#supportive friend on maxence's big day

[axel--auriant]

Maxence's IG story - 19/02/2021 ❤

[eohachu]

Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game.

Ali tagged me, thanks. I guess 😘 @lanzhansmiles​

A’ight so I’m simply taking this as an opportunity to show off my frankly impeccable taste 😌 *coughs into the crook of my elbow with my mask on and from a safe distance* More under the cut, godspeed!

I’m tagging uhh I really don’t want to expose anyone but uh. @morifinwes​ @ttaechwita​ @sunshine304​ @treemaidengeek​ @flamingwell​ no pressure tho!!

Since 2006

Janina Fautz: Die Wilden Kerle, anyone?? Tbh i had a crush on quite a lot of the characters/actors but in hindsight Janina was and is the most influential one. Also probably my first ever girl crush (again, in hindsight bc it took me until 3 years ago to finally find out i’m queer lol)

Eva-Maria May: Yeah well I’m not gonna talk about where I know her from let’s say it was an incredibly bad soap opera my mom used to watch. She was one of the reasons why I went Yeah I Have Always Been Into Girls. I was pretty obsessed with her to the point where mini me secretly printed out a photo of her to look at lmaooo the signs have always been there and it’s truly amazing how I had been missing them for years

Amy Adams: Her as Amelia Earhart in Night at the Museum was also definitely a huge Thing to young me. Again, I had been completely oblivious about this crush for years

David Luiz: HAH! This is the point where we do NOT get into my football/soccer crushes bc this list would get WAYYY too long hahaha. I had to cut loads of people from my list for this post bc I develop a new celebrity crush every 5 minutes basically but yeah. David Luiz was definitely my biggest football/soccer crush out of..... everyone else

M*rvel

I don’t have a lot to say about any of them since I’m not into m*rvel anymore TFATWS makes me want to stick the tip of my toe back into m*rvel waters but otherwise NO THANKS

Sebastian Stan was, if my judgement of my archive is right, the longest highkey celebrity crush I’ve ever had. Mostly because I love Bucky a lot and he was so amazing in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I must’ve had a crush on him for as long as I had been in the m*rvel fandom

Recent Past

some celeb crushes from last year that were all more or less short-lived tbh

Ester Expósito: As it often goes I didn’t find her spectacular in the beginning but as Élite went on I started to develop a huge crush on her. I still find her pretty hot but I’m not invested in Élite so yeah..... I have no object permanence

Mina El Hammani: Got to know her through Élite, too. She’s so incredibly beautiful. Had a hard time choosing a photo of her bc I’d stare at every single one for ages. Wow.

Danger Days!Gerard Way: Hah! The ones of you who’ve been following me for longer might remember my posts about wanting to dye my hair neon red. Well, him’s the reason and also clinical depression. Ended up with natural red/ginger bc my hair is too thin for bleaching lel. ANYWAY

Maxence Danet Fauvel: Pretty short-lived crush from my Skam days

Ramy Moharam Fouad: So Ramy has a brother, Tamino-Amir Moharam Fouad, who makes INCREDIBLE music. Ramy made some of his music videos (directed them? not sure), that’s how he came to my attention. Idk man he’s just so incredibly beautiful.... gives me a hint of genvy, too......

Janelle Monáe: Became a fan when Make Me Feel came out, listened to the entire album for days and eventually inevitably crushed on her

Lera Abova: Saw her in ANИА and fell in love. I screamed to my friends for weeks about how she was the most beautiful human being I’d ever seen etc etc. Eventually my crush went away mostly, but I still think she’s stunning

Keiynan Lonsdale: Keiynan said FUCK gender and I said 😍😍😍 and that’s all you need to know.

Current

*deep breath* alright let’s gooo

Bright (Wachirawit Chivaaree): Crushed on him for as long as I watched 2gether/Still 2gether lmao. I still like him a lot and sometimes lose my mind over him but I’m not exceptionally Thirsty™

Tul (Pakorn Thanasrivanitchai) and Max (Nattapol Diloknawarit): If you search either of them on tumblr you will have to scroll for a long, long time to find seperate photos of them. However, I’m not patient enough so here we are. Re: Tul, actually I want to copy/paste what Ali said bc DAMN a man who is confident about his masculinity and sexuality really is kinda hot. Same goes for Max tbh. Also Max’ lips look so soft I [redacted]

Lukas von Horbatschewsky: Also known as Lukas Alexander. He did an amazing job in Druck and he’s just a person I admire in general. As one of the few out trans actors in Germany, he had a main role as a trans boy in Druck and also co-wrote Druck’s seasons 5 and 6. He’s just a huge role model to me and, apart from that, Big Crush Material (h i s  e y e s)

Li Wei: Someone suggested him as Hua Cheng for the TGCF live action and my life hasn’t been the same since. While I’m open for whoever will get that role in the end, I could look at his face for hours and not get bored. Major Genvy, too.

Li BoWen and Liu HaiKuan: I will have to deal with these two in one paragraph bc LanLan bc they have the exact same effect on me which is. that they’re not 100% my type but I WILL go absolutely feral about them at regular intervals, if you know what I mean

Song JiYang: ohh honey. oh honey.......... hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I have a natural affinity for aquarius ppl and this one lives in my heart rent free. I’d even make him soup if he’d ask.

Wang YiBo: WELL HOLY SHIT. listen. LISTEN! the hype around him is 100% justified imo he really is That Bitch and I love him so so much for it. Fucking ICON

Honorary Mentions: Gender Envy

Here’s to the People I Thought I Had A Crush On But Not Quite until I learned the word Gender Envy:

Zhu YiLong: Man, this is the person who’s mainly responsible for me finding out AT ALL about not being entirely cis. The POWER he holds!!! His performance as Ye Zun in Guardian was like a breakthrough point for me which. certain people witnessed in real time hahaha oh I love this fandom!!

Zhu ZanJin: HIM. AAAH!! He’s literally so beautiful and whenever I see him I just go ZANZAN!! in my head and in the tags bc. well. hIM.

Xiao Zhan With Long Hair: Look, Xiao Zhan is always amazing but BLESS the person who made these manips. I can finally rest.

Wang YiBo: uhh what’s he doing here again?? Tbh YiBo is one of the few, if not the only person that gives me Major Gender Envy that I would also [redacted] if they asked. Do I want to be him or be with him? The answer is Yes.

I skipped the fictional characters bc I tend not to crush on them 👉👈 Instead I will just directly crush on the actors/actresses lol!

Thank you for bearing with me. As a prize, you can choose between a ladder supported forehead kiss, or a bowl of homemade soup. ❤

[thegreatescape]

SHARE THE LOVE CONVENTION

Here’s what happened at the Share The Love Con in Milan! :) [Sorry for my terrible English lol]

At the con I was in the front row with my friends. It was amazing but at the same time I felt a little bit observed lol Pietro was the first one who greeted me and then Nicholas recognized me ;; 

After the panel, my friend and I decided to take a picture with Federico because he was too beautiful with that blue sweater and when we went to take the picture he gave us a tight hug that I will remember forever. I don't know why but I was more nervous than the previous times... maybe because he was even more beautiful than usual lol 

Then we queued for the Fede + Rocco duo and I don’t know where I found the courage but I showed them a photo in which two people were kissing a girl on the cheek and this happened sdifhoisadpo 

Damn Fede has really soft lips, I cry just thinking about it. I left the room shaking like a leaf lol Then we went to the autographs of Nicholas, Greta and Beatrice. Greta and Bea were a wonderful surprise. They are both so kind and sweet. When Greta saw my drawing she gave me a hug and said ‘thank you’ a hundred of times. She was sooo cute! ;; 

Even Beatrice thanked me so much and complimented me and said “You drew me so hot!” And I was like "Well, you are" haha ​​

Then I went to Nicholas and this happened:

Nicholas: Hi! I'm a big fan of yours!

And I smiled at him sooo embarrassed.

Nicholas: I don't know how to thank you! I’m very tired after a drawing, you draw 10 drawings every day! You're very good.

Then Greta arrived at his table and said: Did you see my beautiful drawing with the pink background?

And he was like: Mine is gray! :(

Me: I made the backgrounds based on the shirt you had in the photos and you always have a black shirt.

Nicholas: I have to do a photoshoot then haha

Nicholas then asked me to show some of my drawings to Bea and when I showed her my Instagram profile she remembered those I had done for her and Greta added: Oh my God you made me the drawing of me and Nini kissing? It's beautiful! ; _;

This is Nicholas’ autograph. He drew me Luchino eating pizza’s crusts LOL

Then we went to the autographs of Pietro, Fede and Rocco and I have to say that this was one of the most beautiful moments of the Convention. When Pietro saw me he greeted me with an "Hello darling, how are you?" And before I answered he said: "Did you bring me something?" And when I gave him the drawing he said: “Oh my God, it's awesome! This is a new one!”

Me: “Well, yes, I couldn't post it before, it had to be a surprise!”

Pietro: “Can I keep it? ;)”

Me: “Sure it's for you! Also, sorry if I tag you on so many drawings.”

Pietro: “It makes me so happy! You drew the futuristic black and white one, the one where I’m in Venice, the one with the flag you gave me last time and ... this, right? (he remembered all of them ; ___;) And then he added: “But you drew Federico more :( AHAHAH”

Then I went to Fede and he said: “I know that yesterday was your birthday so… HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” And he sent me a kiss. I died. Then I gave him the drawing and he thanked me and he looked at me with a pleased smile saying: “What can I write here ..?” And he wrote me this beautiful autograph that I’ve to frame. 

Then, without saying anything, he got up and hugged me and it was a beautiful moment because I didn't want to let him go. Maybe that was the best hug- not only because it lasted longer but because I could tell him how grateful I was for everything.

Then I went to Rocco and he greeted me with a big smile saying: “Hello Giulia, how are you ?!” And I was actually dying inside so I immediately gave him the drawing and he said something like: “Wtf is this a drawing? Oh my God it’s amazing thank you so much” and he showed it to Fede.

Then in the afternoon there were other panels but for those I will make a special mentions at the end of the post.

Then there was Fede and Rocco meet & greet. It was pretty weird because we were all so shy and we didn’t know what to say so they told us something that happened on set during Marti and Nico reunion on the terrace in 2x09.

Fede: “Ludovico told us ‘Kiss!', so we did it. It was so romantic, but when we stopped, I noticed that I had Rocco's snot on my cheek. So I said: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? THIS IS DISGUSTING! and the atmosphere was ruined.

Rocco: “It's true HAHAHA”

Fede: “I had your snot on me all the time! You were always crying!

Rocco: "Yes, there was an important exchange of body fluids. AHHA”

Then we went to eat the pizza with the cast. The first one who sat at our table was Federico. I was the first one to get the pizza and he said: “Well you're the birthday girl that’s why they gave you the pizza first”. I just smiled like an idiot and he said: “Eat it or it gets cold!"

Me: "No, I'm waiting for you …"

He: “But if it gets cold, it sucks”. (it sucked anyway haha)

Then me and my friends started arguing with him bc Federico claimed that the pizza has to be cut in 8 pieces (and we were cutting it in 4). Thankfully Pietro arrived and supported us and told Fede: “Stop being so annoying” ahah.

After that, there was the most embarrassing interaction that I've ever had with him. We looked at each other and he smiled, so I smiled back but I was too nervous to say anything. Basically we kept smiling for like 15 seconds and it all ended with an embarrassing silence :))))

Then Rocco sat right next to me and he was so… excited? Haha

Rocco: “Did you eat today?”

Me: “No, we were anxious…”

Rocco: “Why? C’mon we know each other now! We’re friends!” (I almost cried, I swear).

Then I showed him a bracelet that my friends bought me for my bday (a heart with the word ‘Sbedemmic’ written on it) and he enlightened and said: “Nooo! Oh my god! Sbedemmic !? A-ma-zing!”

Then we asked him how to pronounce “Maxence” and Rocco called him at out table and Maxence rushed to us leaning towards us and we were blown away because he has really beautiful eyes and honestly I didn't even listen to what he said ahaha

Then Nicholas joined us and said  "I want to sit right next to Giulia” (I wanted to hug him ;u;) and we talked about drawings and it was wonderful. Then at a certain point I don't remember what he wanted to ask Bea and he started to call her addressing a girl at the table next to ours and only after a while we pointed out that Bea was sitting on the other side of the room and he was like: “Who was I calling? The girl doesn't even have hair like Bea!” HAHAH

Before he left we hugged each other tight and we  thanked each other for everything.

Maxence is literally an elf. He is nice, funny and he gave me a lot of positivity. We asked him to take a photo all together and he immediately put the glass of wine down because “If my mom sees the picture she gets angry” xD He said he never had the chance to interact so much with the fans at the events and that he thinks it’s amazing to create a bond with us.

Then I apologized bc I tag him on a lot of drawings and he asked me “Wait, what did you draw?”

Before I answered him he started to jump on the chair saying “The raccoon one!?”

Me: “Yes, even the-”

He: “The one with the shirt! Come on, let me see it!”

So I showed him the drawing and he exclaimed: “YEEEEES! THIS ONE! YEEEEES! THE SHIRT!!!”

He thanked me and I closed instagram, but I had forgotten to change my background and I had a photograph of me with Federico.

Maxence saw it and said: “Is that your boyfriend?"

And I said: “I WISH!”

I swear I didn't want to say it out loud, but it was spontaneous. He widened his eyes and literally burst into laughing while I turned RED. I apologized saying it wasn’t my intention to say it out loud but he said that he got that bc he read the panic in my eyes as soon as I realized it, but he appreciated my spontaneity and he said that it will be our little secret xD (then we talked outside and we took a couple of photos, he even chose the poses AHAHAH but then we got caught and the staff told him to go inside xD).

1 December

The second day in the morning we went to the autographs of Robin and Lukas and they both thanked me so much for the drawings (I will never forget their expressions ;;). 

After giving Lukas the drawing he stood up and hugged me tight and he was the sweetest, with his beautiful and kind smile :’)

Then I took a photo with Nicholas 

and a duo with Maxence and Rocco where I asked for a group hug and Maxence said: A POLIPATA ?! (an Italian word that idk how to translate. Obviously Rocco taught him that haha it’s like “hugging like an octopus” lol)

The last photos were those with Federico. When I showed him the photo I wanted to do he made an expression that I will never forget a mix between a smile and ;) and he said: “Uh, today we are in the mood for kisses”. And of course I turned BRIGHT RED :DDD

The last activity of the day was the autograph with Maxence. He thanked me for the drawing and said "You made me a beautiful drawing, so I will also make your own beautiful drawing" and he made a stylized character of me ahaha

At the cocktail party Maxence was the first one to sit with us! He didn’t know what to say so he asked us to do a toast and we all said in chorus 'cin-cin' and he said: "Do you know that ‘cin-cin’ means vagina in Chinese?” Ahah This was the highlight of our conversation.

Then Nicholas and Rocco came at our table and we talked all the time about medicines and reflux lmao We looked like the geriatric department bc they said that all the cocktails tasted like medicines lol 

Then Pietro and Fede arrived, both sooo tired, but Fede greeted us with "Hello rays of sunshine!" And we were literally dying . Pietro said he was worried about not being able to return home because he would have arrived after midnight and he didn't have the keys. "I can't call someone and say "Hi, I'm the guy who lives upstairs" ahaha

Then we talked to Lukas and Robin and they were so cute ;; Lukas is a very interesting person, he has a pure soul and it was a pleasure to know him ;; 

In the end, Bea and Greta arrived and we gossiped a lot, especially about boys haha

Best moments of PANELs:

-Nicholas said his favorite word is Australopithecus Robustus and Greta said "Fregno" (it’s a slang for ‘hot’) xD

-Fede said his Spirit animal is a Golden Retriever and that Martino’s is a fox

-Fede made fun of Rocco because he spoke with metaphors that didn’t make any sense so Fede was like: Enough Rocco, enough! Stop it! THAT'S ENOUGH!

-We made a video for Bea and everyone cried in the room

-THE KARAOKE

-Fede said that Rocco didn’t know how to ride a bicycle and they had to shoot that scene a lot of times

-Fede complimented Rocco and then he gave the microphone to him saying: “Come on, I’m waiting.” Because he wanted to get compliments too haha

-Rocco sat in the audience and asked Fede the story of Bambi and Fede called him “Er Lucertola (lizard)” in revenge and said that the name of Bambi was born because of a toxic (Rocco haha)

-Pietro who answered BOH to all the questions haha

-When a girl mentioned the 4th season (even if we couldn’t) and everyone said to keep hoping and thanked us for fighting so much during these months and then Rocco said: Yes, thank you very much for the support. Without you it wouldn't have been pos— Everyone: ROCCO !!!!! haha

-When another girl talked about Massimo Reale -Dr. Spera- (referring to the photos he posted from the 4th season’s set) and then Bea said: She just wanted to know the name of Dr. Spera and yes, it’s Massimo Reale xD

-Rocco screaming SBEDEM

Here’s some pics I took at the panels :) 

Everything was AWESOME! I miss them all so much ;;

Please if you want to use one of these pics tag my instagram account:  here

[aparecium-hq]

Welcome to Aparecium, Ro! You have been accepted for Scorpius Malfoy. We are thrilled to have, as you put it, a massive anti-hero, morally-grey character nerd among us! Your Scorpius has a lot of fun potential, and we can’t wait to see what you do with him. Check out the new member checklist, and jump right in.

Character Basics

Birthday (Age): 21 Gender (Pronouns): Male (He/Him) Sexuality: Currently still exploring and unsure. He knows he’s interested in men, but isn’t sure if it’s an exclusive thing and doesn’t feel confident enough for labels just yet. Blood Status: Pureblood Hogwarts House/School: Ravenclaw Occupation: Healer (4th Year Apprenticeship) Faceclaim: Maxence Danet-Fauvel

Any requested changes? Not super explicitly a change exactly but, from the resources I’ve found, there doesn’t appear to be a lot of information on training involved in becoming a Healer. Wiki suggests that it’s all based on academics from regular school years, but I find this a little far fetched. I imagine there’d be some sort of training system in place at the hospital, not that different from the muggle world, so I’ve sort of assumed  a couple of years of what we would call ‘residency’ but I’m calling 'apprenticeship’ because that’s the old school guild way and feels wix-world appropriate? Anyway, let me know if there are any issues with this or if you want to discuss it further! Also, please note that any headcanons I form in the rest of my application regarding existing, playable characters, I can definitely tweak if the personality portrayal goes against future applicants! I make a few references to Albus, for example, that is sort of based on his personality in Cursed Child, as well as what I read in his bio. But if anything conflicts with how he is portrayed by who eventually plays him, I will obviously take that into account and accommodate.

Biography:

Having inadvertently become the best friend of Albus Potter, he never really had the opportunity to complain about the challenges of growing up the son of Draco Malfoy. Because obviously, growing up the son of Harry Potter (and then sorted into Slytherin, no less—cue gasps of shock and appall) was obviously a lot more immediately arduous. And Scorpius is and has always been an empathetic person. Some people (sometimes even his father, when he got cranky) had coined that particular trait as being a bit of a push over, but Scorpius liked that he put the needs and considerations of others before his own.

So he had no regrets about how he more often than not, kept those particular thoughts to himself. But it did get frustrating sometimes, especially as a kid. Because it would seem that no matter how many years of post-war peace go by, they can never fully escape the discrimination (or, as his father likes to sarcastically call it, the 'hurt feelings’).

And it’s not at all that he didn’t have a good childhood. In a lot of ways, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Certainly, there were some… complications. A few particularly difficult years, being that he was a child of divorce, and had to adjust to bouncing back and forth between two separate households at a young age. But overall, he knows he’s one of the lucky ones. He has always felt loved, protected and supported. And though his parents were barely on speaking terms for the better part of the first few years after their divorce, they did their best not to involve Scorpius in their issues of discontent.

Despite all of that, he has always been a lot closer with his father, than his mother. Astoria is good to him and loving, but she was (somewhat surprisingly) less supportive of Scorpius’ straying from tradition when it came to being sorted into Ravenclaw, and his relationships with the Potter-Weasley clan. Draco, despite his persnickety temperament, had been Scorpius’ influence of patience, ambition and most importantly, tolerance. From the conversations they’ve had over the years, Scorpius is beginning to understand that his father still holds a lot of resentment for the expectations that were forced upon him as the only Malfoy heir of his generation, especially with things that went on during the war. To this day, however, it’s a bit like piecing together a jigsaw puzzle because Draco often refuses to discuss the war.

When it comes to politics, Scorpius is by no means opposed to muggleborn equality—obviously—and he can even hypothetically be supportive of the introduction of muggle technology. But he was raised by parents who were absolutely against the absurd idea of abolishing the Statue of Secrecy, and Scorpius has to admit he agrees with them. Even his father, who is generally a lot more empathetic to muggle and muggleborn related politics than Astoria, firmly believes dissolving the Statue of Secrecy would only lead to another war, perhaps even uglier than the last.

A typical Ravenclaw, Scorpius very much enjoyed school, and now that he’s out in the 'real world’, even though he's  had a few years to adjust, he still sometimes feels a little lost in it. He misses the reliable comfort of being a student, of having constant mentors and structure available to him, and the leniency of not having to make and stick to decisions regarding his future. He followed in his fathers footsteps and pursued Healing, which he has to admit feels relatively right, but still, he’s never been as good under fire as his father, nor as unflappably resilient and ambitious. He wants to be good, and he wants to make a difference and make his parents proud—but there are times he really struggles not to crumple under the pressure of it all.

And then there was Rose. Merlin, he has so many regrets about how things went with Rose—his other best friend. He’d known they should probably never have dated. He’d known, and even Albus had tried to warn him, but at the time Scorpius had just dismissed Albus’ concerns as his “annoying cynicism” talking. And to be fair, Albus really could be quite cynical sometimes.

But as it turns out, he was right. He was really, really right, because the (astoundingly brief) relationship had been a total bust, and even though he and Rose had agreed in advance not to let the attempt at romance come between their friendship should it not work out, Scorpius made that promise a difficult one to keep when he cheated on her with a young man in his apprenticeship program at St. Mungo’s, and she found out. He knows it’s his fault, he does—but he misses her intensely and he wants to find a way to win back her trust and respect.

Plus, it’d be great if he could finally get Albus to stop with the 'I told you so’ tirade.

Character Questionnaire

What does your character value in a friendship? Scorpius’ friends mean everything to him. Though he can be something of an introvert (strong Ravenclaw vibes), he is prone to getting lonely without the company of those few people dearest to him. The ones who know him best and with whom he can share anything. He finds he’s frequently looking to his friends for advice, or their perspective on something he’s feeling particularly indecisive or uncertain about, so he definitely values honesty in that regard, and someone he feels safe being open with about his fears. He also values patience, and inquisitiveness, and he has a harder time with people who are hot-tempered or quick to anger. Which… did make his relationship with Albus a complicated one, especially at first, but by the same token, he also really admires people who are passionate and decisive—perhaps because it embodies traits he wishes he could see more of in himself.

How would your character describe their own work ethic? Is that an accurate measure of themself?

If there is one thing Scorpius inherited above all else from his father, it’s his work ethic. Draco taught him to be a resilient, diligent student, and a reliable, focused worker. He taught him to take pride in his work, and to never settle for anythnig less than the best. This did generate some issues with Scorpius’ tendency towards being an obsessive perfectionist, which doesn’t actually bode particularly well for his softer sensibilities and his capricious sense of confidence, but otherwise he considers his work ethic one of his stronger attributes.

How would a stranger who has just met your character describe them?

Probably sweet, warm, and a little shy. Scorpius generally gives off a good first impression because he is well mannered, friendly, and easy going. He much prefers making friends to enemies—but his first impression is usually limited to just that one dimension. Only those who know him better are exposed to his more anxious, self-conscious side, and his friends know he has a bright, almost sarcastic sense of humour that he undoubtedly got from his father. Often, new friends are taken a little by surprise by it.

Para Sample

He knew for a fact that his hair was standing every which way by the time Albus got home, thanks to his some-call-it-habit, others-call-it-tic, of tugging his fingers through it when he was bored. Or nervous. Or tired. Or hungry. And he also knew for a fact that there was a spot on his jumper from the bit of tea he’d spilled on it when he’d gotten home, and that his father would be less than impressed at his state of dress. But though there were a lot of things Scorpius got from his father, one apple that had fallen actually quite far from the tree, had been Draco’s sophisticated propensity.

Scorpius much preferred jumpers that were cozy and a bit too big, shoes that were comfortably worn-in, and rolling out of bed and more or less letting his hair do what it would, without too much fussing about. Sorry, Da.

And tonight, it was admittedly his boredom at fault for the bird’s nest state of his hair, perhaps helped by an undercurrent of anxiety that was pretty common now that Scorpius was getting on into his apprenticeship—and that had undoubtedly gotten worse since his falling out with Rose. And really, he tried not to talk about that whole debacle too much with Albus, because it seemed to make him a little uncomfortable, but Scorpius was prone to over-thinking (read: obsessing) and so it was a subject that was almost constantly simmering at the back of his mind.

Nonetheless, the sound of the door clicking open brought with it an intense wave of relief and excitement for Scorpius, because Albus was home, which meant someone to talk to, someone to distract him from thinking about work (because his father always told him to leave work at the door when he left, if he wanted to have any semblance of a life outside it), and perhaps someone to play a round of Wizard’s Chess with him. Though that usually took a fair amount of convincing, with Albus.

[whippedkoalas]

Today is the day! Skam france is coming back and we will see everyone again, and finally meet Lucas. I am excited to see what his journey will be, who he will meet and how he's going to grow up in front of our eyes.

I am also excited to see Axel play Lucas, too.

I love skam france, and I love all those new actors as well. It warms my heart to see those young actors given the opportunity to be a part of something like Skam. I don't know if it will open doors for them, but I really hope so.

This is why I am personally honestly sad to read posts about skamfr now.

for the first two seasons, people were criticizing Skamfr very harshly and loudly. Even though, they all explained that they were advised to follow og as much as possible to be able to know their characters before they could do their own thing, even though they can't have a soundtrack full of known songs because Sacem rights are extremely high in France and they don't have a budget for music that allows them to use known songs and a lot of other things, like the fact that a lot of things were lost in translation and.... Anyway.

People are allowed to have their opinions, and skamfr had great ratings, French people were watching the show so all was great.

I expected people to care about skamfr season 3. I am in no way saying that people shouldn't watch their favorite season but it makes me sad to see so much praise for season 3 because the first two seasons were categorized as "not worth watching" by so many people (and that's their rights, but it makes me sad.)

it makes me very sad for the actors because they gave everything they had in the seasons and it shows.

So a little appreciation post for the s1/s2 team while we're waiting for s3 team to shine.

Emma is still one of the funniest girls of the group. She has a vulnerable side of her, even though she is strong and dealing with so much. Philippine had the hard role to start the show, and she did a very great job with Emma, and gave her some iconic lines. ❤️

Manon went through a lot, and hid her feelings a lot too, but she wasn't afraid to cry either. She organized things for the refugees and was there for her friends every time they needed her. Marilyn was phenomenal in her season

Coline gave Alexia her light. Alexia is shining. She's really solar. Alexia has a strong personality, and hides her soft side under her extrovert side. I can only hope we'll get to see her more.

Assa is a perfect French Sana. I can't wait for her season. I honestly can't. Even though she has a huge soft side and loves her friends to death, she isn't afraid to tell the truth. Assa gave Imane a soft side when it was needed, but she made sure we know Imane's guards are always up and she's ready to fight if needed.

Lula is a fantastic actress and did a great job with Daphné. Daphné is so naive and vulnerable and lives in her pink bubble, but when shit gets serious, she knows how to leave her comfortable bubble and goes back to reality. I hope she can live her school years the way she wants it with her friends by her side.

Yann is always the cutest with his pink jacket. He has a bright personality and just wants to have fun. He doesn't think about consequences before doing something, and I hope he will learn to do that in the future, but he's supportive of Lucas, and of Emma. If I'm not mistaken it's one of Leo's first role and I'm glad he is part of the team because he gives such a great vibe to Yann!

Alexandre and Charles, our basketball players and best friends forever. There's such a great connection between the two. Alexandre has always funny reactions and is always questioning Charles BFF status and that's a little addition I'm glad to see. It gives also Charles a "big brother" role that is interesting. Theo and Michel gave their characters a little something that makes them both unique. (and we don't even talk about the chemistry between Manon and Charles)

Now, it's Axel's and Maxence's turn to show us their characters true colors. We're ready, guys.

[subjectsilver]

my psyche and wormy be ruthless sometimes.

originally i told myself that i was only going to use tumblr every sunday to log what has happened throughout the week or anything noticeable or note worthy but i literally need to type this right now because I'm losing my goddamn mind and on the verge of a panic attack...i can feel my chest tightening and my heart has such a “funny” feeling that isn't so funny so idk why they call it that... its like a light feeling like when u get light headed - i feel light hearted rn

the absolute worst part about my depression is that it literally just comes and goes whenever it wants. obviously theres things that help trigger it, a song a picture of my ex friends snapchats, any object that i can play connect the dots with back to a single thought that can disrupt my entire mental.

and it hit me tonight and it hit me hard and tonight I'm trying not to run away from it. I'm not going to go smoke cigarettes and listen to music until 5 am I'm trying to just type what is going on instead of like holding it into my head. or type something at least. the thing about it is that whenever it hits me, i always find a way to make it so much worse.... like i see just the right combination of words or objects to sink me or look at pictures of emma and even though i know its hurting me i continue to do it anyway....maybe its because in that moment I'm actually feeling something, she is making me feel something just like she use to in the past. i really valued that until i became too grey and numb and hopeless.

i feel like throwing up

i used “ex” up there and  makes me feel really uneasy i haven't used it very much at all mainly because i have to explain myself to anyone here and I've only told a few people what is going on with me. That was good thought because i have a friend named hank who went through some shit too so he kind of connects with me but still not a person i would talk to about shit...i don't really have anyone for that so i don't really know... sometimes i type it all and erase it, sometimes i make songs, sometimes i say it out laid sometimes i just cry.

i started taking prozac 3 days ago this will be the fourth, so hopefully that'll help  me. Im still underweight as fuck but oddly I'm comfortable with it bc i like the way my shirts feel and clothes fit, unfortunately i need to gain like 20 pounds if i want to exist on this soccer team which is kinda mad. I was going to suggest leaving wake because i don't really even care to play soccer rn. and i realized a while back that all i needed was in ohio... like i had the best friends the girl of my dreams and i could've had a 1st year internship paying between 40-70k at some health company under my step dad... its kinda shitty because its something i wanted to tell everyone and i would always think about how disappointed my dad would be and how supportive my mom would be but something told me not do make moves with any of it. its like the universe knew i was going to go through some shit. like it knew i was gonna get low and the perfect image of life i had in my head up. like bitch u thought you'd plant roots,,,nahhhhhhtttt  

i keep listening to this song on repeat

https://soundcloud.com/yvpoipoi/maxence-cyrin-where-is-my-mind

but the real is back the ville is back

i fucking hated listening to cole until like 2 weeks ago. it was so annoying listening to cole bc of hani playing it literally all the time. when things like that get annoying they because white noise to me. but recently i went through his 3 most recent projects and actually listened heavily to the words and that shit is crazy.

i also have been paying a lot of attention to jay z and beyonce. i guess jay z had an affair or some shit and ten he and “once” went back and forth on songs about it... but i read this quote by him where he was like “our relationship was built on top of lies, and i had to tear it down and build it back up again and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.” thats the kind of shit that gives me hope in the world of relationships. I've accepted that its probably false hope but ill hold onto anything the keeps me going at this point...

my suicidal thoughts haven't been present the last few days but i never know if and when those will come back. to be truthful I've been stacking up on things in my camera roll that give me up for when I'm feeling low.

the light hearted feeling has subsided, i just realized it. i kinda of ignore all grammatical practices when i write freely. i just go with my own language because i feel like its more personal ya know. someone i know annotates her own letters that she use to write me and i always loved that shit because i have so many side thoughts when i write as well.

luke christophers album finally came out and what do you know 5 of the songs had already been released and some like a year ago so its barely anything knew but it still has new music and bangers so i do appreciate the legend himself. after seeing his hair blonde on the cover idk if I'm going to keep growing my hair black or re-dye it. maybe ill keep it blonde until i feel like I'm above 80% better or something  right now i feel about -7% (if i could annotate that line id tell you that i originally wrote -7 person instead of percent then i autocorrected person then backspaced it to a symbol) 

the last few days I've felt really weak though and I've been sleeping a lot like two days ago i got like 11 hours and yesterday i got like 10 and I've been taking naps during the day. but I've constantly felt like I've had low blood sugar or that I've been dehydrated or something. i can't even make a fist and squeeze that hard.

its crazy because when i type anything about myself ever i just start tearing up for no reason...happy thoughts sad thoughts dark thoughts i could be writing about my microwave and be tearing up. and i do it a lot with emma or my best friends or my ex and ex best friends idk what anyone is to me anymore. been too focussed on trying to survive, which i feel is the correct selfish thing to do for once.

“don't give a fuck and they love you do give a fuck and they hate you - I'm always gone be there for you”

this man luke in onto something

its crazy that i will leave my phone in my room from 7:30 am to 7-8 at night and the only notification that ill get is “your phone hasn't been backed up in 57 weeks” or some shit like that. occasionally ill receive a random text from someone but its funny because sometimes on the inside ill be screaming like “PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME” and then it happens and its like nah.. i thought i sent out an amber alert but really I'm sending out a batman bat symbol. i thought i needed anyone to talk to, but in reality i just need one singular person to talk to. that was my mistake, will always be my mistake but at least i recognize it now...just a little late there big guy.

having so much time to myself probably too much time to myself is really interesting...if you've ever thought that you've done real reflection, submerge yourself in complete loneliness and isolation and try again because its so much deeper. you think about everything. every individual relationship, every right every wrong multiple perspectives. you think about all of your problems and the root to your problems.  all of your mistakes why u caused these mistakes or what caused these mistakes. its actually really shitty because the bad will always stick out more than the good because the good is what is suppose to happen and the bad is the variable...variables get more attention than the constants i feel. deep down i don't think I'm a shitty human being.. even though i might think that a lot or hate myself...ik I'm only human and i can't be perfect and as much as id love for everyone to love me and me to not hurt anyone its more than likely unrealistic and it'll happen to me and already has happened to me and now i understand that and i will be more forgiving as i go on in life, the same forgiveness id want people to give me.

i use to think that everything had to work in reciprocality like for some reason i always thought everything should be equal all of the time..but i was extremely wrong, some people need more some people need less some people expect things and if they mean anything to you, the extra effort should hinder you or disrupt you...every human has a different way of looking at relationships and when those ways collide and don't add up it creates problem. I'm not saying people should give up in what they believe in but people should be less harsh about it... i know people who should be less harsh on me and i know people that i will be less harsh on and who i would be less harsh on if i could go back in time.

i tried to think about why I'm so afraid of butterflies and i can't really think of what happened along the way that got me here but i think the very root is the movie “butterfly effect” I'm also pretty sure they are remaking that movie into a 2018 version and ill probably go scare the fuck out of myself while seeing it.

my anxiety was gone until thinking about butterflies 

i tried to explain a fear of butterflies to this kid named mike and i sounded like an absolute idiot and then his response was “does this scare you” and it was the close up of a butterfly from this spongebob episode and i can't get it out of my head.... i think the video is called “wormy close up”

 fuck wormy

usually id think something so symmetrical was beautiful seeing has my old tendencies make me love symmetrically and i do things in that way like when i touch my feet to surfaces and shit bc i feel all neat and organized but i don't like that every butterfly ever is symmetrical as fuck...like show why what the hell. and i want to watch a video on it but i don't want to go into shock or some shit.

and they have wings that flap which is what i hate about bugs in general.

to be fair though i do like butterflies that have bright blue or white wings cus i use to see those a lot as a kid when my backyard was a golf course. but my vision of a butterfly with like brown wings and black borders gahhhh fuck that....id weather let a centipede crawl on me from head to toe than a butterfly land on me to put in in perspective. 

idk man i think this post has done for me what i thought it would do what i intended it to do...i have to be up in like 3 and a half wish hours then run for an hour then ill take a solid nap for like 5 hours or just sleep pt.2 but i must be going... until next time or sunday.

i love you

fuck wormy

goodnight

[axel--auriant]

Axel's IG story - 19/02/2021

Axel supporting Maxence's short film The House of Gaunt 🥰