#sure it's “less drastic” than others but like silence does speak volumes

[demodraws0606]

Honestly everybody talking about how Philza and other cc's have unfollowed Forever which does show how serious the situation is but like the fact Bad has completely stopped talking about Forever (and is avoiding talking about him) + has taken a hard stop to liking any fanart with him in it just shows how fucked this all is like...

When you got Badboyhalo (who was not afraid to speak his mind when he believed the green dude was being hit with false allegations) to go completely radio silent about you that's how you know you fucked up.

[loxxxlay]

thanos/loki post tdw wip

alright you thirsty tumblr gremlins, you all seemed interested in my 3 years old loki-hands-over-asgard-to-thanos WIP* (which includes extremely graphic noncon), and so I AM GIVING It tO YOU. if i ever find the second chapter, i will post it too. for now, enjoy this scene that i’m not entirely dissatisfied with lmao.

In my google docs, past-me titled it PoS, which I’m 90% sure stands for “Piece of Shit” lmao... which is accurate considering the blatant use of gratuitous noncon lmao, so I am choosing to keep the title

@veliseraptor i want you to know that the only reason past-me kept writing this for so so so long was because of you and your encouragement <3

*note: will i write more of it? as of now, probably not. But it wasn’t godawful writing, even for being like 3 years old, so maybe one day if i’m ever feeling sick of frostmaster, i’ll consider it. 

tw/warnings: noncon, noncon noncon noncon noncon, also implied torture and murder esp post-battle sequence, forever a wip, has been on hiatus before even being posted

Now without further ado lol, I shamefully bring you,

PoS: Chapter 1

Explosions vibrate all the way down the rainbow bridge to the Bi-Frost.

That’s when Loki knows there is no going back.

Immediately he drops the illusion surrounding his true identity and faces the bright looming city of Asgard. Smoke rises in waves while fires scorch the lower cities full of innocent civilians. Warriors rise in their vehicles and turrets fire upon the enemy, but it’s too late. They’ve been caught unaware and drastically outnumbered.

Even the warriors who surrender are shot down from the sky and fall like bombs upon homes and other structures. The force of Chitauri shows no mercy to anyone fighting as far as Loki can see. There’s no choice but for Asgard to admit defeat before any more harm befalls the realm.

The Bi-Frost has protected Asgard for centuries, providing Asgard with a false sense of confidence. No one here stands a chance against an external invasion of this scale. Yes, safeguards and defenses remain, but it’s not enough. The Dark Elves themselves, an endangered race, presented enough of a threat the first time around, and Asgard has made little changes to their front line of defense, thanks to him.

All it took was one deceptive order for Heimdall to leave his post, one disablement of the emergency city shields, one beam of light from the Tesseract—and now all is in ruin. The outcome doesn’t please Loki much. Still, it is better than others, and he’s never prided himself as a hero.

Securing the Tesseract, Loki strolls down the bridge toward the palace.

The battle, it seems, is at an end.

[read more cut]

...

Light shines through the wrecked walls of the throne room. Trails of dust and smoke waft through the hall, and warriors cough as they are chained and led in lines towards the dungeons. In every corner, Chitauri stalk around to search tight corners and crevices for any signs of life. They’re not gentle. They herd civilians and frightened children out of the hall to unknown destinations. Cries and screams reverberate endlessly.

Loki breathes in unexpected guilt as he passes some of them. Enraged eyes target his. Some Asgardians chant curses, throw threats.

Little do they know that he, like them, had little choice in the matter. If only they could understand how lucky they have it, how he would sacrifice his very soul to trade places. The fools can become prized lapdog of the most fearsome being in the galaxy, and he can fade into a sea of faces—fall into the sweet embrace of death, unnoticed and forgotten.

Sadly, even death has been stolen from him.

Loki approaches the steps to the throne and finds Lady Sif and two of the Warriors Three chained to the side. The sight is reminiscent of Thor’s failed coronation—the way they stand as if waiting to greet him, and Loki indulges in the false feeling of worth. When he catches Sif boring holes into his face, it ruins the fantasy. The others stare as if he’s a stranger, as if they don’t recognize him, as if they never even knew him to begin with.

They deserve this, he thinks, but quickly shakes his head of the needlessly malicious thought.

No one deserves this.

His eyes travel to Thanos, leaning on the armrest of the throne at the very top of the steps. The throne is too small for him to sit properly, but he looks no less intimidating. Full battle armor adorns his stature, and the golden infinity gauntlet of Asgard rests on his hand. His height towers over all in the room.

Loki kneels.

“You have done well,” Thanos says, “this time.” All background noises in the room—the weeping, the cries—go silent at the weight of his voice, uncomfortably loud.

“I have the Tesseract, My Lord,” Loki says.

Immediately three Chitauri rob him of both the container holding the Tesseract and Gungnir to present the weapons for inspection. Thanos takes Gungnir in his hand and tilts it under the light. Gold glistens brightly, reminding Loki to stop staring. He bows his head and stares at the floor. Now is not the time to remind Thanos of the promises he made before Loki opened the portal—that can be done later.

Thanos drives Gungnir into the floor, the impact sending a groan through the room. “What of your doorway of worlds?”

“It is closed,” Loki quickly assures. “The Bi-Frost requires Heimdall’s weapon or Gungnir to work, and both are now within your possession.”

“Good. Nebula,” Thanos calls. The volume of his voice rings uncomfortably in Loki’s ears.

Without warning, Nebula strides past his side and up the steps towards the Mad Titan. Loki tries to remember if he’d noticed her when he entered. Her footsteps fall so lithe and soundless that he wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t.

“Secure this in the weapons’ vault immediately. I will be down to meet you.” A pause lasts. Loki resists the urge to look and strains to hear Nebula leaving, but then Thanos rises from the throne. Loki’s blood turns cold. “Also,” Thanos says. A smile twists into his voice. “Bring the Jotun with you.”

Shoulders tensing, Loki heaves a breath and rises to his feet. He doesn’t know whether the whole of Asgard knew his heritage beforehand, but they certainly do now. A quick scan across the room reveals the gaping stares and wide eyes of many. He feels naked, exposed, and he shoots his gaze elsewhere, to Nebula, who approaches him with Thanos’s prize without a word.

“Them,” Thanos says suddenly. He gestures to Lady Sif and two of the Warriors Three. “Do they mean anything to you?”

Loki eyes them and finds that they don’t seem much surprised to learn the truth about his birth. Sif’s glare hasn’t grown any sharper. Loki swallows. The courage to lie for them flutters unreliably in his chest, but he braves his tongue. “No more than any of the other warriors,” he says. His chest tightens. “Kill them. I couldn’t care.”

All three of them look affronted, angry now, but Loki knows this is the only chance to spare their lives.

Thoughtfully Thanos nods at his answer. “Leave,” he commands, and then Nebula grabs his forearm and sends him stumbling in the direction of the exit. Loki doesn’t fight her. He straightens himself after she lets go and follows with his head held high.

There’s no going back.

...

Though Loki has no intention of escaping (where would he go, after all), Nebula never lets Loki stray from her sight. Not until both of them are sealed in the weapons’ vault awaiting Thanos’s return. Even then, she keeps careful attention on every movement he makes, everywhere he looks. Loki courteously ignores this—she’s only doing her job.

After hearing the sobbing and screaming, the bombs and gunfire, the deathly quiet in the weapons’ vault unsettles him. If Nebula feels the same, she makes no move to speak. The weight of the silence fuels Loki’s anxieties, and his hands twitch with uncertainty. “It’s been a while,” he says, just to hear something.

Shifting, Nebula’s calculating eyes study him, his mouth, his body, but not his words.

“You healed well since last I saw you,” he continues anyway. “I remember them dragging you, your face cut to shreds and the stump of your shoulder leaving a trail of blood.” He nods towards the gleaming metal of Nebula’s right arm. “Nice prosthetic.”

Nebula frowns. “I remember you weren’t doing so well yourself.”

A laugh falls from his lips before she finishes. “Tell me, does anyone do particularly well in the proximity of your father?”

“Some do.”

He laughs again, shaking his head. “Who? Gamora? I spoke with her during your absences, you know. Your envy blinds you if you believe she suffers any less than you.”

With a low hiss, Nebula bars her teeth at him. “And you suffered more? While you pitied yourself alone, I fought to survive, to live. I earned his trust. Can you claim as much as that?”

Loki smiles. “No. No, I suppose I cannot.”

The door swings open, and both of them snap to attention, silent.

Thanos descends the steps and marches towards the case of the Tesseract where Nebula left it. At the door Loki catches sight of two Chitauri sealing the entrance behind their master. Silence falls over them again. Loki hushes the sound of his breathing—now is the time.

“My Lord,” Loki begins.

Nebula’s eyes flicker towards him and then away. Thanos doesn’t turn.

“The people of Asgard,” he says, “will be hard-pressed to make any rise against you without a leader. I have hidden the All-Father somewhere they will not search. I will give you the location.” He pauses, and his stomach tingles with apprehension when Thanos still doesn’t move. “That is, I will, once you have assured me of what you promised—my freedom and my brother’s life.”

Thanos continues to stare at the Tesseract for moments too long, and Loki forces himself to stand still and strong under the deliberate indifference. “Nebula,” Thanos finally says without turning. “Check him for weapons.”

Nebula approaches and scopes down his sides. Her hands harshly squeeze at his abdomen, hips, and sleeves and steal concealed knives and other weapons as she goes. She misses nothing that Loki has kept hidden, and weaponless, he feels more vulnerable than he has in a long time. When he looks up, Thanos has turned, and Loki unveils the fury he’s been masking in his gaze.

“Our deal,” Loki says impatiently. “Asgard and the Tesseract for mine and my brother’s freedom.”

Once Nebula backs away, Thanos takes an intimidating first step forward. Loki stands his ground.

“Is it your belief that you can demand anything from me? I should have held my promise to you for your failure the first time, but I’ve been patient with you.” Thanos takes another step, and this time, Loki shifts back. “And yet—you expect me to let you walk away?”

Loki’s jaw clenches against a violent shudder. “I won’t tell you where the All-Father is unless you do. These people won’t obey you without proof of his life.”

Thanos shakes his head. “So naive. So helpless.” He reaches out and grasps Loki’s shoulder, not hard, but Loki flinches all the same. “You will tell me where the All-Father is, and you will help me find your brother. Or I will show you no mercy whatsoever and you will find yourself doing both, regardless.”

The large chiseled hand moves to his neck, thumb on the line of his jaw—the way Thor touches him—and Loki can’t speak, can’t move.

“Well?”

Loki’s chest constricts painfully. “No.”

The violet thumb lowers to his throat and presses hard against his windpipe. “No?”

Loki’s hands twitch upwards. The coward in him can’t repeat himself a second time, but neither will he change his mind. Loki breathes deeply once, then twice, before Thanos lifts his other hand to shove Loki against the wall. Fingers squeeze his neck, and Loki gasps for air. His hands tug in earnest now, but Thanos dwarves him by size and strength—he would be more than a match for Thor himself.

“Stop,” he chokes, but there’s nothing he can say that will get him out of this. Other than—

Thanos removes one massive hand and lowers it to Loki’s thighs.

The contact sends a jolt through his spine, and he keens out of fear more than anything else. No. He can’t do this again, he can’t—tears pool in his eyes, and he twists his body away until there’s nowhere to go, nowhere, he’s trapped—

Thanos gets closer. Hot breath puffs against Loki’s ear, while hips press Loki hard against the wall. Loki chokes back a sob.

“I won’t kill Thor,” Thanos promises. The breath tickles Loki’s skin, freezing him in place. “He has more purpose to me alive and unharmed—for now. Tell me where the All-Father is, and I may also find an agreeable purpose for you. Perhaps even a small amount of autonomy.”

Tears fall. The pressure on his throat subsides, and Loki finds his lungs overwhelmed with air. He strains to cough for a moment, and Thanos lets him catch his breath patiently. With the precious time, he searches the room for any escapes. Nebula watches him impassively from the rear. Even if he could slip away from Thanos who has him cornered against the wall, she would be on him in the next second.

Out of options, he looks back to Thanos. His lips press into a thin line. “The All-Father is in one of the outer sorcerers’ towers, farthest away from the city. I had one of the rooms sealed shut for all but me. An illusion conceals any sound or noise within. Your—your power should be able to break my magic so that you can enter.”

Thanos nods. “Good. And the Aether? Where is that?”

Loki swallows tightly. “Asgard never found—”

The grip on his neck tightens a second time.

Through stinging eyes, Loki gasps— “Collector. I had it delivered to the Collector. In Knowhere.”

Satsified, Thanos releases him, and Loki’s knees buckle. He collapses to the floor in a humiliating heap and focuses merely on drawing breath. He just lost everything protecting him—but it matters little. Thanos will always win. There’s no use fighting it.

“Nebula. Go at once to Knowhere and find me the Aether. Do not return to me empty-handed.”

“Yes, Father,” she says. Without a passing glance, she slips out of the weapons’ vault and leaves Thanos and Loki in silence.

Loki doesn’t bother rising to his feet when the door seals shut. He keeps as still as can be, fighting against the fear overtaking him. He is vulnerable and helpless and Thanos can do anything to him, anything, without even much of a fight.

“You will not lie to me,” Thanos says finally. “Faithfully obey my commands, and you will be rewarded. I’ll generously leave you free to move about the palace as you please, excepting my summons, and you can carry out any orders I give in the way you see best fit. You will rule Asgard as my puppet.” He lets the tantalizing option sit between them before bending down to clench Loki’s chin between calloused fingers. “But betray my will, and you will be punished. Do you understand?”

Loki nods sharply into Thanos’s palm.

“Good. On your feet and turn around.”

Loki does as he’s told.

Only when Thanos pushes him against the cold marble wall does he realize what’s happening.

“No.” His cheek hits the wall—it’s sure to leave a bruise—and he flails wildly to scramble away. “N-no, stop—” Thanos’s fist slams into his shoulder blades, and Loki stills, too winded and dizzy to do anything but keep his feet. That’s when Thanos’s other hand—Norns, Loki bites his tongue to stifle a cry when fingers dip under the leather of his clothes and into the waistband of his pants.

He struggles hard then, harder than before. Magic surges through his chest, and he reaches to unleash it.

Then, the iron fist of Thanos’s power dominates the air, choking the magic from him. Loki hears a distant wail coming from his throat, and it burns. It burns to his very core. His magic lies snuffed out and abandoned in a pile of smoking ashes. When he tries to reach it again, he yelps with pain. Tears sting all the way through his throat.

“You said—you said—” Loki murmurs, unable to form the thought, but knowing this isn’t what he bargained for.

Thanos rips down Loki’s pants and undergarments in one swift motion. A moment later, Loki’s legs are kicked apart and—he chokes on the air when he feels it pressed there, when he realizes this is reality, this is happening, and there’s absolutely nothing he can do to stop it.

His hands weakly push at the wall, but it only serves to push his hips closer to Thanos and—Loki shudders. "You said—” he tries again.

“I said if you betrayed me, you would be punished.” Thanos leans forward until his breath is hot on the back of Loki’s head. His chest is crushed by Thanos’s weight against the wall, and he feels Thanos’s length poking hard between his legs. It hurts. It’s barely started, and it already hurts. “Do not lie to me again,” Thanos says.

Then the titan shoves against him.

With the size difference and the utter lack of preparation, Thanos can’t penetrate him. Loki chokes and yelps each time he tries. Large, ruthless fingers slick with spit scrape at his entrance and stretch, stretch, stretch until he moans with pain. “I—can’t, I can’t,” Loki cries helplessly, “I can’t.”

Thanos ignores him and thrusts again.

Loki’s mind shatters. He focuses on his lungs, on his lungs, but that’s all he can do as Thanos takes ages trying to pull him open and force himself inside. Loki’s own length brushes against the wall repeatedly. Pain blends with pleasure. He sobs without reprieve as his bruised cheek slams again and again into the cold marblel, as his heels hit the floor, as his back rages with protest.

After forever passes, Thanos finally manages to get himself in—less than an inch, but Loki feels his hole tearing all the same. Still, the worst is hearing Thanos beginning to grunt—knowing that he, Loki, is indulging this monster’s pleasure.

Another inch, and Loki screams with every thrust. When he closes his eyes, stars scatter across the burning blackness. When he opens them, he sees the Tesseract shining blue, the rhythm of its light throbbing out of time with the pain between his legs. He sees Gungnir resting unused against the wall. He sees the scar marks on the floor from when the Jotuns ventured here.

Desperate for any kind of relief, he trains his mind on those details.

Something blinds him with white hot agony—something tears—and Loki howls helplessly.

Hot liquid squirts into him, and it fills him with shame he had hoped he’d never feel again.

He stops fighting. When Thanos releases him, he lets himself rest against the wall. The evidence of the act drips down his inner thighs and onto his trampled pants on the floor. He doesn’t move from the position Thanos left him in and he doesn’t speak.

The sound of Thanos’s armor clicking back into place hardly even startles him. “Go clean yourself. I expect you to return to hear my commands in no later than an hour.

Feeling a cold void sweep over his heart, Loki pushes himself from the wall and draws his spoiled pants to his waist in mechanical movements. “Yes, My Lord,” he murmurs. Still incredibly tender, Loki somehow manages to hobble up the steps and out the door. The Chitauri don’t react as he passes, but they’ve heard his screams. They know.

Loki can’t pity himself. He can’t cry.

Detached, he heads towards the chambers of Asgard’s king to do as Thanos commands.

[page-ofwands]

vagary

“Your journey will be long, and you will not rest until it ends.” - in which asra finds julian, again and again.

02 - the magician

Time passes strangely in the different realms, and Asra takes their time exploring them. They spend several months with the Magician, much to the their delight, and when Asra leaves, they find that only a few weeks have passed in the human world. In some realms, time passes slow like syrup, in others, time glides through their fingers like a fast-flowing stream, and in others still, time seems to stand still. The memory of Vesuvia stands prominent wherever Asra goes though - it is there in the cool of Julian’s house key against their chest, it is there in the warmth of thoughts of stolen kisses, and it is there in the dull ache in their heart from how much they miss Julian.

There are many times that they almost, almost go back. The only thing that stops them is the thought of revisiting so many of their failures. They don’t know how much time has passed in the human realm, though it must be longer than they’d thought, because by the time Asra’s roaming brings them back to the Magician’s realm, they look vaguely surprised, or as surprised as one of the Arcana can be.

“My favorite little witch,” the Magician coos, one sharp nail tapping against Asra’s cheek in an almost-affectionate gesture. “Back again so soon?”

Asra shakes their head, a fond little smile tugging up the corners of their lips unbidden. Like usual, the Magician’s dwelling has taken the form of the Palace library, and the Magician settles at the desk that should be Julian’s, a knowing little smile on their lips. They’ve taken their favorite form - Asra’s - though by now, Asra is no longer shocked to see their own features reflected back at them on someone else. “Here to practice your magic again, little one?”

And that’s not really why Asra came, but they know the rules. If they’re here, it’s for a reason. Whatever it is though, Asra knows they’ll figure it out - so they sit down on the floor at the Magician’s feet, a position they’ve taken many times in their life. “Teach me,” they say, and the Magician gives them a secret smile before reaching out to pet a hand through their hair. It’s less a gesture of affection and more a show of possession, but Asra finds that they don’t quite mind that.

“Anything, my favorite protege.”

Asra does not know what they want, and if the Magician knows, they do not say. All they do is tap the desk with one too-sharp nail and reach out with their other hand for Asra to take. “Start with your cards, little one.”

And Asra does.

It goes like that for a while - the Magician suggesting (commanding) and Asra obeying (submitting), pushing the limits of their magic and mind and body at the Magician’s every whim. The Magician knows every facet of their being intimately, knows them perhaps even better than Asra knows themself, and Asra thinks the Magician likes it like that.

Time, as most things, fade away the longer they stay, and it feels like only a day has passed before the Magician looks at them with a strangely unreadable expression on their face. They're wearing their fox-headed form, and the way they tilt their head to look beyond and through Asra is some odd mix of unnerving and endearing.

"Do you have any regrets, my little witch?"

It's a strange question, especially since the Magician is the one that asked it, but as usual, with them, Asra answers honestly.

"I have many. I regret not being able to save..." here, Asra pauses, takes a breath. "I regret not being able to protect the ones I loved. I regret not giving Julian what we both wanted."

"Is that so," the Magician says, and that is all. And Asra wants to ask, but they cannot find the voice to do so. “You’re always so interesting, little apprentice.”

And that, that is entirely on purpose. The word - no, the title, and it’s meaning - stings, and although Asra is sure their discomfort must show, all the Magician does is laugh. And Asra realizes once again that though this is the person (if they can be called that) that raised them from childhood, they do not feel the same things as humans do.

And that is- "I need to go." Asra stands, suppressing a shudder at the sudden crawl of magic under their skin. They know it’s just the Magician's way of trying to get them to stay, and at any other time, Asra would let themself give into the pull and temptation, but this isn't what they need. They need to feel human again, they need skin on skin contact, they need to feel needed.

They need Julian.

"Already, little apprentice?" And that's just cruel, from the mocking smile on that familiar face, to the word and everything it means.

And there is so much that Asra wants to say, but they know how the Magician works, knows how much they love their mind games. So they swallow all of the feeling bubbling up inside them, and then they say, "Goodbye."

Coming back to Vesuvia, to normalcy, feels - odd. They’re used to the whispers and stares following them around, used to catching up on lost time, but this time is different. There are more unfamiliar faces than not, and Vesuvia as a whole feels sicker. And that, Asra quickly learns, is because of how quickly the Plague had spread during the two years that they had been gone.

Without the pure, undiluted magic of the Arcana realm overloading their every sense, Asra feels strangely vulnerable, raw in a way they hadn’t felt in - apparently - over two years. It’s not unlike the way Julian makes them feel, and that - that is what Asra needs.

So they check all of their usual places - the bar, Julian’s little hole in the wall of a house, even their secret place down by the docks. And there is no Julian there, but Asra had expected that. With all of the sickness running rampant, and knowing how Julian is, Asra knows where he’ll be, knows that they’ll likely have to drag him from either the library or his little office, knows that they’ll have to account for their disappearance somehow. But none of that matters: all they need is Julian’s warmth and firmness, his gentleness and softness.

Except - the library is cold and empty.

Except - the writings on his desk are old and outdated.

Except - they can’t feel even a single trace of Julian anywhere.

Even before the Countess can even tell them, Asra knows that they will never see Julian again. (“He’s dead,” the Countess says, a vague sort of regret on her face. Not everyone knew about their sort-of relationship, but Nadia has always been more astute than most, and Asra knows that she knew. But that is not nearly as important as- “He died not too long ago. It...he didn’t want you to be sad. He wanted you to smile at the thought of him.”

And that is so like Julian, to think of everyone but himself even in his own death. To tell Asra to smile (even though he won’t be there to kiss it from their lips) and to be happy (even without him). The words and emotions wash over them like a wave of ice water, and it is all they can do to give the Countess a polite farewell.

It feels like there is a hole in Asra’s heart, and the numbness only grows with each passing day, with every reminder of Julian no matter how simple. Julian has wormed his way inside every crevice of their life - of their very being - and his absence is felt all too much. It feels like Julian has taken the sun and all its warmth and light with him, and Asra spends their days fumbling through the dark, wading through a sluggish stream. There are no heavy hands to hold them gentle, no piercing gaze to trace their every movement, no low voice with an innuendo or distraction or a playful taunt at the ready. With Julian gone, Asra feels...nothing, and they think that if this is love, they want no part of it.

And then they get the idea.

Without Julian, there is nothing to keep them in this realm anymore, and the Magician is waiting for them. “Asra, dear, to what do I owe the pleasure?” they ask, and it hurts. It’s Julian’s face, and Julian’s words, but that is not his smile, and that is not his voice.

“I want Julian back. I’ll do anything, I just - I need to go back, change things. You can do that, I know you cnan.”

The Magician laughs, an edge of viciousness set on their features that does not sit well on Julian’s face. “So tell me, my little magician, what is so special about this human that you would be willing to make such a drastic deal?”

And there are so many things that Asra could say. They sense that to tell the truth to the Magician - how important Julian is to them - would not bode well, but in all the time spent together, Asra has never managed to outwit the Magician.

“Your silence speaks volumes, little one. And don’t lie - who was the one that taught you how to do that?” The Magician’s form ripples like water, and when Asra blinks, they see their own reflection staring back at them. “Look at you,” the Magician croons, reaching out to skim cool fingers against Asra’s cheeks, nose, lips. “My little plaything. My apprentice.”

Asra flinches back, almost involuntarily, but the Magician does not seem to mind. In fact, they just laugh, face twisted into an ugly sneer. “I will grant you your wish, as foolish at is it is. Though...I will take the liberty to add my own terms, of course.” All at once, the displeasure fades from the Magician’s face, and they smile, almost fondly at Asra. “Sleep now, little witchling. Your journey will be long, and you will not rest until it ends.”

A chill runs down the length of Asra’s body like a torrent of ice water, and they realize two things at once, much too late. The Magician’s last words were a clear prophecy, and that means that they’ve messed up.

Before they can even open their mouth to demand to know the Magician’s terms of the deal - and to add their own in protection - they feel themself begin to fall, and fall, and fall. The last thing Asra is aware of before they slip completely under the surface of their own mind is that the Magician is laughing.

(chapter list)

[annabookchase]

and tell me some things last

Title greatly inspired by this song.

Here’s my big bang! Plus, this is my first actual story! I need to thank all the admins for being so amazing and bringing this opportunity to us! I also need to thank @rainagainstmywindow for being such an amazing beta and supporter, I absolutely could not have finished this without you! Also, @imanatural-blue made such beautiful art and was an unknowing motivator for me!

I'm so glad to have this opportunity! Thank you, everyone! Enjoy!

you can also read it here.

                                      and tell me some things last

I really should be enjoying this day. It’s not too hot, not too cold, and not busy at all, seeing as Percy and I have finished school, but none of the summer campers have arrived to Camp Half-Blood yet, so there’s nothing to do. Nothing except lounging around Cabin 3 with Percy. Currently, we’re just laying next to each other on his bed, shoulders touching and hands intertwined. We haven’t spoken in a while, but it’s a comfortable, lazy silence. A soft, cool breeze creeps in through the window, accompanied by the sun’s warmth. I really, really should be enjoying this. But, of course, my mind has to creep in and ruin it all.

You see, it’s been the greater part of a year since my stubbornly kind-hearted boyfriend and I have crawled out of the pit of literal hell known as Tartarus. While panic attacks are now weekly at most, and we’ve gotten to the point where we can stand being apart for hours at a time without too much fear, we’re nowhere near perfectly healed. There are still obvious scars, mentally and physically, and after all we’ve made it through, doubts and fears still hold their places in our minds.

         We have the entire summer ahead of us, with no prophecies or quests to distract us, so we need to take the time to really think about ourselves and each other and everything that comes with. It should be that simple, really, but it isn’t. Not for me. As much as I want to take this summer to relax and enjoy my stress-free time with Percy, the boy I love and who loves me back, I can’t get the nagging in my mind to quiet down. Ever since I met him, the nagging has been there, and it grows both quieter and stronger every second I’m with him. It’s the nagging that everyone you care for in your life, even briefly, leaves you or forgets you or isn’t who you want, so how are you so stupid to think that he’s any different--

“Annabeth?”

Evidently, I was so lost in thought that I completely missed Percy sitting up, staring at me intently. He must’ve noticed that I was thinking hard about something, and I was probably scowling.

“Is everything okay?” He says it slowly, like I could shatter into a psychotic mess at any second. Honestly, neither of us would be surprised. I take a deep breath, sitting up with him. “Yeah, I’m... I’m alright.” Silence passes between us for two, three beats, before I speak again. “Actually, Percy, there’s something I want to talk about.” I knew these words would bring fear to his eyes, because that’s how these things work, but, gods, I was not prepared for the overwhelming depth of concern that accompanied his voice. “Okay, what is it?”

Usually, he would say ‘What’s up?’ or something to that effect, but the fact that his words were chosen that carefully . . . I almost regret ever opening my mouth.

“This’ll be our first summer in a long time without quests or prophecies,” I say. He just nods, brows furrowing in worry and ears hanging on my every word. “So, I was thinking...” I have to take a deep breath again, steadying myself. I’m afraid to see how he’ll react. “What do you think about taking a break? Not, like, breaking up, but giving ourselves some distance. Tar-,” I falter. It’s still difficult to say the word “Um, that place... it took a lot out of us. And even before that, being separated for six months was a lot. I just think it would be good to take this summer to figure ourselves out.”

And there it is. Those damned eyes are churning with confusion and sadness, but I can see most that look he gets only when he’s talking to me, like he wants nothing more in the world than to please me. I was expecting to see that, but expecting things doesn’t always make them hurt less. When he reaches forward to grab my hands, nodding his head, my heart threatens to implode on itself. What I didn’t tell him was the real reason I want to distance myself: through absolutely everything we've been through, together, the fear that I'll be left like so many times before stays in my heart stupidly.

He’ll leave me, because that’s what everyone does. He’ll leave me, and he already has, four times. First, when I kissed him and then he was blasted off to Calypso’s island for two weeks, secondly when he rushed to bathe in the River Styx without so much a word to anyone, thirdly when Hera plucked him away to Camp Jupiter, and the fourth time? The fourth time, he was almost dead at the hands of arai, and he was dead until the giant Damasen managed to bring him back.

Each time, it wasn’t his fault, and each time, he came back, but I can never shake the feeling that someday, he’ll realize that I can’t throw myself into things as wholeheartedly as he can. He’ll realize there are people so much better for him, and he’ll leave. No amount of people telling me he loves me with everything in him, including him, his own father, and the love goddess herself, can change my mind. And I hate it, and he doesn’t deserve it. This is the boy who would sacrifice anything just to save someone he loves; to save me.

I know I’m a difficult person to handle anyway, and I will not put the purest, most loving and trustworthy boy through my insanely illogical and pointless doubt. I know for a fact he would do just about anything to prove his faith to me, but he shouldn't have to.

I must be scowling again, except this time I know there are tears beginning to well up to accompany the scowl. He folds his arms around me, holding me tight. I can feel his warmth and his heartbeat and I’m becoming hypersensitive to his smell, his grip, and the way his whole body seems to vibrate as he speaks. “If it’s what you think is best.” Of course that’s what he says. No fight, not even an argument. This is how I know for sure that I’m serious about this. There's not a single part of him that would want to oppose me, and he deserves nothing less than someone who can and will openly give that back to him.

And so, for the last time in what I know will be a long time, I let him hold me and let myself hold him as I just break down.

For the first few weeks, I almost think we can do this. First of all, we don’t tell anyone about it. It’s not a big deal, we’re just putting a little temporary distance between ourselves. We still hold hands and talk, and there are even a few kisses here and there. It’s a calm sort of break, where we really are only being apart half the time. Nothing’s changing drastically.

         That is, until one random night about two weeks in. I’d been having trouble sleeping that night anyway. For a while, I had just laid there, not thinking about anything in particular, but dark thoughts began to creep in. The stupid fear of abandonment came back with a vengeance, and soon all I could think about was every single negative thing between Percy and me, no matter how small it was. It had gotten to the point of almost screaming before I jumped out of bed.

That leads to where I am now, sprinting at full speed to Percy’s cabin. I can distantly feel the wind blowing my hair back- I must’ve forgotten my Yankees hat in my haste. Suddenly, here I am. I don’t even stop to gather myself before tumbling into Cabin 3, all a mess with my pajamas, and the tears and snot that appeared somewhere between my cabin and his.

“Percy!” I’m screaming. He needs to wake up, I need to speak with him, I need--

“Annabeth?” His voice is scratchy and low from sleep. He rubs his eyes for a second before he fully registers me in his mind and sits up. I must look like an absolute wreck. I’m hyperventilating and wheezing. He stands to come near me and I freak out, taking quick, frightened steps back, like scurrying prey. He freezes in place, worry and bewilderment painting his face as his hands come out in front of him in a surrendering position. “Annabeth, hey, calm down. What’s wrong?”

I stand there for a few more seconds, shaking and sobbing like a child, before the words just come tumbling out. “We can’t... We can't do this anymore, Percy. You... You deserve so much more, and I- I can't... It's just not fair, Percy.” I’m blubbering, and I know it. I break down in front of him, tears rushing down my face so fast I can’t breathe enough to get more words out, even as my lungs are sucking in air like I just ran a marathon. Gently, Percy steps closer, wrapping me in his arms. This time, I let him. I continue to bawl into his chest for an eternity before I can finally breathe again. “Percy... we can’t be together anymore.” I have never heard my voice this tiny, this broken; I sound like a small child that’s lost everything and is barely holding on. I feel like one, too.

The volume of Percy’s voice when he speaks is like a freight train compared to mine, causing me to jump a little as he says, “Why not?”

“We just can’t,” I say, my voice hoarse and stubborn. Can I even explain this mass of deafening emotion inside of me? “Percy, my whole life I’ve felt like I have to survive on my own. My mother says so, and I just believe it. And anyway, people leave me, Percy. Everyone I get close to leaves, as cliche as it sounds. My dad, Thalia, Luke, Silena, and- and even you, when you were on Calypso’s island, and when Hera took you, and when you almost died in Tartarus. I just- I'm difficult, you know this, we all say it. Besides that, Percy, I can't push the fear of you leaving out of my head. I know you wouldn't, and I trust you, and that's why it isn't right to make you have to prove anything to me. I need to prove to you, and even more to myself, that I can just  trust someone for once. Without doubting anything.”

He strokes my hair and I hold my breath, awaiting his response.

“Annabeth... I know this is something you’ve been struggling with for a long, long time. I want to stay with you, and I’m not gonna lie... this hurts,” his voice catches on the word but he powers through, “but I want to make you happy. I don’t think I really understand it, why you think I’ll leave. That’s the last thing I ever want to do, but if what you think is best is to really split up, I’ll make you a deal.

“We’ll try being completely separate this time, and if we decide at the end of the summer that it’s what we need to do, we’ll stay separate. I guess normal people don’t stay in their teenage relationship for the rest of their lives. I’m telling you right now--” His voice is breaking as he speaks, but he continues. “I’m telling you, that I can almost guarantee I’m going to love you just as much at the end of the summer, but I’ll give it a chance, if it makes you happy, I’ll give it a chance.”

He pulls back enough to hold my face in his hands, placing his forehead on mind. As I reach my hands up to hold his to my face, we both take a deep breath. “Does that sound okay?” Of course he says ‘okay’, because we both know this will suck, because, deep down, I know that I don’t want this, and this isn’t what we need, and I’m being stupid. Still, I nod.

I try to pretend that the whispered exchange of ‘I love you’ that follows isn’t the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced.

We still don't tell anyone for the sake of trying to enjoy our peaceful summer. Piper, however, figures it out.

“Until the end of the summer?”

I had just explained the entire situation to her, after she asked me to only about a million times. I figured she was going to be able to analyze me anyway.

“Yeah, that's the plan.”

“Well, you do love a good plan,” she says flatly, an eyebrow raised.

“Pipes, come on. This is for the best.”

“Both of you love each other, yeah?”

I sigh. “Yes.”

“So why is splitting up ‘for the best?’”

“Piper, I know it's stupid, that's why it has to happen.”

“I’m not following.”

“Don't make me explain it.” She just raises her eyebrows. “Fine. I can't shake the stupid thought that he could leave. I know he won’t, so don't give me that look, thank you. It isn't right for him to give everything of me and get only doubt in return.”

I take a deep breath. “Pipes, I want to go to college with him, get an apartment with him, be stupid and silly and have a family, and be old with him. I love him, and I want to stay with him for a long time. I’m going to fix this now. It's only fair for both of us.”

She's quiet for a moment. “You know what, I take it back,” she says, “it makes sense. I don't get it, but it makes sense.”

“Thank you, Piper, for that philosophy.”

She laughs, and I sleep with my heart a little lighter that night.

          It's not exactly easy to avoid Percy, especially when we'd previously arranged our schedules with Chiron to match up better. The first few times we pass each other, it's all awkward feet shuffling and fleeting glances. Each time, our eyes would meet in some stupid cliche, but gods, the look on Percy's face. He looks at me like I’m some kicked puppy; with concern and pain, but also with that light his eyes get when he looks at something or someone he loves.

         Loves.

       The only thing harder to avoid than Percy is the guilt that clings to every part of me.

         See, breaks in relationships are meant to be awkward. Piper told me they're meant to be painful, as well. I thought I had it all figured out about a month-and-a-half in, and I was starting to just let myself relax and sort my thoughts out so I could quit having to avoid Percy and start actually talking to the guy. As per usual, the Fates had something different in mind.

         This morning, I’m leading Ancient Greek lessons with Chiron. As I walk into Cabin Six to grab my books and pencils, my siblings are milling about, likely getting ready for their own morning activities. I quickly greet them while I look for the lesson book I need. Pretty quickly, I’m the only one left in the cabin and growing increasingly late, but I can't find the book anywhere. I turn over the papers on my desk and look through all the drawers and shelves, but I’m not finding it.

         I sigh, frustrated. I look at the clock on my desk and find I only have three minutes to get all the way over to the Big House and meet Chiron. I grab my pencil and the other lesson book and start to head out, hoping Chiron will understand and let it slide. Of course, that's when my phone rings. I get very few calls on my cell phone, because it's unsafe for demigods and easier to use Iris Messaging. Usually calls to my phone mean emergency, so I can't help the panic that rises in me when I hear the ringtone go off. This panic, however, is nothing compared to what I feel when I see who's calling.

         It's Sally. Percy’s mom.

         “Shit,” I hiss, dropping my materials onto my desk. I try to take a deep breath. It's just Sally, we talk all the time-- well, talked all the time. I haven't spoken to her since Percy and I decided to take our break, but I didn't even think about him talking to her. She has to know. There's no way she doesn't.

         Shit.

         I clear my throat, trying once more to calm down, before I answer the phone.

         “Hello?”

         “Annabeth! Thank goodness! How are you?”

         I’m allowed to feel a slight ache when I hear her voice, right? “Oh, I’m doing alright, how are you?”

         “I've been good, thanks, dear! I think I've finally gotten the handle of having a little one in the house again.” She laughs, and the grin that crosses my face feels so natural, but hurts all the same. “That's good! She hasn't been much trouble then?”

         “Oh,” Sally says, “not at all! She sleeps through most of the night and doesn't fuss too much. She's certainly easier than Percy was, if I remember right.”

         She's either completely oblivious to the situation with Percy and me, or she knows exactly what's going on.

         “Speaking of, he mentioned you two have been on a sort of ...break,” she says. Evidently, it was the latter. “How’s that going?”

          If she had sounded angry, or passive-aggressive, I would have been fine. I could have clenched my jaw and let her go, eventually ending the conversation. But, just like her son, Sally Jackson does not get mad at me when I deserve it. Neither of them ever do. Instead, their voices take on compassion and concern and love, even as I expect fury.

         “Um,” I say, totally not going into panic mode. Smooth, Chase. “You know. It's difficult. There's a lot to figure out.” If those tears don't stop welling up in my eyes, so help me-

         “Would you like to meet me somewhere? We haven't talked in ages, and I want to make sure you're alright. I can imagine you've been tough on yourself?” Like I said, no anger. Just genuine, excruciating compassion. “Sally, I-”

         But I stop. This whole mess with Percy is because of me pulling back, refusing help, keeping myself from letting this family love me the way I've always wanted. The way I still want. If I’m going to fix this mess, I need to let go of all of that.

         “Okay,” I say it and take a deep breath. “I'll meet you. Where would you like to meet?” I can hear the smile in her voice as she says, “What about our usual place?”

         When Percy was gone and neither of us had any idea where he was or if he was safe, Sally and I relied on each other. When we felt particularly horrid, we would go to this tiny cafe near the apartment she used to live in when Smelly Gabe was still around. It had little Hispanic treats and drinks, and Sally told me she took Percy there so he could see food from her childhood when Gabe didn't want them “talking too loud” during his poker games.

         “That sounds amazing.” It's my turn for my smile to seep into my voice.

         “Perfect! Can we meet there at three tomorrow afternoon? It’ll be just us.”

         “I’ll be there.”

         “Thank you, dear. I very much appreciate it.”

         “Of course! Thank you for calling and inviting me.”

      “Oh, absolutely! I have to go, nap time is almost over, but I'll see you tomorrow!”          

         I laugh. “Good bye!”

         “Good bye, dear!”

         I hang up, staring at the wall in front of me. The mother of the boy that I’m possibly not even dating any more just called and treated me the way she always does: like family. She wants to see me tomorrow. I could be breaking her son’s heart by the end of the summer, but she's not angry. And I’m still feeling that stupid fear of abandonment.

         I shake my head, grabbing my materials again for lessons today. Chiron most likely started already without me, and hopefully, he isn't too disappointed. I give one last (unsuccessful) attempt to find my book before I walk out the door, walking quickly to the Big House.

         As I walk into the Big House, a little breathless from my totally inconspicuous jog across camp, Chiron looks up at me. I expect to see disappointment, maybe even a bit of chiding in his expression, but instead I see-- is that shock? Maybe he's shocked because I'm not often late, but--

         Oh.

         Okay then.

         “Percy. Hi,” I say, slowly, and in an octave much too high for my liking. He sits to Chiron’s left, right where I expected to see a young camper hoping to learn the language they're built for. The Fates must be bored today. Damn them.

         One of Percy’s hands goes to run through his hair, and no, damn him for being so stupidly attractive, even in his nervous state.

         “Uh, hey, Annabeth. It's, uh, been a while.”

         “Yeah, I guess it has.”

         Neither of us can quite find words, so a silence shrouds around us. Chiron, with his millennia-old instincts, senses this and calmly begins to roll out of the room. “I should go on and see how Will is doing with archery lessons this morning.” Percy and I nod slightly, in some sort of daze.

         “So,” I start hesitantly, “I'm assuming Ancient Greek lessons aren't happening this morning?”

         “Ancient Greek lessons?”

         “Yes, that's why I came here.”

        “Oh. Uh, sorry, I guess not.”

         There's more silence as we each stare at our shoes, but only for a minute.

          “Percy, your mom called me this morning.”

“She- she what?”

“You mean you didn't know about this?”

“No! I mean, I told her about our-- about us, but I didn't... I had no idea she would call you.” He doesn't say anything for a minute after that; instead, he just stares at the ground. His eyes dart around, and clearly he's as confused as I am. Finally, he speaks again. “What did she say?”

“She wants me to meet her at the Little Puerto Rico cafe in midtown. We went there a lot while you were... in California.” He looks up at me, not any less confused than before. “She took you there? That’s, like, our favorite place-- wow.” He’s not confused anymore, but he’s also not mad like I expected. He’s grinning: a wide, goofy grin from ear to ear. I totally don't want to run my thumbs over the creases in his face the smile causes.

         “If she took you there, that's great! I’m not even sure she's taken Paul there yet, so that's-- wait. Why does she want to meet you there now?”

         I shrug. “I'm not really sure, honestly. I guess she just wants to talk.”

         “Okay. And that's-- well, how do you feel about it?”

         I frown at him. How do I feel about my sort-of-ex-boyfriend’s mom asking to meet up with me? “I mean, it's certainly... strange,” I say, slowly. “I guess it's a little scary, and-- Hey! Don't laugh at me, it's a serious concern!”

         “I'm not, I’m not,” he says, very obviously still laughing at me. “It's just-- Annabeth, listen. My mom adores you, honestly. If anything, she'll just sit you down and feed you tembleches and coffee until she thinks you're happy.”

         “But that's just it, Percy.”

         He looks confused. “What do you mean?”

         “I mean that-- oh, never mind.”

         Percy stands up and walks the few steps it takes to get to me and holds my hands in his. We both freeze at the sudden contact, but neither of us moves away. “Annabeth,” he sighs, “please tell me what you mean. We're getting nowhere otherwise.”

         My eyebrows furrow together as I blink at him. “I just...” I take a deep breath. Percy is expecting me to give him an answer, I just don't know if I have it. “Percy, ever since the first time I met your mother, you two have accepted me into the family. Without question. Still, I feel a doubt in my mind. There's always something telling me that it won't last, and I need to move on before you do. Every single thing you do proves that wrong, but the nagging won't leave, and that isn't fair to you and your family.

         “I can't let you all keep treating me as one of your own while I feel like I need one foot out the door at all times. Don't get me wrong,” I say, seeing the sadness building in his eyes. “I have no intentions of leaving them. Of leaving you. I would like to stay with you and Paul and your mom and sister for a long, long time.” His eyes light up, and we share small smiles. “I'm just going to make sure I reciprocate all of your love. Okay?”

         He nods, grinning like a maniac. I step forward, into him, and our arms find waists and shoulders. We squeeze and hold on tight, just basking in warmth and comfort. “You should probably go before actual Ancient Greek lessons start,” I mumble eventually.

         “I'm supposed to be setting up for sword fighting classes with Clarisse,” he says back in a low voice.

         “Poor thing,” I chuckle, and he grunts in agreement. Neither of us move for a second longer. Eventually, responsibility prevails and he starts to head out of the Big House. Before he leaves, I stop him. “Hey, Percy?”

          He turns, barely concealing a goofy grin. “Thanks, for not giving up on me. Or getting mad.”

         He smirks at me. “Mad? Maybe at first. But giving up? Wouldn't dream of it,” he says, turning back to walk out the door. Just before he closes it, however, he adds, “Wise Girl.”

         Idiot, I think, lovingly.

         I walk into the cafe a few minutes early in an attempt to gather myself.  I  smile quickly at the waitress behind the counter before sitting at a small table close to a window. A  smooth voice singing in Spanish plays softly from the radio sitting on the counter, and it smells like warm cinnamon and coffee.

         A short waitress with long black hair pulled up into a ponytail comes over and I order two waters. As she's walking away,  the bell on the door chimes and Sally walks in. She wears a yellow blouse and jeans and a bright smile. “Hello, dear,” she says warmly as she sits in the seat across from me. “Sorry to be late, the little one didn't want to sleep very much.”

         “Oh, no, you're fine. I got here a bit early.” The waitress comes and brings us the waters then. “Is there anything else I can get you?” Sally's voice is bright against the dull hum of surrounding conversation as she responds, “Some tostones, please. Is there anything you want, Annabeth?” I shake my head and the waitress leaves again.

         A few fried plantains and minutes later, we've moved from easy pleasantry to real conversation. “Annabeth, dear, Percy tells me you've decided to take a sort of break for the summer? He said you’re worried?”

         I take a sip of water and clear my throat. “Yeah, I guess so. College in a few months, looming futures, the whole thing. There's a lot to worry about, really, it's not a super big deal-”

           Sally grabs my hand and I look at her, stopping suddenly. I take a deep breath. “Everything's just a lot right now.”

           “Annabeth, dear, I know you're stressed, but is that really all?”

           I shrug, looking away. I pull my hand back a little, but Sally’s grip tightens.

           “Look where we are, dear. You know why I like this cafe, yes?”

           “It reminds you of your home.”

           “Yes,” she says, “my first home. When we moved here, I flew with my uncle and my parents flew together a few days later.”

           I frown. “That was the plane crash that... that they died in.”

           She nods, solemnly. “They never got to see this beautiful city. Maybe they wouldn't have liked it much, with all the noise.” She's quiet for a minute, thinking. “You know, I used to work here, at this café. It felt like I was connecting my two homes. It still feels that way.” She looks at me.

           “Annabeth, I brought you here when Percy was away, because I knew you needed another piece of him to hold onto. I think it kept us both sane.” I keep quiet, feeling she has more to say; not knowing what I could say.

   ��       “You're such a beautiful young woman, Annabeth. And you're strong, and smart. Percy does well having you with him.”

               “Trust me, it's well reciprocated.”

               “You love him?”

                “I do,” I say. She grins.

                “He loves you, too, you know.”

                 I grin back. “I know.”

              “That's good,” she says, giving my hand a squeeze. “But is that what worries you?”

                “Not exactly,” I say, shaking my head. “I guess...” I take a deep breath.

          “I guess I've just always felt afraid people will leave, or I'll do something wrong and push them away or hurt them,” I admit. Sally's other hand joins the first on top of mine and I feel myself relaxing completely and just spill everything to her.

           “Like I told Percy, you and him and Paul have given me so much. So, so much, more than I deserve, really. I'm so grateful for everything; you helped me so much even before we were dating, and then when we did start dating and you said I was already part of the family...that was just so nice. And then when Percy disappeared you brought me here,” I say, gesturing to the café. “If I need to stay over, you let me and you helped me shower and eat and made sure I was okay, even if you weren't. You're more of a mother to me than anyone else in my life, and you're so genuinely kind to everyone, and I just...”

         I stop and wipe the tears I wasn't even aware had fallen. After taking a deep breath, I continue. “Thank you, Sally. For absolutely everything. You're so amazing, honestly. I have to take this summer away from Percy because even as he and you love me and take me in, the fear that it will all be gone is too big to just ignore, which I've been trying to do. I decide that it's not fair to you or Percy or me to just pretend it doesn't exist anymore, especially since Percy's worked so hard to fix all of the bad parts in his mind after we fell last summer.

         “I’m going to fix it for good, because I honestly want to spend forever in your family and with Percy, and start a family of our own, but I'm going to make sure I do it right.” Sally's eyes are shining almost as much as mine.

         “Oh, Annabeth,” she says, after looking at me and chewing her lip for a whole minute. “You've always been such a smart girl, and there's always been so much for your little shoulders to carry. Maybe you are not so little now, but your eyes hold so much in them. You and Percy both. I want you to know, dear, that you do not need to prove anything to me or Percy or anyone, but I would like to help you with this. I think you need to prove it to yourself.”

         I nod, slowly. “Then let's think,” she says. “What do you think made you fear people leaving?”

           I do as she says and think.

     “We're your family now,” Luke said, he and Thalia grinning. And we were: fighting monsters, joking around. We made our trek from Boston, moving to Long Island, New York. “There's a place there for us,” they told me. “People like us.”

     Luke gave me his dagger to fight with, telling me it would work better than a hammer. Somewhere in New Jersey, we found a boy who was a goat- a satyr, he said. His name was Grover. He was part of our family, too. I had a family!

    Then, monsters started coming more often. They were following us now. Just outside of our destination, they finally caught up. “Keep going! They want me, not you,” Thalia yells, shoving me away.

           As the monsters flee, Grover holds me back, and Luke crouches, sobbing, over Thalia's broken body, I can hear a horn sounding in the distance; I watch my new family shatter out of my reach.

         “I suppose it could be when Thalia died,” I say finally; slowly. “She and Luke were meant to be my family. But then Luke left, on purpose. Many friends died in both wars, too. I lost Percy a few times, as well, though he came back each time. Then there's my mother, who never really behaves like a mother. Maybe growing up at camp made it so the normal family and relationship is sort of unknown and maybe uncomfortable for me? But then that's because... Oh...” I trail off and Sally squeezes my hand.

         “What is it? Did you think of something, dear?”

         I nod. “I think I know where all of it came from now.”

        I don't know how I didn't realize it sooner. See, I've always been into psychology, and how a person's life shapes their emotions and thoughts. I've always believed in the tabula rasa concept: that a person's brain is blank at birth, and their experiences build their mind. It fascinated me for a while, because I like systems, but I somehow never applied it to myself.

         I left the café that day after saying goodbye to Sally and driving back to camp in one of the smaller, more inconspicuous vehicles the camp owns for demigods to use when the strawberry vans won't quite cut it. It was near dark when I made it back, so I checked in with Chiron and went to Cabin 6 for curfew.

         That's where I sit now, almost ready to sleep. I had plenty of time to complete my thoughts in the drive back, so now all I have is surety. I can trace every doubt of acceptance, of family, and of permanence to one thing.

         I ran away from my father and stepmother when I was seven because I felt unwanted. The only true family I was supposed to have was lost for me then, along with my ability to trust people and their relationships with me. I've been so scared that Percy will leave or be taken for real, but even more scared that I won't be able to relieve that fear. Now, I know the way to solve all of that.

         I just have to figure out how to get there.

It’s getting to my least favorite time of the morning. The sun’s bearing down through the window and onto my desk at its fiercest, overheating me and giving me a headache. I give up with a sigh, scooting back away from my blueprints. It’s no use trying to sketch when I’m unfocused, anyway. I look up from my desk for the first time in hours and have to blink a bit, letting my eyes focus. I woke up when everyone else in Cabin Six did for breakfast, but I got to come back afterward. It’s a camp tradition: on a person’s birthday, they get the day off.

Well, that’s a strange thought. I’m turning eighteen today. It’s crazy to think of how much I’ve gone through to get to this age. When I was young, I was fully planning to die heroically in an epic quest, but lately, I’ve found myself hoping for a long, quiet life, settling down with a family and everything with--

With Percy. It's funny how things become habitual. When I think about Percy and everything I miss about him, the flicker of fear that he’s going to get up and leave is still there, but it isn’t as strong anymore. Instead, I feel a sort of hollowness. A longing, even. It's been weeks since my meeting with Sally. I haven't spoken much with Percy recently, but we still smile when we pass each other. While sketching the other day, I even found myself making a house. For us.

          Camp is in full swing and everyone's distracted, but I’m sure many people have noticed we're not as coupley as we have been in the past. Luckily, no one has mentioned it; at least not to our faces.

I finally stand up to stretch and find my water bottle. As I’m rummaging through the blueprints on my desk to find it, there’s a knock at the door. I just keep looking. Someone could’ve forgotten something, or they have a quick break between activities. I don’t even know what time it is. It could be lunch. I don’t even think about the fact that my siblings wouldn't knock, at least, not until I hear the person knock again. Confused, I walk to the door. Maybe it’s Chiron, I think, opening the door.

It’s not Chiron.

“Percy?”

“Hey, um... happy birthday.” He’s shifting awkwardly on his feet, his hair a mess, more than usual, and he looks like he hasn’t been sleeping much. A twinge of guilt runs through me. I’m the reason he’s not doing well. Still, though, he looks painfully handsome: all of his ruffled edges suit him well. I’m reminded of all the times he’s stood in front of me and I’ve admired him, and the pang of intimacy that I feel is pleasant, but accompanied by shock. I look down at his arms, where he’s holding a long box wrapped in Happy Birthday! paper and a container of blue chocolate chip cookies.

       The sight of the cookies makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time because it feels so ridiculously normal for the situation we’re in. I look back to his face as he says, “My mom sent these for you this morning.” And then we’re both just standing there, a million feelings and thoughts screaming between us in the silence.

I clear my throat a bit, stepping aside. “You should probably come in,” I say, and he steps in slowly, just enough so I can close the door. I start to regret that decision immediately, because now it’s just us, closer than we’ve been in over a month. All I can smell and see is him. I’ve missed him so much it hurts.

Maybe I don’t regret closing the door.

We’re standing there, and the longer we stand in the silence the more I think. His mom made me cookies and sent them? And he came here. Of course he did. I never pay attention to my birthdays, but he’s always acted like that’s the biggest injustice because Annabeth, it’s your birthday! It’s supposed to be your day! And here he is. And, stupid me, all I can do is stand here and stare at him as time passes, deafening even as it’s quiet.

His voice, rough and low, breaks the silence. “I don’t know if birthdays are included in this whole break thing, but... I wanted to give these to you.” He holds out the box, and I can’t make my arms move to reach for it.

         “They’re letters. You don’t have to read them now, or at all, I guess, if you don’t want to, but...”

Once again, it’s silent. I take the box from him with shaking hands. Everything in me wants to take his hand in mine; but instead, I just watch as it falls to his side. “Thank you,” I mumble. I want to say more, to say something to break the strained silence that hangs between us. But I don’t. So we just stand there.

“Annabeth...” he says; he sounds exhausted. I want to wrap my arms around him and just wish all of this away- but I can’t. All I can do is look up at him and listen as he speaks. “I just want you to know that . . . well, I’m sorry if I did something or pushed too far. I know that you like people at a distance, and I probably broke that boundary too much; you might even be over it already but . . . I want you to know that-” His voice breaks, along with my heart. “Annabeth, I still love you.”

“Percy...”

Tears are welling up in both of our eyes. We’re so close. I could just reach out; he’d be there. We’d hold each other, and it could be okay. We could be okay.

“Percy, I’m sorry. There’s just so much... I’m trying to be better, I really am. I’m working on it. I know where the problem started and it isn't you, I swear, and... I’m not over you, I promise, and it hurts so much to be away from you, but I don’t want to hurt you because I can’t figure myself out. I don’t- I don’t think I’m ready yet. I’m sorry. I just... I need a little more time.”

My voice is gone, left to a shaking, teary whisper. I lean forward into him, and he wraps his arms around me as I wrap mine around him, perfectly in synch. He smells and feels so familiar and warm. But it aches at the same time.

He’s rubbing my back as I cling to him. “I understand,” he says. “Whenever you’re ready, okay? And if you decide that you don’t want me anymore, I-“

“Never.” I pull my head back and stare up at him; my hand goes to his cheek instinctively. “Percy, I will never decide that I don’t want you anymore.” He’s leaning into my hand, and it feels so right.

“Then I’ll wait.”

I lean up to him as he tilts his head down and we’re kissing. It’s reckless. I know I shouldn’t give him and myself a false hope, but I can’t stop myself. There are too many emotions flying around inside of me to be able to separate out a clear thought, so I just go on instinct. It feels so familiar. It feels so nice.  At some point, we break away, and I bury my face into his chest as he places a kiss on my forehead. We’re standing in silence again, but it isn’t as daunting now.  

“I’m gonna get better, Perce. I promise. I'll visit my dad and talk to him and make sense of it all.”

“As long as you need.”

“I love you,” My voice is so small and muffled by his camp shirt, but he must hear me.

“And I love you.”

         I groan and switch my pencil around to the eraser side for probably the fifteenth time that morning. After Apollo, or Lester, rather, ruined our dining pavilion a while ago, Chiron had me redesign it with a few adjustments. Evidently it had been the same for quite a few decades. Recently, at a camp meeting, it was brought up that most of the camp has been the same, as well, so I now have the job of redesigning just about everything else. Luckily, I’m finished with the cabin situation.

         This week, my task is the amphitheater. I’m really not looking to change much here, as the Greek amphitheater is sort of a big deal, but I can always make structural improvements, as well as adjusting the walls for better acoustics, which will likely please the Apollo cabin. Malcolm, having nothing else to do, is helping by taking measurements.

         “I'm assuming you want me to measure in inches? Or would meters make everything easier? I guess it depends on how they measured when it was built, but...”

         I look up as Malcolm trails off. He's staring, eyes wide, over my left shoulder. “What is it?” I ask him, but he's still looking at something behind me like a deer caught in headlights. It's only then that I hear the voice.

         “I trust you all can remember the defensive moves I taught you yesterday? We’ll warm up a bit and then I can teach you some actual fighting today, sound good?”

         Oh, yes. Ten AM sword fighting classes led by the famous Percy Jackson himself. I wonder if Malcolm will ever shut his mouth and get back to measuring. It's not that I've been talking about the situation with Percy non-stop with my siblings, but it doesn't take a bunch of genius kids, though they are, to notice when their head counsellor hasn't suspiciously snuck out of the cabin late at night in a while.

         “Go ahead and measure in feet and inches, Malcolm,” I say, prompting him to shake out of his daze. I flip my pencil back around and redraw the lines I had been trying to fix earlier.

         We finish fairly quickly after that, seeing as the amphitheater is just a symmetric circle of columns and benches. I send Malcolm off to put the measurements on my desk, grab a sword off the wall, and join Percy's class. He's showing them disarming maneuvers, and I jump right in, straightening kids’ arms and wrists and feet on one side while Percy fixes the other side. Pretty soon, we've subconsciously created two small armies, ready to whack away.

         “Hey, Wise Girl,” Percy says, “betcha my side’ll win.”

         “You're on,” I taunt back, “Seaweed Brain.”

         The side of his mouth pulls up in a teasing smirk as my eyebrows raise. “Alright, kids,” he says. “Remember what I taught you and try not to slice any wrists off. Steady your swords, and... go!” Celestial bronze clangs and scratches as one by one, each pair ends up one sword shorter. There are ten pairs, and by the end of it...

         “Would you look at that,” I say.

         “A tie,” Percy confirms, nodding his head. “Good work, guys. Take a quick break.” As the kids hang up their swords, grabbing water and dispersing throughout the amphitheater, Percy moves closer to me. It's been quite a few weeks since my birthday, and casual glances and waves are becoming more... well, casual between us. “Hey,” he says.

         “Hi. I hope you don't mind my joining your class. I don't think I can look at any more blueprints for a while.”

“Nah, you're fine. You've been working pretty hard on redesigning stuff, haven't you?”

         “I guess so. It’s mostly just revisions and things, so it’s fairly easy. Sword fighting classes have you busy?”

He breathes out a laugh. “Like you would not believe. They’re not bad, really, but I didn’t realize how hard teaching can be. It’s a wonder Paul keeps his sanity.”

“You seem to be doing pretty well, though,”

“Thanks. It’s pretty fun.” I’d feel bad for the flutter my heart does when he runs his hand through his hair if there wasn’t a blush creeping up his neck.

“I should probably go write down the measurements Malcolm recorded for me.”

“Yeah, uh, the kids’ll be back soon. See you later?”

“See you later.”

Like I expected, recording the measurements and drafting the changes doesn’t take long at all; maybe an hour, at most. As I stand up from my desk, stretching and refocusing my eyes to normalness, I can feel myself becoming restless. I know a large part of the feeling comes from being sat at my desk for a while, but there’s a bigger part of it that is becoming increasingly obvious.

Since meeting with Sally, I’ve been thinking a lot more about how my fears with Percy and his family, and people in general, originally came about. My recent dreams have been reflecting this.

I sit up, gasping. I dreamed- or had a nightmare, rather- about the symbol again; the owl with the glowing red eyes. The same creature was there again, too: a huge, scary woman with beady black eyes- hundreds of them. Coming from her torso were eight gigantic black legs, scuttling and scratching toward me, closing me in. “I will destroy you!” She had been wrapped in something. A net, maybe. “My children! Help me!” The woman, or creature, or monster was screaming; it was a horrid sound that still echoes in my ears. If I close my eyes, I can see the spiders, her children, moving like water toward me in thrashing waves-

But no. My eyes aren’t closed. I’m not in that dark place, I’m in my room. Across the hall are my brothers; below me are my dad and my stepmom. Still, I can see the spiders crawling toward me. They’re surrounding me, and they’re biting, and I suddenly can’t breathe.

“Dad! Dad, help me, please! Help me, I can’t-”

In a quick moment, the spiders are gone, leaving along with the bites. All that’s left is a voice. The voice of my stepmom.

“Annabeth, please. Be quiet, you’re scaring your brothers.” I’m vaguely aware of crying; my brothers must have woken up.

“Please, I just want my dad. The spiders came again, and-”

“Annabeth.” Her voice is stern. Angry. “Your father is working downstairs, you know this. You can’t just keep trying to disrupt him. Do you know how late it is?”

“But, the spiders. You don’t understand, they come and they bite and I’m scared, please-”

“Shhh. That’s enough.. There are no bites or spiders. You’re just having nightmares. If you wouldn’t eat so much sugar before bedtime, you would be fine. Now, go back to sleep so your father can work and you can be ready for school.”

She stands and leaves the room, shutting the door. I’m alone again, in the dark. I reach under my bed, grabbing my backpack. I filled it with clothes and food after I got home off the bus earlier. I’d started  thinking about running away, but I wanted to give it a chance. I know now that I am nothing but a burden here, so I’m leaving. I use the ladder kept in all of the second story rooms to climb out the window, and there I go. I don’t know where I’m headed, and it’s cold. My backpack is heavy on my skinny shoulders. My only method of protection is a hammer.

I set off into the quiet streets.

Now, as I stand in Cabin 6, I have another bag packed. This time, I’m not running away from my father and his family, I’m running right to them.

I leave a note on the table in the middle of our cabin explaining everything and then I walk across camp to the stables; flying by pegasus is the fastest way to cross the country. Once I’m in the stables, I immediately go to Blackjack, Percy’s pegasus. He whines at me.

“Hey, Blackjack. Do you think you could help me? I’ve got to get to California.”

I suppose I should take the way he bows down as a ‘yes’. I climb on.

It takes only a few hours at pegasus speed and three breaks before I’m at the door of my father’s house. I had bought a doughnut for Blackjack and sent him on his way, choosing to walk the rest of it and gather my thoughts.

Now that I’m here, practically staring it all in the face, I realize that I’m nervous.  I should’ve called to let them know I was coming or something, but I didn’t, and it’s too late now.

Before I lose the little bit of courage that I have, I knock on the door. I can hear one of the twins calling out, and soon the door opens to a pretty Asian woman with reddish highlights in her hair.

My stepmom, Emily.

“Annabeth? Oh, hello!” I wave, and she turns her head back into the house. “Frederick!” He comes to the door. “Hi,” I say to them both, trying to muster a smile. “Oh, Annabeth,” he says. “I wasn’t expecting you!”

“Come in, come in,” my stepmother exclaims, ushering me inside.

Soon, I’m sat on one of the sofas with my half-brothers around me, showing me their latest Lego creations. “What made you decide to come?” My father’s voice is a low contrast to the eleven-year-old boys seated on either side of me.

“Oh, you know. It's been a while,” I say. Emily raises her eyebrows. “That's certainly never been a reason before,” she says stiffly. “Well...” I trail off. I don't know how to explain everything. My dad steps back into the conversation. “We're just glad you're here,” he says, smiling at me.

Emily smiles, too, just not as warmly. “I'll go check on lunch,” she says, standing and walking away into the kitchen. My dad watches her go, then turns back to me. “Was it a long trip?”

I shake my head. “Pegasi actually travel really quickly,” I tell him. His face lights up. “Really? The course I taught at the college last year had a lot to do with different creatures and how aerodynamic they are, and we talked about pegasi and dragons, too. We decided a pegasus would have its aerodynamic abilities from the horse side, and the wings are just for power. Do you know if that's true?”

I laugh. Nothing breaks the ice with a college professor like nerd-talk. “Well, they use the wings for power, but once they get going they can fold their wings up to be a smoother shape. They also use their wings to get more lift when they extend them, though”

“Wow,” he says, dreamily. “Such advanced creatures.” Then he laughs sheepishly. “I'm sorry, you probably don't want to talk about this.”

“It's fine, it's actually pretty interesting,” I reassure him. Plus, it keeps away awkward silences, I add in my head.

After a while, Emily comes back. I bite the bullet.

“You were right when you said there's more to why I came here,” I admit. “I guess I just realized there’s a lot we've never talked about, and I maybe didn’t give you all the proper chance as my family. I’m... I’m sorry.”

“Oh, we're just glad you're here now,” Emily says, deflating her stiff attitude.  My dad nods in agreement. “I think lunch is almost ready, too, you're just in time,” Emily continues. “Is spaghetti okay?”

I take a deep breath. I can pretend it hasn’t been years since I last sat down and had a meal here, can’t I?

“Spaghetti sounds great.”

         Lunch is a mix of small talk, silence, and the twins’ chatter. Once it's all finished and the table is cleared, my dad excuses himself to his office room to finish some work from the college he teaches at. As they boys head off to the living room, my stepmother pulls me aside in the kitchen.

           “So, what really made you decide to come back?” Her almond-shaped eyes are dark and hard to look at, so I stare at my feet. I feel too much like the scared little girl I was before I left in the first place.

           “Oh, you know,” I say. “It's just been a while, I guess.” We stand there for a while, and I’m getting the feeling she wants me to do the talking. “Do you still work at the flower shop?” She shakes her head, too sharply. “No, I don't. Your father works and brings in enough money, don't you think, Annabeth?”

         The sweet, passive demeanor she kept toward me when my father was in the room has faded quickly, but if there's one thing I can do without fail, it's guarded, steely comments. “I would say so. But, of course, I’m sure he leaves plenty of time to be here?”

           Her jaw stiffens; so does mine.

           “I thought we could be over this by now, Annabeth. It has been years, after all.”

           “I thought so, too.”

           I've grown taller than her, so her glare isn't threatening anymore.

           “How about you unpack your things and wait for your father to finish working. I think he would like to speak with you.”

           I guess my glare isn't threatening to her when I have bags showing I plan to stay for a while.

           The room I'll stay in here isn't the one I stayed in when I was little, but the feeling is still the same: it isn't mine. Still, I unpack my things.

           It's not too long before there's a knock at my open door and I raise my eyes to see my dad standing there. “Hey,” I say as he raises a hand in greeting. “Emily said you would want to talk.” He sighs, walking into the room and shutting the door. “Yes, she mentioned she spoke with you in the kitchen. It apparently didn't go well.”

            “Dad, it's not like I try to be rude, she just-”

        “I know, Annabeth. I know. The two of you can't seem to get along well anymore.”

           “Understatement,” I mutter.

           “It's just... Annabeth, she feels terrible. I do, too. I think we just don't know how to handle it.”

           I frown. “Actually, dad... that's kind of what I came here for.”

           His eyebrows raise; I think I surprised both of us.

           “I've been thinking a lot about everything that happened and I think the only way to really leave everything behind is to talk about it.”

           Suddenly, he sits up a little straighter and his eyes get brighter. “So you came to talk with us? About... about everything?”

           “Yeah, I guess. Eighteen years is a long time to hold onto things.”

           “I still can't believe you're already eighteen,” he chuckles, before his face darkens. “I tried to call on your birthday, but you didn't pick up. I guess we have more to talk about than I thought, but-”

           “Oh, gods, dad. No. I was just...  that was kind of a rough day and there's a lot going on, which is a big reason why I wanted to come here. When you called... I don't know, I guess I was stupid, but I’m not sure I would've been in a decent mood anyway. I’m technically an adult, but I never quite grew out of my toddler tantrums.”

           “Ah, you weren't that bad.” He smiles; my reciprocation isn't forced anymore. “And whatever you need to talk about, we’re all here for you.” Awkwardly, he reaches a hand out to grasp mine and squeezes. The gesture, however foreign to the two of us, feels somehow... warm. Comfortable.

           Not quite familiar, but maybe we'll get there.

           A few days pass, each slightly better than the last. It feels like whatever family dynamic they had going has adapted to me, and even encounters with my stepmother are getting increasingly less awkward. I'm even feeling myself relax a little.

           When I first left camp on Blackjack to get here, I had a few hours to think about what I would do, what to expect, how it would go. In my head, I imagined I'd show up, demand that we sit and talk, and leave in an hour with all my problems solved. I thought I would be over the jealous feeling I get watching them all as a family; I thought it would be all business and magical erasure of issues. When I told Chiron what I was doing and that I'd be back in a day or two, I didn't know why he grinned and said he'd “understand if I was a bit late”.

           I didn't expect that I'd have to just be a part of the family I ran away from before I could stick to the plan. Another plan failed. Imagine that.

           The next day, an opportunity arises. The twins and my dad go to the roller rink for the day, leaving Emily and me alone. If Percy and me were under normal circumstances, I would have hidden in my room and Iris Messaged him as soon as the door closed behind the boys and my dad. Instead, I take a deep breath and give a smile.

           “Do you have any plans, Emily?” At first, she looks shocked. Then, her eyes narrow in suspicion. “Why do you ask? I suppose you want me out of the house.” I swallow, taking another deep breath. Here goes nothing.

           “Emily, this has been a rough summer. You know Percy, right?” She nods. “Your boyfriend, yes. I know him.”

              “And you know about last summer, when we fell into Tartarus.” Again, she nods, looking more and more uneasy. The sharpness of the word “tartarus” is somehow lessened for me, seeing her reaction.

             “So you would know, or at least assume the amount of damage that caused for us and our relationship.” Her eyebrows furrow. She looks... scared. “But what you probably wouldn't know, because I didn't know it myself,” I say, continuing, “is that while we healed from that damage and the fear it brought, there was something still there that I couldn't shake. It was doubt, and a different kind of fear. Emily, I was scared to have a family like the Jacksons and Paul. I was scared that they would just leave, or get rid of me. Do you know how awful that is?”

       She pulls her shoulders back, straightening her posture. “Well... you are teenagers still, and that would be a very normal fear to have.”

           I scoff, rolling my eyes. “You've met Percy. There should be no fear of him. The whole family... it's just not likely my fears would come true, and I know that. But I can't shake the feeling.”

           She crosses her arms; I do the same. “So you came here?” I nod. “I don't think I’m following you.”

         I groan. “I don't know how to explain this to you... I guess at the beginning of the summer, after I first talked to Percy. I was thinking about why I felt so scared, and I realized things I'd never thought of before.” She's silent now; hanging on my every word. I've never felt so weak and powerful at once.

           “I realized that I grew up at Camp Half-Blood. I didn't have a real family, and even when I did, I never felt like it was mine. I was just a mouth to feed, and I was scared and alone. I-”

          I stop myself. Tears are already threatening to spill over, and I will not have a breakdown in the middle of the foyer. Taking a deep breath, I finish. “That’s why I came here.”

           “Annabeth...” Emily stares at me for a full minute. “So,” she says tentatively. “You want to talk about it all so you can fix things with Percy?”

             “Yes, and?” She just blinks at me. “Does that sound bad?”

           She breathes out a laugh. “No, Annabeth, that's... great.” She takes a deep breath and huffs out another nervous laugh. “You know... You're such a smart kid, or adult, rather. And so much braver than me at your age, or even now. I don't think I could have just admitted things like that.” She takes a few steps forward, gently grabbing my arms. We both stiffen, but manage to relax a tiny bit. She sighs.

           “Anything you need to talk about, we will talk about it tonight. I know your father and I could use some time to reconcile with you, as well.”

            For the rest of the day, we just... exist. We make sandwiches together for lunch, she introduces me to some show she likes to watch, and it's weirdly like a switch was flipped when I confessed this morning. It's still a little awkward, but we're starting to quit side-stepping and just started to relax.

            The boys get back around three in the afternoon, chatting and jumping around. “Twelve year old boys, always ready to go,” my dad says, shaking his head in amusement. He looks tired. Emily laughs and says, “Why don't we do something calm for a while?”

             “We could play a board game?” My dad and Emily both look at me. I don't know who looks more shocked, but Emily recovers first.

           “That sounds like a great idea, Annabeth! Boys, does Trivial Pursuit sound good?” Bobby and Matthew give a shout of agreement, racing to grab the game from the shelf.

             I don't think I've ever seen my dad so confused as now, his eyes darting between Emily and me. We just give him a smile before heading to the living room.

             Once we've all settled in, Bobby and Matthew stretch themselves out on the sofa with me in between to keep peace, and my dad and stepmom have each taken a recliner. “Go easy on us, Annabeth and Frederick, we're not all geniuses,” Emily says, to which the boys look indignant. “I can take ‘em,” Bobby says. Matthew chimes in “Me, too!”

         “You don't know what you're up against,” I taunt, then immediately get attacked on both sides by pillows.

           We spend the game laughing and defending incorrect answers. After a while, I completely forget that a week ago, this family was just an idea; one that I never would've imagined playing Trivial Pursuit with. Emily and my dad leave after probably the fifth round to make dinner, and one more round is enough for the rest of us.

           It seems likes we'll have a bit of downtime before supper’s ready, and I debate going into the kitchen to help make it or set up the table. Eventually, I decide against it. I’m sure they would appreciate some alone time, and Emily probably wants to tell my dad about today. Instead, I go up to my room.

           I lay down for a few minutes, enjoying doing nothing. When I roll over to get more comfortable, I see my phone sitting on the nightstand. I stare at it for a few seconds, thinking, and then grab it. I sit up and start dialing before I can even fully process what I’m doing. Pretty soon, I hear a voice on the other hand.

           “Hello?”

           “Hey, Sally.”

           “Annabeth? Oh, hi! How are you, dear?”

           “I'm good, how are you?”

       “Oh, Annabeth, Percy's been worried sick. So have I! He says you left camp almost a week ago and people don't know where you are! You are, okay, yes?”

           “Yeah, I’m fine. And I didn't just leave, really, Chiron knows I’m here.”

           “Yes, but where- oh, Percy! Come here, this is Annabeth.” I can hear some more talking, distantly, and then it's Percy's voice on the other end.

           “Annabeth? Thank the gods you're safe! You are safe, right? We should Iris Message so we can see for sure-”

           “Yes, Percy, I’m safe. One hundred percent, okay?

           “Okay. But you had me worried! You were just gone suddenly, and Chiron said he knew but he wouldn't tell us where you went.”

           “I kind of asked him to not make a big deal out of it. And, anyway, it's not like you've never magically disappeared, you know.”

           He's silent for a moment, and I desperately hope I didn't go too far. “Well, I just can't believe you stole my horse!”

            “Pegasus, and so did Rachel.”

           “Yeah, but-”

           “Percy.” We've known each other long enough to recognize the “shut up” tone of voice. “I'm at my dad's.”

           “You- you're where?”

          “I was thinking about everything we talked about, and everything I talked about with your mom, and the conclusions I came to all traced back to when I was little, with my Dad and Emily. You and Grover have been telling me I should try again with them for years, so... here I am.”

           “Wow, Annabeth. That's great.” We're silent for a little while. “It's going well, then?”

           “Yeah, it is. I actually had a real conversation with Emily this morning. But how's camp? People aren't actually freaking out, are they?”

           “Uh, I may have been doing most of the freaking out. I’m just glad to know you're safe.”

            “I don't know, we're having a big, deep talk tonight. I might short-circuit.”

           He laughs. “I believe in you.”

            I laugh, too. “Thanks.” A few seconds of silence are cut by my dad’s voice calling out, announcing supper. “Alright, my dad just said it’s supper time. Talk to you back at camp?”

           “See you then. And Annabeth?”

           “Hmm?”

           “I'm really proud of you. For going to your dad’s and for not giving up on this.”

           “Percy...”

           “No, really. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. It's really cool that you're trying so hard to make everything work, and trust me, I’m working really hard on myself, too. I guess I just really want everything to be great for you.”

           “Thank you, Percy. Really.”

            “Of course. Hey, have you read my letters?”

           “Not yet. I have them with me, I’m just waiting for a good time.”

           “Okay. I mean, they're kind of stupid, so don't expect much, but-”

           “Perce, come on. You wrote me letters. I’m going to love them no matter what, got it?”

             He sighs. “Got it. I'll let you eat.”

             “Alright. Love you.” The words comes from nowhere, but I don't regret them. I can hear him grinning.

             “Love you, too.”

           After dinner, everyone sits around, doing nothing. I go back upstairs and sit on my bed. I pull out the box of letters from Percy, still wrapped. I debate opening it and reading them, but I somehow don't feel ready.

           I go back downstairs and sit with everyone else, watching a random sitcom. There's a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table that I occasionally take handfuls from. Eventually, the boys have to go to bed, and then it's just my dad, Emily and me.

           Nobody really talks for a little while longer. I decide to break the silence. “I talked to Sally and Percy today.” They both turn to me. Emily responds first. “Really? How are they?”

       “They're good. I told them sort of why I came here, and Percy said he was proud.”

             “He's always been a good kid,” my dad says thoughtfully.

            I nod. “It kind of made me remember what I want to talk to you for. But I think I also need to listen.”

             “We’ll all talk, but tell us whatever you need to first,” Emily says. My dad nods.

              “Okay,” I say, taking a deep breath. This is important, I can't hold back or hide anymore. “Well... when I was thinking about it earlier, I thought about growing up at camp. I love camp, so much, but it feels like... like I missed out. Kids would come in, talking about how they miss their mom or dad or sibling, and I didn't ever really have that. It felt like I had a family with Luke and Thalia, but they both... well, Luke was angry and he let it get to him. I only knew Thalia for a little before she was hurt just outside of camp.

           “Grover would always tell me that I had to just try again with you, and Percy would, too. I didn't want to because I was really angry. I ran away because monsters would attack and I would have nightmares and it would feel like my fault, like I wasn't good for anything but trouble. I would wake people up with those nightmares, or you,” I say, gesturing to my dad, “couldn't work because I would scream. I dreamed there were spiders, and there would be bites and webs but they were gone when either of you got there. And I kept seeing this owl, glowing red. It turned out to be the one for my quest in Rome, but still... I was terrified and confused, and neither of you could've understood, so I left.”

            “Oh, Annabeth,” my dad says, “we didn't mean to ever make you feel like a burden or a problem. When Athena gave you to me, I was confused. I was twenty-four, and suddenly the woman I was seeing was a goddess and had a child after not speaking to me for months. I wanted to do the best I could, but they don't offer classes on raising demigod children.” He chuckles nervously.

           “I'll admit,” Emily chimes in, “it made me a little jealous that your father was a father with another woman. I know it's stupid, and terrible to have taken it out on a child, but I really wasn't thinking. Even still, I fell in love with you both. Annabeth, you were such a brilliant child, walking and talking immediately. You always smiled so much, too, and danced and sang. Then your father told me you were half god, or goddess, and I was scared, but you two had already pulled me in.

           “As you got older, there were more and more monsters and nightmares, and then I had the twins, and I was really scared. Instead of acting like a mother to all of you, I was selfish and only cared for Bobby and Matthew. I treated you like a burden to your father’s work and to us, and-”

           Her voice, which had been teary before, broke into sobs now. “We woke up and you were gone the night after I remembered being really terrible to you. I was sick to my stomach with guilt and fear, and we looked all over and you were gone. I still remember when the sheriff said there was nothing left to be done... Annabeth, I never wanted anything to do with religion, much less your mother, but we prayed every night to any god we could think of that you were safe.”

           My dad grabs her hand in comfort, then grabs mine. “It's still so hard to imagine your skinny little shoulders and braids heading out into Boston all alone. Emily and I were so relieved when your mother contacted us and said you had made it to New York to a camp where you would really feel at home, even though it meant we couldn't give you a home. Every time you didn't want to see us, all we wanted was for you to someday let us take the burden off your shoulders, and then you knocked on the door, all grown up, and here we are.”

           “Dad...” I’m crying now, too. “I never even thought about how you would feel. I was always just angry and wanted to blame something. I'm really glad I finally just explained and then listened, but I’m also sorry that it took eleven years.”

           Even my dad is sobbing as I give him a huge hug, trying to make up for all the ones we missed. When I turn to hug Emily, she pulls me close and whispers, “Thank you.”

           “I'm starting college with Percy this year,” I say once we've calmed down a bit. “I've been thinking about NYU, but there's also a college in New Rome, in the Roman camp, that we may go to. Either way, I would really like you all to be more in my life. If all goes well, I hope to have a future with Percy, and a family, and I really, really want to include you.”

           Then we're all crying again and we all hug together. As a family, I think. “I love you,” I whisper to them. The words I never thought I would say to them. And, as they each whisper it back, the words I never thought I would hear.     

           I stay for another week and a half. As I grown even more comfortable, I start to see a complete family. We all help clean up, watch movies together, play an unhealthy amount of Trivial Pursuit. The whole experience. I talk with Bobby and Matthew more often, and they tell me about a new roller skating park about a mile away.

           “Mom wants to take us eventually, but she and Dad are always busy or tired,” Matthew says. I see an opportunity. “I'm not busy, why don't I see if I can take you?” Immediately, their eyes light up. “Would you? Please?”

           I walk to the kitchen, where Emily's making lunch. “Hello,” she says, looking up from the pot she's stirring to smile at me. I smile back. “Hi. What are you making?”

           “Just some chicken noodle soup. It's not really a summer food, but I remember you used to love it.” She pauses, chuckling. “I really hope that's still true, or I look pretty dumb.”

           “No, no, I still love it! And we don't really get to eat it much at camp. Thank you.”

           “Of course! We have a while to make up for.” There isn't any venom in her voice; I can tell the comment was genuine. I smile at her again. “Anyway,” she says after smiling back, “did you need something?”

           “Oh, yeah!” I remember what I came in here for. “The boys were telling me about a new roller skating park close by.”

           She nods. “Yes, they're excited about it. I've been wanting to take them, but with your dad being busy with the college again and me having more things to clean and organize... I feel terrible, but I haven't had time.”

           “Well, I could always take them.”

           Her mouth drops open. “Oh, Annabeth, you really don't have to-”

          “Emily, I want to. Like you said, we have a while to make up for. As long as it's okay with you?”

           She sighs, then smiles. “Actually, that would be very great. We can see if my skates fit you after lunch.”

           After lunch, we do just that; it turns out Emily and I have very similar shoe sizes. We get gear (Emily lets the boys go with only helmets after a great deal of whining), water, and snacks, and then we're on our way. My dad calls for us to be safe; Emily says to have fun. We skate there, since it's so close.

           I don't think about it until we're almost halfway there, but it really means a lot that they let me take the boys out on our own. It amazes me how much we've changed in such a short time. I'm glad I came.

           We reach the park with only a few almost-falls (and not from the boys). I decide to just sit on a bench and watch for a while. They do tricks that I didn't even know were possible without wheels. Someday, I should have Percy teach them skateboarding.

           After a while, I see them both talking to each other and glancing at me. Sure enough, they roll over to me and each grab a hand of mine. “You should skate with us,” Bobby says as they tug me up. “Please?” Matthew gives me puppy dog eyes, which I should be immune to given Percy's habit of using them. Still, I did come here to bond with them.

           “Alright, alright, I'll go. Don't expect any tricks, though.”

           As it turns out, there are a few tricks they can teach me. I'm not even half bad. We skate around aimlessly as they teach me tricks, then Bobby pulls me aside. “Hey, Annabeth, do you see that guy coming up the street?”

           “The one on the bike?”

           “Yep,” he says.

           “Is he a friend, or do I need to beat him up?”

           Bobby laughs. “He's definitely a friend. But...”

           “But what?”

           He chews his bottom lip, silent for a long moment. “How did you start dating Percy?”

          It's my turn to laugh. “That's a long story. Why?” Bobby just keeps chewing his lip, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Wait,” I say, “you have a crush, don't you?” Bobby blushes in response. “You do! What's his name?”

         “Thomas,” he says, voice dropping to a whisper as the boy, Thomas, gets closer. “But isn't it weird?” I move so I'm in front of Bobby, forcing him to look at me. “Listen,” I say firmly. “It's not weird, and it's more common than you probably think. It doesn't make you strange, I promise. Have you talked to him about this?”

          Bobby shrugs. Then Matthew comes up and stands next to me. “If we're talking about Thomas,” Matthew says, “he literally asked me last week how Bobby feels about him.”

           “See? There you go,” I tell Bobby. “Just go talk to him.”

       By three o'clock, they're talking animatedly and blushing. I decide not to mention that Percy and I met around their age; the poor kid’s cheeks probably can't get any redder.

           One day, Emily announces at breakfast that she's taking me out shopping. I get leggings and jeans and socks, and then something catches my eye.

          There's a navy blue dress, cut just above the knees, with gold accents where the top meets the skirt. It's lace and chiffon, and Emily makes me try it on. When I wear it, I actually feel really pretty. We get it, and Emily tells me it would be perfect for a homecoming dance.

           Secretly, I agree.

        When I get home- wow, home- that day, I hang the dress up and look at it for a while. I keep thinking back to when Percy grumbled his way into a suit at our high school graduation, and how it was a shade of blue very similar to this...

        Thinking of Percy doesn't hurt anymore. If anything, I’m just excited to get back to him. Patching things up with my family here did exactly what I wanted; it made me see that even after everything I felt and did, things can still work out. We still aren't as close as I am with Percy's family, but I feel like we'll get there someday.

        When I turn away from the closet where my dress hangs, shiny wrapping catches my eye. Every day, I look at the box of letters and wonder if I should open it and read them. Until now, I haven't felt ready. Somehow, today feels different.

           My hands are shaking a bit as I sit on my bed and grab the box. I slowly tear the paper, exposing just a plain box. As I open the box and pull out the stack of papers, I recognize a small anchor printed on the bottom of the sheets. Percy and I had each gotten notebooks to help cope with everything we were feeling. Mine had little owls, and, to follow the cliché, his had the anchor I’m staring at now.,

        I read through the letters. They're full of crossed out misspellings, but every word brings me closer and closer to tears.

           I really don't know what I'm doing. We got these notebooks to write stuff down when we don't know what else to do, so... I guess I'll try it. There's a lot I need to tell you, Annabeth, but I know you need space. This is the next best thing. I want to write it all down now and hopefully you'll read them. I don't know how to apologize, but I really wish I could figure it out.

         With each letter, I feel myself realizing the extent of everything that this summer has been.

          Annabeth, he writes in another letter, I’m sorry. There's a lot I wish I could give you and tell you. You have to know that I'll love you and do my best to give you what you need, even if it's not me that you need. I love you. I don't know how I can show that to you, but I won't stop trying.

           I lose track of how many letters I've read.

         These are getting cheesy. I don't even know what to write. I've been thinking a lot on my own, though. I realized that there's a lot left behind from Tartarus. I still hate even writing that. Anyway, I know there's a lot for me to work out, we can both grow, I guess.

            By the time I get to the last one, I have to take a second to calm down.

           This is probably the last letter. Your birthday is tomorrow, and I'll give these to you. Maybe you don't want them, but... Annabeth, I’ve loved you since we were 12. I didn't know what it was, and at first it was just as friends, but it grew deeper and deeper. I know now that I love you more than anyone else. I’ll never stop loving you. I know you struggle, and I struggle, but we can grow. I know we need this summer to figure everything out, I get it. It hurts like hell. But I get it.

           I hope and pray to every god imaginable that I won’t lose you, because I’d honestly lose myself. If I somehow deserve you, I promise I will never leave you again. I know I’ve already left a few times, but I would’ve given anything to stay, and I will stay, if you let me. And I’ll help you build that something permanent, because even though a lot in your life has been taken away, I promise you: some things last. I love you.

           -Percy

           I wipe away the tears that fell onto the paper, and I thank every god and Fate that this boy chose me, that I chose him, and that somehow, we both held on. I glance at the shiny wrapping paper, now torn and on the floor, that reads “Happy Birthday!” over and over again, with balloons and streamers to complete the look. I wonder where he found the paper...

         Out of nowhere a thought hits me. I set the box and letters down and quickly go downstairs to where a calendar hangs, right by the door. I run my finger over it, finding the date, and confirm my thought. It's August eighteenth.

           Percy's birthday.

           “Hey, dad,” I call, jogging to the doorway of his study room. “I just realized that it's Percy's birthday today, plus our anniversary, so is it okay if I head back soon?” He turns and blinks for a second. “Yeah, absolutely. Do you need help getting there or anything?”

           I think about BlackJack and how I told him to fly back to camp if I wasn't back within an hour. A car, bus, or even plane ride would take too long, though. “I think I can borrow something from Camp Jupiter.”

         When he nods in agreement, I run back upstairs to pack. I carefully tuck the letters back into the box, then turn for the dress. I don't know how to fit it in my duffel bag, so I just grab it. I’m sure Emily will know a way to keep it safe.

           Sure enough, when I get downstairs, Emily is holding a bag made for suits and dresses. I thank her, then set everything down. I give everyone, including Bobby and Matthew, hugs. As I finally step out the door, we exchange goodbyes and I-love-yous, and my dad hugs me again. “Be safe,” he tells me.

           Hazel is waiting outside with two pegasi. “Hi,” she says, “you ready?”

           “Yep,” I say, strapping everything to the pegasus I'll likely take. We hug, and I know she must know about Percy and me, because she says, “Go get him, yeah?” I laugh. Then, I’m on the pegasus and going.

           I just hope I won't be too late.

           Once I’m back at camp, I leave the pegasus in the stables, then run to Cabin 6 to quickly put my things away. On my way out, I run into Piper.

        “Hey! I heard you were back,” she says. I nod quickly, and she laughs. “If you're looking for Percy, I saw him heading toward the stables. I think he's heading to his parents’, but I think he'll be happy to see you.”

           “Thank you,” I say.

            She smiles. “No problem. You okay?”

           “I will be.”

           Her smile breaks into a grin. “Atta girl.”

           I sprint down to the stables and see Percy there. He looks like he's about to climb onto BlackJack. “Percy!” I'm gasping from running so hard, but he hears me and spins around. “Annabeth? Gods, I didn't know you were back!”

           I'm sick of standing awkwardly and being unsure of whether or not we can be close, so I walk straight to him. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest, relaxing a bit when his arms wrap around me. We both hold on tight, and soon there are tears in my eyes. “Percy,” I say, not even bothering to pull back. “Hi,” he says. I can feel his chest vibrating from the word. “I read your letters this morning.”

          Then, he pulls back to look at me. “You did?” I nod. “Percy... I don't even know what to say. You're just so incredible, and you don't ask questions, you're just there for me. There's no one I feel as comfortable or loved with more than you. Somehow, I convinced myself that was bad, but I needed the summer to finally get rid of that. You waited for me, all summer, and your letters...

    “Percy Jackson, I love you.” I'm not even trying to hold back tears. “You constantly surprise me with how much you can be kind and loving, and you bring me closer to my something permanent every day. Percy,” I say, grabbing his hands. “You are my something permanent.”

           He does nothing but stare at me for a while, tears falling down his cheeks. I start to wonder if maybe I said too much, or he doesn't feel the same anymore.

     “What?” My voice is indignant, childlike even, but he grins.

  “I’m just so glad you're back.” He reaches out to hold my face, wipes away my tears, and leans down. We kiss. Not a sad kiss, but a sure and strong kiss. I pull him even closer and he smiles against me. “I love you,” he says quietly, barely breaking the kiss.

           “I love you, too.”

      We kiss for a little while longer before he pulls back and leans his forehead against mine. I look up to him, and his eyes are soft and warm. “I missed you,” I say, softly. “I'm all yours,” he replies.

           “But,” he says after pressing another quick kiss to my mouth, “we have to get going soon. I was just on my way to dinner with my mom and Paul.” He pauses, pulling away to look at me better. “You're coming with me, right?” I think about it for a minute. I really don't want to be intruding, but I don't think they'll see it that way.

           “I'd love to. Can I grab something first, though?”

           “Yeah, sure. I actually need to grab something, too.”

          “I'll meet you back here.” We separate, jogging to our individual cabins. I laugh at Malcolm’s face as I walk in. “I'll be back sometime tonight, I’m going with Percy to his parents’.” His jaw drops even more and I roll my eyes.

        I rummage through my blueprints until I find one plainly marked ‘home’. It's the house I sketched for Percy and me. I put it into a bag and sling it onto my shoulders. I think it'll make a nice birthday gift, and a good marking of our future, or whatever.

           As we walk up the steps to the apartment, I squeeze his hand. He turns to me, grinning. “Shouldn't I be comforting you?”

           “Please,” I say, breathing out a laugh. He stops us, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me into a hug. “It's gonna be great,” he softly says, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “Don't worry, okay?” I nod, giving a small smile.

           We reach the door and he knocks. Pretty soon, it opens to a grinning Paul. His eyes widen when he sees me. “Annabeth, you're back!” He pulls me into a hug. “Oh, and happy birthday, Percy!” He pulls away from me, hugs Percy, then ushers us inside.

          Sally is quick to join us, with Percy's little sister, Ava, close behind. She watches as Percy's hand slips into mine and grins, pulling us both in for a hug. “Oh,” she says, “I'm so glad to have you both back.” As she pulls back, she pulls us toward the dining room. “I don't have a plate set for you, Annabeth, but we'll get it! Percy, dear, don't do it, it's your birthday.”

           “Yes,” Percy says, “but it's Annabeth's anniversary.”

        “Yours, too,” I add. Paul laughs. “I'll do it,” he says. “How about you two get Ava ready? Help her wash her hands and everything.” As we leave to go find her, Percy grabs my hand again. He brings it to his mouth, kissing it. “It's like we never left,” he says. I roll my eyes, laughing. “You're cheesy.” He grins, leaning down and kissing me.

            “We need to get Ava,” I say.

            “Yep.” He makes no move to stop kissing me. “Come on,” I say, pulling away and dragging him to Sally and Paul’s room, where Ava takes her naps. Percy picks her up and she opens her eyes. She gives him a toothless grin and then sees me.

           I take her from Percy and coo at her, taking her toward the bathroom so we can wash her hands. She keeps grinning, playing with my hair and babbling away.

       When her hands are clean, Percy goes to her nursery and grabs a bib while I bring her to the dining room. I set her in the little baby seat set up for her, strapping her in. Percy comes back and puts the bib on her, and then we sit and play with her for awhile.

        Pretty soon, the table is all set with blue pancakes and bacon and eggs, and we dig in. Sally helps Ava with a bottle as she eats, with Paul helping when needed. They both sit on either side of Ava, with Percy next to Sally and me in between Percy and Paul.

           After dinner and a round of blue cookies, we regather in the living room. Paul, Sally, and Ava sit on the couch, with Percy and me opposite them on the floor. Sally hands Percy a gift from her and Paul- a new skateboard.

     “Woah, guys! This is... Wow. Thank you!” They grin at him as he turns the wheels. “This is amazing,” he says under his breath.

  “That's not all,” Paul says, “here.”  He hands Percy a small box. When Percy unwraps it, he stares at his stepdad in awe, then at his mom. “Wait, what?” I lean over to see the contents of the box.

       “Those are the keys to the Prius,” I say, just as shocked as Percy. Sally grins. “We decided to get a car that's a bit bigger now that we have Ava, so the Prius goes to you two!”

         “Gods, mom,” Percy says. “You guys are the best.” He stands up from the floor, walking to the couch and giving a hug to each of his parents. “Oh, I just can't believe you two are eighteen,” says Sally. She gestures for me to stand up, so I comply, blushing as I repeat Percy's actions.

      Once we’re all settled down again, I grab my bag and turn to Percy. “I have something, too.”

           “Annabeth-”

           “Oh, stop that. It's your birthday, I'm giving you a gift.” I pull the blueprint out of my bag and hand it to him. “It's not letters, but I hope it can suffice,” I say, blushing more than I'd like. As he unrolls it, I can feel Sally and Paul watching us.

           He stares at it for a while before looking at me. “Is this...?”

           “A house, yeah. We've been talking about building New Athens for a while, and I finally have a lot of planning designs done. This is a house I drew a little while ago.”

             “It's for us?”

        I chew my lip nervously. “It's stupid, I guess, but it kind of helped get me through the summer, and now I know I’m ready to show it to you.”

          He stares at me a little longer and I can't read his expression. Suddenly, he grins widely and kisses me. He then pulls away, eyes flicking toward his parents, but he grabs my hand with the hand not holding the blueprint. “I love it, and I love you.”

       I grin back, giving him a small kiss. Then, he stands up, carefully rolling the blueprint back up. “I actually have something,” he says, walking to his room. “Be right back.” I turn in confusion to Sally and Paul, but they just smile at me knowingly.

           Percy returns with a large envelope in his hand and plops down next to me. “I know at the end of the school year you weren't sure about going to New Rome, because you wanted to stay closer to everything here. I didn't tell you, but I applied to NYU when you did.”

         “You did?”

         He shrugs. “I agreed with you.”

        “Why didn't you tell me?”

        His face goes red. “To be honest, I wasn't sure they'd take me with my reputation and grades. But,” he says, getting excited, “they must have liked how my grades turned up and my swimming the last two years, because I got in with a full scholarship from swimming!”

    “Percy, that's amazing!” I grin and hug him. “Obviously,” he says into my shoulder, “you got accepted, too.” I pull away and grab his hands. “So we're going?”

          He squeezes my hands. “We're going.”

           We stick around for a while longer after that before we have to head out. On the way back to camp, I feel absolutely giddy. In a month, we’ll be one step closer to the future; one step closer to that little house.

           When we get back to camp, we still have a while until curfew. Percy and I sit at his table in the dining pavilion, my head on his shoulder and his on mine. As we sit in comfortable silence, watching the canoe lake, I think about all we've been through together.

          When he first showed up at camp after slaying the Minotaur, I knew it had to be him, who I was looking for. I had been desperate, searching for the child of the prophecy, the one who would bring me to my legacy, in every camper who arrived, but when I saw the horn in his hand, I knew it was him.

          I volunteered to nurse him back to health so I could get answers, but he wasn't much help. He fought Clarisse with the bathroom water and any doubts I had flew away. He was granted a quest, and of course I came with.

           We shared Grover as a mutual friend and even became close friends ourselves. Watching him fight for his mom, fighting by his side, we became a team. Then, I had no attraction to him. I didn't even think of him as anything more than a friend and partner, but I can look back now and see that we became part of each other that summer.

       We kept in touch over the school year. I was with my dad then, but it didn't go the way Percy expected. Defending camp the day he was attacked in school by Laestrygonians proved to me that he saw camp the  same way I did: home.

        That summer brought another quest. We became closer then. I opened up to him, telling him about why I disliked Tyson so much. He also saw my dream of recreating the world to be perfect that summer from the Sirens. That moment, from him rushing to save me to me being able to tell him everything, brought us even closer. That only added to the confusion I felt after rescuing him from being a guinea pig.

        It wasn't until after we had Grover back and Percy helped save me that I realized that the feelings we had were deeper than just friends or even a team, and my confusion was slightly clearer.

      That winter, when I was caught by Luke, I started to grow even deeper feelings for Percy, and I also started to notice his for me. He looked truly angry and terrified when he saw me holding the sky, and he didn't hesitate to relieve me. His wit showed then, as well. I think that's when I started really falling in love.

      Then came the summer after freshman year of high school. I experienced jealousy with Rachel without even having something real to be jealous for. As the war and project became more evident and looming, so did whatever Percy and I had going on. We fought more than ever. Still, the responsibilities we had took priority. Anything relating to the two of us became invisible, at least on the outside.  

        When the war finally came, it brought a strange sort of desperation. It was Percy, me, and our friends against everything. I still remember the moment, a flash of cold, when I saw Ethan’s knife racing toward Percy. I felt a pull, a tug somewhere deep inside of me like an instinct. I dove to block the strike.

      As I laid in a hotel room chair and Apollo campers buzzed around, all I could think about was the tone of Percy's voice after I took the knife. “Nobody touches her!” I could hear the same fear and need to protect in his voice as I felt when I stepped in Ethan's path.

       Still, it wasn't until we were alone and he told me where his Achilles spot was that I realized the desperation I heard in him and felt in me was something even bigger. I had felt for a while that I had a crush on him, silly as it sounds; I even started to suspect it was more. But it wasn't until that very moment that I finally realized that I truly loved this boy, my best friend. And I realized at the same time that he loved me back.

           So much more happened that day, but we held on to each other for strength. In the end, we came out together, against all my doubts and fears. We kissed and it was suddenly real. Everything I wanted with him happened, and for months we were living in a dream.

           Then, of course, the dream ended. Percy was gone; no trace of him anywhere. We had new people, a new prophecy, and a new problem. We worked harder than before: made a ship and made it to the Roman camp. We found Percy. We had a plan.

           We fell. Together, we fell from earth to Tartarus, far below. From the minute we reached the bottom, it was worse than everything we'd been through. I almost lost Percy before we could even fully grasp that we'd made it. Then the arai came, and suddenly Percy was dying. I was losing him right there and then. He was dying.

           He survived with the help of Bob and Damasen, but we hadn't even faced the worst yet. Akhlys’ poison and Percy's control of it... I felt like I was losing him then, too, but for an entirely different reason. I looked at the rage in his eyes and all I could see was Luke.

           We made it out, of Tartarus and the war. We talked about the pain, slowly but surely. We hold the scars still, but the darkness doesn't overwhelm us now. We finished high school together, and now we're here, sitting in the same place we started two years ago in the same way: nervous, with a large future and battle scars, but together.

         “Hey,” Percy says, nudging my foot with his. “Everything okay?” I turn my head to him and smile. “I was just thinking.”

           “Uh oh,” he says, grinning back at me. “What about?”

       “Everything we've been through, really. It's crazy that we started as kids, and now we're here with so much behind us.”

        “I know, it's insane. Even just this summer,” he says. He’s looking across the water, chewing his lip. “I meant everything in those letters, you know.” I nod, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “I know you did. And I’m sorry for making you wait.”

           He turns his gaze back to me, looking startled. “Are you kidding? Annabeth, you needed that so you could finally just feel happy with nothing to worry about. And honestly,” he says, turning his whole body toward me and gripping the arm he has around me tighter, “I needed it, too. Both wars left a lot behind, and even besides that, I was struggling, too. I know how I've changed from Tartarus and all that, and I was honestly scaring myself.

       “I worked with Chiron a lot more on controlling my anger and strength, and Nico and I talked more about handling myself and everything after Tartarus. I even prayed more to my dad, asking for help trusting the gods and resolving my anger toward them.” He takes the arm he had around me and grabs my other hand, kissing my forehead gently. “I feel content, Annabeth. With the past, with you...” He sighs. “I love you so much.”

       I take my hands from his and hold his cheeks in them. “I love you, too,” I say. I lean up to him and pull him down to me and kiss him. It's a firm, deep kiss; the kind we have a summer’s worth to make up for. His hands move to my waist and I move mine to around his shoulders. “I love you,” he mumbles again, and I pull him in deeper.

         After a few more seconds, I hear a noise from behind us. Percy must hear it, too, because he pulls away. Then, we hear a familiar voice.

          Clarisse. “It's about time!” A bunch of our friends, old and new, swarm forward to us. “Don't worry, I got it,” Percy shouts to them over their noise. Suddenly, he swoops me up and sprints toward the lake. I shriek at him, but he just laughs and keeps running. When we reach the end of the dock, he jumps in, still holding on to me. We can hear our friends shouting and cheering until we reach the bottom.

    He immediately creates a bubble for us to breathe. “Since we're eighteen, does curfew apply?” I shrug. “Probably, but what can they do?” He grins and leans in again.

           And yes, it was the second best underwater kiss of all time.

                                                          (PERCY)

         We manage to sneak from the canoe lake into my cabin pretty easily. It's not late enough for the harpies to be searching for campers yet, and the older campers are probably off exchanging money for the bets they definitely placed on Annabeth and me.

      Even though I've used my Poseidon powers to keep us both dry, Annabeth changes into a shirt of mine to sleep in. She stands in the middle of my cabin for a while after she's finished changing. I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her, placing a kiss to the top of her head. “Welcome back,” I murmur, squeezing her hands in mine.

           She sighs, leaning back into me. Then, she twists round in my arms so she's facing me. She wraps her arms around my waist, reaching up to kiss the bottom of my jaw. “I missed you,” she says, moving her lips to mine. I mumble in agreement and pull her closer.

           The kiss isn't heated; it's slower, like we're reassuring each other. Eventually, we pull away and just hold each other. “You should stay and cuddle with me,” I say softly into her hair. She laughs quietly, nodding. “Okay,” she says.

           That's where we are now, lying in my bed. She's drifting between sleeping and being awake as I play with her hair. I twist the curls around my finger, humming random songs to her softly. For a long while, all I can think about is how purely happy and content I feel having her back. We have NYU and the rest of our lives ahead of us. As scary as it is, I feel ready.

        I think back to the beginning of the summer, when Annabeth told me she wanted a break. Her fears of people leaving wasn't a new subject, and we'd even talked about it before. We finally had a calm summer ahead of us and a lot of time to think, and that's not always a pleasant thing.

          I remember writing the first letter. Annabeth, I wrote, I need to write this so you can know, somehow, how much you mean to me. After the first, I just kept writing more; not a week went by without something written.

           I kept vowing into the silence of my cabin that if I could really get her back, I would really never leave her. I wrote the last one the night before her birthday.mi was desperate and didn't even know what I was writing anymore. My mom sent cooked for her that night at my request.

         When I went to her cabin, I don't even know what I was expecting. I just needed to talk to her. It physically hurt me to see her so small and anxious and tired; she's always been so strong. I knew, though, that I had give her space. She was working through more than anyone but her could know.

        The she was gone. “She must follow her own path,” Chiron said, but I'd heard that before. As I questioned him, desperate for answers, I realized something. At least I knew she was doing something safe enough for Chiron to approve; when I was taken by Hera, Annabeth had no idea if I was even alive, and she had another huge quest on her shoulders.

           That moment was when I made my vow: I would make sure Annabeth never felt abandoned again, no matter what I had to do.

           As things as camp started slowing down again, I went to visit my mom and Paul. While I was there, my mom got a phone call. It was Annabeth. I knew that some Fate was looking out for us, because, seriously. How lucky does a guy have to be?

           When she told me she was at her dad’s, it all made sense. Ever since we'd met, he dad and his family was a touchy subject. She ran away when she was seven, and for her entire life she'd gone without a real family or anyone constant to be around. Suddenly, we were dating and she had a family. It was all too good to be true.

          When I finally understood, I was really proud of her. It was a fear that ran deep, and she was facing it head-on. All of the hurt I'd felt over the past months melted away, and I couldn't wait for her to get back so I could start living my vow.

           Now, here we are. Our future’s ahead of us, but it's not looming. I'm content right here, right now; Annabeth's fallen asleep with her head on my chest, tucked into my side. I run a thumb across her eyebrows and smooth down her hair before placing a kiss to her forehead. I relax, closing my eyes and falling asleep as a warm, pleasant feeling settles over me.

   We wake suddenly to loud knocking on the door. “You two are about to miss breakfast,” a voice calls. “If you do, no one can protect you from Chiron.” Annabeth groans, pressing her face further into my chest. “What time is it?”

      I turn my head to where my alarm clock sits- the one that did not get set last night. “It's eight-thirty,” I tell her. She groans again, before sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Her hair’s all messed up, there's a line of creases in her cheek from my shirt, and she's absolutely gorgeous.

        Whoever’s outside knocks again. “Helloooo,” they say, sounding a lot like Piper. “We'll be out soon,” Annabeth calls back, pulling her shorts back on under the shirt she's wearing. She takes one hair tie off of her wrist and gathers the bottom of the shirt- my Led Zeppelin shirt- and ties it back so it doesn't hang so low on her, then uses the other to smooth her hair into a ponytail.

          “I'm gonna go make sure my cabin’s good to go,” she says. She grabs my hands and pulls me to the edge of the bed, then placing her hands on my shoulders. Mine fall easily to her waist, pulling her in for a quick kiss. She pulls away, grinning and placing a kiss to the tip of my nose, before she slips out the door, laughing through Piper’s taunts.

           Gods, I love her.

                                                         epilogue

                                                    Annabeth, Percy

        “Showtime!” Piper’s voice causes the whole rooms’  heads to turn. Not that it's a big accomplishment; we’re in Piper’s tiny bathroom in her house in New Athens. “Really, we have a good ten minutes, but still,” she continues, choosing to stay in the doorway. Standing around me are Hazel, Juniper, and Rachel, my bridesmaids. I had asked Thalia, but the Hunters of Artemis aren't really wedding people, not surprisingly. Hazel and Juniper grin at me and squeeze each of my hands while Rachel expertly tucks my hair into it's braided updo.

           Sally appears in the doorway, grinning even wider than Hazel. “I just checked on Percy,” she says. “We're all good to go.” She steps into the bathroom, Hazel and Rachel moving aside for her. “I can't believe you two are getting married!”

           I laugh nervously. “I know. I'm trying to stay calm, but it's a little hard.”

      “It's going to be fine, dear.” She smooths down the skirt of my dress- no, her dress. The one she wore when she married Paul. When she asked me if I would wear it months ago, I obviously said yes, and we obviously both cried. Now, as I wear it, I can't help but feel comforted. The top is lace with long sleeves, and the skirt is simple,  as well, ending right at my ankles. It was longer on Sally, but I think it's gorgeous either way.

          Rachel's has my hair swept up in complicated braids, and Hazel brought blue orchids to weave into it. Piper did my makeup, not much more than mascara and light lipstick. As we do final touches, Sally gives me a long hug.“Thank you,” I tell her.  She laughs. “Thank you,” she says, “for taking care of him and making him the happiest I've ever seen him. He's smiling so widely today.”

           She pulls back, squeezing my hand and grinning again. I grin back. “I'll see you out there,” she says, squeezing my hand some last time before leaving. That must mean it's almost time to start.

            Piper pulls me into the hall while the other girls tidy up. “Quit freaking out,” she tells me. “You're supposed to be happy.”

      “I am happy! Just nervous, that's all. There's a lot that could go wrong, you know.”

           “Annabeth, it'll be fine.”

           “Well, what if I freeze up?”

           “You'll recover gracefully with the help of your amazing maid-of-honor.”

           “What if I flip him like in New Rome?”

           “Chiron is a trained medic.”

          “Not funny, Pipes. My mother could storm in and have a tantrum! Or worse, the queen of the gods herself!”

        “Her Highness isn't allowed anywhere near here. And as for your mother, I don't think she'll be throwing any tantrums. That's what I brought you out here for.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a long box. “She brought this to me last night. I think she would've given it to you herself, but she was afraid. She asked me to give it to you.” Piper opens the box, pulling out a leathery object.

           Like a sheath. “Is that my dagger?”

         Piper nods. “She said she saw some monster with it near her temple when she went to scare it away, and she got it back. She wants it to be a peace offering, showing her approval of you and Percy.”

        I take it from her, strapping it to my thigh. I never thought I'd have this back, and for my mom to get it... I feel amazing. “Thank you, Piper. Really.” She grins. “Of course. Thank you for asking me to be your maid-of-honor.” We hug. “I can't believe you're gonna be married within an hour,” she says.

       “Speaking of,” Hazel chirps, stepping out of the bathroom behind Rachel, “we need to get going.” I step away from Piper and look at the three of them. Their dresses are royal blue with light accents; the wedding colors. “None of you better let me trip,” I say, only half kidding.

     I stand near the fountain we're using in place of an altar, waiting for Annabeth. Chiron stands to my right, further back; we asked him to do the officiating for us. Grover stands right behind me as my best man, with Frank, Jason, and Leo behind him. We're having the wedding in New Athens, in the center of the gardens designed specifically by Annabeth and Katie Gardner for ceremonies like this.

     Will Solace starts playing a song on his piano, and everyone stands. The butterflies in my stomach go wild as my little sister, Ava, starts walking forward and throwing little blue petals all around the aisle. Tyson, a contrast to Ava's tiny form as he walks behind her, grins at me and holds up the rings so I can see. Following them are Hazel, Juniper, Rachel, Piper, and, finally, Annabeth.

     She looks so beautiful. My mom’s dress fits nicely on her, and her face is glowing. Her dad walks with her, reminding me of the summer years ago, and all the sacrifices we've made for this moment, right here.

    Laughing deliriously on the floor during college, trying not to drown in term papers and exams. Arguing in the kitchen over bills and job schedules. Waking up in cold sweats, shaking as Tartarus momentarily grips us again.

          Now, here we are. We made it through everything. Frederick shakes my hand as he lets go of Annabeth's, giving me a proud and teary-eyed grin. When I turn to face Annabeth, I'll admit that my eyes water, too.

           Chiron begins as Annabeth and I exchange smiles. He goes through his speech, choking up a few times. Soon, we reach the point of exchanging vows. I take a deep breath. “Annabeth, you've been there for me and saved my life more times than I can count. A few years ago, when we were eighteen, I made my vow. I promised myself that I would make sure you felt loved and knew I would be there for you, always.

          “Even though things have been temporary in your life before...” I pause, wiping away the tears that have fallen. “Annabeth, the vow I'm making today is that I promise to keep being here for you. I will show you that, no matter what, some things last. We will last.”

                      I've never grinned so much in my entire life. Percy takes the ring from Grover, a simple silver one with green gemstones pressed into it. He slides it onto my finger, grinning right back at me.

      I wipe my tears away, taking a shaky breath. “A long time ago,” I begin, “you found out that what I wanted most was something permanent. Percy...” As I pause, recollecting myself, I can hear Sally sniffling. I can see my dad wiping away tears of his own. Even Chiron has to take a breath to calm down.

           Looking at Percy, the boy I loved who is now the man I love, I find the words I need to finish. “Percy, that's what I've wanted my whole life. Today, I know for sure that I've found it. You, Percy Jackson, are my something permanent.”

                                                        end

[writtenbymonarch]

Preferred Aphasia

Reader x Sirius

Imagine: A quiet girl, who has mastered nonverbal spells has a crush on Sirius, although others believe that she likes Remus. Teachers don't like her but someone else does.

Words: 1,400

Warning: There will be an unconnected part 2.

__________

Everyone thinks she has a crush on Remus, she just goes with it, as long as they don’t know that it’s actually Sirius that she likes. She doesn’t talk much, although it is because their is a constant flow of thoughts she can’t get through. Secretly kinky? Master at nonverbal spells. Teachers don’t like her. Is secretly a slithering but everyone forgot. After being with Sirius she finds her voice.

Y/N has been friends with the Marauders since first year, somehow their relationship had just clicked. Any outsider would have thought that she was in it because of some forced parental unofficial contract, because she was quiet, and who would want to be friends with the quiet girl? Although, this is not the case, they are friends purely because they happen to fit together like a puzzle. The image of the puzzle, if literally speaking, would form a piece of abstract art. It’s all up to the eyes of the beholder.

Currently, Y/N and Rems were walking into their last period for the week, Transfiguration. Remus was insanely interested in the subject they had just come from, Defense against the dark arts, so he was a bit riled up. The only thing Y/N wasn’t looking forward to in this class was the teacher, McGonagall. (I know the eras are messed up, deal) She always had asked Y/N to the front of the class to speak, so she retaliated in any way she could come up with in order to keep her silence, which showed up in her grades being drastically low,  contradicting her outstanding content. She would perform everything perfectly, except without saying the incantation. From a young age she had mastered non-verbal spells, which was a difficult task for a grown wizard, let alone a first year.

The mutual hatred of student and teacher could have also been from the fact that Y/N had originally been sorted into Slytherin, but lives the life of a Gryffindor, dorm room and everything. No one was sure if this was allowed or not, this being a first time occurrence. It was as if no one cared enough that she went along with the Gryffindors after a week of getting bored in the Slytherin house, and she was just welcomed, not many questions asked. Now, everyone forgets that she was ever sorted in a different house and doesn't outcast her for that reason. Her silence was the reason for the usual avoidance. With the lack of verbal interactions, she surpassed the regulations. Meaning, the rules didn’t apply to her and McGonagall wasn’t going to take part in that.

As a result of her ‘impairment’, fellow students stood up for her when McGonagall crossed any lines, especially Remus. Y/N was told rumors that the professor only acted this was towards her. The rumors had substantial evidence of being true.

After walking across campus, the pair had finally made it to Transfiguration, small talk, coming from Remus, throughout the walk, Y/N replying with less than 20 words in the whole conversation. It wasn’t awkward, this was just how it worked and it was fine that way. They sat down in their usual seats, attempting to bypass any judgement, aimed their way.

“Wipe that grin off your face.” Professor said out of nowhere, directed towards Y/N.

“It’s automatic in your presence.”

“That’s backtalk. Move to the front. 5 points from Gryffindor.” She took away points from the house that Y/N cared about the most.

“She wasn’t even grinning until you mentioned something. Back off.” Argued Remus.

“You do not tell me what I can and cannot do. Move to the back of the room. I want to see no conversation between the two of you.”

“You do know who you’re talking to right?” Remus questioned about the comment, trying to humiliate McGonagall in any way possible. She did not reply, there was no witty comeback that she could have thought of.

‘Thank you.’ Y/N mouthed. Remus sufficed for a nod of his head toward Y/N, getting the memo through. They got through the class with minimal hustle afterwards.

Right when they stepped out of the class, Sirius and James were waiting outside of the entrance. Sirius draped his arm around Y/N shoulders, making her blush. Fortunately, no one saw this. She tried to keep her crush on him on the down low. If her setup continues, they could act the way a couple was without the awkwardness of a taboo, unshared infatuation that Y/N had on him.  

“How’d you get here so fast?” Remus spoke up.

“We skipped the end of herbology,” James went in front of the group to reenact a scene. “’Yo, Mr.! We gotta go grab something from the back.’ And we were never to be seen again.” He shook his head and started walking forward once again. Y/N was not surprised, knowing that without their shenanigans, they’d be really good students with their intellectual potential.

“Guess what time it is?” Sirius whispered in her ear. She shrugged. “Party time! We already have some stuff set up at the lake. James invited Lily, but you know how he is. Plus, more people, more fun. Party logic,” He pointed towards his temple. Y/N was just glad that this was going to stay between her close friend group.  

“Did you know about this?” Remus staggered his hand, in a ‘kinda’ motion.

At the halfway mark on the walk to the destination, Sirius’ arm had gotten substantially heavier, so she decided to do something playful, obtaining some sort of possible chance that could get her somewhere in his books. She removed his arm, stroked his chin like a grandma who hadn’t seen their grandchild for a while, and moved his hand down to hers, entwining their fingers.  

“Ohhh, it’s getting spicy up in here.” He joked. In a short while they had made it to their goal; the lake. It was a sweet setup. Charmed floating fairy lights, 3 big blankets, a picnic basket, and a muggle radio, playing a song from the current top 10 at a low volume.  

Everyone sat down, making themselves feel comfortable in the secluded area, blocked off be trees, so it wasn’t obvious that they were there at all.  

“Rad.” Was the only word that Y/N said, when Sirius asked them how she liked it, after admitting that he had the idea. Soon, Lily had shown up and they had begun drinking.  

“Ya’ll gonna have some?” James asked Sirius and Y/N, the only ones not drinking.

“Remember?” Was Sirius’ response, while Y/N shook her head, not being much of a drinker. It took a second for their responses to get through to James’ head, but when they did, there was a haunted look of realization on his face.  

“Remedy.” He said, totally out of context, a dazed look on his face. Some ones hands had flung across Y/N’s eyes, obstructing her vision. All she could hear was a rumble of footsteps.

When the hands were removed, she was met with a cleaned picnic area, and only Sirius. “Imbeciles.” He laughed.

“What’s this about?” Y/N said, in a whisper, a content grin on her face, paired with flushed cheeks.  

“Well, although, it’s quite obvious that you like Remus,” Y/N shook her head slightly at his words. “I have liked you for quite some time. I wanted to use this excuse of a hang out to at least tell you about it, because it’s been a secret for long enough. I would like this to go somewhere, but only if you like me back, no pity dating,” He had seen how it was one of Y/N’s pass weaknesses, only dating people out of pity, not because she actually liked them. “So, Y/N would you do me the pleasure of being my girlfriend?” Never, had she thought about being anywhere close to his league, but it couldn’t be a prank, he wouldn’t do that.

“If you’re sure...” She hesitated.

“Positive,” He scurried closer. “I know I just asked one big question, girlfriend of mine, but, can I kiss you.”

“I’ve been waiting.”  She smirked.

“So, I’ll take that as a yes.”

-A/N

I’ve been wanting to write something like this. Part 2 coming soon, already being half written. Send in some requests.

~Monarch