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jinja-neko · 8 years ago

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Godzilla vs. Mothra 196

so, I missed last night because I got wrapped up in a project, but I don’t have to work early tomorrow, so I’m back with a drink and more Showa era shame! Prepare for the original sub of Godzilla vs. Mosura, because if a movie is going to be bad, it should be bad on it’s own merits and not because of poor dubbing, dangit.

- Ah the days when all the credits had to be at the beginning of the movie.

- So so far we’ve gotten lots of shots of stormy seas, and now a water filtration plant. I’m guessing this movie’s theme is ‘the ocean’.

- HA! THE REPORTER LADY JUST CONFIRMED IT. ‘I’m looking for a theme!’ ‘THE THEME IS THE OCEAN, RIGHT THERE!’ says other reporter guy.

- I don’t trust this guy’s mustache.

- Ah, I was right, he’s apparently draining the ocean out of a part of the bay? Because of .... reasons? Reclaimed land? I’m not sure.

- Hey look at this strange piece of shiny floating trash. I’ll just pick it up with my bare hands.

- Egg eating guy is told cover a news story about an egg in the ocean. Funny.

- Priest: ‘I’ve asked the gods to bless the giant egg. Nothing can go wrong, it belongs to us!’ Fisherman-dude: ‘Yeah, that sounds right!’ ...how dumb are you fisherman- dude?

- scientist guy: ‘isn’t this a bit unusual’ he says while STANDING 4 FEET FROM A GIANT, IRIDESCENT, EGG FROM THE SEA.

- some dude straight up bought it from the fishermen. At wholesale price. I wasn’t aware that giant monster eggs could be bought and sold wholesale.

- ‘This giant egg is equivalent to 153,820 chicken eggs’ I’m curious to know where you got that figure from just by looking at it.

- And some other guy bought it to put in an amusement park. That’s....really boring.

- IT’S THE TINY TWINS! This hotel is infested with tiny magical girl vermin.

- Honestly though. I watch this knowing about them ahead of time, but people watching this for the first time back in the 60′s must have been SO confused.

- Ah, tiny twins are trying the reporters now. Oh won’t someone give them back their egg?

- HI MOTHRA!

- These guys are being remarkably calm for being confronted with tiny speaking people telling them about a giant moth egg that formed on an island exposed to the H-bomb.

- This is such a socially responsible monster. It comes with it’s own warning system that lets people know about the destruction it’s going to cause ahead of time.

- HA they brought the tiny twins to a business meeting in a box.

- aaand skeezy mustache dude just offered to buy them. Why am I not surprised. At a lower price than he paid for the egg too!

- BYE MOTHRA!

- how surprising. Slimeball business guys haven’t paid their workers. There’s NO WAY this isn’t going to come back and bite them in the butt.

- wait......they’re....COOKING the giant mothra egg?! Oh...no, they’re ‘incubating’ it... with steam.

- don’t worry, we just gave you a radioactive bath. WHAT?

- oh wow, so that thing you picked up early in the movie is SUPER RADIOACTIVE. No biggie though. You’re fine I’m sure.

- Third of the way though, and still no Godzilla.

- OH WAIT, THERE HE IS!

- coming up out of the dirt in the now-drained-of-water bay like some sort of fucked up daisy. Dude was napping remarkably close to land, and no one noticed.

- The sirens on these fire trucks sound like slightly concerned ghosts. “oooOOOOOoooooh?’

- Ok, either the Tokyo Tower wasn’t always red, or the model builders in this got lazy and didn’t paint it.

- it’s neat that this one is within Tokyo proper. People are running past the castle and I’m all ‘hey! I’ve been there! Neat!’

- Godzilla tripped on the moat and fell into the castle. He then proceeded to trash the castle, because HOW DARE.

- Oop and now Godzilla has managed to find that Magical Open Void Space in Tokyo. Apparently it’s just past the imperial palace. Funny I’ve never noticed it before.

- Yes. Let’s sick the giant winged insect against the giant walking lizard. The Moth can TOTALLY take Godzilla what are you talking about shut up.

- So. we’re now on a super radio active island to ask for Mothra’s help. 1) they’re only wearing yellow rain coat suits, not hazmat suits 2) are the inhabitants small like the twins? 3) IS NO ONE GOING TO NOTICE THAT THE TURTLE SKELETON IN THE BACKGROUND IS BOBBING IT’S HEAD LIKE SOME SORT OF DEMENTED DASHBOARD DOG DECORATION?

- oh, the inhabitants are regular sized. But primary-red.

- I’m pretty sure these guy’s costumes are insulting in some manner to every single native culture that has ever existed anywhere.

- So....the tiny twins are telepathically linked to Mothra. Talk about pulling the short straw of super powers.

- o/~ MOSURA YEH! MOSURAAAAA! o/~ That song that everyone knows but doesn’t know the actual lyrics to.

- back to the army plan! Lets throw a giant net over Godzilla and zap him with ‘artificial lightning’. Do you mean electricity?

- I love how one guys’ reaction to seeing Godzilla outside his window is to get his pistol. Whatever makes you feel better dude.

- Gozilla’s after the egg. Godzilla SNACK!

- Mothra’s having NONE OF THAT. She’s actually got Godzilla by the tail and is DRAGGING HIS GIANT FACE THROUGH THE DIRT. Somewhere, physics is crying ugly tears of frustration.

- Godzilla set Mothra’s wings on fire. WHO’S UNSURPRISED BY THIS DEVELOPMENT?

- Apparently the humans of the film are. WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU SEND A MOTH AFTER A NUCLEAR FIRE BREATHING LIZARD?

- HA! Mothra somehow managed to knock Godzilla ass over tits into the dirt.

- And Mothra’s toast. Figuratively and literally. She landed all dramatically on the egg though.

- Ah the days before they used MAZER tanks, and had to use regular tanks, which are just as ineffective against Godzilla.

- Wow...are these guys even TRYING to aim? Seriously, HE’S A GIANT FUCKING LIZARD. HOW HARD CAN THAT BE TO HIT.

- Apparently very. A moment of silence for the entire countryside surrounding Godzilla that is now on fire.

-’ HERE COMES THE GIANT NET! hey, it’s kind of working! BRING IN ANOTHER NET! ah we fucked up. shit.’

- I love the expressions on all the military guys faces when ‘HOLYSHIT THAT DIDN’T WORK. NOW WHAT.’

- PEEKABOO GODZILLA! Japan’s mountains makes for the best game of hide and seek.

- Clap your hands.. no wait, SING IF YOU BELIEVE IN MOTHRA!

- I DO! I DO BELIEVE IN MOTHRA!

- Ooh, Technicolour egg hatching. SHIT THERE ARE TWO LARVAE NOW.

- dang, there are school children on the island Godzilla is heading for. OH WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

- FUCK THESE FISHING NETS! FUCK THAT HOUSE! FUCK THIS TOWN IN GENERAL!

- Being a model builder for this series must be such a thankless job. You go to all the trouble of making your towns and buildings super detailed and believable, and you see it for two seconds before it gets stepped on, set on fire, or both.

- Guys...they’re moth larvae. I’m not entirely sure what you expect them to do against Godzilla. OOH BIT HIM IN THE TAIL. nice.

- wait.....so the larvae cover Godzilla in silk, kick his ass into the sea, and that’s IT? THAT’S THE END OF THE FIGHT? YOUR BREATH CAN LITERALLY MELT ROCKS. SET THE DAMN SILK ON FIRE.

- WHAT A LAME ASS ENDING! Boo.

- Still a better film than Godzilla V. Hedora.

- BUTSTILLBOOOOOO.

#Godzilla #Godzilla vs Mothra #Showa era shame #Jinja watches a movie

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