#sungchan x innocent reader

[cherishmycherry]

please be my boyfriend. [..]

[evnseokz]

{ ☆ counter sex with sungchan }

pairing: soft dom bf! sungchan x f. reader

contents: SIZE KINK!!!, STRENGTH KINK!!!, kissing, p in v, unprotected sex (don’t be like them), pet names: baby, princess, eating out, thumb in mouth, light choking, bulge kink kind of (?), big dick sungchan

authors note: this was a fun write, i can’t stop thinking about him and how big he is 😵‍💫 (w.c. 1.8k)

MINORS DNI

sungchan, who’s obsessed with the size and strength difference between you two, it turns him on so bad you could be doing the simplest of things, but oh, you need him to reach something for you? you need him to open something for you? yeah, he’s done for. he loves knowing he can easily protect you, and something about that just really does it for him.

sungchan has been like this throughout your entire relationship, however, has been somewhat holding back until recently due to not wanting to scare you away. when i say his sex drive is HIGH, i mean it’s top of the charts high, and he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. but recently, he noticed you seemed to enjoy it too. the way you’d always comment on how big he was compared to you and how strong he was. just absolutely feeding his ego, he became more showing of how much it turned him on.

——

tonight was a normal night for you and your boyfriend. you were putting away some clean dishes and doing everything you could reach first. once you got to the dishes you couldn’t quite reach, you called your boyfriend over. “channie? can you come help me, please?” you call out to him; his head immediately flies up from where he’s seated on the couch, and he sees you holding the dishes in your hand. he gets up and comes over to you, taking the dishes out of your hands. you’re leaned with your back against the counter, and sungchan gets closer and closer to you before reaching up to put the dishes in the cabinet. essentially caging you in. you let your gaze that naturally fell to his chest linger upwards to where his arm was reaching over your head. you licked your lips as you watched the muscles of his arm flex. his arm retracted and landed on your waist; his eyes fell to your face. “you like my arms, baby?” he asks, voice cunning, a smirk on his face. you’re looking up at him, eyes big and inviting, and you nod. “you’re so strong, i love it,” sweetness dripping from your tone. “and so tall too,” you run your hands up his chest to rest on his shoulders.

he knew what you were doing, trying to get him riled up, and he loved it. he chuckles lowly, a smile on his face. “you’re just so small, baby,” his voice sends tingles through your body and straight to your core. his grip on your waist tightens slightly, his other hand tucking some hair behind your ear, then resting on your cheek. you lean into his touch, nuzzling your head into his large hand. your eyes fall shut for a moment, reveling in the comfort of your boyfriends warmth, before you open them to look up at him again. “stop looking at me like that, baby." sungchan whines, you feign innocence, “like what?” you bat your eyelashes slightly. “like you want me to take you right here on this counter.” his voice deepens as lust drips from his tone. a smirk paints your lips. “maybe i do,” you reply confidently.

you look at each other for a moment, chests heaving with anticipation, before you crash your lips together, tongues wasting no time to begin fighting for dominance. sungchan drags his hands down to the back of your thighs while crouching slightly to hoist you on the counter, not breaking the kiss once. you wrap your legs around his waist, caging him in, feeling his erection pressing into your heat. you sigh into his mouth at the pressure. one of his hands falls back to your waist, the other coming up to rest on the base of your neck, lightly applying pressure. you moan into his mouth before pulling away briefly to catch your breath. both of your lips are puffy, chests heaving in sync. his hand still on your throat as you stare into each other's eyes. the tension between the two of you could be cut with a knife.

you furrow your eyebrows slightly as you look at your boyfriend before reaching down to fiddle with the button of his jeans. “please, sungchan” you say, voice sultry. sungchan removes his hand from your neck and brings it down to grab yours, removing it from his waistband. “you’re adorable when you beg, but not yet. wanna take my time with you.” he replied huskily. you pout at his words, and sungchan kisses your lips gently. ���patience, baby,” he says, chuckling at your frustration. his hands fall to your thighs, rubbing up and down them a few times before he drops to his knees, now face to face with your clothed heat. he begins to trail kisses up your thighs until he’s met with your heat, and he places a singular open-mouthed kiss on the fabric that encloses it. you shudder at the feeling, a shaky breath leaving your lips. his fingers trail up to your waistband, slipping under. you lift your hips slightly, making it easier for him to slide your shorts or underwear off. once he rids you of your garments, he wastes no time bringing his face back up to your core. he lets his nose nestle in between your folds as he begins to kiss your cunt gently. you jump at the feeling, one of your hands immediately flying to his hair. he drags his tongue through your folds, tasting your juices; he stops at your clit, and begins to suck lightly on it. your body jolts as moans slip past your lips, and your hand fisting sungchans hair. you feel sungchan groan into your cunt, clearly enjoying this almost as much as you are. he continues lapping at your pussy, making sure to pay attention to all the areas that make your brain fuzzy.

your eyes screw shut as you feel the knot in your stomach begin to tighten, and your legs close around sungchans head. “i-im c-close” you manage to get out, but sungchan already knows, his ministrations on your cunt speeding up as he eats you out. loud moans are falling past your lips as your hips buck into his mouth, practically riding his face as you come undone on his tongue. sungchan lets you ride out your orgasm before placing one last kiss on your cunt and pulling his head from between your legs.

your hands are gripping the edge of the counter as you try to steady your breathing. sungchan stands up and peppers kisses on your face before stepping back and beginning to rid himself of his pants. you watch his every move, noticing the way the muscles on his arms flex every time he moves them; your eyes trail down his body as his cock springs free. you’re practically drooling at the sight; his cock is heavy; he’s got length and the perfect amount of girth. you’d seen it plenty of times before, but it made your mouth water every time. he runs his hand over his cock a couple times, groaning at the feeling before stepping back in between your legs. he positions the head of his cock to be resting between your folds, and he uses this opportunity to gently move himself up and down your cunt, coating himself in your juices. your body trembles, still slightly sensitive from your previous orgasm. “mmm, doing so good for me, baby,” he coos. you move your arms to wrap around his neck as he aligns himself with your entrance and slowly pushes himself in.

a choked moan rips from your throat at the stretch; he’s not even all the way in yet, and you’re already feeling cock drunk. he continues to push himself in slowly, not wanting to hurt you, until he’s completely bottomed out and his tip is prodding at your cervix. your grip around his neck is tight as you throw your head back with a moan. sungchan is still inside you for the time being but takes the opportunity to trail kisses all over your neck, biting and sucking slightly in some places. whimpers fall past your lips at all the sensations you’re feeling. he trails kisses up from your neck to your jaw, finally landing on your lips as he kisses you passionately. he pulls himself almost all the way out of you before thrusting back in. you break the kiss to moan in ecstasy. sungchan is thrusting inside you at a steady pace, groans falling past his lips every so often. he’s trying so hard not to screw his eyes shut in pleasure, wanting to see your pretty face come undone in front of him, but also obsessed with the way your tight cunt is squeezing him so well. his head rolls back before coming back around to look you in the face. he grabs your chin with one of his hands, forcing you to look at him. his thrusts never slow. “taking me so well, princess,” he groans before swiping your bottom lip with his thumb, you immediately opening your mouth so he can press the digit down on your tongue.

drool begins to form around the corners of your mouth as moans fall from your mouth, sungchans thumb still taking up residence on your tongue as he fucks you. his thrusts slow for a moment, making sure you can really feel all of him. he removes his thumb from your mouth, gathering the drool from the corners of your mouth before moving his hand down to press onto your lower stomach. he stills himself inside you for a moment, and you clench around him. his hand is flat on your tummy, applying light pressure, right where his cock is inside you. “so small baby, can you feel me here?” he cocks his head to the side, and you moan at the feeling of his hand pressing down on you. you nod your head frantically, lip tucked between your teeth as you fight the whines trying to leave your throat. his hand moves to go back to your waist, and he picks up speed again, absolutely fucking you silly. you’re a moaning, whiny mess, crying out his name as his cock drags through your gummy walls. your hands have traveled to hold onto his thick biceps, and your fingernails are digging into his skin. he groans at the feeling, absolutely loving it. you can feel your orgasm approaching, and so can sungchan, your walls continuously clenching around him as your moans get louder. he brings a hand down to rub at your clit, shockwaves getting sent through your body at the sudden stimulation.

your muscles begin to tighten; “i-im close,” you choke out. “i know, baby, let go for me,” he coos, his voice sending you over the edge as you cum all over his cock. sungchan is right behind you, thrusts becoming sloppy as he empties his seed into you, both of you a moaning mess. his thrusts finally slow, and his cock slips out of you. you clench around the feeling of nothing, already missing being full, and you collapse against your boyfriend. sungchan chuckles at you, wrapping his arms around you and picking you up off the counter.

“let’s go get cleaned up, yeah?”

.

.

.

[heeology]

i want nobody but you | p.sh

synopsis → you and sunghoon have known each other your whole lives and although you've both dealt with jokes from classmates since elementary school on how you two would end up together, that never ended up happening; you two would brush it off and then move on. you never really thought about pursuing something with him romantically, especially since you like things with a more casual approach. but once sunghoon's girlfriend becomes a part of the picture, you can't help but feel these feelings consume you. being the way you are, however, you managed to push them down and you at least thought you got over them until you realize maybe they never left at all. or even worse: they were always there.

feat. → yujin (ive) & sungchan (riize)

genre → college au, friends to somewhat enemies to lovers, romance, smut, angst (eh, ig), slowburn (ig? srry lmao)

pairing → nonidol!sunghoon x fem!reader

warnings → MDNI, smoking !! (reader and sunghoon both smoke), drinking, cursing, mention(s?) of death, mention of hookups, reader is called and referred to (sometimes self referred to) as a: slut/whore; slutshaming, !! potential sh reference (pinching/hitting self; dk if that counts, but it's not mentioned after) !!, mentions of sex (obvi)

w.c. → 22.7k

a/n → long time no see lol. lmk if u would be interested in seeing some pics i took at the enha concert i went to :)) (i won't do vids because i was screaming like a baboon lmao) p.s. bear w me bc ik this is a long one, but i feel like i owe you all since i've been gone for practically a century, but pls give it a chance, i'm on my knees begging bc this took 3 days

disclaimer !! → i don’t ship any idols i portray as dating in this story irl nor do i have the intent to portray anyone in this story in a negative light, this is just for creative purposes, babes <3; this is all just fiction, take it lightly pls and thx

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

-

-

-

Today has been a long day. You groan as you take a seat on a bench somewhere near the lecture hall you just left and you close your eyes as you lean back against it. You had originally thought your senior year of high school was torturous, but being a senior in college was far worse. Your eyebrows furrow a bit when you feel the weight of the bench shift a bit, meaning someone has taken a seat beside you. Your eyes open a bit and you turn your head to see Sunghoon next to you. A sigh escapes your lips and you turn your head away, closing your eyes again. 

Sunghoon sits there for a moment, looking at you. Lately, you two haven’t hung out as much and although he admittedly forgot to text you for the past week and half, you were still his best friend. He could argue, though, that “the phone works both ways”, so you’re not exactly innocent either. He’s seen you around campus, hanging out with some members of the basketball team, mainly the captain: Sungchan. You didn’t seem bothered by the lack of contact between the two of you, either, so it didn’t bother him or make him feel guilty that you haven’t hung out in just a few days. No…not at all.

“Nice to see you, too.” he mumbles. You stay quiet, honestly close to falling asleep on the bench, especially with the warm breeze that is gently blowing. He narrows his eyes a bit and leans back against the bench. He does the same as you, closing his eyes as he relaxes, but he frowns to himself. “You and Sungchan seem to be close.” he says, not really even understanding why he brought it up in the first place. 

This piques your interest. “What about him.” you say rather than ask, still keeping your eyes closed.

Sunghoon shrugs, still not really sure why he cares who you hang out with or how often or who they are or…anything like that. Maybe it upsets him to think about the fact that you might replace him with someone cooler as your best friend; maybe he was too lame for you. How juvenile, he thought to himself. But that’s what it felt like, to him, at least. “Nothing. I’ve just seen you guys hanging out a lot, that’s all.” Sunghoon replies.

“How would you know that; we haven’t really hung out or talked lately.” you reply, not meaning to sound snarky, but it most likely came across that way.

Sunghoon scoffs softly. “I have eyes; I can still see who you talk to.”

You open your eyes a bit and turn your head to look at him. “Stalker.” you tease. 

Sunghoon opens his eyes, almost as if he can feel you looking at him and he rolls them, not amused. “Am not…I’m just trying to start a conversation or whatever.”

“About the people I talk to?”

Sunghoon shrugs. “About anything…” It stays quiet for a moment. “It’s just been a while since we’ve talked.”

“And whose fault is that?” You ask, rhetorically.

Sunghoon frowns. “Well, I’ve just been busy-”

You scoff, “Yeah. I know.” You reply dryly.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just that that’s what you always say whenever we don’t talk to each other for a while. Like, I get it, you’re dating Yujin, big whoop.”

You’ve considered the possibility that he has just been busy with schoolwork, but no matter how many times you would give him the benefit of the doubt, it always ended up being because he was hanging out with Yujin. You weren’t really mad, per say, just annoyed. Severely annoyed. But what could you do? Ever since they started dating freshman year, you’ve felt like you were on the backburner. Which, again, you can’t really be upset about that. Afterall, she’s his girlfriend, whether you liked it or not. There is nothing wrong with her, you two got along fine, even if you don’t really talk or are even friends. You don’t hate her, not for any valid reasons, anyway. Still, despite how many people you know, Sunghoon is your only real friend and always has been. But it’s times like these when it feels like he means more to you than you mean to him.

“She’s my girlfriend.” He says, matter-of-factly.

You roll your eyes at his statement. “I know that,” you retort with annoyance, “you only ever bring it up every chance you get.”

“You seriously can’t be annoyed that I spend time with my own girlfriend.” He responds with the same tone.

Sometimes, Sunghoon gets caught up in things. Like being with Yujin, for example. He’ll be with her and then it just slips his mind to respond to a text of yours or to ask if you want to do something, he can’t help it. He knows that he’s your best friend and he’s certain that you’re his, too. Sure, Yujin means a lot to him, but you mean more, whether he would admit that or not. He just wants to make everything balanced, for everything to work out. But a part of him feels like something has been off since he started dating Yujin. Sure, he’s had other girlfriends, but never one for longer than a few months. This relationship is important to him. What if Yujin is the one? He can’t screw it up and he’s afraid to, so he makes sure to spend as much time with her as he can. He thought you would understand, but apparently not.

You’ve met Sunghoon’s other girlfriends, none of which bothered you as much as Yujin. Maybe because this one seems more serious. Maybe because she seems more important to him. The thought makes your stomach curdle. This whole situation makes your stomach curdle. You shouldn’t care so much, but you do. You hate that. “Whatever.” you reply, honestly not having thought of anything better to respond with. What were you supposed to say to that? Of course you understood, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.

“Besides, like I said, you and Sungchan have been hanging out a lot recently. Don’t act like you’ve never blown me off to hang out with him.” Sunghoon says.

“Barely.”

“Not barely. A lot. ‘Oh, Sungchan invited me to his basketball game to watch’, ‘Oh, Sungchan invited me to a party,’ ‘Oh, Sungchan wants to hook up’, ‘Oh, Sungchan this and Sungchan that’.” Sunghoon mocks, annoyed.

You frown. “Why do you care? You’ve got a girlfriend, so just hang out with her instead.”

Sunghoon frowns as well. “That’s not the point. The point is that you ditch me just the same to hang out with a guy who you’re not even dating. You don’t talk to me sometimes when you’re with him or another guy, so why are you so upset that I do the same with Yujin, who I’m actually dating?”

“Stop rubbing in the fact that you’re dating someone. Good for you, who gives a shit? So what if I do the same? It’s only because you do it first!” you argue back. You grab your backpack and stand up as you put it on. You start walking away from him and he watches you as you leave.

“Great talk!” he calls out to you in a sarcastic manner.

He didn’t mean to make you upset or try to “rub his relationship” in your face, he would never try to intentionally make you upset. So, why did he care? He doesn’t, it’s as simple as that. Maybe you doing the same thing to him with Sungchan bothered him a little. Maybe you wanting to spend your time instead with someone else you’re not even dating bothered him a little. But it’s not like he actually cared or anything. He knows he can’t tell you what to do or who to see, so why does he care? He knows he blew you off, so why didn’t he just apologize? Why did he bring up Sungchan in the first place? Sunghoon sits on the bench for a moment, rethinking things. Why was he acting like you were ignoring him when it was kind of the other way around? He sighs and closes his eyes again. He’ll figure it out later.

-

You let out a long yawn as the dim glow from your computer screen shines on your face. It’s three in the morning, and sure, you have a class tomorrow, but you can’t sleep and figure you can just skip your lecture anyway. Even if your brightness was all the way down, it still hurt your eyes every so often, so you would close them to make them feel better while you listened to the show you were watching. You hear your phone ding and your eyes open, your hand reaching for your phone to see the text.

“are you awake?” Sunghoon texts.

He knows you are. You almost always are, which is why he knew you would see the message. Although, he did anticipate the idea of you ignoring him. You were good at things like that, things that required a stubborn attitude. He didn’t mind your stubbornness, though. He didn’t mind anything when it came to you. He waited a bit, sitting in the darkness with just the light of his phone screen, his thumb gently tapping it so it doesn’t automatically turn off as he waits for you to text back. 

“yeah.” you text back.

It took you a few minutes and in all honesty, you almost didn’t respond. But you missed him, which even if he asks directly, you would deny. You wonder if he missed you too, but you shake that thought away.

“still pissy?”

This makes you laugh a little. Yes, you were, but you still found it a little funny.

“shut up.” you text back.

“wanna hang out?”

You sigh. Now he wants to? It takes you a while to reply with anything as you just stare at his message.

“can u bring the usual?” you reply.

He smiles at your text. “duh” he texts back.

You smile a bit, looking forward to actually hanging out with him. The whole argument was dumb anyway and you just wanted your best friend back. And after a while of waiting, you hear a knock on your dorm room door. You get up from your bed and unlock it, opening it as you step outside. He smiles softly when he sees you and you smile a bit back. You both quietly leave your dorm building before going outside and sitting on the curb. He sets the plastic bag he was carrying between you two and opens a bottle of beer before handing it to you. You take it and he opens his own, both of you taking a sip as a cool breeze blows softly. 

“Sorry about earlier,” he says quietly, “and for not talking to you for a week. I just got caught up with Yujin, you know?”

You take another drink, not really interested in discussing this anymore. “It’s fine.”

“I also wasn’t trying to rub her and I into your face and make you feel bad or anything, it’s just…” he trails off. It’s silent for a moment as you both drink. “This week has been shitty.” he mumbles.

“Amen to that.” you reply. He chuckles softly and you both clink your bottles before smiling and taking another drink.

“How’s your love life going, anyway?” he asks, genuinely curious.

Sure, there were other things he wanted to talk about, could talk about, but this is what slipped out of his mouth first. He was actually curious, he truly wants to know. He just wants to see you happy. 

You shrug, “The same; just hook ups.”

He looks at you for a moment. That’s it? You’ve been hooking up with people since the beginning of high school. Sure, you’ve dated some guys before, but they were all assholes; Sunghoon never liked them. He couldn’t stand them, to put it plainly. You deserve better, and he knows that. But he also knows you’re not into relationships. You like things to be simple and direct. But when it comes to how you feel, he knew you weren’t very expressive with that. Only when it comes to getting what you want. He kind of admires that about you.

“So…no one in particular? You just kind of…go after who you think is the hottest?”

You grin, “Something like that.” you take a sip, “So…how are things going with Yujin?”

You honestly hate that you asked. Why would you? Why would you want to hear about that? Surely, things must be going wonderfully if he’s so wrapped up in all that is her. But you’re still friends. It’s normal to ask these kinds of questions, right? Maybe he won’t really say much anyway and you’ll be a good friend for even asking. That’s what you’re hoping for, at least.

"Well... things have been kind of weird. She's been acting kinda distant recently; I don't know how else to explain it. She just seems really bored all the time. Like, the sex is good but it just seems like she's not into me anymore or something." he replies.

You give him a weird look as he brings up the topic of sex with Yujin. Gross. Just...Gross.

“Describing sex with your ‘girlfriend’ as good is never a good thing.” you say as you laugh a bit, taking a sip. 

Sunghoon scoffs a bit. Why did it seem like you were happy to hear that? It irritated him a bit, but he brushed it off. “Well, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s more like…it’s become something that’s routine.”

“Yeah, that’s probably not a good sign.”

Sunghoon sighs. "I know... it's just so weird though. I mean, we've been together for so long, and she's never been the type to get bored like this. It just sucks. I'm worried if something happened between us that's making her not want to be with me anymore."

You look at him for a moment as he drinks. You hate seeing him upset and you know that Yujin means a lot to him, especially since this is his first big relationship. You frown a bit as you drink. “Have you asked her?” you take another sip, “Aren’t people in relationships supposed to communicate and shit?”

"Yeah, I asked her and she said everything was fine, but like... I don't know. I just have a feeling that she's not telling me something, and I've tried asking her multiple times, but every time, she always says everything's fine." he takes another drink. “That’s pretty much what I’ve been spending last week doing, just…trying to fix what may not even be broken.” he mumbles.

You feel bad now for getting upset at him for blowing you off. It makes sense and you just got defensive again, not really knowing what he was doing. You sit there for a moment, not really sure what to say. Sunghoon didn’t mind the silence, though. He was trying to focus on Yujin and figure out why things feel this way when maybe, they aren’t even that way at all. Maybe it’s him. He isn’t sure, but he is sure that he already feels a million times better being with you, even if it is just sitting next to each other on a curb in silence.

“Do you cum?” you ask.

Sunghoon chokes on his beer a little, hitting his chest a bit as he coughs. He looks at you, not expecting your question at all, and as for you, well, you weren’t really expecting to ask it. It kind of just…came out. Your initial thought process was to ask more about his feelings on things in the relationship, seeming more like a routine, but it kind of led to you wondering if he even cums. In your defense, you thought that if he doesn’t, then maybe the relationship is going downhill. You look at him, as if what you asked was totally normal, taking another sip of your beer. He looks back at you, seeming to have processed what you asked.

“...yeah, pretty much every time.”

“Does she?”

Again, not something you really want to know, but you do want to help him.

“...sometimes, but most of the time she doesn’t.”

You suck air through your teeth, “Uh-oh.”

“It’s not a big deal, you know, so what if sometimes we don’t? It’s not about that, it’s just about…connecting or whatever.” he mumbles as he takes a sip.

“So, then what? Do you guys just like…do it yourself?”

“Yeah, so?”

You laugh. You can’t help it, it’s just too funny. Not his obvious pain with his relationship kind of going south, but the fact that he finds this to be normal. You at least found that funny.

“What’s so funny?” he asks, pissed off, but also slightly embarrassed.

“Dude, I'm not a relationship expert, but like...shouldn't people who have sex, I don't know, finish every time? I mean, I have never really had that happen often with any of the guys I hook up with, but hey, what do I know.” 

"Well... I guess, but it's not a big deal to me. As long as she enjoys it, that's what's important. And, it's not like it happens all the time. Sometimes she does finish, but it's just... well, not as often as I would hope..." he takes another sip.

You roll your eyes to yourself. Kind of out of instinct. If you’re going to be frank, you don’t give a damn about her.

You shrug, “I don’t know,” you take another sip, “you say you don’t cum sometimes, how come?”

“I don’t know…it just happens?”

You shake your head, “Nah, there’s a reason.”

“But the reason is dumb and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” he takes another sip.

“Do you think she’s hot?”

What a stupid question. You wish you didn’t ask it. Why would you want to hear him talk about yet again how hot he thinks she is. It makes your blood boil and you would rather bash yourself over the head with your beer bottle than hear him talk about how perfect she is. But, there is a small, small part of you hoping for a certain answer. Only a small part.

“Of course I do.” he replies, simply.

“So, then, what’s the problem?”

“Sometimes I have a hard time finishing, happy? Jesus…” he mumbles as he drinks some more.

You roll your eyes. You’ve known each other your whole lives, you know when he’s lying.

“Mmm,” you take another sip, “no, you see, sometimes when I hook up with guys, I suddenly don't feel attracted to them, so then sometimes I don't finish. So do you just like sometimes not like her or something?”

He shakes his head, "No, I'm always attracted to her. But... sometimes I have a hard time finishing, and I don't know why that is."

“What do you think about?” you ask, kind of quietly.

A part of you didn’t want to ask that, besides, this conversation was becoming weird. But that small, small part of you was so desperately hoping for a certain answer. Fucked up? Yeah, most definitely, but that didn’t seem to stop you.

“About what?” he asks, actually clueless.

“When you’re having sex, what do you think about?” you ask again, taking a sip of your beer.

“...about her, that’s what you’re supposed to do, so,” he trails off, “Sometimes I…think about other things...” he answers, blushing a bit.

“Like what?”

“Just…random stuff. Why do you want to know anyway?” he asks, getting slightly defensive.

“Maybe that's what's distracting you. I don't know, spice things up with her or something. Or have an actual conversation with her about how you feel or whatever.” you mutter as you finish your beer.

He takes another sip of his beer. “Why are you acting like some sort of relationship counselor? You’ve never even really been in a relationship yourself.”

Maybe he wanted to piss you off with what he said, but only so you could back off. “Spice things up”? Yujin and him are fine, he’s deciding that right here, right now. He doesn’t want your help with this or to even discuss it anymore with you. It feels weird. Besides, he doesn’t want you to think that he’s…not good at sex. Not for any other reasons, just that…he doesn’t want you to think that about him.

You set your bottle down and look at him. “Because you’re my friend? I don’t know. Why do you care?” You hold your hand out, wanting him to hand the cigarettes he brought while your other hand digs into your sweatpants pocket for your lighter.

He reaches into the bag and hands them to you, knowing full well you could have grabbed them yourself, yet he still obliged. “So, in all of your hooking up, have you ever had feelings for anyone you hooked up with? And not those bullshit feelings for your douchebag exes, like actual feelings. Or have they all just been hookups?” he asks, hoping to change the subject.

You open the pack, “Hookups.”

“Every single one?”

“Mhm.” you answer, taking one out and putting it into your mouth, lighting it as you take a drag.

“So you’ve never fallen in love with anyone you’ve hooked up with?”

You laugh, “Fallen in love? How stupid.” you say as you take another drag.

“Okay, love might be a strong word, but like, have you never developed feelings for any of the people you’ve hooked up with?” he asks, finishing his beer.

“Nah.”

"Right, right. So, you're just all about hookups then, and that's cool, no shame or anything; I get it. But you've never felt even just a little bit of loneliness from it?" he asks as he sets his bottle down. You ignore his question, taking another drag. He knows by your reaction that he’s said something that bothers you. Whenever anything is mentioned that may reveal how you truly feel, you just block it off and move on. He sighs, not too sure why he bothered asking since you always ignore these types of topics. Sometimes, he wished you wouldn’t. He wished you would be more open with him. It feels like he can talk to you about anything and everything, even if sometimes he doesn’t want to, but he does anyway because you…well, you’re you. "I mean, it's gotta get kinda boring... always hooking up, never really connecting with anyone. Unless you don't care about that kind of thing."

“Love is stupid.” you reply flatly.

What a groundbreaking opinion. Truly, nobody has ever felt or thought the same thing. Great stuff. Sunghoon sighs at your answer, not really getting why you won’t just tell him. He wants you to. He can’t really explain why. It doesn’t have to do with wanting to get some satisfaction out of helping you or changing you, but rather, sometimes he feels like he knows nothing about you. You’re important to him, more than you could possibly understand, but still, sometimes, you seem so distant; like a stranger. He just wants to know that you trust him.

“So, just because love hasn’t exactly worked out in your life, you think love is stupid? I don’t really think that’s fair…just because your ex boyfriends were assholes doesn’t mean that true love doesn’t exist.”

For some reason, him talking about true love pisses you off. It pisses you off greatly. You can feel your skin crawl and anger boiling up inside you, so you take a drag from your cigarette, blowing out the smoke, wishing it was something else you were getting rid of.

“It’s not about them.” you take another drag, “Do you love Yujin?”

You think you know the answer already. No, you know the answer indefinitely. There is only one answer. Why would he have spent the past three–almost four years–dating her if he didn’t? You think about all the times he talked about her when they first started dating. You try not to, but your mind recalls all the details, how he said them, what he said, how he looked while he was talking. It made you sick.

His heart sinks a little when you ask the question. He stares at you for a moment, not responding to your question right away. He takes a long deep breath before he answers, “Yes.” You sit silent. You heard his answer, but you don’t want to acknowledge it. You take another drag from your cigarette, a longer one this time, blowing out the smoke slowly as you tap some of the tobacco from the butt of it off. “Do you…not believe me?” he asks, watching you. He can tell something is on your mind, you’re just having trouble saying it. He’s not asking to be snarky or anything, he asks in more of a gentle tone, just wanting you to open up or at least just say something remotely close to how you feel.

“No, I do.” you answer quietly. For some reason, it hurts to say that. It’s true, though; you do believe him…unfortunately.

Silence consumes the both of you, just sitting on the curb as time passes. Crickets chirp softly in the distance and the subtle burn of the tobacco from your cigarette fills it a bit, but not enough. He stares at you, both annoyed and concerned. 

“Then what is it? Are you trying to say there’s something wrong with my relationship?” he asks, suddenly defensive. Even he, himself, doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so defensive about it, especially since he brought up the issue earlier, but he doesn’t like thinking that you think there is something wrong.

“Jesus, it’s not like that.” you respond, knowing full and well it is like that.

“Then spit it out; what are you trying to say?”

“Shut up.”

You take another drag and he rolls his eyes, annoyed. “You know, you’re so annoying sometimes.”

“So are you.”

“Yeah, I know, but you’re worse.”

You take another drag, genuinely wanting him to shut up, or for things to be normal. Or better yet, for things not to be complicated. “Go cry about it to your girlfriend.”

“Screw you.”

“Ditto.”

“Whatever.” he says, pissed off.

“Yeah, whatever.” you mumble as you take another drag.

He continues to look at you, pissed off at how you don’t seem to care about anything. He used to like that a lot about you, how you never cared about what people thought and are able to brush anything off. Maybe “used to” is a bit strong, he still likes that about you, but for right now, it’s incredibly infuriating. 

“You know, I’ve noticed that you always avoid giving direct answers to questions. Maybe that’s why you’re so scared of commitment; Not willing to really speak your mind out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings or your own.” he says, hoping this would piss you off enough to just say how you feel.

You roll your eyes, “Shut up.” you say as you continue smoking your cigarette.

“No, I won't shut up. In fact, I'm gonna keep talking because this is one of the rare occasions where we’re actually having a serious conversation and not just talking about petty stuff.”

You roll your eyes again. “I don’t want to.” you reply, simply.

“Too bad. because I am really curious about it. So, I’m just gonna keep asking questions. Like, have you ever experienced real heartbreak before? Because you seem like the type that just throws people away and moves on with no remorse.” You become quiet. Sure, you weren’t answering before, well, barely, anyway. But this time, you feel like you’re shrinking. That type of quiet. The type of quiet you become when you feel like you got caught and you don’t want to admit to what you did. You just smoke your cigarette. “And you don’t just avoid answering questions about your romantic life, either. You do the same thing when it comes to family, friends, and anyone else. You just push people away and never actually let anyone get to know the real you.” 

“You know the real me.” you say, looking at him. In all honesty, you were insulted. He was seriously telling you that he “doesn’t know the real you” after you guys have been friends since you were two years old? What does that say about your friendship?

“No, I really don’t. All I know about you is the surface layer stuff that you’re willing to share, but I don't actually know you. No one does. Because you never let anyone get close enough.” he says as he looks you directly in the eyes, meaning every word he says. Well, maybe not every word, but it is how he feels. He doesn’t want you to get frustrated, but if that’s what it takes for you to finally say how you feel, then so be it. You do feel yourself getting frustrated and you look away, taking another drag. “And don’t deny it, ‘cause you know it’s true. You just push people away and never let yourself be vulnerable, ‘cause if you did, then they could use that vulnerability against you. And god forbid anybody ever find out about your deepest insecurities-” 

“Shut the fuck up.” you say, feeling anger seethe out of you. He sits there, somewhat stunned by your response. Not exactly that you became angry, but more so that he actually got a reaction out of you. He watches you as you put your cigarette out and stand up. “I’m going back to my room.” you mutter. 

He stands up. “Seriously?” he says as he sees you start to walk away. He scoffs. “You’re just going to leave? Like that? Whatever.” he mumbles as he grabs the pack of cigarettes you put back into the bag (the pack he specifically bought for you and always buys whenever you guys hang out like this). He opens it and grabs one, lighting it as he sees you turn around. You walk back over to him and snatch the pack of cigarettes from his hand. “The hell?” he asks, annoyed, as he tries to grab it back.

You hold it out of his reach. “You don’t even like red Marlboros.” you say, almost tempted to take the one out of his mouth, too just to spite him.

“Give it back.” he says sternly as he takes a small drag from the one in his mouth, holding it between his fingers as he glares at you.

“No.”

“It’s my pack of cigarettes.”

“That you bought for me.”

“And I want it back.”

“Well, tough shit, I’m not giving it back.”

“Give it.” he says as he holds out his hand. You ignore him and turn around, starting to walk away. He takes another drag, grimacing because you’re right, he doesn’t like this brand, but he’s only doing this to spite you. He gets even more pissed off just seeing you walk away. “Why are you always such a pain in the ass?”

“Could ask you the same thing.” you yell back.

He quickly puts out the cigarette and puts the bottles into the bag before catching up to you. “I'm not the one who’s always being super mean and acting all mysterious about everything. Like, what’s with all the attitude and snarky comments? You’ve been extra shitty lately.”

“Fuck you.”

He scoffs, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You know, you’re being shitty, you just don’t wanna admit it.”

You stop walking and turn to look at him, throwing the pack at him. “Then go away.”

He grits his teeth and grabs the pack from the ground. He looks at you, “Whatever. I'm leaving. But just know, one of these days, you’re going to actually push someone away for good.”

“Hopefully it’s you.” you say as you cross your arms.

“Yeah, me too. Because I am so fed up with your bullshit.”

“Great. Go away.”

He rolls his eyes and walks past you, his arm bumping into yours purposefully as he heads back to his dorm.

-

As Sunghoon makes his way to his lecture, he sees Yujin in the distance talking to some of her friends. He thinks about your conversation last night. He had hopes of confiding in you a bit more about how he felt, but of course that’s not the way things panned out. He had no time to focus on that, even if he was feeling even worse now that he possibly lost his best friend for good. Shit…did he really lose you for good? He feels his blood run cold, but he’s trying to forget it and focus on her. She’s his girlfriend, he has to remember that. He walks up to her, smiling a bit. She looks at him.

“Oh…hey.” she says softly.

“Hey…can we talk for a minute?” She nods her head and stands still. Sunghoon glances at her friends and then looks back at her. “...in private?” Yujin glances at her friends before following Sunghoon over into the library, taking a seat at a table near one of the back bookshelves, a little bit of space between the two of them. “Is there a reason you’ve been acting like this lately? Do you not…want to be with me anymore?” Sunghoon asks, just getting straight to the point.

Yujin is quiet for a moment. “Everything is fine.” she says.

He crosses his arms, feeling himself getting frustrated. Why can’t people just be direct like you? Yeah, you’re not really direct with your feelings, but you are when it comes to anything else. “Are you sure? Because you've been really distant. We haven't been talking as often, you barely want to spend time with me... and it feels like you're avoiding being intimate with me, too. I had to almost beg you to spend time with me last week. Is there really nothing? Are you sure everything is fine?” Yujin listens and stays quiet. Sunghoon sighs. "You know, couples are supposed to communicate and shit, right? If something is bothering you, just come out and say it." Sure, he took a page from your book with what you said last night and perhaps some of what you said rang true after all, but he’s not really looking to give you a “you were right” moment at this time.

“You being friends with her bothers me.” Yujin says as she crosses her arms.

Sunghoon freezes for a moment, taken aback by her response. “...are you being serious?” he asks, not totally sure if she’s just messing with him.

“You hang out with her more than me to the point that I had to ask you to stop texting her whenever we would hang out and you always say you’re “just best friends”, but I don’t believe you. Do you have feelings for her?”

“Do YOU think I have feelings for her?” Sunghoon asks, becoming defensive while also avoiding answering her question directly. 

“Yes.” she answers, simply.

“What, do you think I’ll dump you for her or something?”

"She's a slut. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. I don't care if you guys are close, I'm worried she is going to make a move on you and then you break up with me just for her to use you once and then ruin you; She's bad news." Yujin says.

He feels his jaw drop a bit at what she says. Did she seriously just say that? And so boldly? He feels himself become upset about the way she talks about you. He wants to defend you, he always has, but he frowns. What if this leads to Yujin breaking up with him? You did say last night that you two were done with each other, so why does it matter? He doesn’t agree with Yujin, but he wants to save this relationship…

“You really think I'm that naive? That I'd fall for a girl like her? Just because we’re close friends doesn’t mean I automatically get feelings for her and forget about you. You know I'm smart enough to not get mixed up with someone like her.” he says, feeling like his heart is breaking as he says it. He wants Yujin to feel reassured, but after saying this…it doesn’t feel worth it.

“So you agree.” Yujin says.

Sunghoon sits there, feeling like he’s about to throw up. Why is this so hard? Why can’t he just say ‘yes’ and move on? Why can’t he be happy with Yujin? He just nods his head. “I wouldn’t fall for someone like her.” he says extremely quietly, almost as if he never wanted those words to leave his mouth. But they did and it was too late.

Yujin smiles, satisfied by his answer. She leans in and kisses his lips quickly, “I believe you.” she says softly.

Sunghoon hesitates, not glad that she believes him. Not glad that she said those things about you. Not glad that he said those things about you. He’s just not happy. He gives her a small smile and kisses her cheek quickly. “I’m glad.”

-

You are sitting on a bench, scrolling through your phone as you wait for your next lecture to start soon. Sunghoon sees you as he exits his lecture hall and his gaze lingers on you for a moment. He sighs to himself a bit, feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions. The more he thinks about it, he feels as though Yujin was giving him an ultimatum to choose you or her. If she said it outright, there isn’t a cell in his body that would hesitate to choose you. He thinks back to his conversation with Yujin in the library and he feels sick; he knows he did something wrong. 

He walks over to you and takes a seat next to you, just wanting to make up and move on. To his surprise, however, you get up immediately and take your bag before walking away. He sits there, confused, but figures you’re still upset about the argument last night. He gets up and he follows you before catching up and gently grabbing your arm, but you end up taking it away and start walking again. He bites the inside of his cheek before stepping in front of you, “Why are you walking away from me?”

“Get away from me.”

“No.” he said as quickly as the words left your mouth.

You look at him, feeling your eyes sting, hot tears wanting to form, but you blink them away. “You should probably go find your girlfriend, you wouldn’t want to be seen hanging out with a slut like me, right?” you ask rhetorically.

“Hey-,” he cuts you off, frowning instantly when you call yourself that. “Stop it…you know I don’t see you that way.”

“That’s a fucking lie; I heard you talking to Yujin. Or are you surprised about that too since you were in the library and someone like me couldn’t possibly be in a place like that.” you say as you cross your arms, swallowing as if that will help mask your clear frustration.

“...what?” he asks quietly, freezing as he realizes what you’re saying.

“I heard you. I heard you agree with her when she called me a slut. I heard you say you "would never be stupid to fall for someone like me". Well, fuck you. Go be with your perfect girlfriend, asshole.” you say before you push past him, swallowing again, but this time to stop yourself from crying.

“Wait-” he tries to grab your arm again, but you pull it away and keep walking. He feels his heart sink as he watches you walk away. The world felt as if it just collapsed. He feels like he’s sinking and as he watches you become further from him, he feels like he’s lost everything. He’s holding his breath, not necessarily realizing he is, almost as if he exhales, he’s not sure he has the strength to take another breath knowing he’s hurt you; he doesn’t deserve to.

-

Everything moves in slow motion, all voices muffled, as Sunghoon feels himself being dragged inside of a party by Yujin. He can hear and see her laughing and talking with her friends as they walk inside the loud and crowded atmosphere, but he feels as if he’s hollow. He stands there like a zombie as Yujin talks and greets some of her friends. He’s not sure how it happened, especially since it was almost midnight and he honestly just wanted to go to sleep, but he somehow ended up here. His eyes felt heavy as they looked around the room, but he subconsciously stood up straighter when his eyes landed on you. It was like he had been resuscitated, his heart beating rapidly as he sees you and then he sees him.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, noticing how Sungchan was standing closely to you, how his eyes scanned every inch of your body with some stupid, smug smirk on his face. Sunghoon rolled his eyes again and grimaced at the sight. He sees how you whisper something into his ear, Sungchan grinning as he places his hand on your hip. Suddenly, Sunghoon’s heart stopped again as his gaze fixates on his hand. His hand grips Yujin’s tightly as he clenches his jaw and his other hand curls into a fist, his fingernails digging into the palm of his hand. His breathing becomes heavy as he sees you smile, smile in a way he’s never had you smile at him before as your hand caresses Sungchan’s cheek while you clearly flirt back with him. Sunghoon was livid. He feels like an extra in his own life as he watches you fall for someone like that.

“Baby…?” Yujin asks, loosening her hand and taking it away from him since he was practically cutting off her circulation.

“I’m fine.” he mumbles, hints of anger and annoyance clear in his tone. He doesn’t look at her as he answers and she catches on.

She looks to where his gaze is and then she looks back at him, upset. “Why are you looking at her?” she asks as she crosses her arms. “You told me you don’t have feelings for her. I’m your girlfriend, not her.”

“Stop, Yujin, it’s not like that…” he mumbles, annoyed as he keeps looking at you and Sungchan. He watches as Sungchan puts his arm around your waist and he feels like the air has just been knocked out of him. His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he glares at the two of you, wanting nothing more than to shove him off of you.

Yujin scoffs, “I don’t even see how you could have feelings for a slut like her.” she mumbles, taking a sip of a drink her friend brought for her. Sunghoon keeps his attention on you. How Sungchan keeps you close, whispers in your ear to make you giggle and you indulge in it, how he touches you, and how he looks at you as if he’s some sick animal that wants to devour you. “Did you even hear me?” Yujin asks, pissed off.

“Yeah, I heard you.” Sunghoon mumbles as he continues watching the two of you.

Yujin glares at him and then grabs his hand, dragging him away from her friends. Sunghoon just goes along with it and as Yujin starts dragging him upstairs, Sungchan leas in and kisses you. Sunghoon’s eyes widen as he continues going upstairs with Yujin, her dragging him into an empty bedroom and closes the door behind them. Sunghoon feels like all thoughts had escaped him when he saw that and he stands there with only one thing on his mind: you.

“Let’s have sex.” Yujin says as she looks at him.

Sunghoon snaps out of it and looks at her, feeling like this is his first time seeing her tonight. He looks at her in confusion, not wanting to since he only has you on his mind, but he doesn’t want to upset her any further, so he nods his head. Yujin pulls him towards her and kisses him. He hesitates, feeling himself grimace, but he tries to ignore it and kiss her back. He doesn’t want to be up here with her, he wants to be down there with you. As they continue to kiss, Yujin begins to undress herself and Sunghoon feels himself tense up. He tries to forget about you and focus on her, thinking maybe helping her undress would help, but it doesn’t. Not even a little bit. 

Yujin moves them over to the bed as she keeps kissing him and he sits there, partially kissing her back and also sitting stiff as a board. He knows this is supposed to be hot for him, having a practically naked girl on him, but he only finds himself wishing it was you. Yujin kisses down his neck as she takes off his shirt and he feels like he’s zoning out, not moving a muscle. Yujin moves her hands along his chest and down his body and then stops kissing him as she looks at him.

“You’re not even hard.” she says as she frowns. Sunghoon just stares at her, not necessarily surprised, but he still feels bad. "What the hell do you even like about her? She's a fucking whore who opens her legs for any and every guy. She has nothing else to offer besides her fucking pussy, which probably is already stretched beyond repair." Yujin says, angry. "She's nothing! She's not even special and yet she always gets any guy she wants. Well, why does she get you too?" Yujin tears up. "I'M your girlfriend, not her! Do you even love me?" Yujin asks, frustrated.

Sunghoon knows her anger is justified and he feels awful for feeling like he wants her to be you instead. As he watches and hears her say all of these things, he feels bad for treating her like this, but he also becomes angry at listening to what she’s saying about you. He feels bad for saying it feels like he doesn’t know you, because he does, and he knows you’re nothing like who she says you are.

“Answer me!” Yujin yells.

“I do love you.” Sunghoon says quickly.

“...do you love her?”

He stays quiet. Does he love you? He doesn’t know how to answer that. He knows he cares about you more than anyone else, he knows that even when you two fight, he would never want anyone else but you to be by his side, he knows that you’re the only one who gets him, he knows he likes making you smile and laugh and sometimes when you look at him, he feels like he can just look back at you forever. But is that love? Then, what is it he feels for Yujin? Does he love you and not her? How come he never realized it before? Did he always feel this way?

"Why the hell did you even ask me out? Why did you even ask me to be your girlfriend if all this time, you've wanted her? If all this time you've been in love with her?" Yujin asks, furious.

What is he supposed to say? Has he always been in love with you? He thinks for a moment. He thinks about why he asked her out in the first place, about a week after you hooked up with some guy after you two just started college. Was that the reason? Was it because he just wanted something and he knows deep down, you don’t want the same, so he found it somewhere else? You…everything has always been about you, his whole world has always revolved around you.

Yujin gets up and gets dressed. "If you want to be with her so badly, fine. But just know, she's still a whore. She'll just use you and then toss you aside." Yujin says as she finishes getting dressed. "But by all means, go sleep with that slut. We're done." Yujin says as she leaves the room.

Sunghoon sits on the bed in silence. Just great. Now, he doesn’t have a girlfriend and worst of all, he still can’t have you. He sits there for a moment longer before getting up and putting back on his shirt. Screw this party, he shouldn’t have come anyway. He walks out of the bedroom and goes downstairs, feeling like his mind is in a different place as he walks outside. He stops and notices you sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette. He feels relieved, not seeing you in Sungchan’s arms, and for a split second, he wishes he could just walk over and take you into his, but he pushes that thought away and just decides to take a seat beside you on the curb instead. You scoot away a bit from him, silence looming over the two of you and he feels even worse. 

“You shouldn’t be sitting here, you know. Your girlfriend might get pissy.” you mumble as you exhale some smoke.

“I’m not with Yujin anymore.”

You pause for a moment, “...I saw you two go upstairs.”

“She just…got upset that I couldn’t get hard. I just had so many thoughts running through my mind…” he trails off, not wanting to ramble on about it.

“Whatever.” you say as you take another drag.

“I wish I never asked her out.” he says before taking a deep breath, feeling like he said something he didn’t even realize he was keeping a secret, not even from himself.

“Why are you telling me this? In case you forgot, I am not your friend anymore. Not after what you and her said about me this morning.” You take another drag, “It's one thing for her to call me a slut, I don't care about her, but you? You agreed with her. You made fun of me. You're supposed to be my best friend and you say I'm a slut and then that you aren't "stupid" enough to date "someone like me"?  Fuck you, honestly. I was so pissed when I heard that. I know we fought the other night, but I never thought you would say that shit about me.” You take another drag. “So stop talking to me about your problems like we're still friends. You want nothing to do with "someone like me"? Well, then, you got it.”

Sunghoon stays silent, feeling as if everything around him is crumbling. You’re sitting maybe a foot away from him, but he feels like you’re on the other side of the planet. “I’m sorry.” he says softly, feeling ashamed to have talked about you like that.

You shake your head and continue smoking. “Whatever.”

“I miss you.” he says suddenly. “And, I shouldn’t have said any of that this morning. I was trying to reassure Yujin at your expense and…that was a big fuck up by me. None of what I said was worth any pain I’ve caused you.”

“Well, I don’t miss you. I don’t even care.”

Sunghoon stays quiet for a moment. “I have to fix this. Not because I feel like it will make me feel better to know I said sorry, because that doesn’t fix anything; that doesn’t make you feel better. I want to fix this because, even if you don’t believe me, I value our friendship more than anything in the world.”

You scoff and don’t reply, blinking away your tears as you continue smoking. “I don’t need you. Think what you want about me, I don’t give a fuck.”

“Hey…” he says tentatively as he notices you blinking away tears. He feels like he got punched in the gut and hates himself for knowing he’s the one that caused you to feel this way. “I know I hurt you…a lot.” he admits. He doesn’t know if you would want to listen to anything else he has to say, but he wants nothing more than for everything to go back to normal. To have you back. To just have you look at him. Anything.

You scoff, “You? As if.” you say as you put out your cigarette. “Don’t flatter yourself. Like I care about your opinion.” you say as you stand up. “I don’t need your pity and I don’t need your friendship. I don’t need you.” you say as you walk away and back into the party.

He doesn’t hesitate to follow you, not wanting to let you go. He can’t. He can’t bear the thought of you actually not being a part of his life, not for one goddamn second. He tries to catch up to you, but he stops in his tracks when he sees you go back over to Sungchan. It feels as though time has stopped and he was cursed with having to watch you be with him for the rest of his life. You whisper something to Sungchan, prompting him to grin and put his hands on your waist. Sunghoon feels like he’s about to collapse as he watches Sungchan whisper something back to you before taking your hand and leading you upstairs. He wants to do something, take you away from him, tell you that you mean so much more and are so much more than whatever Sungchan thinks about you. How you mean everything to him and watching you walk upstairs with some other guy feels as though you are taking away every piece of Sunghoon, breaking him apart. But he doesn’t and an hour passes before you walk back downstairs with Sungchan, his arm around your waist.

Sungchan whispers something in your ear before letting you go and walking over to his friends, all of them laughing and teasing him. You just walk back out of the party, feeling sick to your stomach; as if you just made the biggest mistake of your life; shame. As you walk down the sidewalk, the night suddenly feels much colder than before. You take out your cigarettes and start smoking another one. Sunghoon follows and catches up, “Can I have one?” he asks, not knowing what else to say, but wanting to say something. You stay quiet, but eventually extend the one you were smoking to him. You stop walking as he takes it, taking a drag as he stands beside you. 

You hold out your hand, wanting it back and after he takes another inhale from it, he exchanges it back. You take another drag, staying quiet, as you extend it back to him. He takes it as you two share the cigarette and he hands it back to you, almost wanting to just hold your hand instead. You take a long drag, holding the smoke for a while before slowly exhaling. “...you were right.” you say quietly as you hold the cigarette out for him. “It is lonely.”

He takes the cigarette, feeling hopeful that this is the beginning of an honest conversation, and relieved that you’re opening up. He hands it back to you, “Are you lonely? Do you miss having a relationship?” he asks, softly, wanting to make sure he’s being cautious so he doesn’t hurt you again.

“Not the ones I used to be in, no. Those guys were…well, you know.”

“Yeah…” he mumbles. You sigh and take a seat on the curb. He follows suit, seeing if you’ll say something else, but deciding to break the silence. “So…what kind of guy do you want?” he asks, deep down hoping for a certain answer. 

You don’t answer him and instead, ignore his question. In all honesty, you don’t know. Well, you do, but you’re too scared to admit it. “You were also right about me being a slut.”

“I-I didn’t mean it-”

“You know it, everybody else knows it…and I always knew it.” You take your cigarette back and take a drag. “Hearing you say it sucked, though, but I know it’s the truth.”

“I shouldn’t have said it. I was so caught up in trying to make Yujin feel better and fix things between us when it wasn’t worth it. Not when it came at your expense.”

“I know.”

“I should’ve still stuck up for you. It didn’t matter if she was my girlfriend, you don’t deserve to be talked about like that.”

You shrug and hand him the cigarette, lighting a new one for yourself to smoke. “I don’t care anymore. Hooking up with Sungchan just now made me realize it. Seeing and hearing his friends tease him for it…” you take a long drag, “I knew that’s what I am.”

He does the same and looks at you. “Did you want to hook up with him?”

“No.”

“Then, why did you do it?” You ignore his question and keep smoking. “Hey…” he says softly. He knows you’re avoiding his question, but he wants to hear what you have to say.

“What happened with you and Yujin tonight?” you ask, wanting to change the subject.

“Just…an argument.”

“About…?”

“That’s not important.”

“You wanted to tell me all about it earlier. You said something about you not getting hard and regretting asking her out. What the hell happened? I thought you loved her or whatever.” you mumble as you inhale more smoke, a part of you hoping it chokes you.

“I do love her. But I guess…it meant something different to her. She wanted things from me I couldn’t do.”

“Like what.”

“Like…her not wanting us to be friends anymore.”

You scoff before continuing to smoke. “You should’ve chosen her.”

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow as he takes a drag. “You think I shouldn't have chosen my friend who's been with me through thick and thin over someone who was basically controlling who I talked to?”

“She was just controlling that you don't talk to me. Can't blame her, she probably thought I would try to sleep with you or something. Besides, since when did us being friends for so long suddenly matter? It didn't when you agreed with her about me being a slut.”

“It matters to me.” He says, feeling his heart sink a little at your words. It seemed like you didn’t think your friendship meant anything. He takes another drag and sighs quietly before continuing. “You’re my best friend. I care about you more than anyone else.” You stay silent as you continue to smoke. “Do you really think I don’t care about you?” he asks, softly. You just keep smoking, not really sure how to answer. He sighs to himself as he does the same and his mind wanders to thinking about you and Sungchan again. He rolls his eyes to himself as he tries to push those thoughts out of his head.

“You asked me if I ever felt heartbreak when we fought that night, talking about if that’s why I have commitment issues or whatever.” you say as you take another drag. “Yeah…I have.”

“Was the heartbreak from…” he let’s the question linger in the air for a moment, “a relationship?” You shake your head. “So…what was it from then? Who broke your heart?”

You stay silent for a moment, just smoking “...i didn't realize I fell in love with him until he got a girlfriend, well, his first serious girlfriend. At first, I didn't really care, but then…” you go quiet for a moment as you keep looking ahead, not at him. “The way he talked about her, would smile a certain way when he was with her, like he's never smiled at me before...laughing at jokes they shared...seeing him kiss her, hold her hand…” you take another drag, “holding her hand..” you repeat, like you’re lost in thought. “It's something so stupid and simple, but I've never had a guy hold my hand romantically...but he held hers and I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do a damn thing but suddenly wish I was his girlfriend instead. And then I realized. I loved him.” you take another drag, “I loved him and he was in love with someone else.”

He stayed quiet the whole time you talked. He took in every single word. He took in how you said every single word, how you looked as you spoke. He felt his heart break for you. The way you talked about it was nothing like he’s ever heard you talk about; so…innocent. “Did you ever try to tell him how you felt?”

You stay quiet for a moment as you swallow. “I almost did. One time. I just felt so tired from pretending and I didn't want to just hookup with anyone anymore. I wanted to be his more than anything in the world. I almost told him and then…” you take another drag from your cigarette. “He started telling me about how he finally had sex with his girlfriend. How hot she is. How he had never seen anyone so beautiful. How he couldn't believe he was so lucky to be dating her. Fuck-” you pinch your thigh to stop yourself from crying as you take another drag. “I felt so...gross. I had never had a guy say that about me, never had a guy be proud to be with me, but the way he talked about her and everything he was saying...I knew he would laugh in my face if I, just some slut, was in love with him; he would feel grossed out or whatever. No matter how close I thought we were, I knew right then and there I would never be like her. Never like the girl he wanted.” you take another drag, “So I didn't say anything.”

Sunghoon stayed quiet again, feeling awful. He hated that you thought about yourself that way. He hated that other people had made you feel that…him included. He hated this guy, especially, for making you feel this way. What a piece of shit. You deserve nothing but the best and this guy pulls this bullshit with you? He was about ready to punch him in the face. “And you’re still friends with him? After he did all of this to you?”

“He’s all I’ve ever had.”

“He’s not all you have, though. What about me?” he asks, intending to make something positive out of this all. He just wants you to know how precious you are to him because he cares about you so much. 

This, doesn’t help whatsoever, and you feel like you’re about to burst into tears. You can’t tell if he’s the idiot or if you are; maybe the latter. But when he says that, you just feel like sobbing, curling up into a ball, and dying right then and there. You pinch your thigh again, to prevent yourself from crying because you absolutely loathe it.

He notices and immediately puts his hand on yours to stop you. He hates seeing you like this and he looks at you, not wanting you to suppress this anymore.

His hand on yours, however, makes you feel even worse. Worse because it makes your stomach do flips and you can feel your heart beat faster. Worse because you know it only carries the connotation of a friend comforting a friend…nothing more. You pull your hand away and continue smoking.

He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t try to take your hand back. It hurts him to see you pull yourself away. He just wants to make you feel better, feel safe, feel loved. Feel nothing but happiness because that’s all you deserve. But you don’t. He wants to give you everything, and so, he tries again to comfort you. He reaches for your hand, gently taking it into his, it enveloping yours as he holds it as if it is the most delicate thing on earth.

“Don’t.” you whisper, taking your hand away.

You didn’t want to. God, you didn’t want to. His hand felt like silk against yours, but you felt like you didn’t deserve it. Compared to his, your hand was like felt, worth far less than his. You didn’t want him to hold your hand, not like this. You wanted it to mean something, have some sort of value. Not for comfort. Not because he’s your best friend. Not because he felt bad. But because he loved you. Because he wanted to hold your hand and be proud as he held it. Because he wanted to claim you as is. Because you wanted to be his.

He lets go of your hand and stays silent for a moment. It was as if a part of him died inside as you pulled away your hand. All the thoughts that he was having a few seconds ago were replaced by sadness. His hands tightened into fists from the frustration of being unable to comfort you or take away your sadness. He wanted so desperately to try again, but he knew that there was nothing he could do right now. Slowly, he takes another drag of his cigarette, and you do the same with yours.

“Did you cry whenever he would talk about his girlfriend like that? Did you cry anytime he complimented her?”

You don’t answer for a while. “Yeah. When he told me he loved her, I cried later. After that, I pretended like I didn't care. And for a while, it worked. I would just hook up with guys and I would still talk and hang out with him because he didn't treat me like what everyone else saw me as. He never did. And that's one of the reasons I fell in love with him, I guess, but then sometimes...he would start talking about her and then I just...felt worse. At some point, I just kind of felt numb about it, especially after he told me about the first time they had sex. He talked about it like it was so special...like she was so special...and I just decided then and there I couldn't love him. So, I just pretended and after a while, I thought I didn't love him anymore, but one night, he started talking about how he couldn't lose his girlfriend, how he wanted to make things with her work and I felt that same feeling again, like I was going to be sick. Then, I heard him say what he really thought about me and that was the last time I cried about him.”

“What did he say about you? Did he insult you?” he asks as he feels himself becoming angry, wondering what this jerk could’ve possibly said about you to make you feel this way. But, you don’t answer, you just remain quiet and that made him want to punch this guy even more. “Do you miss him?” he asks, quietly.

“...i miss being oblivious to the fact that I love him.”

He feels his heart drop when you say that. You still love him? He swallows, feeling like he’s choking and as if all of the oxygen has been sucked out of the atmosphere. “So…you do love him. You’re still in love with him?” Once you ignore him again, the answer is clear. “You do still love him…” he mumbles. Anger courses through his veins because you’re in love with someone so fucking awful. How could you give all of yourself to someone who is too blind to see how much you’re worth? How much you mean and value you provide to the meaning of life it’s goddamn self? He watches as you continue smoking. “So, you mean to tell me, after everything he’s done to you, you still love him?”

“He doesn’t know.”

“He doesn’t know you’re in love with him?”

“I told you, I never told him.”

This doesn’t help him feel any less bad for you. Some douche was out and about being happy and in love while you suffer on the sidelines? “Are you ever going to tell him?”

You shake your head as you look down. How could you? Especially since you’re delivering this whole pathetic monologue and he still isn’t taking any goddamn hint. 

“Is it because he’s still with his girlfriend?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” you say as you finish your cigarette.

He becomes frustrated, “Is he?”

“No.”

“So, they broke up.” You ignore his question once more. He waits a few seconds before speaking up again, “I’m taking that as a ‘yes’ then.”

“Why does it matter? Why do you care?”

“Why do I care?” he asks as if this question has the most obvious answer. He scoffs and takes another drag out of frustration. “Because I’m your best friend, dumbass.”

This only makes you frown as you pinch your thigh again to stop the tears threatening to fall. He frowns as well when he sees this and reaches his hand over again. “Stop.” he says as he grabs your hand. You look down at your hands and you take yours away again. He feels a lump form in his throat when you pull your hand away as a pit of sadness just keeps growing and growing in his stomach. “Why are you doing that? …do you honestly think I don’t care about you?” You just keep staring ahead of you, not looking at him once. He takes another drag and sighs. “Have I ever given you a reason for you to think that I don’t care? Have I hurt you like that guy did?”

His questions make you stay silent for a long time. You wish that you could just disappear. Or that you could go back in time and stop yourself from having these stupid feelings. Or…that you never met him in the first place. Maybe then things would be easier. Better.

“Just…answer me.” he says, pleading, almost. He wants you to understand that he is here for you, he always will be and nothing is going to get in the way of that anymore. He wants this to be clear, so he tries to hold your hand again to show his support, but you take it away once he does.

“Are you pretending or are you actually this clueless?” you ask, becoming frustrated, your voice having a hint of pain in it.

His stomach tightened when you rejected him once more. He doesn’t look at you, suddenly afraid to see your expression. He doesn’t know what to do, how to make you feel better. He stays silent for a moment and continues smoking. “Pretending about what?” he asks. You become increasingly frustrated and pinch your thigh again. He notices and grabs your hand again, “Stop.” he says sternly, but you pull your hand away. 

“Jesus, you’re the guy.”

He feels himself freeze. “What the hell do you mean ‘I’m the guy’?”

“Are you dense?” you raise an eyebrow. “You’re the guy I’ve been talking about this whole damn time!”

“...i’m the guy?” he asks, completely stunned. You let out a huff of frustration and stand up, walking away. He doesn’t hesitate to stand up and go after you. He grabs your arm to stop you. “Wait, you can’t just leave…”

You keep pinching your thigh, a part of you believing it will wake you up from this nightmare as you avoid his gaze. You take your arm away from his grip. “Just forget it.”

“No. You just said I’m the guy, right? The one you’re in love with?” He asks, all of his focus on you. You ignore his question and turn around, walking away. He groans and he moves in front of you, stopping you. “You love me?” But you just avoid his gaze and don’t answer his question. He sighs, “I’m not letting you leave until you tell me.”

“No.”

He frowns. “Look at me.” he whispers. “Please…” he moves closer to you. “Do you love me?”

“Why does it matter?”

“You tell me. Why doesn’t it matter?”

You punch your thigh harshly a few times as you finally look at him. Your breath hitches as tears well in your eyes, despite you trying to ignore them. “Because I’m just a slut.”

He grabs your hand and stops you. He feels panicked, not knowing what to do or say. He doesn’t want you to cry or punish yourself. “Stop it. Stop with that bullshit. You’re not a slut, don’t you dare ever call yourself that.”

“You said it yourself. You agree with everyone else. I know you don't feel the same. I know you'll never talk about me the way you talk about Yujin or see me the way you see her. I know you said you guys broke up, but so what? I know what I am and I know that's all I'll ever be.”

He feels tears prick his own eyes as he listens to you. He shakes his head, “Stop that. Stop saying that I’ll never feel the same. Stop saying that you’re just a slut.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter! It matters to me. You’re not just “some slut”. You’re my best friend.”

You frown as you feel the urge to cry become stronger. You take your hand away and you pinch your thigh again, just wanting the tears to go away. What he said made you feel awful. It’s not what you wanted to hear. You didn’t want to be just that…and he just kept reminding you that that’s all you are. “...do you honestly think that makes me feel better?”

He frowns, “Fine. Maybe it doesn’t make you feel better. But it should. Because it’s the fucking truth.”

“Are you even thinking about what I told you? Are you even thinking about how you're the guy I've been talking about? How every time you talked about Yujin, every time I saw you hold her hand, how you talked about her when you told me about the first time you guys had sex, that I just wanted to curl up and die? You don't get it. You calling me your best friend doesn't make me feel any fucking better. It makes me feel worse than when people call me a slut. But I don't want you to stand here and try to make me feel better, because if you think telling me you care about me because I'm your 'best friend' is going to make me feel better, then you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said.”

He stares at you sympathetically. He stares at you as he realizes just how badly he’s broken your heart. As he realizes he broke your heart. 

“I don't want to be your best friend. I don't want you to tell me I'm your best friend.” You keep pinching your thigh harder, but tears roll down your cheeks anyway. “I wanted it to be me.” you say as you cry even though you keep pinching harder. “I wanted to hold your hand romantically. I wanted you to smile at me the way you did with her. I wanted you to talk about me the way you talked about her.” Your breath hitches as you cry and pinch your thigh harder, your nails digging into your skin. “I wanted to be special to you. I wanted you to tell me you love me. I wanted to be your girlfriend...more than anything in the world.” You cry harder even though you try not to and you dig your nails more into your thigh.

He’s never seen you cry. Not when you broke your arm, not when your pet goldfish died, not when your first boyfriend broke up with you, not even when you get incredibly frustrated. He has never seen you cry. But he hates it. He doesn’t want to see you so sad, so hurt, in so much pain…and he hated it even more because he–the one person you loved more than anything else–was the one who was making you feel this way. He pulls you into him, hugging you tightly, just wanting to take your pain away, just wanting you to…feel loved. But you push him away and wipe your tears, and he notices the imprints from your nails on your thighs. He doesn’t even realize it, but he reaches his hand out and gently touches the marks as he looks at them. He touches the ridges softly and your skin feels so smooth to him, so precious, but you push his hand away. His eyes travel up to meet yours and he sees you’ve stopped crying.

“Why wouldn’t you just have told me how you felt?” he asks, quietly.

“For starters, you had a girlfriend. The other reason: it doesn’t matter.”

“What if I never got with Yujin? What if I was single the whole time?”

“I didn’t realize I loved you until you started dating her…”

“Why her? I’ve dated other girls before, so why her?”

You shrug, “She’s the only one you really seemed to be serious about…the only one you told you loved. Besides…I’m not some sort of homewrecker.”

“I wish you told me.” he whispers. “You were never going to tell me?”

“No.”

“So, you were just hoping I would never find out?”

“Yes.”

“So, you were just going to keep that secret for the rest of your life?”

“Yeah.”

“So, you were just going to live with that pain forever?”

“Are you going to keep asking the same question?”

“I just want to know…” he says as if he’s desperate. “Why…why would you not tell me?��

“Because you were with Yujin! Because you kept telling me how much you loved her! How pretty you thought she was, how happy you were to be with her, how smart and kind and funny and fucking perfect you thought she was! You were happy. You were happy with someone who wasn't me and although that killed me, you were happy. I couldn't do that to you.” you say as your voice breaks.

“So that justified you suffering in silence? Why would you rather see me happy while you were in pain?”

You look at him like the answer was obvious. How does he not get it? You stare at him as you remain quiet, looking at him as if it’s your last time. “Because I love you.” you say, softly.

He feels like you’re looking at him as if he is the most special person to walk on earth. He swallows out of nervousness as he realizes you gave him your heart completely. “You love me so much that you were willing to put yourself through hell just to see me be happy?” He doesn’t feel worthy of that…but you seem to think he is. You love him.

“Wouldn’t you have done the same for Yujin?”

You don’t want to hear him answer this. You don’t want to know, but you feel like he doesn’t understand. You feel like you keep repeating yourself and he’s relishing in it. 

He doesn’t know how to answer. Would he? Hearing how you describe your love for him, he realizes what he felt for Yujin maybe wasn’t love. Maybe it was comfort. Or security. Or the fact that someone wanted to be with him so seriously. Maybe he did love her, but…not the way you love him. This sounds like love. This sounds like what he was supposed to feel. “Yes…” he says, not really sure if that’s true. He wants to believe he loves her. He wants to believe he didn’t waste almost four years on something that ends up meaning absolutely nothing. He has to love her.

“Then you get it.”

“Did you just hope we would break up one day so you and I would get together?”

You sigh, “You still don't get it. I know you don't feel the same way. I know I am not the type of girl you want to be with. I'm not the type of girl any guy wants to be with seriously.”

How could you say that about yourself? Sunghoon doesn’t believe any of that, not for a single fucking second. “That isn’t true. You’re smart, kind, funny, and pretty.”

“Stop.”

“No. It’s true. Everything I just said is true. You think no guy would be able to fall in love with you, but they would. You would make an awesome girlfriend.” he tries to reassure you.

You don’t want any guy.

“You’re not making me feel better.”

“What am I supposed to do, then? Agree with the bullshit you’re saying about yourself? Because that’s not fucking happening.”

“What I want you to say…you can’t.”

“Try me. Tell me.”

You just look at him. He doesn’t get it. He isn’t saying it because he doesn’t feel the same. This realization makes you feel like you’re crumpling. You look at him, defeated. If you have to tell him, you know he would only say it to make you feel better, not because he actually wants to. That. That’s what hurts the most. He would say it because you’re his best friend…but you don’t want to be.

“...are you going to try and get back together with Yujin?”

He pauses. He thinks about it for a second. “Right now…I don’t know. I guess a part of me wants to try still. Does that make me shitty?” He’s not sure why he does. Yujin is the first girl he’s ever told he loved…and he doesn’t say it often. Maybe he’s like you, in a way. He doesn’t really like saying stuff like that. It felt weird when he said it. But he thinks that’s just because he’s never said it before. 

“Why would I?”

“I feel like an asshole for even considering it after everything you’ve told me-”

“She’s the one you love.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” he says, truthfully. He just needs to think. He just needs one damn second to think.

“Then let me make it clear: be with her. From my perspective, she's the one you want. What I told you, how I so stupidly cried in front of you, that doesn't matter. I told you this earlier: you should've chosen her. So just, make up with her tomorrow or whatever and be with her.” you swallow. “...but I can't be your friend.”

He sees you giving up. He hears it. He hates it. His mind is running a thousand miles per minute, he can’t fucking think and it’s pissing him off. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just ‘choose’ between the two of you. I’m confused, I just…I want to be with whoever makes me happy.”

He’s always been happy with you. Sure, you two fought, but you always got over it. You make him happy. So goddamn happy. But he’s scared. He just gave nearly four years of his life to Yujin…what if it’s because he does love her? 

“That’s her.”

“How are you so sure it’s not you?”

“I know.”

He groans in frustration. “So, I have to choose between the two of you?”

You. He chooses you. He’s not sure about the rest of it, but all he knows is that he chooses you. Four years with Yujin doesn’t compare to the years you and him have had together. Nothing else matters. You. Just you.

“Just be with her.”

“What if I want to be with you?”

He hasn’t thought about it. Maybe he chooses you only as a best friend. What if he doesn’t choose you for love? …does he love you? He recalls the teasing from classmates when you guys were younger, but he's never really given any thought to it possibly becoming real. Does he love you the same way he loves Yujin? Does he even love Yujin? He doesn’t know…he just doesn’t know.

“You don’t.”

“And what makes you so sure that I choose Yujin over you? What makes you so sure you’re ‘not enough’ for me?”

“...because you would’ve chosen me first.”

“I can still choose you.”

You sigh, “You're making this complicated. You know she's the one you love, stop feeling bad for me like I'm some lost puppy and just admit it. I don't want your pity and I certainly don't want you to say you ‘choose me’ because you're confusing your pity for feelings. Stop saying I'm this great girl and stop saying any guy would be lucky to have me, that makes me feel worse. So just make up with Yujin and get back with her. Reassure her that you love her because you do and tell her I won't be a problem anymore because you and I aren't anything anymore. Problem solved.”

Is this really what you believed? Is this really what you thought? He just needed some time, he can’t think. He doesn’t know what to think anymore. You were speaking as if it was impossible for him to love you, but what if he does? How is he supposed to know? How did he know with Yujin? He’s questioning whether he even loved her since he can’t even compare how he feels about you with whatever he felt with her. He just knows it’s stronger. But stronger in what way? He sees how you’re looking at him and he realizes the only way for him to succeed in making you feel better–which is what he truly wants–is to just listen to you. He doesn’t want to. But he wants to see you be happy, even if it means he isn’t.

“Are you really sure this is what you want me to do?” he barely asks, the words leaving his mouth without any fervor, as if he never wanted to utter them in the first place. As if he doesn’t want to hear your answer; see you walk out of his life.

You don’t answer him. You just look at him before walking past him. You hold your breath, knowing that once you exhale, you’re going to start sobbing. You felt so lonely. So lonely. You’ve always had him…and then you lost him to Yujin…and now, you’ve lost him for good.

He doesn’t turn around to look at you as you walk away, because he knows if he does, he will run after you and that clearly isn’t what you want. You want to let him go, at least that’s how he understands it. He doesn’t want that. He wants you. He knows that much, he knows he needs you. He’s not sure how things will look without you now. He never thought it would be like this, but here he is. …why does this feel so much worse than when Yujin walked away from him? Why does this hurt more than his actual breakup? The reason is one he doesn’t want to admit. He realizes the answer and he refuses to let it grow to fruition. He doesn’t know why it took him until now to figure it out, but he’ll realize that later. He wanted time…now, he’s got it.

-

Deja vu. That’s what this all feels like. Here Sunghoon was, again, at another stupid frat party around midnight. Here he was, again, with Yujin. He took your advice, he decided to apologize and get back together with her, and these past few months without you have felt like torture. Even using torture to describe it seems too dull. He has thought about nothing but you. He’s heard around campus about people you’ve hooked up with, but he doesn’t feed into it. As he stands here with Yujin at this godforsaken party, all he can feel is regret. He leans against a wall as Yujin talks with her friends and he practically chugs his drink. He doesn’t even want to leave the party because he doesn't think it's worth to waste any of his wants on anything but you. You make up all of his desires and he wants nothing more than for you to be back into his life. He finishes the rest of his drink and to his surprise, he does see you. He stands up straighter as he looks at you, but feels like his insides are on fire when he realizes you’re making out with Sungchan. On the couch. On the couch, you are making out with Sungchan. On the couch, Sungchan is running his hands along your hips and waist. On the couch, you let him. 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t miss Sunghoon. A part of you went missing the night you walked away from him. You’ve seen him around campus with Yujin and eventually, it finally felt like you were over it all. Over him. You wouldn’t say you’ve been getting around quite frequently, but you won’t lie when you say that you did get with some guys to help get over him. It didn’t work. But you won’t admit to that. To you, at least, you’re over it. Over him. Sungchan helped a bit with some of the lonely nights, but you two aren’t anything serious. He’s not into that sort of thing and, hey, neither are you…so this is fine. He doesn’t lie to you about how he feels or what he wants and for that, you’re grateful. Although, you do have to admit, making out with him feels boring. Being with him feels boring. It’s not fun like it used to be…and even then, you aren’t completely sure it was even fun in the first place. Whatever, you’ll get into it at some point.

Sunghoon watches, now it really feels like deja vu. Is he dreaming? Or…is this him getting a second chance? Is this when he can finally pull you away from Sungchan and be there for you? Finally tell you how he feels? How he felt the whole time…? Suddenly, his spirits are slightly lifted, that is, until Yujin crosses her arms and scoffs before shoving him. Sunghoon is surprised and turns his attention towards her. Some people look at them, but Yujin doesn’t care, she just looks at Sunghoon, furious.

“Do you even want me to be your girlfriend?”

Maybe honesty wouldn’t be best right now. “I do…”

“Then stop looking at her.”

“Let’s…not make a scene.” he says, trying to calm her down.

“Just be honest for once: do you love me or her?”

He doesn’t know how to answer. He knows his answer, he’s had months to figure it out. But…you made yourself clear. You were done with each other. He sighs. “Can I get a moment to figure it out?” he asks, honestly a bit surprised he didn’t just cave and reassure her.

Yujin frowns and scoffs. “Let me ask you this, then. Do you wish that you were making out with her?”

He looks back at you and Sungchan, seeing him whisper something to you and you giggling before he kisses you again. He looks back at Yujin. “Yeah.” he swallows, gathering all of his courage. “But, that sounds…awful. It’s like you want me to admit I regret getting back together with you or something-”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” he answers without hesitation. He feels all of his muscles tense up. Did he really just say that? Well…it’s the truth, but he never thought he would say it. He feels…better.

Yujin quickly squashes that by slapping him, “We’re done.” she says before storming out, her friends following. Sure, the slap hurt, but as Sunghoon looks back at you and Sungchan…the pain from the slap seems so insignificant in comparison.

You decide to tell Sungchan you’re getting a drink, so you get up from the couch and go into the kitchen. You pour yourself a drink and once you do, you walk to the backyard and take a seat on the patio. 

Sunghoon figures you want to be alone…but finds himself following you outside anyway. He walks over to you cautiously. You and him have spoken consistently for practically your whole lives, but he finds himself struggling to even say a simple sentence or ask a question. The time you’ve spent apart was multiple days…too many fucking days in his opinion. He can’t stand it. “Can I sit here?” he asks, referencing the spot beside you. You shrug as you take a sip of your drink. He feels relieved, baby steps, right? He takes a seat beside you and thinks for a moment on how to keep the conversation going. “So…what were you telling Sungchan?” …has he lost the ability to socialize or something because why was this the question he asks? He bites his bottom lip a bit in frustration at himself.

“Spying on me?” you tease as you extend your cup, offering him some.

Sunghoon chuckles softly and shakes his head. Hearing your voice for the first time in months makes him remember just how much he’s missed you. He feels like everything in his life is restored and he smiles a bit. “You guys were all over each other on the couch, is it really weird for me to wonder?”

You shrug, “I mean, just typical flirting and dirty talk or whatever. Why?”

He feels his breath catch in his throat. “Dirty talk”?...what the fuck? “Um…no reason…I guess I was just…curious or something.” he mumbles.

“Are you here with Yujin?” you ask as you take another sip of your drink.

He shakes his head. “Well, not anymore. She broke up with me so…I’m alone now.” he realizes how that might’ve come off. “Alone here now…not…me alone altogether…or anything.” he cringes and looks away from you, feeling completely stupid. 

“What? Why did she break up with you?”

“She…saw me…looking at you and Sungchan…so she broke up with me.” he says, not really wanting to say the other stuff from the argument. You laugh in response and he frowns. “Don’t laugh.”

You nudge his shoulder, “It’s okay. If she broke up with you for that dumb of a reason, her loss.” You say as you take another sip.

He smiles slightly. It feels like old times. It feels like he has you back. It feels like you want him back. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s probably best I don’t have her constantly being suspicious about me and you.”

“Especially since we haven’t talked in months.”

He feels caught off guard by your blunt statement. Sure, it’s true…but it sounds like you didn’t miss him. “Yeah…we haven’t talked in a while.” You just take another sip of your drink and he looks back at you. “I’ve missed you.” He waited for you to say something back, but you didn’t. “I’ve um…missed talking to you like before. Like, before…everything got complicated and stuff-”

“I know what you meant.”

He nods his head a bit, everything now feeling awkward. “So…what have you been up to? Anything interesting happen?”

“Nope.”

“Really? Nothing? Nothing at all?”

“Yup” you say as you take another drink.

“So…for the past few months, you’ve done absolutely nothing interesting?” he asks, his tone being more lighthearted and joking to try and diffuse the tension.

“No offense, but I’m not really looking to ‘catch up’ with you.”

Sunghoon feels his heart stop for a moment, but he tries to play it off. “Okay, ouch.” he laughs nervously, “So you’re not even remotely interested in talking with me?”

You shrug, “I dunno. These past few months without you, I’ve kinda just been doing my own thing, I guess.”

Your response left him feeling worthless. Like, he didn’t even mean a single thing to you before. Which, he knows isn’t true…but you sound like you mean it. “So, you haven’t missed me at all? Not even talking to me?”

“At first, yeah. But don’t worry, I’m not in love with you anymore.”

“...you’re not…in love with me anymore…?” he asks as he feels his blood run cold. You just shake your head and continue drinking from your cup. His heart sinks immediately. He feels small; insignificant. His mind jumps back to Sungchan and he frowns. “Are you in love with him now?”

“Him?”

“Sungchan.”

“Eh,” you shrug, “we’re not dating, just casual, I guess.”

“So, you’re not exclusive with him?”

“No.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah.”

He feels himself growing jealous and frustrated. How could you give yourself to someone who doesn’t love you? Sunghoon feels upset, realizing he unintentionally did the same thing, but still, not to this extent. He knows you. He knows you don’t want this…hopefully. But he sure as hell knows that you don’t deserve this. 

“That’s ridiculous. How can you be committed to this?”

“I’m not committed.”

He groans, “That’s…not what I meant. What do you two even get out of this?”

You shrug, “Why do you care? I get you’re a relationship guy even though you’ve only been serious with one girl, but don’t shit on me and what I choose to do.”

The way you spoke got under his skin. “I care because I happen to care about the people around me. In case you haven’t noticed, I care about you.” But you just roll your eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes. I’m being serious. Why do you feel like this isn’t worth talking about?”

“Because we aren’t friends. We aren’t anything. I don’t need your input.”

It feels like you’ve slapped him in the face, and this time, it fucking stings. “What do you mean we aren’t friends? We grew up together, how the hell are we not friends?”

“Are you stupid?”

“Am I stupid?” he asks, offended and frustrated. He was starting to lose his patience. “No. I’m not. I still consider you as my friend. We grew up together, went to the same schools, hung out every damn day, how is none of that relevant?”

“We haven’t spoken in months.”

“So what?” he asks, feeling as though your friendship suddenly means less than nothing to you, somehow.

“I told you that night that I wasn’t going to be your friend anymore.”

He freezes. He knows. He also knows you don’t just say shit without it meaning anything. He knows you aren’t friends anymore, but he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want you to be nothing to each other. He thought that if, maybe, he admitted he still sees you as his friend, you would admit the same. But you don’t. And now he feels that same empty feeling. “So…you’re just fine with letting us go without a second thought?”

You look at him, “Do you not remember anything from that night? Of course if fucking hurt; I was in love with you.”

“So it does matter.”

You sigh, “It doesn’t matter anymore; that was a long time ago.” you say as you take another sip.

He looks at you for a moment, feeling like his heart has become a punching bag and you were just taking any hit you could. Was this really the same person he grew up with? That he… “How could it not matter anymore? We used to mean the world to each other…how can that just…be…over?”

You look at him, “Because I had to get over you.”

“It’s not that easy. I spent everyday thinking about you. Everyday.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you!” He thought your question was so redundant, he honestly didn’t even realize what he said at first. 

“But…” you sit there, stunned. He finally said what you wanted him to say for so long, even if it was with a frustrated tone, still…it counted. “What about Yujin?”

“She…she doesn’t matter. You do. She always suspected I was in love with you-”

“Well, this is news to me.”

He deadpans. “Are you being fucking serious? I get I never said it before, but…” he pauses; he sees what you mean. “Okay…but…you never once thought it was possible that I love you?”

“No. Because that night when I told you that I was in love with you, you just kept saying I was your best friend. You’re so full of it.”

“I’m not full of it! I just…for fucks sake, I just didn’t know. I thought…I don’t know, I thought maybe for you it was just passing, or something, I don’t know what I thought I just…I don’t know.”

“Right. So as I stood there, crying my eyes out as I told you how much I loved you, you thought it was one sided.” you say as you roll your eyes.

“I…” he feels like he did that night, like he can’t think. “I just didn’t know, maybe something was holding me back, I don’t know.”

“I know why.”

He looks at you, relieved, thankful that you understand what he means. “You do?”

“Of course you didn’t want to admit to that. How embarrassing for you to have a crush on one of the school’s biggest sluts.”

He frowns. “That’s not what I mean. You honestly think it’s embarrassing for me to like you?”

“Exactly. And you knew that. I don’t blame you, no guy wants their girlfriend to be a whore.” You take another sip of your drink and you look at him. “Look, I’m not mad. I got over it and I honestly don’t care anymore. I know what I am and I know that until we graduate, that’s all I’ll probably be. But it doesn’t matter. Yujin breaking up with you not too long ago was dumb, you’re a really great guy, but you’ll find someone else.” You take another sip,  “I should probably head back in and find Sungchan.”

He felt anger wash over him. Not because you don’t believe him about being in love with you. Not because you were going to Sungchan. But because of the fact that you believe the things you say about yourself. You’re so special, so goddamn special, and Sunghoon is so scared as he realizes he may be too late.

“And what if I don’t want to find someone else? What if I don’t want anyone else but you?”

You look at him for a moment. “Do you remember how you would talk about Yujin with me? You may not remember everything you said, but I remember it all and I remember how you looked as you said it. You talked about her like she was the most special and most beautiful girl in the world. You had this smile that you only had with her…” you pause for a moment, “You may say you have feelings for me…but they're not like the ones you had for her, and that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel bad because you deserve to be happy, but you also deserve to find another girl that makes you talk and feel that same way…and I know that’s not me.”

You’re so wrong. You’re so fucking wrong and it was pissing him off. He wishes he just figured this out earlier. He wishes that he asked you out instead. He wishes that he told you he loves you that night. He wishes he kissed you. He wishes he held you and didn’t let go. He swallows, “You remember everything I said?” he asks, slightly surprised to hear that. Honestly, he doesn’t even remember what he said. Not anymore.

“Of course I do…I wanted nothing more than for it to be me.” you say quietly as you take a sip and sigh. “But like I said, water under the bridge.”

He feels tears begin to form. “Why did we have to grow apart? Why didn’t you just talk to me? Just one damn word. Something. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“I can’t be your friend.”

“Why not?”

You look at him for a long moment, just staying quiet. “...I’m only going to say this once…but if I stayed your friend, I would just keep hurting myself…I would still love you.”

He stays quiet for a while. Even the loud music and chatter from the people inside seemed to drown out as he looked at you; you’re all that matters; you’re all that deserves his attention. “...did it hurt when we would talk everyday?”

You sigh softly and shake your head. “Not until you started dating Yujin. Before that, everything was fine. But once she happened…it hurt like hell.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I told you. I couldn’t do that to you, you were happy.”

“I would have wanted to know. I would have wanted to be there for you…”

You laugh a little, “No, that’s weird.” You shake your head and still laugh a little, “It’s fine, I’m over it.” 

“It’s not weird. It’s not okay for you to act like everything is fine.” he says, softly.

“Why are you trying to rehash this? There’s no point. Or do you like to hear about how I used to love you and it gives you some sort of ego boost or something?” you ask, not wanting to dive back into this…not again. He shakes his head, but he sighs. What is the point? You aren’t believing him and you’ve said it yourself…you’re over him. You stand up and his eyes follow you, “I’m gonna go find Sungchan. Later.” you say, not really meaning the ‘later’ part, but nonetheless, you walk away and all he can do is watch you leave…again.

He heads back into the party, wanting to find solace in getting batshit drunk or something, but he continues to torture himself by watching you dance with Sungchan. His eyes only focus on you, sure, he’s jealous and pissed off that you’re with Sungchan, but he only sees you. Sees how you move and he finds himself wishing you were dancing with him. 

Sungchan pulls you closer, just whispering sweet nothings in your ear and you feel his hands grab your ass. You giggle a little and try to enjoy your time with him as he starts kissing your neck. You laugh softly as you dance with him and, unfortunately for Sunghoon, he’s bearing witness to it all. His hand practically crushes his red solo cup as fury ignites within him when he watches what Sungchan is doing. That should be him. Not that he would be so…vulgar with his actions, but it should still be him instead. He sees Sungchan whisper something to you as he takes your hand and starts taking you upstairs. 

As he watched the two of you making your way upstairs, his whole body shook and trembled in rage. Every step that the two of you took together enraged him. He hated the way you casually held his hand and how he casually walked you up the stairs. He hated how he acted as if he had every right to touch you like that. He hated the fact that you were both so comfortable with one another at this point. He hated the fact that he was leading you away to his room…

You were so focused on following Sungchan, you were surprised to feel a tug on your other hand once you reached the top of the stairs. Both Sungchan and you stop and you turn to see Sunghoon holding your other hand. 

Sunghoon felt at ease, like he was grounded when he felt your hand in his. This made him more confident as he tugged you towards him, wanting you away from Sungchan. This pisses Sungchan off and he scoffs as he looks at Sunghoon. 

“The hell?” Sungchan says, not in the mood for any games. He tugs the hand he was holding, pulling you back towards him, but you find yourself only focused on Sunghoon as your heart starts to beat faster.

Sunghoon pulls you back towards him, his grip on your hand tightening. “Back off.” he says as he glares at Sungchan. 

“You back off.” Sungchan says as he tugs you back towards him.

Sunghoon realized that you were just being tugged around, so he stopped, but he kept holding your hand. “Let go of her.”

“You let go of her.” He looks at you, “Who the hell is this guy?” Sungchan asks, annoyed.

“Someone who actually loves her instead of using her.”

You look at Sunghoon, surprised to hear him say that. Sure, he said he loved you earlier…but this time when he said it, he said it like it was what he meant to say; what he wanted to say.

Sungchan laughs. “You love her?”

Sunghoon glares at him. “Yes. I love her. Now back off.”

Sungchan scoffs and puts his arm around you. “Tell you what, bud, you can have her when I’m done.” Sungchan winks as he pulls you towards him.

Sunghoon feels enraged. This asshole was acting so entitled, acting like he won this argument when Sunghoon knew damn well he wasn’t giving up. The fact that he had the nerve to call him “bud” too made Sunghoon want to throw him down the flight of fucking stairs. How he treated you was disgusting, talking about you like that in front of you. Sunghoon tugged you towards him one last time and Sungchan rolled his eyes. 

“Whatever.” Sungchan looks at you, “You know where my room is.” he says as he winks at you before walking away.

Sunghoon grimaces as Sungchan leaves, but feels better once he’s gone. The whole time, you were just looking at Sunghoon and you feel as though your heart is beating out of your chest as he holds your hand. After what he said. After all of this. He meets your gaze and he looks at you in a much more gentle manner. 

“You deserve so much more…” he whispers, his breath lightly brushing along your face since you’re so close together. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry-”

“Stop.”

“No.” he says as he lets go of your hand and uses it instead to gently cup your face. “I wasn’t lying. You are all I’ve thought about for these past few months and you’re all I can ever think about. I’ve missed you every single damn second of the day and I’m sorry I was too scared to say it all before. I love you. And all this time, I’ve just thought about what you mean to me and the answer is everything; you mean everything to me. ...that seems like such a vague thing to say now that I say it out loud.” he chuckles softly, “But everything means nothing if you’re not with me. Eating, sleeping, breathing, blinking, are all pointless if I can’t spend one goddamn second with you. I’m not embarrassed of you and I only realized that night when you left that I’ve always been in love with you. Always. What I felt with Yujin is all meaningless when I compare it to how I feel about you. I love you. It was never her. Not for even a millisecond. You asked me if I would put myself through pain just to see her happy and I told you yes. I lied. I thought that was what I would do, but I realized I actually did that with you. I let you walk away because that’s what you wanted. I didn’t want that, god-” he takes a sharp inhale as he rests his forehead on yours, “It’s always been you…and I’m so sorry I never said it until now. I’m so sorry I put you through all of that shit. I’m so sorry, but please…” he whispers as he looks into your eyes, all of his focus only on you. “I love you.”

You feel your breath hitch slightly and you feel so tempted just to kiss him, but you hold yourself back. You smile a little bit and pull away slightly, feeling relieved. “...I need to smoke. You want one?” you ask as you take his hand, going into an empty bedroom. 

He closes the door behind the two of you as you walk over and sit on the bed, opening the window beside it. He sits beside you as you take out your pack and he smiles a bit. “Yeah, I do.” he says as you hand him one. He watches as you light yours and then you light his for him. You both sit silently for a moment as you smoke, it being a comfortable silence until he speaks. “Thank you.” he says, mainly for lighting his cigarette, but he does want it to apply to you not leaving him again.

“I forgive you.” you say after a moment.

“You do?” he asks as he takes a drag and looks at you.

“Yeah.” you say as you take another drag yourself. “But you’ve got to get better at saying how you feel.” you tease.

He scoffs playfully and nudges your arm. “Says you.” he mumbles as he continues to smoke.

You laugh softly and shrug. “We’ll work on it.” you say before exhaling your smoke and he nods his head a bit as you both look out of the window for a moment. You glance at him and inhale from your cigarette before gently pulling him towards you. He turns his head to look at you and you kiss him gently, shotgunning the smoke slowly into his mouth.

His eyes widen a bit as his heart beats rapidly. He closes his eyes as he inhales, letting the smoke slowly fill his lungs while he leans forward to kiss you back, indulging in the feeling of your lips on his even if it wasn’t an actual kiss. After blowing out the smoke, you break the kiss and watch as he exhales the smoke. He does it slowly, feeling as though his lips are tingling, begging to meet yours again. He smirks a bit after he exhales all of the smoke and looks at you. “Damn…that was good.” he whispers as he blushes a bit.

You grin, taking another drag, “I’ve missed you.”

He takes a drag as well as smiles softly. “I’ve missed you, too.” It goes quiet, but this time, a comfortable silence as you two smoke. He blows some smoke out of the window and looks back at you. “Do you think…we could give this another shot?”

You follow suit and blow some smoke out of the window before looking at him. “Our friendship or…something more this time?”

“Something more. Both, hopefully.” he smirks a bit as he says this, taking another drag.

You smirk a little back and chuckle softly, “I really want that.”

“So do I.” he whispers as his eyes lock onto yours. He smiles softly, “We’re going to be official.”

He reaches for your hand and carefully interlaces his fingers with yours. You take another drag as you smile shyly. “Good…” you say, softly.

Your fingers seem to fit with his perfectly; everything about you is perfect and it was things like this that make him realize it all the more. You hold hands as you smoke silently, both feeling a fluttering excitement in your stomachs as your relationship dynamic shifts to one that you both have been longing for before you even realized it yourselves. He glances at you as he exhales some smoke.

“Good? Wow…I was expecting some more passion out of that.” he teases, gently squeezing your hand.

You laugh before finishing your cigarette and putting it out. You turn your body a bit to face him, “What about…fucking incredible?”

He laughs loudly at your new choice of phrasing. He calms down after a moment, “That’s more like it.” he says with a grin before smoking his cigarette again. His gaze lingers on you as he watches you smile at his reaction. Stunning. He leans in, letting go of your hand, placing his left hand beside you on the bed as his lips meet yours, kissing you. 

You don’t waste a single second, kissing him back immediately as your hand makes its way to the back of his head, your fingers threading with his hair as you push yourself slightly forward, pressing your lips against his more. He inhales sharply as he moves his left arm around your waist, pulling you closer, desperately. He puts out his cigarette and discards it, using his other arm to wrap around you as well as he pulls you onto his lap. You part your legs, straddling his lap as you grin a bit into the kiss, both of your hands using their fingers to gently tug on the ends of his soft hair. You feel yourself fill with excitement, the fact that this is really happening after every inch of your body has desired this exact moment makes you feel restless. 

Sunghoon runs his hands up and down your thighs, squeezing them gently, before moving them up to your hips, and then your waist. His hands suddenly felt so big against your skin, his fingers sending shivers throughout your whole body anywhere they touch. He opens his mouth slightly more and you take this as a sign to slip your tongue into it. He grins, this time, and he pulls you closer to him by gripping your waist; your bodies now pressed tightly against each other. He moves his hands to cup your face and you move yours to rest against his chest, your fingers tightly gripping his shirt in an attempt to somehow kiss him deeper. His tongue glides across yours as he kisses you with increasing desperation. The need for you grows every second that passes, he has to kiss every inch of you, he has to make you his, he has to make you feel loved; the only thoughts devouring his mind at this very moment consisted of nothing but you and his need to ensure you only ever want him. 

The kiss becomes sloppy, both of your lips becoming covered in one another, and you feel yourself craving more. So much more. You bite his bottom lip a little, testing to see if this will make him decide to take initiative, resulting in him gasping softly and releasing a low moan. He liked it. He liked it a lot. He moves his hands back to your waist, pushing you down against his lap and his jaw loosens a bit as he loses his breath, feeling you finally press against his erection. You moan softly, enjoying the feeling of some sort of contact where you desperately needed it the most and it felt so good knowing he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to have you. 

One of his hands grips your thigh and his other arm goes back to wrapping around your waist as he picks you up a bit and lays you back against the bed, not once breaking the kiss; at this point, kissing you has become his oxygen supply. Feeling your hands on him is the only thing keeping him alive. His lips part from yours only to kiss along your jaw, just below your ear, and down to your neck. You gasp softly and your eyelids flutter closed as you relish in the feeling of his soft lips kissing your skin. He takes one of his hands and uses it to move some of your hair out of the way, placing it on the back of your head, pulling your hair softly to move your head back so he has more room to work with on your neck. You let out a soft moan, feeling him leave open mouthed kisses on every single inch of your skin, him making sure he doesn’t miss a single spot. 

He opens his eyes a bit and looks at you, to see how he’s making you feel. He watches as your lips part slightly as you take in small gasps of air, as if he leaves you utterly breathless; you’ve never looked more beautiful. He watches to see what spot of your neck when he kisses it that you seem to like the most. Once he gets to a certain spot and watches you bite your bottom lip a bit, he smirks slightly against your skin and sucks gently on the area. His tongue laps the spot a bit as he sucks and nibbles on it; this was his spot now. You moan softly and you feel your breath slightly catch in your throat as he leaves a hickey. He leaves a few soft pecks on the spot a little after he’s left his mark and he smiles a bit to himself. 

You feel the warmth of his body pull away from yours and your eyes open as you look at him. The moon shined a bit through the window, the light falling beautifully on him as he looked at you with a slightly flushed face. He looked back at you, seeing you laying on this bed, all for him, he felt like he was going crazy. He sits on his knees between your legs as his hands run along your thighs; he just keeps looking at you, admiring all of you. You lay there, looking at him, feeling your body become hot as he looks at you through hooded eyes, as if you leave him in a trance. Your breathing picks up in speed as he runs his hands painfully slow along your thighs and as much as you want to pull him back towards you, you feel as though you’re frozen. 

He takes a slow, deep breath, as his left hand travels up to gently take your right hand. He holds it up softly, separating your fingers with his as he loosely holds your hand, his gaze now focusing on your hands. He raises your hand up and leans in, raising it to his mouth. He softly plants his lips on your fingertips, kissing them softly, up to your knuckles, trailing his lips to the back of your hand, then gently turning it to kiss along the palm of your hand. He closes his eyes as he kisses down your arm--slowly--and gently lays your arm back at your side as he kisses up to your shoulder. His hands move to the hem of your short dress, slowly sliding it up, you raising your hips to help him, and he stops, leaving it bunched around your waist as he goes back to kissing along your shoulder. He gently pushes the strap of your dress down your shoulder as he focuses on kissing your body, moving along your collarbone. He breathes deeply, pushing the other strap out of the way as he leaves open mouthed kisses on your left shoulder, down your arm, his hands gently holding it up as he kisses up to your wrist. You watch him, feeling as if your body is constantly shivering, still dressed (albeit, your dress is pushed up), yet feeling completely exposed. His hand envelopes over your left hand as he kisses your palm like he cherishes your entire being, the way he looks is as if he’s wanted to do this his whole life. 

He kisses your fingers, knuckles, and fingertips, opening his eyes slowly as he lets go of your arm gently. He moves his hands back to your waist, pulling your dress up more and you sit up, realizing your body is shaking, and he kisses your forehead before pulling your dress off carefully, like he’s afraid if he does it too fast, you’ll break. He lets the dress fall to the ground, the fabric hitting the hard wood floor just as softly as he lets it go. It’s as if the room is silent, no muffled music from downstairs, no rolling of tires from the occasional cars passing on the streets, no soft wind hitting the curtains, nothing except the quiet breaths escaping from his and your lips. He feels his erection become even more painfully hard as he looks at you, and he swallows, honestly trying not to let out a moan just at the sight of you. His breath stifles a little as he places his hand on the small of your back, steadying you as he leans back in, kissing the top of your chest. He feels himself growing more desperate, desperate to feel every inch of your skin on his lips, on his fingertips. 

He breathes in sharply as he presses his face more into your chest, his lips sloppily kissing along your chest as his need for you grows. His tongue trails along your skin and he shudders, his hands becoming shaky as he holds your waist, all his focus practically on making out with your chest. A low moan elicits from him and from the way he was kissing your chest with such desperation made you moan softly in response, one of your bra straps falling a little off your shoulder from his movements. It’s as if he senses it and just decides to unclasp your bra, still trying to let it slide off of you slowly and hold himself back, but once he sees you take it off, your bare chest exposed, he feels himself get so close to cumming in his pants. He gently lays you back on the bed, wasting no time, however, to wrap his lips around one of your nipples. Your breath hitches and you moan as he releases his desperation. Kissing, sucking, and fondling your breasts, small whimpers coming from him as he feels elated to finally be doing this. Spit covers your chest almost instantly as he licks and sucks, kneading your breasts, moaning as the soft flesh squeezes and molds beneath his hands. And it’s only until he feels his breathing becoming quick, his dick aching in his pants, is when he stops. He pulls away slightly, his hair slightly covering his eyes as he stares at them, his trembling fingers squeezing and spreading his spit along them, his thumbs pressing and circling your nipples, and you feel as if ripples just went throughout your entire body.

You gently push his hair away from his face and he goes back to kissing along your stomach, down to your panties. You can feel momentarily the thin layer of sweat covering his forehead when you push his hair away, running your fingers through his locks and he whines softly against your skin, his hands gripping your sides and finally moving to the edge of your panties. You wait in anticipation, expecting him to take them off, so you raise your hips slightly, but he pulls away. You pout–only slightly–as you look at him with a confused expression. He smiles sweetly, as if he’s not the one that caused you to quite literally soak through your panties. He’s noticed, god, he’s noticed, but it takes everything in him not to behave like some animal. So, with that, he moves his hands down to your feet, slowly taking off your shoes for you before setting them on the ground. He moves back a little, leaning down to kiss along your leg, stopping at your knee, before moving to do the same thing to the other leg, but this time, he kisses up your thigh, leaving open mouthed kisses on the inner part of your thigh, gently nipping at your skin, and up to your hip. He gazes at you through his eyelashes as he moves to kiss along the other thigh, closing his eyes as he moans deeply against your skin, his tongue running along your skin.

He takes in a shaky, deep breath, and you feel your whole body become stiff once you feel his warm breath scatter so deliciously on your core. He gently places his hand over your sopping panties and your breath hitches, your whole body feeling grateful for some sort of contact. His brows furrowed as he slowly rubs his middle finger along your clothed slit, a low groan escaping his lips as he feels even more of your wetness seep through the fabric as he pushes into it. His mind feels hazy; he has to taste you. He takes his hand away, licking his middle finger and he feels as if his whole body exploded. He moans quietly to himself, before gripping your thighs and sticking his tongue out, licking a slow, long stripe between your clothed folds to your clit. Your eyes roll back as you gasp and moan. His fingers dig into the skin of your thighs as he feels himself lose all sense of sanity. He wanted nothing more than to take his time, but fuck, he can’t do it anymore. 

His lips instantly latch around your clothed clit, sucking and lapping his tongue as he starts to subconsciously rut his hips against the mattress. His saliva soaks your panties entirely as he presses his tongue more firmly, causing you to moan louder, gasping, as your hand makes its way to his hair, your fingers tangling in it. He moans and pulls away only a little before diving back in, pushing your panties to the side with his face as he makes out between your folds. His jaw is working overtime, his tongue lapping and picking up as much of you as you can give, His nose bumps against your clit as he loses himself in your taste, eating you out like a madman. He groans and moans into you, his hip movements stuttering as he licks all the way back up to your clit, moving his right hand off of your thigh before pushing his middle and ring finger into you, making sure to rub them between your folds before he does. He sucks and licks your clit, moaning and whimpering as he pushes his fingers in and out of you, not stopping until his knuckles prevent him. 

You moan his name, gripping his hair, pushing his face against your clit more as your legs shake and you cum, moaning his name. He whimpers and the way you taste sends him over the edge as he feels himself cum in his pants, his jaw falling slack a bit, and he pulls his fingers out, desperate to lick them clean. You let go of his hair, trying to catch your breath and he sits up, his face slick and covered in you, and he tugs your panties off. You look at him, watching as he undresses himself and you feel your body become light as he reveals more and more of himself to you. His bare chest, his abs, god, his biceps, you were about ready to start touching yourself at the sight, desperate for him, but you managed to stay put. 

He feels his ego boost a little bit, watching how you look at him, examining his body as if he is some work of art. He’s going to give you everything he knows you deserve and that thought alone makes him smirk. You notice as he takes off his underwear the wet patch from his prior release, making you grin a bit. He finally lets his cock out, it still being painfully hard despite him having cummed already, and you gaze at it. You feel yourself clench around nothing, wanting him so desperately to fill you up and he sees it. He smiles innocently, as if you both aren’t completely naked and horny before he grabs a cigarette and lights it. He takes a drag as he spreads the precum spilling from his tip all along his length and you watch his every movement, honestly feeling your mouth water at the sight. You sit up and he motions his head to the window as the cigarette sits between his lips. 

You turn and face the window, propping your forearms against the windowsill as you look outside, the cool breeze honestly feeling nice against your flushed, hot skin. You feel his presence shift behind you as he takes another drag. He sighs softly, looking at yourself propped like this, he places his free hand on your hip, lining himself up with you. He moves that hand and gently brushes your hair softly to the side, exposing your back entirely, and you turn your head a bit to look back at him. He exhales some smoke and meets your gaze, gently brushing his fingers along your cheek. 

“Relax…” he says before leaning to whisper in your ear, “and don’t be afraid to let the neighborhood know my name.” he says before kissing your cheek. 

You feel your body shudder at his words and he holds the cigarette between his lips as he uses one hand to hold your hip, the other gripping his cock before he slides it up and down, teasingly, between your folds. You gasp softly and he smirks, pushing his tip against your clit and he hisses a little, more precum leaking from his tip. He guides his cock into you, needing to quickly grab his cigarette from his mouth due to his jaw falling slack as he bottoms out into you. Your fingers grip the edge of the windowsill, your jaw dropping as you feel him finally giving you what you want. You moan and become breathless. He takes another drag from his cigarette before moving his hand from your hip to your shoulder as he pulls his hips away and then thrusts himself back into you entirely.

He filled you up perfectly, and he was damn ready to cum just from the way it felt like you perfectly fit around him. So warm and so fucking wet. He thrusts in and out of you a few times, groaning as you moan, sounds of you coating his cock more and more each time he goes in and out of you. He takes a shaky inhale from his cigarette, his eyes rolling back a bit as he thrusts a bit faster, before taking the cigarette out of his mouth, gripping the back of your head, a handful of your hair between his fingers, as he pulls you up and turns your head towards him. You moan and whine looking at him as he kisses you, shotgunning you this time as he keeps a steady pace of thrusting into you. You felt like you were going to choke, but you inhale what he exhales and as he pulls away, you turn back and lean your forearms against the windowsill as you blow out the smoke, gasping afterwards and moaning his name.

“Good girl,” he groans and puts the cigarette out, putting both of his hands on your hips, thrusting faster. “Such a good girl.” 

You moan at his praise and breathe quickly as all you can do is let out strings of long moans as you feel his cock press into you over and over, him somehow hitting every area that makes your knees weak and mind hazy. His fingers dig into your skin as his hips rapidly pound and slap against your ass, the sound of skin slapping becoming louder and louder. You moan his name loudly, and as a reward, he pushes further, you feeling his tip brush against your cervix and you gasp, moaning his name lewdly. He grunts, the way you just moaned his name almost made him cum automatically. 

“Louder, sweetheart, come on.”

You gasp for air as he fucks you so goddamn good, and you try to arch your lower back a bit so he can go deeper. You moan his name as many times as he wants, whatever it takes for him to rut in and out of you faster, to which he obliged. His breathing becomes heavy and your legs shake as you throw your head back a bit, your jaw dropping as you let out a long moan, cum spreading all over his cock. He grunts and whimpers, wrapping his arms around your waist as his brows knit together, him leaning down and kissing your shoulder as he pumps you full of cum, a low moan coming from him and onto your shoulder. He moans your name softly as he lets out a few more shallow thrusts, making sure he gives you every last drop. You feel yourself shiver as the warm liquid pushes into you and you whine a little. 

After a moment of him holding you close and staying inside of you, he kisses your shoulder softly again before pulling out and pulling away. He lays back onto the bed and you shudder as you feel his and your cum spilling out of you and trailing slowly down your inner thigh. He opens his arms a bit and you go to him, letting out a sigh as you rest your head on his chest and feeling content when his arms wrap around you. His hand slowly moves up and down your back before he kisses the top of your head. It’s silent for a while as you both lay there.

“So…we’re a thing now?” you ask, partly joking, but part of you was seriously asking.

He looks down at you and scoffs playfully. “After all of this, you still don’t get it?” he chuckles softly. “I want nobody but you.”

[oimitocat]

IF I TOUCH YA… | OS

༘۠ anton x m!reader

༘۠ nonidol! au + swimmer!anton + swimmer!reader + rivals with benefits + angst + nsfw + shower sex + technically public sex

༘۠ a/n: i’m still new to riize, please spare me. i’m sorry if this suck, i’m literally trying to get back into my writing mojo. [i’m trying because shotaro and sungchan redebuted ;( ] angst cus i LOVE angst ;)

“DAMNIT!” you growl, slamming your fist against the shower door.

anton, anton, anton.

that’s the only thing— the only name bouncing around your head. the (beautiful) idiot beat you by a—

“SECOND. A FUCKING SECOND!” you fume, the hot water running down your back doesn’t help, the steam giving you comedic energy with your emotions.

it’s a reoccurring situation, you beat him one day, he beats you another day. yet this whole week he’s been beating you by mere seconds.

“n/n…” his soft voice comes out from outside the shower stall.

“what.” you grunt, angrily scrubbing the shampoo in your hair.

you know he’s standing outside, fidgeting. what you don’t know is how fast his heart is racing, how anxious he is at the sound of you being so angry. he knows you’re competitive, he is too, yet he had always hoped it wouldn’t affect the friendship or companionship he was trying to have with you.

“the hell do you want, lee?”

he takes a deep breath, glancing back at the shower room door. almost everyone had left, except the coach which said he’ll go to his office and watch his anime.

“are you going to sulk like a sore loser or go home de-stressed?”

he jolts when your door flies open with a slam. you’re glaring at him but his eyes fly down, below your hips. he’s not hiding anything, why would he? he came inside the shower room with purpose, no towel on with purpose.

“so that wasn’t a one time thing?” you question, raising a brow.

he hesitates, looking around and playing innocent. “did you want it to?”

he gasps when you yank him by the wrist. he’s genuinely surprised at how fast you accepted the invitation, he thought you’d put up more of a fight but no, clearly you wanted your vengeance. he almost pushes you away, but your lips on his is just a beautiful feeling. this is the only time you actually give him something other than a glare or competitive comments. he’s all bark no bite, this is exactly how you two tangoed the first time, except that time you only took a blowjob from him.

left his throat sore and his tongue felt heavy during the entirety of the next day, the ghost of your dick in his mouth there.

he’s not a virgin, by no means, but he’s never done something this crazy. fucking in the shower room? what if someone forgot their shampoo or something and tries to come in? what if their coach decided to do his job and actually check up on you two for once?

you grip his hips, pushing him against the stall wall, the water still running. your lips are over his neck, nipping and kissing. he gets lost in that sensation, his hands coming up to mess with your wet hair.

your body is hot, the water burning your skin. he’s not a hot shower person, so apart from him already feeling sweaty in your hands, the steam isn’t helping with his libido. he tugs at your hair when you trail down his chest and stomach. his hips twitch forward as you go lower. he’s so hard it’s embarrassing.

“don’t look at me as if i’d help you with it.”

and you embarrass him. of course you do.

“you clean?” you ask as you come back up and eye his plush, wet lips.

his eyes are naturally doe, you almost find it cute. (who are you kidding, it absolutely is. you wanna to destroy him, corrupt him so bad).

“yeah,” his voice is always soft, yet you fell in love with how hoarse and raspy you can make it sound.

“fine, let me show you how much you piss me off,” you growl, placing your hands behind his thighs and swooping him up in one swift movement.

you grunt, forgetting how tall and built this boy is. he cling to you out of fear, his heart racing. this is new to him and doing it with you just brings out a rush he never new he’d experience. yet, despite the arousal and sexual hunger, he eyes you with a hint of perplexion. are you joking? you don’t actually get pissed off at him, right? but of what? him beating you lately or his existence in general?

he can’t ponder about it for more than a mere second before your fingers spread his cheeks apart. he hooks his ankles behind you, securing himself in your hold as you push in. you make a small, almost silent noise when your tip pushes the moist gland.

“h-hold on, grab me right,” he gasps as his arms wrap around your neck again.

“this isn’t easy, idiot,” you huff, “you’re not exactly small or light.”

he closes his eyes when some water drips from the top of his head. yet, when he feels you thrust he snaps them open and gasps.

“fuck, you’re so warm,” you grunt, pulling him down by the hips to slam into him.

it’s taking everything in you to hoist him up and move him. a hardcore arm workout, but one you know you’ll enjoy. you place a soft kiss, contrasting your brutal movements, onto his wet skin, making him moan— his neck is sensitive to kisses. especially with how wet and hot yours are.

from the rush in the moment, you build the pace and stamina to fuck him into the wall. his arms tighten around you, his airy moans echoing softly. he’s trying to be silent just in case, or at least you think. is he always this soft voiced? you grin— could you make him get loud?

you pull out entirely before slamming back inside. his breath hitches and his eyes snap open again.

“ah- oh fuck-!” he squeaks as you slam him down onto you.

his dick flops uselessly between the two of you. your fingers dig into the softness of his flesh in his ass, nails digging into him. you’ll leave marks, he knows it. yet, that’s what he’s hoping for, because where you’ll look at him nasty for doing the drills perfectly or getting praised for his renewed charts , he’ll know those marks happened when you looked at him with something other than hate.

you aim like you’re on a mission, which you are. the wet sound of skin against skin bounces around the shower walls. the running water isn’t loud enough anymore— you’re grunting as you chase your high and anton is letting out high pitched whines.

he presses his cheek against the side of your face. you feel so good, he can feel you splitting him open. he can feel the warmth of your dick inside his equally warm walls.

“y-y/n, you feel so good,” he pants out. “guess you’re good at something.”

fuck. that literally pissed you off. like, maybe not exactly in a way where his words irked you, but in the sense that it drove you to keep proving him right since he clearly wants to be right.

he grunts and moans when you get brutal. you’re growling and digging your nails into his skin.

“ah, ah,” his thighs twitch around your waist, a clear sign he’s getting close and sensitive.

you let out heavy breaths, a gruttal moan leaves your throat as you feel your climax building.

“imagine coach comes in here and sees his best swimmer getting fucked like a slut,” you cackle between your grunts. you feels his hole clench around you and you can’t help but feel amused at that. “you wanna get caught being a slut? what would the school think?” his breathing turns more erratic, “what would your daddy think?”

“fuck- y/n stop,” he tries but you just feel so good slamming into him that he just sounds stupid.

“the district stars fucking in the shower rooms, what a header,” you grin as you push your hips flush into his reddened ass cheeks, spilling deep into him.

he shudders, your warm seed sending him over the edge. he can’t even bask in the post-orgasm for a second because you pull out and set him back on his feet. you feel the pull in your shoulder blades, this is going to be embedded in your muscles for a while. yet you don’t find yourself showing any shred of care for him when you notice how wobbly his legs are.

“just watch, i’ll make sure you become a good fuck more than a good swimmer, lee.” you grunt, stepping out of the shower stall while glaring at him.

his heart aches, but he just throws you a lazy, lustful smile. because he knows that as long as he beats you, you’ll take out your anger on him.

and that would mean he’ll mean something to you. one way or another.

[talksungchan]

freedom ain't nothing but missing you ☆ jung sungchan

ᯓ★ WORD COUNT: 13.6k

ᯓ★ PAIRING: riize's jung sungchan x female!reader

ᯓ★ TAGS & WARNINGS: college!au, second chance romance, college antics - partying, drinking, brief mentions of vomiting, reader has mad commitment issues you wanna punch her in the face, pining

ᯓ★ SYNOPSIS: the last time you saw him was when you looked over your shoulder at his weeping figure one last time at the airport. four seasons have passed and your heart tightens at the sight of his smiling face, wishing it was directed at you.

ᯓ★ NOTES: what would a renjunphile fic be without a second chance romance element ! sorry it's my favourite trope i can never let go of it :') all my stories are really the same now ! also me *handshake* using aespa members as side characters lol at the start of story, y/n and hyung line are going into 4th year, sohee and seunghan into 3rd year and anton into 2nd year.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

You hear your best friend's voice before you see her. If you had just looked a little more to the left, you would've spotted her immediately anyway as she waved a large piece of pink card-stock with your name displayed in a glittery explosion.

"Y/N! Over here!" she cooed at you loudly from behind the barrier, "Y/N!!!"

You quickly weave around the other passengers as expertly as you could with your trolley of bags, but Minjeong is quick to meet you at the exit. She drops the sign onto your cluster of suitcases and wraps her arms around your neck, squealing into your ear with glee.

"I missed you too, Jeong," you giggled at her embrace, "I told you that you didn't have to get me!"

She scoffed at you as she pulled away, "What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't welcome you back home after a year away! You said your parents couldn't come and meet you, so I came!"

You think back to your conversation just before you got on the god-awful long flight with her, recalling how your parents thought it was too far for them to drive up from your hometown when they were already coming the week after for your birthday.

"Thanks babe," you thanked her sincerely, bumping your hip against hers while the two of you began to push the cart together. You couldn't believe that you were able to pack your whole life in just two large suitcases and one small one, "By the way, how are we getting back into the city?"

Minjeong didn't drive; she'd rather walk to her destination in the wind, snow, hail or storm than learn how to get behind the wheel. She was a self proclaimed "passenger princess", which you admired and envied from the way your friends (including her) used you like their own personal taxi service when you had your car. Sadly for your friends, you were not hesitant when it came to selling your car at the end of your second year of university, just weeks before you packed up your life and moved to New York for the new school year. While you sometimes missed your slightly beat up Hyundai on the days that you had to get on the subway with arms full of groceries, you couldn't justify the purchase of a car again for your final year of university.

"I assisted the help of a special someone," Minjeong winked at you happily, watching your face contort in horror immediately, "Wait, no. Not that one. I promise."

You let out a sigh of relief that you didn't even know you were holding back as you cramped together in the car park's elevator. There were many people you haven't seen in a year. There were many people you've missed and wished to see. But you didn't think you could face him right now, at this very second.

"Who is it?" you prodded curiously, but she just gave you an innocent smile and pushed the cart out of the elevator and towards a shiny car about 30 steps from the doors

You couldn't make out the figure sat in the driver's seat, no matter how you craned your head until he got out and faced you straight on.

"Chanyoung!" you gasped in surprise, welcoming him in a tight hug, "Since when did you learn how to drive?"

"Just this year, noona. Welcome home!" he chuckled from above you. You wondered if he grew any more since the last time you saw him, cause it definitely felt like it.

Chanyoung was Minjeong's little cousin that began his studies at your university as you were leaving. Despite that, he grew to be a familiar presence as he lived nearby and always dropped by the apartment you shared with his cousin. He was truly one of your favourite people since he was so sweet and caring.

Before you could finish your greetings with Chanyoung, Minjeong had already loaded your (very heavy) bags into the trunk of Chanyoung's new car and had collapsed in the back seat, "Let's go guys. I'm sure Y/N's tired, but you can sit in the front."

Without another word, she dropped her head to the window and began to doze off. You clambered into the front seat and gave Chanyoung a thumbs up to head out.

"How was your first year at university, 'Ton?" you asked.

"Super good, actually. It was really helpful to know all of your friends before I entered so I never felt alone or lost or anything," he recounted the times that you missed, "By the way, thank you for letting me stay in your room. My first year definitely wouldn't be the same if I still lived at home."

You shared a two-bedroom apartment with Minjeong just off campus during your second year at university after meeting her on the first day of first year and becoming fast friends. You had warned her that you probably would have to find a temporary replacement while you were halfway across the world, but when word got out to her little cousin, he begged to take over your room while you were gone. Since he lived in Seoul already, his parents weren't very willing to let him test his luck and go into dorms with a stranger, but they were much more open to letting him live with his older and allegedly more responsible older cousin until he found friends to live with for the next year.

"No worries; I'd rather it was you than a stranger," you shrugged, "Who are you living with again?"

"Sohee and Seunghan," he tapped his finger on the steering wheel to the beat of the song quietly playing on the radio, "You know them, right?"

Your heart squeezed again at the thought of the boys you got to know in the year before you left, "Yeah, a bit. Haven't spoken to them in a long time, though. I hope it's not awkward to see everyone again, otherwise I'll just lock myself in my room until I graduate."

"Everyone misses you, noona," Anton assured you softly, "I know that for sure."

You opened your mouth to say what your heart desired, but closed it again hesitantly as your brain came to the rescue of your emotions. Anton flashed a look at you from the driver's seat, but chose not to comment when he saw the conflicted expression on your face.

"Tell me about your time in New York," his soft voice pulled you gently out of the mess that was unravelling in your head.

You gave him a small, knowing smile and began recounting your favourite memories and your life in the city that never sleeps.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

Around 4PM, you waved your parents away as they pulled out from the car park under your apartment complex. They had a pretty long drive back to your hometown with work early the next day, but you were grateful they made the drive up in the morning to celebrate your birthday with you. You had taken them to your previous favourite Italian restaurant for lunch, but after tasting more authentic cuisine in New York in the predominantly Italian neighbourhoods, you weren't sure if the restaurant was as good as you remembered it to be. Still, you enjoyed the lunch and catching up with your parents with what had happened in the last 6 months since they came to visit you abroad. With a hug and a kiss goodbye, they were driving away from you once again.

When you returned back upstairs to your apartment, Minjeong was waiting for you patiently on the couch with her legs and arms crossed and a mischievous smirk on her face.

"What?" you groaned in anticipation.

"I picked out an outfit for you while you were out. It's on the bed. Get ready," she grinned, clapping her hands together, "We have dinner plans. Meet back here in an hour and a half."

"That's really not necessary, Jeong," you pleaded, but she just turned her nose up at you, reiterating her instructions.

To be honest, you had planned to spend the rest of your birthday cuddled up on the couch with your best friend, probably watching a chick-flick or a horror or both. She stomped away to her room and you fearfully tiptoed to yours. Knowing her, she would have picked out something a bit more showy than you would like.

However, you were pleasantly surprised at the dress laid out on your bed, with a note in her handwriting. It wasn't something she picked out of your closet- it was a dress she had bought for you. It was a flowing mini dress with ruffles extending from the skirt and a corset bodice you knew would flatter you. You sent her a grateful text and began to freshen up your hair and makeup from your morning outfit.

From your outfit, you guessed it would be in a sit-down restaurant that was more refined than a bbq restaurant whose smoke would cling to your hair, skin and clothes for days. However, knowing Minjeong, you couldn't put anything past her. After all, she was the one that convinced you to drink soju with her at a stall on the side of a dirt road in your floor length silk dresses after your first year ball. An hour and a half later, you had curled and then re-curled your hair, did your eyeliner twice and marvelled at how the light pink dress your best friend bought you fit you like a glove. When you heard Minjeong calling out your name, you were finishing buckling the heeled Mary Janes that you loved and made sure that everything you could need for the night was in your purse.

In the week you had been back in Seoul, all you had done was unpack your suitcases and make the room feel like yours again. School wasn't starting for another week, so all the friends that you tried to meet up with told you that they were still in their hometowns, due to come a few days before the fall semester began.

"Urgh, I knew it would look amazing on you!" Minjeong analysed you in awe. Trust the fashion design and marketing major to have an eye for these types of things.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" you eyed her suspiciously as she looped her arm around yours and dragged you out of your shared apartment.

"You can find out when we get there," Minjeong tapped on her phone, "The taxi's outside, quick!"

The destination set for the taxi was somewhere you weren't familiar with. The street name definitely didn't ring a bell. Perhaps a new restaurant had opened in that area while you were gone and Minjeong was just trying to catch you up to the city again.

Speaking of the girl beside you, she spent the whole ride with her eyebrows furrowed together as she furiously tapped away on her phone. You wouldn't say that you were a particularly nosy person (lie), but her privacy screen protector made it impossible for you to see who she was texting. It was probably Heeseung anyway- her on-again, off-again boyfriend of four years, but more like two.

"Are you guys fighting again?" you teased.

"Huh?" she looked up at you in confusion and her face flashed with recognition, "Yeah, yeah. It's nothing. Don't worry, but look we're basically here."

Apparently 'here' meant on the street that was lined by endless blocks of high rise flats and a few convenience stores dotted about.

"Did you make me dress up to eat ramen at a GS25?" you prodded your finger in the direction of the store.

Minjeong laughed heartily, "No silly! I made you dress up to eat ramen at a 7/11!" she pointed at the stripy neon sign at the opposite end of the street. She captured your arm in hers once more, tugging to make you walk with her, "Just trust me. It's the hottest place in town."

You don't think that the hottest place in town was Block 7 of this high rise complex, but you say nothing as she buzzed for apartment 08 and caught the lift up to the 4th floor. Minjeong was known to find all the hottest spots in town, so you really try to keep it to yourself as she knocked on the door that looked far too much like an apartment door, including the mail next to the door mat.

She didn't even wait for someone to answer, just pushed down on the handle and nudged for you to enter into the darkness.

"Surprise!"

You clasped a hand over your mouth as light flooded the room and a group of about 20 people screamed at you. From behind you, Minjeong was cheering, pushing you further into what now seemed to be an apartment instead of a restaurant. With 20 pairs of eyes staring at you all at once, it took you a few seconds to shake yourself out of the shock and recognise anyone. The place was decorated with banners and balloons of your favourite colours, with steaming food on the dining table in the corner of the room.

"Happy birthday! Welcome home!" Karina, Yizhuo and Giselle were the first to crush you ina hug.

"We're sorry we declined your plans to hang out," Yizhuo pouted, "We thought we would give away the surprise that Jeong planned if we saw you."

You waved a dismissive hand at your younger friend, "It's okay. This is so sweet of you guys!" You felt Minjeong join the embrace.

"We thought you deserved it since we didn't get to spend your birthday with you last year," Giselle added on as the group pulled away from you.

Last year, you had spent your birthday alone, wandering around New York City for the first time and procuring free birthday goods from all the establishments that offered it.

"Happy birthday, Y/N!" you heard a deeper voice coo at you as you were pulled away from your girls. You were suddenly face to face with one of your closer guy friends from before.

"Eunseok!" you accepted his side hug, "Hi!"

"Welcome home! We all missed you so much," at his words, you dart your eyes around the room and find 5 boys hiding behind Eunseok's tall figure. They each hug you one by one, ending with Chanyoung who gives you the cheekiest grin.

"Welcome to our apartment," he grinned proudly, gesturing at himself, Sohee and Seunghan.

"Where'd you get all this money from, huh? I should've charged you more rent," you teased, eyeing the modern, open-plan space. The floor to ceiling windows on one wall of the room with a view over the river really sold you on the idea that this was an expensive apartment.

"You can throw as many parties as you like here," Shotaro giggled, "We know we're going to!"

"Yeah, whose birthday is it next?" Wonbin pondered.

"Oh! It's-" Eunseok smacked Sohee in the stomach before he could finish his words, laughing nervously.

The 6 boys in front of you watched in despair as your smile fell ever so slightly before you recovered it again.

"I'll go say hi to everyone else," you murmured softly, catching Wonbin's regretful face.

"Y/N, he's-"

"It's okay, Bin," you smiled softly, ignoring the pounding in your heart and head, "I wouldn't have expected him to come. He probably hates me, right?"

You turned around without letting any of the boys say another word, joining your group of friends from your dance club. While your friendship with them was something you treasured deeply, you fell out of touch with them in your year abroad quite quickly. You didn't put much thought into the people that did or didn't keep in contact, considering you were focused on making friends and trying to live in the moment abroad. Besides, you were coming back anyway. What's a year in the grand scheme of things?

Your heart panged at that thought, but you tried to push it away as Jisung tackled you in a tight hug. Ryujin and Yeji had to physically peel the towering kid away from you as you dove into conversation about what you had spent the last year doing.

As the conversation came to an end, your eyes fell on the 6 boys stood around in a circle, whispering hushedly and stealing quick glances at you. When you caught Seunghan's eye, he just chuckled nervously and dismissed you, but the sight of them, incomplete, caused your heart to tense up.

All the most important people in your university life was in this room. All, except one.

"Jeong, I'm just gonna catch some air. Just quickly," you tapped your best friend on the back, just before waving and greeting her potentially current boyfriend Heeseung.

"Oh, I'll come with!" she began to untangle herself from his embrace, but you just clicked your teeth and shook your head.

"No, it's okay. I can go alone; I'll be quick. Just buzz me up when I ring?" you requested. She gave you an unsure look, but settled back into Heeseung's form.

Ignoring the stares on your back, you ran down the two flights of stairs and pushed open the door to outside. Since it was the start of fall and 6pm, the sun was beginning to go down. The sky wasn't yet pink and purple, but instead glowing an ethereal gold, bathing you in light rays. You fiddled with the phone in your hand, grasping it tightly as you debated what to do. His contact was staring up at you, almost taunting you to do something with it. Call it? Message it? Delete it?

Your finger hovered over the phone symbol. Surely he'd want to hear from you, right? The way you ended things wasn't... satisfactory. It gave neither of you closure. You needed to speak to him, right?

Fuck it, you think to yourself. It's your birthday. You can do whatever you like. As you pressed the call button, you shakily lifted the phone up to your ears, counting the rings.

Ring ring, ring ring, ring-

"Y/N?" his voice is familiar, soothing the nerves that plagued you at the thought of him letting your call go unanswered.

"Sungchan," you began hesitantly, "I'm not sure if anyone told you, but I'm uh- I'm back in Seoul."

"Y/N," he repeated, making you aware of the sounds of his feet hitting the pavement through the phone and his laboured, shaky breaths.

"Shit, are you busy? Am I interrupting something?" your stomach folded in on itself as you realised he didn't answer your statement. He was probably at the gym- Minjeong told you he'd taken that up in your absence.

"Y/N," he breathed out again, the patters of his feet coming to a stop, "Look up."

You tore your eyes away from your feet- the only thing that was distracting you from internalising too hard that you were calling your kind-of ex-boyfriend.

As you lifted your eyes up, a tall figure came into view across the street from you. Sungchan was stood panting, one hand holding his phone up to his ear and the other holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Sungchan?" the call dropped as the figure took a step into the street, hastily running over to stop just shy from you.

"I don't hate you," it's the first time you're hearing his voice in one year, "The boys- they said that you said- I wanted to come, but I didn't know if you wanted me here."

He's trying to maintain eye contact, but he's clutching the flowers to his chest as he pants. You were at ease enough to chuckle, "Sungchan, did you run here?"

In this light, his eyes shined and sparkled. You've missed looking into them and getting lost all night in his gaze. You missed the way he would look at you like you were the most precious thing on earth to him.

He flashed you a toothy smile, "Mhm, didn't want to make you wonder. Just wanted to tell you that."

"A text would've sufficed."

He analysed your expression and took one large step back, "Ah, am I reading this wrong? Did you not want me to come?"

You took one step forward, "I'm sorry I didn't call as soon as I got back."

Relief flooded Sungchan's whole body as he stretched his arm to offer the bouquet to you, "It's whatever. Happy birthday, Y/N."

"Thanks, Sungchan," you smiled sincerely, "Do you want to head up now together? I'm kind of hungry and I think there's pizza."

"Yeah, sure!" his face is practically lit up at your invitation, but he hesitated to follow you, "Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"I missed you," he whispered shyly, "Just so you know."

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

You met Sungchan three weeks into your first year of university. Minjeong's boyfriend Heeseung had joined the soccer team in the first week and their first game came around quickly. The two of you were like two peas in a pod, bundled up together in matching scarves bearing your university's colours and logo, shivering on the school's bleachers.

Your friend's eyes were trained on her boyfriend from home, but you had the lucky status of being able to cast your eyes on each player and make your judgement. The game had been going on for about 30 minutes with your school being 2-0 up. Both goals had been scored by the team's #23, a scrawny tall boy whose name you could just about make out from your distance.

"Jung's pretty good," you hummed to your friend.

"#23? His name's Sungchan, I think. Hee says he's really nice. Want me to get you two acquainted?" Minjeong wiggled her eyebrows at you, but you rolled your eyes.

You were determined to find love as naturally as possible at university. Back home, you'd been on a few first days with a few guys set up through your friends, but they were all the same to you- not cute enough, not interesting enough. You hadn't been desperate to get into a relationship, especially knowing that you were going to apply to spend your third year abroad if you kept your grades up. But when Sungchan slid in to the seat beside yours for your shared lecture meeting your GenEd requirements, you had lost all semblance of that.

"Hey, you're Y/N, right?" he had offered his hand out to you, "I'm Sungchan. I've seen you around with Heeseung's girlfriend and I've seen you in this lecture a few times."

You had taken his hand in yours, gripping firmly and giving him a shy smile, "Yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you,"

When he continued to sit beside you for another few weeks, asking you questions in hushed whispers and explaining concepts to you when you looked lost, you said nothing. When he started asking if you wanted to study in the library together in your two hour gap after your shared lecture, you said nothing. When library study-seshes turned into studying at a cafe where he'd buy you a drink, you said nothing. When that turned to just two hours of the two of you chatting and getting to know all about each other's lives with your laptops abandoned on the table, you said nothing.

It then turned into butterflies slowly erupting in your stomach as his face lit up the second he saw you in the theatre. It turned into your heart beating a little faster whenever his hand brushed against yours on the walk to the café you now frequented with him. It turned into finding comfort in him as he slowly began introducing you to his best friends, who would tease you endlessly. It turned into nervous giggles and pink cheeks as you spent the whole fall and winter denying anything was going on with you and Jung Sungchan.

When spring of your freshman year began to roll in, Sungchan had mustered up the courage to take your hand in his whenever your fingers did graze each other on the walks. Whenever you'd look up at him to question it, he'd just smile slyly and look off into the distance, quickly changing the topic before you could address it.

Spring break had you realising how much of a presence he was in your life. Walking through the parks of your hometown felt melancholy without him by your side. Studying at a cafe alone was productive, but you would miss the way that every time you looked up from your screen, he'd already be staring back at you, a soft smile permanently etched on his face.

Cherry blossom season was your favourite time of the year. So when you returned to your campus and found out the main square was lined with these bloomed trees, you had dragged Sungchan there immediately, even if he had just arrived from his hometown.

The joy in your eyes must have been so evident, reflecting back in his eyes as sparkles. When Sungchan had placed his hands on your shoulders to stop you bouncing, and then leaned his head down closer to yours, you didn't stop it. You had long been used to the way he made your heart race. It was a welcome feeling as he softly planted his lips on yours for the first time under the falling petals.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

"Y/N," the sharp voice plucked you from your daydream, a bag making a thud on the wooden table, "What are you thinking about?"

"Huh?" your eyes focused in on Karina taking a seat in front of you at the café, "Nothing, nothing. Did you just have class?"

"My class ended early and I was just walking to my next class in 15, but I saw you through the window looking all sad and aloof," she explained, her eyebrows drawn together in worry, "Are you okay, girl?"

You met Karina with Minjeong at a club in the first week of your freshman year. She had been throwing up in the toilet with the door open and no one holding her hair, so Minjeong did that while you rubbed her back and cooed reassuring words. After confessing that she was getting drunk because she had just broken up with her high school boyfriend, the two of you captured her in your little group.

"It's just weird being back," you admitted.

She pouted at you sadly, "Aw, don't tell me you like your New York friends better than us?"

"No!" you squealed, laughing, "It's not that. I love you guys. It's just weird being back with Sungchan."

Her eyes morphed into a mix between empathy and sympathy, "Aw, babe. I'm sorry; I know it's weird. Whenever I meet my friends back home, I get a weird feeling seeing my ex there too. I imagine it must be worse for you since you ended on better terms than me and Mark did. It must be confusing, huh?"

Out of all your friends, Karina was the best one to be having this conversation with. While you loved Minjeong more than anything in the world, she was famous for breaking up with her boyfriend for random spats, but calling him and asking to get back together the very next moment she missed him. Absolutely no sense of longing in that department.

"I just don't know how I should act around him. Do we just go back to being friends like in first year? Should I pursue him again? Why does it feel like we're strangers to each other?"

During your party, you had thought Sungchan would stay by your side, but he quickly excused himself to join his friends and only gave you reluctant smiles through the night. Where had all the confidence disappeared to?

You saw him one more time in the two weeks after your party at the library. Eunseok had booked a large private study room at the library and texted you to come. Sungchan was already there when you came, his head stuck in a textbook. Other than shooting you a greeting and sliding the box of cookies in your direction, you got nothing else from him in three hours.

"You just need to get the worst of it over and talk to him. He must be just as confused as you are, to be honest," Karina sighed.

"He hasn't found someone else, right?" you asked reluctantly. Even if he had, it would have been your own fault anyway after the way you left him for dust at the airport.

Karina scoffed and rolled her eyes, "The only thing he's found in the past year is the gym. Taro says he's gone crazy. You know- post break-up glow up? He's become quite the heartbreaker, actually. All these girls started to notice him, but he never gives any of them the time of day."

You fight the scowl threatening to display on your face, "Oh, really?"

"Please, Y/N, he was always going to wait for you. I'd never seen a man so down bad and I know Heeseung." she scrunched up her face at the thought. Heeseung was famously untouchable by the girls at university, no matter how much they threw themselves at the football captain. Anyone else would be embarrassed by getting broken up with by their girlfriend every couple of months, but Heeseung always took it with stride and came crawling back with on his hands and knees towards her every time.

"Hm, you're wrong. I don't think anyone can beat that man," the memory of him scoring a hat-trick in the regional final with the words 'Take me back, Minjeong' written on his undershirt that he flashed while he celebrated the last goal cemented his position of number 1 loverboy in your mind.

"Potentially, but Sungchan drove four hours overnight to your hometown when your pet hamster died to comfort you in the summer between first and second year," Karina reminded you, "He charmed your strict parents so hard that by the time the night came, they let him stay in your room with you!"

"He brought expensive melons," you rolled your eyes, "I don't even know where he got those from at 2 in the morning."

"Exactly. Even I wouldn't gift my in-laws that expensive of a fruit no matter how much I wanted to impress them," she countered, "Just talk to Sungchan, I beg. I don't want to watch you go through the whole will they-won't they song and dance of first year again. I gotta go to class, but text him now, yeah?"

You dumbly nodded at her instruction, watching her race out of the cafe and waving goodbye through the large window. Everyone always teased you about how much Sungchan seemed to like you. They never knew that you were equally as smitten.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

You made it to the café before Sungchan. Unfortunately, that just gave you more time to panic and stress over what you were going to say to him after all this time. Your chocolate frappe and his iced americano sat in front of you, slowly melting in the unrelenting sun. You asked to meet at 1 and there was still 5 minutes 'til then, but Sungchan had the habit of being early. That was one thing he passed down to you.

"Y/N," Sungchan gave you a gentle smile as he slid into the seat across you. It was hard to meet his eye, but you held eye contact for as long as you could (not very long) before you tore your eyes away and slid his drink over to him. He thanked you sincerely and took a sip, giving you the chance to speak first.

"Thanks for meeting me, Sungchan," you began nervously, "I know it's been, um, confusing recently- at least for me. I just wanted to catch up and see where we are or get some closure, I guess. I feel like you deserve more of an explanation than what I was able to give you."

In an instant, you're transported back to one week before your flight to New York in the comfort of his bed. You had tearfully explained how hard you thought it was going to be to do long distance even when you had spent a better part of the situationship deluding yourself and each other that it would work out not matter what.

You don't think you could ever forget the look of heartbreak plastered on his face as you spilled your worries to him that night. You don't think you'd ever forgive yourself for making his body shake with sobs, pleading you to think about it again.

That's why it's hard to face him right now- because of all the shame and guilt.

"To be honest, Y/N, you told me before we got involved that you were doing your year abroad and that you didn't think it would be in the best interest of either of us to be in a new relationship by the time you left," Sungchan hummed, swirling his straw in the ice of his drink.

Suddenly, it's a year and a half earlier in your head as you and Sungchan celebrated and 'not really 1 year anniversary' because you two refused to label yourselves as a couple despite functioning identically to one. You remembered the cake, the flowers, the candles that you blew out together.

"I feel like I led you on," you admitted.

"Maybe," he shrugged, "I don't feel that way. You didn't want to get into a relationship, but I kept pursuing you anyway until you fell in- until you liked me," he coughed.

Your demeanour softened as the words slip from his mouth. When Sungchan tried to utter those three words to you at the airport for the first time and you stopped him before you could, you instantly knew you were making a mistake. But by the time you had gotten through security and settled yourself at your gate, you had manipulated yourself to think otherwise.

"Stop being so nice about it, Sungchan. I did you so wrong," you frowned deeply at him, picking at your nails in nerves. Your heart and stomach honestly ached in displeasure every time you thought about what happened.

"We made choices, and I guess we're better people now for it," Sungchan returned a tight-lipped smile, turning his head to stare out of the window and into the street.

When you left, Sungchan was shy and awkward with his limbs flying all over the place and never seeming like he had control over them. His hair fell around his eyes in an adorable cut and it would take him a while to muster up the courage to look anyone in the eye. That wasn't to say he wasn't a friendly and amazing guy- just one that had to warm up to you.

The Sungchan you returned to walked with confidence and seemed like he was now sure of himself. He kept his head up, initiated conversations with people and just moved through life more freely. You can't help but think that you were the one thing holding him back.

You didn't know what to reply with. Were you really better off? You had spent the past year trying to enjoy your life abroad, but grovelling with guilt for the life back home that you left.

Before you can open your mouth, someone beats you to it.

"Channie?"

The affectionate nickname falling from another person's mouth instantly conjures a bitter taste in your mouth. Your heads snap towards the guest standing at the edge of the table, smiling down at the man in front of you.

"Ah, I knew it was you," she beamed brightly, "Haven't had the chance to talk to you- how was your summer?"

Sungchan's eyes flickered to you so quick that you almost didn't catch it. You could tell he was hesitant in his reply, "It was good, Jiyoon. How was yours?"

She clapped her hands a little and nearly let out a squeal, "Awesome! Went to that mountain you recommended climbing! You're playing at the game tomorrow, right?"

Game? Oh, he was still on the soccer team, of course.

"Yeah," his grin was lopsided and awkward as he turned to you, "Um, Jiyoon, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Jiyoon. We met in class last year."

"Nice to meet you," she extended a hand down to you, which you reluctantly shook with a terse smile. You could practically feel the uncertainty and jealousy bubbling in the pits of your stomach as she continued, "Me and Channie were seat mates in our lectures last year! It's such a shame we don't share any this year."

The feeling is so unfamiliar that it makes you uncomfortable seeing the way she grinned and looked at him. He used to look at you like that too- the longing and the pining in the gaze when you wouldn't give into him. It was clear they weren't dating, but it felt like there was something more.

"Nice to meet you too," you clutched your drink tight in your hand as you picked up your bag, "I actually have to run somewhere so why don't you take a seat and catch up? Seems like it's due. Bye Sungchan."

In your rush away from the table, Sungchan caught your wrist again, "Y/N, don't-"

Once again, you'll never forget the face of heartbreak written all over his face as you pulled your wrist away with a sigh, "Thanks for speaking to me, Sungchan. Good luck for tomorrow."

You don't dare look back as the bubbly Jiyoon slid into the chair you were once occupying.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

Minjeong has her arms crossed in your doorway with a pointed look directed at you.

"Why aren't you ready?" she squinted her eyes menacingly at your slumbering position on the bed, "We're going to be late! You're lucky I asked Sunghoon to save us two seats."

You pulled the covers over your head, "I'm not going. Leave without me."

The little pitter-patter of her footsteps on your hardwood floors echoes before she ripped the sheets away from you, "And why is that?"

You made grabby-hands at the duvet, but she tossed it behind her. You gave her your best innocent look and produced a cough, "I'm sick?"

Minjeong scoffed loudly and tugged on your arm, "I'm not taking no for an answer, missy. This is your final first game of the season! And we're playing our rival team, so show some school spirit."

"But 'Jeong," you whined in protest as she threw open your wardrobe and began to search for your school merch.

"You don't have to see him if you don't want to," she sighed empathetically, "We'll run away as soon as it's done, but you loved school football games, right?"

It's about the time you realised that Minjeong wasn't going to let up on her insisting, so you slipped on the crop top and jacket with your school's logos and shimmied into the skirt she was making you wear, despite the temperature outside. Arm in arm, but in measured silence, the two of you fast-walked to the football arena that was only 15 minutes from your house. Thankfully the game hadn't yet started when you two clambered into the seats between Sunghoon, Heeseung's friend, and Anton.

"It's nice to see you again, Y/N!" Sunghoon grinned, taking you into a hug, "Did you miss Korea while you were gone?"

"Of course, but it was nice to experience a new culture for a bit," you replied, trying your hardest to keep your eyes off the pitch where the teams were getting into their positions, "How's the skating?"

"I won college nationals this year," he said proudly, to which you clapped and congratulated him. He was truly one of the school's pride and joy, but he didn't want to take it any further than collegiate sport, "Anyway, are you going to the after-party later? It's at the Rho Zeta house."

Minjeong's face planted into your right shoulder, "We are!"

"Jeong! You said we're leaving straight after the game!" you protested, turning your body to face her's.

"Yeah, to the party," she cackled, slapping an arm around her cousin's shoulders, "Tell her, Chanyoung. We're going to the party, right?"

His eyes suddenly turned pleading and you knew you were doomed for, "C'mon, Y/N! It's the first party of the year win or lose so you have to come."

Sunghoon looked at you with expectant eyes too and you honestly believed they were about three seconds away from begging on their knees when you rolled your eyes and dismissed them. Minjeong took this as a win and began to cheer, while also redirecting your attention back to the game in front of you.

When you were dating/not-dating, you used to come to every one of Sungchan's games wearing his jersey rain or shine. That's how you gained the status of being one of the most notorious couples in the grade. You didn't know why, but you were glad to see that no other girl was sporting his name and number on their back from what you could see. They weren't a famous team; they didn't sell jerseys with the players' names in the school store, so you were a little bit relieved to realise Sungchan wasn't giving out his jerseys to girls left, right and centre in your absence.

What was evident though, was the rambunctious screaming every time the ball fell at his feet. He was one of the team's star players along with Heeseung and Lee Minho, so you weren't surprised. However, the cheering had definitely stepped up a notch ever since he checked himself into the gym while you were gone.

The game passed by pretty quickly. Both defences were very good, so there weren't many goals scored. Heeseung had scored two both assisted by Sungchan and the other team had done the same. Though the game ended in a eventful tie, the crowd was still buzzing with pride and school spirit. Through the streets around the arena and the campus, you could hear them chanting some school songs.

"Are we meeting Heeseung there?" you asked Minjeong curiously as you walked together towards Greek row. Sunghoon had disappeared after the win to find some of his friends before the party, meanwhile Chanyoung was whisked away by Seunghan into the crowd

"Yeah, they'll be a while before they get to the house, I think. I know I was heavy persuading you earlier, but you're actually fine with coming to the party, right? You can tell me if not," her eyebrows are stitched together in worry, but you just link arms again and continued walking.

"It'll be nice to go out and do my normal things," you reassured her.

The Rho Zeta house was one that was very familiar to you. It was a house you had spent many a nights in during your second year when Sungchan lived at his frat house. You wondered if he stayed there or moved out with his friends.

There's some rushing freshmen on the door duty and you were let in swiftly when Minjeong uttered your names. Though Heeseung was a member of a different fraternity, the friends and partners of the football team were always invited to the post-game ragers. Making your way down to the basement where most people chose to spend their time, you waved to Eunseok in the kitchen making cocktails.

A fair few spectators had already made it to the party after the game finished, knocking back their third, fourth or fifth beer or beverage of choice already. When Wonbin pressed a shot into your hand and clinked it with the one in his, you had no choice but to chug it down with a grimace. Before you knew it, Eunseok was tipping back a cup of mojito down your throat and you and Minjeong were doing shots of tequila with your arms intertwined.

The Rho Zeta basement was expansive, but very busy. There were people playing beer pong in one corner (Sohee was losing badly to a grinning Anton) meanwhile sober monitor Shotaro was trying to pry the darts out of a drunk Seunghan's grip before he could try to throw them and potentially hurt someone. You swore that they kept those locked away in a cabinet during parties, but Seunghan was always a crafty guy.

Endless bodies swayed in the gaps of the basement to the rhythm of the music- the music being the mixes that Nu Sigma Tau alumni Johnny Suh was producing from his speakers in the far corner. He was truly a man stuck in his college days, but he always provided the best tunes. You had lost track of time early into the night before losing track of Minjeong completely when the football team arrived. You hid behind Johnny's equipment, making small (loud) talk with him about what he had been getting up to. In the corner of your eye, you had spotted Sungchan hovering in the crowds since he was probably a whole head taller than most of the attendees.

"I heard what happened to you and our bambi over there," Johnny uttered nonchalantly as he prodded at some buttons that you could never grasp the use of, "How's that working out?"

"It's the consequences of my own actions," you hummed sadly, "I've never regretted anything more."

"Does he know that?"

You flick your glance to the guy chatting with his best friend Eunseok by the wall, "I think I owe it to him to let him move on. There's so many girls interested in him since I left."

"And clearly he rejected all those girls if he came alone. I'm banishing you from my booth, so go talk to him." Johnny cooed at you before pushing you lightly away and into the crowd with a wave.

After the fiasco that was the café and Jiyoon, you certainly weren't prepared to face Sungchan. What could you even say to him? That you were burning with jealousy that you couldn't help but run away?

Yizhuo and Giselle occupied your time for a little bit on the couches, but once the smell of sweaty party goers began to invade your senses even while getting progressively drunker, you dashed/stumbled up to the second floor living room that was always much more chilled out.

"Y/N!" Soobin cried out excitedly as you entered the large room. He was already reaching over to offer you a beer, which you took. Behind Soobin's tall stature, you don't even notice the people sat in a circle behind him, "We're playing truth or dare."

Soobin was one of your friends you made in a club you joined in your freshman year. You didn't speak to him very much over text, but the two of you always had a good time when seeing each other. He wrapped his large hand around your wrist and dragged you over to sit in the circle. You recognised a few familiar faces as you cast your eyes around, namely Karina and some of Heeseung's friends, but your heart dropped when you saw Sungchan and Jiyoon sat cross-legged next to each other a few spaces to right of Soobin.

Even in your state, you weren't so much of a masochist to stay and watch. Leaning over to Soobin's ear, you whispered, "Shit Bin, I think I'm gonna sit this one out."

"No," he whined like a baby, "I haven't seen you in a year, so stay!"

His protest was so loud that it called the attention of some of your other friends who all drunkenly pouted and pleaded for you to stay. Some guy who you recognised as Sunwoo reached over the space in the middle and spun the bottle. You kept your eyes trained on it as spun around and around, praying it wouldn't land on you. A sigh of relief left your mouth as it fell on Chaerin, who quickly chose dare.

"Text your most recent ex and tell them that you miss them!" Sunwoo giggled through his drink.

As you nursed your own drink, you mirrored Chaerin's grimace and fought all your might to avoid looking at Sungchan. You would be horrified to have received that. Chaerin gingerly pulled out her phone and typed a few words before flashing her screen around the circle as proof. She then grabbed the bottle and spun it harshly.

"Jiwoo, truth or dare?" Chaerin taunted. Your eyes flashed to her figure momentarily as she giggled and chose dare as well.

"Kiss the person you'd most want to date."

You don't think you've ever felt such burning sadness as you watched Jiwoo quickly grab Sungchan's face and bring it down to hers for a quick peck. The grip on your bottle was nearly enough to smash the glass into a million pieces the way your heart was breaking.

It took everything in you not to get up and run away, especially when the alcohol in your bloodstream was making you feel your emotions ten times as strong. You couldn't make it about you- Sungchan didn't deserve that. The rest of the group's eyes had already turned to you after Jiwoo's kiss, considering that you and Sungchan never really kept it much of a secret. Even Karina  was making 'are you okay?' eyes at you from across the circle. You simply gave her a subtle nod and a smile as Jiwoo spun the bottle too.

"You and Sungchan aren't back together?" Soobin dropped his face low to your ear.

"Does it look like we are, Soob?" you exhaled, watching Nayoung give Jay a drunk and joking lap dance.

"Shit," he breathed out under his breath, "Sorry I made you stay."

"It's okay. I should move on anyway, right?" you smiled assuringly at him. You don't think you've ever given such a fake smile in your life.

"Y/N," Soobin trailed off, trying to pry the bottle that you were sipping on away from your hands, "Should we go?"

"No, it's fine," you gritted out, pointing at the bottle spinning to direct his attention. Your heart dropped as it landed on you.

"Truth or dare, Y/N?" Jay mumbled.

You weren't going to risk it; Jay was known for giving batshit ideas, so you settled on, "Truth."

"How many people did you sleep with or kiss on your year abroad?" he smirked.

"Zero," you deadpanned instantly, "For both."

Jay pouted at your boring answer, but gestured for you to choose the next person. It landed on Yuri, who chose dare bravely. You were starting to dissociate a little, but managed to murmur some dare about giving her phone to Sunghoon and letting him post whatever on her story.

The game continued a while with you trying to focus as much as possible at burning a hole through the glass of your drink with Soobin asking you if you were okay every couple of minutes. It was hard not to turn your head and steal glances at Sungchan and Jiwoo, whose laugh reverberated through the room, your bones and then into your heart.

You were certain Jiwoo was a nice girl, but where did she come from? All your friends convinced you that Sungchan hadn't entertained anyone despite the newfound attention that you leaving brought to him and even his friends never mentioned anything when they would occasionally talk to you. Surely Jiwoo and Sungchan were close, right? Close enough for them to be recommending each other things to do in the summer and close enough for Jiwoo to quite literally kiss him in front of everyone.

"Sungchan, truth or dare?" an unfamiliar voice caused your head to slowly lift up.

"Dare," it's the first time you've heard his voice the whole game.

"Kiss the person you'd want to date in this room."

A light gasp escaped nearly everyone's lips as you examined the smirking player. You definitely didn't recognise him; maybe he was a freshman. His eyes were darting with a cheeky glint between Sungchan and Jiwoo, assuming that he was setting up a couple by echoing Chaerin's earlier dare for him.

"Taesan, choose a different dare," Karina's voice boomed as she directed laser eyes towards the boy. He instantly frowned.

"Why? It's fun!"

"Choose a different dare," Soobin repeated next to you.

In that moment, you wanted the world to just cave in and swallow you up whole. You didn't think that you could bare to watch your ex-boyfriend- the one who held your heart but the one whose heart you stomped all over- kiss another girl in a confession. Despite that, you were completely paralysed in your spot, cross legged and head having turned to Sungchan's direction.

At the same time that Karina began to get up and say, "Y/N, let's go downstairs,", Sungchan had pushed himself out of his seat under the watchful eyes of Jiwoo.

"Fuck it," he had laughed dryly.

Your vision changed in a moment's notice. Sungchan was staring straight into your eyes bearing the emotions of pleading. Pleading to ask you if what he was about to do was okay.

You think that you probably nodded unconsciously, because in an instant, Sungchan's plump lips found yours again for the first time in a year. They slotted perfectly in between your hesitant mouth, but like a reflex, your brain had finally connected to your body again and started moving against him.

Similar to the earlier gasps from all those who had known about your history together, the whole group had gasped and fell silent as they watched the scene unfold.

The kiss was not gentle at all. He moved against you harshly, desperately and his hands on your cheeks burned your skin, lighting a thousand flames inside you. Sungchan tasted a bit like the beer he was drinking, but also like the cherry lip balm that you had once bought for him and got him addicted to in the past. It caught you so off guard that you fell back onto your hands behind you, causing him to push deeper against you.

You were both panting when he finally pulled away.

"Y/N," he murmured lowly against your lips, "Let's go to my room."

You remembered getting up. You remembered his fingers interlacing between yours. You remembered practically running through the corridors to reach his familiar door at the end. You remembered Sungchan pressing you up against the wall inside his room and connecting his lips to your neck.

Then you don't remember anything after.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

The next time your brain registers you're awake, there's a swirling in your stomach and something rising up your throat. In the lamp-lit glow of the seemingly strange room, you peeled the duvet off your sweating form and made a bee-line straight to the bathroom.

You didn't realise how you even knew there was a bathroom behind the door you had opened until a familiar hand was pulling your hair away from your face and rubbing your back as you emptied out the contents of your guts into the toilet.

"It's okay, baby," he cooed sweetly. The term of endearment flew over your head pretty much immediately, but your heart probably skipped a quick beat.

Tears brimmed at your lashes and threatened to spill as you hurled and hurled. How much had you had to drink?

"Sungchan?" you croaked out in between heaves.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm here," he whispered into the dark, "You're in my room at the frat house."

Binge drinking wasn't a common reoccurrence of your freshman and sophomore days, but when you did, you always threw up in the middle of the night and became disorientated. You never knew where you were and how you got there.

When you finally finished throwing up, Sungchan had already tied your hair back with a tie he found on your wrist and had pulled you up against his body in the bathroom. With the lamp in his room on and the door open, you could make out his sleepy figure and messy hair in the mirror.

"Here, wash your face and brush your teeth," the toothbrush he handed you was old, but you recognised it as the one you kept in his room for the nights you would sleep over. Despite the banging headache and the questions floating around in your head, you managed to follow his instructions. There was no makeup left on your face from what you could tell, so someone must have taken a wipe to your face. You just splashed some water to refresh yourself and brushed your teeth to get the nasty taste out of your mouth.

Looking down, you were still in the skirt and college top from the party, but your socks and shoes had been replaced with fluffy socks that you loved to sleep in and all of your jewellery removed. Sungchan was waiting at the edge of his bed, eyes only half opened until you stepped back into the room again.

It looked the same as when you left, with a few pictures of you together removed in places. There were some weights in the corner too, but otherwise, it was a picture perfect reflection of before, as if time never passed.

"What happened? What am I doing here?" your throat burned from all the heaving you had been doing, but Sungchan passed you a water bottle and a pill, "All I remember was the game and you kissing me."

"We went to my room, but you passed out pretty quick," Sungchan recounted, "Sorry I kissed you. I slept on the floor, by the way."

You noticed the pillow and blanket missing from the bed. From the digital clock on Sungchan's desk, you could see it was still only 4am.

"Thanks for taking care of me. I'll catch a taxi home now," you looked around the room for your shoes, "Sorry for the vomit and stuff."

Sungchan rose to his feet, "Y/N, just stay. It's dangerous for you to leave at this time and you need to rest. It's okay. If it makes you uncomfortable, I can sleep in Eunseok's room."

Although your brain was blaring alarm signals in your mind and telling you to get out of there before anything else tragic could happen, your heart belonged to the bed that you missed sharing with him.

You sighed heavily and crawled back under the covers. With your eyes closed, you bared your true feelings into the silent room, "Please stay."

"Okay," he hummed, walking over to the other side of the bed where you assumed that he set up the pillow and blanket.

"Can you sleep with me? On the bed?" your voice was so quiet and hesitant despite your state that Sungchan didn't know if he just conjured that in his imagination until you spoke again, "Please?"

You shuffled over closer to your side of the bed closer to the door. He slid in on his side, closer to the window. Your head was spinning even lying down and you could feel yourself slipping out of consciousness already as his body heat combined with yours to wrap you up in a comfortable and familiar sensation.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm lying. I'm not sorry I kissed you. I'm sorry that you had to see her kiss me though."

"Why?"

"I'd never want you to think that I want anyone else other than you."

Your awareness faded into nothingness as you felt Sungchan's hands slip in between yours under the sheets.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

"Y/N? What the fuck happened last night? Karina texted me and said some shit went down upstairs and you disappeared with Sungchan?" Minjeong's voice was laced with worry as she rushed to the door the second you stepped through.

Although she looked as haggard as you, she was much more preoccupied about where you went after she handed you your 3rd mojito of the night. You winced at her volume, "My head hurts like shit, Jeong. And my heart too."

"Jay told me what happened. Are you okay?" Heeseung's voice was quieter as you entered the open plan living space. He was sat on your couch with a bowl of cereal in the space between his crossed legs and Minjeong's iPad playing some TV show on the coffee table.

"Y/N? Hello?" Minjeong waved in your face.

"I don't want to talk about it, guys," you groaned, "Some girl kissed him. He kissed me. We went to his room. I passed out immediately and woke up throwing up. That's all."

"You didn't talk? Not this morning?" she prodded on.

It was only 11am. Your face involuntary cringed with regret.

Minjeong gasped dramatically, "Y/N, if you tell me right now that you left before he even woke up, I'm literally going to kill you. Y/N, that's such shitty behaviour. Honestly."

"Please don't make me feel worse than I already do," you sniffled as her words brought tears to your eyes, "I literally don't know what to do. All I want to do is let him go for his sake, but he keeps dragging me back to him."

She wrapped you up in a tight hug and smoothed out your hair, "Y/N, just go back to his room and tell him how you feel. Let him tell you how he feels too. You're going to keep going around in circles if you keep running from him, and it's going to end in heartbreak again."

You cried into her shoulders for a few minutes in sheer frustration, until she pushed you out of the door and made Heeseung drive you mid-bowl of cereal to the frat house to make sure you actually went inside.

On your grand exit out of the house that you prayed would go unnoticed, you had ran into Shotaro in the living room cleaning. He had given you a disappointed look, but your pleading eyes convinced him not to say anything as you slipped out of the door shortly after waking up. The expression on your face must have told him that you were sneaking away from his best friend.

It was Shotaro who opened the door for you when you knocked just 20 minutes after you left.

"You came to your senses?" Shotaro quirked an eyebrow at you as he stepped aside to let you in. You waved goodbye to Heeseung as he drove back in the direction he came in.

"I'm sorry, Taro."

"I'm not the one you should be saying that to," he sighed defeatedly, "Please don't hurt him again, Y/N. I love you both, but please."

All you could give him was a faltering smile as you ascended up to the second floor again. There were still some cups and miscellaneous items left strewn around the house, so you assumed that the frat brothers were mostly still asleep.

You tiptoed up to Sungchan's room and knocked three times, lightly, before pushing the door open. He was still curled up tightly on his side of the bed, cuddling a stuffed bear that you got him. It was exactly how you found him when you woke up again in the morning.

His face was so peaceful and angelic when he slept, soft snores escaping between his parted lips. In the past, you used to wake him up by peppering kisses on his smooth skin until he woke up. He used to wake up confused, until a smile would invade his face when he realised you were there. It used to make your heart feel all tight and warm in the best way possible.

Your breath hitched when Sungchan stirred to face his body towards you. Though his eyes stayed close, his breathing became noticeably shallower.

"You left," his voice was mercifully devoid of accusation, but it made your heart split down the middle all the same.

"I'm so sorry," it was pathetic, but that was all you could bring yourself to say.

Unwrapping his arm out from the tangle with his stuffed plushie, he patted the empty space on the bed that was still a bit warm. The weight of your body dropping onto the bed caused him to scooch a bit closer to you with his eyes still firmly closed.

"Can we just stop being sorry now? You're back now with no plans to leave again, so why do you keep running away from me?"

"Sungchan," you breathed out his name, but he opened his mouth again.

"I'll prove to you that all I want is still you. There's no one else, Y/N. You hurt me a lot, but I know you didn't want to. Let's give it another go. Do it properly and call each other boyfriend and girlfriend," his lips tugged up into a soft smile.

You didn't even know when you started crying but at the sound of your sniffle, his hands came up to wipe at your cheeks.

"Why are you crying?"

"What did I do to deserve someone like you? You deserve someone better," you choked out through your hot tears.

He let out a soft laugh as his eyes finally opened slowly and met yours, "Stop asking questions and saying sorry and just accept that I want to love you, Y/N."

His words triggered a waterfall of tears to stream down your face, but he pulled you down into the bed with him and wrapped you up in his arms tightly. It felt like home again.

"I loved you, Sungchan. I did."

He brushed the hair out of your face and planted a searing kiss on your temple, "I know, Y/N. I knew. Stop crying and go back to sleep with me. It'll all be okay when we wake up. I promise, baby."

He tucked his bear into your grasp and pulled the sheets over your bodies again. His arms returned around you and he continued to press the most gentle touches of his lips on your forehead, your temples, your nose and finally onto your lips that held back choked sobs until you slipped out of consciousness.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

"I wanna know everything you did in New York," Sungchan requested softly as he swung next to you. On the walk to your apartment from his that he accompanied you on after you both woke up, you spotted the playground equidistant between both residences empty. The two of you had spent a few nights there in the past swinging beside each other and talking, so it seemed perfect to go there again to talk- somewhere public and open.

You texted Minjeong that you were on the way back to your flat to change and freshen up and she kindly left with Heeseung as to not make the situation any more awkward or tense by having them meet in such a circumstance. Sungchan just sprawled in your bed and scrolled on his phone as you showered, changed and applied your skincare. After a night of drinking, throwing up and not moisturising after washing your face in the middle of the night, your skin had been going through it. When you plugged in your hairdryer and made him scooch over silently so you could sit on the bed, Sungchan had sat up and taken the dryer out of your grasp, motioning for you to turn around.

"Someone's watched Queen of Tears," you humoured over at him as the humming and heat began to fill the room.

"Just like the entire country," he jested back, "I guess we're a bit like them."

"Chaebols who get married and hate each other until one of them gets a seemingly incurable illness?" through the mirror at the end of your bed, you saw Sungchan roll his eyes playfully.

"Two people that find their way back to each other," he had corrected softly.

His words struck you silent, just watching him direct the dryer at your hair while thoughts swarmed in your head. You weren't sure if your neck was burning up from the dryer or from his fingers bumping against your skin every so often.

Since the two of you woke up, you could probably count on your hands how many times you'd spoken. You'd settled into this comfortable, but weighted silence knowing that sooner or later you'd probably have to properly talk to navigate the events of the night prior. You had delayed it a bit by asking to go home and change and he walked you all the way wordlessly other than suggesting to go to the park after.

When you were done getting ready, the two of you made your way to the park. This time, Sungchan had grabbed your hand firmly in his at the very first instance of your skin brushing. He was much more bold than when you had left.

"What do you want to know?" you quirked an eyebrow as he kicked off the ground to swing higher.

"If it was everything you dreamed of. If you missed home. If you made friends," he listed out, looking over at you.

You sighed and thought back. Over the past few weeks since you'd been back, everyone had asked you the same questions. For the most part, you had given the same answer to all of them robotically, but you felt like Sungchan deserved a bit more than your usual spiel.

"The city was incredible. New York was always my dream. I got to travel a little around the country too, so that was nice. It got really lonely pretty quickly, even though I made a lot of friends. It's just so busy and everyone has their own thing," you recounted slowly, "I missed home as soon as I left, but I do miss the friends I made in New York. America is very different to Seoul though."

"Did you mean what you said at the party? There was no one else?" his voice was shaky as he asked. You knew it wasn't something he took lightly.

"I wouldn't lie to you," you affirmed strongly, "I really did miss you and regretted everything the second I left. I was too ashamed to admit my mistake, so I'm sorry for hurting you unnecessarily. I don't regret going to New York, but I regret leaving you."

He stops the swing by planting his feet firmly. His eyes bore into yours as he tried to analyse your emotions.

"I grew a lot in that year apart, so I guess I should thank you for that. I learned that I should fight for what I want and I think we can be better this time around," Sungchan nodded, "And I missed you a lot. I keep saying it, but I just want you to know I never hated you or thought of you in anger while you were away."

The silence that followed must have freaked him out a little because he quickly continued.

"And about Jiyoon. Just, um, ignore her, please. I never knew she felt that way and I promise that I never acted in a way that might have conveyed that I felt the same," Sungchan blurted out with wide eyes, "I just- didn't know how to bring you up to her. We honestly didn't see each other very much; she just exaggerated."

You giggled a little at his panic and reached over the iron links to take his hand, "I trust you, Sungchan. You were free to do anything you wanted, but still, I trust you. You're allowed to have friends."

With a squeeze of his hand, Sungchan stood up and loomed over you on your swing. He tugged softly to get you up on your feet and clasped his hands around your waist when you did. Sungchan pulled you close to him, chest to chest.

Gasping, you looked around to make sure the playground was still empty, "Sungchan!"

He nuzzled his face down, close against yours with your foreheads pressed together, "You're all I could ever want. Please don't leave me again."

Your body completely melted into his as you brought your cold hands up to his warm cheeks. Bravely, you pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, just barely missing his lips, "I won't, Channie."

"Is it too fast to tell you I love you? I've been waiting to say it for over a year," Sungchan pulled his head back and scrunched his face up, "Does that make me too much of a loser? Being this down bad for you?"

All the tension and stress left your body; you could finally return to normal and joke with Sungchan as you giggled into his neck, "Maybe. Do you not want to be?"

"No, I love you," he chuckled along, grazing his nose against yours again before pressing his warm lips on yours.

His lips were pillowy, parting your lips and allowing him to push deeper. He was much more gentle this time than the night before, but a squeeze on your waist caused your breath to hitch and allowed him to run tongue along your bottom lip. You could feel the outpour of emotions in his kiss and how desperate he was to let you know them.

In the year without Sungchan, your heart grew fonder and fonder and you thought to yourself how you were never going to waste another minute with him.

Sungchan had been the first to pull away, looking down at you with half-lidded, passion-filled eyes, "Let's go back before some family comes and reports us to the police."

"Ha, for doing what?" you teased, hooking your fingers around his belt loops.

His eyes transformed into a glare as he stepped away from you and moved towards the exit, "Very funny, Y/N. Yours or mine?"

"Mine," you shrugged, "Minjeong's out with Heeseung and your frat brothers are all home and hungover."

Sungchan just grinned at you, swinging an arm around your shoulder and pulling you tight to his body, "I can't wait to tell everyone you're mine again."

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

The last game of the season was the national finals. You had been nervous all week watching Sungchan leave every day for extra practice when he usually only trained once a week with the team.

With a cup of cola in one hand and a cardboard sign in the other, you fought through the crowd on the bleachers to find the available seat between some of your friends. Minjeong was already settled in her seat, scolding Seunghan and Sohee for playing with her I <3 Heeseung homemade headband.

"You made it!" Chanyoung clapped happily as you sat between him and his older cousin. On the other side of him, the rest of the boys waved at you excitedly.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, of course!" you beamed. The whole arena was vibrating with excitement as nearly the whole student population turned up for the game. It was the final big event in the school calendar before the stress of final exams took over, so everyone was letting their hair down a little.

There was a section of supporters of the other team tucked away in the corner, but otherwise the people meshed together in a sea of your school colours. They had won the draw as to which school the game would be played at. You yourself was sporting a jersey nearly identical to the one that Sungchan would be coming out in soon. The shirt on his back fit his frame nicely, but it draped over you like a dress.

"Channie's gonna play good tonight because his lucky charm's here," Wonbin snorted teasingly, "He was shit all of last season."

"Wonbin," Eunseok hissed, but you just laughed with the long-haired boy.

"I'm really excited. I know they'll win." you waved the "GO #23" sign towards them.

You watched the field in anticipation as they ran out to erupting cheers from the supporters and watched as Sungchan searched the crowds for his group of friends as soon as they settled in a line. He waved in a small gesture, but all of you stood up and flailed your hands everywhere. You shook the sign vigorously and watched as his face contorted in awe and appreciation.

The game was absolutely nerve wracking. Your arms were interlocked and clutched tightly with Minjeong's and the two of you moved like one being standing up to shout at bad referee decisions or cheer at good tackles. Heeseung and Sungchan were playing well up front together, dominating the field so far with a few decent shots on target. Being the most dangerous on the field, the other team's defence were taking them on left, right and centre, causing your faces to be stuck in a permanent grimace for the first half.

Seunghan tried to start a cheer at half-time and that provided enough entertainment for your group when it miserably failed to notice the passage of time. In fresh shirts and refreshed motivation, your team went all out and scored 2 goals. Heeseung's celebrations towards Minjeong were sweet and had her swooning with flushed cheeks.

The other team had managed to score a goal, but in the 87th minute, Sungchan had broken away from his marker around the halfway line and poured all of his might into completing his run to the goal. The goalkeeper had a lot of time to anticipate Sungchan's goal, but his left foot was powerful enough to send the ball hurtling past the keeper's fingers and into the back of the net.

Screaming and yelling in joy, Sungchan slid in the direction of your friends and blew kisses in your direction. Beaming ear to ear, you deafened your friends with your ecstatic whoops. His teammates jumped on his body and then dragged him back to his position for the final 3 minutes.

Safe to say, they won the final.

After a celebration with medals, Prosecco and school cheers, you were waiting in the lobby just outside the changing rooms.

Sohee was talking your ear off about some game that he had started playing with Seunghan when a hand snaked around your waist and you felt the flutter of lips hovering over your neck.

"There's my girl. Hi, baby," he murmured against you. After sweating for 90 minutes, the boys definitely all had to take showers, so his hair was still slightly dripping over the jersey on your back.

"Channie, I'm so proud of you. Congratulations!" spinning around in his grip, you hooked your arms around his neck as he buried his head in yours.

"Your support meant everything to me. Thank you for the banner! I have the best girlfriend ever," he pulled back and beamed down at you, planting a peck on your expectant lips.

Despite having been officially his girlfriend for over 6 months now, the title still made your heart flutter to this day. You'd never forgive your past self from depriving yourself from having Sungchan as you had him now. Despite being the sweetest companion in your early university days, he had held himself back a little due to your hesitation.

Now that you were all in, Sungchan showered you with love, praise and support in anything you did. You tried your best to reciprocate and most days, it felt like your heart could explode every time you looked at him from how your love seemed to grow more and more every day.

He was the perfect gentleman and the perfect boyfriend. He brought you snacks whenever you had to stay late at the library and tucked you tight in his chest under the covers on the days that the world seemed to be collapsing - it never did, maybe thanks to him.

In short, adoring Sungchan became part of your daily routine. A task that you were happy to continue for the rest of your life.

"And I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world," you rested your cheek against his chest as you squeezed him tighter, "I love you, Sungchan."

His heartbeat thumped in your ear as he smoothed out your hair with his palm. The rhythm was strong and constant, as dependable as he was. You felt the love in his touch, no need for words.

Jung Sungchan was a man of his word. As long as you stayed by each other's side, everything would be okay. The world continues to spin. Your heart continues to beat for him.

[kisspurins]

hii!! i just discovered your blog and i really like the way you write ^^ could i ask either sungchan or eunseok (or both lol) x virgin!reader. thank you!!

୨୧ warnings｜dom sungchan and eunseok，size kink，corruption，virgin!reader，double penetration，anal，no protection，fat cock chan and seok，poly implied

when your boyfriends find out you're a virgin, immediately you could feel the tension between them bursting at the seams. between men there's a pride thing when it comes to taking a girls virginity and you could tell neither one of them were going to settle for being 'second'

for sungchan, when he thinks of you being a virgin he can never stop himself from letting his mind wander. every little thing you do has him thinking of how innocent you are and all the ways he can corrupt you :( he thinks of how he can treat you like a princess and make your first time the most special experience in the world and how slowly over time he can turn you into the perfect good girl for him <3 when eunseok thinks of you being a virgin, he thinks of how he can completely and fully break you. how it would be to have you spread open for him, eyes full of curiosity that so quickly gets replaced by the feeling of fear. how it would be to make it fit, your eyes wide and mouth opened for him to use and play with to his liking. taking your virginity isn't about the experience being special its about him making you so dumb you think of him only.

both of them combined is like constant whiplash. sungchan's sweet touches of encouragement while he kisses you, tongue pushed deep inside your mouth and exploring every single inch. his fingers dancing in your hair and down to the back of your neck to push you closer. him compared to eunseok's mean cold stare, hands on his belt as he watches you both makes you nervous. hearing him call you a liar because theres no way a virgin is so calm with tongue kissing, how his presence fills up the entire room. and suddenly being pulled away from channie and into seokies lap and :( he kisses you so rough and so sloppy... spit dripping from the corner of your mouth and his hands groping every part of you that he can touch!!!! you get so entirely messy n seokie does that off the bat to establish what dynamics are about to be present!!! its honestly a little shocking seeing channie get so small when seokie is pulling you around :( chanie going "come on seok be nice" and he sounds so defeated trying to do better for you but seok just tells him this is how he has to train you !!!! only way you'll know what to expect in the future </3

both of them have insaneeee size kinks btw 😞 both are so much bigger than you and its so easy to dumb you down enough to where you feel completely at their mercy and like the smallest lil thing in the world :( eunseok loves the mental mind games he can play on you </3 asking why cant you fight back when hes holding you down n pulling your clothes off n asking if you're just too small!! too small to think too small to push him away too small to do anything for yourself and :( pouting n fat tears rolling down your face bcs you feel so helpless n sungchan's holding you down too so maybe you are too little :( saying sorry n seokie makes you physically say you need him to do everything for you </3 sungchan is of course him making you feel small mentally but thats so easy when hes just insanely huge. every single part of him is huge and :( his dick being as big as his forearm and :( blinking at him and eunseok because they're both so big... too big for you when you've never felt anything before and !!!!!! just so hard not to feel dizzy and dumb :(

thinking seokie laying down on the bed n he tells you to get on top and you think hes being sweet to you finally n letting you control the pace :( thighs trembling while trying to push his blunt fat tip inside n your fingers keeps slipping :( accidentally letting go n hes so heavy slapping against your cunny n the only reason you aren't doubling over is because sungchan is holding you up :(( eunseok gets so frustrated when you can't push it in, smacking your hands away n squeezing the base of his fat cock n pushing the tip in and your eyes immediately roll back n your mouth drops n </333 shaking n sobbing holding onto him telling your seokie that it hurts n you can barely breathe ☹️☹️☹️ sungchan would distract you by kissing all over your shoulders n neck but all you can do is sob on eunseok's dick as he smashes himself all the way in n hes pressing into your g-spot </3 doesn't give you time to adjust just starts rutting his hips up into you n you feel so beyond dizzy!!! drool dripping onto his chest n he calls you so gross but his hips smack against you so roughly :( you're so out of touch from the pain you don't register channie behind you pressing you down on your boyfriends chest and you choke on your sobs when you feel him pressing against your hole, panicking and whimpering out little no's but seokie telling you to shut up n kisses you and :( just sobbing n sobbing when sungchan gets his tip in your asshole n you think you're gonna split in half.... sungchan feels so entirely bad too but the way you're squeezing around him and you feel so warm make it harder for him not to press down onto your back n push inch by inch of his dick in </3 hes so nice n gives you a second before he starts moving n trying to match pace w seok n yeah 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ you get so cock drunk you're barely responsive just nodding n babbling whine they both chase their orgasms </3 make you cum around them soooo much..... just white rings of cum but they can't stop using your perfect tight virgin cunny n mhm mhm

[01zfan]

bad friend: bestfriend’s sister

brothers bestfriend!sungchan x reader | 5.3k words

well...you guys know i couldn't end it without sungchan getting his lick back.

contains: eunseok and sungchan are in a war that hasn't been vocally waged, sungchan is kind of a manipulator, reader is semi-innocent, some sort of tension between sungchan and eunseok that neither of them acknowledge

bad friend: AITA

Sungchan was disappointed that it took him so long to figure out what to do. After he read Eunseok’s Reddit post he had to think, picking at the peeling skin of the vinyl seat he was in. 

He sat in the seat of the cafe closer to their apartment basking in rage while his bestfriend was unaffected. Eunseok barely looked up from his laptop, Sungchan imagined his friend was editing the post as he sat right across from him. He could see Eunseok mouthing words, repeating phrases back to himself before he could hear backspacing on his computer and some more typing. Sungchan felt his friend’s eyes occasionally lift to look at him, and when he would catch his eyes Eunseok would snap right back to his screen.

Sungchan could feel the atmosphere around them change, until Eunseok couldn’t bare it anymore and closed his laptop. Sungchan stared at the logo of Eunseok's laptop, thinking about the post that his friend was working on only moments ago.

“Are you ready to go back to the apartment?”

Eunseok hesitated with each movement. Sungchan was unbothered, stretching his back and arms until they rested on the vinyl seats again.

He couldn't lie and say he didn't enjoy seeing Eunseok uneasy from the tension. Asking about something as trivial as food left in their shared fridge made Eunseok finally drop that nonchalant act. The facade fell to show what Eunseok truly was, remorseful even if he tried to hide it and thinking about what he did to his alleged roommate and bestfriend.

Sungchan enjoyed seeing Eunseok uncomfortable, he hoped that it was guilt. Eunseok was so used to being the diplomat he didn’t know what to do when he was the one waging a war. Sungchan recalled the times Eunseok's easygoing attitude got him out of trouble while growing up. Eunseok asking Sungchan is it worth it? when he was about to lose his cool or telling him to calm down in that annoying monotone voice.

Sungchan could tell his friend didn’t know how to face a problem he created. Sungchan was sure the comments on whatever he was going to post would be telling him that he wasn’t the asshole. That's what losers on the Internet did. They convened in the dark corners, circle jerking and letting eachother know that even at their lowest they're justified. There would be someone like Sungchan, well adjusted and socialized telling him he should come clean. That he should tell Sungchan that he slept with his girlfriend. Sungchan even gave him the perfect segue into the conversation. All he had to do was come clean about the leftover food in the fridge. Sungchan would even let Eunseok lie, he could tell Sungchan that you came onto him, and he couldn't deny you. He could spare Sungchan the details because he read them already, he could just say that he wanted you to feel better.

Sungchan looked from the barista behind the counter back to Eunseok. He was taking too long to slip his laptop into the secure place in his backpack.

“My sister is coming over later today, by the way.” Eunseok was still looking into his backpack, speaking to it quietly. “Some mail still ends up going to my parents house for some reason. So she’s bringing it to me. She might bring some food too.” He added.

Food was always the olive branch extended between the two of them. When Sungchan was invited to that birthday party in elementary school and Eunseok wasn't he brought him vegetable dumplings from the convenience store. When Eunseok beat Sungchan at the schools spelling bee they ate samgyeopsal until Sungchan thought his stomach would explode. Food was always how they silently told eachother the other went too far without directly saying it, and each time it worked. The resentment that built up over the twenty years of friendship was in no way related to the fact they never actually talked about their problems. That was something that couldn't be explained, or maybe Eunseok could ask a fucking sub-reddit about it.

But what was important was that Eunseok was offering another olive branch. Although Eunseok nodded his head, Sungchan barely listened to the rest of Eunseok’s mumble, they were going to be even. Eunseok was talking about the mail that ended up at his parents house, or something about the coffee here, but Sungchan couldn't be bothered. Revenge walked into his lap, mentioned candidly while Eunseok tried hard to push past the uneasy feeling in his heart.

When Eunseok finally looked up from his backpack to look at Sungchan, he had already honed his emotions and changed the expression on his face to something neutral.

“I didn’t know your sister was coming over.” Sungchan tried remembering what you were doing with your life now. Your brother rarely mentioned you for some reason. You were just a contact on Eunseok’s phone that would call when you had a question about your computer and an old contact photo in his family’s groupchat. “Is she back in town?” He asked.

After Sungchan asked his question Eunseok had the nerve to side eye him from his backpack. As if Eunseok wasn’t the one who fucked his bestfriends girlfriend then was going on the Internet to garner sympathy. He looked at Sungchan like he was the crazy one for asking about your life.

“Only for a month or so." Eunseok stood up from his recliner and Sungchan followed suit. "She's staying in town for a friend's wedding or something.”

Sungchan could tell that Eunseok really wanted to repeat what he told him all those years ago. Back when the three of you became young adults and Sungchan stopped looking at you like you were Eunseok’s little sister.

Eunseok caught on fast, but you were more like Sungchan when it came to hiding things. All cards were on the table, you couldn’t hide your adoration for your older brother's bestfriend.

In the beginning Eunseok and Sungchan just chalked it up to you wanting to know how boys had fun. When he would complain about you suddenly taking an interest in video games or action figures your mother always told Eunseok to let you play. When he was still young and hardheaded he would protest, saying you were a girl and his sister and he didn't want to play with you. But when you wouldn't budge and neither were his parents, Eunseok was forced to become indifferent.

He had to be indifferent about your presence because his parents would always take your side. Sometime during that, Eunseok became indifferent to you as a whole. He never wanted the responsibilities of an older brother so he nevver doted on you or was protective.

Sungchan noticed that you two never became close. Even when you got older and started to become your own person, Eunseok was unconcerned with what was going on in your life. Sungchan watched you both separately behave like only children, living under the same roof but never having conversations that went beyond telling the other that dinner was ready. 

Eunseok would never admit that you were closer to Sungchan than you were to him, that you favored being around him. There are pictures of you hanging on the wall at Eunseok's parents' place. An old digital picture at Sungchan and Eunseok's soccer game, clinging to Sungchan instead of your brother. You were barely to his waist then, but your smile was bigger than the two of there's put together. You held onto him so tight it wrinkled his jersey. When you would call for your older brother it used to be in reference to Sungchan, when you wanted comfort you used to run past Eunseok right into Sungchan's arms. You used to complain about Sungchan having to go to his own house instead of spending another night at your place.

When the looks you started giving him became more obvious and turned to something different. Overnight you started hanging on every word Sungchan would say, batting your eyelashes and looking up at him. Eunseok and Sungchan still hung around after they graduated highschool and you were nearly done yourself. During that gap year you seemed to always be home, seniors in highschool always seemed to be everywhere else but school.

Eunseok was casual about it, he always was. He would only look between you and Sungchan's exchanges, nothing more than a scratch at the top of his head and everything else was forgotten. Sungchan knew that being an older brother was never something Eunseok strived to excel at, he remembered the casual confession from his friend that he never asked for a younger sibling. Eunseok described your existence as something that just happened one day, his parents went to the hospital and he was watched by his grandparents all day. Sungchan could even recall the day sometimes, how he was buzzing with excitement at the thought of seeing a baby while his friend only shrugged his shoulders.

Eunseok was convinced that he had to still remain indifferent to you. But Sungchan could tell that it upset him to no end that he was bested at another thing. Even if something was irking Eunseok so deeply about whatever was blossoming he refused to let it show. The idea of Eunseok truly not caring upset Sungchan even more. He was too stoic.

Eunseok’s calm demeanor regarding you pissed Sungchan off. If he had a sister and he caught wind of mutual attraction he would’ve forbid Eunseok from coming over before it ever turned into whatever your stares at him had become. But Eunseok was a sleazy older brother, nonchalant and more concerned with video games and anime than being protective of you. Then Eunseok went as far to accuse Sungchan of liking you because he cared more about where you were going dressed the way you were. Sungchan was the one asking if you needed to be picked up later, if your parents knew what you were doing. Eunseok would only ask more questions to follow his friends lead, side-eyeing your conversation he was pushed out of. Eunseok would have to clear his throat to get the focus back on him, and then he would finally try being an older brother. But it was obvious he was only doing it for show.

He thinks to this day Eunseok never truly cared about protecting you when he gave Sungchan the rule, he just wanted to stand between another thing Sungchan was good at.

Eunseok was casual about it, paying more attention to the game than Sungchan. Sungchan stopped playing entirely, he could feel the controller vibrate in his hand with each hit he was taking. Eunseok didn’t look towards him once. He bit his lip in concentration from pressing the buttons at the right time, leaning back like the game was fair as Sungchan lost. Eunseok watched his character rip out the spine of Sungchan’s character in a gruesome way while the announcer called out the fatality. 

You had to have picked up on the rule. The dynamic between Sungchan and Eunseok changed that night and Sungchan knew you noticed, He gave you more credit than Eunseok ever did, even if you conflated things and blew them out of proportion. You thought that it was funny to call them boyfriends, and you said they were always in competition with eachother. Your commentary on their relationship was one of the things that pushed Eunseok to get his own place, because he couldn’t get rid of you but to his dismay he couldn’t get rid of Sungchan either. So that night only after Eunseok won a game over Sungchan, he told him two things.

He was getting his own apartment but he needed a roommate.

Sungchan absolutely could not, under any circumstance, fuck his sister. 

When you’d come around looking for Eunseok but find Sungchan you still had that look of adoration in your eyes, but Sungchan had respect for his friend. He avoided you, looked past you, would end up gone each time you came around. He knew you were looking for him, because he wasn’t stupid and you were more like your brother than you would ever know. When you stopped coming around after they moved in together Sungchan knew you knew he was purposefully making himself scarce. He also knew that Eunseok would feign benevolence each time, and would’ve just shrugged his shoulders if you asked where he was. 

Sungchan convinced himself that all was fair in the car ride back to the apartment. Eunseok was the one who waged the war, and the way you always looked at Sungchan was reminiscent of something tender. Maybe not love but blind adoration. A childhood crush that was never requited. Sungchan knew the crush was still fresh for you, because you still asked where he was each time he came around. He knew it still bothered Eunseok because he would always avoid giving you a straight answer. Sungchan would just have to be there to tell you himself.

Sungchan and Eunseok spent another quiet night on separate ends of their couch, watching a television show neither of them liked. The episodes dragged on after they were finished eating. It was obvious both of them were focused on other things. Eunseok’s leg was permanently restless, and Sungchan had his head balanced on his hand while the other picked at the couch. 

Your knock on the door gave Eunseok an excuse to call it a night, he got up too quick and paused the television show too fast. Sungchan lingered on the couch. When Eunseok’s back faced him he fixed his appearance, making sure his shirt fell just right and his hair looked nice, that he wasn’t getting the life drained out of him by boring television and his boring roommate. He made sure the hair you always used to pull at when you were younger looked fluffy, and the shoulders you used to hang off of when Eunseok didn’t want to play with you looked broad.

Instead of going back into his room when Eunseok opened the door for you Sungchan stayed right there, he even leaned forward to come into your line of sight. Sungchan watched you try focusing on your brother before you looked over his shoulder, then he watched Eunseok follow your line of sight until he grabbed the mail from your hands.

“Is that it?” Eunseok spoke loudly but you still didn’t look at him. Watching him try to be a big brother after all this time was amusing. Sungchan hoped he saw the way your eyes still focused on him, how you spoke to Eunseok but stayed looking at Sungchan on the couch. “Mom found some of your clothes laying around and she made me bring that too. She also made me bring food because she knows you guys are eating only eating takeout.”

“She made food for me too?” Sungchan asked.

He got up from the couch, and he watched you two focus on him. You two were too easy to fluster. Eunseok narrowed his eyes and you nodded your head mindlessly.

“Of course, she loves you.” Eunseok turned back towards you, because his mom rarely said something so heartfelt. Like Sungchan hadn’t been there a majority of Eunseok’s childhood to see it first hand, he watched you take your shake your head and quickly motion between him and Eunseok. “She loves you both. She loves you both and the food is in my car.” 

Before Eunseok could reluctantly offer to help you, Sungchan was clearing the apartment and sliding on Eunseok’s crocs. He took his friends small shoes and crammed his feet in them, knowing those were things Eunseok had chided him for in the past. 

Sungchan didn’t close the door in Eunseok’s face. He let him see the way your expression lit up, he let him see the way he looked down at you with a smile. He wanted Eunseok to bask in it, he wanted you to ignore him when he insisted he could help you instead. He let Eunseok’s thoughts ferment in the entryway and wonder what you two were talking about while he scrambled around the apartment for another pair of his shoes. When Eunseok finally made it down the stairs to the parking lot Sungchan let him see the moment you put your number in his phone before realizing he was there, and he let Eunseok see the way you tried to act inconspicuous about the whole thing. 

The following weeks, Sungchan played you and your brother. Eunseok’s guilt made it easy. Eunseok knew that Sungchan was texting you because he didn’t try to hide it. He saw your name pop up on his phone screen, he saw the way you came around everyday. Eunseok suddenly had a million things waiting for him at his parents place, and you were the only one who could bring it by. Eunseok didn’t press the issue further because he didn’t know how to be a good big brother after years of pretending you didn’t exist, and he didn’t know how to be a good friend after fucking Sungchan’s ex. He just watched and waited, question on the tip of his tongue when Sungchan would tell him he would be bringing company over at night.

Eunseok did try to catch him in the act once. In the middle of the night after Eunseok came back from what Sungchan assumed to be another visit to his ex he heard him come through the door. Almost instantly when the front door close Sungchan let himself get louder, letting go of his bitten lip to let the smallest sounds slip through the walls. Sungchan had the biggest room but it was right by the entryway, he could hear Eunseok’s loud steps stop right by his closed door. Sungchan ignored the quiet knocks, instead getting louder and squeezing his hand tighter. 

When Eunseok opened the door, Sungchan jolted in his bed. He pretended like he didn’t hear Eunseok the past week try to subtly drops hints about how he was too loud late at night. He watched his friend’s expression shift from triumph of catching him in the act to pure horror when he realized it was Sungchan in his room by himself.

After Sungchan told him to get out, he had to worry about Eunseok’s presence alot less. Guilt from walking in on his roommate masturbating tacked on with the guilt of fucking his ex-girlfriend made Eunseok disappear all together. He was doing things on his own throughout the day and turned the sound up on his headset late at night. When Sungchan would come out to grab something from the common area Eunseok would duck away no matter what he was doing. Food was left on the table and the fridge was practically left open, the only trace of him being there was the glow from his headset and the sound of his door closing. 

Eunseok unfortunately made himself too hidden. Sungchan realized after the fact that he foolishly pushed his bestfriend past his limit, turning him into a complete hermit. When Sungchan started sneaking you into the apartment Eunseok never got the chance to get a glimpse of you. The first night you were in Sungchan’s room and your body was leaned against his shoulder the only thing Sungchan was paying attention to was the sound of his friend coming out of his room. Both you and Sungchan sat on the edge of his bed facing the door, his fingers deep inside of you. You made him promise to lock the door but you two still managed to end up there, practically on display just waiting for the door to open. The anticipation made it so Sungchan couldn't look away even if he wanted to. He didn’t take his eyes away from the door, he still looked at the handle when he'd turn his head ever so often to plant a distracted kiss on your lips. You were no better, not even paying attention to what was going on beyond the walls of Sungchan's bedroom. You still held your sounds back then, the same way Eunseok always held back his, so worried about your unknowing brother who did not care.

The second time you got too loud. Sungchan was thinking about other things, like what was going on beyond the wall he shared and you were distracting him. You called him by the nickname Eunseok gave him mockingly, telling jinsu to go faster and that you were so close. He had you bent over the dresser that was against their shared wall, and he had to finally clasp a large hand over your mouth. By the end of that night you were sucking on his fingers, and moved to the center of his bed and pushed down to a pathetic position on your stomach. Sungchan had to wrap a hand underneath your waist to keep you up.

Sungchan found out you were weak just like Eunseok too. No endurance, no sports you stayed involved in. There was a pattern between the two of you that was never brought up, where you two started in sports but developed a liking for indoor activities instead. There was a time where Eunseok played sports with Sungchan, then overnight his friend ditched him for anime and video games. You went down the same path, you were just able to cover it up with makeup and making friends. When Eunseok became a recluse you became a social butterfly, a homebody that was ironically out every weekend. Sungchan told himself he could never bring this up because how much you hated being compared to your brother, and Eunseok spent most of his days forgetting he even had a sister.

You were also low maintenance just like your brother. The pretty hair and expensive clothes were just for show. The spoiled princess accusations Eunseok used to say under his breath passing was false. The concept of someone wanting something and vocalizing it was just so foreign to Eunseok he assumed you were rotten. If anything it was Sungchan who was spoiled. You came running with just a text, ditching your friends and any plans just to sneak into his apartment. The only thing you asked was if your brother would be there. That didn’t seem to bother you too much, because Sungchan said maybe and you still were at his door with an overnight bag tucked underneath your arm.

When he opened the door you came right into his arms. Like the day you went without seeing him was a century, you buried your head deep in his chest and breathed him in. You smelled like Eunseok but sweeter, as if he was drowned in rose and vanilla.

“I missed you.” You whispered it when you pressed the side of your face into Sungchan’s chest. Sungchan felt you squeeze him tighter and play with the bottom of his shirt. He hummed and rubbed your back, easing out that tension in your shoulders. 

He didn’t know someone in your family could be so vulnerable. He had known Eunseok for years and there were still walls he didn’t bother to break down anymore. He let his friend be mysterious and he let your parents be passive. You treated Sungchan like a gift because he let you be vulnerable, even if he only responded with i know or it’s okay.

Sungchan almost felt bad for what he was doing. Even in the dark entryway he could see that look in your eye. Always like a lost puppy, seemingly becoming even more innocent in debauched circumstances. Eunseok was going to come home at some point, Sungchan knew that. He knew that you were going to make noise that would bleed through the cracks in his doors and the thin walls. He had to clasp a hand over your mouth anytime he had you like this, or push your face into the mattress until you got the hint. Being vulnerable came with being loud, a bumbling mess with tears welling in your eyes and broken words falling from your lips. You looked like a puppy and you sounded like one too, whimpering and drooling while you wasted all your energy.

But that wasn’t his view just yet. You were kneeling on his bed for him right now, left in your underwear and a camisole as you looked up to him. Sungchan was still fully clothed, looking down at the way your thighs pressed together the more you leaned back to try and settle yourself. He brought his hand up to your face, already knowing you’d eagerly move to put your chin in the palm of his hand.

“You’re too cute.” A pitiful exhale fans his palm. Your eyes manage to get even more watery, almost twinkling as you look up at him. He almost feels bad for what he’s doing. “Do you know how cute you are?” He asks.

You shake your head, and Sungchan is grateful for Eunseok being a terrible brother. Sungchan even feels gratitude in his heart for Eunseok being a terrible friend. If those things hadn’t happened, and Eunseok hadn’t made that post Sungchan would’ve never been here. Caressing your chin, feeling you give all your free will to him. You were malleable, made in Sungchan’s image after a little less than two weeks. His hands crafted you into whatever you were becoming. The power was intoxicating, because even he had no idea what you were molding into. Submissive, eager to please, reaching for something you didn’t know how to handle. 

“Do you think your brother is an asshole?” Sungchan’s hand underneath your chin tilted your head up to him. Your pretty eyebrows knit together in confusion, and Sungchan tried not to laugh at tripping you up. He remained serious, tilting your head even further up. “Do you think he’s a bad person?” He asked.

He gave you the smallest amount of authority when you started messing with his belt. He let his hands fall to his sides and he overcompensated your strength, letting your shaking hands pull his hips towards you. Sungchan sighed at the thought of you being dominant. He knew you didn’t have it in you. Your avoidance of responsibility made Sungchan relinquishing power hard. Even if it was for your benefit, even if it was all a show the second sigh he let out was smug. His hands went to resting at his hips as yours became more hesitant.

You didn’t take well to being in charge. You didn’t take well to questions you didn’t know how to answer. You don’t know your brother, even if you grew up in the same house and had so much in common. Sungchan almost wants to tell you about the Reddit post, to let you know how truly sleazy your older brother is. But if he was honest he’d have to tell you that’s the reason why you two are in this room when there’s only a wall separating you from your brother’s room. Almost immediately your hands started to falter, the thought of disapproval from Sungchan made you fix your gaze on his stomach instead. You pulled his belt tighter instead of pulling it loose. You were more like your brother than either of you would ever know. Sungchan knew your palms were lining with sweat, the same way Eunseok would get whenever he knew he wasn’t doing something perfectly. Your face was hot to the touch, he could feel it when his hand went back to your chin. 

“You’re really too cute.” Sungchan said again.

He notices that you two both have the same habit of denying compliments when you first receive them. Eunseok looks to the side while you slowly shake your head. Sungchan manually nods your head with his fingers holding your chin.

You and Eunseok were meant to be lead by someone like Sungchan. The self-proclaimed brains to his brawn. One couldn’t exist without the other, no matter how miserable the other had become. That’s why Eunseok fucked his ex. That’s why he was about to fuck you. Eunseok would eventually find out about you two, if he didn’t already know he would figure out by the clothes Sungchan would strategically leave laying around in the common area. He could tell you were going to make noise for him tonight. Eunseok was still up around this time, the banging on his wall and the sound of things falling would keep him awake.

Sungchan watches your hands go back to your thighs, resting in a clenched fist. Everything about you was made to please Sungchan. From his favorite color on your underwear to your shirt that was a size to small. You gave him everything, the little bow on your waistband like you were his gift. He should feel terrible for doing this. Breaking the one stipulation his bestfriend gave him. But he waged the war, and this was fair. You didn’t mind, because you started digging your nails into your leg when Sungchan took too long undoing his belt. He kept you waiting, until his pants were at his ankles and you were watching him grab himself over his boxers.

“Turn around for me baby.” He said.

You were better at listening to him than Eunseok. When Eunseok would’ve shaken his head or pretended not to hear him all together you were scurrying to the center of his mattress, turning around and sticking your ass in the air. Sungchan watched you let out out a pensive breath, settling into the arch he showed you the very first night. You were a faster learner than Eunseok too.

Sungchan took off his underwear and touched himself, knowing you wished you were the one doing it. The first night you told Sungchan a million times how much you thought of him, how you waited so long just for the chance to touch him. Sungchan let you remember while he slowly worked his hand up his length, the same way he did when Eunseok caught him all those weeks ago. He put on the condom slowly after he watched your shaky hands pull out the slimy latex. The top of the foil packaging was still between your teeth, only falling out when you let out another labored breath. Your head fell back to the mattress and Sungchan settled behind you, hands gripping your waist tight.

“Be loud tonight, okay?” Sungchan watched you preemptively bite your lip and look towards the shared wall. The occasional thud on the other side could be heard, the dull whirring of Eunseok talking into his microphone came through. Worry crossed your pretty eyes, you wiped your palms on Sungchan's comforter. Sungchan come clower to you, until he felt your frame give slightly underneath his. He focused on your big eyes and he pulled together his most sincere look. “Please? For me?” Sungchan asked.

That’s all it took for you to nod your head. You were easier than Eunseok, that was for certain. He pushed into you with ease because you were made for him, and you groaned loudly solely because he asked. Sungchan made sure you made noise for good reason, until you were rivaling with the creak in his mattress and his headboard bumping into the wall. He hoped that it rocked Eunseok’s computer setup, that his friends could hear it in their voice chat. The thought of it made Sungchan prop a leg up and pull your hips backwards to meet him. The thought made him make sounds of his own, until his throat become dry and his voice become hoarse. He was made for you too it seemed, because you squeezed him tight and your sweaty hand clasped around his perfectly. 

He knew when you were getting close. He knows your brother so by extension he knows you too, and the same time you started forgetting about anyone else in the apartment he finally heard Eunseok’s door open. Sungchan heard the creak in the floorboards and then Eunseok's timid steps outside his door. Eunseok knocked just like he did the first night, and Sungchan wrapped his arms around your chest to bring you up from the bed to pull you against him. He let your sounds come out, the identity of who was crying obvious even to indifferent brothers. Eunseok didn’t knock again, he left the apartment completely and closed the front door so loud pictures on Sungchan’s wall shook. You shook in Sungchan's arms before you melted to his bed.

Sungchan broke the one rule Eunseok set for him. All is fair. Eunseok waged the war and Sungchan would end it. He wouldn't make a Reddit post about it, he would only leave the white sweater Eunseok bought for you on Christmas draped over the couch in their shared common area.

[kaiyunsim]

jealousy jealousy —

pairing : roomate!sungchan x gn!reader (no pronouns used)

summary : sungchan gets jealous after you bring home a date.

warnings : VERY jealous sungchan, fluff at the end, (spoiler but good ending), reader is very forgiving

a/n : i'm craving some jealous sungchan :3 sorry if it’s not that good… kinda rushed :( they are very fun to make so lmk if you guys want more jealousy :]

— wc : 1.3k — not proof read —

it’s a quiet friday evening when you bring your date home. sungchan’s sprawled on the couch, a half-empty bag of chips resting on his chest as some random variety show plays on the tv. he’s been like that for most of the day, lazily flipping through channels and pretending not to notice how often he’s been glancing at the clock. when he hears the door unlock, he perks up, expecting to see you walk in alone like you usually do. but instead, someone else follows behind you.

his smile falters, and he quickly masks it by sitting up and brushing crumbs off his hoodie. “oh,” he says, trying to sound casual. “hey. didn’t know you were bringing someone over.”

you offer him a small smile, your date shifting awkwardly beside you. “yeah, hope it’s okay. this is--”

“doesn’t matter,” he cuts you off, waving his hand dismissively. there’s a tightness to his voice you don’t catch. “i’ll just… stay out of your way.”

“thanks,” you reply, your tone light but with a hint of unease. you introduce your date briefly, their polite smile doing little to alleviate the awkwardness. sungchan watches as you lead them to the kitchen, his jaw clenching slightly when you laugh at something they say.

he knows he’s being ridiculous, but the jealousy bubbling in his chest is hard to ignore. you’ve always had this way of lighting up a room, your energy contagious and magnetic. it’s one of the things that first drew him to you, though he’d never admit it out loud. and now, seeing you share that with someone else, it stings more than he’d like to admit.

he’s always known he’s had a soft spot for you. maybe it’s the way you’re always humming to yourself while doing chores, or the way your nose scrunches up when you’re deep in thought. or maybe it’s the small, thoughtful gestures—like leaving him snacks on the counter when you know he’s had a long day. whatever it is, it’s enough to make him feel a pang of possessiveness when he sees you with someone else.

he’s not proud of what happens next.

“y/n,” he calls out, poking his head into the kitchen. “uh, the hot water’s been acting up. might wanna warn your guest about the shower.”

you glance at him, frowning slightly. “it was fine this morning.”

“yeah, well,” he shrugs, avoiding your gaze. “just thought i’d let you know.”

your date shifts uncomfortably, offering a polite smile. “thanks for the heads-up.”

sungchan lingers for a moment before retreating to the living room, where he’s already brainstorming his next move. it’s petty, he knows, but he can’t help himself.

later, when you and your date are settling in to watch a movie, sungchan decides to “accidentally” interrupt. he strolls into the room, dramatically yawning as he stretches.

“you guys watching something good?” he asks, plopping down on the armrest of the couch.

you’re visibly annoyed now. “we were trying to, sungchan.”

he doesn’t take the hint, leaning over to grab the remote. “what is it? rom-com? action? oh, wait, let me guess… indie art film?”

“it’s none of your business,” you snap, snatching the remote back. “can you give us some space?”

he raises his hands in mock surrender. “alright, alright. just trying to make conversation.”

but he doesn’t leave right away, instead loitering for another minute before finally retreating to his room. the damage, however, is done. your date’s clearly uncomfortable, and the evening doesn’t recover after that.

when they finally leave, you’re fuming. you storm into sungchan’s room without knocking, arms crossed and eyes blazing.

“what was that?” you demand.

he looks up from his phone, feigning innocence. “what was what?”

“you were being so rude! you kept interrupting us and making things awkward.”

he shrugs, his expression unreadable. “just looking out for you. didn’t think they were your type.”

you’re taken aback by his nonchalance. “what does that even mean? you don’t get to decide who’s my type.”

“maybe not,” he says, standing up and walking towards you. there’s a flicker of something in his eyes, something you can’t quite place. “but i’ve known you long enough to know you deserve better.”

his words catch you off guard, and for a moment, you’re not sure how to respond. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

he steps closer, his voice softening. “it means i care about you. more than i probably should.”

your breath catches, the weight of his confession sinking in. you’ve never seen him like this before, so earnest and vulnerable. it’s a side of him he’s always kept hidden, and it leaves you reeling.

“sungchan…” you start, but he cuts you off, shaking his head.

“forget it,” he mutters, stepping back. “just… ignore me. i’m being stupid.”

but you don’t move, rooted to the spot as you process his words. it’s only when he turns away, shoulders slumping in defeat, that you find your voice.

“wait.”

he freezes, glancing at you over his shoulder. there’s a flicker of hope in his eyes, and it’s enough to make you take a tentative step forward.

“you’re not being stupid,” you say softly. “but you can’t just ruin my date because you’re jealous. that’s not fair.”

he winces at your words, but he nods, acknowledging the truth in them. “you’re right. i’m sorry. i just… didn’t know how else to handle it.”

there’s a long pause, the air between you heavy with unspoken feelings. finally, you take another step closer, your heart pounding in your chest.

“if you feel this way,” you say cautiously, “you could’ve just told me.”

he lets out a dry laugh, running a hand through his hair. “easier said than done.”

“maybe,” you admit, “but it’s better than sabotaging my night.”

he looks at you then, really looks at you, and there’s a vulnerability in his gaze that makes your heart ache. “i’ll make it up to you,” he says quietly. “just… give me a chance.”

it’s not an easy decision, but the sincerity in his voice and the way he’s looking at you—like you’re the only person that matters—makes it hard to say no.

“one chance,” you say firmly, though there’s a hint of a smile tugging at your lips. “don’t mess it up.”

his face lights up, and for the first time that evening, you see a glimpse of the playful, confident sungchan you’re used to. “i won’t,” he promises. “you won’t regret it.”

in the days that follow, sungchan’s efforts to win you over are nothing short of endearing. he starts leaving little notes around the apartment—sticky reminders of his feelings scribbled with jokes that make you laugh. he cooks dinner for the both of you one evening, sheepishly admitting he looked up recipes just to impress you.

and then there are the quieter moments. the way he lingers a little longer when you’re talking, his eyes fixed on yours like he’s memorizing every word. the way his hand brushes against yours when you’re sitting side by side, neither of you moving away.

one night, you’re both on the couch, the glow of the tv casting soft shadows across the room. he’s close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating from him, his presence comforting in a way you hadn’t expected.

“y/n,” he murmurs, breaking the silence.

“hm?” you glance at him, your heart skipping a beat at the tenderness in his gaze.

“can i hold your hand?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

you’re caught off guard by the simplicity of the question, but you nod, sliding your hand into his. his fingers curl around yours, firm yet gentle, and it feels so natural that you wonder why it took you both so long to get here.

“about time,” you tease softly, earning a shy laugh from him.

“yeah,” he agrees, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand. “but i’m glad we did.”

and in that moment, with his hand in yours and a quiet understanding passing between you, you realize you’re glad too.

[wonjns]

overawe — j.sc

⌗ pairing. . . jung sungchan x male reader

⌗ genre. . . smut

⌗ summary. . . uh oh, somebody made sungchan jealous (it wasn't even your fault).

⌗ includes. . . intimidating!bf!sungchan, sub!reader, possessive chan, a lil toxic, size kink, orgasm prolonging, nipple play/hickeys, unprotected sex (don’t irl !!), mdni.

⌗ wc. 1.2k

°A/N. . . requested by anon ✓ "Hey Luca!! Just here to request a jealous!sungchan with his younger bf who was paying attention to the other members too much 🫣 Sungchan knows he shouldn't be so upset but he just can't help it..." // hiii i hope you like it!! its nothing special really, just your run-of-the-mill jealousy fic but with sungchan, anything is hot 🥵

it was almost twisted how much control sungchan had over you without even having to do anything.

one would think it was inscribed in your dna to bend to his every will; to please him, to hear him praise you... to be his perfect, pliant boyfriend. yet, it seemed like you could do nothing but disappoint him – or at least thats what he wanted you to think.

something in sungchan's brain always itched just right when he would watch you break down in front of him. he loved how all it took was a stern glare to get you muttering a mantra of apologies, all but sinking to your knees for his mercy whenever you did something he didn't approve.

you can't help but reminisce the time you slightly rose your voice at him in the grocery store, just to end up sucking him off in the parking lot for 30 minutes solely to win back his forgiveness.

you remember your knees digging into his mustang's carpet flooring while looking up at his shirtless body, toned abs rippling as his head was thrown back, showing off his adams apple while he called you his good boy. you didn't even cum that day, but your cock was practically drooling at that sight for the rest of the week.

this time, you knew you were in trouble before he could even get a word out.

here you both were, the only ones who remained in your shared apartment after ushering all of your friends out after a long night together.

you were close with a lot of your mutual friends, especially shotaro, and it showed in the way the two of you were attached at the hip the entire evening.

your innocent physical affection and loud giggles were enough to catch the attention of a certain sungchan, who you knew you’d have to deal with from the way his eyebrow quirked dauntingly in your direction.

as soon as the front door closed, it felt as if an overbearing storm had conjured itself in your home, hovering dangerously above your head. you knew this feeling was because of sungchan, the foreboding pheromones radiating off of his huge, 6'2 frame.

"i'm gonna get a glass of water," you sighed aloud, timidly making your way back to the kitchen in attempt to escape the rising tension.

but before you could even grab a glass from the cabinet, you felt sungchan's looming presence behind you. you'd successfully predicted that when you turned around, you'd see his towering form looking down at you with that gut churning smirk, silent as a mouse.

his accusing glare bore into yours, the slightest smirk dancing across his plump lips as he reached up into the cabinet behind you, lowering an empty glass in your hands without breaking eye contact for even a second.

"i-i'm sorry." you muttered, glancing to the tile below.

"what are you apologizing for, baby?" sungchan replied, his voice entirely too relaxed and unassuming for the anxiety it was causing you.

"i... uhm, it just..." you stuttered, breath hitching in your throat when you felt sungchan's long fingers tilt your chin up to catch your eyes directly once more. "i wasn't doing anything on purpose."

that earned you a low chuckle from him as he placed both large hands on his hips.

"are you feeling guilty for letting shotaro throw himself all over you? letting him treat you like his own slut right in front of me?" sungchan inquired, dipping his head down closer to yours.

his voice was sickeningly sweet, and you knew he was trying to lure you into a false sense of security. but you had been with him too long, you knew exactly what the steaming temperature between your two bodies meant. your skin felt on fire and he wasn't even touching you anymore.

the proximity of his face to yours was making you dizzy, feeling a certain muscle in your boxers begin to stir. you struggled to hold his eye contact, squirming under his glare as he flashed you another of his signature smirks, dripping in arrogance.

god, he knew what he was doing.

his physical prowess alone was more than enough to make your head fuzzy, but what really made you weak in the knees was his damn aura. he was just so dominating without even trying. he never yelled at you, or ever even harmed you, but the way in which he spoke was enough to make you melt into a worthless puddle on the floor. the slick tone of his voice had a talent to completely rewire and chip away at your brain until you could think of nothing else but him, and fuck it was a skill he never hesitated to use.

your taller boyfriend felt his heart leaping the more you fidgeted - shrinking smaller beneath him at his accusation.

"taro was just being friendly," you try to defend, twisting your fingers around one another. "i swear, babe... i swear."

"you don't get to call me that after ignoring me all night, sunshine."

you became aware of just how much sungchan had inched closer to you when you feel one of his veiny hands running up your thigh, the tips of his fingers lighting up paths on your skin as they traveled underneath your shirt.

his heavy gaze was still locked on to yours, just daring you to look away. you wouldn't... you couldn't.

you knew the repercussions, but in a slightly concerning way, the thought always had your stomach churning with butterflies and anticipation.

"you're gonna have to make it up to me, baby boy."

"fuck, channie, please!" you moaned, hands clawing at the exposed tan skin of your boyfriend's muscular back.

he had bottomed his cock out in you forever ago, and somehow still had the restraint to not move once, despite your endless pleas and whimpers. instead, he took to sucking mark after mark onto the thin skin of your collarbones and chest.

you'd be rich by now if you had a dollar for every time sungchan had guided you to just the peak of your climax by stroking your leaky cock while sucking on your hardened nipples, just to cruelly stop all ministrations and let your orgasm ebb away.

you had come so close to release you could almost taste it on your tongue, shaking in the frustration of denial only seconds later while hearing sungchan chuckle deeply at you. he thought your begging, paired with your tears and involuntary tremble of your lips, was the cutest thing in the whole world.

"awh, is my baby getting aggravated? he probably wants to cum so bad..." he coo's in the second person, gently kissing your face before licking up the trail of a fallen tear. he groans at how your ass clenches on his throbbing cock inside of you. "shit, why did you have to go and make me punish you, prince? i could be fucking you senseless right now. isn't that what you want?"

you choke out another sob while nodding your head desperately, clinging to his broad naked shoulders whose grooves make your mind bleary.

"are you gonna be good for me from now on?" he taunts, raising an eyebrow as he reaches between your bodies to start stroking your desperate cock again.

"y-yes! fuck, yes, sungchan. i promise."

"and no more letting other people flirt with you? you know they could never make you feel the way i do." he smirks, cooing once more when you nod and lean up to kiss him again.

sungchan pushes his tongue into your mouth, purposefully muffling your high pitched moans when he starts thrusting inside of you.

he's huge, just like the rest of his body, and he always managed to snatch the breath from your lungs whenever you feel his cock beginning to bulge in your stomach from the power of his hips.

your thighs clamp around his slightly sweaty torso, pulling his body closer to yours for him to reach even deeper. your breathless groans flurried into the air as sungchan return to sucking on your sore adams apple, intentionally making sure you felt the ridges of his abs gliding along your cock.

with needy hands roaming mindlessly from his back, to his biceps, up to his neck, you felt your climax rapidly approaching for the umpteens time that hour - you choked out his name while tangling a hand in his shaggy hair.

"i fucking love you, y/n." sungchan all but growled, earning his length another clench from your ass. "you'll always be mine, right? my good boy."

"yes, yes i love you so much." you whimpered. "i- i love you, i love your cock, and the way you make me feel. i'm yours. forever, channie."

your mindless babbling was all it took, the bands in both of your stomachs snapping. you shared a loud, guttural moan in unison as you came at the same time. the sweet rush of finally being allowed to release made your spine tremble, and you swore you saw a firework of stars behind the eyelids you squeezed shut. you shook as your arousal shot up onto sungchan's chest, while he shamelessly emptied out his inside of you.

"oh my god, thank you." you whined repeatedly as your boyfriend's hips began to slow, carefully landing the both of you back to stability.

his large frame eased on to your sweaty one, but you didn't mind at all. you could only feel euphoria in your veins, grateful that sungchan decided to stay sheathed inside you for a little bit despite his cock beginning to soften.

this was everything you'd ever wanted - the feeling of him inside of you with his supple lips kissing the sides of your face, whispering the sweetest of praises.

"always mine." sungchan mumbled one last time, before you both began drifting to sleep.

© 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐣𝐧𝐬 — all rights reserved

[01zfull]

failed attempts . . . ot7 riize x fem!reader / m-dni / (some) fluff & suggestive (implying that it will lead to that) / established relationship / not proofread

some of the moments whether innocent or mundane, escalating into something more all because neither of you could keep it in your pants

shotaro ☆ “you’re so tense love.” he says, massaging your back. your face is planted in between your pillows muffling your small groans and grunts every time he hits the good spots. he’d stretch your skin, hands doing long, smooth motions on your back applying pressure when you tell him “right there!” it was supposed to be innocent but everything reminded him of something else, he just couldn’t help it. and he’s trying his best to help you out when you asked him if he could massage your back cause you’ve been sat by your desk the whole day. yet the the twitching in between his legs are making it hard to apply pressure when he no longer wants his hands to do the work. almost mindlessly letting his fingers trail along your back and you’d shiver under his touch. from that alone, you already knew what he wanted. you turn around to face him, already seeing the bulge form in his shorts that he’s trying to hide. you kiss his cheek and pull him towards the bed. straddling his lap and tell him, “thanks taro, i’ll take it from here.” before fully taking off your shirt.

eunseok ☆ you wake up to an empty spot on your bed. only to be replaced by a ray from the sunlight that entered from the small exposed part of your window. you walk down the stairs and get a whiff of fresh bacon and eggs by the kitchen. you yawn, stretching your arms while walking towards your boyfriend who cooked diligently. he smiles when he feels you hug him from behind. “good morning baby.” he says, still paying attention to the sizzling pan in front of him. you let him go before sitting by the counter behind him. legs dangling while you watched him finish your breakfast. leaning against your hands as your try to stay awake. you blinked several times, listening to your boyfriend hum a song and the hot oil popping softly, only to be brought back when your boyfriend’s hand is on your bare thighs. “now this is too much even for me.” he says. and when you realize that you’re only wearing his shirt and your panties, you could only chuckle. “can breakfast wait later baby?” he asks you, already knelt down and kissing along your inner thighs.

sungchan ☆ his arms are wrapped around you while you watched a movie at the couch of your living room. it was a horror movie too, and you’d always cling to him when a jump scare shows up. sungchan would laugh at you but silently relishes when you’re hugging him so tightly. you’re trying your best to pay attention to the whole movie, yet at the 30 minute mark his hand ‘accidentally’ slips in between your thighs. strong long fingers forming a v to spread them out. if you had a penny for every movie you started but not knowing the ending to because you watched it with your boyfriend, you’d be eating in fine dining for dinner every weekend. your pitiful attempts of pushing him away and ignoring him was put in vain because with a boyfriend like sungchan, no one would blame you for giving in. “but i wanted to watch this movie.” you whine. he’d pull you on his lap and you’re sulking further onto him. sungchan chuckles before kissing your cheek, “don’t worry baby i’ll give you something better thing to scream for.”

wonbin ☆ he comes home late at night to find you sleeping on your shared bed. you wake up the moment you felt a dip at your side. you smile at him before you rest your head on wonbin’s chest, and he wraps his arm around you. as you try to doze off again, you could feel him soothe you. tucking away pieces of your hair so he can see your sleeping face. it’s his favorite, to see you so comfortable and rested, couldn’t help himself give you a small peck on your lips before he drifts of to sleep himself. when morning came you both decided to sleep in, taking both your day offs with as much rest as you both would like. not until you’re woken up with dark button eyes staring at you. “w-wonbin?” you’d say, slightly startled, blinking slowly to make sure you were actually awake and that it wasn’t a dream. wonbin doesn’t say anything, only pulling you closer and you already knew what he wanted when you felt something poke the side of your leg. i guess sleeping in would have to be moved back to your next day off together as you’re already pushing him back on the bed, positioning in between his legs.

seunghan ☆ you invited him over to study, and hopefully just to study. you had exams coming up this week but you think another day without your boyfriend would get you to collapse and finally give up. it’s been a week and a half since you’ve last seen him. which is you needed him so badly or else you’ll actually go insane, just his presence, nothing more. you already knew it’s going to be a bad idea because you know you wouldn’t actually get worked done when he’s there—hence the week and a half separation arrangement—but the moment you texted him he’s there 10 minutes later with flowers and a card that says ‘good luck!’ he insisted though, since he missed you so much that you sit on his lap. and he’d give you that face you can’t refuse, which what’s exactly happening as you’re both seated by your desk. you’re trying to answer your practice quiz while browsing at your laptop for notes—and he did his best to stay quiet to not disturb you. but the very second you felt something poke you underneath, you already know your study session’s over. “god hani! really?!” you drop your pencil, whipping your head around to glare at him. he’d chuckle while oulling you in for a hug. “i can’t help that you’re so sexy when you’re this focused baby.”

sohee ☆ sometimes you and sohee would disagree. and while rare, sometimes you and sohee would argue when you disagree. but this time you really didn’t want to argue and talk back, yet sohee is just really irritated at the time and is adamant on expressing his frustration. sohee didn’t shout, didn’t scream. only spoke in a firm tone with a mean stare. so you’re quiet, sat on the edge of the bed while he walked back and forth while he said that you, “are being too unfair.” because you were giving him attitude so early in the morning till now because he wasn’t able to properly pack the left over dishes in the fridge. it’s funny how you’re both arguing like a married couple, but what’s not funny was the ants on the kitchen counter. it was a tough week, the both of you were extremely tired and busy. you’ve said your piece and he’s almost done, ready to apologize. but in all honesty, you could no longer care about the argument, only focused on watching how his mouth move with every syllable, and how he licked or bit his lip when he took some time to think, or how he clenched his jaw when he’s getting irritated some more. maybe it’d be better if he used it on something else, is what you think. sohee definitely noticed that you’re no longer paying attention to him. you’re easiest to read when you’re wanting something—especially when you’re wanting him. you’re only brought back to your daydreaming-like state the moment he’s pining you against the mattress. “so this is how you want to make up baby? you should’ve said it sooner.”

anton ☆ he wanted to take polaroid photos of you one for his wallet, one for his phone, and the rest for his own personal benefit. from the front of the gates of your shared apartment, to your kitchen, till he’s snapping photos of you on the bed. letting the photos fall down as it developed on the mattress to to take another. since he’ll be out of the country for a few months he so badly needed these physical photos because it’ll actually feel like you’re there and not just a screen (and he wonders why you’re so obsessed with his photocards). it was so cute of him to ask you to pose around the house like his own supermodel. “you’re perfect baby, so pretty just for me.” but when you decided to tease him, moving the camera down to your shorts that you’re slowly pulling off. the quick click of the camera goes off and he finds himself struggling to breathe. and he’d take more and more pictures that reveal more and more of you. the hem of your panties, your shirt riding up to expose your stomach, or your pretty face that’s sucking on his fingers. soon the camera’s on your desk, no longer being used since he now had other plans to make sure he doesn’t miss you too much.

note . . . i did my best to make them shorter this time >< i failed (haha) i beg you guys to send me some riize hc suggestions pretty please ! also here’s a little post since i’ve been inactive >< still working on my anton & sungchan wips

© hyuckfull ❥ do not repost/translate/modify/copy and recommend my work outside this site! reblogs and comments are appreciated!

[melobin]

behind the screen 𐙚 sungchan smau. #6

✧ camgirl reader x roommate sungchan

✧ synopsis. in which sungchan discovers his favorite camgirl also happens to be his roommate

✧ wc. 2.2k

✧ chapter warnings. written chapter. smut, female and male masturbation, live streaming masturbation, use of sex toy (dildo), overstimulation, sungchan is a perv wreck.

✧ a/n. i tried something a little different !! this chapter is half writing in third person for plot reasons as sungchan doesn’t know merci’s identity !!

behind the screen masterlist

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“hello!” your voice was soft as it rang out around your bedroom, the mic you had set up next to your laptop picking up your tone “i’ve missed you all so much” flattery, it always makes them feel important. you watched as the viewer count of the stream slowly rose, more people joining as you settled on your bed, your mask already covering your face.

you sat on your knees, your leverage popped out of your chest because of the tight bra you had picked and your panties were basically not existent, your viewers knew they were in for a treat tonight. one viewer in particular, sungchan, was already losing his mind.

he moved so quickly when he checked the time and saw merci were about to start streaming, instantly closing whatever game he had open on his pc and typing up her web address immediately. sungchan hated missing merci’s streams, everything about her was so perfect that sungchan wanted to savour every second he got looking at merci.

if only he knew merci was only a wall away from him, how she was actually you, his sweet, innocent roommate who never seemed to bother him during this time. any other night you’d be in and out of eachothers room, talking about your day, eating together, yet tuesdays seemed to be explicitly off limits for both of you, an unspoken agreement formed as neither of you asked the other why you were so busy.

sungchan struggled to say no to any of your wishes, so he was grateful that your schedules somehow collided and you always left each other be during merci’s streams. despite the inner war he would have with himself if you needed something from him during one of her streams, he’d stop watching in order to help you.

a giggle brought sungchan back to earth as he admired the sight of merci, his cock already straining in his sweats, his shirt being pulled over his head due to the heat he was already feeling. his headphones sat on his head, he always had them on and turned onto the max volume, never wanting to miss a single sound that left her sweet lips. sure, sungchan didn’t know what she looked like but he knew she was gorgeous, there was no way she wasn’t.

“i don’t want to tease too much tonight, i’ve been stressed at work and” merci let her fingers trail down her stomach, the tips of them brushing over her covered clit, she gasped softly “i need a release so bad”

sungchan felt his cock throb at the sight of her playing with the thin material of her panties, it only took him a few seconds before he caved and pushed his sweatpants down slightly, his cock already leaking slightly as the cool air hit it. he was embarrassed at how easily worked up he got when it came to merci, his cock throbbed in his hand just at the thought of having her near him.

he loved merci’s streams, he always came before she did so he always ended up overstimulating himself, not being able to stop himself from fucking his hand as he watched her. she were like a drug to him, an addiction that he couldn’t shift and he didn’t even know her. sungchan was pretty sure he was insane because of that.

sungchans hand held the base of his cock as he watched her, merci’s fingers gently pushed aside her panties and he had to stop himself from groaning just at the sight of her glistening cunt. his mouth watered, his hand began to move on his cock slowly. his lack of self control almost astounded him.

on the other side of the wall you sat there, your legs spread in front of your laptop and your fingers pushing into your sickened slit. you loved nights like this, nights where your need took over and you let your desperation take control. you knew your viewers would love it too, the donation number already increasing rapidly. yet you knew where the majority of that money was coming from.

“i’ve taken a toy out tonight” you reached for the clear dildo that was next to you, fingers lightly toying with your clit as you showed it to the camera “i wanted to really enjoy myself tonight, i think i deserve it, don’t you?” a whine fell from you as you spoke, your fingers moving with ease against your slick clit.

sungchan wanted to scream at his computer that merci deserved to feel good and even more, he wanted to give her the world one orgasm at a time. lord if eunseok could hear his thoughts he’d never hear the end of it. instead of screaming he done something he hadn’t done before, he let go of his cock so he could type in the chat, all whilst making a mental note to clean his keyboard later.

he knew the stream chat was always on slow mode, merci liked seeing what people had to say to her instead of it being just a spam that went by too quickly. sungchan knew she’d probably see his comment, he hoped deep down she’d recognise his name and remember who he was, even if he was going to be known as the loser from twitter to her.

channie: you do.

his eyes scanned the other comments that sandwiched his.

hani: i’d give you everything and more.

sungchan wanted to reply to him and tell him to fuck off and get his own line before realising he had only said that in his head. his eyes flicked from the chat to merci, the dildo she had in her hand was now being pressed against her clit as she spoke.

“you’re all so sweet” her voice echoed through sungchan’s headphones, a sultry tone filled his ears “turns me on even more” she sighed at the end of her words, the dildo in her hand being dragged down her slit before she left the tip pressing against her entrance. sungchan’s mouth watered as he watched her, his hand dragging along his slick cock as his precum smeared itself over it. he waited in suspense for her to push the toy inside of herself, waited impatiently to hear the broken moan she always lets out when she issues something like that. it was a moan that ruined sungchan inside and out, he knew his cock could make her moan louder, the toy on her hand barely compared to the size of his cock.

sungchan almost jumped when he heard a whimper fall from merci, his hand squeezed his cock as he watched her cunt swallow the toy whole and heard her moan as she took it. the scene was beautiful, she had a hand behind her pressed against the bed holding her weight up, her legs spread and her other hand dragging the toy in and out of herself. sure, maybe some of her moans were slightly over dramatic but that didn’t matter to sungchan, she still sounded like an angel reincarnated.

he would’ve given anything to be with her in that moment, thrusting her toy in and out of her teasingly, making sure every ridge of it pressed against her tight walls. sungchan never was one to beg but he would’ve begged for her to sit on his face just so he could get a taste of what she was made of.

the sight of her made him weak, the way the toy seemed to slide in and out of her with ease, nothing blocked it as her slick cunt swallowed it with each thrust forward, her speed increasing over time due to her neediness. squelching could be heard from her as she moaned. sungchan knew the chat would be going crazy over her, of course they would be, he wished he could be too but he didn’t have the self control to take his hand off of his cock, the pleasure from him jerking off made him dizzy as he watched her. sungchan just knows he could fuck her so well.

sungchan groaned as he watched he withdraw the toy from her cunt, the slick that coated it glistened under the light of her room. he found himself invested, cock throbbing in his hand as he watched her. despite not seeing her face, he could see the way she dragged her finger along the side of the toy and put it in her mouth, she whimpered as she did and sungchan was sure in that moment he had never felt so jealous in his life. he knew she tasted sweet, something along the lines of strawberries mixed with soemthing utterly sinful.

“tastes so sweet” she whimpered and sungchan almost came at the sound, he wanted her bad. he wanted to stop jerking off whilst she had stopped, but he physically couldn’t, just watching her body shake and her pussy glisten made him desperate to cum. it was only a matter of seconds before he was spilling all over his hand, biting his lip as he felt his cum leak down his abs. it didn’t stop him though, his hand still worked his cock as he watched her.

he focused as she picked up something from beside her, placing it flat on the bed before she stuck the suctioned part of the dildo onto the reflective surface and turned around. his cock felt sore in his hand as he continued to pump it, his whole body twitching as he watched so easily she sank down onto the toy before she leaned forward, her ass was on display as he pussy began to swallow the toy again, she moved so well on it, it was all so disgustingly arousing. he was sure he could see the way she gripped the toy with her cunt, the tight squeeze the toy must have been feeling made him squeeze his cock in order to try and replicate the feeling, he groaned when he realised it wouldn’t feel even half as good as she would.

he watched as he bent herself forward, he could barely see the way she gripped the sheets and whined into them, her hips not moving as he bounced herself onto her toy. it all got overwhelming for sungchan the moment she reached back to part the lips of her pussy and hold her underwear further to the side, giving the camera a clear view of just how easily she took the toy. sungchan was sure he was going to cum again, the overstimulation he was giving himself had his toes curling and his body squirming slightly, it took everything in him to not whimper and alarm you who he assumed was just laying in bed in the next room to him.

he thought about how embarrassing it would be to have you catch him jerking off messily to some camgirl he found online, he also thought about what would happen if you liked her too, maybe you also secretly watched her and touched yourself to her streams, he was quick to shake the thought out of his head, cum beginning to spill over his hand once again as he focused back on merci. her hands dropped from her skin and instead her fingers reached under her so she could rub at her clit, she was getting close and sungchan was glad. he needed to watch her cum but he wasn’t sure how many more orgasms he could get out of himself, two was far from his limit but his body felt weak, drained, he felt dirty as his cum stained his abs but he loved it.

“i’m so close” he heard her whine, fingers not stopping on her clit as she fucked herself onto her toy, her mattress creaked lightly under her and for a moment he wondered if her roommate knew about what she done, were they okay with it? were they a man? did they secretly watch her? did they even know? all of the questions were cleared from his head when he squeezed his cock, his cum barely seeping out of the tip as he watched her cum around her toy. her thighs shook, fingers of her free hand dug into her bed sheets, toy having white forming on it as her cum coated it. he wasn’t sure how fucked up he was over merci but he would’ve happily taken the toy into his mouth just to suck her cum off of it.

sungchan sighed as his hand released his sore cock, it fell against his wet stomach as he leaned back in his chair. merci lifted herself from her toy with a whimper before she turned around, her demeanour softer and weaker than before as he began to say her goodbyes to the camera, giggling and thanking everyone for joining before turning off her steam.

sungchan laid his headphones on his desk as he took time to recover, only being brought out of his trance when his phone dinged. when he checked it he saw it was a message from you. he panicked slightly, seeing you ask him if he wanted to join you to watch a movie. he promised he would, telling you he had to shower quickly and then he’d be in only for you to tell him you had to as well. it was just antoher tuesday night where sungchan was glad you never asked any questions.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

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[evnseokz]

{ ☆ just the tip ~ j.sc }

pairing: bf! sungchan x f. reader

contents: soft dom! sungchan, inexperienced! reader, clothed sex, messy dry humping (there’s nothing dry ab this), i literally dk how to describe this, dirty talk, praise, pet names: baby, princess, darling, corruption kink if u squint, hopefully that covers it!

based off of this twitter link

an: saw that vid on twt and immediately thought of sungchan, wc 680

MINORS DNI

this isn’t how you pictured tonight going when you pranced around the house in nothing but your boyfriend's shirt, but the moment sungchan saw you, he couldn’t control himself. you drove him crazy.

sungchan was always gentle with you, knowing you weren’t as experienced as him, and tonight was no different. he didn't want to push you further than you were willing to go, so when he offered to make you feel good a different way, you shyly obliged. “w-will you feel good too?” you ask innocently. sungchan cradles your head in his large hand, smiling at you fondly. “yes, baby, i'll feel good too.”

that is how you ended up in your current position: you were laid on your back, sungchan hovering over you, and you're completely bare except for your lower half, which is covered only by your light pink panties. your pussy puffy and throbbing against the head of your boyfriend's cock as he uses you like a toy.

“fuck, you’re soaking wet for me, baby,” sungchan curses from above you, his thick cock rubbing harshly against your soaked panties, his tip prodding at your entrance over and over again as you moan his name. “channie! feels so good,” drool pools at the corner of your mouth as your muscles tense from the pleasure you’re feeling. his large hands hold your thighs open, rutting desperately between your folds as low grunts fall from his lips.

“you look so beautiful like this,” sungchan purred, leaning down to your ear as he feathered light kisses on the skin around it. you sigh in response, your legs threatening to close around his waist. you jaw falls slack as he pushes his tip into your sopping, covered hole at an unbearable pace, stretching you more and more with each thrust. the only thing separating his thick cock from your tight hole being the material of your thin panties.

his arms suddenly snake around your waist, flipping you over and positioning your hips in the air. you moan at the sudden change in position, his cock now rubbing desperately between your plump ass cheeks, his balls hitting your swollen pussy with every thrust. “f-feels- hah! -good!” you moan, all of your noises going straight to sungchans cock as his fingers grip your hips, moving your body in sync with his.

your face rubs against the mattress as he rocks back and forth against you, tears threatening to pool at the corners of your eyes. your stomach begins to tighten and your muscles tense. your head beginning to spin as he drives you closer to the edge. sungchan is right behind you, grunting lowly as he holds his cock steady against your ass. “f-fuck im close, princess,” he bites out, thrusts becoming sloppy as he feels his high approaching. you’re both holding on by a thread at this point, bodies desperately rutting against each other, your wetness dripping down your thighs as sungchans precum smears all over your panties.

“ah-ah!” you cry out; your legs become tingly as the pleasure you’re feeling suddenly heightens. “let go for me, baby,” sungchan coos, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead as he keeps a steady, yet unkempt pace against your ass, trying to hold out for you to cum first. before you grasp what’s happening, your legs buckle beneath you, sungchans hands keeping you in place as he continues to rub against you, chasing his own high.

he’s not far behind you, letting out a loud groan as thick white ropes spurt from his cock, painting your panties and ass cheeks with his seed. his eyes are screwed shut as he empties his cock, not stopping until he’s completely emptied out.

he flips you back over, collapsing next to you, his arms wrapped firmly around your waist as his eyes scan your face. his proud, predatory gaze on you, his lips curling into a smirk, "you--" he swipes a finger over your lips, "are such a pretty mess for me, darling."

…

..

.

[strawbrryvyy]

Hi Ivy!

Since you wrote about Riize's ideal type, it would be cool if you did one about whether they prefer a sexy vs. cute/aegyo person! Also, how they would react to their partner/crush doing aegyo lol. The boys are always doing it in their content, so I imagine at some point their s/o would do it too (maybe as a punishment for some game or to get something).

Also, your writing and aesthetic are so cute 😭😭😭❤️

Sexy vs cute s/o

pairing-ot7!riize x reader

tw-use of“girl” in some, use of “slut” “whore” (non offensive)

a/n-HI LOVELYYY!!!thankyou so much for requesting and thankyou for liking my aesthetic and writing!i hope this meets up to your expectations, and please the rest OF YOU DO NOT HESITATE TO SEND REQUESTS!!!

Osaki Shotaro

Okay, I feel like Shotaro would love someone who's cute, like he loves when the person is sexy, but I can just imagine Shotaro getting so giggly when you need his help doing something and you're just pouting and trying to get him to do it for you! But I feel like he'd prefer someone who's naturally cute over someone who's giving him siren eyes every time they see him, you know! And when he sees you doing aegyo, poor baby would COMBUST; he'd get so blushy and giggly and OMG!

Song Eunseok

Now I said it before, Eunseok would prefer a baddie! not that a cute girl can't be one (no one come at me! I'm a cute girl myself, and I feel like this is mostly because I don't know why, but this man just looks to me as if he's waiting for a girl to walk up and pop her tits out at him, and I see someone believes they're really sexy to do that! Now if his sexy s/o decided to do aegyo, this is most DEFINITELY because of a bet they lost, and Eunseok would CACKLE, with a cutesy giggle like Shotaro but with an evil witch cackle, before running his hands down their face and telling them that it's enough.

Jung Sungchan

This man, like I said, he LOVES cutesy innocent girls that he can take care of as your big, manly boyfriend, meaning he'd live for you pouting and batting your long lashes, asking him to reach your matching frog cups on the top shelf. The smug expression on his face as you do aegyo is one that can't be wiped off even hours later as you're lying in bed, the moment replaying in his head as he smiles into your hair.

Park Wonbin

Ok, so Wonbin would want someone more sexy, as he'd love to have a girl who can use her looks to lure him in like the whore HE is. I feel like you guys would do aegyo to make each other cringe, you know. If his s/o decided to aegyo randomly, especially if they weren't the type to, he would stare at them in silence before bursting out and laughing and pointing at them! He also mocked them like he did at that one fan meet where he shook his hand to show the fans how he saw them, kinda!

Hong Seunghan

Seunghan, I feel like you would like someone who's a mix of both sexy and cute, like Slut Saturdays (respectfully) and cute Sundays!! You know, I feel like that would be the vibe he'd enjoy. He'd start cooing at his significant other if they did aegyo about how sweet and adorable they looked before picking them up and trailing sweet kisses on their cheeks, noses, foreheads, anywhere he could!

Lee Sohee

He'd want someone cute for sure! He's cute, so he'd love someone who could match him (or his freak). He'd love someone who wore cutesy anime merch as well, like maybe a cute JJK hoodie or carried around anime merch! If his significant other did aegyo for any reason, I can see him become a blushy mess like Shotaro, and I feel like he'd stutter through complimenting them as he could feel his cheeks burn up!

Anton Lee

Okay, now I don't know why I feel like Anton would prefer someone cute! He'd love someone cute, who's smaller than him and always making cute expressions that come naturally to them! someone who just yawns, and it seems they're doing aegyo, but they're just moving their face. Now if his s/o is doing it on purpose, then I feel like he'd turn as red as a rose before hiding his face into your chest and muttering the words, “You're so cute, pretty…” over and over again like a mantra that's just replaying in his thoughts.

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*''*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

[muntitled]

hii! can i please request smothering riize with hugs after they've had a long day? no pressure, tysm! (ps you're so pretty)

Thank you, darling

𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 | 𝐑𝐢𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐄𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Pairings: ot7 x fem!reader

Cw: Tooth rotting absolutely sickening relationship Fluff, Suggestive content

A/n: I hardly ever do this, but I couldn't ignore how cute this request was. I don't even know if I can write Fluff, cause I'm always writing trauma based nonsense, but I love Riize so let's see...

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

─── ⋆⋅ Shotaro

Affection is an abundant asset in your relationship, something I imagine you both reciprocating so seamlessly, whether in the presence of outsiders or not. Dawn could be bleeding into an early evening when your tired, overworked boyfriend finds himself ambling his way back home. Sporting a slightly worn version of the perpetual smile he always wore on his face when he drearily pushes in the password sequence for the door lock. Despite how utterly defeated his muscles feel from the strenuous amount of dancing he’s pushed himself through, Shotaro still finds his face muscles widening into an even bigger smile when you’re standing in the middle of the hall waiting for him on the other side.

“Stalker much?” He mumbles despite the smile blossoming onto his face. You roll your eyes but open your arms nonetheless, watching in amusement as Shotaro quickly kicks off his shoes to ram himself into your arms. His face is buried in between your neck and shoulders despite the height difference, and he exhales loudly when he feels your arms enclose around his back. You would stay in this position however long Shotaro felt was necessary because if you dare try to pull away first, you'd probably have to deal with a series of whining and ‘Do I smell that bad?’ Or

‘If you hate me, just say that’’

He would, in fact, pout up a storm, so please just leave him be, thanks.

─── ⋆⋅ Eunseok

By and large, not an affectionate person in the slightest, but you are… so he physically and quite frankly just had to just deal with it. Whenever the sudden urge to just feel him in your arms would ween its way into your heart, you’d go find him purely to satiate this desire.

He’d see you coming, jokingly swerving past your open arms, as he made his to your bedroom. He would eventually let you catch him and tackle him in a swarm of warmth and love.

His body is as rigid as an arrow.

"You're leeching," he'd deadpan, but you never moved away from him, choosing instead to wrap your legs around his torso, burying your face into the hard outlines of his chest.

"Yeah, well, you'd just have to deal with it or shoot me,"

"I don't have a gun on me," he'd mumble, and despite it all, you'd eventually feel his hand coming up behind you, fingers rubbing up and down your back in a Featherlite touch.

─── ⋆⋅ Sungchan

Would turn any innocent display of affection, like you simply wanting to wrap him up in a hug, into something less than innocent.

You would, simply and succinctly, feel the need to press up against him in a line at the grocery shop. While you both waited for the line to progress, you would hook your arms around his. Because of yet another ungodly height difference, you’re resting your head against his torso, immediately rousing him from whatever thoughts were turning the cogs in his head.

He’d gently rest his hand on your side, rubbing dizzying circles until his hand swiped lower than it was supposed to, immediately causing you to push off him with a smack and a scoff.

“This is why we can’t have nice things,” You’d mumble unimpressed.

“You’re so sexy when you’re mad at me,” He’d mumble, looking down at you with hooded eyes.

‘Don’t piss me off’ is a near constant phrase in your relationship.

─── ⋆⋅ Wonbin

He's almost always doing absolutely nothing when the sudden urge to envelop him in your arm strikes out of nowhere. You could both be reclined comfortably on the couch, heavily invested some over produced Hollywood nonsense before your attention turns to your boyfriend, munching idly on his popcorn while his eyes stay glued om the TV in front of him. His hair tucked under a beanie while the rest of his clad in comfortable oversized clothes.

You'd quite literally lunge at him in a moment of weakness, arms encircling around his head as you pull the beanie off and pull him tightly.

“Can I never have peace in your presence?” He'd ask in his incredibly soft voice before relaxing in your hold, letting himself sink on top of you with his head buried in your chest.

“You say that, but I know your ass loves it-”

“I love your boobs,” he'd mumble before placing a kiss on your chest.

“This is a shit movie,” you'd mumble back, “I hope you know that,”

“Shush,” He'd silence you by placing a finger on your lips. “Keep doing that.” He says, and you stroke his head idly as he resumes watching his bad movie.

─── ⋆⋅ Seunghan

Another one who'd turn an innocent hug into something completely uncalled for. He'd motion for you to join him on the couch with like a flick of his head while he's playing video games, and you'd plop down beside him. Without peeling his eye away from his game, he'd snidely inform you that, “I don't have rabies,”

You'd smile mumbling your little, “I know,”

He'd peer intermittently at you, voice monotonous as he says, “Then why are you over there?”

You'd almost immediately shuffle onto his lap and he'd recline backwards, giving you more space to wrap your arms around him and bury your face into the crook of his neck.

“Focus on your game,” you'd chide lightly when you feel him readjusting himself underneath you.

“Fuck the game.”

─── ⋆⋅ Sohee

It would be weird if he didn't find himself locked in your hold whenever you were in the same vicinity as you. Sohee was like a mother to a flame whenever you two were around each other. This is but a known fact to acquaintances and his members alike. If you stopped by to watch a snippet of his sance practice, his smile would brighten at the sight of you. Alert the nearest member to your presence as if they didn't have eyes themselves. He would quite literally be jumping on the balls of his heels in anticipation for the next break. You'd watch him from the sidelines with a small smile and a wave, which he returns enthusiastically. Once break his call, Sohee makes a direct beeline towards you, and you unconsciously open your arms, allowing him to walk right into them. His front pressed to yours as he mumbled incoherently about his day.

“You smell so good-” he'd ignore the snickers of his fruends behind him, all watching this public display of affection with immense amusement.

“They're just jealous,” he'd say and you'd nod in encouragement, kissing the tip of his nose in agreement.

─── ⋆⋅ Anton

He may not be the first to initiate the affection, but he would never, ever push you away. It could be the dead of night when you find your boyfriend working very meticulously on his laptop.

Mixing and mastering various beats and melodies with his eyebrows scrunched in absolute concentration. You’d gradually make your way into the room, eyes glimmering with intention as you wrap your arms around him from behind.

“Woah,” He'd say softly, “Hi.”

Bending down to splay gentle kisses on his cheek. A cheek that steadily grows warmer, the longer your lips drag across his soft skin.

“What're you busy with, Big boy?” He'd try valiantly, to stave off the heat of arousal that tightens his lower abdomen, clearing his throat lightly.

“O-Oh well, I'm just finishing up this demo,” he hates the way his voice stutters unnaturally just the sheer proximity of you. “I don't even know if this'll make it onto the album- ah jeez,” he squeezes his eyes shut because your lips are brushing against the underside of his ear now. Your arms are wrapped warmly around him from behind and he's in complete heaven.

“I'm trying to splice this beat into something that sounds less like a Brickwall filter and more of something actually listenable,” he snorts lightly through his nose.

“I don't know what any of those words mean, Ant,” mumble into his neck.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

[jenoroyals]

Monster In Hiding - Lee Jeno

pairing : jeno x fem!reader

synopsis : Growing up as an only child, you never shared your toys and always got what you want. This time, the toy that you don't want to share is Lee Jeno.

word count : 6.8K words

content/warnings : stalker au!, drugging, drinking, obsessive beahvoir, cursing, sexual content, fliming sexual activities, etc.

featuring : chaewon (leseraffim), sungchan (riize), giselle (aespa), karina (aespa), haechan (nct), jaemin (nct), mark (nct), namjoon (bts)

You stared at him from a distance. The way his hair fell perfectly into place, the way his lips curled up halfway to form a smirk while talking to his friends, the way his big hands wrapped around the glass containing some type of champagne. 

“Yn.” Giselle snaps you from your daze. 

“What?” You softly mutter and turn towards her. 

“I said your parents are walking over here.” She repeats and nudges her head in the direction of your parents. 

“Sweetie.” Your father says while stopping just behind your chair. 

“Yes, dad?” You ask with a fake innocent smile plastered. 

“It’s almost time to go up on stage, come on.” Your mother says while grabbing your arm to help pull you up. 

Your father inherited Starlight, a business that your ancestors started up, after your grandfather died last year. Right now, your family is considered one of the wealthiest families worldwide, which leads to lots of business parties every week. 

This time however, your father was announcing his new business partner, Lee Ji-hun. He was the owner and CEO of Tradezen, a wholesale business. 

You sweetly smile at your parents before following them to the stage. As you stood there, you ran your hands down the sides of your red skin tight dress and flashed a smile through your pearly white teeth. Your eyes go straight towards his direction. 

He was sitting with his friends, laughing about something one of them said. Your father began his speech, going on and on about things that you couldn’t care less about. It wasn’t until he called Mr. Lee over when you started paying attention to his speech. 

“Starlight’s newest partner, Tradezen! Mr. Lee, please, come up here and introduce yourself. You bit back a smile watching him slowly walk on the stage. You gently held your hand out to shake his with a big smile on your face. 

“Thank you for the introduction, Mr. Ln. Hello, everyone. As you know this will be my last project before my son, Jeno, takes over as the official CEO of Tradezen. I’m so honored to be able to partner up with Starlight and Mr. Ln. Enjoy yourselves!” Mr. Lee says and raises his glass coins everyone to as well before taking a sip. 

After finishing, you walked back over to your table with your friends. You quickly sneaked a glance over to him but he was nowhere to be found. Pouting, you sat down with your friends who noticed the look on your face. 

“What’s wrong Yn?” Sungchan asks worriedly but you wave him off with a smile. 

“My feet just hurt from the heels, nothing to worry about.” You say with a smile prompting Sungchan to return to his conversation with Chaewon. 

As the night went on, you grew more and more disappointed when he was nowhere in sight. Having enough, you bid farewell to your friends before walking out and into the limo with your “driver,” Kim Namjoon. 

As soon as you sit down in the limo, he hands you several photographs. You take it from him with a smile before observing the photo. The first one shows him and an unknown girl, her pack pressed against the wall while his arms wrapped around her frame, their lips connected. 

You scoff amusingly before looking at the next photo. The girl, whom you recognize as Karina, gets into his limo while he holds the door open for her. Smiling, you look at the last photo. Their hands were interlocked as they walked into one of the hotels that his father owns. 

Letting out an amused chuckle, you hand the photographs back to Namjoon. However, you keep the one where they’re kissing in your hands while gently running your finger over his face in the photograph. 

“Let’s go, Joonie.” You say sweetly, looking out the window. 

“Yes, ma’am.” He replies and starts to drive off to your family mansion. 

-

Arriving at the mansion, Namjoon gets out first before opening the door and holding out his arm for you to take. Your hand goes to wrap around his arm before stepping out and inside the mansion. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Joonie. Tell my parents I’m sleeping if they ask for me.” You say and he gently nods at you with a wink before you walk into the secret room that you had built when your parents were in Hong Kong. 

You grab the key from around your neck and gently shove it into the door knob before opening it and locking it after. Walking closer to the board, you turn the switch on. The small room is adorned with white walls with nothing but a board, a table, and a chair.

Jeno’s face front and center in the middle of the board. You smile, observing the board. Different photos and articles of him decorate the board with comments in your own handwriting. 

You’ve always had a crazy attraction towards the said man. His dashing looks, his body that was sculpted by the gods themselves. Growing up, you always got what you wanted, and Lee Jeno was the thing you wanted right now. 

You look at the photo in your hand again before placing it on the table. Ripping a piece of tape, you stick it onto the picture before attaching it onto the board. Looking over, the lists of names catch your attention. Yeeun, Yuna, Bella, Daisy, Ning Ning, Isa, and many more. Smirking, you pull out a permanent marker from the table and start writing the name. 

In big black bold letters, ‘KARINA’ stares back up at you. You smile while looking at her name before running your pointer finger across it. Your eyes go back up to his picture in the center and gently, you caress his face. Your lipstick stain kisses all around him. 

“Soon, my love.” You say and smirk while placing a soft kiss on the picture. 

A bright red mark of your lips appears and you smile. Sitting down on the chair, you observe your masterpiece. Recalling each time you came in here and added every piece onto the board. Photos of him in the park, at his office, outside his window, and even when he’s just sitting in a cafe doing homework. 

The articles of him bringing different women home or checking into hotels with mysterious women bring your lips to a smile before you frown. Uncapping your marker, you go to write another comment. ‘Why not me?’ 

“You can’t hide from me.” You say softly to the picture before switching the light off and walking up the gigantic stairs and into your room to get ready for bed.  

-

It was a cold snowy day, but you didn’t let that stop you from wearing your shortest uniform to school. Instead, you wore black thigh high socks to help keep the breeze away. You paired your brown plaid miniskirt with a white blouse and tied a bow into the collar of it, the print matching your skirt. 

Your black uniform jacket hanging off your shoulders, not bothering to button it up. Your makeup was applied perfectly and you decided to tie a white ribbon into a bow in your hair that day. 

“Joonie, you can drop me off right here.” You say to him. 

“Yes ma’am. Have fun at school Yn.” He says sweetly and you place a quick kiss to his cheek before stepping out of the limo. 

You attended a private school for the elite families in South Korea. It was known as the “Golden Star” across all of the high schools in South Korea. Only the wealthiest families sent their students to that school, and others if they were lucky enough to get a scholarship, like Karina. 

Limos all piled up in the parking lot, dropping off their masters’ children. You knew Jeno was going to be in the front of the school, waiting for his friends. Putting a shy smile on your face, you walked a little faster hoping to “accidentally” bump into him. 

Just as your luck would have it, someone pushes you and you quickly bump into him. His arms go around your waist to help stabilize you. You tuck your chin in and smile before looking up at him. 

“I’m sorry, someone accidentally bumped into me.” You say sweetly and he softly smiles at you. 

“It’s alright.” He says, letting go of you and dropping down to his knees to pick up your notebook. 

You hold back a smirk watching him pick up your notebook while kneeling down. If only he knew what the sight in front of you was offing to you. You softly grab your notebook from him and smile sweetly again, showing off your pearly whites before bidding him farewell and walking to Sungchan and Chaewon. 

“Good morning.” You beam towards them and they flash you a smile while Chaewon comes to wrap her arms around you. 

“It’s so cold, Yn.” SHe lightly scolds and wraps her arms tighter around your figure. 

“It’s alright Chae. We’re going to be inside the whole day anyway since it’s snowing.” You say and she nods while letting go of you. 

“We still have some time before first class, should we go grab coffee from the canteen after Giselle gets here?” Sungchan suggests and you nod along with Chaewon. 

-

During lunch, you and your friends sat in the canteen while eating lunch. You were too lost in your thoughts but his name being said makes you perk up. 

“I heard Jeno fucks like an animal.” Giselle says and you look over to her. 

“How do you know?” You ask while taking a sip of your water. 

“Karina. She’s in my psych class and apparently after the party last night, she left with him.” Giselle says with a smirk and you have to bite down on your tongue to keep your mouth shut. 

���The things I’d let him do to me.” She continues with a sigh. 

“No way! Jamein is definitely more my type.” Chaewon says and looks over at him. 

His bright pink hair stood out against his friend group but all you could focus on was his best friend. His black hair was pushed up, showing off his forehead. His white button up was so tight, you could practically see his muscles bulging out, almost as if they were trying to escape from the tight material. 

“What about you Yn?” Giselle asks and you turn to look at them before smiling sweetly. 

“I don’t know, they’re all handsome.” You say and they both look at you with a raise of their eyebrows. 

“What about Haechan? Don’t you sit next to him in English Literature?” Chaewon asks while looking at him. 

You nod your head at her and go back to eating your food. Giselle’s words never leave your mind. Fucks like an animal huh? You smirk quickly thinking about it before replacing it with a smile again. The bell rings indicating that lunch is over and you go to throw your trash away. 

Bidding farewell to your friends, you walk to English Literature and already see Haechan sitting there. He smiles at you and waves. 

“Hi Yn! How’s your day so far?” He asks when you sit down next to him. 

“It’s been good Hyuck, how’s yours been?” You ask and take a piece of candy from your bag to give to him.

“It’s been good too. But, it’s a bit cold outside right? Why is your skirt so short?” He replies while unwrapping the piece of candy before shoving it into his mouth. 

You couldn’t tell him that you wore it for Jeno so you racked up your brain trying to find an excuse. Noticing your quietness, he nudges your shoulder, pushing for an answer. 

“Is it for a boy?” He asks teasingly, leaning his head onto his hand to get a good look at you. 

You shyly smile before shaking your head. 

“No it’s not. I just couldn’t find the one I normally wear.” You say and he nods his head at your answer. 

You exhale softly, proud of yourself for finding a believable lie. You take out your notebook, the same way that dropped when you bumped into Jeno, and begin to take notes as your teacher starts talking about a new topic. 

Haechan’s eyes go to your notebook and he squints them, trying to read your plans after school. Unfortunately you turn to the next page and he misses it. He groans softly before writing his own notes. 

Once the teacher was done, she gave you guys free time to work on homework due next week. Haechan turns to look at you and you turn to look at him as well. 

“Do you have any plans today?” He asks and you shake your head no. 

“Probably just going to be studying for exams.” You softly reply. 

“Oh, well if you get bored, you should come clubbing with me tonight. A bunch of my friends are going and you can bring your friends too!” Haechan says and you widen your eyes. 

Clubbing with his friends, as in clubbing with Jeno. You smile softly and turn to look over at him again. 

“I’ll text you if I come.” You say and he smirks. 

“We’re going to that new nightclub Mark’s dad opened up. It’s called DREAM.” He says and you smile at him once again. 

-

After school, you got inside the limo and saw Namjoon with a smile. 

“Where’s he going?” You ask and Namjoon secretly smiles before handing you a piece of paper. 

Opening it up, you read ‘Latte World,’ your favorite coffee shop.  Smiling, you place the piece of paper in your backpack and thank him. 

“Before I forget…” You say and pull out a band of money. 

“Here you go.” You finish and hand it to him who gently shakes his head. 

“Yn, I don’t do this for money, I do this because you’re like a sister to me.” He says. 

Namjoon has worked for your family since he was young. His father was your father’s driver and the two of them grew to be best friends. Unfortunately, his father died after a drunk driving accident. It crushed your family seeing Namjoon lose his only parent so your father took him in and gave him a job for life. 

“Just take it Joonie. You’re risking your life by following him.” You say and put the band of cash in his suit pocket before sitting back down and putting on your seatbelt. 

-

Sitting at the table near Jeno and Karina, you secretly smirk while pretending to look through your notes. Every so often, you glance up at them and see his hands pushing her hair behind her ear, or their laughter mixing together, or the way she touches his bicep. 

All of it pisses you off to the core. The jealousy in you bubbling up so high you could almost walk over there and just claim your man. He was yours and only yours. Your hands grip your skirt tightly while you clench your jaw. 

You try to focus your attention onto the papers in front of you but you can't. The emotions running too high within you. You softly clear your throat and sit up straight. Noticing that they were both too lost in their own world, you pull out your phone and snap a quick picture of him. 

After getting it, you turn down your brightness and bring your phone closer to you. His beautiful eyes that crinkle into crescent moons are what you focus on first. Smiling, you go down to his lips and zoom in. His perfect and kissable lips. They’re so pink and pretty. 

Dropping your smile. You shut off your phone and begin packing up your things. Namjoon was waiting for you in the parking lot, full intent on following Jeno when he leaves. Walking up to the black small car, you get in and Namjoon hands you a pair of sunglasses. 

“Did you put the air tag on his car?” You ask and Namjoon laughs at your question. 

“Of course I did.” He says and you laugh softly. 

“He’s not gonna know what hit him.” You say with a smirk. 

-

Another twenty minutes go by before Jeno and Karina are walking out of the coffee shop. You watch as Karina gets into an unknown car. Furrowing your eyebrows, you look at Jeno getting into his car alone. 

“Where’s he going?” You ask and Namjoon shakes his head. 

“Maybe another girl?” He suggests and you narrow your eyes at his car that starts to pull out from the parking lot. 

“Follow him.” You say and Namjoon complies. 

Following Jeno's Porsche, you try to see where he’s going but the streets are unfamiliar to you. It’s not until you see two big palm trees that you realize where he's going. 

“He better not be going to Giselle’s mansion.” You say out loud with a scowl. 

Sure enough, he parks outside her gate and waits for her to come out. Your heart was beating 1000 beats per minute, it felt like it was going to burst. You see her walk out the house in the tiniest dark blue dress you have ever seen. 

You scowl and huff out a breath of air. 

“That fuckin bitch!” You say out loud and Namjoon chuckles at your outburst. 

“Don't worry, we’ll still follow through with the plan.” He says and you nod your head at his words. 

Now you really had to go clubbing with them. You had to keep an eye out for your man. Feeling your anger rise, you text in the groupchat with Chewon and Giselels and tell them to meet up at DREAM Nightclub tonight. 

You knew that Giselle wasn't going to look at her phone while she was getting dick downed by Jeno but you wanted evidence when you came face to face with her at the club. 

-

You walked in the club hand in hand with Chaewon. You were wearing a black mini dress that showed off your curves perfectly and a pair of black strappy heels. Feeling a sense of confidence, you drag her towards Haechan who smiles brightly at you. 

“Yn! You made it!” He yells excitedly and you nod your head. 

“Of course!” You yell back and look at Giselle who's standing next to Jeno. 

Her eyes widen in surprise and she smiles awkwardly. 

“Yn! Chae! What are you guys doing here?” She asks through gritted teeth and you hold back the urge to roll your eyes. 

Faking a smile you grab her arm. “Hyuck invited me and said I could invite my friends. I texted in the group chat but you didn’t reply.” You fake a pout. 

She chuckles awkwardly. “Oh, I got busy.” She says and you nod your head at her mockingly. 

“I’m sure you were.” You say hoping it didn’t come off as condescending. 

“Drinks on me!” Mark yells and everyone cheers. 

You drop Giselle’s arm and link them with Chaewon before following Mark to drink. Namjoon poured shots for you guys and you downed it before asking for a mixed drink. He hands you your drink and you smirk at him while he does the same.

-

Throughout the night, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of your best friend and the man who you’ve been obsessed with since the beginning of time. They were dancing together, acting like no one was around. You let out another scoff and took a sip of your 4th drink that night. 

Her hips were grinding against his while her hands ran through his hair. You scowled watching them and slurped up the rest of your drink before grabbing Chaewon. 

“I don’t feel good.” You lie and she looks at you worriedly. 

“Oh no. Are you okay?” She asks while grabbing your arms. 

You shake your head no and look at her. “I think I need to go home.” You say and she nods her head. 

She interlocks her hands with yours and drags you towards Haechan to bid farewell before walking out of the nightclub. Before walking out, you give a signal to Namjoon who nods his head before going back to make drinks. She walks you to your car before opening it and helping you get inside. 

“Feel better Yn.” She says and you smile at her before she shuts the door. 

Right as the door closes you sit up and hit your hands against the leather seats. 

“I hate her! I hate her!” You scream while hitting the seats even harder. 

“She’s such a bitch. She knew what she was doing too.” You say out loud to no one in particular. 

Namjoon was still inside pretending to be a bartender. You sighed loudly and waited for him to get in the car. Pulling out your phone, you go to Instagram and see that Giselle posted a picture. You click on it and see that it's a photo of her and Jeno at the club. She was on his lap and smiling so brightly. Angrily, you throw your phone across the limo and clench the bottom of your dress. 

“All this work and effort that I put into him and he gives me nothing! Nothing!” You rant to yourself and pull at your hair softly.

Just then the car unlocks and you look out the window. Namjoon was carrying Jeno on his shoulders as he opened the trunk of the car. Smirking, you walk out of the car and pull open the trunk. Namjoon slowly lays Jeno’s unconscious body into the trunk and you smirk at him. 

Gently, you caress his cheek before placing a soft kiss on it. Your lipstick transferring onto there. 

“Sit tight, my love.” You whisper quietly before closing the truck and walking back into the limo. 

-

“Anything I can get for you sir?” Namjoon asks, looking at Jeno and Giselle. 

“Uh, just whiskey on the rocks please.” Jeno replies and he smiles at him. 

“Sure thing, son.” He says before turning around to make Jeno’s drink. 

Slowly, he pulls out the drug that he managed to get his hands on. He crushes it up silently before slipping the full tab into Jeno’s drink. He slowly stirs the drink making the drug dissolve into smaller pieces. 

Satisfied, he hands the drink to Jeno who thanks him before walking off with Giselle back to their table. Namjoon watches as Jeno slowly sips on the drink. He smirks while walking to the bathroom, changing into his suit. 

Once he finished, he noticed that Jeno was slumped over the table all alone. He scanned around the room, finding his friends on the dance floor and Giselle dancing with Mark. Smiling, he walks over to Jeno and gently lifts him. 

Thankfully the club was so dark that no one even batted an eye at him. He quickly walks through the back door and towards the limo. 

-

“Time to wake up, my love.” Jeno hears and slowly blinks his eyes open. 

He tries to move his hands but they’re tied behind his back. He groans and tries to speak but before he could, you place a piece of tape to his mouth. 

“Finally.” You say and place yourself on his lap, sitting right on his cock. 

“Do you know how long I’ve pined for you, my love?” You ask and gently caress his face in your hands. 

Jeno lets a tear slip from his eyes and you coo while wiping it. 

“Don’t cry, my love.” You say and gently continue wiping at his eyes. 

“Everything is going to be okay, I promise.” You say and his eyes narrow at yours. 

“Don't be upset, my love. I just wanted to be with you. Don’t you know that I love you?” You ask, looking at him with your doe eyes. 

“It hurt me so bad when I had to hear about other girls talking about you.” You say and trace his facial features with your finger. 

“I was thinking ‘Why not me?’ the whole time.” You get up from his lap and turn his chair around to face the board. 

You rip the list of names from the board and walk closer to him. You flip the paper around to show him and his eyes widen. 

“Yeeun. She was a bit older wasn’t she?” You ask and tilt your head to the side mockingly. 

“Next was Yuna, right? She’s pretty.” You comment walking around in a circle around him. 

As you go down the list, you make teasing remarks against each and everyone one of them. 

“And finally, Karina.” You say staring into his eyes. 

“If I recall correctly, you guys hooked up after my father’s party last week.” You finish and sit down on his lap again. 

“Was she good?” You ask and he hardens his gaze at you. 

“You don’t want to answer me? Fine.” You say and look him in the eyes. 

“She had a lot to say about you though. Said you fucked like an animal.” You confess and start grinding your hips softly against his. 

He lets out a soft groan that's muffled and you smirk before stopping. 

“Oh! It’s missing something.” You say and get off of his lap.

You grab the marker from before and look at him. “My best friend’s name.” You say and remove the cap from the marker. 

You write her name quickly before putting the cap back on the marker. You tape the piece of paper back onto the wall and turn to look at him. You smile at him and then look at the marker. Angrily, you threw the marker at him and it bounced off his chest. 

“Have fun sleeping tonight.” You say with a smirk before taking a step away from him. 

Before you could get further away from him, his hands went to your waist and pulled you down onto his lap again. 

“Jeno!” You exclaim and try to get up from him but he just smirks and holds you against him tighter. 

“You should’ve tied these better, baby. I slipped out of them 10 minutes ago.” He says and you widen your eyes. 

“Jeno let go of me!” You yell and try to push him off but he holds your hands against his chest, locking them in place. 

“What’s wrong baby? You scared? You were so confident earlier.” He teases and tilts his head to the side, mocking you. 

“Jeno.” You whine and he hums in amusement bringing his face closer to yours. 

“You really think we accidentally bumped into each other?” He asks and you furrow your brows questioningly at him. 

“Hyuck, she arrives at school at 7:15 everyday at the North entrance. I need you to bump into her so that she bumps into me.” Jeno says and Hyuck laughs. 

“Listen, I know you’re like obsessed with her but just go fuckin talk to her man. You know, like a normal human being.” Haechan says and Jeno glares at him. 

“Shut the fuck up and just do what I say.” Jeno growls before pushing Haechan away softly and walking out of his house. 

-

“Giselle huh?” Jeno asks with a smirk, looking over the file. 

“Yes. Giselle is her best friend who’s also close to Karina. Now, Karina has a big ass mouth. If you fuck her she’ll for sure tell Giselle who will go running to tell Yn.” Haechan says and Jeno smiles amusingly. 

“Perfect.” Jeno says and gets up to walk to the corner of the room. 

A shrine exactly like Yn’s was placed there. Her photos and articles spread out everywhere. Jeno admires his artwork with a smile on his face while Hachan shakes his head and leaves. 

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m coming for you.” He says and traces your face in the photo before smiling again. 

-

Taking the drink from Namjoon, he smirks. He lets go of Giselle and hands his drink to Haechan who only smirks as well. Haechan looks up at the taller boy with a nod and he chuckles amusingly.

“Game on.” Jeno whispers to himself and smirks.

-

“I kept tabs on you too, baby.” He smirks and your eyes widen in realization. 

Jeno orchestrated everything by using Haechan. He planted your desk near Haechan and he planted using Karina and Giselle to make you act out. 

“I knew I was obsessed with you, baby. But, you. You’re fuckin crazy. Keeping tabs on all my hook ups and shit. Were you jealous?” He whispers and you stay silent. 

This wasn’t what you planned. How the fuck did he even get loose. Instead of him being trapped, you are. You fell right into his fuckin trap just like he wanted. You were terrified of what he might do to you. Never in a million years did you think the sweet man in front of you was able to spew such words from his mouth. 

“Namjoon!” You try screaming but Jeno shushes you by bringing his forehead closer to yours. 

“He won’t hear you, baby. Hyuck already knocked him out cold.” Jeno says and chuckles at your reaction. 

“Isn’t this what you wanted, baby?” He asks and hums when you don't answer. 

He bounces his knees up and down, trying to shake an answer out from you. You don't want him to get the satisfaction though, choosing to keep your mouth shut. 

He lets go of your hands and wraps them around his neck. He slowly rolls your hips against his and you bite your lip to contain the sounds begging to come out. His hands run up and down your sides and he places his lips on your neck. 

“I’ve dreamed of this for so long, baby.” He whispers into your neck and you mewl at his words. 

He smirks and pushes up your dress to expose your black lacy panties. He sucks on your neck and starts leaving his mark all over you. You moan and pull at his hair. 

“Jeno.” You moan and grip his hair tighter. 

He chuckles and pulls away from your neck to look at your blown out eyes. Feeling shy, you shut them but his big hand wraps around your neck and squeezes. 

“Look at me, baby.” He growls and you open your eyes at his harsh tone. 

He lets go of your neck and brings his hands back to your hips before pushing you off of him. His jeans were damp from how wet you were. 

“You’re such a fuckin slut.” He growls and pulls you down to your knees. 

“Take my cock out and suck it like the good girl I know you are.” He says and you start to shake from his use of words. 

He was being mean and you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes. 

“No.” You softly say and he growls before bringing your face to his. 

His fingers hold a death grip on your face and he pushes your cheeks in. 

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” He questions and you whine from the pain. 

“Hurts.” You try to mumble out and he just laughs. 

“When I tell you to do something, you fuckin do it, whore.” He says and pushes your face away harshly. 

You finally let the tears fall down your cheeks and you try to inhale a deep breath but Jeno was quicker. He grabs your arm and pulls your face to his clothed cock, pushing your cheek against him and holding you there. 

You whine out at him and try to push yourself off but he's stronger. 

“Jeno, m’ sorry.” You say and he laughs at you again before letting go. 

“Need to fuck that nasty mouth of yours.” He says and undoes his jeans before lifting his hips up to slide them off, leaving him in his boxers.

You whine and try to crawl away from him but he grabs your hips and pulls you back to him. You scream when you feel him set you right on top of his aching cock. He rips your dress off your body and sees that you aren’t wearing a bra. 

“Fuckin whore.” He spits out and gropes both of your breasts with his hands. You let out the slutiest moan you’ve ever let out and he chuckles at that. 

“You’re so resistant but I can feel you practically dripping for me.” He says and brings his fingers to your heat. 

He cups it and you let out a moan. 

“S’ not for you.” You lie and he smirks. 

“Oh really?” He asks cockily before sliding his finger into your panties and ripping them. 

Gently rubbing against your heat, you mewl and squirm. 

“You’re such a fuckin liar.” He growls out and inserts a finger into you. 

“Jeno!” You moan out and he smirks again. 

“You think you’re so tough but the moment I fight back you’re back to your innocent self.” He admits and starts thrusting his finger in deeper and faster.

“Jeno! More!” You yell out and he stops his ministrations which makes you whine. 

“Beg for it.” He spits out and you shake your head. 

“I’ll fucking leave you here dripping wet.” He claims and you shake your head again while crying. 

“No, please!” You yell out and hold onto his bicep. 

“Please Jeno! I want more, please! Give me more! I’ll be good for you, I promise!” You beg and he smirks before inserting his fingers in again.

He shoves in two more fingers and that has you spasming in his hold. You lean your head in his neck and moan loudly. You could feel the knot in your stomach building up fast. 

“Jeno, m’ gonna cum!” You scream and he starts pumping in his fingers deeper. 

“Fuckin cum then you whore.” Jeno spits out and you finally release the knot after his degradation. 

You breathe heavily against his neck and he slowly slips his fingers out of you. He brings them to his lips and starts sucking on them, getting every little drop of you off his fingers. 

“Get on your knees.” He growls and you quickly scramble to do as he says. 

He pushes his boxers down and grabs his cock. It was so pretty, long and girthy. You could see every little vein on it and your mouth starts to drool. 

“Open up.” He says and you follow his command. 

Opening up your mouth, he grabs the base of your neck and sinks his cock into your mouth. Groaning at the feeling of your mouth around him, he pulls you off him before sinking your mouth back down. He was hitting the back of your throat and you felt the urge to gag. 

Letting out a gag, Jeno smirks and brings your head even further down on him. He fucks your mouth hard and fast while groaning. 

“Nasty ass fucking attitude. I’m gonna fuck that shit out of you.” He says and pushes your head so far down on him your nose was touching his pelvis. 

He felt your throat close up around him and the vibrations of your throat as you moaned. That was enough for him to shoot his load into your mouth and he let out a heavy groan. 

“Fuckin swallow all of it.” He says and you try your best to swallow his cum but there was so much. 

A bit of his cum slips out and runs down his cock and you can't help but watch it. He pulls you off his cock and you cough harshly at the new found freedom. You open up your mouth to show him that you swallowed his cum. 

The cum that you didn’t swallow was pooling on the floor and Jeno noticed it. He looks down at it before smirking up at you. 

“Clean it up, whore.” He says smugly and you look down in shame before getting on all fours. 

Jeno grabs his phone that fell on the floor and opens up his camera. He records you as you lick his cum off the floor. He brings his phone closer to your face and when you notice his phone you gently whine and try to cover your face. 

Jeno pries your arms away from your face and smirks. 

“Let me see your pretty face, baby.” He says and you shyly look into the camera which causes him to groan. 

“You’re so fuckin hot.” He says and lifts your head up to kiss you. 

He can taste himself on your lips but he doesn;t care. His tongue pushes past your lips and fights for dominance against yours. You moan into the kiss and wrap your arms around his neck. 

Jeno opens his eyes and flips the camera around so it’s in selfie mode. He records the both of you kissing while his free hand goes towards your neck. He discreetly squeezes it and you moan loudly into his mouth. He smirks into the kiss before pulling away and brings his phone back around to film your body. 

“I fuckin love you.” He says and you smile at his words before sitting on his lap. 

“I love you too.” You say shyly and press a quick kiss onto his lips. 

He stands up and wraps your legs around his waist. He walks you over to the table and places you on it. Jeno breaks the kiss and places his phone on the table, making sure he gets the both of you in frame. 

“Turn around and bend over for me baby.” He says and you comply with his words. 

You bend over against the table. The coolness of it pressing up against your front sends shivers down your body. Your cheek was pressed against the table and you drooled, anticipating what was coming next. Jeno lines himself up against your hole and pushes in.

“Jeno!” You scream as you feel him inside you. “S’ too big!” You scream and he chuckles. 

“Baby, it’s not even all the way in yet.” He says while gripping your hips in place. 

He pushes in further until he’s all the way in and stays still for a moment. After you give him a nod of approval he pulls out before harshly slamming back in. 

“Jeno!” You scream and grip onto the edges of the table. 

He chuckles and grabs his phone to get a closer look at him going in and out of you. He groans at the sight and smacks your ass leaving his handprint everywhere. 

“Jeno, it hurts!” You yell out and he just continues doing it. Smacking your ass until it was red all over while his dick was continuing to thrust inside you. 

“Jeno, I’m cumming!” You yell out and cream all over his cock. 

He zooms in and watches as your cum slowly falls out and it makes him go even more crazy. He thrusts in faster, harder, and deeper, chasing his own release. When he finally lets go, he finishes inside you and groans. 

He slowly pulls out and observes his cum falling out of your tiny hole. He laughs and smacks your ass again making you yelp. He stops the recording and shuts off his phone before wiping you clean with his button up. He turns you around and lifts you up while you cuddle into him. 

“Baby, you can’t fall asleep yet. You still need to go pee.” He says softly and you nod your head before letting go of him. 

You slowly start collecting your ripped clothing as he puts his briefs on. You wait for him to finish while holding your hand out. He laughs softly and coos at you before intertwining your hands. 

You drag him to your room and he sits down on your bed while you go pee. After peeing, you walk to your closet and find a fresh pair of undergarments with an oversized shirt. Quickly slipping it on, you grab one of your dads old sweats from your drawer and give it to Jeno. 

He presses a quick kiss to your lips in gratitude before sliding them on and getting into bed with you. His arms wrap around you and he squeezes you tighter. 

“I love you, you psycho.” He says and you laugh before kissing his neck softly. 

“I love you too.” 

-

The next morning, Giselle woke up and went on Instagram. She clicked on her profile to view the photo she posted of her and Jeno before smiling widely. 

She notices that he posted a photo and clicks on it. Her eyes widening when she sees your face plastered with a big smile and a bunch of marks left all over your neck. You were shirtless too because the marks went so far down your chest, your breasts were barely cut off from the photo. 

“That’ll teach her.” You said quietly as you looked on Jeno’s instagram. His arms were still wrapped around you and he softly laughed at your words. 

“You’re such a monster.” He says and you click your tongue at him. 

“Yeah, but you love it.” You say and his hand comes to wrap around your neck to bring your lips to his. 

“I do love it, baby.” He whispers before kissing you.

End.

[lilbluustar]

i wish ⋆ sungchan, anton

pairing: anton x fem!reader x sungchan

genre: angst, slight fluff, past romance, emotional tension

warnings: slightly suggestive themes, unspoken feelings, heartbreak, smut (just a little bit).

wc: 2.1k~

note: it had been a long time since i listened to "i wish" by 1D and yesterday it played by itself and omg, suddenly an idea came to me hahaha, i suffered a bit writing this because i'm so in love with all rii7e members😭😭 also, i have an intense love for sungchan since nct 2020, so i decided he would be perfect for this.

the first time sungchan saw you, he thought you were grumpy or difficult to approach because of your expression. you always walked alone through the school hallways, headphones in your ears, eyes steady, giving no impression that you wanted company. it wasn’t that you were rude, you just seemed to live in your own world, as if you didn’t need anyone else.

but everything changed when you were put on the same team for a project with shotaro. that’s when sungchan realized how wrong his first impressions had been. not only were you not grumpy, but you were also funny, passionate about what interested you, and had a sense of humor that made him laugh more than once.

from then on, you, shotaro, and sungchan became inseparable. if anyone saw you together, they knew you were up to something whether it was a prank or just a spontaneous hangout after class.

over time, there were days when shotaro couldn't go out, leaving just the two of you. at first, your outings were normal, just two friends spending time together. but little by little, you both started to notice it:

the accidental brushes of your hands when walking side by side.

the lingering eye contact that lasted longer than usual.

the hugs that became longer and warmer.

until one afternoon, on an ordinary day, you were lying on the grass, and he absentmindedly ran his fingers through your hair while you slowly traced your fingers over his face, admiring his pretty features. no words were needed, the tension in the air spoke for you.

and then, it happened.

a kiss. one that shouldn't have happened, yet felt as natural as breathing. it wasn't planned, it wasn't premeditated, it just happened.

from that day on, things changed.

sometimes, you'd go out and hold hands in the darkness of the movie theater.

other times, you'd find yourselves alone, and your lips would seek each other out, like magnets drawn together.

but you never talked about what you were, because deep down, you both knew you couldn't be.

sungchan was older than you, and even though his heart wanted to try, he knew it wasn’t right, he was already an adult, and you weren’t. you understood, even though it hurt.

so, you made a pact: no one would know about this.

except Shotaro, who accidentally caught you kissing near the school lab one day and had to promise to keep it a secret.

Eecept for you and a trusted friend.

no one else.

until one night, after spending the whole day together as usual, sungchan was walking you home to make sure you arrived safely.

the difference that night was that you invited him in, and he agreed, something he never did. you sat on the couch, snuggled in his arms. you loved feeling his warmth, his scent, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat...

without thinking too much, you lifted your face, and he looked into your eyes. you knew what he wanted—you knew him well. he wanted to kiss you, so you leaned in, pressing your lips against his in a tender, innocent kiss that quickly grew in intensity.

you climbed onto his lap, as you often did.

sungchan’s hands moved up and down your waist, slowly pressing against your hips.

as he often did.

until you felt the urge to try something new, not because what you did before wasn't enough, but because your body was asking for more. for the first time, a sensation spread through you, making you want more and more. You needed more of sungchan at that moment.

you slid your hands under his shirt and kissed your way down his neck, making him release small sounds, sounds you had never heard before, but you loved them.

you kept going, and so did he. one of his hands slipped inside your shirt and under your bra, playing with your hardened nipple. a gasp of pure pleasure escaped your lips, it was the first time you had felt anything like this, and you couldn’t think about anything else.

not knowing what else to do, sungchan started moving you, guiding you to grind against his lap. he positioned you directly over his hardness. you were surprised to feel him like that, but without thinking too much, you did what he wanted.

without warning, sungchan’s hand slipped down to your heat, still covered by your pants, and he started rubbing your sensitive spot quickly. you were completely lost in the overwhelming and new sensations flooding your body.

until your hand moved down to his hard length, ready to pull it out from his boxers.

but before you could, he suddenly lifted you off his lap, covered his face with both hands, and whispered:

"i'm sorry, i got carried away… but i can't do this."

and he left, leaving you confused and drowning in a sea of emotions.

you thought that, in a few days, he’d come back to invite you for ice cream or a baseball game.

but he didn’t.

two weeks passed without hearing from him.

then, he reached out to talk. he said it was best to keep some distance for a while, and he was clear about it:

"if we’re meant to be, we’ll find our way back to each other someday."

you knew it was the right decision, but it still hurt.

that night, you called shotaro. he took you for a walk in the park, listening as you poured your heart out. he hugged you and comforted you, whispering:

"everything will be okay, just give it time."

months passed. time moved forward. and then, the others arrived.

shotaro and sungchan joined the music club, where they met riize. you weren’t in the club, but you visited them sometimes.

and it was on one of those days that anton saw you for the first time.

from that moment on, you were the only person he could think about.

the day anton first saw you in the music club, sungchan noticed his reaction immediately.

it was subtle, but sungchan knew him well enough, even after such a short time, to catch it:

the way anton looked at you a little longer than necessary.

the way he smiled just from hearing your voice.

the way he got nervous when you talked to him.

the way he found excuses to include you in the conversation, despite his shyness.

sungchan wasn’t the only one who noticed.

"he likes her," shotaro whispered to sungchan one afternoon, when anton was staring at you while you laughed with the others.

sungchan didn’t reply. he just watched anton, wondering if it was really true.

over time, his suspicions were confirmed.

anton always found an excuse to ask sungchan things about you.

he wanted to know what you liked, how you were when you weren’t around them.

he made sure you were invited to every plan.

until one day, it was sungchan who encouraged him to talk to you, since he was sure he no longer had any feelings for you and thought that by doing so, he could confirm that his chapter with you was completely closed.

"she's a good girl," he told him. "take your time to get to know her."

he was sincere. he truly believed anton was a good guy. and almost two years had passed since everything happened.

but now, seeing anton getting closer to you, there was something inside him that refused to accept that someone else would take his place.

the first few times you went out with anton, sungchan tried to convince himself that he didn’t care.

but he did. a lot.

especially when he saw you with him.

when he really saw how anton looked at you, how he cared for you, how you also started opening your heart to him… that was when he realized that what he felt for you had never fully died.

of course, he couldn’t say anything, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone. he had let his moment pass; he had made the decision to walk away, to do the right thing.

but he couldn’t say anything.

so, he masked it with jokes, sarcastic comments, playful shoves, light punches, a passive-aggressive kind of affection.

"where are you going all dressed up?" he teased when you ignored him to talk to anton.

"do you not have time for us mere mortals anymore?"

and you answered just the same:

"oh, don’t be so dramatic, Sungchan."

to everyone else, it seemed like you two were always bickering. but in reality, only the two of you knew that those "fights" were just a way to disguise something that shouldn’t still exist, but had never really gone away.

only shotaro knew.

he saw what others didn’t.

he saw how sometimes, when you thought no one was watching, sungchan would stare at you in silence.

he saw how, when anton held your hand, sungchan looked away, as if it hurt.

until that party came.

it was anton’s birthday. everyone was having a good time, he was busy tending to the guests, and you and sungchan were in a corner, your little nostalgia-filled nook, with a few too many drinks.

both of you had a little alcohol in your system, but not enough to lose control, but enough for the barrier of "what ifs" to crack a little. His eyes shone with something more than just the dim lights of the place. A conversation that starts like any other, a sarcastic joke, laughter, until nostalgia sneaks in between.

under the table, almost without you noticing, his hand searches for yours, like in those days when you couldn’t hold hands in public. but this time, it’s different. it’s no longer a secret, it’s a goodbye disguised as a touch.

"you know… i don’t think u ever said it properly, but i really liked you." a small silence, his thumb brushes lightly over the back of your hand.

"but not your age." he lets out a short, somewhat bitter laugh, as if mocking himself.

"so, i did the right thing, even though…" he looks you straight in the eyes, a hint of sadness masked as maturity. "even though sometimes i wonder what it would’ve been like if…"

his voice fades, as if he doesn’t want to finish the sentence, because it no longer matters.

and there you are, feeling a whirlwind of emotions inside you. It’s not that you want to go back. it’s not that you doubt what you have with anton. but those words awaken something within you, a memory, an echo, a possibility that will never be.

before you can say anything, sungchan slowly releases your hand and lets out a sigh with a small smile.

"but i’m happy that you’re happy."

and with that, he lifts his glass, toasts to you in silence. both of you knew there was no point in saying anything more.

so, you just gave him a sad smile and let go of his hand.

and when anton returned to your side, sungchan just stared at his glass, trying to ignore the emptiness in his chest.

now, with anton in your life, that past with sungchan is a secret you prefer not to mention. not because it’s something bad, but because there’s no point in bringing it up. anton doesn’t suspect a thing, because sungchan and you never let it seem like anything more.

because that’s how it is, some stories end before they even begin, but they always leave a mark.

well hahah, as you can see, i have a lot of ideas all of a sudden! i was going to start writing it last night but i fell asleep (sorry) but here it is:) i have to bring out my masochistic and dramatic side as a good pisces 😼 i'll do part 2? idk, i love you guys 🩵