#sw needs to give us ONE happy ending fFs

[starsscarmyceiling]

Merrin Cal COOP 0-0 (maybe a smooch)

a;oiewgjaoijgawogi please anon *it's been 85 years*

I have literally wanted this ever since I played JFO for the first time in the beginning of 2021. I have always thought it would be mind blowing for the sequel to utilize just how fucking incredible the dynamic between a Jedi and a Nightsister would be. How unstoppable, how they would go through and just annihilate everything!

I had always envisioned a sort of God of War set up, like how Atreus can help Kratos with his spells and bow and stuff. I can only hope and prey to the Merrical gods that something like that can come true in JS.

Star Wars has been around for decades. And so much of the lore and world has been explored, and I think that's amazing. But THIS, this right here with a psychometric Jedi and Nightsister, and everything they can be rip Vostress ily has not been. If Respawn doesn't full advantage of that they are gd idiots.

I am happy though, I really hope that like sensually lighted *by the fire-esque* moment in the trailer is Merrin teaching Cal about her magick. It would really showcase how much Cal has grown and matured to become open minded of the force and everything it is capable of since BS. His goth gf has hopefully expanded his horizons to that! Because he has clearly taught her how to use the force with how much they are fucking UP that Stormtrooper lol. Please all my beautiful Merricals out there, where are the sexy sparring fics I NEED them.

And yes...I mean...if you could choose to go and smooch Merrin after each fight...I would not be opposed 😏😏😏 I would do it every time

Lol anon, and calling out to all Merricals, come meet me out at our home base Applebee's and we can talk ALL about it while we manifest canon Merrical I know we can do it.

💕🍎🐝💕👨🏻‍🦰❤️👩🏻‍🦳💕

LET'S GO APRIL 28TH CANNOT COME SOONER!!!

[atrophiedcompassion]

having watched TROS for the second (and final) time in the cinema, here’s my full spoiler abundant review, also with comments on the nonalogy as a whole.

the movie works a lot better aka is more enjoyable the second time. we know what’s happening and i could relax and enjoy even the dumb moments and allow myself to feel, to be washed into the music and just feel my good feelings towards the finale.

the plot is still dumb as rocks, with the new old villain, resurrected. who not only is back but is giving our heroes a chance to find him before all shit breaks loose. why is the emperor so fucking arrogant?? why did TROS/JJ keep arguably the worst plot from TLL namely the race against a certain but exact time to do something to save the day?

the rey as palpatine still makes no sense. why did the jedi (in particular obi wan) call to her when she has the first force vision back on takodana if rey’s a palp?? JJ truly pisses on his very own movie isn’t he? and the emperor himself, he wants rey dead, twice he tells this verbatim to KR and then comments the rey killing plot was foiled to commander pryde...but then he actually welcomes her with open arms? or did he foresee his new death by rey should she reach exogol still alive? why should this death stick? ugghghgh.

the movie moves at record pace, no time to grieve, no time to catch your breath. the falcon/poe does impossible feats. the trio is united only to trail rey, finn in particular acting like a puppy. the only scene with finn that had any weight and developed his character was the scene with jannah when they’re fixing the falcon. BUT even then...i thought it was fine for the Force to guide finn out of his servitude. but maybe let the other former stormtroopers have some fuxking free will. not the force guiding them. there were so many moments when finn could’ve inspired former fellow stormtroopers to put down their weapons, but no. the spy could’ve been a stormtrooper, not the ridiculous hux doing things out of spite...

the worst scene in the movie? rey going on a fucking stroll on pasaana to meet kylo ren’s ship...and before that, the knights of ren literally posturing on a rock. i laughed out loud in the cinema it was so utterly ridiculous.

it’s all fucking plains, the fucking audience could see rey advancing through ochi’s ship screens. but somehow chewbacca gets captured and there’s a second transporter. the whole scene plays just so we can set up rey’s sith lightning abilities..?? fucking hell.

c3po’s sacrifice works for me. it’s the first moment of the rewatch where i got truly emotional and shed actual tears. and it’s not really cheapened by his memory being restored, since Finn actually mentions r2 might have a backup which 3po dismisses in his usual fashion. so 3po actually believed he was going to be fully erased. and that’s what matters. i found the 3po humour almost on par with the OT, although sometimes poe’s wayyy too aggressive with him. (i mean, poe loves droids, or at least his droid bb8, but is awfully dismissive of both 3po and D-O, just to fill in the han role i guess? it’s overdone)

the fight on the destroyer/kimiji is ok, again rey with the aggressive stance and the reveal is....nothing. rey has NO fucking reaction. she like scrunches her nose a little. she was just told the JJ equivalent to luke finding out vader’s his dad and rey’s just like. oh okay. bummer.

she should’ve fucking jumped like luke did. and maybe be retrieved on the falcon somehow. she should’ve expressed some pain. but no. rey’s just as calm as before. maybe even calmer, now that she knows the whole truth.

the death star sequence. dumb as hell to imagine the dagger has coordinates to the fucking wreckage of DS2??!??! who made it and when??!?!??! but let’s not overthink this. you get force powered rey making the ride with the skimmer and finding herself attacked by dark!rey..and then kylo come by and apparently knows this? because he tells her that now she’s tainted and can’t go back to leia either??!

WHAT THE FUCKKKK does JJ not know how the fucking force works??? i mean was it a fucking inside joke when han says that’s not how the force works in TFA??? uughghghgh. i know TROS is trying its best to almost completely retcon TLJ, but the way the Force was described there, like a balance, decay from where new life spawns, THAT WAS A GOOD THING FFS!!!!

no, JJ thinks that jedi are all pure beings and sith are dark brooding monsters and if a jedi or equivalent has even the faintest connection to the dark side, they’re fucking done!!!!!! (when the FUCKING OT SAYS THE FUCKING OPPOSITE, even a shred of goodness can help you get back to the light)

and if that was SUPPOSED to be KR’s way of getting rey to join him on his fieldtrip to exogol...my god he’s fucking dumb as hell. rey’s resisted his offer every fucking time (altho during the force call on pasaana he tells her he will turn her and she says we’ll see. she didn’t say no lmao), why would she fucking say yeah sure now? just because she had a fucking vision of dark herself??!?!?

still, dark!rey is fucking hot and i will probably cosplay her sometimes soon.

then comes the kylo - rey fight on the death star wreckage, where she attacks him, she’s aggressive, and is bested. and he’s about to kill her (even though he told her he has other plans, LOL) and then leia calls. or her call to her son finally reaches him (no more voicemail) and he falters, drops the saber and is impaled by rey.......who also senses leia’s passing.

and we have ben again and the scene with han solo plays and it’s pretty fucking emotional. but i wish he had said father and not dad. dad feels unearned. father would’ve worked best, especially for such a serious, stoic char like ben, dad is far too playful. i would’ve wanted a moment more of ben mourning his mother too, but the movie’s gotta be done in 30 mins so we have no time for allowing emotional moments to sink in. note: finn & poe are in such a rush to get to leia they don’t even have time to wait a sec to be told properly that she’s fucking dead. fuck you movie.

the scenes with luke are good. of course, luke backtracks all of his development in TLJ (because fuck you that’s why) and apparently everyone knew she was a palpatine but they still trained her because fuck logic? this is just like the PT where they end up training anakin because they made a promise to a dead guy. lmao. and how convenient is that there’s another lightsaber, otherwise how would rey make an x at the end to (presumably) end palpatine?? hmmm. i said the jedi leia scene/flashback worked for me the first time i saw it, but in hindsight, the scene and motivation really takes a steaming dump on leia’s character, a mother afraid of her son and unwilling to help him. fuck you JJ. we never needed leia wielding a lightsaber. we only wanted leia using the force in some way that felt organic to her character. (sidestep: up until attack of the clones? when yoda first uses a lightsaber, i assumed he was enlightened and didn’t need actual weapons to wield the force. well, i hoped leia could be like that enlightened master yoda. but like all bad things in the SW universe, she ended up being as awful as puppet yoda with a toothpick lightsaber, cause how would we know she’s a jedi otherwise????)

so. because she refused kylo, and ended up alone on exogol and with the resistance trapped there, she’s actually considering palpatine’s offer??! and realises she has maybe another option when she senses ben’s there too??! then why the fuck didn’t they go together??!?! oh wait. i forgot she wanted to exile herself on ach-to LMAO.

and still. the whole palpatine plot train-wreck could’ve still worked had they actually used the pretty cool concept of Force Dyad for something good. i mean, KR tells this to rey on the destroyer. but apparently palp can’t do the math and is surprised when he takes a sip of their life essences??! like what the actual fuck, why isn’t palpatine aware of this?? if he (+plagueis) made vader and then he conceived his son. and then vader had leia and leia had ben and palp’s son had rey........why is KR able to put this together and not the FREAKING MASTER PUPPETEER of the whole fucking galaxy??!?!

anyway. back to the force dyad. we have awsome ben solo and rey reunited. ready to fight palps. but no. he freezes them and sucks the life force out of them. maybe the power of the force dyad of light users could be harmful to a sith?!??! maybe the power of a force dyad would help ben & rey resist palp?! maybe the power of a force dyad could be used to defeat palp?

but no. we get ben solo thrown into a pit so that palp and rey could reenact whitney houston’s hit

or, even worse, the year’s most anticipated battle of one liners: endgame. yeah, it was cool to hear all the jedi clamouring for rey, but this could’ve still worked as the jedi finally supporting ben skywalker organa solo for fucking once in the guy’s lifetime.

but no. JJ said fuck ben solo. he’s only good to give the life back to rey, then he can fuck off. i am not a reylo and i am not too bothered by ben’s death, as much as i am by his misuse. i mean, in such movies, we never really have to deal with reformed bad guys making amends. vader died, and so in a way, ben dying too and not having to be courtmartialled is actually convenient.

i have read some analysis where ben & rey being happy together is the undoing of anakin’s sad demise and brings peace to the skywalker line rather than pain and despair and that’s a valid premise, but realistically, ben’s death makes sense. they’d never be happy together in a hut somewhere, because ben still has to pay for a lot of damage. BUT his death is nothing but the crippling of the skywalker line, after a palp had defeated the palps. his death has little meaning in the story. them being a force dyad has little meaning, apart from powering palps back to his rots appearance. lmao

and finally, the death of ben is never mourned, never acknowledged. no-one is even told on screen about his return to the light (maybe maz felt it, when leia’s body vanished...) and his deeds. that kinda sucks. because luke took a moment to have a ceremony for vader, the force ghosts came through. here...we get nothing.

and then rey buries the anakin saber and leia’s saber on tatooine in sand no less (we need a sketch of anakin loudly complaining to rey about this)... and instead of finally accepting herself as being sufficient, she tacks on the legacy name. well done JJ.

(that was me when the credits rolled).

now, i love the OT more than life itself and the films give us meta to fill libraries. they are not perfect movies, but they are good, they tell a wonderful story with amazing characters and i will never stop loving them.

then the PT is made of really bad movies that now, in the light of TROS, surprisingly still come together as a trilogy far better than the ST lmao.

i still believe that the PT undermines and ruins Vader’s redemption in ROTS, because now you know exactly what he did (reminder: killed 30 children) and it’s hard to swallow. in the end, he dies to save his son and takes down the big bad so we can accept that he gains redemption in luke’s eyes alone and not necessarily in the audience’s. but ben solo didn’t even get that. he got thrown into a pit and crawled out only to give rey life lol.

anyway, TFA was okay at first, but i always had a huge gripe, aka the misuse of Leia and the complete silence on her being a Force user. like don’t even need ligthsaber fights from her, just gimme something explicit of her using the Force. she could’ve at the very fucking least sensed KR when he swoops in and abducts Rey on Takodana. but no. JJ fridged Leia from the get go, because he had no clue what to do with her. and then he fucked her character completely with what he believed was the flashback the fans wanted....UFHGHGHGH

JJ also and truly fridged Luke, because he had no idea what to do with Luke and the whole Force legacy either. he wanted to write a fun Han Solo adventure and by gods he did.

so, Luke. the guy vanishes the opening crawl tells us. he wasn’t abducted, so he must’ve exiled himself. people hating TLJ’s so called character assassination when it comes to Luke should point fingers at the real culprit, JJ. how could Luke do such a thing and run away (like JJ wrote him do) if he hadn’t done something significantly wrong?? it had to be FUCKING HORRIBLE. and so it is. because what Luke did was horrible and it set up for the fall to the dark side of poor, conflicted, manipulated and unloved Ben Solo. but had it not been THIS awful, then Luke’s self imposed exile, shame and guilt wouldn’t have made any fucking sense. so, TLJ haters, think again WHO was the person who wrote Luke running away for 10 years and allowing all that shit to happen?? it wasn’t Rian Johnson, that’s for sure. he merely justified the absence in a way that made sense plot-wise and actually character-wise too.

on repeated viewing, TFA isn’t that good, it’s a rehash of ANH and the stakes are never as good as the original movies. we all kinda know the heroes will save the day

TLJ, i liked, but the canto bight plot really falls flat. this is where RJ did some char assassinations: Poe. Poe is the cocky pilot who singlehandedly destroys the Resistance’s arsenal LMAO. and next scene he turns into sexist macho asshole trope itself, with his immediate and unfounded disdain of Holdo and her plans to keep our heroes safe. so he concocts a harebrained plan that doesn’t work. maybe it was intended as a refreshing look over this trope of barely a plan of the heroes always coming to fruition at the very last second, but the way it’s presented, it somehow really undermines all the characters involved, including newcomer Rose. at the start a breath of fresh air in the age of mindless heroics, the voice of reason,  soon enough she too is pulled apart and becomes a sudden love interest...?? she is then reduced to a side’s side char in TROS, but she has space buns, so that’s cool right? that’s what SW is all about, women in space buns. fuck!

and yet, TLJ handled Luke, Leia, KR and Rey wonderfully and laid down some great ideas, Rey having no lineage, the Force Bond between her and KR, the catalyst for KR’s fall to the dark side, the little good in him, as sensed by both Leia and Rey...and set up a finale where, i believed and hoped, KR would be the main villain.

with the trailer spelling the probable return of palpatine, i kinda lost faith in TROS before it even hit the theaters. in fact, my faith in the movie was shot the moment JJ was brought on board.

we had a new villain, another race against time to save the day, and our heroes tell us again and again that it’s fine to share the burden, that they are not alone, that there are more good guys than bad - and when the ARMY OF PEOPLE came to exogol, it’s a wonderful scene. it works for me and it did both times. i know it’s awful that no-one came to leia’s call on crait, but here lando picks up (when lando says hello there, it’s not only panties that drop) half the galaxy, but somehow it still made me well up.

but, despite this very explicit message, our heroine fights alone. she faces palps alone and almost makes a bad decision, is alone in her final battle, is alone at the end. how truly horrible. instead of having ben and rey defeat palps together, rey has to do it alone, out of faux-feminism. it’s sickening. it’s stupid. and that’s not star wars and the star wars message. luke was not alone at the end, he was with friends, with family.

but she’s from a bad bloodline and she should die childless. ughhh. totally not hopeful, totally not satisfying message to have for the finale of the skywalker saga.

[moonlitalien]

Okay so, here’s my own tiny review (more like a rant lmao) of TLJ, don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie obviously!

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS BELOW

Because it’s a Star Wars movie, and because I’m a SW nerd, obviously, I HAD to see it on the first day, and I was so excited I barely even slept the night before. The thing is, in the end, I was oh so heavily disappointed. Now don’t get me wrong, I love SW and obviously I will see episode 9. And even that crappy Han Solo sequel, probably. Disney knows exactly what they’re doing, and of all the people I’ve talked to who have been so disappointed by TLJ as well, 99% of them said the exact same thing as me: “I used to love the old trilogies, and the EU - therefore, I will see any upcoming SW movie, even if I know it’s gonna be bad”.

I think that sums up my opinion of SW as a whole ever since Disney bought Lucasfilms. I don’t like Rebels, I don’t like the new trilogy, I don’t like how stupidly childish, sweetened down and cheesy they are, but I’m a victim of my own initial love for SW, so... :’)

...My biggest issue with the entire movie is that it didn’t feel like a Star Wars movie at ALL. I spent the entire movie being like, “Who the fuck are you?? What the HELL is this? Where the hell are you going??!”

Nothing felt like SW. It was an outrageous insult to every single old fan of Star Wars - they made up new species, new planets, new characters, and as soon as Leia and Chewie die in (I suppose) the next episode, there will be nothing left of SW at all. It’s gonna be a cheap, childish universe that has nothing to do with Lucas’ SW. Going to a casino planet? Oh, better make it a NEW boring, ugly planet that felt like something out of MASS EFFECT instead of SW, instead of making everyone happy and making them go to Nar Shaddaa. Same for that dumb crystal planet at end - why not make them go to a new ~old Resistance base planet~ instead of oh, idk, Hoth or Yavin, AKA some REAL Resistance planets from the old trilogy?

And the worst part? I spent the ENTIRE casino arc (and the entire movie, in fact) staring at the background and the extras, and.. I couldn’t spot a SINGLE alien I knew. No Twi’lek, no Togruta, no Devaronian, no Pantoran, no Chiss, NOTHING. It was either a bunch of ugly humans in ugly costumes or some unknown cheap-looking alien species. I THINK I saw something that looked vaguely like a Dug at some point, but that’s... literally it. I was so sad and so fucking disappointed.

Now, for a list of pros and cons for the rest of the movie:

PROS: - The scene where Leia uses the Force to bring herself back into the ship was absolutely incredible and brought tears to my eyes. The visuals were beautiful, it was just... perfectly executed. - LOVED all of the Kylo/Rey scenes, I’m honestly biased because Daisy and Adam are some of my favorite actors, and they were absolutely incredible in their roles. The hand touch was just... beautiful. When Rey feels the rain and Kylo does too because of their Force bond... It gave me chills. It was beautiful and so sad.  - Rose was easily the best developed human character in the trilogy and I think that says a lot considering she’s been here since, well, the beginning of TLJ only. Also, she was beautiful and adorable and really badass. - The space battles. Incredible visuals again. The moment where Holdo drives the ship into hyperspace straight into the Imperial destroyer was just so beautiful. - Yoda’s Force ghost. So beautiful and so sad, and I was so happy that they used the same model that they used in the first trilogy. - Luke’s death. Not the ACTUAL death, which was super badly executed IMO, but the final scene where he becomes one with the Force, with his theme song playing in the background - it made me tear up. It was SO beautiful and so good. As Rey said, there was no sadness, he passed away feeling whole again. - The last scene with the little slave kid telling the other slave kids about the Resistance and the Force, and that tiny moment where he uses the Force to grab his broom, and the last scene where he looks at the sky, it gave me so many prequels/original trilogies feels. 

CONS: (oh boy) - The really terrible conclusion to all the Kylo/Rey scenes, where they decided to just... kill off Snoke and make Kylo the big villain. Broke my heart. Really terrible writing, so predictable, again a representation of how stupid Disney’s view of the Force is: everyone is either black or white, and if there’s a SINGLE doubt about their alignment, it WILL be made clear at some point that they’re either super evil or super nice. Kylo was nothing but a sad boy, I was heavily disappointed that Disney chose to make him kill Han, and SO happy when he decided not to kill his mother in TLJ. I was almost starting to believe he could get a redemption arc, but no, it would’ve been too complex and interesting for the kiddy audience obviously. - Luke’s... entire arc?? Entire character?? Disney absolutely destroyed and burned down everything about Luke and the entire movie was just a fucking fiasco because of this. They turned the loving, friendly, ever hopeful little boy into a bitter monster who, for a second, would have been ready to execute a CHILD, his own NEPHEW, in his sleep. Into a stupid Force user who, after witnessing what the Jedi and the Jedi code did to his father, turning him into the galaxy’s most hated man, STILL chose to keep using the Jedi code and to teach it to his students. Ridiculous, completely OOC. - Whatever this mess of a story arc Poe got. Hundreds of people died because of him, including Rose’s sister. It was so OOC and such terrible handling of his character, I’m honestly speechless. - Whatever this mess of a story arc Finn and Rose got...? What was the POINT of this entire arc since it led to absolutely nothing except more pain and suffering? Ridiculous. - WHERE. WERE. THE. ALIENS. Seriously, FUCK OFF DISNEY. I’m so tired of all these humans. SO TIRED. The galaxy is NOT MADE OF A MAJORITY OF HUMANS, FFS. The casino was full of humans, the Resistance was full of humans EXCEPT THREE characters that I spotted in the background on top of admiral Ackbar (who fucking died too??), and even Phasma was also a human. When her helmet shattered, oh boy, I had this faint hope that she would be a Chiss, but NOPE. ANOTHER HUMAN. - Those marketing-driven scenes with the ugly birds (’Porgs’) and the uwuwu cute crystal foxes uwu like lol, go ahead, just buy plushies and figures of them, that was the only purpose of their appearance in the movie anyway. - Leia’s lack of love and empathy for her son. Luke’s unshakable need to remind everyone he needs to murder Kylo for the greater good. It was so OOC for both of them and CAN DISNEY JUST GIVE KYLO A BREAK LMAO. They turned what could have been one of the most interesting twist on a kid falling to the Dark side into a ridiculous evil puppet. Also, Leia has ONE child, and she would never hate him. OOC as hell. Next. - That dude from the casino whose name I can’t even remember, who helped Finn and Rose with the Destroyer and etc. Who the fuck. What the fuck. I just?? Why?? What was the purpose of this ugly drunk hobo besides making me hate Finn and Rose’s arc even more lmfao??? AND WHY WAS HE HUMAN AGAIN PLS REMIND ME? - NONE of the theories/questions were answered. Who is Snoke? Don’t know, don’t care, boom he’s dead. Thanks Disney. Rey is so strong in the Force because she’s related to Anakin? Lol no, she’s a random character with random parents. I was facepalming so hard.

I just. Oooh boy. This movie was a disappointment, It was exactly everything I knew it would be because Disney is bad at storytelling and likes to make everything easy and simple to understand for their stupid goddamn kid audience. Like go away lmao. I’m gonna sound like an old bitter harpy but the EU > Disney. SW was never supposed to be so easy to understand, it’s supposed to be complex, full of mysteries and theories. My mom and I regularly debate about Anakin and Padme and Obi-Wan and Luke and it’s been YEARS since these trilogies ended. That’s not going to happen with TLJ.

What I’m looking forward to in the next ep, even though I know it has 99% chance of not happening: - Leia getting a beautiful death, because she’s a queen, a mother, a legend and deserves the best death ever. - Hopefully a last goddamn chance for a Kylo redemption arc. Like lmao I know it won’t happen and Disney will just keep ruining his character but a girl can still hope. - More Kylo/Rey scenes since they were some of the best parts of TLJ. - More Rey/Finn/Poe scenes because we got nothing at all in TLJ except a hug between Finn and Rey at the end and like a two-word exchange between Rey and Poe. - More cool space battles. - MORE FUCKING ALIENS. FFS. JUST GIVE ME ONE TWI’LEK AND I’LL BE HAPPY. - An Obi-wan and/or Anakin Force ghost. - An interesting ship that isn’t necessarily straight (just saying this because I can FEEL the Poe/Rey happening even though they have 0 chemistry and it’s making me sad :’)) - PLEASE just tell me who the fuck Snoke is and tell me he isn’t really dead. Please. The ~supreme leader~ can’t possibly have such a retarded death with 0 background for his character. It makes no sense.