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wicked-mind · 3 years ago

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Promises

Summary: You have been in a relationship with Bucky and Steve for a while and it’s been great. Until they start to get reckless on missions, expecting you to just heal them with your healing ability when they get back. What they weren’t expecting is for you to lose your shit about it.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: Swearing, injuries, mentions of hospital type stuff.

Note: This was an anonymous request (: Thank you so much for sending it in and I hope you like it!

All Writings Masterlist

Any and all likes, comments, and reblogs are deeply appreciated! I love that shit (:

*gifs not mine

Dating two super soldiers was a little problematic at first. It took the Avengers less time to get used to the idea than it did for the public though. There were countless news articles about you being manipulative, wrapping them around your fingers for your own gain. But just as quickly as that gossip started, it faded away also when pictures were released how happy the three of you were together. It was odd, sure, but you, Steve, and Bucky loved each other more than anything in the world. The three of you even were gifted an apartment in the facility so everybody else didn’t have to hear the noises that came from one of your three bedrooms.

Steve was what you would classify as the gentle but hard headed one. He always made sure to touch you so gently and keep his voice from being raised or going into captain mode around you. He loved to press his nose to yours, staring into your eyes with a smile as he ran his fingers through your hair and whispered sweet things to you but once he made up his mind about something there was no deterring him. Bucky was a little different. He was more possessive of you, touching you and pulling you into his body whenever he could like your touch was the only thing keeping him alive. He was the same way with Steve though, seeming to need the touch from his two lovers to survive. You figured it was because of all his time with Hydra that he was touch starved and possessive of having something, two someones, he could call his again.

The Avengers kept your around for another reason, however. You had the ability to heal wounds of those you touched which came in useful when someone on the team came back injured and needed some sort of quick fix and was even more useful when someone happened to be come back with life threatening wounds. At first you were happy to help, healing wounds of whoever came in but then it started to eat away at you. Steve and Bucky were becoming more and more reckless with every mission they went on like they didn’t care if they came back mortally wounded knowing you’d be there to heal them back up. It had begun to eat at you, watching them leave for a mission and not knowing if they would make it back in time for you to save them.

This time was no different. You tried to tell them to be safe before they left and they both smiled and gave you kisses saying they would. They almost caught you murmuring ‘liars’ under your voice but seemed to let it go. Steve and Bucky had gone on a mission with Natasha and Clint earlier in the week and about twenty minutes ago Natasha called to let you know to be ready in the medical bay. You had your arms folded, chewing on your bottom lip. As awful as it sounded, you hoped it was Clint that needed help and not your boys again. But of course, it wasn’t Clint. Steve and Bucky were rolled into the medical bay by Natasha and Clint on gurneys and you immediately jumped into action, “What happened?” You ask as you looked over Bucky. He had some deep cuts to his face and back of his head, he was fully unconscious and unresponsive when you pinched his arm meaning he was probably in a coma.

“Well that one decided it’d be a good idea to run into a collapsing building after the enemy.” Natasha said as she nodded over to Bucky, “Had to dig him out.”

“And Steve?” You ask as you move to look at Steve. He was unconscious as well and his suite had a large splotch of blood in the center of his chest. You quickly put the heart monitor on his finger to see his heart rate slowing.

“That one is the reason the building collapsed in the first place. He decided to take on the whole squad of goons, setting off an explosive and getting hit with the shrapnel.”

You were about to open your mouth to call them both idiots when Steve’s heart monitor started flatlining, “Dammit!” You yell, ripping his suite open and placing your hands on the wounds. They slowly healed but his heart wouldn’t start beating again. You went into panic mode, needing to be closer to his heart to heal it. You grab the closet scalpel and quickly opened up his chest, sliding your small hand into his chest cavity until you were lightly massaging his heart and healing it with your ability. You watched the heart monitor for any sign of beats for two minutes until finally it started a steady rhythm. You pulled your now bloody hand out of his chest cavity, tracing along the open wound you made until it healed. You could swear you could feel steam coming out of your ears at how angry you were at your two super soldiers for being the biggest, most reckless idiots in the world. Once Steve was taken care of, you go over to Bucky and start healing the wounds on his body before placing both hands on the sides of his head, healing the concussion and brain bleed that was putting him in a coma.

Once you were finished, you pinched him again and he flinched, his eyes opening to look up at you and a small smile creeping across his lips a the sight of you, “Hey, pretty girl.” He said horsely out to you.

You held up your hand to cut him off, stepping away from him, “Save it, Barnes.” You hiss out, watching him flinch a little as you used his last name. You never did that except when you were fuming with anger, “I’m going to go get cleaned up now. When he wakes up,” You said pointing over to Steve, “You can let him know you two will be staying on the couch.”

“But we don’t fit on the couch.” Bucky pouted, sitting up as he watched you head towards the exit of the medical bay, “Wait, baby!”

You turn and look at him, glaring into those beautiful blue eyes you loved so much, “Don’t! I don’t give a fuck if you two don’t fit on the couch. Figure it out!” You yell at him, tears stinging your eyes before you turn and leave the room.

Bucky sat there with a shocked expression on his face before turning to look at Natasha and Clint who were looking anywhere else like they were trying to disappear from the conversation. Bucky was about to ask the pair what happened when Steve groaned awake muttering something about watching your language. Bucky was up in an instant and at Steve’s side, grabbing onto his hand and kissing his knuckles, “You alright, Stevie?”

Steve blinks awake and nods with a small groan, “Yeah, all good, Buck.” He said, reaching his other hand to rub the side of his head before looking around the medical bay for you, “Where’s Y/N?” He asks.

Bucky sighs and drops his head, “I think she’s mad at us. She said we have to sleep on the couch.” He muttered out.

“What?!” Steve said, sitting up instantly, “Why? What did we do?”

“Oh I don’t know.” Natasha said interjecting, “Maybe it’s the fact that you,” She points to Steve, “Decided to be the trigger for an explosion causing you to literally die for a few minutes in front of her. Or you,” She points to Bucky, “Deciding to follow into the collapsing building causing you to go into a coma. I mean, do you guys really not care anymore about safety because your girlfriend happens to be a healer? She can’t heal you if your dead.” Natasha turns on her heels to start walking out of the medical bay with Clint beside her, “You’re lucky she loves you two idiots and is giving you the couch. I would leave you two out in the rain.”

After showering and changing their clothes to look presentable to their pissed off girlfriend, Bucky and Steve walked over to the closed bedroom door. They could hear her inside watching something on the TV loudly to try and cover her cries but it wasn’t enough to drown them out from the super soldiers’ hearing. Steve was the first to try, knocking gently on the door, “Sweetheart, can we talk?”

“No. Couch.” You reply softly, knowing they could hear you. You pulled the blankets around you more, the only light flickering from the TV as it played some dumb love reality show that wasn’t exactly helping your situation.

Bucky nudges Steve out of the way and tries the doorknob but the door was locked and he let out a sigh, “Baby, I know we made you mad but we want to talk about it. We don’t fit on the couch.”

“Fine.” You groan, throwing the blanket off of you and walking over to the door, unlocking the knob and opening it to see them both towering over you at the entrance of the door. Your eyes flickered between them before you pushed past them headed to the kitchen to grab yourself a water bottle. The two muscular men followed you like lost puppies, hot on your heels as they waited for you to say something. You took a long drink from the water bottle you procured from the fridge, leaning against the counter and looking at the two.

Steve looked over at Bucky, slowly reaching out and lacing his fingers through his to have some sort of comfort from your glares. He slowly looked back over to you, “Honey, I know you’re mad that we were reckless this mission but we will be more careful and-“

You held up a hand to cut him off, licking your lips before you spoke, “Stop.” You told him, “I’ve heard this before plenty of times. ‘Oh we won’t be reckless.’ ‘Oh don’t worry we are super soldiers’ ‘You’re here to heal us every time.’ Well I am sick of it. You have no idea what it’s like to watch the loves of your lives literally be brought back from death by your own hand!” You yell, your voice getting louder and tears stinging your eyes again, “You were dead Steve! I held your unbeating heart in my hand!” You turn your gaze to Bucky, “And you! You decide to go along with Captain Reckless over here, not even telling him that maybe it’s a bad idea. That maybe setting off an explosion that would burry you both is a bad idea.” You shook your head, taking a deep breath in attempts to calm your voice.

Bucky gripped onto Steve’s hand tighter at your words that felt like venom in his veins, “We were doing our jobs, Y/N. We couldn’t let them get away we had to at least try to-“

“Stop. Talking.” You hiss out to the dark haired super soldier who immediately shut his mouth and had this look on his face like a scolded child, “You two promised me forever. You two told me you love me. You two told me you’d be here with me forever.” You pause, tears running down your cheeks and you stepped away when they took a step forward to comfort you as they always did, “You shouldn’t have promised me any of that. You shouldn’t have promised me forever if you two are so hell bent on dying.”

Steve and Bucky stood there in shock at your words. Neither of them have thought about the toll this had taken on you. They stared at you for a moment before watching you escape back to the bedroom. It wasn’t until the door slammed and locked that the two soldiers jumped out of their trance. Bucky folded first, his hands coming up to cover his face as his shoulders shook from the crying. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky slowly, comforting him with soft sweet words. They didn’t fight you about sleeping on the couch that night, even though it was pretty much a shoving war of who could get the comfiest on the couch that was way too small for both of their six foot tall muscular bodies. It ended up with both of them just sleeping on the floor, curled up next to each other. But it felt wrong for both of them. Something was missing from their sleeping pile and they knew exactly what it was. You.

The next morning you laid in the large bed alone in the middle, staring at the ceiling as you listened for any sounds coming from your super soldiers outside the bedroom. When it was silent for about twenty minutes, you slowly walked out of the bedroom expecting to see them hovering outside the door waiting for you but they weren’t there. You let out a small sigh of relief and started your day. You showered, had some breakfast, brushed your teeth, and got dressed before heading to the medical bay to go over your records. Luckily, Steve and Bucky seemed to be keeping their distance from you because you hadn’t seen them all day while you were working. You halfway wondered if they just went on another mission without saying goodbye this time but you knew better and so did they. You three never parted without saying goodbye and I love you to each other. It wasn’t until you wondered back up to your apartment in the facility that you stopped in your tracks after opening the door. There the two were, dressed in nice button down shirts and each holding bouquets of your favorite flowers. You bit your bottom lip as the door shut behind you with a soft click, staring at the two before your eyes wondered around the room. The lighting was dimmed and you could see the table set for three with plates of your favorite dinner on them and one of Bucky’s apple pies he had learned to make from his ma when he was younger. It was one of your favorites and they both knew it always made you smile and press your lips together as you let out a soft mmm sound that seemed to drive them both feral. Your eyes flickered back to the two as Bucky started to speak.

“Baby, we are very sorry for not thinking about how this affects you and taking your ability for granted.” Bucky said softly to you, walking forward and passing you the bouquet of flowers to you before sneaking his arm around your waist and leaving a soft kiss to your left temple.

Steve walked forward as well, giving you his bouquet to you before reaching a hand up to touch your cheek with his warm palm, “We love you so much, sweetheart. We never wanted to hurt you like this and we are so very, deeply, sorry.” He kisses your forehead gently before pulling away to look into your eyes with his honest ones, “We’re taking some time away from missions, as long as we need to prove that we do want you forever. When we made those promises to you, we meant it with every fiber of our being. You complete us, sweetheart. We don’t know what we would do without you.”

You chewed on your bottom lip incessantly at their words, knowing it would be raw and puffy by the time you released it from your teeth. Once you did you sighed, you couldn’t stay mad at them. Not when they looked so good and made amends to you to keep the promises they made to you at the beginning of the relationship. You nod slowly, “Fine. I forgive you two idiots as long as you both promise to not be reckless. Come back to me in one piece, alive and not mortally wounded. Deal?” You watched them both nod instantly with streams of yes leaving their lips before moving past them to set the flowers down in the vases they had already prepared with water. When you turned to face them, there they were standing in front of you.

Bucky reached out and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest in a tight hug as if he hadn’t hugged you in years, “I love you, baby.” He whispers to you.

Steve moved behind you, wrapping his arms around Bucky in front of you to sandwich you between them in the tightest hug you’ve felt in a while, “I love both of you.” He says with a smile, kissing the top of your head before kissing the top of Bucky’s as well.

“I love you idiots, too.” You squeak out between their tight hug, “But I think I’m losing air and I want some pie.”

Bucky sighs, not wanting the hug to end, “Fine. But I’m spoon feeding it to you.” He said down to you with a smile as Steve releases the both of you and Bucky steps back away.

Steve grins, “And I’ll spoon feed you.” He said to Bucky.

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Permanent Taglist: @buckypops @bibliophilewednesday @stcrryslibrary @buckys2thicc @redhairedfeistynerd @princessnnylzays

#bucky barnes #bucky x you #stucky x you #stucky x reader #stucky x y/n #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve x you #stucky fanfic #stucky fanficiton #bucky x you x Steve

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jeongvision · 4 years ago

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gxxd boy

synopsis. what do you do when an opportunity presents itself in front of you and it’s so much better than what you have now? you go after it, of course. and for jaehyun, you don’t have to tell him twice.

pairing. fwb! jeong jaehyun ✗ fem! reader

genre. smut, angst?, college au, friends with benefits au, non idol au

word count. 1.6k this was supposed to be a timestamp

warnings. heavy cursing, sexual themes (fellatio, degradation, dirty talking, deepthroating, cum play, absolute filth, exhibition kink?), cheating, some religious analogies

song. break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored by ariana grande

author’s note. this story contains a very problematic scenario (cheating). i do not condone any behaviors presented in this story nor do i promote it. this story does not in any shape or form reflect reality.

It’s not the first time you called Jaehyun over because of your needs. You were just casually carrying on with your day, doing what you do best, when you suddenly got in the mood for some blow. Luckily for you, he didn’t hesitate to help you attend to those needs of yours, as long as he gets something in return. That’s what friends with benefits are for, right? You come over, get a good fuck, and just leave when you’re done. No strings attached - that’s how you like it.

And it’s certainly not the first time he had reminded you that he has a girlfriend waiting at home for him.

Did you care? No, that’s his problem.

Did he care? No, he never liked her anyways.

But one thing’s for sure: he loves it every time you’re down on your knees with your mouth wrapped around his cock, swallowing up all the cum he has to offer.

“Suck.”

And you oblige to his command as your mouth encloses down on his thick cock, you mouth feeling extremely full at the size of it. You brought one of your hands to wrap the remaining of the base where your mouth couldn’t reach. Instantaneously, you hear him let out a throaty groan. God, you love the sound of his voice. You could already feel your arousal dripping onto your panties at the sound of him.

You’re on your knees, a hand gripping onto his thigh for stability. You’re cladded in only your oversized yellow sweater and black panties, your essence dangerously threatening to leak past the thin fabric covering your nether region.

His denim jeans are pulled down to the floor around his ankles. He threw off his white tee after a heated makeout session with you earlier, his body presented in full glory out to you.

What a pleasing sight it is to take in. Must be nice to be God’s favorite.

You bob you head onto his member, cheeks hollowed out. Your tongue caresses the underside of cock when you go down on him and swirls around his head as you go back up. Both of his hands are threaded through your hair in a makeshift ponytail to prevent it falling on your face, occasionally pulling your head down to bury himself more in you.

He throws his head back at the overwhelming sensation you’re giving him, teeth gritted.

“Fuck, baby girl, I fucking love your mouth.”

You love it when he calls you baby girl. He always referred to his girlfriend as ‘her’ or just by her name. He was never fond of her, only agreeing to go out with her as per his parent’s request. She was a daughter of his parent’s friends from college. They insisted that he dates her and see where it goes. They’re two months in the ‘relationship’ and he wants nothing more than to break up with her, but with his parent’s breathing down on his neck, he just has to hold it off a little longer.

But when it comes to you, he just couldn’t wait. You were his salvation, his deliverance.

Only with you that he calls you all the cliché nicknames you could think of: baby girl, angel, sweetheart, doll. But if you were to be honest, your favorite is when he calls you his cumslut, his little whore. Just one word from him and you’re already on all fours for him - that’s how affected you are by him, and he is just the same.

You look up to him from your position and could see his neck decorated with all the purple and blue bruises you gave him earlier. The subtle lighting in your living room makes his Adam’s apple more defined than ever, deliciously protruding through his skin.

Fuck, you’ve never seen such a beautiful neck before. You just can’t wait to mark him up all over again.

You moan out with him still in your mouth, sending shivers throughout the latter’s body. He looks down at you with hooded eyes, pupils dilated.

“God, you’re so good to me, baby.”

And just as you were about to reward him with your throat, his phone rings.

You push yourself off him with a pop, a string of saliva connecting your swollen lips to his tip. “Ignore it,” you said. It’s probably his girlfriend, calling him to ask about his day.

The first phone call passes by, so you’re quick to pick back up where you left off only to be interrupted once again from his ringtone, prompting Jaehyun to curse loudly. You let go of him as he reaches behind him to pick up his phone that laid on your couch.

You raise an eyebrow, ignoring the saliva that spilled out of your lips, “Is it her?”

He nods to you.

You let out a scoff. Just as you thought, it was her calling again. Of fucking course.

With reluctance, he slides the answer button on his screen before bringing it up to his ear. He clears his throat before answering.

“Hello?”

You could faintly hear her voice on the other line.

“Hey, babe! What are you doing? Are you busy right now?”

While he is on the phone with his girlfriend, an idea pops in mind. You smirk at the thought of it.

Let’s play a little game, shall we?

You start stroking his cock, your mouth fondling his balls with kitten licks in between. You could see him gritting his teeth, desperately trying to keep his voice leveled.

“K-Kind of. I’m with Mark right no- oh fuck,” His eyes roll back as you take his shaft back in your mouth and shove him all the way down in your throat, holding him there for a few seconds. He pulls the phone away from him while his other hand goes back on your head, lowly grunting at the tightness of your throat around his cock. You gag around him, tears forming in your eyes as you claw his thigh due to lack of oxygen. He lets go and you pull out, a string of saliva once again forming a transluscent bridge between your bottom lip and his dick.

Oh you were cruel to him, dangerously playing a risky game of getting Jaehyun caught red-handed for fucking someone other than his girlfriend.

He’s heavily breathing to regain his composure, completely delirious from your actions now.

“Babe, are you okay? Are you sick or something?”

You bat your eyelashes at him, feigning innocence from your ministrations earlier.

And that one look from you is enough to set him off.

He hisses through his teeth before bringing the phone back to his ear, “I’ll call you back later.”

And with that, he hangs up before his girlfriend could even utter another word, throwing his phone back behind him on the couch.

He lets out a carnal growl and grabs the back of your head, his veiny cock close to your nose, “Fucking dirty whore.”

You sinfully giggle at his reaction, “What’s the matter, baby?”

His eyes are infernal than ever, glaring down into your own orbs, “I was on the phone with my girlfriend and you wouldn’t stop sucking my cock off. Is that what you want, hm? Let the whole world know how much of a dirty cumslut you are?”

You only shrug your shoulders, answering him only by taking him back in your mouth. He was close to cumming earlier, feeling how you felt his member twitch in your throat.

He throws his head back again; his whole body is seventh heaven.

“God, you just love having my cock in your mouth, huh?”

You moan in response, his member still around your tongue sending shockwaves throughout his body. “Such a good little whore. That’s right, baby. Keep sucking me like a dirty cumslut you are.”

Both of his hands are on the back of your head, pushing you deeper on him. He’s close, you know it. You moan once again.

“Shit- I’m gonna cum.”

You pull him off and wrap your hands around him, stroking him at a frenzied pace.

“Cum all over my mouth, baby.”

And after a few more strokes, he bucks his hips forward as his hot white cum shoots out of his cock onto your tongue splayed out. Strings of it land on your tongue, some reaching to your chin and a few on your jaw.

His chest is heaving. He takes a moment to regain himself after his high while you swallow the semen in your mouth.

Delectable he is, for a body that could rival Adonis.

Just as you were about to wipe off the remaining cum off your face, he grabs onto your wrist and pulls you up on your feet.

“Wha-” but you’re cut short after Jaehyun licks his cum off of your neck, his hot and wet muscle licking against your heated skin, making your legs wobble before him.

Holy god, you could just orgasm right then and there.

He unlatches himself off of you and with a tongue full of his cum, he pulls you in for a kiss, giving you the dessert you asked for.

You moan into his mouth. As if your arousal wasn’t already dripping, you’re now soaked and pooling at this point.

You push yourself off his lips, admiring the fucked-out expression he wears. His cheeks and ears are tinted red, lips with a little swell, eyes fully blown out.

You grin at him.

“Do you want to eat what my mom made?”

He raises an eyebrow at your question. Why are you offering him something to eat now?

“Your mom stopped by earlier?” he asks. You shrug your shoulders, earning a scoff from him before mirroring your expression, “What did your mom make?”

There’s a dangerous glint in your eyes, and that’s when it finally hit him on what you exactly meant.

“Me.”

#jaehyun #nct jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun smut #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x oc #nct #nct 127 #nct imagines #nct smut #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 smut #jung jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #nct scenarios #nct 127 scenarios

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woodchoc-magnum · 4 years ago

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L0ne St@r 2x12 Hate Watch

DO NOT REBLOG THIS ONE - thanks, I’m trying to fly under the radar with my negative opinions here

Usual disclaimer, and I mean it this time: If you watch and love this show, that’s great and I hope you continue to enjoy it. Please don’t read this - simply go about having a lovely day.

If you do love this show and T*rlos and are braving this anyway - do not come in here. I mean it. This is not a T*rlos friendly zone. I do not ship it. Please enjoy your ship in peace and harmony. I have no intention of getting into arguments with anyone, I will simply ignore you.

I have done everything I can to avoid this showing up in the tags, whatever the LS tags are. Don’t send me hate on anon because I’ll delete them; I don’t care if you think I should stop watching the show, I’m not gonna. I like to suffer.

Eddie Diaz for calm and strength and to centre ourselves:

Hate, as always, under the cut:

Let's do this fucking thing, I've heard bad things about this episode

And I already know I'm wrong about the arsonist which is ANNOYING but maybe also too obvious so that's okay, I also know who the arsonist is and all the main plot points but I’ve still got to watch it to really appreciate the subtle nuances of the episode:

Oooh Billy

I ship it

Billwen for the win

This show is so dumb

Billy is smarter than Owen, maybe he should be the captain of the 126

I miss his lightning scars though

He's TWO HOURS LATER FOR DINNER

TK is looking as bland as always

They seriously waited for two fucking hours for this guy

Maybe should've put some deodorant on before going to dinner there Owen

You know I can't imagine the OG doing a storyline as dumb as this

So Carlos' dad thinks it's someone who works at the 126 or just a firefighter in general?

Well gosh darn it, it looks like Owen fits that profile exactly!

At least we get some Judd early in the episode and I love him

Angela Bassett is executive producer on this show as well? I hope she gets paid cash money for this

Billy is the red herring and I fell right into their trap

I just really wanted it to be him

Ooh Grace was listening

Oh it's 100% the arson investigator and Billy is 100% turning Owen in, I love him

Billy is amazing

He's my favourite character on this show

I hope he's not working with Owen to get the arson investigator? I hope he's actually this devious

I want him to be THIS DEVIOUS

Why the fuck does Owen wear that hoodie everywhere

TK is now having a little bitch fit

"they can't do that, can they?" he asks in a monotone, his face blank and devoid of expression

TK's real real dumb

Oh ho ho is this the shoving scene

IT IS

God Ronen CANNOT ACT

Okay so while I think it is wildly unbelievable that they would send TK's boyfriend to tell him that his father had been arrested by HIS father – it seems like a conflict – I would like to say that Carlos is being calm and reasonable

And TK is acting like a little BITCH

This is escalating quickly

Oh TK you so dumb

THE SHOVING

Wow

FOUR TIMES

Wow

Your fave is problematic, yo

Carlos deserves better than this whiny little piece of shit

And now, an interlude while I rant:

Let's talk about how Eddie Diaz yelled at Buck once in a supermarket and the fandom has never forgotten it; how his character has been villainised despite everything else going on in the show at the time, for that one fucking scene – let's talk about all the fics where Eddie hits Buck, or punches him, or rapes him – because you know those fics exist – let's talk about the "Eddie is violent" narrative that parts of this fandom like to push because Eddie yelled at Buck, one time, once, in a supermarket

Totally ignoring the fact that at no point at all, in any other episode he’s been in, has he been violent towards Buck, at all - let’s talk about how the street fighting arc was out of character for Eddie, because he was struggling to cope and looking for an outlet - let’s talk about how Buck and Eddie moved past that whole storyline and strengthened their relationship; how they built a family together, how they’re a team and they have each other’s backs no matter what, and how, not once in the entire show, have they ever been violent towards each other or pushed each other around in anger - NOT ONCE.

And let's talk about this scene, where TK, ya boy, ya sweet tender boy, just shoved the man he says he loved four times, violently, in front of people at the firehouse.

I betcha any money he doesn’t get tarnished with the Eddie-Diaz-is-violent brush, because he can do no wrong. He’s the fan favourite, and this is totally glossed over by the end of the episode and nothing will ever be said about it ever again.

Because wow, you guys. Wow. If this was my ship, I’d be pissed.

Back to the hate watch:

And I know that whole fight is for nothing because I know the plot twist – I know that the dads are working together in order to reveal the real arsonist, the investigator – so they've basically turned their children, who are in a relationship, against each other?

Also why is Billy allowed to be watching the interview?

Goddamn do we really have to show the gruesome burn victim photos

I really want Billy to be devious by the way, and not in on the plan

Oh here comes TK, looking like the little bitch he is

God he's a fucking awful actor

This is the dumbest plotline ever

Equating OWEN STRAND WITH THOR? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

BLASPHEMY

THOR IS THE GOD OF THUNDER

OWEN IS A DUMBASS

THE TWO ARE NOT EQUAL

Uh oh here comes the evil investigator

Do either of these men – Owen and Carlos' dad – stop to consider that what they're doing has kind of an impact on their children, who are currently in a relationship? No? Okay

Because this is one hell of an awkward situation

Does Owen genuinely think that Billy is the arsonist?

Interesting that the arson investigator wants any info Owen didn't give Carlos' dad, and he turned off the cameras/mics etc

This show is stupid

Arson investigator also knows that the sons are dating, interesting

"And you can pound sand!" oooh great comeback Owen

This episode is so BORING OMG

Why the fuck am I watching a shitty Law & Order knock-off when I should be watching a bonkers 911 episode

Oh no Judd's at Billy's

I really do think Billy Burke is good looking and it is a flaw of mine, I don't know what it is about him and he really doesn't look that good in this show but I really love Billy Burke okay

And I WANT HIM TO BE DEVIOUS

Oh Judd

Oh Judd thinks Billy is the arsonist

See this is why YOU DON'T LIE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU

Oh he punched him

God damn everyone is violent in this show

Judddddddddddddd

Uh oh here comes trouble to the "vagrant's" hospital room

Oh it's the arson investigator, their little bluff worked, incredible, amazing, flawless etc

Wow how amazing

It was the ol' switcheroo

Judd punched Billy for nothing

TK and Carlos nearly came to blows for nothing

Now Owen is allowed to watch the interrogation? They'll just let anyone watch those things these days

OH MAN ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT BILLY WAS IN ON IT WITH OWEN THE WHOLE TIME?

Damn it I wanted DEVIOUS god damn it

Fucking cowards

"I assumed it was probably a trap at the hospital which is why I went there anywhere"

But why is he lighting fires

A FEW MONTHS?

A man is dead

Pure theatre

So annoyed that Billy isn't devious

But the Billwen ship sails on, clowns 🤡

Do we think the arsonist has the hots for Owen? 100% yes, right?

He's very happy to see him wink wonk

This doesn't even feel like an episode of 911, it's so goddamn dumb

"I knew you had darkness in you too" – that dude definitely wants to fuck him

Why is he lighting the fires?

They're so dumb

"And now I'm going to repay the favour" – he's talking about YOUR SONS

WHO HE KNOWS ARE TOGETHER

Wow these two dumbasses really have no fucking idea do they

OH HE'S BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

Wow this is graphic

What the fuck is up with this show and the horribly graphic scenes lately?

That dude is dead yo

"Take away everything that's important to me" AND HE CALLS THE FIREHOUSE FIRST

THE FIREHOUSE IS THE FIRST FUCKING CALL???

Oh okay it did blow up and TK was there so I'll allow it

But hey look on the bright side – Owen gets to remodel again!

And isn't that what he's the best at?

Yo your firehouse is on fire dudes, better call the fire department

Does Judd apologise to Billy or no

Oh here we have TK and Carlos and their perfect love

And Carlos is the one apologising?

No.

Please tell me no

Carlos you are allowed to be pissed at him – ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

"nobody has to apologise?"

YOUR BOYFRIEND PUSHED YOU AROUND

Oh my god

Wow

Okay.

Look I'm just saying that to me this would be a GIGANTIC RED FLAG but wtf do I know

I'm just saying because I have to – if Carlos was a woman and TK did that? Whole different story gang

Whole completely different mother-fucking story

This show, wow

Wow.

Wow. This is bad.

Domestic violence happens to men too, just saying.

Wow I'm so annoyed that I've paused it to type furiously and rant that wow, they're just not acknowledging that TK was totally out of line? Okay. Wow.

And everyone's just fine with it?

Oh they're just figuring out that he set more than one fire

Maybe there's something else you care about other than the firehouse, Owen

Maybe?

BILLY IS THE ONE WHO FIGURES IT OUT

See this is why Billy is the best

Oh no TK and Carlos are in danger

Oh it's so romantic isn't it? They're gonna fuck now that everything is okay

Wow he left a lot of bombs in Carlos' house

Damn Carlos is hot

No smoke alarms?

That fire has really taken ahold there guys

I'm gonna assume you do have smoke alarms and he disconnected them

Wow he really covered all bases didn't he

Put the bombs in the bedroom as well

RIP Carlos' nice house

"I love you too" after I violently shoved you around today

Oh who needs a fucking fire department when you've got Owen fucking Strand right?

"Carlos" he says flatly. "How are you doing?" he asks in a monotone

"I should've had an extinguisher in the bedroom" DUDE NO ONE DOES

And if TK wanted one in there, he's the fucking firefighter, he should've checked when he moved in instead of assuming like a dumbass

God this show is dumb as fuck and I hate it so much

Billwen for the win

"just a couple of crap magnets" fucking a-men Judd

This show sucks

Oh no TOMMY OH NO

WHAT'S HAPPENING

OH MY GOD

WHAT THE FUCK

What the fuck

Is he dead?

TAKE OWEN AND TK INSTEAD

I’m going to say one more thing about this T*rlos storyline - if they’d done this to Buck & Eddie in the OG, I’d be fucking devastated. Like... if Buck or Eddie pushed the other around the way TK pushed Carlos around, I’d be absolutely gutted. It’s really horrible that they went down that path - whether it’s OOC or not, and you can probably argue that it is - they shouldn’t have included the scene like that in the show.

It just raises a whole slew of questions, like... is TK violent? Is Carlos used to being pushed around in relationships? Is the show saying that it’s okay that they got a little physical because they’re both men? Domestic violence is never okay, and this is kind of... saying that it is, in certain circumstances?

That is problematic as fuck and such bad writing.

These two are in a relationship where they are living together and supposedly love each other, and this is how the writers choose to portray it? If you’re a T*rlos shipper and you’re upset about this episode, I get it. It’s really fucking terrible that they included that scene - and I would bet cold hard cash it’ll never be addressed again.

This is why LS is a bad show. It’s shitty writing. Shitty storylines. Characters who are interesting are shoved into the background and glossed over in favour of the male white characters. The OG doesn’t have this problem - for everyone complaining that Eddie hasn’t been featured as much this season (and yeah, I hate it too) - you can’t complain that the characters of colour don’t get equal screentime.

With LS - it’s the Rob Lowe show, and everyone else is just in the background. And that’s why it’s so frustrating to watch - they have a great cast, and this could be a really good show, but it’s just not.

Do you think the LS writers patted themselves on the back after this arc and were like, "yeah we nailed it, we're amazing?"

This episode is -1,000000/10. This show should be cancelled.

Two god awful miserable fucking episodes to go.

Diaz to cleanse:

#DO NOT REBLOG #lone star hate watch #enter at your own risk

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avengerscompound · 4 years ago

Text

Running to a Standstill - 7

Running to a Standstill: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count: 1767

Rating: E

Square filled: @star-spangled-bingo - Poly Fic

Warnings: none

Synopsis: While on the run from an unknown organization trying to take your son, you meet two super-soldiers. While they try to help you get to the bottom of who is hunting you and your son, feelings come out and admissions are made that make your personal life even more tricky.

Chapter 7

Bucky had a problem.

There had been a strange level of domesticity between you, he, and Steve since you'd moved in. It reminded him of when he and Steve had lived together before the war. That was problematic in of itself because Bucky couldn't remember a time when he had been more completely and hopelessly in love with Steve than when he would wake up and make pancakes while Steve sat on the fire escape smoking one of his asthma cigarettes and drinking hot water in the hopes it would settle his stomach. Bucky would pretend they were married and he was about to go out and earn a paycheck while Steve took care of the house, or that they were planning their wedding and living in sin. It didn’t even matter that two guys couldn’t get married back then, it was always what he imagined. He would stare at Steve’s lips whenever he wasn't looking, always so pink and plump, even when his anemia was at its worst and he’d imagine what it was like to taste them. What they’d feel like against his own and he’d imagine pulled that bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled back.

Now he was making pancakes for Steve, and you and a little kid and thinking how much this was like a family, and pretending like you were his wife and that was his kid. Or maybe Steve was the one he was married to because you could do that these days. It didn't just have to be a fantasy. Except for the fact he wasn't with either of you, you were with each other. You'd even started sleeping in Steve’s bed. And god, if you both didn't deserve to be happy, which was one thing Bucky definitely didn't have in common with either of you.

So that was a problem. But it wasn't the problem.

The big problem Bucky had was you both kept coming to him for advice.

Every time one of you came to him to ask some kind of relationship advice it felt like a little piece of him died. It chipped away at the hope he had that maybe one day he might get this with someone he cared about because if he cared this much about you and Steve and Geo then who else was there for him? It also made him hate himself a little because it was Steve, and Steve deserved to be happy. The guy had practically given up on a life outside of Captain America and Bucky was honestly proud of his best friend now he was taking a chance of having romance and family too. So every time one of you came to him and asked for advice he would grit his teeth and give it because it was the right thing to do. But he was jealous and he hated himself for that green-eyed monster.

Lately, the questions had been about sex and he knew from the things you each asked it hadn't happened yet but it would soon and all Bucky could think that when it did that was it. He wasn't getting that for himself. Which was maybe what he deserved.

He came out of the bedroom after putting Geo down. You and Steve had gone out again and he’d agreed to babysit. Sam was sitting on the couch eating a slice of leftover pizza.

“You’re looking pretty grumpy for a guy who just read the little prince,” Sam said, as Bucky flopped onto the couch.

“Why are you here?” Bucky asked, ignoring the dig at him.

“Forgot Steve was going out and we just got some intel back,” Sam answered, getting up and going to the fridge. “You want a beer?”

“Yeah, alright,” Bucky answered, watching Sam move around Steve’s apartment with a comfortable ease. “What was the intel?”

Sam came back over, handing Bucky the beer as he took a seat again. “There’s word of a designer drug being sold in Madripoor. Gives people temporary superpowers.”

“Shit, really?” Bucky said. “Guess we’re going to Madripoor.”

“Guess so,” Sam agreed. “It’s not exactly known for lawful activity though, so we might be just going into another dead end. I think the army lead is better. They were definitely manufacturing that shit for the army. What are you so surly for anyway? The kid give you a hard time?”

“No,” Bucky said. The way Sam didn’t pause between topics made Bucky feel like he’d been railroaded. “He’s a good kid. I kinda like babysitting.”

“Then what is it?” Sam asked.

“Nothing,” Bucky grumbled. “It’s nothin’.”

“Oh don’t give me that, Sergeant Grumpy,” Sam teased. “Something’s bothering you. Spit it out.”

Bucky sank back into the couch and rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands. He knew he should just tell him. Sam had a tendency to bug people until they coughed up what was bothering them. Besides, maybe just saying the words out loud might make him realize how ridiculous they actually were. “Just jealous, I guess.”

“I am awesome,” Sam teased.

“Not you, you dumbass,” Bucky snarked. “This -” he waved his hands around. “Them.”

“You mean the domestic thing?” Sam asked. “Or you just want to date someone, ‘cause I could set you…”

“No. Not anyone… them,” Bucky said, the frustration he was feeling coming out through his voice.

“Her?” Sam asked.

“You’re not listening, Sam,” Bucky snapped, pulling his hair. “Both of them. This. All of it.”

Sam didn’t say anything for a while, he just stared at Bucky like he’d grown an extra head. “Wow,” he said eventually. “Do they know?”

“Fuck, I hope not,” Bucky said.

“How long?” Sam asked.

Bucky scratched his head slowly, letting his fingers drag over his scalp and tug out the knots in his hair. “Steve since we were kids. Probably started getting feelings for him when he was about fifteen, I guess.”

“And he really doesn’t know?” Sam asked.

“Either he doesn’t know or he does and he’s been pretending not to, to save me embarrassment,” Bucky said. “And fuck, Sam, if it’s the second I might as well just end it.”

“Don’t joke about shit like that, Buck,” Sam scolded. “That’s serious.”

Bucky huffed and took a long drink of his beer. “It wouldn’t be so bad, they both deserve some fucking happiness, but they keep asking me for relationship advice. You know how fucking hard it is to tell them what to do to make each other happy when all I want to do is have that myself?”

Sam nodded and took a drink of his beer. “Think you might need to talk to them, man.”

“What?” Bucky yelped. “And have them keep giving me pity looks? No thanks.”

Sam shrugged. “Maybe one of them feels the same way about you?”

“That’s worse!” Bucky groaned, letting his head fall back against the back of the recliner. “I don’t want them to break up and then be mad at me for being the cause of it. Besides, it’s fucking ridiculous. I’m a fucking monster, no one is looking at me like that.”

“Oh cut the shit, Buck,” Sam scolded. “You’re as worthy of happiness as any of us here. Maybe more given what you’ve been through. You just gotta get your head in the space where you’re ready to accept it.”

“You sound like my fuckin’ therapist,” Bucky grumbled.

“Good,” Sam said. “That means you’re listening to them.” He sat forward in the chair and looked directly at Bucky. “Tell them. Then at least they know to go talk to Nat about relationship advice. Why they’d be asking you anyway, is beyond me.”

Bucky knew he was right. Almost all the advice he’d given to both you and Steve was based around communication. Talk to each other. Tell each other how you feel. It was only reasonable to take the same advice himself. He just didn’t want to make things awkward between the three of you.

“Buck,” Sam said, and Bucky’s eyes flicked up, meeting Sam’s. “You never know. Things are changing. People are more open to different things. Maybe telling them will work out better than you think.”

Bucky looked at Sam not even sure what that meant exactly. Sam got up and patted Bucky on the shoulder. “I’m gonna head to bed. Talk to them. And don’t forget to tell Steve about Madripoor.”

“Yeah. Alright,” Bucky said. “Thanks, Sam.”

Bucky sat up with the TV on but not watching it after Sam left. He didn’t know what Sam had meant by things changing and how it might work out better, but his mind kept flicking back to Natasha telling him to let go of the idea of monogamy being the only way that people could get their happily ever after. That some people had none and some had many. Maybe… maybe Bucky could get lucky and have both of you and the family. But maybe he had to be okay with getting nothing too. It wasn’t fair to hinge his happiness on you or Steve or anyone else really. He had to heal too.

But first, he needed to talk to you and Steve about how he was feeling because he definitely wasn’t ever going to be happy if he resented the two of you for coming to him for help all the time.

He was tidying up and turning on the dishwasher when the door opened. Both your lips were puffy from kissing and you’d obviously had a few drinks. Now was a terrible time to bring up anything. It was late, and if you were tipsy you couldn’t be making relationship decisions.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve said, warmly. “How was your night?”

“Did Geo behave?” You added, coming over to him and kissing his cheek.

Bucky smiled and nodded. “Yeah, of course. We had pizza and played some games on his tablet and then I read to him and he fell right to sleep.”

“Thanks for watching him,” Steve said. “We appreciate it.”

“Sam stopped by, got a new lead,” Bucky said as he stalled for time. It was easy to tell that you and Steve wanted him to leave so you could both head to bed.

“I’ll check it out in the morning,” Steve said. “Thanks again, Bucky.”

Bucky nodded and let out a breath. “Right,” Bucky said.

Steve looked at Bucky and furrowed his brow. “What’s wrong?”

Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets. Late at night after you’d just gotten back from a date was probably not the best time to do this, but he felt like it was now or he’d chicken out and it would be never. He’d end up being the best man at the wedding. He took another deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. “We need to talk.”

// NEXT

#SSB2020 #steve rogers #bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #stucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky x reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #captain america fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #running to a standstill

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novoaa1writes · 4 years ago

Text

“f**k you.”

pairing(s): mandy milkovich x reader

summary: you and mandy are friends with benefits, or... something. you tentatively discuss her pregnancy, and offer your help. mandy is... less than pleased. (contains spoilers for season 2 of shameless)

rating: mature

word count: ~1,400

warnings: unhealthy relationships, implied/referenced canonical child abuse, teen pregnancy, implied/referenced sex, swearing, brief discussion of abortion, minor blood, implied/referenced drug addiction, implied/referenced forced pregnancy

notes: reader is an adoptive gallagher, raised with them since childhood but unrelated by blood. also, the reader is not necessarily specified as female, but they do have b00bies. take that as you will. also available on ao3.

if you've seen shameless (U.S.), this is written very much in keeping with the fucked-up interpersonal dynamics that make up the entirety of the show. the reader's relationship with mandy isn't a healthy one, and the writing reflects that. i'd even say there's likely a solid argument to be made that the relationship between mandy and the reader is actually abusive in some aspects. please don't read if that's going to trigger you in any way.

✳ ✳ ✳ ✳ ✳ ✳

You’re lying in bed together, naked and glistening with sweat, when you finally dare to broach the topic.

“So, uh…” you trail off, sitting yourself up with a grunt to reach for the pack of cigs and lighter strewn on the floor nearby. Mandy stares you down with an unreadable expression as you put one between your lips and— “Shit, sorry,” you apologize, tossing the joint aside. Smoking and pregnancy don’t mix. “That’s, um… Sorry.”

‘Cause sure, maybe you’re not the pregnant one here, and maybe you know for damn sure that your meth-head mom wasn’t sober when she had you kicking around in her tummy, but you figure refraining from smoking around Mandy when she can’t is the least you can do.

Mandy sighs, props herself up on her elbows and gives you a knowing look. “Just ask,” she says. She sounds exhausted.

You lean back into bed, hold yourself up with an elbow as you turn to face her. “Pregnant, huh?”

“Ian told you.”

“Your dad, actually,” you correct her, then instantly regret it when you see something like fear flicker through her gaze. “Ian’s fine, though.”

“No, he’s not.” Mandy huffs out a sigh, hanging her head back, eyelids fluttering shut. An errant thought comes—that you’ve never seen her look so defeated or beautiful: naked in bed after rounds of desperate sex, bedsheets sagging low on her slender hips, pert breasts rising and falling with every measured breath. You’re quick to do away with it. “My dad’s gonna kill him.”

You shrug. “Lip and I’ve been doing some brainstorming. We’ll figure it out.”

If Mandy hears you at all, she doesn’t let on. “I tried to tell him,” she murmurs, eyes still shut. “He didn’t listen.”

“Who, Ian?”

Mandy gives the slightest shake of her head. “My dad.”

“Well, I mean… We know it can’t be Ian’s, but you had that thing with Lip, right? What if it’s his?” You feel a little uncomfortable bringing it up, having grown up alongside him since you were little. Lip, Ian, Carl, Debby, Liam… they’re your siblings in everything but name.

“It’s not.” Mandy collapses back down onto the mattress with a huff.

“Oh,” you say. You don’t ask, ‘Then whose is it?’—even though you kind of want to.

“My dad… he drinks a lot,” Mandy mumbles after a long moment. Her eyes flutter open, but she isn’t looking at you. She’s staring straight up at the ceiling—through it, even, like it isn’t even there. Like she isn’t there. “Mistakes me for Mom.”

Every muscle in your body goes tense as nausea churns in your gut. “Your dad…” you repeat, swallowing down bile.

Mandy slants a look over to you, dead-eyed and emotionless. “It’s not a big deal,” she tells you, a cold edge to her tone. “Stop fuckin’ looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re pitying me.”

It takes everything in you not to glance away from her, run down the hall to the bathroom and puke your guts out in the toilet. “What do you want to do?”

Mandy shifts her gaze back to the ceiling. “You got $600 lying around?”

For a split second, you’re confused. Why $600—

And then it hits you. An abortion at the clinic.

You shake your head. “No, I don’t.”

Mandy nods, eyes watering, a sardonic smile tugging at her lips. “Thought so.”

You bite the inside of your cheek hard until you taste blood, thoughts racing. A second later, you’re surging upright, stumbling to your feet.

“The hell are you doing?” Mandy asks, sounding caught somewhere between bone-tired and just plain irritated.

You snatch up your jeans, feel around for the flip phone you had in your back pocke—

There it is.

You flip it open, scroll through the handful of contacts until you reach Kev.

Phone against your ear, you chance a look back at Mandy. She’s got a murderous look in her eye. You figure you’ve got about two minutes before she starts chucking anything and everything within reach your way.

Please, Kev, pick up.

Two rings on the other end, then—

“Go for Kev.”

Thank fuck.

“Hey, Kev,” you say, beginning to pace. You’re buck-ass naked, and Mandy’s watching you like a hawk (a very angry hawk, granted), but you don’t really have it in you to be self-conscious about it for the moment. “You think I can rent out the Alibi for tomorrow night, do a, uh… fund-raiser type thing?”

“What? Who’s dying?”

You roll your eyes. “No one’s dying, Kev. I just need to raise $600 bucks. It can be a… bake-sale, or some shit. Put a couple other random things up for sale, too. Grammy’s gun, some of Monica’s old clothes… All goes well, we make enough to cover renting the bar for the night and then some.”

Mandy’s gaze turns from murderous to calculating as she watches you, though you know better than to think that means you’re in the clear with her.

It’s quiet on the other end for a beat, then two. Eventually, “Tomorrow night?” he repeats.

You nod, biting your lip. “Tomorrow night. I’ll get everyone off their ass to start baking tonight. Debby can make some fliers, spread the word. It’ll be a full house. Please, Kev.”

He heaves a sigh, and you know you have him. “Alright,” he agrees. “Drop by later today, we’ll work out the details, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘course, I’ll be there,” you agree earnestly, grinning from ear-to-ear. “Thank you, Kev. You’re the best.”

“Don’t I know it. See you soon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

You’ve only just shut the phone and clutched it to your bare chest, wearing a stupidly proud grin, when—

SMACK!

Pain explodes across your left cheek, whipping your entire head to one side.

“Fuck!” you curse, looking up to see a fuming Mandy standing before you, bloodshot green eyes alight with mutiny. “The hell was that for?”

Mandy just glares, seething silently.

“What?” you ask, pins and needles dancing along your cheek.

It’s quiet for a beat.

Then Mandy’s surging forward, crashing her lips into yours in a bruising kiss, all tongue and teeth and wet warmth.

Oh.

You’re frozen in shock for a second or two, your mind still kind of stuck on the part where she slapped you, but a warning growl against your mouth has you instinctively parting your lips and ceding Mandy’s unspoken request, reciprocating with fervor.

A strangled groan works its way up your throat and she swallows it with ease, fingers snaking into your hair, yanking until you whine.

You toss the phone somewhere off to the side, hear it land with clatter. You really couldn’t care less.

Your hands fall to her naked hips and you pull her flush against your body—chest to chest, hip to hip. Mandy whines with approval as you snake an arm around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer like it’s not enough to have her breasts mashed against your own, her heartbeat thrumming along your skin.

You want more; no, you need more.

She’s a whirlwind—destructive, turbulent, beautiful in her fury. Your free hand creeps down to lift her thigh, guiding it to curl around your torso even as she devours you, bites at your lower lip hard enough to make it bleed.

“Fuck you,” she gasps between violent kisses, breathless and angry. “You fucking idiot.”

“Kiss me again,” you say, and she does—gripping a hand around your throat and crashing her lips into yours, one hand still tugging relentlessly at a fistful of your tousled hair. The stinging sensation brings tears to your eyes.

“Don’t need your help. Don’t need anyone’s help.” She pulls away panting, only to lick up the blood that’s started dribbling down your chin before kissing you again with just as much fierceness and hostility as before.

Your cheek aches, your lip stings, your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. All you can taste is coppery blood and stale cigarettes and Mandy, Mandy, Mandy.

She’s never been this rough with you before. Then again, she’s never been this pissed off at you before.

You decide you should piss her off a lot more often. (Especially if this is how it’s gonna be when you do.)

✳ ✳ ✳ ✳ ✳ ✳

end notes: do i realize mandy milkovich is problematic and kind of insane? yes. am i still lowkey in love with her? double yes.

link to masterlist

#stuff I wrote #mandy milkovich x reader #shameless fic #shameless (u.s.) fic #reader-insert #mandy milkovich

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yurimother · 5 years ago

Text

Top Yuri Anime Poll Results

Whether it is subtext or explicit, cute or sexy, school love or gay action thrillers I love yuri anime. These series either focus on or contain elements of female same-sex relationships. Pride month is the perfect time to look back and reflect on the best of this genre. I teamed up with OG Man of The Yuri Nation (yurination[dot] wordpress[dot] com/) and together we put out a poll asking what you thought the top yuri anime series were and over 1000 of you responded submitting almost 5000 different entries. We spent hours combing through the data, analyzing and commenting on the results and we would like to share our thoughts with all of you. Enjoy the reflections of me the yuri critic and OG the dedicated yuri fan!

These are the Top 20 Yuri Anime as voted by you

1. Bloom Into You - 692 Votes

OG: Be it East or West the YagaKimi took the world by storm. Citrus and BiY once again taking the top two spots remains unsurprising.There is something undeniably fascinating about our leading ladies consisting of an asexual slowly coming to love her senpai back but restraining herself for various reasons. The biggest one being said senpai having a deep case of self-loathing and a fear of romantic reciprocation, also for various reasons. She is like “I love you but please do not love me back”. Then there is one of the most popular “cursed” lesbians of all time in Sayaka, the fantastic adult side-couple (The world needs an anime starring lesbian adults/mothers) and the various other characters who have their own interesting tales to tell. The series absolutely deserves a spot in the Top 10 though it would not be in my personal Top 3. Oh and as Yurimother said the presentation was fantastic.Visually stunning from start to finish in my opinion. Special mention goes to the criminally underused first-person “camera”. So cool.

YuriMother: I agree with this series deserving a spot in the top ten even if not the number one slot. For me, it was good but not great. Moments such as the aforementioned adult couple as well as stellar art and a phenomenal score made this series enjoyable but they were not enough to overshine the problems of the narrative. For the love of the Yuri Goddess, this series is crying out for asexual representation but insists on carrying on with its confused romance. Enough complaining though, many people love Bloom Into You despite its faults and I agree. The characters are interesting and lovable and it manages to tell a yuri story more real and complex than the typical fluffy girl meets girl narratives.

2. Citrus - 452 Votes

YuriMother: The presence of Citrus and Bloom Into You prove two things to me, the importance of recency, as both anime aired only last year, and the sheer popularity of these series. Both had established and extremely successful manga runs which were adapted into English by the publishing masters of yuri, Seven Seas. Citrus is a contentious series, to say the least, as it includes elements of (non-blood related) incest and non-consensual actions as part of Mei and Yuzu’s “relationship.” However, if you possess the magical power to turn off the part of your brain screaming at you that those aspects are deeply problematic or if you seek a different interpretation then Citrus can be downright WONDERFUL. I actually loved this anime series for its characters, amazing animation, and salaciousness. As OG said, it is an operatic concussion of emotion (seriously everyone in the series needs therapy) but my is it fun to watch. The Citrus anime also holds a special place in my heart, as the first serious piece I ever wrote was a review for it over on Okazu (nice plug)! Citrus is certainly not for everyone but those that stuck with it and overlooked some of the problems ended up loving it.

OG: Here we are again with Citrus at #2. My thoughts on the series remains the same as in the previous two lists I discussed (the Akiba Research and goo Ranking Japan lists), overrated. Good soap opera/telenovela-esque series but my feelings on the cast are mixed (which I imagine was the writer’s intent). My main issue has always been the obstacles repeatedly challenging Yuzu and Mei’s feelings for each other instead of it focusing on “Hey. We like each other but our parents got married. What do we do? Can we keep our desires for each other in check?”. Instead it is one newcomer after another who want to eat either Yuzu or Mei and Yuzu repeatedly asking herself if she really wants robo-stepsister patties? I will give the anime adaptation credit. The story was easier to enjoy animated than drawn. It also helped that I grew up in a telenovela loving family. The characters’ actions, reactions and emotions were depicted better in the anime. I still consider the show’s greatest accomplishment being the humanization of Mei-Tron. In the manga it took a post-epilogue continuation to show readers “Hey everyone. Mei-Tron was human all along.” whereas in the anime I sensed the small bit of humanity quicker than in the manga where I continued seeing her as a block of wood with a brain up to the point where I dropped it. Harumin though is the greatest regardless of anime or manga adaptation. Bless her. Regardless of how I feel about the series I get its massive popularity. After all, were the rest of the story to get an animated continuation I would gladly pick it up...Not the manga though.

3. Sakura Trick - 342 Votes

OG: There are fans who understandably would disagree with Sakura Trick’s praise but I will always defend it and the anime as one of the very best in the genre. First off it aired at a time where animated on-screen close up kisses (specifically consensual ones) between ladies were rare. Haruka X Yuu’s relationship was believable for the most part. Even their season finale resolution, them not getting what being “in love” meant at the time, made sense though I get why it left some scratching their heads. Probably not the best “manga lure/bait” end I suppose. On the bright side Kotone X Shizuku’s story definitely did not have the two doubting their true feelings for each other. I do hope Kaede X Yuzu eventually hooked up in the manga as they too had potential to be a lovely couple.

YuriMother: Sakura Trick has no real narrative, no great insight, and offers little intellectually. As a teacher, it makes me furious, as a fan of yuri, elated. The anime is beloved for its plentiful soft service, presenting a plethora of kisses, cuddles, and awkward thigh shots (ew). However, it was one of the first anime to include this much explicit yuri service without being pornographic. All the characters were cute and fun, even if there was little in the way of development or complexity, it worked for the series. If you want something to make you think or to learn about yuri, pass over this one. But, if you want a cute and meaningless anime definitely watch it.

4. Yuru Yuri - 337 Votes

YuriMother: OG may not be a fan of Yuru Yuri but I certainly am, which is fairly obvious to anyone who observes that a solid 20% of my communications occur in the form of gifs from this series. It is hilarious, cute, and playful. Just like Sakura Trick, this anime is an easy watch with ultimately little substance. However, the part of me that is not rolling of the floor laughing every time I watch Yuru Yuri lives in a state of pained existence with the knowledge that this work of all things ended up being so popular when people are telling interesting stories about queer women and people in actual relationship that manage to still be funny and adorable while having something to say.

OG: The undisputed most mainstream friendly yuri series there is. It is also one of the funniest. My one gripe is that excluding a select few the main draw of the show besides the comedy and yuri is the ship wars, meaning (almost any girl can be shipped with each other). Not a fan of that but hey, it brought Namori the big bucks so who am I to judge? In any case not much else to add. It deserves all the adulation it gets but the free for all shipping irks me. Reminds me of how they botched Chika X Riko in the Love Live! Sunshine!! Anime. If you were going down the Riko X Yohane route from the start then why give us Chika X Riko in the first half? Ship wars yo. Tch. Hopefully I properly explained myself..

5. Kase-san and Morning Glories (Asagao to Kase-san) - 289 Votes

OG: Still wish this got a 12-13 episode anime. The glorious movie showed how much it deserves one. Whether it will happen or not remains to be seen. In any case the beauty of Kase-san X Yamada is how simple their romance is. No strings attached whatsoever. It is as straightforward as a self-proclaimed “ordinary” cutie, Yamada, having a crush on the super cool school beauty Kase-san. Said beauty is revealed to be just as “adorkable” as Yamada. The other highlight is their story not ending once they officially started dating (as is the case with many romance stories) but that being only the beginning, like real life. From then on, side-stories aside, the two biggest challenges for the two is Yamada accepting that it is okay for someone as “ordinary” as her to be the “cool babe”s girlfriend and Kase-san finding different ways to express her love/hunger for the cutie. As for the OVA, cramming the second part of the first series in an hour definitely had the downside of excluding some important moments, yes, but it at least covered some of the best moments in the manga. The first half of the story was summarized in a five-minute music video. One last thing. The animation, though a bit too brought for some, was glorious. It also had some long pauses which were effective (The bus stop scene being the most infamous) but while I did not mind them at all even I will admit some pauses went a bit too long. A small nitpick all things considered. Fingers crossed one day we either get that 12-13 episode anime for the first series, the sequel or both. That is one of my dreams.

YuriMother: At last, an anime that I do not have to react cynically to! Kase-san is one of the single greatest works of yuri animation to ever to be created and its glory is rivaled only by the manga from which it originated. Despite being only a one hour long OVA this adaption told such an engaging and realistic (finally) story of romance and personal growth. We get to skip the meatless girl meets girls arcs and get into the depth and complexity as Yamada and Kase work to further their relationship. They struggle with the fact that they are two different people who want different things out of life and love and have to actually work on their partnership. Kase-san also includes signs of physical affection and love that are never lewd, immature, or gross, I do not even think I could refer to them as “service”. However, for me, Kase-san’s greatest victory (both the anime and manga) is in its escape from school romance, which in this genre is often a shelter from reality, allowing for women to be in relationships without actually being queer. Kase and Yamada instead make an effort to continue their romance and build a life that includes their relationship once they graduate in a triumphant final act. This anime is a slap in the face to the class S stories and sloppily sexualized works which proliferate the yuri genre. Asagao to Kase-san shines as a holy beacon for the greatness that this genre can achieve.

6. Puella Magi Madoka Magica - 286 Votes

YuriMother: Hurray!! For two entries in a row, I get to talk about series that I wholeheartedly adore without having to constantly attach caveats. Puella Magi Madoka Magica is not considered by all to be yuri, and that is certainly not what it is best known for. PMMM is however famous for twisting the tropes of the magical girl genre and creating one of the most cohesive and thoughtful narratives ever put to screen. This series summoned a new era for the magical girl genre (what OG humorously referred to as the “Moepocalypse”) but no other title managed to top Madoka Magica’s runaway success. Every aspect of this work is highly polished including character designs, a phenomenal soundtrack, and superb writing. This is not only the definitive work of its genre but of all postmodern anime. Whether or not one is a fan of yuri every anime fan should give Madoka Magica a watch.

OG: Meduka Meguca. Its impact in the “Moepocalypse” (Shows where cute and sexy girls consistently suffering physically and emotionally. These are usually dark magical girl shows.) genre and legacy are undeniable. It deserves all the praise it gets. It scarred many unfortunate souls, Homura is a legend in yuridom, Kyouko X Sayaka are glorious (Especially in Rebellion), Meduka’s Mom Junko is a Top Tier Sexy Mama, Charlotte the Witch is a very strange girlfriend and of course Hitomi is a walking anti-fun meme. The animation, especially the creepy doodle like monsters known as Witches are memorable. However, it is not my favorite Moepocalypse show. That honor goes to Yuki Yuna is a Hero.

7. Strawberry Panic - 224 Votes

OG: Like it or not Strawberry Panic is a yuri classic. I have a strong feeling that like many readers around my age (31 during this writing) this was their first 100% yuri anime. The cheese is real but it is the yummy kind of cheese and I loved almost every minute of it, except Amane X Hikari. That was the weakest of the love stories going on. Poor Yaya trying too hard (Not saying this in condescending way. She literally tried too hard). It is like a young adult lesbian novel but more fun. I mean Nagisa X Shizuma might as well be “Lesbian Twilight but not crappy”. Let us be honest, Shizuma is a vampire. Chikaru is an undisputed goddess and Kagome is the cutest.

Oh and I will repeat this statement till my last breath…

#TamaoWasRobbed.

YuriMother: I may be almost a decade younger than OG but even for me Strawberry Panic was my first yuri and it more than earns its nickname as the “gateway yuri,” although last year’s Citrus and Bloom Into You may be presenting serious contenders for this title. If for no other reason than nostalgia, Strawberry Panic remains my favorite yuri works but this ridiculous soap-opera of an anime does deserve a fair amount of recognition. I see Strawberry Panic as the culmination of the S subgenre revived by Maria Watches Over Us. However, this work succeeds at both parodying many of the tropes of S and yuri while breaking a few. However, its greatest accomplishment is introducing many of the young western fans of yuri to the genre. Strawberry Panic, you are an overly dramatic mess but thank you for all you have done.

8. Revolutionary Girl Utena - 176 Votes

YuriMother: Another gem of the yuri genre, actually scratch that, if works like Kase-san are gems then Utena is the minerals from which gems form. I think that is how it works, I am not a geologist. My poor analogies and subtle nods to Steven Universe aside, Revolutionary Girl Utena is one of the single most important works of yuri anime, possibly even more so than Sailor Moon. These two works were the dawn of the current age of yuri, an era spurn on by social progress and the internet into a place where more yuri works featuring honest depictions of homosexuality are flourishing. Utena laid the groundwork for queer representation in anime and for that I remain forever grateful to this masterpiece.

OG: I must confess. While I saw the movie long ago and thought it was cool I have yet to sit down and finish watching the main series. I cannot say much about this show other than it is another yuri classic. Possibly one of the biggest. I think I will leave this to Her Holiness because even if I had seen it I do not consider myself someone who possesses the sufficient intellect to properly explain why this is a legendary show.

9. Flip Flappers - 132 Votes

OG: I would need an essay to explain why this show is legendary. Let me see. It is a story of a girl who discovered her gayness thanks to her growing attraction to a lovable idiot/genki. There are references to Western media, dimension hopping (including Class S Hell), self-discovery, a sexual orientation journey, a tree, armored wedding gowns, crazy third wheels, Ku Klux Klan stand-ins…You know what? Just watch Flip Flappers. It is a hot mess of random, crazy, creative and thought provoking awesomeness with a wonderful dose of gayness. Glory be to PapiCoco. However, as Her Holiness mentioned this is essentially Ikuhara-san levels of weirdness (though not as complicated I feel) but as the plot thickens it all (sort of) starts making sense...eventually. That tree yo.

YuriMother: Flip Flappers was almost too strange and abstract even for me, and that is saying something. However, upon further examination, one of the most interesting works of yuri is revealed. This heavily stylized anime delves deep into the sexual maturation of its protagonist while examining the yuri genre and representation in media. Flip Flappers is the perfect marriage of heavy visual style and intellectual substance. Definitely give them one a.. err better make that three watches, as you will want to be sure to get everything out of this beautiful series as possible.

10. Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid - 131 Votes

YuriMother: This series is the closest anime fans have to a lesbian couple having a family that we have, and that is a shame. I LOVE family narratives, outside of the yuri genre Usagi Drop is my favorite anime. To me, seeing women balance life, a relationship, and children is some of the best queer representation there is. However, for every point in Kobayashi’s favor, there is also a glaring fault. Kobayashi is a modern woman in the workforce providing for herself and her “family,” but is borderline abusive to Tohru. Kanna is an inquisitive child being raising by two women, but there are weirdly sexual scenes featuring her. As previously mentioned on this list, if one can silence the reasonable part of the brain this work becomes enjoyable, hilarious, and adorable. Unfortunately, its faults prevent it from being more than an amusement and I seriously doubt that they will fade in the second season. But hey, it sells a ton of figures so… YAY!

OG: This series is one of the closest yuri fans have to a series starring a lesbian couple with a daughter and it is wonderful. Is the tale of an eternally grateful dragon who wanted to repay the human who saved her life, albeit drunk, by becoming her live-in maid. Tohru being a dragon girl had incredible power and could easily crush everyone in sight but preferred to try and understand humanity so she could live in peace with the woman she loved. It of course was hard at times but thanks to Miss Kobayashi slowly growing to accept her back (romantically she had a ways to go) and the two raising the adorable bundle of mighty puff known as Kanna they became a happy family. How long this relationship will last and whether Miss Kobayashi would come to fully love Tohru back romantically remains to be seen. I have high hopes it can and will happen. Kanna X Riko is precious (Yes. Even that scene). We even have a potential BL couple, which is nice. Not a fan of Lucoa X Shouta the shota. Not because of the age gap but it not being my kind of romantic comedy. It is the same reason I have a hard time buying Tsubame X Misha from UzaMaid. Mya-Nee X Hana from Wataten...maybe. At least Mya-Nee showed she is patient. Back to Dragon Maid. Great series. Naughty of course but great.

11. Sweet Blue Flowers (Aoi Hana) - 119 Votes

OG: Megane girl falls for a cutie but has a hard time confessing to her to the point she gives a relationship with another girl a try. Said other girl has troubles of her own courtesy of her own views on what love. Do not get me started on the OTHER girl who likes megane’s girlfriend. I did not even mention megane girl’s first love interest who she herself eventually begins questioning her feelings for the glasses wearing maiden. While this is well known throughout the history of yuri anime Aoi Hana made it clearer than ever that Yuri + Classical Music go hand in hand. Plus the show is quite pretty. Ultimately enjoyment of this series depends heavily on viewers’ patience.

YuriMother: Aoi Hana was ahead of its time in many regards. Most yuri during the early twenty-first century was unrealistic and melodramatic, especially with the revival of S stories. Aoi Hana instead presents a calm and realistic story that we still rarely see in yuri anime today. Instead of relying on tricks like service or comedy Aoi Hana presents a serene and character-driven story which is matched by equally calming scenery. It is certainly not the most thrilling watch, but a slow and beautiful slice of real life that remains one of the all-time strongest yuri works.

12. Yurikuma Arashi - 99 Votes

YuriMother: Yurikuma Arashi is strange, to say the least, but this is not out of the ordinary for legendary director Ikuhara, who also directed Utena. Parallels are easily drawn between this work and Flip Flappers, as they are both complex and encoded with enough symbolism to drown a bear. Yurikuma is one of my favorite works in the yuri genre and I have had more than a few heated discussions about interpretations of the work, including one memorable occasion when I was visiting a college professor and we ended up in a shouting match in the middle of the hall. However, while Flip Flappers holds a high degree of polish the same can, unfortunately, not be said here. Yurikuma Arashi has more than a few scenes of fanservice many of which overly fetishize the characters and relationship and some of the symbols, particularly lily flowers and the word “yuri” are practically beaten to death with an object I refuse to come up with because I am starting to have my fill of symbolism. However, despite some of its sloppiness, Yurikuma is one of the single most interesting and well-formed anime out there and analyzing it is practically a right of passage for seasoned yuri fans.

OG: Yurikuma Arashi is my favorite of Ikuhara-san’s series. To me it was the least complicated of his works but even so I needed help to understand the show. Luckily I had plenty of assistance. The meat of the story is more complicated but put simply it is about a war between a group of bear girls (and some human girls) who want to freely express their love and/or desire/hunger for each other and another group that amounts to Right to Censor from WWF. Like I said it is far more complex than that but that is the gist. The anime is quite ecchi and it has good reason for it. Again the gay bears are the more liberated of the groups and them getting more sexy scenes is meant to showcase that. Our heroine has good reason to be grumpy and a divine entity was introduced alongside a certain someone from a certain dark anime we already discussed.

In the end it is a show starring lesbian bear girls. I love love stories between women and i love bears. It was obvious I would end up enjoying this one. Like other complex stories it is not for everyone. Shows like Flip Flappers, Utena and Yurikuma have something of a learning people will have to get accustomed to in order to enjoy them.

13. Whispered Words (Sasameki Koto) - 88 Votes

OG: To me Aoi Hana and Sasameki Koto were always connected despite the former being a drama and the latter a comedy. Both star a female protagonist struggling with how to best tell the girl she likes her true feelings whereas their love interest for one reason or another makes it all the more challenging to get their feelings across. Both shows aired during a time yuri was not as popular of a genre as it would become over time. Perhaps if they had come out a little later when yuri was becoming more popular in the mainstream they would have fared better…Then again they may have helped set the groundwork for future yuri shows so it’s just as well they came out when they did. In any case both good shows worthy of “best of yuri” lists. SK has the dynamic of the megane in love and her somewhat airheaded love interest who specifically likes “cute girls”. Poor megane has a hard time figuring out what the airhead defines as “cute”. The show also features an amusing side-couple of an ojou-sama and her tsundere girlfriend. Not to mention the somewhat controversial side-girl who plays a more prominent role in the 2nd half of the anime. Heck, even Mr Crossdresser himself is cool. Let us not forget Miss “Ha Ha Ha!” Another really good show that I would love to see the rest of the manga get animated someday but considering most anime are essentially manga commercials and the SK manga ended the odds of a 2nd season are close to 0.

YuriMother: 2009 was a great year for yuri anime, with both Sasameki Koto and Aoi Hana, among other works, airing. But while Aoi Hana sought to resist many of the common tropes of the genre and tell a simple grounded story Sasameki Koto appears to have looked a the list of every convention possible and say “yeah I can do that.” It has melodrama, comedy, one-sided love, friend love stories, I worship this genre but even I think there is a limit. However, Sasameki Koto is one of the most competent yuri anime works of the current era. While all the tropes are present most of the problematic aspects of the genre are not. The story is well written, characters enjoyable, and art that is really well done for the time. I enjoy every watch and if I ever want to quickly download the genre’s tropes into another person's head I need only duct tape them to a chair and throw on Sasameki Koto.

14. Riddle Story of Devil (Akuma no Riddle) - 77 Votes

YuriMother: Akuma no Riddle was highly anticipated back in 2014, sporting a premise of student assassins that, while certainly not unique, was outside the norms for the yuri genre. It promised a dark and thrilling take on the yuri genre that would not become popular until the yuri horror trend a few years later. At first, it looked like this would be successful with an excellent setup and some pretty compelling characters but ultimately Akuma no Riddle fell flat and became more derailed as it continued. The monster of the week style of episodes left little room for complex plots and plans or proper character development, which is a shame because of how engaging so many of the assassins were upon original presentation. However, this show still has some of the best action in the yuri genre, placing it alongside series like Cannan and Utena despite its flawed storytelling. If nothing else, the anime may compel one to read the manga, which expands the story and characters more than the show was given time to.

OG: Professional assassins secretly gathered at an academy in an attempt to take the life of a seemingly innocent cutie to win the ultimate prize, one of whom wishes to protect the adorable redhead. Yes the manga, which is pretty much a Director’s Cut, is better and the anime would have benefited from having 20+ episodes instead of 12 and a delightful beach OVA but the show did a good job of showing viewers what each assassin was like, their motivations (though many of their origin stories were summarized in written biographies during commercial breaks viewers needed to pause to read) were clear enough and the duels, as brief as some of them were, had enough spicy goodness in them to be memorable, especially the ones in the latter half of the show. Oh, and although the manga wrapped up after the anime it had a very similar ending.

15. Revue Starlight - 72 Votes

OG: Gay theater girls who strive to become the top star, meaning the best actress or lead actor of the cast. How do they do it? By working hard and overcoming their personal hardships? Yes. That. What makes this show so wonderful despite being almost a year old as of this writing is not only do the ladies all have interesting stories to tell but so does the stage. Every song, prop, movement, dance, gesture etc. It is like the performers and performances are united. It is like in Spongebob where not only does the person in the boots tell a story but the boots as well.

Oh yes. I almost forgot to mention the mysterious underground theater and talking giraffe. Never forget the talking giraffe from Hell. #Wakarimasu.

Super cool and super gay.

YuriMother: Bushiroad continuously gets better at what they do, creating media franchises of cute girls filled with music and making mountains of cash from smartphone games. Inspired by the likes of Love Live, they created BanG Dream and last year Revue Starlight. However, where these franchises fell short Revue Starlight success. It never twists its characters to tell a story but rather creates compelling arcs around them. I thoroughly enjoyed and agree with its place on this list.

16. Konohana Kitan - 68 Votes

YuriMother: I know of Konohana Kitan for its constant presence at yuri events more so than the anime or even the manga. It is adorable, relaxing, simple, and fun. While it does not add anything super substantial to the genre it does not take anything either or present any objectionable material. The “plot” is nonexistent but that does not matter, as it is not trying to tell a story or make commentary, just be fluffy and simple.

OG: Konohana Kitan to me is a Girls Club (Cute girls doing cute things) and iyashikei hybrid anime. It is visually stunning as it is relaxing with Yuzu pretty much one of the cutest demigoddesses in existence. She of course is a chick magnet but her heart will forever belong to Satsuki.

17. Destiny of the Shrine Maiden (Kannazuki no Miko) - 65 Votes

OG: The other stuff on the show is still not that great but ChiMeko will forever stand the test of time as far as I’m concerned. Top 10 for their love story alone. Yes. I know THAT ONE SCENE continues being controversial and talked about every time curious new yuri fans witness greatness…but I will forever defend Chikane because I get where she was coming from. Would I have done something different? Yes. The thing is you need to put yourself in her shoes and understand what she wanted to accomplish and how far she would go to get it done. Kotoha is best side-character and Souma Ogami is real man’s man who does not deserve the hate. He was an honorable warrior to the end. He fought well and accepted defeat like a man. Plus his yell is inspirational.

YuriMother: My feelings on Kannazuki no Miko are incredibly mixed. It has many of the worst facets of early current era yuri anime, tropes include S, rape and… am I reading this correctly, demon mechs? Worst of all it presents a cycle, a never-ending loop that haunts the characters in the overarching plot and it does not resolve it. If a work ever presents such an element, like Puella Magi did, it must be overcome or confronted at least. Its presence makes the already cringy story feels cheap and lazy. However, I love the two female leads and their difficult relationship. I love the music, especially the hauntingly beautiful ending theme, and the final moments of episode 11 are some of the greatest seconds I have ever seen in an anime. I cannot wrap my mind around my view of this series but at the end of the day, I understand it. I do not believe that work like it would ever be warmly accepted today but for its time it does stand as a breakout piece of yuri anime.

18. Princess Principal - 61 Votes

YuriMother: Princess Principal is one of the best anime of the past few years. It had everything, an interesting premise, great characters, an incredible soundtrack. Alongside all this is the sharp writing and thrilling story. Princess Principal did everything Akuma no Riddle wanted to with an intriguing and action-packed story featuring strong characters. On top of all this, the animation is top notch. A six-part movie sequel is planned which has me somewhat concerned, but I am glad to see that it is being continued as the ending to the series was one of its weakest aspects. Now if you will excuse me, I need to listen to some jazz.

OG: Cute and sexy gay spies in a dramatic British Steampunk setting. What more do readers need? Allow Her Holiness to elaborate a bit further. Currently waiting for the multi-part cinematic continuation.

19. Izetta: The Last Witch - 60 Votes

OG: I am known for loving shows people do not think as highly of. Izetta: The Last Witch is no different. I love this show so much. Besides how certain events transpired some complained about the depiction of WW2. Basically think about people ranting about storylines and content featured in certain Call of Duty and Battlefield games. Here however, it is clearly a fictional great war inspired by WW2. I was invested in the following:

-The cute and sexy ladies.

-Seeing two badass lesbians lead an army against an evil empire.

-FiZetta’s romance. This of course being the major highlight. I love FiZetta so much. My sexy lesbian babies and Anne X Grea’s mentors. They taught them everything they know after all.

It is similar to how I felt watching Kannazuki no Miko where my focus was primarily on the leading ladies’ developing romance. The difference is that unlike Kannazuki I was also somewhat entertained by our heroines’ enemies along with their allies. Basically viewers’ enjoyment of the show depends on how seriously they take their history and are willing to overlook the liberties this story takes with its depictions of the weapons, military and the familiar evil empire. FiZetta are one of my favorite lesbian couples of all time.

By the way, in that famous scene, yes they did. Viewers just have to squint their eyes to see “it”.

YuriMother: Another show that I consider to have squandered its potential. I know that lots of people enjoyed this one, including OG but I could not bring myself to finish this constantly mediocre series. Perhaps I am tired of alternative light-fantasy European-war inspired plots. Trying to stand out in this bloated genre is difficult and Izetta fails. Izetta started strong and hooked many viewers with its amazing visual and auditory polish but this was quickly lost in the plot which, while set up well, struggle to gain any ground of pay off what had been established. On the yuri side, it did not really do anything interesting or satisfying, with plenty of scenes feature the character’s standing next to each other looking cute and one or two moments of actual yuri. I am glad that some of you were able to enjoy this one more than me at least.

20. Maria Watches Over Us (Maria-sama ga Miteru) - 57 Votes

OG: Like Strawberry Panic this is a “Like it or not” classic. Despite being a Class S show it did its own thing and became a pioneer for . It’s also responsible for the many yuri jokes related to all-girl schools in anime.Shimako X Noriko best Grande and Petite Souer! Yumiko X Sachiko were great too as the two grew to better understand each other. Most memorable scene for me was the panda costume. Even Sei is a sleeper icon in all yuridom. Yoshino X Rei had a very interesting dynamic. I actually think they are the real pioneers of relationships between cousins. Thank you YoshiRei. HaruKana, Kaede X Sara and several others owe you two much appreciation.

YuriMother: Another great and significant series, Maria Watches Over Us, took the tropes of early yuri works, Catholic schools, a lack of men, piano scenes, and emotional relationship rather than physical ones and turned the dial up to 11. For better or worse, it single-handedly revived the Class S genre and was copied (and parodied) endlessly for over a decade. However much I complain about S I actually do not think that we would have the current age of yuri without its popularity and proliferation at the beginning of the century so I owe a big thank you to Maria Watches Over Us for that. Ignoring its historical importance and literary significance the anime still presents an engaging plot with wonderful characters and more butchered French than my last trip to Europe. It is certainly worth a watch and worthy of a place on this list.

What do you think should be on this list?:

YuriMother: As I previously said, this is a pretty perfect list. As far as missing titles I can think of the following.

Simoun - not the greatest in terms of plot or animation but it had cute service and a fun action-packed plot.

Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl - This series may be strange and present the dreaded love triangle but it did its best to tell a transgender narrative in 2006, naturally this involved aliens, and I applaud it for its attempts.

Cannan - This series is light on the yuri but heavy on the suspense, action, and amazing character designs. The terrorist plot is exciting and the final train fight featured in the series is one of the greatest action spectacles in anime that somehow manages to remain grounded.

OG:

-Harukana Receive: Best all-female sports anime ever made. Plus the gayness is not subtle at all.

-Mikagura Gakuen Kumikyoku: Eruna Ichinomiya is an underrated yuri icon. While not the first of her kind (That honor, I think, goes to Galaxy Fraulein Yuna) she set the standard of cool and inspirational badass lesbian protagonists who are proud of who they are and...also happen to be super perverts. Eruna made it cool to be such a protagonist. It is nice seeing a lesbian lead who does not care what anyone else thinks. She is hungry for cute girl booties. While she often loses her control in the presence of pure beauty she, as an inspiration for others like her, has enough self-control to not go overboard (most of the time).

-Symphogear: Symphogear is love, Symphogear is life. Hopefully Season 5 will keep up the good work.

-Rinne no Lagrange: My favorite mecha anime and the reason I embrace OT3s when the signs are there. Not the greatest but man was it fun. Plus Madoka Kyouno is still sexy.

-Yuki Yuna wa Yuusha de Aru: My favorite Moepocalypse anime of all time. Yuna X Togo taught me to love and trust some people outside my closest family again.

-Mouretsu Pirates: If someone were to ask me “Hey OG. What to you is the perfect anime?”. I would tell them Mouretsu/Bodacious Space Pirates.

-Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl. Thanks to the first fan commenting and reminding me of it. Definitely worthy of a spot. #HazumuWasAlwaysFemale

Final Thoughts:

OG: Pretty good list and close to what mine would look like were I to make one. Reason I have yet to do so is because I do not feel confident enough to pick a favorite yuri anime of all time. Favorite yuri manga and couples? That I can do, but anime always seems to give me a hard time choosing my absolute favorites. Like I said though, a potential yuri list of mine would look something like this. I also found it interesting how similar the Top 10 are among both our respective fanbases and visitors to the poll conducted by the Akiba Research Institute.

YuriMother: I may have done most the complaining and left the praise to OG but I actually and really happy with this list. I think that every title presented is a worthy addition and while I would certainly move some higher or lower than their current placing I do not believe that these are too far off from my own opinions, which is surprising for a popularity poll. More than anything I am thrilled to see that works I dislike that I thought to be popular did not make this list. Perhaps I should have more faith in people and their opinions. Everyone did such a wonderful job voting and I am so grateful!

Thank you so much everyone for reading and for voting in the top yuri anime poll. To see the full results of the poll and to support yuri news, reviews, and content, check out the YuriMother Patreon. Happy Pride Month

#yuri #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+#pride #pride month #queer #gay #anime #cartoon #tv #lesbian #lesbians #girls love #wlw #gl #poll #manga

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hen-of-letters · 4 years ago

Text

To me, the Supernatural finale felt like a slap in the face. And then a suckerpunch to the stomach and a knee in the crotch. Afterwards some more punches, a bit more kicking, and a spit in the eye. So, here's my rambling account of just why I think it was so hurtful, and why I don't think I'll ever stop being sad and angry about how the show ended.

Stories matter. Everything that happens in Supernatural is the result of a decision. Each of these decisions carries a weight and a significance that resonates well beyond the screen.

Castiel's love confession in 15x18 is a beautiful, powerful thing. The love between Cas and Dean has been shown in the text for twelve seasons, but it had never been named in the text until that moment. Castiel's words brought their love out into the open.

However, his immediate and permanent removal from the rest of the narrative (aside from the briefest of mentions) is also powerful. He is erased from the text. After speaking, he is silenced.

Dean is silenced, too. He's never allowed to respond. With him never voicing his feelings for Castiel, their relationship is slammed right back where it came from: into the narrative closet.

Dean's love for Castiel is left as it always was: shown but not spoken. Open to interpretation. This is presented as a positive thing: there's a blank space left in the text where you can imagine them reuniting in heaven.

However, telling the audience that a love story between two men can't be openly declared and that their reunion can't be shown on screen is massively harmful. It perpetuates the idea that queer stories can only be told in the margins, in between the lines, in the silences of the text.

Claire is never shown on screen again after we hear that she loved Kaia. Kaia is rescued from the Bad Place, but their reunion is kept off-screen. Queer love is present, and at least in this case openly defined, but kept in the sidelines, unseen.

It's a phrase with a complex history, but it's telling that 'the love that dare not speak its name' came to be used as a euphemism for homosexual love. Queer love had to be kept silent out of safety. Even now, for many of us, being openly queer can endanger our lives.

Supernatural had a massive opportunity to say: queerness is not to be marginalised or silenced. Here is a love story that is central and spoken and celebrated. I think it's probably the enormous gap between the finale that we had, and the finale that we could have been given (which was the finale that the entire season had seemingly been building towards), that makes Supernatural's ending so heartbreakingly hurtful.

There's a reason, I think, why it feels so viscerally jarring for Cas' confession to never receive a reply or even acknowledgement. Disregarding every other episode of Supernatural up until that scene in 15x18, and with absolutely no knowledge of the characters, what we have is one person saying to another: "I love you". From this point on, every fibre of our being is aching for the answering "I love you, too". That's just how human beings are wired. That's just how narratives function. We hear a question and we need the closure of the answer.

When someone proposes publicly, even though these people are strangers to us, we are all waiting anxiously to hear the "yes". Imagine that you're watching a TV chat show, and then the host announces that someone in the audience has a very special question. Cut to the audience, where someone kneels and says to their partner: "will you marry me?" The camera moves to the partner's face ... and then cuts back to the action on stage. The proposal is never mentioned by the host ever again. You never find out if they said yes. Don't you feel cheated? Don't you feel, maybe, at least annoyed?

Now imagine you have two friends that you've known for years. You've grown up alongside them and you love them dearly. You think they're perfect for each other and you're sure they're in love with each other. One day, you see on Facebook that one of them has finally proposed to the other! You're overjoyed! But this is the last you ever hear from either of them. You never know the answer. You might feel just a little bit frustrated with the ghosting little fuckers. Yes, you can imagine that they're ridiculously in love and they've moved to Maui, but you never know. They might be dead in a ditch. They might be utterly miserable. You just never, ever know.

I swear, I'm normally all about the ambiguity, the open ending, the delicious possibilities of uncertainty. But here the question was too clear, the answer too obvious, the significance too weighty. The entire issue of Supernatural's problematic queer representation came down to this: could we see Dean say "I love you, too"? Could we see them live as well as speak their truth? Sadly, the answer was "no".

There could have been something powerful in the death of the author in Supernatural, in the exhortation to write your own ending, in the acknowledgement that meaning is created in active, creative collaboration between the text and the reader. But this wasn't handing over power. This was passing the buck. Representation is a responsibility.

In the end, Supernatural utterly dismissed the possibility of giving either the characters or the audience the power to write the story. We could have been gifted an open ending: Chuck defeated, Dean, Cas, Sam, Eileen and Jack alive and reunited, and the audience given free will to imagine their future. Instead, it gave us the most closed-down ending possible: all three main characters dead, other characters forgotten, and with nothing more to tell.

Going back to considering characters as friends made me think again about why the finale hurt so much. Yes, the erasure of Eileen from the narrative angered me because the decision was misogynistic and ablist. But also, I absolutely adored Eileen, and wanted her to be happy. She, like every single character in the show deserved better.

However, we don't only see characters as our friends.

We see pieces of ourselves in the characters we love. When we get to see those pieces acknowledged, and treasured, and loved, we feel validation. When we see those pieces disregarded, or silenced, or torn to shreds, we feel hurt.

Consider what someone might see of themselves in Dean Winchester: a queer individual, a war veteran, a survivor of physical, mental or sexual abuse, someone who has felt worthless or suicidal, a caregiver who has sacrificed their own needs for the sake of another.

What killing Dean says to these people is: there is no place for you in the world. The only 'peace' for you is death.

The same message can be read in Castiel's death. It's Castiel in whom I saw a piece of myself. I'm nearly 40, and when I started watching Supernatural in 2005, I didn't yet realise that I was maybe non-binary and definitely bisexual. The world looked at my body and assumed I was a woman. The world assumed I was straight. I was being told a story about myself. It wasn't until later that I realised that there were other stories, that there were other words that I could use about myself. Castiel's story was one that I could identify with (if I'm honest, mostly because of our shared social awkwardness), so his death said to me: if you speak your truth, you'll be shut down and forgotten. Happiness is not something you can have.

The deaths of Castiel and Dean find their bleakest mirror in that of the Kaia from the Bad Place. Not-Kaia wants to return to her own universe, even though she knows it is dying. She feels she doesn't belong in this world: "This place is cold. I don't understand it. I don't know how to move through it. So I just find empty spaces and I hide. This world doesn't want me, and I'm done with it." And, honestly, haven't most of us felt exactly like that at one time or another, for whatever reason? If we've felt different or excluded, if we've experienced physical or mental ill health, if we've felt like an outsider? Although Sam and Dean do try to get her to come back with them, she accepts death - just like Castiel and Dean. Visually, the moment closely resembles Castiel's demise: she's enveloped by blackness, her serene face the last thing to be covered.

Alternate Kaia is the embodiment of otherness. Her hopeless, voluntary annihilation is incredibly troubling. I wonder though if perhaps this moment is the text criticising itself: Alternate Kaia chooses death because the world is hostile towards her. If we marginalise others, if we tell people that who they are means that they have no place in the world, if we tell people that they can only exist in silence and in the shadows, then these people will feel despair. Depression and suicide are a real concequence of exclusion and marginalisation.

In contrast, we're shown Kaia being accepted by Jody. Castiel has already acknowledged that Jody is Claire's found family, and we know that Claire loves Kaia. Here is a hopeful mirror: Kaia, who has been set up previously as an analogue to Castiel, finds acceptance, and love, and a found family.

Dean and Castiel could have been given Claire and Kaia's ending, but instead they die like Alternate Kaia. The world doesn't want them.

I think that the erasure of difference is why the finale feels so flat to me. So empty, so hollow, so silent. The brothers' diverse found family is killed off or forgotten (like Kevin Tran, presumably left to wander the earth forever as a ghost); women are erased; people of colour are erased; queerness is erased. Sam and Dean are reduced to being cardboard cutout versions of themselves, devoid of complexity, with nothing to say.

For 15 years, Supernatural has said: choose free will. You can make your own destiny. You can write your own story. Love can defy the will of God himself. You can be loved and supported by a family that you choose, even if you are rejected by your blood. In the final episode, every single one of these ideas was systematically trashed. It hurt.

What gives me hope, though, is how the fandom responded to this hurt: with creativity and kindness. Immediately, fundraisers such as The Castiel Project and Dean Winchester is Love were set up & have raised a massive amount of money. I don't think I'll ever stop being awed by this.

#spn 15.20 #destiel #dean deserved better #castiel deserved better #eileen deserved better #sam deserved better #every single character deserved better #we deserved better #tw suicide

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1180

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yeah, I’m pretty paranoid and always feel the need to use conditioner because of a bad rebonding job from like a decade ago that stiffened up my hair as soon as it would get wet. It lasted for around a year, so I formed the habit of always using conditioner every time I shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used just shampoo since then.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark, but I suppose it would be nice to start experimenting with lighter shades as well.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? It depends if I know the lyrics or I’m feeling the song at the moment. Obviously with my new obsession with BTS I can’t really sing along to entire songs, but I do sing the few English lyrics they have per song, hahaha.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah but she’s been muted for like half a year already, as is the rest of her family. I do have plans to unfriend her entirely; I’m just not sure when I would push through with it, and I already gave Angela permission to log onto my account one of these days to be the one to do the unfriending.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Gabie. I miss the friendship sometimes; I don’t think I’ll have a friendship as deep and connected as the one we had, so I will always feel sorry about how that went to waste. But I don’t really think about our relationship anymore as I’m pretty good at blocking off certain memories, so I don’t miss her in that sense.

How many cars are parked at your house right now? Two.

Do you have any Italian ancestry? I highly doubt so. If anything there’s probably a tiny drop Spanish blood in there but that’s the most European I’ll ever get.

Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? Like, drinking water? Ice cold, always. I hate warm water.

Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? Not to my face, but I know I’m one so I’m sure other people have said that about me at least behind my back.

Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Yes, my friend Mik and one of my aunts. They were both found eventually.

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Eating ghost pepper instant noodles was a pain I would never want to go through again...I threw that shit out after my first forkful, lmao.

Do you need to talk to someone? No, not in particular. In a more general sense I do wanna start gaining more friends though, so I’ve been meaning to expand my circle by creating a new Twitter account just for my BTS dump. In other words, I am a 23 year old with a stan Twitter HAHAHAHA

Is something confusing you at the moment? No, I’m good.

When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Maybe my conversation with Andi a couple of nights back. We were talking about a tricky situation with their ex-friend who turned out to be a real dick when they came out to him a year ago, and they just wanted to get my perspective on how I would handle it.

Who did you last see on webcam? The PR manager for one of our clients, who we all despise because he doesn’t know how to do his job. Thankfully he’s resigning soon so we’re all just waiting for him to leave and finally meet a much more competent replacement.

What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Angela has two dogs, Hailey and Kennedy. Andi had Apollo, who I wanted to meet so badly but sadly he passed away a week ago at 15.

Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? There are photos of me sitting on grass, but not lying in it. I would imagine that would feel very prickly and uncomfortable.

Who’s your favorite Disney character? Baymax or Flynn Rider.

Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? I’ve made my friends chug drinks or down shots and it’s happened vice versa, but it was always in good fun and we never made each other harassed from it. It’s just your typical college rambunctiousness, and if anyone felt uncomfortable or iffy then we didn’t hesitate to move on.

When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? I’ve only ever seen those in my first school, when I was in kindergarten. I never got to use it and they also took them out not long after.

Do you like being kissed on the neck? Yessssssssss

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later? Nope. I don’t think I would have sex with anyone I wasn’t dating.

What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra? Probably a couple thousand bucks if I thought I looked good in it.

Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list? I don’t think so. I never tried getting close with any of them, and I always tried to stay hidden as much as possible. I was just in class to get good grades and pass.

Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well? I never really scroll through people’s Tumblrs anymore. That was more of a thing I did in like 2013, but these days going through my dashboard is enough.

What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand? Some social media trends done for clout make me revolted, especially when it has anything to do with wasting food. I also hate when they do extreme pranks that I know I wouldn’t find funny if I were ever the victim, like tossing someone’s phone into the ocean.

Be honest: how do you feel about abortion? Pro-choice.

Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? I would love to catch up with Katreen at some point, but I know we’re at different points in our lives now and it would probably never happen.

What is your favorite piece of art you own? I commissioned my sister to make an artwork of the 2D1N cast, and she did a great job making it! I haven’t gotten to use it or promote it yet, but I will soon. It’s really well-done.

What’s the one thing you apologized for this month? Replying late.

My favorite color is ______? Pastel pink.

I wish I had _____? Longer weekends.

What did you buy today? Nothing – I’d call that a success lmao, I’ve been spending money as if I had a million fucking bucks over the last week. I did have some packages arrive today though: my own copy of 2 Cool 4 Skool (my first physical BTS album!!!!!!); the official poster from their album BE; the Ivy Park sneakers I ordered earlier this month, and an Ivy Park bucket hat Bea had apparently gotten for me as a birthday present.

What has challenged your morals? Vices.

What made you pick up the last book you started reading? I had to read it in preparation for a one-on-one session with my employer’s CEO.

What about your life concerns you the most? Whether a stable future is in the cards for me.

What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? Probably Filipino-American comedians or influencers who use stereotyping of Filipino accents and habits as a punchline; they do more harm to the culture than good. I can tell you not one Filipino who lives in the Philippines actually finds those funny, and Bretman Rock is probably the only personality who’s able to flaunt the culture in an entertaining and hilarious yet classy way.

When it comes to being offended, I guess it depends on the context. My humor can get pretty dark and low-blowy, but I would have a problem with someone who I know has genuinely problematic views.

What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? I think it may had still been Start-Up from last December. I’m not too big on Korean dramas since I find one episode waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long. I don’t think I’ll be starting on anything soon, Korean or otherwise.

What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I’m single now, for the first time in technically six years. I also think I’m doing better and happier, breakup notwithstanding. OH and I love wasabi now, hahah. As for what’s unchanged, I still like taking surveys and I’m still stuck at home, though the latter’s not really in my control anymore.

If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? I’d just go back to UP for the free tuition. We also have the widest range of programs out of any university in the country, so it’s a damn good deal.

Name a song you’ve listened to today? Fly To My Room - BTS

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard? We didn’t; but one of our relatives that we’d regularly visit did have a playground that I’d use all the time. It’s still there, just very unmaintained since no one uses it anymore.

Is your mall nice? Which one? We have five different malls nearby lol. Mall culture here is on another level.

Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there? No. I’m not so sure what they serve there, either. I’m guessing milkshakes?

Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around? I’ll always exercise my right to vote.

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries? I hate strawberries and I hate fruits, so even if you coat that shit in Nutella and cookie butter and chocolate syrup I still wouldn’t touch it.

Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? No.

Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with? I’ve never had a thing with guys.

To whom did you last give the finger? I haven’t had to do that in a while.

What was the last musical instrument played in your presence? My sister’s keyboard.

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Not particularly. They make things look cute, but they never taste like anything tbh so I never saw the point in paying extra just to have them on my desserts.

Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? Nah. I cringe thinking about that.

Do you know how to do the moon walk? I don’t.

Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Never gotten that specific compliment before because I know I don’t have one.

Onion rings or french fries? Onion rings.

Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No.

Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? I don’t think so, but I know I have the tendency to do so occasionally, especially while I’m presenting a deck. Once I notice it I make an effort to pace myself.

Who is the best cook that you know? My dad and both my grandmas all deserve that title.

Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most? I literally never have lunch ever.

What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle.

What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Sandboxes, since I liked the texture; the sandboxes in school were also often empty, which worked well for my introvert self. I find that it’s carried over to today, since I still enjoy touching things like slime and kinetic sand.

Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? I think 5 or 6 lbs, I’m not exactly sure but it’s definitely somewhere in that small range.

Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do? Work, for sure. I work a normal 9–6 so that’s already 8 hours out of my day, but I also OT a lot after hours, and I work throughout my lunch break as well so that technically makes it 9 hours. I also like getting up earlier and starting some work before my shift so that I would have less tasks on my plate for the day.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this? I LOVE getting people gifts. Food is especially my love language, and I always get food delivery for my friends, family, and my team at work.

What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything? I mean, I have work deadlines tomorrow so there’s that.

How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining? I love driving. I don’t think I ever complained about having to do it. It’s calming and relaxing when I’m doing it alone or with a partner; and it can be entertaining with the right set of people.

Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Not always. If I don’t listen to the artist then I can find the conversation quite boring, like if my friends would get into a full-blown discussion about Taylor Swift.

Is acting something you enjoy? No. It wouldn’t even be something I’d be interested in doing.

When do you feel most accomplished? Finishing a work day with no tasks left behind.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross? Idk what that is.

How many best friends do you have? Two.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above? I drink sometimes. I also kinda smoke, I guess.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? My mom had them pierced when I was a month old.

Do you own any exercise machines? My mom has this rowing equipment thingy. I don’t have any of my own, though.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? No.

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? I remember having to draw one as a school assignment, but I’m pretty sure I half-assed that because I couldn’t care less for art class back then.

Who was your last voicemail from? We don’t have voicemails.

Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious? I don’t think so. That’s the sort of situation that would stick out in my memory if ever.

Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No, not a thing here.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language? Around an hour ago when I went downstairs and chatted with my sister briefly.

Have you ever received an anonymous gift? Nope.

Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? Nope but I definitely still wouldn’t be opposed to doing that haha.

When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. < I’d have to agree. 2017 was also awful.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I used to know one but she got out of it. In a sense, I suppose I also was in one.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Well they’re younger, so they definitely still live here, with our parents. I’m the first one expected to move out, but I’m taking my time.

Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? No.

Do you like fried rice? Of course. I like any kind of rice.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

#survey #surveys

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simsadventures · 5 years ago

Text

After All: Chapter 12: Mission Calls

Summary: You go on another date with Bucky, but then he has to go on a mission.

Warnings: fluff, swearing, implied angst (just wait and see, you’ll understand)

Word Count: 2650

A/N: I’m so happy you guys like this story so far. Hope you won’t stone me to death after this one. Love y’all.

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

To get up the next morning after a night full of laughter and relax was a challenge. Even more so when there was a heavy arm draped around your torso, making your body unbearably hot. You tried to shimmy away, to the colder part of the bed, but the arm stretched and pulled you back, even further to the warm body.

You huffed out and tried to get up, but the freaking arm gripped you and didn’t want to let go. “Stop moving so much, some of us are trying to sleep here.” Bucky mulled from behind you, his eyes still closed. “You’re too hot, Buck! Let me go!”

He chuckled slightly. “Too hot, huh? You make it sound like a bad thing. I’m glad I make your knees go weak when you see me,” he whispered and pulled you to his chiselled chest, “or when you feel me.” You could feel the stupid smirk on his face, and you just rolled your eyes. This earned you a pinch to the side, even though there was no way in hell that he saw you. “Ouch, what was that for, you human radiator?”

“I know when you roll your eyes at me, doll. I know you better than you think.”

“Good for you, now let me go. I need to pee and actually get ready for work, because some of us have actual working hours, and can’t sleep all day, every day.”

Your side got pinched again for that comment, and you just had to laugh. “I have to train like crazy to save your pretty ass from the end of the world every now and then.” He mumbled into your hair, and you let yourself close your eyes for a little while.

“You’re my hero!”

“Damn right, I am!”

Somehow you managed to make Bucky let you go, and when you were leaving for work, he was still comfortably tangled in your sheets, looking like a French painting, with his hair all over the pillows, his naked torso peeking underneath the snow-white sheets. You smiled for yourself seeing him like that and turned around to go and do your part in saving the world, even if it was only in the laboratory.

—-

Throughout the whole day, while trying to perfect Tony’s suit, you were thinking about making something nice for Bucky. You were well aware that for the past few weeks, it was always him trying to get your trust and friendship back, but that you didn’t do anything too nice for him. You knew that it was him betraying you in a sense, but because you spent so much time with him, and the trust was back, you wanted to show him that you could do sweet things for him as well.

He enjoyed exploring cuisines with you, and although the good ole’ American was his favourite, he was starting to feel himself some Mexican and Thai food as well. At first, you thought you’d treat him to a nice restaurant, but you knew that he would never let you pay for it, and it would be him doing nice things for you once again.

So you decided upon cooking for him, a bit of everything. The thought excited you, not only because you could try your cooking skills with something more than your classic cuisine made of pasta and rice, but because you knew Bucky would appreciate you trying. He was relatively easy to please, and you wanted to show him that you cared.

“What you’re thinking about, Y/N?” Tony said from behind you, working on a model himself. “Oh, nothing much, just what I’m gonna do tonight.” You were familiar with the fact that Tony and Bucky weren’t the best of friends, so you never brought your friendship with Bucky to Tony, because you knew he wouldn’t be too happy about it all.

“Let me guess, you’ll be doing something that starts with a B and ends with a Y?”

You blushed like crazy and shook your head. “You’re an ass, Stark! Me and Bucky, we’re just friends.”

He laughed out loud this time and looked at you pointedly. “Right, and I’m the Chinese God of Laughter! Please, spare me the bullshit. You do you, sweetheart, but at least admit it to yourself that he is more than a friend. Because I think you and I are friends, and I highly doubt that you’d let me sleep in your bed every night.”

It was not like you didn’t consider the slight chance that you and Bucky could be something more. And it was not like you didn’t find him attractive. But ever since you let him in step by step, you always thought about your relationship as friends only. But the more you thought about it, the more it occurred to you that you acted like a couple than a couple of friends.

You tried to figure out if there were any indications that Bucky was interested in you as well, and you had to smile at yourself. He was jealous at literally every man that stood too close to you, and when the guy at the entertainment park grabbed your arm, Bucky almost killed him.

“There you go! Not that I’m the biggest fan of the guy, but I think you’re good for him. I think you can bring the best out of him. But if you ever tell him, I’ll have to kill you.”

You chuckled and mockingly raised your hands in surrender. “Yes, sir! And by the way, he wouldn’t believe me anyway, no-one would, for that matter.” Tony just hummed in agreement and continued to work on the new prototype.

—-

It was half-past 8, and you were running like crazy around your little apartment, to try and get ready everything the way you envisioned it. You decided upon making Thai red curry noodle soup, tacos, and tiramisu for a dessert, reaching different ends of the Earth with each dish. At the same time, you tried to get yourself ready, wearing an old-school pin-up red dresses with big white dots and matching your lipstick with the dress. You even put a headband in your hair to finish the look.

Bucky told you many times that he sometimes missed the fashion of his old days, and that it wouldn’t kill anyone to wear dresses from time to time. You agreed with him, even though you felt the most comfortable in your wide t-shirt (or nowadays, in Bucky’s shirt) and your black leggings.

But you wanted to make a beautiful night for Bucky to remember and you so dressed up for him. You internally rolled your eyes at your sappiness but let it go quickly, as you still had to set the table before Bucky came in. You called him from work, telling him that you expect him around 8, that you have a surprise for him. He sounded suspicious of your plans but agreed to come nevertheless.

When you had everything ready, you checked your look once more, and give yourself a nod in the mirror. You looked lovely, even you had to admit it. The dresses showed off your boobs nicely and hid your hips and thighs, which you thought were your most problematic areas.

You were checking your butt, when you heard two loud knocks on your door, you let out the breath you were holding and went to open it. Bucky was dressed in a simple white t-shirt and his favourite pair of jeans. But anything that men wore looked like haute-couture. Damn him and his perfect body!

Bucky’s eyes widened as he took you all in. You could see him gulping hard, and when he looked up, his eyes looked a little darker. But you couldn’t be too sure in the dim light of the hall. “What are you wearing doll? Trying to kill me, or something?” He chuckled, but his voice still sounded a little restrained.

You blushed a little and bid him come inside. “You said yourself that you missed girls dressing up the way they did when you were just a young chap, so I thought I’d try it. But if you hate it, I can-“

“Hate it? Have you lost your mind? If it were up to me, I’d let you wear only this! You’re so fucking hot, Y/N, and you don’t even know it!”

“C’mon, Prince Charming. We have things to get to.”

Bucky looked around the room and saw that the small dining table was set beautifully, with white napkins, and even a flower in the middle. “You trying to seduce me, sweetheart?”

You rolled your eyes and forcefully made him sit down. “Oh, would you shut up?” You said with a smile and went to the kitchen to serve you two the soup. When you finally sat down, Bucky looked at you, questions written all over his face.

“What? I just wanted to do something nice for you. And I know you love American cuisine the most, but I thought I’d take us on a little trip. So, right now, we’re in Thailand, we’ll continue through Mexico, and we’ll end up in Italy. Sounds ok?”

Bucky smiled and reached across the table to take your hand in his. “More than ok. But you know that you don’t have to do nice things for me, right? Especially not after a whole day at work, and a whole day with Tony.”

You laughed a little and gave his hand a squeeze. “You don’t have to do nice things for me either, and you still do them. I just wanted to show you that I care about you and that I enjoy your company.”

“Wait, does that mean I’m officially forgiven?”

You chuckled and shook your head. “Oh, Bucky, you’ve been forgiven for quite some time. Do you think I’d let sleep in my bed, just anyone? Or someone I didn’t trust? It took me some time, but I forgave you, and I want to forget about what happened and move forward. And I’d be happy if we moved forward together.”

You whispered the last part, scared at your own admission. But Bucky and his superhuman hearing caught it, and his smile grew so much, you were actually afraid his cheeks would burst.

“I want nothing more than to move forward with you, Y/N.”

“Good. Can we move by eating the food I spent so much time preparing?” You both chuckled and ate while talking about your days.

Bucky helped you clean it all up when you were finished, still talking about how good it all was, and that he could get used to cooking like yours. You were just happy that he liked it, and seeing the smile on his face the whole night, you assumed he liked more than the food. And it made your stomach flutter and your heartbeat a little faster.

You sat next to each other on the sofa, letting something that was on TV play in the background, just talking and laughing. It was in the moment when both of you leaned in laughing, and your heads almost knocked, that you looked into Bucky’s eyes, and all your laughter died out.

He was looking at you with so much intensity, so much fervour and devotion, that all you wanted to do was to stay in that moment with him forever, letting your whole being bask in the feeling.

Bucky leaned in, and your breath hitched in your throat. Even if you didn’t admit to yourself before this night, you wanted this to happen for a long time. Before all, the fiasco with Hannah happened, and after that as well. You closed your eyes, and let Bucky take over control. You could feel his hot breath on your lips, and you couldn’t help but shudder. His lips teased you, touching you ever so slightly, feeling like a feather on your lips. You could feel him shifting his weight so that he could really kiss you the way you yearned when his phone started ringing loudly.

You both jumped and panted, looking around trying to find the source of the noise. You wanted to kill whoever was destroying this moment for the two of you. Bucky smiled apologetically and grunted into the phone. He listened for a short while, hummed in agreement and ended the call. You knew what it meant. He had to go on a mission ASAP.

“Where to?” You asked, trying to hide the disappointment from your voice.

He caressed your cheek and kiss the crown of your head. But that is not the place I want you to kiss, you almost screamed at him but tried to control your feelings. You were sure he wanted to leave as much as you.

“Romania. Some assholes are trying to bomb down the Cotroceni Palace, which is the official residence of their president. I’m actually going there alone, they think that I can take it. So it’s just a few agents and me. Should be an easy job, and I should be back in 4 days max. I would love to continue where we stopped, but I kinda feel like the phone destroyed the moment. And I wanna do it properly.”

You nodded, but couldn’t help your heart aching a little. “I’ll make it up to you, doll, I promise.” He said, and with the last kiss to your cheek, he got up and went to the door.

“Wait!” You yelled, and got up from the couch, and ran into his arms. You didn’t care about what was proper, or that he wanted to do it right. You couldn’t let him go on a mission without a proper goodbye. Not anymore.

You crashed your lips against his, and even though he was a little shocked at first, he quickly woke up from it, and hugged you tightly, his body melting into yours. It was everything you dreamed of and more. You fitted into his arms perfectly, as if your body was moulded precisely to be with him. His soft lips were exploring your mouth, letting you feel all the things he did, and making your heart skip a few beats.

You pulled away and looked deep into his eyes. “Just get back in one piece, please. And let me know you’re alright whenever you have the chance, ok?”

“Anything for my girl,” Bucky whispered and pecked your lips. “Stay safe here, and I’ll see you in a few days.” You nodded, and he was on his way.

—-

The mission was actually easier than Bucky thought, and he didn’t mind it one bit. All he wanted to do was to get back to New York and be with you when you finally forgave him, and he could show you all he had to offer. And he honestly couldn’t wait. The image of you in that red dress was forever burned into his brain, and he was sure that no matter what happened, you in that dress was forever his favourite thing. He had to make sure you wore it more often.

He got into the Quinjet, with the other three agents that went there with him, and put the thing into the air, setting the course to the Compound. They were halfway there when he could hear weird grunting from the other side of the aircraft. He looked that way, but even with his heightened senses, he couldn’t see anything in the dark space.

He got up from his seat and went to see what it was all about. Suddenly, a shadow moved on his right, and when he turned around, he could see someone coming to him. He frowned, trying to think of a way somebody could get into the plane, but couldn’t think of anything.

But when the person stepped out of the shadows, Bucky growled involuntarily.

“Hannah.”

/ Next Chapter >

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silence-burns · 5 years ago

Text

Please Hate Me //14

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Based on "Imagine having a love/hate relationship with Loki." by @thefandomimagine

"I beg your pardon?" Loki blinked.

The man standing in front of you with a huge grin on his face looked like the leader of whatever this group was. He had a wide, unpleasant face and something in his eyes that said he was not joking.

"You, my precious darlings, are going to make me and my men very rich," he repeated with grim satisfaction.

How lovely.

"Well," you felt obligated to notify him, "I admit I might have taken a few ballet classes in the past, but I seriously doubt it’s going to profit you much."

His grin faltered.

"I'm going to sell you," he explained slowly, as if speaking to a dim-witted child. "And that scum too."

'That scum' felt insulted. He gasped, dramatically. He'd use hands for a greater effect, but they'd already been tied behind his back.

"I doubt that's the right way to treat your most valuable stock," he scolded the man.

"It's bold of you to assume you're more valuable than me," you sneered.

"Oh, dear. I must've forgotten how those ballet classes influenced your price."

The men stared dumbfounded between the two of you. This type of behavior was certainly not what they had expected and were used to, but the fault was on their side for not reading the manual before making a purchase. It would have allowed them to avoid the grave mistake of kidnapping both Loki and you at the same time.

"Are you guys serious?" the leader asked, his smile gone, hopefully forever. If anyone asked your opinion, he gave off very creepy vibes when he smiled. It was a relief to see a less intimidating expression on his face. It was not enough to make him pretty, but at least covered his yellowed teeth.

"Duh. But the real question is," you narrowed your eyes. "Are you?"

He wanted to say something to that. He really did, from the looks of it. He must have been smarter than you originally gave him credit for, though, because after a moment of consideration, he came to a very bright conclusion that nothing he could say would make much of a difference.

He turned to his men and pointed at two of them. "You keep an eye on those idiots."

And then he left, without any goodbye. What was even worse, he took the rest of his (probably underpaid) employees and left the warehouse, no doubt to take care of the rest of his shipping.

It was such a shame only two of his men were left. It was almost as if you were deemed unworthy of more supervision. You wondered how this could have happen. It was such a mystery.

"You truly are wicked," Loki mused, something like amusement glinting in his eyes.

"Aww, thank you!"

"That was not a compliment. It was more of a reminder that the situation we are currently struggling with is a direct consequence of your poor decision-making."

"That hurt my feelings."

"You don't look hurt."

"I don't have many feelings, so I guess it didn't have much of an effect on me…"

One of the men left to keep an eye on you finally lost his patience.

He didn't have many distinctive traits, and certainly not ones that could deem him as a comic villain, sadly. If anything, he was ordinary enough to be a perfect example of how much truth hides in the old saying of not judging a book by its cover. A real Joe Schmo.

"Can you two just stop?" he snapped. His friend sighed. "You are so annoying; I want to kill you myself!"

"I doubt it would get you the title of 'Employee of the month', friend."

He pointed a finger at you, with all the anger he could muster in his ordinary body.

"We are not friends, you don't even have any idea who we are!"

Loki scoffed. How he managed to give off a nobility aura while still in shackles, was beyond your comprehension. "Of course we don't know. None of you had enough manners to introduce yourselves."

"My friend says you're rude," you explained in a dramatic whisper upon the man's stunned, although deep red, face.

Loki turned to you with a charming smile that did little to hide the murderous intent flashing in his eyes.

"We are not friends," he stated with every ounce of confidence he possessed. He possessed a lot of it.

"Of course we are, we even have friendship bracelets."

"Those are not friendship bracelets."

The most ordinary man you'd ever met scoffed. "Who wears friendship bracelets anymore?"

"I do," you informed him calmly. "And I am very proud of it. They make me feel even closer to my absolute best buddy in the world. Worlds, I mean."

"Come any closer and I'll show you my friendship," Loki growled through the teeth. The shackles on his arms clinked, but didn't let him go.

The ordinary man, Joe Schmo, seemed tired. He eyed his gun, but apparently decided whatever he'd do with it was not worth his boss's wrath.

He definitely looked underpaid. He couldn't even afford any mask or a suit that would make him look like a formidable enemy for once in his life. Without it, you couldn't help but imagine him as an overworked accountant that decided to take a part-time job as a human trafficker, or at least working for one. Even the way he paced nervously through the warehouse showed how little experience he possessed when it came to dealing with problematic individuals.

You loved to be a problematic individual.

His friend, on the other hand, the man who decided to lean on one of the warehouse walls and assess you quietly, seemed like a much more intriguing lad. Without seeing his CV it was difficult to measure his experience in the branch, but if you had to give one of them a pay raise, he seemed more qualified to get it. At the very least, he knew the basic rule of not talking to the cargo.

But all in due time. It would be rude to divide your attention between such wonderful people.

You turned back to Joe. His ordinary hair was already plastered to his head.

Loki eyed you suspiciously. It was just a quick side glance, not meant to bring too much attention to the gesture.

The emotions he felt and let be heard in his voice were real. It was also true that he'd prefer to be stuck there alone. He had a very strong feeling that his situation would then improve drastically, although he wasn't sure how exactly.

For once, it would certainly be easier to think about a way out in peace. He didn't intend to stay there for a second longer than was absolutely necessary, and without your… assistance, it surely would be a shorter inconvenience.

But it was also true that even though you proved to be a talker in the past days, you never seemed so… focused and confident on achieving something?

Loki blinked. It almost looked as if you actually had a plan and were in the middle of realizing it.

It also looked like you riled Loki and the man up on purpose and were using all the chaos to cover for something.

Unbelievable.

The end must be near.

Meanwhile, the ordinary man took a deep breath that did little to calm him down.

"One more word and I'm going to find a gag and silence you," he warned you.

"Oh, but there's an easier way to do that. You can always just buy my silence for 10 bucks."

"You know what? Fine."

Loki watched with amusement as the man fished through his pockets for any spare change.

"I've got like… 3."

You clicked your tongue with disappointment. "I'm sorry, but today is not a Discount Tuesday."

He cursed and threw the hard coins into your face. "Screw you!" He turned to Loki. "And you!"

And then he walked to the other man and told him he needed a breather. Just a few minutes to put himself together. He wasn't told it would be so difficult.

And then he left.

The revelation hit Loki without as much as a warning.

That was not only a plan.

It was a brilliant one.

Taglist: @writerjmlove @drakonwild @eeveesjourney @lokislilcaribbeanprincess @oatballsoffury @inumorph @ejectur @nerdybabywrites @twhgirl @nikkoliferous @unlikelygalaxygiver @multifandomreaderinsertfanfics @dreamingofonceuponatime @iamfelixc @bluebunnlee @effmigentlywithachainsaw @sadwaywardkid @ravenclawpossum @waitforthehurricane @absentmindeduniverse @unicorniorosacomefrutillas

#Please Hate Me #Loki x reader #Loki x you #loki laufeyson x you #Loki laufeyson x reader #Loki/you #Loki/reader #Loki imagine #Loki #loki laufeyson #Marvel #Mcu

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years ago

Text

8-1-5 (Sriracha, Part 21.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could keep you far away from all the trouble

Part Summary: There's only one James Hopper, but there are two women who rely on him. Now, it was up to you to find your way to the child Jim found in the woods.

A/N: I hoped that well have some nice fluff time... But you know, I accidentally forgot that Hopper is a dick.

Word count: 3.3 K

Tagging: @nemodoren, @creedslove

Master list: H E R E

You came home really late - your mom sighed as soon as she saw you opening that door. She knew you were very angry with Hopper and getting lost for a whole day without letting her know didn't feel like you at all.

“Do you have any news?” - She asked instead of yelling or being angry with you. You nodded and smiled, taking the jacket off. Immediately, she could tell that you stole him a shirt. - “So he's alright, I presume?”

“Yes. He's fine. He's alright.” - You walked to the counter to pour yourself her lemonade she made that morning.

“Did you talk to him?” - She sat on the chair opposite of you to take your hand in case it didn't go well. But you nodded and smiled, yet it looked like you're not moving back with him any time soon.

“After some yelling and some really nasty words, he made listen. He's having a situation and you know, it's up to me to stick with him.” - You smoothed her hand as well. She nodded but listened to the rest. - “I'll be visiting him on Monday, I'll probably sleep on the couch and then he'll drive me to college.”

There was no need to lie to your mom - her sourness about the relationship wasn't a reason to think that James and you haven't ever slept in one bed. So actually, you sleeping on the couch, those were some hot news.

“Are you sure about all of this, baby?” - She asked after a while of holding your palm. - “I guess that stopping you from being with Hopper doesn't have any sense now, but even though you're a fighter, are you sure you can endure all of that? I'm just... Worried.”

You looked at your mom for a while, slowly putting your hand up to caress her cheek. You knew she was just worried - she was worried about you from the beginning. But could endure that? That was a good question. You had to fight a lot to prove that you're serious about dating Hopper in the first place. For a while, everyone assumed you're just weird or that it's just a phase. Only after two months, people started to believe that maybe you're not joking.

And now, there was a small girl. You loved him, for the love of God and for the wonder of the whole Hawkins, you fell in love with Hopper. Hard. But a child? A girl he appropriated? How shes going to react? What if she refuses to have you around? Would you have to give up?

How on earth could you know an answer to any of those questions?

“We’ll see.” - You told her before hugging her. You just needed your mom to hold you for a while. She smoothed your forehead and smiled with sadness in her face. - “We will see.” - You repeated again and hugged her even tighter.

The other day, when your mom left for her shift at the local post office, you sneaked into her room and took out boxes with your old clothes. You still remembered what Eleven was wearing the day before - the old, baggy and boyish clothes. Mom was hiding a lot of your clothes for your younger cousins and the children of your neighbors - you carefully picked what you liked the most. That could open some doors between you and Eleven, right?

It could make her feel pretty, as she called you yesterday, and like an actual girl. without hesitation, you threw in some soft toys and books. She seemed to enjoy reading and finding words. At least, Jim would have more to read her from. You hid Eleven’s box to the trunk of your car, laying down and watching some TV while doing your homework.

Sunday was pretty boring - you went to visit your grandma, who still hadn't any idea that you had a boyfriend and both you and Aiden got ten bucks from her to buy some sweets. She still thought that you're both five and nothing could make you smile more than her smoothing your cheeks while calling you her sweet little peach. Your grandpa took out his guitar and played some songs with you just a while before you left their house.

The college and your shift at bistro were flying by at the speed of light - on Mondays, the bistro was always full of various students, from the Hawkins middle schoolers to the people you knew from your studies, so there was always something to do and orders to remember. Steve Harrington came by, he always did on Mondays, and this time, he was reading you bits of his essay. It was terrible, but you hadn't got the heart to actually tell him that. And, as always, he left you a pretty generous tip.

By eight o’clock precisely, you had your things packed and the food ready - Ada, your older colleague, was very interested in why you ordered the food, but she just did a long ah as soon as Hopper’s car stopped in front of the bistro. He actually got off the car to help you with all the stuff, taking his hat off as soon as he walked in.

He chattered around with the waitresses who knew him, probably even longer than you did, making a joke here and there, before actually taking at least the food off your hands. Hopper was kind of surprised when you ran to your car and with a giggle, you took out a big, paper box out of your trunk. He was more concerned about your car, though.

“Oh, honey, you should get a ticket for that.” - He mumbled before he took the box off your arms. You laughed back and patted his shoulder. - “I have better ways of paying you a ticket back.” - You snorted and kissed the badge on his shoulder before getting into Blazer.

“Do you?” - Jim asked back playfully while he watched you put your seatbelt on, caressing your thigh playfully.

“When there's time, I can show you, Chief.” - You whispered in his direction, patting his knee playfully. - “But we have more important stuff to do. That box is for Eleven, full of colorful, girly clothes.”

“She will be thrilled.” - Hopper winked at you.

When you stopped near the cabin, Hopper took the box, while you took the rest. Every light in the cabin was turned off and it almost seemed that Eleven’s not there, but after Hopper performed a secret knock, that was after she made sure it's you and Hopper, the door to her room slowly opened.

“You promised eight one five. You're late.” - She told him without looking at you. Hopper took in a deep breath before looking at her. You remained silent, you only put the food on the table and the bad to Hoppers messy room.

“It's eight-fifteen. And we’re running late because Y/N brought you a surprise.” - Hopper patted the box and Eleven curiously looked at it. You watched her coming to the box and she might think about opening it, but she just looked back at Hopper and then at you.

Well, Eleven... She was everything but thrilled. When you gave her the box, you were full of expectations, but she just gave you that long, dull look while she watched you. Hopper went to change into normal clothes and you two were alone for a while.

“What do you say?” - Hopper asked Eleven when you still sat there in silence and watched each other. Eleven looked at Hopper and then at you, piercing your eyes with her gaze. - “Thank you.” - She said and for a second, she actually looked like she means it.

“Y/N brought you some clothes. Wanna try them after dinner?” - Hopper offered her and at the moment, she finally let go and showed some actual excitement. She even smiled and nodded, picking up the box and carried it into her room. Hopper quickly smiled at you before he pulled out two plates to serve the fast-food on. Maybe you weren't doing that bad after all.

Eleven seemed to be more relaxed around you than she was on Friday - she smiled here and there while she listened to Hopper asking about your day, you even thought that one of the smiled was for you. She was watching you more curiously than cautiously, which definitely was a great change. Maybe she finally understood that you weren't a threat.

After the dinner, she helped Hopper with cleaning up the table and washing the dishes. When they were done, Hopper leaned to whisper her something in the ear. She furrowed while she thought about something, but then she nodded with determination, walking directly to you. You almost choked on the Coca Cola you were drinking when she offered you her hand.

“Will you... Help?” - She asked, still being too caught up with every syllable. You shot a quick look to grinning Hopper before accepting her hand. - “Yeah, I'll gladly help you.”

Eleven practically dragged you to her room, closing the door behind. She immediately went ahead and opened up the box... You could see that she's excited.

"I didn't know what you feel comfortable in... So I packed everything. Sweaters, blouses, shirts, t-shirt, shorts, dresses, skirts, a pair of jeans..." - You said quietly while you helped her unpack the box as well, smoothing the hair behind your neck. Eleven looked at you for a while and you could see that she's forming a sentence.

"How do I know?" - She mumbled and you smiled, sitting down on her bed.

"You'll try it on, walk around in it, look at yourself in the mirror. That's how you know." - A quiet whisper came out of your room. - "I have an idea. Do you have a radio here?" - You got up, leaving the room. She pointed at it, nodding. Eleven was obviously a bit upset that you're leaving when you promised her some help, bit you winked and closed the door.

Hopper caught only a glimpse of your back when you disappeared in his room. After a moment, you were running back, holding a tape in your hand. He was sitting in his armchair and watching some series whole you two were making magic in Eleven's room.

Quickly, you put the tape in, Eleven standing a few inches next to you also seemed to be excited. It was the latest mix - including songs from the Police, Nena and Modern Talking. As soon as you heard the first sounds of 99 Luftballons, you gave Eleven another big smile.

She seemed to be mesmerized, completely oblivious to this song. You bopped to it along with your classmates when Hopper left alone and you had the time to roam around Hawkins with them. Russians, Cold War, and Europe were pretty big things amongst young people - and when you heard that Nena tried to empower the people, you bought the tapes immediately, no matter if you bought 99 Luftballons or 99 Red Balloons, letting it play on the loudest volume you could. There were things you wanted to protest against, as the whole Soviet regime, but the students wanted to do all of that peacefully. There was already enough war, enough of pain and enough of death in the world.

"What's that?" - Eleven mumbled, clearly mesmerized by the language. She was a child who was separated for years in the Hawkins lab, you reminded yourself. She couldn't have any idea what was happening in the world, and you wanted to keep that away from her.

"Just a German disco song. Do you like it?" - You smiled and bopped your head in the rhythm of the guitar. Eleven looked really scared of the German, but then she repeated your actions, a smile slowly growing on her lips.

"Right. When we have the right music, can we?" - You rose one of your eyebrows, taking the first pieces of clothing out of the box. You spent with the clothing almost an hour - first, Eleven picked what she liked, what color she gravitated towards and what kind of clothes were sympathetic to her.

Then there was the actual phase of trying the clothes on. Eleven was shy at first, but then she realized what she has to do - and when she did, she changed outfits, tried things out and clearly, you could say that she's having a lot of fun.

Around nine p.m., a knock on the door could be heard. Jim's eyes widened when he saw the messy room and Eleven bopping to Uptown Girl.

"I don't want to interrupt anything, but it's Monday and Magnum starts in five minutes." - Hopper told to Eleven she nodded, picking the clothes from the ground.

"Go. I can clean." - Eleven sent you off and this time, her smile was big and sunny. She really enjoyed the whole evening - and it was the first evening of her life when she did only girly stuff. The living room was already ready for all of you with three cans of Fanta because Eleven preferred it, and a bowl of popcorn.

You sneaked up to Jim, hugging him from behind you were so excited that you barely knew what you were found.

"I think I broke the ice. Nena is working magic." - You whispered, hearing Hopper chuckle.

"Hope you're not with the protesting kids, aren't you?" - He asked back and you just smiled innocently, giving him all the answers he needed. Before Eleven came to the room, Jim sat in his armchair and you took a place on the couch, leaving a place for Eleven between you and Jim.

You were used to watching Magnum with Jim, but Eleven was a brand new thing for you. You thought that she sometimes didn't understand, but sometimes she chuckled. Halfway through the episode, she was already laying on the couch and yawning. When you tugged her in, she actually gave you a scared look before she realized who you were. Hopper hadn't said a word, but she watched your shy actions by which you tried to take care of Eleven. And she accepted them. Shyly, but she did. At the end of the episode, she was obviously done for good.

She was cute when she slept - her eyes were loosely closed, her lips were opened a little bit and the true cuteness was hidden in her curly hair. Hopper carefully carried her to bed with your help and you both tugged her in.

"I think we're making progress." - You told him as soon as you closed the door to her room. - "She barely looked at me on Friday and now... Well... I'm a natural talent with kids."

"You brought her clothes and you're a girl. I think you're already off to a better start than I had with her." - Hopper answered back, chuckling at your thesis. He was swiftly moving through the cabin, cleaning the remnants of Magnum P.I. watching.

"Don't be jealous." - You caught one of the Fantas just as he was picking it up. - "You're the one she looks up to."

"I'm not jealous." - Hopper told you, but you could immediately say that he's lying. And it was acceptable, if not normal - all the time, she had Eleven for himself and now you were there. Yeah, your gender probably helped a lot, but Jim was and he will be her savior. But you knew that look he was giving you. Injustice and hatred. He was feeling threatened.- "Hey. Stop it, immediately. This girl trusts you and believes in you, James Hopper, I'm just being introduced in the second act."

Hopper just scoffed and walked away, putting the cans into the fridge. - "We have our problems and differences, and that's okay and our differences are also personal. Don't blame for trying to find my way to her. She's obviously reaching out for every hand she can grab and when I can offer her one, why wouldn't I?"

"I'm trying, Y/N, I'm trying. But all of this is just too much to take in." - Hopper leaned into the counter, looking away from you, trying to catch his breath. - "I didn't plan to let you in until it's safe."

"And did you thought about who you're protecting? Was it me, you or her? Or were you afraid about not being number one?" - You clapped back. This was dangerously quickly getting into the point where an argument could be easily started. But you didn't want to be so harsh at him since Eleven could wake up at any minute.

"Listen. I know you study psychology and I know you think that you know everythin' about everybody, but that's just smart ass bullshit. But you don't know anythin' about Eleven. You don't know what she has been though, you don't know what she's like or what does she like." - Hopper muttered to you and you just nervously looked away from him.

"So that's what you think about me, don't you?" - You put the can on the counter with too much of a force. - "Well, I can tell you that you're an arrogant asshole who centers everything around himself. You have as much shit as I have on you, Hopper. I don't know Eleven, but you didn't even give me a chance to get to know her yet. Don't try to play this game with me, because we both know that I would win easily."

For a moment, there was silence between the two of you - and you refused to make the first step. No. Jim fucked up - he should be sorry.

"You're the one who always knows how to bring me back on earth." - Hopper opened up his arms when you stared him down with a cold look. You were scary at times, really scary. - "And that's exactly why I need you... And I still hope you need me."

A sigh came out of your lips when you put your hand on his chest with a big smile. - "I love you, big guy. Have I told you that already?"

“Is that a yes?” - Hopper caught your hips in his hands and you circled your arms around his neck. You bit your lower lip, letting out a smile.

“That is a maybe.” - You looked him in the eyes, pulling him in for a kiss. This time, you weren't in a rush and you were sure that Eleven is basically dead, so you could properly enjoy his growing out and the way he tasted. You were lost inside your head without a minute passing by.

“Only... Only a sleepover.” - You mumbled when he leaned his forehead to yours. With a sign of disagreeing, he hummed. - “Or you're driving me home. You choose.”

“A sleepover sounds nice. Will you sleep with me at least?” - Hopper grinned, not being sure about how mad you actually were at him. You were mad, but that could wait until the morning.

“If you won't distract me with fucking, no matter how much I like it.” - You told him, holding out your pinky. You were deadly serious and Hopper only had respect for that. That was why you could calm him down in a matter of seconds. And in the end, he circled his pinky around yours.

#hopper #stranger things #stranger things hopper #stranger things netflix #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper imagine #james jim hopper #james hopper #eleven #eleven stranger things

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detectivehoward · 5 years ago

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cophine fanfic rec list <3

With quarantine in place, I feel inspired to create a fanfic rec list for my favorite ship Cophine (Cosima Niehaus & Delphine Cormier from one of the most amazing TV shows: “Orphan Black”). Quick searches of “_ fanfic rec lists” on Google and Tumblr are what started my reading of fanfiction... so hopefully – if someone ever goes down my “fanfic journey” – they’ll find this fanfic rec list.

*note: list is not constructed in any particular order (e.g. most favorite to least)

**summaries provided are the ones written by the author. i will try to add my own summaries if there wasn’t one (already) provided. overall, thank you to the authors for blessing us, readers, for everything.

1. I’m not French, I’m Jealous. By TB80.

Summary: Cosima is traveling the globe with the love of her life, and things have never been better. Everything is perfect. Everything except for two simple sentences that won't stop haunting Cosima's thoughts."I'm French. We enjoy lovers."

2. Daylight Savings Time. By KaydenVayne.

Summary: Cosima never used to be a morning person, but perhaps the shift from night owl to early bird is proving to be more problematic than Delphine originally anticipated. A bit of domestic Cophine fluff written for the prompt "things you said at the kitchen table."

3. grey’s anatomy’s got nothing on us. By BeggarWhoRides.

Summary: “Hey,” Xinyi hisses from her bunk, when Harper is just starting to teeter over the edge into sleep. “I’ll bet you fifty bucks they’re having hate-sex." Or, five times surgical interns Harper Rowe and Xinyi Zhou tried to figure out the relationship between Dr. Cormier and Dr. Niehaus, and one time they knew exactly what it was.

4. Dance Me To the End of Love. By SonnectCXVI.

Summary: A series of vignettes about Cosima and Delphine in a loving, long-term relationship.

*one of my favorites. so beautifully written.

5. Nothing Gold Can Stay. By SonnetCXVI.

Summary: Delphine ponders photographs of Shay and Cosima.

6. Heartbreak Even. By jaybear1701, OBFrankenfics, & tatarrific.

Summary: Cosima and Delphine in the aftermath of 3x01. A Cophine spec fic based on various OBS3 spoilers.

*one of my all-time favorites. i re-read this one all the time.

7. Before (a series). By Celine1618.

Description: A collection of related works loosely based on the Before trilogy (Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight).

8. Delphine’s Descent. By gigi2690.

Summary: “I wasn’t supposed to fall for you, but I did.” ~Six vignettes telling the story of how Delphine Fell.

9. Continuing Travels of Cophine (a series). By ce_ucumatli.

Description: Post-season 5, Cophine Adventures.

*a fandom favorite

10. Like Real People Do. By backtoblack101.

Summary: Cosima ends her relationship after she finds out Delphine knew the stem cells were from Kira's tooth. Both women realise they can't live without the other, though it takes both of them a very long time to admit it.

*another one of my all-time favorites .. guess i like angst ha

11. Passengers. By zolawinters.

Summary: COPHINE VERSION OF THE FILM PASSANGERS (2016) - On a routine journey through space to a new home, Cosima, sleeping in suspended animation, is awakened 90 years too early when the ship malfunctions. After a year of being alone Cosima makes a drastic decision, and Delphine awakens. As Cosima and Delphine face living the rest of their lives on board, with every luxury they could ever ask for, they begin to fall for each other, unable to deny their intense attraction, until they discover the ship is in grave danger. With the lives of 5,000 sleeping passengers at stake, can Cosima and Delphine can save them all.

12. The Martians. By TB80.

Summary: Cosima Niehaus had dreamed about going to Mars her entire life. Due to a freak sand storm, she ends up getting more than she bargained for. Getting stranded on Mars alone would be hell, but getting stranded with Delphine may just be the best thing that ever happened to her. Cophine AU based on the movie The Martian.

13. Love Match. By Mondax.

Summary: Multi-chapter AU: A series of last minute, happy accidents causes Cosima – an underrated and underachieving professional tennis player, and Delphine – an up-and-coming actress, to cross paths. Intrigued with each other from the get-go, would they be willing to complicate their already busy and accomplished lives with love? You don’t need to get tennis to read this story.

14. The Webs We Weave. By fembuck.

Summary: A look at what was going on in Delphine’s head during the scene where her secrets are revealed by Cosima.

15. A Beautiful Surrender. By jaybear1701.

Summary: A recovered Cosima travels to Africa to join a DYAD research expedition and meets a beautiful, but haunted MSF doctor in need of some cheering up. Canon-ish AU mildly influenced by Evelyne Brochu's film Inch'Allah.

16. into the night with me. By LtTanyaBoone.

Summary: Cosima'd figured that perhaps she could offer Dyad a trade. She's a scientist, after all. Her natural curiosity, her penchant for science and learning, along with being immortal, it's helped her gain quite some knowledge in her lifetime. She'd figured that perhaps the Institute would be interested in hiring her. aka rewrite/expansion of the vampire!AU of Every Me and Every You

17. Noise Complaints. By hellafitzgerald.

Summary: Delphine gets a noise complaint from a new neighbour. Good things result. Who even knows how this happened. First I was writing cute fluff about Delphine hearing Cosima sing in her kitchen and then there was smut. *shrugs*

18. Who Do You Love. By ghostriverunicorn (formerly known as otp424B21).

Summary: This takes place after 03×06. Cosima wakes up in the middle of the night and needs solitude, but what she finds is what she really needs.

*i love this piece of writing. love.

19. In Vino Veritas. By skivvery.

Summary: "No one gave her much credit for anything, but if there was one thing Delphine Cormier could claim for herself (and there were several, truly, though she was humble enough not to brag – when sober), it was willpower."

20. Holiday Strife. By anonymouscophine.

Summary: Requested: Domestic AU: Having to put up holiday decorations together after a big fight. Rated T

21. something always brings me back to you. By wingardiumleviosa111.

Summary: Three weeks and two days after Delphine breaks up with her, Cosima finds herself caught up in a furry sweater that smells like Delphine, the remnants of an Eskimo Pie still dotting her lips.

22. burned but not buried. By sharkfights (feartown).

Summary: Delphine is never going to look in the mirror and see Rachel. set s3.

23. 23 feels (23 Flavours, and Then Some). By trylonandperisphere.

Summary: Okay, here's my entry for the "23 emotions people feel, but can’t explain" challenge. What can I say? I'm totally mired in the save Delphine/cophine feels of late.

24. wedding planner AU (a one-shot from “Every Me and Every You”). By LtTanyaBoone.

25. coffee shop AU (a one-shot from “Every Me and Every You”). By LtTanyaBoone.

26. Corresponding Shapes (Like Puzzle Pieces From The Clay). By novel_concept26.

Summary: Soulmate: (n.) A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. An anthology of unconnected AU environments, as prompted by various souls on Tumblr.

27. (If You’re) Going My Way. By geekmonkeyramblings.

Summary: Cophine Hitchhiker AU: Great things (and people) can turn up in unexpected places - like, for example, on the side of the road, holding a sign that reads “San Fran or Bust.” Delphine is not at all the type to give a stranger a ride, but there’s something about Cosima that she just can’t resist. What are the odds that a random hitchhiker could have such a profound effect on her life in a single day?

28. Business & Pleasure. By mveloc.

Summary: Some gratuitous Cophine porn without (or with very minor) plot.

29. Le Fil. By Dangereux.

Summary: Inspired by another fabulous prompt from thetravelingkid: "Delphine is an important person at a party, and Cosima is the bartender who hits on her with no idea who she is."

30. Any Other Time. By VillageVoice.

Summary: Non-clone AU. Cosima, after going through a nasty break-up and an aggressive auto immune disease, decides to take a “sabbatical”

*** if any of the links are not working or are incorrect (i.e. goes to the wrong fanfic), let me know! also, i’ll be updating this list (or at least trying to) whenever i find a new, lovely fic.

#orphan black #cophine #cosima niehaus #delphine cormier #cosima x delphine #delphine x cosima #orphan black fanfic #orphan black fanfiction #orphan black fanfic rec list #cophine fanfic rec list #cophine fanfic #hopefully ppl enjoy this hahahahahah i love this

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kaypeace21 · 5 years ago

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I love all of your posts, especially the metas. You point out so much that I don't notice and explain what it could mean so concisely. I was wondering if - as far as you know - it was ever confirmed that Lonnie left before Mike and Will met. If he was still there after they became friends, do you think Mike and Will's relationship was the catalyst for the homophobic slurs Lonnie used against Will?

I actually talked about this a while back in a previous post (before s3). It was implied Lonnie was around when Hopper became chief in 1979 (so he was around at least 4 years prior to s1- when will was at least 8). And Mike/Will met in kindergarten (where the average age is generally 5). Although, it’s implied that Lonnie did do brief visitations after this- but eventually stopped.

In the shed-scene

Jonathan talks about the day their dad left ( who also called Will homophobic slurs) and lets be honest him thinking his son might be queer, may have been one of the reasons he left. Jonathan even mentions that ‘castle Byers’ was built after their homophobic dad left, the place where Will felt the most safe while in the upside down as he sang ‘should I stay or should I go’ was that place. He sings the same song Jonathan played for him when Lonnie didn’t show up for visitation and Jonathan told Will “He’s trying to force you to like normal things. And you shouldn’t like things because people tell you you’re supposed to … especially not him. (referring to baseball/ symbolically his sexuality)”

What makes Will feel safe is the antithesis of his father. it was on Jonathan’s 10th birthday when he was first taught how to use a gun, and was traumatized because he was forced to kill/shoot a rabbit to be “more of a man”. SO why does Will know how to shoot a gun ?! Can you imagine how much more shit he forced Will through (compared to Jonathan) if he thought he was queer and was forcing him to ‘man-up’ (during Lonnie’s visitations)?!

So then, what Joyce says before Jonathan’s speech about his “rainbow ship” and “being proud” isn’t just an overt hey look Will’s lgbt+ ! Its makes narrative sense given what the family knows and we’re supposed to put 2 in 2 together.

So the fact that Mike’s speech about how they first met, is RIGHT AFTER Jonathan’s speech about their dad leaving is interesting? So let’s think about this ; WHY does Lonnie think Will is queer? Speaking from personal experience , to most straight people if you aren’t an ‘over the top stereotype’ (nothing wrong with that, by the way) no on believes you even if you say it to their face (although that may be more of a queer women problem, but I digress.) My point is Mike met Will at age 5, BEFORE Lonnie left. And I sort of gather that Will & Mike were probably very close (especially because they probably weren’t taught yet what was considered normal-friendship behavior), and Lonnie got suspicious about how close they were. In other words, Mike was the literal catalyst for Lonnie leaving! I mean if as teens, they are still more affectionate than what the 80s deemed ‘acceptable’ who knows how they acted before being conditioned to be told what was considered ‘wrong’ and ‘not wrong’.

Essentially these stories tell us a chronological order of events: Mike and Will meet. Lonnie gets suspicious of their bond and his abuse escalates as he tries to ‘fix his’ “queer, fag” son, but he eventually gives up and leaves and never comes back . Joyce even says “You never cared about him” (because he wasn’t straight), when she learns Lonnie wasn’t mourning for Will’s death but simply using him to make a quick buck. However, Will feels safer and happier without such a toxic individual in his life and his mom does everything to make up for the damage he’s caused- as she tries to support her son’s (suspected) sexuality .

Castle byers was built on a rainy night , the same day Will’s dad left, when Will was 5 (the same age he met Mike). And lonnie called him a “queer” and a “f*g” and forced him to do “normal things” like baseball to have him “be more of a man”. And then on a rainy night, after Mike says “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”… what does Will destroy castle Byers with? A baseball bat! The fact Will has a baseball bat (despite in s1 saying he does not like baseball) in Castle Byers, surrounded by things he loves: drawings, d&d, art supplies, a microscope, comics- just shows what an impact Lonnie’s problematic conditioning and abandonment had on him. He used a baseball bat to destroy something he loves -castle Byers, and symbolically he was trying to reject his feelings for Mike using Lonnie’s old tactics of fixing him.

Will constantly fights being his true self (vs what society expects of him as a man). The bat is a symbol of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia.

*Everything is connected narratively- Will’s in love with Mike (and this causes Lonnie to abuse him, call him homophobic slurs ). After this, Will builds Castle byers and sings “should I stay or should I go” as a source of comfort (that represent the antithesis of his father’s teachings). But Will breaks down and resorts to his father’s conditioning when he thinks Mike is going to abandon him (on a similarly rainy day) for “not liking girls”. So he destroys castle byers using the bat (Lonnie taught him to use). And tries to “be more of a man” destroying the things he loves - castle byers and his love for Mike.

gif credit: nooowestayandgetcaught, prettyteenvamp

#will byers #byler #byeler

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this-lioness · 5 years ago

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Another bullshit update on life in general

Work has kept me busy, and I’ve been trying to get more done creatively and around the house, as well.

This was the first weekend in awhile I didn’t do any (or much) meal prep, since we had enough in the freezer to last us for all the dinners this week, and even a few lunches for Marc. I made a dozen eggs, cut up and roasted almost 5 lbs of potatoes, and called it a day.

I cancelled the physical therapist, because between work, gym, housekeeping and trying to do something other than being a machine I did not have time for an additional two rounds of exercises every single day. We were getting up at 5 AM, leaving for work at 6:30 AM, leaving work for home at 5 PM, getting home from the gym around 7, then eating for a half hour. It was not going to happen.

We ended up cancelling the gym membership, because -- as much as we want to go -- we are just too tired and hungry after an hour-long commute to be like, “Yay, let’s do something tedious and exhausting for a half hour!”

The long term goal was to cancel the membership anyway, however. I told Marc I want us to concentrate on finishing the sheetrock in the former “cat room” this coming weekend so that we actually use it for its intended purpose, which was exercise. I have that barre I bought last year that I haven’t had time or room to use even once, and the treadmill and hand weights is just sitting and collecting dust. So anyway, that’s the plan for next weekend.

We will also be fostering two cats in the next couple weeks, and trying to find them a home. Long story short we met an artist at one of the galleries downtown, very nice guy, and his friend or nephew or I forget has recently knocked up his girlfriend and decided, “Well, we need to move and get rid of the cats I guess!”

So they’re two year-old sisters, and he wants them to stay together, which is fine. Like Rosie, they actually look very young, like maybe only 5 months old. They have never been to the vet in their life, so no shots, and neither of them are fixed, which means it will be on us to take care of all that before they get adopted out. I’m sure he’s going to be a great Dad [/sarcasm].

When Marc found out that the cats needed a full vet workup, including spay, he was initially resistant due to the cost. I said okay, if you’re not comfortable with it you’re not comfortable with it, and went upstairs to investigate our options. The Walmart just opened up a “Vet IQ” clinic that does basic veterinary care, and we can utilize a local spay clinic for about $50 per cat, so on that end alone we’d be shelling out less than $300 (there’s always food and litter, of course).

After awhile Marc came up and was like, “I think I was a little hasty, I’m sure we can make it work.” After I told him the anticipated costs he was much more into it, so that’s good. Hopefully we won’t have any trouble finding a home for them.

Rosie is doing well at feeding time in her crate! It has not stopped her from being an absolute maniac spaz about food, but there is almost no growling at all while she eats now. She goes in her crate, Marc covers it up with a towel, and she eats with seemingly less hysterical anxiety. I’ll call it a tentative win.

Rosie, by the way, loves Bones. Bones can usually take her or leave her, although his tolerance level is much higher when she’s not acting the spaz, although you see moments of affection for her as well. She greets him with a nice long body rub when they cross paths, and yesterday Marc caught him grooming her head. It does my heart good.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I’ve been doing much better at bowling for the past few weeks! I did decently at league on Friday, and when we went for our Sunday practice I had a series of something like 145, 106 and 140. Considering I was lucky to break 100 a couple months ago I’m feeling very encouraged.

What has worked for me, honestly, is throwing out a lot of convention wisdom. Marc has always been very patient with me, explaining game theory and approach and all that, but no matter how much I tried to put it all together it just wasn’t working. And I was really, really trying.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was chatting with someone about Dyscalculia, and did a bit more casual reading about it. I was reminded that it often causes issues with spatial awareness, something I can absolutely vouch for (I actually suspect it’s part of what’s caused me to have such persistent problems with perspective and anatomy over the years, although that’s a discussion for another time.)

So I started keeping that in mind when we play: I used the techniques that I knew were helpful, but in any aspect where I was supposed to do one thing, but consistently got unexpected and problematic results, I tried to go more by “feel”.

It’s hard to explain why this works, but it has so far. Basically, I had to throw out the notion of bowling at “angles”, and became more of a straight-shooter, keeping in mind that my ball does have a tendency to hook left. I got something like 3 or 4 strikes in one game on Friday!

Which is not to say that I’m suddenly a good bowler, because I’m not, but I’m better, which is what I wanted. What’s annoying is when (admittedly well-meaning) people are like, “Here’s what you’re doing wrong!” and try to teach me about techniques which I already know, but which just don’t work for me.

This happened two weeks ago I think, and I’m sure the lady meant well, but she also was ignoring me when I said multiple fucking times, “I understand, but I have spatial awareness problems, that doesn’t work for me.”

Like, repeating something at me over and over is not going to make it any more true. I hear what you’re saying, you’re just wrong.

So in other news I finished two more of the Mori Girl Cats, and that dumb little werewolf thing that was strictly for my own amusement. (Someone was like, “That would make a great t-shirt,” and haha, I’m not fucking falling for that one again.) I also organized the office / computer area of the Geek Room, we stashed away the last of the convention stuff, and it feels much more clean and open and neat. A place I actually want to hang out, and not anxiously work while avoiding the pile of shit sitting behind me!

Last night I also installed Sims 3 and treated myself to a handful of expansion and “stuff” packs. I only had enough time to create one Sim last night, but I already look forward to giving him a cold.

…*cough*...

Unrelated, but I meant to talk about something that happened last Wednesday, when I was out running my Mom around to her appointments and whatnot.

So… for anyone who didn’t follow me on Facebook or my old Tumblr, the short version is that my Mom and I have a very long and complicated history. She was not a very good mother, she is a textbook covert narcissist. She was an alcoholic for many, many years which caused serious and life-altering problems for me as a teenager and young adult, and after she got sober she transitioned to a prescription drug addiction which further deteriorated our already tenuous and fraught relationship, and landed both her and my stepfather in financial ruin.

About a year and a half ago, to help save them from the road to homelessness, we helped them sell their old house and moved them to Bucks County to live about 10 minutes from us, in a mobile home park. We helped them get it fixed up, we help with maintenance, running errands, etc. It’s a very cute little house, and although it took some time I think they see that now, and that their lives are better off.

When they first moved up here my mother was still on prescription drugs, but she very quickly found that it was impossible to find a new doctor to continue prescribing her the same pharmaceutical cocktails she wanted. And boy did she fucking try. She’s already changed doctors at least three or four times since moving here, whipping out her favorite refrain of “I don’t think this doctor knows what they’re talking about!” every time they’re like, “Yeah, you don’t need to be on a steady stream of opiates.”

Eventually the lack of drugs caught up with her, the withdrawal passed, and for the past year or so she and I have actually gotten along okay. She is still, and always will be, a difficult person, and I worry about whether or not she’ll find a doctor to start filling prescriptions again, but until then things are… okayish.

Anyway, that’s the long back story.

Back when they were still living at their old house, Marc and I would periodically go to visit them. My Mom was always drugged out of her gourd, so I fucking hated going, but I had to do my duty, and she made every excuse imagineable for why she couldn’t come visit us. So once a month we’d pack up, trek over to her house, order take-out, hang out for a while, then go back home again.

Except my Mother would do this thing where, after the food arrived, she would put the plates out, and then she would continue to gather plates and reorganize the kitchen while everyone was sitting down, serving themselves and eating.

Like, the food would be on the table, we’d all be halfway through our meals and well on our way to being done, and my Mom would still be in the kitchen sorting around in the drawers for a mystery spoon or bowl that she needed, then finding it, washing it out, drying it, realizing it was the wrong one, putting it away, etc.

Eventually she would come out while everyone else was finishing up, serve herself a tablespoon of food, eat half, and then talk about how full she was.

For a while we would be like, “Mom… everyone is eating. We have everything we need. We literally don’t need anything else. Just come in and eat,” and she would ignore us. Eventually I just stopped caring, and let her do her thing while the rest of us ate. The sooner we finished the sooner we could leave.

I don’t know how else to describe her behavior apart from manic. Like, when it was time to order, if I asked her for a menu, she would bring me the menu, and for fifteen minutes after I had called to place the order she would still be rooting through the drawers looking for more / other menus. She would get herself so worked up that sometimes while we were sitting downstairs hanging out she’d have to go up and be sick.

All this just to give you a sense of what she used to be like.

Anyway. I’m driving her home from an appointment on Wednesday, and she’s commenting how all of us just naturally turn into their mothers as we get older, even though we don’t want to. In that I stayed dead silent through this observation I think she recognized that I disagreed. So then she moved on to how different some daughters are from their mothers, especially in the kitchen.

And she said to me, “Like when I cook, I have to clean as I go along, I can’t just put everything in the sink until later. Remember when you used to come over to eat, and you’d say to me, ‘Mom, come and eat, the food is ready!’ and I’d be so busy cleaning up that I wouldn’t even realize!”

And I’m like, “....”

Because that’s not what happened. That’s not even fucking remotely what happened. So she has spun the reality where she is an out-of-control manic drug addict and spun it into a funny story about how she’s such a neat freak that she doesn’t realize it’s time to eat.

I was sorely tempted to correct her, but at the last second realized it wouldn’t make a difference either way. She is never going to look back on her behavior with any kind of clarity, and trying to force her to do so would just make the day end on a sour note. If she wants to live in delusion, that’s on her. I can tolerate it, but I’m certainly not going to feed into it by saying something like, “Yes, that’s precisely how it happened.”

She’ll have to learn to interpret the silence on her own.

Anyway, I guess that’s it. Greatly looking forward to getting home and having a nice night on the couch, or maybe playing Sims some more. I may even make some tea.

I hope all of you are doing well <3

#oc #personal #fortysomething #blog

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