#sumosobra

[grvntld]

lately ive been doing things i love and i cant help but feel selfish about it, even though im not rlly stepping on anyone's toes nor am i hurting anyone. i mean im not at all doing anything wrong, but i guess, it really has been such a long time since ive done things for my genuine happiness and betterment that it feels somehwhat alien to me. i dont know if that makes sense, im just speaking my thoughts and feels out loud, after all.

[xynnix-stars]

HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM OLD MAN??

[imblocking-you]

Dahil I'm literally crumbling na, oras na para basahin ang Don't Pick Up Boyfriends from the Trash Bin

[if-lost-please-return-to-maliksi]

Hello pooo!!! I dunno how to put it in words but your works just makes my heart go swoooon!! Thank you so much for your pieces 🥹

I see that we can request too po and I’d just like to put down “chemtrails over the country club” by lana del rey- specifically the lines “you’re in the wind, i’m in the water; nobody’s son, nobody’s daughter” for makisig or maliksi please!!! Angsst BUT fluff at the end 🙏🏻

((Anon, why would u do dis to us?! huhuhu. I'm a lana del rey gurlie and Chemtrails over the country club is very personal for meee))

Disclaimer: I do not own Makisig. Full Credit goes to HC - @ask-emilz-de-philz. Please check out their blog for amazing art and the wonderful world of Planet Puto. All involved characters are adults.

Genre: Angst with fluff(if u squint well enough. char lang, fluff to.)

TW: Ano...medyo masakit to bhie, yung umpisa lang naman. yun na yung warning HAHAHA.

((Let me know kung rebisco na ba ako at kung sumosobra na ba ako HAHAHA))

"...we should run away, Makisig." You whispered underneath your breath as you softly stroked his hair while he peacefully lays his head on your lap. You looked up at the star-clad skies, wondering if you two can have a very different life right now if you were to leave everything behind and run away.

"Run away from what, my love?" He slowly opened his eyes to look into yours before gently taking your hand and tenderly kissing your palm. You shuddered from the sensation and oh, how you'd love to just pull him close and kiss those lips for an ounce of comfort.

"From everything."

You whispered as tears started to fill your eyes. Your lips quivered as you tried to held back your sobs.

"Please?"

"ANDDD... CUT! Y/n, you're not supposed to cry yet! Let's take a two hour break before retaking that scene."

Makisig stared at you with wide eyes as he breaks character. You quickly wiped away your tears and stood up before walking towards your own team, leaving him without a single word.

You wouldn't admit it, but you can feel your heart breaking with every step that you take. As soon as you entered your own tent, you broke down in tears as you ran into your manager's arms.

How cruel can fate be?

Five years ago

...those were Makisig's exact words five years ago while he held you in his arms, begging you to leave it all behind with him- the cameras, the fame, the undying expectations of the people around you and you had the nerve to reject his idea and leave him for the sake of your dreams.

You were a very famous actress that time, while Makisig's career was just starting and all he can get are mostly small modelling gigs. Oh, how the tables have turned- you are now the one struggling to keep your career afloat while Makisig jumps from project to project.

Atleast he's living a better life since you two broke up. That's what you always tell yourself.

Your whole body shook from how much you were crying as you buried your face into your manager's shoulders to stifle your sobs. All throughout your career, your manager has been the only one to stick with you through ups and downs- treating you like the little sister she's never had.

"I can't do this. I can't, please." You heaved as you tried your best to say the words out loud. This was the one project meant to save your career from falling into shambles.

"Shhh. It's okay sweet girl. I know how you feel right now, but we can't back out from this, can we?"

You slowly nodded as you let your tears silently fall. Leaving this project was always out of the question and you knew it. You were lucky enough that your manager has been long time friends with one of the Makisig's handlers that she was able to arrange for this project as a last resort to save you from being out of jobs.

"I'm so sorry, Y/n. I know how hard it must be."

No one knows how hard it is...

To be around Makisig is like stabbing yourself in the heart over and over again.

Hearing his voice...

Feeling his touch...

To have him look at you the way he does- like you were the most important person in the whole world.

To have him call your name as if it's the sweetest word that's to ever grace his mouth.

It took everything of your whole being to get ahold of yourself and not breakdown around him.

The things you would give if only you can go back in time and just take his hand and run away to a far away place where no one else knows the two of you. You clutched your chest at you revel at the idea of what could've been before shutting your eyes close- falling asleep after crying.

In your dreams, Makisig held you tight as he kissed away your tears, saying, "Why is my lovely Y/n is crying again? It makes me want to cry also." as he peppers your face with tiny kisses while he tickles you gently until you stop crying and start to giggle.

That's how it's supposed to be...

But you- you have to ruin it all and hurt that one person who deserved nothing but all the good things in the world.

"Y'know, if this life troubles you...then we should just run away, Y/n." Makisig smiled as he held you.

This. why does this have to play on your dreams over and over again.

He held your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours. "Let's run away from everything, y/n."

You nodded, and smiled. "Let's do that, Makisig."

Atleast you can do things right in your dreams. Atleast you wouldn't do the single thing you'll regret for your whole life in this dream.

You will not break his heart again-

Without second thoughts, Makisig grabbed your hand tight before making a run for it, storming past the whole production crew and outside the set.

Your eyes widen upon realizing what's happening.

"Thought my Y/n will reject me for the second time." Makisig softly chuckled, still running away while holding unto you.

"W- wait! I'm not dreaming?!"

"No, my love. Your manager called me in when you fell asleep crying."

Hearing him calling you 'my love' once again instantly tugged in your heart. No cameras, no audiences- just the two of you and he calls you his love. You breathe in as you tried to keep yourself from crying once more.

"And I'm not dreaming when you were holding me and kissing my tears away?" You softly said, your voice shaking and cracking from too much emotion.

"You're not." Makisig smiled as he stopped running before pulling you into an embrace, letting you bury your face into his chest.

Oh, how this feels like home.

"Y/n. Please run away with me?"

"I will, Makisig. I will."

[pupyuj]

ewan ko sa inyo. di ko na alam. MATUTULOG NA LANG AKO. BAKA MAY MASABI PA AKO NA HINDI MAGUSTUHAN NI LORD. ahn yujin sumosobra ka na tagala ha. ISA PA. (please.) ISA PAAAA. (PLEASE.) LAHAT TAYO MANDIDIRI SA SASABIHIN KO SIGE LANG.

[aestherin]

Me after the latest KMH chapter:

Ei mahal kita pero sumosobra ka na T_T

-☁️

asian mother core

[whooolaanmo]

Happy Mother's Day! Ma ❤️

Kagabi nahirapan ako mag plastic at mag tape isa isa at kung paanong style gagawin ko, pero yan mahalaga muka naman bouquet, alam ko naman na hindi talaga ako ang pinakamabait mo na anak 🤣🤣🤣 kaya ako paborito mo pagalitan, hindi ako showy o touchy o kahit palaimik ng mga matatamis na salita, mas madalas nga tayo mag kontrahan talaga, pero kahit ganon naman nga hindi ako sumosobra kasi nirerespeto ko kayo kasi Ermat kita, dami ko pa sana gusto sabihin pero ok na yan basta galing dito sa puso ko mahal kita Ma ❤️

Hindi mahilig sa bulaklak Ermat ko, mas marami siya pera pero tuwa pa din yan pag pera ang regalo 🤣🤣🤣.

Happy Mother's Day sa lahat 💐❤️

May 14, 2023 12:10 pm

[nablah]

pilipinas tama na yung ulan sumosobra ka na

[jillianwarts]

day 2 na tayo ng pagsisigaw ng foolish one HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA tangena talaga taylor marie batumbakal sumosobra ka na. inatake mo ang delusional kong sarili. 😂

[iamalivingsacrifice]

Meanwhile in online conversations...

Hirap magtimpi! Hahahahaha. Mahirap maging tahimik kapag naiinis ka na. Iniisip na hindi ka papayag i-treat ng ganoon kaya magreready ka ng message na halata yung pagkainis. Sa una, maiisip mo talaga na "kailangan" mong magmessage pabalik para ipagtanggol ang sarili mo. Na sumosobra na siya at kailangan nang patulan para tumahimik at hindi na umulit pa. Pero hindi pala lahat ng tao ay pinapatulan. Hindi lahat nilalabanan. Hindi palaging kailangan mong magsalita para ipagtanggol mo ang sarili mo. Kasi hindi lahat ay worthy pagbigyan ng oras at lakas. At syempre hindi mo kailangang ipagtanggol ang sarili mo dahil si Lord ang magtatanggol para sa'yo.

Kaya at the end, pipiliin mong tumahimik at pahupain ang inis mo kasi alam mo ring nothing good comes out from holding onto heated emotions... after that you'll pray--not only for yourself but also for that person who upset you.

And that is being wise.

[chuplado]

I just want to vent out.

*I will just put this here - I still don’t have the courage to say this out loud yet - since ‘di naman to makikita at wala namang usually ang nagbabasa nito, I will just use this medium to say anything I wanted to say*

Out of nowhere ngayong early in the morning, kakatapos lang ng shift ko, while I am watching Hospital Playlist in Netflix, may dalawang magkaibigan sa eksena. Yung isa, may sakit at yung isa naman, magdodonate ng liver for his bestfriend. Bigla kong naalala yung bestfriend ko sa mga sagutan nila sa eksena, naluha ako. Namiss ko pala yung bestfriend ko.

Simula nung nag-pandemic, napakadalang ko na syang makausap and at the same time, since 2019, even if magkalapit lang naman ang Bulacan at Metro, hindi kami nagkikita. May mga dahilan ako kung bakit - yes, he’s my bestfriend pero there are some reasons why I stopped communicating. Ganito yata talaga ako kapag gustong manahimik (on which one of my weird traits) - kahit gaano pa tayo magkalapit sa isa’t isa, maninibago at maninibago ka sa biglang pag-shift ng mood, ugali. at pakikitungo ko. I am not vocal pagdating sa mga nararamdaman ko - as much as possible, gusto kong sinasarili ko na lang, hahayaan ko na lang na sarili ko na lang ang masaktan kaysa makasakit pa ko ng damdamin ng iba. And yes, masama ang loob ko sa bestfriend ko.

Actually, dumating o humantong ako sa point na parang narerealize ko na I am about to cut ties na dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa at mga desisyon ko - thinking na ‘di ko deserved yung treatment  sa akin ng mga tao so I have to cut them out and I don’t think na deserved kong mag-stay sa mga ganung set-up. Pero on this case, para akong jowa na pilit pa ring nagta-try para maayos yung sitwayson at ang relasyon.

I’ve tried to reached out again nitong mga nakaraang buwan pero sobrang awkward na. Yung akala kong scenario na “kapag true friend mo, kahit magkalayo kayo at ‘di kayo nagkausap nang matagla na panahon, once magkausap ulit kayo, parang walang nagbago” eh hindi pala nag-aapply sa amin. Sobrang nagta-try ako bumuo ng conversation pero wala talaga - ang awkward na talaga. Even him, he didn’t even try to prolong the conversation. Wala na rin yung gaguhan sa chats - yes, I know, nagmamature and tumatanda na, pero mararamdaman mo naman yun eh... wala na yata talaga.

Pero kanina, I tried again. I started by mentioning that I missed him, na naalala ko siya dahil nga sa napanood ko. He replied and nangumusta siya - then I answered. I started to share my current state, that I am struggling to know what I really want in life at naguguluhan ako... then he answered quickly, “Sabi ko sa yo, mag part-time ka na sa FA (Financial Advisor) eh...”

Eto na naman nga..

He started to try to solve it again by giving me such statement - really? I just want to vent out eh!

Ganyan siya palagi! Isa yan sa mga dahilan bakit ‘di ko pinapansin ang mga chats niya nung mga nakaraang taon. Everytime magre-reach out ako, palagi isinisingit ang pag-aalok ng insurance at pag-aaya sa akin to be his FA sa team niya. Alam kong mahal niya ang ginagawa niya, pero utang na loob, sumosobra na. Maybe most of the people na makakabasa nito, iisipin na ang kitid ko naman mag-isip pero ito ang nararamdaman ko eh...

There’s a history rin kasi. May mga instances na nayaya ako sa mga businesses and I know, those are “sketchy“, like “too good to be true” pero sumama ako, for the sake of the passive income and yung pagpayag sa mga alok niya. Everything didn’t went well in the end - lahat, scam. ‘Di ko siya sinisisi, alam ko naman una pa lang na ‘di talaga magtatagal at magwowork yun, pero na-tanga lang din ako at sumubok ako sa ganun.

Everytime na magkakausap talaga kami nung mga nakaraang taon, di mawawala yung pag-aalok niya sa akin ng insurance. Yung tipong gusto ko lang talagang makipagkwentuhan, pero nauuwi pa rin dun. Magre-reach out lang din siya kapag di pa niya naaabot yung quota/target niya, pipilitin niya akong kumuha. Sa sobrang pagiging dedicated sa ginagawa niya, ‘di na yata napapansin yung epekto nun sa iba. Dumating sa point na iniiwasan ko na lang siyang kausapin. Kahit may mga pinagdadaanan ako na gusto kong i-share, ‘di ko magawa sa pagwoworry na baka dun na naman mauwi yung usapan.

Nalulungkot ako na ganito ang kinahihinatnan nito. I don’t have a lot of friends and yung nangyayari pa yung ganito, masakit para sa akin.And ending, wala talaga akong nakakausap. Dumating na akio sa point na tumawag na ako sa Employee Assistance Hotline ng company namin para lang may makausap at makapaglabas ng sama ng loob. Sobrang naaanxious na ko.

Hindi ko lang din maintindihan kung bakit parang wala lang para sa kanya na ganito na kami ngayon - hindi ba talaga big deal sa kanya na ‘di talaga kami nagkakausap? balewala lang ba talaga sa kanya?

Nakakapagod mag-isip... Gusto kong ibulalas ang lahat kasi nakakapagod nga. Papaano na lang kapag dumating na yung time sa plan ko na umalis na ng bansa, may magbabago kaya? Or totally back to zero talaga ako?

Sana maging ok na ako. Kahit walang ibang tao. Kahit mismo sa sarili ko na lang, sana maging ok na ako.

[reynanghugot]

030223 • thursday

my thurs is vv productive kahit na nainis ako sa taxi driver lesson learned on my part always bring a jacket and/or shawl if wearing shorts lalo na if magaangkas, may mga tao kasi na bastos and plate number kunin agad to report. anw, early morning ive been to sm manila medical city for optha check-up kasi sumosobra na eye pain ko then after that i nag drop by ako sa apartment to have lunch with nikko & kunin na din susi sa apartment kasi mauuna ako umuwi sa kanya after that naglinis na din ako ng apartment for para na din maaliwalas pagdating niya from work ng midnight and ofc, still reading my second book hopefully matapos ko siya asap.

[rce-rosemarie]

Loving him changed my life.

He might think na I hated him or I am mad at him dahil sa last conversation that we had/ sa last argument. No. Hindi dahil dun. If yun ang iniisip nya, mali na sya agad.

It started last year pa. That moment I asked myself if I am willing to give him a chance after the first time na nakaramdam ako ng disrespect from him. Noon pa lang, I felt like gusto ko na agad humakbang paatras.

Just a little backstory, he came into my life noong I am at my lowest. Like legit na lowest. I was depressed and I spent most of my time doing hobbies that kept me sane kasi nahihirapan ako makatulog. I suffered from insomnia and I don't like socializing with friends or family. Basically, I am at the point in my life na ayokong makisalamuha sa mga taong masyadong madaming alam na tungkol sakin. Bakit? I felt like di nila ako mauunawaan. There are stories na I want to tell and I don't think I have someone na makakapagbigay sa akin ng ibang POV kasi nga kilala na nila ako. Kasi kung ako man ang nasa sitwasyon nila, tapos may tropa ako na magkwkwento sa isang bagay na alam ko na, bakit ko pa papakinggan ulit? So, ayun, madaming beses na gusto kong pag-usapan ulit yung kahit anong topic just to stay sane kaso nag-aalangan ako makipag-usap sa kilala na ako mismo. Ayoko ng feeling na di interesado sa kinukwento ko yung kausap ko. Then he messaged me. 3am. I was hesitant at first kasi why would he message me ng ganoong oras. To be honest, napapansin ko na sya sa work kaso I am not into him. Napapansin ko sya and sumagi sya sa isip ko dahil sa jacket na araw-araw nyang suot and I thought, maasim siguro syang tao kasi di sya nagpapalit ng jacket. As in seryoso na yun ang reason bakit tumatak sya sa isip ko. Then we started talking and madali naman sya makagaanan ng loob kasi machika sya na tao. Fast forward, I found someone to talk to about the things na gusto kong pinag-uusapan. He kept me sane.

Sa totoo lang, napaka-red flag nya. Sala sya sa lamig, sala sa init. Madaming beses na hindi ko sya naiintindihan.

Ang daming beses na na gusto ko nang humakbang palayo pero dahil palagi kong iniisip na malaki utang na loob ko sa kanya dahil nabago nya yung way of thinking ko sa buhay, palaging may soft spot sa puso ko para sa kanya.

He made me want to live longer. This is something na people who don't suffer or didn't suffer from depression will never understand. They will never understand gaano kaimportante para sa akin yung nag-iisang taong lumapit at humawak sa kamay ko noong panahon na pinakakailangan ko. Partida, hindi nya alam na kailangan ko ng taong kagaya nya nung dumating sya. Partida, kahit nalaman nya, di nya naiparamdam sakin na "arte lang" yung nararamdaman ko. Ito yung pinaka-malaking utang na loob na meron ako sa isang tao at di ko talaga alam paano ko mababayadan. Ang sumagi lang sa isip ko habang tumatagal ay yung pilitin na wag iparamdam sa kanya yung sakit na naiiparamdam nya sakin.

Sa isip ko, gusto kong kahit minsan lang, maramdaman nya yung kalma na kagaya ng binigay nya sakin during those times na I am struggling to live. Kaso hanggang kailan? Kasi lately, sumosobra na sya. He left me with no other choice kundi pumatol sa lahat ng inis na nararamdaman ko at magalit na rin.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko dati, ayokong magalit sa taong yun. Kaso lahat naman ng tao may limit.

Dumating yung point na nagagalit na ako kay LK. Dahil sa kung paano nya gawing parang utusan si Dy. Actually di ko rin sure if tama na magalit ako kasi sa tunay, di ko na rin alam kung nagsasabi sya ng totoo. Tapos ngayon, parang nag-accumulate na yung galit ko kay LK hanggang sa nagalit na ako sa kanya as a person na kung tutuusin eh lahat ng inis ko sa kanya ay di ko naman personally nakuha first hand. More like interpretations ko yun sa kung paano sya dinedescibe ng mga tao.

Our last argument ay related sa kanya.

I honestly do not understand it fully.

"Tanga" was a term I usually use na nakasanayan na ng mga close sa akin. Di na nila dinadamdam if naririnig nila yun sakin. Same with "bobo". Peopke who know me should understand na it does not bear any pagiging mean. And I thought, kilala nya ako. But okay, sabi nya ibahin sya at sensitive sya sa ganun. Okay. BUT, pwede nya akong kausapin ng maayos about that. Hindi yung sasaltikin sya. So that made me think na nagkaganun sya kasi involved si LK. The audacity.

And then, the argument continued. Hanggang sa di ko na napigilan i-share yung ayoko sanang sabihin na description sa asawa nya ng mga nakakita na taga office. Naaane kasi ako kasi ginagawang "laughing-stock" si LK kapag napapag-usapan randomly. Medyo nag-limit pa nga ako na sabi ko lang is coming from a single person lang yun pero sa totoo lang, ang daming negative comments ng kung sinu-sino na taga office ang naririnigan ko. Shempre pati sa sya ay kung anu-ano ang description kaya nag-distant din ako makipag-usap ng malimit sa mga taga-office. Ayoko nang makarinig ng mga negative description about him.

To be fair, I DID liked her. Ang galing nya magpakaplastik to the point na gusto ko syang kausap. Ewan ko bakit ang gaan ng loob ko sa kanya na tipong nagduda ako sa lahat ng kwento ni Dy about her kasi legit na mas in-favor ako kay LK. Everytime I hear someone commenting about her body sa office, na alam kong naririnig ko kasi ipinaparinig sa akin, di ako natutuwa. Oo, natatawa din ako pero I am aware na what they are doing ay beyond proper na. Bodyshaming af. That was something na I never enjoyed. Until I did. And I do believe na hindi lang naman katawan ang nakakatawa sa kanya. It's the fact (based on HIS stories) na she's not a nice person. But maybe, being generous can erase all the negative traits someone have. Kasi she is generous. Sa tingin ko yun ang reason bakit may nakapagsabi sakin na sya ay parang sugar mommy. It was something I wanted to keep from him so bad kasi I don't want him hating the people around me. I don't want him to know na I know some things that are not nice about him kaso I certainly do not care. Kasi I want people to feel na they can come as they are. I have this trait na unless makita o malaman ko first hand, I will not hate or judge the people why they did what they did or doing. Kaso he pulled the last string. He left me with no choice but to LET HIM get mad.

It's kind of funny, tho. I have been sensing na he's not telling me something so I avoid having conversations na magli-lead sakin to ask him questions. I'm tired of asking questions. Kasi if someone wants to tell me something, if they really want to be so honest and open, they will tell kahit di ako nagtatanong. I've been feeling na something was off for a while and I had to distract myself whenever I am bothered. I have few friends who knows about us. Contrary to what he's saying na ayaw nyang nay makaalam kasi takot sya sa sasabihin or magiging tingin nung mga makakaalam sa akin. But the people I am talking to about him are my friends. They are few pero they are real af. These people know me as someone na smart enough to know what I'm doing and these people believe in my reasons kahit gaano pa kababaw or kahit hindi nila naiintindihan. Kasi they believe in me as a person.

The last time na I talked about him, yvan told me na he never saw me ng ganun kaseryoso. He told me to stop waiting kasi naniniwala daw sya na hindi ka paghihintayin ng taong pinapahalagahan ka. Natatawa na lang ako sa description nya sa pagkatao ko kasi sa tagal na daw naming magkaibigan, kilala nya ako na tawa lang ng tawa, madalas di nila alam ano trip ko kasi paiba-iba daw, tapos obvious daw sakin kapag wala akong pake sa isang tao. Naalala nya pa yung ex ko na isinama ko sa paggagawa ng thesis sa kanila tapos di ko naman kinakausap kasi ang dahilan ko ay nalimutan ko kausapin. Nakakatawa yun kasi napressure daw sila kasi sila ang kumakausap habang ako daw ay tamang kape lang habang hindi natulong sa thesis.

That coffee time I had with him hit me on the spot. Sabi nya, obvious din sakin kapag mahalaga ang isang tao kasi I keep on talking about that person. Kaso he also told me to reflect and ask myself if ano ba yung hinihintay ko at kung worth it ba or worth it pa ba maghintay. Sabi nya, love comes with many things. Positive and negative. Masyado raw ang optimistic. Tingnan ko rin daw yung negative sides ng mga bagay-bagay kasi love alone ay hindi sapat. and Disrespect weighs heavier.

.

.

.

I guess napagod na akong di pumatol. Napagod na akong magtimpi. Napagod na din akong umunawa. Napagod na akong maghintay sa mga kwento nya sa kung paano na tumatakbo ang buhay nya kasi sa totoo lang, gusto kong alam ko. Napagod na ako ng sobra. I told myself before na hanggang kaya kong maging mabuti for him ay gagawin ko. Kaso the way he disrespected me ay sooooobra sobra na.

.

.

.

There was a time na ayoko na. He kept on messaging me. Ako naman na iniisip pa rin na ang laki ng utang na loob ko sa taong yun, bumigay. Tapos nauulit at nauulit lang yung cycle. Mananakit then sorry then mananakit. Sa totoo lang, ang palaging sinasabi sakin ng girl friends ko eh ako yung pinaka-soft girl sa amin. Kasi madali akong paiyakin tapos ako daw pinaka-sweet o maaalalahanin sa amin. I do not agree with that pero may time na I do think na I am a soft girlie. Sobrang bilis ko magtampo pero mabilis din ako magpatawad. Mabilis din ako mainis pero konting pagpapatawa lang eh nalilimutan ko agad yung inis. Nakakainis na ganun ako. Kasi nate-take for granted ako madalas dahil dun. I find people amused by that kind of approach. May time din na feeling ko, hindi sineseryoso ng iba ang tampo or galit ko kasi maya-maya ay napapatawa na nila ako ulit. And minsan, pakiramdam ko aware si Dy na ganun ako. Kasi kahit nung time na sinasabi kong sure ako na ayoko na eh nagawa nya pa rin akong balikan.

.

.

But this time was different.

His words hits me on the spot.

I can still remember yung sinabi nya before na "Wag mo akong idamay kung hindi ka masaya sa buhay mo." Hanggang ngayon kapag naalala ko yun, may something in my heart that aches a little. Ikinakalungkot ko pa rin kapag naaalala ko. Tapos this time, he added another. Kung ano yun, I think it will take me months para mabanggit yun dito.

Maybe he's right. Kasi totoo naman na most of the people na I enjoy the company ay boys. Kasi my life was filled with too much drama already. My guy friends don't add up to those dramas. Which is a big deal kasi the fact na di nila nadadagdagan ang isipin ko, tapos I have my people na pede kong kasama to laugh about certain topics. Kahit sa office ganun e. Sumama sa babae tapos ang topic eh mga kaartehan, kalungkutan, problema. Pero with my guy friends, the topics are different. We talk about work, projects, money. Something na people won't understand. Boy's topics are far more interesting than what girls are discussing. Boy's tipics will help you grow as an individual I swear. But I do not flirt with these people.

He hurt me again just by using words. He hurt me again in a way na di ko alam kailan ko makakalimutan. The fact na it still sting a bit kahit lampas three days na mula nung nasabi nya, sure akong isa na yun sa mga bagay na maalala ko palagi. At mas masakit kasi sa kanya nanggaling. Considering na itinuring ko din sya bilang isa sa napakalapit na tao sa akin. I do not think I deserve the treatment he gave me.

Sa totoo lang di ko alam of dahil sa tanga or dahil sa nody-shaming o baka dahil sa sugar-mommy sya nagalit. It was a topic na I want to ask kaso baka ma-offend sya. I wonder if alin sa tatlo ang mismong ikinagalit nya.

.

.

.

I had a convo with my girl friend sa office. Sabi nya, ang tagal na din daw nung huling nag-open ako ng topic na tungkol sa akin. Pansin daw nya na palagi lang akong nakikinig pero never ako nag-share na. Kilala na nya ako mula pa pagkabata. Kaya siguro if may isang tao na alam at nakikita mood swings ko ng mas madalas, sya yun.

Sabi nya, alam nya na kaya di ako natambay kapag lunch or breakfast sa pantry kasi ginagawang topic dati si Dy tapos alam nyang ayokong nakakarinig ng kahit na anong negative about him. Alam din nya na yung mga kasama naming kumain ay mga pinagkakatiwalaan ko at mga tao na alam nyang kahit isang beses ay hindi ako nakarinig ng masama tungkol kay Dy. Kasi sigurado sya na hindi ako kumakain kasabay ang mga taong naringgan ko ng masama tungkol sa kanya. Natawa ako kasi napansin nya pati yun.

Naiinis lang ako kasi there are things na I do na ayokong iexplain sa iba bakit ko ginagawa. Pero tama sya. Those boys never judged him negatively. Alam kong safe ang pangalan nya sa mga kasama namin kumain. Mababaw pero malaking bagay sa akin na wala akong naririnig na amsama tungkol sa kanya na galing sa mga kasama ko. Parang ang kulang na lang ay sabihin ko na "Safe ka sa circle na 'to. You can sit with us."

Napakalimited ng ways to show yung pagpapahalaga sa kanya. I was disappointed na sa tingin ko alam nya na limited din yung ways nya pero instead of making sure na I feel important, cared for and loved, he chose to hurt me. Siguro I hurt him in ways I never mean pero you don't get to hurt people if they hurt you. You don't do that intentionally to people you say you love.

Loving him changed my life.

Losing him did the same.

[meowmeowwww2]

Oct 2, 2024

4:52pm / 2nd floor CR

Nagkaron na naman ng malalang away. Ito na ata ang katapusan. Hehe.

Nagsimula nung sinabi kong di na ko natatakot ky tatay. At kapag inaway nya pa ko, makikipaghiwalay ako kay TJ. Unfair daw ako dahil di daw siya ganyan nung si dad ang nangaway sakaniya.

Hindi naman pareho ng sitwasyon dahil ngayon, may lamat na kami sa kasinungalingan nya.

So sinabi na nya lahat ng pwedeng makasakit sakin.

Maissue daw ako.

Lahat sakin big deal.

Naghahanap ako palagi ng kakampi.

Di daw ako marunong umintindi.

Insecure daw akong tao.

Isip bata ako.

Pagod na siya sakin.

Too many na. Honestly ready na ko mapagisa. Ayaw ko na mag stay sa tulad nyang pinasasama lang lagi lalo loob ko tuwing depressed ako. Siya lng kasi perfect partner sa mata nya. Akala mo hindi nagger at mainitin ulo.

Pagod na ko. Bahala na kung wala akong pera.

Wala na talaga kaming pagasa.

Hindi niyq ko maintindihan at hindi ko na rin siya maintindihan.

Too late na para ayusin pa to. Puro sumbatan at sama ng loob nalang lumalabas sa mga bibig namin.

Pagod na ko.

This was bound to happen since that day.

Ineexpect kong susuyuin nya ko palagi because of what he did pero inaaway niya pa ako kapag natitrigger or nadedepressed ako. I dont need that in my life. Mas pipiliin ko na lang mapag-isa.

Wala daw siyang pagsisihan. FINE. Good for him.

Lagi nya binabalik na mababaw lang rason ko for being hurt nung first issue ko sa fam niya. It just shows na di nya talaga ako iniintindi. Na di niya talaga intindi na masakit yun sakin kahit pa hindi siya intentional nila nanay at ate grace. Sinisisi pa ko na ayaw ko magpakita or magpunta ng bahay nila dati?! Jusko. Kakaiba.

Ngayon pinamumukha nya lang na mahirap ako pakisamahan, na mahirap akong tao. Na sensitive lang ako. Lahat issue saakin.

Problema sakanila ayaw nila ako hayaang magheal muna. Gusto nila ok na ako agd. Parang si dad lang.

Wala na talagang pag asa. Parang galit na lang nararamdaman ko para kay tj. Wala na respeto namin sa isat isa. Sumosobra na yung sigawan namin. Yung paninigaw nya sakin grabe na. Gusto ko lang ba daw lumuhod silang lahat sakin. Wtf. Ganyan tingin nya sakin. Sa edad ko dW dapat nakakaintindi nako. Isip bata daw ako. Lol.

Tinatry nya daw maayos ngayon?? Huh? pero ano? Anong ginagawa nya? Nilalayo pa nya loob ko tangina. Sinasaktan nya lang ako lalo.

Tanggap nya ko pero ang dami nyang mga kinikimkim na reklamo saakin? Dapat noon nya pa sinasabi yan di yung tuwing sasabog lang tsaka lang siya maggaganyan. Putangina. Bahala na. Ayoko na.

Tapos na kami. Tinapos ko na. Ako na yung umayaw. Ayaw ko na rin maging pabigay sakanya.

Di ko tuloy naabutan si tita thess.

Lagi pa nya sinasabi na ako lang naman daw nagtrtrigger sknya? Ok, wala na magtrigger sayo ngayon. Sana maging masaya ka sa buhay mo.

Hindi nya ko hinahayaan mag grieve at magheal sa paraang gusto ko. Gusto nya lang iignore or magpretend na wala siya naging kasalanan sakin.

Sana maging masaya si tatay na mawawala na ko sa buhay niya.

Di siya makaintindi na di ako makakamove on agad.

Nagwawala na siya. Sinasaktan sarili niya. Tas nung ako na ang gumawa nagagalit siya. Putangina.

Ngayon, di ko maintindihan ano pang gusto nya.

Sobra na. Sobra na talaga.

[would-love-rest]

ah ganun ba, 'di ko alam eh. sumosobra na ata ako?

pero bakit naiinis ako? bakit ba 'di mo na lang sabihin kung ayaw mo

anong kelangan kong bawasan? saan pa ba ako nagkulang?

ampota, buti pa yung isa tanggap katarayan ko.

wala eh, ikaw pinili ko. ikaw mahal ko eh.

pero bakit hanggang ngayon para akong nahihirapan iexpress sarili ko sa'yo?

mabuti pang hindi ako umuwi.

mabuti pang mamanhid na lang.

nakakaiyak na yung kinabukasan ko nakasalalay padin dito, sa taong parang hindi alam gagawin. sa taong parang hanggang masaya na lang basta andito ako, paano kung sumuko na talaga ako kasi nakakasawa na?

bakit ba hindi mo magawang gawing panatag puso ko sa'yo?

bakit ang hilig ko magmahal sa mga taong parang walang balak gawin sa buhay. kasalanan ko rin naman lahat.

[zaynieshdieh]

ano trip ng lolo ko😭😭😭 ante 2k lang hinihingi ko bat naging 12k😭😭😭 mukha naman akong sumosobra niyan jusko💔💔💔💔