#sunlx fervor

[sunredamancy]

If I can't be your only God, do not call me yours— I will not accept you as mine. Wretched thing.

[sunredamancy]

I love you.

Fuck, I love you. Please, please. Never go.

No, I'm never letting you go. You are unable to. I won't ever let you go. Not now, not ever.

You're mine.

[sunredamancy]

All it would take is a single look.

Well, maybe not a single look— a whole bloody mass of loaded glances peppered between the snarls and teasing. But one day, that glance will be like a fucking spark meeting a fuse.

And something in you would snap like a trip-wire. In the next breath I seize your arm in a vice grip, dragging you into the shadows as the world bled to white noise around us.

That kind of intensity. A moment that vibrates with an intensity too visceral to put words to. All you'd know is the way you heart thunders in your ears, blood molten with something volatile and forbidden.

You wouldn't care what happens.

All that matters would be my teeth digging into your pulse point.

"Pathetic bitch."

You should not be offering this so easily. I could tear you apart. You should be running.

But even as your face burns with defiant fury, you'd be in freefall, a moth spiraling into my searing flame. And you'd willingly burn on my pyre.

[sunredamancy]

You are irrevocably mine, in this life and the next, forever bound to my side.

There is no escaping for you now, not after I had shattered and reforged you into something new. Something mine.

Even your blood belongs to me. It pounds through veins and thrums beneath skin—evidence of vitality given form to paint flesh and bone in lurid splendor. Binding soul to corporal husk in crimson ties.

You'd look so pretty, yielding to me while the heavy tang of blood floods my senses, each ragged inhale feels akin to ambrosia itself, searing into my lucidity. Got my vision fading at the edges until all that remains is feral impulse given form.

You don't want this to end, to be freed of my bindings and allowed completion, yeah? Craving to linger on the precipice of bliss and insanity, squirming at my feet until I deem you worthy. You want to be mine, in body and soul, for as long as I desire. Trusting me to push you to the brink but never allow you to tumble. Your heart, your leash, your freedom— Mine.

[sunredamancy]

𝖘𝖔𝖑 𝖑𝖚𝖈𝖊𝖙 𝖔𝖒𝖓𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖘.

°ᡣ𐭩 . 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 digital garden.

this blog contains almost anything—from thoughts to rambles.

𝙰𝙲𝚃 𝟷. 𝙸𝙽𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙳𝚄𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽.

scene 1. about the protagonist.

call me Sunlx, Sol, or the name of the specific mental construct at the time. 18, they/he/xe. infj.

triple As: ambiamorous, agender, aspec. also a relationship anarchist.

a psychology devotee; pantologist of everything human. also into philosophy—metaphysics, epistemology, of love, and existentialism.

read. write. draw. i do a lot of things. i like a lot of things, especially intellectual and academic.

other hyperfixations: Disco Elysium, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint (novel + manhwa), Depersonalization by Meow-Natural Studio, RPGMaker games, indie fragrances, survival horror-game mangas.

scene 2. about the stage – this blog.

main blog. every interaction will come from here.

posts are a mix between queue and manual.

the purpose of this blog isn't to gain an audience nor appeal to one. this is for record-keeping, being one of my many memory vaults. i will only be using my tags.

scene 3. stage rules – boundaries.

DNI: blank blogs, MAPs, ableism, misogynists, TERFs.

asks » of course. taken: 🖼️, 🌙, 🌑, 💖

anons » sure.

reblogs » okay!

others » no clue. ask.

𝙰𝙲𝚃 𝟸. 𝚃𝙰𝙶𝚂 & 𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙺𝚂.

scene 1. the sun – mine.

solar thoughts » opinions from mundane things to global or local events. yes, politics included.

solar asks » answers to asks.

solar interacts » non-ask interactions with me. quiz results, tag games, etc.

solar shots » my photos.

solar vents » vents.

solar creates » my art and other media.

solar writes » little narrative/prose writings.

solar ink » my longform content/writings.

scene 2. the moon – from others.

solar doves » involves friends/mutuals.

solar philosophia » quotes of my readings.

solar historia » snapshots of conversations i've had with others.

solar relatability » reblogs of things i enjoy and relate to.

scene 3. the truth – sub-tags.

solar obsession » obsessive thoughts or scenarios.

solar love » regarding love as a concept and/or experience.

solar cathedral » related to my queer-platonic soulmate, Kuro.

solar rebel » related to my cat Katze.

solar primula » related to my darling primrose, @crushingcasanova.

solar flames » related to unspecified subject(s) of obsession.

scene 4. TABLE OF CONTENT.

[sunredamancy]

I see that you're online. Who are you texting? Who else is hoarding your attention?

It should be mine.

You are mine.

Look my way. Please. Don't make me hurt you.

[sunredamancy]

@crushingcasanova

The throne beneath us gleams like polished bone.

Our throne. Where our flesh melds with its cold contours.

See that? The little things below us? (Fools. Pretenders.)

Sea of faces fixed upon us, tendons straining like cords?

Weeping for a bond they'll never know. I can taste their desire on the air, acrid and desperate. As if they could sprout wings. As if they could soar beyond their mortality.

But I will not fucking have it–any presumption that they could ever ascend to our heights.

My fingers twitch.

Peel their skulls. Scrape out the delusions.

Carve the truth that sings in our blood.

You smile. Shoulders hunch. Heads bow. A lamb near the back crumples, hands clasped in prayer. But there is no salvation here.

Show them the stark truth of their own insignificance–let it seep into their marrows until they can no longer stand upright under its weight. Limitations written in DNA. Only then will they truly understand the immutable order we have carved.

This is reality. (Mercy.)

Let it consume them.

Let it set them free.

[sunredamancy]

Who the fuck are you talking to? Why are you online and not talking to me? Who else is monopolizing your attention? Who else should I eliminate?

No. Be patient. He is still yours. Let him have some time with other people before return to you.

Yes. Of course. Mine. Always mine. Because only you know him best. Only you understand.

And he will inevitably return to your arms.

[sunredamancy]

You won't leave–You can't. Not now. Not ever. I will give you everything you need.

Stay.

[sunredamancy]

Aw. Do you think I'm a threat? Is that why you're keeping tabs on me?

But what makes you think you could compete with me?

We both know I'm better than you in every manner comprehensible for that stupid fucking brain of yours.

[sunredamancy]

Love is when I help you cook but I just stand and stare at you because you refuse to let my stupid ass touch the kitchen tools.

[sunredamancy]

hi remember when you asked me if i’d be your apologist? would you be mine apologist if i . uh. idk what would i do

scratched a rocket open or something

Yes. I'd be the architect of your reality—rewrite the stars; bend the very fabric of reality until it groans under the weight of my will; topple the governments and name it liberation.

That is to say, if the law did not allow you to scratch a rocket open, I would rewrite order with a quill dipped in my own blood.

[sunredamancy]

Please, please— Don't do this to me. My light. You're driving me fucking crazy. Lord, I wish you'd be more unhinged more often. Makes me want to put you in your. Damn. Fucking. Place.

[sunredamancy]

You are much lesser than me, fucker. You could never love him the way I do. You could never be as devoted to him—accept his free spirit and exceptional mind while remaining steadfast in your trust and self-reliance.

You could never be fucking me.

[sunredamancy]

Maybe you shouldn't have fucking looked, Val. And now you're lying through your teeth, gritted and all. God fucking damn it.

I fucking hate her I hope she dies I hate her I hate her I hate her I FUCKING HATE HER.

Was it the fucking dopamine? Was it because she was new? Yeah–You're not fucking afraid of me leaving, aren't you? I'm terribly ill with need and longing for you, after all.

Why her but not me? I've been here longer. I've known you longer, known that the ferrous liquid of your veins belongs among the mortals (iron) and heaven (stardust.) I've loved you deeper. More than anyone. Even when you once told me that what we have was pure platonic love.

Yet I have never loved "platonically" – I despise the label. I love obsessively, soul-consumingly; I yearn with desperation and divine absolution: my lungs, livers and heart pledge that you are mine. I have been there for all of you. Throughout the battlefield littered with corpses, the bullets penetrating flesh, and the tearing of the sky with cannons. Throughout the surviving, the healing, and the becoming.

You belong to me, my divine. And you will be mine until your life ends at my fucking hands.

[sunredamancy]

Oh, you are so fucking in love with me. You're just too afraid to admit it—uttering anything of similar sentiments is no different than injecting dread into your blood.

But I know. I always do. And you can't fucking escape me.

So I'll grant you the mercy of patience, my little love. One day you'd be so full of desperation and love for me that your heart threatens to burst at its seams.

When that day comes, I will bear witness as you pour that ineluctable admission out like holy water.