#stop mentioning Foucault if you aren’t going to explain his argument

[futureghost97]

if you’re an academic writer and you prioritize sounding smart over being comprehensible, I am killing you ♥️

[pickyperkypenguin]

A little life update, as I somehow have gotten into a habit of those, whenever I feel like sharing and yet don’t want to dump it all on one person.

First of all, I am so sorry for not being much communicative lately - I love keeping conversations with you, my dudes (you know who you are, hopefully), and all this lack of contact is due to some strange sluggishness that has taken over my mind and body lately more than usually, and the excess of work that I have at uni. May is the toughest month of the summer semester, so please forgive me, and wait, I shall be in form in no time.

The other thing is, gods, it’s spring and I’m feeling it with all my channels. As always, I go into some shaky imbalance these time of year, and it’s a steady period from March to May when I’m just... It’s hard even to express it, but it’s been like this for me for as long as I remember, though it has mellowed out somewhat over the last couple of years. Like, you know, I have never been so perspectively happy that something is over, after I realised my puberty was over. It has solved some things, though my health is still far form perfect.

Speaking of, as I mentioned my desire of losing weight and just generally fixing myself a bit, I had also started to think about what is wrong, and thanks to a coincidence, I’ve stumbled upon - after a good few years - Ayurveda again. And this time on a better site than previously. Plus, it is probably a better time now, when I’m actually caring more about my diet and have a significantly larger control over it than when I was a teen. It’s also so much more interesting to read about all this stuff after four years of studying cultural anthropology.

So, according to this theoretical frame, I am a kapha-pitta type of dosha and right now I have an excess of kapha in my body (they have both the prakriti and vikriti test on the site I was using; funny thing, I’ve got a score consistent with the one I remember from when I was like somewhere between twelve and fifteen, which implies that ones dosha is, indeed, a constant thing throughout a lifespan), which would explain a lot of things. It also explains why I tend to eat the food I do or have the stance towards physical exercises and fitness that I do. The worst thing is, as in every type of medicine, here the cure is also bitter. In my case, quite literally, as I should enjoy now more food that has a distinct pungent, astringent, or bitter taste. As much as I can totally do with the first two, bitter is... Ugh, gods, why. I hate bitter food. I can’t stand bitterness in leafy greens, which would be allegedly beneficial to me. I imagine, but there has to be a roundabout way. Maybe more turmeric? I need to think my way out of this.

Ayurveda had also pointed out for me, that I need routines (my heart skipped joyfully) that are energetic (my heart sagged sadly in my chest, limp like a disappointed sloth hanging from a branch). Is there a roundabout way? Let’s hope so.

It’s a nice thing, to find a system appealing enough to believe in it for a moment, and not think so much about where its holes are. I’m struggling with the belief part of, well, everything basically, for the most of my life. It just lies in my character. Anthropology only increased that. So, to find a thing that I would be charmed enough by to keep one eye closed on its flaws and inconsistencies is a pretty rare and rather enjoyable happenstance. I would like to stop thinking and analysing so much, and to engage and live-in-the-present more. That would do me a solid. But, well, the problem with not feeling persuaded to believe is, well, not feeling persuaded. You can’t believe, when you don’t believe. Simple as that, and rather tiring, as we’ve established with my friend in our last conversation. Nothing revealing or comforting, except for a brief consolation that comes from a well formed argument that results in a clear final conclusion.

I will be missing that, when he will go to Germany, to pursue his Masters. That he will get in, I have no doubts. They’d have to be stupid not to take him in. But, well, I will sure be missing our intellectual sparring matches and lame jokes about Žižek, and his You know, Wittgenstein said... and mine ‘Cause Foucault... It’s not a thing one can do with just about anybody. I mean, we aren’t overly close, but we do have that common ground that we meet on, and we care about the well being of the other, and the mere distance won’t change anything about that, except for reducing the easy access to a spontaneous you wanna go for a pint? 

It’ is a thing, though, the reduced amount of people that are still here. My people, I mean.

Prague has reduced drastically my social life, as it has cleansed it from the relationships that were hanging there like a jacket one haven’t used for the last three years, but for some reason still kept in one’s closet. It has also verified the sizes of the rest of my friendships and did a diligent check-up on their quality. Not many has left.

I don’t know why I am almost completely unable to make new connections, and where the fault lies (in my character? in my standards? in my depressive tendencies?), but I feel like this place is getting more and more empty for me. It wasn’t very filled before, but now it has only grew colder, more distant and at the same time suffocating. I don’t want to go anywhere. I never did. I just don’t want to be here.

Nothing keeps me here, actually, except for my family (but that is not a problem, and the example of my sister only confirms it). I feel like I’ve grew out of this city, this country - but haven’t grown to anything else yet. Is this the way I am supposed to be feeling? Is there a solution to that? Or is this the problem within me, the thing that I won’t enjoy my life, if I first won’t fix my inner problems?

Is there a way to think my way out of this? Or is this a proof, that I have to do the thing, that is and has been ever the hardest for me - to do/act/make?