#summer depression as in one day I thought I could be someone and now it’s summer and I’m all alone and I’m daydreaming about being anyone or

[topicaltropic]

oops! all wips

[milo-is-rambling]

Oh cherry tag you will always be famous to me

[gentaro-kinniecom]

Jealous much?

Characters: Solivan Brugmansia/gn!reader

C/w: jealousy, friends to lovers troupe, reader helps Solivan with some bullies, Crowe and his feelings for the reader, Sol takes care of reader <3

A/n: I might make a sequel to this post cause..why not? I have at least 3 more works in progress of tkatb so stay tuned for more >:3. This was SUPPOSED to be more early but with graduation and my summer job its been hectic 😔 (not proofread)

Rain drops fell gently onto the surfaces that it could. The cloudy and cold atmosphere bringing back unwanted memories for me. It took me back to when I was a happy child running around the fields that my family owned. Why did fate had to be this way? I couldn't relish in the sad moment for long, my life had changed, some may think for the better, but in all honesty, I've lost myself in it.

The city life was not for the weak, especially in this society that judges you based on your backgrounds. Hallways and classrooms were empty as I walked by, meaning another day where I would stay behind until the sun rised up, studying in the library. It felt depressing, well, it was. Even with all my friends who share classes with me, I’ve never felt a sense of comfort around anymore. Upon arrival, I sighed gently while scanning my library card, heading towards my favorite spot and to hopefully meet him again: Solivan Brugmansia, the same man who I aided long ago.

Some bullies had cornered him, if it weren’t for me, he could’ve gotten bruised up badly(or so I thought). Sol’s strength was enough to not be messed around with yet, he was always careful with me. His long, black hair with green stripes was noticeable from afar, a smile subconsciously appeared across my features, walking towards him with my books in one arm and a cup of coffee in my hand.

“Hi” I spoke, my voice a mear whisper as he smiled, kissing my cheek while allowing me to sit beside him.

“Hey..thanks for the coffee, I saved your seat in hopes you’d be here” His gaze remained on the hoodie I wore, a purple-ish one with some designs around it, though I could tell something bothered him.

“Aw, that’s real sweet of you Sol..!” Taking the vacant seat by the window, Sol’s eyes returned to the book at hand, analyzing the text while taking a casual sip or two after some pages. I placed my books aside, taking out my computer and working on some last details for an upcoming presentation.

“Is that sweater you’re wearing someone else’s?” The question caught me off guard while Sol closed the book, his attention returning towards me as I continued to type away

“Crowe made me borrow it, he said it would get cold during the night, even if I insisted it was fine” A glint of jealousy made his eyes glimmer with a bit of rage, directed towards Crowe who had the audacity, in Sol’s words, to lend me something of his. After the small talk, we returned to our devices while Sol’s cup inched close to me. Which I thought nothing of it until the, now warm, liquid splashed against Crowe’s hoodie.

“Sol! Ah..what am I going to do now?” My eyes widened as the panic settled in. Pouted lips looking down at the mess that occurred while Sol spoke.

“I can wash it, and hand it over tomorrow..if you don’t mind?” The offer was tempting, and besides, the washing machine at my apartment had broken down. It was like an angel had been sent down from the heavens truly.

“Really? Well, if you’re offering..” With a smile, Sol helped me take the sweater off, folding it and placing it in his backpack. Was he really concerned or jealous by me wearing it? After an hour or so spent in the library, my sleepy eyes gazed over at Sol’s figure that had finished his book a few minutes prior 11:00pm.

His eyes turned to stare at me, as if, he knew I was staring beforehand. The library air making goosebumps arise on my skin as Sol noticed. A small warmth wrapped around my body, making me sigh while laying my hand down onto the table, resting for a bit as he smiled.

It was past noon when I woke up in a different place rather than the library. A soft, warm bed beneath me made contrast to the heavy rain pouring outside, making me groan and stretch my limbs, still remaining in the bed as the door suddenly opened. Solivan stood outside, entering shortly after while smiling, his body beside my own as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Mn, how did I get here?” Too tired to even acknowledge the strength he had to take me here, in his home, I was glad he did. The moment didn’t last long as I was now wide awake, staring up at the crimson eyes that gently creased while smiling

“You were tired and..we couldn’t stay at the library for too long, I hope you don’t mind” Room infused by Sol’s cologne made my heart flutter, it seemed he recently got out of the shower. Soft damp hair met my face as I buried it on the crook of his neck. Our actions were far too intimate to call this as “only friends”. Every reasonable thought left me as Sol wrapped an arm around my back, lips caressing my forehead and cheeks while smiling.

“It’s okay, you know I trust you Sol..” More rain could be heard from his room, creating a cozy and cold atmosphere around us. There was no one else I’d rather be with during these moments, so close yet…

“Are you hungry? I made some soup earlier..perfect for this weather, isn’t it?” I nodded, watching as he parted away from my body. Planting a kiss on my neck while walking towards the kitchen. The fresh and soft aroma of the miso soup he prepared made my stomach rumble with hunger

“You always make the best food Sol” Now reachinh the kitchen area, I sat by one of the bar stools, admiring the pink apron he wore. A bowl was later on placed in front of me, its contains making me smile as Sol spoke

“Mn? You really think so?” He asked, grabbing a bowl for himself. Standing in front of me while meeting my gaze, smiling as he enjoyed eating with me.

“Mhm! There’s no one else’s food that I’d enjoy then yours..” A hand was placed on my cheek, staring at Sol who leaned towards me, our lips meeting briefly as he smiled.

“Then..I wouldn’t mind cooking meals for you, my darling.” We shared another short but sweet kiss while smiling. Sol quickly went to wash the dishes, later returning to his bedroom, hand in hand. Warm touches graces my skin as Sol filled my embrace, kissing my face while sighing in peace.

Sequel (coming soon)

[fandomxo00]

Ok but imagine:

You think that Logan abandoned you

please read the warnings in the red before reading!

note: hey this is a fic that hits close to home, i felt really abandoned when i started this story and now i'm completing a couple days later. I usually don't do warnings for imagines but please read them, this is def a comfort fic

warnings: ANGSTY, y/n has borderline personality disorder, emotional intensity, feelings of abandonment, suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts about violence, panic attack, she has powers unspecified, mentions of weed and alcohol, makeout session

you were having a really bad episode. you knew that the past week wasn't the easiest, and you started to lose the ability to use your powers. You still have your powers but when the dissociation starts to happen, the mood swings intensify, you knew that there was chance you could spiral. Though you've been doing really good, you still had intense intrusive thoughts. It was never words or voices in your head when you were in an episode, it was graphic images of you harming yourself.

And there were two different types of hurting yourselves, one was because you needed to feel something or pain, or that you were punishing yourself. The intrusive thoughts happened after you went down one of those tracks. You'd been getting better, but this was still going to happen, you just to remember to use your tools.

As silly as it sounds, healthy distraction helps, watching a movie, writing, painting. But when you couldn't stop crying, it was hard to do those things, so you wanted to seek help. You needed someone you trust to distract you, by talking about anything, or doing anything.

And what triggered this panic attack was the fact that everyone was gone, the kids were gone for the summer, and everyone else went out to celebrate the end of the year. You didn't like parties, you never did. Usually, you would spend this time with Logan, but he left. He said it wasn't anything to do with you, that he just needed time away, but it's been months. His calls grew more and more distance and you'd been struggling from the moment he told he was going to leave. Even though he said he would be back, abandonment sunk into you like a dagger. You didn't want to hold him back, you'd been together for awhile but you'd never even said those three little words.

You knew that Logan knew how you felt. He became your favorite person, someone you attach yourself to, that you have a deep deep care for, sometimes could be obsessional. You weren't sure if your feelings for him were healthy, and sometimes you would let your intense feelings slip. But he never seemed to mind, he just never said anything, but he would sweep you up in a kiss, or a hug. Sometimes the two of you would have sex. Not that your sex life was inactive by any means not with his stamina.

Sometimes you thought you disappointed him, when you would slip into a depression, you couldn't have sex, you could barely be touched. But once you explained what was happening, he started doing everything to help you. Asking you different questions about what you needed and eventually he just knew everything. You didn't have to say anything, and he was there for you. Apart of you wonders if he left because he couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't that it conscious, you don't think he would leave you because he didn't want to help you. He was just unhappy and needed to get away, it just so happened that you were also a lot to deal with.

You didn't want to bother everyone else, but you knew that there was one person who was not at the party. Charles. You knew that he had been using Cerebro, which meant he wouldn't know what was going on with you. But then he was also prepared for this, he could feel you slipping away, he could hear all of those thoughts that swirled through your head. He was the one who pushed you to get the help you needed when you found this place. You were going around life with so much baggage and trauma you were like a zombie and sometimes you were like a chicken with her head cut off.

Charles was kind with you, he even expressed his own mental health challenges. When he was younger, he struggled with all of the voices, those his were amplified by everyone else, he knew that your head was similar but with your own thoughts. He felt you slipping away, he noticed the pattern of dissociation, executive dysfunction and the intense mood swings and then panic. Logan was usually there to help you, he never showed any judgement. Charles knew how deeply he cared about you, even if he couldn't tell you.

Charles knew the reason why Logan had left and it wasn't because he was tired of you. He needed a break from the other mutants, the job, the structure, his feelings for you. Any second all of it could be taken away and he wouldn't know what to do. Logan knew he had to get over himself, but he needed time and then he would come back to you. Whisk you away to live in domestic bliss, tell you how he feels and marrying you. Giving you everything that you yearned for in life.

You always thought that you were scary Logan off when you spoke about your feelings for him or what you wanted for the future. He loved taking care of you, feeling needed and wanted. When you opened up to him about your constant distorted thoughts, he knew where you coming from. But your openness, your willingness to heal, to be outspoken, it was something that he wouldn't ever have the courage to do. With you though? Logan thinks he trusts you enough to open up, but he's scared of what that means for him.

When Charles felt the shift, he instantly reached out to Logan, telling him that you weren't doing well. The break down slipped away from you, knowing that you didn't want to go to the party. But as much as you knew that you didn't want to go it was like your brain wouldn't believe you. You started thinking of other reasons why you actually didn't want to go. Because you felt like a burden, you were a hard person to be around, you were never the type of fun people were looking for. You didn't like the feeling of getting drunk, you'd rather smoke a bowl, just hang around talking and vibing.

It was something Logan did with you before he left.

Logan felt immensely guilty as Charles contacted him about you. As much as his leaving wasn't about you, he'd been gone for a while and the assurance that he usually gave you, was gone. He knew that sometimes you didn't feel his affection, not because he wasn't trying to love you. He drove his motorcycle as quick as he could back the mansion, being only a few hours away from you at all times.

Though he wonders if he would catch you off guard with how he looked, he hadn't been living it up by any means. Logan had been off in the mountains, only adventuring into the nearest town to drink booze. But he dreams about you, about settling down with you, marrying you, how it felt to make love to you. He'd sit at the bar and think about your little quirks, the way you had these little tics or the cheesy repeative jokes that always made you smile at your jokes. Logan thought about how at only 25, you were far smarter and more mature than himself. You came to him if you were hurt by something, wanting to know his side of the story and coming to a middle ground. You weren't going to be passive aggressive and wait for him to guess what the problem was, but he was still going to take care of you.

But he wasn't right now.

Before he left town, he stopped in at the local Love's gas station and managed to take a shower and brush teeth. He was sure he needed more than what a gas station shower could provide him but at least he was slightly presentable, not that you cared. But he cared, he didn't want to show up looking like a mess, you needed him.

He felt the guilt sink in deeper the closer he got the mansion, and he could hear you when he pulled up. Logan wasn't sure where Charles was, surely, he hadn't left you alone. But your sobs came from your chest, he could smell the fear and sadness radiating off of you before he even got to your door. He was quick to throw open the door to see you on the bed, you had your knees tucked to your chest as you curled your body over them. Your hands cradling your stomach as your shoulders shaked from the cries coming out of your mouth.

"Baby." Logan breathed, as he made his way over to the bed. As he reached his hand out you were practically limp, his arms wrapping around your middle and pulling you back against him. You didn't even react, but as you smell his familiar musk you knew it was Logan.

"Logan?" You trembled against his chest, as you curled into him.

"I'm here, I'm sorry, I didn't leave you, god I promise, I left the school.

"Why didn't you take me with you?" You cried, looking up at him. "Why couldn't you just talk to me?"

"Because I'm scared." Logan murmured, his hand coming up to your hair and brushing your hair away from your snot covered face. He reached to the bed side table to grab tissues and dabs at the spots on your face as you kept your eyes closed. You focused on breathing in deeply and back out.

"Of what?" You pressed, as your eyes fluttered back open, your hand landing on his chest.

"Of how much I love you." Logan's voice was deep as his eyes shined lightly with tears as he gazed down at you. You just stared up at him, your hand coming to wipe at your tears.

"I still don't understand, why did you run away? Do you not want me?" Your voice was slightly nasally from all the crying you'd been doing, your voice hoarse. Logan's hand came to your face, cupping your jaw and rubbing his thumb against your cheek, he dipped his chin to look right into your eyes with an intensity that shocked your system.

"Of course I want you, princess. You-you have a piece of my heart, from the moment I met you, you took a piece of me, and you replaced it with your own. I belong with you, gorgeous, I just can't-I can't watch something happened to you."

"That's out of our control, all we can do is love each other right now as hard as we can."

"That shouldn't be too hard."

"You're not going anywhere?" You asked, your hand coming up to his long beard and rubbing your hand against his cheek. He leaned into your touch, his eyes still shining with what you now deemed love, as he pulled you in closer to press his lips against yours in a feather like kiss.

"Not without you." Logan promised against your mouth, as your other hand moved up to his unruly hair, sitting up in his lap as your lips landed on his. His hands splayed on your back as he kissed your back, your body molding his as you melted into each other. Everything that the two of you couldn't say, you showed each other with gentle touches, passionate kisses, and just being completely consumed in each other.

if you ever need help please reach out to: 988 , they are a suicide crisis hotline, I've had to use them before, it's not a bad thing to ask for help, ever. Don't ever stop challenging others, pushing to the get answers and help you deserve.

ps. btw can every fic just be logan telling me he loves me or just like pining after me, cause yes yes yes

[himimosa]

when they are sick

taking care of bsd men when they are sick...

fyodor, kunikida, dazai

Fyodor Dostoevsky

He is the person who walks around sick for almost half of a year, with a lot of sniffs and sneezes. Somehow he can manage to catch a cold even in summer. You say it is because he has an awful immune system

He already has anemia that makes his body weak. And if a bad cold is added too, he becomes almost pathetic...

If you ask him, he says he is used to being sick most of the time, but that is not true. He tried to take pills a few times for his anemia but they were useless (no, i am not self-projecting here, nope)

Most of the time, he can pull to do his work even if that means carrying tissues with him everywhere.

He hates the times when he got extra bad cold, it causes delays in his work. He is not someone who will accept to see a doctor even though his fever runs high. So if you're going to accompany him, you have to use more conventional ways...

You know hot soup, warm shower, herbal teas... He will act like you are being too "histrionic" and he is doing fine, but he will appreciate it secretly...

You put a mix of mint and linden leaves into the french press, added a tiny piece of ginger, and then poured hot water. After you waited for a while you poured out the liquid through a strainer. You had chosen your fav “I like mugs because they’re very comfortable in your hand” mug for it.

You entered the room where Fyodor was laying, he was trying to read a book but he was coughing constantly. You pulled the book from his hands: "Please drink this and rest a little. I am sure your book can wait for you." you scolded him lightly. He didn't argue with you, which was a sign that he was really feeling bad.

He took the mug, and looked at the writing on it "I don't understand why this is written on a mug" You chuckled "Because either you don't have a sense of humor or you have never heard Demi Lovato before dear.."

"Is it really an inadequacy of me that I don't get the references from the pop culture that was brought to people by no one but-"

"Darling darling..." you interrupted him "You can talk for hours about fatuity of popularism later, but I am begging you, drink this tea. now..."

He was annoyed by your interruption but he complied with your request. He sniffed before taking a sip. Then his face turned into a disgusted expression.

"Did you put ginger in this tea?.."

Kunikida Doppo

This poor man will go through the 5 stages of grief in order...

Denial: "I am not sick, I just got shivers for a second! This doesn't mean anything!" "No, I don't look awful or tired, I am fine!"

Anger: "This is because of that Dazai asshole! That nasty bastard sneezed right into my face and contaminated me with his viruses!"

Bargaining: "...Okay some inconveniences might happen but it's not that bad", "I will drink this tea and get better in an instant. No, I don't need a break, I will be fine"

Depression: "... What will happen to the agency if I use two days off?" "...my program... I will be left behind on it.."

Acceptance: "..President, may I use two days off to recover?"

He knew it is natural to get sick for people... But it wasn't written in his ideals book... He must add some notes about this too...

All he wants is quickly recover and get back to his responsibilities. So he will see a doctor, he will take his medicines, will drink all the herbal tea he needs to drink...You don't have to do much indeed, he is someone who takes care of himself well. But this doesn't mean he won't appreciate it if you do some thoughtful things for him...

"I'm home" you called to him when you entered the house with your keys. You dropped the bags that you got from the grocery store to the kitchen. You could organize them later, you went right ahead to the room where Kunikida was resting. He tried to get up to greet you but you acted quicker and hugged him while he was still sitting. He froze for only one second, then slowly wrapped his arms around you

"Y/N... You shouldn't be this close to me, you will get sick too..." He murmured but didn't push you away too. You shrugged your shoulders while still hugging him "Then I will use a day off with my sick boyfriend, that doesn't seem so bad to me" Kunikida chuckled lightly "If we both use a day off at the same time, I can't imagine what sort of chaos would the agency have..." Then he slowly pulled himself back to see you eye-to-eye and started to ask you questions... How is the agency going? Were budget calculations accurate? Have you taken new cases? What kind of ruckus did Dazai cause when he wasn't around to lecture him? How many calls did you get for his suicide attempts this time?

You told him about how you took care of everything on his behalf with everyone's help (well mostly with the help of Atsushi, Kyoka, Kenji, and Tanizaki siblings... basically with minors of Ada...) But even Dazai wasn't acting so "wild". He was whining about how the agency became too quiet and no-fun without Kunikida and all the joy he got from work vanished without Kunikida...

"Everyone can't wait to get you better love they are planning to visit you tomorrow night," you told with a smile. Kunikida coughed and covered his mouth, then mumbled: "I see..." You knew he did it to hide the light blush and embarrassed smile on his face, but you didn't tease him for it. After all, he was deserving it all...

Dazai Osamu

Here comes the drama king...

First, let's be honest here... He is treating his own body like shit... We saw him in his flat, this man doesn't even cook for himself. He literally feeds with sake and canned crabs only... Despite that, he doesn't get sick easily. He has the durability of a cockroach (i swear i love him, these insults are with affection)

He is the kind of person who doesn't get sick even there is a cold season and everyone around him got ill. He catches the sickness not more once than a year, but when he gets ill, it is always the most unexpected time.

Once, while he was still in the port mafia he got a very bad cold right before an important mission. When Mori saw his situation, he had to cancel the mission.

Because this man acts like he is on the deathbed when he is sick...

"So I made some research on the internet... With all these symptoms on me; either I have some kind of chronic illness, or brain tumor.. which leads us to the conclusion that I have only 2 weeks to live..." "Or, you have a cold, you shithead.." "Do not act like you are a doctor now Chuuya, or I will throw up to your precious hat..."

He didn't change much... The only difference is now he is being your boyfriend, you have to take care of this man like you are taking care of a child. He will act like he is much worse than he is to get all your affection and care... You will need a lot of patience, to be honest...

"Ew, there is no way I would drink that crap!" You thought for a millisecond to throw the bowl of soup to his face but you didn't have the heart for it. Even though he was acting like a spoiled brat, he was miserable right now. You knew he hadn't eaten anything since yesterday morning, you had to convince him to put something in his stomach no matter what...

"Why don't you want to drink this babe?" you asked with your sweetest tone. Dazai shrugged his shoulders "It smells bad, makes me want to puke..." You tried again "What if you push yourself? Just a little? I know it doesn't look appetizing but this soup is too good for cold, you will feel better after your drink I promise..."

Dazai looked at you with defeated eyes, he couldn't resist any longer "..fine then"

With excitement, you took one spoon from the bowl and carefully held it towards his mouth, you were cupping the other hand under the spoon to keep it from spilling. Dazai slowly opened his mouth, only to make a sour face "It is too hot!"

"Sorry baby, my bad" you apologized and started to cool it down by stirring it with the spoon. You took another spoon from the bowl, this time you blew a little air before giving it to Dazai. When he started to make some teasing comments on you would be a great nanny, you decided he was already getting better. You tried to get up after he finished his soup, but Dazai held you weakly by his wrist. "You won't leave me alone on my deathbed, right?" You rolled your eyes: "You're an idiot, you know that right?" He smirked lightly "But I am your idiot, and you still love me..." You couldn't control your smile this time. You gently removed the hair on his forehead and gave him a little peck "Yeap... Only mine to love..."

well, i couldn't still get over from this week's episode and couldnt't write anything new. this was on the drafts and not proof readed, but i will still share it. fyodor stans can use it as a denial of ep 11 :')

[queenjang21]

•high school hyun soo x yandere reader

•warnings: yandere, gore/blood, bully, manipulation, dead

Cha hyun soo was your only friend, and you were his, even when he started to get bullied, even if he told you to stay away from him, you stayed by his side, resulting in you becoming a target, but you didn’t care, you were strong enough and you fought back.

you only stopped fighting back when they threatened to make hyunsoo’s worse, since then you try to take more hits than him, he didn’t deserve that you were only ever nice to him, even before the bullies, its why he became your friend, he heard there was a girl who was mean to everybody in the school, she never talked and would yell at you for even looking at her, he thought he could be her friend, and he was right.

you looked up from your desk and were ready to glare at the person who disturbed your nap, but was taken back by the most beautiful boy you’ve ever laid eyes on shortly after that, you became friends, hyunsoo knew you mean to anyone that wasn’t him, but he never knew it because you liked him.

hyunsoo grew to love you in the time he spent with you, and it became more every time you’d stand up for him against dohun, it was obvious that hyunsoo had gotten depressed after everything, even noticing scars you knew weren’t inflicted by his classmates.

you got angry, and wanted to shout at and beat dohun senseless after making such a wonderful, cheerful boy do such things to himself, but you knew it’d only make his situation worse, so you held back, it was getting worse day by day, and you didn’t know how much longer you could handle this, after a harsh day, when he leaned into your touch, you confessed, telling him how much he pained you tosl see him in pain, how much you wish you could teach thosegl guys a lesson, and how much you loved him and he returned your feelings! you’ve never been happier, and hyunsoo too.

it was summer break, and you noticed hyunsoo had been smiling more, how his scars faded away, his genuine smiles that were reversed for you, hyunsoo had to leave their date early, something happened to his dad and he needed to be there, it was already late at night, so you followed him, it wasn’t the first time you followed him, you had to made sure he was safe and you were glad you did, you noticed how a girl from your school, jihyung was it? found herself next to hyunsoo, and she started to talk with him.

hyunsoo was getting uncomfortable, but the girl attached herself to his side, completely ignoring his protests, your blood boiled, how could she do that to someone?! someone that belonged to you?! surely she knew about the two of you? everyone knew that the two losers were dating and you wanted to hurt her, in a worse way that she was hurting what was yours.

you saw the woman grab his face and leaned towards, him, her hand on places that it shouldn’t be, when you jumped out of your hiding spot, you grabbed the pocket knife you always kept with you just incase, and stabbed it into her head, you pulled it out and did it again, but in a different spot, then again, and again, and again-

she fell to the floor, unresponsive and you smiled, she was gone, but now hyunsoo was looking at you, he looked scared, even more than he did when he first got bullied

“y/n?” his tone was careful, but undoubtedly scared “what did you do?!” when you walked closer you tried to explain yourself, but he backed away “she was a human being…no one deserves something like that!”

“she hurt you! anyone who hurts you should be dead, and what she did to you? i should’ve made it hurt more” hyunsoo kept backing away, until he finally got the courage to run, you sighed and ran after him, you didn’t want to hurt him, but one time wouldn’t be so bad…you grabbed a small piece of wood laying on the ground, and when you caught up with him, you hit him, hard enough to make him pass out.

you tied him up and put him in your car, driving home and putting him in your room, but you weren’t done for the day, you tracked down dohun’s house, he was asleep when you entered the room, you took a knife larger than your previous, and slammed it directly into his heart, you would’ve preferred something that hurt more, but this had to do, then you drove to hyunsoo’s house, you only needed his mother and sister, his dad was already taken care of, poor thing got ran over by a truck driver on his way to work, you were already planning to do this, but it was just a bit early.

once you were finished with them you headed home, just in time for hyunsoo to wake up, he winced at the pain in his head, when he looked up, remembering what happened as he locked eyes with you, he realized he was tied up and started struggling, “i’m sorry about the restraints, are they hurting you? i can take them off only if you don’t try to run away again” you sat down next to him, he was breathing heavily, struggling to free himself from the tight grip of the ropes.

it took him a few minutes to stop, he was exhausted and started to cry, you wrapped your arms around him to try and comfort him, for a moment he seemed to forget the situation, and what you had done, he leaned in to kiss you, seeking comfort that only you could give, but he pulled away, leaning away from you, “someone will look for me…they’ll find me…” you sighed and moved away “anyone who could rescue you is already dead, give up, your parents, your sister, even dohun is dead, no one will look for you, cause no one else cares about you the way i do, they’ll never give you the love that i do” hyunsoo felt his heart drop when you mentioned his family, it was true that they didn’t care for him anymore, overhearing his sister tell her friends how much of a freak he was, and “no, i don’t have a brother!” even his parents not giving him as much attention.

the only one who did seem to care…was you but you hurt people, you killed his family, and you killed that girl, you didn’t even break a sweat, how could he love someone like that? “you’re right” he lied “i’m sorry i said that, i…love you” but you weren’t stupid, you knew everything about hyunsoo, right down to his lies, does he seriously think he can get away with this? you won’t hurt him, you’ll only teach him a lesson, there is a part of him that still loves you, and you’ll just have to bring it out, you left alone in a separate room for days, only bringing him food and drinks, and sometimes letting him have a shower, he tried to be cute to you, but you knew he was only toying with you.

you would tape his mouth shut and lock the door while bringing another boy over, you felt sick as you flirted with them, they didn’t deserve your attention, but hyunsoo was a brat, and needed to get himself together and it was working, hyunsoo could hear every flirty remark you made towards them, and it made his heart ache, he thought he shouldn’t love someone like you, but you were his only happiness for months, how could he let someone like that go so easily? he tried to pretend it didn’t hurt, like it didn’t feel like his heart was torn to pieces everytime you wouldn’t even look at him and when you went inside weeks later to bring him water he broke, tears in his eyes as you didn’t even speak this time, he looked at you and begged, for the first time, to look at him, to give him attention, to love him again, he loves you, and now you’re the only one he has left, he’ll do anything for your attention, you would be lying if you said you weren’t feeling heartbroken too, you wrapped your arms around, vowing to never make him lonely again, never to let him feel that way when you’re around.

because he made you whole, he made you feel things you never thought you could, so you will latch onto him forever, if it meant feeling like that for your entire life.

HYUN SOO WAS YOURS AND YOU WERE HIS.

Written by : 0X1-L0VES0NG (wattpad)

[elvisabutler]

purest of them all

fandom: austin butler rating: m pairing: biker austin butler x female reader word count: 3425 warnings: possessive behavior. p in v sex ( unprotected ). biker austin. sex in front of a mirror. virginity sex. implied past oral ( m and f receiving ). implied depression-ish on austin's part. stomach bulges caused by cocks. me mildly fudging what a first time feels like though truthfully they come in all shapes and sizes. author’s note: welcome to day 12 of ally’s wet hot smut summer, virginity kink/innocence kink with austin butler. so i went biker austin with this because uh i was really struggling with this prompt and that's where the writing flowed. consider this kind of a precursor to the day two fic of show 'em. beyond that, i do hope y'all enjoy and if you uh saw the naked version of this fic. no you didn't. i also am mildly unsure i stuck to this prompt. but i think i have mentioned austin is a little harder for me to write nowadays for a number of reasons so it kind of was me going with what i could write versus deleting ten more drafts. also this is one of two fics getting posted today, because hey, cold had me down for the count for a while so why not feed y'all twice in one day.

You're not the type Austin usually goes for and he figures maybe that's a part of your charm. Figures that if you were like every other woman who's wanted to crawl onto his bike, he'd have taken you to bed and been done with you. Sure, he'd have treated you right but Austin— wouldn't have stayed the night. He wouldn't have allowed himself to fall so head over heels for you that he'd give you everything you could even think to ask him for.

You are a light in the tunnel that is his life, a goal to strive for and a promise of perhaps making it on the straight and narrow. You were also perhaps one of the most innocent people he had ever met, one of the purest people he had ever met. An angel wrapped in sweaters and comfortable clothes to suit your mood. An angel who for some reason likes to spend almost all of your free time with him, brightening his days as much as you can. Tonight is no exception though for once he's not doing anything club related and can just focus on you.

The two of you rarely go on public dates, something about how he doesn't want people to use you against him and doesn't want you to be hurt until you've decided you truly want to be a part of his life as it is now. Until you realize just what being with him in this period of his life truly entails. Part of your charm may be that innocence and pure light that emanates from you but it's also something he couldn't bare to ruin in any way that was less than pleasurable.

Still, he makes exceptions for important dates and what was more important than your anniversary. Those sort of things deserved a proper date with you curled against him inhaling his natural musk and cologne. He could move his head and smell your shampoo and just this once he could allow the both of you to enjoy a simple date. Nothing could have prepared him for the present you were going to give him tonight.

The thing about you that you've told Austin before is that you're a virgin. At the time he had laughed a little and made a joke about that's why you were so sweet and innocent only to earn a subtle slap to his arm and a warming of your skin that had him kissing any embarrassment you had away. It's not that you hadn't wanted to lose it, but when one grows up religious you either are promiscuous in spite of your parents' desires or you aren't. In college you had thought it was going to happen eventually, that you'd meet someone that maybe you'd fall in love with and they'd take your virginity or perhaps you'd lose it at a party or just some way that wasn't too heinous.

Life happens though and you were always too busy, even through law school you found yourself so busy and with nary a moment to yourself. You suppose it's funny how you met Austin so soon after finishing law school and finding a job. If you were the type to believe in fate you'd have said that you were destined to meet Austin then and only then. You're not, though and it's merely a coincidence— a happy one, mind— but a coincidence nonetheless. Whatever the case was, over the past year you've realized that you and Austin need each other— not in a sort of codependent way but one where you bring out the best in each other.

He's never pressed for you to have sex with him, sure the two of you have fooled around, with him between your legs his tongue on your clit and you between his legs, tongue tracing the veins of his cock and inhaling the unique musk from between his legs. But going all the way hasn't been something you've ever felt he needed you to do— were required to do to keep him in your bed. Perhaps that's why you found yourself finally read to actually go all the way with him. Perhaps that's why you felt the need for everything to be special. It's not that you needed to be. But after the amount of waiting Austin has gone through and after the patience he had shown you, it only seemed prudent to make sure both of you could take your time. It seemed like a good idea to allow him to show you the pleasure you had only been given hints of before.

It's for all those reasons that you found yourself opening your door in a new dress with a simple pair of matching white underwear underneath. Austin would enjoy the laugh, you think, his virginal girlfriend all dolled up in white panties. Probably make a joke about how he didn't think you could still wear them after all the times he had tasted your release on his tongue.

Austin's gaze has your heart fluttering inside your chest. The man who always looks so tough and tries to keep himself shuttered is looking at you as if you've hung the moon, the stars and everything in between. If you look hard enough there's even a hint of hunger for you but it's gone in a flash as he smiles. "You look nice."

A shrug is your only response as you step outside and pull him into a hug as you shut your door. "It's date night, why wouldn't I?" You smile back and bite at your lip. "Aus?"

His eyes for a moment stop flitting around the area, checking for anything that could cause you harm before he stares you down. "Hm?"

"After dinner, do you mind staying the night? I— I have a surprise I think you might enjoy." A surprise you hope he'll enjoy. A surprise you hope both of you can enjoy against your sheets or against the wall. A shudder passes through you at the image as Austin frowns, moving to take off his jacket.

"Here take—" his mouth opens to speak only to have you swatting his hands away. "Got it, you don't want the jacket. I— Of course I'll stay the night. Especially if you have a surprise for me. You know you didn't have—"

You cut him off with a short kiss, shaking your head. "It's our anniversary, I wanted to get you something. Besides, I think— You'll really like this surprise."

Without missing a beat, Austin wraps his arm around your shoulder and kisses the top of your head, pulling you close to his chest as you both start to walk to his bike. "Can I get a hint?"

What happens for most of the dinner is Austin trying and failing to guess just what surprise you had in store through mouthfuls of food and through causal brushes of his hand against your body. The brushes shouldn't have you on edge and yet they do, igniting embers low in your abdomen as you see Austin pout like he's just a normal man.

That— That more than anything confirms that you're making the right choice by giving this to him. He may be a biker and may be the sort of man you could have never seen yourself with before but at his heart he's still just the guy who treats you better than anyone else has before. If one earned another's virginity he would have earned yours in spades.

Normally when you ride back, Austin has you behind him, always wanting to feel your arms around his waist squeezing tight when he takes a tight turn or when he goes just that little too fast. Tonight though, tonight he chooses to behind you, his arms and body enveloping yours in a way that you've felt when he hugs you. This though? This is something else entirely, the vibration of the motorcycle earning a gasp or two from you as you press against Austin's front. You swear you feel him getting harder against you and you nearly groan from the knowledge. Instead you try and focus on Austin's body heat and what you plan on doing with him the second you get home.

The ride feels longer than it ever has before and yet when it ends you both leisurely slide off his motorcycle as if you're both not so keyed up that you're practically vibrating despite the lack of a motor between your legs. Speaking isn't something you want to do, not until you're inside and Austin doesn't appear to be much better. When the door finally shuts you watch as he leans against it, resisting the urge to touch you.

"So, what exactly is this surprise?" Your answer won't change anything from the look in Austin's eyes and yet you can't help the way you cast your eyes down, mildly embarrassed. It's best to rip the band-aid off, isn't it?

"I— I want to have sex with you. Like— full penetrative—"

Austin cuts you off with a kiss that you gasp into, the way he crossed the distance between the two of you startling you. His tongue caresses yours, soft and gentle almost as if he figures you might break if he goes any harder before he pulls away. "You want my cock in that—"

"In my— uh what do you call it? Gorgeous pussy?" The words leave your mouth casually as if you had told Austin the weather outside and the look on his face has you giggling lightly. His mouth is open just ever so slightly allowing you to see that pink tongue of his and practically see the way he's salivating for you. "That's what you call her, right?"

There's an innocence in the question that has Austin pulling you in for another kiss and pressing the full front of his body against you. It is what he calls her and yet you're asking him to make sure. You're asking him as if you haven't had your hands in his hair yanking and crying out when he mutters sweet nothings against it. A whine leaves your lips when you try to grind up against him only to have his hand on your hip stop you. "You're sure? Babe— If you're not— I can't stop myself if I start."

Your hand moves down between the two of you and Austin has nary a minute before he feels your hand cupping him through his jeans. A groan leaves his parted lips and you are powerful. Maybe it's just the rush from hearing Austin's groan but maybe that's what losing your virginity is supposed to be, realizing you have the power to bring someone to their knees just because they love one body part of yours so intensely it could burn them. His cock feels so heavy in your hand and your chest heaves not once, not twice but three times as you mouth at his jaw, his stubble tickling you just a tad.

"This is your surprise. I— I want to feel you inside of me. Feel how it is to take your cock inside more than just my mouth." If there's more words inside your head or in your mouth, they're completely eviscerated by Austin's simple action of picking you up with a grunt, shifting your body weight so that you can try to wrap your thighs around his waist. All you hear is Austin mumbling something against your neck that sounds like "all mine."

Austin's low and almost choked off moan when he starts to pull up your dress after he's gotten you on the bed. Your whites panties are exposed bit by bit until Austin sees them fully and freezes. You had had planned this down to the point of making yourself seem as virginal as possible. You made yourself seem like the purest of them all just for tonight. He hates to ruin the panties but he can't— he can't wait to drag them off your body and instead just slides them off to the side, marveling in the way you shiver at the motion.

"I gotcha," Austin pants as he starts to slide with painstaking slowness into you, watching your face for any minute changes to tell him he's hurting you. "You're— Can't believe you're letting me do this for you." To you, he means but he knows you'll understand the sentiment.

"Why— wouldn't I?" Your breath catches as he thrusts completely in, earning a moan as your body takes in the burn and stretch of his cock. "You're— You'd never hurt me."

Intentionally or unintentionally, if you're being honest with yourself. It's one of so many reasons you knew you could trust him with this. The reason you could trust him to show you the unique pleasure that comes from your first time being fucked by another person. He could coax you through any pain and discomfort you feel.

A low growl leaves his lips that he tries to muffle against your neck. Hearing these words come from you feels like praise and it spurs him to do even better, to make sure even if you leave him you'll never forget this night. His hand moves down to play ever so lightly with your clit even as his cock brushes against it with every thrust.

"I wouldn't. I'd never hurt someone who looks as gorgeous on my cock as you do," Austin murmurs, watching as your eyes roll back into your head for a moment. "I dreamed about this. Woke up with my hand on my cock, wishing it was you. You're taking me so well, babe. Natural. You're— fuck— you're a natural at this."

You don't try to speak, instead letting the way your pussy clenches at the praise tell Austin just what his words are doing to you. He smiles even has he grunts, delighting in the reaction. "You like hearing that? Like hearing how you feel like you're made for my cock? How I'm so fucking thankful you waited to give this to me? How I'm honored?"

His fingers brush against your puffy clit softly and yet it feels as if he's pressed a live wire down against it, your thighs clenching on either side of his legs. It's too much and yet too little all at once. You try to move away, try and tell him that this is too much and yet Austin's a little bit ahead of you. "Let go, I'll— I've got you, remember? You're giving me this on our anniversary. I'll— Let go. Let me see you come on my cock like I've only ever dreamed of."

Somehow those are the magic words for you, somehow like a command you find yourself leaning back, head thumping against the pillow behind you as Austin fucks you slowly through your orgasm, watching as pleasure he's seen before on your face take on a new form in this one instant. If he wasn't already almost irrevocably in love with you— he would be now. This would have had him on his knees worshipping you until you fell into his arms. Instead he watches you come with a silent cry with him following not too far behind as your pretty pussy clenches around him. He looks at you nearly fucked out and the mirror hanging on the wall and gets an idea.

His hand presses against the bulge he can see in your stomach and he marvels in how you practically keen at the sensation, your head flopping back against his chest. You've always been responsive but this is another thing entirely. It's another thing entirely to see your face in the mirror, pleasure covering every inch of your face.

"Babe, I want you to look at us. See what you look like with my cock inside you," Austin murmurs against your neck, lips pressing wet kisses all around it. He watches as you move your head back down and try to focus on the mirror, gasping as you see the outline of his cock pressing against your lower stomach. "You see it? See how full of me you are? See what I'm doing to you."

Words are supposed to be your strong suit but you can't help but stutter out your response. "I— That's— Aus— You're right there. I can—" Your words stop for a moment only to be replaced with a low whine as he presses down. "You're— God, Aus, just, I can feel you. Why does this feel good?"

Because it shouldn't, you think. It shouldn't feel good and yet somehow it heightens every sensation you feel and somehow helps to overcome the occasional tightness you feel from this being your first time.

"I told you. You— It's like it was made for my cock." His answer is almost breathless, as he watches and feels the bulge as he thrusts. "Want— You need to see how much you're mine, how I'm making— No one is going to fuck you like this."

You shake your head almost violently in agreement. "I don't— oh— want anyone to. Just you. I want—" A whine leaves your lips after one particularly sharp thrust. "Old lady. Wanna be her."

Somewhere in the back of your head, you realize you sound incoherent with those words, but from the way one of Austin's hands tightens on your hip you figure he understands exactly what you mean. A shaky exhale leaves his mouth before he tries to nuzzle at your ear, hand petting your stomach. "Say that again."

"I wanna be your old lady." Except it still sounds half slurred as your pussy tries to clench around him, the feeling of his hands setting fire to every inch of your skin it touches. "Yours."

Austin ought to say something, ought to tell you that's the words he's wanted to hear for ages from your lips but he doesn't. Instead he nips at your earlobe and forces you to look up at the vision of the two of you in the mirror. "All mine? Never gonna be anyone else's?"

"No." You utter, watching your tits bounce with each thrust of his cock. You watch the sweat drip down your skin and slide against his body. You don't want to be anyone else's and this confirmed it and settled it. You're Austin's until he's through with you or one of you dies. Maybe it makes you silly and stupid but in this moment you're so in love with Austin Butler that the idea of not being by his side isn't one you ever want to contemplate.

Austin's hand that's been settled where his cock could be seen moves up to your chest, grabbing ahold of your breasts and forcing your body to stay upright and looking straight on into the mirror. He can see how you're panting, how your lips are spit slick and how your hair is a wild untamed mane that he caused. He did this to you, you've allowed him to have you look so debauched that he doubts he'll ever forget this moment of seeing you laid bare for him in front of the mirror with a white dress and white panties on the bed behind you. His eyes drift to from your almost forgotten about dress to you and back again before he feels you clench around him, whimpering something about how it's too much.

"Shh, I— I'm almost there. You've been so good to me, babe. So good to me." He praises you, his thrusts getting a little sloppier until you feel the warmth of his release inside you. Both of your legs are a little wobbly but somehow he manages to get you both to the bed. A groan of discomfort leaves your mouth as he starts to pull out, the sensation feeling as if you're being left empty even as you know the brush of his cock against any part of your swollen pussy or clit or labia is too much right now. You reach out when he stands up, trying to get him to come back to bed only for him to return with a warm washcloth that he uses to gently clean you both up before flopping down next to you.

Without missing a beat you move to snuggle against his chest, his heartbeat a steady drum in your ears before he speaks. "I'm not letting you go."

You place a kiss to his chest, right where his heart is. "I don't want you to."

taglist: @ab4eva, @blurredcolour, @butlersxbirdy, @precious-little-scoundrel, @eliseinmemphis, @prompted-wordsmith, @lookingforrainbows, @araxw, @thatbanditqueen, @ellie-24, @austinbutlersgirl67, @heartbrake-hotel, @ccab, @18lkpeters, @slutforsomegoodlettuce, @dkayfixates, @kendralavon7, @chasingwildflowers, @slowsweetlove, @kxnnxy, @meetmeatyourworst, @purejasmine, @stylespresleyhearted, @powerofelvis, @amydarcimarie, @thegettingbyp2, @austinswhitewolf, @richardslady121 if i have not included you know it’s not meant to be a slight, it’s literally i don’t know if you want to be tagged as far as austin fics or elvis fics, drop me a comment or a message and i’ll add away tbh.

[morganbritton132]

So does eddie ever realize that Steve's moment of "maybe I should retire" was based around the fact that he was getting death threat letters? Or is he just too excited by the prospect that he just focuses on how much fun it would be to have Steve w him all the time?

He does eventually make the connection, but it takes time.

Steve mentioned retiring before Eddie had any inkling of the letters so it’s not an obvious connection for him. Especially because Steve still talked about retiring after Eddie found out.

He’s clouded by the possibility of having it all.

Eddie loves touring. He loves every aspect of it and he loves the possibility of being able to do whatever they want whenever they want. The best times of Eddie’s life were when Steve joined Corroded Coffin on the road, and like. Eddie gets it.

Steve was meant to be a teacher. He’s good at his job and he loves it, and the world is better off because Steve was a teacher. Eddie knows that.

It’s just… it’s just that they got together and then Corroded Coffin went from playing to five drunks at The Hideout to an opening act to headlining their own tours so fast. In those early days, Steve had all these health issues that they were learning to live with and then was in school, and then was working.

And yeah, he would spend the summer on the road with the band but then it was half the summer because he had to work to pay for school or because he was teaching summer school, and then it was even less. Then it was not at all.

The idea that Eddie could have it all made him blind to what – upon reflection – was so obvious.

Eddie would make a joke about how Steve won’t be blowing him off to write lesson plans next year and miss the way that Steve would cringe. He’d point out that Steve didn’t need to buy the funny encouragement stickers at the store because this was his last year teaching and then miss the hollowness in Steve’s voice when he says, “Yeah, I guess.”

It’s not until one day when Dustin’s over. They’re planning to play some new video game that he bought and Eddie’s trying to figure out how to connect his PS5 to the tv in his studio when Dustin asks, “Is Steve okay? Like, no bad test results or anything?”

“He’s fine,” Eddie says and then after a beat, “Why? Did he say something to you?”

“No, but you always bug him until he sets this shit up for you,” Dustin points out. “And I know that he’s in bed right now. At 5 o’clock in the afternoon. On a Saturday.”

“Yeah, thanks for that, Captain Obvious,” He replies sarcastically, waving some cords at him until Dustin takes them and plugs them in the back of the tv. “He has a headache.”

“Okayyyy, so he’s been having a lot of headaches then?” Dustin asked, matching the sarcasm in Eddie’s voice. “I’ve been here a lot since the – you know, death threats. He is either in bed or laying on the couch. I haven’t seen him exercise in-“

“He’s working on that,” Eddie says. “Would you go on a run when someone knows where you live and threatened to beat you to death? Nope. He’s just… working through it. Processing and shit. He has a therapist.”

“I thought that was for his mom?”

“A therapist can have more than one purpose.”

“I’m just saying, he seems depressed,” Dustin says after a bit, completely unwilling to let it go. “He barely hangs out with Robin, he didn’t come to D&D last week, and you were literally just complaining that Steve hasn’t been – gross – in the mood lately. It seems like he’s really checked out and he only gets like that when something is wrong.”

“He’s got that make up MRI coming up,” Eddie replies, but it feels like he’s reaching. His mind is slotting together how many times they’ve eaten pizza this month or how many times he’s woken up before Steve. Last weekend, they watched Star Trek: The Next Generation and Steve didn’t even complain. “I’m sure that’s it.”

Eddie confronts Steve in the morning.

They’re eating cereal at the kitchen table and Eddie watches as Steve picks the marshmallows out of his Luck Charms before asking bluntly, “Are you dying?”

A little too bluntly because Steve startles like he’s been shocked, “What?”

“So, that’s a no?” Eddie asks, and then to Steve’s bewildered look, “Dustin’s worried that you’re dying. He says you’re acting weird, and you are. I can’t trust that you’ll tell me things anymore so… So, I’m asking, and I will take your word that you’re not going to lie directly to my face. Are you dying?”

“No,” Steve says. “No, I – Ed, I’d never keep something like that from you.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“But you ARE acting weird,” Eddie insists. “I know that the letters were a lot and they were scary, and it’s completely normal to not be okay about it, but this seems like it’s something else. You’re not doing any of your normal Steve stuff so… what’s going on?”

“I don’t – Eddie, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Okay,” He says. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“Don’t do that,” Steve tells him. “Don’t say it like you think I’m lying to you. I’m not. I – I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the letter. I didn’t know what to do, so stop… Stop treating me like you can’t trust me.”

“You’re hiding something, Steve! How can-“

“Do you know what I’m giving up?” Steve snaps, somewhere between sad and angry. He drops his spoon and pushes away from the table. “I would give up the world for you, Eddie, and I – I am! If you can’t trust me then what are we doing? I don’t want to be in my parents relationship and that’s what it feels like. I feel like I’m giving everything up so I can be here and you’re still unhappy.”

“I’m not unhappy, Steve, I’m – I’m confused! I don’t know what’s going on. What are you giving up?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me!” Eddie exclaims, tugging on his hair before getting up and following Steve. They’re standing in front of the kitchen sink when Eddie says, “I want to understand. What’s going-“

“I don’t want to stop teaching.”

Eddie stops, and it’s like every conversation they’ve had for the last month slots into place with brand new context and he’s – god, he’s an idiot. “Steve, baby. You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do,” He says and he tries to smile like everything is fine. “We’re going to travel and it’s going to be really fun. It’s just hard right now.”

“I didn’t – god, Steve. I’m sorry if I pressured you into thinking that you – we travel during the summer and on spring break, and we go on dates on the weekend, and that’s enough for me, babe. I don’t need you to give up anything for me.”

“I want to.”

Eddie takes a breath and he squeezes Steve’s hand, “Would you ever make me stop playing guitar? Would you ever let me break up the band and stop making music so we could spend time together?”

“It’s different, Eddie.”

“No, it’s not,” He tells him. “It’s your life and it’s your passion, and I’m a really shitty husband if I take that from you.” 

[creedslove]

mari bb it’s 3am here but i’m suddenly thinking about brooklyn/qz joel (the phase where he’s wearing denim shirt and looms over people like a fucking goon) and how i just wanna be his girl sooo bad 😫 like i want the other women in qz whispering how “no way she got a fucking sundress” and “joel got it for her” and like bash me “fucking spoiled c*nt” etc 😫😫😫😫😫😫 want those nasty blue balled men at the ratty makeshift bar at qz to stare but not daring to do anything bcs “that’s joel’s girl” 😫😫😫 wanna rub joel’s tired muscles after a day of hard work 😫😫😫

but then i thought to myself “wait… do they pnly eat jerkies ..?” and was like nuh uh I WOULD STARVEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭 but i wanna be scary old man joel who can body grown men with a single arm’s sweet little pea soooo bad

-jerk loving anon

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: my beautiful jerk loving anon, this ask is pure sin, it smells and tastes like sex just like everything revolving around Joel Miller 🤤🤤🤤 also, I hope you are doing better now my angel, and sorry if it took me too long to get this done

• life in the Boston QZ was hard; more than hard, it was pure shit most of the time, a depressing city full of depressing people who died out of starvation, disease and poor condition while ruled by a fascist government division, it was understandable why it was so terrible

• that for most people, but not for you, not when you were Joel Miller's girl

• technically, life was a shitty for you and Joel, but you two had each other which made things much better because well, you made Joel happy and no one, absolutely no one messed with Joel Miller's girl

• you both were such a good match, taking care of each other and making sure to make your existence a little less terrible in that fucked up world

• it had started with sex, just sex in the beginning, but it wasn't like Joel could resist your body, your touches looking for some affection and shyly cuddling him after being railed by his thick cock and your big warm eyes looking at him as if he was the greatest thing in the world when he could only think of himself as a murderer and nothing else

• he knew you deserved better, he knew he should keep away, but he didn't want to make sacrifices anymore, he wanted to be selfish and have at least one good thing in the world, and that had to be you, his girl

• it was a surprise to him when he found out his fame didn't bother you one bit, it didn't matter if people hated or feared him, if people knew he could kill in the blink of an eye or if he smuggled shit inside the QZ, you still liked him

• so he knew he would have to take good care of you; so he did his best to give you nice things, it wasn't easy but he would smuggle whatever he could in order to spoil you

• so he would manage to get you several things: new shoes, books, a gorgeous summer dress that would hug tight to your body and even a red lipstick he managed to find because he wanted to see his cock all smeared in red as you gave him a blowjob with red lips

• he even managed to smuggle some snacks once, anything to make his girl happy

• he pretends not to know most women around nearly dies of jealousy of you, they whisper and talk whenever you pass by, whether it's because you have usually better or newer things or simply because of the fact you managed to win Joel Miller's heart of stone, out of all the other women in that QZ

• you also knew those envious bitches trash talked you, but you didn't care one bit, if anything, you were proud of being Joel's and that a lot of people envied you, you just knew you would be envious too if Joel liked someone else instead

• you and Joel walked around when you had some days off, it only took a glare from him at whoever guy who tried to hit on you or make any remarks towards you, your looks or your body, and needless to you, you felt so safe in his arms

• he always pulled you closer, kissing your temple and having his arm wrapped around your waist

• in return, you would do your best to cook as decent meals as possible with that ration FEDRA gave you all, it wasn't the best, but Joel seemed to like it

• you always warmed up food so he could have a warm shower and you would gladly rub his shoulders, massage them and make sure to help him relax

• and you gladly loved to ride his cock in that shitty couch or shitty bed and it didn't matter if the neighbors could hear it or not, you just wanted to enjoy the pleasure Joel gave you

• at the end of the day, you would snuggle Joel and hug him to bed, falling asleep in his arms, loving how he very often became the little spoon even if he was bigger than you

____

[reidmania]

heyyy I saw your fanfic about the mental health and depression things and I would loveeee if you would write one about the reader self harming and Miguel finds out and comforts them🧡 I’ve struggled with self harm and depression and your fics help so much!

JUST HOLD ON

miguel o’hara

summary; miguel’s heart breaks when he finds out what you do to yourself

warnings; mentions of self harm, comfort, swearing, could be very poorly written and im so so so sorry if it is xx

an; thank you for requesting, i want to remind everyone that i am in NO WAY romanticising self harm or mental health problems, i wanted to make this series to help people who dont have somewhere to go or someone to talk to, these are purely just comfort fics

i also want to say, youre not alone, and i know self harm is a coping mechanism for many, myself included, but there is so many other healthy ways to cope and i want everyone to know that if you ever ever ever need anybody to talk to, im always here and i want to do my best to make sure youre all okay.

long sleeves, jumpers, scafs, bandaids, bracelets. you were always wearing one or the other. miguel never asked why, he thought maybe you just found it more comfortable.

the entire time you and miguel had been dating, and in a relationship, it had been the cold seasons of the year, and now with summer coming in quick, you were stressing.

miguel isn’t stupid, he would wonder why you’re wearing a jumper or a long sleeve in ridiculous heat, he would question it, and that set you off in a panic.

it was fine, during the day when miguel was at the HQ doing his spider business, but when he got home, your mind went crazy.

although, to you, you did a good job hiding it.

“im home!” miguel says, your eyes widen as you get off the couch quickly, “one sec!” you reply, running up to your bedroom to get a jumper, quickly throwing on the first one you can find, you go back to meet miguel.

you wrap your arms around him, he does the same, squeezing you tightly. “how was your day?” you ask, as you let go of him, walking to the kitchen to start with dinner.

“not bad.. newbies are always rough” miguel says softly, leaning against the wall in the kitchen. “baby” he says softly.

you hum in response, occupied by cutting vegetables. “why do you have the AC on, while wearing a jumper?” he wasn’t mad, he was genuinely just wondering.

regardless you freak, trying to come up with an explanation, “my top half was cold” you say, shrugging.

miguel laughs, “do you need some help?” he says, leaning off of the wall to come up next to you,

“yes, boil some water”

miguel wasn’t stupid. he knew you better then he knew himself, and he knew your top half was always hotter then your bottom half, you were always wearing pants and rubbing your sleeves over your legs.

so he was confused.

it had been like this for a while now, little things would concern miguel but he didn’t want to bring them up, incase they were nothing.

today was weird though, while you were still asleep, in bed, miguel had to get ready for the day, looking in the laundry for a pair of socks, he finds one of your tshirts.

he ignored it at first, before he saw the red stains along the sleeves, his mind first went to, ‘that time of the month’ but you don’t get that in your arm.

he frowns, confused. deciding to figure it out later.

“lyla, do you know whats up with y/n” he asks softly, trying to stay focused on his work, but concern filled his body.

“what do you mean” she asks back, miguel sighs. “tell a soul, and i will literally end your existence” he says, “okok! just say it”

“i don’t think ive ever seen y/n’s arms”

“you think she doesn’t have arms?”

“no- shut up. like shes always wearing long sleeves, or jumpers, or her wrists are covered in bracelets.”

“oh miguel” lyla frowns. “what- what does that mean”

“obviously i cant be 100% sure, i don’t know personally, but it very much could be her trying to hide something..” she says.

“what?” miguel asks, shaking his head “hide what?”

“this isn’t my place to tell, just talk to her”

when miguel came home that evening, he was even more confused and concerned then he was when he left in the morning. he called out, but didn’t get a response, he hums.

he finds you in the living room, asleep on the couch, he smiles softly before he notices your arm.

no long sleeve, no jumper, no bracelets.

his eyes widen as he looks at the blood stains on your arm, the tissue in your other hand, covered in blood. if it was just one miguel would just assume it was an accident.

but he sees it, all of it, the numerous scas, fresh and old cuts, he can feel his stomach drop. next to the paper he finds a small razor, he picks it up quickly, throwing it out before he comes back, taking a deep breath.

“y/n” he says softly, you were a light sleeper, “mm?” you reply, until something must of clicked in your brain.

you sit up quickly, pulling you arm to your chest, youre pale like you have seen a ghost, miguel is heartbroken.

“come with me” he says softly, you pause for a minute as he starts walking, but when he turns around to you, you stand up and follow him.

into your bedroom, he tells you to sit on the bed, before he goes into the bathroom for a moment. “miguel- im sorry” you finally say.

he doesn’t reply, coming out with a first aid kit, kneeling on the ground in front of you. wiping your arm, so damn gently.

he continues to clean and bandage your arm, without saying anything before he sits next to you on the bed.

you have tears in your ears, and a yuck feeling in your stomach, “come here” miguel says, lifting you onto his lap, facing him, he wraps his arms around you.

“im sorry, miggy”

“don’t apologise baby, you don’t have to feel bad about this okay? you have done nothing wrong”

“i-“

“i want you to know, im here, im going to be here regardless of what happens, okay? this isn’t healthy, baby. but i know its a coping mechanism for you, we just gotta find a healthier one, together yeah?”

“yeah” you say softly, buried in his neck.

“i hate knowing you’ve been hurting yourself baby, someone is hurting my special girl, and i had no idea” he says, looking at you as he moves your hair behind your ear.

you frown, as you look up at him. “no more” you say.

“no more” he agrees.

“i want you to promise me, that if you need me or ever think about doing it again, you will get me straight away, i don’t care whats happening or what im doing, youre my priority, always”

“i love you miggy, i promise”

“i love you too, cmon, lets get you changed then watch allll the rom coms you want” he says, kissing your face.

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

Kisses for Bad Days

Alfie Solomons x Fem!Reader

Warnings: talking about depression, language

A/N: A few days ago I was having what I call a “low day”. Transparently I’m going through my summer of healing, so I’m doing a lot of heart work and sometimes I get down. So I wrote this to just… idk cope I guess. If anyone struggles with this kind of stuff, just know you’re loved, and you’re wanted and needed. - Mo

As an aside, I’m running out of ideas!! Send me some ideas if you wantttt!!

The day started out well enough. The weather had finally turned a sweet cool, and there was a beautiful sunrise. You and Alfie shared a good strong cup of tea, he read the morning paper to you, and you gave a him more than a few kisses goodbye as he left for the office.

It was setting up to be a good day. You had a list of chores you wanted to get done, and a great meal planned out for tonight. It should have been a good day. It should have. It really should have.

Nothing, happened, per say. It was just your thoughts getting in the way. It had been like this for a few years now. Where you would get your hopes up for a good day. Have your plan. Get excited for the day. But as the day went on, you felt your body aches, your heart turning heavy, and your mind would just race without peace. Sometimes, you could control it and push through. But some days. Some days you could only lay back down and cry. Ever since you’ve started living with Alfie, you tried to keep your crying to a minimum, not letting him see you. But he’d caught you sometimes. And he’d worry and caress you, asking what was wrong, if he had done anything. Bless him. He didn’t do anything. He never did anything. Nothing happened. Nothing caused it. It just… washed over you. Shrouded you like a massive blanket that you couldn’t get out from under.

Today was a crying day. You did the best you could. The laundry was never folded. The grand meal in your mind turned into pot roast to roast in the fire for the rest of the day. Then you just crawled into bed. Laying there. Staring into space, watch the plaster on the walls change in shape. Listening to the wind and voices outside your window. Hours passed. Tears fell. And soon enough the evening sun came, and the front door rustled with the sound of Alfie’s boots.

“Darling! Sweetheart I’m home! Oh it smells great my dove. Dove? Darling?”

When Alfie heard the rustling of the sheets, he knew what kind of day it was. He just sighed, taking off his jacket and boots. He hated seeing you like this. Not because it was inconvenient or bothersome. No, just because it broke something deep within him. His darling, suffering so. Alfie was someone who found the solutions. Always had the answer. Always was able to piece together the broken china, fix the squeaky door, figure out where the draft was coming from. That’s what he does. He makes his sweet heart smile. Makes her day better. That’s what he does. It’s his joy.

Alfie knows the sadness is no one’s fault. He knows that it just is, and maybe one day it’ll leave you. He just wishes he could take it from you. He wishes that if anything, he could hold it for you. He felt helpless not being able to carry it for you. All he could do was be there.

He find you huddled in the sheets and quilts that you’ve made and collected. No longer in the dress he left you in. Your hair is loose, spread around you like another blanket, and you have one of his shirts wrapped right around you like a shield. Alfie changes from his outside clothes, and lifts the sheets and blankets up, “All right little bird, scoot over yeah? Yeah let me get next to you. No no don’t worry about your face and tears I don’t wanna hear it. Now come here, tell your old husband what’s the matter. What’s got my little wife upset. Your mind playing tricks again eh?”

You buried your face in his chest, just letting the tears flow freely. Alfie just hummed to you, patting the top of your head. Eventually, your breathing evens out, and you let your fingers trace the unruly curls on his chest. You finally feel ready to talk, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me Alfie.”

“No no nothing, is wrong with you pet. Ollie, he’s got something wrong with him, that silly little boy. You are perfect sweet heart. So what you let your tears ruin all my shirts?”

“Alfie!!!!!”

“Oh my dove I am just teasing you. No no don’t be cross with me please treacle. You know those shirts were ruined before we even met.”

He places his palm beneath your quivering chin, tilting your face to look up at him, "You're safe little bird. No one is upset with you. You've done nothing wrong my darling."

Though his words were so soothing to your racing mind, you still felt the tears well up, "I just don't want you to feel like I'm a burden."

Alfie shook his head quickly, kissing the tip of your nose, "You've never been a burden to me dove. Frankly, I wish you would be more of a burden. A little too independent, leaving your poor old husband in the dust."

You let out a small giggle, and Alfie felt his heart lighten, and he just pressed your closer to him, "Oh my sweet girl. My sweet sweet girl. I know it hurts. I know. But I'll always be here to hold you. You trust me?"

You nodded kissing the corner of his mouth, "I trust you Alfie."

"Good, but you missed treacle lets try that again yeah?"

You couldn't help but roll your eyes and try to push him away, but his strong arms just pulled you right next to him, allowing him to pepper your face with his scratchy and bushy kisses. Once you both were thoroughly out of breath from roughhousing, Alfie just stared into your eyes, pushing the stray hair out of your face, "I love you so much darling. More than you know. Why don't you take a bath, and meet me in the parlor? We'll listen to the radio and play cards?"

You nodded in assent, kissing him gently but fully.

Days like this were hard. Sometimes it felt like the loneliest island in the world. But with Alfie, there was a saving grace. There you could escape from the loneliness and find safe harbor in his arms. With Alfie, you could survive anything. You could thrive. You could have a beautiful evening. You can feel love where you still need to love yourself.

[kvrokasaa]

Depression Arc

cw: depression, the use of the word hate a lot, reader is basically a people pleaser in this, comfort(?), 1.0k words.

You hate being labeled as a burden. You hate it so much. But you have no way to express this hatred to anyone because if you do they’ll ask how you’re a burden. Then you’ll go into a rant and slowly you’ll begin to realize that this person who you felt so comfortable sharing anything with, is losing interest and you’re becoming a burden.

You hate being labeled as a burden, but you’ve never been labeled as a burden. Only your mind has called you a burden. So maybe, maybe the sighs, the eyes darting anywhere but to yours, and the interruptions–maybe they’re not viewing you as a burden.

But what if they are?

So, that’s one of the many reasons why you stick to yourself. Sure, you let a few words of how you’re feeling slip here and there. But you never allow yourself to rant to anyone, even if this person told you that they want you to confide in them. You don’t want to confide in them.

It took you over seven years to confide in your therapist, why would you confide in someone who’s not being paid to listen to you?

You keep your head down at school, you never purposefully bring attention to yourself. 

You hate being called annoying. It’s one of your worst fears. You hate hearing the sighs, you hate seeing people turn their heads, you hate seeing people look at their friends and laugh. One would label you as socially anxious, or just not a social person in general. And maybe you would agree, maybe you would laugh it off and say ‘Yeah, that’s probably the problem.’ But you know that’s not the problem. It’s part of the problem, but not the entire problem.

You just hate being called annoying. You hate when everyone stares at you. Your mother would tell you that they’re jealous of how outgoing you are, but you know that now they have laughing material with their friends. 

You hate being called lazy. You work your ass off almost every day, even in the dead of summer when it’s so fucking hot out. But the second you sit down, people call you lazy and say you never do anything. 

But most of all, you hate how you still smile at these people. You hate how you can’t gather the courage to tell these people what’s on your mind. You wish you could scream at them, pull your hair, cry–anything, you wish you could do anything. But one wrong move, one wrong breath, and these people–or rather this person–will blow up on you. They’ll get so mad at you, make you feel pathetic and useless. And then you’ll feel crazy because you’ve always loved this person, why are you hating them now?

But now, every day is getting harder and harder. It’s the same things over and over again. Get up, go to school, come home, and cry. Well, you don’t cry every day, but you wish you could.

You know everyone can see how tired you are. You know it. You wish these people would ask if you’re okay. But you also wish they won’t because you know once they do, you’ll break down; you hate attention. 

“You okay?” At first, you thought it was just in your imagination. You almost berated yourself for being so desperate for attention. But the warmth, the weight, of his hand on your shoulder made you realize that, no this isn’t fake. Someone actually looked at you and realized that you weren’t okay.

“Yeah,” you provided a faux smile.

“I don’t believe you.”

Four words. Fifteen letters. That’s all it took for you to break. A little piece of glass, but that little piece caused the other pieces to break. 

You never thought those words would be the ones to break you. But here you are, your hand cupping your mouth, tears streaming down your face. You’re trying so desperately to hide your emotions. You’ve tried. But four fucking words later and you’re crouched on the library floor crying.

You’re sure he wasn’t even asking about your depression. You’re sure he was asking about earlier when you tripped on your way through the doors. But you so desperately needed to hear those words. You did, and you know it.

It’s comical, really. The way his face immediately contorts to one of confusion. All this situation needs is a little question mark to appear over his head. “That bad, huh?”

God, and he wasn’t even talking about the trip. He actually meant the depression. 

Wait. Are you burdening him? No, you shouldn’t cry about this. You shouldn’t let someone see this side of you so easily.

But the words slipped out like your mouth was laced with butter. “I’m so tired.” There’s no fake happiness, no cheerfulness in your voice. Nothing but a small sob lets him know that you really mean it. “I don’t know what to do, I’m so tired.” You don’t even have the energy to scream or anything.

And although you’re in the library, you know you could scream the words. This is your afternoon job, in a way, you stack the books with him, and no one else but you two are around.

Warmth consumes you. His jacket’s draped around your back. Although it’s so hot outside and the AC is barely working, you feel so….nice. 

“God, this is stupid.” Your hands come up to wipe your tears. But another action from the man behind you halts you. His hat is placed on your head.

“It’s not stupid. Stop downplaying your emotions. It’s stupid that you just laugh things off when they impact you so much.” You almost want to cry again. He’s noticed this much? How? “Just go home, do whatever you want.”

You don’t think twice when you lift yourself off the floor. Ready to leave this embarrassing moment. “But hey,” he calls out before you leave. “I better see you tomorrow. No quitting.”

You don’t know if you finally found something to wake up to, but you know for a fact that his words bring a small but real smile to your lips.

a/n: this is basically me rn lol

[mononijikayu]

monster like me.

The weight of Gojo Satoru's presence became increasingly palpable as he shifted his gaze towards the setting sun. An oppressive silence enveloped them both, one laden with the shared grief too profound for words. Their unspoken understanding needed no verbal reinforcement. Two unhappy people together had no need for words, after all.

GENRE: pre - hidden inventory arc to shibuya arc (1990s to 2010s);

WARNING/S: domesticity, fluff, angst, trauma, implied death, violence, romance, hurt/comfort, character death depiction of death, depictions of loss and depression, depiction of anxiety, mention of death, mention of grief, profanity, family drama;

LISTEN: monster like me by morland and debrah scarlett

NOTE: i wanna give satoru and genmei a hug pls,,,,,,why are they being mean to you both??? (its me, im mean to them)

masterlist

u s and t h e m

[ Mikoto Shrine, September 2007; Kyoto Prefecture ]

ZENIN GENMEI THINKS ITS HARD TO THINK STRAIGHT THESE DAYS. Perhaps it was the unrelenting heat, or maybe the absence of a soothing summer breeze, but Genmei felt a restless impatience brewing within her. The days seemed to stretch endlessly, each moment dragging longer than the last, reminiscent of a past she thought she had managed to bury deep within her.

It felt like those days all over again—the days when Kaiko left her. Yet, there was a stark difference now, a disparity that puzzled and tormented her. Back then, the pain was sharp, a sudden severance of a bond she had known her entire life. It was a profound loss, the kind that reshapes one's entire existence in its wake. But this current feeling, this lingering ache—was it worse? How could the loss of someone she had known for merely three years weigh so heavily on her, seemingly more painful than the loss of someone who had been a fixture in her life from the beginning?

The question gnawed at her, a persistent echo in her mind that refused to be silenced. Each day without resolution brought with it a heavy sense of sorrow, mixed with a deep-seated confusion about the nature of her attachments.

Had her years with Kaiko been so deeply ingrained in her being that they became a part of her subconscious landscape, a piece of her identity that she could detach from, however painfully, because it was expected? Was the surprise of forming a new, profound connection later in life—only to lose it unexpectedly—somehow more jarring, its abrupt end more disorienting because it was unforeseen?

Genmei pondered these questions, feeling the weight of her thoughts like the oppressive summer heat. The lack of clarity frustrated her, the inability to rationalize her emotions or predict their impacts made each day a maze of memories and what-ifs. The absence of Kaiko had been a void she learned to navigate, filling it over time with new experiences, allowing it to scar over in a way that became manageable, if not entirely healed.

But this—this was different. This pain was raw, fresher; a wound reopened before it could fully heal. It questioned her understanding of attachment, of love and loss. It forced her to confront the possibility that perhaps the intensity of a connection isn't measured in the length of time it's endured but in the depth it reached in one's soul.

Maybe, in those three years, she had allowed herself to open up in ways she hadn't with Kaiko, to be vulnerable in a manner that was both terrifying and exhilarating, which now left her exposed in the aftermath.

Letting out a small, weary exhale, Zenin Genmei could do nothing but sit still. But she seemed to hate that more than anything.The stillness provided no answers, only the space to acknowledge the deep caverns of this beast of feelings. Perhaps understanding would come with time, or maybe it wouldn't. For now, Genmei had to accept the drowning in her emotions. And she cannot run away. She can never run away.

As Genmei wrestled with the tumultuous thoughts swirling through her mind, she began to realize that perhaps the profound sense of loss she felt was intricately linked to who Geto Suguru was—and, more importantly, what he had represented to her. If Satoru was the moon, Suguru was the sun. The moon cannot exist without the sun. And Genmei cannot live them both. Not even if she tried.

The more she thought about it, the clearer it became that her suffering stemmed from a deep yearning how deeply she felt about Suguru. She'd never reflected on it this deeply before. But it's all Genmei had.

Genmei could only think about how she longed for his smile—so full of warmth and life, so distinctly his. She ached to hear his voice again, tender and reassuring. It was as though he was life in itself. And she could only dream, that he would come back. Even after all he had done.

Genmei can only sigh as she leaned her head against the tree. Her lips locked in a tight line as she looked at the small echo of the setting sun. Her hands tried to reach far and wide, but even as her fingers caught the light, there was nothing that could prevent the sun from leaving.

"You're getting too quiet."

Genmei looks to her corner, the silver halo echoing from the peripheral of her sight. "Temples are usually quiet, Satoru."

"People at temples aren't this quiet."

"It's for prayers."

His blue eyes looked at her, as though searching for something she could not understand. "Then pray. I'll listen."

"You're too much of a brat, Satoru."

He snickers, leaning his body towards the small of her back. "You'd never cared before."

Genmei couldn't help but snicker quietly. Gojo Satoru had never once believed in gods his entire life. If anything nowadays, he was more like a god than anything. But Genmei thinks she'd deny him of her prayers being said out loud. Genmei had never been eager to celebrate grief with others. She'd never been good at it. The Zenin kept things to themselves. No one talked about anything.

The Mikoto thinks it should be discussed in the depths of one's lonesomeness. To let it all drift away with the wind itself. Mother had always told her that reflection heals all wounds. That was expected from her mother, she supposed. Her mother was born to reflect, to keep those emotions, those echoes of loss, in the silence of reflection. A priestess through and through. An attribute she supposed she earned from her.

Father used to say the opposite, Genmei could recall. Her father with her loud boisterous voice, his warm hands and his bright starlight eyes. One must wonder how he was ever a Zenin. He often said that humans are not islands, cannot exist as islands. Islands need life. Islands need the touch of humanity. Genmei did not know if she agreed with her father, but it was something she was mindful of, to at least learn. To understand.

Genmei had seen it all too many times with the people that are left behind each and every mission. She noted each and every emotion on their faces, as though she was remembering what they used to feel like. How they fit her face when she had learned it all those years before, on the bright gaze of a bright eyed young wonder. Her father, Kaiko, Namie and now Suguru. They taught her how, to blossom in wonder. And now they took it away too. What had been relearned, Geto Suguru took it away with him too.

When people are sad, she remembered how people crave the need to be together. They yearn to feel whole at the thought of loneliness abandoned. Genmei never needed that before. The warmth of another person's touch, the space to let the eyes dampen with those unspent tears. The cries that ring desolation. Genmei wondered if she ever allowed herself to be like that. To be able to cry again like that. To be human.

Emotions expressed, of what she learnt at one point ─ the dead took it with them. Suguru himself took what remained. All that warmth that had built the fullness of a human's home had died once more. Genmei supposed it's what helped her last in Zenin manor recently. Like all those times before, Zenin Genmei ran to her emptiness to survive.

Yet, as she sensed the subtle tilt of his head resting against her shoulder, Zenin Genmei thought that deep down ─ she was allowing herself to dig through that numbness. He was warm, Satoru always was. Even the moon he was, he was still more warmth than barren cold. Even in the grief that dug through him, he brought the coldness she felt back to life with his warmth.

She noticed a faint, inaudible sigh escaping her mouth while a dull ache began to take root in her legs. She was feeling the discomfort of the stiffness that comes with the way she sat under the grass. Nevertheless, she remained unmoving, steadfast in her conviction. He wanted to rely on her in this moment, the most humbly human of requests. He needed this, she supposed.

The day would soon draw to a close. Genmei could not remember when the last time her world stopped for such a moment of quiet. Jujutsu sorcerers rarely had the time to savor things like these. When they do, it was a treasured thing. Blue hour was upon them, gleaming like the dark deep shine of Okinawa's deep blue. Memories hit her, tugging at her heart to remember the humanity that dwelled with the love that she wanted to lock away.

Years ago, such treasured moments were stolen moments. Even from where they sat, the thought of all those times beckoned her on. To unlock the key and return to those moments. Genmei purses her lips tight as she looked onward upon the dancing grass. Laughter filled her ears, as though it was a song stuck in her head. The smiles glistened panel after panel in each fragment hidden under lock and key. Before Satoru, before Suguru, before Shoko.

Those memories haunted her. All those echoes retorted to her, gnawed at her with all it had. Just one look at the sunset beam, Genmei recalled it all. The youth where she smiled the truest, the past three years where she reclaimed that smile. The young daughter of clan Zenin blew a soundless breath in the air.

The day unfolded with such breathtaking splendor, resembling a veritable Eden unveiled before their eyes. Both of them long discarded their talk. The sudden breeze serenading their languid forms, the unyielding tree bark etching its presence upon his charcoal uniform, the slight glimmer of scarlet light dancing against the slit of her hakama.

The descending sun showered them with its farewell caress, a poignant parting gesture. Not all days boasted such perfection, nor did they all weigh as heavily on the heart as this. All death, all tragedy, all lost of youth, its worth mourning. Even beautiful skies must be mourned.

The heron heralded its imminent arrival, casting the benevolent embrace of the ethereal blue hour that gradually consumed the fiery vestiges of the scarlet sky. On an ordinary day, Zenin Genmei might have lamented her perceived lack of productivity. Even then, she can't blame Satoru for it.

The gods demanded honesty and clarity from their priestest. Yet, she knew she would not be able to give that to the gods. Not when Suguru's words replayed over and over in her mind like a broken record. His smile so genuine as he spoke of the world he dreamed of. The one where the world burns and his conviction would remain steadfast in the joy it would bring him.

Genmei thinks it was better to say nothing to Satoru.

He wouldn't be able to handle all of it, she thinks.

He'd never be able to understand how Suguru smiled.

‘It repeats over and over, the song of tragedy rhymes again,’ Genmei contemplates with an air of exasperation as if a disconcerting sensation tempts her away for a brief dalliance with nicotine. The key was unlocked, she was sure.

The throes of her humanity fighting its way to come alive. She yearns for the noxious tendrils of smoke to vacate her lungs, as if they held the power to purge her thoughts, her endless sufferings. ‘With all that I could have seen and have not allowed myself to say…’

Her solitary recourse lies in the graceful inclination of her head, a poignant gesture born of inner turmoil as she contemplates the disheartening notion of history unfurling itself once more. The weight of self-reproach deepens as she revisits the keenly missed telltale signs, those subtle cues that her discerning eye had once so deftly unveiled.

Her lilac eyes, now narrowed, bear the heavy burden of accumulated recollections spanning years, all converging inexorably to that austere conclusion—the same deluge of denouement. It was bound to happen all over again. She warned them. Souls that break can never return. Yet they did not listen to her. And they repeated the same mistake. And all is left is tragedy.

Yet, despite the overwhelming emotions that surge within her, the most she can muster is a profound, resigned sigh.

With a leisurely closure of her eyes, she wished for reprieve. The young woman yearns to erase her thoughts. Though, that in itself may be tedious work. Genmei had tried to forget. Tried to fight the box that had burst from within her. But the memories come rushing back one way or another. Genmei mourns, then she cries. Then she marches forward and then loses to fate. The cycle repeats. The worst of it she supposed is to remember in the quiet.

One that had plagues her as she sits to meditate. The words so sweet from the mouth of someone she loved, visiting her like a curse that had been willed to haunt her. Tilting her head slightly downward, she permits the weight of her contemplations to rest on Satoru. As he leans into her, he seems content to remain motionless. To lose any sense to the mundane.

The warmth shared between them feels like fire, intensified by the uneven caress of the vanishing sun. Infinity appears to exist only in the obscurity behind his dark glasses. Genmei remains uncertain about his countenance to reality, yet she cannot help but imagine that their faces had dried against a torrent of mournful tears. Not that Genmei could even blamed him. She would have gone mad with all of it, too. Well, she has. 

When he sought her out, he did so without uttering a single word. Veiled in impenetrable silence behind the obsidian lenses of his dark shades, he extended a hand and gently beckoned her away from her solitary stance. He stole her away from her own bitterness, so they may sit together, bitter.

Their departure from the temple was a measured procession, their hearts coursing with the blood of shared experiences, and their bond weighed heavy with the burden of mutual silence. In time, they found solace beneath the same trees where joyful memories had once danced in her mind like fragments of a shattered mosaic.

Genmei ponders whether he had nearly forgotten how to draw breath. Yet, she could scarcely hold it against him, for the shock of such a profound loss was an expectation that accompanied it.

Youthful love is the most grotesque loss, Genmei knew from the start. When one thinks of curses, love  is the worst. Much more with the denial that it is lost forever. Most cases Genmei found that the cases she deals with comes from the madness of love becoming the curse that people bear. 

Satoru's not the type to unleash such malice upon the world, she knew that at the very least. But it did not stop the hurt, nor will it ever stop it from breaking his heart. To be separated from the person he held dearest, the one who tethered him to humanity. In the solitude of divinity, kamis often found themselves lonely, far too easily. You never get use to it. Genmei was certain to speak from experience. She hasn't let go after all this time, either. 

Nevertheless, they were aware that they could never truly attain humanity. Yet, in the union of Satoru and Suguru, there existed the closest semblance of a kami becoming fully human. Genmei's head lowered gently as she contemplated the glistening grass underfoot. She reminisced about the gentle smile that had once graced humanity within the soul of Suguru Geto, now replaced by an overwhelming sense of grief for what might have been.

‘Was I like this back then, with Kaiko? With Namie? With my father?’ she pondered silently, opening her eyes to witness a small bird taking flight. Suppressing a quiet laugh with a bite of her lip, she added, ‘I don't remember.’

‘No,’ a voice whispered back to her, almost mockingly. ‘You do remember, and now you feel it once more, clawing at you. But you realize it, don't you? How worse it is now? How you let yourself break like the weakling you are. You loved that boy too much and now it burns you whole.'

Her lips tightened against her jaw. ‘Silence.’

The voice chuckled but refrained from further conversation. She didn't anticipate it would speak further.

At that moment, the young woman found herself immersed in the world around them, the clouds waning as the sun continued its haunting descent beyond the horizon. Lost in her thoughts once more, the young woman with lilac eyes inwardly cursed the voice in her head as youth flooded in like an unstoppable tide.

Genmei's thoughts churned like a turbulent sea, brimming with memories, regrets, and unspoken sentiments, all of which remained tightly sealed, many of them never to be revealed, not even on her final day. Yet, perhaps one day, some of those words would find their way into the world.

The weight of Gojo Satoru's presence became increasingly palpable as he shifted his gaze towards the setting sun. An oppressive silence enveloped them both, one laden with the shared grief too profound for words. Their unspoken understanding needed no verbal reinforcement. Two unhappy people together had no need for words, after all.

As the light faded, she discreetly stole a glimpse of Satoru, his face still concealed behind those dark glasses. She wondered about the world he perceived and the emotions he harbored. However, there was no need to inquire; their connection transcended mere words. She sensed the tempest of emotions raging within him—a storm of pain, anger, and sorrow.

"I wish I could alleviate your pain." she murmured, her words barely more than a breath of air. She meant those words. That she was certain. Yet she knew he heard her. There was no necessity for a response; her mere presence sufficed for now. "To make it easier—"

"You can't." Satoru responded nonchalantly, maintaining his cheerful facade. Her lips pursed into a line, and she could only sigh. "Not even if you tried."

For a moment, Genmei closed her eyes once again, allowing the world's sounds and sensations to wash over her. She felt Satoru's warmth against her, a small source of comfort amid the overwhelming grief. Memories of happier times with him flashed before her—moments of shared laughter, dreams, and quiet intimacy, a bittersweet montage.

"I won't let you face this alone," Genmei whispered in her words a solemn pledge to the man beside her. She had confronted her demons and regrets in the past, and now she was determined to help him confront him. They were two souls intertwined in a shared history and a profound understanding.

He snickered, almost haughtily.

He looks at her, almost mockingly.

Genmei's used to it, after all this time.

"Promises being met? Rare these days, Genmei - senpai." He always liked to bait her into mockery with the word 'senpai'. Suguru had always scolded him for that. But Genmei knew she did not mind. She never truly did. "Don't promise something you can't fulfill."

"Do you doubt me, Satoru?"

"You've given me no reason to trust you right now." Oh. He knows. He felt him here, his residuals. Genmei bit her lower lip. Of course he did. He is the honoured one, after all.

Lilac against blue. "No, I have not."

The world beyond their cocoon of grief carried on, oblivious to their suffering. Birds continued their evening serenades, and a gentle breeze rustled the leaves above. It was as though nature itself sought to offer solace, reminding them that life persisted, even in the face of loss.

At that moment, beneath the darkening sky, Genmei and Satoru became acutely aware of the world's indifference to their pain. It presented a stark contrast to the intensity of their emotions as if the universe had turned a blind eye to their heartache, a nearly jarring dissonance.

Yet, as night deepened and the stars gleamed brilliantly, a sense of unity with the cosmos began to seep into their souls. It was a silent recognition that their grief, however profound, was just one thread in the vast tapestry of existence. They were but specks in the grand scheme of things, yet their pain was real and valid.

Genmei glanced at Satoru, still shrouded in darkness, his presence a constant reassurance. Despite the void that had taken root in their hearts, they were not truly alone. The world might not pause for their sorrow, but it continued to offer its beauty and wonder, and they could choose to find solace in that. Genmei turned her gaze away, focusing on the darkening sky.

"Genmei," he called to her again, unmoving. He dropped the honorifics, though he had never needed to use them. Genmei sensed the eerie strength in his tone.

Deep within Genmei, one kami recognized another—the Honored One.

The voice within Genmei snickered, almost excited.

All of it had made her head hurt more than anything else.

"What is it, Satoru?"

"Promise me.”  

“What do you want from me?”

“Don't ever leave me."

Four words reverberated, four words etched in their shared history. Genmei would have laughed, had this been years ago when she was younger and more brash, overflowing with confidence and unburdened by the weight of unmade choices and untraveled paths. But now, older and wiser, she understood the significance of those four words, as meaningful as the three or even one. 

Satoru was not offering her a choice; it was a command, and Genmei's words constituted a promise—an island reaching out to another, a connection of lonely souls. Zenin Genmei closed her eyes, her fingertips reaching toward the warmth of his hand.

Gojo Satoru made no move to stop her. Infinity once again ceased to exist between them as their smallest fingers intertwined in a solemn pledge, like children binding themselves to a sacred vow.

"I swear it," Genmei whispered to him, as his grip tightened around her finger. "Monsters have to stick together."

He laughs at her words. "Monsters, huh?"

Her eyes softened. "Well, aren't we?"

"Hm, I guess we both are."

[wered0gs]

I haven't seen a lot of discussion about RSD when it comes to ADHD discussions, so I thought I would do the honors since it's been affecting me for many years and I'd like people to know more about it!

I have had a diagnosis for ADHD but was never told- instead learning I had autism through therapy but still having some behaviors that I could never explain that just Happened.

I learned I had ADHD over the summer, and with that, severe rejection sensitive dysphoria.

before reading, please keep in mind that this is mostly talking from personal experience and some skimmed research! not experiencing RSD doesn't mean you do/don't have ADHD, and it may not appear like how it appeared for me. I don't only have autism + adhd either, so those may also contribute to any differences! ^^

RSD is the immense emotional pain after being criticized, rejected, or even teased (ignore my misspell in the panel). This rejection can be real or perceived, and we react like this because it hurts.

The pain can manifest as aggression, bringing on symptoms of depression (thoughts of s/h, isolation, demotivation, etc) and anxiety/panic attacks.

it can cause physical aliments like the above. For me, it causes my heartrate to skyrocket, heart palpitations, the feeling of being in a crisis, and extreme shaking to occur along with stomach pain.

(In fact, right now I'm going through it because making a post talking about this, despite having & dealing with it, makes me scared of other's opinions on it.)

RSD can also take the form of avoiding situations, people, or conversations where rejection or criticism is very possible.

Like other types of dysphoria, it is out of our control and hard to manage. It can last from days to weeks to months, all depending on both the trigger* and the individual.

I had a RSD episode that was on-and-off for a little over a year or two; getting more tame and bearable as it slowly drifted and stopped haunting my mind with the incident.

Compared to the other times my RSD was set off, this moment was a rather big moment in my life and ended up permanently changing me moving forward - which can be the reason why it lasted so long.

Despite how unbearable it can get, there are some ways to cope with it & lessen the effect it has.

Communicate - If you need time to process something that's told to you, you should say so (as difficult as it is). Tell the person(s) involved about your RSD, how you need time to digest information like this and take some time to relax. Trying to respond to the information while going through the head of the dysphoria will be very rough and might not be what you truly want to say.

Distract - This is really useful for me personally! Do something that grabs your attention or occupies your mind. One of RSD's main symptoms is rumination, thinking of something over and over again. I usually listen to music, draw, or play a game that won't frustrate me - like minecraft! (i'd say rain world but some of you would call me a maniac /lhj)

Perspective - This may require some communication, but it can really help and connect with others. See what the involved people thought / perceived, explain, talk. This doesn't always have the chance to end in rainbows and rekindling but at least you understand. Sometimes simply hearing the person explain their own side is enough to ease my RSD, being able to have someone explain themselves to me so i can understand them better.

I also wanna point out the "don't take it personally" thing that people try to use to deal with it isn't something i agree with since we're going to take it personally at first regardless. Later on, not really, but you're trying to cope with the symptoms... telling someone (or yourself) that they're too sensitive & over-reacting is the worse thing you could do.

With time, you can even begin to build up your 'armor' and be able to sustain yourself in situations you might get hurt in. Of course, some things may be able to sneak past and hurt you more than you expect, but at the end of the day, you're trying your best to go about it the best you can while taking so many blows. you're doing great.

OK i dont have a lot more to add so if anyone else would like to talk about their experiences, please feel free! Character showcased here was my beloved fursona Shiki! i'm just a little neurodivergent + black artist from new york :]

hope you enjoyed it! sorry for the long post </3

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 17 Summary:

Six months ago, Joel Miller had thought that the sky was falling, and now life seemed to be going surprisingly well. Having gotten over his fears of being a dad, he was slowly starting to get excited at the possibility of a future, something he never thought possible. However, a new fear has emerged, one that reminds him every day that the life he has can be taken away. With bodies showing up closer and closer to the gates of Jackson, what will he do when he is forced back into reality?

Warnings: Fluff & Smut, Breeding Kink, Pregnant!Reader, Angst/Comfort Abandonment Issues, Canon-Typical Violence Towards Infected, Talks of Joel's Past Self Harm, Two Brothers Sitting in a Booth - Five Feet Apart Because They Have Problems Expressing Their Emotions.

A/N:

Hello everyone! I hope you guys have been doing well :)

This week has a bit of a time jump, all the way to summer. Reader is now eight months pregnant and Joel has actually chilled out (as much as someone like our man possibly can lol). Life is domestic and sweet, but it can't go on like that forever.

Warnings for the chapter include pregnancy stuff obviously but also talks about fearing the loss of children, along with chats between brothers about Joel's past self harm. And of course, because I'm not a complete monster, smut ;)

Let me know what you think!

Chapter 17/20

Chapter 17: Even The Pawn Must Hold a Grudge

Sweat dripped down Joel’s face, stinging his eyes as his shovel dug into the cool dirt. The July weather had been uncharacteristically warm for Wyoming and he found himself missing the modern luxury of air conditioning as he searched for the leaking pipe. With no depressions or sinkholes around the dining hall, he and the few other Jackson residents on the job had been digging pointless holes in search of the leak for a week. It wouldn’t be so bad if the last vestiges of June hadn't drifted away so quickly, leaving him sweating in the sweltering heat as he worked. 

When Joel had agreed to this job, it had been advertised to him as a favor. Six months ago, when he had finally figured out what was ailing his mate, he had made the conscious decision to do everything in his power to keep you happy. That meant that he had to be present, at all times, a feat that had scared the shit out of him at first. Whether it be for check ups, late night cravings, or the inevitable mood swings that came with pregnancy, Joel Miller turned himself into the type of  man you would want to weather a storm with. That meant that if his pregnant mate wanted him to take less patrol shifts, needing him to be closer just in case she popped, then Tommy was out of luck. 

Which led him to where he was, with sweat burning his eyes as he worked. The strained nerves at the base of his spine jolted with each movement, sharp jabs reverberating down his legs every time the tip of his shovel jammed into the dirt, but he ignored it. What he needed was to get this finished so that he could get home, so that he could get back to you. By the time he finally saw the first signs of the leak, with the water rushing up from the small hole he had made to dampen his boots, he was moments from quitting. He sighed, an elated chuckle coming from him at the sight. 

“Found it!,” Joel shouted as he heaved himself up to sit on the edge of the pit. 

A whistle came from behind him and he turned his head, rolling his eyes at the mustached man that strolled towards him. 

“Thank Christ, thought you were gonna have a heart attack if ya didn’t find it soon,” Tommy laughed, his eyes twinkling with playfulness. 

Joel scoffed and lifted himself from the dirt with a hoarse groan, wiping his jeans as he stepped forward to meet his brother. 

“M’fine, healthy as a horse. Just my damn back,” he returned, rubbing his dirty hands on his brother’s coat as he passed. 

Tommy laughed and batted him away, chasing after him once he had wiped the dirt from his jacket. As Joel walked back towards the shed, leaving the rest for the younger guys, he listened to his brother’s incessant rambling and tried his best to answer each statement with at the very least a nod. It had been like this between them for the past few months, ever since the younger man had opened up to him at the bar. Tommy had left the door open for him, even letting him have a peek at some of the darker parts of himself that he had never seen, and Joel had tried his best since then to do the same. He was growing and it was as awkward as it was joyful. 

In reality, Joel’s version of open communication was a bit more reserved than his brother’s but it was progress. A few awkward conversations had been had, the majority of them making him feel so uncomfortable that he could barely look his brother in the eye, but they had found some common ground. The most obvious one being the conundrum of fatherhood in such a world. Talking about the things they had done and the people they had lost was excruciating, but it was nice to know he wasn’t the only one that was worried his blood soaked hands might stain the child. Tommy had slowly become someone he could rely on, or perhaps he had always been, and the more your stomach grew, the more he had needed him. 

The first time Tommy showed up for him had been a month after Joel found out, when you had excitedly pointed out the bump that had formed seemingly overnight. He had smiled and acted thrilled at the time, showering you with kisses and love before he quietly excused himself to tear into the stables for his patrol shift like a maniac. Tommy didn’t say anything at first, quietly allowing his brother to race through the patrol like a hellhound was biting at his heels, but it was once they had encountered trouble that the younger man had put his foot down. 

Joel had been reckless that day. The horde near the music store was small, with enough clickers to ensure that it would be a tough gig, but not enough to call in backup. Usually they would have gone in silent, as it was safer and left less room for failure. However, that day he had acted like an idiot and gone in guns blazing. He can still remember his brother’s surprised shout when he opened fire, the younger man cursing as he took his gun out and joined in on the mayhem.  

Much to Joel’s dismay, Tommy was not willing to let it slide as he would have once upon a time. The walls had come down. Joel was no longer the vicious smuggler of the Boston QZ, known to all for his brutality and bloodlust. And Tommy wasn’t a marine or a firefly anymore, meaning that there was no cause left for him to fight for except his own family. Which meant that after the horde was dispensed, his brother had slapped him up the side of the head. 

“Hey! What’s up your ass?,” Joel hissed, rubbing the red handprint burning against his skull. 

“What’s up my ass? What’s up YOUR ass? You’ve been off all day and now this? This shit was stupid as fuck, you know that,” Tommy snapped. 

A silence ensued, one where all that Joel could hear was the sound of his blood rushing in his ears and the snow that fell to the middle of the store in heaps from the holes in the roof. He watched as his brother chewed on his lip, looking like he was trying to see through his skull to pick at his brain. Another few tense seconds passed, the staring contest growing more heated by the second, but it was shattered when Tommy suddenly laughed. 

“Was it the bump or the heartbeat that freaked you out? For me it was the heartbeat, made that shit waaay too real,” the younger man snickered. 

He blinked, eyes widening as he tried to shove down the ingrained urge to clam up. You had broken him of the habit but it was Joel that needed to do the work to ensure it didn’t return. 

“Um, it was the bump. We can’t uh - I can’t see the baby you know? The heartbeat was cool to listen to on the stethoscope but I couldn’t see it. Then one day she wakes up and boom, there’s our baby sticking out of her stomach. I could see it and it felt so…,” Joel trailed off. 

“Real?,” Tommy guessed and Joel nodded. 

They walked back to the horses in silence, stopping only to peek into the pharmacy on the off chance that they might find something of use. Aside from collected dust and broken glass, the place was empty, leading them to quickly abandon it. Joel was ready to get back, to avoid his own feelings by burying himself in a series of jobs that took him away from the reality waiting for him at home. Perhaps if he worked hard enough, he wouldn’t notice how round you were getting. Maybe that would halt the panic attacks he had been hiding from you. 

An arm had stopped Joel when he moved to climb onto Rusty, drawing him from his spiraling thoughts. He lowered his foot, turning to face the younger man with a cocked eyebrow. 

“Look, I was scared shitless by that heart beat, but you know what I did to get over it? I talked to her, to Maria. You want to put yourself on the line during patrols? Fine, but how well do you think she’s gonna take it when you wind up dead? Think it’ll be good for the kid?,” Tommy prodded. 

Joel felt his chest tighten at those words, aching at the thought of you having to go through something like that. Even in the past month he had noticed other changes, like how much more emotionally vulnerable you had become. According to the timeline that was the doctor’s best guess, you were three months pregnant at the time and had been stuck to his side at every possible moment, while also being prone to bouts of crying. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what a loss like that would do to you in this state, not to mention the precious cargo you were carrying.

“Go home and tell her that you’re scared. I promise you that it’ll help. Lord knows I needed Maria to bring me back to earth more than a few times,” his brother sighed, patting him on the shoulder before he turned to hop up on his horse. 

That night Joel had gone home and followed Tommy’s instruction, waiting until you were cuddled up to his side in bed to share the worries that filled him with so much shame. He had used the cover of night, with the curtains you had made for the bedroom blanketing the room in such a potent darkness that you couldn’t see the tears in his eyes. As he had whispered his fears, you had listened carefully, pressing yourself deeper into his side to soothe his growing panic. And to his surprise, his brother was right, you had quelled his fears with one simple conversation. A simple conversation that had then led to a lovemaking session that was so sweet that you had both shed a few tears. 

Since then, Joel found himself confiding in Tommy more and more, something that he could’ve never imagined after his last stint in Jackson. His brother had showed up for him and he was trying his best to do the same. Which led him to where he was now, listening to the younger man gush about his son. 

“- and do you know what the kid told me? Dad, you’re too old to go on the swingset. Me! He called ME old. Can you believe that Joel?,” Tommy asked incredulously. 

Joel chuckled, “Uh yeah? Frankie’s right, you ARE fucking old. Might break a damn hip just by trying to climb up on that thing.”

His brother guffawed and punched him in the arm, which only made him laugh harder. 

“Asshole, you’re older than me. If I’m old enough to be breakin’ hips, you must have one foot in the grave you geriatric fuck,” Tommy grumbled. 

Joel shook his head and stepped into the workshed, discarding the gardening gloves so he could gather his things. He picked up the ridiculous lunch box you had started packing him in the mornings, the cartoon red dog on the front of him making him sigh each time he saw it. Nevertheless, Joel always took it with him, despite some of the looks that the Jackson residents gave him when they saw him slip it into his bag for patrols or carry it down the street to the neverending construction jobs. He didn’t care what they thought anyways. Plus, if his girl was going to go to the trouble of packing him a lunch, he wasn’t about to refuse it. 

With the bag in hand, Joel left the shed and shut it behind him. He spotted his brother across the street talking to Maria, the serious looks on their faces halting him in his place. His stomach clenched and he prayed that their conversation wasn’t about him. However, instead of waving him off so that he could return home, Tommy motioned for him to come closer. Joel dragged his feet every step of the way, his stomach churning at what he knew was about to be asked of him. 

“Tommy says you found the leak,” Maria stated, her gaze as pointed as ever. 

Joel nodded, “Yes ma’am, me and the crew are gonna bail it out tomorrow. I’ll replace the pipe and then we should be good to turn the water for the dining hall back on. The younger guys can fill the hole back up once we test it a few times.” 

She nodded, her eyes flitting to Tommy for a half of a second before they refocused on him. He sighed at her determined expression. There was no way he would be able to get out of patrols anymore. Something had happened, something that meant Joel’s expertise was needed. There was no other reason Maria would take time out of her busy day to talk to him specifically, especially with their history. 

“M’sure that the others can do all of that. That Dina is pretty handy, we’ll get her to replace the pipe and then the crew can do the rest,” Tommy piped up. 

Joel resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The group effort from his family was a little much, even for someone as uncommunicative as him. With the sweat soaking through his shirt and his back aching like a motherfucker, he was not in the mood to be swindled. So instead, he focused his attention on Maria. Despite their rocky start, Joel had learned to appreciate how straight forward she was and that was exactly what he needed in that moment. 

“Knock it off will ya? Just tell me whatchu want,” Joel sighed. 

Tommy looked at his wife, his eyebrows raised as she straightened her spine and switched back into leader mode. 

“Four bodies were found this morning, all taken from different patrols that have gone missing in the last few months. All looking like they have been kept alive and tortured. We’re pulling the newer patrollers off of rounds, we need people with experience,” Maria explained. 

Joel sighed and looked at his feet, trying to avoid what he knew his answer had to be. The people going missing patrols had been a problem since before he knew about the baby, but they had only gotten worse in the months that followed. The first had been chalked up to desertion, the second infected, but by the fifth missing group Jackson had to come to terms with the fact that there was a threat lurking in the woods. 

From the second you heard about the bodies being dumped near the gates, he had decided to take a break from patrols. Maria had agreed with the promise that the arrangement was temporary, the understanding being that he could be called back at any moment if the camp needed him to. It was a sweet deal, one that Joel was surprised to have gotten considering the fact that he was already going to be taking time off for the birth and first few weeks of his baby’s life. He knew that his free pass wouldn’t last long but he had hoped for just a bit longer in Jackson for your sake. 

“I’m back on the schedule?,” Joel grunted, a heavy weight forming in his chest at the thought of having to break the news. 

“Me and you will ride out tomorrow at dawn. There’s been some weird shit going on in town, we’re gonna go check it out and then come back. Gonna keep the patrols short for now, should be back for lunch,” Tommy said, sheepishly kicking at the dirt. 

He sighed, unable to keep the distaste from his face as he stood before them. There was no answer he could give other than yes, he knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier. 

“I know that you’re worried about her, but I can promise that she can handle you being gone for the morning. She’s a grown woman,” Maria reminded him. 

Joel sucked his teeth and nodded, wordlessly agreeing to their request with a scowl. Without another word, he turned and walked away. He knew that it was abrupt, but he needed to go before he exploded into a rant about how well you would actually handle his absence. Or better yet, how he’d fair knowing that you were back at home worried sick about him. 

“Joel!,” his brother yelled. 

“If you want me to be able to go, I better go tell her. She’s ain’t a big fan of surprises right now, so thanks,” Joel called over his shoulder, not even stopping to turn back. 

They didn’t try to stop him after that, allowing him to hightail it back home so that he could have the difficult conversation. Joel dreaded the look on your face but he didn’t dare slow his brisk pace, knowing the truth in his previous statement. The hormones had driven you to nest in your freetime, along with plan every other second of the day in order to welcome the pup into a completely prepared home. He went along with the lists, happy to fix up the house, brainstorm baby names, and help paint the nursery, but he drew the line when you tried to pencil in times specifically for fucking. 

“But Joooooel, that way you won’t forget to take care of me before work… And after work… And also maybe on your lunch break,” you had whined, making him bite back a grin. 

The funny thing was, he knew that you were being absolutely serious. Although the pregnancy hormones had made you more emotional, they had also made you incredibly horny, a fact that he had been thoroughly enjoying for months. 

“S’too much honey, just tell me when she needs me and I’ll be there. You know that,” Joel had laughed. 

Of course, that had led to you telling him you needed him right at that instant, and filthy fucking had quickly ensued. As a result of that conversation, there was only one part of the day that remained unplanned, while every other second was accounted for. He allowed it, knowing that the lists saved you from going into a nesting frenzy and trying to complete a million jobs at once. Even after you started working at the clinic during your third month, something he hated due to the physical toll but ultimately had to support, you still kept a strict schedule. And now, he was about to fuck that coveted schedule up by going on patrol, which meant he was scared shitless. 

“Good afternoon Joel,” a voice called, breaking him from his reverie. 

Joel looked up from his dirt caked shoes, reaching the driveway just as your mother and Allie stepped off of it. The glossy ringlets that adorned the little girl’s face were drenched in red syrup, the culprit being the popsicle that she slobbered on. He chuckled at the sight, thankful that he didn’t have to deal with the handful of a toddler once all of the sugar hit her system. 

“Afternoon ma’am,” he drawled, nodding to your mother respectfully. 

Although he could tell that she still didn’t trust him at all, something that he completely understood given the hell she had been put through, your mother had been slowly coming around. Whereas months ago she could barely stand to be in the same room with him without pointing out his faults, she had become cordial to him. With where they had first become acquainted being so desolate and the embarrassment of their second encounter, Joel counted that as a win. 

“You should get in there. I told her she shouldn’t be doing all that work but you know my daughter, too stubborn for her own good,” she warned, grabbing Allie’s free hand so she could pull the girl towards home. 

Joel thanked her and turned on his heel, picking up the pace until he was barreling through the foyer. He stomped through the house, remembering how you had recently tried to climb up a ladder to clean the gutters by yourself when he had been just a few minutes late getting home. For six minutes Joel had tried to convince you to come down from the three steps you had taken towards the roof but you had refused, leading him to lift you from the ladder and carry you kicking and screaming into the house. The fight that had resulted from that had been legendary, but you had ultimately agreed that you shouldn’t be climbing a ladder with nobody around, let alone while you were pregnant. 

When he saw that the living room and piano room were empty, he was close to tears. All Joel could think about was the million little jobs you could have gotten into, the ones that you had promised you would let him do despite your insistence that you were perfectly capable. It wasn’t so much that he thought the pregnancy was making you weak, more so that your center of gravity was so off that it was affecting your balance. Every day it seemed like he was catching you as you stumbled. That and the dizzy spells you had been getting recently were enough reason for him to be terrified at the thought of you in high altitudes. 

“Darling? Where are you?,” he yelled, speed walking towards the back of the house. 

“In here,” replied a melodious voice and he hastened to follow it. 

The kitchen was a disaster when Joel walked in, with all of the bowls, plates, glasses, and other various kitchenware items scattered over the floor and crowding the table in the breakfast nook. The mess was huge, with all of the cupboards stripped of their usual contents in order to make way for a good scrub of the inside, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about it in the slightest. Not when you were the only thing he could see. 

The fact that you were shirtless didn’t surprise him, tits out seemed to be a constant since you had hit the third trimester and he was not about to complain about the free show he got every day. Being eight months pregnant meant that you had grown out of your clothes first, then his as well, meaning that you were scraping by with annoyingly oversized extras donated from the community. The baby was big, so big that the word twins had been thrown around a few times by the doctor, but he was actively ignoring that insight at every turn. One problem at a time, he thought to himself. Joel was a tall kid and his brother was no runt either, that was what he had to remind himself of each time the topic was brought up so that he didn’t have a panic attack. 

Still, with the heat of summer in full swing, Joel found you walking around in nothing but a pair of painties most of the time. The weight of the child was already enough, but the added heat meant that during your spare time you would likely be naked to combat it. Which was how he found you, in nothing but a pair of black panties as you stood on the counter, scrubbing the inside of the cupboards. 

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing?!,” Joel gasped, stumbling through the maze of kitchen supplies that you had created while he was gone.  

“They need to be cleaned Joel, who knows what kind of germs are in here. What if the baby-”

“The baby isn’t going to be anywhere near the inside of the cupboards!,” he cut you off, an urgency in his voice as he continued, “Please, you gotta get down honey, you’re gonna give me a heart attack. You’re gonna fall, I can feel it.” 

You snorted and turned, the swell of your stomach peaking out to him. Seeing the taut skin pulled over his growing child did little to soothe his alarm and Joel reached out a shaky hand to help you down. His breaths rattled in his chest, heart thumping wildly as he waited for you to take it. Furrowing your eyebrows at him, you looked at it for a second before placing your hand in his. He knew that you only caved because you could sense his growing panic, but he didn’t care, too frazzled to do anything but help you down. It was only when your feet touched the floor that Joel let himself breathe. 

“Joel,” you chided, “You’re so dramatic, I was perfectly fine! Plus, it needed to be done. It was on the schedule and you weren’t here so I-”

“So you come get me next time, or you go get Tommy, or Cooper, or literally anybody else to do the job! I told you they both said that they’d be more than happy to help and I-” 

“But I told you! I don’t want to bother them, especially Cooper, he already has to deal with Jake being on bed rest. And plus,” you sighed, “I don’t want to have to put on those stupid clothes, it’s already hard enough to do it when my mom comes over. I basically begged her to leave today.” 

Joel groaned in frustration and leaned down, pressing his forehead into yours to remind himself to take a breath. He knew of your aversion to clothes as of late, as well as your stubborn need to always do things yourself, but it didn’t give you a pass on putting yourself in danger. What he needed more than anything was to not worry about you every second of the day, yet you seemed adamant about working yourself to death while carrying his pup. Nevertheless, he also knew he had to be gentle in his approach. The last thing he wanted was to make you cry. 

“Okay sweetheart, I understand,” Joel started, “But you can’t be getting up there and I think you know that the doc would agree with me. S’not safe for ya. If you really don’t want to stay dressed then give ‘em the job and frig off, tell them you're going upstairs for a nap.” 

Sighing, you rolled your eyes at him but nodded. 

“Fine, but if one of them sees me naked you can’t be mad. Not my fault if they come up and catch a peek,” you shot back, earning a chuckle from him. 

He shook his head, “I won’t, promise.” 

Joel smiled when you kissed his jaw, happy that you were willing to go along with his request. He knew that the limited mobility was driving you nuts, but that was nothing compared to him. The thought of you getting hurt while growing his child was close to turning him into a lunatic. If he had it his way, you would let him do everything and get your exercise by taking easy walks throughout town on your days off like the doctor had suggested, but nothing with you was ever that easy. Of course you had disregarded that, still working at the clinic while you did insane jobs around the house in your free time that turned his hair even grayer than it already was. 

“Okay, just let me just put all of this back. I’m fucking starving and there’s no way I’m cooking in this mess,” you said, pulling away to get back to your ridiculous task. 

He grabbed you just as you turned away, shifting your hips so that your belly was pressing against his front. Joel placed his hands on the swell, admiring the way your body had changed to accommodate the child growing within. Fine white lines stretched over the skin, each one serving as a reminder of the strength it took for you to house the life that the two of you had created together. He brushed his hands over the bump, his gaze reverent as he looked up at you.  

“Baby, you know that I think you are capable of anything right?,” Joel asked tentatively. 

You nodded. 

“So, you know that it’s nothing personal when I tell you to sit your ass down so that I can do it, right?,” he pressed on, making you roll your eyes at him again. 

“Hmmmm… Fine, but I want food and then I want you to take a nice cool bath with me,” you conceded, leaving a kiss on the bald patch of his beard before you walked away. 

Joel shook his head, watching as you strolled down the hall with hawk-like eyes. The extra few pounds that pregnancy had brought on were looking mighty fine to him from where he stood. To his delight, much of it had gone to your ass, the same one that swallowed the black fabric of your panties deliciously as you walked away. Along with that, he had been thrilled by the added volume to your hips, which taunted him with their swaying each day. If the fact that you were his mate and you were carrying his baby wasn’t enough to make him grovel, which it was, the new edition to your curves made him want to kiss the ground you walked on. 

“Doing a lot of staring and not a lot of working, mama’s hungry,” you hollered back to him as you turned into the living room. 

“Yes ma’am,” Joel answered dutifully, spinning around to take in the disaster of a room before him. 

He worked incredibly fast, the thought of leaving you hungry too much for him to bear. The kitchen was put back together in no time, and Joel soon got to work on making you something to eat. Ignoring the oatmeal he knew you hated, as well as the meat which had started to make you sick about five months into your pregnancy, he decided upon a simple vegetable soup for lunch. 

Music drifted from down the hall, the sound of an old country ballad gracing his ears as he cooked. The record player had been a gift from Tommy and Maria, a generous edition to the guitar his brother had left in the piano room for Joel to find upon his arrival. Since getting it, you used it everyday, having read somewhere that music would help with the baby’s brain development. There were even a few times that he had been goaded into playing the guitar for you, singing ever so softly to the growing bump in hopes that she might be able to hear him. Joel wasn’t sure about how much he believed in the baby being able to hear him from within the womb but it made you happy, which meant he loved it. 

Once the soup was finished, he poured it into bowls, grabbing the biscuits your mother had brought the previous day to satiate your hunger. Joel walked down the hall and he felt his heart melt when he reached the living room. He smiled at the sight of you sitting on the couch, cradling your stomach as you mumbled sweet words under your breath. For a few seconds he watched, a warmth like no other wrapping around his heart and squeezing it when he realized you were singing to the pup. It was a Kenny Logins song that he had once tried to teach you on the guitar eons ago, in a desolate cabin in the woods with nothing else to do, and he couldn’t believe you remembered it. 

When you stopped to smile at him, Joel practically teleported to your side, not wanting to spend another second apart. In fact, all he wanted was to sit and watch you eat the meal he had prepared, to witness first hand how he had nourished both you and his child. It scratched an itch deep inside of him, one that screamed at him every second of the day to safeguard what was his, one that needed to ensure that nothing bad ever happened to his loved ones ever again. Every moment of every day since finding out he was to be a father again was about that itch and he clawed at it constantly, unwilling to let the worst come to pass for a third time. 

“Thank you baby,” you sang, eyes lighting up when you noticed the biscuits he had brought. 

“Soup too please, can’t have you running on nothing but treats,” Joel reminded you, making you groan and nod as you took the bowl from him. 

Only when you dug in did he calm, with Joel slowly munching on his food as he eyed you. He tried to be as subtle as he could while watching you eat, knowing how uncomfortable it made you, but he couldn’t help it. Joel didn’t know why, perhaps it was some crazy alpha instinct or perhaps it was his previous losses, but he found himself desperate to satiate every need, even when you didn’t ask him to, Every time you finished a meal, he was already up, collecting your bowl to refill it even if you claimed to be stuffed. There had even been a couple times where he had snuck his own food onto your plate, willing to go hungry if it meant you would be cared for. 

“Ya know, if I didn’t love you so much, I would probably say that you’re being a little creepy with the whole watching me eat thing,” you said around a mouthful of food. 

He huffed a laugh, “I know, I don’t mean to stare sweetheart. Guess, I just need -”

“You need to fuss,” you finished for him, having heard it more than a few times, “I know, just maybe not while I’m eating. Makes me feel weird and that makes me not want to eat. I need to fucking eat Joel.” 

Those were the magic words that forced Joel’s gaze downwards, leaving him to stare at the contents of his bowl with newly found interest. He felt his ears turn red at your words, slightly embarrassed by his inability to let it go. There was no reason for him to be so interested in your eating habits. He knew that you had been keeping up with every dietary requirement thrown at you by the doctor, but his hormone fueled brain was not as reasonable as him. 

Joel was so focused on trying not to look at you that he jumped when he felt your arm brush against his. When he realized that you were scooching closer, he smiled, loving the feeling of your body melting into his side despite the heat. With you practically sitting in his lap, arms knocking against his as you ate, he didn’t need to stare to know that you were enjoying the meal. Instead, he could feel it. 

“Thank you honey,” Joel murmured, pressing a kiss to your cheek before he returned to his own meal. 

“Mmmm-hmmm,” was all he got in response. 

The meal was finished in relative silence, aside from the soft music coming from the record player and the sounds of spoons scraping against bowls. Joel let you finish off the biscuits, waving you off with a knowing smile when you tried to be polite and offer him some. When you were done, he collected the dishes and walked them back to the kitchen. He managed to reach the sink just in time to drop them in with a bang, practically sprinting back when he heard the telltale sound of you trying to get up off the couch. 

“I can do it myself,” you grumbled as he helped haul you up. 

He fought the urge to roll his eyes, remembering how you had spent the entire day sitting on the floor of the piano room a week ago because you had made the mistake of kneeling down to retrieve a dropped book. Joel had found you absolutely fine, other than a bladder that was begging to be relieved and a growling stomach. Still, he had made it his mission to help gather you from as many surfaces as possible since then. 

Joel hummed, “I know baby, just let me give you a hand now and then. Makes me feel better.”

Sighing at his obvious attempts at distracting you from the fact that you were gravitationally challenged, you nodded and allowed him to pull you towards the staircase. Joel climbed the steps glued to your back, ready to catch you at the first sight of a shaky limb. He knew that this part you could still do, but that didn’t mean that the glossy wood didn’t make him incredibly nervous. By the time you waddled into the bedroom, Joel could tell that you were annoyed with him so he quickly moved to the bathroom to start your bath to hopefully quell the incoming storm. He poured the herbs and salt that Maria had given you into the water, the same ones she had used to soothe her back when she was pregnant with Frankie, and reminded himself to thank her. As he watched the water fill up, he heard you call his name and walked back to the doorway. 

“Yeah?,” he answered, poking his head into the bedroom. 

And there you were, lying on your back with your feet dangling off the edge of the bed. Joel couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of your panties pulled only halfway down to your knees, knowing that you were either too tired or too round to get them off.

“I need help,” you admitted, sounding absolutely heartbroken at the admission. 

He stepped forward, “I can see that.” 

You eyes snapped open and he watched as you shakily propped yourself up on your elbows to glare at him. Joel wiped the smirk off of his face, raising his hands in defeat as he moved to untangle the black fabric from your knees. When they were off, you quietly thanked him, flopping back against the sheets with a sigh. 

“Something on your mind darling?,” Joel asked carefully, not wanting to poke the bear. 

“I’m just so fucking big right now, I can’t even take my own underwear off Joel! And I’m pretty sure that if it is just one baby that’s in here, it’s going to be like the size of a five year old when I finally push it out. How am I supposed to do that? My coochie is NOT that big,” you groaned. 

He sighed and grabbed your hands, carefully peeling you from the bed so that he could kneel between your legs. Although you whined at the change, you still allowed him to haul you up and quickly grabbed his shoulders for stability once you were upright. In turn, Joel placed one hand on your back for support, the other one resting protectively over your midsection. 

“Honey, I’m not going to act like I know anything about being pregnant, but I do know that you can do this. Sure, she might be a big ass baby, but she’s going to come out and we’re going to love her. You’ve got this,” Joel encouraged, drawing soft circles over your aching back as he did. 

“She?,” you piped up, eyes twinkling with delight. 

With the ultrasound machine in Jackson broken beyond repair, the two of you had been unable to see any of the fine details of the pup, including the sex. Nevertheless, with most expecting omegas doomed to go through the pains of pregnancy and childbirth completely by themselves, with no guarded walls to protect them or supplies to aid in their efforts, Jackson at least had one doctor who could safely monitor and birth the baby with slightly retro but usable tools.  

Once Joel had recuperated from his first baby-induced meltdown, and the two families had been officially told the news, both sides had begun debating on the gender. His family was convinced it was a boy, while yours claimed to know that it was a girl. Neither of you had named a side yet, as the only thing the two of you cared about was that it was healthy, but that didn’t mean Joel didn’t have his own hopes. Having only ever been a father to girls, he couldn’t picture the child as anything other than that and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. 

“Oh, I dunno honey, it’s just a guess. Only ever had girls so you know…” he trailed off, worried that he might have ticked you off. 

“A baby girl,” you tried out, smiling at the thought, “You’ll be a good dad either way but there’s just something about you as a girl dad that does something for me. Can’t wait to see you with her, you’re definitely DILF material.” 

He grinned, “S’that right?” 

His eyes twinkled with enthusiasm, only growing darker when he saw how you squirmed under the weight of their stare. This too had been a new edition, with any reminder of how the other would look nurturing the child making the both of you go insane. Not only had he chosen a good mate, one that he loved and cherished so much it hurt him at times, but he had found one that felt the same about him, one that would extend that love to his baby. 

“C’mon sweetheart, let’s get you in that tub. I put them salts and shit that you like, might help your back some,” Joel muttered, shaking himself from his thoughts as he pulled you up from the bed. 

As Joel led you towards the bath, he felt your feet drag every step of the way. He mumbled encouraging words, ignoring your soft whimpers so that he could grab your hands and help ease you into the tepid waters. Once you were fully sat down, you moaned at the weight being lifted from your spine, blinking up at him with a dopey grin that made his heart pump a bit harder. He knelt beside the tub, reaching in so he could press his hand into the bump as you got used to the weightlessness of the water. 

“Get in with me?,” you asked him sweetly, your voice light and airy in the silence of the bathroom. 

“I don’t want to crowd ya honey, gotta make sure that you’re comft-”

You shushed him, reaching out to muffle his words with your palm. Joel stopped and grabbed the hand covering his lips, kissing the back of it once in surrender. He lifted himself from the side, motioning for you to scooch forward as he rid himself of all of his filthy work clothes. From the moment his boxers had slid off, he felt your ravenous eyes burning a hole through him and he tried not to blush at the feeling. His cock twitched against his thigh and you smiled like a cat that had just got its cream, zeroing in on it as he begged every higher power there was to help him keep cool. In a daze, you bit your lip and Joel resisted not to surge forward to grab it with his own teeth. Clearly, you felt the same way, as he had to remind you three times to move forward. 

“S’okay baby, I’ve gotchu,” Joel chuckled, grabbing a washcloth as he eased himself down behind you. 

With careful hands, he washed your body clean of any bit of sweat or dirt that plagued its surface. He stopped every so often, to either kiss or rub the tension from a particularly sensitive patch of skin. By the time Joel had worked his way down to your hips, you were leaning into him, purring with satisfaction and close to falling asleep. He wanted you to rest but he could tell you were still holding on, still waiting for some sort of release, and he knew exactly how to help. 

Joel skimmed his hands down your thighs, causing goosebumps to raise on the soft skin there. He brushed the pads of his fingertips over the insides of them, drawing long lines up and down your thigh, stopping short of where you wanted him each time. A hitch of your breath as he ghosted his index finger over the crease in your leg was the only indication he got of your arousal, making him do it again and again until you broke. You whimpered, bucking your hips against him in frustration at his neglect of your drenched slit. 

“What is it darling? Need me to take care of you?,” he whispered in your ear, making a gush of slick drip from your pussy. 

You nodded, “Please.” 

Normally, he would have made you beg for it, but with how keyed up you had been lately, he knew that he needed to make this quick and devastating. Wasting no time, Joel wrenched your thighs apart, lifting them so that they hung on either side of the tub. With you left wide open for him in his lap, he skated his digits downward until they slid along your drenched seam. Even with the water sloshing over your pussy, he could still feel the sticky slick that poured from your hole. 

“Aw babygirl, she’s so wet today. Did she miss me while I was gone?,” Joel teased, pulling back the hood on your swollen clit so that it was exposed for him. 

“Yes, yes, yes, my pussy always misses you, she - oh f-,” your voice was cut off by a loud whimper, one that made his neglected cock twitch hard against your back as he plunged two fingers deep inside of you. 

Joel gave you no time to adjust, greedy for the desperate noises your overstuffed pussy would make for him. While one of his hands curled fingers up inside of your walls, rubbing that mind breaking spot with the pads of his fingers until your legs started to shake, his other drew wicked circles against your throbbing clit. 

“Oh my f-fuck, oh Joel! Don’t stop - mmmm, just like that - don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, shit!,” you cried out, with your head thumping back against his shoulder as your orgasm drew near. 

While pressing sloppy kisses against the side of your neck, biting down on the skin hard enough to leave tiny love marks, Joel increased his efforts. Instead of plunging his fingers in and out, he switched up his tactic, choosing instead to shake them inside of you. He made sure to hit that sweet spot every time, the vibrations of his quick movements making your eyes roll back almost instantly. The circles he drew on your pulsing nub grew heavier and you keened, walls beginning to tense up already. 

“Can feel you fightin’ it sweet girl, why? Don’t you want to be a good girl and cum for me? Know that pretty pussy does, she’s cryin’ for it. Can’t you hear her?,” Joel goaded, practically growling it in your ear. 

“Joel, Joel, Joel, please, I need, I need” you begged, too fucked out to fully spit out the request. 

He chuckled, cock jumping between his legs at the sound of his name falling from your lips so sweetly. As he stroked your pussy towards an overwhelming release, fingers wringing out as much pleasure as he could from the inside of your walls and your swollen clit, he made sure to ingrain each whine or whimper into his memory. They would go with the rest of his collection of lewd memories he had of you, each of them being stored away for the days he was too riled up to bother you, the days where he had to lock himself in the bathroom to jerk off to the thought of you like some sort of horny teen. Not that he had to do that often. 

“What darling? What d’ya need? Tell me baby, I’ll give it to ya,” Joel whined, losing his edge from his own growing desperation to hear you cum. 

“Kiss me,” you answered, turning your face to nudge your nose against his. 

Joel captured your mouth in a searing kiss, tangling his tongue with yours in a way that he knew that you loved. His fingers were clenched so tightly within your walls that they were stuck inside, forcing him to dig the calloused tips of his fingers into your most sensitive spot with increasing demand. He bit down on your lip, earning a filthy groan from you, and you were gone. 

Water splashed over the side of the tub, soaking the floor and likely his discarded clothes, but he couldn’t care less. Not when you were thrashing in his hold, breaking away from his mouth so that you could choke on your own cries as you came. He kept his pace up, allowing you to feel every single wave of your release until you started to try to shove him away. 

Ever so carefully, Joel eased his pace, slowing it little by little until he stopped altogether. When he finally pulled his fingers out, you shuddered but gave no complaint, too blissed out to care about the absence. He kissed the side of your sweaty face, easing your legs off the side of the tub with care so that they didn’t strain any further. 

“Feel better?,” he drawled, moving you forward in his lap so that his hard length didn’t poke at your backside. 

You nodded dreamily, “I’d enjoy the afterglow a lot better if you didn’t keep pushing me off your lap.”

He hissed when you reared your hips back, his angrily weeping cock getting nestled between your ass cheeks in a way that was so perfect that he almost cried. 

“Baby - ah! Shit, this ain’t about me. Was just - oh god damn - was just doing that for you. Need to take care of you, my pretty girl, fuuuck,” Joel groaned, unable to stop himself when you reached back to position him near your entrance. 

Being as big as you were, there wasn’t much you could do in terms of riding him. However, with the water helping with the extra weight around your abdomen, you managed to lift yourself up enough to drop down on his cock. The glide into your drenched channel was relentless, with your lack of mobility allowing you no other choice but to take him all in one go. Joel hissed at the feeling of your tight pussy opening up for him, clenching and unclenching around him in a way that almost made him go cross eyed as you took him down to the root. 

“Fuck, okay,” you wheezed, panting hard at the way the head of his cock was pressed against the spot that made you see stars, “That’s all I’ve got, the rest is all you baby.” 

He laughed and you did too, the sound of it reverberating off the walls as he took back control. Joel kissed your shoulder, gripping your hips so that he could lift you until only the head of his cock remained inside. You mewled, hands flying backwards to yank at his hair and dig crescent moons into his thigh in protest. 

“Don’t worry babygirl, I’ve got this,” Joel assured, kissing your shoulder one more time before he slammed you back down onto him. 

He kept a slow but hard pace, bringing you up until nothing but the head remained nestled inside each time. When he speared back into you, he grinded you against him, ensuring that his cock rubbed every sweet spot from within. Most of the water had been sloshed out but neither of you cared, too immersed with one another to focus on anything but the growing tingles spreading out from where you were connected. Each thrust was answered by a call of his name, something that was making him dizzy with lust. 

“Shit darling, love how you sound calling out my name. So fucking sexy all fucked out on my cock like this. Already fucked a baby into you, what else do I have to do for this needy pussy? Do I gotta keep her plugged up with cum? Fuck, or maybe I gotta fuck her in front of the whole town, make sure everyone knows she’s mine,” Joel rambled. 

He groaned when your walls tightened up around him, squeezing his length so hard that his eyes rolled into the back of his head. There was something about the way you reacted to just his voice that drove him crazy. It was as if he was fucking both your mind and body, taking you apart in every possible way before he slammed the pieces back together again, and it made him feel wanted. The high pitched whine he got in response to his filthy words made his jaw tick and he slapped your ass with just enough pressure to get your attention. 

“Answer me,” he hissed, grinding you even harder against him. 

You nodded desperately, “N-Need it, need you, desperate for your - ah, shit - your cock! Let you - oh my god - I’ll let you fuck me anywhere daddy. Don’t care where, as long as it’s you fucking me, love mmpf, love your cock.” 

Joel bit your neck and you squealed, going limp at the surge of hormones that rushed through you at the sharp reminder of his claim. He chuckled darkly, uncaring of the way his muscles burned from exertion and how his heart thumped wildly against the walls of his chest. All that mattered was making you feel good, of caring for you in the one way he knew that he could easily do. 

“Wanna know a secret honey?,” he asked, “S’not just you that’s desperate. I’m starvin’ for ya, every single day. So fucking sexy, so smart, gonna be such a good mama to our - fuuuck - to are pup. Shit, tell me you’re close baby, I need to fuck my cum into you. Gonna let you have it.”

The wanton noise you made was incoherent but he understood it, that particular whine being the one that usually signaled an incoming release. Joel stuck his face in your neck, worrying the skin between his teeth as he rambled all of the depraved promises he could think of. He knew that you loved to hear him talk, he felt it with every spasm of your walls, and he used it to his advantage. As Joel’s balls tightened up, his cock twitching wildly in the vice grip of your pussy, he laid it on thick in hopes that it might push you into a release before he exploded. 

“F-Fuck baby, if you weren’t already knocked up, I’d fuck another baby into you right now. Pussy needs me to keep her fed, gonna fuck so much of my cum into her so that she’ll never want anyone else. Shiiiit, she’ll never need anyone else. She’s mine, you are fucking mine,” he growled. 

“Yours, yours, yours, yours,” you chanted, too gone to do anything other than repeat. 

“Then cum for me darling, want to feel my girl milk my cock,” Joel commanded. 

The ecstasy fueled scream you answered him with was so instantaneous that it nearly knocked him off of his rhythm but he held strong, continuing his pace as you gushed torrents of slick into the dwindling bath water. For one twisted moment, he thought about how the herb scented water would taste with your slick mixed in and it made his mouth water. His cock twitched hard inside of you, jumping at the thought of your delicious taste. You convulsed on top of him in turn, letting out ragged moans and broken whimpers as your pussy greedily sucked him dry. 

“Cum, mmmmmm fuck Joel, want your cum,” you begged, eyes rolling into the back of your head as another wave of pleasure dragged you under. 

“Christ honey, m’gonna cum - shiiiiiiiit,” was all Joel managed to get out before he was cumming, mindlessly locking himself inside so that he could explode inside of you properly. 

His knot breached your hole and you squeaked, already so stuffed as it was, but you soon dissolved into a whining mess. He felt your walls suck at the base of his cock greedily, as if he had the power to somehow impregnate you twice. The groan that he let out at the thought was loud, signaling another round of toe curling releases that had him shaking beneath you. 

You were no better, whining and grinding him well past the point of overstimulation. Joel let you do it, clenching his jaw while you wantonly circled your hips enough to keep you both cumming until he could physically give you no more. By the time you were sated enough to stop, his cock was raw and his abdominal muscles ached from the exertion of his releases. He let out a sigh of relief when you went still, silently praying that this would be enough of a workout to force you into a couple of hours of much needed rest. 

Joel eased you further into his lap, allowing you to lay back against his front until he could pull his cock out without hurting you. With how full your body already was, he felt a flash of guilt at knotting you in such a state, but he also remembered how you had begged him to keep you knotted nearly every day for the past six months. Every moment that you weren’t busied by home improvements or work, you were on him. This led to constant bouts of desperate love making, with him having to get more creative with the positions the heavier you got, followed by him helping you come down with the sweetest touches afterwards. 

Most of the water had been splashed out of the tub and onto the floor, leaving an awful mess that he would have to clean up when he could disentangle himself from you. With barely any water left, the full weight of the baby was pressing into you, making you wiggle against him in discomfort. Unsure of what else he could do to ease your pain, Joel did the only thing he could think of. Having heard of the trick from his brother, he cupped the bottom of your swollen belly and lifted it from your lap, easing some of the pressure that had been gathering there. He smiled at your sigh of content, nuzzling your cheek in response. 

“Never stop doing that,” you mumbled dreamily. 

He chuckled, “I won’t honey, at least not for a while. We’re gonna be stuck here until it goes away.”

Joel’s knot was still very much swollen, angrily inflated and locked deep within your walls as you both lounged. Until it went down, the two of you were trapped but neither of you cared. Instead, he took the time to truly appreciate the woman he loved, lifting your belly for a few minutes at a time as he whispered sweet words into your ear. And you returned the sentiment, cooing at him as you helped scrub the dirt from his tanned skin. There was no rush, just two lovers worshiping each other with all of their might, staying connected in the most intimate of ways as they did. 

When the two of you were cleaned, both in mind and body, he carefully pulled himself out of you. He soothed the absence he left with soft kisses, holding you tight until you calmed once more. The line of kisses along your neck finished with an obnoxious smooch to your cheek and he laughed when the smacking sound made you giggle. With you finally soothed, he slowly pulled himself up from behind you, careful not to jostle your lax body too much. 

“Alright, let’s not spend the whole evening here,” Joel mumbled, kissing your shoulder before he lifted you in his arms. 

With your body rendered useless from his thrusts, it was easy for Joel to cradle you in his arms as he walked you to the counter. He placed you down in between the two sinks, fetching a towel to dry the dampness from your skin. Once he was done, he grabbed the oils he had procured for you in town. After hearing you complain about the burn of your stretch marks, he had made it his mission to find a cure. The few tools he had traded to get the bottle was worth it to see the happy tears you had shed the first time it soothed them. Who needed a hacksaw anyways? Not him, not if the alternative was watching you cry about the angry lines that had bloomed across your midsection. 

While Joel worked, he allowed you to play with his hair, forming ringlets around your fingers that he knew would only grow with the heat of the summer air. Each time you had taken a pair of scissors to his hair, you were always careful to leave it a bit longer than he normally would, but he allowed it because he knew how much you loved his curls. Not to mention how much he loved the attention you gave him because of them. By the time your belly and hips were slathered in a layer of the sweet smelling oil, every strand on the top of his head was accounted for. 

“Okay baby, nap time?,” he asked through a yawn. 

The heat of the day had caught up to him, making him feel like he was awake standing up as he readied himself to lift you again. Sleepily nodding in response, you threw your arms around his neck and sighed as he transferred you from the counter to the bed. Joel placed you down gently, laughing when you refused to release him from your hold. 

“Can’t exactly lay on top of ya right now darling, gonna need you to let go,” he reminded as he carefully pulled your arms from around his neck. 

“Ugh, another reason why your kid needs to come out as soon as she can,” you groaned. 

Joel snorted and scooched in behind you, forgoing the blankets to combat the summer heat that filled the room. Instead, he draped himself over your back, kissing your neck as he helped cradle the swell of your belly. 

“My kid, huh?,” Joel questioned, the playfulness evident in his tone. 

“When she’s being annoying, yeah she’s your kid,” you deadpanned. 

He chuckled, nipping your shoulder so that you broke into another fit of giggles. As you laughed, he pulled you closer, burying his nose into your hair so that he could huff at your sweet scent. After a while, you calmed and leaned back into him, allowing him the access to snuffle at the gland on your neck. It lulled him, pulling him into a trance where all he could do was hold on for dear life as your scent engulfed him in a bubble of trust and adoration that he had never known before he met you. 

“Love you baby, get some sleep,” you whispered to him. 

“Hey, that’s my line,” Joel shot back. 

The groggy laugh he got in response made him smile. 

“My bad, go ahead.”

“Thank you. Love ya honey, get some sleep. See? That’s much better,” he teased. 

You chuckled, “Whatever, dork.” 

Joel hummed at that, too tired to send back any more responses with your body glued against his so perfectly. It didn’t matter that there was a layer of sweat forming between you, what mattered was how perfect his life was at that very moment. He was half asleep, cocooned around his soul mate, his best friend, the only reason his life was worth living, and he was happy. 

Joel was older than he’d once thought he’d be, having imagined during Sarah’s lifetime that he might meet his soulmate while his daughter was in middle school. Then, when that obviously didn’t happen, he had predicted that it would happen when she was in high school. Then, when the world ended, he had no choice but to watch that dream die alongside her. Nevertheless, life is fickle, and somehow it had all come at a time when he least expected it. It had come at a time when he had given up on life altogether, which often made him wonder whether you had been sent to him. He was not a believer of any higher power, but with how often he talked to them in his dreams and while in his loneliest moments, he sometimes wondered if it had been his girls. 

As Joel felt your body go lax against the covers he listened to the sound of your even breaths, softly brushing his hands over the new life beneath your taut skin. Soon, Joel would be a father again, something that had once terrified him to the point of an all out breakdown. But at that moment, he was ready, unshaken by the previous heartbreaks of his traumatic life. If his girls HAD sent you, they would likely be looking out for you and their incoming sibling as well. Soothed by you and thoughts of the children he had once had, he allowed himself to take a moment of rest, tangled up with you atop of the sheets as he drifted off into sleep. 

- You - 

The first thing you noticed was how hot it was. It felt like the surface of the sun was glued to your back, pounding bursts of sunlight into your flesh as you roused from sleep. Not to mention the heat of the air around you, which at this point was downright tropical. When you cracked an eye open, you huffed in annoyance, noting how Joel had once again forgotten to leave the screen door to the balcony open so that the evening air could come in. 

The second thing you noticed was the foot that was jammed into your bladder, repeatedly kicking the poor organ until you hissed at the familiar urge building in your lower abdomen. In an effort to not literally piss on yourself and the human furnace behind you, you quickly slipped from Joel’s arms and waddled to the bathroom as fast as you possibly could. When you made it, you sighed in relief, still embarrassed at the time a few weeks back where you were not as fortunate. 

That was a moment you hoped to never have to live through again, as you were forced to look your mate in the eye and tell him what you had done. You remembered how your face had burned with embarrassment as you explained that you couldn’t get down on your knees to clean it up without his help. Of course, Joel had waved you off, cleaning it by himself without a single word of complaint or jest, but it still made your stomach churn thinking about it. So much so, that the two of you had made a pact to never speak of it again. 

When you were done, you washed up, sighing at the bags that had gathered under your eyes. Sleep was a luxury that you seemed to only be able to obtain for small amounts of time. Naps had reigned supreme so far and you had the enormity of the child to thank for it, with her limbs constantly knocking into organs and getting stuck in your ribcage. That and the inherent need to make the home presentable for the baby, as if a newborn would care about things as trivial as dusty cupboards. 

Nesting called to you, constantly dragging you from sleep to complete the most trivial of tasks while Joel slept. Most of the time they would be left unfinished, with you either too frazzled to complete them or Joel eventually dragging you back to bed, but your brain continued to send the urges nonetheless. Which was why when you finished in the bathroom, you didn’t return to where the man you loved was snoring into his pillow. Instead, you pulled on a pair of clean underwear and veered right, padding towards what would soon become your child’s room. 

The two of you had chosen a room on the other side of the hall, close enough so that you could hear the baby cry out but not so close that they might hear anything from behind a shared wall once they got older. Joel had laughed when you had suggested that, shaking his head as he agreed to switch his top choice of potential bedrooms. It was a good sized room, one with a deep closet that was already filled with a modest amount of hand-me-downs that Maria and other Jackson residents had dropped off. Some of them needed to be sewed up but you didn’t mind, touched by the kindness of the multiple strangers who had come bearing gifts once you had begun to show enough for other residents to notice. 

After much debate, the room had been painted with one of the only two paint colors Joel had found in the basement that were still usable. It was a gentle green that didn’t fit any of the other rooms in the house, which made you dissolve into a puddle of tears at the thought of the previous occupants having their decorational dreams crushed. Joel had laughed and shushed you, allowing the hormone fueled crying spell to pass before he got to work on the room. With a few of Frankie’s shabby toys lining the shelves, blankets draped over a rocker that your mother had brought from her own home, and a crib carved by none other than Joel himself, the baby’s room was ready. 

Nevertheless, the hormone fueled beast you had become always had to take issue with something, which meant that you suddenly decided that the closet needed to be reorganized. Four nights ago, you had already done this, organizing each piece of clothing by color, but now that seemed ridiculous. What good would color do? With a huff of annoyance, you tore the clothes from the shelves, piling them on top of the rocker and dresser so that you didn’t have to collect them from the floor. 

After the closet was empty, you got to work on re-organizing them based on type of clothing. Pants first, then shirts, then jumpers, then onesies, and finally, the dresses at the very end of the line in case Joel’s prediction was wrong. Much better, you thought to yourself as you got into a rhythm, so locked into your task that you didn’t notice the figure watching you from the doorway. 

“Sweet girl, why didn’t ya wake me? S’gotta be way past suppertime now, doctor said you’ve gotta be eating regularly,” Joel called out from his place against the doorframe, making you drop the little dress in your hands. 

“I’m almost done! Just have to get these back up and then I’ll go get something. It won’t take too much longer,” you protested. 

When you tried to squat down to pick up the little piece of purple fabric, Joel swooped in, snatching it from the floor before you even had a chance to fully bend your knees. He tsked as he handed you the dress, his gaze chastising enough that he didn’t even have to say anything. You rolled your eyes but nodded, turning your back to him with a dramatic sigh so that you could complete the job. However, despite your attempts at focusing on the task at hand, Joel did not like being forgotten and quickly picked up the small pile of dresses that remained so that he could pass each of them to you. 

“Why’re you up? You were sleeping like the dead when I left,” you asked after a time. 

“You know that I can’t sleep long without ya in bed with me,” he sighed, scratching the back of his neck nervously as he continued, “Plus, I’ve been meaning to talk to ya but I got kinda distracted.” 

You turned then, visibly bristling at the foreboding words sent your way. Joel gulped when your pointed gaze met his, looking like he was cornered by a lion as he tried to spit out whatever it was that was making him sweat. 

“I uh, well… Today Maria came down and pulled me off maintenance, said that now that the pipe’s found that the crew can patch it without me,” Joel began, his voice trailing off near the end. 

At once, you understood. Grabbing the little blue dress that hung from his hand, you turned towards the baby clothes so that he couldn’t see your face fall. When Maria had originally pulled him, upon his request, from the patrol shifts, you had been told multiple times that the arrangement was temporary. At the time, temporary was a relative term, all that mattered to you was that Joel was safe in Jackson and free to come home when you needed him. Which, much to your dismay, was becoming more and more as your pregnancy progressed. With the bubble of security popped, you couldn’t help but sour at the sense of impending doom you felt anytime you thought of him outside the safety of Jackson’s walls. 

“What happened? She must have had a reason for pulling you from maintenance,” you prodded, keeping your tone light despite the lump that formed in your throat. 

He didn’t respond and again, you knew. Jackson was growing, but it was still a small town filled with people that had nothing better to do than talk. That meant that you had heard about each of the missing patrols, as well as the four missing bodies that had shown up this morning. Stupidly, you had hoped that Maria might call someone else, someone less bonded, someone with a mate who wasn’t eight months pregnant, to go after the group that was picking people off. But, ultimately you knew that she had to put Jackson first. Joel Miller was a renowned killer, a man who had survived against all odds for decades, meaning that he was the best person that she had for the job. 

“Bodies, um,” he cleared his throat before he continued, “They found some bodies near the gates, who knows, maybe it was infected -”

“Don’t lie to me,” you spat, “I’m pregnant Joel, not a fucking child.” 

Joel sighed and you turned, feeling guilty at the venom you had just spewed at him. He was scared to tell you because he didn’t want his pregnant mate to worry, you knew that, but you were getting tired of people tiptoeing around your emotions. What you needed was for him to be honest, not to sugarcoat the situation to the point of inaccuracy. All that lying would do was hurt you more once you inevitably heard it from the people in town. 

“Look, m’sorry about lying to ya just now, but I don’t want you worrying about me. Yeah, there were some bodies and yeah, they were our guys, but I’m gonna be okay. It’s me and Tommy gone for the morning, that’s it,” he rushed out, stepping forward so he could grab your face. 

“Okay,” was all you said back to him. 

He blinked, shocked at your dismissal, “Okay?” 

Pulling away, you nodded and placed the last dress in its place. The closet was done but you stayed there, staring at all of the clothes as you tried to put a muzzle on the swelling emotions that rose up from deep within your subconscious. Joel needed to go, he had no choice, and you would have to stay in Jackson without him. And if he didn’t return? There would be a child that would have to be raised without him, with said child never getting the chance to know the man who you’d move mountains for. Your mother’s hardened face flashed in your mind, making you want to vomit at the thought of having to raise his baby alone. It was all too much and suddenly, you were too aggrieved to be in his presence any longer. 

Stepping around him, you hurried towards the stairs, desperate to do something, anything, to keep from crying in front of Joel for what must have been the billionth time in the past week. It wasn’t his fault and yet you wept, causing you to feel even more guilty for the tears that streamed down your face as you ran away. The last thing you wanted to do was make him feel bad for something he couldn’t control but, as he bounded towards you and whipped you around to face him, you failed at hiding your heart break from him immediately. 

One thing nobody prepared you for when talking about pregnancy was how the slightest aggravation would lead to a torrent of tears running down your face, leaving a mess for Joel to clean up on a daily basis. He always said that he didn’t mind, that he loved taking care of you no matter what, but it still made you feel awful. He had his own worries and responsibilities that he had taken on since becoming a Jackson resident, but he had to constantly look after you. 

“Stop, it’s fine Joel. No, really! It’s okay, just ignore this, this is just hormones. I’m super g-good,” you sobbed, sounding ridiculous to even your own ears. 

“Oh sweetheart, m’sorry, you know I’d stay if I could,” Joel sighed, bringing you into a tightest hug he could manage considering the bowling ball that was strapped to your stomach. 

Another sob broke from your lips, this one more strangled than the last, and you kicked yourself for not being able to stop it. Every time you tried, the tears only worsened, to the point where you had no choice but to allow yourself to cry into his chest so that they would finally go away. Joel was patient, rubbing your back and whispering lovingly into your ear until you calmed. 

“Darling, I know you’re scared. Believe me, I don’t want to leave you alone any more than you want to be left, but it’ll be okay. Maria gave me a short shift, just a couple of hours and I’ll be back. Hell, you’ll probably sleep through most of it, we leave at dawn,” Joel said soothingly. 

You whimpered but nodded, trying to wipe the tears and snot from your face as you pulled away. He cooed at your weepy eyes, batting your hands away so that he could do the job himself and you let him. Joel smiled when he was done and kissed your forehead, his lips chapped yet soft as they lingered against the skin. 

“I’ll come home to ya honey, always will, I promise,” he mumbled. 

“You better,” you shakily replied, with your voice too weak for the words to have any real heat to them. 

Joel hummed, lingering for a bit to ensure that you were truly calm. It was you that pulled away, with a sudden kick to your ribcage serving as a reminder of the supper you had missed out on. Grunting at the feeling, you hissed and tried to use your hand to shove the little foot out from where it was caught. 

“She getting ya again?,” he asked, replacing your hand with his so that he could help untangle the wayward limb. 

“She gets mean when she’s hungry,” you grunted. 

When it came loose at last, you released the breath you had been holding in. The discomfort ebbed away, however the child seemed to be only more aggrieved by the sudden change and you soon felt more kicks to your most vital organs. Joel winced at your scowl, leaning down so he could get face to face with the swell. 

“C’mon sweet pea, take it easy on your mama now. I’ll feed ya both, but you gotta let her sleep afterwards, that’s the deal,” he bargained. 

The kicking stopped and you grinned, your heart glowing at the feeling of his soft timbre slowly soothing the pup. It was unfair how easily Joel’s voice eased the constant kicks that kept you awake all hours of the night, as if the baby had already chosen their favorite parent. You didn’t blame the kid, he was your favorite person in the entire world and you had no doubt that he would be the baby’s as well. 

“She gone back to sleep?,” Joel asked, pulling himself up again to kiss your cheek. 

“So annoying that she only listens to you. I’m the one literally growing her,” you answered, rolling your eyes to add to the effect. 

He smiled and shrugged, trying and failing not to look smug. 

“Can’t help it, I’ve got a way with words,” Joel answered, giving you one last kiss before he wrapped his hand around yours. 

Joel led you to the staircase, placing your hand on his shoulders so that you could lean on him as you made your way down. He was careful not to go too fast, wanting to act as a cushion in case you fell. It was slightly ridiculous, considering the fact that you had to make your way down every morning alone when he went to work or you had an early morning shift at the clinic. Nevertheless, you knew better than to argue and used his shoulder to ease some of the weight off your feet as you took the steps. 

He tried to lead you over to the living room but you refused, opting instead to follow him into the kitchen to watch him cook. Taking a place at the breakfast nook with the glass of water that he demanded you drink, your eyes raked over his backside as he whipped up some of the chili in the freezer that you had nicked from the dining hall. 

Joel’s shoulders were broad, so god damn broad that you couldn’t help but imagine how simple it would be for him to let a few kids hang off of them. Each movement he made reminded you of his strength and your mouth watered as you watched his arms flex while he stirred the pot. You were blessed with the sight of his bare skin, scarred and beautiful as the muscles moved beneath golden skin. If the doctor was right in her assumptions, there were two babies stuffed inside of you, two babies that would be blessed with a father who was strong enough to carry them both with ease. 

Neither one of you had said anything about it, not wanting to bring life to a possibility that was becoming more realistic each day you grew impossibly larger, but you knew there was a second crib carved. Joel had hidden it in the basement, stupidly believing that you would actually heed his request to not go down the creaky steps without him. Although you had kept it cool around him thus far, you had sobbed when you found it, overwhelmed with love for him. It drove you wild how easily he cared for you, despite his own fears about having another life, let alone two, to care for. 

This man had grown so much since you had first met him. He was your best friend, your lover, the person you’d live and die for, and he was devoted to you almost to the point of insanity. It was for that reason that you knew that his ability to provide for you would extend to your offspring, something that stirred something primal within you. 

As you squeezed your thighs together to get some relief, you couldn’t help but gawk at the smattering of hair across his chest when he turned to grab the bowls from the cupboards. Everything about Joel screamed man, from his wide frame, to the thick muscles that made his boxer covered thighs that much more enticing, to the fact that he had banished you to the table to relax as he made the meal. At this rate, you were pretty sure that there would be a wet spot left on the cushion when you got up from the booth. 

“You want me to pose or something?,” Joel drawled, breaking you from the lust filled haze he had caused. 

He turned and you jumped, pretending to rearrange the salt and pepper shakers on the table. Despite your best attempts to act natural, you felt the flush that crept up your neck that gave you away immediately. The click of the stove being turned off made you jump, along with the heavy footsteps that barreled towards you. By the time Joel was in front of you, lifting your chin to force you to make eye contact with him, your panties were absolutely drenched. 

“What’s got you all worked up baby? Can feel you staring a hole through my back,” he jested, softly running his thumb over your trembling bottom lip. 

“You’re so big,” you sighed dreamily, mesmerized by the puppy dog eyes that lovingly held you in their gaze. 

He cocked an eyebrow, a wry grin spreading out on his face at your words. 

“Not like that!,” you groaned, “Well, okay, yes you are big like that but that’s not what I meant.” 

While your cheeks burned at the admission, you buried your face in your hands and Joel laughed. Butterflies erupted from deep in your stomach, stirring up your nerves and making the baby give you a few kicks as a reminder to calm down. You tried but it was hard, especially when her father was so god damn attractive. 

“S’that right? How’d ya mean then?,” he teased. 

The sigh you let out was long and drawn out, making him laugh even harder at your sudden shyness. It was crazy how this man could make you feel so confident one moment, easily loosening your lips with lust so that you begged him to do the filthiest things possible to your needy pussy, and the next he could still make you feel like a giddy teen. In the time since you had met him, he had ruined you in the best way possible. Nobody would ever live up to Joel Miller, the man that could take you apart and make you whole again in the blink of an eye. 

“It’s just your stupid shoulders!,” you groaned, “ And your arms - God, they’re so big! It’s not fair Joel. Here I am minding my business, and all I can think about is how good you’d look with a few kids hanging off of them. You’re going to be such a hot dad, it’s going to drive me crazy.” 

He cocked an eyebrow, “A FEW kids? We don’t even have this one yet.” 

“Yeah but,” you sighed, “I know we aren’t talking about what the doctor said the other day BUT, if there’s two then I’m going to have to watch you take care of them. And the thought of you carrying them at the same time - ugh - my ovaries are exploding just thinking about it.” 

Joel snorted, getting a kick out of the way you squirmed at the thought of his broad frame easily holding a few pups. It made you blush even harder and you found yourself too worked up to do anything but peek at the pudge of his stomach from behind your hands. The urge to bite at the tantalizing treasure trail that led towards his waistband was strong but you ignored it, not wanting to force him into another round of love making while he was trying to make you a decent meal. 

“Does the thought of me being a good dad turn you on?,” he questioned, pulling your hands from your face as he knelt in between your legs. 

You nodded solemnly, unsure of how he was about to react at the admission. Was it weird that you felt that way? You couldn't tell, but it was impossible to hide it from him when everything he did for you or the unborn child riled you up so much. If you had it your way, he’d stay buried inside of your cunt for the next month, keeping himself there for easy access when you inevitably wanted him to fuck you again. 

“Aw honey, s’alright. No need to get embarrassed,” Joel cooed, rubbing your tummy as he did, “Know what? I think the same thing about you. You’re so loving, so strong, gonna take such good care of our pup. Makes me want to show you how much I love you, every day.”

Joel’s words were sweet, but you couldn’t help but squirm at the double entendre.  

“Then show me,” you whispered. 

His eyes turned black at that, his pupils growing with lust until only a thin line of brown remained. A heady scent of desire cloaked every other smell in the room, making your cunt throb between your legs. Joel’s nose twitched as he caught the scent and he licked his lips as though he was readying himself to take a bite of you. As he stared at your lips, you spotted the neglected food on the stove, suddenly feeling ashamed at how needy you were for always begging him to fuck you into oblivion at the drop of a hat. 

“I’m sorry, you don’t have t - ah!,” you squeaked, cut off by his hands pulling your legs towards the end of the booth so that they hung off the edge. 

Joel threw your legs over his shoulders, groaning as he buried his face into the drenched gusset of your panties. He huffed at the fabric and you whimpered as his nose bumped against your sensitive clit. Panting and whining, you reached down to bury your fingers into his hair to ground yourself amidst the intense need rushing through you. 

“Never fucking apologize for this, taking care of this pretty pussy is my job, nobody else’s,” he drawled, yanking your panties up so that they dug into your slit. 

“Y-Your job,” you mimicked, too desperate to do much else. 

He chuckled darkly and leaned forward, mouthing at your soaked cunt through the fabric he held tight in his grasp. It was somehow too much and not enough, with his strong tongue easily working you up despite the barrier, but you craved more. What you needed was his face suctioned to your core, sucking at your clit as his fingers slammed into that one spot over and over again. 

“Joel, Joel, Joel, please,” you begged, thighs twitching around his head as he teased. 

“No, take what I give ya and then maybe I’ll be nice,” Joel replied, his voice muffled by your panty covered seam. 

You groaned and kicked your legs out in protest, earning a nip to the calf from him. The sting shot up your spine, adding to the growing pressure between your thighs. With your heart slamming inside of your chest and your hands yanking on his curls, you shook and keened. Joel growled and pulled you even closer, rubbing his face against your core as you barreled towards the edge. The scruff on his cheeks burned at the inside of your thighs and you knew that the skin there would be flushed from the friction, but you didn’t care. In fact, you hoped that he would leave a mark, something to remind you of how good he made you feel on a daily basis. 

“C’mon baby, cum for me. Know you want to my filthy fucking girl. Pussy full of my cum and she still needs me, doesn’t she? We taste so fucking good, can’t wait to bury my tongue in that sweet cunt, gonna clean my cum out and make you taste it when we kiss,” Joel groaned. 

His words sent a shockwave through your body, making all of the muscles in your body tense up before you exploded into all out euphoria. The sound of liquid hitting the floor below barely registered, you were too busy gushing slick as your walls clenched around nothing. Joel let out a pained whine when you tugged on his hair, too blissed out to care about suffocating him as you rode out your high. After one last brutal wave of pleasure, you sighed and let go of him, trying desperately to catch your breath. 

“That’s it honey, such a good girl for me,” Joel panted, leaning back to press wet kisses against your thighs. 

“J-J-J,” you gasped, trying desperately to answer him. 

Any attempt to catch your breath failed and you slapped his shoulder, signaling to him that you needed something. With the weight of the baby strapped to your midsection, it had become nearly impossible to lie on your back at times. As much as you would love for him to continue to devour you in the booth of the breakfast nook, there was no way you were going to be able to keep going without changing positions. Joel took the hint, immediately halting the kisses to your shaking thighs so that he could help. 

“What’s the matter sweetheart? Is she kicking you again? Do ya need to pee?,” he questioned, rubbing your sides as he asked. 

You shook your head, “C-Can’t breathe, g-get up, need t-to get up.” 

Joel cussed and slipped your legs off of his shoulders, quickly holding out a hand for you. When you took hold of his hand, he pulled you up, slipping the other one around your back for extra support. It was only when you were right side up again that the pressure against your lungs melted away, allowing you to take a few steadying breaths that calmed your racing heart. As you gulped down the much needed oxygen, Joel’s hands brushed over your skin, desperately trying to soothe you in any way he could. 

“I’m okay Joel, it’s just hard to lay like that when I’ve got a fucking watermelon pressing into me,” you chuckled once you had finally caught up on breaths. 

He hummed, “You gotta tell me if you’re hurtin’ baby, we could’ve moved.” 

You shook your head, grabbing the back of his neck so that you could pull him close and kiss the damp skin around his face. The taste of you lingered around his mouth, along with the delicious saltiness of his own cum that had sprayed out of your cunt with the force of your orgasm. Joel hesitantly kissed you back, still too spooked to get into it again, and you sighed. 

“I really am fine. Nothing hurt and I could breathe just fine until you made me cum. I promise I would have told you if it did,” you said, your thumb rubbing soothing circles into his tensed jaw. 

Joel nodded, “Okay honey, that’s fine. D’ya wanna stop for right now? We could get something eat and then come b-”

“No!,” you cried out, grappling at his shoulders as he tried to pull away, “You made dirty promises mister and I’m holding you to them! We just need to move first and then I’m all yours.” 

He chuckled and shook his head, mumbling something about you being insatiable as he scooped you up from the booth. The screech that you let out was cut off by his mouth sealing over yours and you sighed into it, allowing his tongue to sweep into your mouth. Joel tasted like a delicious mix of the both of you, something that forced another rush of desire to pulse through you. It was only when he was suddenly placing you down onto your feet that the spell was broken and you found yourself whining as he pulled back. 

“Nuh uh honey, none of that,” Joel tsked, “M’gonna take care of ya, just need to do it right this time. If ya can’t lay down, we’ll have to do it like this.” 

He pulled away and plopped down on the couch, grabbing your thighs as he laid across it. The smile he wore was almost boyish, as if your pussy was the last slice of cake and he had just been given permission to dig in. You wanted nothing more than to take a seat on his ruggedly handsome face, riding it until you could no longer speak, but you hesitated. If you were scared about crushing Joel before, now it seemed inevitable. How the hell was he going to breathe with you on top of him? It wasn’t like you would notice if he was suffocating, you couldn’t even see your own toes anymore, much less a face buried in between your thighs. 

“Don’t even want to hear it sweetheart, hop on or I’ll drag you up here myself. I just carried your ass all the way from the kitchen, you ain’t gonna crush me,” Joel demanded, already tugging on the leg closest to him in excitement. 

There was no arguing with Joel when he got like this, you knew that, so you sighed and shimmied out of your panties. It was a bit awkward when you first climbed over him, throwing your wobbly leg over his chest so that you hovered over the scarred skin there. He smiled from ear to ear, grabbing your ass to yank you towards his mouth. 

“Joel!,” you yelped, catching yourself on the armrest above his head to keep from falling forward. 

“Hush,” he growled. 

Joel’s hands squeezed your cheeks, pulling them apart so your holes were exposed to his greedy eyes. All you could see was the swell of your own stomach, leaving you guessing as to when he was going to finally dive in and it was maddening. Slick dripped from your core, likely covering your thighs and his face at the point, and you whined a desperate plea to him. With that, his patience shattered and you couldn’t help the shocked screech you let out when he slammed you down on his face. 

The feeling of Joel’s mouth was exquisite and you struggled to keep from clenching your thighs around his head, not wanting to suffocate him even more than you already were. He started by running his thick tongue from your asshole, all the way to your clit where he ended with a sharp flick. Every inch of you came alive, with his mouth sending you into an all out frenzy as it expertly swept over every pleasure spot in your core. Sweat dripped down your face, making your hair stick to the sides of his as you held onto the couch for dear life. 

“J-o-oel fuuuuck, s’good. Oh my god, don’t stop,” you whimpered. 

A hand reared back and slapped your ass, using less strength than usual but just enough to force out a choked sob. Joel groaned when one of your hands left the armrest to grip his hair, using the curls to squish his face even further into your drenched folds. He let you do it, happily working his way up to your clit so that he could pop the swollen bud into his mouth to suck. 

You convulsed, babbling as your hips tried to pull away from the intense stimulation, “P-Please, please, please, fuck! Feels so good daddy, you’re gonna make me cum.” 

Joel held strong, easily keeping you pinned against his mouth so that he could pull you into another round of overwhelming pleasure. Every time you managed to pull away even an inch, he yanked you back down, until a threatening grumbling noise came from his chest that stilled your movements. It was as if your instincts had overwhelmed your ability to think with just one simple growl from him. The omega in you heeded to the noise, rendering you unable to do anything but sit there as your alpha took what he wanted. 

And it seemed like what he wanted to do was kill you. From the second your pussy had touched down against his face, you were already so close. The power Joel had over you was unimaginable, with just the first few strokes of his tongue rendering you a hopeless mess. However, as you felt him suck your poor clit into his mouth even harder, batting the nub with his tongue as he did, you were gone. 

A high pitched noise echoed in your ears, your vision whiting out for a second as the growing pressure was released. As you panted and scraped his scalp with your fingernails, walls contracting around nothing, you realized that the high pitched noise was your own screams. The sound of Joel's palm slapping your ass made you choke on a shriek, the sting heightening the pleasure that surged through you. He worked you through it, moaning wantonly as he welded himself to your folds. It was only when you slumped over him, twitching and shivering in overstimulation, that he finally let you go. 

Carefully, ever so carefully, Joel scooched you back so that you straddled his chest again. He hissed when your arms faltered, catching you just in time to save you from squishing the bump against him. A slurred apology came from you, with your mind too discombobulated to truly react to the fall. He shushed you, lifting you again so that he could pull himself into a seated position. With the armrest against his back, he cradled you in his arms, cooing at the tears that ran down your cheeks. 

“Aw, my sweet girl, did so good for me baby,” Joel praised, wiping the sweat soaked hair from your eyes as he did. 

Another cry came from you, this one louder than the last, the pleasure having wiped away all lines of defense against the overwhelming emotions you were prone to. Joel’s face, with its fine lines, scars, and the facial hair you refused to let him shave off, was absolutely drenched. Slick covered it, making everywhere from his cheeks to his forehead shine in the dying light of the day. It was like you had claimed all over again, the remnants of your pleasure being yet another sign of his devotion. All you wanted was for him to hold you for tonight, and every night for the rest of your life, but you were terrified that a life like that would be taken from you. His brow furrowed in worry, looking almost heartbroken by your outburst. 

“What’s the matter honey? Aw, c’mon now darling, don’t cry. Talk to me,” he cooed, bringing your face closer to his so that he could place kisses all over it. 

Too ashamed to say anything, you shook your head, trying and failing to control the awful cries you let out. Joel held your body closer to his, doting upon every inch of it as you sobbed. Every time you thought it was done, it kept going, until nothing remained but wet sniffles and embarrassing hiccups. He ran his thumb over your cheeks, collecting the moisture there in silence. It made you want to break, to tell him how your more deranged side wanted nothing more than to chain him up in the basement so that he would be forced to stay home, but you couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. 

“M’gonna be alright pretty girl, s’not like it was before,” he said softly after some time. 

Looking away from him, you nodded and tried to control the tears. Of course, Joel couldn’t know that, but there was no reason for you to make him worry any more that he already was by freaking out. You needed to be strong, you knew that, but the hormones running rampant throughout your body never seemed to get the memo. 

“How?,” you broke, too terrified to let it go for his sake, “How is it not like before? There’s p-people out there k-killing our patrols and you have to be the one to go out there. Y-You Joel! And I c-can’t do anything about it. If you go missing I-I can’t, I won’t be able to…”

You trailed off, too overcome with emotion to continue down that dark path, but it was hard not to, especially when there was some truth to the statement. In the state you were in there was no way you would be able to pull off the miraculous rescue mission you had once before, there would be no going after him if something went wrong. Each time Joel and you were apart, bad things would happen, and you couldn’t help but feel like this was going to end the same. Except this time, he would be doomed. 

“S’not like before because I’m not going alone, I have Tommy and as dumb as he can be, he knows what he’s doing,” Joel paused, placing a broad hand against your swollen belly, “S’not like before because of you and her, I’m not taking any chances. No way m’gonna miss this.” 

“But what if -”

His index finger pressed against your lips, effectively silencing your doubts before they could take life. The seriousness of his gaze halted your defiance, with his big brown eyes drilling into the deepest corners of your heart with a single look. 

“I’ve had two pups in my life and I’ve had to watch them both die. I didn’t even get to bury them. If you think for one second that I’m gonna let anything happen to me out there, that I’m not gonna be there for this baby, for you, then you’re crazy. There’s no buts baby, I’m gonna come home to ya,” he promised. 

The way Joel said it was so definitive that it soothed your cries, sobering you to the reality of the man that held you so tightly to his chest. He was confident in his abilities because he had to be, he had to make it back because the other option was too unbearable for him. It would be as if he was failing his other children all over again, only this time in a different, more painful way. If he died, Joel would not only be leaving his unborn child without his care, but his pregnant mate as well, his pregnant mate that would then have to birth and raise said child alone. As much as you wanted to bemoan his involvement in patrols, there was no denying the determination of a man that had previously faced hell and survived. 

“Okay,” you sniffed, his promise making the worries that were lurking around in your mind drift away. 

Joel gave you a small smile, “Okay.” 

He kissed you then, so softly that it almost made you cry again, and it was then that you felt the hardened length against your leg. Pulling away, you wiped your face and tried to ready yourself for another round. After pulling you into two consecutive releases, Joel had been left wanting, and you suddenly felt even more terrible than before. However, he batted you away when you reached for it. 

“You didn’t get to cum,” you whined. 

“Relax darling. Wasn’t about me, this was about you,” he said, batting away your wayward hands. 

Joel kissed you softly, making a flurry of butterflies erupt from your chest. This man loved you, so much so that he would deny his own pleasure just to see make you happy, so much so that he would walk through fire just to get back to you, and it made you want to scream. As his lips parted from yours, you already missed them, but found yourself yawning instead of leaning back in. All of the pent up emotions and mind breaking orgasms had caught up, pulling at your heavy eyelids as you struggled to hold onto consciousness. Although you wanted to end the night fucking and cuddling with the man you loved, the lethargy that plagued your life as of late reared its head. 

“C’mon, let’s get you fed and then we can go back to bed. Can’t have my girls starvin’ when there’s perfectly good food waiting for them,” he said, groaning as he lifted you from the couch. 

At this rate, you had a feeling that Joel was going to be waddling almost as bad as you were by tomorrow. The muscles in his back were already strained by the hard labor he had been assigned to and he was only making it worse each time he lifted your swollen body, carrying you throughout the house as if he were a young man and you were not at least twenty pounds heavier than usual. Still, you didn’t say anything, having already been shot down the multiple times you had tried to remind the alpha throughout the pregnancy that you were perfectly capable of walking. 

Joel kept you in his arms as the two of you ate and you had a feeling that it wasn’t just you that was nervous about tomorrow. Which was why you snuggled further into him, uncaring of the way his arms bumped into yours with every bite. When the bowls were empty, they were left on the table, a job that would be done tomorrow when the two of you weren’t exhausted. He carried you all the way to the bedroom, only releasing you so that you could go through your nighttime regiment alongside him. It was all so domestic, the way he gave you a goofy grin around a mouthful of foamy toothpaste as you prodded at a pimple on your chin, and it was perfect. 

When you slid into bed alongside Joel, you were calmed, with his words and affection lulling you into a sense of security. He pulled you close to him, holding the bump between you like he was trying to make himself into a human shield. I love yous were exchanged, along with a flurry of kisses, until you were both too tired to do anything but look at each other with tired eyes. You slipped off first, but not before you heard him quietly repeat his promise into the stillness of the night. 

“I’ll come home to ya honey, I promise.” 

- Joel -

The blood stuck to the bottoms of his boots made him grimace and Joel made a mental note to scrub the infected gunk off of them before he went home. If you saw it, he knew that your hormone addled brain would lead you to immediately clean it, and he couldn’t have that. Although the first few months of your pregnancy were rocky, having fought through hell and back the entire time without knowing about the life inside, that didn’t mean he was willing to let the rest of it be the same. From the moment he knew about the budding life inside of you, he was adamant that his mate would be safe from being stained with the filth that came with the outside world. 

“Christ almighty, look at this one,” Tommy called, pulling his attention away from his feet. 

Joel walked towards his brother, careful not to trip over the plethora of bodies that were strewn about the carcass of the store. It was clear that a horde had come through, as they now laid hacked to pieces across the rotted floors, but that left a glaringly obvious question. Who had killed them? Who had left this present for a Jackson patrol to find? And, were they the same people that had been taking out their residents? 

When Joel reached his brother, he looked down, gazing upon the sole body that didn’t look like it was overcome by the mind controlling fungus. He could see two bite marks on the woman’s thick forearms, but besides that, she was clear of infection. The single bullet wound between her eyes said it all. She had been bit and someone who cared enough to not let her turn had shot her, putting her out of an eternity of misery. 

“This could be one of them,” Joel said. 

Tommy hummed, “Could be, reckon that any more of them got bit?” 

He shook his head in response. If they had shot her, they’d likely shoot anyone else that got bitten by the horde. That was the way the world worked and he hoped for his own sake that his own loved ones would be kind enough to do the same if the day ever came. His brother kneeled down to check the body for something, anything that might give them a hint as to who the woman was and he looked away. Tommy wouldn’t find anything, not if they were the group that Jackson was on the hunt for. They were too smart to leave anything on her for a patrol to find. 

“Nothing,” his brother sighed. 

Joel nodded, already heading back to the horses and leaving him behind. The group was likely long gone, held up in whatever hide out they had coveted for the last few months. A storm was coming, he could smell it in the air and feel it in the humidity that made his clothes stick to his form. The clouds above were bruised, darkening the sky and blocking out the summer sun as he strolled towards Rusty. 

He briefly worried about you getting to your short shift at the clinic, half cocked fears about you falling against the slick ground or a bolt of lightning striking you down racing through him, but he shoved them away. It wasn’t even noon yet, meaning that Joel would be there to see you off. He could carry you there if need be. In fact, given his hormone fueled brain that screamed at him at all hours of the day to care for his mate, he would prefer it. 

“Hey, wait up!,” Tommy called, jogging to keep up with his long strides, “Slow your roll big brother, we’ve still gotta check out the residential area up that way. 

“Look at them storm clouds brewin’, you really think that’s a good plan?,” Joel asked, pointing at the dark patches in the sky as he did. 

“You want to come back out here again today? Cus, that’s what’s gonna happen when we go back and try to explain to Maria that you went all squirrely over some rain,” his brother shot back, making him glare at him as he hopped onto his horse. 

Joel sighed. It had only been about three hours since he left camp and already he missed you. This morning it had been unnecessarily difficult for him to let you go, with your hands glued to his shoulders to keep him stuck in place as you slept. He had almost wept when he had to peel them away, kissing both you and the swollen bump that was nestled between the two of you before he eased himself off of the bed. 

And now, with Rusty trotting towards the dilapidated homes nearby, Joel burned with desire. A desire that was not inherently sexual, more so one that was attuned to every fiber of your being. After he had been taken by Paul’s men many months ago, you had mentioned that during that time you had felt his presence on this earth, as if your souls could track the movement of each other without even knowing it. And similarly, he had felt something of the sort when he was racing towards the church after you had sacrificed yourself for Cooper and Allie. Joel had never been one to believe in soul bonds but since meeting you, he had begun to change his mind. 

However, it was only when you had become with child that those feelings had begun to take on even deeper meaning. Perhaps it was Joel’s past losses intermingling with his already heightened nervous system, or perhaps it was simply the alpha in him that demanded he pay extra attention to the people he was designed to protect, either way, each day he was driven mad by it. He could feel every bit of your discomfort and despair, calling out to him from miles away, and he was ready to tear through an army of infected to return to quell your fears. 

“Hey, let’s pull off. We can leave ‘em here, I’ll take the right and you take the left. You get into any trouble, holler for me, alright?,” Tommy instructed, waiting for him to respond. 

Joel nodded, shaking his head to clear out all of the hormone based thoughts that were fogging up his brain. The last thing he needed was to be distracted while he was exposed like this. As he hopped off the horse, he promised himself to remain on task, knowing that it was the only way he was going to be able to get home safely. 

He tied Rusty next to his brother’s horse Boots, leaving the knot loose enough so that the stallion could run away if trouble came about but not so loose so that he would take off for no reason. Tommy followed suit, leaving Boots with a wide berth between him and the chestnut colored stallion so that he wouldn’t get kicked. Much to everyone’s disappointment, the only beings that could coral the finicky horse were you and Joel, leaving him with only two possible riders despite the growing populace of Jackson that could use him. Joel patted his nose before he left, as if to say he understood the feeling. 

Tommy parted from him, veering off towards the houses on the right so that he could poke around. Joel followed his lead, carefully examining the buildings to the left. Most of them were broken beyond repair, too run down to house anything other than rotting wood that stunk in the summer heat, but he did find a pair of scissors that could be of use. He sped through the remainder of the homes, not seeing anything other than the carcass of life before the outbreak, until he finally reached his last one. 

Stilling at the entrance, Joel felt all the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight up. Something or someone was in here, he could feel it in the way his gut twisted with the indescribable feeling of incoming doom. He stepped back from the doorway, giving himself some space as he went over his options. Just as he landed on the more subtle approach, a voice from behind him rang through the air. 

“Hey! All clear over this way, let’s get going before - OH SHIT!,” Tommy shouted, his voice overpowered by the screech that came from within the home, along with the sound of a feral beast sprinting towards his brother at top speed. 

Joel cussed and pulled the gun from around his back, barely managing to switch the safety off before the runner was a mere four feet away from him. He shot once, making it stumble back as the bullet slammed through its chest, then again, this time getting it right between the eyes. The runner fell back against the ground, letting out a few hard twitches before it finally stilled. 

“Holy fuck,” Tommy swore, jogging up from behind to have a look at the corpse. 

Joel hummed, too distracted to respond to his brother’s surprise. The runner was freshly infected. No visible bite marks could be seen across its body, meaning that whoever the man was, he had likely hidden it before going off to succumb by himself. But that was not what Joel was focused on. He couldn’t care less that these assholes were too stupid to deal with the hordes that came through Jackson from time to time. What distracted him was how familiar the guy looked, yet he couldn’t quite place him. 

“What? You know this guy or something?,” the younger man asked, noticing how intensely Joel was studying his face. 

Did Joel know this man? He didn’t think so, although the way alarm bells were going off in his brain told him otherwise. Racking through his many years of disastrous decisions, he tried to place him amongst the numerous moments where he had fucked up, but he couldn’t. The man was slight, with olive skin and dark hair that was slightly matted, likely from time spent away from the luxuries of grooming. He reeked of a stifling mix of body odor and incense, another clue that had Joel scratching the back of his head. He had seen the man somewhere, somewhere where the air had been thick with the same stench of burning herbs, but he couldn’t remember where. 

“I don’t know, I think I do, but for the life of me I can't figure out where from,” Joel admitted, cursing his aging brain for being unable to recall as it once had. 

Tommy cussed, “Shiiit, alright. Well, let’s get going then, I don’t wanna stick around if there’s more of your old buddies hanging around here waiting for ya.” 

“Buddies,”Joel mumbled, rolling his eyes as he turned back towards the horses. 

Whoever the man was, he had never been a friend. Joel could tell by the way a cold sweat had already broken out on his back, making him shudder as he hastened his pace. By the time he got back to Rusty, he was ready to kick the stallion into high gear, galloping the rest of the way home to escape the pit that was forming in his stomach, but mother nature had other ideas. 

The first drop hit Joel’s nose as he seated himself atop of his horse, making him scrunch up his face as he wiped it off. However, it was followed by a second and third that darkened his shirt, leading to an all out downpour by the time they had trotted back from whence they came. The skies had opened up in seconds, the rain pounding against his back as he squinted to see three feet in front of him. Even Rusty, with his superior vision and tact for withstanding harsh weather, was getting nervous from the winds that whipped through the trees. 

“- and we’re gonna have to pull off! I can’t see jackshit!,” Tommy shouted over a crack of thunder, the start of his sentence completely cut off by the boom. 

Joel nodded and followed his brother closely, squinting to keep his figure in sight amidst the storm that had begun out of nowhere. Tommy pulled off at a small tavern at the other side of town, one that had a hole already blown into the side of it that allowed them to ride their horses straight in without having to leave them out in the howling wind. With his head finally saved from the severe beating the weather was giving it outside, Joel sighed, reaching forward to pat Rusty in thanks before he slid off of his back. 

“God damn, I ain’t never seen it come on like that before,” his brother laughed, wringing the water from his drenched shirt. 

He didn’t answer, too busy peeking around to make sure they were completely alone inside of the rundown bar. Aside from the moss that crawled up the walls and the half used bottles still lined up on the shelves, the place was safe. Dusting the seat of one of the few salvageable booths left behind, Joel plopped himself down to wait out the storm. From where he sat, all he could see was sheets of rain sliding off of the roof, hitting the cracked pavement so hard that he could hear the heavy slap of its weight. 

A flash of lightning struck one of the trees across the road, followed by a loud bang that made him jump in his seat. Sighing, Joel looked back down at the table, annoyed that he was stuck in this place while you were up to God knows what at home. It was probably a little after ten in the morning, which meant that you would be awake and likely doing some sort of task that would make him sick with worry. He was so riled up at the thought of it that he nearly launched himself out of the booth, the only thing keeping him back was the knowledge that going out in the storm and getting hurt would not do anyone any good. Still, with his scent soured with worry, his brother immediately picked up on his uneasiness and slid into the other side of the booth. 

“Penny for your thoughts?,” Tommy tried, keeping his tone light despite the pungent scent that was likely burning his nostrils. 

Joel shook his head, unsure of what to say. What could he tell him? That he was glued to you not so much out of fear anymore, but out of some primal need to protect what was his. He no longer feared being a father again, as weird as that sounded coming from him. Instead, he now feared the possibility of that bright future that seemed within his reach being cruelly taken away. 

“Ya know, if you’re having doubts about being a dad again, I can tell ya that I -”

Joel cut in, “I ain’t got no doubts.” 

Tommy widened his eyes, looking surprised before his face relaxed into a small smile. His brother nodded, beaming at him as he sat back in his seat. 

“So? Why are you acting like someone pissed in your cornflakes?,” Tommy asked. 

Joel sighed and leaned back, unsure of whether he wanted to get into it with his brother at that moment. However, as the storm only worsened outside, it seemed like he was out of any other option, so he began. 

“She is… the love of my life and now she’s having my kid. That used to scare me but not anymore, now I’m scared of something else, something even worse” Joel stammered. 

Tommy nodded, silently urging him to continue. 

“Now, I’m scared of…,” he paused, gathering himself before he continued, “What if it happens again? What if, I get the life I wanted, I get to be a parent again with someone who is my best fucking friend, and it all just goes away. What then? I can’t - There’s nothing - What do I do?!” 

Joel watched as his brother’s face fell, the corner of his mouth losing that signature smirk that both pissed him off and comforted him at the same time. All at once, he felt ashamed, like he should’ve kept his big mouth shut rather than blather on about his incessant fears. Of course, he knew that Tommy was familiar with loss. Afterall, it wasn’t just him that had lost Sarah. Nonetheless, losing a child was a different sort of pain, one that Jackson had protected him from ever having to become acquainted with. 

“Listen, I can’t tell the future, so I ain’t gonna make any grand promises about knowing what’ll happen,” his brother started, “But I do know this. There’s no way that your kid is going anywhere anytime soon. Not this time.” 

He reared his head back like he had been slapped, suddenly angered by his brother’s nonchalance. How could Tommy possibly think that? Especially when he knew better than anyone how cruel the world could be. Hell, having been a marine before the outbreak ever started, he probably knew of the world’s cruelty longer than Joel. Still, when the younger man raised his hand he halted the insults that were on the tip of his tongue, begrudgingly giving him the benefit of the doubt. Tommy leaned forward, almost like he was about to tell him a secret and Joel couldn’t help but lean in as well. 

“That lady of yours scares the fuck out of me,” he started, making Joel guffaw, “You say Maria is terrifying? Try talking to that feral little thing when it has anything to do with you. She practically ripped me a new one when I tried to put you with Stan for patrols. Said it was either me or she’d be going herself.” 

Not once had you ever mentioned doing that for him. Joel had never even heard that a switch had ever been possible, he had just assumed Tommy’s schedule happened to line up with his. Looking back, he realized how stupid that was, especially when his brother seemed to always be rushing from one place to the next, as if his shifts conflicted with one another every week. 

“Not to mention when I asked her about moving closer into town. She told me that if I took you guys away from your home, she would burn mine to the ground, said it right to my face like it was nothing. It wasn’t even my idea! Maria had asked because of how far of a walk it is to the clinic,” Tommy exclaimed. 

A true belly laugh came from Joel, making his brother’s mouth fall open at the sound of it. He couldn’t help it, not when he was imagining the younger man’s terror at his spitfire of a mate threatening him within an inch of his life. The thing was, he also knew that you were probably being serious. As unhinged as Joel could be, the two of you went tit for tat, meaning that he could perfectly envision you standing in front of the burning house with your hands around your swollen belly, a smile on your face as you turned to waddle back home. 

“Joel,” his brother sighed, the exasperation in his voice breaking him from his fit of giggles. 

He wiped his eyes, focusing back on the beta as tried to calm himself down. 

“That pup is going to have two parents who would do anything for them, anything. The two of you are… Well, what else is there to say? You’ve met your match Joel, which is why I know that the kid is gonna be fine. Christ, whatever’s out there should probably be terrified of the little hellspawn y’all are about to let loose on the world,” his brother joked. 

Joel rolled his eyes, ignoring the last part to appreciate the sentiment. Currently, you were out of commission, as the pregnancy had left you unable to move around to any great degree. Nevertheless, the second that the baby was born, he knew that you would do anything for her, just as you once had for him. It was part of the reason he loved you so much. Maybe his brother was right, maybe his family would be safe this time, as this time he was not the only one that was willing to do anything to protect it. 

“Did she really say she was gonna burn your house down?,” Joel piped up after a while.  

Tommy solemnly nodded, “When I tried to explain that we were just worried about her giving birth and y’all having a newborn so far away from the clinic, she told me that she was gonna send ME to the clinic if I didn’t leave her the fuck alone.” 

Joel chuckled, shaking his head as he dreamily sighed, “Fuck, I love her so much.” 

And he did, so much so that he wasn’t even bothered by you threatening his brother. Tommy was a big boy and plus, you knew how much Joel hated being around the busier parts of Jackson. He preferred a quiet life with you, in the oasis that the two of you shared away from the rest of the residents. Plus, he also knew how much blood, sweat, and tears you had poured into turning the place into something special. 

Tommy smiled, shaking his head at the hearts in Joel’s eyes, “Well, as scary as that woman is, I can tell you one thing, I am grateful for her. She did something I never thought possible.”

“What’s that?,” he asked, curiosity pulling him from his obsessive thoughts about the woman he loved. 

“When you left here, I was sure that you were going to go kill yourself in them woods. That’s why I made you meet with me twice a year, to make sure my brother wasn’t going to die on me,” Tommy admitted. 

Joel winced at the pain in his baby brother’s voice. 

“I didn’t -”

Tommy waved him off, taking a steadying breath before he continued. 

“The Joel that left Jackson last time was no better than the infected, just walking through life on complete autopilot. Last time I saw you before winter, you were a ghost, but now I’ve got my brother back. She brought you back to us, to yourself! I can’t thank her enough,” he finished.

Joel swallowed hard, clearing his throat to try to dislodge the lump he found there. Everything Tommy had said was true, you were the only person that was able to pull him out of the deepest pit he had ever been in. And you had done so without even having to try. The love you showed him came naturally, just as it had for him when he finally stopped fighting it. 

“Tommy look, I know that we haven’t talked much about it but I need to say this to ya once, before I lose my nerve,” Joel rambled, throat thick with emotion, “I’m sorry for what I did before I left, what I said about your family, all of it. None of it was true, I was just looking for a fight.” 

His brother nodded knowingly, giving him a sad yet understanding look as he tried to keep his own emotions in check. Joel couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain he had caused his brother, especially now that he had a baby on the way himself. If Tommy had said those types of things about you, about his unborn child, Joel wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive him, which was why he didn’t expect him to respond. 

“I know. And I ain’t mad at ya for it no more so stop beating yourself up about it. Me and you? We’re square. Just promise me you’ll keep that mate of yours from committing any acts of arson or battery in town, Jackson don’t take too kindly to that sort of thing,” the younger man joked. 

They both laughed and the tension washed away with the rain, allowing them both to take a calming breath. 

Joel held up three fingers, “Scout’s honor.” 

“You were never in the scouts,” Tommy pointed out. 

“Fuck, guess you’re out of luck then,” he shot back. 

The two of them broke out into another round of raucous laughter, almost forgetting that they were stuck in some god forsaken dilapidated bar as they waited out the storm. They fell into a comfortable silence afterwards, one that was mixed with bouts of small talk about kids or home renovations. Never in Joel’s life did he think that he’d be able to do this, to be a brother again, but he supposed that it was like Tommy pointed out, he had you to thank for that. When it was finally time to go, he practically glided back to his horse, too excited to see you to hide the smile on his face as he saddled up. 

By the time the storm had passed, it was well past noon, meaning that you would be at the clinic stitching up cuts and learning how to catch certain symptoms from the patients that arrived. Part of the reason Joel was so okay with you still working was the fact that you were literally under the watchful eye of the town doctor, while the other part remembered how you had said that you once wished you could be a doctor. There was no way he was going to stand in the way of that, not when he knew how much it had hurt the teenage version of you to have that dream ripped away, doomed to a life as a housewife. Still, that didn’t mean Joel couldn’t swing by to bug you as you worked. In fact, now that he thought of it, he did have an awfully bad headache that only one person could fix. 

Seeing the walls of Jackson was like seeing the gates of heaven, or at least he thought so as he raced towards home, towards you. He ignored the few groups that were leaving as they came in, too focused on veering the horse towards the stables to ask why they were leaving in such a rush. Even when he reached the stable and noticed that all of the other horses were uncharacteristically in use, the air smelling distinctly of cleaning supplies as he led Rusty into his stall, he still didn’t think anything of it. 

It was only when Joel left the stalls, coming face to face with the hardened expression of his sister in law as she spoke to Tommy in a low voice that he knew something was wrong. The anxiousness he had been feeling back in town reared its ugly head, making him swallow back bile as he stumbled towards the pair. Tommy whipped around to face him, the fear and pity on his face evident as he did, and Joel felt like the sky was falling for what must’ve been the millionth time in his life. There was only one reason they would be looking at him like that. 

“Please, please just tell me,” Joel begged, uncaring of how desperate he sounded. 

Tommy looked at Maria, getting a subtle nod from her that made his stomach twist. 

“She’s gone Joel, someone’s taken her.” 

[your-averagewriter]

"Goddamn red dress."

Summary: Trying on dresses for Stu turns into something more, looks like you might be late to your own party.

Word count: 1.4K

Warnings: Kissing, mention of murder (Casey Becker)

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Walking home from school, headphones resting over my ears as I walk home, school being let out due to the killer on the loose.

With a bittersweet smile on my face I walk away from the school, glad that it’s now summer but also feeling bad for Casey Becker and her boyfriend. I didn’t know her much, a few conversations in our English class but not much more.

As I’m thinking about Casey and her boyfriend I’m shaken from my thoughts when someone comes up behind me, placing their hands on my shoulder with a gentle thud. I look around, surprised but not shocked when I see Stu behind me, pulling off my headphones.

“Hey, I was listening to that!” I complain with a small smile as he puts my headphones on, listening to the music. He listens for a second before turning back to me, a grin spreading across his face.

“The Smashing Pumpkins?” His lips quirk up into a smile. “Isn’t that a bit depressing for the first day of Summer?” Wrapping his arm around my shoulder he passes me back my headphones which I rest around my neck, pausing the music.

“The Smashing Pumpkins are ideal for every situation.” I grin, standing on my tiptoes to press a quick kiss to his lips.

“What’re you doing now? Now that school’s out?” He asks with his distinct dopey grin.

“Not much, I was just planning on heading home, maybe watch a movie or something. Why? Have you got plans?”

“Impromptu party at my house.” He grins and I raise an eyebrow, entertaining a small smile on my face.

“A house party? With a masked killer around?” I ask. “That doesn’t sound like the best idea, baby.” I warn softly.

“It’s the safest place to be.” He reasons and I wait for him to explain with a curious smile. ��Surrounded by people, friends.” He explains with a grin as we keep walking down the path, students dotted along the paths. “You should come, babe.” He offers. “It’ll be fun.”

I think about it before sighing and turning to face him. “I’ll think about it.”

“Come on, baby. Loosen up a little, a house party is the best way to start the Summer.” He grins.

“Fine, but can you come over first?” I ask, resting my head on his shoulder. “We could watch a movie, you can help me pick out an outfit and then we can buy some stuff for the party.” I suggest with a small smile.

“‘Course I can.” He grins. “You know there’s nothing I love more than watching you change.” He teases in a joking tone, a smirk plastered on his face.

I nudge him slightly with my elbow, small signs of shock on my face as I’m caught a little off guard before rolling my eyes with a chuckle.

“Who said I’d let you watch? There’s more than one room in my house, you can stay in one and I could change in the other.” I tease with a grin.

“Babe. Please. No.” He says in a serious tone, a pause between each world as he shakes his head. After a couple of seconds I can’t suppress the smile from breaking through my expression as I start laughing, a smile taking over my face.

“I’m kidding, maybe.” I smile. “But don’t get distracted, I’ve gotta actually pick an outfit. Remember last time?” I raise an eyebrow, watching as he thinks for a second, a grin then spreading across his face.

“Oh, I remember. I don’t think I’ll forget it anytime soon.” He grins, peppering my face with kisses, kissing along my jaw, making me chuckle as it tickles so I push him away slightly. 

“Stu.” I chuckle, my hands reaching for his face, holding his cheeks and pressing a kiss to his lips. “You’re already getting distracted.” I day with a teasing smile. “Come on, we’re nearly to my house.” I say, reaching for his hand and entwining our fingers with a smile.

He rolls his eyes jokingly as I lead him down the path to my house, unlocking the door and pulling him inside.

“What do you wanna do first?” I ask, placing my bag down on the kitchen table. “Movie, outfit…”

“Definitely outfit picking.” He grins. “I wanna see that little red number again.” He grasps my hand, leading me upstairs to my room, a space he’s all too familiar with.

“Which one? You like all my red outfits.” I chuckle as he pulls me up the stairs.

“You should try them all on for me to remind me of which was my favourite.” He smirks, kicking open the door to my bedroom gently.

Walking in the room, he flops on my bed, lying down and propping himself up against the wall so he can still see me.

“You want me to try on every red outfit?” I ask, double checking as he grins back at me.

“Absolutely. I think we have time.” I roll my eyes playfully as I open my wardrobe, taking out a few hangers of clothing and walking out the room but not before hearing him again. “Hey, hey, hey, where you going?” He asks, looking slightly concerned. 

“I’m going to get changed.” I say with a teasing smile as I walk out the door. “Entertain yourself whilst you wait.” I disappear out the door, leaving him alone. I hear a quiet ‘dammit’ as I leave causing me to smile.

After a few minutes I walk back in the room with a cute red summer dress on and a smile. I swish the skirt around, looking at his reaction.

“What do you think?”

“You’re so beautiful.” He grins looking smug before his eyes flicker over to the TV screen in my room. Walking into the room fully I look at the screen.

“Friday the 13th.” I tilt my head looking at the movie. “Good choice, although I prefer the second one.” I smile before walking back out to try on another dress.

“I can’t watch the second one without rewatching the first one!” He chuckles, yelling from my room.

I change again quickly into a slightly longer red dress, dotted in cute little flowers before walking back into the room.

“Which one do you like better?” I ask, leaning in the doorway.

“Could you do a little spin?” He asks, looking over my body as I spin, the fabric delicately hugging my body. “I can’t choose.” He admits after a few moments of him thinking.

I chuckle. “Well, I’ve got one more, I think it’ll be your favourite.” I smile, skipping out of the room.

I walk back into my bathroom, slipping on the last red dress: a tight fitting, short, blood red dress that Stu absolutely loves.

With his favourite red dress on, I walk back towards my room, walking in with a small smile as I watch Stu’s surprised face, jaw almost on the ground.

“D’you like it, baby?” I ask, walking over to him as he crawls forward on the bed towards me.

“Oh I love it.” He grins, placing his hands on my hips, pulling me towards him as he moves to sit on the bed, legs moved apart as he pulls me forward in between his legs. “It’s definitely my favourite.” He smirks, hands rubbing small circles on my hips as I move my hands to stroke along his jawline.

Leaning down, I press my lips against his, intending for it to be a short kiss but he pulls me closer, hands locked on my waist as he lays back on the bed, causing me to fall on top of him with a quiet gasp only causing Stu to smirk more before pressing his lips against mine again.

Wrapping my arms around his neck I pull myself closer towards him as our legs tangle together, bodies pressed against each other, the shared warmth of our bodies mingling.

After a few more moments, I pull back, resting my forehead against Stu’s as I catch my breath, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear to stop it falling between us.

“We’re gonna be late for your party…” I whisper, smiling softly.

“The party can wait for a little while longer, we can skip the movie and go to the shop after this.” He whispers back, chasing my lips eagerly before I give in with a smile, pressing mine against his.

“Goddamn red dress.” He mumbles against my lips, fiddling with the fabric of my dress.

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AN: I hope you enjoyed reading!