#store exists anymore lmao at least here in my city

[lotusthewriter]

Some day, when your head is much lighter

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: T

Relationships: Peter & Tony, Peter & Nebula, Peter & Morgan

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Nebula, Morgan Stark; MINOR - Pepper Potts; MENTIONED - Guardians of the Galaxy (minus Gamora), Happy Hogan, James "Rhodey" Rhodes

Summary: As they all celebrate Tony's return home, Peter feels like an outsider.

Nebula may relate a bit too much to the feeling.

Word count:

AO3

A/N: Heads up that on AO3 the fic is split in two chapters, but here I published the whole story in one post.

I bet a fic like this exists already, but I think Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 inspired me, so I ended up writing this thingy. Well, besides my dad treating me like shit as usual, resulting in a clingy and needy author writing paternal affection to soothe their lack of it. And I once again ended up writing 5k of self-indulgent hurt/comfort.

Also kind of a salt fic, mainly because we were robbed of more Nebula and Tony - and better yet, Nebula and Peter. They all deserve happiness!!! They deserve to be friends!!! To be family!!!!

Anyway, the Guardians are buddies with the Ironfam because of Nebula, while the Rogues/Avengers should stay as far away from Tony as possible, lmao.

Please be aware of the trigger warnings listed below.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - past canonical character death, suicidal thoughts/ideation, grief, implied past child abuse and depression.

Hate will be blocked. P/roship DNI.

--

Parties were never really his thing.

This one is different, though.

After practically two months, Tony Stark, the savior of the universe, is back home with his family.

His real family.

Aunt May couldn’t come due to all the housing issues they’ve been facing since returning from the Snap, so for old times’ sake, Happy went all the way to Peter’s current apartment to take him to the peaceful lake house the Potts-Starks have decided to retire in.

The trip felt… uncomfortable.

Happy of all people tried to get Peter to talk, in the most awkward way imaginable. Eventually, Happy would only shoot him sad glances, not at all grumpy, until Peter quietly asked him to give him some privacy for now (of course, not rudely). The boy didn’t even listen to music while he delved into New York City. Save for new stores and buildings, for the most part it didn’t look so awfully different to the human eye.

But Peter knew better than that. He sees more than the average person did. And that’s a curse.

It certainly is with Peter here, in this party that he should actually care about.

The teen gets to see Tony with the biggest smile on his face, despite the scars and the metal arm he built himself. He gets to see Pepper and Morgan, now relieved that Tony is not trapped in a hospital bed anymore. Even the… Guardians of the Galaxy have come along, like they’ve been Tony’s friends this whole time, despite the events that initially brought them together, and those that separated them as well.

Everyone is fine.

They’re exhausted and hurt, but they’re fine, because for now they celebrate.

Peter, however, has nothing to celebrate. When he should have.

This feels like Liz’s party, but at least back then Peter had Ned with him. At least things were easier. Not better , but easier .

What makes this all worse is that everyone is trying.

Like Happy did in the car, Morgan is constantly taking his hand and grinning at him with her adorable dark eyes, trying to lure him into her antics – she’ll whisper in his ear to beg him to be Spider-Man and grab all the juice pops for her –, and then Pepper immediately finds them and she will reassure Peter he doesn’t have to do anything the little “burglar” says, so Morgan will pretend to be innocent and she’ll run somewhere else. After this, Pepper is sweet and attentive towards Peter, smoothing his brown curls like she’s always done this, like he’s been her child from the moment he was born. While Rhodey likes joking with Tony, the former is incredibly soft and patient with the boy, telling Peter he can always tell everyone to stop smothering him, half-joking, half-meaningfully. Finally, the Star-Lord, who’s apparently also named after Peter, tries to sound like his cool older brother/cousin figure, only for him to end up sounding even more unaware than Uncle Ben, since Quill hasn’t been to Earth in forever. Everyone laughs when Peter accidentally implies that Quill is an old man since he has no idea how smartphones work, for a guy that has a spaceship and everything.

Admittedly, talking to the Guardians of the Galaxy kind of helps Peter get distracted from his haunting thoughts, since he ends up acting like a guide to them, in cultural terms. So you’ll basically find a teenager showing a group of aliens – and animals (as Peter eyes the walking raccoon that does not like being called a raccoon) – random memes. Drax doesn’t get the majority of them, and he demands explanations. Honestly, nobody but Groot gets it, even if all he says is “I am Groot”.

Peter never had a chance to know these guys better, as they all had to face Thanos and save the universe, so… this is nice.

That is, when Morgan steals Peter again – as well as the blue girl with black eyes, Nebula, if he’s not mistaken – to beg him to know when they’re going to play and get the juice pops. Suddenly, all the Guardians tune in and Drax “the Destroyer” is all for doing justice for the “Iron Daughter”, which draws Pepper’s attention, Tony’s and Rhodey’s laughter, and Happy doing his best to not let chaos rule the house, even if he might be secretly laughing as well.

And Peter is just… there .

He has been just there from the very beginning and… there’s nothing left for him to do.

This shouldn’t be upsetting. Peter should be laughing with them. He should be happy that Tony is alive. He should be grateful he’s here with him and everyone else.

But he isn’t.

He can’t keep pretending.

Peter flees the scene when he’s sure no one will notice, so he’s outside by the lake, facing the distant buildings he’s grown up with. The teenager already wonders how in the hell he’s going to leave without asking Happy, because he certainly doesn’t want to cause any more trouble for them. Peter does have his homemade suit with him, since it’s a habit he’ll never grow out of, but again, there aren’t any buildings in this area, and trees aren’t exactly stable enough for web shooting. Not to mention how expensive a cab would be to leave such an isolated place.

In the middle of his overthinking, a presence approaches, somehow undetectable by his enhanced senses at first.

“You’re leaving?”

It’s… truly not the voice you’d expect.

Peter turns around to find Nebula, who observes him with a knowing look… yet not judgmental. She doesn’t look confused by him leaving, either. She just pointed it out.

He opens his mouth but he only makes weird noises instead of words, hiding his cell phone since he’s already been caught, and fidgeting nervously.

“I- I-I dunno,” Peter manages, “I just…”

The arachnid teenager truly has no idea what to say. Every excuse he can come up with only sounds more and more dickish.

Nebula hums.

“Although you smiled the entire time, and were even socializing well with others…” Her eyes are deep like outer space. “All you wanted was to escape.”

Peter bites his lip. Nebula doesn’t sound like she knows the whole truth. Once again, she just observes and wants to confirm her suspicions.

“I-I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

Nebula shakes her head. “You don’t need to apologize for wanting to escape.”

Peter frowns, looking down.

“I-I don’t want to be ungrateful, I know everyone wants me to be here and- and you’re all trying really hard to make me feel comfortable, but…”

The cyborg crosses her arms, yet again, not in a way to make him feel bad.

Peter sighs. “I just feel like I don’t belong.”

His voice sounds wet and broken. Honestly, he’s been wanting to cry the moment he stepped here.

“These past few months have been so hard for me,” the boy opens up, despite Nebula being basically a stranger to him. “I already have to deal with the fact I turned into dust and woke up five years later. I have to get home and realize nothing is the same, I realize how much I’ve lost. People have moved on from me. And yet I have to go to school and be a normal boy like none of the things I mentioned ever happened. A-And then, I almost lost Mr. Stark, and he was isolated in the hospital this entire time… the staff told me I had to be his actual family to visit him.” Peter sniffs, drying his eye with his sleeve. “And even though I know Mr. Stark and Mrs. Potts would do everything to include me in their family, I still… never went after that. It doesn’t make sense, does it? I’m hurt that they didn’t let me see him… but I also didn’t have the heart to tell them I was hurt. Not to mention seeing him in that state… I don’t think I could handle the sight.”

Peter doesn’t look at Nebula at all, though he’s aware she’s listening in silence the whole time. She seems to have stepped closer to him, but they keep a fair distance from each other. He half realizes Nebula seems to have… glitter on her face, probably thanks to Morgan. He would have laughed if he weren’t breaking down.

“Like, even the Guardians are way better at this than me! At being their family!” Peter resumes. “It’s like they’ve been Mr. Stark’s friends since forever, like they weren’t dead for FIVE YEARS or the fact that they barely know him!”

He hates how childish he sounds right now, how needy and spoiled he is for being upset about all of this; especially after just admitting that he never bothered to tell Mr. Stark what he wants.

Peter dries his tears because he doesn’t want them to be seen, to be discovered, even if Nebula looks like the best person to keep secrets.

“S-See? The problem isn’t them, it’s me,” he says, angry. “They want me to matter, but it’s pointless. I’m not worth anything, ‘cause I can’t do anything right.”

He only remains cleaning his face meaninglessly with his shirt while Nebula is quiet, maybe shocked or sympathetic, he doesn’t really know. Peter also makes sure nobody else is watching them, which thankfully seems to be the case.

Either way, the boy dries the water and snot until his eyes shut up… besides Nebula finally saying something for once.

“... you are not the problem.”

Peter frowns. “What?”

“You’re not the problem,” Nebula repeats patiently.

“Why?” He’s too distraught to apologize for the slight lashing out.

Nebula, however, is unfazed by the reaction.

“I… never had anything,” she starts. “Thanos stripped everything away from me. And when he killed half of the universe… somehow I managed to have less than nothing. But then… I had Tony.” Nebula is the one looking away, staring at the lake. “We were the only survivors.”

Peter watches her not shed a single tear.

“It only lasted a few days, but they felt so long. We were out of food and gas. Even still, he made sure to look after me. We even played games together. He… praised me. Tony barely knew me and yet… he liked me,” Nebula contemplates. “And he was going to die. I knew I couldn’t do anything… but I did what I could.”

She pauses.

“After we were saved, I thought he’d be better off without me. I knew he had a family,” Nebula admits. “But whenever I was available, I’d find myself getting repairs and updates the most carefully I have ever witnessed. I’d find myself drinking… hot chocolate. And sometimes babysitting Morgan. So… I ended up being part of his family, I guess.” She shrugs affectionately, a shy smile even surfacing there. “I never thought I’d be part of a family. The Guardians didn’t convince me otherwise, not at first. It was Tony’s.” She stops again. “It might not look like it, but to this day, I still believe I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t deserve to be taken care of. I don’t deserve Tony loving me the way my father never did.” Now her voice is the one which breaks.

Peter watches her this whole time, without breaking down again. Nebula seems to be tough, but at the same time she’s being very vulnerable right now. She ends up letting out a deep sigh.

“What I mean is… you have every right to feel hurt or alone, or out of place. That does not make you a bad person. That is not your fault,” Nebula reassures him. “And most importantly, you deserve help for that. You deserve love.”

Peter looks at her with his well-known puppy eyes, like Tony would call them.

He wants to say something – he should, but not sure what it’d be.

The blue cyborg stands awkwardly next to him, probably feeling the same way, especially after the two of them opened up so deeply like that. Nebula likely believes that she might have not helped much, hence why she’s going back to the house without a lot of certainty (or she’s really not the best at socializing, given she’s, you know. An alien).

When she’s about to leave, Peter finally lets out:

“Hey, Nebula?”

She merely turns around.

“Th… Thank you,” Peter smiles, “for looking after Mr. Stark.”

Nebula’s expression manages to soften even more. If she weren’t a cyborg, Peter is almost sure her cheeks would be red.

She nods, not saying anything. She doesn’t have to for Peter’s grin to widen.

Now, he’s rather unsure what to do. Maybe he’ll stick out here for a while, throw rocks to the lake with his super strength and see how far they can go. He doesn’t get to decide with Morgan coming back… only she’s on Tony’s lap.

“Petey! Aunt Nebula!” The little girl smiles. “Where were you? You should’ve seen Mr. Drax falling asleep in just three seconds! Without any bedtime story!”

“Mantis had to stop the big guy before he ripped our fridge apart,” Tony explains, smirking.

“Are you okay, Petey-pie?” Morgan asks, worried.

“O-Oh.” Great, that question. Why is he so obvious? “Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Morgan.”

“It’s okay. Daddy says everyone needs some good cry every now and then. And at least you weren’t alone!”

“Yeah,” Peter sniffs as he briefly smiles at Nebula.

He feels too embarrassed to look at Tony back, knowing the older man is staring at him with those big concerned eyes of his.

Due to the heavy silence, Nebula suddenly walks to Tony to talk to Morgan, her low voice softening and even sounding playful. Just vaguely.

“What do you say we prank Drax while he’s asleep?” Nebula suggests. “We could put some glitter on his face, too.”

Morgan gasps, excited. “Yeah! He’s a Guardian of the Galaxy, so he needs to shine reeeeally bright!”

“That’s right,” Nebula smiles, picking the girl up.

“Are you coming, Petey?” Morgan wonders.

Before the boy can even open his mouth, Tony speaks for him.

“We’ll be right back at you, Morguna,” he winks at her. She returns the gesture, so Morgan hugs Nebula, who seems completely alright with the affection. When Peter first met her, he never thought the cyborg would be so sweet with children.

Only for the teen to realize, he’s alone with Tony. Perhaps the first time in so long. They feel like strangers even if Tony tries not to leave that impression.

The last time they were together… Tony was dying in front of him, and all Peter wanted was to hold onto him, because he couldn’t handle losing someone else. It had felt like losing Uncle Ben all over again, and Peter wanted to push everyone else away to save Tony, to cry and mourn, and beg him to stay, to not leave him.

Peter can only understand how Nebula must have felt when she also thought she’d lose the only person that ever made her feel loved.

Tony is back.

Then why isn’t Peter happy?

“Pete?”

He can’t even look at Tony.

Peter is so ungrateful.

“Hey, buddy… you don’t need to hide your tears from me,” the man says softly. “You don’t have to be fine for my sake, or anyone’s sake.”

Peter knows that, and it only makes him want to cry harder.

When Tony approaches him, while still not directly touching him, Peter smells wood, which is… quite new for him. That and a shampoo that screams “Dad” shampoo. However, he smells the same oil and coffee that brings Peter back to their lab days. It brings him back to the nights the boy stayed over at the Compound, watching movies with his mentor, accidentally falling asleep on the hero’s shoulder, and not realizing it until he was wrapped up in a blanket and too tired and comfortable to move. It reminds Peter of when Tony put a hand behind his neck, his fingers running through the former’s curls, as the teen was being crushed by the weight of his grief, the weight of bullying and loneliness. It reminds Peter of when he felt loved despite the entire world telling him otherwise.

Everything has changed so much now, but in the end… Peter can still find some of the old smell of home.

He’s… home.

It doesn’t look like it, at all.

But he’s home.

And he loses it.

Unlike in the battlefield, Peter rushes to Tony’s arms before anything bad happens to separate them again. Before anything and anyone can take Tony away from him.

“I’m sorry!” Peter sobs, “I’m sorry, I missed you, I thought you’d–!”

“Hey, hey, hey… it’s alright, Peter.” Tony just soothes his back up and down. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Peter weeps, “I’m sorry.”

“Shhh… you have nothing to apologize for. Nothing, do you hear me?”

Tony sounds so incredibly patient that it only has Peter cry more in his shoulder, at this point too out of it to apologize for wetting Tony’s dad-looking sweater. Peter just buries himself in his mentor’s shoulder, wanting to be wrapped up in his home again, to feel like he belongs somewhere again. He’s missed this so damn much…

“I missed you,” Peter whispers, voice high like a child’s. “So much…”

Tony laughs wetly, squeezing the teenager in his arms, and kissing his head many times. “I missed you too, kiddo. You have no idea.”

His right arm is a little more solid than the rest of his body, but it’s still the same arms that have always loved Peter. The arachnid isn’t hugging the armor this time. They’re not fighting an evil overlord. They’re home again.

Tony just calms him down and never once complains about how long it takes. He’s willing to stay forever if Peter needs it. Truly, he doesn’t know what he did to deserve… a father like Tony Stark.

Although he’s grateful, the black hole in him aches again, absorbing his joy. That’s how his life feels most of the time.

“I’m sorry,” Peter repeats.

“Peter…” Tony sounds pained.

“N-No, I mean it. You were all doing everything to welcome me, and I just… didn’t say anything. I just left.”

Tony just looks heartbroken, his flesh and mechanical arms wiping some of Peter’s tears for him.

“I thought…” Peter gulps. “I thought of leaving without anyone knowing. I didn’t feel right staying in there. Ever since I came back, nothing has felt right, but it feels like I’m expected to live like I didn’t literally die . A-And even though you’re trying to help me feel less alone… I still feel alone. And that’s not your fault.”

His mentor looks like he’s about to hug Peter the same way he did when they reunited, only for the boy to say more.

“I-I guess I’ve always felt like this, but… I still felt like I had something, before this all happened. But now, I don’t have anything and I feel like everyone has lived on well without me. You might try to include me, but… I can see it. I see how you guys interact. How… better you are without me.” He sniffs grossly. “The Guardians were gone for five years too, but they’re having so much fun, celebrating your return. I know I should be, too. I-I’m so relieved you’re back home, Mr. Stark,” Peter insists. “B-But I don’t feel like… I’m home. It’s like I lost it. Forever.”

The boy lowers his head, staring at the dirt, the ground reminding him of his own demise. He’s stepping on it like… he belongs there.

“I-I f-feel like… like…” Peter cries, scared of Tony’s reaction, “like maybe I shouldn’t have come back.” He feels so much like a little kid. And it makes sense, doesn’t it? Peter didn’t grow up with Tony. He’s stuck in a teenage body when he should be a young adult. “M-Maybe I… I should have just stayed dead.”

With the way Tony’s hands stop gently touching Peter’s face, the latter is sobbing furiously again.

Maybe now, he should leave.

Leave and never return.

Peter never wanted to admit these thoughts to anyone, because they just make him realize how much of a horrible person he is.

When his instinct tells him to run and hide, and never – ever – return, Tony’s left hand stops him, grabbing his arm firmly but not to the point of hurting it. If anything, it seems to shake silently.

“M-Mr. Stark, l-let me go,” he begs.

“You’re not better off dead.”

Tony is quiet and gentle, yet he appears to be close to breaking down, too.

“I-It doesn’t feel like it,” Peter bites.

“I know.”

The way Tony speaks… the way he’s rubbing Peter’s arm…

The boy wants to reject it, but he can’t.

“Let me help you, Peter,” Tony quietly pleads.

“Nobody can help me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why hasn’t it gotten better? Why do I keep losing everyone and- and everything? Why does life just get worse every time I think it’s going to get better?”

“Because it sucks. I know it does.”

Tony is behaving a lot like Nebula right now. They both speak from experience. Only here, Tony doesn’t explain where it comes from. Maybe because, right now, it’s not the focus.

“I’m…” Peter lowers the defenses. “I’m so tired, Tony.”

“I know, Pete.”

Like this, Tony is hugging him again.

“You can rest now,” he promises.

Peter cries once again, and it only hurts even more. Yet somehow, the crying is less desperate and loud. It’s more… here , if that makes sense.

He knows more than anyone that this is not enough for the black hole inside him. Nothing is enough for the black hole.

Still… Tony is able to quiet it down.

With just this one hug.

So, Peter just holds onto it.

It's true, then. That sometimes, a hug is really all you need to know that things will be alright.

--

They don't even notice the time pass until the Guardians come to say goodbye, though they almost retreat in respect, seeing that Peter and Tony were having a moment. Peter is the one who reassures them it’s alright. Each of the Guardians comforts the teenager in some way. Quill even suggests they should cruise in space some of these days, whenever he feels like escaping Earth. Obviously, with the glare Tony gives him, Quill ensures that Peter will have all the resources needed, including some great taste in music, or so he says. Either way, it… doesn’t actually sound like a bad idea.

Nebula promises she’ll keep visiting as well, or at least make video calls in case she’s stuck out there. She also tells Peter to keep in touch with her whenever he needs. He smiles and raises a hand for her to shake. She returns both gestures, and hopes he gets to feel better soon.

Rhodey and Happy still stick around the lake house while the spaceship flies away, mostly so they help Pepper clean the house. Peter would’ve helped, but Morgan takes his hand to show him his room. Not her room, but… his . Tony sighs dramatically that she ruined the surprise, but he joins the duo to what appears to be an untouched bedroom.

Morgan tells him to close his eyes and not peek.

“I have enhanced senses, Morgan,” Peter gently reminds her.

“Then turn them off!”

The boy giggles. “Okay, okay.” He even covers his eyes with his free hand.

Obviously, he can’t turn his senses off, but he keeps it up for her.

The room smells… very clean.

“O-kay, you can look!” Morgan instructs him.

When he sees…

He gasps.

Besides the exact same Star Wars posters he had at the Compound – and some new –, there are hand-made drawings of Spider-Man shooting webs. They’re all signed with Morgan’s name, and some appear to include Nebula’s as well. There are a couple colored lightbulbs, red, blue, and yellow gold, hanging in the ceiling, and then… Peter notices a few pictures by the other wall, most of which feature Peter and Tony in the lab, or whenever Pepper or Rhodey were able to capture them sharing a sweet moment.

But what really has Peter laugh and almost cry again is a photo of a small Peter Parker in the Stark Expo, Uncle Ben picking him up and laughing like his nephew was his whole world. The little boy, his true identity hidden behind an Iron Man mask, is pointing his toy repulsor at May, who took the picture while she also laughed like an angel.

“What do you think, kiddo?” Tony asks.

Peter laughs more, quietly. “I-It’s… It’s perfect.”

“I’m gonna design my own suits for you!” Morgan states rather determinedly.

“Oh, I would love that, Mo,” Peter squeezes her in a half hug, making her giggle. Meanwhile, Tony is looking at his kids with the proudest gaze he’s ever given someone.

Tony eventually leaves to help Pepper and the others, allowing Peter and Morgan to interact more properly. She shows him the books, comics and graphic novels she helped her father pick for Peter. Some of them were also hand-made stories about Spider-Man and his adventures, including his antics with Iron Man. As Morgan reads them to Peter (she sits on a chair next to his bed), the latter is very much invested. He knew that Tony probably told Morgan those stories, since they were all specific and familiar to Peter. Her comics bring the biggest smile to his face.

It feels like the day will never end, in the good way, when Pepper arrives (only she doesn’t interrupt them just yet, also looking like she probably took a picture of them like this, since she has her phone in her hand) to tell them it’s Morgan’s bedtime. Tony is next to his wife with curious eyes while the woman asks Peter if he’s going to stay overnight, as Happy is ready to leave and take him home if he wants.

As he lies in his bed, Peter… shakes his head.

“I’m already home.”

Tony looks like he’s about to cry at any moment, while Pepper and Morgan smile affectionately.

“You can come home whenever you want or need, okay?” Pepper touches his hair softly again.

“Okay.”

“Now, say good night to Peter, sweetie,” she tells her daughter.

“Wait! Can I kiss Petey good night?”

“Sure you can, Mo,” Peter smiles.

Thus, Pepper helps Morgan reach his forehead, her little lips touching it like it’s precious. Peter returns the affection with a smooch on her cheek.

“Nighty-night, Petey-pie,” Morgan says.

“Good night, honey,” Pepper kisses his head next.

“G’night.”

As the two leave, Tony comes in, silently, wearing a… Mandalorian hoodie. Mainly one where he’s protecting Grogu, if Peter is not mistaken. Tony doesn’t come to kiss him good night just yet.

“She read you the stories of Petey-pie?” He teases.

Peter snorts. “She’s the only one allowed to call me that.”

“You don’t have much of a choice here.”

They don’t really engage in further with the snark competition, not as Peter holds the blanket as if someone is going to take it away from him.

“Y-You’re not going to bed?” Peter asks.

“Yeah… but I still felt like my kid needed me. Guess you’re not the only one with Peter Tingles in the family.”

Peter rolls his eyes affectionately. Even then, Tony always sounds so… certain when it comes to the boy.

“This… might sound stupid, I dunno,” Peter gulps, “but… I d-don’t wanna wake up and… lose this, y’know?”

He expects Tony to reassure him that Peter won’t lose anything… only to come across the most tragic expression in the universe.

“... me neither,” the man whispers, likely something not even Pepper and Morgan know.

Peter doesn’t know what to say… other than shyly scooting over to the side.

Tony smiles sadly.

Once again, they haven’t cuddled in forever, and Peter forgot how good it felt.

“I missed my clingy spider-son,” Tony sighs in relief.

“Like you’re not clingy yourself.”

“Remind me again who’s the one being literally stuck right now?”

“Hmmmph,” Peter grumpily replies. Tony’s laugh feels contagious.

The former hesitantly touches the latter’s metal arm, then his brown eyes find Tony’s hairless right side, burnt skin now dark red, somewhat dead. Peter wonders if it hurts.

Tony, as usual, notices.

“Hey, you’re the one who needs attention here, bud,” he reminds him softly.

Peter looks away. “It’s different.”

“And it’s still valid.”

“Y-Yeah, but…”

Peter shakes his head.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine, kid.”

“No, it’s not, I keep–”

“You keep being your best self, that’s what. And I’m very proud of you, Peter.”

The teen has lost count of how many times he’s wanted to cry today. He has cried since coming back, but never like this – maybe because Peter wasn’t even allowed to cry, or he didn’t feel like he was allowed to.

Peter clutches the older man’s hoodie, afraid of what just came to mind.

“What?” Tony questions.

The boy shrinks.

“W-When… When you…” Peter swallows. “When you snapped your fingers… d-did you want to die?”

Tony doesn’t tense at the question. If anything, he… relaxes?

“No. I didn’t want to lose Morgan, or Pepper… I didn’t want to lose you again. When I saw you crying for me… damn, kid. I felt like throwing Thanos far away to the other side of the galaxy, just to tell you I wasn’t going anywhere,” he replies, not sounding snarky in the slightest. “But there were many moments where I should’ve died. Moments where I thought… dying was the only option.”

Peter contemplates.

“What made you… not die, then?” He wonders.

Tony hums. “I never actually wanted to die.”

Something in the boy aches while hearing that.

“I was taught to believe my life was worth nothing. Even when I became Iron Man… they all told me I had to die to make peace,” Tony continues. “I still thought that when I was in the hospital. But every time I saw Morgan and Pepper, and Rhodey and Happy… every time I remembered Nebula was there for me in my darkest moment, and every time I remembered you were finally here and we could be together again… it gave me more strength than anything. It made me realize… that was the whole point. That’s the point of living. You get to live with people you love. You live to become someone you love, too.”

Peter remembers when Tony took away his suit, the way he was more disappointed than angry.

“That’s not a road that ends, nor is it an easy one. Mine began late in my life, but it’s worth every single mile.” Tony cups Peter’s face so they look at one another. “I’m sorry yours have been this bad, kiddo. I promise I’ll do what I can to help make it easier for you. I hope you get the breaks and support you need. Please, remember that you can count on us, for anything, even when it doesn’t feel like it.”

The moment Peter sniffs, Tony is cradling him like in those nights the boy had nightmares and needed to be comforted. Peter can only cling back with everything he has.

“I’m sorry,” he says either way.

“It’s okay, buddy,” Tony never gets angry. “One day, you’ll see that you don’t need to apologize for being you. One day, the emptiness will be easier, and calmer.”

At this point, Peter knows better than to get his hopes up.

But then…

Tony kisses his forehead and adds, “We’ll be here to help you see that day.”

And just those mere words seem to take away the tensions and calm the hungry, angry black hole in him.

Peter knows it’s just going to bite him back and make him question everything. But right now? He wants to believe Tony. Because it’s Tony Stark, because he’s a genius and a hero, and…

“... I love you, Tony,” Peter mumbles, muffled by the Mandalorian hoodie.

Somehow, the hero manages to hold him even closer.

“Love you too, kiddo.”

And just like before, Tony’s cuddles are the only way to make Peter sleep.

[floralbfs]

literally if my tears mess up my makeup i will have another thing to cry about im sick of everything

[ppersonna]

tempestuous - kth | m

tem·pes·tu·ous - adjective - characterized by strong and turbulent or conflicting emotion

↳ summary- There’s no one who riles you up more than Kim Taehyung, your best friend’s brother.  He knows exactly how to make you fly off the handle.

↳ rating- explicit / 18+

↳ word count- 6.8k

↳ pairing- taehyung x reader

↳ genre- smut, minor angst i guess in the form of fighting, this is one big pile of smut, there’s some fluff too

↳ warnings- yikes where to begin.  angry sex, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don’t be like dis), slapping, spanking, pain kink, dom/sub elements, facefucking, really rough sex, finger sucking, derogatory names, uhhh name calling, hate sex, tae is fuckin nasty yall im thriving

↳ a/n- I HAD TO REUPLOAD bc tumblr sucks lol well folks. here we are.  i was given a prompt by @ladyartemesia​ so i blame her.  as for tae, he really came for me this week and completely wrecked me, love that for me. i really popped off here and it’s only edited by me so i’m SORRY if there’s a lot of mistakes.  fun fact i actually wrote almost 10k of another version of this but it frustrated me so badly i scrapped it lmao  🤡 HERE WE GO! Enjoy!  feel free to send in your requests and i promise to try and get it done for you! 

Kim Taehyung could only be described in a few words.

Infuriating, bothersome, vexing.

Gorgeous, breathtaking, suave.

Absolutely, inherently maddening.

And you hate how much you absolutely melt underneath his gaze, the way your heart leaps into your throat with a single word.  Your body, the ultimate betrayer, opens up to him as your brain screams to abort, reverse, go back to start and do not pass go.

Kim Taehyung is not just the bane of your existence, no.  He’s the little brother of your best friend, Kim Namjoon.   Joonie had been in your life since you were in first grade and he in second.  Taehyung was your age, but you hit it off with the older boy and haven’t separated since.  Your mothers joked that you would get married one day and continue on the Kim line.  Until they found out that Namjoon was 1) bisexual and 2) hopelessly in love with, ironically, a man named Kim Seokjin.   He reasoned to his parents that they would at least carry on the Kim name.  

Where Namjoon was sweet, caring, and deeply compassionate towards you, Taehyung was his alter.  Taehyung was brash, cocky and relished in watching you squirm, whether it be out of fury or the god forsaken sexual tension.  All growing up, he was the one to pull your pigtails, trip you into puddles of mud, and tease you in front of your friends. Namjoon, ever the faithful companion, was always there to pick up the pieces of what Taehyung broke.

It’s been that way with Taehyung ever since. A constant tug of war with each other, both unwilling to give a single inch to the opponent.  

Your relationship with Namjoon remained steadfast as ever.  Namjoon eventually moved in with his now-husband, Seokjin, who easily settled into your life as an additional partner in crime.  You spent most of your days and nights settled into the couch, snuggled somehow in between or next to one of the two men you cherished most.  You had the two best friends you could ask for and a happy life, blissfully Taehyung-free.

Until it wasn’t.

A loud knock wakes you from an unexpected nap on Namjoon’s couch.  Your eyes crack open against the glare of the sunlight streaming through the windows.  It takes a moment to gather your surroundings.  You recognize that you’re in Namjoon and Seokjin’s apartment, and judging by the silence, you’re definitely alone there.  As you reach for your phone, the screen lights up the time.  5:34 pm.  Well, shit. You remember eating brunch and drinking mimosas at noon with your best friends and then lying on the couch to watch Netflix.  How had you fallen asleep for five hours?  How did you not wake? What the fuck did Jin put in his mimosas?

The knock is insistent again, louder this time.

“Joon! Jin! it’s me! Open up!”

The voice sounds familiar in your sleep-addled mind, but not quite enough to pinpoint it.   You push your limp body off the couch and wince at the feeling of sore muscles.  Couch sleeping isn’t all it’s cracked up to be once you’re past the age of 25.

“Sorry, Namjoon isn’t here-,” You open the door to explain to the guest and you’re cut off.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

You rub at your sleepy eyes and allow your vision to focus, only to feel your blood stand still in your veins.

Kim Taehyung.  Of fucking course.

“What do you mean, why am I here? I’m always here,” you tut as you fold your arms to your chest.  “What are you doing here?”

He rolls his eyes and holds up his hands, two suitcases clutched in each.  Who the fuck carries 4 suitcases up three flights of stairs? Kim annoying ass Taehyung does, apparently.

“I’m moving in.”  He pushes past you and into the living room.  

Your mouth gapes open.  Namjoon certainly didn’t tell you this.  Taehyung looks back at chuckles at your reaction.

“I’m guessing your best friend didn’t tell you the happy news?”

You shut your mouth, quickly jumping back into composure.  “No, he failed to mention that,” you sniff.  “I thought you lived with your girlfriend in Gangnam?  What was her name? Rose or whatever?”

Tae stiffens, just slightly for a moment, before he plasters back on the bravado.  “Obviously not anymore.  We broke up, she kept the apartment.  Got tired of moping at my mom’s house and I told Namjoon I wanted to come back to the city.”

You feel a slight tug at your stomach, guilt, perhaps?  You clear your throat.  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

He laughs as he sits on the couch, instantly throwing his feet onto the coffee table, like a heathen.  “No, you’re not.”  

“What do you mean, no I’m not? God, sorry for being polite!”

This, you reason, is why you can’t sustain longer than 5 minutes of civilized conversation with your best friend’s younger brother.  He’s impossible.

He just smirks, and you know he loves the rise he gets out of you.

“Because I know you, and I know you don’t give a fuck about my love life.”

Au contraire. If only he knew just how much you gave a fuck.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t be nice to you!” you nearly stamp your foot in frustration but hold yourself back. That would be too good of ammo for him to use against you.

“Okay, fine,” he acquiesces. “Whatever helps you feel you’re a good person.”

You’re seeing red and you know you want to continue screaming at him but you will not stoop to his level.

“Christ, I haven’t seen you in months and you’re still an asshole,” you say as you grab your keys and shoes. “And also, Jin will kill you if he sees your feet on his coffee table.”

You whip yourself around and open the door to leave and hear him call over your shoulder.

“Good to see you too, doll! Love the hairstyle, by the way.”

You close the door with a growl leaving your throat.  The absolute audacity of that man.

You stomp towards the elevator to take yourself to the ground level, when you catch your reflection in the shiny metal. Your hair is in what you can only lovingly call a complete hornet’s nest. It’s ratted and sticking out in places and you feel your cheeks burn.  Your first reintroduction with Taehyung is with a fight AND with you looking like a fool.

This would not do. No, sir.

“Kim Namjoon!” you shriek into your cell phone.  You’re awkwardly pressing it against your ear with your shoulder as you walk out of the convenience store under your apartment building with 3 bottles of soju and a six-pack of beer. You needed to drown your shame and sorrow, and fast.

“Hello, love of my life and moon of my stars,” your best friend replies and you can hear Seokjin chuckle in the background.

“No!” You chide, already cracking a beer open as you storm into your apartment building. “Don’t you Khal Drogo me, mister! Why the fuck didn’t you tell me your fucking asshole brother was moving in with you?!”

Namjoon is silent and you can tell he’s wincing on the other end of the phone. “Oops?” He offers.

“Yeah, big oops! A heads up would have been nice! Like, ‘hey best friend, your worst enemy of all time is moving in today. Maybe you shouldn’t fall asleep on my couch and wake up looking like Frankenstein’s ugly wife. Oh, and also my handsome boyfriend and I will just happen to not be there when he arrives’.”

By this time, you can tell Namjoon has put you on speakerphone because you can hear their rich laughter loud and clear. Rude bitches.

You stab your key code into your door and lock yourself in, chugging as much of the beer as you could handle.

“At least, even in her rants she thinks I’m handsome,” Jin gloats.

“I’m sorry babe,” Namjoon sighs as he finally calms down. “I didn’t know he would be there today. I just found out about it last night.”

You nibbled at your bottom lip, the annoying pit in your stomach feeling simultaneously guilty that he went through a breakup, unbridled joy that something brought him down a peg, and just a dash of excitement that he’s single now.

You let out a breath. “It’s okay, Joon.  It just surprised me to see him.”

Jin butts in, “And because you have a big, fat, unresolved crush on him.”

“Jin!” You admonish. The couple laughs again and you roll your eyes, asking yourself why you put up with the two. “I do not!”

They both hum a non-committal answer, implying they don’t believe you in the slightest.

“Whatever.  What are you guys doing, anyway?”

“We just got home from shopping.  God, Jin looked so good in these jeans he tried on.  I was actually just about to suck his coc-,”

“Kim Namjoon, do not finish that sentence! I do not wish to hear it!” You try to remain firm, but dissolve into giggles with the pair.

You could never stay mad at Namjoon long, even if his brother was the devil incarnate.

“Darling,” Jin calls through the phone.  “I still expect to see you at our place tonight for our sleepover.”

Christ, you had forgotten all about your scheduled sleepover night.  It was tradition and one of your favorite parts of your friendship with the couple.  Jin, a literal chef, prepared a five star meal along with dessert for you while you binge watched Netflix and talked incessantly.

But you also usually slept in their spare bedroom.  The exact one that Taehyung would be occupying.

“Fuck, while he’s there?”

“Oh suck it up,” Jin chides, like he’s your mother. “He’s probably not even going to leave his room.  You’re not getting out of this.  I’m making strawberry cheesecake.”

Your mouth waters at the idea of Jin’s famous cheesecake.  

“Fine, but I get to lick the bowl and not Namjoon.  Those are my terms.”

Namjoon squawked in defiance as Jin laughed.  “I agree to your terms.  Be at our place by 8.”

As you hung up the phone, you checked the time.  6:40.  God, he hadn’t left you with much time to get ready, did he?

And you definitely needed to get ready.  There was no way you were entering a room where Kim Taehyung exists looking like booboo the fool, not again.

Your fingers press the 6 digit passcode to Namjoon and Seokjin’s apartment, arms heavy laden with your bag of toiletries and pajamas, and a bag full of wine.

“Honey, I’m home!” You announce as you toe off your shoes and slide into the combined kitchen and living room.

You receive no reply, but greeted with the amused face of none other than the object of your filthiest dreams, Taehyung.

“Pet names already?  We’re moving pretty fast, wouldn’t you say?” He asks you as he lounges at the kitchen table.  He watches you open the fridge to set the wine, as comfortable in their home as you are in yours.

“Fuck off,” you grumble. “Where’s your brother?”

Tae seemed absolutely tickled by your disgruntlement.  “I think they mentioned something about taking a shower.  That was 20 minutes ago, though.”

“Great,” you sigh. “Those fucking horn dogs act as if they’re still newlyweds.  We’ll be waiting awhile.”  

You tug off your sweater, leaving you to remain in a fitted tank top and yoga pants.  You tried to maintain a comfortable look as you dressed for the evening, while keeping in mind which leggings hugged your ass and showed off your toned thighs, and a tank top that dipped low to your cleavage.  Okay, so maybe you had ulterior motives. You wanted to make up for your dreadful appearance earlier and make him squirm, payback for the years of him doing it to you.

You watch him as he lets his eyes roam your body, eying you like he wants to ravage you completely. You feel victorious… and also turned on. Fuck, you played yourself.

You flop onto the couch in a huff and Tae snorts before joining you.

“What’s so funny?” You eye him suspiciously.

“Nothing,” his smile feigns innocence. “I’m not allowed to laugh?”

You sniff in annoyance, not eager to fall for his tricks. “You’re allowed to do whatever you want, your highness.”  Sarcasm drips from your voice and Tae finds it even more humorous.

“I see you’re still a sassy bitch.”

You gasp, audibly startled by his language and rise from the couch, fists clenched.

“I see you’re still a conceited dick!”

He rises to meet you where you stand, eyes boring into your own with his stupid sexy grin on his face.  “I see you’re still not one to back down from a fight.”

You step closer, close enough to feel his breath on your face.  Idly, you note it smells like peppermint and you move closer on reflex.

“Yeah? I see you’re still not one to avoid starting a fight in the first place!” you huff.

“Oh, I started it?”  

“Yeah, you started it! You called me a bitch!”

You can’t believe this is happening.  You feel as if you’re 6 again and fighting with him over a toy.

“A sassy bitch, actually,” he corrects, taking another step forward, bodies touching.

“Fuck you!”

“Only if you say please,” he quips before he closes the distance and presses his lips to yours in a scorching hot kiss.

There’s not even a moment of hesitation on your end, immediately pulling him even closer and wrapping your arms around his neck and allowing his tongue entrance to your mouth.  Your body reacts to his instantly, as if it’s wired to respond to him and him only. Your mind was blank of anything except Tae, only Tae please, and you acted purely on instinct alone.  And instinct was pulling him closer and begging, more, anything he could give.

The sound of laughter coming from the hallway pulls you apart, neither of you wanting to get caught by Namjoon or Jin.  You stare at him, his lips are cherry red and slightly swollen and the image burns into your retinas.  He has such pretty lips after you’ve kissed him.

“Oh hey! What’s going on here?” Namjoon asks as he notices the intense eye-battle you’re engaged in with his younger brother.

It shakes you out of the spell, eye contact broken and hypnosis halted.  

“Just, errrr,” you falter to find the right words to explain the situation.

“Just getting reacquainted.”  Tae sounds completely unaffected, as if the passionate kiss you shared with him seconds ago was but a distant memory.  Asshole.

“I’m surprised you two haven’t thrown anything at each other yet,” Jin laughs. “Or thrown yourselves at each other.”

Both you and Taehyung whip to look directly at Jin.

“Her!?” Tae is incredulous. “Gross.”

You’ll never admit out loud that his words wound you.

“You’re an asshole, Taehyung,” you punctuate your words by turning away from him and towards Namjoon, who appears amused as ever.

“Ah, I love when my best friend and my little brother are screaming at each other.  Feels like old times.  Can one of you cry now to complete the moment?”

Taehyung grumbles under his breath, something you can’t catch, and stalks off to his room.  The slam of his door reverberates in the apartment and Jin jumps and turns to yell down the hall at his brother-in-law.

“Yah! Don’t break my apartment! I still owe money on this!”

Despite Taehyung’s appearance every so often in the kitchen or living room, the rest of the night goes on with no annoying disturbances.

Jin spoils you and his husband with expensive food, and the best cheesecake you’ve ever eaten in your life.  Plus, you’re given the bowl to lick clean despite a desperately adorable pout from Namjoon you were sure would persuade Jin.

You’re settled on the couch, snuggling in the middle of the couple as an action movie flickers across the big screen tv.  Truthfully, you haven’t paid attention to a single thing happening, your thoughts entirely too absorbed in Taehyung and that deliciously infuriating kiss.  

Why did he do it?  You couldn’t comprehend his reasoning.  Perhaps he was doing it to piss you off.  He’s never angered you with that level of intimacy before, but you didn’t put it past him.

You’re surprised when the credits of the movie start rolling and Jin and Namjoon fake loud yawns.

“Oh man, I’m beat,” Namjoon lies.

Jin is quick to join. “Me too, I think I’ll pass out the moment I hit the pillow.”

You roll your eyes at the men. “Will you two please go fuck already, I know that’s what you’re going to do.”

Namjoon blanches, but Jin laughs and kisses your cheek. “Ah, my smart, beautiful and chaotic child,” he coos. He leans in to your ear, voice low to keep his husband from listening. “I don’t think I’m the only one in this house who’s going to get pounded into a mattress.”  

He pulls back and winks at you, deftly ignores Namjoon’s confusion and sadness of being left out, and drags him to their bedroom with a loud ‘goodnight’.

You’re left to stew in your own emotions, which is never a good thing.  Was the tension that obvious? You always assumed it had been one-sided, but the kiss befuddled you more than you’d like to admit.

It finally snapped in your mind, all the dots connecting. That’s why he did it.  

He kissed you so you’d stew and simmer and eventually erupt, like you’re doing now.  Taehyung knows you too well for your comfort.

You grab your bag of clothes and storm towards the bathroom to change, promising yourself to forget about the kiss and not give Taehyung what he wants.

Except you’re not very good at promises, especially to yourself.

You can’t say you’re excited to sleep on the couch again.  While it’s a nice couch, it’s definitely not a bed and your back will pay the price tomorrow.  You supposed it was better than the floor, but not by much.

After dressing in your pajamas, a purposefully picked out combination of tiny shorts and a sports bra in case Taehyung happens upon you, you return to your bed for the night in the living room.

Namjoon graciously left blankets and a pillow out for you, and you’re complaining internally about Taehyung the whole time you make yourself a spot to sleep.  If it wasn’t for stupid Taehyung and his stupid existence, you’d be sleeping like a baby on the guest bed that you loved.  But no, they relegated you to the couch like an animal.

Sleep was not in the cards tonight, it seems.  You toss and turn and try to press at the cushions to move a lump around and get comfortable, but it’s all for naught.  You’re wide awake and very, very uncomfortable.  You didn’t understand how you fell asleep on this very couch earlier in the day.  Maybe the mimosas you had at brunch with the couple had been helpful.

A thought crosses your mind. Alcohol.  Maybe a nice glass of wine would help tuck you into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.  A nightcap. Of course.  You were angry at yourself for not thinking of it hours ago.  

You slipped out of your disagreeable bed and into the kitchen, trying not to make a sound.  Jin’s beloved kitchen was also an echo chamber of noise, even the slightest sound bouncing off its walls and amplifying it through the whole house.  You still remember the way you jumped five feet in the air when Jin accidentally broke a plate.  It sounded like a bomb explosion.

You bite your lip as you carefully pry the cabinet of wine glasses open, careful to not even allow a squeak of a hinge.  You silently beg to stay silent and not wake anyone in the house.  You didn’t want to be caught drinking wine at 2 am in the dark, that’s difficult to explain without looking like an alcoholic.

With glass in hand, you tiptoe the fridge to pull out the bottle of merlot, thinking the heavy red wine would be the best to get you sleepy and quick.  

You tug the cork from the bottle and pour a healthy amount into the stemware with a smile.  Liquid sleep.  And you had done it without making a single sound. Perfection. The smell of the alcohol permeates through your nose as you lift the glass, placing it to your lips to take a sip.

“Wine at this hour?” the unexpected voice of Taehyung echos through the kitchen, making you yelp and jolting you hard enough that you drop the hard-earned glass of wine to the tile floor, red wine splashing as the sound of glass shattering is reverberating off the walls.

“Fuck!” You screech at the intruder.  Taehyung doubles over, laughing as if he’s seen nothing funnier than what just transpired.  “You asshole!”

You listen past Taehyung’s incessant laughter to ensure the owners of the apartment hadn’t awoken during the ruckus. You definitely did not want to face a tired and agitated Jin to tell him you shattered one of his Tiffany crystal goblets.

Beyond Tae, the house is silent and you’re thanking whatever god is listening for keeping your best friends asleep.

The wine is everywhere, spilling into the cracks of the tile and splattered on the walls.  The crystal stemware is too; it shattered with such force that you see flecks of the shrapnel in all four corners of the room.

Tae wipes a tear from his face and you square a tempestuous look at him.  

“Fucking help me!  You made me drop it!”

Through snorts, he replies. “I didn’t make you do anything.  You did that on your own.”  Although he is arguing with you, he’s gingerly stepping into the kitchen and kneeling to pick up shards of glass.

“I wouldn’t have dropped it if you had come into the room like a fucking normal person,” you grit.

He collects the glass, the delighted grin on his face now permanent.  He’s relishing in your annoyance, you know he is, and it burns you from the inside out.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t hear me.”

“You could have turned on the light! Why were you in the dark like a freak?”  You’re grasping at straws, anything to pin this all on him.  It would quell the fire in your belly to push it all onto him, make you feel as if you’ve won.

Taehyung levels a look at you.  “And you weren’t also in the dark? Pouring a gallon of wine for yourself?”

Your cheeks flare red. Fuck, he definitely caught you there.  You’re playing verbal poker with him and the hand you’re dealt falls flat compared to his royal flush.  He grins, knowing he has you.

“Fuck you,” you snark, you go to insult when you’re backed into a corner.

“Ah, doll,” he winks.  “We talked about that.  Be careful what you wish for.”

The fire inside you is roaring to an inferno now, flames licking to your core. It’s a complicated mixture of anger and sexual energy. It’s infuriating that he’s able to make you feel every single emotion to the extreme. You hate that arguing with him turns you on, like it’s some perverse foreplay.  

You moisten your lips with your tongue as you process his words, and Tae’s eyes hungrily track the appendage as it glides over your lips.

“Fuck. You.” You emphasize perfunctorily.

All thoughts of wiping up the mess are forgotten as Tae drags both you and himself off the floor and steers you to the living room, lips feverish against your own.  He pushes you into the couch and tugs his shirt off, before replacing his lips to yours.  

“Fuck, you’re so fucking hot when you’re a bitch,” he groans as he snaps the strap of your sports bra. “Seeing you get all worked up makes me so hard.”

He’s not wrong. You can see through his mesh basketball shorts that he’s sporting an impressive package, rock hard in its clothed prison.

“Yeah?” You bite at his lip.

“Hell yeah.”  His hands work to the elastic band under your bust and tugs the offending material off, tits springing free as he throws it to the floor.  

“Holy shit,” Taehyung breathes as he gets a good look at your chest.

You shake them gently, grinning as he watches them jiggle.  “You like what you see?”

He smirks and pinches a nipple, wiping the coy smile off your face and turning it into a moan.  “I like when you’re mouthy, but don’t push it.”  

He lowers his head to the nipple he’s still pinching in his fingers, licking at it and replacing his fingers with his mouth.  He’s moaning around the nipple, and you’re gasping for more.  His hot mouth sucks at you, teeth nibbling and pulling it until you’re whimpering in delicious pain.

“Fuck!” He cries as he pops away from your nipple.  “You’re so fucking hot.”

Your body warms at his words, arousal pooling between your legs.  You’re sure that your thighs are drenched in your essence.

He slurps your neglected breast into his mouth, ensuring your nipples are equally abused.  His tongue is skilled but his mouth is messy, saliva dripping all around your tit and it’s the hottest fucking sight you’ve ever seen.

He’s pulling away again and pinching both nipples with his hands simultaneously. “And you’re so fucking annoying.”

You’re pleading for more or to stop, you’re not sure.  He continues.

“Mm, I’m gonna fuck you until you’re a good little bitch for me. Listening to every fucking thing I say.”

He releases your nipples, and you finally find the ability to focus again, staring directly at him.

“Oh, you think you’re that good?” you sass as you attempt to catch your breath.  “Put your money where your mouth is.”

Tae grips your chin roughly, face inches away from yours with a sadistic grin. “You’re going to regret those words, baby.”

Instantly, he’s standing up and tugging his shorts down to let his cock spring free.  Your brain misfires as you visually measure his cock and your mouth goes dry. He’s thick and long. The bulbous head is dripping pre-cum, begging you to slurp it up.

“How about I put my money where your mouth is,” he suggests as he grabs a fistful of your hair.  

He teasingly rubs his cock on your lips and cheeks, makes you whimper with need. Your tongue is sticking out, desperate for him to lay it on you.

“Already so fucking greedy,” he grunts and in one motion, directs his dick into your open mouth. “I’ll fuck your throat, yeah? Greedy bitches love getting face fucked.”  He is still for a beat more, eyes searching yours for consent and you nod with his cock still in your mouth. He winks, then begins a rapid pace, his cock fucking into your mouth and throat.

You’re sure you look like a goddamn mess with saliva dripping from your mouth as Taehyung punishes your throat with his thrusts.  You gag and moan around him, and he tightens his grip in your hair as you see stars.

It’s indescribable. Never have you felt such pleasure from sucking cock, but Tae commands your entire body, willing you to drip with anticipation.

“My little fuck toy, god you feel so fucking good,” he hisses. “You’re gonna swallow my cum, baby.”  

His hips are stuttering, he’s close, and you’re sucking him harder, cheeks pulling in harder to vacuum him in. The pressure makes him groan out loud.

“So good, so fucking good. Get ready for your prize, baby,” his voice cuts off in a gasp, as his cock twitches violently. His legs shake and he doesn’t hold back the moans of his orgasm, gasping as he feels rope after rope spill down your hot throat.

Your big doll eyes are twinkling up at him, lips still wrapped around his cock. Taehyung is sure it’s the hottest thing he’ll ever see in his lifetime.  You on your knees, subservient to him and thriving for it.

“Mmm, I like it when your mouth is full like this,” he slowly pulls out of your mouth, albeit reluctantly. “Can’t talk back to me when you’re sucking my cock like a whore.”

You smile and stick out your tongue, pleased to show him you happily accepted his cum.

“Good fucking girl,” he coos as he grips your chin again. “Did you like my cum?”

You nod, brain fried from the heat of the room.

“Use your words,” he grits and grips your jaw harder. It’s enough to shock you into compliance.

“Y-yes! Fuck, I love your cum, Tae.”  Your words are breathy and raspy, throat raw from his barrage.

“I knew you would, filthy slut.  Sit on the couch.” He orders and you’re quick to scurry and sit on the makeshift bed you made.

His hands are tugging down your shorts quickly. No teasing or seduction here, not now. You lift your hips, and he throws them aside. Your legs close on reflex, making him growl.

“Do not hide yourself from me.” His tone is dark and you can’t help but shiver as you open yourself up to him. You want to talk back, want to fight and bite at him, but you’re quickly losing the ability to even speak, and you’re aching for him.

“Where’s my mouthy little bitch? You’re awfully quiet. Did I finally break you?” He teases, pressing your legs upward, knees to your ears. It’s pornographic how on display you are for him, soaking wet cunt front and center.

“The great Taehyung thinks he can break me with his cock,” you mewl, mustering all the false confidence you can. You’re lying through your fucking teeth and you both know it, but you continue. “You’ll have to do more than that.”

Your pussy is quaking with need now, desperate for a single touch. His hands maintain purchase on the backs of your thighs, holding them up.

“There she is,” he bites at the flesh of your leg closest to him which makes you jerk in his hold. “Gonna fuck the brat right out of you.”

He removes a hand from your thigh and you’re quick to pick up the slack, holding the thigh in place to maintain his open show of your pussy.

“Try me,” you murmur, and you’re instantly regretting your words as a harsh slap descends and lands square on your cunt.

You nearly scream, pain flooding your wanton pussy, before turning into delicious pleasure that stings and tingles right at your clit. It sizzles, and warmth blooms where his hand was.

“That’s for not believing me.”  His eyes are feral and you want to bottle this memory forever.  

Another slap has your legs trembling, eyes rolling back as the burn turns to a low heat.  You’re dripping your wetness down onto the couch and Jin will kill you, but you don’t care.

“That was for calling me a dick,” he smirks.

Smack.

Tears spring in your eyes as the slap brings more pleasure than pain, desperately close to your edge.

“Look at you, you could cum just from this, couldn’t you?”

“F-fuck! Yes, please, I need more, please!” Your cunt is clenching around nothing, desperate for friction and leaking out of you like a faucet. Taehyung marvels at you, legs spread so far, with a cunt weeping with arousal for more. He can’t wait to dive in there, but he’s not finished with you yet.

“More? I don’t know if you deserve more, baby, you’ve been awfully mean to me,” he tsks, breathing hot air on your clit, making you whine.

“P-please! I’m sorry!” You’re sure you will black out with how desperately you need him. You need him more than you need oxygen.

“Beg.”

You’re quick to submit. Thoughts of fighting back are long gone, you’re his wanton little slut now.

“Please, please! Pleaseeeee, make me cum! I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” He asks with an arch of his eyebrow.

You’re nodding wildly, gazing at him with desperate, watery eyes.

“Anything, I need you so f-fucking bad it hurts!”

By the time the words leave your lips, he’s thrusting two fingers into your cunt viciously, fingering you ferociously. He arches them, rubbing against your spongy g-spot and making you scream. He knows you’re close, knows you only need one little push off the edge. He plays your body like a skilled practitioner.

“Cum on my fingers, baby. Let me see my greedy little bitch milk my fingers.”

Your body and mind react accordingly, deep down you know your body is owned completely by him, all his.  Your orgasm explodes and you think you actually scream, your vision is black and your hearing goes silent for a moment as you cum harder than you have in your life.  You’re squeezing his fingers with your pussy so tight and Taehyung is gently licking all the juices from his hand with his fingers still inside you.

It takes time to descend from the separate plane of existence Taehyung sent you too, but you come back and watch as he laps at the liquid of your cunt and on his hand like it’s a vital necessity. His fingers remain in your walls, and he refuses to break eye contact with you. You’re positive you could cum again from the sight.

“My little cockslut tastes so good, just how I like,” he tells you tenderly. “Like cherries, so sweet.  My little cherry.”

Your cunt is aching and warming back to life as he pulls his fingers out of you. The loss is immense and you’re whimpering for more.

“Ah, ah,” he hushes you. “No whining. You’ll take what I give you.  Suck my fingers clean. Taste yourself.”

He presses his fingers into your mouth, earning him a sigh, the taste of you filling your mouth. You swirl your tongue around his fingers and suckle each one to ensure your tongue laves the entire surface.

“Fuck,” he whispers and it’s his first crack in his steel reserve. “Needy.”

He pulls his fingers from your mouth and presses against you to kiss. It’s gentle, sweet, and nothing compared to the man assailing your pussy with slaps moments ago. It thrills you just the same and you return in kind, threading your hands in his wavy hair.

He pulls away and presses his forehead against yours, a moment of gentleness you actively welcome.

“This little cunt ready for me?” He whispers and you’re whimpering your reply.

“Please, fuck me. I need you to fuck me until I can’t walk.”

He grins and presses a kiss to your lips again, sweet and chaste, before he pulls away and slides down to attach those same sinful lips to your pussy.

It’s so unexpected you flinch and manage a cry as his tongue slurps up more of your delicious essence and his mouth moves to suckle on your clit. You’re not sure where the fuck he learned these tricks, but you know now you will never let him go.

“Taehyung!” You cry at the sensation. “Fuck!”

After receiving the reaction he was desperate for, he slips his tongue into your walls deep and gathers as much of you as he can, before he’s pulling back and swallowing you down.

“I couldn’t resist. Your cunt was made for me to devour.”

He doesn’t allow for a response as he throws your legs over his shoulders and lines himself up at your core.

“Condom?” He asks you, and you level a quick look at him.

“I don’t live here! I don’t have any!”  You’re savage, terrified he’ll pull his cock away when all you want and can think about is the way he’ll feel pounding into you.

“Don’t be rude, baby,” he reminds you with a swat to your ass. “I’m clean, promise. You?”

You nod quickly, reveling in the spank’s tingle. “Same. I have an IUD too,” you sigh. Thank god for medical birth control implants.

“Good. You’re the only pussy I’m gonna fuck from now on,” he promises. You know you must talk about this later, when you’re thinking rationally and not with your aching pussy.  

Your heart stutters and leaps into your throat but all is forgotten as he plunges into your tight heat.

“Ohhhhh shit, ahhh,” he gasps. “Baby, you’re so fucking tight and wet.”  He’s on the verge of whining, becoming just as needy and greedy as you.  He wastes no time in setting a pace.

His cock fills you completely, his angle allowing him to go as deep as he can, pressing the beginning of your cervix.  This is surely what heaven feels like.  It feels like the completeness you feel with Taehyung fully sheathed inside you.

It comes alive with flames and explosions as he fucks you, hips pistoning to plunge in and out of you with tenacity.  He fucks you like he laces every single thrust with more, more than just sex. He fucks you with purpose.

You’re moaning like a pornstar now, high pitch wails and gasps and breathy moans are all you can manage. “Taehyung, yes! Feel so g-g-good!”

“That’s right baby, scream my fucking name. Make sure all the neighbors know who fucking ruined you,” he nearly spits, cock thrusting into your core at an impossible speed. “I want you to tell all of Korea who owns you. Who owns this tiny little cunt?”

The wind leaves you, and you’re gasping for air, gaping mouth open as you try to reply. It takes him fucking into you harder a few times before you feel it rush back into you.

“You, Taehyung!  You!  Fuck, I love your cock!”

His thumb rubs at your engorged clit, allowing it the friction it seeks.  He bends forward and wraps his other hand around your throat, squeezing.  

Losing air combined with the friction on your clit has you keening, so close to the edge. You try to babble his name but nothing comes out.

“Look at my pretty little slut taking my cock so well,” he praises.  “You have the greediest pussy, don’t you? You need my cock daily, baby. Need to put my mouthy bitch in her place, remind her who’s in charge.”

He slows his pace but his thrusts are punishing, fucking into you as hard as he can. Your orgasm is climbing so impossibly high.

“F-fuck!” You gasp as he releases his grip on your neck. “Gonna cum! Please let me cum!”  

“Yeah baby, cum for me.  Cream your greedy pussy all over my cock.”

The world stops spinning as you hit the height of your climax and plunge down.  Your vision goes black and your body is quivering and convulsing nearly as hard as your cunt is. Taehyung hisses at your walls sucking him in, as if you’re begging for his cum, begging for more.

“Fuck, good girl, baby, holy shit,” he’s breathless and so close.

You’re overstimulated, boneless, but he wrought two of the best orgasms you’ve ever felt in your life and you’ll be damned if you leave him high and dry.  You bite your lip as you move with him, hips pounding against each other. His face is scrunched up and you know he’s close when he’s stuttering on his words.  You take over for him.

“Please cum in me baby, please.  Fill me up. I’m yours, baby, mark my little cunt as yours.”  You don’t know where it’s coming from, but you keep it going. It feels as natural as fucking him does. “Please, Taehyung!”

At the sound of his name leaving you in a whine, he spirals down his own completion. He feels his cock pulse as he empties his load into you, your walls still reverently beckoning for him. He’s calling out your name, grasping at your tits as he finishes and you’re smiling from ear to ear. Your pussy is warm with his seed and you’re positive it’s the way you want to feel every single night.

“Holy fuck,” Taehyung rasps as he pulls his cock out of you. He thrills as he watches his cum follow, slipping out your folds and down your thigh. “I definitely marked you.”

You hum in reply, finally allowing yourself to soak in the haze of orgasmic bliss. Tae presses his head to yours again, kissing you sweetly.

“Come sleep in my bed?” He asks. He means more behind it. He wants to ask you to sleep in his bed every night, stay with him every day, be the one he grows old with. He knows there’s still more to talk about, wounds of the past to heal, but now you’re with him, and he knows he’ll work through anything.

You nod, and kiss him again, understanding his hidden meaning laced in his words.

A sly smile spreads across his face. “Last one to bed has to take the blame for the wineglass,” he teases. Your head spins as if you’ve got whiplash.  He can switch from dominating to sensitive to the little shit he is so quick.

“Hey! No fucking fair! You fucked my ability to run out of me!”

“Shouldn’t have been such a sassy bitch,” he winks before he tears away towards his room.

“Taehyung, you’re an asshole!” You call as you limp your way behind him.

From behind Joon and Jin’s door, a critical voice bellows, “YAH! I’ll kill you if you got your jizz on my couch! And what is this I heard about my glass!!? HEY!  Those are TIFFANY. CRYSTAL. THE DISRESPECT!”

You slip into Taehyung’s bed and wrap yourself around him, the two of you gasping with mischievous giggles.

Kim Taehyung will always be the one who knows how to drive you wild. He’ll always aggravate and infuriate you, send you reeling.

But now you didn’t think you minded it at all.

© ppersonna - 2020 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

[purplesurveys]

490

Do you ever eat when you're not particularly hungry? I’ll try to avoid it, but I would sometimes eat when I get bored. When I’m stuck with someone in public I’ll also take a bite (if I have food) from time to time so that I don’t have to keep talking. Have you ever gone up a mountain on a train? No. My parents paid for horse rides up the Taal Volcano once, but this was back when I was 12 and had no idea what a terrible idea this was. I appreciate what my parents did for that trip but as I grew older it’s never really served as a fond memory for me as I think of how exhausted the horses must have been. It’s been several years so I hope they’ve put a stop to it.

What is your favourite hot beverage? I hate hot beverages. If I absolutely had to have a hot drink though I always pick hot chocolate.

Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. What was your imaginary friend called when you were a child? Katrina. She existed for like half an hour, though.

Can you see the stars at night where you live? A little bit. They’re much clearer in the higher area of my city. Where do you live? The Philippines, unfortunately. Is there anyone you just can't get out of your head? Kylie Minogue. Lmfao lame joke aside, not really. I’m past that phase where I’m absolutely crazy about my girlfriend and think of her every minute. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Why? Dogs. They’re friendlier and playful, which is really the reason why I’d consider having a pet at home. There’s a really sweet cat that’s guaranteed to lie on my lap in my college building, but apart from him I’ve never understood cats :( One thing you'd like to achieve this year: Not fuck up my job as vice president for externals in my org. I’ve never worked in the committee before and only took up the job because no one else cared as much for the org, so I’m just looking forward to not making mistakes and following whatever my predecessor did. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? I would try out anything so long as it didn’t have my least favorite, fruits. Are you a hoarder of useless items? Receipts are technically useless, but I hoard them for memories. What colour do you think suits you best? Is this your favourite colour? Navy green. It’s not my favorite, but it looks the best on me for some reason. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? Nah, I don’t think there’s anything unusual. Do you know both of your biological parents? Which one do you prefer? Yes. I live with them. I like my dad better. If you could intern anywhere, where would you choose? Anywhere that would give me the opportunity to do public relations and media relations! My internship opportunity had been super cool, so having another experience like it would be amazing. When was the last time you wrote so much your finger ached? May, when I had a string of final exams that I all had to do by hand.  Do you store a lot of pictures you've taken that no one else has seen? Yep. I’m a pretty horrible photo hoarder. My camera roll needs some seeeerious cleaning. Do you prefer film or digital pictures? Digital just cause it’s easier and more accessible. But I like how film looks so much more. When was the last time you felt inferior? Last Wednesday. Do you bump into things often? I’m less clumsy now, come to think of it. When did you first start using the internet? 2008. I remember having had it much earlier but 1) I was still super young to go around using the computer, and 2) there wasn’t much to do on the Internet anyway. But by the time 2008 rolled around, there was a good amount of content that 10-year-old me could have fun with. Were you ever a member of the Scouts / Girl Guides / Something similar? No, we don’t have that here. If we do, it’s not as popular or publicized. Do you prefer camping or staying in hotels? Staying in hotels. But that’s only because I’ve never legitimately camped before. Do you have any family traditions for certain holidays? Which? For Christmas, we would usually go to one of my grandpa’s sisters house and have a big reunion with my mom’s side of the family and do monito-monita for exchanging gifts. As we’ve gotten older it’s become much harder to gather everyone under the same roof, so this image is among my favorite and fondest memories of being a kid. Do you prefer lip balm that tastes or smells of something? Or maybe neither? I prefer it to taste/smell sweet. What is something you think about yourself that nobody agrees with? I dunno what other people think of me. What about something people think of you that you don't agree with? That I’m put together LMFAAAAAOOOO Do you enjoy flying? What's your (least) favourite part? I love it. I don’t like if I’m anywhere but the window seat. What colour are your eyes? Do you like them? Dark brown. I mean, I like them but they’re kinda just...normal. Filipinos don’t have a choice anyway though so whatever.

Have you ever had braces? I had them for a couple of years in high school. Name one of your hobbies: Trying out new food! How minty is your toothpaste? It’s the right amount. It’s not too painful. What design is on your calendar this year? I just use the calendar app on my phone. Do you collect anything? What? Receipts, photos, coloring books. Do you keep a diary? What sort of things do you write in it? This blog is virtually my diary. I write about whatever I’m asked. Are you prone to headaches? Only if I’m exposed to hot-cold-hot-cold weather. Do you enjoy clowns / street performers or are they creepy to you? So long as they aren’t doing anything to be creepy, I’m fine with them. What is your favourite type of video game? Open world tbh so I can get away with not doing missions, as someone who’s never figured out how to beat any video game hahahahaha Do you believe everything you hear or do you take it with a pinch of salt? Well, it would depend on what I’m hearing. :/ What's the weather like where you live? (All year round, not today) The climate is tropical, which just means it’s PAINFULLY HOT for most of the year, and it can either be humid or chilly when it does rain. It’s never too cold, which sucks for me. Have you ever had a teacher who would just babble about nothing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA welcome to college, my dude. Do you ever look at a word and think that it looks odd? Not really this per se, but sometimes I’ll keep staring at a word and eventually it’ll start looking weird. I know this happens for everyone else too lmao so. Do you prefer getting news online, from a paper or from the TV? Nowadays, online, provided that it’s accurate and verified. I don’t watch TV anymore and reading the paper is just too much of a hassle. The shoes you wear most often: What do they look like? They’re Onitsukas with red and blue stripes. When was the last time you climbed a tree? I’ve never done this. All trees in this country have red ants haha. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? Yes, it was one of my favorite games. We call it piko here, though. Only rich kids who grew up speaking in English call it hopscotch. Are you good at keeping your house clean? I like to keep my place tidy, but I dunno if I’m any good. Can you play any instruments? Just the recorder, if it even counts.

Do you prefer chocolate or fruity flavoured candy? I don’t really like candy so I can go either way.

[jjkfire]

Sweet Saccharine; pt. 2

Reader x Jungkook // sugardaddy!AU // 11k words

Summary: Trying your best to stay afloat in a ruthless city, you decide to join the sugar bowl. Who knew the sugar baby business would be this exciting?

Genre: Fluff?

Part 1 // Part 3

A/N: bro it’s been months since the first chapter and I am so sorry like lmao does anyone even remember that this fic exists??? anyway told myself to keep the fic simple but my brain was like uhhh heck no 

Previously...

Oh, if only Jungkook knew what he was getting himself into, if only he knew who you really were. He would’ve avoided you like the plague, he would’ve been running for the hills, anything to get as far away as possible from you. It was in this person’s favour however that Jungkook didn’t. An evil smile graces the lips of the dark figure, dressed in all black.

So begins the takedown of Jeon Jungkook.

So begins the end of Jeon Logistics.

Now

So, what are both you and Jungkook doing in the middle of a long, empty, straight road, one would ask? The answer would be Jungkook has no fucking clue.

“Do you trust me?”

“No… not really,” Jungkook gulps as he looks over at you in the driver’s seat.

“Aw, come on,” You laugh. “Live a little why don’t you?” You turn to him to raise an eyebrow, an evil smirk on your lips.

He hears you rev up the car engine, its signature roar resounding in his ears and usually he loves the sound but right here, right now, he’s not so sure. What he knows though is that letting you take the wheel was a horrible, horrible idea.

Earlier

[02:28] You: Hey friend saw you in a magazine today [02:28] You: Image sent

Jungkook’s fingers scramble to swipe at his phone to open up the message. He breathes out a sigh of relief to see that the magazine had chosen a rather flattering photo of him standing next to Yoongi and Taehyung, his two closest friends.

The three of them grew up basically attached to each other considering that their grandfathers were best friends who had all established their own logistics company around the same time, building it from the ground up with their very own hands. Everyone thought that their friendship wouldn’t last, that eventually, friendly rivalry would turn ugly but the three old men still got together at the Jeons more than once a week for a casual game of poker.

The Min, Kim and Jeon family are often referred to as the 3 greats of the logistics industry, but they were more than just that. The comradery between the 3 families has lasted for generations now. Jungkook doesn’t even remember a day where he didn’t have Yoongi and Taehyung by his side when he was growing up and even now, they’d at least see each other once a week, be it for a casual coffee or the occasional supper. The three of them seem like an odd combination, so different from the other yet somehow, it worked. Perhaps it was the fact that they carry the same burden, the pressure of having to take over such a huge company one day or perhaps it was the other 101 things that they had experienced together that helped shape what is seen as an unusual friendship.

Jungkook stares at his screen, unsure of what his reply should be but sure of the fact that he wanted the conversation to move forward. He wasn’t quite sure where he stood with you yet but the two of you had been texting day and night since he had dropped you home that evening and maybe it was because you were a lot more comfortable over text that he found himself being drawn towards you, wanting to know more about you. Perhaps it was your crass humour or the way you sent him the weirdest memes, a sign of real friendship you had told him one day but he finds himself waiting for a text from you for a greater part of the day but your busy work schedule meant that they were few and far in between until the end of the day comes and suddenly he’s sat there texting you for hours on end, way past his usual bedtime.

Talking to you seemed real because for the most part he knew you didn’t have a hidden agenda, he didn’t have to worry about your intentions or any of the sort because the deal the two of you have has taken care of that and if this felt like a job to you, it never showed and for that, Jungkook is grateful. You speak to him as if you’ve known him for years, not boring him with stupid small talk that he hates but you dive head in, skipping the part where you awkwardly try to get to know each other, instead choosing to talk about that midnight movie you snuck into that day or even your thoughts about the government, fully uncensored of course and boy were you brutal. It’s a breath of fresh air because Jungkook doesn’t remember a conversation he’s had as of late that didn’t have to do with who was boning who or who just got a new car or mansion because frankly, Jungkook could give less of a damn about all those superficial things. He just wanted for once to have a conversation that mattered, one where he left feeling like he learnt something, a good sort of conversation that left you feeling in some way or rather, fulfilled and that he got whenever he spoke to you.

Perhaps the reason that conversations with you seemed so interesting was that you had an entirely different perspective on life, one he assumes is because all his life, all he’s known is the North, the isolated dream island of a city that is separated from the bottom half of the city and the rest of the mainland, the only connecting factor between the two pieces of land is a less than impressive bridge. Jungkook doesn’t know much about his country other than what was taught in school and he has a feeling that much of what he’s been taught has been watered down or altered because after hearing you speak about the provincial parts you had grown up in, everything he has learned doesn’t seem to make sense anymore.

All Jungkook really knew about his city, was that there was a long river that runs through it, dividing it in half, and for years now, the people from the North and the South had lived entirely different lives. The North, where Jungkook was from had the bright lights, the fancy restaurants, the good schools and hospitals. It had everything it needed to be classified as a dream city while the South on the other hand had quite the opposite. It had the crime, the poverty, the dilapidated apartments and ironically, it also had the backbone of the city’s wealth, the port.

Over the course of a week and a half, he has learned a fair bit from you about his country and to his surprise, his very own city because although he doesn’t like to think about it, the segregation is real and he has never had the chance to know about the intricacies of the part of the city his very own company depends on, until he met you of course.

[02:30] You: you know

[02:30] You: i’m a little sad because in the interview portion, you mentioned that you were happy to be there

[02:30] You: because all your friends were there

[02:30] You: but you know who wasn’t there?

[02:30] You: your most important friend

[02:30] You: aka the one you’re paying for

[02:30] You: aka

[02:30] You: me

Jungkook giggles at that, shaking his head at you. For someone who was so shy in person, you were surely pretty brazen over text.

[02:31] Jungkook: are you using your phone at work again?

[02:31] Jungkook: you’re a horrible employee

[02:31] Jungkook: how have they not fired you yet?

Rude, you mumble out loud. It was 2 am and the last customer had walked out about an hour ago. You’d be bored out of your mind if you didn’t use your phone from time to time.

[02:31] You: nobody wants to work the graveyard shift so I mean…

[02:31] You: also, hello, please don’t change the subject Mr. Popular

[02:32] You: frankly, I’m offended that I did not get a special mention

Jungkook scoffs at your text because you sure were a fickle minded person.

[02:32] Jungkook: wow

[02:32] Jungkook: okay

[02:32] Jungkook: I visited you at your workplace last week and you tried to shoo me away

[02:32] Jungkook: said you were afraid people would associate me with you

[02:32] Jungkook: and here you are wanting to be associated with me

[02:32] Jungkook: make up your mind pls

You plonk your head on the table, a slight brush creeping up your face as you remember Jungkook strolling into the convenience store you worked at after you specifically told him not to come. The look of shock on his face after you pushed him out the doors made the situation all the more worse but really, things could’ve gone wrong if he stayed.

[02:33] You: omg that was bc a bunch of paps always hang around outside the store

[02:33] You: waiting for the celebs to leave the clubs on the opposite side

[02:33] You: i clearly said paps when I shoved you out the store

  [02:33] Jungkook: who cares if the paps saw us hanging out?

Who cares? Who cares?! Everyone cares. You’ve seen it all play out, seen how someone’s life goes up in flames simply by having had their picture taken with the wrong person at the wrong time.

  [02:33] You: i’ve seen the magazines okay

[02:33] You: i know what it’s like when they see someone of your stature

[02:33] You: hanging out with someone like me from the south side

[02:33] You: bad press

[02:33] You: I’ll be labelled your south side hoe

[02:33] You:  and then there’ll be a scandal

[02:34] You: then your company’s stocks will plunge

[02:34] You: so really, I was trying to protect you ok

Jungkook laughs at your text because god, you were so gullible. Half the content of the magazines you read were in some way scripted. Usually, the paparazzi are called beforehand by their PR Team so that pictures could be taken of them leaving the trendiest place or hanging out with the in crowd. Of course, he wanted to tell you that the paparazzi had no interest in him of all people considering that his mother had always made sure that any unapproved pictures of him would never make the stands because she’d make sure the magazine would never be able to publish again but you seemed to rather enjoy those magazines so, he didn’t want to ruin that for you.

[02:34] Jungkook: aw, you care

[02:34] Jungkook: that’s cute

  [02:34] You: of course I care

[02:34] You: you’re my source of income

  [02:34] Jungkook: wooooow

  [02:35] You: wait, I mean

[02:35] You: of course I care

[02:35] You: you’re my friend

  [02:35] Jungkook: unbelievable

[02:35] Jungkook: all you think about is money

Of course that was all you thought about. Maybe if you were as rich as Jungkook, money wouldn’t even be something that would be on your mind on the daily but you were you, struggling to even find enough cash in your pocket to pay for a sandwich.

[02:35] You: well I’ve got bills to pay my friend

  [02:36] Jungkook: fair enough

[02:36] Jungkook: speaking of money

[02:36] Jungkook: when are you free?

[02:36] Jungkook: at this point I’m starting to think you’re trying to avoid me

Jungkook had asked to hang out twice so far and you had turned him down, citing work as an excuse and he’s not so sure he believes you. That’s why he decided to pay you a visit while you were working and okay maybe he felt a little bad for doubting you because he saw you at the cash register, scribbling away at the inventory log. He could see the dark circles under your eyes, the way your shoulders were slouched forward, the frown you wore and he didn’t know you too well yet but in that moment his heart ached for you.

[02:36] You: i’m not, i swear!

[02:36] You: i was called in to pick up an extra shift that day

[02:36] You: and that other day as well…

[02:36] You: But i’m free tomorrow night!

  [02:37] Jungkook: nice

[02:37] Jungkook: i’ll pick you up for dinner at 7?

 A free meal, you smile. Heck yeah you were in for that. If it weren’t for the fact that you had to pick up two extra shifts, you would’ve already had 2 free meals, good ones at that.

  [02:37] You: in your Lamborghini?

[02:37] You: you know i only agreed to this deal bc i dream of sitting in your lambo one day

  [02:37] Jungkook: nah

[02:37] Jungkook: you were so flustered the day i met you

[02:37] Jungkook: i know you said yes bc you’re secretly in love with me

 Jungkook laughs as he remembers the way you had rose to your feet the instant his chair turned around, how you had dropped all your belongings onto the floor and you were scrambling to stuff everything into your purse so you could run. Adorable, he laughs. He loved seeing you flustered and he knows if he had said what he had texted to you in person, you’d be a sputtering mess.

 [02:38] You: nice try

[02:38] You: but

[02:38] You: FALSE

  [02:38] Jungkook: hmm

[02:38] Jungkook: i clearly recall you saying something along the lines of i love Jeon...

 You didn’t say that out loud did you… You’d rather die than live knowing that Jungkook knows you’ve had a crush on him ever since you saw his picture in the newspaper when you were 17. He mustn’t know.

  [02:38] You: what?

[02:38] You: i never said that?

[02:38] You: but I mean

[02:38] You: i probably said I love your grandpa maybe

  [02:38] Jungkook: so you’re into old people?

[02:38] Jungkook: like a reverse pedophile???

[02:39] Jungkook: a gerontophile…

 How does he even know that term? God, you meant you admired him. For a second, you’re not sure what to type back and you wonder if this is why Jungkook has to pay you to be his friend because if he’s like this with everyone, you can imagine why he didn’t have anyone to hang out with.

  [02:39] You: wth

[02:39] You: i didn’t mean it like that…

[02:39] You: you’re so…

[02:39] You: wtv

[02:39] You: anyway okay see you at 7 tomorrow

[02:39] You: in your lambo

[02:39] You: bye

  [02:39] Jungkook: wow I have to pay you to hang out with me

[02:39] Jungkook: and you still make demands???

  [02:39] You: what can I say

[02:39] You: i’m a difficult woman

[02:39] You: also a customer just walked in so gtg bye!

Jungkook sets his phone aside, shaking his head as he laughs, a common sight whenever he texted you. Truth be told, talking to you has become something he’s become quite fond of, perhaps even one of the best parts of his day.

Jungkook picks you up from work like he promised, parking his car two blocks away like you asked because apparently you didn’t exactly need to be seen getting into a car you’d never be able to afford. Actually, he didn’t even pick you up because you had told him to wait in his car and that you would find him but he bargains with you and you relent, letting him wait for you a block away from the convenience store you worked at.

From the moment you see him, you’re already giddy, for him, he wishes but he knows you’re only this happy because in a few minutes, you’ll see your dream car right in front of you. He watches as you sprint towards it when it comes into your view, the car in all its matte black beauty, elegant and poised. Before he can tell you that the car doors open upwards, you’re already diligently sitting in the passenger seat, waiting for him which surprises him because the best part about watching people get into his car was to see them struggle with the door. He’s impressed obviously that you seem to know more about luxury cars than you had initially let on but when he gets in the car, he sees you admire the interior, fingers softly ghosting the plush leather interior, a sign that this was a rare occurrence for you.

He expects the car ride to be awkward seeing as to how you’ve always had trouble with small talk but you bombard him with question after question about the car he’s driving and he doesn’t think he’s ever met anyone so interested in this car and everyone before you who had sat in this car couldn’t even pronounce the car model’s name right but here you are asking about the CC of the engine, if he liked the automatic double clutch system and the car’s top speed. In fact, if anything, Jungkook feels embarrassed because he couldn’t answer most of your questions because all he knows was that it looked good in the show room and that alone was a good enough reason for him to buy it.

“How much do you have to pay monthly?”

“Monthly?” Jungkook quirks his eyebrows. What do you mean by monthly?

“Yeah, you know… for the loan?”

Cute. You thought he had a car loan.

“Shit, you paid for it in cash?” You gasp, finally realizing why he didn’t understand your question.

He only nods his head, laughing at the expression on your face.

“Damn, what a concept,” You exhale, wishing that you could do that too, walk into a showroom and pay for a car in full right there and then. Well actually, you wish you even had a car to begin with. Amazing, you sigh to yourself. You knew the rich kids had it good but you didn’t know they had it this good.

“So, what’s for dinner?” You question as your stomach growls, the sandwich you had for lunch already long digested. “How many Michelin stars does the restaurant have?” You grin, already conjuring up an image of what dinner was going to be like.

“You’ll see,” He smirks and the smile on your face is unmatchable, pure joy radiating from you as you picture your soon to be meal.

The two of you stand in a modest store and you frown when you don’t see any chairs, no fancy tablecloth or anything of the like for La Table, is the name of the place and zero is the amount of stars the place has because it wasn’t even a damn restaurant.

“Alright everybody, put on your aprons!” Calls the woman from the front of the room.

“Are you serious Jungkook?” You groan, the emptiness in your belly becoming unbearable. “We’re here for a cooking class? This is our dinner?”

“I thought it’d be fun,” He shrugs and the glare you give him makes him laugh.

“So welcome everybody to tonight’s advanced class! Tonight’s segment is called Date Night: Passport to Paris!” The chef smiles and you look over at Jungkook in shock only to find he has the same look on his face.

“Advanced? Wait, isn’t today just the umm… Essential Skills for Beginner Cooks?” Jungkook asks one of the assistant chefs making her rounds, his voice full of panic.

“That’s next week honey,” She smiles before sauntering away, going to check up on the equipment on the other benches and Jungkook’s heart drops.

“I mean Jungkook, if you wanted to change this arrangement from platonic to romantic, you could’ve just told me,” You tease. “I don’t need some big gesture date night cooking class.”

“No that’s not— I didn’t—”

“Calm down,” You laugh. “I’m just teasing.”

“No, Y/N, you don’t understand,” He frowns. “I can’t cook. Like I’ve never tried… before and now we’re going to— What if I mess up?”

He genuinely looks so worried, so afraid that you can’t help but laugh.

“Chill, Jungkook. If we mess up, then we mess up,” You shrug. “I’m not great at cooking either but I’m sure we’ll figure it out. If you burn the dish though, we’re going for supper.”

“I mean whenever you’re involved, isn’t supper a given?” He laughs because whenever he texted you late at night, even on days you weren’t working, you always seemed to be having supper. A new habit of yours thanks to the deal you had struck up with Jungkook because now, you could afford two meals a day, that being lunch and supper.

“That’s true…” You murmur. “Are you trying to say that I eat too much, punk?” You frown, throwing playful punches at him to which he dodges with a laugh.

The class begins as everyone shuffles in, taking their respective places at their benches. Everyone else in this class were obviously couples because duh, it’s date night and truth be told, Jungkook envies them, envies the way they stared at each other like their significant other were their entire world and he often wonders when he’ll find that, if he’ll ever find that. It’s an odd thought to have but his mother has always had a tight grip on all aspects of his life and sure he has had a few flings here and there but word travels fast in the upper echelons and the moment one of the women says I heard your son’s been seeing (insert name here), it would be game over for him. You have to focus on the company, she would say. Women are only distractions, she would remind him and Jungkook would sigh, knowing what he would have to do the very next day.

All his life he’s felt restricted, the only friends he had were ones she approves of and he really couldn’t care for the most of them, the only actual company he enjoyed was that of Min Yoongi and Kim Taehyung. Though the 3 of them were best friends, they were entirely different people, none of them ever interested enough to do the things Jungkook wanted to. Technically, he never asked them because in truth, he was shy to and he didn’t really have to ask them anyway because he knew Yoongi would much rather be at home during his free time and Taehyung would much rather be out and about, attending parties, drinking expensive wine.

Jungkook doesn’t like to admit it but with his new found freedom, he’s come to realize just how lonely he was, not that he had a problem with being alone but… he’d much rather have company with him whenever he wanted to go on one of his odd little adventures. He really had tried everything, searched high and low in his inner circle of friends, he had even put up a Craigslist ad to find friends but the only responses he got creeped him out so, when he saw that sugarbaby conference ad in the newspaper, gears started turning in his head and when he saw pouty you hanging out at the back of the room, ploughing through glasses of champagne, his interest was piqued. Just by how you spoke, Jungkook could pick up on the fact that you weren’t from the North side and perhaps he was drawn in by that, by how he was told his entire life that those from the South weren’t worth his time and yet he felt like you were the only person in the room he had clicked with that night.

Jungkook’s mind drifts in and out of the class, not really daring to do much despite you giving him plenty of chances to try doing something other than washing the vegetables but he insists he was fine with doing just that.

“Come on,” You laugh. “All you have to do is push the bacon strips around the pan!”

Jungkook only shakes his head vehemently and you let out a snort.

“Typical, rich men,” You shake your head. “Always wanting all us Southies to do all your work for you,” You snort, teasing him.

“That’s not what I—” He sighs, choosing not to complete his sentence. “I just don’t want to mess anything up,” He frowns and you can tell that for some reason or the other he feels genuinely afraid to even actually attempt to cook.

“Jungkook you’re going to have to at least try,” You offer an encouraging smile, handing the spatula to him.

“Next dish,” He murmurs, shaking his head and you nod at that, smiling at him.

Jungkook doesn’t know how to explain to you that he had an inexplicable fear of failure and of trying new things. The very fact he’s here with you, trying something new is in itself, a miracle. Ever since Jungkook could remember, his mother had quite a temper on her and if there was one thing she hated more than anything, it was when Jungkook had failed at something. If Jungkook really thinks about it, he’d grown up fearing his mother more than loving her and it’s sad of course but even at the ripe old age of 23, Jungkook still feared her. She never hit him, no, but she never had to because her words hurt him more than anything, her words had the power to break him. That being said, he still loves her, he does. After all, she had single handedly raised him and he’s more than grateful to her. He assumes the way she tries to control everything, to keep everything in order is her way of coping with the loss of her husband or at least that’s what Jungkook thinks. He wonders from time to time what his life would be like if his father was still around, if Jungkook and his mother would be a lot happier instead of how they both feel a giant gaping hole in the middle of their chests that never seemed to heal, not even with time.

Everyone looking from the outside in sees Jungkook as the young boy groomed to perfection and genuinely, that’s what it is. Every single decision in his life up until recently has been made by his mother and unluckily for him, fun and rest, were not part of her vocabulary. From the get go, it was extra tutoring to piano classes to ballet classes to swimming classes and then topped off with even more tutoring. To say he had a fun childhood would be a great big fat lie because he remembers being wildly unhappy but not having any power to do anything about it. He always told himself to hold on, to tough it out because maybe when he’s older, he’d be able to have the life that he’s always wanted

Yet, in everyone else’s eyes, his life just as it is now is what everyone wanted. The nice cars, the fancy clothes and the big family mansion is everyone’s dream life but Jungkook honestly feels like all of it is a sham because that isn’t who he is, in fact far from it. Because Jungkook hates the piano, hates ballet, hates swimming, hates all things his mother had coerced him into doing but among the elites that’s what he is known for, his exceptional piano skills, his gracefulness as a dancer and his medals that he collected over the years at all those swim meets. Perfect, perfect, perfect, that’s what he is. The picture of success, happiness and elegance, that’s what he had to be but sometimes it all got a little too much for him to keep up with.

For most of his life, he felt like he was playing a role, that he was his mother’s puppet but not too long ago, he took a stand, moving out of the family mansion in favour of a comfortable apartment. His mother had picked it out obviously, it was the only way she had let him leave. He told her it was to show the world that he was independent, that he’d be seen as a more reliable soon to be CEO of Jeon Logistics and to his surprise, she agrees. It was a sudden realization that dawned on him, like a mid-life crisis or probably quarter-life crisis in his case that he had actually never done anything for himself his entire life but rather lived most of it trying to please his mum. So, his rebellion started out small initially with him moving out of the Jeon estate and gradually, it moved on to things like eating at Mcdonald’s regularly, something his mother had never let him do because she was convinced it was bad for him. But he didn’t stop there, the small form of disobediences giving him enough confidence to continue so, it casually turned into hitting all the clubs with Taehyung, which his mother was furious about but at this point , Jungkook could care less. Then finally, came you, the biggest defiance of all. If his mother found out he was hanging out with someone like you… Jungkook shudders at what his mother would do, wishing not to think about it.

You are quite probably her worst nightmare because you’re from the south side which by default meant that you were of a lower socio-economic status and essentially to put it in simple terms, you would never belong or come close to where the Jeons stood and if there was one thing she hated more than Jungkook's failures, it was when he mixed with people outside of his class. He had learned that at a very young age when he tried to befriend the help around the house, a lesson he has yet to forget. Yet, here he was with you, and quite honestly, he’s regretting it now because you’re forcing him to chop up green beans and frankly he’s never held a kitchen knife before.

“Oh god, Jungkook, no!” You yelp as you watch him haphazardly chop the vegetables. “You’re gonna cut one of your fingers if you do that.”

“I, uhh…” He mumbles, his voice small and shrunken because just like always, he couldn’t even do the small things right, he sighs. There’s a large frown on his face and it makes you feel horrible for reprimanding him like that. You step closer to him, a light laugh escaping you as he steps away, letting you take over but you pull him back to his spot. “No, no, you’re not going to make me cook and do prep too,” You laugh.

“Relax your hand. Tuck your fingers slightly inwards and place it here,” You instruct, taking a hold of his wrist, placing it a quarter length away from the tips of the beans. “And the knife,” You try to reach around him for his other hand until you realize that your arms were simply too short so, he laughs taking a small step back from the counter to make space for you. You stand snugly between him and the counter and he’s not sure this is the best way to teach him how to prep the vegetables but he keeps his lips tightly sealed. This was oddly getting a tad bit too domestic for Jungkook but what’s worse is that he feels he rather enjoys having you this close to him when he really shouldn’t because after all, you’re supposed to be just his friend as in platonic, with a capital P so he tries his best to shove aside whatever feelings that seem to be stirring deep down in the pits of his heart. “And don’t hack at them, just slowly slice through them like this,” You continue, hand on top of his, gently guiding it, the gesture making it difficult to concentrate on what you were saying.

“R-right, thanks,” He murmurs, as you turn around to smile at him before ducking under his arms to step away and Jungkook can feel a tingling sensation in his chest when your soft hands leave his. Did his heart just skip a beat? Probably… but it shouldn’t have though. This was all only happening because he’s still feeling rather flustered from his vegetable chopping mishap, he reasons. He’s usually much, much better with girls but he doesn’t know what it is with you that has him feeling so out of his element.

Jungkook feels slightly accomplished when he had chopped all the vegetables on his own and also with your help, cooked the chicken breast in the tarragon sauce. Like with the vegetables, you guide him through the whole cooking process slowly, your hands over his trembling ones as you make sure he stirs the sauce thoroughly and maybe this time he purposely asks for your help just so you would stand close to him again. But, every time he makes a small mistake, he feels like shrinking away, like when you had asked him to put in some pepper and he had obviously put in too much but instead of screaming at him, you only laugh saying that if anything, you could dilute the sauce if need be. There’s a sigh of relief that escapes him because unlike all his other teachers, you’re patient and Jungkook finds a sense of comfort in your presence. For the first time, he feels like he’s with someone that didn’t expect him to be perfect.

When it comes to the final dish of the night, the dessert, Jungkook has grown confident, perhaps a little too confident because he says he thinks he can make it better than you.

“Challenge accepted, Jeon,” You grin.

Though Jungkook doesn’t get very far before he’s asking for your help and you abandon yours in favour of helping him. You can’t help but think that he looks like a lost little puppy the whole time and maybe it makes your heart twitch a little when you see him pout. It surprises you obviously, the fact that he seemed quite timid because he was always painted as a confident, charming man in the magazines, but you’ve only seen him as a quiet, shy boy all night tonight. When you finally take the dessert out of the oven, Jungkook smiles so widely that you almost feel like reaching over to pat him on the head endearingly.

“So with all of that done,” The chef announces. “It’s time for you to plate your dishes.”

Both you and Jungkook can’t seem to come to a consensus when it comes to plating because the two of you have totally different ideas on what looks good and somewhere along the line it turns into a competition. If anyone looked around the room, they’d see cute couples working together, quietly drizzling sauce on their plates and then one look at the last bench and they’d see you and Jungkook throwing insults at each other over your respective artistic choices, screaming and laughing at each other as a raw vegetable goes whizzing over either of your heads. Young love, the other couples sigh. It was always so refreshing to see couples that were just starting out. Ah, but little did they know…

“Your hands are shaking.”

“Shut up, Jungkook,” You snip at him, trying to stop your hand from trembling as you attempt to smear the sauce artistically like you had seen on the cooking channel that one time.

“Am I making you nervous?” He smirks, standing so close to you that you could practically feel the heat radiating off him.

“No…” You mumble. “Just stop staring at me!” You grumble and Jungkook laughs, closing the distance between the both of you until you could feel his breath fan across the back of your neck, an involuntary shiver running up your spine.

“I know it’s hard to concentrate when the man you’re secretly in love with is standing this close to you but relax, Y/N, it is date night after all,” He grins smugly and you can feel a blush creep up onto your cheeks but no, your dignity as a chef is on the line so, your response is an elbow to his abdomen. Jungkook backs away laughing as you mumble under your breath, sauce all over your plate now thanks to him.

As per Jungkook’s request the chef comes around to look at the dishes to pick a winner among the both of you and in your mind, you know you’re going to win hands down because your plate looked 10 times better, in your opinion.

“Im going to have to go with, Jungkook,” The chef smiles, a dreamy sigh escaping her lips. “It’s simple, clean and looks great!”

“What the f—” You bite your tongue, cutting your sentence short. “Of course it looks clean, there’s barely anything on his plate!”

“It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality and I’m a fan of minimalism.”

“Quality, my a—” Once again, you purse your lips, swallowing the rest of your sentence. “The chicken on his plate is smaller than the size of a baby’s fist! How are you even supp—”

“Alright, thank you so much for helping us decide,” Jungkook cuts in when the chef looks remarkably horrified at your small outburst and you grumble as he pulls you away from her.

“She’s biased,” You pout. “I demand a rematch.”

“No, no,” Jungkook argues. “I won that fair and square.”

“Oh come on, she was shooting heart eyes at you from the front of the room the whole time,” You groan. “Of course, she was going to pick you.”

Had she? Jungkook hadn’t noticed. In fact, he hadn’t noticed anyone aside from you the whole session.

“You’re just a sore loser.”

“Am not. I want a rematch, punk,” You jab his chest with your finger.

“No can do, babe,” He smiles, before turning to dig into the salad that you had singlehandedly made and you pout, sinking your fork into the vegetables as you mutter to yourself.

You eat your meal with a perpetual frown on your face and Jungkook finds it absolutely adorable how you’re so upset over something so menial. He tries to make conversation, but you purposely ignore him, feasting on the extra bacon strips that you had fried over the course of the session. God, you’re so cute whenever you pout and he wonders if that fluttering feeling in his chest had to do with you or perhaps he had an underlying heart condition that he needed to get checked because it’s been happening a lot as of late. Much to Jungkook’s dismay, nothing he says seems to catch your attention and he’s stuck in a one-sided conversation with himself until he mentions supper and suddenly, your frown fades, replaced with a bright smile instead.

You insist on saving all the leftovers even when Jungkook tells you that you shouldn’t because it tastes mediocre at best and you only sigh, shaking your head at him because he didn’t understand that you’ve been having sandwiches for lunch for a straight month now and you’ll take anything you can get at this point. So, he relents, watching you stroll down the street with a massive paper bag in hand and the widest smile on your face.

“What’s that?” You question, stopping in your tracks to point at a store, baffled by the queue that went around the block considering that it was nearing 10 pm.

“That’s Glazed, you know… the donut shop?”

“Ah,” You smile. “I’ve seen it online. Best donuts in the city or something,” You scoff, as if it was untrue and Jungkook feels mildly offended because he loves their donuts.

“They are the best,” He defends and you can see the way his eyebrows are furrowed, as if you had personally attacked him.

“Nah, the south side does it better.”

“Have you tried them?”

“No…”

“Then how do you know it isn’t the best?”

“I just know,” You shrug and Jungkook looks at you in disbelief, his features coloured with a tinge of annoyance before he’s storming off into the store, completely ignoring the long line.

In a matter of minutes, he returns with warm donuts in hand and you have to admit that they smelled heavenly, yet you feign disinterest, only taking a bite when he prompts you to. He watches your face closely to judge your reaction but you keep a blank face, not wanting him to know that okay, they tasted good, better than you had imagined.

“Mehh, the south side does it better,” You shrug, taking another bite of the donut.

“Of course they do,” He rolls his eyes.

“Seriously, they do and it’s a whole lot cheaper too,” Your words muffled as you attempt to speak without choking on the donut piece you just swallowed.

“Says the person who’s almost finished the donut now,” He laughs and you look away sheepishly, licking at the sugar on your lips.

“Look, donuts are donuts and I don’t discriminate,” You smile, reaching into the bag for another one.

By the time the both of you reach the car, the bag of donuts have disappeared and if Jungkook remembers correctly… there were 4 of them in there and he hadn’t had any of them. He doesn’t say anything though, only watching as you admire his car again, running your finger around the exterior of the car.

“You want to drive it, don’t you?” He questions.

“N-no, Maybe… Yes...”

“Here,” He tosses you the keys and you lunge forward to catch them.

“A-are you sure?”

“Why? Will I regret it?”

“I don’t know… will you?” You smirk, a single eyebrow lifted as you slide into the driver’s seat.

The answer is yes, yes he will regret it because you’re driving at a speed he didn’t even know his car could go at and he feels like tonight might just be his last night on this Earth and he squeezes his eyes shut, clinging onto whatever his hands could find purchase on. The car ride in all honesty had started out fine, the car cruising at a leisurely speed until you crossed the bridge over to the south and you found a stretch of road, dimly lit by the streetlights and you stopped the car to ask him an innocent question. Do you trust me?, he remembers you asking and the rest was a haze to him because it all went wrong from there on.

“Lighten up,” You laugh. “What’s the point of having a beast like this if you don’t drive it at top speed?”

The point was, Jungkook explains, that the car looked flashy and that when he drove, he would at least leave the car knowing he would have all his limbs still intact. You laugh at that, shaking your head. The people from the north side of the city were always so timid, so afraid. Without warning, you slam down on the accelerator pedal harder and Jungkook doesn’t want to scream but he can’t help it not when you’re driving at this speed. You take a hard right into an empty parking lot and he can actually hear the tires of his car skid across the asphalt, his heart stuttering along with it.

“Are you ready?” You ask but he has a feeling you’re not looking for an answer because before he knows it, he’s sitting there watching as the car speeds off before everything goes blurry and he clutches onto anything he can grab on as the car spins around in tight controlled circles.

“Let loose! Just enjoy it,” You shout and Jungkook opens his eyes to look at you, the biggest grin he had ever seen on your face and he relaxes the grip he has on the seat. Maybe it was the fact that he was doing something so rebellious that has his heart pumping but soon his fear dissipates, replaced with pure unadulterated joy instead. He realizes now why he enjoys his time with you so much, be it in person or over text. It was the fact that you didn’t try as hard as everyone to try and impress him or put on a show but that you were just unapologetically you, doing what you wanted, saying whatever you wanted without regarding the fact that he was Jeon Jungkook because when he was with you, he felt like he was just him, just Jungkook, without the family name tied to him, without the expectations of what he’s supposed to be hanging above his head.

The two of you sit there, laughing as the car finally comes to a halt and Jungkook doesn’t want to admit it but he had enjoyed that more than he should, considering that what the both of you just did was technically illegal.

“Where’d you learn how to drive like that with a car like this?” It’s a genuine question because as far as he knows the intricate gear-changing systems are only found in cars that quite frankly, you couldn’t afford but you had worked his Lambo like a pro.

“When I first moved into this neighbourhood, I may have hung out with the wrong people,” You laugh. “Long story short, I’ve driven a few expensive cars. Stolen, of course.”

“Like you hot-wired them?”

“Does it look like I could walk into a neighbourhood here and hot-wire a Ferrari?”

“Well…”

“We either bribed the custom guards or straight up stole them from the port,” You mumble, referring to the port on the south side of the city. “Well, I didn’t. I never got that far into it. I just got to take the occasional drive.”

“You were one of them,” He gasps. “I think it was a year or two ago but Grandpa never got the Ferrari he imported in.”

“The Ferrari 458 Speciale, was it? I remember that one,” You laugh, the cherry red car still fresh in your memory despite the time that has passed. “Don’t tell him it was me…” You smirk and Jungkook can only laugh at that.

“Where is it now?”

“Somewhere in some gang leader’s estate in the provinces maybe,” You shrug, the details are a little fuzzy to you because you had tried your best to be aloof whenever the plans of where the cars were going was discussed.

“Do you still do it?” Jungkook asks and you can hear the apprehension in his voice, not wanting to sound like he was judging you but he totally was.

“No, not anymore.”

“What made you quit?”

“I just realized that I had come to this city so I could find a better life, not get sucked into all of that,” You exhale, as if you had almost wanted to say that you didn’t want to get sucked into all of that again but you had opted to leave that last word out but he doesn’t know why. Jungkook can tell that there’s something more that you weren’t telling him and he wishes to ask you a myriad of questions like what your past was like? What exactly it was that you were running from, but he knows it’s not his place to ask and he guesses you can sense that he had these questions burning in the back of his mind because you’re speaking before he can ask you anything.

“You ready for some donuts?” You question and he nods. “Well, you’re driving… and you gotta drive fast,” You smirk, getting out to exchange seats with him and Jungkook gulps in fear as he makes himself comfortable in the driver’s seat.

“Okay, Jungkook,” You begin, as the car sat in the middle of the empty road, like it has for the past 5 minutes. “You just have to slam the accelerator pedal. Don’t think, just do.”

“But…”

“If you’re worried about the cops… don’t be,” You laugh. “They have far more to worry about than two delinquents speeding down an empty road.”

Jungkook lets out a heavy sigh, unsure as to why he was letting you talk him into this. You were supposed to be someone who was to follow him along on the stupid, mundane things he wanted to do, not get him into trouble. Jungkook looks over at you and you only quirk an eyebrow at him, challenging him. God, his mother would kill him if he picked up a citation for reckless driving and yet, here he was, his foot flooring the pedal, his car going twice, maybe thrice the normal speed he drove at.

The car jerks forward, his body pressed to the seat and Jungkook feels the excitement, the adrenaline rushing through his veins and you were right, it was a lot more fun being in the driver’s seat. By the time he reaches the end of the road, Jungkook makes a U-turn, begging you to let him do it all over again and you laugh at how he asks for your permission because after all he was the boss and this was his car. So he takes off more confidently this time, driving at twice the speed limit, whizzing down the street and in and out of tight roads until he reaches the donut store you had guided him to, the dilapidated store with its broken neon sign buzzed above it. Shame, he was genuinely pretty excited but looking at it now, it seemed like it held little promise.

Jungkook waits with his car parked further down the street like you had asked and just as he steps out of the car, you’re bounding over with a large brown paper bag. You continue walking, beckoning him with a finger and he hesitates, not wishing to leave his car in the open like that… especially not if the same car-stealing gang you were once a part of are roaming the streets.

“Don’t worry,” You laugh. “Your car’s not going anywhere.”

“How do you know that?”

“Just trust me,” You smile and he lets out a sigh, reluctantly joining your side as you pass him a donut.

The two of you take a seat at the bench that looks out upon the water, the calming sound of the soft waves lapping up against the bank echoing in your ears. The bright city lights twinkle before you as you take in the view of the North, a spectacle you never got tired of seeing and you let out a light laugh as you watch Jungkook marvel at the scenery, his eyes wide open and filled with wonder. He stands up to wander around, whipping out his phone to take a few too many pictures, as if he feels like he would never see any of this again.

“What’s all the flowers over there for?” Jungkook questions as he takes a seat on the bench again, pointing at the corner a good distance away from the pair of you.

“It’s in remembrance of those who were lost in the fires a few years back.”

“Fire…?” Jungkook furrows his eyebrows in confusion, unable to recall anything about a fire in this city but he remembers seeing smoke fill the air a while back, but not bothering to figure out what was happening as long as it was south of the bridge.

“Yeah, it was maybe 2 years back,” You recall. “A huge fire started by a leaky gas line running through one of the apartments a few blocks back.”

“I-I’ve never heard of this.”

“Yeah, the mayor swept it all under the rug because the residents had been complaining about the leak for days before the fire happened,” You sigh. “That’s the worst part you know? That it was entirely preventable.”

“How many people…” His voice trailing off in the end, unsure if he wanted to know how many had perished.

“Hundreds,” You mumble. “No one knows for sure,” You shrug and Jungkook can only let out a deep exhale, one filled with sadness.

“It’s funny how we do so much for this city but we’re treated like second class citizens,” You laugh. “They said that all that separates us is a bridge, that we wouldn’t need emergency services on this side if we were only a bridge away,” You smile sarcastically. “But they watched our buildings burn from across the river, sitting on stacks of money that we helped them make.”

Jungkook sits in his seat, guilt bubbling within him because he didn’t know and possibly everyone across that very bridge didn’t know that this was the reality of those who lived just a drive away from them. Perhaps it was the propaganda that was thrown at him at school but from what little he has seen of this side of town, it wasn’t half as bad as what he has been told. Before meeting you, he had only gone to the port and back and he won’t lie, he had many a times seen the occasional broken window, the walls filled with graffiti and the shady men hanging out on the street corners. Everything seemed to be in line with the image that was painted of this side of the city but seeing what you’ve shown him, the vibrant community of late-night food stalls, the cute little mom and pop bakeries, to this lookout point, perhaps it was true that the government was trying to hide something by convincing everyone else that the South held no promise.

“They criticize the gangs that roam the streets here but you know who the first to respond on the scene were? The gangs,” You exhale, tucking the brown paper bag that held the donuts, by your side. “It didn’t matter whose territory it was or who had beef with who. Those men risked their lives, running into burning buildings to save those who were trapped inside, which is more than I can say about the cowards in those glass buildings that constantly tell us we’re not worth a damn thought.”

He’s never seen you so emotional before, your face stern, your voice filled with so much resent that he could almost feel it cutting him, though he hopes he isn’t a target of your resentment towards the rich.

“I’m sorry, I got a little carried away,” You frown. “It’s just… I know what people like you think of us, how you’re so afraid of us but there’s so much you don’t know about that goes on here. I would go so far to say you’re probably one of the very first North person to even venture this far into the South,” You laugh, digging into the bag for a donut.

“Probably,” Jungkook laughs in return. “And, you’re right, but in my defense, it’s only because of what I’ve heard about the South... about the gangs and the violence,” He mumbles. “And the fact that they always attack our shipments,” He whispers the last part, not wanting to downplay the atrocities that the government and by extension the North has committed against your side of the city but maybe that was why Jungkook has come to fear and to some degree hate the South so much.

“The gangs,” You scoff. “My question to you though is who essentially created the gangs? Who created the circumstances that forces us to feel like the only protection that we can get is if we have armed men running around protecting certain parts of our city, our country? That the main requirement of a regular 9 to 5 job, of getting into a university is not merit, no, it’s your postcode.”

Jungkook wishes to argue and to say no, that it was because the Southerners enjoyed the rough-housing, the illegal activities, that they enjoyed living off of his taxes, for that’s what he’s been told over and over but maybe hearing your reality, hearing you speak makes him think twice about the bubble he’s been living in.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” He frowns. “The South has always been like a mystery to me and I guess, it’s not really my place to say anything or judge the way you live.”

“Jungkook,” You smile, shaking your head. “Do you think any of us here want to live like this?”

It’s a rhetorical question of course but he finds himself answering anyway, shaking his head solemnly.

“I know you think this is bad, but you haven’t seen what it’s like outside of the city, in the smaller provinces on the mainland where I grew up,” You sigh thinking back to your childhood. “Ask your grandfather, he would know. He briefly lived in one of the worst provinces in this country.”

It’s a subject his grandfather never enjoys talking about. His childhood almost a complete mystery to Jungkook as he’s learned not to bring it up, watching his grandfather’s face turn sour every time he had questioned him about it. The south, the provinces, the gangs were all hush hush topics, never to be mentioned around the house and Jungkook has a vague idea that they’re all tied together, that his grandfather had some experiences he wishes he could forget. We should do something about the gangs, a member of the board had brought up during a meeting, referring to how their shipments were being ambushed every time it left the port or was bound for the port because what was a logistics company if they could never deliver the goods? Jungkook remembers the way his grandfather had glared at the man, his cold piercing stare making even Jungkook shiver even though it wasn’t directed at him.

If you know what’s good for you, you’d leave them alone.

His voice a clear, loud warning to any who had conjured up ideas of how to curb gang activity. The meeting continued on, the final decision being that decoys would be sent out and the actual packages were going to be transported to and from the port through smaller unassuming vehicles. All of this made no sense to Jungkook because it incurred extra expenses towards the company and made them less efficient at delivering on time when it could have been easier to strike a deal with the gangs or simply just clean them out, both solutions that were much cheaper and convenient but who was he to say anything… He was still learning the ropes.

“Maybe someday,” He murmurs. A certain doubt stirs within Jungkook because to his knowledge, his grandfather has never made public where exactly it is that he had grown up.

You take the short silence as a chance to start a new topic, steering the conversation towards something lighter, like that new Marvel movie that’s slated for release later in the week, letting Jungkook do all the talking for a change for you were still trying to get yourself to calm down. It was hard for you to keep your emotions in check whenever you spoke about the South, about the gangs and about the government, especially when you were speaking to someone who comes from a privileged background. You know like most of the North, Jungkook saw nothing wrong with the state of affairs of the country, completely blind to the injustice but you guess that’s only because he saw no reason to be aware or he’s been brainwashed to think that there really was no injustice in the first place. After all, Jeon Logistics is one of the biggest supporters of the current government’s campaign, the only thing about the company that you absolutely hated and it baffles you as to why his grandfather would do that, would align himself to such evil men when he’s seen how bad it is in the provinces, having grown up in the mainland like yourself. Perhaps it’s for survival, you reason, that maybe if you were in his position, you would do the same. It’s a dog eat dog world after all and it was the cronies at the top in the North that have the upper hand so why would anyone align themselves to the losing side?

As the minutes pass and the conversation flows effortlessly from one topic to another, your anger dissipates as you laugh the night away with Jungkook. He tells you stories about his childhood, ones that leave you wishing that you had something close to what he had. He tells you stories of his first day on the job at Jeon Logistics, how he had been so nervous at the board meeting that he left 3 times to go to the toilet to pee. He tells you about the one time he had a disaster of a date, throwing up all over his date after having had one too many drinks and you laugh, telling him to remind you to at least keep him at an arm’s length distance if the two of you ever went to a bar. His stories make him feel real, approachable and it’s a dream to you that you’re getting paid to be his friend. Little did he know, that you would gladly do this for free, after all who wouldn;t want to be his friend? He doesn’t know but like him, you don’t have too many friends, because well you only have one... two, counting Jungkook... maybe three if you could count the chef at the noodle store you frequented. Though his tales are warm and friendly you can’t help but notice that there’s a huge chunk that’s missing in his stories and that’s obviously his family but you don’t ask because honestly, you don’t want him to ask about yours. It would make all of this far too complicated, you sigh, your thumb rubbing at your inner forearm, a tick Jungkook has seemed to taken notice of and you quickly busy yourself with the donut bag, nervous that he’ll ask.

You don’t remember the last time you’ve lost track of time while talking to someone, the only other person capable of keeping you occupied for that long is Wendy, your best friend whom you’ve been meaning to call up for days now because she keeps giving potential sugar daddies your number, which isn’t entirely her fault since you had given her the green light to do that when you last saw her at supper after the sugarbaby conference. You thought about how you were going to have to tell her you’ve managed to land one on your own, a platonic one at that and that your sugar daddy was none other than Jeon Jungkook but alas, the last part has to remain confidential as the contract between you and him had requested for you to keep it so. It ate you up inside, having to keep a secret this large from her and maybe that’s why you’ve been dilly-dallying, telling yourself to call her tomorrow except tomorrow never seems to come. You know with a few prods, you’d probably break, the secret spilling out of you because who else would understand better than her that one of the most eligible bachelor’s in the country was paying you to be his goddamn friend and the best part was that you’ve been dreaming of meeting him since forever.

Meeting Jungkook is a lot less magical than you had imagined it to be and there are no sparks or hearts flying around but you can’t deny that his presence stirs something within you, a feeling you want to deny because technically, he’s your boss and also, why put yourself in a position where you’ll end up crushed because in a year and a half when the contract ends, you don’t want to be hopelessly in love with him while he walks away, in search of a girl that could match his stature, one that he would probably end up settling down with. You’re thinking far too ahead into the future but maybe that’s the only image that can stop you from letting his passing flirty remarks affect you, from blushing when his gaze lingers a little too long because sure he can toy with you and you can do the same with him but you always have to remember that there’s an invisible wall between to two of you, one you would never be able to break and maybe in the end, you’re only attracted to the idea of him and not Jungkook himself but after getting to know him a little bit better now, that reasoning seems to be falling through the cracks. He would always gaze at you warmly when you spoke and for some reason it felt like he was tuning the world out just to hear you speak, something you’ve barely been able to experience, ever, considering that half the Northern guys you’ve met look at you like you’re stupid or not worth their time and if they were interested, it was only because they wanted to get into your pants. But, you remind yourself that you aren’t here for love or anything of the sort because after all, the end game of all of this was the money wasn’t it and not anything else?

Those are thoughts you push aside in favour of enjoying the rest of the night, telling Jungkook a little too many hours after that you actually have to be up early tomorrow for work but that’s a lie because at this point there was no point in sleeping for you’d be starting your new job at the port in approximately 3 hours now. The pair of you eventually leave the bench to move towards his car and Jungkook is a little worried that his car wouldn’t be there at all but as you had promised, he finds it where he had left it, not even a scratch on it.

“See, I told you it’ll still be here,” You smile.

“But you told me over text the other day that a car like mine would go missing the instant I let it out of my sight.”

“Not here it won’t.”

“What’s so special about this place?”

“It’s a crime-free zone,” You answer, snickering at the literal question marks that were floating above Jungkook’s head. “I think you’ve heard enough about politics tonight,” You laugh, walking around to the passenger seat of the car. “Maybe I’ll tell you some other night,” You huff before getting into the car.

“It’s like every corner of the South has its own story,” Jungkook laughs, shutting the door. “Maybe, you’ll tell me over donuts sometime this week?”

“Let me take a look at my schedule first,” You mumble and it makes Jungkook laugh because usually he’s the one saying that line.

“What?” You grumble and he shakes his head, letting you carry on as you figure out in your head if you have any free time this week. You eventually tell him that you’re too tired to think, that you’d text him later.

The car ride to your apartment is a little too short for Jungkook’s liking and although he’s spent his whole night with you already, it still made him slightly upset when he pulls up to your apartment. Again, like the first night, he wants to tell you that hanging out with you made him feel alive if that made sense but he decides against it, not wanting to sound dumb.

“So, now you have to tell me,” You unclick your seatbelt turning towards him. “Who does donuts better? The North or the South.”

Jungkook purses his lips before he grits his teeth, not wanting to let you know that okay, maybe he was wrong about the donuts in the North.

“The South,” He sighs, letting his head hang low as you let out a light laugh. “But you totally cheated,” He grumbles because by donuts he thought you meant just normal glazed ones but when he dug around the bag for another one earlier when the pair of you were on the bench, he found a powdered donut. The moment he bit into it to find a custard filled centre, he was sold. “How did you know that custard filled donuts are the way to my heart?”

“The custard ones were for me,” You frown. “You weren’t supposed to have them. They’re my favourite.”

The custard donuts were for you, yes and you lied because yeah you love them but you also bought it with the intention of offering him one. You remember reading in a magazine somewhere that it was his favourite, that if there was something the city was lacking, it was a donut store that knew how to do custard-filled donuts well. You’re just not looking hard enough, you sigh as you read the interview. You swore that if you ever met him, you’d take him to the donut store and that you did.

“Well it appears that we are soulmates then,” Jungkook grins as he winks at you and you roll your eyes at him but he can see your cheeks begin to flush a light pink.

“Alright, soulmate,” You laugh. “I’ll see you soon?” You ask, reaching for the door handle.

“I don’t know, you tell me, Mrs. Let me check my schedule,” He teases and you scowl at him.

“I’m a busy woman, okay?” You glower before laughing. “Thanks for tonight though. It was fun,” You smile.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” He smiles in return. “Oh and how much were the donuts?” He questions, reaching into his inner pocket for his wallet.

“Ah, Jungkook, don’t worry about it really,” You push away the cash he had in his hand now.

“Y/N,” He sighs. “Do you still not understand that I’m supposed to pay for everything?” This oddly seemed reminiscent of the last time he dropped you off. Why do you always pay for supper even when you’re strapped for cash? The part where he pays for everything was what he thought would be any sugar baby’s favourite part of the deal but you seem to think differently.

“I know, I know,” You mumble. “But, I just… Take it as a form of an apology for having to hear me ramble tonight.”

“No, Y/N, I—”

“Goodnight!” You shout, as you scramble to exit his car, not letting him argue with you. “I’ll see you around, friend!”

“Soulmate!” He corrects and though you’re a good distance away from him now, he can still see you scowl at him to which he only responds with a laugh.

Jungkook knows that tomorrow, he’ll probably receive an angry text from you, one that demanded he takes back the money he had slipped into the takeaway bag while you were buying the donuts because he had a feeling you were going to refuse his money by the end of the night. The amount he had left paid for the donuts and a lot more because he felt like you needed it and maybe he rather enjoyed the thought of you using it to spoil yourself, though he knows if anything, it would go to paying off your debts. He knows through all your texts that you have far more on your plate than you can handle and he wants to help you, even if you didn’t want his help. 

I don’t want to be your personal charity case, Jungkook, is what you had told him when he said he could help with your debt but that’s not what he meant for it to be like. 

I can get you an entry level job at my company, he had offered but you turned it down vehemently. Jungkook, that’ll only put you in a tough spot. I don’t want to get you in trouble... People will start asking questions, you had warned him and that was true, he admits. He later realizes that he wants you as far away from his mother as possible too.

He hasn’t told you yet but he admires you greatly. He wonders how you’ve been able to survive so long out here in the city without your parents, how you’re still standing after all the odds that have been stacked against you, how you still remain so kind, so caring even when life has been nothing but cruel to you. Looking at you, he truly realizes how unfair life can be because from his brief conversations with you, he can tell that you’re a genius, and he’s not going to lie, he may have asked for your help in trying to solve a few company dilemmas that he was tasked with, a few too many times. You’re an asset he wants at the company, and he can see the similarities between you and his grandfather, it’s almost uncanny, he laughs. But, just like his grandfather, you have an air of mystery that surrounds you, things he can’t seem to figure out, the top one being where is your family and why did you clam up whenever he asked about them? But, Jungkook guesses, he has a few skeletons to hide in his closet too, his family, his father, a main topic he has yet to discuss with you. Perhaps he was making mountains of of molehills, that you didn’t have anything to hide and that you simply just haven’t told him yet but with time, he hopes, you’ll clear the doubt in his mind. You couldn’t quite possibly have a hidden agenda could you? If you turned out to be yet another one of those girls who were hoping to be able to destroy his family’s company with dirty schemes, he wouldn’t hesitate to crush you, even if he’s grown fond of you.

He shakes his head, trying to get rid of the sour thoughts that try to take root in his mind because tonight was far too good a night to be ruined by his habit of overthinking things. Perfect. Tonight was perfect in Jungkook’s books. He drives home feeling rather joyous, using the remaining distance before the bridge as an excuse to drive his car at way past the speed limit. Who knew he’d learn how to cook, break the law, have the best donuts he’s ever tasted and have a conversation ranging from politics to that new video game release, all in one night? This was something that was probably only capable of happening when he was with you. He feels like he’s going to plough through his bucket list that he’s had ever since he was 12 as he spends more time with you, your brilliant self adding onto his list things he never knew he wanted to do.

Alive. That’s how he felt whenever he was with you or talking to you. It’s stupid, because he’s often acknowledged by the inner social circle he has, everyone admiring the fine young man he’s grown up to be but he always felt like they didn’t really care about him, they just care about who he is, about who he’s going to be. You on the other hand, made him feel like he matters, like you enjoy having him around because he’s just simply... him and not because of what he has or what he’s achieved.

The night ends with all parties feeling overjoyed; Jungkook delighted with the unpredictable adventure that was tonight, you elated with the fact that not only had you laughed your ass off tonight but that also for the first time in weeks, you’ll be eating something that was not a sandwich for lunch, but perhaps the hooded man sat inside his car, opposite of where Jungkook’s was just seconds ago was the most content of the three. Happy didn’t even begin to describe what he’s feeling as his plan is coming along just nicely, almost too perfectly and he smiles, admiring the pictures he’d taken of tonight. Mrs. Jeon surely would enjoy seeing these pictures, you and him together, he sighs to himself. But no, it’s too soon for that. There’s still much that he’s waiting for you to do. A perfect night indeed, he smirks. 

A perfect night indeed.

[foundcarcosa]

ccvii.

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? >> Height isn’t important to me. I’m slightly taller than Can Calah, shorter than Eden, and substantially smaller in general than Vinternoll, and that’s the way I like it. (I am usually around the same height in headspace as I am in meatspace) 2: What’s your dream pet (real or not)? >> Gaudior the winged unicorn (A Swiftly Tilting Planet)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? >> I have quite a few favourite clothing styles. I’ll always be some sort of goth at heart, I will say.

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? >> My favourite computer games were The Logical Journey of the Zoombinis and Alien Tales. I had like a weird kid-crush on Sal of deCentury, the alien game show host... (and who at all is surprised)

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: >> Oh, I don’t know.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? >> Warning: Black Carcosa is a caustic irradiated substance. Prolonged contact with Black Carcosa may cause severe mental deterioration, burns and lesions (or legions, even), and enhanced delusions of reference. Please consult your psychologist before engaging Black Carcosa. Keep away from children, pets, your electronics, and anything else whose innocence and integrity you hold dear.

7: What is your Greek personality type (Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic)? >> Primarily Phlegmatic, it seems.

8: Are you ticklish? >> Not usually.

9: Are you allergic to anything? >> No.

10: What’s your sexuality? >> There are a lot of things I’d gladly fuck, but not a whole lot of humans.

11: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? >> I greatly prefer tea.

12: Are you a cat or dog person? >> My preference leans towards dogs.

13: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? >> I identify most with elves, out of the three. 

14: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? >> No.

15: How tall are you? >> 5′4″.

16: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? >> I’d like to not wish to change my name anymore, actually.

17: How much do you weigh? >> Somewhere between 130 and 135 lbs.

18: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? >> I am open to the experience.

19: Do you like space or the ocean more? >> I am more interested in what lies beyond this planet than what lies on it, although this planet is also extremely fascinating in all its complexity.

20: Are you religious? >> Intensely.

21: Pet peeves? >> Passivity.

22: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal (opposite of nocturnal)? >> I... am fine being mostly nocturnal.

23: Favorite constellation? >> Orion. Always Orion.

24: Favorite star? >> I haven’t chosen one.

25: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? >> Sure, especially custom ones.

26: Any phobias or fears? >> Meh.

27: Do you think global warming is real? >> I understand climate change as a process that occurs, yes.

28: Do you believe in reincarnation? >> I am open to the experience.

29: Favorite movie? >> The Fountain / Interstellar.

30: Do you get scared easily? >> No.

31: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? >> I used to take care of a couple of cats, for a short time. Fyodor and Hela. But almost all of the pets I’ve lived with have technically been under the custodianship of others.

32: What is a color that calms you? >> Soft, slightly desaturated bluish-grey.

33: Where would you like to travel and/or live? >> I would prefer to live in New Orleans and travel anywhere.

34: Where were you born? >> Elizabeth, New Jersey.

35: What is your eye color? >> Dark brown.

36: Introvert or extrovert? >> Mostly introvert. Entirely disinterested in “introvert culture”.

37: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? >> I am open to the experience (and especially attracted to astrology, as I’m sure my reblogs suggest).

38: Hugs or kisses? >> Meh.

39: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? >> I’m fine not doing that.

40: Who is someone you love deeply? >> Can Calah.

41: Any piercings you want? >> Sure, if the opportunity presented itself. My focus is mostly on tattoos.

42: Do you like tattoos and piercings? >> Quite.

43: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? >> I smoke occasionally.

44: Talk about your crush, if you have one! >> My crushes at this point are pretty much celebrities and fictional characters, which is to say I have way too many of them to answer this question.

45: What is a sound you really hate? >> Mouth sounds.

46: A sound you really love? >> The sounds people make when they’re aroused but trying to keep it together.

47: Can you do a backflip? >> Not even a little bit. I saw a video where someone taught himself how to do backflips in a single afternoon. I was duly impressed.

48: Can you do the splits? >> No.

49: Favorite actor and/or actress? >> Idris Elba. Actress... maybe Rutina Wesley.

50: Favorite book? >> Ha!

51: How are you feeling right now? >> Neutral.

52: What color would you like your hair to be right now? >> I really don’t care.

53: When did you feel happiest? >> ---

54: Something that calms you down? >> Time.

55: Have any mental disorders? >> I’m more than pretty sure I do, but I haven’t been properly diagnosed a day in my life.

56: What does your URL mean? >> It was a play on “Lost Carcosa”. It eventually came to just represent... me. Now it’s a brand of sorts, so I am loath to use any other username (save for blackThirteen, which I sometimes use on websites where it’s not already taken by someone else; blackThirteen + foundCarcosa = blackCarcosa, which is what I really should be using, but it’s a little late now).

57: What three words describe you the most? >> Just three? Ha!

58: Do you believe in evolution? >> I have been convinced of evolution’s veracity.

59: What makes you unfollow a blog? >> Over a month of inactivity or a change to content that doesn’t interest me are the two main reasons I unfollow. Sometimes I unfollow for things like political platforming or too much unsourced content or having too much of the same kind of content on my dashboard or... any number of reasons, really. Sometimes a person’s opinion (or the way they present their opinion) just pisses me off and I’m not invested enough in the blog to keep them around anyway.

60: What makes you follow a blog? >> Content that I enjoy, usually. It’s pretty simple. Sometimes I have compulsive following sprees and then I have to prune later, which is a thing about myself that I’ve just gotten used to.

61: Favorite kind of person: >> Right.

62: Favorite animal(s): >> Snakes, spiders, otters, capybaras, and so on.

63: Name three of your favorite blogs. >> transistorxiii, lilithsconcubine (bet money she’ll have changed her url again by the time I post this, lmao), coldalbion.

64: Favorite emoticon: >> The cry-laughing one. I abuse the shit out of that face.

65: Favorite meme: >> Right now, probably BONELESS or that one image with the guy and the two girls that is so goddamn versatile that I haven’t gotten sick of it yet despite the fact that it’s everywhere.

66: What is your MBTI personality type? >> My last result was INTJ. I don’t care much for MBTI anymore.

67: What is your star sign? >> Gemini sun, Gemini moon, Scorpio rising, etc etc.

68: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? >> ---

69: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? >> Ghast brand rave pants and a Doctor Strange shirt, it seems.

70: Post a selfie or two? >> http://foundcarcosa.tumblr.com/tagged/this-malleable-shell

71: Do you have platform shoes? >> I don’t.

72: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? >> I used to be extremely competent at Guitar Hero / Rock Band because back when those games were popular, Best Buy and Circuit City would have stations set up in their stores where you could play them; and because I was homeless and tumblr wasn’t invented to become my biggest timesink yet, I would just stay in the stores playing guitar games all day. So I got good at it. As one does.

73: Can you do a front flip? >> No.

74: Do you like birds? >> Sure.

75: Do you like to swim? >> I can’t swim, so I don’t know if I’d like it or not. I mean, probably.

76: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? >> I can’t do either.

77: Something you wish didn’t exist: >> Meh.

78: Some thing you wish did exist: >> Everything I can conceive does exist... in some form, on some plane.

79: Piercings you have? >> Earlobes and septum.

80: Something you really enjoy doing: >> Playing video games.

81: Favorite person to talk to: >> Can Calah.

82: What was your first impression of Tumblr? >> I was extremely confused by tumblr when I first tried it out. So I abandoned it for a little over a year, and then I had to make a new account when I came back because I’d forgotten the login for the old one.

83: How many followers do you have? >> Here, 629.

84: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? >> I can’t run a mile, period.

85: Do your socks always match? >> No. I don’t bother matching my socks. Mismatched ones are more fun, anyway.

86: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? >> No.

87: What are your birthstones? >> Emerald, I think? I forget the other.

88: If you were an animal, which one would you be? >> *waggles Mordred’s spidery legs*

89: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? >> Probably a black calla lily.

90: A store you hate? >> Abercrombie and Fitch. Their store is fragranced or something. Like they put cologne swatches in the air ducts. IDFK. It’s aggravating. Also, I hate that kind of fashion.

91: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? >> I usually drink zero. 

92: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? >> Flying is more interesting than being Sookie Stackhouse.

93: Do you like to wear camo? >> No.

94: Winter or summer? >> I have a preference for winter.

95: How long can you hold your breath for? >> I don’t know.

96: Least favorite person? >> ---

97: Someone you look up to: >> *insert obvious joke here*

98: A store you love? >> Trash & Vaudeville. I wonder if it’s closed / moved yet.

99: Favorite type of shoes >> I prefer combat boot type shoes.

100: Where do you live? >> *grumbles*

101: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? >> Pescatarian. I just don’t care for meat much. I’ll eat a chicken sandwich sometimes, but otherwise I’ll stick to seafood.

102: What is your favorite mineral or gem? >> Smoky quartz is nice. Bismuth is cool as shit. Geodes are where it’s at, though.

103: Do you drink milk? >> No.

104: Do you like bugs? >> Most of them, yeah.

105: Do you like spiders? >> My children. <3

106: Something you get paranoid about? >> My physical health, sometimes.

107: Can you draw?: >> I can. I can’t draw well, though.

108: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? >> I don’t know. Nosy questions don’t bother me, though.

109: A question you hate being asked? >> Anything regarding my gender. Like, who cares. Stop boring me.

110: Ever been bitten by a spider? >> Not that I’m aware of.

111: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? >> Oh, yes.

112: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? >> It depends on how I feel that day in general. Either is good, but sometimes one is definitely better than the other.

113: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: >> ---

114: Favorite cloud type: >> Definitely cumulonimbus.

115: What color do you wish the sky was? >> My eyes interpret the sky as a variety of colours depending on time of day, weather conditions, and what pair of sunglasses I have on, and you know what, that’s good enough for me.

116: Do you have freckles? >> No.

117: Favorite thing about a person: >> ---

118: Fruits or vegetables? >> All of the above.

119: Something you want to do right now: >> I’m fine with what I’m doing.

120: Is the ocean or sky prettier? >> How could I possibly choose one over the other...? I like it best when I can observe both at the same time, actually. Maximum loveliness.

121: Sweet or sour foods? >> Savoury, spicy, sour. Sweetness only as a balancing agent.

122: Bright or dim lights? >> Dim and diffuse, always.

123: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? >> I am open to all experiences.

124: Something you hate about Tumblr: >> The poor functionality bits. Coding issues, inefficiency in design, stuff I can’t do anything about because I don’t work there.

125: Something you love about Tumblr: >> Everything else, more or less. I wouldn’t spend so much time here if I wasn’t genuinely enjoying myself.

126: What do you think about the least? >> How would I know?

127: What would you want written on your tombstone? >> I am not interested in a tombstone at all.

128: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? >> Someone sexy who had a kink for being punched in the face.

129: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? >> The fact that I am so easily bored and so interested in experience leads to interesting experiences and a tendency to be open to new things... but sometimes it just leads to recklessness and irritability.

130: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? >> Yeah, most of the time.

131: Computer or TV? >> Computer, which is often used as a television anyway.

132: Do you like roller coasters? >> I do.

133: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? >> No.

134: Are your ears free or attached? >> Unattached.

135: Do you believe in karma? >> The original concept of karma is more understandable to me than the modern colloquial definition.

136: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? >> I’m a solid 8 to myself, but you know.

137: What nicknames do you have/have had? >> Rev, Eddie, and Dio are my most used nicknames as of now.

138: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? >> I have always had Companions.

139: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? >> Yes.

140: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? >> It doesn’t matter to me either way.

141: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? >> I love to give gifts, but I also love to receive them. No reason I should have to choose. What I hate is compulsory gift exchanging. Miss me completely with that bull mess.

142: What makes you angry?: >> Eh.

143: How many languages do you speak fluently? >> One.

144: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? >> Meh.

145: Are you androgynous? >> More or less.

146: Favorite physical thing about yourself: >> I am pretty fond of my facial shape and features, and the kinda “greyboy” androgynous shape of my body. Also, this melanin is poppin. I would gladly take a little more, even.

147: Favorite thing about your personality: >> What’s a personality?

148: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. >> Meh?

149: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? >> Why would I do that?

150: Do you like BuzzFeed? >> It hasn’t given me reason to dislike it.

151: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? >> I met Sparrow on tumblr.

152: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? >> No.

153: Do you like to play with others’ hair? >> That used to be a big stim of mine, but Tommy, my first boyfriend, broke me out of that pretty badly and I never got back into it. It’s like a mental block now. Aggravating.

154: What embarrasses you? >> Meh?

155: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: >> ---

156: Biggest lie you have ever told: >> I have no idea.

157: How many people are you following? >> 1,047 right now.

158: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? >> This will be #20,540.

159: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? >> 6.

160: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? >> 87,104.

161: Last time you cried and why: >> The last memory of crying that I have is when I was listening to these videos of Pearl Jam songs with just the vocals and guitar solos isolated. I lost my shit in the middle of “Black” and the only reason I remember is because I thought to myself, fucking hell, some tumblr survey is going to ask me about the last time I cried and I’m gonna have to tell the congregation that I cried because I love Eddie Vedder too much and I started laughing like an idiot.

162: Do you have long or short hair? >> Short. Very short.

163: Longest your hair has ever been: >> To my shoulders, I think, as a child. Not including weaves, braids, and so on.

164: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? >> I love religion because... oh, I don’t know. It’s one of those things I don’t question too much because I’m not sure it has an easy answer. It just deeply resonates with me, is all. Yes, the whole concept of religion. Not any specific one, or anything. Just the root of it all. I don’t like what people do with religion a lot of the time, not at all... but whatever. People gonna people.

165: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? >> Well, sure. It’s fucking fascinating. Even if the theories are only theories, they’re still interesting to me. I’ll probably never know, but that won’t ever stop me from being curious.

166: Do you like to wear makeup? >> Yes.

167: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? >> No.

168: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? >> Sure.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #62

“for better or for worse, i was born into a hearse.”

what do you normally eat at a barbecue?   honestly, i suffer at a barbecue.  i don't like anything that is usually cooked. do you prefer aquatic creatures or flying (water or air)?   flying, i presume. would you like to go swimming with dolphins?   i'd be kinda iffy, because i know dolphins can be quite mean, but i'd still do it. what to you is beautiful beyond all compare?   jason.  well, he's handsome, but you get it. in 5 years time, what do you NOT want to be doing (worst scenario)?   uhhh i guess be in prison for murdering ashley. have you and a friend ever gone after the same person?   thank god, no. do you lead people on?   i do not. have you ever been told that you were going to hell?   nope. do you know any actual dances or do you just move to the music?   not really.  i just know shit like the cupid shuffle and uhhh... not the electric slide... what's the other song like it? name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents.   they built their own house. do you know which side your appendix is on?   uhhhh... left, i think? if someone was willing to tell your crush you liked them would you let them?   it'd be useless.  he already knows. do you put q-tips in your ear or just round the outside?   honestly i'll put them into the ear a bit because i hate my ears feeling waxy. have you ever popped another person’s zit?   no, thank jesus. gave you ever told a friend to dump their SO? did they?   yeah, summer when she dated nick.  she did eventually. what do you think is the coolest piercing on someone else?   back dermals. who do you tease most often and what about?   the only person i've ever been comfortable teasing was jason.  i'd call him a geek a lot, but he knows i didn't mean it harmfully.  i'm attracted to geeks anyway. most disgusting bug?   disgusting, well, obviously the dung beetle. favorite thing you’ve ever painted?   i painted two meerkats grooming each other on burlap in acrylic in high school.  turned out stellar, in my honest opinion. when it’s your birthday, do you have the correct number of candles?   i probably won't this year, as 21 is quite a few. when you take surveys, what kinds of questions do you HOPE will be asked?   just unique ones.  questions you very rarely hear, or my favorite, controversial ones that really invoke thought. do you like 80s music?   80s metal, hell yeah. what kind of food is your favorite? (Ex. Mexican, Chinese, Thai, etc.)   american how would you feel if you were drafted for the military?   i'd rather die. would you have sex before marriage? why or why not?   i still don't know.  i've said before i regret not letting jason take my virginity, and i don't want regrets.  honestly, if by some miracle he comes back, i'm ditching it.  through him being gone, i have truly seen just how much i adore him, and when you love someone this much, i don't care if i'm not legally bound to him, he deserves to know me like that.  if i start a new relationship, though... i kinda doubt i'll ever have sex until i'm married, because if jason can't take my virginity, i don't want another man to until i'm married to him.  jason had to wait, so does he. lmao reading that, my logic is so fucky, idk. how do you feel about shaved pubes?   if you don't like them, shave them.  good for you. are you more liberal or conservative?   i'm definitely more conservative, but have some liberal views. why do some teenagers drink alcohol?   i'm sure everyone drinks for a different reason. do you like obama?   i don't know enough about him to judge fairly.  i disagree with some of his policies that i know about, but he honestly seems like a really chill and funny dude. would making abortion illegal really be the logical thing to do?   fucking yes it would be.  and DO NOT give me the "it'll only stop safe abortions" argument.  guess what?  murder's illegal.  still happens.  a mother should in no way be comfortable killing her spawn, and i am disgusted beyond anything more in human nature by the fact people do it without even flinching.  just.  shit.  i have so much to say about this.  i do pity a woman who decides to have an unsafe abortion, yes, but no, i will not say sorry to you that a child "inconvenienced" you.  i do not CARE what is going on in your life, you act like a fucking adult, suck that shit up, bear the child, give it up to adoption.  think it'll scar you for life?  guess the fuck what?  shit far "worse" than a CHILD happens to a good majority of people. lkasjdoaisuere i really don't feel like going on with this.  and i know i sound so feisty with this subject, but i am just so passionate about the issue. does the person you like, like you?   apparently not. what's the most sexual thing you've done?   idk, oral i guess? what's your opinion on masturbation?   this question seems to come up a lot lately in the quizzes i'm finding...  but anyway.  it's wrong.  lustful.  gross in my opinion, i don't care how clean you may be. do you wish you had an eating disorder because you want to lose weight?   okay, i want to lose weight VERY badly, but i would never wish an eating disorder upon myself. what is your favorite queen song?   "bohemian rhapsody," duh! who is the sexiest celebrity? would you cheat on your partner for this celebrity?   link neal is daddy af.  but no, i wouldn't. how often do you cuss?   just as often as i say "normal" words. how is your self-esteem?   non-existent. have you ever thought about committing suicide?   tried it. have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?   i have not, and i couldn't. would you kiss the last person you texted?   that would be colleen, and no. do you think you exercise enough?   i don't exercise period.  i feel too fucking weak to ever do it efficiently and because of my medication, i sweat to the point that it is NOT worth it. you’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up. what do you say?  "hi, sweetheart." if i offered to buy you a chocolate bar, which would you choose?   hershey's, please. have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?   i have.  i hope he still has it... have you ever been told that you resemble a celebrity?   no, but i've been told i resemble a video game character.  well, i did. in your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most?   of all the people in my life, i thought jason did. last time you got goosebumps?   well i'm still watching the "life is strange" playthrough from earlier and this fucking game gives me goosebumps pretty easily. do you have a beatles shirt?   no, i don't enjoy them enough to have one. what color(s) have you dyed your hair?   i've had black, red, purple, burgundy... probably more i'm forgetting. do you think about the way things used to be often?   my life's consumed by it. have you ever dated a ginger?   nope. have you ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?   nope. how do you like being roused in the morning?   ... i'mma just say a "certain way" by jason like he liked to do. favorite food?   jalapeno pizza what is the best news you could hear right now?   "jason wants to give you an apology." do you listen to screamo?   no, it's one of the rare metal sub-genres i do not enjoy.  i want to be able to understand the words. does your town/area have a farmer’s market? do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store?   area, sure, maybe like an hour away.  town, no, so we don't really buy groceries there. you're on life support, and you want someone to pull the plug.  who do you want to do it?   honest to god... if jason could do one more thing for me, if that was my life... it'd be that.  he's already done so much to me that he might as well kill me, too.  it sounds dark, i know, but if that was my life, living in such torture, i'd want him to take the roll of messiah again, one more time, like he did when we were dating.  for him to save me from a fate worse than death, for him to do that one last thing for me, maybe i would die at least slightly happy.  I AM NOOOOOT saying i want that to actually happen, i don't at all, but if it were to happen, i'd want jason to be the one to muster up the will to visit me even once to do it. has anyone ever “ruined” anything for you (for example: your partner says, “oh, this song always reminds me of my ex” and you never want to listen to it again, or your friend is so obsessed with a movie that you start to resent the film)?   ohhhh boy.  OHHHHHH BOY.  can i actually like... vent here about everything jason ruined for me?  just to get this shit out, because i'm honestly still hurt that so many things i can't experience anymore?  let's start, boiz! motionless in white and black veil brides both trigger me, as they were his favorite bands, but i listen to them anyway.  i can't listen to "the mortician's daughter" and "saviour" by bvb, "city lights" by motionless in white fucks with me a bit, i cannot tolerate "when it's love" by van halen or "all or nothing" by theory of a deadman because i thought both would play big parts in my wedding with him.  i can't listen to "stairway to heaven" by led zeppelin because of that time we danced to it.  i can't watch "american horror story," "supernatural," or "sherlock" because we binge-watched them all.  i can't go to olive garden because he used to work there.  i can't go to office depot because he works there now.  i can't even think of the batman series, particularly joker and harley quinn, without thinking of jason.  i'm most certain there's more, but that's all that's coming to me right now... would you ever get a tattoo in honor of someone in your life?  it doesn't have to be their name.   ... sigh.  three questions in a row where i'm going to go on and on about jason, lmao...  well, the answer's yes.  i know people in my life are going to have problems with it, especially family, but i've seriously considered many tats i want in his honor.  i've thought about the consequences, and frankly, i do not care.  i want them.  who knows, maybe i will move on one day (i doubt it, but who knows), but i can guarantee to you that i may not like, but won't mind having memories on him ingrained into my flesh. so anyone, here's the tattoos i think i'll actually get: 1.) "... and you ain't got his smile" quote (harley quinn quote; the one i'm most likely to do); 2.) "i don't love you like i did yesterday" (mcr song) quote with two hands ripping a heart below it [this song has really helped me through this breakup], 3.) a watercolor blue jay (his nickname is "j bird"), 4.) "i love you more than i could ever scream" (bvb song) quote, and 5.) "saudade" (means a longing for one you cannot have, stuff like that).  yes.  i am seriously considering getting five tats dedicated to my ex.  move along. away from jason, yeah, i'd get tats for other people, too.  i have a shared "ohana" tattoo with my best friend.  i'll probably get something with my mother at some point, too. if you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it?   no, honestly. if you still live with your parents, is it scary for you to imagine living away from them when you move out on your own? if you live on your own, how did you cope with moving away from your family for the first time?   i am scared of moving out, yes.  depression makes me... kinda irresponsible, to be honest.  i'm not the best at taking care of myself and such, and i don't want to neglect my house.  when i lived in the apartment, it was a good taste of how it'd be like, and we all failed.  i'm very, very scared of moving out. do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you?   i'm definitely attracted to people more like me. is there something that people complain about that just makes you roll your eyes because you think is not a big deal and you would gladly trade your own issues for it?   i mean, sometimes, yeah.  at the same time though, i know exactly what it's like to have an issue that people underestimate.  it's the exact reason colleen and i are fighting.  you don't know how well or badly a certain person will handle a specific issue. have you ever received an unwanted gift from someone trying to woo you? did you accept it or reject it?   from juan, yeah.  i've accepted minor stuff, but never anything major. have you ever boycotted a product or corporation? how come?   i don't think i seriously have. if someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth?   lmao i'll honestly do all three.  just depends. have you heard of or even read the novel, “50 shades of grey”? if so, what’s your opinion about it?   everyone's heard of it, and it's fucking disgusting and demeaning and instills terrible relationship ideals into some people. has a guy ever let you wear his jacket?   jason has a big leather jacket i loved to "steal" while we were in the school cafeteria because i was always cold. has anyone you ever dated called you in the middle of the night just to hear your voice?   no, not just for that. have you met anyone famous?   i have not. what will your next piercing be?   mom really doesn't want to be the one to buy me my tongue piercing because she's so against the idea, so she's thinking of letting me get my lip re-pierced on my birthday. what do you regret doing at FAR too young?   fully and with reckless abandon giving someone my heart. do you have any weapons for personal protection?   no.  i'm not legally allowed to own a gun due to me being mentally ill/having a history of suicide attempts, and i don't know about other weapons. is there a piece of jewelry that holds any sentimental value to you?   yes, a ring jason gave me for our anniversary once.  it had a golden base with a bluish-purple gem.  it was pretty big.  he was so pissed (not at me, at the seller) when it broke, though.  i still have it in the jewelry box he gave me... what does your facebook status say right now?   ehhhh, i honestly kinda exploded last night and went off on everyone who calls me "friend," no one in particular.  i was tired of being so let down by the people who "care" about me. would you ever agree to an open relationship with someone?   no way in seven hells. have you ever had your picture in the newspaper?   i have not. what did you have for dinner last night?   i was so upset that i didn't eat. do you think you look similar to your siblings?   i look less like them than ashley and nicole look like each other, but i do look like them. what do you usually dream about?   jason's always there. do you ever use sleep as a way to cope with bad moods?   i use sleep to cope with, well, a lot.  when i'm bored, i'll sleep, when i feel like crap, i'll sleep...  i almost always take at least one nap a day, and sometimes i'll lie down a second time.  it's embarrassing to admit. what’s the most self-destructive thing you’ve ever done?   letting jason become my world. was (or is) it difficult for you to watch your siblings mature? if you’re an only child, is it difficult to watch family members in general get older?   it's not as hard with ashley, but it really is with nicole.  she's the youngest, and though we're bonded truly only through blood, i don't like seeing her get older.  it's still weird that she has a feminine body and not a child's, and she's 18 for heaven's sake.  all but like one of her boyfriends i haven't trusted.  it hurts me physically when her current bf acts like the shithead he is.  i nearly had an emotional breakdown when i found out she was having sex via the doctor.  i don't like her growing up. have you ever blamed an outside force for a problem you were having?   ... i guess blaming jason for a lot of things. do you find yourself getting more optimistic around new year’s, or does that time of year have a negative affect on you?   there's no change at all.  a new year has no effect on events that transpire, so there's literally no reason to be optimistic. who was your high school crush?   he was more than a "crush," but jason. what do you dislike about your smile?   my eyes squint when i smile. have you noticed that EVERYONE is ‘bisexual’ these days?   erm, not "everyone" is, but i noticed bisexuality becoming popular when i was in middle school.  many, many girls i knew claimed to be so, then would "turn straight" like a year later.  it was stupid. are you online 24/7?   pretty much, yes. who is your favorite online friend?   i don't really have one since mini just kinda ditched me. is it possible to be single and happy?   i'm certain it is, but after tasting what genuine love is like, i'm coming to accept i guess it's just not for me.  i don't want to rush things, though, which i'm scared of doing. is there anyone who hates you?   pretty sure rachel did in high school, don't know if she still does. does your mom know your deepest darkest secrets?   no, she does not. who did you last talk to about the person you like?   mom, i think. is there anyone you trust who you shouldn’t?   jason, i guess. do you want kids?   i guess i do.  but pondering it, there's a minor possibility i won't.  it depends on who i date.  like... before i dated jason (i know ya'll are so fucking tired of hearing about him, i truly am sorry), i didn't want kids.  a year or so into our relationship, i did, solely because i loved him so much.   i wanted a manifestation of us.  when i think of the possibility of having kids, i'm pretty sure i still only visualize it being with my ex, so that's why i still say "yeah i want kids."  who knows... if by some miracle i end up with someone else, i may not want their kids... who knows... have you ever fallen completely in love?   completely and entirely. do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?   of course i do!  love is a fucking perfect thing to celebrate! what was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute?   five years ago, i was busy worrying if jason and i would last.  guess i know now. do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’?   no.  god no.  please. do you have same sex fantasies?   no, i don't. would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath?   i mean, i'd try it, sure, but i don't think it'd be my thing. opinion on immigrants/immigration reform?   i have very mixed feelings with this.  like i understand perfectly that some people have very valid reasons to leave their countries, but we also have to consider our maximum capacity as a country and how easily we could accidentally bring in a terrorist.  because of my mixed feelings, i really can't answer this question should prostitution be legalized?   fuck no. why are you the person you are?   my upbringing, the environment i was raised in, my experiences... if you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept?   sure, i've never tried it before. what are you like when you’re drunk?   i'm sociable, i laugh a lot, and apparently i like to sing.  i like drunk me way more than sober me. do you want a church wedding?   i do not. story of the first time you made out with someone?   so jason and i were playfighting on his bed and to shut me up, he kissed me, and because of me having been talking, my mouth was open, sooo it kinda just escalated from there.  i still remember we kissed about a million times that day, probably.  so i can't be too bad a kisser lol. first time you gave/received oral sex?   i'm pretty sure he gave me oral sex first, but i don't really remember it much?  nor do i recall the first time i gave him oral?  i remember liking it but really not wanting to, and i tensed up very badly.  giving it to him, i just simply didn't enjoy (nor did i really know what to do at all in case i hurt him), even though i'm aware he was clean.  like i'm just sorry, i don't care who you are, i don't want the place you ejaculate and piss from in my mouth.  because of this, we didn't really do oral much. do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?   i still have my virginity. how many followers do you have on tumblr? what about twitter/instagram?   40 on my main tumblr blog, 25 on my survey one.  i am but a smol bean.  i don't have twitter and instagram. first time you thought you were in love? when did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person?   maybe a year or so into my relationship with jason, perhaps later?  and i was and still am in love with that man. ever seen someone just roll out of bed and still look hot?
   that's jason for you.  his hair was always so messy in the morning, but he looked like a rugged angel to me. would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone?   i already have one there. if you were pregnant right now…?   financially, that'd be very, very bad.  regardless though, i'd keep the child and, depending on the paternity, keep it or adopt it out.  the only person i've ever done anything remotely sexual with is jason, so i'm guessing he'd have to be the dad, despite not seeing him for over a year???  if that was the case, i'd keep the baby and raise it as best i could and treasure it beyond belief.  if it wasn't his, this sounds... really bad, but i don't feel like i would have the desire to raise it myself.  it's obvious i don't love myself, so having a child that was a mix of me and god-knows-who would just feel... idk.  i don't feel like i'd be capable of loving it properly, so i'd give him/her to a family that would. have you ever kissed an ex after you two have broken up?   i have not. do you ever wear boots with skinny jeans?   i used to, when i was slimmer.  i rocked skinny jeans and black boots, imo. is there a den in your house?   there's not a room we refer to as "den," no. what's currently on your mind?   ha, first lemme say a shit load is on my mind.  always is.  but what's lying most heavily on my mind at the moment is how i quit school yesterday, and now i feel like i won't succeed as a photographer.  which is ridiculous, i know, considering all college would do me is give me a fancy sheet of paper.  it would perhaps slightly increase my chances of being employed by a company, but... hello, i want to be a freelance photographer???  getting a degree and digging so deep into debt just didn't seem worth it, at all.  experience is far more important than being told how to photograph, and you can find most information about photography online for free.  it's not worth it for what i want to focus on, i know, but dammit, that little nagging thought in me that says i failed... do you have a pinterest account?   lmao yeah i do.  i shamelessly have boards mostly related to photographs i want to recreate with my future family.  i also have a board related to stylistic/fashion choices and tattoos. have you ever seen the television show the munsters?   yes yes yes yes yes!!! would you/have you spent more than $200 on any one person for a holiday?   i mean, sure.  i might want to get a significant other something pricey, or i'd use it to get christmas presents for my child(ren). thoughts on slenderman? have you even heard of him?   i don't think he's at all scary honestly, but i guess the story of him's okay?  he's an... okay-ish introduction for someone who wants to explore horror games too, i assume. what would you call yourself the king or queen of?   obsessing over my ex. if i paid for you to take karate lessons, would you?   no, honestly. what is the saddest movie that you’ve ever seen?   hmmmm... i am not entirely sure. opinion: on surveys that begin with your name, age, etc?   i either don't take the survey if it's full of basic shit or delete the questions that are always asked. do you know any people who cuss in every sentence?   jason's mother, pretty much. ever written that you were going to end your life?   i've told my ex that over facebook before, yes.  that's the only reason he came to my house after he broke up with me, probably. is life good?   is life good, despite all the hell, struggles, joys, and spans of boredom?  no.  no, it is not. did you lose friends when you started dating someone?   juan stopped talking to me, but i barely considered him a friend anyway. have you ever used the word “rawr” in an actual conversation?   ... yes. would you change yourself for the person you love?   if he's interested in me changing for the better, sure.  but by now, i almost feel like i'd change however jason wanted me to... do you have someone you can be your complete self around?   i mean i guess i can, but i don't. do you have nice eyes?   they're average, i guess. how did you celebrate your last birthday?   we went to texas steakhouse. have you ever had sex on the beach?   no, and that sounds... gross... with all the sand...? would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?   of course. can you juggle?   nope. what’s the last thing you drew a picture of?   i'm pretty sure i drew a portrait of jason last. is your bellybutton an innie or outie?   innie. have you ever been banned from a public place?   i have not. what horror fiction character scares you the most?   scream, definitely. have you ever milked a cow?   no, and i don't really want to. have you ever given blood?   once in high school, yes. do you know any identical twins?   i do.  i forget the other kid's name, it was jason and... something.  remember that story of how the only reason i accepted my jason's friend request is because i thought he was another jason?  yeah, it was that jason. have you ever made your own ice cream?   colleen and i did together, yeah. (:

[nanalikessurveys]

1. Where are you from?

I am from Finland

2. Where do you live and for how long? A town in the western part of Finland, i’ve lived here my whole life

3. What’s your favorite thing about where you live? I like the city center even tho it is under construction atm and looks like a total mess. but it has pretty much every shop and store i need in my life

4. What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? Like i said, i’ve lived here my whole life

5. Do you have any pets? My mom has two cats but i don’t live with her anymore, but i still call them my cats

6. What was your 1st pet’s name? We had a pet hamster whose name was Hermanni, lol

7. What’s your favorite season? Probably winter or summer

8. What’s your favorite movie? There’s plenty, for example Gothika, Shutter Island, Misery, Seven…

9. Favorite movie in the past 5 years? Same as now, lol

10. What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? Maybe Fun With Dick and Jane, that movie was really funny, i love Jim Carrey

11. What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? The only movie i’ve cried while watching was Train to Busan, the ending is really really sad

12. What’s the best-animated movie ever created? I don’t know about the best but i’ve always liked Over the Hedge

13. Favorite TV show? CSI Miami

14. Favorite TV show that is currently on? Well they have CSI Miami rerun on tv at the moment

15. What’s your favorite restaurant? The local American Diner we have here

16. What’s your favorite food? Pasta. And sushi, also chicken and salmon

17. Least favorite food? Anything pickled

18. What toppings do you get on your pizza? Mushroom and tuna, also garlic

19. Favorite beverage? Just plain water. I also like lemon cola

20. Favorite dessert? Ice cream

21. Is there a dessert you don’t like? I don’t really enjoy cream cakes

22. Cake or pie?

Pie i guess

23. What’s your favorite ice cream? Vanilla, raspberry and liquorice lol

24. What’s your favorite condiment? Garlic or paprika mayo

25. What do you get for brunch?

I don’t know exactly what brunch means

26. It’s 4 am on a Saturday night, what do you eat? I’m usually sleep by then LMAO

27. What one thing do you have in your fridge at any given time? Milk i guess

28. Weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? I don’t think i’ve ever eaten anything weird

29. What’s your favorite band? I don’t listen to bands

30. Favorite solo artist? James Arthur

31. Favorite nonliving musician? I’d say Amy Winehouse. i like some of her songs. i don’t really listen to deceased singers

32. Favorite lyrics? So many

33. Favorite song of all time? I’ve been listening to Figure 8 by FKA Twigs alot

34. Favorite album? Ummm dunno

35. What’s the last song you listened to? Juicy by Doja Cat haha

36. If you life were a song what would the title be? I’m so bad with these

37. What song would you probably be caught dancing alone to? I dance to alot of songs, can’t just pick one

38. If you could sing a duet with somebody who would it be? I can’t sing. i don’t want to embarrass anyone so i wouldn’t pick anyone lol

39. If you could master one instrument what would it be? Piano i guess, i used to play it but then i stopped and forgot everything

40. What is your go-to karaoke song? Noooo you will never hear me sing karaoke

41. What book are you currently reading or the last book you read? I’m not reading at the moment

42. What’s a book that you plan on reading? My Friend Dahmer, i fell in love with the movie so i really HAVE TO read it, first i’ll just have to find the book somewhere lol

43. What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? I don’t think that eve happened, i don’t really read alot

44. What’s a book that you read in school that positively shaped you? What does that mean? idk but book i enjoyed reading for school was this finnish book about a girl who was addicted to drugs, it was a true story and really interesting

45. What’s a book in school that you hated? I don’t remember

46. What’s your favorite book? I’d have to say Lolita

47. What’s a book you wish you had written? Idk, some succesful book is guess lol

48. Dark chocolate or milk chocolate? Milk chocolate

49. Underwater or Outer space? Noo i’m afraid of both

50. Dogs or cats? Cats

51. Kittens or Puppies? Kittens

52. Dolphins or Koalas? Koalas

53. Bird watching or whale watching? Uuh, bird watching?

54. What is your spirit animal? I have no idea lol, a cat?

55. To be or not to be? Lol

56. IPhone or Android? i have iphone

57. Twitter or Instagram? Instagram, i don’t even have Twitter

58. Vine or snapchat? Vine is my life lol

59. Who should everyone be following right now? I don’t know, ha

60. What’s your favorite app? Website? Youtube for both

61. What was your favorite subject in school? English

62. What was your best subject in school? English and chemistry

63. What was your worst subject in school? Math for sure

64. What subject would you teach in school? I would never be a teacher

65. What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? How to actually study properly

66. What advice would you give yourself at 13? Just be confident

67. How tall are you? 163cm

68. Who is your fashion icon? I don’t have one

69. What’s you favorite fashion trend? I know nothing about fashion trends

70. What are 3 things you always have in your bag (besides phone and wallet)? Keys, bus card and lot of old receipts lol

71. What is a current trend you hope doesn’t exist in 100 hundred years? I’m bad with trends

72. What’s your must have fashion accessory? My earrings and belly button ring lol

73. Heels or flats? I love both but flats are more convenient

74. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds

75. Blow-dry or air-dry? Usually air-dry

76. What color dress did you wear to prom? I didn’t attent prom

77. Favorite cocktail? I don’t drink cocktails

78. What do you usually order at Starbucks? I’ve been there only couple times but i’d say just plain iced coffee is the best

79. Coffee or tea? Coffee

80. How do you like your coffee? A café latte please

81. Who is a person you want to have coffee with? My friend

82. What historical figure do you want to have coffee with? I have no idea

83. If you could live in any historical decade, what would it be and where? I’d rather just stay here

84. What’s your favorite country to visit? I loved Cyprus

85. What’s the last country you visited? Spain

86. What’s a country you wish to visit? Italy, Iceland, Thailand

87. What’s your favorite state to visit? I’ve never been to the states

88. What’s the last state you visited? ^

89. What’s a state you wish to visit? Florida because of Miami lol

90. What’s the best vacation spot? Cyprus i guess

91. Where does one go on a perfect road trip? I don’t really like road trips

92. Favorite city? Stockholm, i would live there

93. Pilates or yoga? Yoga for sure

94. Jogging or swimming? Swimming

95. Favorite way to workout? Dance and gymnastics

96. Least favorite way to workout? Running

97. Best way to decompress? Just to be alone

98. What’s the best first date idea? Maybe to go to a nice coffee shop

99. What’s love?

Uhh

100. Major turn on? Intelligence

101. Major turn off? Being gross

102. What’s the weirdest thing a guy has done or said to try and impress you? I don’t this ever happened

103. What’s the first thing you notice about someone when you meet them? Eyes

104. Do you believe in love at first sight? In some cases yes, like mothers who see their child for the first time

105. Best gift you ever received? i like all my gifts i’ve received

106. Last gift you gave a friend? Chocolate from Spain

107. Best gift to get for someone? Depends on who it is for

108. What’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? I don’t really know

109. What’s your favorite color? Pastel blue

110. Least favorite color? I like all the colors

111. What’s your favorite type of flower? Dunno, roses i guess

112. Who is your favorite comedian? Jim carrey or Kevin Hart

113. Who is your favorite action star? Matt Damon

114. Best superhero created? Spiderman

115. If you had one superpower what would it be? Invisibility

116. What’s your kryptonite? What is that

117. Biggest phobia? Losing someone close

118. Favorite Disney Movie? The Lion King

119. Favorite Disney character? Idk i like all of them

120. Favorite Holiday? Christmas

121. What’s your best Halloween costume? I don’t dress on Halloween

122. What’s your favorite plot-twist? I don’t know

123. If you could do a flash-mob where would it be? Haha i wouldn’t

124. What’s the coolest thing in your bedroom? My bed

125. If you got a tattoo where would it be? Uhh, maybe on my wrists or my ribs. underboob tattoos are pretty too

126. What’s your favorite curse word? Fuck

127. What’s your favorite board game? That finnish board game Afrikan tähti which translates to a star of Africa, that game was my childhood lol

[purplesurveys]

726

Do you have any stuffed animals from Build-a-Bear Workshop? No. I'm not aware if they brought it to the Philippines when I was younger or if it’s been brought here at all, but I don’t feel like I missed out since I never liked stuffed toys. When was the last time that you ate fruit? I tried a California maki (which has mango instead of avocado here) when we bought a box of varied sushi a couple of weeks ago just to give it a chance. It’s always been my least favorite roll because after I’ve had a wide array of innovative and creative rolls through the years, California maki just tastes so plain – and because it has mango. My taste test that day didn’t change my mind about the sushi and I still hated it, so I gave the rest of them to my sister. Can you pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time? Yup. It got popular to try in school for a time hahaha so I practiced until I perfected it. Do you listen to country music? The only country song I really enjoyed was Need You Now by Lady Antebellum; otherwise I can’t stand the genre. Are you the generic person? I don’t think it’s fair to call anyone generic. I like to think there’s always at least one unique or interesting thing about everyone.

Have you ever had your palms read? No. Do you know what a fuzzy navel is? I wanna say a hairy belly button but I just looked it up on Google aaaaand...IT’S A DRINK HAHAHAHAHA   Do you like peaches? Nope. It’s a no on most fruits for me. Do you have in fruit trees in your backyard? We don’t but I think some of our neighbors do. I know for sure someone is growing siling labuyo, but I forgot which one of my neighbors it was.  When was the last time your lawn was mowed? I haven’t heard the village lawnmower being used in a very long time, honestly. Understandable, since a lot of people don’t have to work right now. Have you ever been hit in the face really hard? My brother did this to me last year, which is why I have made the decision to stop talking to him entirely. I haven’t talked to him since March 2019 even if we’re under the same roof. Do you hate anyone? Right now I hate our local police more than anyone in the world, but I don’t feel this way for anyone I know in real life. Do you like fingerpainting? I don’t think I’ve tried it. I imagine I would hate the texture though. Are you sick? Nope. Do you use flashlights when there is a blackout? We used to but with more modern phones having built-in flashlights, we haven’t needed to buy actual flashlights anymore. Do you like black coffee? Sorry, no. Some cream and milk is always the way to go for me. Have you ever stolen from a store before? Haha unintentionally. I once walked away from a bookstore with a box of crayons and that was in 2004 when security measures weren’t very techy yet and nothing alarmed when I got out of the store. I realized I hadn’t paid for it when I noticed I was still holding the box and it wasn’t in a paper bag. Do you like the color yellow? I like the current trendy shade of yellow, but that’s absolutely it. It’s still one of my least favorite colors. Do you like calm, pretty colors or wild, bright, flashy colors? Pastel colors, which to me are calm and pretty. Do you collect coins? No. I’d be such a clumsy collector if ever, because I lose everything I own that’s as small as coins. When was the last time you rode a bike? The first or second week of the lockdown when I made a goal to learn how to ride the bike while on quarantine. Of course, that hasn’t happened. Have you ever walked on stilts? I don’t think so. Is there anything orange on your computer screen? I have a Bzoink tab open and its logo is orange, so yep. Do you use Dial-up? Internet??????? Welcome to 2020, my dude. I mean to be fair this survey was made all the way in 2008 lmao, but even by that point we had upgraded from dial-up to cable internet. Who was the last person that you called? Gabie, who’s really the only person I ever call. How many letters are in your middle name? If you mean my second first name, it has 8 letters. My maiden name, which is more understood here as our legit middle name, has 5. Do you collect seashells? Nope. Beaches here prohibit taking seashells, and I’m glad such a provision exists. Have you ever been to New York City? I haven’t but I can’t wait. I have an uncle living in Manhattan who has promised to be my tour guide once I get to visit.  Do you like to bake cupcakes? I imagine myself loving the work but I never have the time to do it or anyone to do it with. How old were you 10 years ago? I was 12. Do you age well? If aging well means I still mostly look 18 and hardly like a 22 year old, then yes I have been doing that. Seeing reactions from current freshies when they find out I’m a graduating senior was one of my favorite parts of my final semester in college hahahaha. How many lamps are in the room that you are currently in? There are no lamps in the dining area. What color is your keyboard? The keys are black but the spaces between them are gray. When was the last time that you clipped your fingernails? Around a month ago. I’ve actually been reminding myself these days to cut them again since they’re quite long now, but I always forget. I’ll probs forget tonight too. What about your toenails? Around the same time. But toenails grow slower, so I don’t feel the need to clip them just yet. Have you ever had the chicken pox? I have not, which means I’m just waiting for the day it hits me D: Do you like history? Yep, quite literally in my blood. Give me all the articles, books, electives, workshops, museums, etc on history and I’ll gladly be all over them. Do you wear deodorant all the time? Yeah. Do you tend to tangle things up? Not really. I want things to be as smooth-sailing as possible, because disarray would just overwhelm me. Can you unknot knots? Just super basic knots. When did you first learn how to tie your shoes? This was actually one of the practical tests that they gave when I was in preschool so I had to have my lola teach me when I was five. To this day, I have to admit I’m still clumsy at tying my shoes and 8 out of 10 times I can’t do it perfectly on the first try :(( How different is the world today, than it was 5 years ago? I don’t feel like racking my head for global events but as for personally, these days, I no longer have my maternal lolo around; we’re in the midst of a pandemic that has disrupted life as we know it; I unexpectedly have had no fucking clue when I’m graduating now; and we are now under a dictator and murderer of a President. What kind of car would you like to have? My ultimate goal is to have a Mini.

How loud is the volume on your computer? It’s in the upper half but not completely all the way through. Name 5 things that are in your room. A certificate of appreciation from a school I recently taught at, my book stand, my coloring books, my mock college entrance tests, a couple of neck pillows and several unopened face masks. Do you like the number 46? It’s insignificant to me. Have you ever left your handprint in wet concrete? Nope. Do you vaccuum? I haven’t tried it, no. When was the last time that you graduated from a grade? 2016 when I graduated from high school. Do you have a nickname? My relatives call me Byn but that’s my only nickname. Can you wiggle your ears? No but one of my uncles can. It was his favorite ~party trick to do for my cousins, siblings, and I when we were kids cause it always made us laugh. For many years we tried practicing ourselves but none of us ever learned how to. Have you ever been in a commercial before? I have not. Have you ever built a castle out of cardboard? I don’t think so. Do you really ever get too old for certain things? High school drama, for one. Some people haven’t gotten over it and still like to stir up shit, but it’s almost always those who only peaked in high school and are trying to grasp and claw for their glory days back.

Do you like apple juice? Just the one from a local brand, Zesto.  Can you whistle? Yes. Do you celebrate Christmas? Only because it’s family tradition. Do you have a New Years Resolution? No. How thick is your hair? Quiiiiite thick. It’s a bit to handle especially when my hair is supposed to be styled into a very intricate and elegant bun... a lot of the hair always falls out no matter how many thousand bobby pins are stabbed into my scalp before the end of whatever thing I’m supposed to be at. Have you ever wanted to grow a beard or mustache? I was curious as most kids are, so yeah I guess this thought occured once or twice. I don’t wish for this now. Do you use highlighters? For studying. Are you a very traditional person? I still view some things in a traditional way, like how my ultimate goal is to settle down, have a house, and raise kids or that I wouldn’t let my future kid get a tattoo or have their hair dyed until they’re 18...but studying in UP and living in an age where I get to meet people from different parts of the world who may live differently and see things differently than Filipinos do has certainly widened my perspectives. Do you feel awkward around certain people? With people I barely know but am forced to interact with, yes. Do you like bananas? No. Do you like Febreeze? I don’t think we have it here. How many children do you want? One or two. How tall are you? Barely passed the 5′ mark.