#stuff like this makes me feel so trapped. this isn't real.

[killbenedictcumberbatchagain]

sigh. why are you doing this to me

[arolesbianism]

I wanna take a crack at making some fake screenshot graphics for my Sif Odile duo loopers au but I do not feel confident enough in my ability to mimic isat's art style and I also have a crippling fear of drawing backgrounds

[dottyistired]

The missing Journal 3 pages in TBOB are so interesting to me in further contextualizing Ford's mindset of shame regarding Bill. We'd gotten a snippet of it in the original J3 release:

But Bill shows us the less pragmatic motivations behind his actions, the mushy feely stuff he was too embarrassed to properly journal, putting certain series events into new context. Particularly this scene where after a whole episode of dancing around it, he finally opens up to Dipper about the nature of their relationship:

"Bill wasn't always my enemy, Dipper. I used to think he was my friend, long long ago..."

But does he really tell the full truth here? The cat's out of the bag, Dipper knows they had a deal, there's no reason not to tell everything. But Ford proceeds to explain his reasoning for summoning Bill as a purely practical, scientifically-driven one.

"I had hit a roadblock on my investigation of Gravity Falls. Until I found some mysterious writing in a cave. Ancient incantations about a being with answers. It warned me not to read them, but I was desperate."

Desperate...for what? Ford would have us believe it was for the sake of knowledge. Yet TBOB shows us that this is the entry immediately preceding his and Bill's first meeting.

Ford isn't some unfeeling robot powered solely by knowledge, he has human needs. He was lonely, lonely enough to summon a demon for companionship. A companionship so intimate, he describes his meeting Bill as the best day of his life, and laments the periods of absence from him.

That desire for intimacy is ultimately what drove him, and even with all his dirty laundry laid out he can't admit that part to Dipper. Maybe he doesn't even realize it himself, at least not until the post-Weirdmaggedon sections of TBOB:

Under the shame of unleashing Bill Cipher's destruction on the world, there's a much deeper shame: that Stanford Pines is not a lone-wolf, unfeeling sci-fi hero, but a fallible human being, capable of illogical sentimentality and longing for approval and (in)human connection. The exact nature of this sentimentality and longing is left to interpretation, but the efforts he goes to to conceal it make me lean towards something beyond platonic. Alex Hirsch's own words might support this:

"I think he is deeply, deeply hiding from his real feelings about things, because at some point early on, he decided that he could run from hurt by achievement and by creation, and has dug that hole so deep that he has no relationships. He doesn't have friendships, he doesn't have romantic relationships, he is someone trapped in a tower of his own mind and estranged. Ford shows none of that. He has sublimated himself romantically so, so deeply. (…) I really thought of Ford kind of like Tesla in that realm.”

TL;DR Ford is up in his feelings about Bill and repressing hard. This is also eerily reminiscent of the self-blame abuse survivors engage in, the hesitance to tell others, and shame over persisting feelings for their abuser.

[alexanderwales]

An Idiot's Guide to Creating Themes

There's something that Wildbow says about themes, which I'll paraphrase here: themes are something that grow without you even necessarily wanting them to, so long as the characters have strong traits and act consistently.

What this means is that if you have a character who has a real problem with authority, then naturally they're going to frame a lot of things through the lens of authority, and they're naturally going to get in conflicts with people in a position of authority. Suddenly, without even really trying to, you have created a Theme.

I don't really think that this by itself is enough, and think that it helps to bring some intentionality to the process. For one thing, if you have two protagonists who have their own strong traits, you might develop two different competing themes that do not work in harmony with each other, and suddenly people will start asking you "why isn't this two separate stories" and you'll come to the grim realization that they're right.

So if you have a single strong trait, you want to pick your other traits to be in harmony, and you want to do the same when you're thinking up secondary characters, villains, etc. Themes tend to flow a lot easier if all the stuff you're putting into the pot has something that links them together. Ideally you want a funhouse mirror where you get to see a bunch of different sides of your theme, different ways that the characters react to it, their different takes on it, even if you're just doing big shonen battles.

Doing theme construction in this way often involves trying to have the story as a prism, and your job as someone writing the story is to break that beam of light down into its component parts. Find as many pieces as you can, then make those into plot points, characters, side stories, etc.

Let's try an example!

I'm writing a superhero story and want to pick a theme, so first I think about what theme I want to spend a novel exploring, and I decide that the idea that's tickling me is the alienation of globalization and the information age, the way that everything feels overwhelming and Too Big sometimes, like there are a thousand things clawing at me for my attention.

So we start with our protagonist, and he's being pulled in a thousand directions at once, never feeling like he has enough time for anything, but paradoxically, for all that people want his attention and focus, he also feels alone. I haven't yet said that he's a superhero, but sure, it's easy to see how we can fit that in: people want him to solve their problems, to settle their disputes, to use his talents, to help them rise through the ranks, and that's not necessarily what he wants, but he feels trapped by it, like there's no other way to live.

If he's a superhero, he needs a superpower, and writing a story like this I would be extremely careful with what I picked since it needs to help carry many many fight scenes and plot points, but teleportation is my first thought: there's disorientation as he enters a new place, a feeling that he's never really anywhere because he could be everywhere, and maybe some secondary sensory powers on top of that, an ability to see and hear that can help evoke an internet connection (I have not at this point decided whether the setting has smartphones or internet, but I think maybe it works better if it doesn't, because one of the things about themes is that sometimes it's best to come at them from an angle).

So I kind of have a sense of the main character at this point, if not an overall plot. If the guiding star is "information age alienation and how it overwhelms us, offering infinite connection that leaves us lonely", then maybe the plot can be something about that. We can go toward the theme by having some plot about alienation, a society that's drifting apart, and probably a significant figure pushing that, or we can go toward the theme from a different direction, having someone who promises an answer. I like the promise of an answer better, something that our hero has tension against, so we whip up a villain whose whole thing is that the world has gotten too varied, too complicated, and promises a return to simpler times. Maybe they're a cult leader, promising family, promising that through their high-control group everything can be reduced down to something understandable.

(There are at this point many many options for our main villain and his/her powers. Maybe it's a woman who makes the world go still and silent in her wake. Maybe it's a time-traveler acting as a specter of the past. Maybe it's someone with mind control powers seeking to expand their reach until they can put the whole city under their thumb. Maybe they're a former superhero who couldn't take the constant desires and demands of the public and have twisted into a dirty form of self-induldgence. There are many "villain" answers to the question of alienation.)

So we add in some side characters. They should also approach our theme in some way. Here's a quick and dirty brainstorming list:

A friend who is terminally cape-brained, always keeping track of their specific domain of expertise, retreating hard into a niche where they know everything, which takes monumental effort and a sort of nervous anxiety approach to information. Probably a superhero with an info power, name of Dispatch or something.

A father who is blissfully unaware, but shows the flaws of that approach, always ignorant, knowing little about the goings on of the greater world, alienated in his own way by that, unable to connect to people because of it.

A government handler/contact who is a friend, but always pushing our hero, always ready with another thing that needs doing, another cause that needs nudging, a criminal manhunt to help with. A symbol of pressure, anxiety, and overload, but friendly in a way that makes it tough to say no. (A stand-in for the kind of friend who always wants to tell you about the latest atrocity, who doesn't quite demand that you know the name of every person brutalized by the police, or the latest list of people whose shittery has come to light, but does seem mildly disappointed that you're not as tuned in.)

A mentor figure who burned out, maybe a speedster who ran too fast, did too much, let themselves get run into the ground both figuratively and literally.

I think that this is a good enough starting point that if I wanted to writing this story, I probably could, and maybe the core of it would evolve as I wrote, but I have a guiding star to look toward, and one of the great things about setting out to write a theme is that if you ever hit a bump, you can look over at the post-it note that describes the theme in a few words and hopefully, get back on track.

[centrally-unplanned]

To talk about monopoly & antitrust, I want to start off with your first day in Econ 101, when you learn "how prices work". The toy model that nearly everyone learns as one of the first things ever is that classic supply-and-demand graph of price and quantity; you know it, I don't need to show it. And in relation to how firms set price in a market, the explanation you get is something like:

"In a world with perfect information, zero transaction costs, rational agents, and no barriers to entry, new firms and/or increased output will enter the market until marginal price equals marginal cost"

This (seemingly) portrays a model where new companies "entering the market" is how prices go down. Like say there are Firms A, B, and C, engaging in oligopolistic pricing for a normal good; what happens is some new Firm X (with the same production costs) emerges with the sole business strategy of "offer prices lower than them because they are skimming" and it drives everyone's prices down in a race to the bottom. That, in a sense, competition between identical firms drives the price equilibrium.

That isn't very true, not in practice and not even theoretically; the 101 stuff just sort of biases you to see it that way. Firm X above is being rational in one way but silly in others; why would it enter a market where its competitors are making healthy profits just to fuck that up, knowing it has no advantage they can't immediately replicate in response? And pay all the fixed costs other firms have already paid to make that 0.1% profit? In real life firms almost never do this, they compete over (actual or perceived) advantage or market segmentation. And it also means that - if all firms are truly the same in a market - cooperating on price, far from being aberrant behavior, is the natural thing to do. Why would I look at my rival firm and lower my price to "undercut" them, knowing that they 100% can just lower it too? We both lose, immediately. In practice, companies often set their prices by looking at the prices of competing firms and matching them!

Many things actually drive the price equilibrium of course, but one of the biggest - and most useful for our purposes - is the substitution effect. If companies defacto cooperate on prices all the time, why is the price not infinity? Well because if you are selling steaks and set the price to infinity, I'm not gonna buy it! I can just buy chicken, for me it's pretty much the same. And chicken is cheaper to make than steak. As a chicken firm, I totally can set my price under your steak and you can never, ever match it; that is a real advantage, one from asymmetries of production. The price of steak is driven by the need to compete with chicken much more than it is driven by the need to compete with "other steaks". And so on down a chain of a million desires and costs and needs.

So to wrap this around to antitrust, there is a common idea out there that monopolistic pricing is increasing from the past because if I look at different industries, so many of them today are consolidated into 2-3 big firms. Your grocery stores are all Giant or Safeway or w/e it is in your city, if you are buying a TV Samsung & LG are half the entire US market. How could these companies not collude on price? Of course they do, and they don't need explicit agreements that would violate extant FTC regulations to do it; they can just softly communicate and feel out cooperation. So you gotta break them up and change the rules so they can't do that.

The trap is thinking this is any different if it was 10 firms - it really isn't! Maybe marginally, sure, and if it was 2000 firms yeah okay the sheer chaos would probably create some price churn; but in the past prices were not driven down by the diversity of firms making price cooperation impossible. The long history of guilds, business associations, chambers of commerce, and so on shows that they had plenty of avenues for cooperation - and often did straight-up set prices. Meanwhile, when Wal-Mart, Target, Aldi, and others all cut prices at around the same time, they are not mainly competing with each other. If they were they would just mutually agree to not do that, without even saying anything! How stupid do you think they are? That isn't hard to do. Instead they are competing with Amazon; with boutique local stores; with restaurants; with the changing price of labor; with shifting consumer sentiment and expectations. The industry concentration doesn't matter.

Until it does of course! Because what is the substitution good for oil? They exist of course, but they ain't cheap; people will still buy gas at gigantic ranges of prices. Here, the fundamental structure of the market is monopolistic - and also a geopolitical clusterfuck, but let's not get into that. Producers openly rig prices sometimes, and antitrust actively regulates against it, and it is a hot mess of governments and companies and all that. Are people who hold patents engaging in monopoly pricing? Obviously, that is the point of patents! It is by design; but there are tons of arguments to be made around creeping exploitation of the IP system. Sometimes hundreds of firms in a dominant market niche will offer complex, bundled products where the price of each piece of obfuscated and the value is subjective, but consensus is you can't not buy the product or you will be screwed and since you can't tell what the product even is, let alone how valuable it is, you can't object when they set the price - I hear these are called "universities", but they go by other names in other sectors.

All of the above are something like "monopolies", which maybe are getting worse over time, but they are monopolies for different, product-specific reasons. I think there is a good deal of FTC work and other reforms that could be done in the US to identify areas where this kind of rent extraction is happening. But what it doesn't look like is opposing blanket industry consolidation. And in fact the correlation is honestly pretty weak. Because identical firm competition does not drive the price equilibrium.

[genderkoolaid]

I'm not really familiar with it/its as pronouns. Like I've heard them from people before, but never truly understood why someone would feel that way. Like it's it not feeling like a person? Or is it something more than that? Idk. I really like knowing this kind of stuff because it makes me a better person so an explanation would be super useful! Appreciate you!

For some people it's related to their experiences with dehumanization and nonhumanity.

It's a little bit of that for me, but honestly I like it/its for the same reason people usually like they/them. It's non-gendered and that makes me euphoric. But it's also different than they/them. IRL I often tell people I use she/he/they, but people don't get alternating pronouns and will they/them me exclusively, which makes me dysphoric and trapped. So I like having a pronoun set that ISN'T any of the typical options because it reinforces that I am not being put in one of three boxes.

Plus it/its isn't a neopronoun, its already standard English, so hypothetically it's easier for people to pick up. But unfortunately people get Real Weird about it/its pronouns & even progressive people will try to like. save you from yourself by misgendering you

[the-labyrinth-of-me]

I don't know if that has been discussed in the past, but I wanna talk about a few things that stand out in the apartment of the Wakes, at least for me. First off, it's absolutely weird that the apartment looks nothing like the one from the first game, neither interior nor floor plan wise. Before Alan was trapped in the Dark Place, the apartment looked drastically different. Photos for comparison:

Seems like a regular home of a best-selling crime novelist, right?

The apartment in Alan Wake 2 has, as already mentioned, a different floor plan and weird structure. Like you leave the elevator and there aren't even any further doors, let alone a hallway. As if the Wake apartment was the only one on the whole floor. Then there's the entrance area with the cameras from Alice that set off once Alan leaves the elevator, with a few paintings on the wall (like graffiti) that seem to have replaced the skyline posters.

Then you enter the actual apartment. It holds a layout that doesn't make much sense. There's also no bathroom / toilet and Alice's studio seems to be missing. Some other paintings of graffiti on the wall mix with really old, outdated, simple furniture. Nothing that displays wealth for the cozy feeling of a real home, it's rather minimalist.

If only the furniture would be outdated, though...

A collection of old files, devices (seriously, who has a telephone like that in the 2010 and upwards years?), and old toys. Since the Wakes don't have children and there wasn't any mention that they, at any point, planned to start a family, one can assume these toys weren't bought for children to be born and they seem to be well-used as well. Maybe Alan's toys from his childhood?

The books all seem to be really old as well.

All that old stuff and the composition, how things are placed and displayed, rather give me the feeling I'm walking through a museum rather than an apartment.

(wtf why is there even an accordion??)

And if we take a closer look at the kitchen...

... we see a weird oven and coffee machine. Stuff we'd expect to find in restaurant, maybe. Or a diner. A very specific diner.

Moving on, what catches the attention in the living room isn't only the lack of a television (although the Wakes had one in the first game), despite the TVs can be found practically everywhere in the Dark Place in the most odd spaces. But not in an actual apartment, of all things? Hmmmm. As if someone deliberately choose not to have one. Maybe the one who is imagining that whole stuff?

Which would be my conclusion to the weirdness of the apartment: dream logic mixed with whatever is left of the apartment in Alan's memory mixed with what is necessary for him to move on. TVs is what he might be kind of scared of, since often he sees another version of himself speaking insane rants. Nothing he could use that close to escape. The old furniture and books and toys could really stem from his longterm memory, his childhood home blended in with his actual one, from his subconscious. His mother seems to have a key role because she was the one who gave him the Clicker. And he never got to know his father. There definitely is some pain in his childhood years. Maybe he has a box somewhere in which he keeps some of his toys?

In dreams our brain processes what we experience throughout the day, sometimes memories mix in, or things we suppress / are in denial about bc we're too afraid to confront them. That could be one explanation of the interior of the apartment. His childhood even gets a small section in the musical since we walk through his old bedroom. So, early memories are covered. Brings us the next subject - striking what isn't necessary to move to. Alice's studio apparently isn't necessary (and something he doesn't have a connection to. Makes even more sense considering her work didn't contribute much to their income, as she says in the video. So her office might be kind of invisible to him. His work being the "more important" one.) Bathroom? Not necessary. Interior replaced with old stuff bc its more important to him, maybe? But what about the industrial oven and coffee machine? That really seems to be a nod to the Oh Deer diner, where his journey (and demise) practically started. Where he got the keys for the Bird Leg Cabin and met the Dark Presence for the first time. It seemed to have left a mark. Rose, the superfan waitress who helps him from the real world. Rusty, the first major Taken he had to fight (iirc Stucky came after Rusty). The Old Gods and their stupid jukebox. I'm not gonna link Coconut here don't worry. There's also a pack of the Bright Falls Blend coffee on a shelf.

Summarized, we can say that dream logic blends all kinds of things together whenever Alan visits the apartment in the Dark Place. Not to mention that it even looks different each time he goes there, during each draft. If I find the time I'll try to draw floor plans of each version. I think it's very interesting.

If you made it this far, thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Edit for additions / stuff from tags (holy shit is this a long post now)

- @taniushka12 yes you're right of course, the bathroom appears later however and not during the first draft. It seems Alan readjusts the apartment due to what he needs to go further, or Alice had a say about this. Idk. The bathroom appears in the next draft I think, with the expedition. He remembers they have a bathrooms yay! But it still looks completely different.

- @omena-perkele thanks for elaborating on that. I was planning to go into more detail about Alan progressively forgetting how his home looks like but only put it in half a sentence lol. It's my interpretation of how empty the apartment actually is, like not much personal belongings, if any. Bedroom is almost empty. There are pieces of furniture he remembers or remembers there should be some at certain walls in the rooms, but many empty spots. The rest is mixed with old stuff and dream logic / dark place fill-ins.

Thanks for each comment on this!

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 1 part 3

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4])

so babe, hear me out. we could adopt him. just spitballing here (agatha, probably)

bwahhaha fantasy!billy and his death stare, meanwhile real billy is such a polite baby

if you look closely you can tell Joe Locke is fighting for his life holding down laughter in a lot of his scenes with Katrhyn. he has nerves of steel, couldn't be me

(also, billy telling her she has neither the respect of her peers NOR a fulfilling home life? harsh, but fair.) (at least her wife is trying to fix the home life part)

honey, don't go around kicking grumpy little twinks now! perfectly in character. despite her chaotic exterior, rio is a very lawful person. she is literally the laws of nature!

the Ballad plays faintly in the background when Billy mentions the Road

I love when good actors have to pretend to be bad actors. and I also find it interesting that Agatha cast herself as a good guy. does it make her feel better? is she telling herself that all the atrocities were justified, that it was only survival instinct? (like rio said, she's only lying to herself)

I had to look up the painting, it's Macbeth meeting the three witches (thank you Reddit!) So Macbeth (Agatha) and Banquo (Billy) meeting Lilia, Jen and Alice?

how did I miss Billy sitting on the chair Rio was just on?! amazing lens choices here too

Wanda's death makes her cry again. I honestly, honestly believe she feels awful about what she did to her. but guilt will never be enough to redeem her - especially because she tends to run away from it.

Wanda's magic was so strong that it took at least four things to undo the spell: Wanda dying, Rio's intervention, Billy's counterspell, and Agatha's willpower. It was a group effort, Agatha could have never done it alone. And despite her scorched earth tactics, there are still two people in her life, rio and billy, willing to help out in her hour of need

it's naughty tiiiime

I still really love the curls

can I say iconique?

it's like someone's about to die at the end of this

bwahahahahaah and oh my GAWD all the case files and boxes, where did she GET that stuff, did she rob a precint, did she make them with the power of arts and crafts

you know what I think? being naked here is a power move. she is being very over the top because she's really uncomfortable, she just woke up and she's in those moments when you stop dreaming and have to relearn what's real and what isn't. she is someone used to calculate and scheme and micromanage every aspect of her life and she is not in control right now. what does Agatha do to reclaim control? she puts on a show. to her, being under the spell was way more like being naked, her insecurities and emotions and past were out in the open for everyone to see. being physically naked could never be nearly as distressing, and this is a nakedness she chose, because it tells people nothing about herself, nothing of what she wants to keep secret and protected. she's got the upper hand, not the other way round

you are all cowards and sheep for not saying Wanda's name, says the lady who would rather hide under a dozen magic layers than face her problems

that is so nice that they brought her groceries actually??? and lol those are the flowers in Agatha's crime scene pictures

that little girl is having a great time

FUCK CLOTHES BUT FUCK THESE CLOTHES SPECIFICALLY!!!!

(wait am I allowed to post butt cheeks? what are the rules right now?)

she turns quiet and emo as soon as she's alone

why doesn't she just - kiss the wiwwle bunny. bury her nose in that big fluffly head. even villains need a cuddle sometimes.

sure, bring señor scratchy. so menacing. that'll show them.

poor boy. trapped in a closet with ralph's bluray collection

aaand I really want to get to the next scene so I'll start on it right away, hopefully it'll be ready later tonight

go to part 4

[stolitzsings]

It's just SO fucking good and so fucking gutwrenching how much sense both of their mistakes make for them

And how backed into a corner both of them felt

It's completely understandable that Blitz would feel blindsided by Stolas’s confession- from his perspective it's coming out of nowhere

But this is something Stolas has been wrestling with for months now, and it's slowly killing him. He starts off his day with an anxiety vomit bc of how stressed he is about this conversation, and he also thinks this might be his one and only chance to tell Blitz how he feels. He's giving Blitz the crystal, no strings attached, so for all he knows he might not ever see Blitz again after tonight. He needs to lay it all out there if he wants Blitz to understand

Also Stolas has been trying to show Blitz he cares for so long: inviting him to hang out for things, suggesting movies and comfort after the turmoil of Ozzie's, letting Blitz take the lead on whether to see him for the full moon each month, plus everything Blitz mentioned to Fizz! Liking his pictures and asking him how he is and all those things that Blitz dismissed because he simply couldn't fathom that Stolas would actually be interested in him. Stolas has been giving him space and checking in on how he's feeling and offering to talk about things, presumably for months now, all in a bid to show Blitz they could have more than a transactional relationship.

And he'd been hyping himself up to have this conversation, telling himself it could go great! Maybe Blitz would be just as happy as he was! Maybe he felt the same and this would all work out!

But even though Blitz does care about him, he's fucking terrified to show or even acknowledge it, because feelings mean getting hurt. And he's been shutting himself off from the possibility of Stolas having those feelings for months as well. He can't allow himself to hope for anything more, and anyway it would just complicate things, so best to stick to nice, safe sex stuff like he's sure Stolas wants to anyway.

So he completely misses all the times Stolas is trying to give them a way forward, and as a result he just can't believe Stolas’s confession could be real. And then he REALLY fucks up. This has to be a sex thing, right? The one thing he's convinced himself Stolas wants, especially tonight? He's thinking "there's no way anyone could love me like this," but all Stolas hears is "there's no way YOU could love me like this."

Because while Blitz has been shutting out any hope that Stolas could love him, Stolas has been CLINGING to scraps of hope that Blitz might love him, in order to give himself the strength to have the conversation they're having now. I don't think he understands why Blitz wouldn't leap at the chance to believe him.

To Stolas, this is confirmation that Blitz still sees their relationship as the same as it was after Ozzie's, when he said their relationship was just sex and Stolas SAW how unhappy he was. Clearly, Blitz still feels this whole thing is about Stolas wanting Blitz to fuck him, and it's not fair to keep him trapped in that dynamic. He thinks the conversation is over, he has his answer because Blitz wasn't happy then so he clearly isn't happy now.

Stolas spends the rest of the scene trying to bow out gracefully. He thanks Blitz for changing his life and tries to escape before he really breaks down. Remember, he's going through an acrimonious and, to be frank, VIOLENT divorce right now, with the person that he's terrified of becoming in his relationship with Blitz. He would do anything to get out of his shitty relationship quietly, so clearly the kindest thing he could do is let Blitz go without making a fuss.

But Blitz is only just realizing that he read the situation so wrong. When he chases after Stolas, Stolas might see it as just another person following him around his house to yell at him. For Blitz, though, he's scared, he's angry at Stolas for springing this on him, and he feels like Stolas is trying to discard him because of one dumb thing he just did. Stolas doesn't know how many times Blitz has been dropped before because of one fuckup. He doesn't get how close he's gotten to Blitz's past trauma. Meanwhile Blitz is trying to get Stolas to give him a second to figure shit out, to just stick with him and not expect him to have all the answers right away.

And when Stolas doesn't give him that, because he's convinced that Blitz is still unhappy and is now just trying to make this hurt as little as he can, Blitz retreats back into anger. Finally Stolas is discarding him just like he always knew he would eventually. Their relationship has been such a rollercoaster for both of them and he just needs a little time, dammit! So now this feels like just another case of someone throwing him away for not living up to their expectations.

Stolas can't hear him asking for time, though. All he sees is Blitz following him to curse him out, to yell about how shitty he is, just like Stella has always done. And Blitz is right!!! Stolas was so crushed by the initial rejection that he didn't give Blitz the space he needed to process things. Blitz wants to talk and yell and fight through things and get all the shit out there. But Stolas is so focused on holding himself together for just a little longer.

Stolas's biggest fear was that he'd trapped Blitz in their arrangement, and the way Blitz tries to ask for time and engagement unfortunately hits directly on that. Blitz is yelling that Stolas doesn't get to just dismiss him, he deserves a chance to be heard and to figure shit out, and to have an actual conversation about this. But Stolas fixates on Blitz’s accusation that he's treating him like a servant, and assumes that he's referring to their entire relationship. It confirms, in his mind, that Blitz was never with him willingly and would never want to be with him willingly.

And it must hurt so much to hear Blitz call him a "pompous, rich asshole" in that moment, when he has been trying so hard to be selfless about this. He made himself so vulnerable with this confession and the gift of the crystal. He put everything he had out in the open. But if Blitz thinks he's an asshole, well, there's no way he could share his feelings, right? He's being vulnerable, and probably expected Blitz to do the same and lay his true feelings out there as well. And Blitz really is trying, but he's still using anger and insults because they're familiar and safe. PLUS there's the added panic of "Oh fuck, how badly did I hurt him that he thinks of me like this?"

Stolas doesn't know how many times Blitz has been abandoned for fucking something up, and Blitz doesn't know how many times Stolas has had to shut down and endure tirades of abuse he couldn't escape from. Stolas thinks he's done all of this and Blitz still can't see him as anything but a stuck-up, frigid jerk. And if this desperate, grand gesture wasn't enough to get Blitz to see how much he cares, well, what hope is there?

He's still reeling from what he perceived as Blitz’s mockery of the very idea that Stolas could care for him. He tried to leave peacefully but Blitz won't let him bow out, still wants to yell at him and tell him how shitty he is, won't even give him the dignity of breaking down in private. Never mind that those weren't Blitz’s intentions at all. Stolas was so scared, so tentative about this, that Blitz’s almost inevitable incredulous/messy reaction was bound to hurt.

Both of them are working off their own assumptions, their low opinions of themselves, and their past traumas, and can't see enough of each other's histories to understand that's what they're doing.

[manatee-rp-memes]

Drawfee and Secret Sleepover Society Sentence Starters

~Feel free to tweak as needed~

"He strikes me as a pervert."

"This is not fine. You're actually, like, completely fucked."

"YES! First try, baby!"

"You must know, the room is in shambles."

"She shlep on my philly 'til I'm red hot."

"It was never my intention to brag, but I wrote a whole song about it."

"The thing I think you don't understand... it feels so good!"

"Oh nooo, I'm too handsome and strong!"

"That fucking song slaps my damn crack."

"I bet I can interest you in some junk!"

"Is there something here that has caught you off-guard?"

"I'm the big boss man!"

"I hold myself to a higher standard. That's why I only say really smart, cool things."

"You know what they say; early to bread, early to rise."

"It's open season on_____."

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit, you piece of shit."

"Do you even care that he's trapped in a storm beyond time?"

"I don't like to start my day with waking up, it just happens."

"If God's ever been mad at anything I've said, he hasn't done shit about it. So, he either doesn't care or he's a coward."

"That's not a real name. That's what you call a horse with a lot of personality."

"This isn't just regular nonsense. This is advanced nonsense."

"Let me be very clear. In a manner of my choosing, on a day you least expect, revenge is coming."

"I'm going to punch your wiener clean off."

"Life is pain and suffering, what's up?”

"I think our talk later is just going to be a murder."

"I have a fast stroke... of my pen! Of my pen!"

“It’s like we all vaguely hate each other today."

"Stop the violence!"

"Oh, hitman!"

"I know you've been going through some stuff right now, and it's on us tonight. We're gonna make sure you remember, y' know, why life is fun and worth living."

"Have I mentioned you look really sexy?"

"We're getting a little buck wild."

"I'm literally engaged in the artistic process, you assholes!"

"We'll be annoying in any situation, no matter how life-threatening."

[arolesbianism]

Guys why is rain world so good (<- rewatched some scenes and teared up on all of them)

[ko-existing]

Hello Ko! I'm so glad you joined Tumblr, I think out of everyone I know and follow, you are the most trustworthy person to get information from. You truly know what you're talking about and you're very very helpful to us with questions. ❤️ I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible because I don't want to make you read a long, rant-ish question. Basically, I really really need some guidance/advice. Like I need some serioussss help..

For about 6 years, I've been "trying" to manifest, reality shift etc. I was focused on desires and getting. I was focused on doing methods to get things and "trying" things. would look all the time for information and "how to's" because I just wanted to shift realities so badly so I could experience all of the crazy things I would imagine. Nothing ever worked for me, not once in those 6 years. I eventually started to panic and think I was wasting years of my life on stuff that wasn't real (yet I'd still hope and try anyway) however I found non-dualism. Like I said, I was VERY focused on desires and getting, so as much as I told myself that I understand non-dualism, deep down I was still attached to ego and understood nothing. I viewed nondualism as a method. I still wanted desires deep down, even if I tried to say "No I want to be free!". I've now come to accept that if I truly want to be free, I need to genuinely STOP seeking desires and things of the ego. I need to accept that if I'm gonna be stuck on desiring, then ND isn't for me. So with that said, I told myself I'd follow non dualism properly and I wouldn't use it as a manifestation or shifting method.

This is the part where I ask for advice. When you're someone who has been stuck up on wanting to shift realities and get things so badly, for SO long, it's hard to let it all go suddenly. I don't know how to drop these thoughts that I get. I feel delusional and depressed because I hate this "life". I remind myself that it isn't real but then I feel insane and I tell myself I need to accept reality and stop hoping for miracles. I no longer wish to fulfill desires or use methods, I want to be free from feeling like this, I want to genuinely not live as if I'm ego anymore but it feels like my thoughts never stop. In the back of my mind, I always think "but I just wanna shift" "I'm delusional" "I am this body/mind"

Ko, I need any kind of guidance. Is there some materials I should read? I'll honestly read whatever books necessary. I don't know what to do 😅 I want to have the same understanding you do. I go to sleep every night thinking "maybe I can wake up in a new reality" and it completely defeats the purpose of me having no duality. I'm always hoping and trying, even when I don't want to "hope" or "try". I get so confused so easily and I think about going back to manifestation, but it never worked and I got depressed because of it. I want to free myself from these ego emotions, free from thinking I need this or that, free from having duality. I want to TRULY understand nondualism and live that way. Forgive me if this is long! I didn't intend to trauma dump or vent in your ask box, like I said before you're just one of the people I trust most. You're very knowledgeable on nondualism and I appreciate your posts very very much 🤍

First step, understand that Non dualism is ONLY(!!!!!!!!!!) a POINTER to what 'you' are. Being fixiated on 'trying to understand ND' is a trap you shouldn't fall into. I used it as a pointer(!) i do not "practise" any concepts.

I cannot stress enough how it is ONLY A POINTER, NOT THE "SOLUTION" NOR "ABSOLUTE TRUTH". "THAT" which you fundamentally are, IS Absolute.

Who has been "trying" all this time? -> The 'person' you THINK you are.

Who "wants" to understand? -> The 'person' you THINK you are

Use it as a pointer and then drop it.

I'm so serious, NEVER see it as the solution, it is a trap to do so. It will help as a start but go BEYOND that. It is nothing but another concept TO HELP.

A lot of you speak about the "ego" like it is some separate entity causing confusion and suffering but it is not. It is ONLY(!!!!!) who you THINK(!!!!) you are. If you stopped thinking about it, could you tell me who you seemingly are?

There are no books needed to """understand""" the basics of this concept, even if you read it, to drop it and be beyond such illusory concepts, is something that is done with or without books.

What you are can NEVER be defined. "THAT" has no name, no label, no characteristics. Nothingness. Yet it seems(!!!!!!) to contain "everything".. but "everything" = "nothingness".

By repeatedly returning to "Nothingness", it becomes clear that you never actually left that "Nothingness" and that it is everywhere.

Drop every label and concept. Everything you SEEM to know. What are you left with?

-> " "

If 'you' want to, you can listen to "YourHigherSelf" on YouTube or the shorter videos of Swami Sarvapriyananda on YouTube.

But again, seeking continously for the Absolute, is a funny game and an even funnier trap. Have enough discipline to not do that and simply BE.

[earthnashes]

Heyooooo ya'll! Figured it'd be a good idea to give a quick lil update on what I'm up to since it's been a while since I just talked on here.

If you don't wanna read here's the TL;DR:

-Fanart and headcanon AU projects in indefinite hiatus. This tumblr will host my commissioned art, original art/OC projects, and occasional tomfoolery of my thoughts, worldbuilding posts, interests, and updates on my Powerlifting venture.

The full update under the break! :)

Not so good news: Rent's going up. Who's isn't, right? Gonna be putting a serious effort on looking for a new place (I'm reeaaallly gunning for a house) because SHEEEEEEEEEEEESH that spike in price for the exact same shit? Nah man. Likely will get rough a few times over the next few months but I'm confident I'll figure things out!

----

I'm doing relatively good! Cool news: I will be competing in my first powerlifting meet this year! It's been made official as of two months ago, and I've been hard at work with training and prep for the meet. I have my eye on making the state record for the Benchpress in my weightclass and I think I have real shot at it, so I'm gonna make the attempt. Wish me luck! ;w;

Now, the crux of why the update: I figured it was probably high time to mention the complete lack of fanart and headcanons 'round here, especially because that's what helped me find all of you and vice versa.

I'll be honest; I am no longer burnt out on creating art, but I've found the interest to continue any of my AU fanprojects is still missing, so as of right now they are on an indefinite hiatus. I apologize to everyone who followed me for the Super Mario, the LoZ stuff, anything and everything I was working on before the burnout! ;w;

I'm still working on projects, they're just completely original ones! I've been having so much fun with them and I'm pretty happy with them; here's a quick preview of each:

One is a slowburn fantasy where a god becomes trapped in the mortal realm while on a mission, but ends up compromising said mission when she begins to believe everything she knew about mortals is a lie.

The second project is an anthro mystery/thriller about a doe who knows her husband was murdered, but no one else believes her. As she works to find his killer herself, the last thing she expects is falling in love.

The third is the only fanproject I have going and ya'll know of it: Melon's Adventure! Follow Melon as he faces dangers and villains on his quest to return baby Mario to his family. A retelling of Yoshi's Island with twists and a personal flair!

---

But ye! I wanna say thank you all so much for your interest and engagement with my fanart work; regardless of everything I had an absolute great time working on them, and you all made them all the more enjoyable. It may take a little bit before I start posting them, but I hope you stick around for the original/OC stuff and enjoy what I've got in store! ;w;

Feel free to ask questions or make comments, I'll be around to respond starting today. Until then keep them peepers open for more art! :)

[partycatty]

DUDE THE DARK JOHNNY FICS ARE KILLING ME you ate them up please write more pookie!! It can be any concept but if you can’t think of one I was thinking, Johnny went to go shoot a film and just wanted you sitting at home being pretty, until you decided to pack everything that was yours and leave like entirely(let’s say to a different state or smth) clothes,shoes,bags, everything gone and he goes bonkers trying to find you or whatever LOVE YOU POOKS😘😘😘😘

OOOOHHHHHHH LOVE U MORE POOKIE BEAR

dark star!johnny cage > i'll find you

you hit your limit with johnny and abandoned the life he trapped you in. to say he isn't happy is a major understatement.

warnings: yandere johnny boy, abusive relationship

notes: i love how collectively mentally ill we are, love you babes

part 1* / part 2* / part 3* / part 5* / part 6*

*parts are one-shots, this is not a consistent series.

masterlist &lt;3

• things were going okay, so johnny thought. gifts were pouring in, the media seemed happy, and you were quiet. quiet was good to johnny. it meant you ran out of energy to protest. what he didn't realize, though, was that you were quiet to avoid raising suspicion.

• "i'm locking the doors, baby, so no parties for you," johnny would tease often about you running away or hosting parties while he was gone, but regardless he always remote locked the doors when you were left on your own. to him, you were like a puppy that was raring to leave at the crack of an open door. "they've got me filming a night scene and i told them i'd rather kill myself than film in a fake night studio, so we're gonna be out late. remember the rules?"

• johnny had rules with you, to make sure you stayed in line. you nodded and recited them. no leaving without permission, call before bed, and to not cover the security cameras. johnny nodded with approval, kissed your cheek, and was gone with a quick "good girl. love you."

• your smile faded away when the door shut. you instantly sprinted into the master bedroom, locking yourself in the joint bathroom. it was the only place without cameras.

• he had a habit of searching through your personal spaces and devices. however, one of the places he didn't check was your sink cabinet. he found feminine products gross. remember when i said he was immature? yeah. this was the best time to take advantage of that.

• behind the wall of pads and tampons was a large duffel bag cramped between the sink pipes. in it was all of your necessities and then some you purchased with his credit card. you'd sneak them into the bag using one of the designer purses he once gave you after cheating on you.

• after removing it from the cabinet, you set it atop the toilet and squeezed in one last shower. lord knows when the next one you'll have will be, or if hotel bathrooms are as luxurious as the mansion. perhaps it'd be the one thing you'd miss truly.

• when you get changed, you put on three layers of clothes and stuff the rest in the empty gaps in the bag. the expensive clothes and absurdly elegant jewelry stays behind. nobody needs that to be happy. freedom would make you happy.

•you had been periodically depositing money from johnny's account into your own secret checking account, one you opened without his approval. he needed to monitor your purchases, so he instead just gave you a credit card in his name. over the last year you'd move small quantities over until you had enough to run away and sustain yourself. sure, it was stealing. but is a multi-millionaire going to miss a few thousand?

• when you were sure everything was packed and ready, you squeezed yourself through the small window in the bathroom and took off as quickly as you could, careful to stay in the blind spots of the cameras you'd studied prior. you then climbed onto a long distance bus, showing the ticket you purchased weeks in advance, and you were off.

• it didn't feel real at first. you watched malibu fade from the bus window, glancing around at the ordinary people sitting alongside you. you were so disheveled and definitely not dolled up, people probably wouldn't recognize you. you purchased the first ticket available, one that was taking you to arkansas. hundreds of miles away, and loads of people to blend in with. nobody would think to find you there, since it had nothing awaiting you. you managed to stabilize yourself and recollect your plan you meticulously planned in your head while the hills rolled with you.

• after a couple hours of shooting, johnny sat in his little diva throne and opened his phone to his surveillance app. tapping through his home, panic set in when you didn't appear on a single camera. maybe you were in the bathroom, he thought. after waiting, you never emerged. the house was empty.

• one new voicemail.

• "hey-y-y," johnny's nervous, gritted laughter played through your phone. "i'm not seeing you on the cameras. call me."

• one new voicemail.

• "seriously, woman. where are you? this isn't funny."

• one new voicemail.

• "i'm coming home. you're making me leave work early. i'm gonna call the fucking cops. you think you're so smart? you've got two hours to come home, and if not, i'll find you, whether you like it or not."

• you snapped your phone in half, discarding it at the bus's front trash can.

• johnny arrives home, slamming doors open and turning every piece of furniture around. chairs fly across the room, your once neatly organized closet is torn to shreds. he finds your belongings short of his usual counting and puts it together. you ran away, you—

• johnny sinks to the ground, gripping his hair so tight he's nearly pulling chunks out. he's laughing so hard from mania that drool is rocketing from his mouth with the Textbook Crazy Eyes.

• he texts and texts, probably well over a couple hundred times. the messages remained undelivered, yet he kept barraging the deactivated number in hopes that the next message would come through. surely he couldn't get the police involved. "hey guys, my girlfriend ran away from me because i controlled her entire life!" yeah. that'd end in handcuffs.

• so instead, he lies. it's his specialty. he dials 911, and channels the mania into a false desperation. he sobs into the phone, claiming that you're extremely mentally unwell and must be returned to him ASAP.

• johnny spends the next week posting your face everywhere on social media. you and him become, yet again, the talk of the country, but for once it seems like a genuine concern. with the way he painted things, you were insane and in danger if you were away from him, and you needed him to protect you. johnny painted himself as the savior, making charity campaigns to raise money for search parties. his home is full of gifts in your honor.

• he'd drink and smoke, something he didn't usually do, just to relieve this insane stress. he felt like his other half became untethered, like his entire world was falling apart. as much as he controlled you, he really did love you in his own fucked up way. he needed you, more than you needed him. you were the one person that would agree with him no matter the situation. he loved how you made him feel.

• meanwhile, you're basking in the sun by the hotel pool as you browse nearby apartments. it felt foreign to make your own decisions, and you had zero concern over whether or not the place would be up to his par. it was up to you now, and you loved it.

• you just had to hope that johnny wouldn't find you himself. lord knows what he'd do to you.

[i-cant-sing]

Naoya becoming a yandere after reader breaks up with him (because why wouldn't she? He's an ass). Naoya realises how terribly he misses you, he misses how you would dote on him, give him all your attention even when he was a jerk, how you would look at him so lovingly like he was your entire world.

But you had just about enough of him berating you and when you finally found him cheating, you turned around and left without saying a word.

It wasn't supposed to bother him- he is above having something as trivial as "girl troubles".

But it does bother him, more so when he sees how quickly you've moved on, going on dates. It hurts- no, no, stupid shit like this can't hurt him. It's INSULTING how easily you've replaced him.

Yeah, insulting. How dare you try to sleep with other people after like what? 2 months after your breakup? What about all the crap about you saying how he's your soulmate? Huh? What the fuck, Y/n? And why the hell does this coffee taste like crap? He made it the same way you did- HE WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO MAKE IN THE FIRST PLACE SO WHY WONT IT TASTE THE SAME?!

By the sixth month, Naoya was a mess. One night stands don't hit the same, dating isn't fun anymore, he can't sleep without having a dozen pillows on the bed(if only to feel like you were still there) and everything tastes like shit (even if they were made by Michelin starred chefs)

He's miserable without you. He understand that you left him because he was a selfish bastard who cheated but... he doesn't deserve to be punished like this, especially not with you enjoying your life as if he never existed.

So... he'll be selfish again.

He kidnaps you, locks you in his room, and then joins you on the bed, making sure to position you so that your head rested on his chest and he finally fell at peace as his heart beats matched yours.

Of course when you wake up, youre screaming and trying to pull away. Naoya simply grunts, pulls you closer to him until his chest muffles your screaming, and traps your lower body between his legs.

"Geez, shut up, will ya? I'm trying to sleep here."

You bite at his chest (tiddy hehe), and be recoils back. "NAOYA, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE?!"

Naoya sighs, leaning down to kiss your nose. "I missed you and your childish antics."

"Oh you missed me? Then text or call me instead of fucking kidnapping me!"

"Why are you yelling?" Naoya glared. "I didn't kidnap you. I just... surprised you by bringing you back home."

"Home? Are you on drugs? You do remember me breaking up with you, right?" You asked.

Naoya shook his head. "Ahhh, technically you didn't break up with me. You walked in on me-" "-cheating" "- Yes, stop interrupting me, and then you packed you stuff and left without saying anything. So, technically, you did not break up with me."

You look at him, perplexed. Is he for real?

"Oh well, my bad I guess. I just thought you'd be smart enough to figure out that our relationship went down the drain the moment you decided to sleep with someone else!" You closed your eyes, still struggling against. "Well, I'm informing you now. I'm breaking up with you, Naoya."

"I refuse."

"What? This is not how it goes-"

"Yes it is. You proposed to break up with me. I rejected your proposal. Now, we're a happy couple again."

"NAOYA-!" But he muffled you again with his chest.

"Shh, go to sleep. And if you bite me this time, I'll bite back darling." He whispered, kissing your ear lobe.

"I don't know what I ever saw in you." You mumbled.

Naoya smiled smugly. "It was probably my big dick."

You looked him dead in the eyes. "I've taken dumps bigger than your shrively, little worm, Naoya. Stop lying to yourself-" He shoved your face back into his chest, hoping to suffocate you.

^naoya after your fell asleep and he thought over your words.

[alexthebordercollie]

Soooo I made thing. I will probably redraw this in the cannon style in the future. As for my own personal style for drawing GF stuff, I'm still fleshing it out. But I have another AU now. My Hand of God AU has Ford committing to Bill and spending years trapped in a very abusive relationship, also the apocalypse so that's fun. This one's the complete opposite direction. Ford and Fidds accidentally come into possession of a pair of twins, these boys end up being the motivation it took for Ford to cut things off with Bill and do whatever it takes to keep him from ever getting out.

(I've yet to flesh out exactly how these two were born but the boys were created through anomalous means.)

On the left is Nik (Nikola) An adrenalin junkie who loves adventure and is an absolute menace to society as is the Pines tradition. On the right is Newt (Newton), a pastel-loving soft boy who will cry if you tell him pink is a girl color and gets overly attached to every weird critter Ford brings home.

Nick is missing a pinkie because Bill cut it off while possessing Ford when he was a baby as a threat. Trying to scare Ford into compliance by threatening to kill the boys. Ford did some very unsafe brain surgery on himself to make it impossible for him to ever sleep again. Cutting off Bill's ability to control him for the most part.

Portal is gone, still living in Gravity Falls though, and keeping an eye out for anyone Bill might try to manipulate. Fidds and his wife are divorced. Emma has primary custody but Tate stays with them in GF during the summers where he often bullies Nik and Newt. But Nik and Newt don't tell their dads about it because they know how much Fidds loves his other son and they don't want to make things complicated for him. Tate is just taking out his frustration over his parents failed marriage on his half-siblings. Fidds takes the twins with him when he visits Tate and the rest of his family in California for Christmas. Ford stays behind because Emma hates him and he doesn't want to deal with her family.

Ford and Fidds aren't married both cause it's not legal yet but also tbh not sure they ever would regardless just cause Ford is pretty disinterested in those sorts of formalities. Whatever it is they have going for them right now works for him.

Heavy thoughts below the cut.

TBH I made myself sad thinking about autistic people and our relationships. The way we love isn't always obvious to NT people and it can sometimes feel like you're not good enough for anyone because loving people in the way you're expected to is such a struggle.

Sometimes I see people frame Ford^2 as this completely unrequited thing and it reminds me of the experience of loving people very intensely but feeling unable to prove it because it's so difficult to live up to the standards most people have in relationships.

I like Fiddlestan as a ship it's cute and a fun idea and I get the appeal but there's a little nagging thought in the back of my head that it kind of implies Ford's neurotypical brother is better. More capable of real love. That Ford was never good enough. Not to say Fiddleford didn't deserve better but the idea that these two couldn't have worked makes me kind of depressed for kind of personal reasons so I wanted to make up a universe where they do.

Not to say there isn't plenty of material of Ford and Fidds reconnecting as old men and making it work but the fact they lost so much of their lives to bad decisions is still sad.