowned; you weren’t sure though, losing the control over your muscles gradually. “Shit, I‘m sorry to keep you up. You’d deserve a nap.”

“I’m good. You, on the other hand, were shot. Now get some rest,” he sounded as if he was smiling. You smiled automatically at the idea as his light footsteps faded away.

“…hey, Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for saving my life. And… ya’ know. Taking care of me. I know you don’t have to do that,” you whispered with the last remains of strength you had. But this you needed to say.

The man in question sighed.

“I really do. Goodnight. Feel better.”

You were out before you heard the door click shut.

Part 3

I know the fluff is a bit bloody, but… there is fluff, right? 

If by any chance, anyone wants to be added to tags, let me know. 

Tags:

@mermaidxatxheart​

[starkerforlife6969]

Mafia Boss Tony x Sugar Baby Peter x Bodyguard Steve

This is part 1. Part 2 can be found here. And part 3 here and part 4 here and part 5 here

Steve’s first day as Tony Stark’s body guard is...eventful, to say the least. 

He’d known, obviously, that being a Mafia boss was dangerous- that’s the whole reason he’s here- but he hadn’t expected the brutality. 

They’re in Tony’s mansion, and Steve’s blown away. He’d known the man had made money, obviously, but this is...it’s a life of luxury and beauty that is just all the more jarring with the violence he’s watching. They’re in the main foyer where the floor is all marble and gleaming white and Steve watches as man bound and gagged on the floor bleeds a little more into the pool of blood he’s kneeling in. 

He’s not averse to violence, but this is getting a little tough to watch, if he’s honest. He's not sure if Tony is trying to set him an example, show him what happens if he ever betrays his new boss, which Steve won’t do ever. So, he just stands by the wall, hands folded in front of him and shoulders squared as he watches: unflinching. 

Tony is specked here and there with drops of blood- splatter that’s landed on his arms and hands. He’s in a white tank top and dark trousers and he looks completely different to the man Steve saw this morning- the man in his tailored three piece suit with dark sunglasses and big cigar. That man had looked like he could kill you with a well placed word and a sharp smile. 

This man looks like he’ll beat you to death without a second glance; muscles tight and coiled and knuckle duster shiny on his fingers. He’s sweaty from exertion, but doesn’t look anywhere near done yet (which, wow, it’s been almost two hours) when out of the blue- 

the doorbell rings. 

And not the doorbell at the gate, but the doorbell for the large, double panel oak doors a few feet away from them. Tony looks up in surprise, and Steve reaches for the gun in his waistband. The man on the floor chokes a little in what sounds like desperate hope. 

“Answer it,” Tony orders, “they must’ve been buzzed in. It’s probably nothing.” 

Steve keeps a hand on his gun anyway and wonders who the hell buzzed someone in. Is there someone else in the house? The mansion is huge, maybe there are other people here. He pulls open the door carefully, not all the way, shielding the blood and mess from view,  and stares uncomprehendingly at the pizza delivery girl. 

She’s still a teenager, and very clearly knows where she is. She looks nervous beyond belief, but she’s holding the pizza box out like an offering. “Peter Parker, extra large pepperoni pizza?” She stammers, and Steve cocks his head. 

“Yeah, that’s us,” Tony calls and Steve reaches to take the box. It’s warm and heavy like a pizza, so it probably is one. Not a secret bomb or something. He nods at her, and she turns and races away as quickly as she can. 

He closes the door and locks it, and turns to Tony with the pizza, unsure what to do. 

He doesn’t need to ask, as it turns out, because then the sound of footsteps comes and he looks up at the huge, grand staircase. 

A young man, a fucking beautiful, young man, comes skipping down the steps and Steve’s pretty sure his eyes are now glued to him forever. He’s got milky skin, and there’s so much of it on display (not that he’s complaining), he’s barefoot which is so- so vulnerable, so at home- and he’s wearing an oversized, bright pink silk short-sleeved top, so large on him that it trails down to around his hips. As he moves, the shirt does too, and Steve can see flashes of what looks like white lace panties on underneath. 

Fuck. Fuck. He tries to drag his eyes away because otherwise he’ll be the next one being beaten to death in Stark’s reception room. The boy is obviously Stark’s. Can’t not be. Not with the silk shirt and the big brown eyes and the fluffy brown hair. Not with those cupid bow lips and cheeky little smile. Not with how comfortable and happy and at home he so obviously is.

“My pizza!” He exclaims happily, his voice is so fucking young, so boyish and innocent and out of place in this violent scene. He’s clapping his hands as he reaches the final step before he pauses. He looks at the blood on the floor and frowns; upset. But not upset at the sight of it, upset that he can’t get to his pizza without getting his feet wet. At the bloody scene before him he seems- blasé. But the lack of pizza- that’s the cause for the frown and the pout. 

Steve would kill anyone and do anything to make that frown go away. 

Tony takes the box out of Steve’s hand, and Steve manages to yank his gaze away before anyone notices. 

“Here, baby,” Tony murmurs, and Steve almost has to do a double take because that voice is deep and warm and almost welcoming. Where’s the dispassionate torturer? “You hungry?” 

Peter takes the box and perches right there on the steps, his legs spreading to give the most delicious view as he pops open the box and inhales. He lets out an obscene groan. “Yeah, I didn’t have time for lunch, Professor Macleash kept us in.” He reaches for a slice that’s bigger than his head and takes a bite; eyes fluttering shut. 

Tony smiles, all soft and Steve can’t wrap his mind around it. “You should have something more nourishing than pizza, sweetheart. I can have someone run out and get you anything you want.” 

Peter shakes his head, his mouthful, and he peers at the trembling man on the floor. “Who’s that, daddy?”

Daddy. Jesus, Steve can feel himself getting hard. But there’s so much blood, there’s blood everywhere. This is all so wrong. Tony gives a noncommittal shrug. “Nobody important.”

Peter pouts. “Important enough not to say hello when you came home.” He says accusingly, taking another bite until he’s just holding the crust of the pizza slice. He must be hungry, he’s practically devoured it. “No hello kiss.” 

Tony walks right through the pool of blood and leans down, tilting his boy’s chin up to place the lightest, sweetest kiss on his lips, and then both his cheeks, and then his forehead. “I’m sorry, baby.” He says sincerely, like he- like he genuinely cares. Like he actually feels bad about hurting this pretty little thing’s feelings but doesn’t feel bad about shooting a guy in the kneecaps. “It’s been a helluva day.” 

The boy flourishes under the attention, before taking a bite of the crust. He beams. “So good,” he groans, “cheese in the crust. Here, you have to try some,” he breaks off a little piece and presses it to Tony’s mouth until the older man’s lips part, and then the boy’s fingers are moving to caress Tony’s cheeks lovingly. It feels intimate. Steve would look away except the boy’s too goddamn gorgeous. 

Tony chews thoughtfully, tipping his head in acquiescence. “Not bad.” He sighs, like this is an argument he and Peter have had often and he’s just had to concede. It’s so fucking domestic. 

“I’ll save you some,” Peter promises. 

Tony shakes his head. “You eat up, baby,” he insists, cupping Peter’s jaw in his large hand. That hand could fucking crush that boy. 

Peter hums with a shrug, before looking around Tony,  his eyes landing on Steve. “Oh,” Peter murmurs in surprise, sucking the grease off his fingertips sinfully and his eyes sparkle as they drag up and down Steve’s body. The bodyguard resists the urge to puff his chest out and preen. “Who’s that?” 

Tony looks over at Steve who doesn’t quite get his eyes away in time. Fuck. Shit. Is he gonna die now? “That’s Steve, baby. My new bodyguard.” 

Peter’s cheeks go all rosy. “I like him,” he whispers loud enough to be heard. 

Tony stands up and turns to Steve more appraisingly. “Well, Rogers, you heard him. What do you think of my boy?” 

Okay, this is...this must be some sort of test. He feels small under the weight of their stares; suddenly the centre of attention. He clears his throat. “Very beautiful, Sir.” He manages tightly. 

Tony smirks, and it’s goddamn frightening. “He is, isn’t he?” He settles his hand on the back of Peter’s neck. “Absolutely gorgeous.” Peter beams under the praise, leaning into Tony’s touch, but his eyes are still on Steve; eyeing him like he’s something to eat. “My boy’s taken a shine to you, Rogers. What do you have to say about that?” 

It’s a test. It’s a fucking test. “It’s-It’s very flattering, Sir.” 

Peter smiles; so sweet and demure and fucking tempting. “Do you like pizza, Steve? With cheese in the crust?”

His throat is dry, and he manages a small nod- eyes flickering rapidly between Peter and Tony. 

Peter gets to his feet. “Would you like to come to my room with me and eat some pizza? I can show you these new panties my daddy bought me. They’re very pretty.” 

He watches as Tony kisses Peter’s temple. “Even prettier on you.” He growls, to which Peter rolls his eyes and nuzzles into Tony’s hair. 

Steve can hear his heart pounding in his ears. The man on the floor lets out a particularly loud sob. “I...” he turns to Tony, struggling to come up with the right response. “I...”

“You better be more confident in bed, Rogers, or my boy won't be cumming at all.” 

Right. Fuck. Right. He nods, drawing in a deep breath as he looks at Peter. “I’d love to join you, Peter.” He says, as politely as he can. 

Peter beams, picking up the pizza box and holding out his hand. Feeling like a man lured in by a siren, he crosses the sea of blood to take Peter’s soft hand in his own coarser one. The boy smells like expensive perfume and strawberry body lotion and Steve wants bad. 

But- “Mr Stark,” He turns around worriedly, “will you be okay without me?” 

Tony looks amused. “I’ll manage for a few hours, Rogers.” 

Peter tugs more insistently, but looks happy. “You care about my daddy,” he purrs, “I like that. Lemmie say thank you.” 

Steve lets himself hope that maybe, maybe he’s passed the test. 

A thought occurs to him suddenly: if he doesn’t make Peter cum, is he gonna die?

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Ohana: Part 4

Pairings: Negan x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff

Word Count: 3,483

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After fourteen hours, two slight meltdowns, and learning how to do an amputation on the fly through a text book, you managed to get Chris stable and patched up and get a salve on Mark’s burns. You limped down to your bed room just before dawn, fighting your tears with every step. Your whole body ached as you pushed open your bedroom door as quietly as possible but you hesitated just in the door way.

“Have you been here all night?” You asked Negan as you stepped the rest of the way into your room and closed the door behind you. He looked up from the book he was reading on your bed and nodded as he took off his black rimmed glasses.

“Well I had to learn about Ohana.” He said as he gestured to your TV with his glasses with a chuckle. “And magic carpet rides.” You huffed a laugh as you hobbled over to your dresser and grabbed a clean shirt on your way to the far side of the bed.

“She loves Lilo and Stitch.” You told him as you flopped down on the bed with a giant yawn. “I think she can quote that movie by now. Can you hand me that jar and the tube of lotion from my table?”

“How has she seen it so many times? Here, I got it.” You looked up at him and didn’t even try to fight as he peeled the sleeve off your leg and tossed it on the bed by his knees. You weakly pointed to the areas that needed the Icy Hot and leaned back against your headboard.

“Millions. I was one of those wack job, dooms-day preppers after I came home from Iraq. Built an underground bunker in my back yard, had enough food and water for me and my sister’s family, had solar panels in the back and a rain collection system… would’a lasted the four of us at least a year and a half.” You shook your head as you sat up a bit and pulled off your old shirt. “That’s the reason I got Brenna. I was babysitting when the final announcement went out; that Atlanta was shutting down and the military was stepping in. I knew that meant nothing good. So I packed up everything I could grab from my house, called and left messages with Sarah, and headed to the bunker with Brenna.” Tears welled in your eyes as Negan’s strong fingers worked magic on your sore stump.

“Brenna and I were down there for four years, five months, and 11 days before we ran out of food. And since I was unable to get any sort of radio station to come through and the news still wasn’t back up, I slipped into survival mode. I packed up some clothes and anything else I could carry, grabbed my motorcycle from my garage and stole my neighbors side car and hit the road with a four year old. I had no fucking idea what I was expecting but it damn sure wasn’t what I saw. Figured it would be like an apocalypse where everyone was just gone.” You rolled your head toward him on the headboard and shook your head.

“If I had known how bad it was I would have never left that bunker. I would have left Brenna in there and figured out a way to grow crops or searched my neighbors houses for food or figured out something down there to survive. I was fucking blindsided when we left my neighborhood but I just kept going. I showed no fear so my child would be strong and I just kept moving. I planned on trying to get back to my house but shit just kept happening. 

I was finally in a place that heading back seemed like it was finally a possibility. I had found those seeds you got in a gardening store and I knew I had planters in my garage but then my leg broke. My back up was always shitty so I figured I’d get to the prosthetics office to get the one I was supposed to get before the fall but then I found you. And this is the safest I’ve felt since I was in my bunker. And words could never be enough to thank you for that.” Negan smiled as he leaned back beside you with a small smile.

“It was my fucking pleasure, baby girl.” You both looked over at Brenna, who had herself curled into Negan’s other side on your pillow, when she stirred in her sleep. When she didn’t wake up, you yawned and stood up awkwardly to take off your dry blood covered jean shorts. “Does she know?” You looked up at him through your lashes, noticing that he was purposely being respectful and looking away from you at Brenna.

“No. She doesn’t.” You hopped once to get yourself closer to the bed and climbed onto the queen sized bed under your blankets with a big yawn. “She was only a couple months old when we went into the bunker and when Sarah never showed up… well I just took the easy way out on that one. She knows I had a sister but not that she was her birth mom.” He nodded as he pulled up his knees and got under the blankets beside you so you had more blanket as you laid down on Brenna’s pillow. “And now… I don’t know what I’d tell her.”

“If you want help figuring it out, I can help you.” A smile spread across your face as you subconsciously scooted closer to Negan’s warmth.

“Look at you. You said an entire sentence without saying fuck.” He chuckled as he grabbed his glasses.

“Shut the fuck up.” You let out a hummed laugh as you made yourself comfortable.

“Wake me up in an hour so I can check on the dumbass.”

“Sure thing, doc. Sweet dreams.” With a hum in response, you shifted so your forehead was just brushing Negan’s hip and passed out.

——

“Alright Mark. You’re all set for right now.” You said as you taped the last piece of gauze into place. You sat back and looked at him with tired eyes and a weak smile. “Now, consider this your breakfast change. I need you to come down to see me after every meal until I say other wise. Don’t touch your face and do your best to keep the bandage clean so you don’t get an infection. It could go straight to your brain and that’s just… not what we want.” Mark chuckled and nodded at you as you handed him a small cup with one Tylenol with Codeine and a regular Tylenol. “Try not to sleep on it, too. You could pull off the new skin trying to form and we don’t want that either. And if you have questions or need anything, come find me, OK?” He nodded his head as he got up off the exam table.

“Thanks a lot, doc.” You nodded at him once as you grabbed your tablet to update his chart and document the medications you gave him and treatment you used so he could pay for them with his points. You made a side note on a piece of paper to give to Negan before setting both aside to finally check on Chris. He was still asleep when you came back from your nap and you hoped for his sake, he stayed like that as you changed his bandages.

“Jesus, kid. You had one fucking job, man.” You mumbled as you carefully pulled off the tape and gauze. You set them both aside and turned your back for only a moment before all hell broke loose.

“My arm. What happened to my arm!” Chris screamed as you spun on your chair back toward him. Panic filled your soul as the kid started thrashing in pain.

“Hey whoa! Chris, calm down for me!” You screamed as you jumped to your feet… well, your left foot at least. “Hey stop!”

“My arm!” He screamed as he bashed the stump against the bedrail, easily ripping the stitches out like a knife through warm butter. Blood started gushing from his ripped open arteries, spraying you and the room with every beat of his heart. You scrambled to grab something, anything to use as a tourniquet but you couldn’t do that and stop Chris from thrashing at the same time.

“I need help in here!” You screamed as the heart rate monitor you had taken from the cancer hospital went wild above your head. You screamed, wondering why the hell his arteries and veins hadn’t curled into themselves for self preservation when the heart rate monitor flat lined.

“No! Kid, stay with me!” You screamed as you hopped one step over to start CPR but your foot slipped in the pool of blood on the floor. You hit the floor with a loud grunt and you instantly scrambled to try to get back up again. “Chris! Chris! Stay with me!” You screamed as you watched the pale limb sputter to just a drip. You swore loudly and punched the metal side of the hospital bed as all the fight to save the kid left you. You knew that even with a blood bank that you didn’t have, there was no chance for this kid to come back.

“Damn you kid!” You burst into tears and leaned your back against the exam table. You ran your hands through your blood soaked hair and sighed as you looked back up at the kid on your bed. Your eyes started to slip out of focus as you tried to figure out just how you could have gone about this differently and that was exactly how Negan and Brenna found you when they came to get you for breakfast forty-five minutes later.

“Mommy! We have apples…” You slowly glanced up just in time to see Negan yank your daughter backwards and pick her up.

“Hey, I need you to sit out here and wait for me, princess. I gotta talk to mommy.” You couldn’t hear Brenna’s response as you looked back at Chris’ pale body. “What the fuck happened?” You looked back at Negan and shook your head as he closed and locked the door behind him.

“He panicked. Negan, I tried but he wouldn’t stop thrashing and I slipped…” You burst into tears and Negan walked across the room to the bed as he pulled out his knife.

“You gotta get the damn brain.” He said as he plunged the blade into the boy’s skull. “They’ll fucking turn otherwise.” You nodded at him as he came over and pulled you into his arms. 

“I’m sorry!” You sobbed as he held your face into his shoulder and ran his fingers through your hair.

“Hey, no. You did exactly what you were fucking supposed to. That’s his mother fucking fault.” You nodded weakly and exhaustion finally started to kick in as the adrenalin wore off. You looked over at the sound of his crackling walkie. “Simon, I need you in the clinic immediately. Bring Frankie or Sherry with you.”

“I must of cut it at an angle.” You said to yourself as you looked at Chris’ lifeless body. “They should have rolled…” You shook your head as you pulled yourself out of Negan’s arms and went to wipe your tears away only to smear blood across your cheek. Negan huffed as he pulled off his ever present red scarf and used it to wipe off your face.

“Don’t you fucking dare blame yourself, baby girl. That kid knew the fucking risks and he fucking knew you were helping him. You did everything you fucking should have.” You nodded as someone knocked on the door. “Let me get Brenna settled then we’ll get you in the fucking shower so Simon’s boys can get this place cleaned the fuck up. You look like you were in a damn horror movie.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mommy? Why’s it still raining?” Brenna asked as she stood on your desk chair so she could look out the small window in your room a little over two months after you had gotten to the Sanctuary. You glanced up from the general surgery book you were currently studying and shrugged your shoulders.

“Because the clouds have a lot of rain in them, sweetheart. That rain has to go somewhere, doesn’t it?” You smiled at her little huff as she rested her chin on her folded arms on the window sill.

“Why can’t it go somewhere else?” She grumbled as she watched the rain beat against the windows in the grey afternoon sky. You laughed and looked back at your book to do your best to memorize how to do an appendectomy just in case. You were only able to see for a few more seconds before a large flash of lightening illuminated the room and caused the lights in your room to shut off.

“Brenna stay still! Don’t move! Don’t wiggle, I’m coming!” You shouted as you threw your book on the bed next to you. You grabbed your prosthetic and threw it on with no sleeve as Brenna started to cry because of the fear in your voice. You could barely see in the darkened room as you stood up from the bed and took a step toward the door only to get plowed over as someone rushed into the room.

“Fuck! Sorry…” Negan said as you landed hard on your hip on the thankfully carpeted floor.

“Get Brenna. She’s on a chair by the window.” Your daughter whined for him through her tears as he carefully meandered around the obstacles of books and clothes on the floor that Brenna always threw all over the place no matter how many times you picked them up.

“Come here, princess. I gotcha.” You pulled off your prosthetic so you could put the sleeve on first when your room was illuminated by the light of a flashlight.

“What the hell happened?” You asked as Simon came in to help Negan get you up off the floor.

“Lightning hit the fucking solar panels. We were heading to check out the fucking damage and we heard you yell.” You sighed and nodded as the two men helped you jump over to the bed.

“Bad- word- ‘egan.” Brenna sniffled as she climbed out of Negan’s arms and into yours.

“Yea, sorry princess. That’s a bad word.” You saw Simon give Negan a sideways glance as the latter stood up straight. “Stay on the bed. I’ll grab the lantern from the clinic. So far its just this part of the building and there aren’t much of us over here.” You nodded at him and cradled Brenna close as he snatched the flashlight from Simon and the clinic keys from the bedside table. As you ran your fingers through your baby girl’s hair, you could hear Negan’s rushed footsteps mingled in with the storm raging outside. You carefully scooted back on the bed to lean against the headboard as Negan came back in with the bright, battery powered back up lantern from the clinic.

“Let me know what happens with the panels?” You asked as he set the lantern down on the bedside table. He nodded as he leaned down and gently kissed Brenna’s forehead.

“You got it. Just stay still for me.” You nodded at him as he turned on his heel and gestured for Simon to follow him. 

——

You were sitting by the window, watching the rain pound against the glass since you couldn’t see much of anything else in the dark, night sky including the stars. You had forgotten how peaceful storms could be and as you sat there, you had to actually think about the last time you had seen a storm like this. It had to have been at least five years. A gentle knocking on your door caused you to turn in your chair.

“It’s open.” You said loud enough for whoever was seeking entrance to hear but not loud enough to wake up Brenna. You smiled as Negan stuck his head in the door and looked for you on the bed with a flashlight. “Window.” He smirked as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

“Thought I told your ass to stay on the fucking bed.” You nodded at him as you leaned your arm on the window frame.

“I wanted to watch the rain.” He nodded as he turned on the lantern on the table and shut off the flashlight. “It’s so peaceful, don’t you… hey, what are you going?” He smirked again as he pulled out a small pile of sleep clothes from under your bed. 

“Brenna and I have fucking slumber parties when you’re at fucking work. Shut up.” You giggled as you turned around to look out the window so he had some privacy to change out of his soaking wet clothes.

“So what happened with the solar panels?” You inquired as you watched a small bolt of lightening light up the sky. You heard your guest sigh as he tossed his wet clothes toward your bathroom.

“We lost fucking two of them. Fried to shit. But two out of fucking thirty ain’t that fucking bad.” You startled a bit as he came over and gently touched your right thigh to get your attention. “Get up.” You nodded as you got up and he took the chair. “We spent the rest of the fucking day covering that shit up with fucking tarps.” You whistled as he put his hands on your hips and pulled you back down onto his thighs. “It’s just another fucking pain in the ass for me to have to move people around to give them power…”

“You know we can get more solar panels, right?” You asked as you situated yourself comfortably on his lap so you were looking out the window. “I have eight of them at my old house in the garage. I doubt they were something that got raided in the past year.”

“Well fuck me, sweetheart. You continue to became the most valuable person in this fucking place.” You smiled and leaned into his chest as he put his hand on your hip. The two of you sat and watched the rain for a few minutes before you huffed a laugh.

“Do you know this is the first time you’re having a real sleep over with me, too.” You felt Negan’s chuckle against your shoulder as he wrapped his other arm around your middle and laced his fingers together on your hip.

“I like your fucking company. So much more enlightening than the time I spend with my fucking wives. Plus, Brenna calls me the fucking King. And my fucking ego loves that shit.” You couldn’t help put giggle as you poked his stomach and laid your head on his shoulder.

“Let the record show I am absolutely not joining you and your sister wives, thank you.” You could almost hear his eyes roll as he tightened his arms around you.

“I honestly wouldn’t fucking want you too. Those bitches are with me because of what I can fucking give them. You spend time with me because you actually fucking want to. Big fucking difference.” You nodded against his shoulder as you both watched a flash of lightening streak across the sky. You both jumped a bit as a loud clap of thunder rattled the windows violently.

“Mommy!” You pulled yourself from Negan’s arms and he instantly lifted you up and carried you over to the bed.

“Hey, it’s OK, sweetheart.” You soothed as you got into bed and pulled Brenna into your arms. “Did the thunder scare you?” She nodded against your chest as Negan got into bed behind her.

“You know what my mom used to tell me?” He asked as he pulled up the blankets over the three of you. Brenna shook her head as she rolled onto her back and looked over at him. He smiled down at her as he propped his head up on his hand. “She told me that the reason we had thunder was because the angels in heaven were bowling. So, when you get really, really scared, just remember that your Aunt Sarah and Uncle Mike are up in heaven bowling, OK?” She nodded as she gripped the blanket tight and held it up to her chin. Negan smirked and reached out to boop her nose as you tucked her Stitch stuffed animal beside her. 

“How ‘bout Negan and I stay here all night to protect you?” You asked as you laid down on the pillow next to her. 

“Like Ohana?” You glanced up at Negan, who didn’t hesitate with his nod.

“Yea, princess. Like Ohana.”

Part 5

[porkchop-ao3]

RickCon’18: Part 2/3

Part one, Part three

I didn't know what else to do, so I followed the crowd. I allowed myself to get swept up in the sea of bodies, treading on toes and getting mine trodden on too. This area definitely seemed clothing-oriented, as I passed stalls selling t-shirts, accessories, and what seemed to be cosplay outfits. I managed to break off from the current to stop at one of the stalls. I browsed through a display of buttons, each one adorned with Rick or Morty based designs, some simply had their faces, some had little quotes or jokes, most of which flew right over my head. I supposed you had to be a Rick… I picked one up with Rick's face on with the words “wubba lubba dub dub”, whatever the hell that meant, and paid the Morty running the stall for it before attaching it to my t-shirt. I figured I should at least be wearing one piece of merchandise, considering I was at RickCon.

 I continued on through the convention center, being stopped once or twice by different Ricks asking if I'd like to exchange dimension codes. It took me until the third time to realise that this was a form of flirting, not just a polite question. I quickly stopped giving out the number on my wristband willy-nilly and prayed that nothing would come of it later. I figured I'd make the most of the strange day and snapped a few pictures with some of the more unique looking Ricks and Mortys; by the time I'd made it to the food area, my camera was filled with pictures. I had photos with a Rick that appeared to be half lizard, a Rick with two heads (and he'd kindly informed me that it wasn't all he had two of), a Morty holding a bunch of cats and a teenage Rick with an elderly Morty.

 I decided to grab myself a cup of tea and take a moment to sit down. I (literally) bumped into a Rick with a bowl cut and bucked teeth on my way over to the seating area. He apologised profusely, even though it was my fault. After making sure he was okay I asked if I could take a picture with him, to which he bashfully agreed, before I let him get on with his day. He was the first mild mannered Rick I'd met all day, and I wanted a photo for proof of his existence so next time Tailor Rick told me it was just in his nature to be rude, I could rub it in his face.

 Sitting alone at a table with my cup of tea gave me plenty of time to people watch. I still hadn't quite wrapped my head around the place, considering I'd only learned about this crazy multidimensional stuff a mere few days ago. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I even fully believed it, I was just going with the flow and ignoring the urge to pinch myself at every new Rick I set eyes on. One was coming right for me, with bulging muscles and a tank top.

 “Wh-what’s up, hot stuff? Saw you at that your lit- your little fashion show.” He said as he approached, taking a seat opposite me and giving me a charming smile.

 “Oh? I thought I recognised you.” I lied, though only out of politeness and because I didn't know what else to say.

 “Couldn't buy anything, of course. None of it'd fit me, you know? Too- too swole.” He said casually, leaning his elbows on the table in a way that accentuated his biceps. I stared for a while, keeping my expression neutral. “I keep telling the guys that run the con; get uh, get some stuff that runs in men's sizes.” He grinned. I laughed, again, mostly out of politeness.

 “So, you come every year?” I asked, and he nodded.

 “Yeah. I actually run a panel most years. Health related, obviously. This year's is on protein shakes, I came up with a new formula, i-i-it's vodka flavoured so I figured it'd be more popular this year.” He explained, and I raised my brows. So, alcohol abuse really wasn't just a Tailor Rick thing. “You should come along, there's gonna be free samples, special offers, and for you, I'll throw in a couple demonstrations.” He winked.

 “Demonstrations?” I questioned.

 “Exercise. I'll uh, I'll be doing pushups and shit, I gotta show that my shakes actually work. Plus, they'll be edu-educational. There'll be plenty of tips.”

 “Oh…” I chuckled and shook my head. “Do I look like I'm into exercise?” I joked, and Rick looked my body up and down, from what he could see with the table in the way.

 “You look like you've got potential.” He concluded thoughtfully, and I didn't quite know what to make of that.

 “Is this guy bothering you?” A hand came down on the table between us, I trailed my eyes up the sleeve of the lab coat the person was wearing (which I'd quickly realised was a staple piece of most Ricks’ wardrobes) to find a lady looking down at me, raising her brow.

 “Oh, no, it's-” I started.

 “Erica, baby, I didn't think you were coming this year.” Buff Rick exclaimed, gaining an eye roll from this Erica person.

 “I told you I wasn't, I-I-I was hoping I wouldn't bump into you. But uh… here we are.” She sighed.

 “Jesus, you get more and more hostile as you get older.”

 “And you get dumber and dumber, move. Gimme that seat. I need a sit down, my knees are fucked.” She grumbled, and to my surprise she got her way. “All those steroids must really be messing with you, you can barely call yourself a Rick these days.”

 “Steroids? Th-that's bullshit, Erica. I got these babies from hard work, discipline, and All Rick's Protein Juice.” He bragged, flexing his arms.

 “Sure. I'm getting a headache; don't you have a panel to prepare for?” Erica asked dryly. Rick opened his mouth, looking ready to deny it, but paused for a second.

 “Actually, yeah. I-I should probably get on that, huh? Can I count on you to be there?”

 “I don't know, I saw a thing about Mortys writing fanfiction that seemed right up my alley.” Erica replied, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

 “I'll keep my eye out for you, Erica.” He said regardless, pointing at her as he walked backwards away from the table. He gave me a wink before turning around and disappearing into the crowds.

 “Jesus. I-I-I've met a lot of Ricks in my day, and that guy?” She shook her head. “Total idiot.”

 I studied the woman in front of me for a while, trying to figure out who exactly she was. Was she a Rick's sister? Someone cosplaying as a Rick? I wasn't quite sure, and even less sure about how to ask. Luckily, she must've read my confusion in my expression.

 “Smile, sweet cheeks. I-I-I don't like the way you're looking at me.” She teased, pulling something out of her inside pocket. It was a flask. “Yes, I'm a Rick… of sorts. Total sausage fest in here, huh? Nice to see more of the fairer sex showing their faces here.”

 “Oh! Right, yeah, I've passed maybe two or three women since I've been here.” I agreed, once again looking out over the sea of Ricks and Mortys as I had a sip of tea. Erica had a sip of her own drink; by the smell of it, some kind of hard liquor.

 “Most Ricks only bring th-their fuck buddies. Which one are you banging?” She asked. “That bodybuilder guy?” She added, raising her brow.

 “Oh, no! Not him… not any of them.” I admitted, and she laughed.

 “Right, damn it. Thought I might have someone to talk about h-how bad he was.”

 “I'm sorry?”

 “That guy. Muscles. Total fucking Neanderthal in the sack, he-he's like a sex machine and not in a good way. It's like he only knows one rhythm and speed… h-honestly I'm surprised, Ricks are usually better-” she rambled, glancing off past my head as she got absorbed in her descriptions.

 “Alright, I get it.” I interrupted, chuckling.

 “Anyway, h-he's been clingy as hell ever since. I'd stay away, i-if I were you.” She advised, and I shook my head in amusement.

 “Noted.”

 “So, you're not boning any Ricks? That's tough. If you ever wanna taste of what we've got to offer, and uh, forget about what I just said; we don't all suck… I'm happy to pop your Sanchez cherry.” She smirked at me, and I chuckled again, a little embarrassed this time.

 “No, that's okay… Thank you. I'm perfectly happy just, ah, remaining firmly in the acquaintance zone with Ricks.” I said apologetically, offering her a little smile. “I don't know how long I'd be able to keep my sanity, you know? All of this is very overwhelming.” I gestured to the space around us, and she glanced around looking incredulous.

 “Uhh… if you don't mind me asking; you're clearly new to all this. How the fuck did you end up at RickCon if you don't really know any Ricks?” She questioned, leaning forwards on the table interestedly.

 “The Rick from my dimension needed my help with something. He runs a charity auction, selling clothes. I modelled for him.” I explained, and she nodded.

 “Oh right, yeah, the fashion show thing I kept hearing wh-whispers about. I heard Ice Cream Rick got shafted in there by the whole damn room.” She laughed, shaking her head. I frowned, and so she explained. “Ice Cream Rick? Guy in the pink shirt. Uhhh… ponytail, stupid little beard?” She gestured to her chin, and it suddenly clicked.

 “Ohh! I felt so guilty about that! He was saying something to me when it happened… how awkward.” I said, shaking my head and feeling my cheeks warm up.

 “I'm not surprised. Too- too many Rick's think with their dicks. That's golden.” She grinned, then took a peek at her wrist watch. “Anyway, I gotta head off. S-supposed to be meeting Morticia soon, she wants me to go to the humanoid robotics panel, she wants me to build her an anatomically correct android friend.” She said, using air quotes for that last word whilst rolling her eyes. I didn't question her further.

 “It was nice speaking to you, Erica. Uhh, would you mind if we got a photo together?” I asked, holding up my carera with a little smile on my face. She grinned again.

 “Of course not, doll. Bring it in.” She said, holding her arm out towards me. I stood up and she wrapped her arm around my waist as I took our photo.

 “Thank you!” I said, and she waved her hand dismissively.

 “Hey uh, what's your name?” She asked, and I answered without skipping a beat. I found it funny how names just weren't exchanged naturally here, since almost everyone had the same name anyway. “Alright, nice to meet you, (y/n). Maybe we'll bump into each other again?” She said, though looking around at the amount of people here, I doubted we would.

 “Maybe. Enjoy the con!” I replied.

 “You too, sweetie.” She nodded before heading off.

 After she'd gone I realised my tea had almost fallen to an unpleasant temperature, so I quickly drank up the last of it and disposed of my cup in the bin nearby. Again, I found myself with the daunting feeling of not quite knowing what to do with myself. Someone had left a booklet on a table close to me, which I recognised to be the day's itinerary along with a map of the convention center, so I picked it up and had a look through. I wasn't surprised when lot of it went completely over my head;

 Plumbus 101: How to get the best out of yours!

 The Flesh Curtains: Live Performance and Q and A.

 Is Jerry All That Bad? A Debate.

 Lost the Spark? An introduction to sexual cybernetic enhancements. (18+)

 Pocket Morty Battles. Bring your best! (RickCon ‘18 cannot be held liable for loss or damages resulting from Morty battles.) 

 And that wasn't even all of them, the list filled up the whole page. I stuffed the booklet in my back pocket and decided I'd simply walk through the convention until I found something interesting.

 Tbc.

[clamonnaturalhealth]

Christmas is a season in which everything in this world seems beautiful and spiritual. The one who has not Christmas in his heart, he will never find a merry Christmas under any tree. Christmas is not only a season but a true religious feeling in which everyone around the world celebrates merry Christmas quotes for family. Today we have compiled some of the best funny Christmas quotes for cards which can be used to spread the joy. Thousands of people search for short merry Christmas sayings quotes which are religious and spiritual which can be used for sending to all Christian. Best merry Christmas christian card quotes along with greeting cards quotes are also posted. The season of peace, charity, love, prosperity, faith, harmony and many more has arrived, so start your new year with Christmas Season Quotes.

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.” ~ W.T. Ellis

“One can never have enough socks,” said Dumbledore. “Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” ― J.K. Rowling

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” ― George Carlin

“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

“I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.” ~ Harlan Miller

“God never gives someone a gift they are not capable of receiving. If he gives us the gift of Christmas, it is because we all have the ability to understand and receive it.” Pope Francis

“I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men!” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Christmas gift suggestions: to your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.” ~ Oren Arnold

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.” Bob Hope

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” ~ Erma Bombeck

Funny Christmas Quotes Christmas is a time for celebration and enjoyment so for such a special event we have selected the best ever collection of Funny merry Christmas quotes and sayings for family and friends. We know Christmas is a holiday and everyone gathers at one place for celebration and makes fun, so for sharing we have some funny Christmas expressions with captions. Most famous and popular quotations for Christmas are also provided.

Funny Christmas Sayings

Holiday cheer? Right here. These Funny Christmas Sayings will chuckle you up and cheer your cup. Funny quotations and free clean jokes for all the festivities. Injoy! Share your own Christmas Humor or feedback in the Comment box.

Funny Sayings:

Group 1

Zen Christmas: the gift of nothingness.

Why is Christmas like a day at the office? Because you do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa? – Bart Simpson (Matt Groening)

How is the Italian version of Christmas different? One Jesus, one Mary, and 33 wise guys.

Funny Christmas Sayings

Group 2

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. – Andy Borowitz

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge

My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge. – Melanie White

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. – Dave Barry

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases. – Bridger Winegar

Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas. – Melanie White

I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking. – Earthman Adam ‏@AdamOfEarth

If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight. – A Guy Named Kelly ‏@kellysdf

Funny Christmas Sayings 

Group 3

I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. – Winston Spear

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help. – Andy Borowitz

Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account. – Melanie White

This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones. – Guy Endore Kaiser

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. – Johnny Carson

I don’t mind fruitcakes. They’re the one thing during the holidays I’m not tempted to eat. – Melanie White

Jokes

Group 4

Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home. – Carol Nelson

My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. – Dave Barry

A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day. – Melanie White

I’ve never really understood why Jews go out for Chinese food on Christmas Eve, but I think it’s because so many Chinese restaurants have the word “temple” in their names. – Dan Zevin

Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp. – Melanie White

The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.” – John Leo

Merry Christmas

Quotes 5

The amount of time and energy we spend putting up and taking down holiday decorations tells me our ‘top of the food chain’ claim is invalid. – Linda in Disguise ‏@LindaInDisguise

The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for twenty minutes. – Julius Sharpe ‏@juliussharpe

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. – Larry Wilde

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. – Kin Hubbard

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? – Conan O’Brien

If you watch a lot of infomercials, there’s a good chance you’ll already know how to work any gift you get from me. – Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

In the birth of Jesus story,  One thing we’re never told: What happened to the frankincence And myrrh, and all that gold? – Greg Tamblyn

Funny Quotations

Group 6 It’s the holiday season. Let the overeating begin! – Melanie White

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. – Bob Phillips

The Holidays are the one time you get to experience all the excitement of rush hour traffic in the mall parking lot. – Melanie White

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew’s Birthday. – Andy Borowitz

Merry Christmas, nearly everybody! – Ogden Nash

Original article by: David DeAngelo, the author of “Double Your Dating,” wants to wish you very happy holidays! http://www.funny-jokes-quotes-sayings.com/funny-christmas-sayings.html

Christmas Quotes; Merry Christmas Christmas is a season in which everything in this world seems beautiful and spiritual. The one who has not Christmas in his heart, he will never find a merry Christmas under any tree.