#stop making swifties want to watch survivor

[aquarri]

what’s going on with ts and cbs lolll

[demiemdi]

Blog #05

February 03, 2020

For tonight's entry, I dedicate this one to my sister-like cousin. Ivy, happy birthday.🎈

I have known you for 16 years already. Eversince, we did things together; when we were younger, we used to take baths together and re-enact some popular scenarios in Mara Clara, Agua Bendita, Ina Kapatid Anak and many more while the shower is on, not minding how many minutes we have spend there doing dramas and all. I can never forget those moments, it only proves that, we can't stop time. We get old, and so memories do.

We'd play barbie, watch Bratz and had that "Oh yes" greeting while having that girly bump after a long time we haven't seen each other. I remember using swimwear during summer, we'll only wear them if one of us will encourage the other to do so. My doll house which I received on my seventh birthday, we used to play them, the "lutu-lutuan" games, survivor of the philippines.😂 It so happened that you live in Manila that time and I was still in Bataan, so we usually just see each other occasionally, my childhood friend lives so far, I'm always at home since I was a kid, no doubt I am still. Char.

First photo was taken at Baguio year 2013 and the second was just recent. It's been seven years already and I'm thanking God that I've shared those years with you. You're sixteen, I'm afraid you won't need me when the time comes. I may not say this everytime but I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You've been a brave girl, you have faced a lot of hardships mostly, all by yourself. I have come up to realize that someday, you won't share me stories the same way you did when we were younger and you were just entering High School. We don't even have that same shirt anymore! Kidding, it's funny how we had that "couple shirt" before, wearing it proudly. And now we both say the same thing whenever we find pictures of us having similar shirts, plus, style! HAHAHAHAHA OC dawgs XD char.

Maybe it's because how our family raised us, that our bonding is beyond strong. You are that one person I won't hesitate to tell everything about, whom I won't have to remind names of people and past events repeatedly whenever I need to mention them again in my chika, the person who won't judge every other stories or decisions I am making, who can bear with both my silence and loudness, and the person who can easily sense what I'm feeling and do nothing about it. Char! You have that attitude, and I have too, so maybe we clicked and had it the best way around.😉

I don't know why I find it funny that you call me "Dem" and the other embarrassing nickname I have in my childhood instead of "Ate" but whatever, I got no issues about it, but it makes me feel you won't respect me and that you'll just roll your eyes whenever you want to roll them. But anyway, you don't do that habitually, so that's totally fine, hehe.

You are my MIBF buddy, but we did not had the chance to do it for the past 2 years because I don't know, you'd tell me you're too busy or too lazy to come or money-less to do so, that's why for two years I do it alone or go with Wilson. Or, maybe because your taste have changed when it comes to books, you're maturing, I can'ttttttt!

Anyway, like the previous blogs, I want to tell these people who are currently reading this how much of a person you are, you're a monster, RAWR HAHAHAHHA! She likes Starbucks, so much!! I remember the first time I tried that coffee, it's because of her. She made me became open of things I didn't know existed, I am not into coffee that's why it never crossed my mind to stop and buy there before, but now, whatever. Still not, but Tim Hortons? It's a yes!! Hello there, WMTBMG!

Want to know more about her? I'll tell you more haha XD She likes Ice cream, knows how to play a guitar, she loves books, achiever at school (valedictorian, flexed 😎), SWIFTIE!!!!! ❤️ A Paramore & 5SOS fan! What else, Adele, Ariana Grande, KathNiel din HAHAHAHAHA for like 8 years, eversince, you won't believe but that's fine, we watched every KathNiel movie together for that past years. We got keychains, magazines, cinema tickets, facebook posts in 2012, but no fancams, no videos nor pictures with them, only by memories and heart. Charot nagdrama sa fangirling life😂

Anyway, most of the time she looks like not in the mood or will just punch you anytime you greet her expression, but she got a kind heart, a soft one. You won't know until she began caring about you, 'cause she's a February baby, toyo gurl you know HAHAHAHAHAHA charot. She loves her family of course, we all do, despite hardships. She dreams about being a cardiologist someday, super brave diba! We are a family of Doctors, dejk. She can paint, she can sing, she can dance Chichiquita, she can look like Kathryn Bernardo effortlessly XD HAHAHAHAHA SANA HALLS!

Above all, she loves me. Yie!!!!❤️ Of course she's my sister eversince I was born in this world and we've know each other since the day she first yelled "Waaaahhh wahhhh wahHhhhh" and up to this day. I've shared her my secrets that no one knows except her, my weaknesses and fears, even the smallest thing that I consider insecurity. I don't know if I can ever meet a person whom I can comfortably talked about everything, just like how I can tell it to this woman everytime. You maybe unaware, but this girl knows you without you knowing her. Maybe because you are one of the people I met or currently meeting? You choose, this one hardly forgets.

To Bilog,

Happy birthday. It's 12 midnight, I have classes later and you do too. But I want to be the first person to greet you though I know someone already greeted you earlier than this early. I can't thank you enough for being my great cousin, I get to be the most real me when you are around while you laugh about how I look stupid with my jokes or how I repeat outfits and not even combing my hair after taking a bath. You are the person who knows me, I do believe that of course, we always had the back seat of the car occupied and share stories during the ride for almost 10 years not counting in the other more times where we talked about people haha, such a chika girl HAHAHAHA.

Always remember that I might not be the first person you run to whenever you feel sad, worried, frustrated, angry or whatever, because I am having that feeling too, but may I remind you in this letter that I am here for you. I'm your ate and that will never ever change. You grow so fast, I kinda miss our bonding before. Anyway, I'm sending you big goodluck in your life, Doctora! Be happy and take care of your heart, okay? Love you bilog, happy birthday.♥️

[talkurtalk]

Hi here have a rant because I’m emotional in this Chili’s tonight:

It’s been a long, rough ride these past 16 months for me. Yes, I mean the entirety of 2017 and the beginning of 2018. My life’s been a rollercoaster of emotions and events that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but I’ve gotten through it and now I’m hopeful for the future largely in part to one Miss Taylor Swift.

Firstly there’s the fact that I’m a sophomore (soon to be junior) in high school, and as anyone who is/has ever been a sophomore (soon to be junior) in high school will tell you: that is never easy on its own. I’m switching to a different school for next year because the school I’m at now just wasn’t working out. I’ve met some absolutely wonderful people, but the stress of always being too smart or not smart enough, or too good or not good enough has taken its toll. As anyone who’s ever met me could tell you; I don’t do molds, labels, or boxes, and when you live in a small farm town in the middle of the USA, you’re expected to fit into a mold, label, and box. Overall I guess I’m just glad that this chapter in my life is ending, even though I’ll definitely miss seeing some of my friends’ faces every day. Here’s to my new school being better, as they claim to be.

Next, things get a bit more emotional... so brace yourselves. I don’t like to talk about this with people face to face, in fact I refuse to talk about it, so what’s my solution? Put it on the internet for a bunch of strangers to read. Because logic. And because eventually I’ll tie everything in to involve Taylor Swift, like most everything I say, because I have a HUGE thank you to put into words.

Approximately 9 years ago my mother was diagnosed with a terminal cancer called Carcinoid Cancer. I don’t know exactly how long they predicted she would live, but I just knew that there was no curing it, only treating it and keeping it under control for as long as possible. (After all I was 7 or 8, so I really didn’t fully understand what was happening at the time, just that my mom had cancer). I never had a great relationship with my mother, and some of the fault was definitely mine, because I was a snotty little pre-teen for 5 of those 9 years who was going through the “oh my god mom, stop embarrassing me” phase. Every day I really wish I would’ve stopped and realized how wonderful my mother was before now, but I can’t go back and undo things, and frankly I’m still trying to get to the point where I can be okay with that, but It’ll just take some time. 

I’ll admit I don’t really want to share many details about how things progressed over those 9 years, I apologize for that, but it just makes me a bit uncomfortable to talk about. Just know that things progressively got worse, as they do with terminal diseases. 

My mother was admitted to the hospital on August 24, 2017 after the second time last year that her liver basically shut down because of the cancer. (The first was in January, but she had seemed alright after that) My dad had been out of town on a business trip, so I ended up spending the  majority of the night at the hospital with my mom and some close family friends (I don’t have any siblings and our closest biological family lives halfway across the country). He flew in right away and got to the hospital at 3 in the morning on August 25. 

My mom spent the next full day in the hospital, then the next night and was released the morning after that. To put it frankly, she had been alert enough in the hospital to tell us that she wanted to be at home for her end. The weekend of August 26th and 27th, my dad and I stayed home with my mom and had multiple of hers and our friends stop by. I went to bed that Sunday night expecting to go to school like normal the next day, and well, let’s just say when I expect things to be normal, weird shit happens.

My dad woke me up at 6:45 am on Monday August 28 to tell me that my mom had passed away. See, I’ve never been good at handling my emotions, so I didn’t cry right away, but I just kind of hugged him while he cried. There were PLENTY of tears from me in the following months- and I am so grateful for my dad for being there for me during the really bad days I had.

For any of you swities with really good memories, you’ll recall that at midnight on the night of August 24 Look What You Made Me Do was released. While it might seem like the absolute opposite of a comforting song in my situation, I really, truly think that it helped me get through that weekend more than anything else. At that time it was just so amazing to hear something new from Taylor, the person who I have looked up to for so long, and to have it be something so different. Plus, it’s the perfect angry song, and I’ll have you know that I was pretty angry at the universe during and after that weekend. I still am, but to a lesser degree. 

As the next single was released (...Ready For It?), and then the entirety of reputation, I discovered this new album and this new Taylor who had risen up from the dead proud, fierce, and happier than she’s ever been. This new Taylor who was a survivor, a real human person, and a goddess all at the same time. 

One of the few things that I allowed my mother and I to have a common interest in was Taylor Swift. (Yes, I actually didn’t allow myself to like things that I love because my mother liked them. I was a horrible little pre-teen to others as well as myself). I was pretty late to the swiftie party, as I really started listening to and enjoying Taylor’s music when I first listened to Red in 2012, but when 1989 came out I was full-on obsessed. My mom really liked the album too and was glad that Taylor was my biggest role model over some of the other celebrities that she didn’t really care for. My mom and dad surprised me with tickets to the 1989 tour stop in Denver, and I cannot tell you how excited and happy I was. My mom didn’t end up going with me, because she’s never been a huge fan of arena concerts, but she was always down to watch the 1989 World Tour Live video with me when we had Apple Music for a year or so. 

I guess my point is that reputation is really important to me because of its timing and overall message. Taylor is doing better than she ever was- she survived the fires and floods of the past few years and has grown stronger because of what she’s been through. If she can survive and thrive after all of that, I can too. And, when it comes to timing, there was possibly no better time for me that this album could’ve been announced and released. I honestly could not tell you where I would be today without @taylorswift and reputation. 

You empowered me to keep going Tay, and I am eternally grateful to you for that. You were one of the only connections between my mother and I as well, and in a way you still are. I can’t think of any of your songs without thinking of how excited or exasperated my mom’s reaction was when I played it for the millionth time. Or about how she would sing along ridiculously to Shake It Off and How You Get The Girl and All You Had To Do Was Stay, and I would roll my eyes and be embarrassed, but it was some of the best times I had with her.

On a more light-hearted note, it has been so wonderful to see how much you’ve grown as the reputation era progresses Miss Taylor. The reason I’m writing all this up randomly on a Sunday night at almost midnight is because of how happy and grown-up you looked at the Billboard Awards tonight. I don’t know why you winning those two awards triggered all these emotions in me, but it did, so here I am writing this now. Thanks to you, I think I’m starting to heal, and I know I’ve grown, even if it’s not exactly in the ways you have. I’ve never been in love, and I’ve never had a long list of ex-lovers, but somehow I know what it feels like to be ferociously angry, happy, excited, sad and loved, and I know I have you to thank for helping me put it all into words over the years.

So, from the bottom of my heart, body, and soul,

Thank You, Taylor Swift.

@taylorswift @taylornation

[aitanalovestaylor]

I was tagged by @red-era-swiftie and @taylorforevermore13. Thank you, swifties!!!! I love you. Thanks for thinking of me :)

THE LAST 1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: my sister 3. Text message: my dad 4. Song you listened to: If I Could Change Your Mind - HAIM 5. Time you cried: Last night 6. Dated someone twice: no 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. Lost someone special: no 9. Been cheated on: no 10. Been depressed: yes 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

3 favorite colors: 12. Orange 13. Blue 14. Pink

IN THE LAST YEAR YOU HAVE: 15. Fallen out of love: yes 16. Laughed until you cried: yes 17. Found out someone was talking about you: yes 18. Met someone who changed you: no 19. Found out who your friends are: yes 20. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no

GENERAL: 21. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them. I don’t befriend people who I don’t know on Facebook. I literally have 5 friends on there because I don’t want everyone to see my entire life. 22. Do you have any pets: no 23. Do you want to change your name: Through the years I learned to love my name and the reason why my parents chose it and everything and now i wouldn’t change it for anything. 24. What did you do for your last birthday: I went to the bar of this fancy hotel, then went home to blow the candles and took lots of cute pictures and polaroids. 25. What time did you wake up: 10:30 26. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was sleeping haha 27. Name something you can’t wait for: live my life happily and independently 28. When was the last time you saw your mom: two hours ago 29. What are you listening to right now: I’m watching Designated Survivor so that’s why I’m hearing in the background 30. Have you ever talked to someone named tom: no 31. Something that is getting on your nerves: nothing at the moment 32. Most visited website: tumblr, and online shops 33. Hair color: dark brown 34. Short or long hair: short 35. Do you have a crush on someone: no 36. What do you like about yourself: I like that I’m not afraid of what people think of me even if sometimes I feel weak. I just focus on my own life and happiness and I like that I’m not letting anyone stop that 37. Any piercings: no 38. Blood type: I don’t feel comfortable with sharing that information, somehow 39. Nickname: I don’t have one  40. Relationship status: single 41. Zodiac: scorpio  42. Pronouns: she 43. Favorite tv show: I love Chicago Fire and Gipsy and Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder, House, Prison Break and many many more  44. Tattoos: no 45. Right or left handed: left and that makes me feel special somehow 46. Surgery: no 47. Sport: no 48. Vacation: My last vacation was to Lanzarote, Spain. But I’m going to London soon :)  49. Pair of trainers: Adidas

MORE GENERAL: 50. Eating: Hummus 51. Drinking: Water  52. I’m about to: tumblr, I guess 53. Waiting for: September for many reasons 54. Want: Taylor Swift’s happiness and many satchels and bags and shoes. I’m not sorry 55. Get married: nah. 56. Career: Hospitality and Translation!!!

WHICH IS BETTER: 57. Hugs or kisses: hugs 58. Lips or eyes: eyes 59. Short or taller: both. i don’t care 60. Older or younger: both 61. Nice Arms or nice stomach: who cares??? 62. Hookup or relationship: relationship. But I couldn’t care less about neither of them 63. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant i guess

HAVE YOU EVER: 64. Kissed a stranger: no 65. Drank hard liquor: does tequila count?? If it does, yes. If it doesn’t, no. 67. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I’ve never lost my glasses because i basically have them on all the time except for when I go to sleep and I don’t use contact lenses 68. Turned someone down: no 69. Sex on the first date: no 70. Had your heart broken: no 71. Been arrested: no 72. Cried when someone died: no. I don’t know why 73. Fallen for a friend: hahahaha. Kind of

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 74. Yourself: Yes, Of course. No matter what 75. Miracles: no  76. Love at first sight: I think that love at first sight is only infatuation but I definitely believe in crushes at first sight, of course 77. Santa claus: no 78. Kiss on the first date: yes  79. Angels: no

OTHER: 80. Eye color: brown 81. Favorite movie(s): anything Pixar and Disney and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I can’t come up with anything else at the moment :)

Tag 20 people: @teylors @remember-this-moment-13 @hetalia-hamilton-and-heathers @elegant-classics @ts1989fanatic @emily34-me @gaga-swift @darkbluetennesseas @she-so-swift @seniorswiftie13 @so-bright13 @fearlesslarissa13 @fearlesslyalright @centralperkswift @casslovestaylor @ninetay89 @ohsoswiftly @onthephonewithtay @olivia-not-the-cat @ts1989fanatic