#stonesober

[savantegard]

Took three tries to plug my phone in, I'm not even drunk

[nightshits]

Day 6

150 hours

What a terrible day I haven’t legitimately been afraid In a long time Of killing myself My skin feels hot I don’t remember the throwing shit and Screaming Breaking my bed frame Pulling my face from my face Pointing The yelling Three years Three years My mid twenties He stole them from me I don’t remember But my skin does I remember why I started smoking now I always knew but Now I remember I had no other way to protect myself And everyone else My bomb squad nitrogen I don’t think anyone knows it I don’t think I know My girlfriend says it’s heinous My home No horrifying I don’t think I know I know she wouldn’t throw words though Not like that Not about this I’m heartbroken Dumbfounded I’ve been dazed all day in my bed My own psychiatric hold of an island No one knows how crazy I get This can’t be healthy I know smoking kills but This is pain I have visions of the most heinous violence Hyenas howling while I I don’t know I know violence It’s my voice The only way anyone listens or Takes me seriously Like I’m not crazy When I’m crazy My name is Milo And I live alone

[airtightboro-blog]

Making glass at the Tetra Lounge. It’s a cannabis club in the Rhino district. Live music and a resident artist, Reginald, does live murals as the onlookers smoke their 2018 reffer. Tetra Lounge is a very clean and welcoming environment with incredible potential. Stop by and say hello to Dwayne of Tetra Lounge! #Denver #TetraLounge #cannabisclub #Glass #420 #BrianNicolai #AndyNicolai #photography #Rhinodistrict #Art #2018 #livemusic #HillTopGlassSupply #StoneSober #EpicBrewery #710 #Glassofig

[joyffree]

★★★#NewRelease★★★ Stone Sober GwynMcNamee GENRE: Contemporary Romance RELEASE DATE: October 26, 2017 COVER DESIGNER: Blue Sky Design #NewRelease #STONESOBER by @GwynMcnamee http://amzn.to/2yXgxdT #1Click TODAY! #NowLive #TheHawkeFamilySeries #GwynMcNamee #RT

[wickedbabesblog]

Release Blitz w/Review for Stone Sober (A Hawke Family Novel Book 3) by Gwyn McNamee

★★★#NewRelease★★★ STONE SOBER (A Hawke Family Novel) by Author Gwyn McNamee is NOW #LIVE PURCHASE LINKS: AMAZON: http://amzn.to/2yXgxdT All other retailers: https://www.books2read.com/u/b6rMGJ ADD TO GOODREADS: http://bit.ly/2uXWdKP ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ The hardest battles we fight are often with ourselves, but only through defeating our own demons can we find true peace. ★★★★★★★★★★★★ START THE HAWKE FAMILY SERIES TODAY! SAVAGE COLLISION: Amazon: http://smarturl.it/savagecollisionAMZN TORTURED SKYE: Amazon US: smarturl.it/torturedskyeAMZ Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/2of3bW4 Amazon CA: http://amzn.to/2o95RI2 Amazon AU: http://amzn.to/2nfxU3y Kobo: smarturl.it/torturedskyeKOBO iBooks: smarturl.it/torturedskyeIBOOKS B&N: smarturl.it/torturedskyeBN ★★★★★★★★★★★★ STALK THE AUTHOR JOIN THE PLAYROOM: http://bit.ly/2jzckql Website: www.gwynmcnamee.com FB: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorGwynMcNamee/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/GwynMcnamee Goodreads: http://bit.ly/29Ny1gu Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gwynmcnamee/ #NewRelease #NowLive #StoneSober #TheHawkeFamilySeries #Romance #GwynMcNamee #StoneandNora

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[divaindeepthought]

Happy New Year's Eve... Hope you're being safe and smart. Drink a couple for me tho... #stonesober #imsicktoo #smelllikevicksvaporrub #happynewyearseve

[glowworm2oz]

1. Go to HS grad party. 2. Start 1D dance party. 3. Steal confetti. 4. Take a drunk lookin selfie. 5. Question existence. #stonesober #extendedquarterlifecrisis

[maneater-1]

She gets me #4amselfies #CarCarCar #greatweekend #stonesober #idonthaveaskull #orbones

[gilbertg909]

Gonna Be Bumpin this All Month!!! 🔊 So proud of my friends! They killed it last night with there performance and so honored to do the Artwork for this sure Classic! @camarcher and @kidddryden #StoneSober #HalfGone #Classic

[nightshits]

Day 6, technically

139 hours yaaaa

Rachel my enabler friend came back down from Oakland today and hmu to smoke. Didn’t say smoke but that’s just how it is. I’m everyone’s drug friend. I realized a bit ago while drugging up my beautiful Korean Christian girl squad with weed and shrooms, that Everybody comes to me for it (not that that’s why they come, you know?), and I have this fuckin coke I’m trying to get rid of. Idk why I picked up like that. It’ll probably induce a fucked up manic episode followed by 2-8 weeks of intense, disabling agitation. Maybe that goes too hard bc no one’s down except MY drug friends up in Davis. And tbr I can’t afford this shit… Not even weed ($40/week). I need to be saving for Europe w gf and then move-in costs. Europe was cheap as hell to book when we did it 4-5 mo in advance, but still. I’m tryna ball out at all the bakeries, dump my bills for hella $1 breads.

Anyway, I hit back my enabler friend (we both enable each other actually) a little later bc of all my ambivalence. It was too late for her to hang out anyway. She said she’d hmu tmr to kick it though, but I don’t know. I’m so close, I’m so close to Wednesday. So close to 168 hours, and I then can decide what’s next. But for now (and from now on) it's me. Mr. Henry said it. That means never let a friendship get in my way. That means sacrifices for my betterment. It’s supposed to be hard. I’m still doing good.

[nightshits]

I got tricked into spending 30 bucks on this sleep app So now I’m very invested in learning to sleep like a responsible ádult

[nightshits]

Day 5

118 hours

Blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah

More than halfway there. Only looking toward hour 171 since that’s when my next therapy session is. Once I get there I’m gonna get blazed (or we’ll see but for now that’s what’s got me going). Slept at 5am (wurrrthittt) and woke up at 915. Shallow breathing in the way your body’s tired but your mind is wired blah blah. Sweaty hands and feet blah. Sooore, my shoulders up to my neck. Can’t eat anything but dinners blah. Lost 7 pounds in less than a week (not blah, concerning). Good thing I have too much shit to finish today (hahah!) to stay in bed and mope and blah about how sobriety is actually a different fucking game entirely. My vision’s more HD daily. It’s a lot to take but I’m an extreme kid. I haven’t had dreams though. I remember the last time I quit (for a couple months) for my life insurance test I had the craziest, most vivid dreams (not exactly unenjoyable), like I wasn’t sleeping. That lasted for weeks. I haven’t gotten that yet, but my Sleep Cycle app shows I’ve been basically awake about 3-4 times through the night these past four nights, so maybe that’s why. Blah blah blah, speculation is so BORING.

(But I’m starting to realize that I really can’t be smoking if I want to (insert any goals/activities/hobbies/writing/learning). Not that People can’t in general, just me. Just because I’ve been using it to medicate myself, dull and distance myself from myself, have the most addictive personality I know. Always chasing, seeking a new addiction or distraction, in drugs substances people.)

Tbr I’m just trying to make it to hour 171, because that’s when my next therapy appointment is. Then I’m going to chimney the fuck up (maybe, but this is what keeps me going). Just one week. One week! God, these past days were so long and so far gone. I even forgot about my car in the shop. I should call them BLAH BLAH BLAH BOOOORING. I have too much shallow energy and even when I burn my body sore by running or whatever, my mind won’t stop racing. Sobriety’s another level but I’m realizing more that I like who I am sober. Negative chill, fucking eXXXtra, but also inappropriately nice to people. Make conversations with strangers or service people (well I been like that but it’s not even a thought anymore, coming off eager). So fuckin eager. So eager to engage and include others. Much less uncertain in social interactions, much less concern for bullshit I don’t have time for. Emotional - cried last night when my gf said my nose looks like Pac’s (and fuck post-poet, in my heart of hearts I wanna be a RAP STAR) (I’m getting that gold hoop). Anxieties but not like when I’m high (frozen paralyzed invisible cage of isolation and doom); more like amp amp amp amp GO GO GO AHHHH!!!@;82&/);92&:

It’s a good time, before Korea next week, before Europe next month. It’s supposed to be my best year this year, while Jupiter’s in Libra. I mean… I guess… I did get into grad school! And reconnect with my friends. And I have a great brother. Little to do with this year, but he’s great, one of the greatest things in my life. Our relationship recovered and gained so much ground this year, and I’m so thankful. I don’t think anyone knows how much I love him! And I’m still thankful that I was able to be there for the ways I could be a mother to him, and very compassionate to my child self where I failed or hurt him. I was a kid, he was a baby. Boundaries, boundaries, I know, but I know I’m going to do whatever I can to take care of him until the end. The people I need in this life, I can count on my fingers, and that’s all I need. Who needs more fingers? I’m grateful to even have one person love me but (one, two, three, four) five? Maybe five? And on a good day, so many more. I guess giving up an addiction brings real friends out of the woodwork of my brain, and I can see who sees me as who they know I can be, who love and believe in me. I guess because I’m asking and telling now too.

Anyway, this year’s supposed to be like, the hardest in 12 years for my beloved best friend and gf Scorpios. Maybe, huh? Except my girls’ real year of universal “luck” and support will begin sept 25(?), and I’m so excited for it. I think all the Scorpios I know need a goddamn break, a second to breathe and rest. Just slippin this in here bc they’ve been the best parts of this year.