#stuff for today's morning draw that really. hit. the mark. hard today.

[celestialmancer]

Tarot card of the day was Death

& at the bottom of the deck for overall vibe: 5 of pentacles

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Dynaco Repair Post No. 2

Monday Evening, Dec. 11, '23

It turns out I did hit upon an "upper limit" of number of photos per post. SO...it looks like I'll have to start a new post when I hit that limit again. I will add a link to this part at the bottom of the first post. As long as the current post is the one I'm updating, I will pin it, for easy reference. Once it's all done, I'll probably make a masterpost index.

To the project at hand! Been working on and off through the day. The day, which started out with anxiety about getting the parts today, due to the mailbox vandals. I should not have worried, the box was delivered by my apt door before noon!

Can't say enough good about the Dynakitparts.com site and Kevin, who runs things. Extremely fast and courteous with responses, and packs like a pro, tape in all the right places, everything arrives appropriately packaged and SAFE! If you have an old Dynaco beastie that needs TLC and are looking for parts, try them first! Their boards and kits are extremely well executed. Things of beauty, as you will see this evening!

The new sticker looks really sharp, and the new (modern) resistors are much smaller.

The power cords on both the PAS and the ST70 are the beige/brown originals: the plastic has become hard/brittle, but still intact. I rummaged through my box of clipped power cords and found two appropriate flat-bladed cords that will be perfect. The one for the PAS is grey, the one for the ST70 is black.

So, the first order of business today was to solder the new power cord into place on the PAS. Very straightforward, just two simple solder lugs, and it's done. Tied a knot as a stop (like the original), and routed the same way the original had been.

The above photo is showing the "new" grey cord with its knot, waiting to be prepped for soldering, while the old, brittle, beige cable has been clipped and is about to be unsoldered. The new cord is nice and pliable, and a slight improvement gauge-wise. It looks good, in place:

Now the next thing that I was really concerned with was that triple-wafered monster source switch. It had become so difficult to turn, I was afraid of breaking those wafers where the inner rotating disk's contacts meet the outer, stationary ring's contacts, and once that happens, it's toast.

But, again, I shouldn't have worried, as some strategic sprays with this stuff, on all the contact surfaces, plus the front "bearing" and the mating surfaces where the control shaft turns, a few left/right turns, gentle at first, then with more force, until you have hit all the spots with the cleaner and let it flush through and drain, the source switch feels brand new again.

And I found my white lithium grease, and applied some to the front bearing/spring-clip assembly, and did the same left/right six clicks to distribute the grease, and it's good for another good long while.

I did say "things of beauty", well, the new board along with the gold-plated RCA jacks, with color coded insulators (not brittle ceramic) are just very nice eye candy for eyes that appreciate good design!

See what I mean?

The RCAs all come with a separate ground lug, only ONE of which gets used. Again, the directions are written so well that if you read thoroughly and carefully, and study the pictorial drawing you will have no trouble. The one ground lug that is used, here on the corner top RCA, No. 9:

Now, the two pairs different resistors are clearly marked, and packaged so as not to be mixed up or confused. The old carbon resistors are huge in comparison to the new ones:

The next steps are about marking the wires and switching out the panels, and finishing up the connections. I figured that was a good place to stop for tonight, and start fresh in the morning. In prep for that, you remove the four brass screws that hold the back panel to the base, and tilt it back a bit to access all the old jack terminals:

And there's (^^^^) the old RCA panels (one of which is cracked), with the older, cramped style RCAs with the brittle white ceramic insides. The new ones are light years better in both design and quality.

I was also able to find a source for the #53 bulb for the pilot light. They arrive on Wednesday, which is pretty much right on schedule for me to be finishing the PAS repairs and turning my attention to the Stereo70.

Thursday, December 14, 2023

Yesterday began auspiciously enough, I was able to get the old wires marked 1-thru-9 for both left and right, and then began unsoldering them from the old RCA array...even though the instructions themselves say it's easier to just clip them.

I should have heeded that advice.

About halfway through the unsoldering of the left channel leads, I thought I had gotten one of them "loose" enough to pull through the hole in the original jack, and so I tugged. A little too zealously.

My hand flew backwards, into that third and final wafer in the triple-wafer Source Switch, and the outer ring of it cracked. Completely. The pieces still held together at the very bottom but the top was completely broken. But also, the remaining wires all lost their little numbers I'd put on them with pieces of adhesive stickers that suddenly seemed to fly apart when hit the the force of a hamfisted hobbit.

Tried superglue. lulz. A farce. Then I realized that when I held the piece in place, it clicked and worked just fine! SO...I got a piece of wire, and wrapped it around the broken top part, and it seemed to be ok. Clicked it a few times, and it seemed like it had come out of alignment, so I realigned it, re-wrapped the wire and added a little more and all seemed fine.

So I set about with the rest of the unsoldering, and using the lead length, figured which RCA they went to. All was going fine, until I saw that a ground wire had come loose from somewhere on one of the PC boards, and I had no idea which. Looked on the pictorial, and saw where it was supposed to be, but I had a feeling that's not where it had been soldered.

Finished soldering all the leads onto the new RCA jacks, and soldered the ground wire to the lug as instructions show.

Brought it back to the rest of my system to see if it was ok, and it most definitely wasn't. I got the sound at the amp showing it was plugged in, but nothing from any of the inputs.

Tried phono, nada, tried Spare, which I always had a 3-input external switchbox on, and nothing from direct plug. Took the RCA line out of the two "audio out" jacks, and accidently brushed the inner (positive) tip to the outer (negative) part of the RCA and sound blasted forth.

That was at almost 10pm last night, and I was too beaten and felt far too defeated to go any further. Today has not brought much progress, other than to read through the original build and follow with my eyeballs on the pictorial. I don't think I flubbed on the soldering. If it's that broken wafer, then I have to admit defeat here.

At this point, it's only a couple hours away from me needing to be ready to go to kiddo's school band concert (she's playing trumpet!), so Dynaco has to wait.

I know I shouldn't let it get to me that I broke the one most irreplaceable part I could have, but I really do feel defeated. I guess I could try and find one on eBay, but no guarantee it wouldn't be broken, too.

At any rate, here's the pics from the debacle yesterday.

I'd just gotten the first few of the left (green) leads unsoldered when the switch fell victim to my stupid:

My first attempt at a stopgap solution:

Notice the tabs at 2 o'clock...the inner is over the outer, should be the other way around. Several tries later, I thought I had it.

So I turned my attention to removing the old jacks and installing the new ones.

Gorgeous, ain't they?

So, I had gathered what wits I had left and got the leads soldered as best I could determine (where the original labels had fallen off) which was which. Some, there was no doubt. Others, plenty.

Got them all soldered and tight, then put a new pilot lamp bulb in (they had arrived the day before), put the tubes in and got four glowing 12AX7s and a lit pilot bulb, so yay! I guessed the only thing left was to put the bottom cover in place and test it out.

When I did, I got the above-referenced fuckery.

But, in my defence, it was almost 10pm, I'd been up early, been at it all day, and my back was killin' me. I just unplugged everything in disgust and took my shower and went to bed.

I will spend more time on it this evening, after I get back from the concert. At this point, I suppose it's safe to assume the Source Switch is borked, and see what to do from there.

Update: later 12-14-23

Well, I found one on eBay, still with wires attached, for $27 total:

Had a coupon code so that knocked some off. Messaged the seller, and he said he had multiples, so I'm figuring it will be one I can work with. Whew. Thanks @misfitwashere, always the voice of reason. I will set the PAS aside, and set about putting the bias kit in the ST70.

Link to Repair Post No. 1:

And here is the link to No. 3:

[the-firebird69]

We have now passed the mark in sales and it is not the American Eagle although their sales are phenomenal and they're number two for all time highest sales for motorcycle company. Number one is Freedom Motorcycle, and we put up the website about 10 minutes we had 100 trillion hits in 20 minutes we had 100 octillion and in 30 minutes we had 10,000 octillion and now we have millions of octillions of hits and we have about 1,000 octillion orders no we have 400,000 octillion orders so I built 3-50s and I added a fourth this morning cuz he told me how many the other company is about 100,000 octillion and we haven't even found a name yet until today early on for Freedom motorcycles which is a subsidiary of American Eagle. It's a huge company and she's happy with it massive company okay this company is so huge now it's ridiculous but seriously there's a lot of bikes that sold ahead of it but they're not EMP proof and people having trouble with every single one of them and they're retrofitting them and they're changing out the stupid fuses and the seals suck and they fry it's just horrible so we're going to have to put EMP proof stuff on all of them and both items and I added that to the factory design I'm going ahead and do it all of this work today and between the two companies it's going to be almost a million octillion now and the sales are going up and he says do we have any ready and I said yes so we can increase sales and get more people hired to go over overseas and two areas that are up all night like Miami and New York City unless they're down because of war or something and they are still up and we know where to go and we know how to say it and we'll bring both bikes and they both have emblems on them and they say what they are and we're going to go in there with some of the gear and I'm probably not real big huge stuff and we did that before it turns out and off and we'll ride around say we just bought them we can get them out there tonight and we'll be looking for an outlet... he's asking around and Mr Abercrombie said maybe but he thinks he's drawing Lord and he is so you can't do that he needs the idiot to laid him off. He didn't figure it out yet and I did a little bit they're having them do it and setting him up. They have the antidote then they want to threaten him in a time schedule with the renovations all. All sorts of things like that and their son says probably can't hold it and we agree has to be like a consortium like a whole bunch of warehouses with a whole bunch of you guys the same side the same place and be educational and he says I've got to tell you something that's pretty smart and we have that so maybe you can call around if you want to get the you know the nudge or wink or whatever it is if you're out there okay that sounds good

So he's waiting for it and we're going to tell him what to do and where to go and move them all in and we'll have an outlet and we know where to go and drive around it is up north of that area and downtown LA and there's a certain part of it that's up all night. And Eagle motorcycle be there too and some of you converted to light cycles and we want to show them them they're really inexpensive and you buy them already converted they go very fast just above the speed limit if you don't have a limiter

Hera

You said the up top part and this is great we got a place I'm going to move it on out there they're made in America and there's a game and they all like it they're getting mad and stuff but the max they don't want to do business with them and they don't want to do business with Randall textcom's former company it's kind of eerie in this case I think it's awesome and they wanted to be involved in it and use our stuff to do the job to try and use it against us and they also are exhausted by the Hard knock kicker 5150 stuff it doesn't really do much for them. Did some other a real issues. It's from Britain and they don't want to deal with the max they just don't want to hand the money it's a pain in the ass and we don't use money like code like that they say so we're going to go ahead and do this and tons of this white bikes so we're going to sell them to theirs and use the warehouse and he said we're going to make a deal and stuff so we're going to go ahead and do that. My son says everyone has to pay for electricity and stuff so he says you're right and how we going to get your son out there with his people move her vehicle let's call that is a security specialist and his father is back says you hear that Douglas you got respect from the top. But you always wanted every single day of your life and never got we're going for coffee away from you because this place is not secure in any way now you know that was fun how long can we continue doing it. Biggest decaf what do you think oh here comes Samuel Jackson and the other small of yours.

So if you got what he's talking about I'm going to start doing that all over and we can at night New York city has an obvious place is all sorts of part of yours there it's down the street from Times square and her son knows that's the business area they're not there so Ghost Town. So going there and we cut it up and we are going to have a good time in a positive note he had Jason make up a coffee name and coffee company and he's safe he's going to grow coffee he says I'm going to use kelp and you have to use a special bug poisonous decomposable and non-toxic and you have to like get rid of all the bug stuff in the top layer first and you have to spray and you have to have bug zappers what does she do all that s*** you're good you know you and interference the fair you so he says okay I get that it's absolutely necessary cuz the capital attraction but someone said if you compost it right it doesn't attract him as much so he starts studying it now it's going to be wonderful coffee if he makes it out of that and it's going to sell everywhere and combined with the soil out there which is Rich already it's going to be like number one coffee on Earth if the beans are taking it the right time and roasted right so he knows how to do it and he says you use a machine and use a factory you don't do it on the ground and you also clean so he's right on top of that and we're going to head with it with the dirt bikes that he wanted any order he ordered a ton of the fat bear not wanted and we were sending those too these people love that and yeah clone went flying

Thor Freya

[frogtanii]

℗ me and my husband

atsumu x fem!reader (poker face ending)

series masterlist

♡´･ᴗ･`♡

wc. 3.2k (holy shit)

warnings. NOT PROOFREAD, v v soft domestic, marriage :00, smut!! (is marked off!!), soft dom!tsumu, hair pulling (giving), unprotected sex, slight praise kink, pretty vanilla ngl

an. can be read as a one shot but u might be confused lmfao also this took SO LONG OMFG also also heavily unedited, take things w a grain of salt lmfao anyways don’t forget to feed me ahaha m rlly proud of this so i hope y’all like it <33

it was moving day and atsumu was about to lose his mind.

today was the official day of the hyper house disbandment and while most of the members were still figuring out new living arrangements and thus remaining past the deadline, you were one of the few trying to get out as soon as possible.

makki and mattsun were so excited to have you move in, they showed up early that morning to help you pack. now, it was around 1p and it was almost time for you to go. you still had a few more boxes to go but things were speeding right along.

normally, atsumu would be right by your best friends helping you out but he was currently in the middle of a breakdown.

you were leaving. leaving. he had no idea when he’d see you again (even though you promised to meet up weekly to catch up), if he would ever see you again. for all he knew, makki and mattsun would just hide you away forever, never to be seen again.

okay, so he was panicking.

it was just... atsumu was in love with you. he’d known for a while (way longer than he’d like to admit) and he selfishly thought he’d have more time with you so that he could work up the courage to confess. but now? you were like three boxes away from a distance that he didn’t know if he or your relationship could recover from.

it wasn’t that he was bad at long distance but the tragic events that the house brought, brought the two of you closer together and he didn��t want to lose that.

atsumu let out a groan and dropped his head against the wall, his mind running with scenario after scenario, all ending in failure and utter embarrassment.

“hey, you okay?” you called out, a large box cradled delicately in your arms. as atsumu turned from the plaster in front of him, he allowed himself a moment to take you in.

you were wearing short athletic shorts, worn converses, and his t shirt. a thin sheen of sweat covered your skin, the lights above reflecting off of it, giving you a warm glow.

of course you looked hot moving boxes.

you called his name again in concern and he immediately felt his heart clench in guilt. you’d already been through so so much and here he was fantasizing about you instead of being there for you like a good friend would.

atsumu let out a sigh and shot you a wide, albeit empty, smile before walking over to you and taking the box out of your hands. the furrow in your brows told him you saw through his expression but he ignored it and made a show of lifting your box above his head and carrying it to mattsun’s car.

“see, what would ya do without these guns angel?” he joked, placing the cardboard into the trunk. you rolled your eyes and poked him in the side playfully. “die, probably.”

the butterflies in his stomach kicked up at the underlying sincerity in your voice but he tried his best to overlook it. it was much harder than it seemed, especially when you looked at him with such fondness in your gaze that made him want to kiss you senseless.

gulping hard, he quickly turned away from you, busying himself with fitting your things in the truck like a game of tetris.

“atsumu.” your voice was firm but pleading and he didn’t dare look at you for fear of spilling everything right then and there. “wow, ya sure got a lot of stuff, huh? wonder how much of this was bought with ushijima’s money,” he started to ramble but thankfully he was interrupted by makki whooping as he walked out of the house.

“last box bitches!” you shot atsumu one final worried look before running over to makki and mattsun, yelling the whole way there.

atsumu was grateful your back was to him because he couldn’t hide the affectionate look that overtook his face, a soft smile spreading across his lips as he watched you hip bump your friends while cackling wildly.

god, he was so in love with you.

what was he going to do when you moved out and away? what if you found someone, someone how loved you as much as he did (not possible)? he would wish for your happiness even at the expense of his own but... what if you both could be happy?

caught up in his thoughts, atsumu didn’t register you saying your goodbyes to the remaining members until you were finally in front of him.

“i’m gonna miss living with you tsum.” you unceremoniously launched yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face in his chest. his heart leapt violently at the contact and he prayed to every deity above that you didn’t hear it underneath your head.

he barely managed to hug you back before you pulled away, your eyes slightly teary and red. “um, well, makki and mattsun are waiting for me so uh,” you trailed off looking back at the van and your friends who were so (im)patiently waiting for you to join them.

atsumu’s breath quickened as you scooted a bit away from him, truly getting ready to leave. no, no, it couldn’t end like this, awkward and distant. no, he wasn’t going to let it.

“atsumu?” you asked worriedly, reaching out a hand to touch him when he didn’t respond but he couldn’t hear you. he felt hot all over, like he was going to explode or magically combust if he didn’t get the words out into the air.

“tsum, are you oka-“ “i’m in love with ya.”

you paused, shock written clearly all over your face. the fear of rejection slammed into atsumu like a brick, the feeling settling in the pit of his stomach like a rock but he still didn’t stop.

“i’m in love with ya and i have been for forever. yn, yer beautiful but yer face and body aren’t even the best part of ya, even though they’re pretty damn great. yer just-“

“tsum-“

“-yer so kind, especially when ya don’t need ta be. yer badass but ya care fer others so deeply and ya make me wanna be a better person. ya make me a better person. i know ya-“

“tsumu please-“

“-ya probably don’t feel the same and that’s alright but i needed ta tell ya, before ya leave and fall in love with some other scrub, just in case we can be happy together and-“

all of a sudden, your hands were buried in his shirt and you were pulling him close to meet your lips with his, your mouths meshing together in a soft and passionate kiss.

bliss. atsumu was in sheer bliss. your lips were as soft as he thought they would be as they moved with his, his hands coming up to grip your waist and pull you even closer to him.

sooner than he would have liked, his lungs started burning for air so he pulled back but not very far, instead resting his forehead against yours.

“i was trying to tell you i liked you too, idiot,” you muttered, your eyes still closed as you spoke. he chuckled, a wide grin overtaking his entire face as he really took in what you were saying.

you liked him back. you liked him. holy shit.

but instead of saying any of that, he decided to tease you a bit. “just like? if i recall, i just confessed my undying love for ya.”

you pulled back with a faux scoff, hitting him in the arm with a huff. “shut up you ass. of course i love you too.” you couldn’t keep your real smile off your cheeks while you confessed, your soft expression bringing another wave of desire over atsumu’s body.

“can, can i take ya inside angel?” he allowed his true intentions to be heard in his words, your eyes widening when you figured out what he meant. you nodded vigorously before shooting a look to makki and mattsun. mattsun just waved you off and got into his truck while makki yelled, “get that dick!”

you heated up horribly, grabbing atsumu’s hand and pulling him towards the house and to his room. he allowed himself to be dragged along, sending winks to the other boys as he went until the two of you were standing right in front of his door.

“i love ya,” he whispered, lifting your hand to his lips to place a gentle kiss there. you grinned. “love you too tsum.”

that must have been the final straw because the minute the words left your mouth, he was on you.

••• smut begin•••

pressing you up against the door, atsumu ravaged your mouth, his tongue tangling with yours as he walked you backwards into his room, laying you down on the bed so that he was hovering over you, his hips pressing hard against yours.

instinctively, you ground up into him, rewarding you with a loud groan and a gasp of your name. “fuck angel, yer killing me here,” he laughed breathlessly, rolling his hardness against your thigh. you let out a breathy moan and tangled your hands in his hair to bring him back down to your lips.

as you continued to kiss him, his hands scrambled at your waist, pushing his hands under it to grope at your chest. you giggled at the cold of his fingers but he didn’t pay it any mind, moving down from your mouth to your neck, sucking dark marks into the sensitive skin there.

“ah, shit tsumu,” you tilted your head to the side to give him more access, just as he reached under your bra to tease your nipples. a startled gasp left you, your back arching into his careful touch. “that feel good angel?” atsumu asked, voice low and gravelly as he pinched the delicate bud, drawing another noise from your throat.

you nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. you bit your bottom lip while he pulled your shirt and bra off, tossing them somewhere in the room. as he scanned your half naked body, he noticed you quieting yourself and he lightly shook his head. his thumb found its way to your lip, carefully pulling it from between your teeth.

“wanna hear ya angel, let me hear yer pretty noises, yeah?” without letting you respond, atsumu dove back into your chest, suckling one of your nipples into his mouth while toying with the other, a sigh of his name sending a bolt of arousal straight to his loins.

he grinded against you absentmindedly, losing himself in you, eventually switching sides to give the same treatment to your neglected bud.

while atsumu seemed to be having the time of his life attached to your tit, you were getting impatient, your arousal completely soaking through your underwear. you needed more.

tangling your fingers in his blond locks, you attempted to tug him away from your chest but his reaction was unlike anything you could’ve expected. “aahh!” he let out a strangled whine, his hips bucking against your side.

“please, tsumu, need more,” you breathed, his needy reaction not lost on you as pulled his hair a bit harder. you were not disappointed as his eyes rolled back and his mouth opened in a silent moan before dropping his head to your shoulder.

“fuck, fuck, okay angel, i got ya, i got ya.” atsumu swiftly disposed of both yours and his bottoms and underwear before lifting your leg and positioning himself at your entrance.

“tell me if i hurt ya, alright? i love ya,” he smiled down on you, your heart swelling two times at his carefulness. “i love you too,” you replied, watching as his pupils grew and a low groan broke free from his chest.

“oh angel, ‘m gonna ruin ya.” that was the last thing he said before he pushed into you, both of you letting out whimpers as he stretched you open, the blunt head of his cock just a few centimeters shy of your cervix.

your back arched in pleasure, both of your hands scrambling until they found purchase on his back, your nails digging in just when he started to thrust shallowly into you.

“f-fuck, how’re ya s-so fuckin’ tight?” atsumu growled through gritted teeth, every word punctuated with a roll of his hips. you couldn’t respond as you were too overwhelmed with pleasure, his cock rubbing against your g-spot with every slow movement.

speaking of slow, he was moving way too leisurely for your tastes. you needed him to move faster and you knew exactly how to do it.

sliding your hand up from his back, you grabbed a good chunk of hair from the back of his head and pulled. his reaction was immediate and oh-so gratifying.

an honest to god whimper poured from his lips and he instantly thrusted all the way into you, his length driving into your g-spot perfectly. you both let out twin moans as he started rocking into consistently, every movement bringing you closer and closer to your peak.

“i love ya, i love ya so fuckin’ much, angel—shit—yer so amazing, i love ya,” atsumu rambled while pounding into you, deep curses and whines of your name interspersed with his declarations of love. if you could speak, you would reciprocate but you were too busy holding on for dear life as he fucked you into oblivion.

desperate for some kind of anchor to reality, you grasped onto his locks again, gripping tightly as drawn-out cries of his name slipped from your open lips. you were close, so close and he knew it too.

“feel ya clenchin’ around me like a good girl, ya gonna cum fer me? gonna cum fer me angel?” atsumu’s hand snaked down between your bodies to rub fast circles on your clit, a shaky sob finding its way out into the open air.

“oh shit, yeah, ‘m g-gonna cum for you tsum, ‘s all for you,” you moaned, clamping down on him sporadically as you started to cum, your vision whiting out and your thighs trembling while you gushed around him.

your mind was floating off when you felt him cum with a shout, his warmth flooding you and spilling out as he collapsed onto your chest.

••• smut over •••

the two of you lied there for a while, attempting to regain your brain and feeling in your legs. you vaguely made note of the wet rag cleaning between your thighs and the following weight falling down beside you but it was only after a few more minutes that you really came back to yourself, rolling over to lay on atsumu’s bare chest.

“holy shit, tsumu,” you said in awe, your boyfriend (!!) laughing at your reaction. “i’m just that good angel, what can i say?”

you groaned and hit him in the chest but you couldn’t keep the smile off your face if you tried. “you are such a menace!”

“only fittin’ that i picked a gremlin ta be with then,” atsumu teased while playing with a piece of your hair. mock offense filled your chest as you sat up, fixing him with your ‘angriest’ glare.

“is that the kind of language you’ll be using in your vows, mister?” you were only joking but when atsumu’s eyes widened and a blush spread across his cheeks, you realized your mistake.

you opened your mouth to apologize or to make some kind of excuse but he beat you to the punch. “ya wanna marry me angel?” he asked, looking so vulnerable with hope shining in his brown irises. you couldn’t bear to lie.

“of course tsum, you’re it for me,” you reached out a hand to caress his cheek and he leaned into it, his own coming up to cup yours and hold it against his face.

“good.” and that was the end of that, that evening’s... extraneous activities having thoroughly tired to the point that you fell completely asleep with your face against one of his pecs.

if you had stayed awake a little longer, you would’ve seen atsumu pull out his phone and start a new note titled, “my angel.”

if i just said i loved you, it would be an understatement. it would be like saying the sun’s surface is just a bit warm or that the arctic is just a little chilly. it would be an injustice to you and to how i truly feel about you. love—

“-is a word that is much too soft and used far too often ta ever describe the fierce, infinite and blazing passion that i have in my heart for ya angel. ya acknowledge my strengths and ya accept my faults. ya make me wanna be a better person every day. so, today i vow ta laugh with ya and comfort ya during times of joy and times of sorrow. i promise ta always pursue ya, ta fight for ya, and love ya unconditionally and wholeheartedly for the rest of my life. ya are my best friend and i’m the luckiest person on earth ta call ya mine- wait are ya crying?"

the audience burst into laughter as you frantically tried to wipe away your tears, punching atsumu softly on the arm. “of course i am, you ass.”

the officiant cleared his throat, grabbing both of your attentions. “it is the bride’s turn to give her vows. if you may?”

you nodded and atsumu already felt like crying. again. he’d cried that morning while getting dressed and then again when you walked down the aisle in the most beautiful dress he had ever seen. now, as he watched you pull a folded piece of paper out of your bra, he knew he’d made the right decision in confessing to you, all those years ago.

he also knew he was definitely going to cry again.

“atsumu, falling for you wasn’t falling at all—it was walking into a house and knowing that you’re home. today, i want to make you promises that i will always keep. i promise to never stop holding your hand or accepting your kisses. i promise to not hit you too hard when you insult me or call me a gremlin. i promise to share my food with you, to never go to bed angry, and to try and understand your obsession with professional men’s volleyball. i promise to love, respect, protect and trust you, and give you the best of myself, for i know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone. i choose you. i’ll choose you over and over and over, without pause, without doubt, i’ll keep choosing you.

i used to never truly enjoy moments because i was always waiting for what's next. the next thing horrible thing to happen. now that i have you, i enjoy the moment. every moment.

today seems like it's the start of a new journey, but i already belong to you. falling for you wasn't falling at all—it was walking into a house and knowing you're home. i love you.”

and at least in this lifetime

we’re sticking together

me and my husband

we’re sticking together

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Appointment Scheduled

Summary- 2.7k Ransom Drysdale x Reader. Since that night at your parents, you haven't been to see Ransom. Not that he wasn't always on your mind. But you continue to defend your 'FWB' term that is all he is. Ransom gets tired of receiving physical silence from you.

So he made himself an appointment.

Warnings- somewhat mad mean Ransom, reader in denial of her feelings, some in the office over the desk sex. This is a cheater fic, the reader is cheating on her boyfriend and Ransom is encouraging this. Please if this bothers you, do not read it.

A/N- another self-indulgent fic featuring these two? Yes please, it's what I wanted, so it's what I wrote. As always, thank you for reading, comments and reblogging. You all have to thank @sagechanoafterdark for Ellie showing up in the story. We were talking that the reader needs a best friend who is like "Duh, you two are meant to be, it is so obvious." to our reader.

Masterlist

“Ellie no I haven't seen him since my dad's birthday party. I mean a few messages here and there, but nothing more about meeting up.”

You hear your best friend scoff on the other line. She was your confidante, your tried and true, better or worse, the bitch who will help you bury the body friend.

She also lacked sugar coating anything.

“Well, you two are just dumb. One of you has to open that line of conversation, might as well be you.”

You hit the button to the lift, sighing into the phone as you watched the numbers ding. “I don’t know what conversation you are talking about El.”

“Uh, the one where you two have been in love with each other since basically middle school? The one where whenever you feel lonely, that's the man you call? Or how about the one how he runs to you whenever you even put out a HINT that you might need him? That one Y/N.”

“We are just fuck buddies-”

“Really good, rock your world, the best sex and head you’ve ever gotten, buddy. Right?” Ellie’s tone is dripping with sarcasm now and you pinch your nose in aggravation while stepping onto the elevator.

“Exactly like that.” You go a bit quiet. “Listen, I’m at work, so talk later, okay?”

“Sure, I miss you. I wish you would move back to the city.” Ellie softened her tone a bit. “Girls weekend soon? I love you.”

“I love you too and of course!” You hit the end button and stuff it in your bag, staying quiet the rest of the ride up.

Working as a lawyer's assistant wasn’t too bad. Although it's often said couples shouldn't work together, you hardly saw Neil while you were there. He was usually in some kind of pissing match with another DA in the building, which made for some interesting rants from him when he got home.

You dutifully listened, but with little interest. They got old and boring, which was how you were feeling in this ‘safe relationship.’

Really you felt something must be fucked up with you. Neil was a good guy, supportive, he didn't have much of a jealous streak, although you wished once in a while he would get a bit riled up about when someone was checking you out when the two of you went out for a date night. Everything was stable in your relationship, aside from the fact you basically were away to Ransom's bed any chance you could.

Then there was Ransom. The man you were able to actually swear yourself off from two years straight and got your life in order.

So you thought. It took one drink and conversation to fall back to where you two were two years ago. Only this time you found him missing him while you were away, thinking about him more.

You opened your office door and propped it open for your boss's clients to come inside and wait, your boss's door opened on the other side. Shaking off your over-the-top feelings going on, you went to pour Johanna's coffee and grab the files for today's cases. She was on the phone, so you just set them down with a small wave of your hand and settled behind the desk to get started transferring her notes into the system.

Ransom though was never far from your mind when you gave your cell the occasional glance.

Lunchtime approached which meant you would meet up with Neil and head to the small cafe on the corner. He would ask you about your work, you would ask him about his. There would be pleasantries shared. You sighed once more to yourself at the thought of it.

Johanna closed her door with a sudden click. You jumped a bit in surprise as she shouldered her handbag. “You okay Dear?” The woman asked kindly and you smiled, brushing it off.

“Caught up in these files.”

“Ah, yes there is a lot with this case. Sorry about all the extra notes. I know it's a tad boring. But take your break, stay out with Neil a little extra. It's a nice day and you've earned it.” She smiled kindly.

“I will be sure to, maybe Neil and I can breeze around the park before returning.” Fat chance… you thought as you smiled kindly at your boss as she took her leave. You picked at your cell phone, working your lip about to message Neil that you would meet him when a rather loud distinctive tone filled the entryway to your and Johanna's office.

“I have a meeting lined up with Johanna Klein, if you could let her assistant know that Ransom Drysdale is here to see her.”

Dropping your cell phone, forgetting about Neil, you rise out of your seat and go to your door, peering out. Ransom is leaning against the desk to the receptionists of the lawyer's offices explaining how it was your lunchtime and you were out of the building.

Ransom’s voice was about to release, you could see him drawing in the air to make himself a bit more imposing at the idea that he wasn’t allowed to see you when his icy orbs lifted from the receptionist to you, a perfect smirk crossing those pale pink lips that could be so soft at the moment while dropping venom just as easily. “She looks like she is available to me.”

The receptionist spun her chair to see you in the doorway. “It’s okay, Johanna booked him as the last one this morning.” You lied while Ransom made his way around the desk to enter your office. The receptionist looked like she was about to say something more when you quickly clicked the door closed and pulled the shade over the frosted glass to keep from anyone seeing the two of you in there.

“What are you doing here Ransom?” You ask yet again, while he was leaning against the desk with his arms folded over his chest.

“I have an appointment. Seems it's the only way to properly see you again.” He pushed up the sleeves of his long sleeves over muscled forearms. You being you, was absolutely unable to take your eyes off that action.

“Well, I’ve been busy and you never made mention of it again.”

“Kitten…” His tone lowered with a warning. “I didn't think I had to imply that you could come over whenever. But if I'm going to have to do it this way from now on.” He pushed off the desk to stalk the small space to you. “Guess that's what I will do. Book my appointments between-” a slight snarl darkened his face, the crease between his eyes deepening as his hand rested in your lower back and pushed you closer to him.

Overwhelmingly closer. His muscles through the shirt flexed under your hands coming to rest on his pecs and his cologne made your mouth water with the familiarity. The scent of bergamot and cedar gave an almost smoky scent, a touch of sweetness with vanilla had you inching closer to Ransom. “- your time with Neil.”

Your eyes flashed angrily at him then, pulling back a bit in his hold. “What does it matter to you, Ransom?”

“It doesn't. Like I told you before Kitten, you and I will never be over.”

“Feels a lot like jealousy to me then.” You spat a bit. “Since we're just this.” You shrugged a bit, now your temper is getting the best of you. “What was it that Ellie said to me this morning. Fuck buddies.”

“Your term, not mine Kitten.” Ransom yanked you in close again, this time his kiss was a lot different than that night in your bedroom. It was harsh and demanding, forcing you to open your mouth to him and swallow his passion. “You know fucking Neil is skating on thin ice, keeping you all the time.” He shoved you roughly against your desk, your hands flying to the paperwork you were working on before and it went flying for the most part. Some of it fisted in your hand as your ass arched out and pressed against Ransom's groin, making you hiss when he jerked your hips further back.

“Neil is technically my-” You started when a hand slapped over your mouth, fingers digging into your cheeks roughly.

All of it was turning you on, making your thighs squeeze together and you breathe harshly through your nose the more excited you got. “Don’t say it Kitten. Not right now, this is my time. Remember. I made an appointment.”

You felt your skirt get rucked up around your hips and Ransom leaned over, his chest pressing into your back as he flushed hot kisses on your neck, a yank to your shirt dragged your shirt over your shoulder. It wasn't gentle kisses, it was deep leave his mark there that was making you tilt your head and push back into him once more while he fumbled with his own pants to yank them open.

“Yes, yes your appointment. Did you miss this pussy?” You purred, mimicking the nickname you had earned. His fingers pushed aside the bit of cotton that was now sticky clinging to your folds and he stroked you with precision, spreading your slick all around till he swirled a finger against your clit.

“Enough to come searching your ass out.” He remarked when you felt his cock take over where his fingers were, thicker, velvet hardness in your soft folds make you mewl while gripping your desk's edge.

It was the right call, as soon as Ransom felt you start to take him, he pressed harder. Making you both hiss, your head falling against your desk as he stretched you open, his cock filling you quickly. His teeth sunk into your shoulder, registering the sting of it when he rutted into you, slamming your hips into the desk suddenly. “Fuck Ransom,” You hissed out and bit your lip to stifle a moan.

“This perfect round ass that is so fuckable.” His hand came against a cheek while his hips slammed into you steadily. Jerking you on the desk. But it all felt so good, the stink of the slap making you tighten around his cock while you gave a yelp in protest.

Again his hand came around your mouth, stuffing fingers in your mouth which you wrapped your lips around and sucked on them, making your eyes roll when you tasted yourself on them. “Shut it Kitten, suck yourself off me like a good girl while I fill this perfect cunt.” Ransom snapped his teeth near your ear. You moaned, trying to confirm that you would, you would do just as he said while he fucked you harshly from behind.

It clouded your mind, forgetting everything you had been stressed about all morning. Ransom's cock pounded into your wanting body like it was all you ever needed. Your smooth walls flexed around him, tightening till you felt the throbbing ridges that dragged and pulled through you.

It wasn't just his cock driving you mindless. It was the grunted words in your ear. “Perfect little clock slut, Kitten you love getting fucked on your desk don’t you?” He hissed in your ear as another drive made you moan incoherent at him. “Just so cock drunk slut, who is too stupid to answer me.” A tongue was dragged on your tongue, kisses right at the hinge of your jaw made you whine and press back against him. He knew that it drove you crazy to feel the flush of his lips along your neck, driving you mindless. “Just my sweet little Kitten taking it so well.”

All you could do was mewl around his fingers stuffed in your mouth, drool escaping from the corners of your stretched lips and dribbling on the paperwork you had crumpled in your fists. Your chest pressed harshly against the desk, making you wheeze under Ransom’s weight. It was smothering, him all over caging you against the furniture, pumping his cock harshly into your core and your mouth stuffed with his fingers keeping you quiet.

It was too much and not enough, cause you still weren't quite there. The heat burned in your belly, wanting to implode you into oblivion. Ransom gritted his teeth as he wedged a hand under you, fingers feeling for your throbbing clit that ached for his touch.

The roll of his fingers made you moan at the tension. The rush made your spine snap and fight against Ransom, which he felt as you squealed in protest, his teeth snapping near you while he sputtered.

“Just fucking cum Kitten, then you can relax. Your boss will be back any time now.” Nearby you glanced at your phone that somehow was still on the table, the time wavering in your sight, as well as some ‘Where are you?’ texts from Neil.

Ransom wanted you to relax and cum, which is what you wanted as well. The numbing release was right there with his help and you let go. The wave was mind blanking. You sagged under Ransom, and he tightened his hold on you as he used you. But you were in bliss as he grunted over you, hot shots of cum filling you while he sagged in relief against you.

Jerks of his cock still quivered your sensitive walls as he took a few last slow pumps into you before he plated his hands against your messy desk and pulled himself up, pulling out of your messy cunt.

“Gonna have to go the rest of the day like that Kitten.” He chuckled as he straightened your panties back in place and pulled your skirt down over your ass. His hand went around your waist and he helped guide you back to a stand to face him. Brushes of his thumbs over your face was an attempt to fix your makeup which made you wince while you rubbed the drool from your chin.

“How bad is it?”

Ransom winced when you asked. “Pretty bad… looks like you've been crying… or got properly fucked. Take your pick.” He said as his hands dropped to pull his pants back in place and zip them back up, the button going back through the loop.

It was unfair that Ransom didn't get completely ruined like you did when this sort of thing happened. You rushed around your desk to grab some wet wipes to wipe the smudged lipstick and mascara off.

‘You know… I never have this problem with Neil.” You muttered and Ransom snapped back as he watched you, leaning down to pick up some of the papers that fell and shuffle them together while you did a quick reapplication so no one would question it.

“Kitten, obviously the man isn't fucking you right then.” A smirk flashed up at you as he handed you your papers and you were quick to tuck them away.

You broke into a small dirty smile, a roll of your eyes playing with him. “Well… you are correct in that Ransom. Now split, Johanna will be back soon.”

“Nope." A pop of the p that made you huff at him. "I have an appointment Y/N.” He swept down into a seat just as Johanna clicked open the door and stepped back in.

“Y/N, did you have a good lunch? I didn’t expect to see you back so soon. But I was told my next client is here.” She glanced towards the corner of the room where Ransom was picking at his sweater. “Mr. Drysdale, come on in with me, please? We will get started.” She smiled warmly as she went around your desk to let herself into her office, Ransom moving to a stand with a chipper.

“Absolutely, thrilled to get started. Y/N here has been a perfect host in the meantime.” He winked at you with a light brush of his fingers along your arm before disappearing into Johanna’s office, the door shutting behind them.

You could only begin to guess what Ransom was up to coming all the way here. Which you would find out later, either from Ransom or Johanna.

Right now you had to deal with standing up Neil, which when you picked up your phone, chewing your lip that you still could taste yourself on from Ransom’s fingers, you read the message.

Y/N, where are you? I have been waiting for an hour for you.

You started to text out your lie of an excuse hoping that this wouldn't be the day it would all blow up in your face.

[missymurphy1985]

Friends with Added Benefits (part 5)

Warnings - smut / pregnancy (this one got kinda long haha)

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen

Paul had been true to his word - he had even been an alibi for Cillian when suspicions had been raised - Cillian had fallen asleep in your hotel room one night and no one knew where he was the following morning. Paul had said he'd slept in his room that night after a few too many whiskeys.

Filming was coming to an end soon - you'd only got a week to go before it was wrapped. You hit the 12 week mark a few days earlier, and a slight bump had definitely appeared across your lower abdomen now. You had butterflies every time your fingers crossed it. You'd had your scan the day before and you and Sophie were sat looking at the photo in the canteen.

"That's it's nose I think.. and I think that's a leg. Could be an arm..." You were grinning from ear to ear, Sophie was beaming too.

"What's got you two grinning like Cheshire Cats?" Cillian's voice called over from the coffee station.

"Y/n's 12 week scan photo!! Come see!" Sophie waved it at him, and you definitely saw his face change. The smile had gone, and he cleared his throat, before making his way over.

"Soph he doesn't want to see it, it's just a grainy photo, men aren't bothered by this stuff..." You protested, but Cillian had already taken the picture and was looking at it.

"And everything is okay y/n?"

"All fine - perfect in fact."

"Good.. that's good." He looked at the photo again and handed it back to you, squeezing your shoulder slightly before walking away.

Sophie was called over to makeup, leaving you with your thoughts. You didn't want him to see that photo - he wasn't supposed to see it.

Putting the photo back in your bag, you made your way to his trailer. He'd been acting weird this last week - you'd been in his room the night before and he'd made you leave your t shirt on.. not what you expected from someone with a self professed pregnancy kink.

You didn't even knock, just let yourself in. He wasn't there, strangely, you were certain he headed this way.. turning round to head back out you spotted two boxes on the side. Pregnacare vitamins.. what was he doing with those? Beside them was a carrier bag... More vitamins, a hot water bottle, slippers, and a small baby blanket, baby vests, babygros, even a teddy bear... the trailer door opened and he was suddenly in front of you, glancing between you and the bag.

"We wrap next week, it was just a few things I picked up in town yesterday..." He took the bag from you and you couldn't help but smile.

"You didn't have to do that Cillian.."

"No I know, but I wanted to." He took his beanie hat off and placed it on the table, sitting himself on the sofa. You sat across from him on the other side.

"Are you okay Cill?"

"What? Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Are you?"

"Yes. Listen we haven't really ironed out the details of this, um, arrangement..."

"Details?"

"The legal side.. I can speak to my solicitor when I get home, make sure we're both covered? You know, the parental rights thing?"

"Oh.. yeah, just, um, just let me know what I need to do..."

"Cillian are you really okay?"

"I'm fine!" He snapped, making you jump. You stood abruptly, he'd never raised his voice to you before. His eyes cast towards the small bump under your tight t-shirt and his head fell. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

"The fuck is going on Cillian?"

"I can't do this.. seeing you grow.. your body change.. it isn't doing what I expected it to do.. it isn't a turn on y/n.." his words stung, and you turned to leave, tears threatening to erupt. He grabbed your arm to stop you.

"It's not turning me on - it's making me fall."

"Fall?"

"That's my baby in there y/n.." his hand fell onto your belly, the first time he'd touched you there, he'd always avoided it, and your heart jumped.

"Cillian you said - "

"I know what I said. But that was until you showed me the positive pregnancy test. I swallowed it down, put it down to shock.. but then your body changed.. and that scan photo today... It isn't shock y/n, it's complete and utter admiration. For you."

"Cillian what are you saying?"

"I'm saying.. I want this baby. Our baby.." his hand never moved, staying on your slightly swollen bump, eyes burning into yours.

"You told me you didn't want to be involved, you didn't want a relationship, you didn't want to be tied down? This is going against everything you said and everything we agreed..."

"You think any of this is easy for me? You're having my baby and I'm not gonna be a part of his life! That's my child you're carrying..."

"Cillian..."

"You don't want me, and that's fine I'm not asking that of you, but let me be a part of his life? Please?"

"Who said I didn't want you?" He looked at you confused.

"You said -"

"We both clearly said a lot of things we didn't actually mean, didn't we?"

"You want me?"

"I think I do, yeah.."

"You think?"

"We've only ever seen each other during filming.. we have no idea how we'd actually get on outside of this set and the hotel room?"

"We can change that."

"How? I live in London, you're in Dublin..."

"It's doable y/n. We owe it to this little one to try, right?"

"We've got 6 months before the baby arrives Cillian, how the hell is this going to work?"

"Move in with me."

"In Dublin?!"

"In London. I've been looking at houses."

"I can't ask you to leave Dublin, you love Ireland..."

"Then move to Dublin?"

"What? Cillian this is crazy..."

"Come to me for three months. Move in with me, let me be there for you both. Three months, if it works we decide then what we do. If it doesn't.. well we'll cross that bridge if it comes to it. What do you say?"

"My doctors are here, my midwife..."

"Then I'll move in with you. Give me three months - that's all I'm asking?"

"What do we tell people?"

"The truth. The baby is mine. Either way, no matter how it goes with you and me, I want to be a Dad to him."

"You keep saying him..."

"Gut feeling. It's a boy. Even bought a blue blanket, see?" He held up the baby blue blanket.

"See now I think it's a girl! I bought a pink one on Amazon last week," you smiled. He cupped your face in his hands and rested his forehead on yours.

"Tell me you don't want me and I'll accept it y/n."

"I want you, I do... I'm scared of how people will react that's all.."

"Only one way to find out isn't there?"

"When?"

"Tonight, after dinner. We announce it then. I'll do it if you don't want to?" You nodded. Your eyes watering. "Don't cry on me, you'll set me off..."

"You? Crying?" You smirked.

"What can I say y/n, you've broken me." He kissed you, a different kiss than any he'd given you before. Deeper, more loving, gentler. At first anyway.. it soon became hungrier, your bodies pressing together as your clothes were removed. He paused before lifting your t shirt over your head, his eyes moving down as he lifted it up. It was one thing feeling it, but now he could see it his breath caught in his throat. He dropped to his knees, his lips pressed against your stomach, kissing it lightly.

"Okay I lied..."

"About what?"

"Fuck, I need you.. and now..." He moved over to his trailer door and locked it, before lifting your now naked body onto the counter. You'd only ever had him in the hotel room, this was way riskier - there were other crew and cast members walking around outside but neither of you cared. You cared even less when he dipped down and placed kisses along your inner thighs, opening your legs as wide as he could before drawing his tongue up your slit, your hands gripping his hair.

"You need to be quiet y/n.. you can do that yeah?" You nodded, biting your lip to stop your moans as he buried his mouth against your core, his tongue rolling against your sensitive clit sending you into overdrive. You couldn't help but rock your hips against him, your orgasm building quickly. You had to cover your mouth to stop yourself from screaming as you came over his lips, your free hand gripping the side of the table. He chuckled as you caught your breath, before lining himself up and pushing in slowly.

"That was quick, even for you..." He whispered in your ear as he filled you completely, setting a steady pace.

"You feel so good inside me Cillian..." He groaned gently into your neck, carefully thrusting so as not to generate too much sound or movement in the trailer. He lifted your knees as high as they could go, as he leaned back slightly, both of you looked down, watching his cock move in and out. He brought his hand between you and started to rub your clit with his thumb, bringing his other hand over your mouth to muffle your groans. His breathing deepened as he picked up the pace a little, your walls clenching around him as a second orgasm took over.

"I'm gonna..." he thrust hard twice before spilling inside with a gentle groan, resting his head against yours, catching his breath.

"I'm gonna get to do that every day.." he whispered, circling his nose against yours.

"Yes you are... are you sure about this?"

"I've never been more certain of anything in my life."

[hansols-yoda-boxers]

Bad Decisions (Just You)

Seungcheol x Female Reader

Word Count: 5436

Contents: reader is a bratty sub but cheol is fucking whipped, oral (male receiving) while sleeping, manhandling, slight body praise, choking, pet name (babygirl), sir kink, dom svt, hair pulling, face fucking, drooling, fingering, marking, living room sex, wall, sex, bed sex (all unprotected), multiple creampies, very slight breeding kink 

Note: So as if this is some pop song I’ve given it two titles cuz I couldn’t decide. Anyways okay this is so late and I am so sorry for that but a very happy belated birthday to @bootyful-seventeen !!!! You are so much fun to talk to and I know I can go to you with that weird shit and you’ll roll with it. You write fun stuff and I really love that you don’t take it too seriously, the lighthearted stories are wonderful and your soft dad!svt stuff makes my heart melt. You are genuinely such enjoyable company and I hope you know that I really love our friendship and I’m really happy to know you. 

Truly, the day had been a veritable orgy of dumb decisions.

You shouldn’t have gotten so worked up when you woke up, cuddling with your boyfriend and feeling something hard pressing into your lower stomach. You shouldn’t have looked at the clock to see that Seungcheol’s alarm would go off in approximately six minutes. You shouldn’t have shimmed below the covers and found a cozy spot between his legs.

You definitely shouldn’t have pulled down his sweats and started sucking him off to wake him up.

And yet you did, despite truly, honestly, definitely knowing better you couldn’t help yourself and you did it anyway because life really is too short to deny yourself the pleasure that is your boyfriend’s cock, even if you didn’t think through the timing at all.

And so you felt a hand in your hair as you moved your lips, taking his cock into your mouth. And you heard his low, gravely, early morning groans, the first sound out of his mouth that sent arousal careening through your body and had you pressing your thighs together. You sunk into the bliss, letting your hand slip between your legs to tease yourself, mind clouded with the enticing idea of morning sex, knowing it would set your day up just right.

Until Seungcheol’s alarm started blaring in your ears and he let out a much more annoyed groan. His hand pulled off the blankets easily and you gave him the sweetest look you could, still whining as he pulled you back off of his cock and rolled out of bed.

“Aw, come on we ca-”

“No,” he warned. “You know I don’t have time.” He eyed you, regarding you suspiciously as he pulled his sweats back up. “Now I have to shower and get ready and deal with this,” he motioned to the now very obvious boner in his sweats, “before I leave.”

“You had that before I started,” you whined. “And you know I could help y-” Your words fell off as he leaned closer to you suddenly, grabbing your jaw firmly with a slow burning intensity in his gaze.

“If I let you help me, I’ll be late. So now thanks to you, I won’t be able to get the thought of fucking your mouth out of my head. You’ve already managed to ruin me for the whole day.” You tried to bite back the grin tugging at your lips but you couldn’t and Seungcheol’s grip tightened. “Don’t get smug, babygirl.”

You didn’t wipe the look from your face, watching him as he let go of you and headed for the bathroom. “What are you gonna do about it?” You giggled. Seungcheol threw you a look over his shoulder as he left the room.

Unsurprisingly, the bad decisions did not end there.

You had things to do, it wasn’t like your day was empty but you did have some free time, and most of what you needed to do was from home today. And on any other day that wouldn’t mean much more than that you would start dinner since it was easier for you to get something ready.

Today, however, it meant you were going to tease him.

Once he was on his way you got yourself out of bed, taking you time washing up and picking pretty lingerie. You grabbed a pair of leggings and searched through his closet to find one of his shirts and felt only the slightest bit unhinged at how you couldn’t stop smiling and chuckling to yourself over your plan to mess with him all day.

And mess with him you did. The morning started off with innocent selfies when you had spare moments. The first few he reacted to sweetly but as you sent further back and then mirror selfies he got frustrated. It was far too easy to wind him up and so much fun teasing him about what was hidden under his big, comfy shirt.

The more frustrated his messages became the more it egged you on. The more it made you wanna act like a brat. In between his warnings not to distract him while he was working (and your instances that he didn’t have to open the pictures in the middle of his work day) you could sense his desperation. You knew that with every minute that passed he wanted you more and more and that feeling was just far too fun and far too powerful.

That’s what you told yourself as you had slipped your leggings off that afternoon and started teasing yourself over your panties, why you pulled your shirt up and caught it between your teeth, letting out muffled little moans and whines as your fingers worked and your hips rolled and bucked and followed the sensations.

As you started recording the video you were much more ready to say you were just messing with him further and not that all of your shenanigans had backfired only slightly and had you far too needy when he wouldn’t be home for another hour or so. You had to hope that when he got home he’d be too needy and wouldn’t try to punish you by taking away sex.

Then again, any time he’d tried that he gave in after a day or two. He really couldn’t resist you.

“When are you coming home?” you whined through the fabric between your teeth. “Please, I need you so badly.” Admittedly, you were hyping it up a little more for the camera just to get to him but the thought of how he would be when he got home was all the incentive you needed. 

“Please, please fuck-” You ended the video. You knew very well you were going to be in trouble for sending him a video and then not letting him see you cum, but today was a day for bad decisions and you were rolling with it now. A long moan left your lips and your back arched as you came, legs trembling and core squeezing around your measly fingers, reminding you of what you really wanted inside of you.

You felt a little dazed as you sent the video, though not nearly as fucked out as you wanted to feel. Either way you let yourself flop back on the bed, comfy and considering a nap while you waited for Seungcheol to come home. You could go start dinner though, not that you felt you would be eating when he walked in the door. Your sleepy mind thought about what you might make and if you needed to prepare anything ahead of time until your phone buzzed.

[You’re in so much trouble, babygirl]

You snickered as you read the message.

[Well you’re not here, looks like I can do what I want]

[Not for long]

[You’re such a little brat today, babygirl]

[Better hurry up and get home before I wear myself out] You couldn’t keep in your chuckles as you put down your phone, heading to the bathroom to freshen up just a bit. You could figure out food later but at the moment what you really wanted was to think about your boyfriend getting home. You took as much time as you could washing up, picking out his favourite perfume for you and fixing your lingerie and hair. You took the opportunity to turn on a sex playlist, hoping that you hadn’t added anything that would wreck the mood too much. You were preoccupied enough that you missed the soft click of the front door.

“You wanted to test me today.”

You spun around and gazed down the hall to where Seungcheol had just come through the door and was taking off his shoes. His gaze was dark and intense and it filled you with arousal as much as it did glee. As soon as they were off he was making his way towards you as you stepped out into the hallway. You bit down on your lip, trying not to smile too widely as he grabbed you by the waist and pushed you back until you hit the wall with a gasp that was quickly swallowed by his lips.

He kissed you with all the pent up passion and tension from a day of teasing, hand coming up to your throat as he pressed you into the wall with his body. You easily let his tongue past your lips, whining unabashedly against him as his free hand grabbed at your hip and he pressed one of his thighs between your legs.

Your hands couldn’t help themselves, pulling him closer by his hair at first, but it wasn’t long before they wandered. They seemed to have a mind of their own as they moved down his shoulders and you felt up his arms, feeling him smile into the messy kisses and urging your hips to move, grinding on his thigh subtly. Your hands moved further, slipping down his back before grabbing at his ass and drawing a light groan from him before he pulled away from the kiss, lips moving to your ear as the hand around your throat tightened.

“Do you know how much grief you caused me today?” He growled. “Do you know how much trouble you’re in babygirl?”

“Not enough,” you hummed, solely to get his hand just a little tighter and have him push you down on his thigh a little more roughly. He pressed his hips into you, rutting against you and you felt even more heat pooling between your legs, your mouth watering at the feeling of his hard length pressing into you from the movement.

“Do you feel that, babygirl?” His voice was rough and you could hear his own desperation just under the surface. “Do you feel what you do to me? Do you know how hard it was to get through the day with you acting up like that? Spending me pictures of your pretty body? Sending video?”

“H-H-” you tried to speak but the way he pressed his thigh up between your legs and rolled his hips against you drew a desperate moan from your lips instead, your hands grabbing at him and trying to pull him closer. Your legs trembled slightly as you ground your core down against his thigh, feeling the dull sparks igniting inside you and wanting more.

“You’re such a brat today,” he growled, easily adding to the arousal pooling between your legs and drawing a whimper from your lips. Your mind was quickly closing on in your goal, fueled by your need and wanting almost nothing more than for him to fuck, you brain searching for any words that would have that happening faster.

“Y-You-” You forced your words out despite your whines and hazy mind. “You sh-should punish me, sir.”

A gasp left your lungs as he pulled his thigh out from between your legs. His hand moved from your throat to your shoulder and he pushed you down roughly to your knees, his hand tangling into your hair easily. You gazed up at him with a pout and he smirked down at you as his other hand undid his belt.

“I know what you want, babygirl,” he murmured, unzipping his pants. “I know that you want me to fuck you against every piece of furniture in this apartment.”

“Please,” you whined, whimpering louder when he tugged roughly on your hair.

“You’ve been a brat. Getting off without me is one thing, but using it to taunt me while I can’t do anything? And now you think you deserve to get off again? To get just what you want?” He chuckled, shaking his head before giving you an intense gaze. “Open your mouth, babygirl.”

You kept your eyes on him, letting out a whine but doing as he said as he pushed his boxers down. You itched to look at his cock, hard in his hand as he pumped it slowly and groaned. You squirmed, letting your tongue hang out as you gave him a sweet look. Seungcheol brought his cock to your lips and you leaned forwards, earning another chuckle from his lips.

“Pretending to be eager now? Do you think that’s going to make it up to me, babygirl?”

“No, sir,” you mumbled as sweetly as you could. “I j-” you gasped again as he tugged at your hair roughly. Before any more words could make it out of your mouth he thrust his cock between your lips, letting out a groan.

“You’re too mouthy today, babygirl,” he groaned. “Let me use that pretty mouth for something more productive.”

Seungcheol held your head still as he started to fuck into your mouth. Groans fell off his lips as and his gaze grew darker and darker as his hips moved steadily into your mouth. Your hands dug into the skin of your thighs, breathing through your nose and trying not to touch yourself the way you desperately wanted to.

“God, your mouth feels so good,” he groaned. “Maybe I’ll just fuck your mouth all night, babygirl. You’ve been so bratty maybe I won’t even fuck you. I shouldn’t, you don’t deserve it.”

You let out a desperate moan around his cock. He was only saying that to get to you, he wanted it as badly as you did. But now, with his cock in your mouth and your thighs pressing together and getting no relief the only thought on your mind was to get more. You did your best to relax your throat, trying to lean forwards and take more of his cock.

Seungcheol cursed under his breath, his grip in your hair tightening as his cock breached your throat. You gagged around his length, drool dripping out from the covers of your mouth before he pulled his cock back to let you breathe.

“If you want me to fuck you properly,” his voice was growing rougher as his hips picked up their pace, fucking into your mouth faster. “Then you shouldn’t make your mouth any more enticing, babygirl.”

You moaned around him in response, keeping your gaze on him as best you could as his cock thrust into your throat again, a deeper growl leaving his lips at the feeling as you moaned around him and felt more drool coming from your mouth, getting more and more messy by the second as he started to chase his high.

“Fuck, you feel so good, babygirl,” he growled. “Your pretty mouth f-feels so good.” His hips started to snap into your mouth more quickly and you kept your jaw and throat as relaxed as you could, moaning around his cock and trying to grind or roll your hips on nothing, needing some relief desperately.

Seungcheol, let out a rough growl as he pushed into your throat and came, holding your head down on his cock as he released. His cum ran down your throat and pooled into your mouth. You gasped to catch your breath when he slowly pulled his cock away and tilted your head back, looking down at you hazily.

“God you look pretty like that, babygirl,” he groaned.

Your voice was breathy and had a desperation you could no longer hide. “I’d look better bent over the couch, right sir?”

He bit down on his lip to hold in the near growl that came from his chest but there was nothing hesitant about the way he pulled you to your feet roughly by your hair. Was your mind not already on the goal of being fucked you would be downright giddy at the way he handled you so roughly. His hands grabbed at you as you made it to your feet and he pushed you to the couch, bending you over it easily.

You bit down on your lip, gasping as he pulled at your panties, tearing them off and spreading your legs. One of his hands tangled into your now messy hair while the other dragged through your folds. You pressed your hips back into his hand and heard him chuckling, though his voice was much breathier.

“You’re just so enticing, babygirl,” he groaned, easily pushing two fingers into you as he leaned over you back. “God, even when I want to punish you I just can’t help myself. I shouldn’t be fucking you when you’ve been so bratty, but I really can’t resist your pretty pussy.” You let out small moans as you ground your hips back and he curled and thrust his fingers at a steady pace. “The way you get so desperate for me, the way you’re moaning for me,” he pressed his lips to your back, between your shoulder blades. “I know you know what you do to me.”

You lost yourself in the feeling, shamelessly rolling and grinding your hips back as much as he’d allow. His fingers moved more and more quickly, feverishly, into your cunt. His lips found the back of your neck and sucked marks into your skin, drawing shivers down your spine and moans from your lips at the feeling.

Your toes curled as he pressed a third finger inside easily. Your head fell forward as you pressed your hips back even more and moaned out for him, fingers grabbing at the fabric of the couch to steady yourself as the intense feeling in your core built stronger and stronger.

“God you’re so cute when you’re needy. You got yourself all worked today too, didn’t you babygirl?” You moaned, nodding your head and feeling your legs tremble as you clenched around his fingers at his words. Your hips kept moving, getting so close to your high as the coil in your core curled tightly.

Curses feel off your lips as Seungcheol nipped at your ear. “I really shouldn’t give you what you want,” his voice was rough as he pressed his hips against you, his hard cock pressing against your ass.

“Please,” you weren’t even sure what you were begging for as your mind spun. Did you want to cum right now or did you want his cock first? Both ideas sounded heavenly to your very clouded, very aroused, extremely needy brain. “Please, sir, please.”

You bit down on your lip to hold in your whine as he pulled his fingers from your core. A hand found your hair and you let out a gasp as he pulled you up roughly, bringing his wet fingers to your lips.

“Open up, babygirl.”

You let your lips fall open easily, eyes fluttering closed as you tasted yourself on his fingers, suck them clean messily. Your tongue ran over his digits as he let go of your hair, dropping his hand between your legs and nearly making your knees buckle as he suddenly started rubbing fast, rough circles into your clit.

You cursed around his fingers, legs shaking as you leaned your thighs against the back of the couch, trying to stay on your feet as the pleasure coursed through you. The coil in your core curled tighter and your moans climbed higher in your voice. Seungcheol’s lips sucked roughly at the side of your neck as he rutted against your ass and low growls rumbled from his chest.

He waited until you were right on your edge to pull his hand away. A whine welled up in your throat but it didn’t make it out as his hand found the middle of your back and pushed you forward, bending you over the couch again. He pulled your thighs a little wider and you felt your eyes roll back and flutter closed as you sunk his cock into your cunt.

“H-H-” No words made it off your lips as he grabbed your hips roughly and thrust into you. Moans fell off instead, one after another as every movement of his hips sent pleasure coursing through you, your legs trembling as you teetered on your edge. His thrusts were edging on rough and quick but deep enough that they made you dizzy, his low groans and growls only adding to the arousal curling tightly in your body.

“G-God you feel so f-fucking good, babygirl,” Seungcheol’s fingers dug even more deeply into your hips. The uneven roughness in his voice only serving to turn you on that much more. “God I r-really can’t resist you. Your pretty, tight pussy. F-Fuck the way you moan for me.”

Your voice was a mix of curses and moans and whines of “please, sir, don’t stop, sir.” Your hands scrambled for purchase in the fabric of the couch, on the edges of pillows as his cock sunk into your heat over and over and you started to clench around him. The sound of his hips hitting your ass mixed with the moans and groans falling from both of you as your toes tried to curl.

“Please, s-sir, I- fuck- I’m-” The words could barely make it off your tongue.

“Cum for me babygirl, cum on my cock.”

You cried out, body shaking as you came hard. Pleasure washed over your body in tidal waves, reaching to the tips of your fingers and toes as you moaned for him. What little strength your arms had gave out and you fully fell into the couch below. 

Seungcheol’s hips kept moving, fucking you through your orgasm and into sensitivity. Your legs didn’t stop trembling and your moans died to whimpers as his hips kept moving. Your face pressed into the cushion below and your arms were shaky as he let out breathy groans and growls and a few curses at the feeling. Pleasure started to build inside you again, much more easily but he didn’t bring you to your edge again, pulling out quickly.

His hand grabbed your hair and pulled you to your feet and he spun you to face him. His hands found your hips and you gazed up at him, desperate and nearly drooling as he smirked at you, sweat on his brow making his hair stick to his forehead as his chest heaved and he pulled you across the room.

You gasped as he pushed you into the wall, the hot skin of your back hitting the cool drywall as his lips found yours feverishly. The way he kissed you nearly made your legs give out all on it’s own and your hands scrambled to wrap around his neck until he tugged at his shirt, pulling it off of you and ridding you of your bra as well. He made quick work of his own shirt before grabbing both your wrists in one hand and pinning them to the wall above your head. Your legs trembled as he lifted one and wrapped it around his waist as he ground his cock through your folds.

“Are you too tired, babygirl?” he asked, a teasing edge to his voice.

“No, sir,” you whined breathlessly, giving him a sweet look and struggling to keep your eyes open as he pushed into you again, the new angle drawing a high pitched moan from your lips. He ground his hips into you, smirking as your head fell back to the wall and you tried to ground your hips down for more.

“Still needy?” He cooed.

“Please,” you let the words fall off your lips, any sense of shame long gone. “Please keep fucking me. Please I need your cock, I need your cum, I-” your words turned to moans as he thrust up into you roughly before settling on quick, shallow, movements making you tremble easily from the first thrust.

He moved his lips to your ear, voice rough and verging on a growl. “You need my cum, babygirl? Do you want me to cum deep inside you?”

“Please,” your voice was breathy and high as you curled your fingers in towards your palms and squeezed your leg around Seungcheol’s hip. You pulled weakly at his wrists but he easily held them still, hips snapping into you as low groans fell off his lips until his met yours in messy, desperate kisses.

Your legs trembled, the wall and Seungcheol’s body weight holding you up as a coil started to curl tightly in your sensitive core again. You could barely focus on the kisses, leaving messy moans against his lips as his thrusts grew a little rougher and uneven.

Seungcheol let out a moan against your lips as he released deep inside you. He ground his cock slowly into your cunt and you let out a broken whimper at the feeling of his cum filling you even more, flexing and curling your fingers out as your hips followed his movements greedily, still wanting more.

Seungcheol pulled you leg away from his hip and let go of your hands and you braced yourself against the wall. He let your leg down but was quick to push your thighs apart, dropping down and shooting you a warning look to keep your legs apart for him. You bit down on your lip as he drew his fingers up your inner thigh.

He let out a groan as you felt his cum starting to drip out of you. Your legs were shaky and weak but you did your best to hold yourself up as he brought his fingers to drag through your folds, gathering his cum before fucking it back into your sensitive core. Small whimpers slipped out and you struggled to stay on your feet as his fingers fucked you slowly, your core clenching around them, having a mind of its own.

Seungcheol chuckled as he pulled his hands away and stood in front of you. His clean hand came up around your neck, pressing down every slightly while he pressed his fingers to your lips and you took them into your mouth just the way he wanted. You gazed with heavily lidded eyes into his intense ones, subtly biting the inside of his lip as he watched you suck on his fingers.

“Do you need a little more, babygirl?” His voice was quieter but still had a roughness to it and made you needy cunt clench again as his cum dripped down your thighs. You nodded lazily, giving him a sweet expression and reaching for him to pull him closer to you.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth, pressing into your body with his and kissing you roughly, squeezing your throat just a little more. You kissed him greedily, his own kisses following suit. You grabbed at him weakly and moaned against his lips as he ground his cock against you. Even though your body was tired, your legs felt like they might give out if you stood on them for much longer, you couldn’t help yourself. You were all wrapped up in him and you wanted every little bit he could give you.

Seungcheol’s hands grabbed your waist and you gasped as he pulled you away from the wall and properly into the bedroom. His movements were even more forceful as he pushed you down onto the bed and you couldn't help the lazy smile that tugged at you lips as you gazed up at him, squealing as he pulled your hips roughly to the edge of the bed and lifted your legs, throwing them over his shoulders.

He leaned over you, grinding his cock through your folds and drawing a moan from your lips as his cock rubbed over your clit. “You can’t get enough of me, can you babygirl?” He teased.

“No sir,” your voice came out breathy as you gazed up at him, wanting nothing more than for him to sink his cock back into your core. “Please.”

His hand found your throat again, pressing down lightly. “I give into you too easily,” he said, gazing at you heatedly. “You’re lucky you’re so addicting babygirl. So lucky I’ll never get enough of you.” Both of you let out moans as he pushed into you, your legs trembling from the feeling alone.

“You’re so lucky I need you so badly,” he groaned as he pulled back and thrust into you roughly. “And that having you like this is one of my favourite things, o-otherwise you’d be in so much trouble for being such a needy brat all day.” His voice wavered just a bit as he gave you strong, deep thrusts between pulling out slowly, each one making you cry out in pleasure and struggle to keep looking at you.

“Fuck, watching your tits bounce every time,” his grip on your hips got tighter and his thrusts faster, picking up a steady pace even tough they stayed just as rough. “Feeling your legs shaking in my hands. The way you c-clench around me.” You took in his rough, low voice as he spoke, building back up to his next orgasm.

Your own release built too, the coil in your core curling tighter and tighter with every movement. Your fingers sunk into the soft sheets and gripped them as your head spun and moans poured off your lips. Your mind could barely find the words and make up sentences anymore, so wrapped up in the pleasure he was giving you as his hips snapped into you.

“C-Cu- F-F-F- C-” The words were so hard to get out of your foggy brain but you heard Seungcheol’s breathy chuckle.

“Are you going to cum again, babygirl?”

You let out a whine, trying to find the words in your muddy, hormone addled brain. “Y-Y- Yo- c-c-c-”

Seungcheol leaned over you, his hips driving into you much faster and only his hands on your hips keeping you from being pushed up the bed with the force of his thrusts. “Do you want more of my cum, babygirl?”

“P-Pl-” you managed to nod between moans and struggling with words.

“I’ll give you j-just that, babygirl.” he growled. “You t-take my cum so well how could I resist f-filling you until you can’t take anymore. I know how b-badly you want it. G-God I could fuck you senseless like this every day, f-fucking you full of my cum until you’re carrying my child. Is that what you want, babygirl?”

You cried out, back arching off the bed as you came hard. Your eyes squeezed shut and stars burst behind your eyelids as your body shook. Pleasure crashed over you in a tidal wave, reaching every bit of your body as Seungcheol’s cock kept pounding into you.

Curses fell off his lips as your body kept shaking and whimpers started to fall off your lips. Your whole body felt sensitive and your sounds were high in your voice as your mouth hung open, gaze hazy and eyes barely open and he chased his high, fucking you hard until his hips started to stutter.

He released deep inside you with a loud, low, rough groans. You tried to catch your breath as you felt his cum filling you more and more in thick ropes, his grip on your hips holding you in place as he ground slightly into your heat.

As he started to catch his breath he pulled out of your slowly, wrapping a hand around his cock and watching as his cum started to leak out of your cunt. You felt him bring his cock back to your core and let out a whine, squirming under him as he pushed his cock back in slowly with a breathy groan.

“Fuck you just feel so good,” he said. “I can’t help myself.” He pulled back and let more cum drip out before pushing it back in slowly again. You squeezed your eyes shut, whimpering and pressing the side of your face into the bed and he pulled out, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek before letting your legs down.

Despite how tired he’d gotten he went to get a washcloth. You listened to his footstep leave and come back moments later, whimpering as he brought the warm cloth between your legs. He hushed you gently, rubbing your hip soothingly as he cleaned you up, taking another cloth to wipe the sweat off your brow and you smiled slightly at how refreshed it made you feel.

As he climbed into bed with you you looked at him blearily and he gave you a soft smile. He helped you move up the bed and pulled you to lay on his chest, rubbing your back gently and pressing kisses to your forehead.

“Do you need anything to eat?” He hummed.

You shook your head, nuzzling into his chest. 

“Anything to drink? Or do you want a bath?”

“Nothing,” you mumbled. “Just you. I just want you.”

“Perfect,” he said softly. “Because I just want you, too.”

[remuscore]

I'm enjoying this au too much lmao I'm sorry for the person I have become but since I cannot draw for awhile, y'all are gonna get small oneshots of them instead.

Warnings: Descriptions of a dead body, a little bit of body horror?? Idk what else. Oh yeah and since pronouns don't matter in this au, I used mostly she/they for Janus just cause that's what I ended up writing

_____________

Virgil remembers little of his rebirth.

He remembers sitting and waiting in a small dim room, filled with sheet covered science equipment and dusty glass tubes. He didn’t have the best hearing after it all― they always felt clogged― but he remembers hearing that smooth voice from the other side of the door talking about things he couldn’t understand. He remembers Janus coming in and wiping their hands on their pants despite their gloves, shaking them out to release some buzzing excitement. They had smiled at Virgil and said it was time to show him off.

After that was a blur of yelling and hands trying to grab him and suddenly Janus had grabbed their arm and they appeared in a little old cabin in a forest.

Virgil had a lot of nightmares of hands and tearing after that night. He would trace the missing fingers that someone had stolen when they grabbed his hand. Now, Janus had gotten him some form of prosthetic so that he could still use his hand, wooden joints and bones melding into the taunt flesh. Virgil often got stuck staring at them, just trying to bend the bark.

“Good morning, Virgil,” Janus said, descending the rickety steps of the cabin. Their cape dragged on the floor and trailed soft yellow petals with it. They didn’t need to step over any loose rocks or twigs, the objects simply moving out of the way when she came near. She smiled at their experiment as they put in their earrings. “How did you rest?”

Virgil kept silent like usual. Talking either caused black gunk to spit from his teeth or was just useless babbling. Most of the time it was both. It was hard to talk when all your muscles were only strong enough to hold your head up. He wanted to talk. It felt like hell not being able to say a single word since he had been awakened.

“Not going to try today?” they asked. Once their earrings were all on, they sat on the steps besides Virgil. She had made some furniture out of wood, but they weren’t the best. Her magic was more about science and spells than making things, hence why Virgil was such a disaster. “Do you want to try a ‘hello’ or maybe a ‘hi’ at the very least?”

Virgil didn’t care about those things. He just wanted to ask one thing. One syllable.

Why.

It was a long struggle on the ‘wh’ just trying to get past that point. It was already gathering spit and falling from his lips, but this is the farthest he’s gotten so far. Janus was grinning nonetheless, pointed teeth barred. Virgil had the sudden thought that maybe Janus thought he had said ‘hi’ but just a really messed up one, so he tried again. Repeating the word with more strength to his broken voice to make it more obvious. Janus just nodded in delight.

“That’s very good, Virgil,” she praised. Their hand came up to wipe away a bit of sludge that had dribbled down his chin and heading towards the stitches in his neck. “I know it must be frustration now with having to relearn these skills from when you were a child, but you’ll get there in―”

“Why?” Virgil interrupted angrily. He jabbed his chest with his stiff fingers, hitting the large stitches in his chest from where his organs had been taken out and put back in. He jabs the same hand into Janus’ chest too, making her pull back in surprise and rub the spot. “Why? Why?”

“Why?” Janus parrots, ears lowering. Her expression turned sad as she looked at how hard Virgil was hitting his chest (he didn’t have any control of his strength now that his nervous system wasn’t working. He was completely numb). “Why… why what?”

“Why!?” Virgil shouts in a volume that shocked even him. His body really is all out of control. He pushes Janus' chest this time, shoving her back against the banister. “Why me? You? Why you— to me?”

It was so humiliating how hard it was to get those words out. He had to swallow pointlessly against the gunk under his tongue. It was pouring out his mouth now. He brought up his hands to try and wipe it away, but he still couldn’t make a fist or turn his wrist to use his palm so all he did was smear the gunk on his fingertips.

Janus gets up suddenly and Virgil doesn’t watch to see where they’re going. He felt like he wanted to cry in anger, but didn’t know if he even could. He hasn’t drank or eaten anything since he was alive. Janus returns to the step and reaches out to him again, wiping away all the drool with a cloth. Virgil let them just because he didn’t feel like trying to do it himself and risked humiliating himself more.

“Why did I bring you back?” Janus said, clarifying that that was what Virgil was trying to say. He nodded with a sharp jerk up and down with his head. They sighed softly. They folded the cloth over to the dry side and continued cleaning his face. “To tell the truth, you were the freshest body on such short notice. They haven't cremated or buried you yet, so it was easy for me to just take you and bring you back. And I know stealing a body isn’t exactly ethical, but I was saving a family from the heartbreak of identifying your body. Sure, it was probably frightening to hear your son died and someone had stolen his body and next thing you know, you’re watching the news and hear about a local manic that had—”

They stopped themself and shook their head, laughing faintly. “Anyways there was no significance on why I chose you. You died from the drug I needed and were healthy enough to keep all original parts. I’m sorry I don’t have a better reason.”

She pulled away finally and took Virgil’s messy mistake, wiping at his fingers. The black sludge was stubbornly sticking to his wooden fingers and Janus had to adjust their grip on it to wipe more furiously. They sighed again in frustration.

“I didn’t expect anything like this,” they said, their normally smooth and controlled voice was now bitter and imperfect, a small lisp slipping through. “I thought my notes would at least be taken into account. They were all so impressed by the doll and yet when I showed them you, no! That is sick and disgusting! I brought a man back to life using the same drug that killed him and that was all they had to say about my findings? It’s ridiculous!”

They stop. Virgil still has stuff in between the cracks in the wood. Janus’ thumb brushes against what would be the nail and Virgil could almost feel it. It was a weird feeling. He wonders if he’ll ever forget what it’s like to feel.

“I’m sorry,” Janus gasps and Virgil looks up. Her eyes are screwed shut and they rub their forehead, mouth pulled down into a harsh frown. “God, I’m so sorry. What have I done?”

Virgil wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know Janus, they were just forced together now. Janus was a big question mark in the beginning but now they’re an even bigger question mark with how their morals kept switching around. Just seconds ago she was boasting about what she did and now she’s apologizing for it? And Virgil couldn’t bring himself to be angry either way because on one hand they had brought him back to life which was honestly amazing because Virgil distinctly remembered not wanting to die when he was dying, but on the other hand Janus had stolen his body from his family and he is practically a prisoner here because if he were to go back to human society, he would probably be euthanized or worse; dissected and studied like a rat, never to die because his existence is revolutionary.

That’s another reason why Virgil couldn’t bring himself to be mad at them. She practically saved his life.

She was a weirdo freak, but Virgil guessed he was now too.

So he brought up his hand and placed it on their head, making them stop. He dragged his hand slowly through their hair, combing through any small knots and petals stuck in there. They opened their eyes and they looked so sad. Virgil didn’t understand why, but maybe she just felt guilty. Maybe she should be, but Virgil still didn’t want them to be.

“Don’—” spit flew from his mouth and his lip twitched into an annoyed scowl. “Do… no’ cry.”

“I’m not crying, dear,” Janus awed, bringing up her now empty hands and holding Virgil’s face in her hands, pressing against the stitches. He knew she wasn’t crying, but it was easier to say than don’t beat yourself up about it. “At least you’re nice. I don’t know if I could handle a mean little monster.”

Virgil grunted. Guess he was a monster now.

[bostongirl13]

New Dodger photo bonus

Summary: You're riding Chris on the couch.

Words: 1k+

Warnings: age gap, smut, mistakes, fluff

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

"Aww .... Dodger!" Chris shouted, which immediately caught your attention.

You waited a moment and when no other sounds were coming you went back to your notes. However, after a few minutes, a notification popped up on your phone saying Chris posted something on Instagram. You rolled your eyes because you knew it was going to be another Dodger photo. And you were right. As soon as you opened the app and checked the insta story, a huge smile appeared on your face. You were the happiest girl in the world to have had these two handsome men in your life.

You felt something wet on your thigh, so you turned your head away from the monitor screen. Dodger was standing next to you, head cocked.

"Hey Bubba" you patted his head. "Shouldn't you be hanging out with Dad now?" the dog barked and went to lie down on his bed. You shook your head and stretched in your chair. You didn't even know it was so late. You spent all morning and afternoon in office doing college stuff.

"Hey pretty girl," Chris said when he saw you walking towards him. "How's study going?"

"Fine, but I think that's enough for today." you walked over to him and stood between his legs.

Chris is looking at you slowly, eyes from top to bottom, slowly tracing your curves and licking his lips feeling his pants starting to tighten as he saw you in his T-shirt and a pair of black panties. He bit his lower lip and lifted his hand against your thigh. You got what he meant so you smiled seductively and sat on his lap with your legs on either side of his hips, placing your hands on his shoulders. Chris's hands were immediately on your hips and pulled you closer.

"Yeah, get comfy?" he smirks and you laughed lightly “Yeah, you are”

AUDIO 

You moved your hips just enough to feel the friction where you needed it. Chris's fingers tightened around your hips, probably leaving bruises in those areas. You licked your lips in eager anticipation, as you felt his cock hardening, even more, when you moved once again.

"Stop teasing me, Princess," Chris growled. You smiled innocently and approached, running a cat's lick across his mouth. "Really?" he laughed.

You moved your hands from his arms to his cheeks and pulled him closer and then leans down, running your tongue over his bottom lip, kissing him with hunger and need. He pushed his tongue into your mouth, slanting his lips over yours, deepening the kiss, his beard scraping over your face.

Continuing to kiss, you slipped one hand between your bodies and pinched your fingers on its bulge, massaging it. You unbuckled his pants and slipped them off enough to free his cock. You felt him pulsate under your fingers. Teasing his tip, made Chris sigh. Your lips were still working together when you wrapped your fingers around his shaft and began working it up and down. He broke the kiss and tilted his head back to moan in pleasure. Your hand tighten ed and worked faster.

"Stop. I want to be inside you" he growled.

He swallowed loudly and moved his hand with his thumb, massaging your clit.

"So wet" this time a moan escaped your lips.

He pushed your panties aside and helped you slide down.

“Fuck, you're so big”

You waited a while getting used to his size and began to move up and down, slowly searching for your rhythm. Chris tightened his fingers on your hips to help you with this and pulling you further on his cock, you put your hands on his shoulders to keep your balance. You moved faster and more confidently as Chris's lips attacked your neck, sucking it and leaving marks on it. You were into it more now, riding him and making almost pornographic moans.

“Yeah… Fuck.. Ah... Chris!” you scream as you juices spilled all over his length.

You hated how quickly he brought you to that state, and you loved it too, knowing that no man could ever make you that way. Chris destroyed you for other men. But there wasn't even a question here that you'll ever be with someone else, you were his and he was yours.

Your clit pressing against his pelvis, you screamed when his cock hits the right spot within you. You grabbed him by the hair pulling him away from your neck, which was already covered in marks and bites. He smirks and smacks your ass, chuckling at your whimper.

"I can't stay long, I gonna cum" you gasped looking into his eyes. You’re getting closer, your cunt tightening around him and sweat ran down your forehead.

"Don't hold back baby. I'm right behind you. Let it go."

Your movements frenetic, wavering when he softly rubs your clit. His sinful eyes watching your face contorted in pleasure. He wrapped an arm around your back and pulling you closer to him.

“Fuck baby. You milking my cock so well,” he growls in your ear.

His hand slipping between your bodies drawing small tight circles around your clit.

“Chris!” you scream out your release, cum on his cock hard. Not long after that, you felt Chris cum inside you painting your walls with his creamy seed.

You both sank into the back of the couch, panting heavily. You rested your forehead against his shoulder, your body limp against his chest. It took a long time to recover and catch your breath.

"You're so beautiful when you cum on my cock" you laughed lightly and rose to meet his eyes which were still full of lust.

You were still connected and sensitive, so this little movement made you both sigh.

"I love you"

"I love you too, princess," Chris brushed your hair back from your sweaty face and kissed your nose, "the most in the world."

You bit your lower lip, feeling it grow hard inside you again.

"Next round?" you raised your eyebrows with a smile.

"You're killing me" he growled and attacked your lips again.

[seiin-translations]

2.43 S1 Chapter 5.1 - Stand By Me

1. NIGHTMARE OR REALITY

This entire chapter (as in the entirety of Chapter 5) is from Haijima’s point of view and honestly it’s surprisingly endearing? That boy truly only lives for volleyball

Also Kuroba’s a dumbass as usual

Previous || Index || Next

When he thought about it, it was obvious, but he realized after he started playing in the position that the setter was the one who could touch the ball the most in a game. In the basic system of volleyball, which was to return the ball within three hits, the setter was the one who always handled the second hit. Not the first hit or the third, but the middle of the series of plays.

The attacker was the ace in volleyball, but Haijima considered himself to be in the “middle” of the game, and he didn’t want to give up his position as the “one who can touch the ball the most” to anyone.

Normally, the reception would be messed up so that the ball wouldn’t return to the setter, but Haijima would run as fast as he could to bring the ball back into his territory. The second hit was his, and he didn’t want to give it anyone else. He then controlled the third hit to be hit by the attacker. If he didn’t do the second hit himself, it would become a high set, but if he did, there were plenty of options for attack. It could be connected to the third hit as a tactic. The movements of the attackers on his team, the positioning of the opponent blocking system and receivers—the movements of all players on the court, both friendly and enemy, were instantly assessed. Haijima’s eyesight was generally poor, but his periphery vision seemed to be unusually good. He was catching things other than the ones he was focusing on at the edge of his consciousness.

Not only relying on sight, but also using all the senses of the body to take in the flow of the situation on the court. It was a feeling of submerging his consciousness into the court and connecting to the center of the court’s nerve network. He could hear the sound of the plug snapping into place in the back of his head. That feeling was the best.

No matter where he was on the court, as long as he was below the ball, the signs were still active. The combination was working. He could still set the ball anywhere. The center’s B-quick, the right’s broad jump, the back center, and then——.

Kuroba was there. He was in his black uniform, cutting in from the left.

At that moment, he could see the trajectory of the set he was about to make stretching out in front of him as though it was the root of a tree growing rapidly. He could clearly see the place where Kuroba was going to hit. It was some distance away, but he set the ball to that position with the hope that he would hit it. Far, high, and straight. To a place no one but him can reach——.

There was a sudden sound, like something shut down.

The lights in the venue suddenly went out and it became pitch dark. At the same time, the nerves that had been strung throughout the court from within him were cut. He lost his enhanced senses and felt a sense of loss, like his limbs were plucked from him.

In the darkness, Haijima was confused. He was impatient to concentrate and connect with the court once more. He reached out a mental feeler and tried to grab hold of the cut end of the connection he had just made.

A white sphere came flying towards him in a parabola. It was a ball—it still hadn’t fallen yet. When he reached out for it, relieved, he gulped when he saw his own hand appearing in his field of vision.

He had…no fingers.

From the second joint onward, where did they go…?

The ball was approaching in front of him. On the surface of the spinning ball, there were sticky finger marks in the color of blood.

***

He was shocked at the scream he made. He swept his hand in front of his face and slammed the back of his hand on the tatami mat. The pain woke him up.

Was that…a dream…?

“What the…”

With an exhale, the strength slipped out of him and buried the back of his head in the pillow. He could barely see anything without his glasses, so the outlines of everything were blurry. The wooden ceiling of the old house and the outline of the paper-covered electric light hanging down from it barely bled into his vision. It was so bright outside that he couldn’t make out the light of the miniature light bulb he had turned on when he went to bed.

“What day…is today…”

It was August 3rd. The third day of the Fall Tournament. Isn’t it time to get up already? This morning, his grandmother, who always stepped in without reservation and opened the shoji* doors wide before his alarm clock went off each morning, didn’t come in. But he could hear her preparing breakfast in the living room.

Oh, wait, yesterday…I said something to Grandma yesterday. What was it…?

He rolled over and pulled his summer futon up to his nose while trying to remember. What, aren’t you just trying to go to sleep again? He made a jab at himself. There’s a game. I have to get up. But his body refused to move. On normal days, he had a hard time waking up, but on game days, he woke up so well that he was more restless under the covers.

Yesterday’s game was horrible. As he curled up in his futon and recalled some of the scenes, he felt depressed once again. He had never made such a rookie mistake before. He was amazed at himself for being surprised by the ball and knocking it away like an amateur.

Normally, he would have a scorebook in his head from the start of the set to the end, memorizing all the plays for each point. If he wanted to, he could replay in his mind the movements of all players on the court in that rally from different angles.

But for yesterday’s game, the scorebook had many blank spaces. Even the memory of what he himself was doing was lacking in some places, much less the details of other players’ movements. When he was on the court, he could concentrate without even thinking about it, but yesterday, his concentration was breaking up halfway through the game and he had to “spare his mental strength to gather up his ability to concentrate,” which made him exhausted in a weird way.

I wonder if I’ll be okay today. Will I be able to do as well as usual? If I think stuff like that, the game becomes a huge bother.  

I don’t wanna go today…I wish it would disappear, the game…

“!?”

His eyes snapped open in the dark futon.

Did I think that just now? That I wished the game would disappear——?

He shivered at the fact that he had that thought flash through his mind.

It was the last day of the Fall Tournament, which was being held over three days from August 1st to 3rd. Yesterday, on the second day of the tournament, Seiin High School had made it through the second and third rounds and were moving on to today’s semifinals. They were all supposed to meet in the club room today and travel to the venue together, but it was about five minutes past the meeting time of six-thirty when Haijima rushed into the club room.

“Sorry, I’m la…”

“No, it’s fine. We’re all here now. Then, we’ll announce today’s schedule.”

The captain, Oda, raised his hand lightly, and then looked around at the team members who had gathered before them.

“You’ll be dismissed after the meeting.”

The members of the team, who were carrying luggage and preparing for the departure order, naturally let out murmurs of confusion.

“Captain. You’re a super serious person, so you don’t have to calm our nerves with bad jokes. Anyways, isn’t Kuroba the only nervous one here? If we don’t move now, we’ll be late getting into the venue.”

Okuma’s voice, with its light inflection that almost seemed forced, stuffily echoed in the cramped room that was densely packed as it was. The rotating fan, though small, was making loud noises, but it only served to churn the lukewarm air and diffuse the stink of sweat. Oda looked at Okuma silently, but there was no smile on his face, and Okuma awkwardly withdrew his smile.

With his back against door, Haijima lost his voice.

He grew pale, thinking that the match was really gone because he wanted it to be, even for just an instant. There was no way that could be true. He was still in his nightmare. That would be much better.

Before him, Okuma, Kanno, Uchimura, and Hokao formed a wall of second-years, and Oda and Aoki were standing in the back of the room. Kuroba was sitting in a chair between the two captains. The cooler box that Kuroba carried home yesterday was placed in a corner of the room.

He saw a bruise on the left cheek of Kuroba, who was sitting with his head hanging down in discomfort.

He understood the situation immediately. This wasn’t the continuation of his nightmare, and it wasn’t something he wished for to happen—it was simply a predictable reality.

Impulsively, he slammed his fist against the door and removed his back from the door. He was about to step to the back of the room with long strides, but Kanno and Uchimura caught his crossed arms from both sides and he pitched forward. He leaned over the two’s arms and shouted.

“Are you an idiot!!?”

“Why are you yelling at me without giving me a chance to talk! I didn’t do anything!”

Kuroba shouted back, using the enamel bag on his knees as a shield and drawing back his big body. His anger boiled over at being opposed, but Kanno held him from the front and restrained him. “Calm down, Haijima, you can get angry after you hear what he has to say.”

“Senpai, that’s not really the end of the explanation, is it. There’s no way everyone would accept it if you suddenly told them to go home because we’re not playing anymore.”

Kanno turned back to Oda and said. While he was speaking quietly, his tone, which was usually reserved and mumbling, was clear and an octave lower. That showed Kanno himself was quite angry about the situation. The other second-years seemed just as unaccepting, and Oda, the smallest on the team, was on the receiving end of questioning gazes from everyone. Even Aoki, who usually served as the mediator, folded his arms with a dour and difficult look on his face, and only casting his eyes down.

Aoki raised his eyes and opened his mouth deliberately.

“Let’s check one thing first. Kanno, Haijima, you didn’t go home with Kuroba yesterday, did you?”

“Yesterday…?” Kanno looked at Haijima’s face, and then said, “Yes. The three of us separated. I went home in our car. Haijima went home in Kuroba’s mother’s car, and Kuroba…rode in his cousin’s truck.”

“Do you or Suemori-san know that cousin?”

“Well, he’s two years older than us, and I think everyone in our generation at Monshiro Middle knows who he is. He’s famous in town…”

Aoki narrowed his eyes as though he was thinking something. Kuroba’s “famous” cousin was of course Kuroba Yorimichi, not his younger sister. However, Aoki moved on to the next part of his talk without touching on it any more than that.

“Those of you who come through Suzumu know that you can see Suzumu Play-One, the building with the big bowling pins on the roof, from the railroad tracks, right? It also has a karaoke place and game arcade inside. Yesterday at the bowling alley, a group of bowlers from neighboring lanes clashed with each other and a fight broke out. The alley called the police and one of the groups was arrested, but the other escaped. The school was informed that there was a Seiin student in the group that escaped. An employee witnessed someone wearing our team’s jersey—Kuroba, that’s you, right?”

“I didn’t go to the bowling alley. I didn’t even know about the thing with the cops until I heard about it today.”

“So, you haven’t been to the bowling alley, eh. Then, if you weren’t involved in the fight, then what’s with this bruise?”

“It was because I wasn’t being careful. I don’t have to tell you the reason.”

Suddenly, Aoki grabbed Kuroba by the collar.

Seeing Kuroba being lifted from the chair and gritting his teeth saying “Ow!”, Haijima got goosebumps and thought, His back—?! In addition to his amazing jumping ability and the flexibility of his shoulders and elbows, Kuroba was an attacker who could bend his back far like a supple bow and hit the ball. Injuries to the spine could have a big impact on play. He didn’t know if it would be useful or not even if they had a game today——.

“Stop it, Aoki! Let him down!”

Oda said in a restrained voice. It was different when it was the other way around, but it wasn’t everyday that you saw Oda calming Aoki down. “He’s the one who betrayed your trust.” Aoki thrust Kuroba aside resentfully. “Aren’t you the ones who don’t trust me?” Kuroba grumbled, after he was returned to his chair with a thump and smoothed down the stretched-out collar of his T-shirt.

“Kuroba. I trust you, and I don’t think you’re the kind of guy who’d try to cover for yourself in something like this. But if you can’t explain your injury, then I can’t convince the school. If you just tell us honestly what happened…”

“I told you many times before, haven’t I? I wouldn’t stake my life on something that’ll get us suspended from games. I’m not causing trouble for the team. Getting injured on the day of the game is my fault and you can get angry about that as much as you want. I’m sorry about that. That’s all I have to say.”

“You looking down on us? I’ll kill you!”

Oda grabbed Aoki’s arm again as Aoki shouted that angrily and tried to raise his hand again. Meanwhile, Haijima lunged at Kuroba in fury and was prevented by the barricade all the second-years hurriedly made, and in the end he had his arms pinned behind his back by Okuma. The legs he blindly raised overhead kicked at the air. Kuroba’s chair fell over as he was ready to run away. The narrow room suddenly fell into chaos as everyone moved at once. The fan fell over and the wind billowed in the wrong direction.

“Not causing trouble for the team? Like hell you’re not! We can’t play today’s game!”

“Hah? I don’t want you to talk to me about the team!”

As he awkwardly fell on his backside, Kuroba suddenly got angry and shouted back.

This was when Haijima’s eyes widened, not understanding the meaning of such an objection.

“Enough!!”

Oda’s angry voice pierced through the noisy room.

“I’m talking about all of you! You wanna cause violence in the club and do something you can’t undo!? If all you guys do is get in my way, then you should all quit!”

All the team members looked at Oda, speechless. Even Aoki looked shocked.

Oda immediately came to his senses. “Ah…” he muttered and turned red.

In a large-sized team where more than half the members were above 180cm, the 163cm Oda was conspicuously small. However, as far as Haijima knew, he always looked up with his chest puffed out, as though pushing the handicap aside.

That Oda hunched his back, turned his face diagonally downward, averted his gaze from the team members, and spoke in a whisper, as though he had given up.

“Anyways, there’s no game today. As soon as I know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, I’ll write it on the whiteboard, so come and see it. If the situation doesn’t change at this rate, there’ll be no practice in the meantime. …That’s all, meeting’s over. You’re dismissed.”

Previous || Index || Next

[the-fiction-witch]

Forget It

TV SHOW THE QUEENS GAMBIT COUPLE: BENNY WATTS X READER RATING: SMUT

I woke to my alarm making me Groan a little turning it off and sitting up with a yawn trying to check my hair but my hand hit the rollers "oww!" I complained as I looked to the clock seeing it was half nine and then I glanced at the calendar on the wall seeing the circle around today.

"Hu! He's home today!" I smiled excitedly jumping out of bed. Going out into the empty and spotless apartment I got the shower on heating up the water while I got sorted out getting my sexy linguré and my dress that I wasn't particularly attached too as I had a feeling it was going to be in shreds on the floor within an hour, I had my shower and got dressed fixing my hair and my pretty make up as I heard the familiar noise of the struggling beetle engine I tried to ignore it and not get to excited as I set the chess board on the dining table up where I had packed it away while he was gone so I could you know use my dining table. And I went to the kitchen filling the kettle and setting it on the stove to hear as the front door unlocked and opened.

I innocently turned seeing the door closing as he stood there in his thick boots, his tight blue jeans with his belt and knife, his green button down half undone letting his chains sit against his skin, his long leather coat over him to keep the chill from his car to the door away from his exposed skin, his hat holding back his hair and his bag over his shoulder, his facial hair in need of a trip where he left his razor here while he was gone. He opened his mouth as if to speak but I couldn't contain my excitement a second more 

"BENNY!" I squealed running over and jumping into his arms almost pushing him over as I hugged him and wrapped my legs around him He seemed a little shocked  putting his arms around me too I grabbed his head pulling him close and kissed his soft lips feeling that seductive tickle of his hair against my face, he kissed back tenderly rubbing his thumb in my hip, I could have kissed him forever that taste of coffee, apple juice, dust and mahogany made me never want to move but I pulled back to allow us both to breath "hi Benny"

"Well. That's a fine hello if I do say so y/n" he laughs "now no disrespect hun, but I have to put you down you are… very heavy" he says forcing me to stand on my own 

"Hey!" 

"What! I wasn't expecting you to jump on me hun I wasn't expecting prepared"

"I missed you" I smiled nuzzling into his neck 

"I was gone like three days" he laughs moving to take his hat and jacket off 

"I'm not allowed to miss you?"

"Of course you are, I missed you too hun" he smiled kissing my cheek "now, I have got work to do" he says handing me his bag taking a couple things out of it leaving the laundry inside "ohh and about sex"

"What?" I asked a little surprised he saw thought me so fast 

"Forget it. I have work to do" he says going to his board and reading thought the games he plaid while away. I sighed taking the bag emptying it out and putting one some laundry returning his things to all there usual places in the flat as he worked until the kettle was done 

"Coffee my love?" I asked going over and making coffee 

"Ohh thank you hun" he smiled so I took his coffee over sitting it beside his board and my own just across from him he picked it up and took a hurried sip "umm I do miss your coffee when I'm away" he says "you always make it better then me"

"That's because when you make it, it's usually early in the morning and your too lazy to get dressed" I laughed moving to sit on his leg "so you end up messing it up" I laughed nuzzling into his neck "hi"

"Hello" he says looking down at me as he worked "you are really clingy today"

"I missed you" I smiled moving my hand down his exposed skin 

"Oh? Yeah sure you did" he says moving my hand away returning his focus to the board "forget it. I'm working"

"Ummmm but Benny" I whine 

"Don't whine at me, I told you I was busy" 

"Your not normally busy." I said "normally the moment you get home you throw your stuff and pick me up rip off my dress and whisk me away like a princess to our bed." I giggled gently kissing and at times biting his skin playfully "and I'm not allowed out of bed for the next three days"

"Normally yes"

"So… why not Benny? Are you grumpy with me?" I whine

"I'm not mad at you hun. It's been a hectic few days that's all. And I came close to loosing. I don't like how close it was so I'm replaying it all try and see what happened" he explained "I'll have sex with you later" he says kissing my cheek before returning to his board

"Can't you replay anytime? Get home snuggles can only happen when you've just got home it's the rules" I explain wiggling in his leg a little playing with his chains between my fingers he glanced down at me with those dark eyes his tongue moving in his mouth as it does when he's thinking and he moved his hands to my hips moving me slightly to sit over his crotch feeling his belt against me his hand grabbed my arse thought my dress as I giggled innocently and wrapped my arms around his neck 

"You really miss me that much?' he asks his voice deeper to tease me more his eyes starting at my own from under his fluffy hair 

"Ummm hummm" I nodded whining a little he glanced up and down my body the corner of his lip perking Into a smirk 

"Miss me? Or need me hun?" He smirked gently moving his hips against me

"Both" I smiled moving my own back 

"Hummm maybe I should buy you that little toy for when I'm away?" He suggested holding my hip and gently grinding on me enough to make me gasp feeling how wet it was making me already 

"Uhh Benny" I gasped tightening my grip on him 

"Then maybe you won't be so horny and desperate for me the minute I walk in the door" he smirked 

"Maybe, or maybe it would just make me even more frustrated and horny because it's not you benny" I smirked fixing his hair back for him he bit on his bottom lip a second before he pulled me aggressively to kiss him, I happily kissed back excited. This was the benny I was used to getting when he came back from a trip hungry, Agresive, lusty, egar to push me on a flat surface and make me scream, we both moaned into the kisses gently moving our hips on each other boaderline humping against the chair and table. Until he pulled back 

"You are a horny little one today aren't you?"

"I missed you" I giggled 

"I missed you too… alright. Make me another coffee" he winked so I nodded giving his lips a sweet innocent kiss "oh and about sex?"

"Yes my love?"

"Forget it. I still have work to do" he says moving me off his lap to stand on my own handing me his coffee cup as he returned to the board "don't pout. I'll fuck you later" he says slapping my butt as I went to to the kettle to make another cup of coffee, I handed the cup over to him and kissing his head “Thanks hun”

“You’re welcome my love” I smiled I went over to the bedroom door “Maybe I’ll go to bed then” I said “All Alone” I said wiggling my butt letting my skirt shift drawing his attention to my butt 

“You are so pouty and honry today aren’t you?” he smirked as he worked

“What do you care?” I asked “You’re busy”

“Love you y/n” He says 

“Love you too Benny” I smiled, blowing him a kiss as I went into the bedroom.

I waited a while listening to him moving his chess pieces and marking marks on his paperwork. I slipped off my dress and went out in my lingerie going and sorting magazines and such like bending over and such like trying to draw his attention to my sexy clothes I caught him looking at me alot and he smirked to me watching me over his chess board 

“Forget it” He says “I told you, you’ll get attention later” he warns 

“What benny? I’m just tidying up”

“Are you now?” he smirked “Not at all that you're in your sexy underwear bending over trying to distract me?”

“Nope” I giggled going over and sitting on his thigh nuzzling into his chest wrapping my arms around his neck gently running my hands across his smooth warm skin pressing soft kisses up his neck, I gently moved my hips to ride his thigh as he was playing though his game 

“Forget it.” he says moving a hand to my hip to stop me moving myself 

“Ughhhh come on benny! You don’t normally ignore me like this” I whine “Don’t you love me?” I complain giving his lips a kiss 

“Of course I love you, But I’m busy” he says giving my nose a kiss 

“Fine” I sighed nuzzling into his neck, often trying to play with his chest, his belt or his hands but every time I tried he slapped my hands away with the same cocky 

“Forget it” 

“You’re no fun” I whine getting up heading back to the bedroom to get my comfy underwear and my normal dress on 

“I think I’m fun” he shrugs leaning on the doorframe to the bedroom he smirked grabbing my waist pulling me to be an inch from him “Just because I made you wait” he growled pushing me down on the bed making me blush and giggle 

“I thought you were busy?”

“I’m done now. If you had just waited. My impatient little girly” He smirked crawling on the bed with me throwing his shirt to the floor “Down. Now” he Ordered undoing his belt and flipping me over to be laid on my stomach, he moved a pillow between me and the mattress to wedge my hips up ripping my panties to sheds I slightly moved my hips in my excitement and Impatience “Ohh no you don’t” He wars “You were a Bad, Bad girl. So You're gonna wait. Till I say so” He smirked slapping my arse hard making it sting instantly...

[uchihacore]

newton’s third law

PAIRING: keishin ukai x reader SUMMARY: every action has an equal and opposite reaction WARNINGS: nsfw, pegging, blowjobs

You frown at your reflection in the tiny rearview mirror, rubbing at the edge of a purple mark peeking out of your shirt collar. You hadn’t noticed it last night, but then again, you hadn’t really noticed much outside of Keishin calling you ‘Princess’ as he sat you in his lap and pressed a vibrator between your legs. And really, can you fault yourself for that?

Lucky for you (or rather for lucky for Keishin), you always carry a tube concealer in your purse, just for these types of situations. You pull out the tube and dab some concealer onto your tender neck, gently patting away the cream until it blends with the rest of your skin.

“Sorry 'bout that,” Keishin says from the passenger seat. You can see him from the corner of your eye, and he’s grinning like an idiot, which makes sense because he is an idiot.

“No, you aren’t,” you scoff, rolling your eyes. You need to get him out of your car before he makes you late for work, or worse, a student sees you with him. You pack the tube away, pulling out your lipgloss as Keishin shrugs unapologetically.

“Nope, not even a little bit. But really,” he says, leaning in closer until you can feel his breath on your ear, “can you blame me? Seeing you all marked up, having to hide my hickeys at school, it’s so hot.”

“Nice to know you’re turning into a caveman, Keishin,” you say. And blush because the heater is on and not because of how close he is, the bruise on your neck tingling, “but not everyone gets the luxury of working for our mommy. Some of us have real jobs.”

(Which, admittedly, is a low blow. Especially considering he coaches the boys’ volleyball team for practically nothing, and gives Karasuno students discounts on like half his inventory.) You purse your lips together to rub in the lipgloss, fighting back an apology.

“And yet, here you are,” Keishin notes, seemingly unruffled. “Hiding my artful love-bites under a layer of makeup. Real job and all.”

“Get lost, Keishin,” you say, rolling your eyes. You toss your lipgloss into your makeup bag and turn to him. “I have classes to teach.”

“Of course you do. Have a good day at work, Princess.” he says, and the ballsy bastard actually kisses you before getting out of your car. You give him your best-unimpressed glare, and his smile widens when he turns and sees your expression before heading into the store.

And okay, yeah, maybe you a part of you is blushing and giggling on the inside like some idiot schoolgirl, but only because you’ve been treated like many things in your lifetime, from bitch to queen to child, but no one had ever made you feel like the Keishin does, like an actual, honest to God, princess.

But the other part is trying to figure out when he got so cocky, and how you’d allowed that to happen. Before you can contemplate further, a group of third-year students passes your car, and you put the car back into drive. Suddenly self-aware of how strange you must look mooning after the Sakanoshita Store guy, of all people.

You ponder it on the walk to your classroom, your sex life, or whatever it’s called, with Keishin Ukai is excellent, you’ll be the first to admit. He’s the first man ever to make your voice hoarse from moaning. But the last thing you want is for him to get a big head over it. He’s annoying enough as it is, thanks.

No, you need to get Keishin back down to Earth, somehow. He needs to be taught a lesson, taken down a peg.

And just like that, it hits you. Throwing a glance at your class, who are all too busy with morning pleasantries to notice, you pull out your phone and do a quick google search, you find the article you’re looking for and skim it. You’ll need to do some after-school shopping, but you’ll gladly sacrifice that cute skirt from H&M for this. You put your phone away and neatly write a line of notes about the kinematics on the chalkboard, drawing a smug little smiley face in the corner. Oh, this is going to be fun.

Your next 'meeting’ (because what the fuck else are you supposed to call it?) with Keishin is on Friday, and today is Tuesday. If you stop at the sex shop tonight and get the supplies, you’ll have two nights to figure them out. Which is essential because the last thing you want is to be unskilled in front of Keishin. He’d never shut up about it.

The school day passes by in a blur. You faintly remember scolding Nishinoya for using Tanaka as a springboard and a brief conversation with Hinata about the ‘epic highs and lows of high school volleyball’. Also, the concept of mitochondrial DNA had been clunking around your headspace for most of the day which was odd because you don’t even teach biology. Still, mostly you were just focused on the tantalizing idea of giving Keishin a taste of his own medicine.

You drive to the sex shop two towns over, as opposed to the one just off the highway, partly because it’s cleaner, but mostly because there’s less of a risk of seeing someone you know. You’d hate to have a student catching you buying a strap-on. Oh, the rumors.

The salesperson is a heavily tattooed girl with electric blue hair and a black heart stamped on each freckled cheekbone. She’s really helpful, though. She takes her time explaining just how all the buckles work, and which dildo to buy to fit into which harness, so do your best not to judge her too harshly. She also recommends buying silicone-based lube over water-based lube, because apparently it lasts longer and isn’t harmful in anal sex the way it is in vaginal sex.

So you give her a five-dollar tip for her troubles, to which she responds by giving you the toothiest smile you’ve seen in your entire life and telling you your boyfriend has no idea how lucky he is.

Which you give her another three dollars for because she’s completely right.

(About Keishin not knowing how lucky he is to have you. Not about him being your boyfriend, because he’s fucking not, okay?)

You bring your goodies home, feeling like you always feel after shopping: like you’ve just gotten a load of Christmas presents, and they’re waiting to be unwrapped. You have the presence of mind to hide the black and red bag in your oversized purse before entering your building. Just in case you happen to share the elevator with one of the old ladies on your floor.

Once you get into your apartment, you lock your door and layout your purchases on your dining room table, immediately picking up the dildo to test its weight. You’d picked a sparkly ribbed one, not because you particularly like it, but because you can’t wait to see Keishin’s face when he saw it. You’re pretty sure it’ll end up somewhere between shock, reproach, and begrudging amusement.

It’s the same abrasive yellow as Keishin’s bleached hair, average-sized, chosen more for entertainment value than anything else. You slot it into place then give the shaft an experimental tug to see just how well the metal ring in the harness holds it in place. Satisfied with the result, you examine the nubby, double-pronged vibrator on the opposite end of the harness. It’s supposed to go inside you when everything’s in place, so you get something out of it while you fuck Keishin senseless.

Though you’re reasonably sure that the very act itself of fucking Keishin senseless would have you curling your toes, you’re not about to deny yourself some extra stimulation.

You test the silicone lube between your fingertips. It feels weird, like the silicone-based face primer you’d used in high school, though this was less powdery and more expensive. You test on the skin above your knee, curious to see how long it takes to dry off.

While you wait, you take all of your clothes off, hanging up your blazer and throwing the rest in the hamper. You examine the harness, it’s an intimidating contraption of black nylon and silvery buckles, but that doesn’t deter you. You’re a high school science teacher, thank you very much. You explain physics to teenagers all day. This is nothing compared to that.

And actually, when you fit it onto your hips, it’s not too bad. A strap goes around each thigh, like a bikini, and one loops around your waist. You tighten the straps and peer down at the yellow, glittery penis now hanging heavily at the apex of your thighs. Huh. So this is what penises are like?

You grip the base and stroke up, grimacing at the sensation of your hand skidding over the rubber. Oh. Lube. Right. You squeeze some lube onto the dildo and start stroking again, much smoother this time. You hate how good the angle is; no wonder guys get so picky about handjobs. You fist it for a few minutes, feeling the vibrator bump against your clit. Which, considering its not even on, has no right to feel that good.

Once you get used to the way the dildo moves within its ring and how to compensate for the way the straps shift on your hips, you take the strap-on off and clean the dildo of lube. The stuff is way better than water-based lube, and you can’t wait to see it in action. You pack the strap-on and the lube back into the bag and leave it in your bedroom. Then you take a seat at your dining room table, pulling out a stack of ungraded papers instead. Time to spend some quality time with Marie Curie.

The next two days are validating, if nothing else. Keishin’s decided to go full little shit and keeps sexting you in the middle of your lectures like you’re supposed to just be able to explain oxygen theory of combustion after receiving a text detailing just how hard his cock is. You’d given him your best glare and sent a lengthy email telling him to fuck off, but to no avail. Plus, yesterday, he showed up at your office hours after practice, covered in sweat, and looking ridiculously hot, “just to say hi.” You won’t let it bother you, though. He’ll get what he deserves soon enough.

By Friday afternoon, you’re a mass of nerves and vindictive anticipation. Keishin’s been shooting you heated smirks all day. At lunch, he purposefully spills a packet soy sauce all over his hand just to seductively lick it off each of his fingers. You think it really speaks to your libido that, under the righteous indignation, you were actually pretty turned on by that. Stupid fucking Keishin, getting you hot and bothered with convenience store dumplings, of all things.

You’re practically vibrating when you open the door to your apartment at seven sharp, tamping down on your anxiety. You give Keishin your most relaxed, most expectant smile, and he responds by giving you that stupid(ly sexy) smirk and thrusting a bottle of cheap wine your way.

“Hey, Princess,” he says, bending down to peck you on the cheek. “How was your week?”

“Um,” you blink at him owlishly, thrown, “fine?”

“Really?” Keishin asks, stepping into your apartment and closing the door behind himself. As soon as the lock clicks into place, he’s on you like a starfish, head tucked into your neck. “Because mine’s been torture. All I can think about is how gorgeous you look under me. Over me. Everywhere. God, you drive me nuts.”

You feel something heavy in your chest. You bring your hands up to card through his hair. “I know the feeling.” Because all jokes and exasperation aside, Keishin’s under your skin in a big way, pumping you full of something that tastes like burnt, thick sugar and smells like Valentine’s Day chocolates. You’re drowning in Keishin Ukai, and you fucking love it.

“Do you now?” Keishin stills, then his hands change directions on your back, one scooping down to you ass and the other up into your hair. “And how does it feel, Princess?”

Oh, and there’s the smarmy little imp that’s been harassing you in school. Your lips curl into a devilish smile, out of Keishin’s line of sight, and you lean your weight into his hold. “Oh, I’m not sure I can even explain it, Keishin,” you sigh woefully. “Maybe I should just show you instead.”

“I think I could get behind that,” he agrees, pulling back. “Maybe even literally.” He leers down at you, eyes dancing with mirth.

“Classy, Ukai.” You snort despite yourself. “Remind me why I ever agreed to have sex with you?”

“Is that a request or an invitation?” His hands fall to your hips, thumbs rubbing lazy circles into your hipbones, “I accept both.”

You purse your lips, whether to fight a grin or a scowl, you’re unsure. “Let’s take this to the bedroom,” you suggest. “I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” Keishin grins. “Lead the way.”

You set the wine bottle on the table and lead him by the hand to your room, hips swaying, nerves were forgotten. This is going to be so much fun. You open the door to your room, watching Keishin leap onto the bed. “Close your eyes and take off your clothes,” you order, unbuttoning your blouse. Keishin inhales sharply, eyes falling shut as he peels off his shirts and wiggles free from his pants. He’s already half-hard, boxers just beginning to tent.

“Can I open my eyes yet?”

“Not yet, no,” you replied, opening the drawer and pulling out your bag of tricks. you slid the strap-on into place, tightening the buckles with confident, practiced accuracy. “I thought we’d try something different today. Just the thought of it has kept me wet all week.”

Keishin twitches in his boxers, fists clenching on the edge of the bed. “Now, I’ve got to know. ”

“Open your eyes.”

Keishin blinks them open, freezing when they land on the dildo. You stroke it slowly, delighting in the way a ruddy blush works up his toned chest.

“Oh,” he says, sounding faintly disappointed. “I thought….”

“You thought you could tease me all week at school and get away with it,” you supply, baring your teeth when he flinches. “Newsflash asshole, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So, what do you think of my cock, Keishin? I picked it out special, just for you.”

Keishin shudders, bowing his head in supplication. “Tell me what to do,” he says, voice gone hoarse.

“Answer the question.”

“It’s, uh,” Keishin stammers, glancing up at it, “it’s very… pretty?”

“Damn straight, it is,” you growl, striding toward the bed in long, slow steps. “What are you going to do with such a pretty cock, Keishin?” And wow, where is this coming from? You’re just supposed to fuck him and get it over with. This aggression is all-new, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel good. And, judging by how hard Keishin is, you assume the feeling is mutual.

“Can I suck it?” he asks meekly, eyes pointedly not meeting yours. A total display of submission. You approve. You move to stand in front of him, positioning the cock at his lips, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Keishin groans, reaching out to suck the head into his mouth. He bobs his head, working deeper down your shaft each time. You bite your lip, feeling a hot wave of arousal work down your spine. He’s beautiful like this, cheeks hollowed around the length of yellow, sparkly rubber. Your hand leaves the base to cup the back of his head, and his hand takes its place. He pulls back to suckle at the head, eyes looking up at you heatedly.

Fuck.

“So pretty,” you sigh, hand petting the dark hair on the nape of his neck. “I can see why guys like this so much.” Keishin’s eyes flutter shut, lashes long against his cheekbones. “What do you think, Keishin? Do you like sucking cock?”

Keishin moans, sucking as deep as he can go. When his eyes meet yours again, they’re desperate. His free hand moves to his own cock, pulling it out of the gape of his underwear.

You freeze, pulling his head back by the grip in his hair. “Did I say you could touch yourself?” Keishin shoots you a pleading look, but you’re already pulling out of his mouth, dildo shiny with spit. “Take them off, get on the bed. Hands and knees.”

He stumbles to do your bidding, cock dark red and angry-looking. You pick up the lube from where you’d placed it on the nightstand and kneel behind him. The lube opens with a wet click that makes Keishin jerk in surprise. You spread the lube liberally on your fingers, reaching out to trace one over his hole, teasing. Keishin mewls and pushes back, eagerly. You feel another gush of heat between your legs, pushing the finger in slowly. You work the finger in and out, curling it down to find his prostate. You find it on the fourth try, judging by the way he keens and clenches around you.

The second finger is met with a little resistance, and Keishin takes in a deep breath to relax his muscles. You kiss the small of his back in praise, scissoring the fingers once you’re able. This is a lot more intimate than you’d expected it to be, working Keishin open like this. It fills you with a strange sense of responsibility, you want to do this right, you want to make it good for him.

“Just relax, Keishin,” you whisper, as he whines and clenches around your third finger, “you can do this. We can stop anytime you want.”

Keishin heaves a great, shivering breath, but he relaxes. You work as slowly as you can, pushing against his rim more than thrusting in until he’s loose enough to take you. You squirt more lube onto your fingers, pushing them slowly into him until he takes them all the way to the knuckle. You make sure to graze his prostate every few thrusts, only content when he’s moving back to meet you thrust-for-thrust.

“M'ready,” he whispers, sounding wrecked. You pressed a kiss his hipbone in sympathy. “Want you.”

“Okay,” you say softly, pulling your lube-slick fingers out of him. You lube up your cock quickly, pressing the tip to his rim. “You sure?”

“Do it, Princess,” he says, wriggling his hips, “or I’ll start bringing bananas for lunch.”

You huff out a laugh, rolling your eyes. “Idiot.” You hold the cock firmly in one hand, pressing it carefully into him. His breath hitches and stops, and he leans into the intrusion. You press a wet kiss to the back of his neck when the head slides in. “How’s that?” You ask, moving slowly until the base of the dildo is pressed against his ass.

“Gimme a minute,” he manages, shoulders locked with tension. You hold your position, rubbing soothingly over his back and down his flanks. After a minute, he moves, shoulders relaxing. “Go slow, okay?”

You murmur an “okay” and pull out an inch. You move back in, starting a rhythm of tiny thrusts. You only lengthen them when he grows impatient and flails a hand at you. You pull out almost all the way, then shove back in, gasping when the vibrator buzzes to life over your clit.

You begin moving in earnest, grinding into him to feel the vibrator flutter against your clit. God, it felt good. You shift to the right a little, and Keishin moans, all high and whimpery and divine. You move to hit that spot again, grinning when he chokes out another moan. You angle yourself so that all of your thrusts will meet that spot, draping yourself over his back to work a hand on his cock. He’s hard as a rock and dripping pre-cum as he twitches under your touch.

Keishin makes a broken sound and works his hips, thrusting back onto your fake cock and forward into your fist. You feel the world spin around you; this was by far the hottest thing you ever done with anyone.

And you think Keishin might agree because thirty seconds later he starts babbling:“ fuck, I’m gonna cum. Shit, feel so perfect inside me, please, let me cum, tell me I can cum, please. I need you to say yes, please.”

You suck in a breath through your teeth. He wants you to give him permission? Oh, fuck, yes. “Cum for me, Keishin, wanna see you cum around my cock,” you command, voice deeper than you’d ever heard it. Keishin whimpers, and he’s cumming, hips spasming. You watch his hole clench around your cock and feel yet another gush of heat, this one dripping down your thighs. You continue to move inside him until he gasps and pulls away. You pull out slowly, groaning at the way his skin tugs around the length of you.

He flips onto his back as soon as he’s free, fingers racing to undo the buckles of your harness. “You didn’t come.” He huffs, tugging at the straps, “I wanna make you come. Please let me.”

You shove the strap-on away, throwing it half-way across the room. “How do you want me, Keishin?”

Keishin collapses, rubbery, on the bed. “Sit on my face, Princess.”

Fuck. You can do that. You move up until your knees bracket his head and hold yourself over his face. “Fuck, you’re so wet,” he whispers, kissing the dampness from your thighs, working up to your center.

He licks into you delicately, mopping up all of your juices. You’re hypersensitive already and gasp into his teasing touches. Keishin slides his tongue inside you, curling it upwards. You keen, grinding down onto his mouth before you can stop yourself. You move to pull off to apologize, but Keishin holds your hips down, face more blissful than you’ve ever seen it. You run your fingers through his hair, swiveling your hips over his mouth.

“Need you on my clit,” you gasp and Keishin hums (which, okay, wow) and sucks your clit between his lips, sliding two thick fingers into you. He licks and sucks at you, pushing you farther and farther closer to the edge, but it’s the gentle nibble that finally pushes you over it. You scream soundlessly, fingers scrambling for purchase on the bed. His hands keep you from falling off his mouth as he licks you down from your orgasm. When you mewl in discomfort, he presses one last kiss to you clit before pulling away.

You collapse next to him, thighs sore and blissed out.

“Learn your lesson?” you asked him sleepily, eyes closing.

“No wonder none of the boys are failing physics. You’re quite the teacher,” Keishin nods, still panting slightly. “Though, I think you may have to go over it again sometime.”

You laugh and turn to look at him. He’s smiling back at you, eyes soft and happy. The heavy feeling in your chest returns, and you feel like you can’t breathe. You lean in and kiss him, ignoring the way he tastes like you. His own flavor was much sweeter. “I think we can manage that,” you whisper against his glistening lips.

He lazily tangles his hand in yours and brings it up to kiss you knuckles. “Good.”

When you wake the next morning with muscular forearms wrapped around you, you panic for a moment before remembering who it is and relax into Keishin’s embrace.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Grandma Knows Best

Masterlist

Summary: Three months and you were still on edge ready to run at a moments notice and Clark is beside himself with worry, it was time Martha nipped this in the but once and for all. Grandma always knows best.

Warning: Angst, Swearing, Past Trauma,  Panic attacks

A/N: so this one is very angsty the next chapter should be happier and a little humor but I wanted to have this final 'melt down' I hope you enjoy it xxx

Taglist: @sofiebstar​ @thefangirlsblog​ @gooseyhouse​ @charliestufff​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @loserrlauraa​  @cheeseman​

The potting shed was old and rickety, Clark and Konner were going to fix it up over the weekend well fix it up; they were going to knock out all the panels and put perspex glass over it making a humongous diy green house,  they were going to home depo to order the glass tomorrow, but for now it was perfect shelter for the older plants. Around six weeks ago Martha had dragged you in here to plant your first ever plants. It had been fun, poking tiny holes and planting the seeds you were out here everyday watching,waiting for a shoot! But after a week you had gotten bored and stopped looking until she had told you of the first few leaves of spinach had popped through...It seemed within days of that all your plants had sprouted, none had died and to say you were proud was an understatement. You loved watching them grow something about caring for the fragile plants watering and feeding them pellets and tending them was soothing in a way. Whenever you got to overwhelmed you'd come out to the shed and take care of them, it was a place you could escape all...Except grandma. Martha had all but exiled the boys when she noticed Clark pestering you inside. she could see that gardening was becoming a solace for you, something you did without a care and she was pleased. You moved slowly behind Martha as she showed you how to dead head some of the plants and curb the tomato's so that you got less leaves and more fruit. You watched fascinated as she made quick work of the tall tomato plants plucking the new budding stems that would only produce leaves that would shade the fruit so it couldn't ripen. She turned looking to you concerned today she planned to air out a few things with you it was high time you had a little heart to heart.Three months. Three long months and still you held back Martha was worried, you hadn't settled, well you had but you were still skittish ready to run at a moments notice. They hoped you'd be more relaxed but it would seem you were the opposite more guarded and secretive and not once had you referred to them as family. It saddened her, konner had let slip that you were frightened of hurting someone...Namely her. But the woman trusted you. Clark was beside himself he didn't understand what he needed to do he was a father...Your father and he hadn't a fucking clue! Martha had decided it was time to nip these silly fears in the butt herself something tells her you needed a female touch. Clark had come to her a few days ago in floods of tears he had tried to take you shopping for clothes and you'd refused so then he offered to get a meal and when you turned that down it was coffee even though he didn't even let you drink it...He just wanted some one on one time with you he had been so excited for you to come home, he wanted a daughter...But you didn't seem to want a dad? He couldn't understand it he was lost and confused he desperately wanted you to open up to him, wanted to wrap you up in his arms and fight off all your doubts but...He didn't want to rush things, Bruce had called him out for being overbaring at first and said things take time but still he was impatient. What if you thought he didn't care because he was now giving you space? He hated the idea of you fearing being abandoned and alone again. You seemed happy on the face of it but when no one was looking your face was blank a mask hiding everything below. The longer you stayed here the more he could see you pull back you were fighting it, fighting being safe secure and happy. He couldnt get through to help neither could konner he had been trying to hard and you'd shut yourself off from him, Clark didn't want that to happen with him. It crushed him knowing you were still frightened and had decided that it would be an idea to just stay at the farm. He wanted to give you stability but he wanted you to come to him to open up and talk or or at least treat him like a father even if you didn't call him dad.

Martha moved slowly around you discreetly positioning herself between you and the door. She knew you'd try to avoid this and if you had the chance you'd run off and hide and that was not happening...Not again last time you'd been gone for a whole twenty-four hours the Clark had found you sleeping at a bus stop at two in the morning scaring the daylights out of everyone. She turned to face you a small smile was on your face as you prodded the leaves on your prized cucumber plant the first cucumbers just starting to form. "You know your dad was thinking of helping you design your room... I got a few catalogues of wallpaper and stuff...Ideas for designs from the home depot" You looked up at her blinking with a soft smile then moved slowly stepping up beside her placing your hands on the wooden Table in front of you. "He shouldn't...No point we're moving to the city again so...Yeah" Martha tilted her head letting out a breath placing the ant powder over your the cucumber plant to keep away the earwigs. "Well that was the plan...But your dad thinks it might be best to keep you and konner away from it... So your all staying here its not like he has to worry about getting to work~" she gave a sly smile and nudged you softly then frowned at your sour expression. "I didn't realize" Martha eyed you cautiously and stopped tending to the veg and turned. Then dipped down to your level you met her eyes for a second. What she saw broke her heart you were hurting and unsure still so lost. "Well now you do...So tell me what do you think you'll do to your room...I'm sure it won't be pink!" You took another deep breath poking a finger in the soil drawing a line in it. And shrugged. Its not something you thought about kids in the system didn't decorate, everything is temporary. "Don't know....Shouldn't bother...Only two years" Martha turned a placed a hand on he hip unimpressed. But you couldn't help feel she already knew that'd be your answer. "Now what the hell makes you say that? You think were gonna what? Kick you out at eighteen? Honey no that’s all behind you now...I mean christ Clarks still here and he's what thirty seven? Thirty eight" You flicked your gaze to her then back down to the spinach shoots in front of you moving the spritz them with a mix of water and dish soap helping keep away bugs. You arched over to the small container that held a mix of rock salt and crushed egg shells it helped keep away the slugs and snails. "I...Its hard I forgot what its meant to be like...In the system you just get thrown out...Go to the streets....Always weed to run or something or you can go to the sewers" Martha frowned at that "So that was your plan? You were going to be a drug runner? Or go Live in the sewers?" She asked none to impressed you felt scolded and skittish under her gaze and you didn't even see it. A mothers; in this case grandmother's disapproving gaze was felt. "I...I was a drug runner on and off...Then well I made a delivery to the Joker...He was...Frightening and I called it quits after that...Didn't want to be near the big leagues...Big people let their little people die" Martha crossed her arms this was new you never really spoke about how you survived normally brushed them off. "You ever try these drugs?" The question was meant to be casual but didn't quite hit the mark, you shook your head truthfully. "Couldn't risk it...If I reacted bad I could of...Well killed people so it just didn't seem like a good idea" she eyed you carefully and nodded she believed you. "Right well don't let you dad find out... But seriously you should think about what you want to do with your room everyone needs their own personal space" you heaved a deep breath smoothing out the layer of eggshells on the dirt covering the pot. Martha said dusting her hands off leaning on hand on her hip the other palm was flat on the table next to you.

"Okay right out with it...Come on whats going on in that mind of yours?" Her voice wasn't irritated she seemed more worried, wanting to know what was going on so she could fix it rather than to berate you for it. You swallowed moving our arms shrugging at her with a heavy sigh. "Just...I- it only been a few months not that long- things are going well now...But they might not be-I'm still dangerous my power can react at anything at anytime-" you were cut off by a clump of moist dirt hitting your cheek splatting across your lips making you spit and retch. Ew. You growled looking at her with a scowl. "Hey-what the fuck?-ugh ew no stop it!" Martha scoffed and flicked another small clump of mud at your face making you splutter spitting out the small flecks of dirt in your mouth. You looked up appalled at her wiping your tongue and she just hummed chuckling nodding a playful smile. "Yes I see it has incredible reflexes, nothing gets passed it~" you glared at her as she chuckled louder then flashed your eyes playfully and pulled at the water in the watering can urging it up the spout sending a large slosh of water over her croc covered feet she jumped back giggling lightly but stepped back to the table moving the pots back turning around leaning back on the table patting it. "Up you go darling time for a little chit chat" you frowned Your laughter dieing...This was it, they'd grown bored of you...You bit your lip preparing for the inevitable still wiping your face wanting the dirt off but obeyed sitting on the table looking down. She didn't let you for long stepping in front of you tilting your face up and pushed away a few locks of hair. "You always hide behind these curls...I wish you'd pull them out of your face and let me see my beautiful little granddaughter..." Martha spotted the eye roll and pinched you chin making you look at her. "I'm not your grand-" she frowned moving the hair to stay behind your ears then smiled. "Hush....Ah and there it is..." you frowned not following her trying to avoid her all seeing gaze "There’s what?" You bit out still expecting to be told to pack up and leave. These types of talks are never good, your being shipped off. Back to the tower not that you'd stay fuck them you never needed them. You don’t need anyone! "The doubt of a scared little girl, you hide it or you try to...But its there your eyes are a window we all see it...You think your poker face is perfect but...You Y/n L/n Kent are an open book...Clark sees it to he wants to help he loves you, I love you and so does konner" You furrowed you brows and tried shaking your head wanting to look anywhere other than her. You couldn't look her in the eye with whats coming, they stutter when you do makes it harder for them to be rid of you. "I-I don’t know what- Look I don’t need an excuse just say what you need to say!" she shook her head tutting and continued butting in before you could talk yourself into a panic. "Don’t give me that crap...You still think we're just gonna dump you off somewhere eventually...Well you better think again missy...You are my granddaughter, Clarks daughter and Konners sister and that is the end of it we love you! And nothing is going to change that y/n..." "W-What? Your...your not getting rid of me? But that’s what they do...When they want to talk" you asked heart clenching but Martha gasp seeing you trying to bottle up your devastation and anger. She turned cupping both sides of your face shaking her head looking mortified you'd think such a thing. It was then she truly saw just how much damage was there. You thought you were disposable and could be thrown away at anypoint. "No! No no of course not...Oh god sweety no listen I just-This is exactly why we need to talk my love...We are never ever abandoning you...My god your ours! And you are never going anywhere! We love you but we...We don't really know what you need you never ask for anything love...But your here and that's it you belong here with us" you blinked rapidly you couldn't help but buy it, believe maybe foolishly that this time it was the real deal. You whimpered trying to save face wiping away the tears before they shed. "B-but my power-" you started to argue but was quickly shushed as she held a finger to your lips and rolled her eyes with a light hearty chuckle. "Makes you no more dangerous then Clark or Konner now enough...I don't care, and I don't want to hear it anymore...You hear me? You are not going to attack me at all we all know that by now...Your breaking your fathers heart, he knows you still feel unsafe here and your just waiting to be abandoned again and its not happening...Now this afternoon you and your dad are gonna sit down and look at some ideas for you room which you are both going to redecorate together over the weekend. A few days bonding with him will do the world of good and might make you finally accept that you are going no where" you looked down with a deep sigh and picked at the loose splinters of wood on the table pulling thin strands of the wood.

"He loves you, you silly girl we all do...I know you still have your original bag packed stuffed between the desk and wall, it's how we found you last time" you snapped your head up to her what? Your bag gave you away? She shrugged to you with a cheeky grin. "Oh what you think that phone's been magically charging itself for three months? I've been charging it and your uncle Bruce may have tracked it for us to find you quicker...Having your dad flying all over smallville in the state he was when you went missing wouldn't have been very subtle...He'd have ripped the place to shreds and terrified the locals" you blinked at her. He was actually worried?  You thought it'd been an act. you flushed heart tingling and warming when the thought of someone caring enough about you to worry when you vanished. "I hope that soon you will unpack it...Clark is...He is at a loss he wants to get to know you but doesn't want to push he is frightened he would chase you off...Just please talk...Whatever it is we can help we just want you to be happy and safe" you looked down sadly unsure how to express yourself. The Kents had been brilliant but you just...Something made it hard for you to let go of the past. Your Mum and Dad the ones you couldn't save who died whilst screaming...They had called out for you! for you to save them but you couldn't you were weak...Defenseless even with this gift you couldn't protect them...A life time of guilt a life time of being alone, telling yourself that you can't lose people if you don't have them around you. How could you explain that? how did you explain it wasn't what you'd do necessarily it was also what if you couldn't help? couldn't save them? tears welled in your eyes at the thoughts and you sighed shuddering a breath. Martha moved closer standing between your knees and hugged you pulling you to her shoulder holding you tight rubbing your back hushing you and suddenly for the first time you cried. You sobbed gut wrenching cries into her. Until then the only other person to hold you had been Clark and that had been to prove a point. You moved trying to pull back apologizing for snotting all over her but she was having none of it she held tighter petting your hair softly kissing your head. "Hey?...Its okay...I got you baby we got you...You don't have to be frightened anymore...Or alone we are here for you...We are my love I promise" you shook your head still weeping into her the flood gates opened and you let loose. Martha was happy and gutted, she knew you needed to get this out but at the same time it was difficult to hear you shatter like this. A normally stoic sarcastic unshakeable and frankly stressed out teen finally cracking masks dropping and finally opening up, showing the true terrified little girl she really was. "But its bad!...I shouldn't-youll just!? and like the rest I cant-I wont!!" You fought to maintain an even voice but failed miserably spitting out the words rushing them with broken sobs. Martha was quick to ask she needed to know whats going on, needed to reassure you to fix the issues if she could. "Whats bad pumpkin? What's wrong sweety?" Her voice was calm a gentle lull that aimed to sooth you and draw the truth from you. "...M-My parents they-they died!...I tri-ed they y-yelled for help-to me THEY CALLED OUT TO ME! and I didn't...I couldn't and on the beach...It was my fault! mine...If I'd held on they could have made it!! and-and now with you guys! I wont be able to...I can't.? Youll die! And itll be my fault! Its always my fault...And then its- I don't want to replace them-my real parents" You shook your head no. you tried pulling back again this time Martha let you and moved holding either side of your face as fat tears still streamed down your face. You cried harder coughing and hyperventilating choking on your own sobs panicked looking for a way out. She held steady holding both hands firmly on your face well aware of the earth beneath her feet moving sifting like sand but she ignored it, her grandbaby needed her and so she began talking you through the attack.

"shh shh calm yourself down...Thats it its okay...Your alright I've got you...I've got you baby... Good girl see thats it a little more...Deeper breaths in then out...Good" Martha held her breath as you coughed a few more times your breathing was fast but you were calmer your tears still flowing freely but it was a soft quiet crying as opposed to the borderline hysterical sobs moments ago. That was it the final piece to the puzzle, you didn't want to disrespect your real parents by accepting new ones- or in this case a new father. And you felt responsible for there deaths carrying that type of guilt wasn't healthy for anyone. "...Okay...Okay baby...Grandma understands now...It wasn't your fault...None of this was your fault and don't you think otherwise ever...Your parents loved you and were probably yelling for you to hide and stay still...And the beach that wasn't your fault the atlanteans did that...They tried to declare war honey...If you wanted to I'm sure your uncle Arthur would talk to you about it...He felt guilty when he found out" you gasped and shook your head panicked at her.

"No! It wasn't his fault" she smiled at that he'd be happy to know according to Clark the man was beating himself up over it. She'd have to mention something to Clark to get the message across. "Or yours love...You couldn't have known what was going to happen...No one did we didn't-Clark didn't" You sucked in a deep breath and shook your head and opened your mouth to argue that you should have been stronger. "No no...I'm not done love...Do you think your mum and dad would want you to be alone?...Isolate yourself and refuse to live with a new family? That they want you to be unhappy?..I'm not asking you to forget them but its been a long time and maybe its time to accept that another family wants to be yours to protect you and guide and love you in your parents stead" you frowned wiping your face in vain as the tears still poured. "B-But what about you?- what if I can't save you? or Konner or-or" Martha shook her head at you chuckling raking her hands through your hair over and over in a soothing motion. "You don't have to...You don't have to save us love...Your dad is superman there isn't a lot he can't over come and konner is just behind him...And if anything ever happens here I'll have all three of you...Please don't make yourself unhappy in fear of loosing us, we aren't going anywhere" you blinked at her but gave a small smile Martha relaxed and hugged you again giving you one last kiss on your forehead. "Really? I'm- I don't need to....I wont be alone?" she shook her head at you somehow getting this off your chest made you fell lighter, it was freeing. You nodded thoughts still racing, no one ever took the time to really listen but it- Martha made sense your parents wouldnt want you to be alone would they? even if it was your fault which you still belived it was...They probably were crying out for you to hide, they must have known what was happening and only managed your name befor everything collapsed...The beach, well that was...It was war or the start of one. Seeing that she had gave you a lot to think about she patted your shoulders and nodded to the house. "Go have a shower and relax, we can plant these in the garden tomorrow...Just chill for today okay?" you gulped and slipped off the table to the floor slowly and turned timidly to hug her taking her by surprize you moved up on tip toes kissing her cheek and pulled away. "Thank you Grandma...That-You made sense" and with that you ran off letting the door slam behind you on your way out sprinting to your room. 

It took a while but after a few days of deliberation you finally come to terms with everything. Nothing else had been mentioned about it over the past few days, well things had been pretty normal but you'd been thinking alot. Martha made a lot of sense it wasn't a eurica moment but it had switched you on. Maybe it was time to move on...You'd never forget your parents you'd never stop loving them but maybe...Maybe you could love your new family to. That’s what they were...What they were trying to be a family it was just you that was the problem, to cut off and dare you say 'emotional stunted'. No one had ever just let you unload onto them like that before, by the time you were due to start therapy you were already in the hospital being sedated under the mental health act. You never had anyone to talk to and by the end of that ordeal you'd found a way to deal with it, reasoned with your own guilt and had your own take on what happened. Maybe this could be a new start...Its never to late right? Maybe you should just start interacting instead of avoiding them, you and konner got on you were friends but Clark and Martha...You'd tried not to be around them much. No point getting under their feet besides you didn't need to many attachments if you were completely honest talking to konner was just so you didn't go mad, you needed atleast one person to talk to. It was late on friday morning when Martha and Konner had left to go shopping. You woke up to Martha placing some more design magazines on your desk by the door. Grandma you mentally corrected yourself had said she was going out and would be back around dinner time with take out. She must have brought them up to try and sway you, wanting you to make the first move with..Dad. You hadn't approached him yet still nervous and every time you did get a bit of spine Konner was there to you didn't want to make a fool of yourself. She winked at you and nodded, it will be fine. Once she left you sat up skimming through the book's quickly then looked about the room you were in, it was spacious and at the back of the house...You hadn't the foggiest idea what to do with it at all, you’d never done this sort of thing before. You felt silly but it was kind of a big thing for you...The finality of making your mark on the house. It was daunting. You held the catalogues in your lap for a moment looking around...You should probably paint it your favorite color right? but what was your favorite color?...It had been so long since you thought about stuff like that you were stumped. You moved slowly to the door magazines in hand, it was time to start trying. You padded down the stairs timidly and peeked through the banister, Clark was in the kitchen sitting at the table. You sat on the step for a few seconds taking deep breaths watching him from between the wooden spokes in the banister then nodded you moved and hovered by the door. He looked tired reading the paper before him drinking his coffee. He must be tired there was an incident in india last night..Landslide he was there for a few hours digging out survivors and that says alot considering who he was. You crept up behind him and stood awkwardly curling your toes.

"Err clar-Dad?" He froze shoulders going rigid and turned slowly blinking a few times, he was shocked but happy? A grin spread across his face making his eyes practically glow. He swallowed placing down the paper he was reading. "Y-yes? Whats up?" You could see a slight tremble as he was trying to contain himself. You moved and sat next to him and placed the magazines on the table. "I err...well Grandma said that I can decorate my room...She got me these but, I've never done it and don't...I don't know what I can do or what to do...I can you help me?" He nodded quickly clearing the table he was vibrating with excitement, happy that his mother got through to you. You smiled and spread out the books. "So what do you like? Have you thought about any colors or themes" you blinked a little and flicked through the first magazine. "I like the sea" you said in a small voice sounding weird you'd never really spoke about your likes and dislikes before it was kind of irrelevant. You suddenly perked up drawing Clarks attention as you gasped seeing a few images of murals. "I...That’s cool I like the second photo...With the big mural its cool..." Clark looked over your shoulder smiling nodding it was very light and airy the room was three walls of faux white brick the final wall was a huge mural of the suspension bridge separating Gotham and Metropolis. "It is different you could have the mural on the wall across from your bed" you thought about it and smiled sheepishly nodding. "You think they have a beach one...Not like white sand and clear water...But like rocky? With forrest and stuff that sort of seaside raw and rugged..."  Clark smiled as you muttered away listing off ideas. Finally you were showing your true colours a bright and happy young girl slowly peeking out from behind her curtain of curls. "Well they should if not we can always go and take our own pictures" you gasped looking up at him shaking your head. "No no we don't...You don't have to do that..." you mumbled quickly avoiding his gaze. "Its no hassle...I do work for the daily planet I have access to some of the best cameras around...Ixm sure we could get a panoramic shot..We can fly out and find you a perfect spot it won't be that hard to scale it up and have one printed" he shrugged closing his own magazine waiting for you to answer. You twiddled your fingers it did sound fun...You'd never been anywhere before by plane the idea of going somewhere even quieter then this was very tempting you could just imagine the waves. "You can't book a holiday just so I can decorate...I'll just find one online" he chuckled at you shaking his head trying to hold back his amusement, he didn't want you to think he was laughing at you. "Oh no sweetheart I meant I will fly us out somewhere...It'll take a few minuets but there’s a great couple of island's near Vancouver extremely beautiful and lush there should be some good places there " you faltered then flushed. Oh yeah he can fly...Over the past few months you kind of forgot he was superman he was just Clark to you...Now dad. You took a breath. It was weird saying dad again. But you didn't feel bad about it just uneasy, what if he was doing this just to make sure you don't loose your mind and turn on them...Was that it? There must be a reason.

"Hey honey whats wrong? Gone all quiet all of a sudden, if you don't want to I can always ask your uncle Arthur to take a photo for us...Hell he might even have a few of his buddies photo bomb for you" Clark added trying to lighten the mood but secretly he was worried. Your happy dispositions had gone and you looked ready to run off and hide again. He was a little disappointed at the prospect of not being able to fly you off and spend a father daughter day at the beach, but these things would take time. "No no we can go! I want to go! it's just...I err forgot you were...That you could...Your just normal around here and just feel a little silly...I've also never been flying like at all and its just a little daunting" Clark grinned placing a hand on your shoulder squeezing it lightly. He was relieved you did want to spend time with him you were shy that was all. "That’s not silly at all and I promise flying with me is the safest way, I wont drop you, I'll never drop you, you can count on it...How about we go tomorrow afternoon? I can go borrow a camera from the office in the morning" you smiled into your lap twisting your t-shirt in your fingers nodding quickly trying to keep your nerves at bay. "Really? That's err fast and what about konner and grandma? Won't they want to come?" Clark's heart melted and burst all in one hearing you worry over your brother and grandmother. He was finally at ease. This wasn't a ruse you did think of them as family you did already love them. He'd ask his Ma about what was said but he doubts she'll tell him. But even if she didn't he's forever grateful to her because what ever was said has finally worked and for the first time he can truly say he felt like you'd accepted him as your new father and that meant the world to him. "Well they might but I have it on good authority that whilst we are having our father daughter weekend. Ma and konner are going to have fun of there own and spend the weekend in the city 'living it up' I have no doubt in my mind that they will be making good use of my savings...I have a feeling konner is going to wrangle himself a new xbox..." you looked down nervously the whole weekend? Alone with him. He moved his hand to ruffle your hair. "Hey...Its okay like I said we don't have to go flying, we do have to go to home depo tho ma still wants her makeshift greenhouse." You frowned he sounded defeated you turned facing him eye steely determined not to chicken out. This had to work, this was your home and you had to try harder. "I want to though...A-and like you said...You wont drop me I'd rather go flying for the first time with you rather then konner...He'd drop me just to catch me again and I'd probably piss myself" you muttered akwardly. "Then its settled! Tomorrow we go to the beach and take photos for your bedroom! Do you have a swimsuit? And some summer clothes it might be hot there and pack some suncream I wont have you burning! If you forget it your staying in the shade~" you smiled meekly at him nodding you did have a few summer clothes, some cotton shorts and a vest top should be fine. "Good you can pack a bag in the morning" he added grinning ear to ear finally feeling as though he had a chance to step in. You had opened the door and it was his job to make it stay that way. You crouched over the books with him feeling more and more confident as you began pointing out things in the books that you liked with him finally relaxing with him. Then it hit you like a truck. This really was it! Your very own room, your own home and a proper family.

You felt yourself getting choked up windpipe closing tightly only managing a few small hums in agreement as he pointed out different things colors and diy ideas. You took a deep breath trying to swallow the lump away from your throat. It was when tears blurred your vision and you sniffled trying to hold it back that Clark made his move wrapping you up in his arms all but dragging you out of your chair onto his lap. You wriggled trying to be released more out of habit then actually wanting to get away but he held firm tucking your head into his shoulder shushing you. "Your alright...I've got you I promise" he didn't speak after those words letting them sink in, he didn't need to say more then that his message was clear. You'd been accepted the fear and anxiety was melting away in one huge mass of relief as he just held you close one arm pinning you to him the other moving grabbing the pen that lived on the kitchen table and a small note pad used for shopping lists. He bit the lid off the pen and began writing a small list of what you'd need to get for your room. You tucked your face into him whining pitifully for the first time in years feeling truly safe and secure.

[mymelodyheart]

Starting Over Chapter 33 ~Epilogue~

WARNING: VERY VERY EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT

Five Years later

 Claire stepped into the shower and gasped as the spray of heat hit her skin. It was the perfect temperature and pressure. She groaned when the steam started to build up, and the water ran down her body like a caress. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as her fingers busily worked the tangled knots in her hair. Today was the first day of their holiday, and they were going to Lallybroch for Sunday lunch. And then tomorrow, they were heading to Oxford to visit her parents' grave before flying to Italy. 

Jamie had barely roused when her phone began to buzz with a message from Geillis telling her Joe would be picking uncle Lamb up before heading for Lallybroch. After a quick reply with a thumbs up, she'd kissed Jamie on the lips and decided to get up. Although it was still early for Sunday, she'd taken the opportunity to get ahead for the day.

She'd just squeezed shower gel into the sponge when the door suddenly opened.

"Jamie?"

"Hmmm?"

She peered through the thick steam and got a glimpse of her sleep-mussed husband. Enjoying the view, she waited, as he took off his boxer briefs and stepped into the shower. His large naked body dominated the massive space, and she smiled at the sight of his impressive morning erection and display of hard muscles in full masculine glory. After all these years, she never tired admiring his beautiful physique, fit and toned from running the rugby academy and personally coaching his young and upcoming talents and training with them.

"Morning Sassenach. Thought I'd join ye."

His almost transparent blue eyes held a mischievous gleam that made her wary. She fidgeted on her feet, suddenly loathing the unflattering light that highlighted her stretch marks and full hips when he looked so perfectly toned. Although she was comfortable in her own skin, and Jamie made her feel cherished, standing under the bright light made her conscious of the extra pounds her body hadn't managed to shift ever since giving birth to their daughter, Faith. 

She crossed her arms over her breasts and attempted to act unconcerned. "Umm, I'll finish off. Faith might wake up and come looking for us."

He ignored her words, moving closer until the spray caught his chest and they were only an inch apart. "I've checked in on her, and she's still fast asleep. I dinnae think she'd be waking up any time soon. She went late to bed last night, mind?" His lips twitched, and his eyes lit up. "Why are ye covering yersel', Sassenach?"

She scrunched up her nose. "I'm not. Umm, I'm done. I'll go prepare breakfast."

He barred her path, arching an eyebrow. "Are ye still worried about yer weight? We've talked about this before. Ye're perfect."

"No! No, it's not that ..."

"Ye've nae idea how beautiful ye are. But ye're no' going anywhere. No' just yet anyway." He uncrossed her arms and with his index finger, traced lazy circles around her sensitive nipple, making her catch her breath. Almost five years into their marriage, not much had changed with Jamie's art of seduction, and he always knew what buttons to push.

"Jamie! We have all the time in our holidays to do this. I still have a lot of stuff to prepare, and you know how long it takes to get Faith ready," she said lamely.

"Relax, mo chridhe," he whispered, his finger travelling down her abdomen. "Our bags are packed, and I'll take care of Faith when she wakes up."

She puffed a breath. "Are you sure it's alright to leave Faith behind? Shouldn't we be taking her with us on our holiday?" she asked, a fleeting concern settling in her belly. "I know she'll be with your parents, but she's never been separated from us since birth. I still think she's too young to be away from us."

"Ye overthink too much, Sassenach. Faith is four, and ye heard her last night. She's excited to spend time with ma and da. And ye ken how much wee Jamie and Maggie adores our Faith. She'll have fun in Lallybroch, and there's plenty of things for her to do there." Jamie had a point. With Jenny's children for a company and the abundant activities for youngsters in the village, Faith probably wouldn't even miss them.

She wanted a last-ditch effort to argue, but Jamie's wandering hands was making her brain fuzzy from hormones. Without conscious volition, her hands travelled up his chest, massaging his shoulders and then moving down to skim over his hard abs. She grinned when the skin underneath her touch quivered. There was probably nothing in this world and time that would make her resist his advances even if logic strived to surface, except of course if Faith decided to wake up and walk in on them. "Why do I even bother reasoning with you," she admitted, clasping his cock and fisting him with deliberate slowness underneath the spray of water.

"Aye, why do ye even bother when ye ken it makes sense. Ah, Christ ...that feels so good," he hissed, biting his lower lip. He suddenly jerked in her hands and muttered a string of curse. "We have plenty of time before the bairn wakes up. What do ye think about making a baby brother or sister for Faith ...ummm ... starting right now?"

Make babies. Make babies. The words ricocheted around in her head like ping-pong balls. Lately, that was all Jamie had in mind, always citing Faith's need to have a sibling to grow up and play with. It sounded so oddly sexy, it caused her veins to charge with electricity and ignite every corpuscle in her body. "Oh, I don't think I'll need that much convincing," she said provocatively.

Jamie lunged forward, a low roar of satisfaction vibrating from his chest, stopping just short before their bodies touched. His hands slapped the tiles above her head, his lips delivering the barest brush on her temple. He smiled before dropping his head further and kissing her deep and hard for the longest time. When her legs wobbled with the attempt to stay upright, his arm caught her by the waist and laughed. "Ach, Sassenach," he said choppily. "I've only just kissed ye, and that body of yers reacts like I'm touching ye for the first time. Ye're killing me here."

Trying to keep herself alert and straining her ears in case Faith woke up, was a challenge, but when it came to the act of foreplay and making love with Jamie, she always almost lost herself. He was holding himself only a hairsbreadth away from her, and yet her body was screaming to be touched. With a swallow, she placed the palms of her hands against Jamie's hard stomach and coasted them over the muscular curves. "You're torturing me," she breathed, starting to become frustrated with the ache in her core. "Did you bring the baby monitor?"

"Aye," Jamie whispered, straightening up and taking the sponge to soap her body with sweeping motions, before cleaning himself. Her senses became heightened from the spray of the shower, the warmth of the steam, and his expert hands as he caressed and touched her naked flesh. Slowly, he pushed her against the wall and knelt down on the tile floor, the water rushing over his head as he leaned in and brushed his lips to her intimate flesh. "Does this ever cease ...the wanting ye? Even though I'd made love to ye last night, I want ye again and again, and my fingers are always aching to touch ye."

"Oh, Jamie," she whimpered, sliding her fingers into his hair and guiding him closer. "Enough talk and touch me now."

"Ye're no' complaining about having a bit of time for a nooky now are ye?"

"N-no," she stuttered.

"No," he echoed on a groan, his finger sliding into her wet fold, causing her to suck in a shaky breath. "Mind, the better to serve ye, Sassenach."

"Damn it, Jamie!"

He moved his lips against her softness, his broad shoulders rising and falling, as he open-mouthed kissed the flesh enfolding her core, parting it with his tongue. His teeth brushed her nub gently, and Claire nearly hit the ceiling. Her response encouraged Jamie more, his fingertips digging into the flesh of her buttocks, drawing her lower body closer to his mouth. The firm, smooth slide of his tongue separated her flesh further and travelled over her nub in a leisurely lick. "So bloody responsive, ye drive me crazy."

Claire's head fell back on its own, her back curving away from the wall. "Oh, God, oh God ..." she babbled imploring gibberish, a scream beginning to build in her chest.

He hooked her leg over his shoulder as his other hand reached out to knead her breast, deft fingers pinching her nipple. When he began to suckle her nub more urgently this time, scruff brushing against her swollen bundle of nerves, she nearly lost it, making him chuckle. She glanced down at him beneath heavy lids as she pressed her hips closer to Jamie's mouth and writhed on his tongue, the sight of his arm busily fisting himself, making her see stars. Her stomach shuddered as her vision started to blur, the pressure bordering and coiling in her middle.

"Jamie ...please ..." she sobbed. "Inside me ...now."

He made a strangled noise and stood, his fingers sinking into her hair, to tug her head back and keep it still. Pressing their mouths together, his tongue plunged in for a deep kiss as his other hand cupped the juncture of her thighs, the pad of his thumb stroking her nub. When she began to whimper and thrash, he turned her around.

"Place yer hands against the wall," he commanded, hoarsely.

Her tummy dropped to the floor. Closing her eyes, she obeyed, her need intensifying a hundredfold as Jamie eased her legs apart. 

He shoved her wet curls to the side and nibbled her earlobe, his cock poised at her entrance. "In as much as I love to hear ye scream, Sassenach, we have to be really quiet," he muttered thickly.

She could only nod, her face hot, and her body shaking with anticipation. 

His tongue travelled down her neck as he moved his hand down between her thighs, his finger rubbing ever so lightly over her throbbing flesh.

She stiffened, her hips flexing of their own accord. "Oh God," she moaned. 

"Oh, aye." With one swift thrust, he took her from behind, his cock burying deep to the hilt, making her gasped and pushed back against him for more, torn between the need to feel his finger and the ache in her core for him to fill. He grunted with pleasure, pushing in and out of her with steady strokes, his fingers busily working her nub.

When his moves became more erratic, and his breathing shallow, his hold on her hips tightened, chanting her name under his breath. He took her with primal abandon, giving her everything he got, claiming her fully with each hard, deep stroke. Dropping his head, he bit her shoulder, his hips pounding hard behind her and one hand reaching up to cover her mouth.

Her body clenched underneath him, and she cried out in a muffled throaty gasp, the orgasm seizing her like an iron fist, waves after waves of pleasure washing over her and wracking her with tremors. When she shattered completely, he arched back and let out a low stifled roar, emptying his seed, jerking helplessly from his release.

Breathing hard, he held her tight, his hand kneading her breast and his hips slowing their movements. They stood like that for a long while, their breathing and heartbeats in synced, the shower beating down on them, relaxing their muscles. 

Finally, Jamie turned her around and kissed her on the forehead. "Christ, Sassenach, how did I ever survive ye?"

Claire laughed. "How about my legs? They feel like jelly."

"And my heart feels like it's going to burst. It's like that every time with ye."

"You're just sex crazy."

"Ach, ye bring it out of me," he grinned.

They were about to lock themselves into each others' embrace once more when the baby monitor crackled. They both stilled, and Jamie immediately turned off the shower. They heard Faith's voice. It was distant at first, kind of muffled, and then suddenly it turned into a shriek. "Mummy?!? Daddy?" She was outside their bathroom door.

Grinning, Claire gave Jamie an I-told-you-so look before stepping out of the shower. "I'm coming, sweetheart," she said in a sing-song voice before throwing Jamie a towel. After she'd quickly dried and wrapped herself in a bathrobe, she opened the bathroom door and closed it behind her. "Hello, darling. You're up early."

Faith's face was still flushed from sleep and almost matched the shade of her shoulder-length curls, the colour of a red deer's pelt as Jenny called it. She looked delightfully cosy and adorable in her pink flannel onesie and fluffy bunny slippers. "What are ye doing?" she asked, one hand clutching a teddy bear by the ear and another rubbing an eye. When Claire got down on her knees, Faith dropped her toy and held out her arms wide for a cuddle.

Smiling, Claire drew her in into an embrace, deeply inhaling her sweet baby smell. "I had a shower with daddy. He'll be out soon. Did you sleep well?"

Faith nodded as she laid her face on Claire's shoulder and began to suckle her thumb, making wet noises. 

Claire gently took Faith's hand from her mouth. "Don't do that, sweetheart; otherwise, you'll get buck teeth."

Faith pulled away and frowned, looking a lot like Jamie whenever his brows furrowed in concentration. "What's buck teeth?"

Claire made a funny face and made her upper front teeth overlap her lower lip. "Djis ish what bucschteeth look like."

Faith giggled, dramatically clutching her belly. "Ye're so funny, mummy."

Before Claire could respond, the bathroom door opened and Jamie came out in his bathrobe. "Is that my princess I hear?" he boomed.

Faith's blue eyes lit up, the sleepy look she had only a few seconds ago already evaporated to be replaced with excitement. "Daddy!" she shrieked, running towards him as if they hadn't seen each other for weeks when in fact, it was Jamie who tucked her into bed last night. 

Jamie stooped down and caught her with his hands. "Ooooff," he groaned when she crashed into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Ach, my princess is such a big lass already. Ye ken what today is?"

Faith leaned back to look into his eyes and nodded vigorously. "I'm staying with Granmaw and Granpa for a holiday."

"That's right. And have you made something for yer other grans in Oxford to take with us? Mind, mummy and I are going to visit them tomorrow."

"My English Granmaw and Granpa in heaven?"

Claire's heart expanded. Jamie had always made sure to include her parents' in Faith's bedtime story. It was imperative for him that their daughter knew of her English lineage and everything else about Claire's side of the family. It was something that touched Claire to the core whenever she was reminded of Jamie's story, visiting her parents' grave five years ago to ask her hand in marriage. It was one of those little things that made her love him more.

"Aye, that's right. So did ye make something?" 

"Aye and also for mummy's birthday."

"Wow, that's a lot," he said, winking at Claire, tucking a tongue in his cheek to tamp down the mirth that was obviously building up. "So, what did ye make?"

"I coloured some flowers," she replied, her lips adorably rolling and unrolling as she looked at her father.

Jamie's eyebrow arched, his eyes twinkling. "Aah, flowers. What sort of flowers?"

"The blue sort," she chirped, her wee hands clasping Jamie's face. "Wanna see it?"

"Aye, definitely. Will you go and get it for me, leanbh? We need to pack it in the suitcase." Jamie gently put her down and kissed her on the forehead. "And I have a pressie for ye ... it's somewhere in yer wardrobe in yer bedroom ...or perhaps under yer bed ...I cannae mind. If ye can find it, ye may open it."

Faith eye's widened and clapped her hands "A pressie, daddy?" She was already skipping out of their bedroom and down the hallway.

As soon as Faith disappeared, both sprung into action, Claire throwing a pair of sweatpants at Jamie and pulling a shirt from the wardrobe for him to wear. They laughed out loud when their eyes met across the bed, and they were still laughing when Faith skipped back into the room with her new toy puppy complete with a leash and her coloured artwork. "Whatsofunny?"

Jamie grinned as he put on a t-shirt. "Mummy did a trumpet."

Claire sputtered, glaring at Jamie. "I certainly did not!"

"Ye remember the rules for tooters, Faith?"

"Aye! Aye! Better to toot and bear the shame, than hold the toot and bear the pain!" she said, giggling, jumping up and down, dropping the toy and her artwork. 

"Good heavens, who taught you that?" Claire asked, looking down at her daughter in disbelief.

"Uncle Rabbie!" Faith shouted, still bouncing and laughing. "Mummy ye tooted. And daddy said ye always smell of flowers." She suddenly stilled and sobered up, her beautiful blue eyes growing big as saucers. "Did flowers come out, mummy?"

Jaime collapsed back onto the bed, doubled over with laughter and in stitches, and Faith took that as her cue to climb on top of him. He immediately grabbed her, tossing his daughter sideways and tickling her middle until she squealed.

Claire gave them a look of mock exasperation, inwardly smiling over being accused of flower fart, but both ignored her, father and daughter totally engrossed in each other's lovefest. They were always like this whenever they were together. And every time Jamie looked at Faith, his face was full of the divine, absorbing her as if she were springwater to his parched soul. At nightfall, when he tucked her to bed, he'd hold her like she was the most precious gift in the world, singing Gaelic songs, whispering endearments and promises of forever love. His daughter's presence always lit his eyes up with pure joy and love, just like now as if he still couldn't believe she was part of him. It was the most beautiful thing to witness, and it made her eyes well up every single time.

"Ye haven't told me yet if ye like yer pressie," Jamie asked Faith after their laughter had died down.

Faith rewarded him with a noisy smacker on the lips. "Thank ye, daddy, I love it. When do I get a real doggie?"

Jamie burst out laughing, and Claire cleared her throat to get his attention. Faith had always wanted a dog, and Jamie would've happily got one right away with the animal rescue centre not far from where they lived if they hadn't talked about this before. They knew the apartment was no place for a dog, especially when their daughter wanted a big one. "Mummy and I have been talking about having a dog. And we've figured, to have a dog, we need a bigger place to live in. So, I think after Christmas, we will start looking for a house with a big garden for ye and the doggie to play in."

A light pucker between Faith's brows appeared. "How many sleeps more 'til I get a doggie then?"

"Plenty of sleep, leanbh," Jamie sighed, gathering her into his arms and onto his lap. "That is why I bought ye the toy puppy so ye can have one to play with until we can get a real one."

"I love my toy puppy daddy, and I love you too."

"And I love ye," Jamie said, hugging her tight and giving her raspberry kisses on her neck, eliciting more peals of laughter.

Claire spoke past the lump in her throat. "Alright, that's enough, you two. How about waffles for breakfast?"

"Waffles!" Faith whooped, wriggling and slipping away from her father's hold. She ran out of the room, shouting waffles and something about chocolates. As soon as they were alone again, Jamie rose from the bed and padded towards her. 

"Happy?" he asked, drawing her into his arms.

She tipped her head up and smiled at him. "Very."

"Good. Ye get dress, and I'll prepare the batter for the waffles." Then he kissed her, slow and thorough, with a gentleness that made her heart sigh with pleasure.

"Icky!" Faith screeched, from the bedroom doorway.

Jamie grinned. "I'm glad ye think so, leanbh. Stay on that track for me until ye're thirty, aye?" With a wink, he took Faith's hand and headed towards the kitchen.

As Claire watched them go, all sorts of vision for the future rolled in. The past years hadn't been easy for all of them. Although she had gained her residency back at the Royal Infirmary back then and never questioned her own drive to succeed, she did worry that it would be challenging to balance her work with dreams of having a family. She'd hoped to start a family when she and Jamie had more control over their respective schedules, but things hadn't gone as planned. She became pregnant three months before she returned to clinical residency.

Adjusting from maternity leave back to clinical work felt like she was functioning like a robot. Claire had to wake up every two hours at night to feed her baby, and she was so dazed that she covered their apartment in post-it note reminders: bring the pump to work, the nipple protectors, the ice packs to keep the milk cold. 

Their hired nanny and help, Mrs Bugs may have been lovely and heaven-sent, but she couldn't shirk the guilt she felt spending twelve hours shifts away from her child. There had been mornings when she sat in her car crying because she didn't want to leave Faith, and Jamie had been helpless in consoling her since the rugby academy had had its own teething problems.

The last straw was when Faith had developed a fever. Mrs Bugs had been away for the weekend, Jamie inundated with his own work and Claire couldn't be late for her operating shift, but Faith's daycare wouldn't have accepted her if they knew she was sick. So she did what any desperate mothers would have done and got inventive - she slipped liquid Calpol into her bottle, in the hopes of lowering her temperature and dropped her off. Later that day, while performing a surgery, her eyes had continually checked the clock, willing the operation to finish in time for pickup. She'd prayed that the daycare wouldn't realise she was feverish. At that point, she felt like she was failing as a mother and as a resident, and she knew something had to give. She'd thought about quitting medicine a lot, but it wasn't in her nature. 

Between her career as a surgeon and her beautiful family, she'd chosen her family, and transferred back to The Royal Hospital for Sick Children to work as a part-time paediatrician. Part-time was putting it mildly since she still worked forty hours a week; nevertheless, it was better than her former sixty hours. Although she missed being a full-time surgeon, seeing Faith grow up had been worth the sacrifice. Now she had more time for her family and helping with the academy, and she'd be able to give Jamie the big family he wanted and create a home. She was more than happy with that.

"Mummy, mummy!"

And of course, with the academy running well and fully staffed and Faith in safe hands in Lallybroch while they go on a much needed holiday, she and Jamie would be able to spend time planning their future for a new home.

"Mummy?" Faith prompted again, tugging her hand until she got Claire's attention. "Can I have choccie sauce on my waffle? Daddy says to ask ye."

"That depends," Claire replied, tapping her freckled, button nose. "You can only have choccie sauce if you eat at least one fruit."

"Daddy is cutting apples." Faith snagged her hand and pulled her from the bedroom. "And he's making juice, coffee, waffles. No choccie sauce."

"Well let's go make some then," Claire said as they walked hand in hand in the kitchen, her daughter's excitement rubbing off on her.

They ate their breakfast animatedly, laughed out of sheer silliness and came up with new ideas for their new home, always including Faith in their conversation. When their daughter eventually passed out on the couch from her chocolate-induced hysteria, Claire cleaned up the kitchen while Jamie did a few business calls.

Life was good, she thought, and she couldn't wait to find their new family home and have their baby number two. She hoped and prayed it would happen very soon.

..........

Jamie paused in the kitchen, looking around. He was making sure they had everything they needed for their holiday and picking up things Faith might need in Lallybroch, like her Disney water bottle, plate and cutleries. Claire was giving Faith a bath, and Mrs Bug, who came to clean up the apartment once a week hadn't arrived yet. Every space in the apartment held the joyous clutter of two females. Glossy catalogues, colouring books and colourful magazines were lying scattered on the counter. There were traces of peanut butter cookies by the hob left by Faith which she wasn't supposed to eat after the chocolate sauce she'd already had for breakfast. There were two high-heeled shoes and one pair of pink glittered sneakers kicked underneath the table. A baby-blue unicorn with long hair and her new puppy toy took up two chairs. The scents of flowers and baby cream wafted in the air. A Cinderella lip balm and a bottle of red nail polish sat lined up neatly next to his expensive bottle of whisky and brandy.

His eyes burned as he poured himself a glass of water. He wasn't a man given to tears, but with everything going on in his life, he couldn't help but be overwhelmed by how everything had been falling to place the last couple of years. They'd gotten used to setbacks, obstacles and problems that accompanied a new marriage, Claire's unplanned pregnancy and starting their own rugby academy. He couldn't believe they had come out unscathed and they were stronger as a unit more than ever when there had been many frustrations and fights. But having a solid family and friends for support and plenty of make-up sex helped to tide them over their difficulties. 

Since Claire had accepted his marriage proposal, his life had shifted. A lightness Jamie had never truly experienced before poured through him. It was as if by finally allowing himself to open up, he'd discovered new strength and happiness he'd been keeping himself from. Loving Claire hadn't been a choice because right from the beginning, even before they both realised or accepted it, she'd been his and he was hers. The overwhelming feeling of his need for her had outweighed the fear, and it went beyond physical. He'd craved her presence, her love, her heart, her character, her humour, her selflessness, her loyalty, and even her temper. He needed all of it. He hadn't been supposed to be the nervous one, but his brave Sassenach had enough nerves and strength for both of them when she'd decided to take her chance on him. For that, the love inside him had expanded to include a little darkness and a hell lot of possessiveness. They had always been there, ready to flow into the intense feelings Claire had stirred, but his instinct had risen up and set them free. And he would move heaven and earth to protect his family and make them happy.

 It had only been a year ago after Ned Gowan had brought forward more witnesses, was Forbes finally prosecuted for his other secret transgressions that had gone unpunished for years. The trials had been lengthy due to Forbes' ability to circumvent the law and connection to the best lawyers. After Forbes had been arrested for spiking Jamie's drink, Ned knew it was only a matter of time before he was released on parole or bribed someone for his acquittal. Ned Gowan's resilience, ingenuity and resourcefulness coupled with the investigative skills of the reporters Rupert and Angus helped in keeping Forbes in jail. To this day, there were still more victims coming forward, suppressed by years of threats of scandal. Jamie could now rest at ease, knowing Forbes wouldn't be able to hurt his academy nor his family with false stories as his business had been reduced tremendously to recompense his victims.

Tamping down the emotions threatening to overflow, he set down his glass in the sink and picked up the pile of mail. Sifting through, he studied a doctor's envelope inscribed to Claire. He was about to put it down when the letter fell out of it. The envelope hadn't been sealed properly. Curious, he unfolded it. It was regarding the doctor's findings on Claire's discomfort on the side of her abdomen. When the pain had begun, she'd self-diagnosed having a kidney infection. She'd refused to take antibiotics until she was sure her self diagnosis was accurate. So she'd arranged a urinalysis for herself and submitted it to the lab for routine testing.

To his relief, the kidney infection she'd suspected came out negative, but there was more, so he browsed through the medical vernaculars until his eyes settled on something that made more sense. His heart stopped. Slowly he reread it, the words jumping out of the letter to blast him full force. Claire might not have a kidney infection, but she was two months pregnant. Fierce satisfaction uncurled, and he began to laugh. Too bad, his Sassenach wouldn't be able to enjoy a glass of bubbly when they share the news to his family later.

"Daddy? Whatsofunny?"

Jamie looked down at his daughter's flushed face, her hair done up in pig-tails and dressed in a jumpsuit romper and pink sweatshirt. He knelt down in front of her and smiled. "I'm happy, leanbh, that's why I'm laughing. Can I ask ye something?"

Faith nodded and moved closer, her eyes widening in anticipation as she waited with bated breaths.

"What do ye think about having a baby brother or sister sometime in the near future?"

She shrugged, her little shoulder touching her ear. "I want a doggie more, but a baby is nice too."

"Weel, how about if I say, ye can have both once we moved to a bigger house."

"Okay. I can have the doggie and ye, the baby."

Jamie's chest shook with silent laughter. "That's a deal." He got up and patted her wee bottom. "Go and find mummy then so we can go to see yer grans." 

Happy with their conversation, Faith dashed off to find Claire. He couldn't wait to see his wife's face when she finally learned of her pregnancy.

..........

Claire snorted and shook the paper in front of her. "You call that journalism? How do the reporters get away with printing such rubbish as news?"

They had just finished lunch, and they were all sat around the long family table in Lallybroch while the children played in the living room watched over by Jenny and his parents.

Uncle Lamb worriedly glanced at Claire as his brother Rabbie stood up and peered over her shoulder. "Mmmm, the cameraman is to blame. Taken at a wrong angle, ye look peely-wally there, Claire."

Nowadays it was seldom to find Jamie's name in the gossip columns of the local papers unless it had something to do with his academy. The first time his wedding had made it to the news, it had been a shock to many and speculations had been rife all across the social media. Some even citing that Claire had trapped him into marriage with Frank Randall's child. Busy with their own respective work, Jamie and Claire had been able to ignore the gossips, and eventually, the stories, that had been mostly exaggerated, died a natural death. But now and again, someone would recognise them on the street and take a photo, just like one of Claire coming out of a grocery store which somehow made it in today's news. The headline described Claire looking sombre and wondered if there was trouble in the Fraser marriage.

Rabbie was right though. Claire looked pale in the photo. It must have something to do with her pregnancy. He sort of suspected she was pregnant already even before he read that urinalysis result earlier. He'd always kept track of her menstrual cycle and the changes in her body and moods. But when he'd mentioned about missing her period earlier this month, Claire had simply put it down to the excitement of their upcoming holiday.

Jamie ignored the funny tingle in his gut and reminded himself not to announce their news without consulting his wife first. He needed to make an effort tamping down his excitement.

Willie signalled Rabbie to pour Claire a glass of Chablis and slid it across the table to her. "Here, Claire, have a sip of this."

Jamie immediately grabbed the wine glass causing Claire to glare at him. To his relief, she didn't try to retrieve it back.

"And look at this," she exclaimed, a finger jabbing at the black-and-white print of news. "They're claiming I've let myself go and that I look fat."

Jamie's legs started to bounce under the table. "Sassenach, ye said so yersel '...what those so-called journalists write is rubbish. Why are ye getting so worked up? It never bothered ye before."

Claire glowered and pursed her lips. "It's the body shaming I don't like. It's unfair to us women. We're expected to have babies and still look like a model at the end of it. It's this sort of writing that makes women go to extreme lengths to look good even if they're doing more harm than good to their bodies."

He gave her a sympathetic look and reached out for her hand. "I understand, Sassenach but readers have to take responsibility for what they read. If people believe everything that is ever written in print without questioning it, they only have themselves to blame."

"I guess you're right," she grumbled. "I should know better by now."

"Hey, Claire," Rabbie butted in. "If it's any consolation to ye, my mates think ye're lush. Ye'd give any lassies in their early twenties a run for their money. And ye're smart too, to boot."

Jamie frowned at his younger brother. "I hope ye mentioned to them she's married to me."

"Jamie!" Claire snapped. "Stop acting like a caveman!"

Instead of his usual smart retort, Rabbie got up and disappeared into the kitchen.

"See what you've done?" Claire pointed out.

"Ach, Jamie, everyone kens Claire's with ye," Willie sighed. "Ye make sure of that all the time, piddling a boundary around her."

"Exactly!" Claire shot, looking at her husband. "Why Jamie does that, I have no idea. It's as if he can't trust me."

Jamie's eyes widened, too dumbfounded to say anything.  Uh-oh! What's happening to wifey? This is not how are day suppose to turn out.

Geillis, who had been quiet the whole time browsing through the family's album with uncle Lamb, gave Claire a funny look.

Claire noticed. "What?"

Geillis looked at uncle Lamb, shrugged and continued to flip the pages. "Mood swing much, Claire? First, ye're giggly throughout lunch, and now ye're mardy and snappy."

Claire looked at Joe, waiting for him to say something. But Joe only raised his hands as if pleading ignorance. "LJ seems fine to me."

Snapping the album shut, Geillis glared at Joe. "She's not fine, and it's alright not to be fine." And then she turned her attention to Claire. "So what's up with ye? Have ye eaten something that didnae agree with ye ...like a whole watermelon?"

Jamie choked and sputtered the wine he was drinking, and Willie began to thump him on the back. "What the fuck, Jamie?"

Before anyone could react, Rabbie reappeared at the table with a plate of white chocolate cheesecake drizzled with raspberry sauce. 

Immediately, his wife perked up. 

"Here, Claire, I ken ye like cheesecake," Rabbie offered after he'd slice a piece for her.

Jamie glowered at his brother, who always seemed to come out the good guy despite his cheekiness.

"Thank you, that's sweet," Claire smiled, unaware of the tension she'd created with her hormone-induced mood. "You're a star."

"Ye're welcome," Rabbie replied, launching Jamie a haughty look. 

Jenny peeked her head out of the kitchen. "Hey, Claire, do you want to try the tiramisu? I made it earlier with a bit of my own twist."

"No!" The moment Jamie shouted the word, he wished the floor would open up and swallow him in one whole. Everyone, including his wife, was staring at him with incredulity. "W-weel ..." he stammered, feeling the heat on the tips of his ears. "Tiramisu has raw eggs in it."

"And??" Everyone said all at once.

Uncle Lamb peered over the paper Claire was reading only a while ago and shook his head. "With all the information at your disposal and floating around the internet, I'm still surprised you kids still don't get it. Claire's pregnant."

Everyone stopped. Gaped. Jamie was relieved his wife's pregnancy was out, and it didn't come from him.

A big grin transformed Geillis' features. "I knew it!"

"I'm pregnant?" Claire smiled, her face turning angelic once more. "How did you know?" she asked Uncle Lamb.

Quentin folded the paper and sighed. "You're moody and Jamie's acting strange. Either yer hormones is rubbing off on your husband, or he knows about your pregnancy. Simple as that."

His wife gave him a questioning look, and Jamie had no choice but to get up from his chair and take Claire's hand. He excused themselves from their family and friends and tugged her into the kitchen. Once alone, he took her into his arms.

"We're pregnant, mo chridhe," he whispered and explained about the letter from earlier.

After Jamie was done, he stroked her hair while Claire tried to absorb the information.

When she finally spoke, she lifted her head and gifted him with a beautiful smile. "I can't believe you found out I'm pregnant before I did and I'm a doctor. Nothing is or would ever be conventional with us, is it Jamie?"

"I wouldnae ken what's conventional or no', but one thing I ken I wouldnae trade what we have for anything in the world. Ye're a funny lass, and I'm a complicated man, but our hearts are in the right place every single time when it comes to loving each other," he said gruffly. 

The low sun coming from the window caught the sheen in her eyes. "I suppose that's true and what we have between us is impossible to express at times. It's real, and it's humungous, and sometimes the magnitude of it creates imperfections. I embrace those imperfections because they mean I get to love the most wonderful man I know."

"And I get to be the luckiest bastard on earth. Look at what we've got, Sassenach," he said quietly, brushing a kiss across her forehead. "We've got everything. We have Faith and another baby on the way."

"Everything and much more," she breathed.

He leaned in and kissed her lips, lingering a moment before repeating the pledge he'd made on their wedding day and every day since. "You and me and our family, in it together."

"Forever and ever."

 The End

[sparklingpax]

What It Costs

Love is sweet, love is loyalty, love is unwavering, love is....sacrifice. Sometimes, one does not remember the last part until it is simply....too late. 

///

A/N:

-Angst. This is angst. If some of y’all don’t like that stuff and/or are bothered by it, click off or scroll by, please. Thanks. 

-Hhhhh speaking of that, I’ll have you know I’m terrible at this kind of writing. I gave it my all, however. I hope I did passably, at least...^^’’

-Um......I am very sorry if I made any errors, be it a typo or misinformation about something/someone, etc. I wrote a lot of this very late at night or at ungodly hours of the morning.....so that might explain a little of it ^~^’’ I’ll read through it as many times as possible after posting so I can catch and fix as many of those mistakes as possible....

-I’ll make this quick; sorry again to anyone who saw this the first time ^^’’ But this time, I’ve posted it intentionally so I hope you enjoy!! :’D 

-This is only one, long part so dw about cliffhangers or waiting 10 centuries a long time for me to finish it :3 

-Set in the TFP universe! And obviously, my attempt at some official OptiRatch content! :)

The sky was a dull, bleak grey.

Icy rain pelted the earth, pouring from the stormy skies with a vengeance as harsh winds tossed them around with an ominous whistling.

Yet the real storm had materialized inside the rocks—in the simple silo base where the Autobots resided.

               Today, the children had not been able to come to the base.

             Miko was in detention, Jack was busy working overtime at his job, and Raf was studying for a exam.

             It was just one of those days.

             “Thank Primus for peace and quiet!” Ratchet would have remarked as he usually did on days such as this.

             However, things were all but calm—even as a prickly silence filled the air.

///

             “I…I cannot let you do that…” Optimus stammered at last. He bowed his head and shifted his gaze to the left, clearly uncomfortable. “It is only a mere relic, not worth the life—”

             A fist pounded the wall, leaving a blackened scuff mark in the metal.

             “DON’T YOU CARE?!” Ratchet practically screamed. Optimus’s eyes rounded with guilt as he turned his gaze back to the medic sharply.

             “Of course I—”

             “Then GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, OPTIMUS—” he hit the wall next to him once again, with more force. “It’s not about you!!!”

             He spat those words so coldly, so jarringly sharp, Optimus felt his spark twist.

             Old friend…I do not think you understand my intent at all…please be patient with me…

             The Prime opened his mouth to speak, but Ratchet flashed him an even harsher glare, silencing any further words. Optimus again cast his eyes momentarily to the floor.

             Pushing past his leader, Ratchet raised his fist, not turning to face Optimus, and flipped up his middle finger.

             Optimus would have given an amused laugh.

             ‘Did one of the children teach you that custom?’ he wanted to ask jokingly, teasingly.

             Agent Fowler had done it enough times for Optimus to understand what it meant.

             But all he could do was stare after his medic as the older mech stalked over to the groundbridge controls. All kinds of alarms were going off in Optimus’s head, and yet all he could do was…watch.

             Perhaps he could take no more of Ratchet’s harsh attitude—the anger that emanated off his old friend.

             Perhaps he really wasn’t making the right decision, but Ratchet was.

             Or perhaps…

             You’re a coward, Optimus. A big, strong, coward.

             “I’ll find the relic myself,” Ratchet announced to the other bots. Up until then, they had, unmoving and tense, watched the argument which had preceded all this.

             Don’t go, my Starlight…or at least…let me go with you…But the Prime stood immobile, watching the old bot speak.

             “I’ll find it myself and win us the war,” he repeated, still trembling with rage from minutes before. He turned that sharply angered expression—now laced with disdain—at the Autobot leader. “And I don’t need any backup.”

             A swirling portal of green, white, and purple roared to life when the medic shoved the lever downwards, his expression only grim now. Without saying anymore, he then turned and transformed. An ambulance raced through the portal and disappeared seconds later.

             While the Prime lingered absentmindedly near the bridge, eyes focusing on no one thing as he stared around, deep in thought, Bumblebee carefully padded over and pulled the lever up. The swishing, humming noise quickly faded as the groundbridge portal did, and silence rested over them once again.  

             Except that silence was still not peaceful.

             Optimus soon found himself speaking, not really thinking as he did.

             “Woah—you sure, Optimus?” Bulkhead asked, eyes widened a bit nervously. “I mean, no offense but…Ratchet might rip you to shreds…”

             ‘He looked pretty mad,’ Bumblebee agreed quietly.

             “If something were to happen to him, it would be my fault,” Optimus found himself saying. “For that reason, please reopen the groundbridge.”

             You scared of the blame, Optimus?

             You don’t want to be incriminated?

             Are you making this about you?

             Do you really care?

             Optimus didn’t want to shake those questions away just yet. He was unsure of their answers. The Prime wished his mind was where his body was, yet as he transformed and drove through the bridge, his thoughts continued to wander.

             They taunted him, echoing his medic’s scornful words.

             Why don’t you go after the relic, the one thing that could save us? Who cares if Megatron is there with all his troops? What makes that different from any other of your confrontation with him?

             A heavy feeling sat in the bottom of his stomach—a foreboding sense.

             Often—they say—if your loved one is in danger, you can feel it.

             Optimus pushed harder on the gas, thinking only of what was going to take place if he did not reach his friend quickly enough.

             The day was dark, cold, and rainy.

///

             Ratchet pressed his back against the side of a tall rock, not daring to peer again at the action taking place in the center of the clearing. He heard the footsteps of some vehicons heading his way. They drew their guns as they got closer.

             Above him, the dead-looking gray skies has stilled, leaving the air feeling taut—like it was holding its breath and ready snap any second.  

             The storm from Jasper must be close by, considering I bridge to—

             Ratchet gritted his teeth and snapped himself back to focusing on the current situation.

             The medic felt his spark racing. His arms began to tremor uncontrollably as he drew them upwards to get into a fighting stance.

             They saw you. They saw you and it hasn’t been more than 8 minutes you’ve been here. What a successful mission. It’s just you against Megatron and hundreds of vehicons. And—

             He glanced down at his leg a little worriedly.

             He’d jumped into action a week before and received a blow to the leg he was still healing from. At this very moment, in fact, he felt a faint aching start up again in his knee.

             Ratchet let his head fall against the rock, eyes squeezed shut, swallowing hard and drawing out his own blades.

             You idiot.

             He counted the seconds before attack.

             Optimus was right.

             “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! BRING HIM TO ME NOW!!” Megatron’s furiously growled order broke the tense silence.

             Instantly the slow footsteps became sets of scrambling feet, quickly heading for the rock. A second later, Ratchet watched (and heard) a shot of crimson red blaster fire whiz past his helm. Instinctively, he let out a cry of shock and stumbled to the side—right out from behind the rock.

             Before he could regain his footing to even turn around, the silence exploded into the deafening sound of hundreds of shots aimed for him. The medic turned and faced it, wincing and sucking in a sharp breath as one or two grazed his plating.

             He charged, strangely feeling almost a little….detached from his own body. Like he was on autopilot.

             “For Cybertron!!!” He heard a voice shout.

             What….am I doing here?

             “FOR VICTORY!!!”

             Oh…it was his voice. Right.

             The orange-white-plated mech swerved past the blaster fire, swinging his arms—now blades—back, forth, up, down….

             Optimus, forgive me. I was a fool. I was a prideful fool.

             He ducked a shot and kicked out, catching the vehicon by surprise and knocking him off his feet. Almost one motion, the old bot maintained his momentum and swung his blades at an oncoming opponent.

             The con dodged smoothly. He raised his gun and fired.

             Just as Ratchet thought to spring in the other direction, his knee gave out beneath him. Ratchet tripped over himself, grabbing his knee.

             Right in the path of the vehicon’s shot.  

             A shot ripped through his shoulder, followed by another closer to his neck, tearing from the medic such an ugly, guttural cry that even the vehicon flinched. The medic crumpled to the floor in a writhing heap of short, agonized exclamations.

             Meanwhile, the vehicon’s gun wavered a bit, drawing back a second. Ratchet’s pained noises faded from the air of the clearing, replaced only by the sound of his tremoring breath. Clearly struggling, the medic reached over and clasped his shoulder so hard his digits shook. A small flow of energon began to leak through, soiling his servos and the dirt surrounding his figure. Turning his face to the con, he let his eyes show off his anger.

             In a smaller, quavering voice, he managed to say, “C-coward…hold y-your…w-w-weapon….straight why don’t you—” He spat out, wheezing a bit, then falling limp into the ground. Not unconscious, but simply out of strength.

             Or…will to live.

             The Vehicon shook its head and held the gun firmly upwards again. The weapon was trained directly on Ratchet’s helm.

             Just at that moment, the skies snapped.

             A bellowing rumble of thunder sounded, the clouds suddenly looking bigger, darker, greyer….

             It’s pointless…we’ll just lose, won’t we? Like we always do. Megatron will have his way today, and he’ll have his way until he kills all of us and ends this fragging war….

             Ratchet looked up, hearing a low, gravelly cackle.

             Speak of the devil and he doth appear—is that not the phrase?

             The medic let out a little moan, rolling over onto his side, still clasping a hand to his bleeding wound. His gaze, sharp with pain and yet dull with exhaustion, stared ahead to see the vehicon back away twitchily.

             Megatron’s footsteps shook the ground a little as he stalked in Ratchet’s direction. The huge figure of the ex-gladiator soon towered over Ratchet. He smirked a little, slowly folding his hands behind his back and tilting his head.

             “Ratchet….” he paused to chuckle. “Tell me, what ever did you think you were going to accomplish?”

             “T….the relic—” he hissed tightly, breaking off abruptly to suppress a noise of pain as his shoulder burned with pain under his grip. His optics, trained on Megatron’s sneering face, spoke more than a thousand words of hate and fire.

             Megatron laughed out loud.

             “Oh, you must mean—” he turned and make a rough motion at the vehicons behind him. The one holding the escape pod immediately scurried across the clearing to them. “This trinket?” He asked, grabbing the object from his  soldier.

             The pod hadn’t been opened yet.

             The pod hasn’t been opened yet. The weapon is still inside.

             Ratchet let his mind fixate on that one thought.

             There is time still….if I can just…..

             Megatron started one of his small monologues, something Ratchet wasn’t listening to. He switched on his comm link as discreetly as he could. Pride was not of importance now, Ratchet told himself.

             Optimus had been right, and he knew it. It would be entirely foolish not to try to—

             “Ratchet?”

             Megatron instantly stopped dead in his tracks. His head whipped around as he processed the voice. His eyes darkened when he registered.  

             “I see.” Was all he growled in a chillingly quiet voice.

             “Ratchet, what is going—”

             The medic fumbled to switch it off again, internally kicking himself for so stupid a plan. Of course his idiot sparkmate would call out to him the instant his switched on his comm lines again!

             He meant well, Ratchet. He loves you. He cares about you. Keep that in mind.

             Ratchet let out a grunt of both pain and frustration.

             Optimus, hurry! There isn’t anymore time!

             Ratchet watched as Megatron dropped to his level and grabbed his chin. Mustering all his confidence, the medic stared with an unwavering gaze right back.

             “You’re a fool, Autobot. Much more foolish than I remember you being,” he snarled.

             Ratchet narrowed his eyes and fired back, “Not as much of a fool as you—and unlike you, I’m not a pile of—”  

           “SILENCE!!!!!!!”

             Megatron’s roared command silenced the medic instantly. Ratchet was not afraid, just startled.  Around him, all the vehicons nearby had flinched and taken steps back—even though they were as far away as they were. The Decepticon leader gave another growl, indignant and angered at his prisoner’s insolence.

             He released Ratchet, cursing under his breath.

             Now the Prime is coming. I can’t just leave.

             The huge figure of Megatron paced around, his grey metal looking oddly shinier in the greyish lighting the skies were providing. He was formulating a course of action.

             A plan.

             His eyes lit up and he straightened again, looking once more as if he was in control.

             Just at that moment, a terrible rumble that Ratchet felt all through his body sounded in the air.

             The storm had arrived, and the great roll of thunder was its announcer.

             Megatron looked around casually, then back at Ratchet. There was a dry amusement dancing in his optics.

             “Today shall be the day another one of you dies,” he spoke with a terrifying finality.

             The medic’s spark skipped a beat. He felt a cold fear run through his veins, and sit at the bottom of his stomach—like  a rock. Yet it was not fear for his own life.

             “How can you be so certain?” Ratchet fought to keep his tone level—steady.

             Blinding white flashed through the air, accompanied by a tearing, cracking sound that rang in everyone’s audio receptors. However Megatron stood, and had not flinched. His eyes held a dangerous light of unbending desire.

             “One of you will die by my hand,” Megatron repeated himself, turning away. “For it is as I will.”

              Then, the ex-gladiator stalked back across the clearing. Vehicons immediately scurried to form a circle around Ratchet, two of them coming even closer to guard him, guns drawn and ready to fire.

             Softly, gently, unrelentingly, drops of moisture began to fall from the sky.

             Rain.

             Ratchet closed his eyes, letting himself focus on the odd sensation of those thousands of drops of liquid created when they repeatedly hit his plating.

             With a heavy, exhausted sigh, Ratchet let his head fall into his hands.

             Optimus….my sweetspark…..forgive me…

             He jolted as a vehicon reached over and slapped his helm harshly.

             “Up.” He snapped, holding up stasis cuffs.

             Ratchet sincerely hoped, with all his spark, that he would be the one.

///

             “Ratchet? Please respond, Ratchet.” Optimus repeated himself once again, speeding down the empty road in alt-mode. He finally rolled to a halt, transforming and taking a look around.

             Dark clouds poured rain, the rising winds causing the little droplets to mercilessly pelt his plating from all sides.

             “Old Friend,” he tried his comm for what felt like the hundredth time. “Sweetspark, respond.”

             Urgency laced his tone, concern burning clearly in his gaze.

             Please, my love. Something happened, I am sure of it. But….what?

             Static sounded in his audio receptors until, with a sigh, the Autobot leader switched his link off again.

             I must find him on my own, then—

             He perked up suddenly, hearing a faint noise of….blaster fire?

             A cold, sick feeling twisted in his stomach. Dread weighed heavily on his chest.  

             Hang on, my Starlight….!  

             Without a second to spare, driving as if a fire chased his tailpipes, Optimus pushed his engines to the max. He sped closer, feeling that dread and despair sink further into him as he could more clearly make out the sounds of a fight.

              All he wanted was for Ratchet to be okay.

             All he wanted was for Ratchet to come home.

             Maybe he was selfish for not wanting to attempt to steal that relic, but Optimus knew that he couldn’t go on if anything happened to his teammates over some weapon. The war was not worth anyone’s life.

             If he could save yet just one more, he’d take that option first.

             You will come home alive. No matter the cost. I will not fail you, old friend.

             He pushed the brakes and skidded to a halt, catching sight of the commotion. There was a space between two towering canyons below his road. In that rocky clearing, Optimus saw an orange-white-plated mech darting from left to right, fending off as many of the oncoming vehicons as he could. Sure enough, Megatron was also there. At present, he simply stood by, watching.

             Enough was enough. Ratchet needed help.

             Optimus transformed and gripped the side of the mountain he’d been driving up, vaulting off the top and landing with a huge ‘THUMP!!’ on the road below.

             He cared not for the huge crater that now lay in the road.

             Optimus ran as fast as he could, drawing out both his guns and firing as soon as he was in range of the fight.

             “STEP AWAY FROM RATCHET!!!” Optimus commanded, nailing two vehicon soldiers with two shots as he continued to cross the distance of the clearing. Some of them scrambled back, many others turned their fire on the Prime, charging at him with a strange confidence.

             Optimus felt his blood boiling. The rain seemed to intensify as another bolt of lightning ripped through the sky with great ferocity. Almost like it had hit Optimus himself, he put away his guns and drew his swords, feeling electrified—powerful.

             I am not afraid of you, Megatron. Nor of your legions of breakable troops which you care nothing for.

             He saw the warlord, standing far across the clearing, arms folded.

             “FACE ME, MEGATRON!!!!”

             And with a powerful war cry, Optimus bolted forward, swords drawn. Vehicons poured in from all sides, shooting at him and trying to throw themselves in the Prime’s way.

             He didn’t notice pain from shots that ripped through his armor, the blows that landed on his chest—before he grabbed his attackers and dismantled them one by one.

             The Prime had but one target.

             Optimus wanted Megatron, and he wanted the end of this selfish, futile war.

///

             Megatron inspected the pod, wondering if he should open it now or wait until—

             “Step away from Ratchet!!!” He heard the enraged command from across the clearing. Before his eyes met the scene, Megatron already knew who it was. He grinned, baring his teeth with excitement.

             Ah, yes, Optimus. That’s right. Come closer. Let me finish you once and for all…

             With an unchecked level of anger, he yelled for Megatron to face him, tossing away the corpse of yet another dead vehicon as he spoke. The Decepticon warlord stood, unmoving, gazing with a taunting amusement in his eyes as he watched Optimus fight his way through the vehicons, tearing them apart as they would approach him.

             At last, no one dared to approach the Prime. The rest of the vehicons there had either fled or threw themselves behind rocks to hide. Optimus stood for a second, panting, energon spattered all over his body and swords. He looked around to find Ratchet passed out in a heap, far to Megatron’s right. No vehicons stood guard.

             Of course, with Megatron there, guards were not a necessity.

             You’re a fool, too, Optimus. You all are.

             Thunder rumbled, louder than before.

             “So, you’ve come to rescue your lapdog, have you?” Megatron asked, sneering through every word he said. Optimus seemed to vibrate with anger. He didn’t respond, eyes a sparking electric blue behind his battlemask.

             “You can take him, Optimus,” as the Prime twitched to move, Megatron held up his arm—the one with the fusion canon—and added, “For a price.”

             Optimus looked ready to rip his head off.

             He had clearly seen Ratchet’s wounds, and the new ones from a….punishment. Minutes after the medic had tried to escape, Optimus had arrived.

             It was almost like they were going to succeed!

             However, the large grey-purple mech had also made absolutely sure Ratchet would not escape, no matter what.

             Megatron thought he’d feed his ‘old friend’s’ anger.

             Or perhaps…his guilt.

             “While you were busy tearing vehicons to shreds, Ratchet was able to be successfully contained. We had to rough him up a little, as a result of his foolish actions…..but he’ll live…for now.”

             He gave a little chuckle as Optimus made a quiet exclamation.

             “You might have succeeded had you kept yourself focused on getting your friend out of here, Optimus!”

             “You will let him go.” He growled, taking a fighting stance.

             “Make me.”

             “Very well then,” The Prime drew his sword and started towards Megatron. “I shall.”

             Megatron dropped his canon. “Or…listen to my offer.”

             Optimus stopped, dropping his arms a bit.

             “Speak.” He let his gaze burn with a terrifying electricity. “Quickly.”

             Megatron was of course, not even slightly fazed. “My terms are simple,” he paused to make a gesture to the clearing in which they stood. “Fight me now, unarmed. If you win, I’ll let you and the medic here return to your base. No one will harm you as you leave.”

             It was a simple proposition.

             It was a simple goal.

             Ratchet would be safe.

             You could fail…Optimus, you could fail and get Ratchet killed…

             The rain poured from the skies ever harder, a storm unrelenting and harsh.

             Megatron took a few steps until he stood right in front of Optimus.

             The third stroke of lightning lit up the skies, flashing in the reflection of Optimus’s blue optics. Megatron grinned, tilting his head. He reached out his hand.

             “So?”

             Without a single hesitation, Optimus took it.

///

A cold, familiar ache in his shoulder.

Burning sensations of pain from fresh cuts and dents in his body.

Merciless rain battering his plating.

Ominous, loud whistles of wind sounding in his audio receptors.

             Ratchet’s optics snapped open when he heard the resounding clang of metal on metal.

             “IT IS FUTILE, PRIME—GIVE IT UP!!!”

             “NEVER!!”

             “MAYBE I SHOULD KILL BOTH OF YOU!!”

             There was another sound of impact, punctuated with a short cry of pain. The voice was Optimus’s.

             The medic sat up, looking around briefly to see that any remaining vehicons who hadn’t yet traveled back to the warship—hovering a short distance away—were cramming themselves behind rocks, flattening themselves to a corner. Others were presently trying to escape the scene.              

             Clearly, they wanted no part in any of this dispute.

             But I do.

             Ratchet hoisted himself up despite the way his wounds stung.

             I must.

             He watched Optimus and Megatron for a few moments. Neither one seemed to be using their weapons—it was simple combat.

             Except there was energon splattered around the grounds where they fought.

             Who said swords and guns were the only things that could kill?

             “Well, then,” Megatron laughed a chilling, malicious laugh. “Do you surrender yet, Optimus?” He bent down and thrust his face into Optimus’s, while the Prime struggled to get up. Optimus retracted his battlemask, gritting his teeth with anger and in an attempt to stifle pained grunts of effort.

             Energon stained the side of his face, dripping steadily from his mouth. He flinched back from the warlord and pushed himself to his feet, taking a fighting stance again.

             Ratchet stood, mesmerized.

             The sight that lay before him was nearly poetic, in a strange way.

             Not the “good” kind of strange.

             Rain poured from the heavens, the air was cold, and the winds raced noisily about. Smokey breath billowed from Optimus’s mouth as he panted, looking ragged and angry. His gaze fixated on Megatron.

             “This ends today, you lunatic—” he forced out, gripping one of his newer wounds gently. “Even…even if it kills me….”

             Megatron grinned. “Oh, it will,” he said slowly, deviously, not moving an inch as Optimus began to circle him. They eyed one another, anticipation hanging in the air as one silently dared the other to make the first move.

             I will be the victor today, Optimus, and then I shall win this war!

             Time seemed to slow, and suddenly Optimus couldn’t move—yet nothing held his limbs in place.

             Instead, his eyes were trained on Megatron as the warlord had suddenly turned.

             He chuckled lightly and aimed his fusion canon at Ratchet, who was standing frozen, watching them.

             The medic seemed to snap out of his trance and flinched, taking a step back defensively. Optimus felt a new rage form in him. Something unseen tore another war cry from the Prime and he charged at an almost desperate-looking pace.

             “LEAVE HIM ALONE!!”

             He threw himself at Megatron, knocking the huge mech to the ground. Megatron gave a short cry of surprise, then immediately locked his jaw, biting down on his tongue. Optimus’s eyes burned with such a ferocity that the ex-gladiator had not seen—not for a long time.

             Not since he last fought a wild beast in the arena of Kaon.

             Never from the soft eyes of Optimus.

             “YOU….KILLED THEM,” Optimus snarled, pinning Megatron to the dirt. Rain pelted down, bouncing limply off Optimus’s frame. He glowered over Megatron, seething at him. “YOU DID ALL THIS, YOU MONSTER!!!”

             Megatron looked surprised only for a moment, then narrowed his eyes belligerently.

             He could only grin. A sick, twisted grin that said, ‘I don’t care.’

             Limbs burning with exhaustion, Optimus began to pummel Megatron. He swung side to side, pounding his opponent with all he had. Wordless cries of anger poured from him as he punched…harder, harder….

               “Optimus!”

               His servos began to tear and feel numb. Streaks of faded blue and purple stained his plating.  

               “OPTIMUS!!!”

               Distantly, a voice registered in his ears. What was it trying to say?

               “OPTIMUS, WAIT!!”

               All the Prime could see was a blaring, bright red. Steady clanging of metal on metal against the static rain sounded loudly in his optics.

               “ORION, PLEASE!!! LISTEN TO ME—”

                           Optimus felt as if an electric shock had been passed through him. Hearing his name, he froze, panting, trembling, blood roaring in his head. Beneath him, he could feel Megatron tremoring. Yet the silver-purple mech still bore that scrap-eating grin.

             He knew something.

             Something he won’t tell me, the Autobot leader thought, feeling some of his frustration return. He glanced up again at Ratchet, who was still backing away. The air around them began to vibrate, waves of hot air joining with and drowning out the blustering, icy, rainy wind.

             Something was definitely wrong.

             Optimus narrowed his optics and raised a readied fist above Megatron’s face.

              “What are you not telling me, Megatron?” Optimus gripped his rival by the neck. Nothing but a feeble-sounding laugh met his words. The red optics staring back at him squinted with fatigue and fell shut.

             Optimus knew Megatron was still awake.

             “I’m more than finished with all your little mind games, this war, your treacheries,” he spat. “What else are you trying to take from us all now?!” His voice rose with every word as Optimus began to work himself up again. Centuries of anger and sadness began to pile on his spark.

             Waves of warm, stifling air drew closer. A reverberating hum sounded in Optimus’ skull. Something like….a ship.

             All the same, sound faded out around him as he zeroed in on Megatron.

             Finally, he was at his fingertips—his mercy. Finally, Optimus thought, he could bring a final peace to—

             “You lose,” Megatron sneered, a new fire lighting his optics. Beneath him, the Decepticon leader tensed and felt as if he was about to make a move. Optimus gritted his teeth and held steady, tightening his grip on Megatron’s throat.

             “OPTIMUS, YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!”  

             Ratchet sounded on the verge of tears, practically shrieking at his partner.

             He realized in an instant what exactly Megatron had meant before.

///

             Every wound made itself known, throbbing with pain. Megatron could barely move.

             Yet victory buzzed through every cell in his body, giving him just enough strength to carry out the last step to complete his grand plan to end it all.

             Farewell, Orion. Ironic that it was your uncontrolled emotions that led to your downfall.

             Optimus, fist raised, opened his mouth to ask again. Megatron suddenly let loose a surge of strength, pushing up and thrusting his legs under his opponent’s torso and kicking outwards. Optimus’s blue optics widened with shock and he uttered a short cry as he was thrown a few feet across the clearing.

             He landed and instantly got to his feet again, activating his battlemask.

             The Prime stared for a moment at the odd scene before him.

             Megatron stood—albeit shakily—and began to back away, pulling Ratchet with him. No vehicon stragglers were in sight, and even more odd…the rain had begun to let up just a little.

             Soft rays of sunlight began to show through the clouds. His mind drifting, Optimus turned slowly to gaze up at the clouds. He was met with the huge mass of metal and a blast of air and sound.

             It was the Nemesis. A huge canon under the ship readjusted itself with an audible whirring noise.  

             “NOW, SOUNDWAVE!!”

             “OPTIMUS, RUN!!!!!!”

               Ratchet….I’m sorry I failed you….

             In the time of a split second, the world around Optimus lit up in a brilliant, blaring flash, and a deafening explosion filled the air.

             Never before had murder seemed so ethereal.

///

             “Ratchet?”

             No response.

             “Ratchet..?”

             Nothing.

             “RATCHET!!” Miko tried, her loud voice jolting the medic out of whatever trance he’d been in moments before. He turned slowly from staring at his screen, a dead-looking gaze meeting the children’s.

             “Do you…need something, Miko? Rafael?”

             “Oh—well, it’s uhm….it’s nothing….I’ll let you get back to work…” Raf mumbled, suddenly sounding nervous as he fumbled to hide the object he’d been holding. Miko rolled her eyes.              

             “After all the work I did to get his attention!” She followed her friend back to the lounge area. Ratchet watched them, not really processing what they were doing. He then turned back to his task.

             What was I doing again?

             “Hey, Ratchet,” Bulkhead greeted, coming from the hallway. “How’s your, uh…data surfing going?”

             Right.

             “Very well. I am nearly finished with three of the four sectors I was to organize today,” Ratchet heard his voice respond.

             He looked up to see Bulkhead staring at him, eyes rounded with concern and worry. However the moment he raised his head to see him, he switched his expression to a normal, casual one.

             It was fine if he did that, Ratchet thought to himself. Everyone had been doing it for the last two months now, anyway.

             “Well…that sounds good! A-anyway, I’m gonna…go for a drive…” he responded, sounding awkward. Ratchet nodded an acknowledgement and turned back around. Feeling guilty, Bulkhead looked as if he wanted to say more.

             But he knew better than to bring up what it was they were both still thinking about.

             He turned and transformed, then left. Meanwhile, Ratchet tapped at the screen, barely thinking about what he was actually doing.

             Some small part of him wished for a warm touch on his shoulder as he was finishing up.

             A warm, baritone voice to calmly whisper, “Good work today, my love. Come, rest with me in my quarters.”

             It’s not your fault…it’s not your fault….there was nothing you could do!

             His mind repeated what the others had gently murmured over and over on that day and every day after.

             But it was…

             He heard the small voice protest. He clenched his fist and locked his jaw.

               It’s not your fault, Ratchet. You didn’t kill him!

                           The medic felt a lump in his throat. With all his might, he swallowed it, controlling himself.

             But I did…I killed him.

             “Ratchet?”

             Jack. It was Jack’s voice.

             Ratchet felt his arm quivering, his gaze and body frozen in one place, as if someone had hit the pause button on him.

             “Yes?” Everything felt distant now. He felt his arm drop and his head turn to stare at the small human teenager.

             “So…how’s it going?”

             “Fine.”

             “Oh…well, it’s raining cats and dogs out there!” He joked, pointing at his shirt. “I got a little of it..”

             “You did?”

             “Yep. Might wanna tell Bulkhead to be careful on the roads, right?”

             “Right.”

             “Right…so, I guess I’ll leave you alone, then…” Jack backed away, saying something to Miko and Raf as he neared the couch and TV. 

             All of a sudden, Ratchet was aware of how cold his shoulder felt.

///

HNNNN THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE O///O’’ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AT AA >///< Sorry, I know I’m not good at angst. But I wanted to write this anyway.....

If you like, listening to this for the last 2-3 parts of the story might....set the mood  better..? Idk. For me, I heard that recording and instantly felt my heart twist. And had this idea. So.....^^’’ (yes, I know about this piece btw I just like the slowed version because,,,aesthetic,,,,jsjdsjsd) 

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a lovely eveing/day/whatever time it is where you are!! <3 

Feedback, likes, reblogs, and all that stuff is always welcome!! ^///^ 

// Kuni out :’3 //

[whump-tr0pes]

HB4-25/Whumptober day 3

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, Honor Bound 3.

AO3

Masterlist

~

Content warning: past death, self-blame, past violence between lovers (I mean obviously), flashbacks, PTSD, gun, mention of stitches, dissoci@tion

~

Isaac stirred, and his body ached like he was hung over. He groaned and rolled onto his back. He gritted his teeth against the dull burn of the cane marks under his shirt. The ceiling above him was lost in the darkness of the room. He could tell from the greying light seeping around the curtain that it was still early, not far past dawn.

His mouth was dry and sticky, and his throat burned. His eyes felt puffy and swollen. Nausea drifted vaguely through his stomach. And creeping on the edge of his consciousness was a shadow, the memory of a touch, a vague whisp of oblivion that threatened to drag him under.

I told them. Gavin and Gray. I told them last night about Jordan. They know I killed Jordan.

A tear ran from the corner of his eye.

“Hey,” Gavin rasped beside him. Isaac swallowed the burning in his throat and turned his head to face him.

Even in the dark, Isaac could feel the pressure of Gavin’s gaze on him. It moved over his face like a caress. He cleared his throat. “Hey.”

The mattress shifted as Gavin rolled onto his side, drawing close enough to Isaac that he could feel the heat coming off his skin. “You alright?” Gavin whispered.

Isaac let out a trembling breath through his lips. “Y-yeah.”

There was a pause. “Isaac…”

Isaac’s eyes squeezed shut, and another tear rolled down his face. “I-I…” His throat tightened. His fingers twisted into the hem of the shirt he was still wearing. “I d-didn’t mean to, um… t-tell you.”

Gavin stopped breathing beside him. “Didn’t mean to tell me… what?”

Isaac shook his head, biting down hard on his lips. He opened his mouth and the words burned on his tongue. “I didn’t… mean for you to know how… how deep it goes.”

A deep breath, beside him. “Oh.”

“I didn’t… I’m supposed to—”

“—heal. You’re supposed to heal, Isaac.”

What if I can’t?

“I…” Isaac cleared his throat. “I don’t know how.”

“You just did a little, last night,” Gavin said. “Can I… can I touch you?”

Isaac didn’t answer. He just rolled to his side and clutched Gavin against him. It felt so good to wind his fingers around Gavin’s shirt, pull him close, match his shivering breaths to his. He felt Gavin’s lips brush gently against his forehead. Gavin wrapped his arms around him and held him so gently it brought more tears to his eyes.

He didn’t shed them, though. He felt wrung-out, like he’d cried out all the tears he had. He felt scraped hollow inside, scourged, all the shattered pieces of him torn out and leaving no dark corner for the shame to hide. He felt empty.

He felt light.

“What are you thinking right now?” Gavin murmured against his forehead.

Isaac chewed his lip. “I was thinking, I feel like…” He shrugged uncomfortably. “I was thinking I feel like that was… the last of it. Or… the worst of it, I guess.”

“The worst of…?” Gavin adjusted his embrace around Isaac. It wasn’t so painful to be held, today.

“The… the bad stuff. That’s the worst of it. Jordan, and… and my mom.”

“Oh.” Slowly, Gavin’s hand moved up Isaac’s back, his touch feather-light against the mostly healed cane marks, sliding up the back of Isaac’s neck. Gently, Gavin cradled the back of Isaac’s head and guided it forward to rest in the hollow of Gavin’s throat. “I’m really… really glad you told me.”

“But why?” Isaac ground out. “What does it matter that you know? It doesn’t… fix it. Nothing’s changed.”

“A lot has changed,” Gavin said gently.

“You already knew all that,” Isaac whispered. He huddled closer to Gavin and pressed his mouth against his neck. “I told you all of it before.”

“That was… different.” There was something in Gavin’s voice that prickled in Isaac’s stomach. “That… was… that was torture, Isaac.”

Isaac’s eyes slid shut.

Even though he was in bed with Gavin, safe, the cool morning air held off by the blanket over him and the shirt and pants he still had on, and by Gavin’s warmth against him, he shivered. He tried to push the memories away, of being tied down to the table in Gavin’s basement, blindfolded, Gavin’s gun against his head as Gavin asked him – interrogated him – about his family. The people he loved.

He was trying to figure it out, even then.

He felt the cold press of the barrel of the gun against his head. He flinched.

“Whoa,” Gavin murmured, his arms tightening for a moment before he completely pulled away. “Isaac, do… you need to… do I need to leave?”

Isaac didn’t know. He couldn’t… see, couldn’t see where he was. It was dark, and cold, and his body hurt and his throat was tight and his wrists ached with the healing tears Finn had stitched up…

Finn…

Isaac broke. He was trapped, couldn’t escape the chains and handcuffs, the beatings, listening to Sam scream over and over and over as they were hurt. And there was someone in bed with him, someone who smelled just like Gavin, the one who had pinned Isaac down and tied him and beat him and held a gun to his head as he spilled every secret he had…

“G-Gavin…” Isaac said, his voice wobbling and breaking. “L-light, need the light on, now, don’t… kn-know where I, Gavin… please…”

Gavin threw the covers back and stumbled out of the bed, his bare feet thumping on the wood floor. “Shit. Light. It’s… here, Isaac…”

The light came on, and relief hit Isaac like a thunderclap.

He was in Gavin’s room up north. The wood dresser stood against the wall, the deep purple curtains covering the window, standing out against the white painted walls. The room looked warm, and safe, and Isaac wasn’t in Gavin’s basement, he wasn’t, even though he hurt and his wrists were torn and his back was still healing from being laid open by the cane, by Gavin’s hand, and the cuts on his arms itched, mostly healed now…

And Gavin stood frozen by the door, his hand reaching unconsciously towards the handle, the other out and at his side, empty. His eyes were wide and fixed on Isaac.

“Isaac,” Gavin said softly, trembling, “Do you need me to leave? I can… give you a minute, or… leave for a while… I can go, just tell me…”

“No,” Isaac rasped as he pushed himself upright and leaned against the headboard. Familiar pain spiked in his back. The room wobbled around him. “No. Please don’t… don’t go. Please stay.”

Gavin dropped his hand. “Okay…” He took a hesitant step away from the door, towards the bed. Then another. “Just… let me know if…”

“Yeah.” Isaac pulled his knees up towards his chest and pulled the blanket up, untucking it from the foot of the bed and wrapping it around him.

Gavin sat next to him on the bed. “I… do you want to be touched, or…?”

Isaac thought his skin might crawl off his bones if anyone touched him.

Especially Gavin.

Not his fault.

It was then, though.

Isaac shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don’t,” he whispered.

“Okay,” Gavin said quickly. “That’s fine. That’s totally okay. I can… just sit over here. I don’t have to do anything… to you.”

His eyes still closed, Isaac nodded again. He drew in a slow breath, then another, pulling the air deep into his lungs before slowly pushing it back out. In, out. In, out. He opened his eyes. Gavin was staring at him with concern so deep it seemed to border on terror.

Isaac swallowed the sandpaper-feeling in his throat. “I’m good,” he croaked.

Gavin’s eyebrows pulled together harder. “Are you… are you sure? It’s okay if you… um… need a moment.”

“I need you,” Isaac murmured, squeezing his arms tight around himself. “Just… not, um, touching me right now.”

“Okay,” Gavin breathed, nodding. “That’s okay. That’s good. I can do that.”

Isaac pressed his mouth against his knees and huffed out another breath. The terror in him was falling, trickling away from his mind like icy water down a slope. He shivered and pulled the blanket up to his chin.

“Um… Isaac…” Gavin bit his lip.

Isaac shrugged weakly. “Yeah?”

“Um…” Gavin twisted his hands together. “I… I don’t know if… if this is a bad time, please tell me, but… you said, um…” He cleared his throat. “You said… a… a while ago…” Gavin’s voice was heavy with implication. “…that your family, um… told you to fight, or leave. And you left.”

Isaac’s eyes slammed shut. He knew it. He carried that memory in him, the memory that stabbed through him with the feeling of the cold barrel of the gun against his head, the burn of rope around his wrists, Gavin’s voice just above him in the darkness behind the blindfold…

“Yeah,” he croaked. He blinked his eyes open.

“And, um…” Gavin looked at Isaac with dull despair on his face. “That n-nightmare of, of R— of your family leaving you, um… is that… how it actually went?”

Isaac gulped, and it was horribly loud in the room.

“Um. Y-yeah.”

He had no idea what had possessed him to lie to Gavin in that moment all those months ago, when he’d been tied down to the table as Gavin demanded at gunpoint to know about Isaac’s family. He’d had no reason to.

“They told me… there was no place for me if I couldn’t… do what was necessary. They told me to choose. Fight or leave.”

“And you left.”

“Yes.”

He’d had no reason at all. None other than in that moment, completely helpless with a bullet in the chamber waiting to tear through his brain – no, it was a blank, and he pointed the gun away at the last moment – he hadn’t been able to accept it even then. Even when he was a split-second away from dying alone in Gavin’s basement, beaten and cut up and pathetic, he couldn’t face the fucking truth.

They left me because I couldn’t kill the guy who killed Jordan after I ran.

He squeezed his eyes shut as the moment gripped him.

Air burned in his lungs, his feet pounding on concrete as he rounded the side of the building. The antenna stretched into the dark sky above him, his first real mission with the family: destroy it. Stop the interception of civilian radio signals. Get out. Do it all over again in the next area.

Austere buildings, the remaining structures of the Defense Corps base the antenna had been built on. Easy to defend. Hard to destroy.

“Go big or go home,” Rosa always said. This was the biggest mission Isaac could imagine.

The others’ footsteps echoed behind him. They followed as Isaac cleared the path. He knew his job; it had been trained into him, ground into him, every single day since his family saved him. Protect the others. Eliminate the threat. Take the bullet.

And that was… right. They saved his life. He was happy to give it back.

Sweat prickled on his back, under his vest… His heart beat, almost deafening in his ears… His breath fogged in the cool air…

Isaac braced. He knew what came next, what always came no matter how many times he played this moment in his mind. He couldn’t change it, no matter what he did. He couldn’t stand his ground. He couldn’t do the right thing.

Turn the corner. There was a guard there, shocked. Didn’t know Isaac was coming. Reached for his gun. Isaac raised his. Finger tightened on the trigger.

He can’t.

He can’t.

No matter what he does, no matter that Jordan’s life depended on it, no matter that this was what he’d been trained for for seven years… He saw a human being in front of him, living, breathing, with wide eyes and hands shaking with adrenaline as he pulled out his gun and pointed at Isaac…

And he froze.

It wasn’t a target. It wasn’t a drill. It wasn’t fucking practice.

It was real. Isaac couldn’t pull the trigger.

If I don’t shoot, he’s going to kill me.

So he ran. He turned and fucking ran.

The others looked at him in surprise and terror as he tore away from his mission. He can’t stop. If he stops he’s going to be shot and he can’t do this, he can’t fucking do this, he’s scared and he didn’t want this and he thought he could do it but he can’t, he can’t, because he’s weak, so fucking weak and the others—

The others—

Isaac heard the first shot behind him, and the second. Then the third.

They screamed at him later that the third, from William, is what killed the guard. The first, from the guard, went wide.

It’s the second shot that killed Jordan. The bullet killed them, but Isaac is the reason they’re dead.

“I-Isaac…”

Isaac started, his eyes flying open. Gavin had his hand halfway out to him, his fingers shaking. Isaac flinched back against the headboard.

Gavin jerked his hand back. “I’m sorry, I… You l-looked… lost.”

Isaac shook his head to clear it, then again. His throat worked as he swallowed bitter shame. “I, um, was.”

“Oh.” Gavin wrapped his arms around his chest. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispered.

“Stop,” Isaac snapped. “Just… stop.”

Gavin’s mouth closed. Isaac sagged against the headboard. He buried his face in his hands.

“I… I’m sorry…” came Gavin’s tentative voice, hurt and confused – and it wasn’t his fucking fault…

“Please don’t,” Isaac whimpered, dragging his hands through his hair and pulling until it hurt. “Don’t… this isn’t, um, you, you aren’t doing this, you’re just… you’re fine. Please don’t apologize.”

The silence in the room crushed Isaac under its weight. After a moment he lifted his head.

Gavin stared at the bare sheet, pain and confusion and fear all flattened by one thing: guilt.

“I’m sorry,” Isaac whispered.

“’s okay,” Gavin said softly. “We knew it would be hard. We knew this would, um… might happen.”

Isaac huffed out a laugh that nearly twisted into a sob. “I’ll be honest… I wasn’t expecting it to be this hard.”

Gavin bit his lip and picked at a loose thread on the sheet. “Me… me neither.”

Isaac’s stomach fluttered. A trickle of fear moved down the back of his neck, something cold that gripped him, that said please, please don’t leave me… “Um… I, uh… I want to keep trying, though.” He held his breath and waited for Gavin’s answer.

After a moment, Gavin raised his gaze and met Isaac’s eyes. Pain tightened in his face, like he was trying to force down hope. “Me, too,” he murmured.

Continued here

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