#stop being mean and bitchy towards yourselves

[fabled-lady-twilla]

I really am my own worst enemy when it comes to my writing... 😭😭😭

So, over the past two days I performed a little experiment to figure out what environmental factors/mental states/any other factors help me get more writing done vs. hinder me so that I get less writing done.

First day, I didn't do anything different than I normally would. So, I ate breakfast, took my ADHD meds, put on my writing playlist at low volume, sat down at my cluttered desk with a cup of coffee, and started writing. As usual, after spending some time organizing my thoughts, I was able to get some writing done but it was nowhere near my word count goals, and per usual, I was frustrated with myself. It wasn't one of my good days.

I'd write a couple of sentences, get discouraged by my own unhelpful thoughts, then desperately search for a serotonin boost in the form of an Instagram reel or some other brainrot activity in which I doomscrolled for a bit until my brain said: I'm happy again, let's try writing more.

Then, I nitpicked every fucking word (not every sentence, not every paragraph, every WORD) I wrote, compared my writing to other people's writing, and had a general 'my writing isn't good enough and therefore I'm not good enough' mentality. I couldn't even get a sentence out without some form of negative self-talk happening, and I know many other writers can relate to this. We're often far too harsh on ourselves and it does nothing but make us upset.

Second day, I completely changed everything and on god, I literally researched how to become more productive with writing and freaking ✨forced✨ myself to apply these changes to see if it truly made a difference. Being in therapy for many years, one thing I'm really good at is experimenting with methods that help me become better at something and getting rid of things that hinder me. I'm really good at applying (minor) changes quickly to see if they help. So, I ate breakfast, took my meds, made a cup of coffee like usual.

But here is what I did differently:

I completely cleared off and cleaned my desk space so that it wasn't cluttered and had less distractions.

I closed out all of my tabs that had any other novels or fanfiction stories, so I didn't give myself a chance to compare.

I didn't let myself 'organize my thoughts' or do a bunch of unnecessary 'pre-tasks' before I started writing.

I set a timer on my phone and literally put it on the other side of my room. I set my time for an hour and dedicated the hour to writing only and no socializing or engaging with social media.

Like the article below suggested, I wrote in shorts bursts and took small breaks during that hour, which eased anxiety.

Any time I thought 'wow, this isn't going to work and I'm going to have another day of not meeting my writing goals' I simply turned it on its head, forcing myself to say something along the lines of 'wow, lets forget writing goals today and be open to the discovering new ways to write and be happy while doing it'.

I told myself, 'it doesn't matter if it's perfect or if I can't find the right words. I'm just going to write out a bunch of paragraphs and see what I get'. I didn't care or pay attention to grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors, I just wrote without judgement.

I'm sure anyone reading this won't be surprised to hear that not only did I get more writing done, I went beyond my word count goal without even realizing it and enjoyed myself while doing it!!!!

Go beyond, PLUS ULTRA!!!! Lmao. 🤣🤣🤣

Why am I always SO hard on myself? It does nothing but ensure that I get less writing done and make the act of writing as miserable as possible. It's like I forget that I love writing and it's my biggest passion in life, haha.

These are just a couple of articles I used to make some changes:

[jetsetlife138]

Imaginary - Chapter 6

Rating: Mature for this chapter, but Explicit in future chapters

Pairing: Alastor x Fem!Reader

Summary: A mysterious device throws you into the animated world of Hazbin Hotel. Once an average human living in a three-dimensional world, you’re now transformed into a two-dimensional human that has been cast into Hell. Pentagram City’s residents are curious and most harbor ill-will towards you. Charlie and the staff of the Happy Hotel take you in and offer you protection while they try and figure out how to return you to your world. That is… until you come across a certain Radio Demon with different intentions. Warnings: Manipulation, Language, Awkward Situations

Previous Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Tags: @beetlewise-and-pennyjuice @edgy-drama-queen @chasingfireflies1999 @galaxy-meteor @cecidit-31 @shadowclawstudio88 @utterly-disappointing @opheliuva @trinswhimsys @skylarhedges @whogavebrynjolfpermissiontobehot @sailor-earth-1

After your tiff with Alastor, you stomped off to seek the solitude of your own room. Dealing with him was infuriating and confusing. He had a way about him where even though you couldn’t stand him, you sometimes found yourself craving his company.

Maybe you were a masochist. That would make the most sense for why you were so fucked up and had weird, conflicting feelings about the arrogant demon.

The next day when you returned to the library, you were not at all surprised to see Alastor there waiting for you. Before you could even negatively comment on his presence, he held his hands up in surrender. “My dear, I owe you the sincerest of apologies. My behavior has been abysmal, and I am quite ashamed.”

You narrowed your eyes, suspicious of his sudden change of heart. His grin widened at your hesitance. “I’ll admit, I’ve gotten carried away during our prior interactions. Let me assure you, I only have the best of intentions. I would like us to be comrades. After all, as previously established, we can help each other. I am still dedicated to helping you return to your world.”

“Whatever, Alastor,” you brushed him off, pinching the bridge of your nose, your patience lacking. “I really don’t have the mental capacity for this right now. Just… keep your pervy hands and weird opinions to yourself. That’s all I ask.”

His lips peeled back further to make his already creepy grin look even more sinister. “Of course, my dear. As you wish.”

You weren’t stupid. You’d be a fool to think that he was being genuine, but at the same time, he was one of the most powerful beings in Hell. As you had already concluded, it couldn’t hurt to let someone like that help you, even if he had selfish intentions. It was just a matter of not falling victim to his advances.

Yet again, the two of you hit the books, making yourselves comfortable on the couch. Much to your relief, he stayed on the opposite end rather than crowd you with his overbearing presence. Instead, he kept to himself, humming softly as he skimmed through the pages of the books, seemingly content with the tedious task of research.

After intricately combing through five different books on magical travel, your eyelids started to get heavier, no longer able to concentrate. Not long after, you found yourself dozing off, your limbs going slack as you unintentionally slid down on the couch until you were met with a cushioned surface, enabling you to soundly fall asleep.

It wasn’t clear how much time had passed. It could have been merely a few minutes, or several hours. Either way, you were extremely comfortable and didn’t feel like moving.

Unfortunately, a voice nearby caused you to stir, interrupting your glorious nap. “Al, you soft son of a bitch.”

“Good evening, Husker. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Alastor’s voice sounded odd. Deeper and strangely close by, whereas Husk was clearly speaking from another part of the room. Still, even knowing that others were present, you couldn’t bring yourself to open your eyes, the allure of sleep keeping you content.

“How long you been sitting here like this?” the cat demon snickered.

“Oh, it’s difficult to say,” Alastor sighed candidly. “To be frank, my friend, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the situation.”

Husk’s deep laughter echoed softly throughout the library. “So your aggressive approach didn’t pan out, huh? What a surprise. Always knew your bark was worse than your bite. Now you’re just a teddy bear.”

“Is there a reason for your visit? If so, I do wish that you’d just get on with it. I do not enjoy being mocked.”

“Settle down,” Husk prompted. “I’m not here to ruffle your feathers. I was coming to relieve you and help out the girl with research, but seeing as you’re so comfortable, I guess I’ll just be on my way.”

“Do not leave me here,” the Radio Demon warned, the static in his voice thickening with subtle rage. “Do something. Now.”

“You’ve slayed Overlords. You can’t manage to push a weak human off of your shoulder?”

“Husker.”

“Alright, alright,” he relented, sensing Alastor’s tone. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

A firm pressure on your shoulder followed by an abrupt shake quickly alerted you to the situation that you were in. Eyes fluttering open, you tilted your head back to see that you had been pressed up against Alastor, using his body as a pillow.

You immediately shot up, giving yourself a head-rush as you did so. “Oh… Uh, Alastor, I’m so sorry. I didn’t…”

At a loss for words, you felt your cheeks reddening with embarrassment as you glanced at Husk who had an amused expression on his face.

Quickly rising from the couch and stretching his limbs, Alastor brushed off your apology. “Think nothing of it, my dear. I am glad to be of assistance, and I hope that you are now fully rested.”

Okay, what the hell? Who was this new Alastor? He went from being perverted and possessive to kind and charming? No, something was off. There was no way that his personality could have changed so dramatically overnight, but now was not the time to interrogate him about it.

“Yeah, uh, much better. Thanks. I’m… going to go take a shower,” you muttered, trying to find any reason to leave the library immediately.

Before either Alastor or Husk had a chance to respond, you practically sprinted out the door and ran for your room where you plopped face-down on the bed and released a muffled groan. You were slightly convinced that you were dying of embarrassment and that was the real reason you were trapped in Hell.

Sighing heavily, you eventually got up and took a cold shower, washing away the essence of Alastor that might have clung to you when you laid on him. Shortly after, you dried off and walked back to your room, shocked to find Charlie and Vaggie waiting for you with concerned expressions.

“Um, hey?” you greeted nervously. “What’s up?”

Vaggie narrowed her eyes and scoffed while Charlie took a more delicate approach. “So, listen… we’re so glad to hear that you’re becoming more and more comfortable here, but…” she trailed off, not sure how to proceed and turning to her girlfriend for help.

Crossing her arms, Vaggie stated bluntly, “Don’t hook up with Alastor.”

Mouth agape, you struggled to find the words to convey your bewilderment. “Um, I’m sorry, what ? Why the hell would you say that? I have no intention of spending more time with him than necessary, let alone that .”

Rolling her eyes, Vaggie countered, “Look, it’s no secret that he’s taken a liking to you. He’s a determined little shit and he will try to charm his way into your good graces. His whole persona is based on his ability to manipulate. It’s just better to not get involved with him. If I had it my way, he wouldn’t even be allowed in the hotel, but what’s done is done.”

“Okay? What exactly does that have to do with me hooking up with him? You don’t think I have more restraint than that?” you questioned, still unsure as to why they were upset.

Charlie interjected again, easing the tension. “We’ve seen you with him and things seem to be getting very… friendly. Husk told us you slept with him…” Ugh, it was like Angel’s prior accusations all over again.

“ On him,” you clarified defensively. “We were doing more research and I passed out on his shoulder! That’s it! Listen, I don’t trust him any more than you do. You don’t need to lecture me about staying on guard. That’s all I’ve been doing since I arrived here.”

Charlie bit her lip and gave you an apologetic look while Vaggie’s expression softened a little. “We didn’t mean to ambush you,” Charlie added. “We just wanted to make sure that you were okay and that he wasn’t forcing you into anything. We’re still getting to know him ourselves.”

“No, it’s fine,” you replied, waving your hand dismissively. “I get it, and I appreciate it. I didn’t mean to come off as bitchy, I’m just… stressed, I guess.”

“Understandable,” Vaggie chimed in, no longer appearing as hostile as she did a minute ago. “We’re still looking for answers on how to get you back to your world, and I can only imagine how terrifying and crazy this has been for you, but we want to make sure that your head is in the right place. Stay away from Alastor.”

“You called, little moth?”

Turning towards the entryway, Alastor stood proudly, twirling his staff nonchalantly in his hands.

Growling, Vaggie snarled, “Do you really have to be here all the time? Don’t you have somewhere else to be? A seedy back alley, perhaps? Busying yourself with souls to torment?”

“Ha!” he exclaimed, amused by Vaggie’s unwavering disdain for him. “Darling girl, this is where my priorities lie for the time being. Fear not, I have no intention of interjecting into what I’m sure is a very fascinating conversation.”

“Then why are you here?” she snapped, flexing her fingers angrily like she was trying to hold back from choking him.

Widening his permanent grin, he turned his attention to Charlie before replying cooly, “It appears you have a visitor.”

“Me?” Charlie asked, perplexed.

“Yes, my dear,” he confirmed, resting on his staff that he had stopped fiddling with. “Your guest is waiting for you in the parlor.”

The three of you began to head towards the door to see who had arrived, but Alastor whipped his staff out in front of you, preventing you from going any further.

“No, no, no, darling. Not you.” Charlie and Vaggie didn’t seem to notice as they continued out of the room, leaving you alone with the Radio Demon.

Eyeing him skeptically, you asked, “Why not?”

He almost looked… nervous? You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but it was an uncharacteristic look for him. Though his smile remained, his demeanor wasn’t his usual arrogant and unbothered self. “Believe me when I say that it is in your best interest to remain here.”

Worrying your lip, you replied, “Alastor, I really don’t think that it’s a good idea for you and I to be alone together anymore.”

Tiling his head to convey his confusion, he asked, “Oh? And why is that?”

Swallowing thickly, you muttered, “I-I just… um… people are starting to think--”

Before you could finish your thought, an unfamiliar voice was drawing nearer, distracting you.

“...permission to enter my own hotel? Foolish daughter. You may work here, but this hotel is mine, as is everything else in Pride Ring. Now, where is our exotic guest?”

Though he was playing it off well, you noticed how Alastor went rigid as the voice got closer. Listening more intently, you could hear multiple sets of footsteps along with Charlie begging, “No! Dad, please just listen to me! Don’t--”

Not a moment later, a strange, yellow-eyed demon burst through the door, beaming right at you, followed by a very nervous Charlie. Vaggie was nowhere to be seen.

The excited demon was taller than you, though not as tall as Alastor. He was as pale as Charlie with similar rosey cheeks and blonde hair. He was adorned with a white and red tuxedo with dress pants and a cane with an apple on the end. His toothy smile was just as wicked as Alastor’s, and left you with a queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“Ah, there you are. Look at you!” he proclaimed before surging forward and taking your hands in his, pulling you harshly towards him.

You stumbled forward, tripping on your own feet but managing to find your balance before he danced around you, inspecting you closely. Quirking a brow at him, you weren’t keen on the idea of someone looking you over so intimately.

Catching you off-guard, he suddenly reached forward and cupped your face with his hands as he ran his thumbs across your cheeks. Instinctually, you smacked his hands away, just as you had done previously with Alastor. “Seriously? What is it with you demons and lack of personal space?” you snapped, now seething with irritation.

He stood back, clearly surprised by your tenaciousness. “Feisty, aren’t we?” he chuckled, fiddling with his bow tie before straightening his posture. “Oh, we’re going to get along just fine. I can see that.”

“I’m sorry,” you replied with exasperation. “Who are you?”

Smiling wider, he answered, “I’m Lucifer, the King of Hell, my delectable little human. And you’re coming with me.”

[omgrachwrites]

Schooled (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/OC

Summary: After the passing of Ava’s father she starts acting out which drives her right into the arms of one gorgeous Professor Barnes.

Warnings: fluff, mentions of sex, teeny bit of angst

Words: 2072

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy! I love you all! xxx

Part Eight - Daisy Buchanan

Ava smiled at Bucky as she helped him to clear away the plates, Bucky’s asshole of a dad, and his bitchy girlfriend had left without so much as on offer to help clean up. Harry was fast asleep in bed – after being lulled to sleep by the adventures of Peter and Wendy – and Ava couldn’t leave Bucky to clear up on his own. He smiled right back, his eyes lighting up as he loaded the dishwasher and he offered Ava a glass of red wine. She thanked him with a smirk and regarded him, swilling around the wine in the glass before she helped Bucky clean down the counter tops.

“You didn’t have to do that Ava,” Bucky grinned bashfully, “but thank you, I really do appreciate it.”

Ava shrugged with a grin, “I don’t mind, besides I can’t let you clean up all alone can I?”

“I wasn’t just talking about that, I was talking about the way you handled things with my dad, I think that you even impressed him,” he chuckled, “that’s a feat I’ve never managed to accomplish.”

Ava smiled, maybe she shouldn’t have said that she was Bucky’s girlfriend, it was a bit out of line for her to do so. But, she couldn’t leave Bucky to be bullied by his own father, “it’s really no problem, I would have only been doing homework, and no offense, but your homework isn’t exactly riveting,” she giggled, “your dad has got no reason to be disappointed in you, you’re a wonderful guy, despite what I’ve said in the past. I didn’t mean it.”

She grinned as Bucky flushed, he was so beautiful when he did that, Ava’s phone vibrated and she smiled, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, “my cab’s here. I should go.”

Bucky chewed his lip and gently touched her wrist, “are you going to the firework festival in a few days?” he asked nervously, continuing when Ava nodded, “can I see you there?”

“Why?” she asked warily, narrowing her eyes, she couldn’t imagine why he would want to see her.

Bucky sighed and dragged a hand through his hair, “look, I know that we had an agreement that we weren’t going to talk about what happened between us in Greece and I know that it’s only been a couple of months but I think there’s more to us than just teacher and student. Don’t you?”

Ava sighed, they had had that agreement for a reason, Ava didn’t think that she could open her heart to him, at least not yet and she didn’t really want to talk about this right now, not like this, “you’ll see me if you’re lucky,” she teased as she kissed his cheek and hightailed it out of his apartment, she didn’t want her taxi to drive off.

As she sat in the back of the taxi she rested her head against the cold glass of the window as she watched New York City race past the window like a blur. It really was such a beautiful city. She smiled happily as she wondered if Bucky had meant what he said. She didn’t want to risk her college career if they weren’t discreet about the situation.

Ava imagined that it would be easy to be with him, he was kind, funny and he had the face of an angel. She had to weigh up the pros and cons though she imagined that the pros probably outweighed the cons.

That night she had trouble sleeping, partly because she was still worried about what Bucky had said and partly because Loki had some girl over and they had been going at it for a while now. She was going to kill him, the walls were thin. Though, she was glad that he was happy. Wanda had also met a cute girl on Halloween night, it seemed like everyone was falling in love at the moment.

The next morning Loki had made her chocolate and cinnamon pancakes, they were her favourites, and it was obvious that he knew that he had kept her up for the better part of the night. When Ava told him that he should invite his new friend to the firework festival he blushed and immediately started stuttering, it made her giggle.

The day of the festival arrived on a sunny but cold day, Ava loved this time of year where you could sit in front of the fire with a mug of hot cocoa.

“So are you guys coming to the annual party tonight? Pepper wanted to carry on the tradition to honour my dad. It’s Gatsby themed this year.”

MJ smiled at her as she linked her arm through Ava’s and she rested her head on Ava’s shoulder, “we wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Ava smiled at her friends and she bought them all hot cocoa – adult ones though, they had Irish whiskey in them – Ava giggled as she drank the strong hot drink which warmed her from the inside. They strolled past the frozen pond which was being used as an ice skating rink and that was where she saw Bucky and Harry.

“Ava!” Harry shouted and ran over to her, hugging her around the waist, Ava giggled as she ruffled his hair, he was so adorable.

“Hey you are you having a good time?” she smiled and he nodded with a delighted smile, he was looking really well.

“Yes, I love it here!”

“Good, I’m glad, I’ll see you later, okay?” Ava smiled before looking at Bucky who had a dimpled grin on his face. She walked past Bucky, slowly dragging her fingers against his, ignoring her friends who were smirking at her. Ava pulled a face at them as she walked ahead, towards the photography stall; she had always loved looking at the photographs.

There was one photograph that held her attention; it was a photograph of a spring garden. There were dozens of flowers in the picture – roses, foxgloves and cornflowers – spreading across the landscape and a single wooden swing hung on a tree beside them. The mere beauty of that photograph made her feel warm despite the cold weather.

“Did you take that photograph? It’s so beautiful,” she smiled at the pretty young woman behind the counter who nodded with a grin.

“Thank you very much, and yes I did. I took it when I lived in England, we lived right by a deserted manor house but I would break in and take care of the gardens,” she smiled and Ava thought that she looked very familiar.

Ava smiled, she bought the photograph, and she knew that her dad would have loved it. He had taken her to the English countryside a couple of times when he had first split up with Ava’s mother. Those trips were the best times of her life.

--------------------------

Bucky pulled at the uncomfortable tie, he had to wear one all day at work and he hated that he also had to wear one in his free time as well. It was the evening of the firework festival and apparently, this party was thrown annually as a celebration. Bucky’s mom was looking after Harry while he attended this stupid party. Well, it wasn’t all stupid; he just wished that it wasn’t themed. He didn’t think the Gatsby style suited him.

“Fuck man, I wish you’d stop fiddling with that!” Steve scolded as they walked into the party together.

“I still don’t understand why I’m coming to this party,” he bit back in an undertone as he nodded and smiled at the other guests that they passed.

“Well,” Peggy started, “the woman that is throwing this party comes into the café so often that we’re friends now so she invited me. I had to bring my boyfriend and my boyfriend’s boyfriend. Sam’s here because he’s my favourite,” she laughed as she linked her arm through the boy’s arms and Bucky narrowed his eyes at her.

“And, you need to meet someone,” Steve laughed and Sam nodded.

“What? I’m completely fine on my own,” he decided that he wasn’t going to tell his friends about his trying to win Ava over. He lifted his hand to run his fingers through his gelled hair, earning a swift slap on his arm from Peggy.

“Don’t mess with your hair, it looks nice like that!” Peggy scolded him like he was an insolent little boy. Bucky grumbled as he stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“And you might be fine on your own buddy but it’s still depressing to see,” Sam clapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky rolled his eyes as he grabbed a flute of sparkling champagne from one of the passing waiter’s silver platters. He took a sip and found that it tasted very expensive; it was probably worth more than his apartment.

“There’s Pepper,” Peggy smiled and pointed to the corner of the bar where the hostess was entertaining a couple of guests. The four of them wandered over to Pepper and she grinned at them as she saw Peggy approaching.

“Hey sweetheart, you look amazing!” Sharon giggled as she gave Peggy a hug.

“Thank you! So do you, I wanted to introduce you to some people,” Peggy smiled as she gestured behind her at Steve, Sam and Bucky, “this is my boyfriend Steve and his buddies, Bucky and Sam.”

Pepper grinned at them all as she gave them welcoming hugs before she gestured around the grand room, “enjoy yourselves, it’s an open bar,” she said before giving them a little wave and she went to mingle with her guests.

The party was going great, all four of them were taking their fill of the amazing food and drink, Steve was getting on Bucky’s nerves a little bit, he kept pointing out every girl with a pulse, “what about that redhead?”

“Steve, I’m warning you…”

“Oooh, what about her though, she’s pretty hot isn’t she Buck?” Steve shut up for a little bit when he earned a punch on his arm.

“I personally think that she’s pretty cute,” Steve said quietly, shielding his arm as Bucky rolled his eyes. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at his friend.

Begrudgingly, Bucky looked to where Steve was looking and found that Steve was right, from her profile the three men could see just how pretty she was. She was dressed in a white flapper dress and her hair was adorned with a headband. The girl turned around, it was Ava, her mouth opening in surprise a little bit but she waved at them all the same before going outside onto the balcony with one of her friends.

“Sorry man,” Steve chuckled, slapping Bucky’s shoulder, “didn’t mean to snoop on your girl.”

“She’s not my girl,” he said simply as he took a huge gulp of his whiskey, “I’ll be right back,” Steve nodded distractingly due to the fact that Peggy had walked right over and perched herself on Steve’s lap.

Bucky walked out onto the balcony where Ava was sharing a cigarette with her friend, they both turned round to look at Bucky. Ava flushed while her friend smirked and walked back inside, “hey it’s Daisy Buchanan,” Bucky smiled, leaning against the railings.

“Hey, what are you doing here? You look great by the way, very suave,” she smirked which made Bucky flush and rub the back of his neck.

“Steve’s girlfriend knows Pepper so she invited us all tonight, thank you, you look very pretty,” now it was Ava’s turn to blush, He nodded at the cigarette, “didn’t know that you smoked.”

Ava smiled as she blew out a little bit of smoke and flicked the stub off the railings, “I only smoke when I drink or right after I’ve had sex. I thought about what you said,” she started as she chewed her lip, “I had a wonderful night with you in Greece, and maybe you’re right, maybe we can have that again. But we have to be careful, I won’t jeopardise my future. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

Ava beamed brightly, looking around to make sure nobody was spying before she cupped his cheeks in soft hands, and she kissed him softly at first and then kissed him so deeply that it made his head spin. The fireworks that were going off in the night sky were nothing compared to the fireworks that he felt inside of him.

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@thejemersoninferno​ @theonelittleone​ @void-imaginations​ @mikariell95​ @lovely-geek​ @leclerc-stan​ @allthingswildareshy​ @writingkeepsmewhole​ @white-wolf-buckaroo​ @goodolbucky​ @rosemoonmist​

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[thatguy-kai]

MLB - THE MYSTERY OF LOUP GRIS

Chapter 2

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Apart from the commotion stirred up by Alexander's arrival, the rest of homeroom went by uneventfully, concluding with clap of Ms. Bustier's hands.

"Now, that's all the of the roll call and class announcements wrapped up, everyone!" the woman beamed, tucking her checkboard under her arm. "We've still got three minutes left of homeroom, so feel free to talk amongst yourselves until then."

With a light bow of her merigold head, the woman left the room with her attendance list, leaving her students to their own devices.

And that's when Chloe Bourgeois finally got up.

Marinette rolled her eyes as she watched the smirking blonde leave her desk, dreading whatever verbal abuse she was about to suffer from Chloe's viper tongue. What was it going to be this time? Some snide remark about Marinette's hair? The way she was dressed? Or was she just going to jump straight to the point and mock her family?

...But Chloe did none of these things. She simply left her seat, a smug Sabrina in tow as she marched up the aisle to the back desks, lifting her nose as she stopped before Nathaniel and Alexander.

"Ugh!" she scoffed, waving her hand in a 'shooing' motion. "Since when did we start letting gypsy trash into this place?"

Marinette looked towards the back desks as Chloe spoke, her slur sending a shock down the bluenette's body.

But even then, it seemed like Marinette and Alya were the only ones paying attention to the exchange, the rest of the class either too deep in conversation with each other or playing with their phones.

"...I'm not a gypsy." Alexander told her, not looking up from his notebook. "I'm a nomad. A traveller."

"Psh, like there's a difference!" Chloe retorted, Sabrina nodding rapidly in agreement.

"There is." Alexander said. He still hadn't looked up yet, his composure unaffected by Chloe's insensitivity. "Gypsies are Roma descended from a traveller people from the northern regions of India - people that always travel in groups. I'm a wanderer, someone who travels the world without any personal ties and fends for themselves."

He capped his pen, setting it beside his notebook as he looked at Chloe dismissively.

"...Which is more than I can say about you."

Chloe's nostrils flared to the size of saucers as she jabbed a finger in Alexander's face.

"You better watch your tone with me, you outsider!" she snapped. "You might be some kind of 'wanderer', but while you're in Paris, you listen to my Daddy's rules - which also means you listen to me!!"

Chloe's warning turned into a screaming match as Marinette sighed and went back to her workbook, Alya smirking at the exchange. "Some welcome wagon, huh?"

Marinette snickered under her breath, but silenced themselves as they felt a presence approaching them, a blonde boy that set Marinette's cheeks aflame.

"Hello, Adrien." Alya greeted, smiling wickedly at the flustered Marinette.

The latter glared at the ombre girl, just barely escaping Adrien's notice.

"Hey guys," the boy beamed. "What's goin' on up there?"

Adrien inclined his head towards Alexander and Chloe, their argument becoming harder to ignore.

"New guy." Alya told him, playing with her phone. "Chloe's putting him through the wringer as we speak..."

"Wringer?" Adrien raised his eyebrows. "What did he sa-"

An ear-piercing shriek rang from the back of the room, the whole class jolting in fright as Chloe slammed her hands on Alexander's desk.

"WHAT?!" she snarled, her sky-blue eyes burning with rage. "What do you just call me?!"

Alexander rolled his eyes. "Look at you! Your face is caked in makeup, you walk around with your nose in the air, every second word out of your mouth is 'Daddy', all your clothes are designer brands and your hands are so manicured and glittery that I can almost see my face in them."

He leaned forward, dangerously far within Chloe's reaching distance.

"...So I think I was justified in calling you 'lazy, rich trash'."

By now, the whole class was watching the heated exchange, all with a mix of fear, surprise and even amusement.

"I am not lazy, I'll have you know!" Chloe scoffed, folding her arms. "I'm a hero!"

"To whom?" Alexander rolled his eyes. "The bitchy blondes of the world?"

"NO!" Chloe snapped, her eye twitching with rage. "I'm Queen Bee! Saviour of all of Paris! The other heroes are too, but they'd be nothing without moi!"

Marinette rolled her eyes as Alya turned around, shooting Chloe a disbelieving look.

"Oh yeah," she snorted. "I never knew akumatizing half of Paris was so heroic..!"

Alexander's eyes narrowed. "Akumatized?"

"It's what happens when one of Hawk Moth's akumas gets you!" Kim answered, lifting his legs onto his desk. "You just get a little angry or upset and-"

"And BAM!" Nino cut in. "A black butterfly touches you and get turned into this gnarly monster!"

Alexander's eyes narrowed in response to Nino and Kim's answers, his lips pursing as if he were deep in thought.

"...Most of you are familiar with this experience?" he asked.

"Unfortunately." Mylene murmured, a worried expression on her face. "Apart from a few students and teachers, almost everyone in this school has been akumatized."

Ivan put a protective arm around Mylene's shoulders, scowling venomously.

"Yeah, and it's all thanks to Chloe!"

The rest of the class followed Ivan's lead, everyone but Adrien and Sabrina staring daggers into Chloe's back. But the blonde simply rolled her eyes, shooing away their hostility with another wave of her hand.

"Oh, please!" she scoffed. "I'm not responsible for all of the akuma attacks!"

"Yeah," Juleka grumbled. "Just most of 'em."

"Well not that I'm an expert on the subject," Alexander interrupted. "But none of you look like monsters."

It was Rose's turn to chime in, her periwinkle head bobbing up with excitement.

"That's thanks to Ladybug and Cat Noir!"

A chill came over Alexander's body as Rose said those names, a reaction that did not go unnoticed by Marinette. She could have sworn that she saw Alexander's whole body seize up, his eyes narrowing and oozing with all sorts of dark emotions.

Did Rose do something wrong by bringing up Ladybug and Cat Noir?

"...Ladybug and Cat Noir?" Alexander asked, his voice low.

"Yeah!" Rose laughed. "They're the superheroes that have been protecting us from all the akuma attacks! And helping all the akumatized victims return to normal!"

Alexander's posture relaxed as Rose spoke, his eyes glazing over with disinterest.

"Superheroes that protect you and yet the attacks keep happening? Doesn't sound like they're doing their job very well..."

Marinette grit her teeth as Alexander said those words.

"Hey, c'mon dude!" Kim sighed. "They work real hard to protect us!"

Alexander snorted, coming dangerously close to laughing.

"Then they should try harder. Two people with super-powers fighting against a guy that attacks people with butterflies and they're losing? They don't sound very 'super' to me..."

One could feel the temperature of the whole classroom plummeting, everyone forgetting the hostility towards Chloe and shifting it towards Alexander.

Especially Marinette, who looked like she was about to shoot laser beams out of her eyes.

"And if these 'akumas' are really set off by stress and tumultuous emotions," Alexander concluded. "Then it seems to me that you wouldn't need these 'heroes' if you could all just learn to get a grip and control your emotions..."

Ignoring the animosity building in the room, Alexander slid his notebooks back into his knapsack and started down the aisle, paying no attention to Chloe's frowning face.

"Where are you going?" Adrien asked. "Class is about to start!"

"I'm meeting with a landlord." Alexander said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Unlike your mighty 'heroes', some of us have more mundane things to do with our time..."

And without another word, he left the classroom. And as the classroom's tense atmosphere began to dissipate, Nathaniel finally looked up from his sketchbook, his turquoise eyes wide with disbelief.

"...What an asshole."

******

"Milady?"

Ladybug snapped out of her daze, her heart pounding as she locked eyes with a worried Cat Noir.

"Y-Yes?" she stammered.

"You look a little out of it today." Cat Noir observed. "Is everything okay?"

His question wrought a heavy sigh from Ladybug's body. The two of them had started their patrol for the afternoon, but following an uneventful few hours, they had decided to take a break. Their respite had led them from Paris' CBD to an empty construction site; to the scaffolding outside of new apartment buildings being built slightly north of the Parisian Pantheon - a peaceful spot with little civilian traffic.

And yet, Ladybug still couldn't clear her mind. Her constant state of alert, the dread of another akuma attack, Hawk Moth's escape, his mysterious accomplice - each of these things besieged her mind relentlessly.

Would talking about it even help? Even if it were to someone she trusted as much as Cat Noir?

"Ladybug..." Cat Noir murmured. "You know I'm always here for you, right?"

A hopeful smile crept across Ladybug's pastel-pink lips, turning into a crimson blush as she felt Cat Noir's hand slip into hers.

Oddly, she didn't mind it. In fact, Ladybug placed her other hand on top of Cat Noir's, beaming at him gratefully.

"...I'm fine, Kitty." she lied. "Just a little out of it is all. Been a long day..."

Cat Noir's blonde eyebrows furrowed, momentarily doubting his partner's words. But he quickly relented.

"You can talk to me about anything, milady." he repeated. "I'll keep any secret you entrust me with..."

Ladybug could feel the hesitation knotting her stomach, the heroine taking a deep breath before she spoke:

"...Does it ever feel pointless?"

Cat Noir's heart sank as she said those words. "Does what feel pointless?"

"This!" Ladybug exclaimed, holding her hands out towards the landscape before them. "All this superhero stuff! The Miraculous'! This fight against Hawk Moth and the akumas! Doesn't it feel like it's going nowhere?!"

"It's not going 'nowhere'!" Cat Noir defended. "I mean, look how close we came to taking down Hawk Moth a few months ago-"

"But that's just it!" Ladybug snapped. "We came so close to stopping him but he still got away! Then out of nowhere, the Peacock Miraculous wielder shows up to help him? What are the odds of that?!"

Cat Noir felt a lump forming in his throat. His emerald eyes wide with worry, he took Ladybug's hands into his.

"Hey! Milady, please calm down!"

But Ladybug groaned and pulled away from him, cursing under her breath as she swung around the scaffold and onto a ladder, climbing it until she reached the roof, standing on the ombre tiles with clenched fists. As she stood there sulking, Alexander's words from earlier that morning echoed within her mind:

Two people with super-powers fighting against a guy that attacks people with butterflies and they're losing?

Ladybug folded her arms, her fingers digging into the bend of her arm.

They don't sound very 'super' to me...

She bit her lower lip, tears threatening to fall as her brain played the sentence over and over again.

Cat Noir's shoulders sagged as he climbed up the scaffolding with a heavy-hearted caution. It pained him to see Ladybug like this, to see his beautiful Ladybug so downtrodden and uncertain of herself.

"...How much longer is this going to go on Cat Noir?" she sighed, her arms falling to her sides. "It feels like its nothing but one step forward and two back..!"

Cat Noir took a step forward, but stopped himself, balling his hands into fists.

"Milady, I-"

But he stopped.

Ladybug turned around, still discouraged, but her eyes awash with concern.

Cat Noir froze on the spot, his mouth agape and emerald-green eyes widened as if in fear, his left cat ear twitching.

"...Cat Noir?" Ladybug asked, taking a hesitant step forward.

The feline's eyes widened even further, his face going white as a sheet.

"Cat No-"

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!!"

Cat Noir shoved Ladybug out of the way as a blood-curdling howl filled the air and a clawed, deathly-white hand tore through the roof tiles below their feet.

And before either hero could react, the hand closed shut around Cat Noir's ankle, dragging the screaming feline into the darkness below...

Shout-out to @musicizmilife89 😎👍

[randomfandomfamily]

Manic episode just hit and I needed to type all this out.

Anyway, Karmi’s relationship with Hiro infuriates me and Megan’s relationship with Hiro fills me with indecsribable joy.

Analysis ahead, might be kinda ranty, but here we go. And remember, this is just my opinion, y’all ship whoever you want.

Prepare yourselves, folks. If you’ve clicked the Keep Reading button, then you are in for a ride. Buckle up kiddos, because I am dissecting the ever-loving shit out of Karmi and Megan’s relationship with Hiro. There’s a TL;DR at the bottom if you don’t want to go through it all.

Karmi and her petty jealousy have been a source of torment for Hiro since the beginning of the series. And we could go back and forth about how they were both mean to each other, but you know what? When they first met, Hiro tried repeatedly to make things work with her, and she was still a total jerk, being dismissive, making assumptions, and openly insulting him for no reason at all.

Then Hiro covered for her about the project, even though he could have--and should have--told Granville what she had done. I thought for sure that would be a turning point for Karmi, but noooooo. Hiro was nice to her, even though she had been awful to him, and she still super bitchy. Nothing changed.

So yeah, Hiro lashes out at her sometimes. He’s an irritated fourteen year old dealing with a seventeen year old asshole (or sixteen? I’ve seen sixteen floating around, but I’m going with seventeen because that makes more sense timeline-wise) that no one seems to realize is a total asshole. I’d be mad too!

And y’all better not hit me with that, “aw, she just a misunderstood bapy with no social skills, she can’t help it” because she is not misunderstood or some sad uwu bean. Hiro acknowledged that they have a lot in common, and tried to be her friend, and she continuously pushed him away. Karmi had a shot at friendship, a real shot, and she decided ‘nah, i’m just gonna keep being a bitch’, so she gets no sympathy from me.

Hiro even comforted her when she was kicked out of Trengrove’s lecture (despite the fact that she had teased him about not being able to attend) and still, after all that, she’s nice only momentarily. And continues her rivalry with him.

Also, for those saying she was better in Season 2: Where? She was only civil towards Hiro halfway through Season 2 when she needed his help with her serum, and she was still bitchy about it. Like, what the hell Karmi? You came to him.

We’ve seen him start to argue with her, stop, compose himself, and continue in a calmer voice. He’s done it a couple of times. He’s willing to acknowledge that some fights aren’t worth the time and energy, and step back from them. Which is a level of maturity we have yet to see from Karmi, who a few years older than he is.

I’ll give her the ‘broke mind control to save Hiro thing’, but honestly? Not wanting a person to get hurt (or die), or not wanting to kill said person, is kinda the bare minimum of caring for another human being. Other than that, we have no real evidence that she ever really cared about him at all.

Had Karmi made an actual effort into not being so bitchy, I could have seen her and Hiro as friends. The could have been really good friends, actually. But she was just so insufferable all of the time. She could have great development, but she did not. All around, she’s a pretty two-dimensional character fueled by jealousy and competitiveness.

And then we have Megan who, from the get-go, is already a well developed character and, amazingly, isn’t bitchy for no reason!

When Megan teased Hiro about bragging, he kinda recoiled, stammering over his words. Karmi had accused him of thinking he was better than everyone else (”You think you’re some special white blood cell”), and now he’s afraid Megan might start thinking the same thing. So he apologizes because maybe it did come off as though he was bragging, even if he didn’t mean it that way.

Megan obviously doesn’t know  Karmi did to him, it’s possible she doesn’t even knowing anything about Karmi, but she can tell he was worried about it so she reassured him that she was just messing with him. She’s actually very patient with him in regards to his lack of social interaction. 

During their first meeting, Hiro--embarassed and running his hand through his hair--said that it was probably weird that he had his own robot friend (yet another thing Karmi had called him strange for) and sounded genuinely surprised when Megan said she thought it was cool.

Things Karmi said and did are still affecting Hiro, even into Season 2. That, combined with Hiro’s already limited social skills, means he has a hard time making friends. Megan is very patient with him in that regard. She’s willing to work through the awkwardness and the overbearing aunt, because Hiro is a person she genuinely likes and wants to hang out with.

And Hiro isn’t pushing her away either, like Karmi did to him (he sometimes had to deal with hero life, but he never really let that interfere with their relationship). He’s actively trying to be better at the whole ‘social interaction’ thing. Meaning their friendship--and possibly more than that--is based on putting in actual effort.

But after Megan found out that Hiro had been keeping his identity a secret from her, she was upset. Of course she was upset. That was her case! Her mission! And Hiro knew the whole time! You can’t expect her to just brush it off. I certainly would’ve needed an adjustment period.

Then she saw what Big Hero did for the city. How much they were risking. Hiro threw himself into an unstable portal over and over again trying to catch Sirque, even though that place is a literal nightmare for him. He could have been trapped in there, or seriously hurt, or maybe worse, but he still did it.

And after seeing the team in action, Megan realized that Hiro was right. The police didn’t have the tech or the knowledge to deal with this kind of stuff.

Hiro said that whatever Megan did with the information was her choice, and she chose to not only keep their secret, but write a whole article on why their identities needed to be kept secret. Her father is obviously not going to be happy about that, but she did it anyway. Because it was right. And also because Hiro is her friend.

TL;DR

---Karmi put no effort into being a nicer person and was only ever kind to Hiro when she needed his help or when they were in mortal danger. (having a two second heartfelt moment after being kicked out of a lecture does not count as being nice. that’s just not being bitchy for once.)

---Megan was kind right from the start, has developed a good relationship with Hiro, hit a rough patch, worked through it, realized Hiro was trying to do the right thing, and are still friends. (how their relationship will grow from here remains to be seen.)

---All in all, Megan and Hiro’s relationship has developed more in just a few episodes than Hiro and Karmi’s did in a season and a half.

Obviously, I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on this. In fact, I’m absolutely positive that there are going to be people who very much disagree with me on many levels. This is a very popular ship in the fandom, for some reason, and people are going to defend it. Because that’s what fandoms do.

And like, I’m not telling people to not ship Hiro and Karmi. I may not understand why you would ship them, but y’all can do whatever you want. Tone can be hard to interpret through a screen, but this isn’t meant to be an angry or aggressive post. I’m just making observations and expressing an opinion.

Needless to say, this isn’t gonna stop people from shipping them, and I don’t expect it to. I just wanted to throw this out there in case there were other people who agreed with me. I’ve been on the quiet side of fandoms before, the side where someone has an opinion about something, but never sees anyone agreeing with them on it, so they’re afraid to make their own post, and then it just never gets out there.

Welp. This is the post. The unpopular opinion, complete with a rant. Me am big kid and I’m making the post. Enjoy maybe, but probably not. Peace out, scouts!

[fanfictionized]

The Hating Game - Devil’s Charm (3)

Characters: Lance Tucker x Latina!OFC

Chapter Summary: Lance won’t stop trying for her and things heat up because he’s literally the most honest person she’s ever met.

Warnings: Flirting more like... one-sided dirty talk

Words: 2.4k

The Hating Game - Masterlist // Previous Chapter

He’d been anxiously awaiting to see her again since the last time they spoke.

Four days already seemed too much time without seeing her.

Without seeing her ass, he meant. Yeah. No, just her ass.

He sighed deeply as he ran a hand through his unkempt hair, getting into his bathroom to put a shitload of gel into it.

Was he attracted to her? Absolutely. He’d told her too many times for it to be obvious.

But there wasn’t just something about her curvy form that made his head spin from the sudden blood-loss as it shot down to his dick.

Not just her perky tits and round ass that made him want to be buried between her thighs until he’d fucking suffocate.

He liked how much smaller she was compared to him, looking up at him every time with a glare after having told her another cocky joke.

He liked how feisty she was as she defended herself the best she could by throwing a string of full-blown curses at him which he couldn’t understand, but it didn’t really matter because anything that left her puffy lips was like fucking music to his ears.

He felt his dick twitch just at the thought of it and he stared back at his reflection through the mirror.

“Pull yourself together, Tucker.” He whispered to himself, shaking his head before smoothing his hair back into place, licking his lips and grabbing his keys before he was heading out to the gym.

.

.

.

“One last spin, then we’re wrapping up.” He said, forming circles in the air with his fingers, watching intensely as Ana covered her sweaty hands with chalk once more, clapping them together until a cloud emerged from her actions.

She jumped to grab the bar, swinging until she was holding herself up on it.

“Keep your toes pointed, like- yup, that’s it.” He remarked as she was spinning around on that thing, mastering every obstacle he gave her with flying colors, better than any other girl her age he’s ever trained and that should mean something.

“Voila” He said with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as she landed gracefully on the blue mat. She was even happier.

“Yes” She whispered to herself, balling her hands into fists in victory.

“Did you see that? Uh-huh…” She hummed, beginning to dance on the spot, a few old disco moves that were carried out so uncharacteristically awkward that it had him laughing at her dancing skills.

“I did. Good job, kid.” He praised her, earning himself a grin reaching from ear to ear.

They turned around when they both heard clapping echoing through the hall of the gym, Lucia running towards them as she had an equally big smile on her face.

“Oh my god, that was awesome!” She came storming in, handbag hooked under her arm as she approached the two of them.

It was the first time he’d ever seen her hair up in a ponytail, her black curls hanging down to fall onto her shoulders, a black bandana tied around her head to keep the hair out of her face.

His jaw clenched as he forced a smile onto his face, heart racing at the sight of her.

“High-Five!” She laughed and Ana squealed as she clapped her hand against her sister’s.

“She did real good.” Lance agreed, gulping down the lump in his throat as Lucy bent forward in front of him, Jeans so tight around her ass he was afraid well… afraid? the fabric would rip.

“Hey, why don’t you go change and we’ll go celebrate at Ricardo’s?” She asked Ana with a wink and her sister nodded excitedly before jumping off into the changing room.

“But don’t make her eat too many carbs or we’re back to zero.” He muttered, earning himself an eye-roll at which he could only chuckle.

“She’s a growing girl, let her eat some goddamn pasta, Tucker.” She grumbled, yet she couldn’t hide the faint smirk playing on her lips, still facing the changing room instead of him. He knew it was on purpose.

“I’m just sayin’. The girl really has some potential.” He added, the comment making her look back at him with her brows raised hopefully.

“She’ll never let me watch her do this stuff… I know she’s good, but… how good are we talking about here?” She asked, genuinely curious in how her sister was doing.

“Well” He said as he stood with his legs apart, arms crossing over his chest as he eyed her.

“She definitely has a talent. I’d say she’s one of the most talented kids I’ve ever trained.” He concluded, making her eyes light up with joy.

She bit her bottom lip to stop herself from letting out a cheerful squeak. His eyes were immediately drawn to it.

There was a longer silence where he was still watching her closely and unashamedly and she was no idiot- she knew he was staring her up and down, but wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of reacting to it.

“So…” He began, licking his lips as he stared at her face.

“Don’t even say it.” She spat back at him, knowing exactly what he was about to say, which made him chuckle darkly, sending a shiver down her spine.

“Come on, just one drink.” He inched closer, his scent once again hitting her like a fucking train.

“Jesus Christ, how much freaking cologne do you use on a daily basis?” She turned to face him with a quizzical eyebrow hovering high on her forehead.

His grin only widened at seeing her get all defensive again, or… only when it came to him.

It was kind of cute.

“You don’t like it?” He asked sassily, raising his eyebrows back at her.

“You smell like a goddamn pimp.” She clicked her tongue, lips pursing as she gave him a bitchy stare.

“Aw.” He pouted sarcastically, moving closer until he was standing right next to her, watching her take a deep breath only to see her face contort at the smell of him.

“Girl, I can smell like whatever you want me to smell like.” He drawled lowly, making her forehead wrinkle with confusion.

“What the hell’s that even supposed to mean?” She retorted and he simply shrugged.

“Whatever you want it to mean.” He wiggled his eyebrows and for the first time he saw her laugh a real laugh. More like a giggle before she covered her mouth with her hand to mask her amusement, but it made him feel strangely proud at the realization of him having done this. Having succeeded at making her happy even if it was for just a second.

“You know…” He began, having thought of his next words because he didn’t want her adorable dimples to fade again.

“I- I know it must be difficult sometimes, taking care of your sister by yourself…” He started, her smile not yet fading, but her head tilting to the side as she listened.

“Ana told me you’re living by yourselves” He added as he saw that confusion appear on her face.

It took her a second to respond, processing his words until a less joyful laugh slipped past her lips.

“Yeah. She told you anything else?”

“No… she doesn’t reveal a whole lot about you. I guess there’s a reason behind that.” He mumbled, grinning as he watched her reaction.

“Ya think?” She chuckled and crossed her arms, but his eyes stayed on her face for the first time ever instead of wandering down to her chest. Even she noticed that.

“No, but really, I mean it. It’s impressive how you deal with all that pressure” He cleared his throat, shifting on the spot almost uncomfortably.

“She can be glad to have you as a sister.”

He was not the guy to make small-talk with a woman he wanted to fuck. He was one to flirt and make comments, but not like this.

Never like this, so… casual…

And it was like the reminder switched a switch in his head, shifting to panic as soon as he didn’t hear her curse at him or saw her rolling her eyes at him because, no… this time there was something else in her eyes as she watched him.

Something like… affection. Or at least close to that, but even the thought of that, the surprise at having seen that look on her for the first time- the first time it’s meant for him…

It was plain and simple a reaction out of blind panic.

“Also, your ass looks fucking amazing in those jeans, by the way.” He added, making her snap out of the lingering gaze to roll her eyes at him and scoff before she turned on her heels to head for the exit.

She was shaking her head as she went.

“Una vez…” She hissed “This one time I think you’re trying to be normal, you do this shit again.”

“Hey, okay, I’m sorry.” He said before catching up with her, placing himself in front of her so she would stop running. She was miraculously fast for being so little.

He had to laugh at seeing the look on her face.

“You know, not really sorry, but…” He took a deep breath, rolling his eyes as well before continuing his already rare apology.

“You are a good sister. You should be proud of that.”

“I am.” She was back to her bitchy attitude.

“That’s why I’m not going out with you.”

“Oh, come on, darlin’. I know we’d have some fun, don’t you say?” He chuckled darkly, keeping his equally dark eyes on her.

Diablo. That sexy bastard.

A grin tugged at her lips as an idea shot through her head.

“You mean fun like you and Nicole?”

And with that his smile faded a little, wavering enough to make his confident façade crackle. But it was enough. Enough to make her laugh at seeing his baffled expression.

“Oh, please. I’ve seen the way she looked at you.” Lucy winked at him, a knowing smile on her face because she had him right where she wanted him.

“What do you want me to say?” He pursed his lips after clearing his throat.

“Yes, I fucked the nurse. Who cares?” He threw his hands up in the air, but at seeing the glimmer of disappointment strike her features, he tried again.

“Seriously. Who cares?” He raised an expectant eyebrow.

“Well, I sure as hell don’t.” She shrugged.

“Then prove it. Go out with me.” He said cockily.

She let out a humorless laugh.

“Sure. So you can fuck me and parade me around like you do with all the girls? With fucking Nicole?” She let out an unbelieving chuckle, spitting out her name like it was deadly poison.

“Guys like you are so full of shit. Think you can have it all, huh?”

He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair in despair of not knowing how to build a fucking sentence anymore.

He needed to get his thoughts together and his cockiness back on track.

“First of all… trust me. You wouldn’t regret a night with me, babe. I would make you cum so hard you’d fucking see God before I’m even layin’ a damn finger on you and that’s promise.” He whispered the last part close to her ear while he drank in her reaction like sweet, sweet syrup being poured down his throat because seeing her speechless was so fucking satisfying.

He loved the way she was trying not to show any reaction, but the way her eyes went wide and she swallowed hard was telling him everything he needed to know to continue.

He smirked.

He had her right where he wanted her.

“And I’m saying that ‘cause you’re no regular Nicole.”

And he meant every word of it.

“You’re so fucking sexy my pants get tight every damn time you come marching in here with those tight-ass jeans, with your hair and your smile and your big, round eyes… do you have any idea what that does to a regular guy?”

She had stopped breathing a while ago, her face feeling way hotter than before, like she’d suffocate under a mask of heat and sweat, her heart beating in her throat.

“What I’m saying is that… you’re a beautiful woman, Lucia.” He let her name roll of his tongue, slowly and sinfully, eyes hooded as he leaned into her, his voice only a rasp, coated thickly with arousal.

“And I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be showing you off ‘cause you’re the hottest girl any man could only ever dream of fucking.”

Her core was pounding almost painfully, eyes huge and probably betraying her real feelings she had wanted to hide so badly, but she was kind of busy not rubbing her thighs together or letting out a fucking whimper at hearing those unholy words slip past his lips like he’d had them on his mind for a long time.

Because maybe he did…? Oh, he so did have this speech prepared.

Or she was just more into him than she’d ever anticipated.

She was still looking up at him completely in shock, not blinking nor talking because she couldn’t even begin to form a decent thought that made halfway sense and which didn’t include her internal screaming.

The tension was filling not only the little space there was left between them, but also the entirety of the whole gym which made her mind work at full blast and the hairs on her body stand on end.

She was seriously thinking of ending this terrible silence by simply pressing her mouth to his, her gaze flicking down to his lips for really just a tenth of a second because maybe it’d make it less awkward and just solve everything that was holding them back…?

But thankfully, her sister burst into the hall once more to take that terrible decision from her.

“Let’s go! Ricardo’s!” She sing-sang happily, snapping both of them out of their lust-filled trance before she faced her sister with the about calmest expression she could manage in that moment.

“Yup, I’m… we- let’s go.” She stuttered and Ana only sent her a weird look, which Lucy promptly decided to ignore because she literally had bigger things on her mind.

Number one priority: Getting as much distance between her and the devil himself before she’d make a pact she couldn’t step away from.

Taglist: @culturespark

[fuckyouclarke]

Just some minor points I want to make from 6x01:

*Raven was not a bitch for being pissed off at Clarke OR Abby! These Griffin women are the definition of hypocrite and entitlement! Who do you think Clarke learned everything from? Who do you think gave her the idea to shock-collar Madi? From her MOTHER, who shock-collared RAVEN!

*Murphy had EVERY. RIGHT. to be pissed off at Clarke, and he STILL does. After what she did to him for 5 straight seasons? What else do you expect from  him?! To everyone suddenly hating on him because “he’s the last person who should talk about forgiveness” - Murphy has worked his ASS OFF for 4 seasons straight just to get ACCEPTED by the group!! And when he was given another chance, it was ONLY Bellamy who gave it to him, and Murphy worked HARD to earn it! It wasn’t just WORDS AND NONSENSE to him; he owned up to what he did, took responsibility, apologized to those he hurt, and what did he get in return? A family who loved and cared dearly for him and who would die for him! The first family he’s had since his parents died! And Clarke tried to kill ALL of them! She has done more harm to John Murphy then anyone, and has never apologized to him. Murphy learned over those 6 years on the Ring to trust Spacekru w/ his life, and learned to forgive someone like Bellamy (who became his brother and his best friend), so it’s NOT impossible for him to forgive; you just have to work 10x harder for it...and Bellamy DID that! CLARKE HASN’T! So no, give me one good reason why he should kiss her ass now!

*Clarke is so far up her own ass and refuses to make any apologies for all the hurt she has caused, and right now is NOT owning up to ANYTHING! SO...WHY should Spacekru give her a free pass?

*I mentioned this on Twitter the other day, but I’ll repeat it here. I believe that Bellamy has not forgiven Clarke yet, and is still angry at her. And I still believe that now, after watching the premiere. Let me explain: Bellamy was angry at Clarke in 5x13 until Madi told him about the radio calls; he even SAID that “[Clarke cared so much] that she left him to die in a fighting pit.” And when Clarke asked if he was still angry at her, he was hesitant and only said that the “Commander ordered him not to be.” That doesn’t mean he’s not still angry at her and that he’s forgiven her by ANY means. In fact, I think Bellamy is just trying to be as understanding as possible towards Clarke BECAUSE he now knows about the radio calls, but he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s still angry at her. Remember, folks, we still have that line from the trailer where he specifically TELLS HER that she left him to die in the fighting pits, soooo...I fully believe that’s the case here. Blorkers are being given false info here; they THINK Bellamy has forgiven Clarke’s betrayals, while not forgiving Octavia’s, but the truth is, I think he’s just hiding it. And the mere fact that (SPOILER FOR 6x02 ALERT) Murphy brings up the fighting pits to Clarke in front of Bellamy while they’re all chained up during the Eclipse Psychosis, and the fact that Bellamy only tells Murphy to knock it off when he brings up the pits but FULLY, COMPLETELY 100% allows him to knock Clarke down a few pegs and lay into her about all the pain she’s caused Murphy, but only tells him to stop when he brings up the fighting pits SAYS SOMETHING HUGE.

*Shaw had every right to be pissed off at Clarke, too. And if you’re gonna be all bitchy about how he didn’t have a right because he “doesn’t know Clarke” and then say he had it coming when he died...you can go fuck yourselves right now.

*Spacekru are NOT THE VILLAINS here. Capishe? 

And finally...because I’m bitter as hell over all the bullshit Clarke stans are spewing right now:

*Clarke stans can go away and stay away, and take their hypocrisy with them.

[lynyrdwrites]

Deleted Caroline/Elijah Scene

We were totally robbed of a chance to see these two interact when Caroline told him about Klaus' plan... so I wrote it!

Warning: angst ahead.

---

              It’s a sinking in the pit of her stomach.

              It shouldn’t hit her this hard anymore. Caroline Forbes is no stranger to loss – her mom, her dad, Bonnie and Elena, even if they came back, Stefan.

              She clutches her arms around her waist, and thinks that this one shouldn’t hurt this much. She’s felt  this pain before, as she left a voicemail she wasn’t sure would be heard, but Stefan had been her husband.

              Husband for all of six hours, but it had still been love.

              Knowing that come morning Klaus would be gone too… it shouldn’t hurt the same way.

              You were never the villain in my story.

              It had  been her way of saying good-bye, maybe, to finally be honest with him, and with herself. He had been a villain, but not hers… and she wasn’t sure there was a label that described what he had been.

              They were supposed to have eternity, and Caroline hadn’t actively thought of promises made for years, but now that it was about to be broken…

              She had always counted on those promises being there.

              Someday… someday…

              She spins on her heel, and finds herself facing a different Mikaelson.

              “Elijah.”

              “Mrs. Salvatore.”

              “It’s Forbes, still.  Technically.”

              It had seemed like too much work, to change her name when her husband was dead, and in her grief Caroline hadn’t had the energy to do it.  Once she’d pulled herself  back together, it had seemed so… useless.

              The Salvatore name was only something she had wanted because it came with Stefan.  With him dead, she preferred to keep the one that made her think of her parents.

              “Ms. Forbes, then.”

              It’s awkward.  Caroline’s sure she must have spoken to Elijah at least once, but in the moment she can’t think of such a time. He had been Elena’s connection, not hers. Caroline had been drawn more to Rebekah’s bitchiness, the type Caroline recognized in herself and Klaus’… everything.  Elijah had seemed so distant to her, and more than a little terrifying.

              And the last time they had met…

              “I guess you’re more yourself again,” she says, taking a step back and eyeing his hands warily. She’s had her neck snapped many times, but it’s never a sensation one grows used to. “I’m glad.”

              “Yes, well…” Elijah clears his throat, and Caroline thinks she may have made him uncomfortable.  She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t amused by that. “I owe  you an apology.”

              Caroline just shrugs, because after this, she very much doubts that she’ll see Elijah again.  Once Klaus is… gone, she’ll go back to dealing  with  Freya, she imagines, and perhaps Kol will step in as well, with a lack of other parental options.

              She hisses between her teeth, and wonders how long it will take, for the thought of a world without Klaus to stop hurting.

              “I… are you okay, Ms. Forbes?”

              Caroline’s fingers dig into her hips, and she considers ignoring him.  The Mikaelsons  aren’t the bogeymen anymore, and Hope goes to her school; Elijah might think she’s rude, but he’s hardly going to kill her if she ignores  him.  Their last interaction gives her more than enough reason to dislike him, after all, and she really isn’t in the right frame of mind to deal with the Mikaelson damage that allows Elijah to seem so blasé about his brother’s imminent death.

              “What is wrong with you?!”

              And okay, maybe ignoring him isn’t going to work after all.   She closes her eyes, trying to reign in the temper that she can’t quite seem to control, and then slowly turns to face Elijah.   He’s watching her  with an enigmatic expression, his thoughts hidden.  It’s one of the differences between brothers that will mean Caroline will never be comfortable  around Elijah; she just can’t read him like she can Klaus.

              “I’m sure there are many things  that you would believe  are  wrong with me, but for  the sake of expediency, why don’t you be more specific?”

              “I realize that you and Klaus have, like, the most complicated relationship in the history of relationships – and honestly? Considering my parents and I, that’s saying something… but he’s about to die, and you’re just standing there all Ms. Forbes this and Ms. Forbes that.  How can you do that?  A thousand years, and you’re okay with this? How?” And part of Caroline truly means it when she asks how.  Because she would like an answer.

              Maybe Elijah knows the secret to getting rid of this sinking dread she can’t shake at the thought of an eternity where Klaus no longer exists.

              She’s opening her mouth to say… she’s not even sure. It’s probably mean, because she’s in that sort of mindset, but the she actually sees Elijah’s expression and she closes her mouth, teeth clicking together.

              He no longer looks so distant and closed off; he looks almost… lost. And young, in a way she’s never seen Elijah.  It makes her wonder how old he was when he was turned.

              “You didn’t know,” she says at last, her voice soft.

              It’s Elijah’s turn  to pace, taking several steps away, before turning back to her. He looks ready to speak, then turns away, paces some more, before he speaks with his back to her.

              “My brother cannot be killed, Ms. Forbes. You know this better than most.”

              “He has a white oak stake, Elijah.  I saw it myself.”

              “And you thought to simply let him do this?” Elijah demands, his voice almost raised as he turns towards her.  She finds herself backing away, suddenly not nearly as certain of her safety as she had been moments before.  “Perhaps you enjoy the thought even; how many times did you and your little group try to do just this yourselves?”

              “Do I look like I’m okay with this?” Caroline demands, hot anger making her hold her place, her fingers curling into fists.  “Because I’m really not, but what am I supposed to do? Sorry Klaus, you can’t save your daughter because I have a lot of really complicated emotions to sort out, and most of them begin and end  with you. This… he’s actually doing the right thing, Elijah.  He’s saving his daughter, and  I don’t get to stop him because I…”

              She trails off lamely, because she’s not sure how to finish that.  I love him isn’t right, because there’s too much history there that they haven’t managed to sort through for that to be the truth.  But I care for him doesn’t seem like enough.

              She sits in a chair and  runs her hands through her hair, before resting her forehead in her palms and closing her eyes.  She can still feel his skin against hers, feel his breath against her lips.

              She should have kissed him.  She thinks she’ll probably regret pulling away for the rest of her existence.  An existence that’s looking impossibly long in a way it never had when Klaus was still an option.

              “Hope is a child, Elijah.  We’re supposed to protect children.”

              “Niklaus is my younger brother, Caroline.  I’m meant to protect him as well.”

              She thinks it’s probably the first time Elijah has ever said her name, at least in her presence, but she’s too tired to react. He sits in the seat next to her, and she looks at him.

              “This is a mess,” she admits.  “I almost hate him, for asking me to help.”

              “Niklaus rarely makes things simple.”

              They lapse into silence.  Elijah buries his face in his hands, and Caroline almost reaches out to offer comfort, but pulls back at the last minute.  Even if she knew him well enough to think he’d accept it, she has no idea what to say.

              She can’t even comfort herself.

              “The kids are ready.”

              They both look up at Ric, who looks surprised for a moment to see Elijah with her.  But Ric’s seen enough weird that he shakes it off quickly.

              “I need to speak to my brother,” Elijah says. “It will only take a moment.”

              He doesn’t wait for a response, and Caroline wonders for a moment what he’ll say.

              She doubts it will do anything.  Klaus has always been stubborn, even when his cause was worth far less than his daughter’s life.  Now that Hope is at risk…

              “I can’t do this,” she says to Ric.  “I can’t watch him die.”

              “That’s a long time to hold onto someone you said you hated,” Ric replies.  But he doesn’t accuse her of being blinded again, so that’s a step up.

              “Immortality, Ric,” Caroline says simply.  “I was supposed to have forever.”

[darkloverlost]

TURMOIL w/@Rogue_Vishous

Wrath:

Nothing had been right since that female showed up at the Audience House. I hadn’t been able to focus on anything and it was pissing me the fuck off. I had gotten to the point where I was sparring every spare moment. I had attempted to spar with Z, but V put a halt to that. So, here I was going fist to fist with him, instead. I was hitting harder than ever before, but I was so screwed up in the head, I barely connected with anything and V was getting the better of me. “Fuck!” I spat, stepping aside for a minute, after V clocked me good.

I needed to get my head in the game. I had been messing up at work, too. The other night I had screamed at a few citizens that couldn’t solve their own problems. Sometimes I felt as though I was just some referee for the race. Can’t resolve an issue amongst yourselves, bring it to the King, even if it is about a stupid chair. A chair. Yes, that’s right. This family lost their grandsire, and he had this chair… anyway, it doesn’t really matter. It was the most asinine thing I had ever heard. They had all deserved a good tongue lashing.

Vishous: *While sparring with the King, I started to think he wasn’t even trying. I was waitingfor him to give me everything he had and Nothing I wasn’t even breaking a sweat. * What is going on Wrath are you even trying? *I ask as he stepped aside. You’ve got to let me know what is going through your mind. After that female left the Audience House you haven’t been the same since.

Your yelling at the brothers the citizens even LW has noticed. Your needing to take a break from the Audience House. We all cannot go on like this true? * Something is going on even before that female came along I knew he was just going through the paces. I hate to even think this but our King is losing his mind.*

Wrath:

“Seriously? LW?” I questioned as I began to pace the mats. This had gotten worse than I thought. The Brothers could handle my mood. I had been pretty much a brute about things around the homestead ever since Beth and gone unto The Fade. They were used to it. The Audience House I had wanted to take some time away from for a while, anyway. I was overdue. But, LW… that was a totally different beast. For him to notice a change… I had really fucked up. Par for the course, at this point, though. I couldn’t seem to keep my head out of my ass, as of late, and this female showing up didn’t help. It’s been ten years and I’ve had not one inkling of a feeling towards any female. Not even any of the Chosen that come to force me to feed from them, when I get too weak. Not once have I had any kind of a stirring from below the belt… unless I’m having a dream about my belated Queen. But, this female that came by the Audience House had definitely caused a stirring and it made me feel guilty as hell, and unfaithful, and so fucking wrong. It was as if I had cheated on Beth and I hadn’t even gotten close to the female. I even threw her out. That hadn’t seemed to matter, though. She had barely left my thoughts since. I had heard her voice in my dreams. I wasn’t about to admit that to V, though. “I’m fine, V. It’s nothing. Same shit, different day is all. Let’s close down the Audience House for two weeks. Shift things around. Bring in Saxton, if needed, to discuss with me any urgent matters. Got it?”

Vishous: Yes LW. You know he can talk now right? He’s come to me not long ago asking why Dad is so angry *I know there are other things going on in his head, He’s like a fucking valut keeps it locked up tight. Ever since Beth went unto the Fade he has been bitchy like a female but worse than before since that night at the Audience House.* So are we going to talk about that female? Why you were so short with her . Why her?. And Saxton can take care of all the shit being sent in. *I walk back to the middle and tell Wrath to work a little harder at trying to take me down. I know he can’t his head is all mixed up Maybe I can knock a little sense back into him.* @DarkLoverLost

Wrath:

A growl threatens, “Fuck you, V. I know my son can talk.” He’s coming dangerously close to pissing me off even more. It’s as if he’s taunting me. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll make more of an effort around him.” I conceded, although I wasn’t sure how much more of an effort I could make. I had thought I had been doing okay at home. Then again, there were days when I just didn’t care. Depression had been a death sentence for me. Most days, I got through due to LW. Some days though, even he couldn’t get me from evening to morning. On those days, I tried to stay away… from everyone. I knew I wasn’t any fun to be around on a normal day. Those days, I just wanted to cut a bitch, and I was always afraid I might.

Turning towards V’s voice, I bent forward and bolted at him, slamming him to the ground on his back. “I’m not talking about her, man. It was nothing. I was done for the day, that’s all.” I hadn’t realized that by acknowledging his comment, that I was letting him know, that I knew exactly who he was talking about, which in essence gave away the truth, that she had gotten under my skin. “Like I’ve been saying, I’ve needed a break from that place for a while. I had just had enough.” Why did he need to keep bringing her up. Like I needed any kind of reminder. The female dominated my thoughts. I had gotten to the point where I had pretty much spent the past three days drinking myself to bed, in hopes that the alcohol would erase her. No such fucking luck. It just gave me more bizarre dreams about her and massive hangovers in the evening.

Vishous: *i knew I was in the wrong bring up LW bit something had to get through to him and I knew that female had messed up his head. Seeing him act that way. The only time I’ve ever seen him go bazaar on another male like he has toward me was his Shellen. I seen his body tense up after being up that female at the house and him slamming me to the ground that was the last straw.* ok, that’s not sparing brother. You need to get your fucking head straight and if it has to do with LW or that damn female. Do something then else then drinking your damn black or taking it out on your brotherhood. *I rip all my sparring gear off throw it on the floor stand there glaring at him with my arms crossed waiting for a response on what I said. And I couldn’t take the silence* I know you know your son can talk now you need to listen to him. To all of us. We all miss Beth because she was the only one that can talk damn sense in your thick skull. Now you need to listen to your own blood brother. We are all here. *tapping my temple even tho I know he can’t see* I still see things in my mind brother. @DarkLoverLost

Wrath:

I could hear V tearing his gear off and making a scene. He should know by now that kicking up the drama wasn’t going to get him anywhere with me, aside from pissing me right the fuck off. “No, you listen up! My son and that female are off fucking limits! I’m not talking to you about either one of them, right now.” It riled me up even more that he thought he could get into my head with all this shit. “It’s been ten years since Beth went unto The Fade. I’m sick and tired of all my Brothers thinking they can throw a switch and I’m all of a sudden going to be fine. It don’t work like that, V. A male’s gotta go through what a male’s gotta go through, and for me that means raising a young all on my own, ruling a whole race…” Growling out the next part, I continued, “oh yeah, and mourning the loss of my mate!” I hadn’t even realized I had been tearing a track in the mats from all my pacing. “I would hate to see the day that you lose your mate, my Brother. Maybe, then I’ll take some advice on the subject from you. Until that day, stop pushing me to get past it. I’ll get there when I get there.”

This whole thing was getting old. The depression sucked ass, the guilt of feeling less than a father to my son was unbearable, the stress of having to rule the race under all these conditions was breaking me, the Brothers thinking I was going to just snap out of it all had me ready to fucking snap in all the wrong ways, and now I had this fucking female that was taking over all my waking thoughts. Talk about fucking guilt! Which reminded me… “And stay out of my head, V!”

Vishous: *I wouldn’t know what it’s like with losing my Shellen. I came close once.  I wouldn’t want that pain. My Leelan is my world just like my brothers. I know he is in pain but, the race needs home and his son if this female is the cause of his craziness he’s got to stay clear of her.* I’ll hand her problems you need to go back to the audience house and go down to Darius rooms and get away Sire take LW with you if need be. I’ll get with #Saxton and take care of things. *I don’t know if this will help. But I think I may need to talk to that female and keep her away.*I know your in pain and I don’t know how I would feel if I lost my Shellen, I don’t know your pain but I did come close to losing her if you remember. I can’t stay out of your head your screaming. @DarkLoverLost

Wrath: Shaking my head, I respond, “If I’m taking some time away from the Audience House, it’s not going to be in its basement.” Thinking for a minute, I come up with a better plan. Well, maybe not really so much of a great plan, but one that a little more palatable than hanging out downstairs, in the Audience House, the one place I am trying to avoid. “I can hang out here, at the manse. I’ll take LW on a couple of excursions to… “ I began to think about it. Where was I going to take him to? Downtown Caldwell? In the middle of the night? Not! I could take him out to dinner, but how much fun was a young going to have at a restaurant that didn’t have an arcade in it? “I’ll think of something. But, I’m not going to spend my time off in the basement of the building I’m avoiding.”

I begin to shrug off my training gear and kick it off to the side. “Do what you have to with Saxton. I need this time off, now. Not in a couple of weeks. If I have to sit through one more dispute over… what was it? A gaggle(?) of chickens, or whatever they called it… I just might throw my desk at someone.” Pushing my wraparounds up far enough to rub my eyes, I continue, “Make it happen, would ya?”

As I begin to walk away, I reach out and pat V once on the shoulder. “Thanks, man.” I’m not the apologetic type, so I don’t apologize for flattening him on the mat or yelling at him earlier, but V knows I appreciate what he does.

Vishous: *Listening to what Wrath says I know what I can and can’t say enough to piss him off to get done what needs to be done, And him getting away needs to be done. I see something coming and I don’t want to stop it.* Yeah, I got Saxton, I know what I need to do Sire. *All I can do is nod when he says Thanks to me.* The next time you want to kick someones ass, call Hollywood. *I call behind him as he walks out. Our race is going to flourish again. I know it’s coming I can see it.*

#Turmoil #EternallyBoundRPG

[acevillainswhodunnit]

Investigation Start

“Good morning, the world says, like, hello!” Mimi chirps brightly. In her mirror, a happy-go-lucky smile popped on her reflected face like it was second nature.

She had made it using a piece of glass from the master bedroom, claiming that the lack of space in the house’s bathrooms were, like, messing up her vibes. Shelly allowed her to have it, but not before rounding the corners to make it as safe as possible. In Mimi’s opinion, his efforts seemed pretty pointless. If anyone wanted a weapon, a simple piece of wood would do, or a spoke from one of the abandoned tents laying in the courtyard. Hell, the last murder was done with a piece of meat- was he planning on tossing all of that out too?

“God, this is soo boring. I am so sick of this house and everyone in here!” she whines, idly wondering who was listening and snooping around the upstairs. This was a performance after all, and Mimi prided herself on her acting skills. She doubted there was anyone in the house that really believed she was a threat- except the killer, of course. Whoever they were, they weren’t afraid of putting themselves into compromising situations. It seemed that they were always one step ahead of the game, no matter how much the others tried to anticipate their movements.

It all stressed her the hell out and reminded her of her breakdown before the whole incident that got her sent to court and then to jail. What a pain!

Sticking out here was the worst. If you were too nosy you’d be called out like Daryan. If you were good at winning games people would side eye you, like with Alita. Too mouthy and no one would ever take you seriously, like that pompous Redd. She could go on forever about Dee’s faux-careless attitude, or Lana’s annoying hovering or Luke’s radical thought process, but she just didn’t care!

It was too early to think.

All the deaths were starting to run together in her head. With people like Morgan and Yanni, at least they’d been around long enough to make a slight impression. Did anyone even remember that Furio guy? Or Cammy, who had a surprisingly well-stocked stash of fruity face masks? Or that ugly lawyer who was playing hangman all on his own? Who even knew.

With Matt’s death, Mimi was at least now officially the most spacey one here. Like hell she would let anyone steal her handcrafted personality. It was her thing, okay? Or maybe Ini’s thing, but she had been her sister so long that she had sort of forgotten who she was in the grand scheme of things. Was the occasional bitchiness her thing too, or was it Mimi’s?

Oh well, it didn’t matter anyway.

“Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey,” she mumbles under her breath, deciding to go with that one today. It was already a little past 11 AM when she had ventured out of her room.

In the past Matt’s loud singing would wake her up better than any alarm, seeing how their rooms had been attached at one point. It felt so odd to have everything be so... quiet? Maybe she was just noticing the silence of the house, especially when their louder companions had slowly gotten picked off. Hah, maybe that was the killer’s real motive and the whole case solving thing was a hoax. At this point, she wouldn’t be surprised.

She was safe this week, which was the only fact that Mimi really deemed necessary at the moment. She felt bad for the Ace Loudmouth, and the Director Dire, or was it Producer Prude? Pfft, as if she would ever say that. It was rude even for her tastes. Like, thank god there weren’t any mind readers in here, especially since most of her day was spent cursing out Shelly for taking so long to bring things into their next stages.

It felt like weeks had passed since Matt’s death, and now there was a silent threat floating in the air.

Be careful. You will die if you make one wrong move.  

“...eh, whatever.” Mimi brushes the feeling off, hurrying towards the main floor bathroom. In the morning all the early birds like Daryan and Alita would hog the bathroom, and latecomers like Luke and Lana never managed to let her shower in peace without making nitpicky comments. She could hear the sounds of an early lunch being prepared, and Shelly debating with someone or another. It was almost bizarre how common this all was now. How very routine.

“And that’s when I said, ‘I’m just a humble ice cream server!’ right after I tried to assassinate a foreign president,” Shelly says with pride, only to be rebutted by several outcries and someone calling him a sleaze, if Mimi heard correctly. Hah. 

Grabbing a towel from the cabinet that sat outside the bathroom, Mimi throws it over her shoulder along with her clean clothes, and takes a step into the bathroom.

She was going to make this easy and simple. Wash her hair, use one of Cammy's avocado face masks, and finally-

She didn’t have a moment to think before her ears were hit with the sharp crash of something, and in the next instant Mimi found herself lying on her back, smoke and debris flying out from the morgue as a huge tremor hit the building.

“What the hell was that!” someone's voice shouted, water spraying from the sky.

A second tremor shook the building, and the lights flickered before shutting off completely. In a moment the emergency lights flicker on, and the foyer is filled with smoke and the sounds of gathering.

“What has happened here?” Shelly’s voice is shaky, which is almost more shocking than the god damn explosion that just happened two inches from her face. Mimi clutches her head and scoots back into the wall, her eyes focusing on the crowd surrounding her at the mouth of the now destroyed communal bathroom.

Alita’s shriek catches her attention. “Was that a bomb?!”

Redd coughs into the air. “Huzzah! Two glorious bombs-" he's cut off by his own lack of breath.

“Was anyone in there?” Lana shouts, her voice a ghost in the room.

“Yeah, almost me!” Mimi snaps, wincing through the ringing in her ears.

“Luke? Dee? You better not be fuckin’ with us!” Daryan’s pomp is just barely visible through the smoke. “This is some bullshit! Who the hell would bomb the morgue?”

Shelly’s face appears, highlighted in red that cascades off of the emergency lights. “It seems the killer has made their move.”

Mimi scrambles to her feet, coughing. The taste of dust coated her mouth.

A bomb? Two? So early in the morning?

Was it Dee? Or was it Luke? Had anyone seen them at all this morning?

A figure appears from the fog, and everyone turns towards them.

“I live!” the voice shouts, and Luke throws himself into the fray, his body soaked from the emergency sprinklers. “Once again, the great ace detective frees himself from death's grasp! Success!”

“Jesus, how the hell does he keep doing this?” someone mutters from within the group.

Mimi doesn’t give a damn. She wipes the water from her eyes and snarls, “Then that means Dee’s fucked!”

She pulls herself up and stumbles towards the morgue, closely followed by her other housemates. Stepping over the broken sinks, battered doors, and the bench they had been using as an autopsy table, all eyes fall on a body laying at the end of the room.

Covered in blood and pieces of drywall, was Dee Vasquez.

For a moment, everyone is silent. The hissing of the sprinklers spraying water over their latest crime scene muffles the sound of their breaths. The ringing in her ears hasn’t stopped either. Despite feeling like they’ve waited forever for the next round to start, Mimi can’t bring herself to move towards the body.

From the back of the group, someone clears their throat. The group turns to let Shelly through the entrance of the bathroom. He steps over to a valve on the wall and turns it, shutting off the sprinklers. He takes his soaked gloves off, but doesn’t turn to face the group again.

“It seems that we now have a new case at hand. Once I turn the power back on, we shall divide into groups. As always, your options are the Morgue, the Crime Scene, and the Last Known Whereabouts.”

He pauses.

“Due to... the nature of this case, the morgue will be moved to another room permanently. Do not concern yourselves about making the necessary arrangements, I will take care of that myself. Simply focus on your investigations, as you always have before.” With that, he turns on his heel to leave the now ruined bathroom.

@deevasques​, you have been murdered! You’ve put up an amazing effort throughout the whole game, and it’s been an honor and a pleasure having you play! Thank you so much for participating!

[kkookies]

don’t → mark tuan

⤷ 26 “broken, as they clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave”

pairing / mark tuan x reader

fluff / angst / smut

warnings / strong language?

The screaming had been going on for hours, anger being the only emotion evident in your body. You were beyond pissed, anger and sadness overcoming you in a way it had never done before.

“Just talk to me!” Mark was yelling, following you as you entered the living room. You weren’t having it, though.

“You want to talk, fine! Let’s talk!” you were shouting beyond anything he had heard you yell before. “How is she doing?”

“Wha–”

“No, you said you wanted to talk about it, so let’s talk about it.” you turned to face him. “How is she doing? Is she good? I bet she’s wonderful.”

Mark didn’t say anything. He had never seen you so upset in his life, and the past couple years you two have dated, the arguments were never like this.

But, then again, Mark had never cheated on you before then.

It was only earlier when you walked into the Got7 dorm, expecting to surprise your boyfriend after months of readying for the comeback and very, very few moments to yourselves. You bumped into Yugyeom as you entered the building, him trying to get in your way and purposely slowing you down from seeing Mark.

You had given him a few weird looks, and walked past him and to Mark’s room. Yugyeom had tried to warn you not to go in, but you did anyway. Only to find him on top of an unknown girl.

As soon as he seen you, he rushed off and tried to follow you out. But you were already leaving.

So, there the two of you were, yelling again. You released all of your anger into words that shot at him like bullets. Mark wasn’t angry, he was upset with himself mostly, but he could feel the anger boiling within him because of the atmosphere around him and he hated being yelled at.

You were yelling nonsense at him, when he finally yelled back. This time it was something that made the entire world stop.

“Would you just shut the fuck up for one minute? Maybe if you weren’t so bitchy it wouldn’t have happened in the first place!” he spoke in pure anger.

Everything became silent all at once. You were frozen in your place, holding back tears, broken. Mark was silent now, too, the realization of what he said dawning on him.

“I’m going to leave.” you said. Your voice was low, almost inaudible, but he could hear you clearly. He could hear the small crack in your voice that showed just how his words had impacted you. This was your apartment, after all, and you were going to leave because of him.

“No, wait… I didn’t mean–”

You were going to walk past him when he stopped in front of you. The tears now streamed down your face, and he couldn’t help but reach up and try to dry them.

“Don’t… don’t touch me.” you said, pushing past him.

He turned around and watched as you gathered your jacket and put your shoes on. What have I done? What did I just say? repeated in his mind like a broken record.

“Y/n,” he rushed towards you as you opened the door. He reached for the only thing he could, which happened to be your jacket sleeve, making you stop.

You turned so you can look at him. He was crying, too, and his red hair was disheveled from running his hands through it.

“Y/n, please don’t go.” he whispered now. He looked everywhere but your face before landing his eyes directly on yours. “I love you, please don’t leave.”

Your breath hitched, and you bit your lip. He was clutching onto the fabric of your arm as though it was his life support. 

“I…” you searched for what to say. Your voice was just above a whisper. “I wish…” you gulped. “But, now, when I look at you, all I see is you on top of her, and I just…”

More tears came from your eyes in an instant, taking your reply with them. You carefully took his arm off of your sleeve, letting his hand drop to his side.

“Goodbye, Mark.”

And, even through his clouded vision, he could see you walk away. His one mistake had caused more harm than anything he had ever done. The memory of you turning into the elevator with tears in your eyes was the last time he would see you.

~~

ah, i hate writing angst for mark, he’s so fluffy that it hurt to write this. hopefully you enjoyed, though! <3

[askkav-archived]

;; PSA

If you have an avoidant personality, perhaps don’t try to get too involved with me or give me a heads up. I’m pretty confrontational and don’t leave a lot of room for excuses as well.

If you don’t see yourself being able to support my character or liking them any bit at first (and think you’ll be able to grow to love them), perhaps don’t bother? Rude, well this fandom is pretty rude and gross too so why can I be too?

I had enough of the majority of people telling me she’s a slut and letting that be a derogatory to her character - Kav’s a strong, sexual character who isn’t shy about what she does and says. She can fuck the whole of the marines and pirates but that doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s empowering and using whatever means to get what she wants.

PLUS SHE”S FOR MULTISHIPPING, get over yourselves. Kav loves and she loves a lot, physically.

If YOU FEEL as though you own a character or a fandom that rightfully doesn’t belong to you, please keep away. I don’t care what you think and feel, whether you have a large fanbase or not - I’m doing what I want to do with my own blog and it has nothing to do with you or anyone.

If you unfollow me, never come back. Never. I’m the kind of person who’s behind something 100% or none at all - and always 100% behind it.

Which in turn I need to state, once I see or find out you unfollowed me. I’ll block you and all of your blogs. I’m a believer of the whole ‘out of sight, out of mind.’ I’ll never have to worry about pleasing you because there’s other people out there who can see my worth and I never have to earn it like they don’t feel they have to earn mine as well.

(Though side note; Tumblr has the glitch to unfollow people - please let me know beforehand - or tell me that I unfollowed you because I usually unfollow people if they’re inactive for more than 3 months.)

If I like you, I LIKE YOU ENOUGH TO BE MY FRIEND!!! Don’t make me do all the work of keeping up a friendship - or let me always hitting you up. Two way street man, I can’t keep walking the whole block for others’ who can’t be sensible enough to send an ask or a message my way.

But If I really adore you like a bff, than I probably will keep up with you all the time - follow you everywhere and bother you (and I pray to god that I don’t annoy you because I can get annoying. Please tell me to chill.)

One important thing people need to know; I don’t dislike or hate you - Just because I stopped liking your posts or anything doesn’t mean I hate you or your character, I’m just tired and/or haven’t seen your posts on my dash. 

(Honestly I don’t really any feeling besides neutrality towards you or others, your blog or your muses.)

THOUGH if I feel you stopped liking my things or stopped interacting with my OC or me (either ic or ooc) - I feel as though you don’t wanna do anything with me, which in turn means I will no longer try to do anything with you or your character.

My inbox has a lot of things in it, looking at it makes me feel anxious and feel overwhelmed seeing as the asks are from months ago from other ask or rp blogs that I WISH i had gotten to but couldn’t do so because of other things going on or I thought I could do it later after an event.

And my dumb anxious self feels a though you now dislike me for not answering it and I wish I only gotten back to you through messages to talk about it but ANXIETY!!!

One last thing.

PLEASE IF I SEND YOU AN ASK, PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU AREN’T ABLE TO DO IT SO I DON’T FEEL AS THOUGH YOU DISLIKE ME OR TELL ME BEFOREHAND OF YOUR MUSE’S ANSWER.

(I wish I could get over it but seeing my own character being disliked, hated or picked on isn’t my thing or seeing it online. I kind of had enough of past ex-friends and haters disliking a character I MADE on my own and worked on for several years being hated on. I love Kav more than my own life.)

BUT BUT!! I’m so open to a bratty, catty and hate-friends between Kav and others - she’s snarky and has a sharp tongue, and I enjoy relationships where both character can be assholes to each other but still know their place as friends or acquaintances.

AND IF YOU SEND ME AN ASK, PLEASE TELL ME IF I GOT IT! I might even hit you up about it and how Kav might react to it, I want people to feel okay with Kav’s answer before I push publish because she can be cruel, bitchy and straight up terrible.

[eternallyboundfamily]

Turmoil,  written by @DarkLoverLost & @DiamondEyeDeit

Wrath:

Nothing had been right since that female showed up at the Audience House. I hadn’t been able to focus on anything and it was pissing me the fuck off. I had gotten to the point where I was sparring every spare moment. I had attempted to spar with Z, but V put a halt to that. So, here I was going fist to fist with him, instead. I was hitting harder than ever before, but I was so screwed up in the head, I barely connected with anything and V was getting the better of me. “Fuck!” I spat, stepping aside for a minute, after V clocked me good.

I needed to get my head in the game. I had been messing up at work, too. The other night I had screamed at a few citizens that couldn’t solve their own problems. Sometimes I felt as though I was just some referee for the race. Can’t resolve an issue amongst yourselves, bring it to the King, even if it is about a stupid chair. A chair. Yes, that’s right. This family lost their grandsire, and he had this chair… anyway, it doesn’t really matter. It was the most asinine thing I had ever heard. They had all deserved a good tongue lashing.

Vishous: 

*While sparring with the King, I started to think he wasn’t even trying. I was waitingfor him to give me everything he had and Nothing I wasn’t even breaking a sweat. * What is going on Wrath are you even trying? *I ask as he stepped aside. You’ve got to let me know what is going through your mind. After that female left the Audience House you haven’t been the same since.Your yelling at the brothers the citizens even LW has noticed. Your needing to take a break from the Audience House. We all cannot go on like this true? * Something is going on even before that female came along I knew he was just going through the paces. I hate to even think this but our King is losing his mind.*

Wrath:

“Seriously? LW?” I questioned as I began to pace the mats. This had gotten worse than I thought. The Brothers could handle my mood. I had been pretty much a brute about things around the homestead ever since Beth and gone unto The Fade. They were used to it. The Audience House I had wanted to take some time away from for a while, anyway. I was overdue. But, LW… that was a totally different beast. For him to notice a change… I had really fucked up. Par for the course, at this point, though. I couldn’t seem to keep my head out of my ass, as of late, and this female showing up didn’t help. It’s been ten years and I’ve had not one inkling of a feeling towards any female. Not even any of the Chosen that come to force me to feed from them, when I get too weak. Not once have I had any kind of a stirring from below the belt… unless I’m having a dream about my belated Queen. But, this female that came by the Audience House had definitely caused a stirring and it made me feel guilty as hell, and unfaithful, and so fucking wrong. It was as if I had cheated on Beth and I hadn’t even gotten close to the female. I even threw her out. That hadn’t seemed to matter, though. 

She had barely left my thoughts since. I had heard her voice in my dreams. I wasn’t about to admit that to V, though. “I’m fine, V. It’s nothing. Same shit, different day is all. Let’s close down the Audience House for two weeks. Shift things around. Bring in Saxton, if needed, to discuss with me any urgent matters. Got it?”

Vishous: 

Yes LW. You know he can talk now right? He’s come to me not long ago asking why Dad is so angry *I know there are other things going on in his head, He’s like a fucking valut keeps it locked up tight. Ever since Beth went unto the Fade he has been bitchy like a female but worse than before since that night at the Audience House.* So are we going to talk about that female? Why you were so short with her . Why her?. And Saxton can take care of all the shit being sent in. *I walk back to the middle and tell Wrath to work a little harder at trying to take me down.I know he can’t his head is all mixed up Maybe I can knock a little sense back into him.* 

Wrath:

A growl threatens, “Fuck you, V. I know my son can talk.” He’s coming dangerously close to pissing me off even more. It’s as if he’s taunting me. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll make more of an effort around him.” I conceded, although I wasn’t sure how much more of an effort I could make. I had thought I had been doing okay at home. Then again, there were days when I just didn’t care. Depression had been a death sentence for me. Most days, I got through due to LW. Some days though, even he couldn’t get me from evening to morning. On those days, I tried to stay away… from everyone. I knew I wasn’t any fun to be around on a normal day. Those days, I just wanted to cut a bitch, and I was always afraid I might.

Turning towards V’s voice, I bent forward and bolted at him, slamming him to the ground on his back. “I’m not talking about her, man. It was nothing. I was done for the day, that’s all.” I hadn’t realized that by acknowledging his comment, that I was letting him know, that I knew exactly who he was talking about, which in essence gave away the truth, that she had gotten under my skin. “Like I’ve been saying, I’ve needed a break from that place for a while. I had just had enough.” Why did he need to keep bringing her up. Like I needed any kind of reminder. 

The female dominated my thoughts. I had gotten to the point where I had pretty much spent the past three days drinking myself to bed, in hopes that the alcohol would erase her. No such fucking luck. It just gave me more bizarre dreams about her and massive hangovers in the evening.

Vishous: *i knew I was in the wrong bring up LW bit something had to get through to him and I knew that female had messed up his head. Seeing him act that way. The only time I’ve ever seen him go bazaar on another male like he has toward me was his Shellan. 

I seen his body tense up after being up that female at the house and him slamming me to the ground that was the last straw.* ok, that’s not sparing brother. You need to get your fucking head straight and if it has to do with LW or that damn female. Do something then else then drinking your damn black or taking it out on your brotherhood.

*I rip all my sparring gear off throw it on the floor stand there glaring at him with my arms crossed waiting for a response on what I said. And I couldn’t take the silence* I know you know your son can talk now you need to listen to him. To all of us. We all miss Beth because she was the only one that can talk damn sense in your thick skull. Now you need to listen to your own blood brother. We are all here. *tapping my temple even though I know he can’t see* I still see things in my mind brother.

Wrath:

I could hear V tearing his gear off and making a scene. He should know by now that kicking up the drama wasn’t going to get him anywhere with me, aside from pissing me right the fuck off. “No, you listen up! My son and that female are off fucking limits! I’m not talking to you about either one of them, right now.” It riled me up even more that he thought he could get into my head with all this shit. “It’s been ten years since Beth went unto The Fade. I’m sick and tired of all my Brothers thinking they can throw a switch and I’m all of a sudden going to be fine. It don’t work like that, V. A male’s gotta go through what a male’s gotta go through, and for me that means raising a young all on my own, ruling a whole race…” Growling out the next part, I continued, “oh yeah, and mourning the loss of my mate!” I hadn’t even realized I had been tearing a track in the mats from all my pacing. “I would hate to see the day that you lose your mate, my Brother. Maybe, then I’ll take some advice on the subject from you. Until that day, stop pushing me to get past it. I’ll get there when I get there.”

This whole thing was getting old. The depression sucked ass, the guilt of feeling less than a father to my son was unbearable, the stress of having to rule the race under all these conditions was breaking me, the Brothers thinking I was going to just snap out of it all had me ready to fucking snap in all the wrong ways, and now I had this fucking female that was taking over all my waking thoughts. Talk about fucking guilt! Which reminded me… “And stay out of my head, V!”

Vishous:*I wouldn’t know what it’s like with losing my Shellan. I came close once.  I wouldn’t want that pain. My Leelan is my world just like my brothers. I know he is in pain but, the race needs home and his son if this female is the cause of his craziness he’s got to stay clear of her.* I’ll hand her problems you need to go back to the audience house and go down to Darius rooms and get away Sire take LW with you if need be. I’ll get with #Saxton and take care of things. 

*I don’t know if this will help. But I think I may need to talk to that female and keep her away. I know your in pain and I don’t know how I would feel if I lost my Shellan, I don’t know your pain but I did come close to losing her if you remember. I can’t stay out of your head your screaming. 

Wrath:

Shaking my head, I respond, “If I’m taking some time away from the Audience House, it’s not going to be in its basement.” Thinking for a minute, I come up with a better plan. Well, maybe not really so much of a great plan, but one that a little more palatable than hanging out downstairs, in the Audience House, the one place I am trying to avoid. “I can hang out here, at the manse. I’ll take LW on a couple of excursions to… “ I began to think about it. Where was I going to take him to? Downtown Caldwell? In the middle of the night? Not! I could take him out to dinner, but how much fun was a young going to have at a restaurant that didn’t have an arcade in it? “I’ll think of something. But, I’m not going to spend my time off in the basement of the building I’m avoiding.”I begin to shrug off my training gear and kick it off to the side. “Do what you have to with Saxton. I need this time off, now. Not in a couple of weeks. If I have to sit through one more dispute over… what was it? A gaggle(?) of chickens, or whatever they called it… I just might throw my desk at someone.” Pushing my wraparounds up far enough to rub my eyes, I continue, “Make it happen, would ya?”

As I begin to walk away, I reach out and pat V once on the shoulder. “Thanks, man.” I’m not the apologetic type, so I don’t apologize for flattening him on the mat or yelling at him earlier, but V knows I appreciate what he does.

Vishous:

*Listening to what Wrath says I know what I can and can’t say enough to piss him off to get done what needs to be done, And him getting away needs to be done. I see something coming and I don’t want to stop it.* Yeah, I got Saxton, I know what I need to do Sire. *All I can do is nod when he says Thanks to me.* The next time you want to kick someones ass, call Hollywood. *I call behind him as he walks out. Our race is going to flourish again. I know it’s coming I can see it.*

[saintorr]

“Gentrification Genocide” Four scenes

c. 2017 by Steven Orr

 I.  Having survived AIDS, a gay-bashing, 9-11, Sandy and an endless stream of trickster, horny-queens posing as no-show clients, I reflect; will this latest wave of too-close-for-comfort gentrification be my own, personal, genocidal Swan Song? Tonight, while riding my bike like a crazed, clowning pterodactyl, I found myself breathily imitating the sound of a very feminized bicycle bell. “Ding-ding” one moment, and the next, screaming like a crazed banshee at a female pedestrian dressed in black as she is mindlessly stepping directly into my on-coming path. My crazed battle-cry makes her stop bunglingly in her tracks; her oral addiction to her mobile device unforgivingly interrupted. Indignantly, she screams “Oh my God!” in a belting, bleating voice tinged with a Valley-girl accent. This happens just off 7th Street and First Avenue. I pedal on gleefully, half ashamed for my acting out, and half empowered and self-congratulatory for my anarchistic, bad-boy tendencies. I’m hoping and praying that maybe, said jay-walker is one of the new billionaire zombies inhabiting the crystal cardboard and colorless tag-team duo of buildings that went on the market last fall. They are located on Avenue A between 6th and 7th Streets; or perhaps she's a new resident of the renovated and reconverted Shul just four doors west of my man cave. Oh, you know, that confusing condo-synagogue; that half place-of-worship, half billionaire-broken-hearted-haunt of the ghost of the big Rabbi who is survived by his swarmy, conniving, snake-eyed son, also named Sandy.

 II. In the morning, do not fear, I tell myself, for those monstrous explosions are merely the renovation of the deceased artist De Maria’s former studio. Formerly a Con-Ed substation, the building is currently being magically and noisily transformed into a private museum for one Mr. Brant, the new billionaire owner. Ordinary neighborhood citizens will not be allowed access to the beatific garden growing between 421 East 6th Street, and cutting straight through to East 7th, like a slender, cold, fish knife slicing through a newborn babe’s beating heart, nor will they be allowed into the private storage space where priceless, modern (and most-likely insipid) works of art will be hidden away. Here will be housed Brant’s sacred treasures of the inner sanctum; here in this great, tall, glass-walled chapel of a structure, art will dwell. Rich man’s art, available only for private viewing to the coterie of fellow billionaires, stars and their kingly cronies. Cannibalize yourselves, you lowly 99%, suffer the noise! Let the new money frighten away the former spirit guides and the friendly semi-wild gypsy cats that once played, sang and danced along and in between these semi-lit row houses of tenements, filled with the ghosts of beer and dreams and young strains of fading songwriters’ guitars and falling-in-love-with-the-moonbeam-dreams and rainy-days-and-Sundays of East Village hungry-hearts and shadow leather lovers. Monsieur Brant wanted a location and tax-write off that was “creative”, so here we are! Oh you poor 99%, you starving nothings, yes, you may die of noise, entitlement and achingly tight assholeism when the chic parties start and the drones and the helicopters and the limousines start arriving with darling, parasitic models and the zombie-hungry, spoiled-cool, hipster billionaires and their cold, cold parents but oh! Just look how your property values are increasing! With every chiseled BOOM BOOM of chards detaching and jagged, dusty, broken bricks flinging, the work crew of flying monkeys is tossing all, all into the the BOOMING maw of the dumpster from hell (it must be half a block wide). Then comes the skeletal, fire-cracking, whacking-snapping chorus of never-ending jackhammers (often five at once), for this is a war of money over time, fought, won and played out by short, trollish billionaires with crooked smiles and hawk-like noses. For WE THE PEOPLE are obsolete and irrelevant; WE THE PEOPLE are little better than charming old engines, White slave labor, memories of America’s fragmented, shrunken middle class; now addicted to crack, Walmart, Nikes and digitized Disney dreams of “Searching for Dory”. WE THE PEOPLE, better forgotten, better disposed of, better buried by the Trumps, so the young, rich litters of billionaire spawn can play here anew, can fling themselves into their endless selfie-cesspools of Chai lattes, tropical banana and protein powder smoothies, funny French black bulldogs named Lucy and lovely, decadent, divinely narcissistic empty and burning consumeristic dreams of pretension and nothingness. In short, WE THE PEOPLE are poor, inconsequential, invisible and don’t matter anymore.

 III.  As a matter of fact, Medicaid was specifically created to hasten us to an early grave. Those of us that weren’t exterminated by the first or second waves of gentrification genocide will surely spill into the trenches or be forced to emigrate now with this new third and biggest wave. Someone once said “We don’t know how good we have it.” “We don’t’ know how good we have it” I repeat as I am having a nervous breakdown trying to make an appointment, trying to get a referral from my (formerly organized, now Trans-dystopian) community healthcare clinic where only Trans people matter now; for, besides the billionaires, they are the new co-masters-of-the-race, everyone else is irrelevant. I’m trying to make an appointment,  

for this back pain’s made every other step excruciating for three months now, all through the holidays (the wine helped, sometimes the sex). “No, Goddammit I don’t NEED ESTROGEN! FUCK YOUR ESTROGEN AND YOUR PHONE MENU AND YOUR INSTRUCTIONS TO CALL 9-1-1 IF THIS IS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY!” One of the patient associates who handles referrals, Martino, a vicious, little queen with bitchy glee is quoting too-fast and meaningless policies at me like cream pies. The next confusing day (nervous breakdown number two due to my inane, continuing efforts to make an appointment for treatment of this seemingly endless back pain) I am connected with a manager named Stephanie. What sex is she I wonder? Dare I ask and be reported for inappropriate behavior? Stephanie pulls no punches and begins to attack and berate me for my wholly unfriendly, hostile and homophobic language, for I made the mistake of referring to the “mean queen” of yesterday’s quoting policies-to-me-episode.  “This is Callen Lorde” she proclaims, like a punitive, spayed, female, pit-bull cop, “You should know better!” Her rawhided, neuter, Bougie-Bitch delivery strips me bare, exposing me for all the bisexual silliness and tendencies toward anarchistic prostitution and polymorphously, pleasure-seeking perversity that I am; that I inhabit and display, for this is the magical stuff that makes me me. Imagine her, lambasting my essence! I have an allergy to anyone that coldly ignores and debases men only for being men. Why do some females act like raging amazon warriors slicing through the air, waving their clitorises like sharpened bayonets; so ready with a threat or an admonishment over any microscopic drop of incorrect language or innuendo that happens to ejaculate, albeit casually, from any MAN’S mouth merely for the sake of jest? For we all know men are not innocent; especially older white ones who protest the the stinging swipe of the feminist’s cattle prod. Still, I refuse to go gently into that “older-white-male-former-slave-owner’s-guilt-place night.”

 IV.  Once upon a time, there was a neighbor non-friend of mine, a sexless tomboy with frigid, uptight boundaries who had a talent for making me feel as warm and welcomed as a serial killer rapist. “Don’t nag me” she asserted testily at the coop board meeting, and with a jolt of movement from her dry, tendinous and over-vascularized body, SLAM CRASH! The mirror behind her slides off the wall, and onto the floor. Everyone jumps “There, you see” I intone, smiling like Joan Crawford as Crystal in “The Women”, “That’s what you get for attacking me.”