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fishcow99 · 3 months

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Casual - A Mcpricely Songfic

Kevin Price x Connor Mckinley from the Book of Mormon Musical

Part 2 of The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Mormon

Song is Casual by Chappell Roan 2.1k words

@elposting here it is

warnings: manipulation, abuse (physical, ever so slightly kind of alluded to sexual)

My friends call me a loser

cause I’m still hanging around

Connor Mckinley didn’t know what to do. He had sacrificed everything for Kevin with no reward. he lost his family and his faith for a boy who didn’t love him. Poptarts and some of the other elders had tried to comfort him, but their air of superiority was something Connor couldn’t handle.

I’ve heard so many rumors

that I’m just a girl that you bang on your couch

Word of what had happened had certainly gotten back to his family, not to mention the church. Connor went back to his old home once to pick up all his things, and he couldn’t handle the judgmental stares from everyone. This whole situation was definitely not helping his family’s perception of queer people.

I thought you thought of me better

someone you couldn’t lose

When they were first excommunicated, Kevin had finally stood up and taken charge. The book of Arnold took a very different stance on same-sex couples, and it was the push that Connor had needed to confess. The first couple of weeks had been pure bliss, with constant affirmations of love. Connor truly had thought that they’d be together forever.

you said “we’re not together”

so now when we kiss, I have anger issues

you said “baby, no attachment”

After a little while, the magic began to wear off. Kevin started to withdraw, stealing longing looks at any semi-decent man he happened to come across. When Connor confronted him, Kevin told the truth. Their “relationship” was a stance against the church. A bit of rebellious fun. But the sex was good, so why should it stop? Despite all of this, Connor couldn’t bring himself to disappoint Kevin. So, he let Kevin kiss him and touch him and fuck him while Connor choked back his tears and feelings alike.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now?

Their “first time” really was the first time for both of them. None of the other elders knew about them, so it couldn’t happen in the mission hut. Kevin had managed to convince Gotswana to lend them his truck, which he did begrudgingly. It was cramped and awkward and they didn’t know what to do, but the passion and thrill of it all was enough for them.

two weeks,

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now?

Arnold, bless his soul, seemed none the wiser of the truth. When they all moved back to the states, he had been the most insistent of all the elders about keeping in touch. Most of them had split between the two coasts, with Kevin and Connor in New York while Arnold and Naba had moved to California. Connor had gotten a call from Arnold about “the super cool secret not-really-secret very awesome meet up plans” and how he was so excited. With a little questioning, Connor realized Kevin was going to California, and Arnold thought he’d be coming too. With Kevin. As a couple. Connor didn’t know what to say, so he simply hung up. And he pretended not to notice when Kevin disappeared a couple weeks later.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if it’s casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, it’s casual now

Connor and Kevin lived in separate apartments just a couple minutes from each other. While Connor struggled from audition to audition, Kevin had landed a cushy job in marketing. And while Connor suffered in silence, Kevin seemed to flourish; constantly meeting new people and making new friends that all seemed to look down on Connor. Kevin often dragged him to parties, where he’d show him off and make jokes at Connor’s expense. Then all the stuffy, stuck-up executives would laugh, leaving Connor wondering what he missed.

dumb love, I love being stupid

dream of us in a year

maybe we’d have an apartment

and you’d show me off to your friends at the pier

In Uganda, before their relationship had crumbled, Connor and Kevin often fantasized about life back in the US. They would move to New York City and share a cozy apartment, one that allowed pets. Some days they would plan their weddings, and others they would even go so far as to think of having kids. They would adopt, girl or boy, and try to give them the best life. Kevin would whine about Arnold’s stupid name suggestions, and Connor would laugh. They would kiss and they would cuddle, and maybe Kevin would teach Connor to cook. Maybe Connor would teach Kevin to dance. But now, they’d never know.

I know, “baby, no attachment”

Even when they moved back to the US, Connor kept pretending. Kevin continued with their “no strings attached” hook ups, and Connor stayed in the hopes of mending their relationship. But even when Connor realized that it would never get better, he couldn’t bring himself to break it off.

but we’re

knee-deep in the passenger seat

and you’re eating me out

is it casual now?

Connor took Kevin to a drive in theater once. It was a horrible old movie with no cohesive plot and terrible acting, but it didn’t matter. Connor hadn’t really had a plan for how he would do it, but the words started coming before he could He told Kevin how he couldn’t keep doing this. How yes, the sex is great, but he wanted more. He needed more. How, despite his efforts, Connor still loved Kevin. The silence after his confession was deafening, the mere seconds stretching to a lifetime. And then, Kevin laughed. He laughed and laughed, not caring how Connor’s soul was crushed. When he finally pulled himself together, Kevin said he thought they had a good thing going, so why should they ruin it? Connor should just be grateful they had anything at all. but yes, Kevin could see that he’d hurt poor Connor’s feelings, so he was going to make it up to him. And as Kevin climbed into the footwell of the passenger seat, Connor tried to pretend that a blowjob could fix all his pain.

two weeks,

and you mom invites me

to her house in long beach

is it casual now

When Kevin had gone to California, Connor had received another phone call, this time from Nabulungi. It turns out that Kevin never told them that Connor wasn't coming. Arnold, both trusting and oblivious, didn’t think anything of it. But Naba knew better than that. She asked if something had happened between them, and if Connor was alright. It had been so long since anyone had seemed to care for Connor that he just stood in stunned silence. Naba sat on the other end of the phone, calling his name until eventually she hung up.

I know what you tell your friends

its casual, if its casual now

then, baby, get me off again

if its casual, its casual now

The other elders, with the exception of Arnold, treated Connor with a strange pity. it was the way one might look at a very cute dog that was being put down for mauling a child. You couldn’t help feeling sorry for it, but then again, it fully deserved its fate. they had made no real attempt to reach out since Connor told them everything, and he was too proud to try to contact them. Connor knew exactly what he was in their eyes.

it’s hard being casual

when my favorite bra lives in your dresser

Sometimes, Connor would pretend that Kevin didn’t exist. He would imagine that he was free to do whatever he wanted, free to meet new people and free to live his life. Or maybe he would have a nice, loving boyfriend who really cared for him. Other times, Connor would fantasize about finally breaking up with Kevin. But the empty dip in his bed and the hole in his heart kept Connor firmly in Kevin’s grasp. So, Connor would stay in Kevin’s bed while his favorite tie sat in Kevin’s drawer.

it's hard being casual

when I’m on the phone talking down your sister

Even when Kevin returned from California, Nabulungi continued to call Connor. And as much as he tried to lie and say everything was fine, she could see right through him. But Connor would never tell her the truth, no matter how much she asked. And if he cried himself to sleep at night, she didn’t need to know.

and I try to be the chill girl that

holds her tongue and gives you space

I try to be the chill girl, but

honestly, I’m not

Connor was taught to be modest. He was taught to be nice. And he was taught to never make a fuss. But at this point, he didn’t know what he could do. Kevin was becoming increasingly demanding, bordering on violent. Connor was just glad that he had his own place, but without a stable income he didn’t know how much longer it could last.

knee-deep in the passenger sea,

and you’re eating me out

Connor just wished that they could go back to the start.

two weeks and your mom invites me

to her long beach house

Connor didn’t know how to tell Arnold and Naba the truth. So, he didn’t.

I know what you tell your friends

baby, get me off again

Kevin had taken him to yet another dinner party. The same old men stuffed in suits sipping wine with their bored trophy wives. Was that what Connor was now? Just a trophy for him to show off and fuck? He couldn’t take it anymore. He was tired of being scared. Tired of being threatened and told to obey because goddamnit, he deserved better. Or maybe he was too drunk on whatever low-grade alcohol they were serving. But by the time common sense caught up to him, it was too late.

I fucked you in the bathroom

when we went to dinner

Kevin had just dragged Connor to the restroom, pushing him roughly into one of the stalls and grabbing him by the collar. And Connor didn’t resist. Why would he? So. he just stood there and tried to pretend he didn’t hate it.

your parents at the table,

you wonder why I’m bitter

After all of that, Kevin had just… went back to the table. Like nothing happened. Connor had told him that he needed a minute, to which Kevin just nodded. And that was the breaking point.

bragging to your friends,

I get off when you hit it

When Connor got back to the table, everyone was laughing. Quietly, he pulled Kevin aside. And he said everything.

I hate to tell the truth,

but I’m sorry dude you didn’t

Connor started talking, saying everything that was on his mind. But Kevin didn’t want to hear it. He tried to shush him, but Connor was on a roll.

I hate that I let this drag on so long

now I hate myself

Connor told him how he hated everything. The awful feelings and thoughts that plagued him night and day. And then he said the awful words that had been sitting on his tongue for months. “We’re done.” Connor thought that Kevin would yell, or scream, or cry, or maybe even just agree that it was the best thing for them. But nothing could have prepared him for blow to the face.

hate that I let this drag on so long

you can go to hell

The blood poured down Connor’s face as he stood there in shock. Kevin stood there, mouth agape, seemingly shocked as well. All of the people at the dinner had stood up, trying to see what the commotion was about. Someone was coming towards him, saying something, but the ringing in his ears drowned them out. Connor bolted for the door, rushing out into the cool night air as he tried to ignore the mixture of blood, snot, and tears on his face. He hailed a taxi, mumbling Kevin’s address as he tried to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Shoving some bills into the driver’s hand, Connor sprinted up the stairs to Kevin’s apartment. Fumbling with his keys, he let himself in. Connor quickly shoved all of his things into a random tote bag, going as fast as he could. His clothes, his toothbrush, his books. He was about to reach the door when it opened. In the doorframe stood Kevin, tears glistening on his cheeks. They stood there in silence, staring in horror at each other. Wordlessly, Connor turned back towards the bedroom. Slowly, he picked up his lucky tie. It was silk, baby blue, a gift from his parents before he left for Uganda. Blood dripped on it, scarring the gentle colors. Connor pushed past Kevin, walking slowly down the stairwell. He walked the whole way back to his apartment with slow, methodical steps. As he entered his apartment, he slowly lowered himself onto his couch. He couldn't be bothered to deal with his nose, or even change. So, he just flicked on the TV, letting whatever random channel was on illuminate his empty apartment. And before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.

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idk what this is it started as a midnight notes app writing and i churned the second half out after a breakdown so it might be shit but whatever

#book of mormon #mcpriceley #elder price #elder mckinley #fanfiction #fanfic #songfic #stories from a fishcow

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fishcow99 · 3 months

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Bathtub - An Elder Neeley Songfic

Elder Brian Neeley from The Book of Mormon

Song is Bathtub by The Front Bottoms 2.2k Words

John is Schrader's first name here, and Zach/Zachary is Davis's name

Slight Neeley/Davis

WARNINGS PLEASE HEED THESE: violence, mentions of blood, suicide, death, overdose, self-harm, and some descriptions of such

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I am washing my hair with soap

I am sitting down in the shower

Brian Neeley leaned against the cool tile wall, letting the water wash over him. Today had been especially horrible. His whole body ached from the day before, but the sun seemed stronger than ever, beating down on all the elders as they worked on the new school. It was hard work, especially in the extreme heat. As he tried to hammer in a board, he hit the nail wrong, causing it to bend. In a fit of frustration, Brian had thrown down his hammer and stormed off. Once he was a good distance from the others, he found a tree and began to climb. He had always been good at climbing trees and had grown to find comfort perched on a branch. The tree was tall, giving him a good view of the people working. Brian closed his eyes as he leaned back, letting the cool breeze swirl past him. It was calmer up there, where nothing and no one could bother him. He heard motion at the base of the tree but didn’t bother to look down; it was probably just Connor or John coming to check on him.

It is this dirty type of clean

That keeps me trapped in here for hours

Eventually he must have fallen asleep, as he woke up when the dinner bell rung. Climbing down the tree, he returned to the school. All the elders had gone in to eat, giving him the quiet he so desperately needed. His hammer was still on the ground, right where he had thrown it. Picking it up, he started working again. Nail after nail were hammered in, perfectly in place as he finished what he had set out to do. And then he did more. Building up the walls, one piece of wood at a time, until it was so dark he could barely see. And he would have kept working, but John had come out with a lantern. The two of them stood there for a while, a sort of quiet understanding sitting between them. Eventually, they headed into the mission hut, where John tried his best to shield Brian from the looks the other elders shot them.

Still I scrub and scrub 'til my body bleeds

Convince myself I am coming clean

It was barely a month since the whole thing with the church went down, and they were doing badly. There was still work to be done. There always was. One thing gets fixed, then something else breaks. So, he worked. He always worked. He would work until his hands bled, until his muscles screamed for rest, until he passed out. Connor and the other elders had tried to make him stop, but Brian would always wave them off. He found solace in work; it was something to distract him from everything going on in his head and around him. Throwing himself into his work until he couldn’t, then sleeping until he could again. And that was how he lived now.

Forget and ignore who I used to be

That kid is never coming back

Brian used to climb trees with John when they were little. They would race to the top, laughing all the way. They had a tree house that they shared, and they would spend hours up there, chatting and playing until they were called down by their parents. As they grew older, the treehouse became their escape from the outside world. A place where no one could hurt them. But during a particularly bad storm, the treehouse was wrecked. But by then they were far too old to play in it anyway. At least that’s what their parents said. But Brian would be lying if he said he didn’t often wish to go back to that treehouse.

Relax my muscles

Brian had always liked to sit in the shower, breathing in the hot steam as the water rained down on him. It was soothing in an odd, suffocating way. But in Uganda, he didn’t have that sort of luxury. Showers were a timed ordeal, short and with no hot water. But it still felt good anyway. Today, though, he didn’t worry about the time. He would sit there as long as he liked.

And all of a sudden, I am scared

All of a sudden, I can't breathe

The events of the day started to catch up with him. He embarrassed everyone. He let everyone down. The other elders were right to hate him. He hadn’t even bothered to take off his clothes, and now they were soaked. He imagined how his father would yell at him for ruining his nice clothes. The thought made him laugh. If only his father could see him on the floor of an incredibly dirty shower, fully clothed, quietly sobbing to himself. That made him laugh even harder, until he had devolved into a maniacal mix of laughing and crying.

All of a sudden, I am nothing

In this moment, you are everything

Brian turned over the little orange bottle in his hands. A prescription of heart medicine for one Zachary Davis. The man whose very presence fucked with his head. Quiet and solemn at first glance, but underneath his stoic nature, one of the most genuine people Brian had ever met. Kind, sweet, funny, and handsome. And as much as he tried to ignore it, Zach was always on his mind. It was like he had crawled into Brian’s head and refused to leave.

She says, "Can you feel that? Oh, what a marvelous sensation"

She says, "Could you please take me off speaker phone?

This is a private conversation"

When he was 17, Brian had a girlfriend. It didn’t go well. They were both completely drunk when they first met. As a good Mormon boy, he shouldn’t have been out partying. But it made for a good pickup line, and soon enough they were fucking in the back of her dad’s pickup truck. And so, for the next few months, he would sneak out whenever he got the chance, meeting her by the rubble of his ruined treehouse.

And I am washing my hair with soap

Yes, I am washing my hair with soap

When he was finally caught a few months later, all hell broke loose. Brian was relegated to his room with nothing but the Book of Mormon and ordered to pray. He was given food twice a day, in the morning and the evening. It was a month before he was allowed out for anything besides school, but even then, he could feel his father’s breath on his neck.

Yes, I am washing my hair with soap

Yes, I am washing my hair with soap, with soap

The other elders would joke that they were being punished by being sent to Uganda. But for Brian, he knew just how true that was for himself. Knowing his father despised him so much that he would send him to suffer halfway across the globe was a unique kind of pain. But he was the mission president’s son after all, and who better to be turned into an example?

But there is air inside of my lungs

And it is keeping me afloat

There were two saving graces in it all. Jonathan Schrader, his best friend since birth, was his mission companion. John was the person he told everything to. He knew Brian’s biggest dreams and greatest fears. He knew all the thoughts that Brian struggled with and did his best to guide him through it all. When Brian first attempted, it was John who found him on the bathroom floor. It was John who saved him, and it was John who covered for him. It really wasn’t fair; all that Brian had put him through. But John remained by his side through it all, a constant light in the darkness of his life.

He says his grandpa's in the mafia

He is the nicest guy I know

Zachary Davis was the second. He was a breath of fresh air in the hot hell that was Brian’s life. At first, they didn’t talk. They would just sit at the small kitchen table, side by side, in the dead of night. No questions were asked, but none were needed. Then, slowly, they began to talk. Simple “hello”s and “how are you?”s turned into full conversations, ones that always left Brian wanting more. His infatuation for Zach snuck up on him, driving him crazy. But as much as he wanted to, Brian would never do anything about it

So I will run and run, maybe drive my car

Baby, look at me now, I have come so far

On his 18th birthday, Brian had stolen his dad’s car. It was stupid, irrational, and utterly pointless, but he did it anyway. He had chugged a beer before breaking the car window, stealing the keys out of his dad’s pocket. He didn’t know where he was going, but he didn’t care. The night breeze ruffled his hair as he sped down street after street, going faster and faster until he spun out and crashed. Brian would never forget the look on his father’s face when he came to pick up his son from the police station. The whispers and stares from the officers about what a failure the mission president’s son was. As he expected, his father was furious. They stood face to face in the holding cell as he was called every name under the sun, from a disappointment to an idiot to “a miserable wretch whose existence was an affront to God”. But Brian stood there with a smirk plastered on his face, taking the abuse until he couldn’t anymore.

And I don't know where my family's from

But I've got this stereotypical temper I cannot shake

Brian didn’t remember punching his father in the face, but he remembered what happened after. Cops swarmed them, holding him back as blood poured from his father’s nose. He was yelling, and Brian was too, both of them slinging horrible words at each other.

“You never listen! You would rather die than just listen to me, just once! I raised someone who respects their parents, not this mess.”

“All you do is kiss ass in the church! Maybe make your own fucking decisions for once, instead of just blindly following someone else.” “I should have thrown you out years ago! I always knew you were trouble! You are no son of mine!” The last line snapped something deep inside Brian.

“You were never my dad! At least my real parents tried to leave me somewhere safe. The almighty mission president, stuck with the shitty baby left at the church. It was never about being a good father. It was only about raising your picture perfect dream son. You never wanted a child, you just wanted a clone of yourself. I And you know what? I would never. Ever. Want to be like you. So just FUCK OFF!”

The crooked line of his father’s nose was the only thing that kept him silent when his father excommunicated District Nine. John, bless him, held his hand through his father’s whole speech. When he tried to ask Brian about it later, he just said he was fine. He couldn’t have been lying more.

Relax the muscles in my face

The water splashed down on him as he opened the little orange bottle, letting a couple of the pill spill onto his palm. Tilting his head back, he let some of the shower water fall into his mouth as he swallowed the pills. The water probably wasn’t safe for him to drink, but it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

And all of a sudden, I am scared

All of a sudden, I can't breathe

Pill, tilt, water, swallow. Pill, tilt, water, swallow. Pill, tilt, water, swallow. Slowly and methodically, he finished the whole bottle. Brian leaned back against the tile, trying not to panic. What if it wasn’t enough? What if it didn’t work? What if he lived? That couldn’t happen. He couldn’t risk it.

All of a sudden, I am nothing

In this moment, you are everything

Slowly, Brian pulled a small knife out of his pocket. He held it up, watching as the blade reflected the light. Shutting his eyes tight, he made two quick, sharp strokes. It was done.

She says, "Can you feel that? Oh, what a marvelous sensation"

She says, "Could you please take me off speaker phone?

This is a private conversation"

It was an odd sort of feeling, waiting to die. Brian thought of everyone he’d ever known; everyone he’d loved and everyone he’d hated. Everything in his life that led up to that moment.

And I am washing my hair with soap

Brian wondered what the other elders would think. How they might react.

Yes, I am washing my hair with soap

He wondered how his dad would feel. Would he even mourn?

Yes, I am washing my hair with soap

He wondered if Zach ever knew how he felt. He wondered what could have happened if he wasn’t such a fucking coward.

Yes, I am washing my hair with soap, with soap

As his vision began to fade, he wondered if John would ever find it in his heart to forgive him.

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might post the elders reactions later. hope u liked it <3

#stories from a fishcow #elder neeley #tbom #book of mormon #fanfic #fanfiction #writing

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