#survivor's guilt ep

[eclectic-music-queer]

Looking For: Dollie Rot's "Dahmer and the Limbs" cover, off of "Survivor's Guilt" EP (2017) (pre-2022)

Weird request, but stick with me:

I'm specifically looking for Dollie Rot's cover of Nicole Dollanganger's "Dahmer and the Limbs." It was originally on Dollie Rot's "Survivor's Guilt" EP, released in 2017, and taken off at some point around ~2022.

I've been looking for this cover for literal years, to no avail. If anyone's got it, please hmu.

Below the cut is my evidence for it's existence, if you need it.

(This is just here to say that this song existed. Obviously I'm not speculating about the reasoning for the track being taken down, frankly I don't care about that. I just want to be able to listen to it again.)

If you go to Dollie Rot's Bandcamp, this is how the "Survivor's Guilt" EP currently looks, with 5 tracks listed.

If you check the Wayback Machine, tho, you can see in earlier iterations of this listing, the EP originally had 6 tracks, the 6th one being a cover of "Dahmer and the Limbs." This is the earliest capture we have, taken around 2020.

A thing I noticed: If you look at the reviews for the album, at least one person listed that cover as their favorite track. But when it was removed, the mention of it was also removed. You can see all the other reviews have a favorite track listed.

You can even see it listed on other sites that archive that info, like Rateyourmusic.

So yeah, if anyone can help me out, I'd really appreciate it. Obviously I don't begrudge the artist for doing whatever they like with their own art, I don't know their reasons for taking it down and frankly it's none of my business. But I as a fan would like to have this for personal enjoyment.

I'm basically going about this in every way I can without personally bothering the artist, and I advise that nobody else do so in regards to this matter.

And in all instances I believe in supporting the artist on their platforms, which in this case include Bandcamp, Soundcloud, and Spotify.

[docholligay]

GOD. Can you imagine, losing to Miranda, even when she's dead? Because for all intents and purposes, she is dead. But still, Mike is captured by the idea of her, by the idea that you could do and be anything you wanted. Miranda, the girl you hate, the girl you are drawn to, the girl who rejected you in the way she rejected everything you stand for. Miranda the daring and brave in a very shallow way which admittedly is me getting a bit editorial about the situation.

It's also a touch cruel. There's no reason to tell her this, other than to reinforce that Irma has no future with you, which you've already done. At this point, it's just twisting the knife that you would rather chase the idea of a dead girl than make a life with a live one.

Irma is being PUNISHED for living, and she continue to be so, as we're about to see here.

[me-myself-and-eyes]

my pain is a testament to how much you meant to me

i know it wouldnt be this hard if it wasnt

good grief

i hope you know i loved you more than anything

and it wouldnt hurt this bad

if it wasnt

good grief

[echo-s-land]

Me when Violet Evergarden

[edmundosmustache]

best buddie episodes and why:

2x01 under pressure- duh. buck’s bi panic was so funny to watch and him folding immediately after eddie looks at him with his big brown eyes is peak

3x03 the searchers- the tsunami arc has always been that girl. the christopher eddie reunification scene paired with “there’s nobody in this world i trust with my son more than you” like pls just kiss already IM TIRED

3x15 eddie begins- i’ve been watching since the show has been on air, and there has been maybe two episodes that top this one. this was the episode when i started seriously shipping buddie. buck going absolutely apeshit when eddie got buried and most of eddies flashbacks including buck was what really sealed the deal for me.

4x03 future tense- this one is just so domestic. the scene where buck and chris are playing video games on the couch and buck buying an expensive coffee maker solely to prank eddie… they’re so married it makes me sick

4x14 survivors- this is top 3 buddie episodes of all time. sniper arc you will always be famous!!! eddie asking buck if he’s hurt, the physical touch, BUCK CALLING EDDIE “EDS” oh that boy is down so bad. the will scene takes the cake though. I think this episode is the best one in terms of buddie’s relationship progression.

5x06 brawl in cell block 911- the main parts of this episode that i really love are when buck gets very protective over christopher OR when he thinks eddie gets shot (again.) season 5 was probably the slowest buddie season, but there are still soooo many good moments sprinkled in

6x10 in a flash- again, very obvious. “alright cowboy go get em!” kills me every time. this episode is why i can’t decide whether i want a buck nde or an eddie nde in 8b. i want to see eddie DISTRAUGHT again… him trying to pull buck up towards him screaming is just too good

7x04 buck, bothered and bewildered- another peak buddie episode. even tommy knew that buck was trying to get eddies attention the whole time. i’m honestly surprised that this wasn’t bucks realization arc. The entire episode was focused on eddie. even when tommy came over to flirt with buck he STILL found a way to talk about eddie, multiple times. bi buck canon was also life changing and this episode is top 3 for that reason.

7x05 you don’t know me- season 7 has banger after banger episodes. watching the trailer for this episode and seeing eddie crash bucktommy’s date was the icing on the cake tbh. this ep is how i knew marisol and eddie were not going to last. eddie stop terrorizing the women of LA challenge (level: impossible.) the coming out scene is also just one of the best buddie scenes they’ve ever done, it’s so raw and emotional and captures their characters so well.

7x06 there goes the groom- another season seven episode but it has to be included because of the bachelor party. bachelor party buddie is going to be nearly impossible to top. it’s also cute how they don’t leave each others side for most of this episode.

8x06 confessions- i think this episode is top 3 for buddie relationship development. it’s very bucktommy centric but we get hot priest talking to eddie and bucktommy bones. AND how could we forget the risky business scene. i think this episode is when they put buddie canon in motion. eddie dealing w his catholic/regular guilt and saying he’s straight smells like a gay arc to me. buck immediately going to eddie after breaking up with his boyfriend, AND interrupting eddie’s activity that is supposed to bring him pure joy just seems too obvious. at this point we are past subtext and now getting into true buddie canon territory.

anyway! hope this was enjoyed. if anyone has other episodes they think should be added please share!!! there are so many good episodes i probably missed <3

[lunabug2004]

Something I've noticed recently is the difference in which people notice or think/talk about Nancy and Mike's survivor's guilt.

People seem to be much more open to the notion of Nancy having survivor's guilt, also they tend to pick up on it easier, and I think the reason for this Nancy actually kinda demonstrates herself in s2, when talking to Jonathan when she says "Yeah, but it's different for you. Will came home."

Now, Mike feels survivor's guilt in connection to both Will and El, and Nancy for Barb, and the difference between them is that both Will and El actually survive. But the thing that people tend to forget is that Mike saw Will's "dead body", he saw El disappear in front of his own eyes just to not hear from her for almost a year, he saw his best friend's body and mind be taken over by a terrifying monster (who he had just told he wouldn't let happen to him a day or so before). So, yes, El and Will may not be dead, but in any case, esp in Mike's 11-14 year old brain, that doesn't really mean much at all. Mental illnesses don't go away just because the thing that caused them did. I mean, that's legitimately what PTSD is!

Talking about s2 specifically for example, even at the beginning of the season, most of the GA already knew that El was still alive, but knew for sure that Barb was dead. The show parallels Nancy and Mike in ep 1, with Nancy crying in Barb's house and Mike looking terribly upset while boxing up toys in his basement. Despite this parallel though, most people I've watched only pick up on Nancy's survivor's guilt. Even though Mike goes on to try and contact El, who he still (mostly) believes is dead, lots of people just go "aw that's sad" or "aw that's sweet" and move on.

Idk if it's just because he's younger, or that, as I said before, the audience knows El is still alive, but it's always seemed to me that people don't take Mike's mental health problems as seriously as they take Nancy's when really, they're in a very similar boat.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Finished Last Twilight, and I'm not adding to the ableism discourse, because most things have already been said and with a lot of beautiful nuance that I agree with. But I do want to talk about how that ending arrived because of Aof Noppharnach's consistent symbolic commentary on the experience of living with HIV in much of his work, with an approach that's unique among all queer content. Imma skip Gay OK Bangkok since its not even a metaphor there, but I'll explain my rationale for the others, and we can just appreciate the foundation Gay OK Bangkok lays for us to think about the rest of his stuff.

The motif of life-saving medical intervention comes up in all but one of the works he takes screenwriting credit on. He's Coming To Me: P'Med dies originally because of a lack of medical intervention. 1000 Stars: Tian gets a heart transplant. Moonlight Chicken: this one's more subtle, but the whole series is explicitly established in the context of reopening following the COVID pandemic, and Wen will later say to Jim, "we are survivors." It was this line upon rewatch that made me start considering how thorough this theme is. Survivors of what? The meaning is three-fold: hard lessons in love, COVID, and, for gay men of their age, the HIV epidemic. The hope of medical intervention for Day's condition takes on a secondary meaning, with this trend in mind, even if the mixed disability politics between visual impairment and being HIV positive really fails.

His comparisons are more intricate though. Pills and daily regimens are a consistent motif. Day has his daily eye-drops, Tian his pills (which are presumably immune-suppressants to help accept the transplant but I'm not going to Viki right now and watching every ep to find out so someone feel free to correct me). 'But people take medicine for lots of things,' you say. 'Just because its gay doesn't mean its an HIV metaphor!' You have a fair point! But here's where Aof gets real fun and sneaky. P'Med dies from lack of pills the same year Torfun, whose heart will save Tian's life, is born, 1997. I'm mentioned once before 1997 as important for the class-conscious Aof because of the Asian financial crisis that Thailand set off that year. However, 1997 is also important because its the year HAART, or Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy was first used in Thailand (it had hit the market only one year earlier). HAART, a multi-drug regimen, boosted someone's life-expectancy with HIV up by 15 years, and its side-effects were significantly milder than previous approaches. The medical conditions of P'Med and Torfun's heart point us directly to HAART, and what it could offer.

Now we're moving out of the medical and into the experiential connections because, while Dark Blue Kiss is the only work Aof chose to take credit for screen-writing without incorporating medical references, it is by far the most dense with references to the issue of concealment. Its in the narrative as people closet identities and hide relationships, yes, but its in SO much of the visuals, too, most obviously the Pete & Kao mug hidden inside its coozie. It's easy to see the surface story about gay visibility and the closet, but there's a more specific subtext here about the associated condition that intensified the stigma of being gay and how that impacts your sense of self. Bad Buddy explores this issue less, but even in the BL Bubble, its haunted by the stigma of homophobia--it just shuffles it over onto rivalry so the audience can experience it without reproducing it.

However, the grief and shame of surviving when others haven't haunts Aof's other works much more intensely. Jim and Tian both are hung up on guilt for someone's death that they did not actually cause, continuing to pursue the goals for those that passed rather than their own. Then, there's Thun and P'Med, which is the best allegory for living and dating with HIV, bar none. It goes into the feelings of stigma and the limits of physical intimacy with partners that living with HIV caused, especially prior to Truvada's introduction in 2004. Even then, the show depicts how a HIV negative partner maintains the choice to participate in their own regimens, as Thun's desires for physical intimacy with P'Med manage their relationship and never the other way around.

This sense of required separation and gay identities that are less sex-focused also play into oft-maligned motifs in Aof's work. He's talked explicitly about people's criticisms of the limited physical intimacy in his earlier works that led to the more prominent stuff in Bad Buddy, but I hope given the above context, we can appreciate why physical intimacy is less of a priority than other kinds (and I'd add that 1000 Stars, which got the most sh*t about it, is actually one of the most erotically-charged BLs out there because of it's restraint). Then, you have the finales where characters separate for periods of time, and while I don't see this as explicitly tied to HIV experiences (Aof is literally following the book of romcom beats there, even if everyone whines about it), I can't help but appreciate a tangential connection to loving beyond time and distance that was required for those who lived with or lost loved ones to HIV.

I would've loved to see a version of Last Twilight that didn't absolutely bungle its metaphor, because it had every element to be something great (except, I'm sorry to the fans, lead actors with the necessary queer romantic chemistry). Watching the last episode, when the show seemed to finally rediscover plot and pacing, all the other pieces that had been drowned out by the disability conversation peeked their heads out, and I saw what the show wanted to be. The topics related to living with HIV of stigma, survivor's guilt, and assistive technologies: they were all right there, not just for Day but for everyone, if only they had been given the proper time to marinate to develop more complexity. It's the rare instance of a show where I'll choose to spend time imagining what could have been rather than obsessing over what was or just moving on. Even a misstep from Aof, like this, is overflowing with so many more layers than most series. The failures of Last Twilight, in relationship to his other works, even let you see how much food for thought he's providing.

[oscconfessions]

Idk why it ticks me off when people view pb mourning in ii 17 over JUST lightbulb dying. Im 98% sure everyone just interpreted it that way because of lightbrush but that just feels.... strangley shallow to me? That was a full on breakdown because they just witnessed their close friends violently killed in front of them and leaving them alone with the survivor's guilt to follow. Pb looked so distraught having to comfort fan over tt's death, and once it was fan's turn did you literally hear the way they SCREAMED his name? Then when lightbulb died, that was the final straw for them.

If you look back at the past episodes, paintbrush wasnt just magically inseperatable from lb, fan and tt, but it was something their bond grew overtime. Despite the rocky road pb had with those respective partners, its the later episodes and then ep 15 where we see just how warmed up pb was really getting with those three. And then everything from ii 17 happened. Theres the back shot of pb sobbing over lb's body, and theres fan's corpse right behind them. All in the burnt dead field of nothingness. Just. Think about that symbolism for a moment. (No clue what they did with tt's corpse).

But yes, going back to my point, pb's grieving isnt so black and white and i really wish people could actually see that more. Pb's defining trait is not that they love lightbulb. Im tired of everyone glossing over pb as a whole just for the sake of a shallow fanon interpretation. Not even jazzy oliver the god damn voice actor of paintbrush seems to see this whole picture.

(and no this isnt slander towards jazzy or lightbrush shippers or none of that. Im being critical yes, but PLEASE dont have that as the takeaway from this)

-🐈‍⬛

[hyperfixatedonthings]

Getting ready to do a Pluto rewatch and I'm watching some of the last BTS videos. Tell me why it took seeing this:

For me to understand that Oom has some real CPTSD.

**Spoilers for Ep 11 below 👇**

I'm not sure the order things were filmed. If NT shot the Ai-oon stuff second like the video makes it seem then, I find the above moment really interesting.

When I first watched the episode I of course was sad for Oom. But it was always from the perspective of "she just had so much information dumped on her and, she has not had a chance to grieve." I mean the girl just woke up from a coma and found out:

She was married

Her new husband died (in a car accident of all things!! With her being the only survivor, just like with her parents)

Her sister has been pretending to be her...again (don't forget that she's been beat up at least once because of Ai doing this)

Her sister has been pretending to be her w/ her girlfriend.

Said girlfriend is blind now.

Your sister is being nice to you. (Basically you're closer then when you went into the coma)

Your sister is also acting suspicious/weird when it comes to May.

That's all separate from the fact that Oom just learned that May and Ai-oon fell in love!

Any of that would be a lot on its own. It makes COMPLETE SENSE that Oom was searching for a good memory but wanted it to be with May. Her irrational mind may (haha..pun) have been trying to recreate the proposal but have May choose her. At least that's what I'm going with for now.

Which kind of answers a question I had during my initial watch, what did Oom take May to that river?

Don't ask me why this hit me when I saw NT swaying sadly on this cart. idk why.

I remember seeing discussions at the time about Oom having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). That never made 100% sense to me. More like 75%. I could see it but, could not justify it with her past behavior. CPTSD makes perfect sense when you consider she might also have survivors guilt also. Especially considering this is the second fatal crash she has been able to walk away from. It also explains her selfishness in this moment and her ominous comment about the water. She probably thinks that her life is limited and thinks she could die at any moment. Forcing Ai to choose could have felt a bit like making a "dying wish".

Anyway TL;DR: I love this show!! You can tell that sooo much love, heart, care and, effort went into it. Oom had her reasons for forcing The Choice ™ and, I'm glad I did not write her off like I wanted to originally.

[frostybirdgoddess]

Minor spoilers for ep one of Chaos Theory as well as the minute long clip of Yaz, Sammy, and Ben.

I think the biggest thing to take away from the first episode is that it’s been some time since Brooklyn died. From the trailers we’d gotten, it was made to seem like B’s death is what caused everyone to come together, but post watching episode one, it seems to have been at least a month since Brooklyn died.

Darius and Ben haven’t talked since Brooklyn’s death, though that doesn’t seem intentional or malicious on either side.

Kenji 100% has been blaming Darius for what happened to Brooklyn, kind of like he did in CC when B was a hostage. (B was rescued, Darius was like we’re good?, Kenji said no and essentially blamed Darius for ‘putting’ Brooklyn in danger.)

Seems like that’s happening again, except it’s worse because Brooklyn isn’t coming back this time.

It’s made worse by of the wall of pictures we see in Darius’s house, bc it seems the Bowmans all but legally adopted Kenji. And now Kenji is blaming his brother- the professional dino wrangler- for not being there when Brooklyn was attacked by a dinosaur.An understandable thing to do in the face of grief, but ultimately wrong and definitely hurting Darius’s survivor’s guilt.

Moving on to the CampFam as a whole, they haven’t drifted, they still remain in touch like any split up group of friends do. I’m very happy about that. And they made their epilogue designs from CC canon which I absolutely love.

Yaz.

I stand by that Yasmina was the most affected by CC, but that *isn’t* what drove her to be as scared of dinosaurs as she is; it was the brutal death of a friend.

I’m theorizing that Yaz and Sammy *did* live together happily on Sammy’s dino ranch until Brooklyn’s death. That event probably reawakened the trauma Yasmina has from such brutal dinosaur experiences. She’s freshly terrified of dinosaurs now, and it’s badly affecting her once peaceful life on a dinosaur ranch.

So, she leaves. Yaz has either moved to, or built up a dino-free suburban area for people to live in. But her trauma with dinosaurs is obviously something Yaz wants to work past and move on from, hence the hologram and mention of safe inversion therapy.

Yaz *wants* to go back to her life on the ranch with her girlfriend, but she’s very messed up about Brooklyn’s death, and knowing Yasmina, it drives her crazy that this renewed trauma isn’t something she can just push past.

That’s all I have for now, I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts!

[dgnrtshunch]

Ever since bridon ep 1 came out I've really been thinking about that first scene and the hour timeskip where Lu Guang is bleeding (presumably from a bullet wound from vein) afterwards and struggling to stand up. Cause like, was he about to die?

I think it makes a lot more sense for him to completely abandon all his previously set up morals if he's actively bleeding out, knowing he has to go back immediately because he'll die if he waits to act any longer.

It's also just a lot more desperate of a situation and. honestly. it's spicier for the angst potential. I love Lu Guang needing to fear for his own life right after losing his two best friends.

I know this mighttttt not fit in with the newest nightmare he had in ep 4 which was so heavy survivors guilt coded it made me want to hurl but. I don't trust Lu Guang. Or whatever the fuck goes on in his mind. And nightmares don't necessarily need to be accurate they just need to be scary (def succeeding in that btw tone it the FUCK down.)

Although, considering the sirens near the end of that clip where he goes back, maybe he thought he might be saved and was scared by the possibility that he could survive? Maybe the hypothetical that he might've survived everything when the others didn't is what's haunting him. Or maybe the dream just manifested like that because he was both the last of them to die and also Cheng Xiaoshi literally gave his life to protect Lu Guang's.

There's a lot of ways I can spin this and none of them are good, I just really like the idea of him being like welp my friends are dead I'm gonna die fuck it destroys the universe.

[double-starr]

TADC EP 4 THEORY???

TW: Not directly but hinting to SA, Mentions of Abuse, Suicide, Depression, and some swearing

Y'all I hate to say it and people can fight me on this but Jax definitely went through some sort of abuse at some point-

Let's be honest, the whole "employee reevaluation" was hinting some sort of abuse in his old job in the past.

He was absolutely furious at the idea of working a normal job. That's why he likes other adventurers, because it's a disconnect from his past reality and trauma.

I mean FUCK DUDE-!!! Most people are talking about how he doesn't wanna "look weak" on the right image, but I think it's more of a hint that he was abused by a boss from the past, and that he was asking if no one could see, because almost everyone in this episode hinted to their real lives through dialogue or actions.

Like seriously, think about it:

Boss: So, first things first, are you happy here?

Jax: I mean, not really.. I think there's favoritism and-...

So this escalates, and the boss grabs Jax.

Boss: I think it's time for your employee reevaluation.

You can guess the rest. The TV could represent Jax reliving those past memories.

Where does this get interesting?? GANGLE WAS ABUSED TOO.

Gangle and Jax worked the same job. Gangle was also abused by their boss, but they were higher up than Jax was, and they felt as if the only way to keep their job was to continue doing what their boss said to. Although everyone dislikes Gangle due to how they're always very on top of everything, which again is how they're keeping this relationship with their boss. Jax thought they had privileges because the boss "liked her". He had no idea they were in an abusive relationship.

So in short, Jax ends up doing harmful things to Gangle, like being emotionally abusive towards them. Gangle has enough of it one day and reports him to their boss, and then the boss decides to "talk" with Jax.

Now, Gangle finds out about the incident, and who tells them?

Zooble does.

Gangle asks one day after Jax is gone for a week where he's been. Zooble tells Gangle he quit, because of what happened with the boss.

Gangle confronts their boss. He threatens to fire them if they tell anyone about what he did to Jax.

This leads to a sort of survivors guilt, and that's when Gangle commits suicide after work one night after a shift.

Idk I might be looking into this too much tbh

[williamkisser]

Franziska Kurz - The Maid; her lore

Finally a lore drop YAAYAYAYA. I’ll probably be updating this post from time to time as i’d like this to be some kind of a masterlist.

🧹 Name: Franziska Kurz

🧹 Career: maid

🧹 Gender: female - mtf

🧹 Faction: survivor

🧹 Item: none

🧹 Role: assist - contain

🧹 Hunter switch: none

🧹 Difficulty: 1.5/3

🧹 Birthday: June 2nd

🧹 Nameday: March 9th

🧹 Age: 20

🧹 Height: 171cm

🧹 Nationality: Polish

🧹 Ethnicity: slavic

🧹 Social class: working class

🧹 Faith: protestant

🧹 Voice claim: Pola Negri - x

🧹 MBTI: INFP

🧹 Favourite dish: angel wings

🧹 Traits: paranoid, perfectionism, insecurity, humbleness, freedom-loving, judgemental

🧹 Talent: housekeeping

🧹 Likes: going on walks, showing affection

🧹 Dislikes: self centered, obnoxious people, cipher machines

🧹 Interests: literature

🧹 Associated character: Kurt Frank, Montague - @hauntted-idv oc

🧹 Character EP: Drunk by Kylie Minogue - x

My take on who would she get along with

PRE MANOR

Lore: Franziska, a girl raised at an ordinary province was born on the grounds of Poland annexed by the Kingdom of Prussia. Like many other people, she felt like helping out on the field and in the barn was far from her calling, therefore, she hired herself at the most common occupation for poor women at the time - a Maid. It was a very unrewarding job. They barely could find any free time and often worked hard all week with very little pay. Franziska, that wasn’t yet aware of her gender identity quickly realized that this place is not good for her either, and the owners of the mansion she worked in didn’t treat their servants with respect, not even knowing their names. Together with other male servants, she often had to engage in tough physical jobs. Unconsciously, she would often daydream while gazing at the female workers skirts and beautiful hair coverings, which shortly after made her realize she feels more like a woman. Her stay at the rich house took a serious toll on her mental health - resulting in her burning down the place and running away with a traditional dress she stole from the owner’s daughter - leaving the then-rich family without a bright future.

AT OLETUS MANOR

Lore: Shortly after the accident, Franziska fled to England on a ship, where she began working for rich home owners. Her employer was a German man, which made the task more easy as she knew the language. His family was much more nicer than the previous one. Despite her pay being still very low, the owner’s wife started paying for her English tutor, which would help her a lot. After some time, she received a letter from the infamous Oletus Manor, inviting her to the crew: and promising a big pay that would let her find a better job. Franziska took the risk, but little did she know her task was going to be much more than just becoming a part of the crew.

Personality: Due to her difficult past, Franziska developed many unhealthy behaviours. First of all, she’s extremely paranoid nearly on the verge of schizophrenia. The feeling of guilt makes her think that she’s being followed. She can’t stand dirty places, she is a perfectionist that could clean one little spot for several minutes. Many people may consider Franziska not unapproachable, judging by her mean face expression, she is however extremely friendly and loves talking. She can judge someone easily as well - she’s prejudiced towards people of higher status - often without reason. During her free time she discovered her passion for literature, amazing, engaging stories. She wasn’t the best at reading but she would work on it. She formed a strong bond with Kurt through his stories, eventually becoming lovers.

This is lowkey half assed and i feel cringe posting this but whatever yall…i am cringe but free………i’m sure my goober would like to interact with other ocs……..

Pleek ignore the fact that this is anne’s model i happen to be very bad at drawing😔

[youmakethelight]

Melissa McBride and Angela Kang are both women in an industry and genre dominated by white men. We don't know them personally, but we know that much.

What surprises me about the current discourse surrounding the spin-off is that for many, it seems as though, as long as Daryl and Carol have a potentially romantic canon future ahead of them, everything is forgiveable.

Many are putting a *huge* amount of faith and trust in Melissa that this will be delivered in a way that feels authentic to the original story. For me, this is actually unfair pressure on Melissa, but it also feels like ignoring crucial evidence. First, Melissa has told us twice that she's laying low on her EP role, and this concerns both seasons 2 and 3.

Second, we have seen season 2, and as far as I can tell, her major inputs were her core ideas for Carol and her acting (both fantastic). To me, the showrunner heard this and gave a script that delivered gimmicks (e.g. gas hallucination) and lacked emotional depth. No time or attention were spent on getting the viewer to understand why Carol is thinking about Sophia now, Daryl's connection to the trauma is completely absent, and we learn almost nothing new about Carol's memories or feelings about Sophia or what she's been going through these last 12 years.

We had more in the flagship - when she said that the "thing" that came out of the barn wasn't her little girl, when she told Lizzie that she thinks about Sophia every day, that she didn't survive because she didn't have a mean bone in her body. Those pieces of dialogue were crumbs in the flagship, but when we have the opportunity to fully delve into it in her spin-off, we learnt that she can't remember Sophia's face anymore and that time took away the Sophia she remembers before the barn. Those lines are both good, but they aren't enough, and they were gone in a flash. A compelling narrative delivery of Carol seeming to "process" the grief is also not given. She gets a hug from Didi, a hug from Daryl, and a hallucination holding her hand and walking away from her. None of those are bad things, but they aren't enough. Melissa acted her heart out, and I ate it up, but the script let her, and Carol, down.

Melissa isn't a writer. The skills she's paid for are acting and executive producing. She can't and shouldn't be expected to make up for David Zabel's shortcomings. There are a number of things Zabel could have done differently, like hiring an expert on trauma and grief (maybe he did, but he doesn't seem to have listened to them, if so). The lines he gives are incredibly shallow. It isn't Melissa's job - and she may not feel it's her place - to make those sorts of suggestions. And regardless, he doesn't have to listen. And he can edit out whatever he likes in post-production, as he did in season 2.

Melissa talked a lot about how much it means to her for Carol to be able to explore her survivor's guilt. And Zabel gave her and Daryl about 3 lines where they talked about "why them" and luck vs bad luck. To me, it feels like lip service to Melissa's ideas. Zabel clearly lacks the knowledge of the source material or the care and attention-to-detail that are needed. Melissa can't fix that, but so many fans are willing to put faith in this showrunner because they somehow think that Melissa can fix him...

Meanwhile, Angela Kang is given no grace. I'm seeing assumptions about her and her work. There is so much we don't know about the behind-the-scenes, who is responsible for what, and what she internally thought and wanted. And yet, there's enough evidence to assume the worst of her? She might have been the showrunner, but she's still answerable to a studio and a chief content officer, and she's still a part of a team whose ideas she's responsible for respecting if she wants her team to respect her. And all this while she's a WOC in a white male dominated space. She simply does not have the same privileges as a white male showrunner. She just doesn't. She at least deserves some grace and not to be assumed the worst of.

I'm not going to dissect this further right now. I'm just going to leave it here. It seems, to me, like it's become normal and acceptable to assume the worst of Angela Kang, despite the fact that she was a WOC showrunner surrounded by powerful white men. And now, it has become normal and acceptable to assume that Melissa McBride, having been given only a fraction of power, is capable of fixing the shortcomings of her white male showrunner.

Both women deserve grace and better allies in their workplace.

"Being an ally to someone is unconditional. It's speaking up when it's easier to stay silent, standing up for someone when you don't have company, and continuing to show up and use your voice even when you're told, "you're causing trouble." But that is how things change. Because if we won't speak up, who will?" - @indigoraysoflight

[eggdrawsthings]

this show would have been great if it was not for that shit ass death just to justify Osha falling to the Darkside. also why can't we have her eyes glow yellow we already have that sick ass fight and the crystal bleeding, might as well go all the way man 🤷

This post by @gffa and everyone in the tag really summed up every gripe I have for that finale. They made him go on and on about his guilt and regret and he needs to face the Council and then boom "I did the right thing" in the last ep like??? Who are you??? Why tf u suddenly care about the vergence rn??? wtf is this script???

We really don't deserve LJJ man he's too good for this. Once again "great premise, clunky execution". The short running time also runs the whole thing to the ground. Forever mourning my first Asian Jedi Master, they baited me good o(-(

Re the eyes: Ig they still wanna like she was enraged but not enough to have her eyes yellow?? Cus she still wanted to go back to face the Council? (ngl that part was also wtf for me but tbh I'm alr mentally checked out the moment Sol started acting occ lol). idk man but yah it would've been sick af visual-wise and made it even more horrifying w the bleeding crystal. We have all that sick ass fight scenes but at what cost haiya

also lucky Im too poor to buy Sol's saber cuz it's Osha's saber now, and seeing his crystal bled was so upsetting it made me sick. It's Jedi Survivor all over again for me jfc

[darylscigarettesmoke]

Notes on 2x06 (and two rants)

- Laurents guitar is horribly out of tune but the scene was cutie patootie but I still got the ick. It would’ve been better if they’d just let Louis sing the song alone (like originally intended)

- Laurent is gonna be Ash’s new son. It makes the utmost sense to me. He leaves without a son and falls for Carol’s lie and comes back with a son to look after, it’s the perfect conclusion to Ash’s arc. (I have a blog post of that on here). “I don’t think he likes me” foreshadowing “You came here to save a kid, you still can” foreshadowing. The way Ash and Laurent are in the plane together? They way Ash explains to Laurent how the plane works, leaving them to joke around in the cockpit? Foreshadowing. Daryl literally says “they’re good together.” Daryl’s probably never gonna be Laurent’s “Dad” in my opinion. Now this could mean two problematic things: 1) Daryl’s entire arc in season 1 and 2 of his own spin-off comes without a reward, a resolution, a reason. If I’m right and Ash bonds deeply with Laurent while Daryl’s away, everything the viewer and Daryl had to go through don’t mean crap anymore. The entire french arc, the kiss, the controversy that the season is for many fans would be for nothing. Or 2) they spin it like Laurent’s the only reason Daryl has now to even go back to America. Because apparently he didn’t have enough before Laurent took of to the Commonwealth. Right? RIGHT? It’s not like he had people there who dearly miss him. Kind of insulting if you ask me. No big hopes on that front for season 3.

- the biggest ick I still have is that Laurent is written like the all knowing, deep emotionally matured messiah, bro is 14 ?? why do they make him talk like that

- the season doesn’t have enough gore. It lacks the TWD-feeling. Everything looks so clean and polished.

- CROSSBOW RETURN AY HE FINALLY LOOKS LIKE DARYL AGAIN

- Carol crossed an ocean for Daryl just so for him to want and send her straight back home while he offers to stay behind okay Daryl. Carol, Ash and Laurent would make a cute family

- On the bright side is Daryl’s sadness, so to speak. He sees how the entire life he started to want for himself is getting ripped away from under his fingers. Looking at the entire plot like this, it makes actually sense, the way he behaved. He figured his happy ending consists of a stereotypical family, a wife/girlfriend and a son. In my opinion, he was more in love with the idea of that, settling down, than necessarily the people (a recent interview with Norman Reedus confirms the suspicion). But I think, because he realized that this might be something he needs/wants, is the next person he gets involved with purely out of convenience? Or does he accept that having a family of his own might not be in the cards for him? It’s okay, baby boy. Maybe that life just isn’t for you.

- so cool to see the fricking euro tunnel as an european

- daryl sees gasmasks and walks into the tunnel like what’s the worst that could happen right? Meanwhile Carol strolls off to find pennywise i mean sophia

- horror effekts look so cool in this ep. The glowing walkers really are the shit.

- daryl “chokehold’s illegal” dixon is back

- Carol is more alone than ever in this season and it breaks my heart

- Daryl having a vision of Isabelle will never not be icky why is she leaning over him like that get off of him?

- Zabel cutting the “if you see Glenn, Beth and Merle, tell them I did my best”-scene from the leaked script was the biggest mistake of the entire season. That scene was so important for who Daryl is as a person, struggling with survivor’s guilt and trauma, and good old Zabel reduced the scene to a stereotypical “dead gf gives male hero hope to keep going” with no emotional resolution or development for Daryl’s character. Zabel really is one of the worst showrunners I’ve seen (for a story like Daryl’s, I haven’t seen anything else from him) who absolutely lacks the comprehension of his main characters and what is important for their development to sell a love story that was doomed from the start and doesn’t even bother to try and dive into what makes his character drive and how they’re wired. Sorry if I ever spoke badly about Benioff and Weiss for the last Game of Thrones seasons because Zabel really takes the cake.

- “where is codron?” “He ran off” and that is a wrap on the french cast, bye fuckers

- “you can’t always get what you want” Daryl didn’t get what he wanted - to get home quick. But he got what he needed, - a means to endure his time abroad, something to care for, something to fight for. Just like the Rolling Stone song says. Now it’s time for the next adventure.

WELL THAT’s a wRAP ❤️

That being said, Norman acted beautifully with what he was given and even though I heavily criticized the season I’ll never get tired of seeing him as Daryl. The guy owns my heart.