#stupid stupid stupid oh my god. nobody is gonna be there like ur daydreams.

[soul-spoken]

i need to stop wanting things, stop thinking about those things and recognize its just a fantasy. it never happens, stop sitting here crying and yearning for something that won't happen

[mrjcb]

Im annoyed at u tumblr cunts that piss me off when u and ur stupid friends have a PORN BLOG and post shit about wanting a man but dont do shit about it and post stupid shit instead fuck

Lmao what?

1. I’m not a girl. I’m a dude. Good job. Your “pussy detector” is fucked up, man.

2. Are you the same guy that just sent me a dick pic? I don’t want to see your dick, bro. I have my own and I can look at it whenever I want.

3. Are you having problems talking to some of the wonderful ladies on Tumblr and getting attention from them? Here are some tips:

* Pretend that they are a real person. I know, it’s shocking, but just pretend for a second. Pretend that they are a real human being who is not daydreaming about seeing your cock. Okay? I think this tip will take you places. I really do.

* Don’t message them with some generic shit, and do not put the responsibility on them to carry the conversation. That’s just dumb. If you want to talk to someone, you better carry the conversation until you’re interesting enough for them to care about you. Just talking human nature 101 here.

* If you want to talk to someone, you should already have been – I imagine – following them for some time and you should know the sort of stuff they like. Right? Right. So why not send them something you know they’ll appreciate? Don’t take the conversation to a sexy place. Just be a cool human being who is down to talk about shit they care about. Don’t steer every conversation to sex-talk. (”So what are you wearing, heheheheheheheh”). No, no. For the love of God don’t be this guy.

* Ask interesting questions. Again, even though we’re on porn blogs, don’t make it all sex.

* Don’t have a blank blog, and have some sort of original content. It’s difficult to want to talk to a blank persona, you know? Who wants to do that? Let’s be real. Not you. Not me. Not ‘nobody. Right? Right. So don’t have a blank blog devoid of any human characteristics.

* Now I will admit, there might be some chick wayyyy out there in the blue yonder who wants to see your cock. It’s possible, you know? She might be out there. I’m not saying she doesn’t exist. What I am saying, however, is that I’ve seen a bunch of chicks who damn well sure don’t want to see your cock.

*Sigh* If you’re still gonna send a dick pic even after reading the above, then at least make it nice. You know? Because even I appreciate a nice, artistic, dimensional picture of a cock. Yes, ‘tis true, friends. I mean, what’s not to love about the human body? But make it nice. (Just so we’re clear, the one you sent me is not nice. So do the opposite of what you did, or better yet, just don’t do it at all.)

Now where was I? Oh, yes. Numero quatro:

4. Don’t be so angry. A lot of ladies dig violence, but it’s usually controlled violence. And you, my angry little amigo, demonstrated uncontrolled, wild violence. Nobody likes that shit. Count to 10 before you send a crazy Ask like this one. Or just don’t send it at all if you have nothing nice to say. Remember what mommy taught you.

5. Do something happy. Learn to play an instrument, another language, or take up photography. Be happy. A bonus of learning photography is you can maybe, just maybe, juuust *squint your eyes* MAYBE, take a nice picture of your dick that said women might appreciate. But that’s a longshot.

And finally, be a nice human being. It’s not that hard. Care about people. Yes, sometimes you’ll be mistreated (I was blocked for complimenting a lady on her beautiful hair). But guess what? Just take it and move on, man. Don’t burn down the fucking Internet just because some chicks don’t like seeing your dick or talking about having sex with a total stranger 24/7. Get with it.

Good luck to you.

PS I am very upset that this is the first negative Ask I’ve received. But I tried to turn it into something positive, just for you.

PPS Some ladies like to be called cunts by men they respect and men they know. But usually they don’t like being called cunts by angry strangers. I’m sure you knew this one. Don’t be a pig.

PPPS Consider yourself lucky you didn’t send this to someone who would burn you alive like @brazenflesh. You really dodged a bullet there, my friend. Good day to you.