#stubborn cattos that mean well but are a bit

[ectojyunk]

Summary:

"It's comical to be told what I really am from someone who doesn't even know who or what they are." A little ficlet I wrote down to explore Aro and G'raha's friendship. G'raha has very strong feelings, even when they are platonic and Aro, well, he just wants his most trusted confidant to know the truth.

Fic below read-more if you wanna read it here!

“You did it again.”

“Huh?”

Aro stared at G’raha with a stern look. “I told you, stop praising me like that, or at the very least don’t call me ‘hero’... in private company at least. It makes me feel… like we aren’t close.”

G’raha opened his mouth to say sorry but… It didn’t feel right to leave it at just that. Lately, Aro would rebuff every compliment he threw at him, and not accept the titles everyone would call him when it came from G’raha. And G’raha only. He had to ask this time.

“I suppose the title can feel rather weighty, but I’d like you to look at it positively. It’s not only me who calls you that after all…”

Aro put his drink down with an elegant motion, the action contrasted with his furrowed brows. “If I were to correct each single stranger or acquaintance on what I want or don’t want to be called— I’d be exhausted. G’raha, you are my bestest friend, which is why it’s important that you know; that you know how that title ill fits me.”

G’raha looked down at the table, he shouldn’t push this but he couldn’t let it go either. His friend deserved to feel good about himself, about his accomplishments. Why couldn’t they just see that?

"But, I don't understand! Everyone would want to be like you. A saviour of the people. Heroes are kind, majestic, selfless and inspirational."

"G'raha… I am none of those things. My deeds, I don't care what they are seen or described as- but I simply am not a hero."

"You are all of those things to me, and many others besides. Doesn’t that have at least a small amount of value to you?"

Aro dismissed the question and instead fiddled with the handle of his cup’s handle with an annoyed expression. He sighed and tried to explain himself. "What you see in me or have read about me are merely snapshots from a far away vantage point. Most of it is fictional. Up close, all of that prose falls apart. Tout the literary descriptors used for me all you like but when I look in the mirror, I see a tool, a pawn. Not a hero. And before you say it- I'm not belittling myself, I simply know what I am, and I'm proud to be useful to others. I do what is required of me, nothing more, nothing less. That is what I am."

G’raha reclined on his seat, at a loss. On one hand, Aro was right, the hero he envisioned in his mind for… decades upon decades, much longer than he’d actually known the man, didn’t exactly match up with the person in front of him. But on the other hand, little trivialities like attitude and morals not lining up perfectly with the descriptions and his idealisation of him was a mere small deviation from the truth. History was always full of untruths, as he had learnt. Yet this untruth, he could not reconcile it with reality.

Aro tapped the table impatiently. He sighed and clasped his hands together.

"What if I referred to you as a vagrant- or a tramp?"

Surprisingly, G’raha wasn’t taken aback by the question as much as Aro had anticipated.

"I… it'd be out of the blue but I wouldn't mind. I'd grow accustomed to it, I guess."

"But you are not a tramp. Correct?"

"Correct."

"And there's my issue. Why are you okay with being referred to as something you are not?"

Aro stood up and made his way out of the tavern. G’raha scurried to leave some money on the table and catch up to him.

When Aro stopped walking, G’raha stood behind him and continued his answer.

"I'm… not really attached to my identity. If a friend sees me a certain way, there must be a reason. And if it makes them happy, I'd be glad to fill that role to the best of my capacity." 

Aro scoffed at the response. Not because it was disingenuous, he knew that G’raha was being honest, but it was for another reason. Aro turned to face him.

"It's comical to be told what I really am from someone who doesn't even know who or what they are."

This time, G’raha was taken aback. The words pierced him like the cold icicles hanging from the tavern roof.

“I…” He tried to say something, anything. He searched for the wise answer he’d say as the Exarch… but he found nothing as him either. All those years of experience, learned experience from hurt and trauma and misery— and he had nothing to say right now.

“G’raha.” 

He snapped out of his catatonic state from hearing his name. It still felt… So nice— to be called that. To be called by that name.

Arodaeus brought up his hand to his mouth to hide his slight chuckle. “You’re stubborn. And I know you want nothing more than to see me view myself as the vision that gave you- still gives you hope and inspiration, and to have that inspiration help myself as it has helped you.... I’m sorry. I’m stubborn too. Our views on… individuality— the very core of how we view the state of “being”- it differs. And it's no surprise. Your view makes sense for someone who lived through what you did… As does mine.”

He took a breath and tentatively put his hand on G’raha’s cheeks. He wanted to reassure him that there was no hate between them, he was well aware of how hostile he could be with even the smallest conflicts. He was tired of driving away dear friends because of it. G’raha did not deserve to feel driven away just because he was a bit too in his head at times… and a little presumptuous. Okay, very presumptuous, Aro thought. But despite his looks, he was an old man, one that lived many years. He could afford G’raha the slight arrogant estimations elders would make over the young.

“My friend. I hope you’ll accept my answer, even if it wasn’t what you were looking for. There’s nothing more I’d wish to continue being your immaculate motivator, your inspiration. But I don’t want to lie to you, maybe I’d continue the charade for someone else, but not you.”

“Y-yes… I understand.” G’raha let a tear fall as he cupped his friend’s hands. He closed his eyes and lowered them to keep a steady hold.

“I’m sorry I… Said something -a lot of things- untoward to your character and- and wrongly thought I could make you see more value in yourself. I was selfish,” he mumbled through held-back chokes.

“No you-... it’s alright. You could’ve never guessed my unique disposition towards this.”

“Still. I’m sorry.” G’raha sighed. 

Aro chuckled, “All forgiven. It's me who should apologise, you had to put up with my shite for longer than necessary.”

“And you mine,” G’raha replied with a playful smile. He was so strong, Aro thought, to smile through his genuine tears. Truly, sometimes the man should acknowledge his strength over fawning over others, Aro thought not-so-seriously. 

Aro pulled him into a hug and gave him a kiss on the forehead to soothe him. “Hey. There’s plenty of heroes that deserve recognition which help keep this world safe as much as I. Finding some others who like the praise won’t be so bad, right? I’m pretty for Emet-Selch is all for it, and you could argue he’s as every bit a hero to his people as I supposedly am. Hah, maybe I got it from him, or maybe Hypnos did, wouldn’t you say?”

G’raha chuckled at the comparison, but Aro wasn’t wrong. From what he had heard of Hythlodaeus’s hushed retellings of the trio’s adventures, Emet-Selch had been renowned for being as helpful as Azem was, despite never taking the credit. In that, Aro and young Hades were the same. “It’ll be hard letting go of a century-old habit though,” He took a deep breath and looked up to his friend, “But I’ll appreciate you the way you wish. And… even though it feels like no one will ever measure up to you- I know that way of thinking is flawed. Now I do anyway.” 

“Of course it’s hard letting go of a bias. You’re capable enough though G’raha, you give so little credit to yourself when your feats are on par with mine.”

“No-”

“Ah- No. No disagreements there,” Aro tutted.

G’raha huffed, albeit with a smile. Aro continued.

“So, when you understand how amazing you are, I’m sure you’ll also see others in a different light too. Estinien is a fabled dragoon in the future, yes, but he’s also my insufferably absent friend. Lyse is a good leader and I’m sure she’s been written down as one as well, but she’s also a girl who’s had to play as her sister for years and suffers the repercussions of the ordeal still.”

“Mm… The sides of people that don’t get written down.” G’raha looked down. He knew so much history yet, it was so easy to forget how sided it could be when what was written lined-up with so much of his own assumptions.

“Yes. And that’s why it's so hard for us to know what the people of the past were actually like. Allag for example, was way more different than you had read, correct?”

“Yes, most definitely so.”

“Yet you still hold them in some sort of high esteem when they’ve committed atrocities.”

G’raha grimaced a bit, he didn’t like his appreciation for Allag’s sciences to be mixed up with the notion of approving their methods.

“That… I’m not as blind to it as before, perhaps I got a bit overzealous with my positivity when young but I assure you I never condoned their practices.”

“I’m not blaming you for the positive attitude mind- But it's nice to hear you were always aware of it.”

“Perhaps I should don my more dour attitude as I did as the Exarch for you?”

Aro laughed and ruffled his friend’s hair.

“Whatever feels best for you— Hey… You’re amazing, don’t forget that, yes? I’ll see you soon.”

G’raha huffed in amusement through his nose at being pet like a young Miqo’te. Though he didn’t chastise his friend for it. Perhaps he should remind his friend of their age discrepancy more often.

“Thank you for your patience, Mr.Not-Hero.”

Aro laughed and patted G’raha’s back. They said their farewells and headed off to their own way. G’raha felt a small sense of disappointment at the years he spent idolizing something that wasn’t true despite his wisdom. But that sense quickly dissipated- there was another feeling that took over, a sense of wonder and perspective his friend had given him anew, something that he could accredit to Aro’s acts of heroism yet again- but he shook his head. No, this feeling could be given by very unique people, not just heroes. And Aro might not be special to him the way G’raha felt, but he was special in his own way. He hoped that diverting his attention of praises to Emet-Selch wouldn’t let that man’s ego fly through the roof, or maybe Hythlodaeus could get used to receiving more credit for his incredible talents. Ah- Y’shtola should receive some praise for the tenacity with her inter-rift travel research. Oh- he never thanked Urianger enough for keeping his secret as the Exarch… G’raha thought of the many people he had to talk to in the upcoming days as he strode along the snowy path.