#stop giving caroline baby vampires and then immediately murdering them 2024

[averseunhinged]

wip wednesday! because things are happening in my brain again!!! i wrote like 5k on the soulmate au, amongst other things. hooray!

if you want to read the previous snippets in order, i'm pr sure it's

this

then this week's

this

and then this

Caroline turned around to face them while pulling a black, sleeveless top over her head. "His brother's in love with me. And I do not have time to distract Klaus from anything, okay? I'm all booked up with everyone else's problems." In quick, frustrated movements, she pulled on a pair of socks, easily balancing. "I have vampires to teach and hunters to kill and best friends to rescue from prison dimensions and a mom I can't visit, and maybe it makes me selfish, but I would, in fact, like to go back to school next semester. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to compel this room if I never take any classes."

As though the conversation was over, she left him standing there and rummaged in a closet. Ivy looked at him and shrugged apologetically.

"Am I allowed to contribute now?" he inquired.

Caroline retrieved a pair of boots from the closet. She stepped into and zipped them and went back for a black jacket. "The only contributions I need are sorry for bothering you, Caroline or I can solve your problems, Caroline."

"I can solve your problems, Caroline," he parroted in good humor.

She rolled her eyes. "You cannot."

He straightened first his sleeves, then his shoulders and clasped his hands together. "I have over a thousand years of experience and accumulated resources. Of course I can solve your problems."

"A thousand years?" Ivy squeaked.

"You know, I was impressed when I found out Stefan's, like, a hundred and sixty," Caroline said.

"Ew," Ivy moaned. "I can't believe I slept with a guy who was around when slavery was cool. The top of my dating range is usually twenty-seven."

"But," Caroline quickly continued, "it stops being that interesting once you realize the level of freaking ineptitude they all exist in. No offense, Elijah, but your family usually creates problems, not solves them.”

“The level of disarray you’ve witnessed is not quite our norm. This has been a time of great upheaval. Only the first hundred years or so were less stable.”

“I know,” she admitted. After dropping her jacket on the bed, she crouched down next to Ivy. “What do you think? What should I take?"

"Well," she contemplated. "Crossbow's bulky, but it'll keep you away from stakes and vervain. There's a handgun with a silencer, too."

"I'm decent with a hunting rifle, but not the best shot with a handgun. Same with crossbow. I'm good with composite, but these old school hunter ‘bows are something else. I wouldn't trust my aim."

Ivy held up a leather bag. "Bullwhip?"

"Seriously?"

"Okay, no whip."

"I'll carry a knife. Soaking ropes in vervain is a pretty common way to restrain us."

“That sounds awful. It would never stop burning, right?”

“Like I said, benefit from my experience.” Caroline glanced over the remaining weapons and vials, biting her lip, lost in thought. “But if you do end up in a situation like that, what’s worked for me is to let myself feel it. Don’t get lost in the pain, but let it out. People who are willing to hurt you usually want to see a reaction. So, scream, cry, whatever you need to. There’s a chance they’ll underestimate you, too. We’re young, pretty, and girly. People expect us to be weak, because misogyny exists, even for vampires. Use that. If you can keep your head, you can watch for a chance to escape.”

“Wow. I can’t believe I thought being a vampire was going to be fun.”

“It is! I don’t mean to make you think it's all doom and gloom and torture and trying not to murder every tasty-smelling human you meet. Hunters are kind of a cult, and creepy, witchy crafting projects are definitely a thing, but they aren't everything." 

"Does that mean you don't want to bring any witch stuff with you?"

Caroline wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Absolutely not. That stuff makes my skin crawl."

"So, we're back to just the knife, but if you're close enough to use a knife on a human, you may as well snap their neck," Ivy said, frowning, as she sorted through a few knives in sheaths.

Caroline rested her hand on the other woman's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Enzo was looking for an excuse." She offered a knife small enough for Caroline to hide under her jacket, but large enough to be useful. "Besides, it's not so bad. My bucket list was really long, and now I'll have time for all of it."

"Thanks, Ivy." Caroline accepted the knife with a sweet smile.

"If I might make a suggestion?" Elijah contributed.

"Fine, sure." She stood and tucked the knife against her back, hooking the sheathe over her waistband. “Grace me with your centuries of wisdom or whatever.”

Elijah picked up her jacket before she could. He shook it out and held it up to help her put it on.

"Say what they will about you Mikaelson boys, but you do have manners when you care to use them," she said with a tart sort of approval in her voice.

"One does what one can," he agreed, adjusting the shoulders for her and stepping back to make sure the spot where the knife rucked up her tank top was sufficiently disguised. "Quite well hidden," he approved. "I believe it would be in all our best interests if I accompanied you on your mission. I assume you were planning on undertaking it alone?"

"We've had this argument already," Ivy spoke up from where she was repacking weapons.

"I'm not throwing Ivy into a fight until she has better control." Caroline crossed her arms over her chest and looked sternly at them both. "There's too much of a chance she'll be distracted by blood."

"Agreed. That is how most young vampires meet their end." He ignored Ivy's discontent grumbling and continued, "You're not so long turned yourself, Miss Forbes. While I would not dare to question your competence, allow an old man his peace of mind."

"And I'll be a captive audience for you to tell all about your brother's latest debacle," she shrewdly guessed. "Fine. Yes. I could get Enzo out on my own, don't think I couldn't, but it'll probably be tidier with someone who's been a vampire longer than two minutes."

"Great!" Ivy was cheerfully relieved when she bounced to her feet. "I was going to be really upset if you got killed rescuing the worst person ever."

"He definitely is not the worst person ever. You haven't met Damon yet."