#sungwoon wo scenarios

[loonathevelvet]

All we do is think about the feelings that we hide: Sungwoon

Prompt: Sungwoon and Y/N have known each other for quite a while, first as friends, then as friends with benefits. After he gets a little bit too intense about his feelings, Y/N says she doesn’t love him. That’s where this story starts. Note: This is angst with some fluff. Sungwoon doesn’t get enough love on this fandom, but he’s my baby. This blog is focused on female idols but I do what I want, I’m punk rock. Word count: 899 (4608 characters with space)

Her words echoed in his mind for a bit. Sungwoon didn’t react, didn’t even move. His piercing gaze made Y/N feel even more guilty than she already did. He still held her hand lightly, which she found comforting, to some extent. His eyes became teary, his lips opened up and then closed repeatedly. But his hand was still over hers.

“You don’t love me?” He whispered, and the hand that held hers finally let go and dropped. He looked hopeless. Broken. “You know, I never expected you to, but...” Her silence only seemed to hurt him more. Sungwoon looked deeply into Y/N eyes, trying to find a sign that it was a lie, any form of weakness. He saw only tears streaming down her cheeks, and a desperate look. He didn’t know what it meant, only that he wanted to keep her safe from what was hurting her — he couldn’t, though. “Say something. Anything.” He took a deep breath. “Please.”

She didn’t even move.

“I never expected you to love me, Y/N. I really didn’t. But hearing you say that you don’t…” He turned away. Y/N looked down, fidgeting with her hands, trying to stay strong even though she knew there was no way she could.

“I’m so sorry.” She said, sound barely coming out of her mouth. What was she even apologizing for? Who was she apologizing to? She had to stay strong. “I just… I…”

He didn’t look at her. He didn't dare. Sungwoon knew the sad expression she had on her face way too well. It had been months. He had been there for her for months; as a friend, as a lover. He held her while she cried one too many times. Those tears she cried right now, he wouldn’t be able to clean them out of her cheeks, but before that he had done it many times. Was he the reason for her tears right now? Was the fact that he couldn’t help but fall in love with her the reason why she was crying? He never meant to hurt her. He never meant to make her sad. He understood what they had was important to her, and he never expected it to be more than what they already had. He’d never ask her to fall in love with him. He did, though. Was that such a bad thing?

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I’m leaving, though. I… I can’t do this right now.” He ran his hand through his hair, trying to hold in the tears at least until he got to his car. “I don’t think I’m coming back, okay? It’s best if I don’t. At least for now.”

“Sungwoon…” Her voice was barely a whisper. He reached for the door knob, but before he could turn it, her hand was over his. “Don’t go."

He finally broke down. How could he not, hearing her sweet voice asking him to stay right after saying she didn’t love him? His knees were failing, and he fell to the ground, defeated. What could he say? He didn’t to hurt her even more, and he didn’t want to hurt himself even more. “What do you want from me, Y/N? I can’t do this. I love you and you don’t love me. That won’t change. I can’t stay.”

Her knees failed, too. She was there, by his side, crying relentlessly with her eyes closed. As hopeless as he was. Through his pain, Sungwoon pulled her hand, and she fell onto his arms. He held her close and tried to memorize how she felt, how she smelled. He might never see her again.

“We’d never work out.” She whispered. “You travel a lot. And I’d never be able to get a hold of you, and we’d never spend any time together. And if I tried to, it’d get you tired and you wouldn’t be able to keep up with practice because of me. And if anyone ever found out about me, your career is over. And… And I don’t want to lose you. Not like that.” He buried his face in the crook of her neck.

“I don’t care.” He said. She pulled him closer. “If that’s what’s holding you back, I don’t care about any of that.”

“You’d get mad at me, eventually. I’d become a burden.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You’d learn to hate me.”

“No.”

“If not because I’m cold, then because I’m not. There’s no way out of this.”

“Stop.” Sungwoon held her shoulders and pushed her away gently so she’d have to look at him. Her words gave him just a little bit of hope, and he was using all his desperation to hold on tight to it. His eyes, they were so intense, while hers were just sad. She looked so helpless. He wanted to protect her from everything. “Is this why you said that? Are you afraid?” She nodded slowly. “Please don’t be. Please, please don’t be. I just want to be with you. We can figure it out later. But if you feel the same as me then please don’t hurt us both out of fear. Please.”

Slowly and reluctantly, her hands went to his face and she caressed his cheeks. His eyes closed down. “Stay.” She whispered.

He engulfed her into his arms. Sungwoon didn’t plan on letting her go.