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enmy-writes · 4 years ago

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Baby Avenger

Summary: (Y/N) is one of the youngest avenger members and some government officials repeatedly let her know of “her position.” So, she lets them know exactly what her position is.

Word Count: 2100

Fandom: MCU Avengers

Pairing: Avengers x Reader

Genre: Fluff, soft, slight angst and sadness, & family love.

Rated: 18+

Content Warnings: profanity, death, abandonment, bullying, this is my first ever post of any fanfiction ever so it’s probably bad

**** This is my first ever imagine that I have ever finished and published. Please give me feedback and let me know what else I should write! I’m very excited and nervous so please let me know if you enjoyed this :) I’m thinking of making this Y/N character into a little “Baby Avenger” one-shot series, so let me know your thoughts ****

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Baby Avenger.

Baby. Avenger.

In her head, her stomping can be heard throughout the whole Compound and all of its residents and guests can hear her anger. They know she’s going right to the meeting room; not the team meeting room, but the meeting room they use when they have special guests in for a meeting.

The new government officials who are now “in charge” of the Avengers since The Snap Part 2 were in for the day to go over the general plans that the Avengers have been coming up with. They’re nicer than those in charge of the group from the Accords, but in no way were they nice to majority of the group as a whole.

(Y/N) (L/N) happens to be the second to youngest member on the team coming in at an age of 18, second only to her best friend Peter Parker

(Y/N) is an orphan, the typical origin story of any superhero. Her parents spent their last minutes pushing her out of their burning house in rural Pennsylvania. Actually, it was her father who got her out of the flames and by their fishpond 100 meters from the house. Her mother was inside, trapped under a steal beam in the basement.

(Y/N)’s mother was a scientist who worked in secret in a little band of scientists who tried to accomplish their own small victories in testing the alterations and limits of humans. The goal of these scientists is to stay out of sight of the CIA, FBI, S.H.I.E.L.D., and other government agencies. Most of them are left alone and those who get found are either immediately sent to a high security prison or recruited to continue their experiments for a certain country/agency.

(Y/N)’s mother decided to give herself her treatment she was working on instead of potentially kidnapping someone in the everyone-knows-everything kind of town that they had been living in. Her experiment and life studies were all in trying to find a way to unlock the rest of the human brain so that more than that small percentage is being used at a time. It has been hypothesized that humans could do a lot if their brains just used itself more.

The only problem is when she gave the treatment to herself, she was unknowingly pregnant, and the treatment attached onto that small lifeform instead of her own. She created a super baby.

No one knew the exact answer to what is on the other side of that tunnel of science. No one knew what opening the mind could do, there were only theories to support ideas. Plenty of scientific evidence, but it meant nothing with no legit proof.

Well, turns out that those on the team of “you will gain the ability to read minds and shit unlike any human” were the correct guessers.

(Y/N) can read others’ minds, move things with her mind, slow down time in her mind to be able to successfully breakdown a situation and perform the best possible reaction to anything that comes her way. Oh, and the color spectrum is broader for her, allowing her to see a significantly more amount of colors than a normal human (including seeing the aura’s and heat that people give off. Very useful in the few missions she goes on.).

But her parents are dead.

After setting small (Y/N) down, her father ran back in to save the love of his life. Or, well, that’s what the towns’ people say to romanticize the situation. A brave man trying to save his family.

In the end, her father had shaken his head, laughing at the moment like a mad man with tears running down his face. He pulled (Y/N) in for the tightest hug that he had ever given the girl—which is tight considering how close the two really were. They were just like two peas in a pod, the light of each other’s lives, basically soulmates.

But love makes you do crazy things.

“You listen to me, (Y/N).” He gripped her face in a painful grip, cheeks sure to be bruised later. “I will always love you. Don’t doubt that, baby girl, okay? I love you so so so so much” By this time, tears are pouring off his face, the neon flames coming from the house reflecting off his wet face. “Mommy… mommy just needs me now, baby. I need mommy, too. We love you so much.”

It had confused her, his words. Nothing could prepare her to watch her father run back into the house, leaving her by the pond with nothing but a small bag of little family things like pictures, little stupid gifts, and a notebook she had stolen from her mom’s bookshelf one day.

Her mother’s grandfather had been friends with Howard Stark, both science men having been in the same circle of famous inventors since before WWII. While neither her mother nor father personally knew his son, Tony, he was still listed as the godfather to the child. With no close friends allowed in their secret circle, old bonds and pacts that her grandfather had with the older Stark led to a blind trust in the man.

Tony Stark had agreed to be the godfather during a one-week bender in his 30s, and when he was yelled at about it, he chose to just keep it there because “the chances of this happening is very slim.”

But here we are, Baby Avenger.

The officials who are here now actually were the same people that used to do check-ins and such with them pre-Accords, so they knew the team better than any government official save for the rare union that the team members may have with government officials. (Y/N) randomly has one with the Queen of England (she did a favor for Her Majesty once, and now they have tea every third Thursday of every month).

They knew that Tony suffered from panic attacks, and they knew Steve was going through a never ending loop of an existential crisis, and that Bucky will most likely always be having an identity crisis, and that Sam cries to sleep a lot around a certain time of year that renders him almost useless in his sleep deprived state he puts himself into. They know EVERYTHING vulnerable about the team.

So, that means they know how when she first got to the team and to Tony that she wouldn’t speak to anyone unless absolutely necessary. It took her almost a year to be able to speak more than a sentence to every person she was around. No one was too upset, though, Tony was trying to figure out how to save himself and rebrand his whole legacy and the Avengers weren’t really a family family yet like they are now. (Y/N)’s shyness made it much easier on the adults to figure out their stressful situations.

The officials, though, never got why she wouldn’t speak to them. They actually pushed her progress back more and more with taunts and comments such as “Oh, the baby can’t speak?” or a “Get your phone out! She’s about to say her first words!” every time she did go to say something.

Tony soon got fed up with it and filed a lawsuit against them which threatened their agency enough to pull them out and let a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent be a liaison for them. After their presence was rid of, (Y/N) grew exponentially with her new family. She was still home schooled, but now she had Peter Parker as a friend and world geniuses as her teachers. She was an only child, but now she’s a big sister to Morgan and has plenty of people on the team that are dubbed her siblings (since they don’t act their age majority of the time to be considered aunts and uncles).

While she’s trained to fight, (Y/N) doesn’t go out on the field much unless they need her brain or her extended vision. She likes to remain behind the computer screen and help that way. She’s invented a way to make prosthetics like Bucky’s become more available to the general public and has started a school/home that’s three miles from the Compound for orphaned kids, mutants, super kids, and those who aren’t accepted where they come from.

In conclusion, (Y/N) is 18 and not useless in any way, shape, or form.

So why, why, do these absolute short dick idiots decide that they can come into here, her home, and push her around like she hasn’t contributed more to the Earth and society in the short 18 years than their middle-aged asses?

Eyes narrowed and seeing red, she stomps her way down the last hall, shoving herself into the door of the meeting room and throwing it open.

The team stays unfazed, knowing she’d show up pissed at some point. The officials, though, jump in their seat and turn to look at her.

It wasn’t the biggest meeting, the original Avengers plus Bucky, Sam, and Wanda sit around the table. Though, Rocket and Groot are here sitting along the back wall, looking bored as hell. Thor must have drug them along.

Fists clenched, (Y/N) narrows her eyes more. She’s been here since the first attack. Sure, she didn’t fight since she was like, 8 or so, but she was in charge of her man-behind-the-computer work. She’s been a part of the team since the beginning, and these assholes are too big of pricks to acknowledge that.

That’s what’s pissing the girl off. This could have been a meeting for every one of the fighters of the team, which she wouldn’t go to because that’s not her role. This meeting, though, was scheduled as “Originals plus the newly appointed leaders only.” She’s an original.

SHE IS AN ORIGINAL.

SHE. IS. AN. OG.

AND YET, they remained in telling her she wasn’t invited because “The Baby Avenger doesn’t need to join big kid conversation.”

She locked eyes with her adopted father and her best friend, aka Peter Parker, aka the only reason she knew this meeting was still being held.

Poor, lovely Peter. He grew confused when his best friend wasn’t sitting in between Mr. Stark and him for the meeting, especially when the officials referred to the meeting as they did. He was just there to take notes for Mr. Stark, not that the man wouldn’t remember it all. Pepper thought it’d be a good idea if Tony had written evidence to anything said in these meetings so that he wouldn’t be pouring statements out of his ass without proof, and poor, lovely Peter got elected to take such notes.

When he noticed you weren’t there, he had sent you a text asking where you were and that your drink that he brought you was right next to him.

“(Y/N)! It is so great to see you, my wonderful flower.” Thick arms wrapped around her as a golden man squeezed her tight to him. Thor and (Y/N) had a special relationship. They’re always close and do the most innocent of tasks together like flower crowns, step-by-step painting classes, and making those Tik Tok crocheted blankets made with that big yarn. He even had taken her to Asgard (back when it was a planet) for a royal ball where she was the guest of honor. They’re just soft together.

Though, rage blocked that softness that normally occurs between the two. Pushing off of him, she points her finger at the men in the front. The officials look like they’ve seen the devil and all of Hell and (Y/N) can see the fear pouring off of them.

“Let’s get this clear,” she says as she slowly stalks her way up to them. “I am an Avenger. I am an original Avenger. I know about 3,000 ways to kill you in this room at this very moment with anything. I drink tea with the fucking Queen on Thursdays, and I’ve created a better orphanage/school system in 2 years than this country has in the 250 years it’s been around. Don’t you EVER call me a fucking baby again, you fucking hear me?”

By this point, she’s right up in their faces, her glare unwavering and them sweating. The silence in the room was great and seemed to go on forever. The team held their breaths, some trying not to laugh and some scared of backlash that might be trust upon the girl.

With one last eye narrow (you could blindfold her with toothpicks at this point), she whips around and walks back to Thor, placing herself sideways on his lap and relaxing into his hold. Peter passes her (Drink Order) down the table, and (Y/N) takes it.

Clint, Bucky, and Sam try and hide their laughter when the meeting starts again as they look at their long-time teammate cradled and curled up in Thor’s arms, head on his shoulder and under his chin as she sips her drink with an angry look in her eyes and a pout on her face.

All wrapped up like a baby.

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carltun · 6 years ago

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Start Your Success Daily Morning Routines

As stated before in my previous post WAKE UP:

Tim Ferris discovered that one of the most common factors amongst the people he interviewed for his book Tools of Titans (where he compiles the tactics, routines, and habits of billionaires, icons, and world-class performers) is that they all implement some form of morning routine.

I told you how to wake up now I'm going to help you figure out what to do now that you're awake.

You want to have a routine that you can see yourself easily completing every morning.

Set the bar low so that you can successfully win each morning. If you win the morning, then that can catapult you into winning the day. The first 30-90 minutes of your day, depending on how intricate your routine or lack thereof, can either improve or handicap the rest of your day. These small things, done daily, can change your life.

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." -- Mother Teresa "Success in life is founded upon attention to the small things rather than to the large things; to the every day things nearest to us rather than to the things that are remote and uncommon." -- Booker T. Washington "Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." -- Vincent Van Gogh

I will share detailing my own morning routine and share two routines that I used as inspiration. I suggest emulating one of these routines or one that you may research after reading this, to begin with. This will allow you to adjust to having a routine. After you are accustomed, then I suggest customizing and combining things to fit your personal lifestyle.

My Daily Morning Routine

Initial Silence

When I First Wake Up in the morning I start with what I call my "first silence." Basically, I don't touch my phone, I lay and think through everything running through my mind when I first wake up.

Respond to Texts, Say Good Morning, NOTHING ELSE

I try to limit my initial phone use to only sending a few first texts so that I don't get dragged into mindlessly scrolling through all my apps and end up losing an hour of my day.

Meditation

Meditation! I thought this was all mumbo jumbo but... This right here has gotten me going and inspired me to start every day with purpose. This is of like my second silence, a more active one. I initially started with guided meditation through the app Headspace and used it until it the 10-day trial was up, after that, it is like $100 a year... I'm not ready for that commitment. So I went on and found Insight Timer which has endless free guided meditations to use, I usually listen to Morning Ritual by Jason McGrice. Taking time to breathe and relax is really great for clearing your mind and focus for the day.

Affirmations

I stand in the mirror and say my affirmations aloud while emotionally connecting with every word I say. I can honestly say by having these thoughts in my mind has seemed to subconsciously draw me towards the person I want to become.

5 Minute Journal

I fill out the 5-Minute Journal through its app. Initially, I started in my journal with my "Daily 3s" that I was posting. I found that I was either censoring or worrying about what people saw that I wrote so I decided to keep them personal in order to be more open with my personal thoughts. This is also where I begin planning what I want to get done for the day.

Read 20 Pages

I have a personal goal of reading 10 books this summer (I've gotten 8/10 down!) so I try to read at least 20 pages a day. Reading personal development or philosophy books in the morning and throughout has completely transformed my thinking and behavior. You become what you surround yourself with.

This is my customized morning ritual which has been derived from these two examples below. I will explain in detail with my takeaways from them.

5 MORNING RITUALS THAT HELP ME WIN THE DAY

by Tim Ferris “Tools of Titans”

1. Make Your Bed (<3 minutes)

Legendary Naval Admiral William McRaven, who has commanded at every level within the Special Operations community, including acting as head of Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) during the Osama bin Laden raid. From his University of Texas at Austin commencement speech:

“If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter.”

2. Meditate (10 to 20 minutes)

3. Do 5 to 10 Reps of Something (<1 minute)

“The 5 to 10 reps here are not a workout. They are intended to “state prime” and wake me up. Getting into my body, even for 30 seconds, has a dramatic effect on my mood and quiets mental chatter.”

4. [Prepare a cup of coffee or tea] (2 to 3 minutes)

To fight grogginess

5. Morning Pages or 5-Minute Journal (5 to 10 minutes)

Morning pages don’t need to solve your problems. They simply need to get them out of your head, where they’ll otherwise bounce around all day like a bullet ricocheting inside your skull.

It may be the most important aspect of trapping thought on paper (i.e., writing) you’ll ever encounter. Even if you consider yourself a terrible writer, writing can be viewed as a tool. There are huge benefits to writing, even if no one—yourself included—ever reads what you write. In other words, the process matters more than the product.

An example of his Morning Page:

SUNDAY, DEC. 28, NEW YORK Woke up at 7:30 a.m., before everyone else. Feels great. It’s a Sunday, so I feel I can take it slow, which is probably the reason it feels great. Why should Monday or Tuesday be any different? There are still people waiting regardless. Let them wait. It’s funny how we work and aim and strive to get to a point where people wait for us, not the other way around. Cue Get Shorty! And yet, when we arrive at this vaunted point, the masses of people (often rightly) incessantly knocking on the door, one after another, causes far more stress than when you were a mere peon (sp)! [I was unsure of spelling.] Is it because of the 100x more inbound, which decreases a feeling of self-directed free will? A feeling that you’re constantly choosing from someone else’s buffet instead of cooking your own food? Or is it because you *feel* you must be defensive and protect what you have: time, money, relationships, space, etc.? For someone who’s “won” through a lifetime of offense, of attacking, playing the defensive game conflicts with the core of who they are.

The 5-Minute Journal is simplicity itself and hits a lot of birds with one stone: 5 minutes in the morning of answering a few prompts, and then 5 minutes in the evening doing the same. Each prompt has three lines for three answers.

“To be answered in the morning: I am grateful for . . . 1. __________ 2. __________ 3. __________ What would make today great? 1. __________ 2. __________ 3. __________ Daily affirmations. I am . . . 1. __________ 2. __________ 3. __________ To be filled in at night: 3 amazing things that happened today . . . 1. __________ 2. __________ 3. __________ How could I have made today better? 1. __________ 2. __________ 3. __________”

The Life S.A.V.E.R.S.: 6 Practices Guaranteed To Save You From A Life of Unfulfilled Potential

by Hal Elrod "The Miracle Morning"

The Life S.A.V.E.R.S are 6 powerful, proven personal development practices that you can use to gain access to the powerful forces within you that will enable you to alter, change, or transform any area of your life.

The acronym stands for:

Silence

Affirmations

Visualization

Exercise

Reading

Scribing

Silence

Start every morning with a period of purposeful silence

Examples:

Meditation

Prayer

Reflection

Deep Breathing

Gratitude

Don’t stay in bed while doing this, preferably leave your bedroom. This deters you from falling back asleep.

Affirmations

We must stop programming ourselves for a life of mediocrity by focusing on what we're doing wrong, being too hard on ourselves when we make mistakes, and cause ourselves to feel guilty, inadequate, and undeserving of the success we really want.

You can use affirmations to start programming yourself to be confident and successful in everything you do, simply by repeatedly telling yourself who you want to be, what you want to accomplish and how you are going to accomplish it.

Tips:

In order for affirmations to be effective, it is important that you tap into your emotions while you read them

Stand tall while reading them

ALWAYS UPDATE

Be consistent

Visualization

The practice of seeking to generate positive results in your outer world by using your imagination to create mental pictures of specific behaviors and outcomes occurring in your life.

Many highly successful individuals, including celebrities, have advocated the use of visualization, claiming that it's played a significant role in their success. Such stars include Bill Gates, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Anthony Robbins, Tiger Woods, Will Smith, Jim Carey, and Oprah.

Many people don't feel comfortable visualizing success and are even scared to succeed. Some people may experience resistance in this area. Some may even feel guilty that they will leave the other 95% behind when they become successful.

The greatest gift we can give to the people we love is to live to our full potential. What does that look like for you? What do you really want? Forget about logic, limits, and being practical. If you could have anything you wanted, do anything you wanted, and be anything you wanted—what would you have? What would you do? What would you be?

Visualizing your goals and dreams is believed by some experts to attract your visions into your life

Exercise

Morning exercise significantly boosts your energy, enhances your health, improves self-confidence and emotional well being, and enables you to think better and concentrate longer

Reading

The key is to learn from the experts—those who have already done what you want to do. Don't reinvent the wheel. The fastest way to achieve everything you want is to model successful people who have already achieved it.

With an almost infinite amount of books available on every topic, there are no limits to the knowledge you can gain through daily reading

Even if you only read 10 pages a day that will become 3650 pages a year which is around 18 books that consist of 200 pages

If you read 18 books on personal development in the next 12 months do you think that you would be more knowledgeable, capable and confident?

Scribing (Writing)

Journaling

My favorite form of Scribing is journaling, which I do for 5-10 minutes during my Miracle Morning. By getting your thoughts out of your head and putting them in writing, you gain valuable insights you'd otherwise never see. The Scribing element of your Miracle Morning enables you to document your insights, ideas, breakthroughs, realizations, successes, and lessons learned, as well as any areas of opportunity, personal growth, or improvement.

Benefits of keeping a journal:

Gain Clarity - The process of writing something down forces us to think through it enough to understand it. Journaling will give you more clarity, allow you to brainstorm, and help you work through problems.

Capture Ideas - Journaling helps you not only expand your ideas but also prevents you from losing the important ideas that you may want to act on in the future.

Review Lessons - It enables you to review all of the lessons you've learned.

Acknowledge Your Progress - It's wonderful to go back and re-read your journal entries from a year ago and see how much progress you've made. It's one of the most empowering, confidence-inspiring and enjoyable experiences. It can't really be duplicated any other way.

Hopefully, you were able to pull some valuable information from this post.

Feel free to comment on this post as well as message me on instagram: @carltun

Also if you liked this content share it with a friend, or your instagram/snapchat stories!

Help spread the personal development wave!

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lavieenor-blog · 7 years ago

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I wrote this and someone suggested I post it here so BOOM into the pits of tumblr.

ninety six corolla

i dont hit snooze anymore.

i am awake at least an hour before the alarm goes off. i have never had a quiet mind. it races with want and worry all night until dawn when i am inevitably give up and decide to officially be awake. stretch, move hair out of my face, listen to my hearbeat. i take a deep breath, check the time, and then begin to concentrate on the steps.

step 1 is getting out of bed. put your feet on the ground, stand up. go. make yourself move. Â you have to get out of bed. you do not have a choice. well, you do have a choice but you have to make the right choice.

getting out of bed was never hard until one day it was hard. jobless, hungover, no appetite, sick of it all. why face the day. or the next. or any day. getting out of bed became a herculean task. so this step is important, it is the first goal that puts you on the path to other goals. touch the day.

Â i get up.

step 2 is hygiene. take a shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair. this also, as hard as it is to understand, is something that can be incredibly overwhelming when the night before you stared at bottle of luksosawa and some vicodin a lover brought over because he naively thought he was helping you calm down, and you thought to yourself â€œno one is going to care.â€ and then you did it, you tried anyway and still woke up and you suck at that too so why bother combing your hair? step two has become my favorite. 45 minute showers, shelves and shelves of scented soap shaped like seashells and imprinted was sexy names -lavender, amber mist, green valley, crabtree and evelyn.

Â i am going to always smell fucking good.

eating breakfast is the next step. i grab an orange and a cigarette. the irony is not lost on me. today, i am josephine baker.

the memories seep back during traffic. red lights, stop and go, mind-numbing talk radio. too easy. too much time to think.

i did not know i was depressed in the clinical way. i just thought my time was done. it was a good life. i had been fearless all through-out my 20â€™s and whatever had suddenly attacked my brain also came with a steady whisper in my head, day in and day out. it was over. my depression was not a fade to black, with slow dances towards cut wrists and sad songs playlists. i did not write letters. i did not plan my funeral, i did not reveal my state of mind. my depression was giving up and wasting away and disappearing. my depression was changing my number for no real reason. my depression was a $100 sweater with the tags still on it, that i was once coveted, suddenly becoming my dogs blanket, with the tags still on it. my depression was will & grace marathons with white wine out of a box on tuesday mornings. my depression was not eating until i almost passed out then ordering $200 dollars of chinese delivery to hold me over until next time. my depression was, come over, leave by 2 a.m.. i was reckless with money and men, i wanted it all gone. the plan was when the money ran out, so would i. the men would disappear on their own.

step 3 is call your family and let them know you are still alive. make sure you eat your lunch.

step 4, when the day gets long and you start to question everything, step 4 reminds you to dream. think about what makes you happy. create a goal.

i picture a roast chicken with lemon, rice pilaf, a salad, a mexican serving dish, green red white ceramic dishwasher friendly, antique silverware, guests at a table, candle light. a game of cards. josephine baker. if i allow myself to be generous with dreams it might stretch to a daughter in ballet class, a son in soccer. or vice versa. continuing. a night with my handsome, who’s face is always clouded (i do not know how to fill this part in), at the opera in an evening gown. we go to dinner afterwards and waltz in the street in the rain. im just following the steps.

time to go home.

here is where it gets the hardest.

steps 5 and 6 are more guidance to make sure you stay on track. make sure to eat again. do something to occupy your time. read a good book. get a hobby. please do this.

but those hours when you are supposed to stay awake, when you are supposed to watch sitcoms and laugh and unwind, those are the hardest hours. when you are counting down minutes until sleep just so tomorrow you can do it again, the steps again (what is life without the steps?) that is when you ask yourself what is the fucking point?

i read chapter 3 of Beloved. Anything dead coming back to life hurts.

i never did get the chance to run out. at my lowest point i wouldn’t even drive a my car. anxiety played a part but dealing with that involves different steps. (hint: breathe). Â my old faithful toyota corolla. it represented freedom, it was memory wrapped in metal, wanderlust on wheels. sorry for being wordsmith indulgent. i could no longer get behind the wheel, i no longer saw possibility on the road, in big cities, in small towns, in life in general.

most people do not know that a corolla by definition is the petals of a flower.

i no longer had the will to give the car the life it gave to me. i let it wilt in the driveway and by neglect i let it die.

the fantasy involved a long drive into the woods and a hose extended from the exhaust to the window, safe inside of the petals, curled up like a sick, twisted adult ann geddes photo shoot. i’ve always been a dramatic romantic. my depression would not let me move, make this lovely quiet end happen. even deathÂ was a burden. i was too depressed to try. had someone handed me a gun though, i know for a fact i would not still be here, doing the steps.

i cannot say when the turning point came but it was slow to come. my brain got tired and my body started to rebel. my hair was falling out. my belts, barely a size 26, no longer fit. mostly, defiantly, i was tired of the hospitals i ended up in whenever someone came to check on me. contrary to popular belief, doctors are not nice to people with issues. i did not want another moment of having to drink a sprite out of a plastic cup because staff was concerned about the rough edges of a can. i hated being told what to do, and worse i hated being punished for refusing to do what i was told to do. the independence was starting to overcome the demon. it was time to try. i gave in i took the help. i took the therapy, i took the pills, i took 30 days in the mountains.

step 7 asks you to look back at your day and what you accomplished.

Â i used to journal the highs and lows of everyday but as i got better, i started to forget that task. it has become an anything book. 30 pages of self-congratulatory statements turned into random phone numbers, drawings of floorplans, a shrimp recipe â€œ3 tablespoons curry, 1 stick butter, hdfl grn beans, a moth wing delicately saved in a small plastic bag and stapled to the back cover. these are highs and lows of a different sort. a patchwork of scribbles so i dont ask what is the fucking point?

the point is josephine baker singing REVES.

when it is time for the evening to be done, when i have successfully kept myself busy, when i can get into the bed and say goodnight to the moon knowing that in the morning i can feel the sun, when i survived another day, i did it, take that depression!, this is when, and only when i can forget about the steps.

step 8: sleep.

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