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justice4gyeongsu · 3 years ago

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━━━ 'CHAPTER ONE' [WHEN DAWN BREAKS]

SYNOPSIS ➢ being an outcast seems to be apart of the school experience. especially when a rumor about you and the gym teacher has caught the ears of gullible listeners.

PAIRING ➢ lee suhyeok x male!reader

AU ➢ enemies-to-lovers au!

CONTENT WARNING ➢ this chapter contains; assault, bullying, homophobia, homophobic slurs, isolation, fighting, scary nightmares, talk of mistreatment to oneself, sleep deprivation. [please let me know if theres anything i missed !]

MOODBOARD | NEXT

hundreds of contrasting people that just so happen to be enrolled at the same school you were attending, were coincidentally all staring at you. what an odd coincidence it is-- that they all chose to go here of all the high schools in south korea. various teens who all have aspiring dreams and past trauma that makes them who they are, are surrounding you. dark eyes boring onto your crouched figure in the same high school where you were being publicly humiliated.

“c’mon fag, just give up, this is getting boring.” myunghwan smirked. you gripped your shirt as the wind was knocked out from your lungs when he had ordered gwinam to knock you on your back. gasping for air while gwinam held you down by your throat, kneeling beside you, his expression staying the same. the same boring look he always had never wavered even as you were struggling to take any normal amount of oxygen into your system. “fuck you.” you sputtered out through sharp inhales. the once prideful expression on myunghwans face easily diminished at your secure tone.

how, even at a moment like this, could you stay levelheaded and unafraid?

between your burning lungs, aching eye, or bruising ribs you could still feel that small ounce of hope. you were not going to let them conquer who you are. gaze flicking from myunghwan to the crowd once again that did not look at you with pity, but with hatred and disgust. no one even disagreed with what was happening, to think it almost even coerced you to believe this is what you deserved was terrifying in itself. you weren't scared though, you were angry. “i believe everyone can vouch for me when i say i was giving you the benefit of the doubt,” his words came with a scoff of disbelief. he waited a few seconds as he had noticed you trying not to flinch when gwinams large hand was squeezing just a tad tighter than before. your throat not even being able to let you swallow even if you forced it to. “alright, enough.”

gwinam released you upon command, not before spitting on your beat and bloody body as you rolled to your side with a troubling cough. your small body trembling as you could feel everyone's attention on myunghwan now, “i warned you, fag. maybe next time you'll learn when to listen and speak formally when in the presence of an elder.” he turned his back on you before the silence was cut with you laughing. you maniac, you were actually amused. “would that turn you on, hyung?” you asked with a bloody lip that attempted to curl into a smile, yet it transition quickly into a frown as you whimpered from the wave of pain that hit your chest. “me being respectful and obedient like a dog gets you going?” you asked another dangerous question. the crowd gasped at your courage even when being so beaten.

the older male’s back stiffened at your quick remark before he turned back around with a menacing guise. “you don't know when to shut up, you fucking idiot!” gwinam rushed towards you with a raised foot and-

[THREE DAYS BEFORE THE OUTBREAK...]

“oppa, you just missed your stop.” a soft voice made your eyes flutter open to see the girl that has always sat behind you on the bus since your freshman year of high school, was shaking you softly. she always wore a different uniform than yours so you knew you didn't go to the same high school. you two never did converse until now.

you quickly stood up, adjusting to your surroundings before shouting to the bus driver to stop the bus, the bus halted sharply, almost sending you flying but you caught a pole just in time. as the door opens you rushed out. however, you decided on a whim to turn around swiftly and glance at the girl before bowing, thanking her, and then running towards school. the girl could only let out a soft giggle at your behavior, bowing to someone younger than you was quite uncommon, and yet you didn't hesitate.

rushing to your school's gate to get there in time was never a problem, you kept your grades up and went to school quietly as you would leave. no one could really say you were a bad student. you did put the time into your studies but, that was only because of your father who wanted the best future for you. so he says. you weren't sure what you were going to do after you graduated but whatever it is, it's going to make no one ever look down on you ever again. that, you were sure of. “yah!” a high-pitched shout grabbed your attention. following the voice across the street to a girl with a short haircut and bangs that faded into her short hair. she was trying to keep up with your pace, your eyebrows furrowed. she looked familiar, wasn't her name mijin? “stop running! i need to talk to you!” you didn't know why but you chose the decision to keep running, “i-im sorry! i'm going to be late for school!” you shouted while picking up your speed. you swore you heard fading curse words being thrown at you as you ran towards the front school gate.

quickly you made it inside to the school grounds before the couch could stop anyone, you placed your hands on your knees and attempted to catch your breath. “alright, and your late!” the couch used his usual ruler and stopped anyone from reaching the invisible wall of being on the premises. the two boys up front groaned in annoyance before changing their gaze to the boy who was clutching his chest in pain. your lungs really never healed correctly from that day.

“of course, the pillow princess gets to go through,” you heard the guy but you chose to ignore it and stand up straight. “hey, maybe if you suck the gym teacher off you’ll get special treatment too.. like him.” the one behind him snickered. you headed to class with your school sweater on and your hood up. after reporting to the principal about the incident, the school wanted you to hide the bruises, hide the evidence of what happened. ‘you wouldn't want the rumors to be spread to other schools you could potentially transfer to, right?’ you knew he was afraid of the school's name going six feet under and not because he was actually worried about you and your tarnished reputation whatsoever.

your beatings had healed over the past two months but your habit of wearing your hoodie up was now constant. almost necessary to get through the day. you enjoyed the comfort of it though, the idea that it engulfed you, almost as if it was an invisible cloak in a way. everyone ignored– no, avoided you like the plague. not wanting to be a part of whatever you were a part of. at the beginning of the year, many students transferred out of their class because your mere presence was just revolting to them. some would say you were being narcissistic when thinking that everyone would change their own schedule for you, but it was the truth nonetheless.

walking down the hallways you could hear a group of girls up ahead yelling at one another, something about one of their test scores being higher than the other. once you broke the distance between them you awkwardly excused yourself and scooted by. the girls only rolled their eyes at you before continuing to argue about their now broken friendship. grades were odd like that, not only were adults pressuring students but the students were to each other.

walking into your class�� you slid the door open before closing it behind you, observing for a few seconds how your usual classmates were all gathered in their cliques. your dark circled eyes seem to zone in on the same group of guys that seem to always laugh and share a bond. they were never really into drama, they just lived in the moment. you wanted nothing more, craved nothing more than an honest and deep friendship. to be able to rely on someone without always having that clouded thought in the back of your mind that maybe, just maybe, they really didn't like you. you desired a friendship that was even stronger than love itself. well, love was complicated for you as well. the one time you were brave enough to confess to someone about your feelings for them, you got two black eyes and bruised ribs. to say you learned your lesson was an understatement.

“good morning everyone, let's please take our seats.” the teacher walked in with a bright smile, she always was very positive. you did enjoy that aspect of her.

upon realizing you were just standing in the same spot when you came in– it forced you to quickly head to your seat. sitting on the furthest seat to the left of the classroom was a blessing, your desk was fortunately placed next to the windows. you also thankfully sat next to someone who didn't really mind your presence as much as others. her name? choi namra. she was your class president, but nonetheless, she still was the only one who chose to be your deskmate at the beginning of the year. the feeling of belonging only happened to you a couple of times in your life and this was one of them. she never did speak to you however, she never did speak to anyone for that matter. you always thought maybe she was dealing with her own problems– her own set of issues that were way bigger than yours. your father always told you not to compare others' pasts with your own, yet you couldn't help but stare at the mismatched individuals in your class and ponder on what they were all hiding. what were their deepest and darkest secrets that they wouldn't dare to bring to light?

“im hoping everyone brought their book reports today and daesu, please don't ask me if it was actually due today or tomorrow because i have the due date saved on the board this time...” the teacher trailed off as she turned back to the green chalkboard and raised her hand to gesture to the assignments she listed and their dates. only to see all the dates were changed to the following day. the students in the classroom faced the husky boy, daesu, who stared with wide eyes and gave an innocent shrug. everyone's giggles filled the spacious classroom. sighing with her jaw clenching, not being able to hide her anger, the teacher glared at the mischievous boy who held back a laugh, “ill let it slide this once, but everyone must have it by tomorrow.”

your mind began to drift to other things, the classrooms cheers began to slowly dissipate from your ears and your dreams overtook you.

so heavy.

why did your backpack feel so heavy? you had been carrying it for two years and nothing had changed. now all of a sudden your legs were aching from the steps you had to take to reach your next class. maybe your father was right, maybe you werent as healthy as you thought you were. the thought of spicy ramen flew into your head, you scolded yourself mentally for your lack of self-discipline. father would be disappointed if he knew what you were thinking about. shaking the desirable thought away, you began to feel a heaviness in your bladder that consumed all of your prior attention.

if you went to the restroom right now, you would still have a couple more minutes to reach your next class so you hurriedly headed to the nearest boys restroom. upon entering you felt the tightness of your belt squeezing into your expanding stomach while you took in a shallow breath. quickly you removed your huge backpack and placed it beside you while you rushed to the urinal to pee. a shaky exhale escaped your lips as you finally released the tension that was formed in your gut, the sound of a bathroom stall opening made your ears perk. “be careful, he might peek at you.” a voice warned. you gulped as you heard another small chuckle behind you. choosing to ignore them you closed your eyes with a sigh. you could only hear the sink turn on and the sound of someone entering the restroom as well. their foot steps came close, then the sound of a zipper opening, now the sound of pee trickling down the urinal beside you.

you hurriedly tried pushing out the remaining urine in your system so you could go as quickly as possible. “what are you focusing so hard on?” you jumped at the deep voice that whispered next to you. flinging your eyes wide, you turned to see a tall and handsome classmate. you recognized him as one of gwinams friends yet you never spoke to him before. what was his question again?

“f-focus?..” you trailed off before you seen his slight smirk, he was teasing you. “oh no, i was just..”you turned to gesture to the guys who had spoke rudely about you before but they were no longer in sight. “um, n-nevermind.” you peered back downward to your own hands as you realized you've never held a conversation with someone so intimately before. the sound of both of your urine was the only thing you could hear besides your pounding heartbeat. how much water did you drink today?

your eyes couldn't help but catch at your peripheral, the said classmates heels were crushing the back of his shoes as he didn't slip his whole foot inside. he was also not wearing any socks. your eyebrows twitched while you wondered if he needed to borrow any, maybe he was from the part of korea you were from. before you could ask about his feet, the sound of the door opened and revealed gwinam and myunghwan who walked in with cocky strides. you nervously jiggled out the remaining liquid as he spoke, “where the hell have you been, prick?” myunghwan chuckled. the male next to you only hummed before responding, “sorry, i had to piss and i was catching up with an old friend.” he responded. your ears had a red glow to them as you gave him a wary glance. he seemed to not note your anxiousness cause he proceeds to send a wink your way. you quickly look away and begin putting yourself back into your slacks.

you rushed out without a second thought and ran to your next class. was he being nice? was he trying to befriend you? no. impossible.

you were a complete idiot for thinking you could make a true friend. “you dont deserve friends, y/n.” a sudden voiced spoke through the school speakers, it was the classmate who you were talking to prior. you blinked before slowing down your quick pace. “what?...” you whispered, there wasn't a way for him to be in the recording room that fast. “you're always going to be alone! always!”

your head lifted from your desk with a small gasp accompanying it, only to see the teacher writing down notes on the chalkboard. you gathered your surroundings before you realized the clock had read that the class was almost over. you realized you slept through class three times this week, rubbing your dark circled eyes from any prior sleep had you feeling more awake. you haven't been able to sleep ever since the confession incident, constant times of your most embarrassing and humiliating moments playing over and over in your weak head. you neglected sleep as best you could but the moments where your body would instantly shut itself down when you were even a tiny bit comfortable was out of your hands. hence the reason you received another paper for your father to sign, asking if everything was alright at home, you'd been forging signatures for a few months now and you've been getting better.

you currently stared down at the paper as you walked through campus during your break, did your teacher truly care about a student this much or did she just do it because its her job?

“yah! dipshit!” your head spun behind you to see the same girl from this morning that was chasing after you. “when a person runs after you, you usually stop for them you brat,” she huffs as she placed her hands on her knees to gather herself. “i-im sorry, but i couldn't-”

“you couldn't be late to class, yeah i get it. listen, i have a question to ask.” she stated while walking ahead of you, you followed along as silence ensued. glancing around before you spoke, “yes?” mijin stops before the small girl turns to you, “so ive heard some rumors and i wanna know if they're true or not. i asked a couple of people but they all gave me some bullshit so i thought, why dont i just ask the kid himself.” she stated nonchalantly. your eyes flickered at her behavior, your hands tightened their grip on the paper you had before you turned and began walking away from the shouting girl. you couldn't have anymore of this stupid talks with people.

“do you want me to make a scene?!” her voice got annoyingly higher and even louder to which made your body tense with anger, turning around you stomped quickly back to her. “whats it to you, huh? what does me liking guys have anything to do with you?” you spoke with venom but soon noting how mijins eyebrows raised and her lips twitched to a grin. an annoying one, at that.

“so its true, you're gay.” you pupils flickered in nervousness before you rolled your eyes, “fuck you.” you spat and quickly headed back to the building you needed to currently be at. only to have an irritating parrot beside you. “so whats it like? ive always wanted a gay friend. i hear they keep secrets better than straight ones. do you think im at-least attractive?” you growled out a solid no to which she smacked her lips at. not liking your attitude towards her, “well i wish i was gay, that way we’d be-” you halted your steps once again before you whispered to her lowly. “no. you dont wish you were…” you trailed off while looking around to make sure no one was listening in, “you dont wish that because if you were, you would want the world to swallow you whole every second of the day.”

she stared at you for a few seconds before she spoke with curiosity laced her voice, “did you always know?” a sigh escaped our lips at the unpleasant feeling of reminiscing had brought you. “no. i never heard of it before until i confessed to someone i had trusted. then they kept calling me that word,” you confessed with sorrowfulness engulfing you. “wait, that story was true?” you nodded as you cleared your throat while looking away. “what an asshole! we should egg his house!” she proclaimed with anger. you eyed her with amusement and confusion, not used to someone being angry for you, “we are doing nothing. dont you have tests to study for right about now?” you ask.

she curses before she begins jogging away, “see you tomorrow, dipshit!” you flip her off at her nickname for you before walking the opposite way. you couldn't contain the growing smile on your lips as you replayed her small angry shouts to you earlier. shaking your head, what just happened?

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justice4gyeongsu · 2 years ago

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━━━ 'CHAPTER THREE' [WHEN DAWN BREAKS]

SYNOPSIS ➢ sometimes a little courage can do a lot more good than bad. sometimes, that is.

PAIRING ➢ lee suhyeok x male!reader

AU ➢ enemies-to-lovers au!

CONTENT WARNING ➢ this chapter contains; loneliness, sprinkles of unfit parenting, a bit of heatedness with an older male (just in m/c's mind) [let me know if i missed any !]

MOODBOARD | NEXT | PREVIOUS

[A DAY BEFORE THE OUTBREAK...]

roses, tulips, lilies, they usually were in every storefronts window. signaling perfectly how the season was changing soon and quickly, the flowers were now missing and/or wilted. you were going to miss seeing the bloomed flowers for a while. winter took the invitation swiftly, the wind blowing your hair away from your eyes proved that fact. the sun still shines down onto people's heads, as usual, it confidently shows it still has a job to do upon the season changing. the solid road you were walking down had green grass sprouting from between the cracks a little, a visual of a younger you playing with it while your mother was arguing on the phone with someone flashed by in your mind.

couldn't recall what it was about exactly. “y/n, you have two feet facing forward and yet somehow you seem to be walking backwards,” your father retorted to your slow walking. you snapped your head up to see he was a few feet away from you, jogging to catch up. “yeah, sorry.” you mumbled. not in the mood to argue so early into the day. especially on a weekend, the two days where you could only worry about how you would get your dad out the house.

your first thought when your father had told you he was leaving to run errands, you weren't necessarily thinking you had to be a part of it. well, it seems everything you don't expect always seems to happen to you. adding this to the list. “welcome!,” the store owner announced as you two walked in. you bowed when making eye contact and as you rose up the older woman couldn't help but send you, what only you could assume to be, a motherly smile. you gave a small smile in return, her warmth made it hard not to. “hello miss, we were wondering if you had any chamomile tea?” your father asked the lady with a high pitched tone, obviously trying to sound kinder than usual. you couldn't help the smirk on your lips when the woman quickly left her station and went to retrieve said herbs. you placed your hands on the counter and tapped your fingertips in a rhythm. “so..” you trailed off as your dad turned his head towards your direction.

“why do you need chamomile tea?” you asked while staring at the broken sign that stated no leaning on the small statues that were lined against the wall of the store. “just.” was your fathers answer. you exhaled while closing your eyes, you were used to your father not actually wanting to have normal conversations with you. in spite of that, it was still in fact draining to not have a communicative parent. and the only times he did want to speak to you, was because he needed to ridicule you for every decision you made in this life. it makes you ponder about what you must've done so awful in your past life.

you turned around to lean your back against the counter and stare out the windows with your arms over your chest, your thick green cardigan making you feel comfortable even if the atmosphere did not. looking out onto the street you see three grown women pass by, then a boy that seemed close to your age, maybe a little older, on a bicycle slowly cruises by the windows. to say he was handsome was an understatement, your mouth slightly parted as he looked into the windows of the shop you were in and looked directly at you. it wasn't a certain look he gave you, just the fact he did stare at you before disappearing past the window where you could no longer see him. making your throat dry and your heartbeat a little faster than usual. your feet led you off the counter and outside the open door to where he had disappeared to. he was crossing the street to the corner bike store, parking his bike outside and entering. you blinked before turning back to see your dad now chatting with another older lady about different tea’s. “dad, im gonna check out the-“ he waved you off, not even turning his head to spare you a glance. you shook your head from the sudden hurt and quickly jogged over to down the street to the sidewalk. your mind now focused on one thing and one thing only.

one someone, to be exact. upon entering the bicycle store you were greeted by a younger women whom you bowed to in response. you weren't sure if you fitted in with the rest of the people shopping in here. you still pretended to look at the bikes that were on display in the windows and throughout the store. looking up, you noticed a familiar tall and fit boy who was looking at bike tires that were hung up. swallowing in hopes of smoothing your vocal chords out from the dried cracks of anxiousness. you proceeded to walk slowly more and more to him, though one step came with an intrusive thought. “you see him and what are you gonna do about it?” you turned swiftly toward a wall full of chains for bicycles.

your heart began to beat harder at that. what are you going to do now? you probably seem like a stalker now, he's obviously gonna recognize you from the other shop. you need to leave, you need to leave now. “you own a bike?” a voice cut in to your own conversation. your head whipped to the side to see the said boy was now standing beside you and not where he was leaning over a few feet away prior. “uh, me?” you ask dumbly. he nodded with a smile that his eyes turn into slits, you blinked before answering, “no i don't.” oh no. “i-i mean that's why i'm here. y-ya know, to buy one.” the boy nodded slowly at your words. you weren't quite sure if he believed you or not. he then points to the chain you were once having a staring contest with, “maybe you should get the whole bike first.”

you nodded before nervously chuckling, to which a heavenly giggle escaped his throat. something that made your heart flutter at. “can i give you some advice though?” you nod quickly. he smirks at your quick reaction to his words. “don't try and get one of the trendy ones right now, they'll only go out of style as quick and usually they break down as easily.” your eyes stuck to his lips as he spoke to you. wow, he really was very handsome. you couldn't help your ears from gaining heat at the fact that he still stared at you as you did him.

“yes, i understand.” you softly responded with a starstruck face. “good.” his voice lowered. the boy looked down at your body which made you shy instantly. “also those shoes are good for bicycling, so don't even try to waste your well-earned money on some new ones.” you furrowed your brows before looking down. “ah, yes, i wasn't planning on it.” you reassured him while mentally hitting yourself for getting into your head like that when just speaking to this nice guy. “im y/n.” you stuck out your hand politely. “my names kyungho.” the name fit him perfectly you noticed.

he nodded before saying a gentle, “see you around then, y/n.” it was as if your heart punctured outwards of your chest and grabbed onto his sleeve when he was walking away, but instead you said “w-what kind of bike do you have?” you asked for the first time in a louder tone. he turned with an eye-slinting smile before responding.

the sun was finally done being confident for the day and began relaxing by 6pm. its winds and clouds taking over for the exhausted sun. “come back for dinner, y/n!” your father shouted while heading into the apartment building, you nodded before pedaling off on your new bike that you had recently bought the next day. you sold most of your old toys to nearby neighbors and finally, 19 hours later and you purchased the black version of the bike kyungho had. you pedalled off down a street, the feeling almost rejuvenating. not having a specific path you wanted to take, you just followed the sun as it set and the skies soon turned orangey-pink. you cut through wind so fast, your clothes were practically second skin.

it was different. very much different. it made you wonder as to why you never thought of purchasing one of these before. it beats walking, that's for sure.

while you skidded down many empty streets and just enjoyed the outdoors for once, you came across and intersection, you slowed down and drifted onto the sidewalk. slowly cruising towards the crosswalk. thats when you noticed it was the same intersection where suhyeok saved you from. a faint hint of your ears getting warmer made you grow angry. you knew one-hundred percent then, that you couldn't control who you liked. because even when you don't want to, that prick still somehow squirms his way into your arteries like a blood clot. an infectious disease that can only be cured if you rip your own heart out before he consumes it. shaking your head in order to clear your mind, your ears pick up laughter. you turn to see a chicken restaurant and eating inside were a few of your classmates. onjo, cheongsan, isak, and gyeongsu. they looked rather happy.. and warm.

you looked away in defeat, leaning onto your bike and rubbing your head. for once in your life you were not gonna live the same day over and over. tomorrow, you were going to change for good, that was something only you knew at the time, but soon everyone would see it too.

meanwhile, in cheongsan’s chicken, “yah, is that y/n-ah?” isak spoke as she covered her mouth from keeping chicken spewing out. everyone turned to see the young boy with his head in his hands and brushing his hair away from his face in frustration. cheongsan and gyeongsu looked back at each other before returning to their food. onjo looked at the two boys who were stuffing their faces once again, “we should invite him to eat with us,” she began and continued when everyone looked at her with surprised faces. “hes always alone. no one should be alone throughout high-school, it makes school even more unbearable. plus, isn't he woojin-ah’s friend?” she asked and immediately was met with gyeongsu shaking his head slowly in a grimace. “he tried to ..befriend him again but i think woojin just didnt wanna be apart of drama.” he explained while now picking at his food.

“drama?” onjo asked with a slight undertone. almost accusing cheongsan he had done something wrong from just answering her question. “y-yeah, you know about y/n and myunghwan..” cheongsan trailed off as onjo became angrier by the second. “y/n was just being himself, this whole town needs to grow up already. he never hurt anyone, he just had a stupid crush and wanted to tell him.” she stated with fire in her eyes. isak raised her eyebrows at her friends tangent. “do any of you know the guy?” isak carefully spoke up. everyone then proceeded to shake their head. “only y/n knows.” onjo answered while now pushing away her chicken while she tried to calm down. “and myunghwan and his goons.” gyeongsu added while looking down at his fork nonchalantly.

“that guy that snitched should go to hell.” isak stated with crossed arms and a small pout. finally, understanding y/n, when her friend put the situation in perspective for her. “yeah, i will never like a guy like that.” onjo announced seriously. cheongsan gulped and gawked at his childhood friend before continung to eat his food.

everyone was quiet, seemingly done with the conversation until gyeongsu spoke up, “if youre still a little angry, can i have that piece?”

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justice4gyeongsu · 3 years ago

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━━━ 'CHAPTER TWO' [WHEN DAWN BREAKS]

SYNOPSIS ➢ trying to fit into the lifestyle of every korean teen, you try to reconnect with a long ago friend. however, you come in contact with someone you arent mentally prepared to speak to again.

PAIRING ➢ lee suhyeok x male!reader

AU ➢ enemies-to-lovers au!

CONTENT WARNING ➢ this chapter contains; money issues, unfit parenting for m/c, loneliness, rejection, m/c is very depressed, cursing, absent parent [let me know if i missed any!]

MOODBOARD | NEXT | PREVIOUS

“let's go, sweetie.” soft but cold hands grasp onto your smaller warm ones. you found comfort in them, something that coerced your trust. you're not sure as to why you gave in so easily, but the lovely way the blurred-faced woman spoke to you made you feel safe, comforted. “it's cold, so let's go inside before the snow buries us, huh?” she spoke sweetly. you giggled at her small joke and seemingly made her chuckle as well. she was everything and more, comforting and collected. she looked vaguely familiar so you ask…

[TWO DAYS BEFORE THE OUTBREAK...]

“m-mom?” your heavy eyelids flutter open to the sound of your father shouting through your door, “y/n l/n! how are you going to be the best in your class if you can't even wake up on time?!” he clicked his tongue while his footsteps dispersed further into the house. he was being sarcastic, you sensed it in his tone. your father's shouts were something you had added into your daily routine, learning how to work around it and whatnot. even if some days it felt as if his harsh words would never cease. thank god you didn't have dreams about him often, otherwise, you just might go insane. a few months ago, your father took you to see someone who specializes in the minds of youth. they asked you many questions about your daily routine and school life, and when your dreams were brought up you almost sobbed at the thought. how could you tell someone what had happened to you and how you keep dreaming about the betrayal? how could you let someone in on your secret? your deepest darkest secr-

“should i start a fire in order for you to get out of there?” your father's absurd threat had pulled you back into the one place you would rather be. reality. well, your dreams were a much more disturbing location, so that'll have to do in the meantime. reluctantly, pushing away the covers you swung your feet over onto the hard wooden floor that was always freezing in the early mornings.

quickly glancing at the time on your rickety alarm clock, you cussed under your breath to see you overslept so much, class started in 8 minutes. scrambling in your closet-sized room to find your uniform and quickly taking off your long-sleeve and sweatpants. while you start tripping over placing your socks on, the smell of eggs and rice had filled your nose. “y/n-” midway into your father's shout, you burst from your room with messy hair, heavy eyebags, and your backpack loosely on your shoulder. “oh, i guess you decided to actually do something with your life today.” you ignored his snide comment. placing your shoes on by the door, you then felt a heavy hand on your shoulder taking in your full attention. it was a plastic box filled with shrimp and rice wraps and dipping sauce, “you haven't talked to wujin-ah in a while, right?”

you knew what your father made, wujin’s favorite food when he was younger. you and wujin had history, you grew up side by side and were very close due to the fact his parents and yours were good friends. automatically making you two attached at the hip, school was always more fun when you had a best friend. you were more talkative when you were younger, meanwhile, wujin is more the shy type. his parents always thanked you for being his friend and watching over him, even though you were only 5 years old and didn't understand the true meaning of their words until later in life. now you both were in high school and were complete opposites. no longer close as you were, you couldn't even bring up an answer if someone asked you what his favorite color is now.

orange. it was orange before though.

you only nodded to your father before holding the box close to your chest and running out of the small apartment, heading to the bus stop. when the bus came you quietly took your usual seat and stared down at the plastic tray. you couldn't help but wonder if your father was truly worried for you or if he was embarrassed about having a loner of a son. how did he think of wujin so suddenly? he must have gotten up early to make these and you didn't notice any leftovers so he's pretty confident you would eat with wujin. except you wished you also shared that confidence. “why do you look sad, oppa?” you jolted as a soft voice whispered into your ear from behind. quickly turning you immediately noticed, it was the same school girl that rides the bus with you. you were confused, weren't you late for school? “uh, im not s-sad.” you answered with a clear of your throat. still recovering from being spooked by a girl two times smaller than you. she laughed into her hand before pointing at your lap.

you looked down to see the shrimp staring back at you. “you made lunch today, is that why you were late?” she asked with a curious gaze. you gave a small grin before sighing, “something like that. yah, why are taking the bus so late, huh?” she giggled at your comeback before showing her phone. seeing that her schedule was changed to come in late this morning. not the usual 8 am, but 9. “wow, guess you're lucky.” you gave an awkward thumbs up before turning back to your lap. not knowing what else to say to keep up the conversation. “what's your name, oppa?” she leaned forward onto your seat to ask. you backed away a bit before answering hesitantly, she only hmmed with a small smile. she compliments it before responding, “i thought i would have to call you sleepy-oppa forever,” you glared at that. “yeah…” you trailed when she laughed at your reaction. “w-well what is yours anyway? nosey-dayeon?” you asked with sarcasm and awaited another teasing laugh only to have the girl look at you with wide eyes. “what?”

“are you stalking me, y/n-oppa?” she narrowed her eyes at you, accusingly. you stared at her confused until you finally changed your facial expression. “there's no way…” you accuse her of lying to which she sticks her tongue out at you and begins to claim you stalk her every day. the bickering went on for about 3 more minutes until the bus suddenly stopped and the speaker stated hyosan high-school. you grabbed your tray from the empty seat beside you and realized the reason you were on the bus in the first place. rushing out, you hear a faint, “bye stalker-oppa!”

you were two minutes late but you didn't necessarily worry about it since you hadn't missed any of your classes yet. when you walked in, everyone had still been preparing for the day.

while class went on, you had noted how quick class went by when you werent exactly sleeping through it. long awaited lunch time had come and you couldnt help but keep glancing in the direction of wujin and his friends. they always seemed so close to one another that you almost envied them. someone you could lean onto without worrying what they might think of you, sounds like a dream. maybe a part of you did long for companionship, but you would never admit it.

everyone was chattering as they stood out of their seats and were heading out of the classroom. two girls running out of the class with high pitched giggles somehow gave you the motivation to stand with the delicious tray of rice wrapped shrimp and rice. a shaky exhale escaped from you as you passed by the class president and headed to the other side of the classroom. although, what seemed like a few feet felt like a few kilometers. “lets go already, im starving,” daesu groaned while rubbing his belly. “hold up, i gotta give back this notebook.” you noticed wujin was casually sitting on his desk while his friends surrounded him. you walked up behind him before slightly whispering his name. you tried to only get his attention but seemed to only get his and his friends as well. wujin raised a brow at your presence, you two hadnt spoken in years. “oh, hey y/n-ah,” he stated hesitatingly. glancing at his friends before looking back at your sheepish figure. you were only a few centimeters shorter than wujin but it seemed like he was towering over you at the moment.

“h-hi, again. um, m-my dad made your favorite a-and i thought that maybe we could share it. i know we haven't, uh, exactly talked in a long time. b-but there's never a time limit on good food, right?” you ask with a small hopeful smile. your eager eyes staring at his dazed ones, you could hear daesu’s belly grumbling as he stared at your hands.

wujin blinked before looking over at his friend, gyeongsu, who shrugged in response to his questioning stare. he looked back at you to see you waiting patiently for his response, almost like a small puppy waiting to be praised. “ah, i haven't eaten those since primary school..and they were only my favorite for like a week..” he trailed off with an open ended sigh. you blinked before nodding and looking down at the plate, “oh. y-yes, it was a long time ago.” you gulped as you didnt know what exactly to say next, once again.

“m’gonna have to pass.” you flicked your eyes to him as he gave a sympathetic smile, you bit your bottom lip in hopes you wouldn't burst out into tears from being rejected by an old friend. well, old acquaintance it seemed. “oh, uh, o-okay, s-sorry about interrupting.” you apologized and walked back to your seat with your tray of food on your table. don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

you pulled your hoodie over your head to cover your face as much as you could, not wanting anyone to see the tears that were threatening to spill down your rosey, embarrassed cheeks. meanwhile, back at where the boys all stood, daesu was currently scolding wujin. “yah, he was tryna befriend you.” he shoved his elbow into the boy's ribs. the same boy who hissed in pain and instantly responded back with, “shut up, you just wanted the food. anyways, there's no good that comes with hanging out with y/n l/n.” cheongsan couldn't help but look over at wujins words, seeing you hunched over, making your small self look even smaller as you plated with your fingers. refusing to touch the food you had for lunch. he sighed before pushing wujins shoulder, “you guys talk too much.” walking out of the classroom while the rest followed to go and get lunch. you noticed it got more quiet as they left. you also observed how everyone had left, even choi namra. were you destined to always be alone? could this feeling ever stop or will you finally live out your days with people who truly care for you?

these stupid questions always flooded your mind when in vulnerable situations like these. you couldn't help but ponder over your own isolation.

shaking your head to rid those intrusive thoughts, you knew you couldn't just wallow in your own self pity if it meant you were gonna keep going through these cycles of rejection. you stood out of your seat and marched out into the hallway, looking for the nearest trash can. you knew exactly what you were gonna do with that stupid tray of-

“yah! have you eaten lunch yet?” well, there goes your plan. you turn with a roll of your eyes to see the smaller girl, mijin. her hands in her sweater pockets while she pursed her lips, staring at the plastic in your trembling hands. “looks like i came just in time,” she smirked as she snatched the box out of your hands and opened it with wide eyes. “cmon, lets go eat outside, its always so stuffy in the hallways.” reluctantly, you followed after her as she stuffed a wrap into her mouth a pleasant moan. “hey, you could be a chef ya know? these are the best wraps ive ever tasted.” you held back a scoff at her praise. not understanding why she wanted to hang with you anyways. ‘i always wanted a gay friend..’ her words echoed in your broken mind. ah, maybe that's why.

“let's sit here, it's shady and my skin can't be in the sun too long or else i get nasty blisters,” you stared at her as she wiggled herself onto the bench that was on the side of the school building, quietly tucked away. “what? are you a vampire, sunbae?” you looked at her amused when she gave you a glare. “it's a condition, brat.”

finally you sit with a huff, your mind giving you terrible flashbacks of the awkward situation prior. “for a boy, you're really pretty. maybe if you didnt talk back so much you would get alot of attention.” you blinked before snapping your head to her, was she talking to you? she turned to see you gaping at her before hiding the shrimp wrap in her hands, “back off, this ones mine.” you shook your head before rubbing your eyes. whens the last time you ever received a compliment or a pat on the back, or a ‘good job!’? you tried to think back as far as you could but, nothing. just emptiness with flashes of traumatizing scenes. “can i know who the guy was?”

yet, mijins voice never let you remain just in your thoughts. “what guy?” you ask with a hard blink. trying to snap out of the daze you were in as you watched the girls play soccer in the field. “the guy you confessed to,” her words made your grip tighten on your knees. was she going to tell even more people? “no. you can't know,” you replied quickly and by accident, informally. you received a soft nudge to your elbow while she cursed under her breath, “i'm older than you, you imbecile! maybe i'll let you call me noona one day, if you acted like an actual under classmen.” you hissed while holding your ribs, it was a soft nudge but you still had marks from that day. “i don't even wanna call you that.” mijin was someone who was almost like a real big sister, she bickered with you but gave you support nonetheless…in her own way that is. mijin kept glancing from the corner of her eye, making sure you weren't staying in your brain for too long. you somehow reminded her of herself when she was in middle school and getting bullied. now she's someone who not many people fear but is someone that will definitely not back down from a fight. unfair or not. you weren't fragile looking, you had a toned body, mijin could see your collar bones peeking and strong shoulders from underneath your collared shirt. one button loose enough to see how low your neck truly blends into your smooth clavicle. she wasn't lying when she called you pretty, so she was stuck in her head with why the guy you had seemingly gave your heart to, refused?

the day went by pretty quickly, besides the sad scene from earlier. you chose to walk home since you wanted to stretch your legs and truly get yourself out of this terrible headspace. the flashback of your dream prior had suddenly overtaken your full attention. when was the last time you've heard from your mother, let alone seen her? it was a somewhat sore subject, she left when you were young without a word or explanation. when you would ask your father about it, he would simply say you didn't have a mother. a silly child with an easily manipulative mind believed the older man instantly. but when you went to school you noticed everyone mostly had two parents and you only had one. no matter what your peers would say about your dad, he was a man that was a realist and he gave you advice even when you think you didn't need it. yes, he sometimes forgets your birthday and yes, he’s had people you don't know come over and ask for their money your father owed. now other than those things, he was a great father.

you both had a rocky time but you always could confide in one another by watching your favorite shows. both of your laughters would erupt in the tiny apartment and echo throughout. your dad would chuckle while holding a finger to his lips and say something along the lines of, “do you want to get kicked out? the landlord is probably listening through the door,” to which you giggled even more at. unfortunately, those happy memories were very rare occasions. the only times your father would speak to you would be in a shouting tone that was very condescending. you would much rather not talk at all and live quietly if you truly had the choice.

“hey!” you continued walking down the street and beginning to cross a crosswalk. “h-hey! watch out!” you blinked out of the daze you were in when a hand roughly pulled you backwards, to where you get shoved into a hard chest. the sound of a car zooming past milliseconds afterwards caused you to let out a gasp when you looked back to where you were to see skid marks on the street. you almost got hit. your mind suddenly focuses on the grip the person still has on both of your arms, you turn only to be met with a matching school uniform. tilting your head up to see someone you weren't ready to contact anytime soon. lee-fucking-suhyeok. to say you could hear your heart in your chest was an understatement. it felt like the marching band that attend your school was drumming in your ears. his hair perfectly placed and his brown doe eyes staring into yours in…concern? no, of course not. he obviously didn't care about you when you had told-

“a-are you okay?” his voice startled you, not expecting him to speak. before you could answer, the small thought grew big in your mind, don't forget what he did. in an instant you had shoved him off of you harshly, he winced at your sudden push. you gave him a glare before continuing to walk away and straight toward the crosswalk where you almost had your life-taken. how could he ever even talk to you again and look worried for your life when he had put you in that exact situation before? “you almost die and i don't even get a thank you?!” he shouts as you swiftly walk across the street. the anger bubbling inside you seemed to burst at his question, you snap your head back to see him standing with his backpack on one of his shoulders and his hands in his pant pockets. screw his parents for doing a good job. “how about you go fuck yourself!” you spat before walking away with heated ears. you've never yelled with your gut at another human being before and even though it was the first. it sure as hell felt good doing it. maybe mijin had influenced you in a good way afterall.

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