#stolas is currently getting that dick but who knows for how long
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Scandalous (Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas) [Helluva Boss] Bonus - Trippin' Balls
How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isnât exactly considered classy, Stolas.)
A truth serum and emotionally repressed demons. What could go wrong with that?
pt 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | 1st bonus | pt. 6 | pt. 7 | pt. 8 | pt. 9 | 2nd bonus
Word Count: 7,045
Warnings: truth seekers episode. hallucination, depictions of various types of trauma, uncomfortable hallucination scene involving boundaries being pushed, don't hate me for reader's hallucination, sexual remarks, jokes and innuendos as always, dhorks are their own warning i dont like the mfers lmao
Look who's back!
You sigh as you watch Blitzø hang from a window frame, trying to climb it. ââKay, Blitz, I get it, can we please just go now?â Itâs been a long day and, as endearing as his shenanigans can sometimes be, youâre all way too tired for him to be doing all this.
âShhh, remember- we canât be seen!â He whispers in reply, right before his hands slip, causing him to promptly fall off his ass from the dumpster heâd been hovering over, landing on the pavement.
âPardon my words, sir, but youâre currently being the loudest,â Moxxie points out, and itâs objectively true. All his unnecessary tumbling out of stuff and rolling on the ground has been making much more noise than the rest of you combined.
Millie walks off into the portal, Loona already waiting on the other side of it, laughing at the way Blitzø stands back up at lightspeed just to shove his finger on Moxxieâs face. âYou shush your dick-sucking lips, Moxxie.â
âDude,â you call him out, âheâs right. Stop tumbling out of stuff like youâre some secret agent or something.â
âWell fuck you too, bitch! Iâll have you know I stuck a perfect landing.â
Finally changing out of your human form, you decide itâs best not to argue with him if you want to get home any time soon, settling on rolling your eyes and just agreeing with him instead. âYeah, sure. Very cool. Can we please go now?âÂ
You can just feel heâs right about to insult you in some way when his expression shifts: his eyes widen at the sight of something behind you. âFuck, shit, Mox, get down!â He yells out, and you donât even get any time to look back and see what it is that he saw before he tackles both you and Moxxie to the ground and, out of the corner of your eye, you can clearly see what you assume are two tranquilizers land exactly where the two of you just stood. And then you see them.Â
âLoona! Close it!â Blitzø yells, and you watch as Loona complies, hurriedly closing the portal that led directly to the meeting room in the I.M.P. office, leaving the three of you stuck on Earth.
And, in the middle of all the chaos, thatâs when they get you.Â
All you can register before blacking out is Blitzø screaming in pain at being covered by something, some sort of glowing net. And then everything goes dark.Â
Shit.
[. . .]
You start panicking the very moment your eyes begin to flutter open, your sight begins to focus and you begin to gain your bearings after being out for who-knows-how-long, assuredly from the damn tranquilizers. Looking around, you gather that you, Blitzø and Moxxie have been tied up to chairs with your backs turned to each other. You pull on the ropes that tie your hands together on the back of your chair, but to no avail, and you hear Blitzø scoff at your attempt.
âBlitz! Youâre awake?â
âYeah, that doesnât work. I tried. Maybe I shouldâve bought that online course on untying army-grade knots.â He shrugs.Â
âFuck. Where even are we?âÂ
âSome government facility, I think.â
âYou think?â
âWell, take a better fucking guess!â
âHello?â Moxxie mumbles, beginning to wake up as well.Â
âMox?â You call.
âWhatâs going on?â He asks, groggy from the tranquilizer still.
The agents show up out of, seemingly, nowhere. It would be creepy if they didnât look (and sound) so utterly unqualified and absurdly pathetic. âYâall finally awake, huh? Your partner thereâs been awake for a while.â The blonde woman tells you and Moxxie.
Blitzø immediately starts talking. âLook, shitbag, it takes a lot to keep me down, alright? I took a fuckton of tranquilizers in the college I dropped out of.âÂ
Now thatâs new. âYou went to college?âÂ
He arches an eyebrow at you. âWhy you so surprised?âÂ
âYou never told me about that.â
He shrugs. âEh. Never told you âbout the time I was strapped nipple-first to a car battery either, so-â The other agent points a light directly to his eyes, making him squint. âOh, okay-â
âTell us, demon scum, who do you work for? Satan?â The guy asks.
âHeh, I wish. The guyâs hot as fuck,â you remark, and Moxxie laughs. By now, you know youâve all silently agreed to pull the annoying card on them.
They pass the light between each other, the woman now holding it to your face. âHow did you get to our world from the afterlife?â She asks, but gives you no time to reply, as the light is passed to the guy again.Â
âWhy are yous killing humans?â
And back to her. âWhen did you show up here?â
âDamn, thatâs a lot of questions,â you point out.
It seems annoying enough, as the man lets out a frustrated growl. âYou-â
Blitzø cuts him off. âOkay, okay, Iâm gonna stop you right there, bitch. First of all, we just woke up from a veeery nasty shock and Iâm still feeling fucking woozy, so Iâm gonna request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffee in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want something iced, bitch. Y/n?â
âOoh Iâd die for some hot chocolate right now! Mox?â
âIâll have a neapolitan cappuccino, more âcapuâ than âccinoâ, make sure itâs got no more than four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise. And make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup, they always put Foxy or Roxy, I hate that. If you canât handle that Iâll have a venti traditional misto, please use soy milk, with two blonde shots, affogato and ristretto! Iâd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom and add the coffee after, and-â
Youâre surprised they let him keep going for that long before the man interrupts him. âEnough! We arenât getting yous coffee!â
âWow, I was getting massive douche chills just there, Mox, congrats!â Blitzø comments, and he actually sounds proud.Â
âIt was beautiful!â You exclaim.
The lady crouches down to be at eye level with Moxxie.Â
âIf we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers out of you nasty Hell beasts.â
âOoh, you promise?â You ask her, turning up the fake-excitement in your voice, just to piss them off.
âWhen you say torture do you mean physical or psychological? Physical seems counterproductive. I mean, weâd likely tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain, and you would have no way of knowing what was true.â Moxxie tells her, matter-of-factly, and heâs not wrong.
âOr we might like it too much, and then you got a whole new thing to deal with,â Blitzø adds.
You nod. âWeâve done roleplay rougher than whatever this is.â
The man in front of you quirks an eyebrow in confusion. âWhat do you mean by that?â Now heâs just asking for this. Blitzø grins.Â
âAh, youâre stupid, huh? I can work with stupid. Daddy likey dummy.â
Moxxie canât contain his laugh at that one, stomping his feet on the ground at Blitzøâs words. âGood one, sir! Daddy likey-âÂ
You canât keep yourself from laughing, either, when the two agents all but jump back in disgust at what was said.
âYou better stop laughing at us!â
âYeah!â
âBut you make it so hard!â Moxxie exclaims.
âYou know what else is hard?â Blitzø goes, and it sends the three of you into a laughing fit again.Â
âHey!â The man picks Blitzø up with some difficulty. âYou are the ones at our mercy.â
Moxxie turns their attention back to himself. âItâs hard to resist, Iâm really sorry. I mean, considering your approach thus far youâve had us tied here for what? Hours? And you havenât even had us confirm what exactly we are.â
The two idiots share a look between themselves before the woman speaks up. âWell, what are you?â
âIâm a virgo!â He mocks.
âHa!â Blitzø yells, proud of him, and the man actually looks done this time, letting Blitzø down.Â
âOoh, a smart guy, huh?â
His partner looks increasingly annoyed too. âOne more quip out of you and weâll shut you up.â
âOoh, keep talking dirty,â you purr, and Blitzø immediately matches the energy.
âGetting kinky!â
Both agents jolt backward in disgust, the guy even letting out a horrified screech which, frankly? A bit too much, isnât it? âWe arenât playing any of your vile demon kinks!â
âI mean, that's what it sounded like back there, you sickos,â Blitzø continues taunting.
âWhat else do you wanna do to us?â You ask them, raising an eyebrow suggestively, in an over-the-top attempt at âflirtingâ meant to disgust them even further.
Moxxie catches on. âPlease donât give them ideas!â He exclaims, sounding purposefully fake in the request, as if he wants them to get ideas. Honestly, youâre pretty impressed.Â
âWhy not? I know the shit youâre into,â Blitzø states, and for a second Moxxieâs pleased expression falters.Â
âAh!â The man yells. âWe are not getting kinky with you!â
You fake-pout, making eye-contact with him. âWhy not, big boy?â
âI- I-â
âOh, youâre good.â Blitzø compliments.
âThank you.â
The lady pats her partnerâs shoulder. âCalm down, One.â Thatâs the alias? Theyâre âOneâ and âTwoâ? Pathetic. âDonât let these monsters get into your head.â
You canât contain it. âAw, but weâre all so good at head!âÂ
âTwoâ growls and the three of you laugh.
âSo, arenât we gonna get our phone call, bitch?â Blitzø asks, annoyed.
âOneâ crosses his arms over his chest. âWell, that entirely depends. Who are you gonna call?â
âYour fat mom! Thanking her for a fat time!â Blitzø blurts out before the agent even finishes speaking entirely.
âNice try, demon. His fat mom is dead!â âTwoâ yells out, and the man promptly starts crying.
Okay, things are getting too weird now. And incredibly annoying. So much for getting home soon.
âStop insulting my mother! Sheâs dead!â
Eh, youâve got nothing to lose. âOkay. No more about your mom. Canât you guys just let us go or something?âÂ
âNo?â Both agents reply, at the same time.
You shrug. âTried.â
âYou thought that was gonna work?â Moxxie asks.
âIâm all out on the inconvenient comments.â
âHey, letâs just leave them here until they feel like talking,â The lady tells âOneâ with a grin. You all try to tug on the ropes again as soon as theyâre out of the door, but still to no avail.Â
âThat online course really wouldâve paid off right now,â you point out.
âHey, donât worry, we just keep being obnoxious and they'll eventually slip up and weâll get a chance to get out. Letâs just keep fucking with them until they get so frustrated they stop thinking clearly, it usually works.â
âI guess.â
Moxxie tugs on the ropes again. âIâm just worried about Millie. Sheâll be on her way by now, I'm sure.â
âUgh, she'll be fine, Moxxie. It would take a fucking hippo to take down that woman when sheâs upset.â
âHeâs right, Mox. Millie can handle her shit.â
âYeah, but weâve never dealt with the human government before. Sheâs in danger!â
âUh, are you guys seeing this too?â You ask, as you see a green fog slowly spread through the floor of the room.
âDo you ever honestly shut up about Millie? Itâs always âoh, how's Millie?â, âI can't tonight, Iâm hanging with Millieâ, âI'm so worried about Millieâ and sheâs always five fucking feet away from you, itâs pathetic.â Blitzø complains, and he actually sounds pissed.Â
âThat was⌠oddly personal.â Is all Moxxie says in response.
âYeah dude, you alright there?â
âNo youâre right, I don't know why the fuck I just let my guts spill like that.â
Thatâs a little weird, alright, but are they not seeing the actual, much bigger issue going on right now? âOkay, look, do you guys not see this weird fucking green fog all around?â
Moxxie looks down and, sure enough, is startled when he finally notices it. âFuck, theyâre filling this room with something!â
âYeah no shit, Moxxie, thatâs what I just said!â
âFuck, the hell is this?â Blitzø asks.
Moxxie squints, looking around a bit more before declaring âI think itâs some kind of airborne truth-telling serum.â
âOh, you just guessed thatâs what it is?âÂ
âWell, uh, just ask me something specific I wouldnât normally tell you.â
âOkay. Uh⌠does Millie ever peg you?â Of course thatâs what he asks.
âSometimes,â Moxxie replies instantly without a care before what he just admitted dawns on him. âWait- ew! Fuck. Why that?â
âHeh. I knew it.â
âHey whyâs that so funny?â Youâre speaking before you even process it. âYou begged me to peg you for like wee-â Woah. So that was not supposed to come out.Â
Blitzø interrupts. Thankfully. âHeeyyy, hey, how âbout we all shut up?â
âYour suit is tacky!â Moxxie blurts out, as if heâd been holding that in. âFuck. Iâm sorry.â
âAnd you have shitty taste in music,â Blitzø blurts right back out. âFuck Iâm sorry.âÂ
âYou said you liked that musical I recommended to you!âÂ
âI lied! I left halfway through. I lied to you guys so many times! Iâve lied to Looney before too! Oh my sweet, sweet, Looney, I hope sheâs alright she must be so scared-â
You canât help but roll your eyes. âYeah, like you donât absolutely suffocate Loona. You talk about Moxxie and Millie but youâre so much worse with her. She's fine.â
âYou take that back, sheâs my daughter and it's different!â
âIs it really?â
âI donât hear you saying shit about how Stolas treats his daughter.â
âOh I didnât know Stolas was in this room with us!â
âOh I bet you wish he was.â
âWell you know whoâs also not in this room with us? Your horse. You know why? Cause itâs not fucking real.â Only after all of that does it actually cross your mind that these arenât things you should be saying. Curse Moxxie for being right about the truth serum. âOh my- shit Iâm sorry.â
âOh you did not, you bitch! Lavender Magic Bubble Tea is real and she loves me!â
âAs real as y/nâs shooting skills.â Moxxie laughs.Â
You turn your head to face him at lightspeed. âIâm sorry, what did you just say?â
âIâm sorry, shit, I shouldnât have said that out loud.â
âIâll have you know I am improving!â You yell out before you promptly start crying.
âShe's improving, Moxxie!â Blitzø defends.
Itâs not long before the three of you become a big crying mess, apologizing to each other over and over again through your tears.
 [ . . . ]
âMoxxie, this is all your fault!â Blitzø spits.
âHow is this my fault?â Moxxie tugs on the ropes that bind his wrists together behind the wooden chair once again as he cries, but itâs not useless this time around.Â
The ropes fall graciously to the floor as he sets himself free, standing up to walk right into⌠what even is this? The empty dark room heâd just been in somehow morphs into an almost endless golden staircase, soft white clouds enveloping its surroundings. It makes him cough.
âGuys? I canât see you. God, this smells awful.â
Moxxie doesnât question it. He climbs the steps eagerly, wondering what it is he might find at the top.Â
âWhatâs that music?â He asks out loud as a melancholic melody takes over the atmosphere. He keeps climbing, and climbing, and climbing until he reaches steps high enough that heâs able to see the top, only to findâŚ
âBlitz? Is that you? Is this a prank? Because I swear to Satan-â
âIt is no prank, bitch!â Blitzø , who, for some reason, is dressed in something weirdly similar to the Phantom of The Opera, mask covering the burn marks on his face and all, interrupts.
âHey! Why do you sound like that?â Moxie questions, as his appearance doesnât seem to be the only thing thatâs different about his boss- his voice lower, more dramatic and⌠was that an accent he could hear?Â
âBecause you, my precious little bitch boy, are trippinâ balls!â Blitzo declares, and, in this bizarre chain of events, it does seem like the best explanation as to why the imp sits by an organ at the top of a golden staircase in the sky, somehow playing a perfect melody that just compels Moxxie to sing his worries instead of talking about them. It still freaks him out.
No, what? How could this be? Iâve never tried acid, shrooms or DMT Itâs a bad trip, oy gevalt! Of course, Blitz, this would be your fault! My lungs are full of honesty Would you promise me that you wonât judge? Yes, bitch Not trying to divulge too much But Iâm in too deep So, first of all, fuck you! What? This is just typical Well, two can play in this game of dismay âCause, if youâre here causing frustration, Iâm torturing you in your hallucination!
[. . .]
Blitzø doesnât know what this place is or how he got there, but this definitely wasnât the same dark room he was in just a couple seconds ago. In fact, this barely even looked like the same reality he was in just a couple seconds ago. Itâs still empty in this new place, but everything around him looks warped, fake. Heâs covered in some sort of red goo that he canât help but try to smell, and, for some reason he canât comprehend for the life of him, heâs dressed like a circus clown, because of course that couldnât be left out from this bizarre nightmare sequence he was living though.Â
More red goo falls onto him, causing him to fall from his chair, to which he was somehow not bound anymore, onto the muddy ground, but itâs not like that was the weirdest part of all of this. The goo morphs into some kind of cartoonish version of Moxxie, oddly similar to Blitzøâs own drawings of the imp, and this Moxxie-like creature speaks to him with words he can barely process, let alone comprehend.
âI simply follow your orders. It isnât my fault your orders are as nonsensical as sun-tanning bed left out on the cold rainy porch of a fresh april shower-â
âWhy are you talking like that? What the fuck does that even mean?â
âI am simply speaking Satanâs plain English. Perhaps you should crack open a dictionary sometime. And then maybe you could understand half of the frivolous things I carry on and on about in my many rants about upbringings. It is my honor that you should-â
âShut up!âÂ
[ . . . ]
Fog.
All you can see all around you is fog. The same green fog that youâd warned your friends about, that had been slowly coming out of the vents, now consumed everything.Â
You try to blink, to squint, to somehow see anything beyond the fog, but to no avail, as it was so thick you couldnât even see your own hands as you tried to wave them around in front of your eyes.Â
But wait⌠you were waving your hands around. How?Â
Standing up, you realize that, just like your hands, your legs had somehow been untied from the wooden chair, leaving you free to take Moxxie and Blitzo and run out of-
Where were Blitzo and Moxxie, anyway?
For all the dead silence indicated, you seemed to be alone in the room, no sight of them anywhere near. You walk around, mind spiraling with all sorts of awful possibilities. Maybe they were still there, but the fog had made them pass out. Shit, the more time passes, the more it takes over the space, sure to suffocate you soon enough.Â
Coughing as you feel the substance fill your lungs with each breath you take in, you call out their names, voice hoarse from the lack of air. You call them once, twice, three, four, ten times, until it dawns upon you that they are simply not there, and panic sets into you. If they're not here with you, where are they? What if they're hurt? What if they're-Â
You let yourself fall to the floor, defeated, and the tears immediately start to come out. What were you supposed to do from here, trapped, alone, scared⌠dying? How were you supposed to help?
Is this how you die? Youâre-
âYouâre gonna die like this? Thatâs pathetic.â A familiar voice makes its presence known from somewhere behind the fog. It takes a single blink for it all to fizzle out, leaving the room almost completely dark and empty, except forâŚ
It canât be. âVerosika?â
She paces back and forth in front of you. âWhat, embarrassed? I couldnât miss this for shit. This might be the best day of my life, really.â
âVerosika, Blitz- he-â
She scoffs, flipping her hair with the back of her hand. âUgh, enough about the pathetic little imp! This is about you. And about me, Iâm enjoying this very, very much.â
âYou have to call I.M.P, they-â
She leans closer, looking down at you, and it makes you feel smaller tha youâve ever felt before. Her tall figure looms over you, and itâs easy to imagine how pathetic you look in comparison to her right now. She lifts your chin with her pointer finger and squeezes your cheeks together. The action alone calls you powerless in all languages you can think of. âShhh, shhh, shh, shh, shh. Come on now. You canât do anything to help them. Youâre dying. Ha! Isnât that hilarious? Youâre dying. And so are they. And thereâs nothing you can do to stop that.â
With your cheeks squeezed together with increasing strength, you struggle to talk back. âThats not fucking true, you-â
âHey, Iâm not the one saying it.â She releases you, putting her hands up in surrender.
âWhat?â
All she does is laugh, and it does sound like her normal, full-of-disdain laugh at first, but an uneasy feeling settles in your stomach when it slowly turns into a sinister sound, a deep laugh that echoes all around the little dark room, giving you shivers. Her face contorts in an uncomfortable, bizarre way as the sound gets louder, like her face is made out of clay and being molded by some entityâs invisible hands into something else âŚ
Or someone else.
âMillie.â
âY/n? What the- whatâs goinâ on?â
âIâm- I- these guys, they-â
She looks around furiously, interrupting you. âWhereâs Mox?â
âI donât know, Mills, I can't find him, I-â
Her focus returns to you, and her tone changes drastically as she repeats your own words. âYou canât find him?â
âNo! Iâve been trying, but-â
âYou been tryinâ? You been tryinâ? Last thing I checked youâve been curled up in this corner talking to yourself.â
âWhat? No, I tried-â
âHeâs gone. Isnât he?â
âWhat? No, heâs out there, I know it-â
âYou âknow itâ? How could ya possibly âknow it âwhen youâve been here feeling sorry fâyourself âstead of looking for him?â Tear threaten to fall from her eyes, and her voice trembles. Youâve never seen her more distressed, and it scares you. If Millieâs lost hope, if she believes Moxxieâs dead, then⌠âHeâs gone, Y/N. My Moxxieâs gone and itâs all your faultââ
âYou have to listen to me, I-â
âNo,â she interrupts, and her knife is pressed to your throat before you can even see her take it out. Sheâs crying now, but sadness isnât the only thing you see in the eyes that stare right into your soul.Â
Anger. You see anger in them.
âMillie, we can still go find them!â
âYou wonât be here to find shit!â She lunges at you and you raise your arms over your face to protect yourself, but nothing comes. No knife pierces through your skin, no hands hit you, no teeth sink into you. You let your arms down, only to see remnants of green fog where she stood, as if sheâd completely vanished.Â
âMillie?â
There is nothing but silence for a moment, and youâre sure youâre back to being completely alone when you hear the noise of steps coming from behind you.
âMillie?â
Whatever it was that made the noise leaves you no time to wonder before youâre tackled to the floor, hard.
[ . . . ]
Why do you hurt me so? I know, I push my friends away (Why must you push your friends away?) Why does this seem like a reoccurring thing that you alienate with your toxic routine? I donât know, eventually everyone goes âCause youâre thoughtless and cruel and youâll end up alone!Â
[ . . . ]
âAdmit it, my dear boss- you donât know what youâre doing half the time! And you depend on me and the girls to manage your foolish flights of fancy.â
âI donât need you. I could do this shit on my own so easily!â
Blitzø is thrown back onto the ground with so much strength he struggles to sit up, and when he does heâs met with a terrifying sight. Before him now is no longer the version of Moxxie heâs used to scribbling on corners of papers when heâs bored. âMoxxieâ has transformed into something much worse:
Striker towers over him, and he borrows Blitzøâs own voice as he spits the truth Blitzø ignores like the plague while looking down at him. âBut you donât want to be alone, Blitzo!â
Blitzø has no time to react as heâs yanked into the air by muddy, bodiless hands- only, when his eyesight focuses, theyâre not bodiless anymore. A warped, black-and-white version of Fizzarolli contorts and twists its body to spill Blitzøâs insecurities directly to his face: âYou tried the solo act, it didnât work out so well!â
âFizzarolliâ, who also borrows Blitzøâs voice, untwists his body as he laughs a freaky, grotesque laugh, sending Blitzø flying back to the floor, from where a creature emerges from the mud in front of him, taking form of yet another demon Blitzø loved to pretend he didnât hurt.Â
Verosika crawls her way over to him, cornering him back into something he canât see. She holds his face in her hands with such strength Blitzø fears his eyes might pop out of their sockets. Unsurprisingly, yet still horrifying, his own voice comes out of her mouth, too, when she speaks. âAnd you still shove away anyone who gets too close until they resent you for being a selfish shit-spittinâ snob!â
In a desperate attempt to flee from her, Blitzø blindly yanks himself away from her hold, standing up and turning around to face whatever it was that heâd been backed into- only to see itâs a big, fancy staircase. He tries to climb up its steps, only to be stopped by some sort of invisible force that prevents him from getting any closer.Â
The staircase that looked endless unveils the sight of none other than Stolas, who sits, in all his royal glory, on a golden throne, while clones of Blitzø himself and Y/N tend to him. Blitzø doesnât spare a single thought into the matter before he tries to crawl up the steps once again, realizing perhaps this is how heâs supposed to get there- by crawling his way up to him- seen as the force that once stopped him doesnât bother him this time around.
 As he crawls his way up, he notices his previous circus clown get-up morph into his usual work clothes, but that is long forgotten about when someone magically appears by his side.
Y/N crawls her way up to Stolas alongside him now, golden collars attached to matching golden chains materializing around their necks. Stolas pulls on said chains, forcing them both into kneeling at his feet right before his throne. Stolas leans down, and he gets at face-level with him, but his place is still clear: beneath him, less than.Â
Stolas tilts his head to the side and smiles.Â
âAre you afraid to love people, Blitzy?â He coos, before releasing his hold on Blitzøâs face. With a flick to his forehead that is almost comical, Blitzø is sent rolling down the steps, landing back on the muddy ground. He holds himself up with difficulty, hands instinctively feeling his neck for the collar that once was there, only to find nothing. Looking back to the top of the stairs, he sees Y/N has been freed from the collar and chains as well, only sheâs still there with him, still kneeling on the floor, still worshipping.
âY/N, come on, you donât have to-â
She turns back to face him, and her expression shows nothing but anger. âCanât you let me have this one fucking thing, Blitz?â
âWhat are you-â
A white flash of light blinds him. He covers his eyes with his arm, blinking rapidly to try to see again, only to see something that is somehow even worse- Y/N no longer kneels before Stolasâ throne, but sits right on his lap instead, wearing clothes Blitzø could swear looked identical to what heâd seen Stella in before. The clones of the two of them are now gone.Â
âWhat, did you think we needed you?â She laughs as if the mere idea were utterly stupid.
She leans further into Stolas and whispers something in his ear, to which he giggles.Â
âYouâre right, darling, why would he think we would want him?â Stolas speaks to her, but stares right into Blitzøâs eyes as he does so, and grins.
Moxxie, the real Moxxie, instead of some cartoonish version of him, appears in front of him once again, only this time he wears this weird princess-like dress. Blitzø doesnât question it for even a single second.Â
âI believe your self-conscious is trying to tell you that you simply cannot fathom proper intimacy, but also crave it as well. And you fear your inability to show affection to those you care for will heed their need for you entirely. Is that not right, sir? Itâs rather unfortunate, really, considering itâs often how you treat those who stand by you⌠suck as myself. Are you worried I may have enough of it one day as well?
âStop fucking talking, all of you!â
[ . . . ]
You bring your hand up to touch the back of your head, where youâd hit the ground, relieved when you see no blood, and you struggle to stand back up. âFuck. Millie?â
âHow could you let him die?âÂ
Shit, that wasn't Millie.
âLoona?â
âYou said youâd take care of him. You promised.â
âLoona, I-â
âHe was the only thing I had left. He was the only one to actually see me as a fucking person and not some rabid guard dog.â
âLoona, we can go find him, Iâm sure heâs-â
âHeâs gone! Fucking gone! And whoâs fucking fault is that, huh?â
âLoona, I swear, I donât know what happened to him-â
âStop lying! You donât care. You never fucking cared. You donât care about Moxxie and you donât care about Millie and you donât care about Blitz and you donât care about me.â
âThatâs not true, Loons, I love-â
âShut up!â She yells. Angry tears roll down her face and fall to the ground, fizzling out as green fog into the air. âShut up. Donât fucking say it. We all know what it is that you care about.â
âWhat?
The green fog from her tears envelop her entire figure, leaving you with Stolas right where she just stood when it dissipates.
He holds your face in his hand, lovingly. âAre you alright, dear?â
âStolas. Is this⌠is this really you?â
He laughs, tenderly. âOf course, darling. Who else would it be?â
âI⌠I donât- I donât know-â
âHere, you got struck pretty bad, didnât you? Are you hurt?â
âNo, I-â
He doesnât listen, manhandling you into sitting back down so he can look at the bruises that now cover your face and body. âDonât lie to me. Weâll take care of it. Alright?â
âStolas?â
âHm?â He pays half a mind to what youâre saying as he murmurs what you assume are healing spells as he runs his fingertips over your split bottom lip and the cut on your eyebrow.
âWhereâs Blitz?â
He ignores. âDid you get tackled, dearest? This does not look good.â
âStolas where is Blitz?â You repeat yourself. Surely he just didnât hear you, right?
He touches the bruises on your hand, amused. âAnd these! Oh my. Have you been fighting some rabid dog?â He laughs.
You retract your hand from his. It canât be that heâs just ignoring everything you say, can it? âStolas. Answer me.â
He dodges, once again. âMay I look at your head? You might have gotten a concussion from all this.â
âSTOLAS!â You yell out, exasperated.
His preoccupied expression drops in a fraction of a second. âWhat is it?â He asks, annoyed.
âI am asking you a question!â
âI donât know where he is! I donât keep track of what you little imps do.â
âWhat? Heâs in danger, Stolas, we need-â
âWe need to do what? Help him? Save him?â
âYes! How can you act so unbothered about all of this when Iâm freaking the fuck out-â
âHow about we make a deal?â
âWhat?â
âIâll help you find your friends. If you give me a little⌠something⌠in return,â he offers, leaning closer to you.
âYouâre not being serious right now.â
âBut I am. Youâve seen no issue with my⌠deals⌠before.â He slowly drags his pointer finger along your face, condescendingly tapping your cheek once when heâs done. It actually makes you uncomfortable.
âStolas, this is not the time.â
âReally? When is the time, pet?â
âStop. This is not like you.â
âIs it not? Blitzy did warn you.â
âHeâs wrong. Heâs wrong. Heâs wrong.â
[ . . . ]
Why, Moxxie, why? Do you hide your true feelings inside? I am scared of rejection Why, Moxxie, why? Do you have Millie put it in your butt? It gives me an erectio- hey! No need to hide We accept your true feelings, so promise me That I can do To be true The world is your anus, so peg it with honesty âUgh!â Iâve been a jackass, itâs true (Youâve been a jackass, itâs true) But soon as weâre back as ourselves I will be a better friend than i was before Be better at speaking my mind And together weâll begin to become⌠FineÂ
[ . . . ]
Your eyes flutter open, adjusting to the brightness of the lights, and you catch a glimpse of the reminiscents of the green fog dissipating. Youâre still bound to that damn wodden chair and you can feel Moxxie and Blitzø move as they awaken as well. You look down at the floor, unable to even try and look at either of them after whatever that was that your brain conjured during your hallucination. Judging by the sheer silence, you can only imagine theyâve also gone through some sort of terrible vision while tripping on whatever this substance was.
Moxxie is the first to say something after what feels like an eternity.Â
âBlitz?â
âYeah?â
âDo you remember what you said to me after my first day with the company?â
âNot really,â Blitzø replies with a shrug.
âI remember. You told me I did a good job and that you were proud to work with me. I feel like you wanted to say something more judgemental, but⌠you said that because I needed it. And it helped.â
âI felt that too.â
âWhat?â
âWhen you came by to offer me the job. I wasnât going to accept. I think you knew that. But Moxxie said youâd talked non-stop about me and how you needed me for this to work. I felt like you wanted to correct him, but you didnât. You let him tell me that. I still donât know if itâs even true, but⌠I needed that.â
âLook, you care too much about what everyone thinks, except for⌠me, because, you know, my opinion is correct, but just⌠keep doing a good job, okay? Iâm hard on you because I know what youâre capable of. Both of you. You shoot and kill good, you escape things easy, you can be strategic and cold-blooded when you need to and⌠donât expect any more compliments, I maxed out.â
âThank you, sir.â
âYou know my name. Use it.â
âThanks, Blitz.â
A silence fills the atmosphere for a few seconds before you manage to say what youâve been meaning to ever since waking up.Â
âHey, Mox?â
âYeah?â
âWould you⌠would you maybe give me shooting lessons?â
âHey, Iâm really sorry I said those things-â
âNo, you- you were right. I can handle myself with a knife or a dagger but Iâm pretty shit with a gun. And youâre the best shooter I know, soâŚâ
âSecond best shooter you know,â Blitzø corrects you, and you roll your eyes, smiling.
âSo? What do you say?â
âYeah. Iâd love to, Y/N.â
âCool.â
âWhat, youâre not gonna say anything to me?â Blitzø questions, annoyed.
âHonestly? I just⌠Iâm glad you tried to steal from Ozzie that night. Iâm glad weâre friends. I hope you know that.â
âYeah. Same. Donât expect much more than that, this has already been way too touchy-feely for me.â
You laugh. âFair enough.â
âSo how long do you think theyâre gonna keep us-â As if on cue, Millie barges into the room through the glass, interrupting Blitzø. Through the huge hole left on the cracked glass, you see Loona standing on the other side of the room, and for only a moment does it make you nervous to see the both of them again, memories of them, angry and crying, coming back to you.Â
But Millie crushes Moxxie with a hug and peppers kisses all over his face and unties you and hugs you tight and asks you if youâre okay and suddenly your worries wash away like nothing but a bad memory. Sheâs there- the real her, and sheâs worried about you.Â
Besides, you donât get much time to dwell on the memories of what you saw while in delirium, because a siren starts sounding, alerting every single one of the agents in the building of your presence.Â
[ . . .]
âI- I canât see dick!â Loona exclaims, exasperated at the useless attempt to read the words from the Grimoire and get all of you back home.
Blitzø fumbles with his pockets, trying to find more weapons, only to come up empty-handed. âOh, shit. looks like weâve milked this weapon tit-dry and now weâre out of badass-erry.â
Fuck, fuck, fuck, youâve got yourselves trapped into a government facility in the human world with no way to get back home and, suddenly, the two idiots that had held you hostage for the majority of the day didnât seem as stupid as they did just a few minutes ago, now that they had the upper hand.Â
âHa! You demons arenât going anywhere now!â âAgent Oneâ mocks, holding a gun in your direction.Â
It seems like it might actually be the end for all of you, and itâs actually terrifying.
Until something happens.Â
The atmosphere in the room shifts, chills coursing through your spine as some sort of presence makes itself known. The many monitors in the room turn on, one at a time, making the sound of static take over the room before they begin to fall to the ground, one at a time as well, screens shattering against the floor.Â
A voice echoes through the tiny room, ominous and bone-chilling: âWho dare threaten my impish little playthings?â
You and Blitzø immediately whip your heads around to face each other, sharing an alarmed look.Â
Fuck. Stolas.
[. . .]
âHow did you even know that we needed help?â Blitzø asks when Stolas comes back into his usual, normal form.
âI have my ways, darling. Are you two alright?â Is the first thing Stolas says as if possessing someone from Hell and making corpses summon him so he could come up to the human world though that someoneâs body was no big deal, grabbing both you and Blitzø by your cheeks and squeezing them hard.Â
âWeâre fine, Stolas,â Blitzø replies with an eye roll.
âGood. Good.â Stolas takes a deep breath before his eyes widen so much they might as well fall off his face- all four of them. âHow the fuck did you get caught by humans? Are you little creatures not being careful up here? You know if you get in trouble I get in trouble. We donât want that.â
âThis wasnât supposed to happen, Stolas. Weâre sorry,â you try.
Moxie nods in agreement. âThey caught us off-guard, Your Highness.â
Blitzø has a⌠less respectful approach. âYeah, you can unclench your bird-puss, Stolas. It's not gonna happen again, okay?â
âLuckily for you, most don't believe the words of the demon-obsessed lunatics. They are seen as kooks.â Stolas laughs. âKooks! Such a silly word. Now, let us all return,â He says, opening a opens a portal back to hell with ease.
âYes, please. I'd like to return to the correct hell-hole as soon as possible,â Moxxie says, jumping into the portal, followed right away by Millie and Loona.Â
Unspokenly, Blitzø takes his place in Stolasâ arms, and you climb his back until you can wrap your arms around his neck, wrapping your legs around his torso as well.Â
He looks pleased at the position the three of you find yourselves in, âAm I going to get any thank you for this rescue?â
Blitz raised a hand to his chin, as if seriously pondering over the answer.ââSâppose you should. What do you think?â He asks you.
âAre you kidding me? That was so fucking hot, you can fuck me into next week for that.â
Your words ignite something within Stolas, whose voice sounds higher than usual when he tries to speak. âOh. Iâd very much like that.â
âWant me to fuck your brains out while youâre at it?â Blitzø offers.
âVery much so.â
ââKay but youâre gonna keep quiet or I'm gonna use the bear traps.â
âAs if heâs not into that!â You accuse, laughing.
The feathers around Stolasâ neck puff up with arousal as he conjures up images of the scenario in his mind. âPlease do.â
âSee?â
A/N: yall thought i was giving up huh think again!!!
#helluva boss#scandalous#mars writes#blitzø#stolas#blitzo x reader#stolas x reader#blitzø x stolas x reader#stolitz x reader#blitz imagine#blitzo imagine#stolas imagine#stolitz#moxxie#millie#loona#loona helluva boss#millie helluva boss#moxxie helluva boss#itsmarsss#helluva boss imagine#helluva boss x reader#blitzø x reader#stolas goetia#Stolas#Stolas imagine#Stolas goetia imagine#Stolas x reader#Stolas goetia x reader#stolas x blitz
73 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Helluva Boss Episode Remakes!
 Not too far away from Pentagram City lay a shady place in the bowels of Hell. âWelcome to Imp City: est. 1981â was posted on a worn wooden sign with a white painted eye toward the top. Under a crimson sky, a wide array of buildings made up the city, some with spikes on the roofs. Downtrodden imps of various colors and sizes mulled around the streets and ghettos. Mugging, sex, drugs, poverty, and murder were common aspects of their everyday afterlives. Indeed, being considered âlesser demonsâ and the âlowest of the low,â not very many had opportunities granted to them.
 Well, save for a unique family of imps, trying to get their business running.
 Just who were these imps?
 A nearby screen showed old fashioned numbers ticking down, 3, 2, and 1. Blitzo, a red and white faced imp, appeared on stage in front of purple open curtains. âHi there! Iâm Blitzo! The âOâ is silent, and Iâm the founder of I.M.P.!â He put out his hand and the logo appeared above it. The âMâ in I.M.P. looked like imp horns, black and white in color. Down below were the words âImmediate Murder Professionals.â
 Blitzo spoke again. âAre you a piece of shit who got yourself sent to Hell?â
 A picture of Blitzo with a mustache and two black top hats over his horns was grinning evilly as a building burned in the background. The sign nearby read âOrphanage for elderly, blind, and newborn dogs.â
 âOr are you an innocent soul who just happened to get fucked over by someone else?â
 The next image showed Blitzo in a white angel costume, happily throwing away a Styrofoam coffee cup in a wastepaper basket instead of a recycling bin in an office.
 In the next shot, Blitzo held up a sign which read âSome guy who hired us!â A buff horned red demon wearing a white Ohio shirt stood not too far from the camera, a 666 News billboard in the background. He punched one fist into his hand.
 âAfter lovingly killing my wife for fucking a delivery man, you can imagine my surprise when I wound down here, after the state of Ohio killed me. I really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body.â
 Blitzo appeared again, this time with his fellow imps Millie and Moxxie in the background. A white-clothed altar with a mirror and skulls on it was in the very back. White candles were spread around the room. The two imps were sitting at a pentagram drawn on the floor. Blitzo held a blue Satanic ritual book in his hand.
 âWell, luckily for you, thanks to our companyâs special access to the living worldâŚâ
 He waved his hand and a flaming portal appeared in the center of the room, causing Moxxie and Millie to scatter.
 ââŚwe can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!â He happily fell through the portal on his back like it was a mosh pit.
 Then the musical jingle started:
 âWhen you want somebody gone
And you donât wanna wait too long
Call the Immediate Murder Professionalsâ
  âHand grenade or cyanide
Weâll make it look like suicide
The Immediate Murder Professionalsâ
 âWe do our job so well
âCause we come straight up from HellâŚâ
 âWeâll kill your husband or you wife
Weâll even let you keep the knife,
 The ImmediateâŚMurderâŚProfessionals.
 Kids die for freeee!â
  A white person appeared with a thought bubble of his enemy with a red x. A demon fell to the floor and the person looked up. The I.M.P. logo appeared, silhouettes of Millie with a spear, Moxxie with a gun and Blitzo in the middle, spreading out his arms to make an âM.â
 Fast paced shots flashed through the ad.
 Moxxie throwing a grenade out a window as his companions grinned.
 Blitzo hanging a person in an office building while Moxxie watched. Millie held a suicide note in her hand.
 Then more killing scenes flashed: Blitzo electrocuting a person, Millie using a mace, Moxxie choking his victim.
 Blitzo led the way through a portal to Earth, Millie and Moxxie following. Moxxie tripped on a book and landed on his face while the others posed. They then stood up shockedâŚat the people in a church staring at them in confusion.
 Millie killed a naked couple with a chainsaw while Blitzo looked greedily at a womanâs underwear.
 Blitzo repeatedly stabbed someone else tied up near a âBlitzo showâ sign at a circus.
 The three imps used more methods to kill Earthlings: Medieval torture racks, shark attacks, fire and gasoline on someone, pillow suffocation, crushing someone to death with a grand piano, the electric chair for a prisonerâŚ
 âKids die for freeeee!â ended the ad.
 Moxxie and Millie sang a murder love song in their living room before the meeting. Moxxie played on his purple demon-face guitar as Millie watched him with love in her eyes. It reminded them of the good times when they would shot at demons together in the streets, drag a bloody sack behind them and when Millie got a grenade as a present and used it to blow up a building.
  âOh what a thrill when the crimson starts to spill
And my Millie goes in for the kill
She takes away my breath
Sheâs the angel of death for me
Oh Millie
She a queen, itâs like a dream
When I hear her victims start to scream
Get him out of the sack
Sheâs a maniac for me
Oh Millie
When the blood starts dripping down the sides
And the bodies start to fall from the skies
My heart skips a beat
When my Millieâs guns a blazing in the night
Thatâs in love
She makes the murdering fun for meâ
 Both of them hummed before Moxxie finished,
 âOf all the imps in HellâŚ
Millie joined in, âItâs for him that I fellâŚ
âOh Millie.â They leaned in for a kiss.
  They paused. Moxxie yelled, while looking out the window. His boss, Blitzo was pressed against the window with a video camera. âAre you fucking filming us right now?!â
 Moxxie sighed, as a smiling Blitzo held up a sign which read âMeeting in 20 min: nice job banging yoâ wife!â
  Just before the meeting, the head imp, Blitzo walked into the receptionist room.
 âBlitz!â called Loona, the hellhound, holding a bone shaped phone in her hand. âThat clingy rich assholeâs on the phone! Says itâs urgent and wants to talk to you!â Then she added in a lower voice, âSounds a little DTFy.â (Down to Fuck)
 Blitzo spilled water on himself as he talked with Moxxie by the water cooler. âOh god that was one time! We wouldnât have access to the living worldâŚif I hadnât slept with that privileged asshole!â
 âYou what?â Moxxie asked in disbelief.
 âBlitz!â Loona barked in outrage.
 âI heard you already!â Blitzo yelled. He stomped into his office and picked up his red cell phone. He played with little bobble heads of his imp coworkers, Moxxie and Millie. Signs were tacked to the wall, reading: âThe Incredible Blitzo! One night only! Tickets now at the Big Top!â
 âSoâŚâ Blitzo beamed nervously, âWhat can I do you for this time, Stolas?â
 The owl overlord replied, lounging on his couch in a royal red robe and a crown.
 âRemember that time when I told you that a political candidate was causing problems up on Earth for a few of my associates? That he tried to convince people that global warming existed?â
 âYes?â Blitzo answered.
 âAnd that it does, but more people die when nothingâs done about it? Oh, how lonely I felt.â
 âOkay well, yeah that makes sense,â Blitzo said.
 âBut nowâŚâ he hooted in laughter. âThere are tons of new sinners coming down here every day! I just had a feast and a murder party several nights ago. I wondered why a horde of people arrived and itâs because of a disease called the coronavirus! My, itâs the best thing to ever happen since my wedding with my queen Melody and my darling daughter Octaviaâs graduation from flight school. Oh, how marvelous!â
 âWellâŚIâm very happy for you, sir,â Blitzo said. âI hope thatâŚcorn-ah virus does its thing.â
 Stolas sighed. âMy wife wasnât happy with me, though. She said you fell onto a cake in the middle of a lunch with her and the royal officials. What did you say to her?â
 âI saidâŚâsorry I fucked your husband.ââ He gulped.
 A tense silence.
 Blitzo examined his chest and arms. âI still have the talon scars and peck marks to prove it.â
 âAnd she also said that you stole one of my books, is that true?â
 âNo! No way!â Blitzo lied, with a nervous laugh. âThat was another imp long ago. Can I tell you how great it feltâŚsleeping with you?â
 âIndeed,â Stolas agreed with a contented sigh. âYour sharp horns and claws ruffling through my feathers, and my talons and beak exploring your multicolored flesh. You know what happens when Iâm lonely, Blitzy?â
 âOh, god fucking dammitâŚâ Blitzo muttered to himself.
 Stolasâ eyes grew red. âWhen Iâm lonely, I become hungry. And when Iâm become hungryâŚI want to choke on that red dick of yours!  **** your ***** then lick all of your *****, before taking out your **** and **** with more teeth until youâre screaming ******** like a fucking baby!â
 Blitzo hung up the phone, the words on Stolasâ picture reading âcreepy mouth: aka one night stand bird dick.â and smashed it with a rotary phone. He threw the pieces into a blender and mixed it up.
 âEat this!â he told Loona who walked in and drank the red liquid.
 âAnd then you know that bridge over the freeway?â he asked.
 âYeah?â
 âShit off it! Itâs time for the meeting, letâs go.â
  The imps currently resided in a tall office building that seemed to stand out among the other structures. Along with spikes jutting from the roof and sides, there were a pair of giant black and white imp horns attached to the sides of the building for decoration. The lights inside near the top floor were on.
 Posted on a door were the words âI.M.P. Headquartersâ with âIMP Meeting in Progressâ written on a piece of paper taped to the door, a smiley face off to the side.
 On a white board was a bar graph and a line graph, the line graph pointing lower at a drawing of a raging horned demon. âFix this shit!â was written in big bold letters that took up much of the board. âBlitzo is the best, by Blitzoâ was scribbled off to the side. Several tall chairs with spikes jutting from the top boarders were set near a brown table in the center of the room. A white pentagram was drawn in the center of the table.
 Up front, a black, white, and red colored imp paced back and forth, sprouting long curved striped horns: Blitzo. He wore black fingerless gloves with what looked like a yellow eye design on each glove. He was dressed in a slender navy blue business suit with light red buttons. A small round pink pin with black eyes and a stitched mouth was attached onto a red undershirt below his slender chin. What looked like a black two-clawed print mark lay over his red forehead. Along with sharp teeth, the imp has red iris eyes with yellow sclera. Like a typical devil, he also had a red pointed tail. He had four red finger-shaped claws on each hand.
 Blitzo began to speak, pacing back and forth. He looked toward his audience of two imps and a hellhound sitting on chairs around a table.
 âAlright, now I know business has beenâŚa bit slow, lately, yes.â
 He mentioned to the board at the downward sloping line. âIn fact, there seems to be less people seeking out our services; 1,056 in comparison to the 1,066 from last month. Weâve basically spiraled from the True Blue Market to that of the Raging Bull.â He pointed at the roaring demon head drawing on the board.
 âShouldnât it be the Bull Market is good and the Bear Market is bad?â said a voice.
 âLoona, nobody cares,â Blitzo said. He continued.
 âAny decrease could spell disaster for us, not to mention how lots of people use our services and yet look down on us.â
 Blitzo cleared his throat and spread out his hands. âItâs no oneâs fault, okay? Iâm not naming any names hereâŚMoxxie.â
 Moxxie raised his eyebrows in a âwhat the hell?â gesture as Blitzo looked at him. The serious imp had a red face, yellow eyes, white hair framing his face and stripped horns jutting off to the sides in slight curves. He wore a large red bow-tie and a navy blue suit. White freckles were present under his eyes.
 Blitzo continued, âNow does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?â
 Millie, the bubbly imp raised her hand. She had a red face, messy black hair with a white flower patch near the top, and short black horns with faint white stripes. Her eyes were also yellow and she wore a black top, black torn pants, high heeled shoes and a little black choker around her neck. Her eyelashes extended past her face.
 Millie waved her hand and beamed, eyes shining. âWhatâŚaboutâŚa car wash?!â
 âThis is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay?â
 Just then, there came a coughing from the other room. A small cyclops demon with hot pink hair with a patch of yellow opened the door and walked in. She brushed off soot from her hot pink skirt and waved at the group, who stared in surprise.
 âHi, Iâm Niffty! Itâs nice to meet you. Are you part of I.M.P.?â
 âUh yes?â Blitzo replied, unsure of what to make of this random maid.
 âOh great, because one of my friends sent me here to investigate, heâs a busy chap, you know, and oh so dreamy!â
 She darted around the room and began removing cobwebs from the windows. âIt looks like there are two men, a woman and a dog here, a nice balance.â
 Loona, the grey hellhound glared at Niffty, narrowing her red eyes. âWhat was that, you little shit?â
 Loona had a red cell phone in her clawed paws, the back of the phone displaying a black upside down cross. She wore a grey top with black strings in the shape of an inverted pentagram. A spiked collar was around her neck. Her pants were dark and torn, with a white crescent moon on them. Her feet were bare and her hair and tail were thick with white and dark fur.
 Niffty stopped in her tracks. âNow, did you guys need any cars to be washed?â
 Blitzo shook his head. âWe donât have any cars here, weâre broke as fuck.â
 Millie stared at Niffty and cupped her own cheeks with her hands. âOh my Satan! Sheâs so adorable! Can we keep her?!â
 âNo!â Moxxie and Loona said at the same time. The two workers then glared at each other.
 Moxxie crossed his arms. âWeâre in the middle of a meeting right now. Do you mind?!â He pointed to the door.
 Niffty laughed nervously, âOh okay, sorry about that, hehhehheh. Iâll be outside if you need me!â
 She scurried out of the room.
 Blitzo paused for a moment, then said, âOh right! Ideas for our company!â He waved his hands, his eyes shining. âOoh, what about a billboard?â
 Moxxie crossed his arms. âWe canât afford a billboard, sir.â
 Blitzo rushed over and held Moxxie in a headlock. His voice was rushed and sarcastic, âHelpful, Moxxie. Really glad youâre in the room right now.â He shoved Moxxie away.
 Blitzo stared in frustration. âHave you guys forgotten what service we provide?â
 He picked up a remote and turned on an old fashioned TV.
 After static appeared on screen, the footage showed the group killing off individuals.
 Blitzo bashing a red demonâs head with a mullet.
Moxxie shooting a blue person tied up to a chair.
Loona grabbing a red person in her mouth and shaking the person side to side like a wolf.
Millie beheading a blue person with a spear and laughing.
 Blitzo watched with a relaxed smile on his face, holding up a blue bowl of popcorn. Loona sat on the table, popping popcorn pieces into her mouth. Millie was perched on the table, enjoying the show, but Moxxie stood off to the side with a grumpy face.
 Posters hung from the walls, one showing Blitzo and his two sisters, Tilla (an imp with long black hair) and Barbie Wire (a smiling imp with ram-like horns.) It was a picture of them at a circus, the banner reading âThe Amazing Imp Siblings!â Blitzo remembered the good times he had with them when they performed on stage. Barbie Wire would balance on a tightrope, holding a pole with flames on either end. Tilla tamed and evaded manticores, dragons and other beasts that were released into the arena. Blitzo would sing songs about murdering people and they would all pose and bow at the end as the crowd cheered.
 That was before Blitzo moved on to form I.M.P. recruited Moxxie and Millie, and adopted Loona.
 Blitzo moved his hand toward his chest and sighed with content. âAhh, those were the good times.â
 Moxxie spoke up as Millie ate a piece of popcorn. âI donât need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel, nobody watches.â
 Blitzo turned his head, insulted. âUh, hey, excuse me.â He stood up. âWhatâs âobnoxiousâ about a super-fun jingle, all right? Itâs a fun distraction when an advertisementâs spittinâ bullshit!â
 He walked across the room.
 âPeople love musicals, sir,â Millie added.
 Blitzo smiled. âExactly, Millie, and weâre basically doinâ a musical.â Blitzo did jazz hands before pointing rapidly at Moxxie with a scowl.
 âAre you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?â He lowered his head.
 âSirâŚâ Moxxie began, but his boss cut him off.
 âBecause right now, all I see is just my dadâs asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.â He turned his head away.
 Millie leaned in toward her husband and spoke with a teasing tone. âAre you trying to crush his dreams, Moxxie?â
 âIâŚwhat?â he asked, looking at her. Millie leaned in close and stuck out her tongue, tail curling. âI thought I knew you.â Moxxie rolled his eyes; his wife loved to annoy him.
 Blitzo turned back to Moxxie, tears in his eyes. âI canât believe you, Moxxie. After I made you employee of the month!â He held a picture of Moxxie with his mouth open in a roar, snake tongue showing.
 Moxxie threw up his hands, âOkay, sir! Iâm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles.â
 âI liked it!â Millie pipped up.
 Moxxie turned to her, finger shaking, âDo notâŚdo not agree with him in front of me.â
 Loona sat, bored, playing on her phone. Moxxieâs head appeared on the screen but was crushed by a weight and then blown up by a bomb. At one point his face was sliced in half as âboom!â flashed across the screen.
 âRemember when we shot that kid on Earth?â Blitzo asked.
 Moxxie got a flashback. âOh, right. I shot that boy who was walking around licking strawberry ice cream. It was an accident. He was taken on a stretcher to the hospital.â
 The pink haired nurse had said, âDoctor, heâs not responding!â
 âCool water, stat!â The blue-haired man had said next. He slammed water down on the boy and said, âIt didnât do anything!â
 The doctor had said, âDamn it! Iâm not losing another one! âClear!â Then they had shocked him and the boy somehow woke up with a gasp. The doctor said âHoly shit, it actually worked.â
 Millie then explained that the three of them sat in the waiting room. Blitzo read a magazine while Millie comforted Moxxie. The doctor had said to the imps, âHe appears to be in stable condition, but heâll need surgery. Now what insurance provider do you freaks have?â
 Then Blitzo asked, âThe fuck is insurance?â
 Moxxie sighed, ââŚand then they kicked us and the boy out and we fell back into Hell.â
  A moment later, Moxxie spoke, hands forward in front of him. âIâd like to go on record and say that incident was Loonaâs fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. Itâs very simple.â
 âOh, sit on a dick, Moxxie,â Loona replied without looking up.
 Moxxie stuttered angrily, looking for a comeback. âYou sit! Sit onâŚa⌠and the d...do your job!â He slammed his palm on the table.
 Blitzo scolded him. âHey, now we donât blame our screw-ups on Loona, okay? She didnât do anything wrong!â He hugged her and nuzzled his head against her cheek, the hellhound growling at him to get off.
 Moxxie stared in disbelief. âAre you kidding me, sir? Sheâs awful.â
 Lonna looked at her phone. âThe other day, right? I answered the puppy barking phone and said âHello, I.M.P.â Millie was yelling, âLoona, I got stabbed! Call MoxâŚâ and then I hung up. Wasnât my problem. My Hellhound Monthly magazine was much more interesting.â
 âDonât forget about my adoption anniversary gift I gave you,â Blitzo said, scratching his neck.
 Lonna seethed. âDonât remind me. It wasnât a cure for syphilis, I didnât want it, and it so happened to be black spiders, crawling all over me!â
 âAgain, Iâm sorry it was spiders,â Blitzo said.
 âGod damn it, apology not accepted.â
 âYou should be thankful that I rescued you after your hellhound family kicked you out,â Blitzo remarked.
 Loonaâs ears twitched. Millie stared nervously. âI was perfectly capable of fending for myself,â barked Loona, looking up from her phone for the first time. âThere was nothing special about them, other than all the alcohol, meth and drugs they took. My parents never cared about us. I mean, they sent off my other siblings to work for other overlords and were never seen again. Perhaps I was fortunate enough to not have to deal with them.â
 Blitzo had tears in his eyes. He hugged her again. âWell, at least youâve got me, Moxxie, and Millie as your new family!â
 Loona hid a smile and just bared her fangs. âGet off of me before I bite your face off!â
 Blitzo stepped back.
 Loona then smiled and looked at Moxxie, a look of mischief in her red eyes.
 Moxxie scowled. âExcuse me, did you just fax me an ad for weight loss the other day?â
 âNo,â Loona answered. âI was busy watching the princess sing.â
 âWha-WhyâŚWhy would anyone send me that?!â Moxxie argued.
 âCome on, you know why.â She smirked.
 âIâm not chubby, thank you very much! Not to mention, you were the one who ate my avocado salad lunch! How rude.â
 âI took it because I had the worst hangover.â
 âBut why would you drink on a work night?â Millie asked.
 âI was hungover from that morning, dumbasses!â Loona said to Moxxie and Millie. âI couldnât take your assaults. So I decided to blow some fucking steam! I kicked a baby in a carriage and caused some destruction. Felt good afterwards.â
 Blitzo mentioned to Loona. âLook, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family and you donât get rid of family.â
 âWe arenât a family, sir!â Moxxie pointed out. âYou are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like sheâs some troubled teenager! Sheâs more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phone!â
 Loona flipped him the bird.
 âThat is offensive!â said Blitzo, walking to the window, pulling open the blinds. âWithout homeless people, I wouldnât have half the joy and laughter I do in this life!â
 Outside, a homeless imp with a broken horn and ragged grey clothing held up a sign that read âMonee helps. Satan Bless.â An imp woman with black clothing and little bat wings blushed at Blitzo who waved and did a playful raise of eyebrows before closing the blinds.
 Moxxie crossed his arms. âWhile weâre on the subject of âfamily,â can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?â
 âCome on, sweetie, itâs not that big a deal!â Millie said.
 Moxxieâs eyes grew wide. âExcuse me, what?! I asked you, âHoney, can you get the butter?â You said, âsure sweetieâ.â
 âSpoiler alert, the butterâs spoiled!â Blitzo added. Millie giggled.
 âHe was in our fucking fridge! He was spying on me while I was asleep. And worse, he fucking filmed me and you while we were singing and about to kiss!â
 Blitzo giggled. âI still have it on camera.â
 âItâs fine, honey,â Millie replied to Moxxie, patting his shoulder. âThe âspoiler alert, butterâs spoiled!â was a funny use of wordplay Blitzo used.â
 âWhy was he in our fridge anyway?â Moxxie countered. âAnd then I was dreaming that my parents were being murdered and Blitzo interrupted it. I wanted to get back to that.â
 âI was just curious,â Blitzo responded.
 âJust. Stop. Doing. That,â Moxxie growled.
 âI donât see what the issue is!â said Blitzo. âIs there something you donât want me seeing?â A mischievous silly look crossed his face.
 âNo!â Moxxie spat, eye twitching.
 âYou a baby weiner havor?â Blitzo asked, another term for a small dick.
 Loona giggled under her breath.
Moxxie was fed up. âSir, what you say and how you act is totally inappropriate!â
 Millie pulled him down gently. âCalm down, Mox, youâre gonna have another panic attack!â
 âI am calm!â he yelled.
 Millie rubbed his head and soothed him. âShh, there, there.â Moxxie whimpered.
 Blitzo spoke again with a childish grin, making a hole with two fingers and tapping the opening with one finger. âLook, I donât judge the boring couple stuff you do outside of work hours, so donât judge me.â
 Veins popped out of Moxxieâs yellow eyes. âOh I do judge you, sir. Quite a lot, actually.â He crossed his arms as Millie gasped in horror.
 âMox, heâs our boss!â
 âNo, no, no, itâs fine, Mills,â said Blitzo with a wave of his hand. âYour husband is justâŚhow do I say this without being offensiveâŚretarded.â
 âDoes immaturingly insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single, life?â
 Blitzo leaned in toward Moxxie. âIt actually does.â
 Loona appeared to agree, because she added to Moxxie, âThe only reason you have a wife is because youâre easy to manage!â
 Moxxie gasped. She had called Moxxie submissive.
 âNo heâs not, you bitch!â Millie yelled, holding up two middle fingers.
 âDo not talk to my assistant that way!â Blitzo demanded. âSheâs sensitive!â
 âYes I am!â Loona barked.
 Then a squeaky voice sounded from nearby: âYou guys are all fucking assholes.â
 Everyone turned and stared at a boy wearing an orange shirt with a planet on it. He had brown hair, a blue baseball cap on and was connected to a monitor.
 Blitzo pointed at him. âOh shut up, kid, youâre lucky to witness this.â
 Moxxie pinched his nose and sighed in frustration. âUgh, this company is such a mess!â
 âDid someone call me?â Nifftyâs voice rang from the hallway. She opened the door a crack. âI can clean up any messes you may have!â
 âNo!â Moxxie called. âGo away!â
 Niffty slowly closed the door.
 An awkward silenceâŚ
 âAlright, letâs get back to talking about my outfit!â Blitzo said out of nowhere.
 âNobody was talking about that,â Loona mentioned.
 âWhich is why Iâm trying to get that ball rolling. So how does it look? Itâs good, right?â
 The kid pointed his finger at Blitzo. He ripped off the wires from his stomach.
 âItâs been a literal hell pretending to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldnât kill me, but now? I want that. I want death. You!â he pointed to Blitzo. âYou are a selfish, greedy clown. And Iâm a kid! Weâre supposed to like clownsâŚeven the creepy ones!â
 Moxxie scoffed. âHey now, thatâs not veryâŚâ
 The kid cut him off. âIf I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, Iâd rip out your spine and ask you some shit.â
 Moxxie shivered in fear.
 âThatâs my husband youâre talking to!â Millie yelled.
 The kid snickered. âThatâs your husband?! I figured you for a slut, but I didnât know you needed dick that bad!â Â
 Millie fumed at her husband being called ugly and weak. To think that she would have sex with anyone else at randomâŚ
 âAnd you!â The kid pointed at Loona.
 âWhat? What about me?â Loona asked.
 The kid crossed his arms. âNothing. I donât talk to dogs. Iâm a cat person.â
 Loona whined.
 âWow,â said Blitzo. âYou know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit.â
 âYeah, after all, heâs kind of a piece of shit,â Moxxie muttered.
 A ding came from Loonaâs phone. She smiled. âOh fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client. Guess he was the right target after all.â
 âWho?â Blitzo asked.
 âHim.â
 âMe?â asked the kid.
 âYep,â she confirmed.
 âThey wanted us to kill an actual child?â Blitzo asked.
 âThatâs what theyâre sayinâ,â Loona said.
 Blitzo grinned and twirled a gun in his hand. His job just got more fun and easier. âWell Christ on a stick, I guess there is a god!â He fired and shot the boy in the chest. He flopped down dead in a pool of blood, smoke and sparks lingering in the air.
 Blitzo spoke about I.M.P.: âYou know folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that weâre capable of doing the same things anyone else can! Like killing people! So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money⌠is gone and youâre never getting it back and you can write us a bad review, but weâll play dumb to it because itâs Hell and no one fucking cares.â
 Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie kicked the dead kid on the floor, enjoying themselves. Loona snapped a picture with her phone and recorded the scene. After the imps left with the body, Niffty came in and gasped.
 âWell, time to clean this up. What a mess!â She hummed a happy tune as she mopped up the blood at rapid speed.
 Blitzo and Moxxie wore gas masks and green suits as Blitzo sawed off the boyâs arm and Moxxie sawed his chest, organs spilling out into a sack below. Millie tossed an arm into the sack and Loona helped hold open the sack. Moxxie dropped the boyâs severed head inside and shared a loving smile with his wife.
 Etched in red graffiti on a dumpster behind them were the words âDevil,â âHell,â âHappy Hotel,â and âIâm always chasing rainbows.â A pentagram, and wide smiles were also doodled on the surface.
 Blitzo embraced the entire group in a forceful hug, knocking the phone from Loonaâs hands.
 âYou know, even though this kid was a target, heâs still a child. Itâs important that weâve handled this going forward, respectfully.â He wrapped his long tail around the group, all of them smiling genuinely. For despite all their problems, they were still a company family.
 Back in the human world, a crying blonde mother wearing a pink shirt and a necklace held up a paper saying âmissing boy.â Below in large letters read on the news: âMom sucks at drawing own kid!â Words say âThere is a missing boy!â and âYet another missing kid!â
 The mother spoke into the microphone, âPlease! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us atâŚâ
 She gasped as a sack dropped into her hands. She and the news reporter looked up to see a smiling Blitzo, Millie, and Moxxie through a portal up above.
 âYouâre welcome!â Blitzo called with a wave before the portal closed.
 The mother looked inside the bag and screamed. âMy son! Heâs dead! Noooo!â
Part One: Mrs. Mayberry
Once upon a time, there was an innocent lovely blonde teacher named Mrs. Mayberry who taught at a typical schoolhouse. She was born many years ago on July 24th.
 She taught at a red schoolhouse with a little golden bell at the top of it. âLearning is fun,â was written in bright yellow letters on the side of the building with art of colorful kites and a rainbow on it. A sign at the front read âPuppies Junior Schoolâ in sunlight. There were tall green trees and a playground off to the side. The golden bell rang for the start of the day. A blue jay and a cardinal sang from a tree branch as the teacher opened the white curtains.
 The Vivziepop lookalike woman wrote âGood morning!â in white chalk on the green blackboard.
 âGood morning!â She twirled in a dance, catching her piece of chalk. She wore a white shirt with colorful red cherries and a long blue-gray skirt. A green pendant rested on her shirt. She wore cherry earrings and round yellow glasses. Her blonde hair was tied back in a flower-like shape behind her. âHave a bright and sunny dayâ was written on a poster with a large smiling sun with big eyes on it. Nearby was a calendar and an old boxy computer on a desk. A white daisy was in a flower pot. âThe word of the day is harmony,â was written on a schedule posted on a board behind the children sitting at desks. The orange curtains by the windows had white math symbols on it. The schedule read âmath, history, reading, grammar, science, art and musicâ as the many school subjects for the days of the week.
 âI hope you all did your homework!â she trilled.
 The children nodded with a dance to their bodies. One boy wearing an orange shirt spun around in a stool wearing a dunce cap and he faced the wall. The class broke out randomly into song.
 âWe love to do our homework and we love our teacher too!â
 The teacher sang, âAnd when I throw out these fun questions, you should know just what to do.â
 âOkay!â they cheered, arms in the air.
 She wrote on the board 2 + 6 = 8 and added,
âTwo plus six isâŚâ
 âEight!â the class answered.
 âAnd good behaviorâsâŚâ
 âGreat!â they chimed in.
 âAnd now itâs that part of the class when we say the time of day and date.â
 âItâs nine in the morning,â sang a blonde boyâŚ
 âOn January 8thâŚâ added a black girl.
 âThe sun is out smiling,â said a brown haired girl with a bow.
 âAnd itâs your husbandâs birthday!â reminded the dunce boy with his tongue out.
 As the class sang âla la la,â the teacher found herself scrapping her chalk down in a line on the board. Sweat coated her forehead as the chalk was almost completely broken down. The singing was a constant drone in her head. Her right eye twitched and she turned around.
 âOh my stars, stop singing children! Hush up now!â
 The class fell silent.
 She put a hand to her forehead. âI forgot itâs my husbandâs birthday! I didnât get him anything special.â
 The brown haired girl stood up and said, âMaybe if we call him, we could do a happy birthday surprise!â
 The teacher and kids gathered around the boxy computer. At the husbandâs house, a lone sock fell on the call screen that read âwifeyâ on it.
 The screen turned on, and everyone gasped in disbelief.
 The teacherâs husband was in the process of having sex with another lady!
 A tie, a bra and a condom flew against the screen as they straddled naked in their bed.
 âWe wonât be needing this,â a voice said as the condom hit the screen with Mrs. Mayberryâs face on the other side.
The teacher sat at her desk, looking stunned, her face turning red. The other woman was so young and beautiful. There was her husband, clad naked and showing off his muscles and parts to her.
 âOh yeah,â the husband giggled, âNot there, not there.â They seemed to be also playing with sex toys.
 With a blank shadowed look on her face, the teacher suddenly stood up and walked away. If she wasnât going to be able to divorce that cheating bastardâŚ
 âWait! Mrs. Mayberry!â called the brown haired girl. She took hold of the teacherâs hand. âRemember what you taught usâŚthink before you act.â
 Dark thoughts suddenly festered within the woman and she gripped the girlâs neck before tossing her up in the air through the roof. She stomped out of the room and shut the door. The children ran to the window to watch as she got in her old green car and plowed through a white picket fence. âI love schoolâ was on her license plate. The children rushed to the computer.
 The door to the bedroom was quickly pulled open.
 âOh shit, sweetie!â said her husband, caught in the act of fucking the young lady on their master bed. âWhat are you doing here?â
 âShut up, Jarold!â A newfound rage flared in her eyes. A deadly looking riffle was in her hands. She fired several shots.
 The blonde lady shrieked as Mrs. Mayberry moved closer.
 âYou scream like a fish!â the teacher mentioned to the blonde haired lady.
 With a demonic yell, she brutally shot the younger woman across multiple areas of her body. Thick blood splattered everywhere.
 Her husband gasped. âOh god, what have you done?! She had a family!â
 âWe couldâve had a family!â the teacher sobbed, in a flood of despair and rage. She picked up a bullet and shot her husband square in the head. He collapsed to the floor, dead.
 âOh god, what have I done?â she asked, frazzled, whipping away the blood from the screen. She saw her children stare in horror and disgust. âIn front you all.â She broke down into tears, seeing her dead husband in a pool of blood.  She spoke her last words through sobs. âIâm so sorry my children. Donât forget to work on your timestamps.â
 Mrs. Mayberry knew there was nothing left for her but jail time and grief. There was only one other option. With shaking hands, she shot herself in the chest with a yelp. The children fainted on the floor one by one at the traumatizing sight. The policeman took the wailing blonde lady to the hospitalâŚand found Mrs. Mayberryâs body lying next to her husbandâs on the blood-stained floor.
 The blonde lady Martha stared lovingly with a brown uncovered eye at her new muscular husband Ralphie wearing an orange plaid shirt. He had brown hair and an athlete/superhero build. Their two children stood by her bedside as she recovered. The room had bouquets of colorful flowers in every corner. Camera flashed as news reporters talked to her.
 âHow does it feel to have survived such a crazy bitch?â a newswoman asked.
 âI just hope that sick woman finally found peace,â Martha drawled in her hospital bed.
 Her husband comforted her, head lowered.
 âYou are so brave,â the reporter commended to Martha. âHereâs $2 million dollars!â
 The womanâs face lit up as she was handed a large golden check. âOh thank you!â She smiled at the cameras with her husband like she was a movie star.
 The stereotypical America family lived in a house near the woods and by a lake. Martha dressed like a housewife with a long polka dot skirt. Her daughter had brown pigtails, a lavender shirt with a tie, and a red skirt, with boots. The younger boy had a beaver-skin cap, a white shirt, brown pants and camouflage boots. On the outside, they were the perfect typical family.
 âYouâre a hero,â said more news people as she stood elegantly at a VNN (Vivienne News Network) podium.
 âYouâre a hero, girl,â admired a brown skinned jogger with short blonde passing Martha by. Martha basked in the attention and wealth. Who knew that getting shot at would change her life for the better.
 âMy mamaâs a hero!â declared the son.
 âShe is a hero!â The brown haired casher agreed down to him as the family went grocery shopping.
 âOooohâŚYouâre a hero!â moaned her husband as he thrust his penis wildly in and out of her as they made love in their bedroom. Their walls were covered with pelvises and newspaper clippings of Martha under âlocal heroâ headings.
 âYouâre a hero,â smiled an old praying priest who stood by her at one church meeting.
 Even worse for Mayberry, a new class of children cheered, âYouâre a hero!â to Martha when she taught a âHow to deal with trauma 101 class.â
 âOh youâre a hero!â another man groaned as he wildly gave her anal.
  Mrs. Mayberry woke up staring at a crimson red sky. Her form had completely changed⌠Mrs. Mayberry was now a purple demon with stripped curved horns on her head, wearing rectangular glasses. She wore a pale red shirt with x stitches on it, along with an eye where her pendant was. Her hair was long and white and pulled back with a black bandana. She wore a dark skirt with an upside down cross on it and heels. She also had sharp yellow teeth.
 After finding a place to live and shying out of sight from shady strangers, Mrs. Mayberry had the chance to continue her career where she left off. So she did. It took some learning and adaptation to Hellâs culture but fortunately...it was pretty simple.
 Mrs. Mayberry was soon hired at âPentagram Penitentiary Place,â one of the top public schools in the district. It was a large school for grades K-12. The name of the school was in black letters surrounded by a red downward facing pentagram over the black front doors. âAll grades in one place!â read the slogan. The building was of red-orange brick with three rows of low cracked windows facing the front. The outdoor playground consisted of rusted basketball hoops, a jungle gym, dark asphalt and a swing set that made squeaky sounds every time it was used. The slide was high up and made of metal, so that it was always painfully hot for the young demon children to slide down. A barbed wire fence with swirls of wire at the top surrounded the prison-like school.
 A bunch of middle schoolers were bouncing a demon skull around and tossing it into the basketball hoops. Little preschooler demons rough-housed on the grass-less ground, laughing. One small green dragon kept making burping sounds, emitting orange sparks much to the delight of his peers.  A dinosaur used his tail for a black eyed doll girl to use as a jump rope. There was even a little scary-go round that furry bird-like kids went on to test their flying and spin out of control in the air. One white bird crashed against the fence and slid down with a flop.
 âLoser!â taunted a bulky blue cyclops kid wearing a baseball cap. He spat on the birdâs upside-down head and laughed with his goons. An older demon with a rhinoâs horn was spray-painting teal blue penises on the walls.
 âWatch your back!â he called out to a centaur who fired an arrow from a bow, startled. The green lizard demon tied to the target glanced down at the arrow that had almost gotten him in the crotch. He sighed with relief, only to have an ax lodged into his head, thrown by an orange goat teenager.
 Nearby were two purple demons with silvery snake hair sitting on a concrete window ledge, wearing blouses, sequined navy skirts and shoes. They were listening to music from their Eye-Pods. One of them was painting her nails and the other took a drag from an e-cigarette. Every kid had a multiple digit number temporarily tattooed on their necks. An E, an M and an H were before the numbers, for elementary, middle and high school. The following number indicated their grade and the last two numbers were their position in alphabetical order. K or a P next to the E stood for kindergarten and preschool.
 A loud buzzer rang at the top of the roof, signaling class starting. The children were lined up in front of their respective teachers. Mrs. Mayberry stood in front of her line of preschool demons.
 After singing a song about a demonic turtle drowning in a bathtub with the class, she counted each child as they made their way to homeroom. They all filled in and sat at their wooden desks. The demonic alphabet was listed on a nearby poster with translations into English and other languages.
 âGood morning!â Mrs. Mayberry trilled in the windowless classroom, scrapping her chalk against the blackboard before catching it with a twirl. âI hope you all did your homework.â
 The kids fearfully nodded.
 âHmm, I donât think you did, EP-04,â she scolded a demon boy wearing an orange shirt with no paper in front of him. âGo sit in time-out.â
 The boy groaned and sat on a stool facing the wall. The white dunce cap burned on his head.
 âThe pledge of allegiance,â Mrs. Mayberry led. The class stood up with their hands on their hearts.
 âI pledge allegiance and my soul to the banner
Of His Majesty Lucifer and Her Majesty Lilith
And to the unholy Inferno
For Pentagram City
One nation under Satan
Indivisible
With liberty and chaos for all!â
 They sat back down.
 âNow letâs sing,â Mrs. Mayberry ordered.
 The demonic class broke out into song:
 âWe love to do our homework and learn stuff every day.â
 âAnd when I throw in these hard questions, you should know just what to say,â Mrs. Mayberry sang.
 âOkay!â they cheered.
 She wrote an equation on the board. âDivide this number byâŚâ
 âZero!â
 âOur favorite paint isâŚâ
 âBloody red!â
 âAnd when thereâs a stranger dangerâŚâ
 âYou stab them in the head!â they answered, making stabbing motions with their arms.
 âA poison for a deep sleep?â she asked
 âWormwood! Does no good!â
 âThe geological components of Hell?â
 âFire and brimstone!â added a girl.
 âIf you canât use loveâŚâ
 âUse hate!â
 âNow itâs time for us to say the day and date.â
 âYour death day was on January 8th, right?â piped up a boy in the back.
 Mrs. Mayberry stopped short. âHush up! We donât mention that date.â She turned to the class. âGo on.â
 âItâs 3 in the afternoonâŚâ said a boy.
 âOn October 31st,â said a green girl.
 âHellâs heat is still hot,â said another girl, sweating.
 âLetâs watch the episode first!â reminded the dunce boy.
 The demons went âla la laâ as Mrs. Mayberry stared at the board, red eyes wide.
 âOh my suns! Stop singing children. Shut up!â
 The demons fell silent.
 âI forgot itâs the new episode! Iâm supposed to be off to pursue my revenge!â
 âMaybe you could scare your enemies at a death-day party!â a girl suggested with her hands up in the air.
 Mrs. Mayberry looked at her hell-phone and saw the last seconds of an I.M.P. commercial. She stood up to walk away.
 âWait! Mrs. Mayberry,â said a girl, taking hold of her hand. âRemember what you taught us. Act before you think.â
 Mrs. Mayberry pat her head. âI think not. Work on your timestamps and assignments, children. Iâm off to pursue a little education of my own.â
 A horn-covered sub man walked in and bellowed, â200 pushups on the double! Or itâs back to your cells!â
 The demons got up from their seats and bent down to do the pushups.
 Mrs. Mayberry called a taxi outside and it drove her off.
 Up on a screen outside her window, Mrs. Mayberry saw a full commercial where she learned of an assassination company called I.M.P.
 âHi there, Iâm Blitzo, the âoâ is silent and Iâm the funder of I.M.P.! Are you a piece of shit that got sent to Hell? Or are you an innocent soul who just so happened to get fucked over by someone else?â
 The next shot showed a bulky red demon with horns, wearing a white Ohio shirt/jersey. A sign read, âSome guy who hired us!â The demon spoke:
 âAfter lovingly killing my wife for fucking a delivery man, you could imagine my surprise when I wound down here, after the State of Ohio killed me.â He rammed his meaty fists. âI really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body!â
 âGuess Iâm not the only one who murdered my spouse,â she thought. âIâve also never seen a guy withâŚsuch muscles beforeâŚâ
 Blitzo appeared again. âWell luckily for you, thanks to our companyâs special access to the living worldâŚwe promise to take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who may have screwed you over when you were alive!â
 The sounds of the imp jingle motivated Mrs. Mayberry as the taxi pulled to a stop in front of the I.M.P. building. She got out, climbed up the stairs and knocked on the office door. It opened and out popped Blitzo.
 âIs this I.M.P.?â she asked.
 âYes,â Blitzo said.
 âI figured, since I saw the commercial. I have one bad bitch that needs to be killed. And Iâve got a lot to say.â
 âWell, come on in then,â he said.
 Mrs. Mayberry paced Blitzoâs office at I.M.P. headquarters as she told her story.
 âI was a good person before it all went down,â she narrated, pacing to and fro. âI was good my entire life.â
 She continued on, adding details about her personal life. She held a cigarette in her hand. Apparently, it was easy to get into unhealthy habits in Hell.
 âYou do everything right in life, play by the rules, and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world. After one measly massacre propelled by blind rage. So thatâs why Iâm here. To get my revenge.â
 âI mean was she hotter?â Blitzo remarked with a smirk.
 The demonâs eyes flared red in anger, her face partially in shadow by the drawn blinds. A lemon tree was in the background with a sign that read âno whoresâ beside it. Blitzo casually lounged in his office chair.
 âIâm just saying I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits,â Blitzo chuckled.
 Mayberry growled and her body briefly glowed red. Her cigarette bent in her hand.
 Blitzo rolled his eyes. âAnyway I donât think you quite understand how weâre operating down here.â He stood up and Mrs. Mayberry glared at him. âYou see we take revenge on the living and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of a death frankly are all probably down here in Hell with you. Boop.â
 He bonked her on the nose.
 Mayberryâs pointed tail twitched, her purple claws clenched. Her skirt was torn with holes and her feet were cloven hooves. This imp guy was worse than the demonic children she taught.
 Mayberry extended her left claws. âNot all of them. That whore survived. Now they all call her a hero.â
 She continued. âBetween the talk shows and bullshit donations she made so much goddamn cash. Getting shot was the best thing to happen to her.â
 Mayberry bashed her fists into the ground, creating cracks. âSheâs not a hero!â Mayberry yelled, getting in close to Blitzoâs face.
 âYeah, okay, yeah, my thoughts exactly,â Blitzo stuttered in a rapid nervous voice. He frantically pressed a red button under the desk multiple times. The red light flashed under the âDeranged Clientâ label on a dashboard. The other labels read, âMore Coffee,â âSoiled My Pants,â âHorny Client,â âClient Giving Birth,â âGhost,â and âStolas.â
 Blitzo later burst through the door, followed by Mrs. Mayberry. âGuys, Iâd like you to meet, our newest client!â
 The room suddenly burst into flamesâŚBlitzo was furious. He quickly led Mrs. Mayberry outside where she hopped into a taxi to wait back home.
 âBye and donât worry,â called Blitzo to her, âWeâll get that skank in less than 24 hours or your first kill is free!â
 She could only hope that crazy imp and his team could do their job.
 As it turned out, Mrs. Mayberry later found out that not only had I.M.P. killed Martha, they also killed her crazy Satanic family. Mrs. Mayberry was very impressed. She held a piece of cake and laughed with the I.M.P. members for a special celebration. Millie talked about how it was okay to kill someone if they tried to kill you back.
 âThatâs messed up,â mentioned Mrs. Mayberry. Then she smiled. âBut I paid for it!â
 Everyone laughed again. Mrs. Mayberry felt good among her new allies. She had embraced her past at last.
 After the celebration, she got back into the taxi but instead of heading home, she headed further into town.
 There was a red Ohio demon for her to thank.
 Part Two: The Impsâ Adventure
In another room, Moxxie was holding a black and red crossbow in his hands. In front of him was a picture of a smiling family: a father, a mother, a baby and two children. His arms were shaking as the reflector hovered around the manâs crotch area.
 âMoxxie, stop shaking!â Millie chided. âYouâre gonna shoot our only hellhound!â
 Loona lay on her back on a gray couch. The family picture was in one hand and her phone was in the other. On the wall were drawings of Blitzo as a horse and a drawing of Robo Fizz with an arrow sticking out from it.
 Loona spoke in a sarcastic tone, âWow. I feel so loved here.â
 âJust take a deep breath,â Millie told Moxxie, inhaling, âand let it out.â
 âBut, itâs a family,â Moxxie argued. âUnder what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?â
 âI mean if thatâs what the client wants,â Millie began.
 âMaybe like a shitty dad,â Moxxie suggested. âOr a mob family.â He spoke through his teeth, âThatâs understandable.â He then spoke normally. âBut to eradicate an entire innocent, seemingly innocent, upper middle class family bloodline?â
 Loona stared at the picture for a moment before pointing to Moxxie.
 âHey! You donât know their innocent.â
 She pointed to the boy. âThis kid probably sets dogs on fire.â
 She pointed to the girl. âMaybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online.â
 She pointed to the father. âAnd this guyâŚâ She narrowed her eyes and spoke lower. âThis guy definitely watches.â
 âExactly!â Millie agreed. âHumans are full of secret nasties. Itâs why so many of them end up here. But guilty and innocent arenât our business, Mox.â She cupped his cheeks. âKilling who weâre paid to is our business. Choose a target.â
 She kissed him before stepping aside. Moxxie positioned his crossbow again.
 âI just think itâs a bit excessive and we could be a bit more selective, is all.â
 Just then, Blitzo barged into the room, followed by Mrs. Mayberry.
 âGuys! I want you to meetâŚâ
 Startled, Moxxie fired the arrow and it ricocheted around the room. Millie jumped into Moxxieâs arms as the arrow hit a computer. It then flew and poked a hole in the family picture that a startled Loona held. The arrow made impact with the bottom of an eel tank, causing it to wobble dangerously. The arrow speed toward Mrs. Mayberry but Blitzo calmly caught it in one hand.
 ââŚour newest client!â
 The eel tank suddenly fell down, glass and water pouring onto the floor. The eels burst with electricity, casing the room to erupt in flames. Loona, Moxxie and Millie cowered in fear.
 âDammit, Moxxie! I just bought those eels!â Blitzo yelled in anger.
 Soon, imp firefighters rushed to the scene to put out the flames as the group waited outside. The firefighters also carried the eels away to their red fire truck. Although imps were immune to fire, the buildings were not.
 Mrs. Mayberry climbed into a taxi cab.
 âBye,â Blitzo waved, âand donât worry, weâll get that skank in less than twenty four hours or your first kill is free!â He waved as the taxi drove away.
 âWhen did we start implementing that deal?â Moxxie asked.
 Blitzo turned to glare at him. He pulled him close, holding his face.
 âWhen you set fire to my office in front of aâŚâ Blitzo screamed, âclient, you fucking dipshit!" He shoved Moxxie out of the way in anger. âNow someone please tell me that fancy book is still intact!â
 Loona stood against the wall, typing on her phone. âYou mean our only ticket to the other side?â She pulled out a blue book from behind her. âYeah, got it.â
 Blitzo came over to her and started to baby talk to her. âAnd thatâs why youâre my favorite, Loony. You get a treat now.â
 He held up a dog treat in his hands, tossed it in the air and caught it with his long tongue.
 âEw, stop it,â Loona said with disgust. Blitzo pulled the biscuit into his mouth and chewed.
 âYouâre so gross!â she remarked.
 A nearby billboard with Blitzoâs face on it read with misspellings: âGoat an asshole in the living worlds!? Come to I Am Pee!!??! Make sure you put this sign up on the rite side. Donât fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks because it cums in the mail. âSpeech to text- -Blitzoâ
 Millie drew a pentagram with chalk onto the wall. The pentagram glowed red and a portal to the human world appeared.
 âAw stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist,â Blitzo told Loona before she left. He mentioned to the other imps, and moved his fist in front of him. Now letâs go lick some ass!â He pressed his hand into Moxxieâs face.
 âThe expression is âkick some ass.â Blitzo,â Millie mentioned before she stepped through the portal. Blitzo let go of Moxxieâ face.
 âMineâs better,â Blitzo said before following her.
 âAw, fuck,â Moxxie sighed as he followed them through the portal.
 All three imps stood in front of a small red house by the lake as the sun set. Blitzo and Moxxie leaned against the side of the house, rising from the bushes. Blitzo stood up and peered into a window. A row of white flowers were on a planter on the ledge.
 âThatâs gotta be her,â Blitzo whispered. He then chuckled darkly. âThis is too easy.â He looked over at Moxxie. âMoxxie, do you want this one?â
 Moxxie looked stunned and smiled nervously. âMe?â
 âYeah, this oneâs simple enough for you to handle. Itâs just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital.â
 Moxxie stood up and looked through the window. His face fell as he looked at the happy family enjoying dinner. A pigâs head was at the center of the table. The house was decorated with axes and guns on the walls. A lamp stand seemed to be made out of a spinal column. Ralphie and Martha affectionately rubbed each otherâs noses, Martha holding a dinner platter in her hand. Moxxie hesitated; there was no way he could kill any one of them.
 âYou snooze you lose, Mox!â Blitzo called out.
 He got out his gun, which was black with flames painted on it. The reflector was an upside down cross and it hovered over Marthaâs face. She smiled with large doe eyes and blinked innocently.
 âAnd Iâve got you, bitch,â Blitzo murmured.
 âWait, are we actually killing a family?!â Moxxie asked in disbelief.
 âNo, donât be a puss, weâre just killing a mother,â Blitzo remarked. âWeâre running a family.â He grinned and clicked his rifle, positioning it.
 âButâŚâ Moxxie began. âHold on, hold on, letâs just think about itâŚâ
 Moxxie lifted up the rifle just before Blitzo fired. The bullet hit a glass mirror in the house, causing the family members to gasp in fear.
 âWhat was that, Ralphie?â Martha asked her husband, who sat at the table.
 Ralphie shook his head. âI donât know Martha, but whatever it isâŚâ
 He stood up with a sharp-toothed grin, holding a rifle in his hands.
 âTheyâre gonna be tomorrow nightâs dinner!â
 Martha set the platter down on the table, downed a glass of wine and smashed the glass on the floor.
 âAlright, kids! Gunâs out!â She called with an evil grin. The kids, too, grinned evilly as they pulled out smaller guns. The boy pulled out his from his brown beaver-skin hat.
 âLooks like weâve got some rabbits to catch, youngins!â Ralphie said with an evil chuckle.
 Back outside, Blitzo was fuming. âWhat the fuck was that, Moxxie?â
 Moxxie breathed anxiously before letting out a croak, his snake-like tongue flickering. He fell to his knees, hands over his face.
 âIâm sorry. They just seemed so wholesome and happy.â Tears fell from his eyes. âI panicked.â
 Blitzo face-palmed. âOh who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie? From the moment of birth, youâre already a parasite leeching off your mommaâs tits.â
 He grabbed his chest in an imitation of holding breasts. He leaned in and poked Moxxie painfully on the head. âNow get the fuck over yourself you baby dick prick!â
 A bullet fired through the wall and shot Blitzo in the arm. He cried out as black blood splattered.
 âA new hole!â Blitzo cried in terror. âScatter!â
 Blitzo and Millie leapt into the air just as another gunshot created a larger hole in the wall. A grinning Martha and Ralphie leapt through the hole and chased after them, guns drawn. Moxxie peered out from behind the bush, rapidly looking around. A childâs hand grabbed Moxxieâs pointed tail and he yelped. He only saw a barrage of fists from the children before passing out.
 Millie flipped backwards along a cobblestone trail before diving into the lake.
 âThere you go, little critter!â Ralphie called, firing another bullet. He stepped onto the wooden dock. âYâall canât hide long from me!â
 Millie had her head above the water under the dock, a knife in her mouth. She broke through the dock with a crash before landing with a grin, knife at the ready. Ralphie swing a beer bottle at her, but she moved behind him out of the way. Millie jumped up in the air, knife in both hands. Ralphie swung the bottle upwards, hitting her in the head. The glass shattered and she fell to the ground with a loud yelp. Millie struggled weakly to stand, but collapsed onto the dock, eye twitching. Ralphie grinned down at her as the sky spiraled red. He picked her up and headed deep into the woods.
 Moxxie opened his eyes and gasped with a squeak to find his hands and body tied with rope. He appeared to be tied to a stitched up headless dead body sitting on a chair. Moxxieâs face fell in fear as he stared at the boy and girl in front of him. Both their eyes were red and devious grins formed on their faces.
 Moxxie tried to defuse the fear. âOh. Hello there little ones. Arenât you cute?â
 The children spoke in low distorted voices, the boy finishing shortly after the girl.
 âItâs nice to have a new critter to play with.â
 Moxxie glanced up in terror at a red spotlight above him. The light revealed a human head high up and several limbs on plaques. The wooden walls were stained with red blood. Tow plaques held stitched up faces of skin. A larger plaque displayed a dead man with long white hair, arms crossed, eyes and teeth bulging out. His upper chest was connected to the plaque. A picture frame made of bones displayed another face made of skin inside it. Human skin was tacked to the wall with âbless this messâ stitched onto it. Moxxie looked and saw a dead human body on a platter, an apple in its mouth. Organs were displayed in a nearby bowl.
 Moxxie took one look at the dead body and whimpered. âAw. Crumbs.â
 Meanwhile, Blitzo was running for his life in the woods. Four gunshots rang out as Blitzo darted through a bush, leaves falling to the ground. Marthaâs evil echoing laughter quickened his pace. The imp slide down a grass hill, landing on his feet. He crouched under the bushes, looking around. He panted, catching his breath.
 âI know youâre hurtinâ, little devil,â drawled Martha in a sing-song voice.
 Blitzo darted behind a tree, taking in deep silent breaths. His back was pressed against the bark. He covered his mouth, not daring to move.
 âI promise that I can make that pain go real quick.â
 Martha walked through the woods, not too far away, in shadow. âJust come let Mama Martha put a bullet in that pretty little skull!â
 Blitzo sighed in relief after hearing the footsteps fade.
 Ring! Ring! Ahh!
 A startled Blitzo scrambled to retrieve his yellow cell-phone, which was ringing a yelling ringtone. He eventually caught the phone before pressing it to his ear. The phone had a GFY (Go Fuck Yourself) on it and a laughing devil emoji with imp horns.
 âThis is a really bad time,â Blitzo whispered.
 At Stolasâ palace, the owl prince was currently lounging in an ornate bathtub, several lit candles with blue flames positioned around the edges. Astrological symbols glowed white in a circle on the floor. The midnight blue curtains looked like the night sky, with starry designs on them. Floating constellations hovered around the room. He was the prince of astronomy as well as being horny.
 âWhen isnât it a bad time, Blitzy?â he mused, stretching his long slender arm. He held a rotary phone to his ear, the speakers shaped like sunflowers.
 Blitzo sighed in frustration. âWhat is it?â
 Stolasâ four red eyes blinked. âIâve been meaning to follow up on our last conversation regarding my grimoire?â
 Blitzoâs angry face appeared in a bubble.
 âWhat did you just call me?â Blitzo asked. Stolas popped the bubble with a finger. âMy book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job that I have allowed you to use to do yours?â
 Blitzo ducked as a bullet flew through the tree he was behind. Marthaâs shadowy figure appeared in the hole, her eyes and mouth glowing red.
 âI can hear ya, darling!â she called out.
 âShit,â Blitzo muttered, scurrying off.
 âAnywho,â Stolas continued. âI have been thinking. You know, I have been permitting you to access the mortal realm less than legally for quite some time now, but I do need it back to fulfil my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some sort of exchange?â
 He ran a finger along the edge of the tub. He then did a walking motion with his fingers as they glowed red.
 âFavors for favors? Doesnât that soundâŚâ He spoke seductively, ââŚenticing?â
 Blitzo skidded to a stop as another bullet hit a tree. He ducked behind another one and frantically whispered, âYou gotta stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay? Iâm trying to concentrate on not getting fucked in my hay!â
 Bam!
 Another bullet hit a spot on the tree.
 âThen let me keep it simple,â Stolas explained. âOnce a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night ofâŚâ
 His eyes glowed red, his beak open in lustâŚ
 ââŚpassionate fornication.â He briefly slid lower in the tub with a blush before rising up to lean against the tub.
 âAndâŚyou get to keep it the rest of the time. Sound fair my little imp?â
 âFine, whatever!â Blitzo replied.
 Blitzo let out a happy sigh. âOh Blitzy! Iâm so excited! I cannot wait to fill your slimy **** inside of my *****âŚâ
 Blitzo cringed as Blitzo went on about the sexual things he planned to do to him.
 Out of nowhere, Blitzo found himself being pinned against the tree by the bottom handle of Marthaâs gun.
 âGot ya!â she grinned. Bltzoâs phone was on the ground, Stolas still talking.
 âSo, youâre a little devil, huh?â she asked, a wide grin. âCome to drag me and my kin to Hell? Well not today, Satan!â
 She pressed the gun further into Blitzo. âGonna send yâall back where ya came from!â
 She hit Blitzo hard and he slumped to the ground. She took him and headed off into the woods.
 Back at the house, Moxxie struggled to free his tied up hands and body. In the reflection of the window, he could see the orange yellow lights of fires. He gasped.
 âMillie!â
 The two kids stared deviously at him. He froze when the girl revealed a long sharp knife in her hands. Moxxie glared, determined. As the girl raised the knife, Moxxie shoved her backwards with the chair. There was a thud as the chair toppled over onto the floor. Moxxie grabbed the knife and cut the rope loose, freeing himself. A âLive, Laugh, Loveâ sign and a hangmanâs noose hung from the wall. Moxxie burst through the round window, a shadow silhouette with glowing yellow eyes. Wasting no time, he raced into the woods and toward rows of torches. Hanging from the trees were red Satanic symbols. There were also tents around the area.
 A full moon appeared in the sky from behind thin clouds. Down below, Blitzo and Millie were tied to a stake decorated with black spikes at the top. Ralphie laughed as he poured gasoline onto the ground by their feet. Martha stood nearby, holding a torch in her left hand. Her blouse was torn and low cut, with polka dots on them. Her eyes were red and she wore skull earrings.
 Blitzo groaned in frustration. âI had that fucking shot. God dammit, Moxxie.â
 âSatan!â Martha declared. âWe return your filthy creatures back to the pits of Hell!â She raised her torch. âMay the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!â
 Martha tossed the torch underneath Blitzo and Moxxie, who still struggled to free themselves. Ralphie laughed again. The stake soon lit up in flamesâŚ
 âŚleaving the imps unscathed.
 âYeah, thatâs not exactly how it works, lady,â Blitzo explained. âSorry, your fire doesnât really hurt us, but I mean I could fake it if thatâll get your dick hard.â He smirked and Millie giggled.
 âOh. Shit.â Martha stared confused and rolled her eyes. âI donât have one.â
 Then she got a better idea and grinned. âWell, Iâll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!â She held her rifle in her hands.
 âThat would be more effective,â Blitzo mentioned.
 âBlitzo!â Millie spat.
 Martha laughed again as she raised the rifle, two barrels pointing at the imps. The imps closed their eyes and flinched.
 A loud bang and a yelp was heard. Marthaâs eyeball flew from her socket and she collapsed to the ground.
 âMoxxie!â Millie cried, seeing Moxxie hold a gun in his hands. Moxxie raced over and untied Millie and Blitzo.
 âYouâre not getting your goddam paycheck for this one, Mox!â Blitzo mentioned before he fell down. Moxxie and Millie embraced each other with small smiles. They slowly moved their heads against each other in affection. Ralphie tripped over Marthaâs body before fleeing the scene.
 âOh yeah, thanks! Iâm fine!â Blitzo spoke out in sarcasm.
 Moxxie helped Blitzo up, supporting him.
 âIâm sorry, sir. I compromised our objective and put us in harmâs way. It wonât happen again. I promise.â
 Blitzo pulled Moxxie into a hug. âApology accepted.â Then he spoke to Moxxie in a low threatening voice. âBut if you ever pull off a stunt like this again, Iâll fuck you and your wife.â
 Just as fast, Blitzo separated from Moxxie and announced, âAlrighty! Job well done! Now letâs get off.â Millie lifted her arms in a cheer. From his chest, Blitzo pulled out a gray horse figure with a back mane like a My Little Pony toy. He put it back and retrieved his cell phone.
 âEh. Yeah give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house,â Moxxie said.
 âOkay, fine but hurry up,â Blitzo said. He put his cell phone to his ear and spoke loudly, âLoona! Weâre ready to come home, dear!â
 Moxxie raced through the woods, determined to set things right. In the background, Stolas was talking to Blitzo, mentioning, âYou and I onâŚpeanut butter and jelly sandwiches all night.â
 Back inside the house, the boy and girl were in their fatherâs arms in a corner.
 âDonât move!â Moxxie demanded, pointing his rifle at them. The boy and girl looked scared and innocent. The girl even had a dark gray stitched up teddy bear with her.
 Ralphie chucked. âWhat are you gonna do, little guy? Kill us?â
 âI should!â Moxxie replied, stepping back. âYou people are monsters!â Then he lowered the rifle. âBut⌠you should have a chance at a life and a purpose. Look at your children. They have their whole future ahead of them! You are going to face your crimes, justly.â
 He picked up a remote from a stand. âI am calling your earthly authorities and they will make sure you are dealt with, fairly. I am handing this, my way.â
 He pressed a button and a television turned on in the adjacent room. A black and white program played. Moxxie gasped in surprise, then looked down at it.
 âOh shit,â he muttered. The black remote had pink and white buttons reminiscent of a smiling goofy face.
 âUh do youâŚdo you have a phone to summon 911?â
 âYeah, itâs in the kitchen,â Ralphie mentioned behind him.
 Moxxie held the remote. âThen whatâs this for?â
 âItâs a universal remote,â Ralphie replied. âGot it for the kids.â The kids smiled and he pulled them in a hug.
 âAww,â Moxxie smiled, eyes shining.
 He called the police and hurried back to the portal in the dark woods.
 âThere he is,â Blitzo said. âHave a good wank-off session, Moxxie?â
 âExcuse me?â
 Blitzo walked over to him. âWell I donât care where you cum in the living world, just come to your job on time, alright?â He poked Moxxie several times for emphasis. âSee you at the office!â He ran through the portal.
 Millie placed a hand on Moxxieâs cheek. âYou doing okay, sweetie?â
 âBetter now, honey,â Moxxie replied with a smile. âI think I just needed a minute to process.â
 Millie tenderly touched Moxxieâs chest. âYou have a good heart, honey.â She playfully pinched Moxxieâs nose. âJust a fuzzy head.â She kissed him and Moxxieâs heart fluttered. He smiled happily as Millie walked through the portal.
 Moxxie heard the whirl of blades and flashes of light. He turned around. There were police cars and a helicopter in front of the house.
 A voice over a loudspeaker said, âWe got emâ boys!â
 A missile fired at the roof and the entire house exploded in a fiery inferno. Something hit Moxxie in the face. He stared at the ground and found the head of the teddy bear that had flown off. He stared with a shocked look of disbelief on his face. The family that had a chance to be better was now dead.
 Blitzo grabbed Moxxie hard by the neck and pulled him through the portal.
 Later on, everyone was laughing and celebrating back at I.M.P. headquarters. They were all wearing birthday party hats. Loona and Mrs. Mayberry held slices of cake on plates. A white banner read âKilled the bitch,â in red letters. A white and blue cake sat in front of Moxxie, the blue icing read âWe did it! :)â Everyone seemed joyful except for Moxxie. He still felt awful that they had killed an entire family. An evil family, but stillâŚThey had come close to being killed or caught. Now here they were celebrating human death.
 Moxxie wasnât sure if he agreed to the âsenseless killingâ morals of I.M.P. anymore.
 Millie squealed for joy and hugged Moxxie tight around the neck. âDid you see my little Mox, Mox? We did it! Oh Moxxie!â
 âWell hereâs to another mission accomplished,â Blitzo announced, ââŚand Moxxie finally learned not to fuck up.â
 Moxxie just stared wordlessly at his plate, dark circles under his eyes.
 âAnd killing people isnât that big of a deal if they try to kill you back,â Millie added, rubbing Moxxieâs white head of hair.
 âThatâs messed up,â said Mrs. Mayberry, âBut I paid for it!â
 Everyone except Moxxie chuckled at that.
 âYeah, fuck that family!â Blitzo declared, raising a fist.
Helluva Boss Episode Two: Loo-Loo Land
Part One: Octavia
 Hundreds of years ago in HellâŚStolasâ Palace
  Before Octavia Goetia was a 117 year old owl princess (Mentally turned seventeen supposedly August 15 2003), she was a cute little child owl living with her mother and father.
 At night, faint blue constellations illuminated against the exterior of the estate. On the lower jutting wall structure supporting a balcony, Stolasâ sigil symbol also glowed blue in the dark. The balcony itself was spacious and decorated with hanging see-through drapes along the pillars. Spirals and a few eyes were also part of the design above the pillars. Bushes were lined up in rows on an upper row above the balcony, with little rows of coffin-shaped windows behind them in another wall. The borders of the building were decorated with difference phases of the moon in gold. Finally, the double doors on the balcony were stained glass in yellow and orange, with a sun on the left and a crescent moon on the right.
 Inside the estate, three candles cast a dim teal light in the darkened master bedroom. The spacious room had a white tall couch off to the side and a rotary phone on a nearby dresser. Hanging on the wall was a mirror and several large portraits of Stolas dressed in red robes and a crown. Rows of small red banners hung around the top of the bed and four red curtains with gold royal symbols were draped tight around the bed. The bedspread matched the curtains.
 âMommy! Daddy!â
 A childâs cry from another room roused the owl prince from his slumber. One of his red eyes opened halfway, another one a slit near the top of his dark feathery head. His face was white and heart-shaped. He turned his head to where his wife was sleeping. She was a white owl with long eyebrows that extended past her face. She was curled up in most of the blankets.
 âViaâs calling us, Stella,â Stolas groaned sleepily.
 Stella let out a sigh. âYou get up,â she replied tiredly.
 Stolas sighed and rose out of bed, briefly putting his fingers to his head. He opened the door to Octaviaâs bedroom. The wallpaper consisted of several columns of moons and stars. Astronomy books lined a shelf while tapped drawings on the wall showed stick figures of Stolas and Octavia, labeled âDaddy,â and âMe.â A nearby portrait showed a smiling Stolas giving an overjoyed Octavia a piggy back ride against a blue background.
 Stolas opened the white door, wearing his red housecoat and a pair of demon face slippers.
 âDear? What troubles you, my owlet?â
 Octaviaâs room was small, with a bookcase and strings of lights hanging around. A white and pink chest and telescope were decorated with stray feathers. Her bed was decorated with small stars and a pink crown on the white headboard, sparkling curtains on either side. A stuffed cat lay on the floor. A lavender blanket with yellow stars on it was currently quivering on the bed. A small frightened face popped out from under the covers: little Octavia. She wore pink jammies with white stars on them. Her face was white and her eyes were large and pink with white pupils. Three gray feathers stuck out from her feathery head and she also had a little tail.
 The little girl sobbed and climbed out of bed.
 âDaddy! Daddy!â
 She ran into her fatherâs arms.
 âI had a dream! A really bad dream!â Her mouth quivered in a whimper.
 Stolas scooped her up into his arms and yawned.
 âA nightmare.â
 He wiped a tear away from her face.
 Octavia spread out her arms. âI was looking all over the palace andâŚI couldnât find you anywhere! You werenât there!â
 Tears appeared from her eyes and she hugged her father around the neck.
 âThere, there, Via. Itâs okay; youâre okay.â
 He pat her several times on the back and carried her into the room. A blue grimoire with a golden crescent moon on the cover floated into the room in a purple cloud of magic.
 Stolas sat down on the bed, Octavia in his lap. The book hovered next to him and he waved his hand to turn the pages. Stolas looked at Octavia.
 âWhen youâre sacred and you donât know where I am, you must remember: I will never be far away from my special little Starfire.â
 He playfully poked her on the nose and she giggled.
 Stolas waved his hand and magic surrounded it. He moved his hand to the ceiling and created a starry portal above their heads. Octavia looked up with wonder in her eyes. It was then that Stolas started singing his lullaby: âYou Will Be Okay.â
 âIt always seems more quiet in the darkâ
âIt always feels so starkâ
 Both of them floated upward through the hole. A brilliant indigo night sky filled with stars was revealed. A small bright sun and a distant ringed planet hovered in the distance. Stolas stood on the surface of a large white moon dotted with craters of various sizes.
 âHow silence grows under the moon
Constellations gone so soonâ
 Stolasâ feet made talon bird tracks on the surface as he carried his daughter.
 âI used to think that I was bold
I used to think love would be fun
Now all my stories have been told
Except for oneâ
 Stolas looked down at Octaviaâs innocent eyes as their faces shone from the pinkish light of the nearby star. Octavia was the ongoing part of his life that Stolas continued to live for, day by day. In all the centuries of his long life, no sexual conquests, no battles nor royal duties could compare with the unique experience of raising a child. In a sea of constellations, Octavia was a guiding light to a greater purpose.
 The ringed planet hovered beside another planet bathed in purple-pink light. A rocky meteor caught on fire and soared toward a molten planet.
 âAs the stars start to align
I hope you take it as a sign
That youâll be okayâ
 Stolas sat down on a small rock and held his daughter close.
 âEverything will be okay.â
 The meteor slowly dipped into the molten planet, turning a fiery orange. The meteor broke through the planet, causing it to break into rocky pieces. Stolas and Octavia sat on a floating chunk of rock as light burst upward from between the gaps of the planet debris.
 âAnd if the Seven rings collapse
Although the day could be my last
You will be okay. When Iâm gone youâll be okayâŚâ
 Octavia yawned and nestled into her fatherâs feathery chest with a small smile on her sleepy face. Stolas knew that even a powerful demon like himself could not live forever. Angelic weapons could kill both Hell-born and Sinners in Hell. The higher class Hell-born could respawn like the Sinners but unlike the dead previous humans, the Hell-born aged slowly and could die of natural causes like mortals.
 Stolas was a part of a powerful ancient clan of demons, one of the first in Hell. The Ars Goetia brothers in arms were very numerous and powerfulâŚdesirable targets for enemies like Valentino and the lot. The family living for so many years didnât lessen the potential sadness that permanent death would bring.
 Like any good parent, Stolas wanted what was best for his child; to pass down some existential knowledge for her to remember later on.
 âAnd when creation goes to die
You can find me in the skyâ
 Seven planets flew toward the sun, creating powerful impacts. The planets turned ashen black before everything burst into an explosion of light. Stolasâ vocalizing face was illuminated by the large pink smoke from the galactic explosion.
 Tears pooled in Stolasâ eyes as the portal closed behind him, now back in the bedroom. A red and gold metallic model of a solar system hung from the back wall. Stolas lifted the starry blanket and draped it over a sleeping Octavia.
 âUpon the last day
And you will be okayâŚâ
 Stolas walked toward the door, looking at her lovingly again before closing it. Octavia slept peacefully in her bed like a happy chick in a nest.
   Stolasâ palace, Dec 9 2020, present day
 Octavia jolted awake suddenly, her pink eyes angular with constricted white pupils. Her hand rested by her face. Her eyes narrowed in anger, her fist clenched as piercing yelling from another room echoed off the walls.
 Her parents were having yet another fight.
 She got out her phone and texted Loona: âParents fighting again. Fuck my life.â
 Loona replied: âSrry 2 hear that. Currently dealing with asshole boss and Moxxie the dick. Hang out at concert Friday?â
 Octavia: âHope so. Mom has grudge against imps and hellhounds, what a royal bitch.â
 Loona: âSmh. Hang in there, my friend.â
 Octavia knew that her regal mother, Stella was pissed that Stolas had fucked the imp Blitzo behind her back. Octavia often worried that Stolas would go on some honeymoon with that creature and leave her behind with Stella. Stella wasnât cruel but she was sterner than Stolas was. Octavia didnât know which was worse, her fatherâs childish attitude laced with a perverted natureâŚor her motherâs cold critiques of Octaviaâs behavior. Stella loved her but expected her to mold into the royal role she was given from birth. Stella was more concerned with tea parties, fashionable attire and her appearance than Octaviaâs many thoughts.
 Currently, Octavia was just a typical emo/goth teenager who had to deal with a lot of stuff going on. Â
 Octaviaâs room was different as well. More spacious, it had a couple of slanted windows between purple drawn curtains that let in some light. A solar system mobile hung from the ceiling in the center of the room. A mirror hung on the wall along with several banners with suns and moons on them. A long couch in the style of white feathers sat off to the side, complete with comfy cushions and pillows. There was a smaller purple telescope as well. Her bed still had the sparkling starry drapes and above that, were hanging purple drapes with a small moon on it and a large pink eye at the very top. Her bedspread was midnight blue with crescent moons on them and the chest by her bed was plainer than before.
 Octavia sat up in bed, with her feathers ruffled, quite literally as well as figuratively. With a grumpy look on her face, Octavia inserted earphones into her ears and held a blue phone in her hand, decorated with a yellow crescent moon. Octavia got dressed in her usual pink shirt with stars on it, black pants, shoes and a crown on her head.
 A playlist of songs appeared, the majority of them were by My Chemical Romance and some were by Lilith. An icon with flames and a sad face appeared on the screen and she pressed the play icon. Pop music played in her ears as a person sang: âMy world is burning down around me.â
 The screams grew with intensity as she got out of bed and walked down a hall lined with Venus Fly Trap plants of different colors. They were arranged in a pattern of brown, magenta and purple. One poor potted planet crashed to the floor in front of Octavia. She stepped over the mess as she continued listening.
 She could hear the vehement arguments form her parents as she walked into the spacious kitchen.
 There was her mother, Queen Stella in a white dress with the top part of her outfit a light pink. A crown was on her head and light gray feathers fanned from her head like long hair.
 âI canât believe you slept with an imp, in our fucking bed!â
 âIt was unexpected!â Stolas replied. âI didnât have time to go to a motel!â
 Stella seethed in disgust. âA motel?! Like a fucking plebian?!â (Roman word for commoner)
 âYou want to fuck this one too?!â
 In a fury, she grabbed a small white dressed imp butler and tossed him at her husband.
 Stolas flinched, holding up his hands. âNo! Of course not!â
 Stella pointed a finger at him. âYou are a god damn embarrassment! Iâm not spending another moment looking at your pathetic, imp-sucking face!â
 Stella stormed out of the room, tossing and breaking more of Stolasâ beloved plants as she yelled.
 Stolas sighed in exasperation before turning to look at his sulking daughter who was sitting at a table with a box of cereal.
 âGood morning, Octavia!â he greeted. âDid you sleep well, my owlet?â
 âWas that a serious question?â she deadpanned as she drank coffee from a mug.
 âMm-hmmâŚâ Stolas began as he walked to an old fashioned white refrigerator with the royal crest on it. He opened the door and took out a slab of zebra meat on a plate. In a corner shelf was a can of soda and a cartoon of chocolate milk. In a zip-lock bag were three white dead mice for a later snack. (They are owls after all!)
 âWhatâs that youâre listening to?â he asked, with a snap of his fingers.
 âThis song is called âMy World Is Burning Down Around Me.â Itâs by Fuck You Dad. Itâs a band.â
 âOhâŚhow charmingâŚâ Stolas chuckled bemusedly. He shut the door and fed the meat to a large white potted plant in a small alcove off the kitchen as he pet it. The satisfied plant closed its three eyes. A starry calendar hung on a nearby wall.
 âSoâŚyou two done screaming for the day?â Octavia asked.
 âUmâŚâ Stolas began as Stella let out another scream of anger along with a crash.
 Stolas walked over to Octavia, who had a box of Robo Fizzâs Greed Seed cereal next to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder. âYou know what I havenât done in a long, long time? I havenât taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell! Why donât we go to Loo-Loo Land?â He mentioned to a portrait of Stolas, Stella and a happy child Octavia in a dress at an apple theme park.
 âIâm not five anymore.â
 âYou always were so happy when I took you to Loo-Loo Land! What do you say we go there again, have a day, just the two of us!â
 âIâd rather kill myself,â she deadpanned.
 âThere we go!â Stolas beamed, bypassing her comment. âAnything but staying in this house.â He lifted a finger. âNow, Iâll arrange our security.â
 He picked up a white rotary phone carried on a platter by the battered imp servant.
 âSecurity for a theme park?â
 âWe are rich, and weâre hot. People want our money and our bodies!â
 âOur money, maybe,â Octavia said under her breath. Stolas rotated the dial a few times.
 âSpeak for yourself, Princess. Now, Iâm calling the only man who can fuck me!â
 Octavia looked with disgust, cereal falling from her hand. âWhat?â
 âWho can protect me! Us. Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know.â The imp collapsed.
 Octavia groaned and pulled her hat down over her eyes.
 At the I.M.P. office, there was a picture of Blitzo wrapped in a towel with the words â#1 bitchâ on it, with the word âbossâ in red over the letters. A paper crown rested on one corner of the picture frame.
 Blitzo played with crude representations of Moxxie and Millie made of office supplies. âMillieâ was made from a stick and clips while âMoxxieâ was made from an eraser.
 âOh, Blitzo, youâre such a good boss!â Blitzo impersonated Millie. âYeah, I really want you sir,â he impersonated Moxxie. âMe too!â he said as Millie. âLetâs three-way!â he said as himself before lowering the office puppets to his crotch. The screaming ringtone of his cell-phone interrupted his pansexual fantasy.
 âWhat?!â he yelled into it. He lounged in his chair, legs propped up as he drank iced coffee from a bloodstained mug. A poster with SpindleHorse on hind legs with âWild and Free,â hung from the wall.
 âWhy hello, my big-dicked Blitzy!â Stolas spoke lustfully.
 Both Blitzo and Octavia forcefully spit out their coffee.
 Blitzo spoke angrily, âWhatâŚâ
 Octavia said, âTheâŚ
 Blitzo: âFuckâŚâ
 Octavia: âDad?!
 âLanguage! Everyone!â Stolas shouted out loud before speaking into the phone. âI have a special request.â
 âAw look,â Blitzo mentioned, âI just had a chemical peel, so youâll have to find someone elseâs face to plant that feathered ass!â He was in no mood for another intimate session.
 âItâs for my daughter.â
 A session with Stolasâ daughter? âAh, well make sure she washes it.â
 âOh! No! No, no, no!â Stolas cried taken aback. âIâm taking my daughter to Loo-Loo Land and I was hoping you brave little imps would accompany us.â
 âWeâre assassins, not bodyguards, okay? Donât invite us to shit unless someoneâs gonna die.â
 âIâll pay you.â
 âWith what?â
 âMoney.â
 âDone!â Blitzo yelled in confirmation, accidentally smashing his phone against the desk. He glanced in annoyance at the shattered pieces before producing a white megaphone with a painted monster mouth on it. He put the crown on his head.
 âM and M, get in here! Weâre goinâ to Loo-Loo Land!â
 Moxxie opened the door to respond. âLoo-Loo Land?â he asked in concern. An excited Millie smashed her head through the glass window of the office door. âLoo-Loo Land!â Her eyes were shining.
 âLoo-Loo Land!â Blitzo yelled excitedly through the megaphone, his long snake-like tongue flickering.
 âShut the fuck up!â Loona yelled from another room.
      Part Two: Loo-Loo Land
Loo-Loo Land was a knockoff apple themed park located in Mammonâs Ring of Greed. The sky was blue instead of red like it was in the Ring of Pride. Indeed, there were Seven Rings in this Hell ruled by Archdemons and named after the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Envy, Lust, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, and Wrath. Only sinners could dwell in the Ring of Pride; it was Luciferâs punishment since he hated mortals. Lucifer, Satan, Leviathan, Mammon, Asmodeus, Belphegor and Beezelbub were the ArchdemonsâŚbut Lucifer was the Ringmaster of all of them!
 A wide array of attractions spun, lit up, whirled and roared to life, some of them reaching toward the sky. There was a large Ferris wheel with a large blue star structure in the center. A star flyer swing ride spun people on swings, while a towering red roller coaster contrasted against the blue sky. A brick tower displayed an eye with pointed ears on the top of it. A white and red stripped circus tent stood between two tall pillars with red painted caramel apples on top as part of the design. Two smiling red apples wearing straw hats were the pillars that flanked the entrance. A teal sign with blinking lights around the border read âMammonâs Loo-Loo Landâ in white, the last âoâ hanging lopsidedly. A cardboard cutout of Robo Fizz had an extended hand in an arch holding a welcome sign. A sign read, âLegally he have to say this,â and another sign said âNot affiliated with Lu Lu World.â Another sign read âMoney please!â by a ticket booth.
 A dark gray van pulled into a parking spot and Moxxie got out. He walked with a blank expression on his face, wearing a black suit and dark sunglasses like his imp colleagues. A bold red I.M.P. decal was spray painted onto the van door. Moxxie slid open the door.
 There was the hunched black silhouette of Stolas, his four red eyes glowing menacingly in the dark. He got out of the van, a happy tall owl wearing red shorts and a white Loo-Loo Land shirt. There was a brief silhouette of Octavia, her two eyes glowing violet. Octavia seethed in annoyance as she peered out through the door. Blitzo and Millie came along as well, getting up from the red seats. Stolas put on an apple hat with big eyes and excitedly mentioned for his daughter to come along. Octavia covered her face with her black hat before following.
 In a black suit and sunglasses, Blitzo strolled by Stolas with a serious expression as they walked by a booth that sold apple Loo-Loo hats. By a clock with a black crown on it that read 7:30 AM, was another booth with âBalloons Attackâ on it.
 âNow remember, this is work and work only,â Blitzo reminded Stolas. âMe and my crew are not here to satisfy your perverted bird needs, alright?â
 âHey, dad, do we have toâŚâ Octavia complained before Blitzo cut her off.
 âOkay, yeah, hold on right there, sweetie.â He turned to Stolas, holding an accusing finger at him. âIf you try fuckinâ my little ass in that park, I swear toâŚâ
 Stolas leaned down and playfully tapped and booped Blitzo on the nose. âYou are so cute when you are serious!â
 âI am literally going to be sick,â Octavia deadpanned.
 âOh crumbs!â exclaimed Moxxie, rummaging through his small gray bag. âI knew today would be a lot! What do you need?â
 Moxxie fished around in the bag, retrieving pill bottles. âAntacids? Ibuprofen? Morphine?â
With a sharp toothed grin, Moxxie showed Octavia eight hypodermic needles with a glowing green substance in them.
 âThat was figurative, old man,â Octavia replied, arms crossed before walking away.
 âOh, right,â Moxxie chuckled sheepishly as he casually tossed the needles into a baby stroller by the cotton candy booth. A red baby imp wearing a bib with a pentagram on it stuck out his tongue and cooed as he reached playfully toward the deadly looking needles.
 âBut she said it was âliterally,ââ Moxxie muttered under his breath.
 On a wall of a Plush booth were Robo Fizz posters and several taped signs that read: âNot Lu Lu World! Stop showing complaints,â âDoes Lu Lu World have a sex robot? No! Stop asking!â âI would never do that to my BFF Lucifer.â âEveryone is so mean to me.â
 Millie took off her sunglasses and beamed. âWooow! I havenât been to this place since I was a tot!â
 An R on an âApple Core Rollâ sign fell off and squashed a poor teen imp below it. Moxxie flinched.
 âIt hasnât changed a bit! Oh! Look! Itâs Big Lovely!â
 Near a gray Extermination booth with exterminator plush heads stood a blue animatronic T-Rex dinosaur wearing a shirt with a planet on it. It had yellow lopsided eyes. Three imps stood to watch it. It suddenly opened its mouth and let out a fierce roaring shriek.
 âThat isâŚdeeply upsetting,â Moxxie mentioned. Millie pulled him toward her. âOh come on! Itâs fun! Youâve never been here?â
 âNo,â said Moxxie. âTheme parks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots,â he shivered.
 The parkâs apple mascot suddenly appeared behind Moxxie. It was a large red apple with a big row of teeth with several holes in them. The top of the apple was green and a black top hat rested on top of the costume. The eyes were big, the black pupils shaped like Pacman symbols. The mascot also wore gloves.
 âWell hey there!â the mascot called in a goofy southern accent.
 Moxxie screamed in fright as the imps both turned around.
 âIâm Loo-Loo! Welcome to Loo-Loo Land!â said the mascot, spreading out his arms. âIf yâall get hurt here, just try and sue us!â The mascot stood on an apple design on the ground as the animatronic head fell onto another imp. Stolas and Octavia stood near a carousel with monstrous looking horses and a small triceratops dinosaur. Some of the horses had bat wings, painted eyes all over and fiery shaped manes.
 Stolasâs eyes glowed with childish excitement, while Octavia stood embarrassed. âLook! Via! Itâs Loo-Loo!â
 âI have a question,â Octavia stated, holding up a finger.
 The mascot leaned in close to her. âWell ask away, little girlie!â The mascot bounced around, an eyeball hanging out as he made âa-hyuk, a-hyuk a-hyukâ sounds.
 âIs it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Luciferâs far more popular Lu Lu World?â Octavia smirked as Stolas looked at her with a pleading frown.
 The mascot paused. âNo?â
 Octavia narrowed her eyes and scoffed. âThis place reeks of insecure corporate shame.â
 Stolas chuckled in embarrassment before leading Octavia away. âWhy donât we go check out the rides?â
 âThat chickâs creepy, huh?â the mascot asked.
 âAh, wait till her dad tries to diddle your holes,â Blitzo deadpanned.
 âWhatâs that mean?â
 âDonât talk to me!â Moxxie called in suspicion, poking a finger at him. âI know youâre a pervert under there!â
 Moxxie and Millie left. The mascot hung his body in dejection as he sighed âYeah.â
 Moxxie and Millie headed down a pathway while a sweating Moxxie stopped to catch his breath. âYou really like this place, huh?â
 âI love this place!â Millie exclaimed. âMy parents would bring me and my siblings here, when they could swing it, Money-wise.â Willie and Lillie were Millieâs brother and sister and sometimes they were just as excited as she was. Unlike Blitzoâs mean father Donner and Moxxieâs parents, Millieâs parents tried to do what was best for their children while also attempting to survive.
 An imp wearing loose clothing and a baseball cap pushed a wheelbarrow full of money into a nearby toy shop. A nearby sign on a brick wall showed a Robo Fizz doll and the words, âNew! Fizzy Buddy! He laughs, he sings, he swears! Tell your parents to buy me! Over 100 lovable phrases! Posable! Only 48% asbestos.â
 The two imps approach a window where apple plushies and apple shaped novelty cups with Ls on them were sold for $29.
 Moxxie mentioned, âYeah, the prices do seem rather criminal. I mean, that much for a novelty cup you use one time?â
 ââCause itâs Loo-loo Land!â Millie said excitedly. Blitzo walked over, slurping from a straw in a novelty cup. He wore a hat with an apple on it and two can holders and straws attached to it. Loo-Loo Land brought back memories of him and his sisters doing jokes and performing at the circus.
 âListen to your hoâ Mox,â Blitzo said, mentioning behind him. âHow âbout I take the first watch while you twoâŚâ he winked, âhave a little fun.â Stolas held up a white shirt with an apple on it to Octavia who frowned.
 âOh!â Millie cried. âWe gotta do my favorite ride!â She picked Moxxie up and carried him as she ran.
 âOh yeah? Whi-Which one?â
 Millie and Moxxie raced over to The Lawsuit roller coaster, the carts were red with the front displaying a green grin. The ride plunged at a sheer 90 degree drop while on fire. A lone rider hung on for dear life and screamed as the ride plunged into a tunnel in the ground. The mascot posed by a height rules sign. Later on, Moxxie threw up in a trash can as an angry vomit covered imp family glared at them. Even the red three eyed dragon from the petting zoo glared at Moxxie.
 Stolas happily carried a balloon in his hand while Octavia slouched on. They walked by a stand that read âFunnel Cakes: Eternal Sufferingâ with popcorn and a sausage on a fork. Blitzo snuck around like a secret agent with his sniper rifle. He appeared on a teal-green tent roof of an âIce Cream Bugsâ stand. Blitzo slid with his rifle and knocked over cups at a âHot and Cold Drunksâ stand. The imps glared at him as he toppled backwards onto the ground. A nearby blaster game was titled âStop that Soulâ and showed a frowning sun and cardboard angels in clouds with xs over their eyes. Another sign read âHax Away.â
 Five grinning imps with knives and weapons peered out from an alleyway at Stolas, itching to kill him and steal the princeâs money. Blitzo slid along the floor, then glared at the imps, causing them to scatter away. Blitzo aimed his sniper again, near a game where imps could knock out mechanical clownâs teeth at âTeeth Off!â Stolas tilted his head upside down and stroked Blitzoâs horns from above. There was a game where one could toss balls into skulls and a ring toss with real spikes to toss them onto.
 âYou know, itâs quite thrilling to see you on the job, Blitzy.â
 âSave it, bitch. Iâm working.â
 Octavia rolled her eyes. âYou both need to get a room.â
 âHey!â Blitzo called. âI am not a day-hooker!â
 A nearby imp mother and her baby glared at Blitzo.
 âWhat? I just said Iâm not one, prude!â He flipped her the bird. A nearby film sign read âPirana.â
 Meanwhile, Moxxie and Millie walked along a line of booths, one read âMuppetâ and one read âKnock a Bottle.â Millie suddenly beamed and pulled Moxxie toward another vendor. A smug imp wearing a yellow hat and a red shirt spotted them.
 âHello, hello!â he called. âStep right up and win a thing!â
 Millieâs eyes shone as she gasped and pointed upwards. âOh, look Moxxie! A thing!â
 The âthingâ was a purple stuffed animal wearing pink overalls with stripped imp horns. It had a yellow beak, an upside down cross on it and a tag with âThing?â on it.
 Moxxie looked at her with a grin. âOh, you like that thing?â
 âYessss!â Millie exclaimed, drawing out the word. âI donât know what that thing is, but I want that thing!â
 Moxxie straightened his bow tie with a smug look. âFinally something I can handle.â
 He walked up to the vendor, took out some money and handed it to the carnie. âOkay! One game, please!â
 The carnie rolled his eyes and handed Moxxie a clown-like blaster with his tail. Moxxie pulled the trigger with one eye shut and the cork projectile hit the bullseye on the cardboard smiling appleâs behind. Millie clapped in the background. Moxxie made a âricochetâ noise and blew the black powder smoke clear of the gun.
 The carnie just grinned. âStrike one, little man!â
 Moxxie stared in disbelief. âBut I hit it!â
 âHmm, I donât know what to tell you, buddy. The target, see? It didnât go down. So yeah, no go, bro.â
 Moxxie slammed another dollar bill onto the counter, picked up the gun and fired again. He hit the bullseye but the cardboard apple stayed in place. He slapped the pistol in annoyance. âThe Heavenâs wrong with this thing?!â
 The carnie smirked. âOh man, a real shame I tell ya. Whaa, whaa!â He pretended to cry and rub his eyes.
 Moxxie hissed in anger and slapped another bill on the counter. âAnother!â
 Again and again Moxxie tried to hit it, but the carnie rigged the game, not making the apples go down. Soon, the carnie was holding 600 souls of Moxxieâs money, the dollar bills had Robo Fizz on them. He rolled one bill up into a cigar and put it in his mouth.
 âWow! Man, youâre really starting to make this sad. You know, if you suck, you suck! Guess you wonât win your honey here a prize.â
 Moxxie seethed in anger.
 âLet me try!â Millie said, taking the blaster from Moxxie. She fired it and the cork flew far off between the apples. The carnie grinned mischievously, and pressed a foot pedal, making an apple target go down.
 âOh, look at that! Lucky shot, baby,â the carnie said. He wiggled the rolled up bill against Moxxie and dropped it. Millie laughed and clapped.
 Moxxie yelled, âAre you kidding me?! YouâŚyouâŚcharlatan!â
 The carnie pressed his hand into Moxxieâs face. âHey, uh get lost pipsqueak, Iâm talkinâ to the lady.â
 He leaned toward her and made a purring sound, causing her to flinch back in disgust.
   Meanwhile, Stolas pulled Octavia close with a gasp, letting go of his balloon.
âLook, Via! You used to cry such tears of joy at this show!â
 Stolas mentioned to a large circus tent with promotional signs of Robo Fizz on either side. A mother imp tried to drag her crying child toward the tent.
 âOh noâŚâ Octavia breathed, her white pupils constricting. A flashback of when she was a young girl came back to her. She was pushed against the stage by other cheering imp children. Robo Fizz was a robotic imp jester who posed on the stage with his arms spread out. An animatronic band was behind him. A neon sign above read âFizzarolli and Friends,â with the âR��� burnt out which made it look like âFiends.â Robo Fizz sparked and cackled, wiggling his fingers and leering over a crying Octavia. Off to the side, a scowling Blitzo was dressed in clown makeup and attending a food cart.
 Back in the present, Octavia and Blitzo muttered at the same time: âI hate that fucking clown!â
 Meanwhile, Stolas happily waved as he was being held captive in the air by the gang of imps pointing weapons at him.
 âOh Blitzy! I need my bodyguard, please!â Stolas smiled unconcerned before another imp jumped up and put a purple cloth sack over the owlâs head. Another imp grinned and held Stolasâ wallet. One imp jumped, trying to skewer him with a pitchfork. Blitzo turned around and fired his rifle, shooting the imp in the torso. Black blood splattered against the cloth sack over Stolasâ head. The imps dropped him and quickly scattered away. Blitzo carried Stolas into the tent and set him down on a wooden bench before leaving. Octavia sat next to him, rolled her eyes and removed the blood-soaked cloth form Stolasâ head. The owl blinked, wondering where he was.
 Two spotlights merged into one on the stage and Robo Fizz flapped open the curtains. He wore a jester outfit and his horns were covered with stripped cloth and little bells hung from the ends. A happy face and sad face pin were by his shoulders along with a string of lights as a necklace. His pants were stripped and he wore gloves. His shirt had small white hearts near the bottom and his eyes glowed an eerie green.
 Six lit up arrow signs pointed to him and read: âFizzarolli,â âRobot property of Mammon,â âLook at him go!â âYes! Love 2 c it!â âWow!â âHe.â
 Robo Fizz held up a sign with âLu Luâ crossed out in red with âLoo-Loo, the better one,â on it. He also briefly held out a red and gold contract signed by Mammon: âThis is a statement regarding the unfair accusations that my theme park âLoo-Loo Landâ is trying to profit off my friend and ruler Luciferâs park Lu Lu World. This is false. These allegations are baseless and untrue. You are all just dicks. Fuck right off and stop saying that, alright? They are legally distinct. I checked. Signed Mammon.â
  âHey, hey, hey, hey, hey implings!â he said in his showman voice. âItâs me, the Robotic Fizzarolli! Shipped from Mammonâs factory to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Loo-Loo Land (spelled with Oâs to avoid lawsuits!) Hit it!â
 Rows of spotlights lit up and he began to sing. The curtains opened and Robo Fizzâs Five Nights at Freddyâs band played. An open clown mouth served as the stage backdrop. Robo Fizz rapidly pointed at a boy imp and a girl imp and made his rounds toward Stolas and Octavia. He moved back to the stage just as Blitzo aimed his sniper at him in warning. The band played on a rising structure shaped like a cake, decorated with eyes and sharp spikes.
  âLoo-Loo Land, Loo-Loo Land!
Everybody sing along with the Loo-Loo band!
Every girl, every boy, every woman, every man
Loves Loo-Loo Land!â
 An animatronic bear and a smaller rabbit meshed together played a red banjo with a pentagram on it. A lopsided dinosaur played a guitar decorated with flames. A green frog with large human teeth played the Robo Fizz head drums and a brown dog played the triangle. The two speakers on either side were shaped like weapons and had skulls on them. âFizzarolli and Friendsâ sign glowed at the top.
 âLoo-Loo Land! Loo-Loo Land!
Everything is beautiful in Loo-Loo Land!
Ugly children holdinâ hands
In Loo-Loo Land!â
 Robo Fizz briefly pulled a crowd of imps into a hug before spinning around and tossing them aside. They crashed back into the stands. He hugged the animatronic dinosaur which fizzled and slapped the bear and rabbit, which squirted black ink at a nearby imp.
 He poured gasoline onto a pile of âcease and desistâ papers, causing them to go up in flames.
 âEverybodyâs friendly, and nobody is mean
No copyright infringementâs ever seen!â
 In an imitation of Princess Charlie, Robo Fizz then posed on top of a piano. He stood on top, hand over his heart in the spotlight.
 âI have a dream (he has a dream)
Iâm here to tell (he has to tell)
About a magical fantastic place called Loo-Loo Land!â
 He spun his body around and landed in a pose with arms and legs spread out. Octavia watched with disgust and boredom.
  âLoo-Loo Land, Loo-Loo Land!
Everybody sing along with the Loo-Loo band!
Every girl, every boy, every woman, every man
Loves Loo-Loo Land!â
 The show ended with a pyrotechnic display. Green flames ate up one of the curtains and Robo Fizz laughed as he did a final pose up front. Octavia leaned her head back and pounded her fist on the bench in annoyance. Stolas cheered and rapidly clapped.
 âOhhohohoho! How delightful! Havenât had this much fun since the last Harvest Moon FestivalâŚâ Octavia hid her face in her hat again.
 Behind Stolas, an imp armed with a wave-shaped keris sword rose from beneath the seats, ready to stab him. The impâs head was quickly blown apart by Blitzo at the back seats.
 âOh! My, what aim you have, Blitzy!â Stolas praised.
 âUgh! I canât do this anymore!â Octavia shouted in frustration.
 âOctavia!â Stolas reached out in concern as the owl teen stormed off. Stolas chased after her as Blitzo followed suit. Robo Fizz cackled as he spotted the imp dashing along.
 âHa ha ha hoho-oh! Is that Blitzo my sensors spot up there?â He emphasized the silent âOâ in his name. âI bet the kiddies are still running away from you, huh?â
He spun his head around in loops and cackled.
 âThe âOâ is silent now!â Blitzo stopped and yelled.
 Robo Fizz mocked him some more and did wild dance-like poses. âUh huh! Just like your audience always was when you to-told your lazy jokes here!â
 Blitzo tossed his sunglasses aside. âI make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass ripoff of an overrated sell-out jester!â
 âOh ho ho! Someoneâs salty! Real or not though, people love me! Does anybody love youâŚâ
 His face turned dark and his eyes glowed menacingly, grin stretched wide, âBlitzo?!â
 âNo. But Iâm really good with guns now!â Blitzo took out his sniper. âDance, bitch!â
 Blitzo slammed a new magazine into his rifle, switched it to full-auto and opened up on Robo Fizz, who cartwheeled out of the way of the rounds. He rapidly spun like a wheel up the stairs to where Blitzo was. He coiled himself around Blitzo like a snake, before using his momentum to launch the imp out of the tent.
 âFuck meeeee!â Blitzo yelled.
 Outside, Wally Wayford, an imp with a southern accent was selling lit torches. There were two posters of Robo Fizz, the first was âFizzarolli and the Handy Dandies.â
The other showed Robo Fizz with handcuffs: Â âRobo Fizz Personal Companion. Gives and receives. Ribbed for your pleasure. Real tentacle action. Ten speed vibration. BDSM feature. Machine Washable.â
 âTorches, I say, I say!â Wally said in a southern accent. âGet your inconvenient torches here!â
 Blitzo landed on the cart with a yell, which scattered the green torches everywhere.
 âOwâŚI say ow!â Wally yelled.
 The flames lit the big top of fire. The flames rapidly spread to all corners of the park. Burning animatronics fled the tent as Robo Fizz cackled with demonic glee at the chaos.
 Back at the blaster game, Blitzo had crash landed through the roof and into the pervert carnie just in time, saving Millie.
 âSir?â asked Moxxie, surprised.
 âOh hey guys!â a dazed Blitzo replied. âYou should probably go and uhâŚmake sure Stolas is okay! I got someâŚunfinished business to take care of.â
 Blitzo stood up and drew a brown flintlock pistol and fired. Robo Fizz swayed creepily toward Blitzo, a red eye showing on his burning grinning face, green flames behind him. The impact spun Robo Fizzâs head aroundâŚbut the jester was unharmed by the shot.
 âOh what a mouth!â Blitzo exclaimed as Robo Fizz caught the bullet in his mouth and spat it out. Blitzo grimaced as Robo Fizz rolled at him again. Moxxie, Millie and Blitzo jumped out of the way as the jester hit the booth, destroying it in a large explosion. Shrapnel and several white imp head prizes flew through the air on fire. The piece of a stuffed animal hit a young imp boy on the head, leaving him unconscious. The photographer then snapped the picture of the imp family.
 âGoddammit Nathan!â the fat father yelled. âYou ruined another bloody photo! Why were you even born?!â
 Stolas wandered around other booths: Aim and Fire Shoot Apple, Happy Ducking, and a bomb themed Knok Knok game. One was called Eggs in the Basket, Poison Apples sold caramel apples decorated like slimy skulls and a dunking game was called Drown the Sinner. Â
 Stolas then gasped. âOctavia!â
 Octavia ran into a fun house shapes like an elongated head of Lucifer. The face was white with the blushes on the cheeks and the eyes were green and snake-like. The steps were positioned onto a long tongue and the fun house entrance was shaped like Luciferâs fanged mouth. A top hat and an apple reading âFun Houseâ was at the top. Stolas followed her inside as two grinning imps held rope and weapons close behind.
 The neon interior was filled with eyes, tubes, swinging pendulums, mirrors and disembodied hands. Stolas went further into the room and looked around. A sign reading âSmileâ had an arrow pointed down at a tunnel. A shadow appeared behind Stolas as a random imp jumped onto his shoulders.
 âUm, I think Iâm supposed to be body-guarded right now!â Stolas said, annoyed.
The imp covered Stolasâ mouth with his shirt sleeve, but was shot in the head, falling to the ground. Moxxie and Millie appeared in the entryway, Millie had just shot the imp.
 âUgh. Thatâs better,â Stolas said, brushing his sleeve. âWhere is Blitzy? Heâs my knight in shining armor, not you littler ones.â Even his apple hat got an annoyed expression on it.
 The imps came over to him, Millie hugging the thing stuffed animal. âHeâsâŚuh busy.â
 âBeing a fool,â said Moxxie.
 âWhat kind of fool?â asked Stolas.
 âThe âeverything is now on fire,â kind,â Moxxie replied.
 Stolas left the imps, dodging two swinging pendulums, and headed down a tunnel into an adjoining room filled with eyes on the wall. He then spotted Octavia sitting in one of four apple-themed rail cars, crying.
âOctaviaâŚâ Stolas breathed. He took off his apple hat and it fell to the floor, the goofy face now a sad face, reflecting Stolasâ emotional state.
 Stolas scooted next to Octavia, leaving a bit of space between them. âI take it you areâŚnot having fun.â
 âI didnât even want to come here!â Octavia protested.
 âIâm sorry, sweetie. I thought you loved it here.â
 Octavia glared at her father. âWhen I was a kid and my parents didnât hate each other, and my dad didnât flirt with some weird red dickhead the entire time.â
 Both owls looked downcast.
 âIâm sorry, Via,â Stolas said. âIâm sorry for everything happening right now. I know itâs a lot but IâŚuhâŚI should have listened.â
 âI just want to go home, but home doesnât even feel like home anymore. You ruined it.â More tears fell from Octaviaâs eyes as she shook her head and wiped more away with her arm.
 âYou need to understand, you mother and IâŚâ He stroked the back of his head, nervously. âI justâŚI feltâŚsheâs always beenâŚI havenât beenâ He stuttered, ââŚwe werenât inâŚâ He buried his head in his hands, âIâm sorry, I-I-I donât have the words.â
 âAre you going to run off with him? And leave me behind? Go away where I canât find you?â
 âWhat? No!â He pulled her close. âNo, no, never. Iâd never do that. Never.â Both of them embraced in a tight hug. âI think itâs time to leave this place,â Stolas said. Octavia smiled a bit through her tears. Despite his mistakes, her father loved her dearly. It wasnât too hard to forgive him. Stolas lifted her up into his arms and continued, âYou were right. You are too old for it, anyway.â He walked through an apple shaped opening.
 Stolas carried Octavia out of the Fun House as an imp grinned manically in the space above the drop-ceiling. The imp dropped down and flicked open a switchblade behind him. Stolas immediately turned around, his red eyes glowing brightly. The frightened imp was turned to stone on the spot, then was knocked over by a pendulum.
 As dusk feel outside, the park was reduced to pandemonium. Millie tried to shoot Robo Fizz who wildly rolled around. The red dragon picked up Robo Fizz, tossed him into the air before catching him and swallowing him whole. On the dragonâs back, Moxxie gaped in terror.
 Stolas and Octavia left the park gates.
 âSo, what would you like to do now?â Stolas asked.
 Octavia smiled. âOh, can we go to Stylish Occult? They sell weird taxidermy there.â
 âHmm,â Stolas said reluctantly, but then said âOkay.â
 Octavia let out a small laugh. âThanks, dad. Youâre okay sometimes.â
 Stolas smiled down at her, his face bright against the starry sky above. It was nice to get a compliment from her. âThank you Via. Thank youâŚâ
 A massive explosion rocked the park, sending green flames shooting up into the air. The I.M.P. imps hurtled through the air, screaming before all three landed in front of the owls. All three were covered with smoke.
 âWay to ruin another good thing, sir!â Moxxie strained at Blitzo.
 âWorth it!â Blitzo replied, holding up a shaking finger. âThat slutty toy clown had. It. Coming!â
 Moxxie and Blitzo then fell unconscious.
 In the darkness, Valentinoâs hairless black dog Queef sniffed the unconscious Millie, grabbed her by the hair and dragged her still form awayâŚ
 Helluva Boss Episode Three: Spring Broken
Part One: Verosika
 The ground-shaking rock music blared as a gray van rolled along the street at high speed. The front hood of the van was loose and rattled up and down, showing a dark opening. The front headlights looked like a dark grate with a few yellow lights at the very ends. The small license plate at the front read âIMP-666â in black letters. Two red stripes streaked across the side of the van while the bold red and white I.M.P. decal was proudly displayed on the side door.
 âI love this song!â exclaimed the leader imp, Blitzo. He was wearing his usual work outfit; a navy blue coat with red buttons and a red pin at the front. Above Blitzo hung small red and white flags. In the center was a white toy horse with a blonde mane and tail. With his hands on the wheel, Blitzo belted out the lyrics:
 âYou were the little spicyâŚuh⌠demon with the bleach blonde hair Fiendin' for some semen when I caught your stare Thought it might be love but you went too far Fucked all of my friends and blew up my car
 Lit me on fire made me watch rom-coms Made a secret sex tape and showed it to my mom You were a bitch kinda generally Now I'm a wet wild stallion and I'm running free
 You stepped on my nuts and you tore me apart Slapped up my booty and tangled my farts Cut off my dick when you shattered my heart But it grew back twice as long
 MUSTANG DONG!â
 Memories of him and a former lover were already rushing back to him. The song perfectly described his previous love life and though not very pleasant, was still fun to sing to. There were many times in his life where he considered horses to be better companions than his peers. An array of endless horse names and adventures he could conjure up in his headâŚ
 Blitzo made âhornâ rocker symbols with his hands as he nodded his head to the beat. In shotgun, Loona made a face of annoyance as she glanced at her black and white cell phone in her hands. She wore her usual shorts, torn gray tank top and black strings in the shape of a downward facing pentagram below her neck. In the back of the van, Moxxie covered both ears as he sat in the long red seat. He wore his usual dark coat and red bow tie. Millie rolled down her window and smiled as the breeze blew through her wild black hair. She had on her black tank top and torn pants as well.
 Blitzo drove the van into a reserved parking lot, surrounded by graffiti-sprayed buildings. A worn white banner on one building read âBuck you Flitzoâ in bold capital letters. One of the buildings was decorated with a large red eye made of glass. Bizarrely enough, there was a billboard that advertised holy water. Blitzo haphazardly drove through the lot opening. He was just about to pull into the remaining empty space to the right when a pink convertible car beat him to it.
 âHoly shit! FâŚâ Blitzo yelled, he and Loona both fearful. Blitzo rapidly turned the wheel and the horn sounded. He slammed on the brakes and the van skidded to a stop. The pink car had a red heart with gold trim on the back and a golden border. The license plate read âSUCK-4-LIFE.â The wheels had small white hearts on the dark inside, white rims surrounding them.
 An angry Blitzo rolled his head and turned off the radio.
 Oh, you âsuck for life,â do ya?!â he asked as he glared at the car. He pulled out his white megaphone and leaned out the window.
 âListen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump!â he yelled through the megaphone. âYou have three goddamn seconds to get your dick out of my parking spotâŚâ
 A pair of tall high heels lowered to the ground. The shoes were black with pink hearts on them. The figure wore black tight pants with three pink xs on the side. She wore a black and white dress, a black star on the lower half and a large X and O over her breasts. A sparkly light pink fluffy coat covered her shoulders. Her face was dark pink and a black choker was around her neck. She had a pointed tail, little bat wings and curved pink horns with a few black stars on them. Her hair was long and pinkish white, and sunglasses with pink hearts on them obscured her eyes.
 Blitzo lowered his megaphone in shock at the sight of the familiar succubus.
 âOh shit! Verosika?!â
 The succubus blew a bubble of pink gum before it popped.
 âBlitzo,â she greeted, arms folded. She had pronounced the âoâ on purpose to annoy Blitzo.
 Blitzo glared. âI should have known youâd be here. I could smell fish for miles. Which is odd because I believe the nearest ocean isâŚâ
 Blitzo fell out through the window, face-planting onto the ground. He quickly stood up, pointing at the ground, ââŚthree rings down!â He was referring to the Ring of Envy where the oceanic ruler Leviathan resided.
 âAnd I should have known youâd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts,â Verosika retorted. She held a white and brown flask bottle in her left hand. It was decorated with a small red and white heart near the top. âI.M.P. is a scam!â and âSwear wordâ were painted on a nearby brick wall.
 âOh yeah?â he asked. âIâm surprised they let your fat ass out of rehab. I can see youâre still a drunken whore, clutching onto that beelzejuice juice bottle like itâs the last cock in Hell.â
 âThey let me out because Iâm still famous,â Verosika bragged, flipping back her long hair dramatically, âand rehab is for sad, loser wash-ups.â
 She took a drink from her bottle and wiped her black lipstick mouth with a gloved white thumb.
 âSo your sister says hi,â she smirked, implying a temporary sexual relation with Tilla or Barbie Wire.
 Blitzo stomped over toward Verosika. âWhy are you parking here?â he growled. âThis is the only parking spot my company has. So take your tampon race car somewhere else.â
 Verosika leaned slightly toward him. âActually prick, it has my name on it.â
 She pointed down at their feet, where âVerosikaâ and a heart was spray painted in purple over the previous black âI.M.P.â
 Verosika stood up. âIâm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the buildingâŚâ
 âNo way,â Loona breathed as she peered from the van.
 ââŚand they wanted to have me come in this week to lead their team during spring break.â
 âA week?!â Blitzo exclaimed. âNo, no, you are not parking here for a fucking week!â
 Verosika removed her sunglasses, revealing pink irises with yellow sclera.
 âAw, you mad, Blitzo?â she cooed in a mocking tone. âYou gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their carâŚâ
 Verosika and Blitzo talked over each other, ââŚand run three Rings to Wrath and back and max my credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!â
 Blitzo stomped his foot. âGod dammit whore, you will not let that go!â
 Verosika walked past him, showing a middle finger. âChoke on a sandpaper cock.â
 Loona lowered her head as she walked by. Blitzo angrily followed Verosika.
 âHold on, you better move that pussy wagon right now or Iâm gonnaâŚâ
 Blitzo froze as he heard a low growling sound behind him. Towering over him was a beefy dark gray Hellhound man. He wore a torn black jacket decorated with red spikes along the shoulders. A black tattoo of a wolf with sharp teeth and a tongue out was on his left shoulder. He had thick eyebrows, torn pointed ears, a black nose and a scar over his milky left eye. His right eye was red.
 âYouâll what?â he grunted, showing his sharp white teeth.
 Blitzo stuttered and looked around, fearfully. âOr IâllâŚumâŚIâllâŚIâll call HR.â
 Blitzo, Verosika and the Hellhound burst into sudden laughter before they calmed down.
 âAnyway,â said Verosika, âMeet my new Hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well.â
 Vortex walked by Verosikaâs side as she left. She flipped off Blitzo again before saying, âTa ta, fuck stain.â
 âUgh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that,â Blitzo muttered in annoyance.
 Just then, Loona stepped out of the van. âYou know Verosika Mayday?!â
 âHuh?â Blitzo asked. Then he casually answered, âOh yeah, her, yeah, we dated.â
 âWas it before or after she became a pop star?â Millie asked in curiosity.
 Blitzo crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.
 âYou dated a popstar?!â Moxxie added as he stepped out of the van.
 âOkay, why are you all acting like thatâs such a shock?â Blitzo asked.
 âHello. Itâs Verosika Mayday?â Loona replied.
 âItâs you?â Millie said. Moxxie and Millie were surprised that a famous person like Verosika would consider dating someone who was perceived to be far below her league.
 Moxxie scratched his head. âI justâŚIs she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage?â
 âOkay look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be,â Blitzo said. âI donât pry into your stupid personal lives.â
 Loona, Moxxie, and Millie did overlapping yells:
 âYou do that all the time, sir!â yelled Moxxie.
 âCome on, you do that,â added Millie.
 âYou totally do that,â Loona agreed.
 Millie grinned mischievously, her eyelids lowering. âWhat was sex with her like?â
 âMillie!â Moxxie yelled, taken aback.
 âWhat?!â Millie shrugged. âItâs a pop star! Youâd wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like.â
 Moxxie paused in mid argument. âTouchĂŠ.â
 âOkay look, letâs just drop it!â Blitzo demanded. âMillie, find a temporary spot for that truck.â
 He tossed a pair of keys to a gleeful Millie, who caught them and scampered off.
 âOkay, Loonie, Moxxie, letâs go handle this shit.â
 In the building, Loona led the way between the imps as the three stepped out of an elevator. The dark brown walls were decorated with yellow webbed cracks. I.M.P. was painted in red on an office door window. The Hellhound nervously stepped forward, hands together.
 âDid they see me? Fuck! I did my makeup shitty today!â she muttered. Blitzo stared at her with shining eyes.
 âOh you look perfect, Loonie. Like always.â
 She flinched away from him, arms crossed as she passed by a water cooler. A look of annoyance crossed Loonaâs face at Blitzo baby-talking her.
 âOh shut up daâŚâ Loona began before seeing a look of adoration and wide eyes on Blitzoâs face. She had almost said, âdad.â
 âUrgh!â she caught herself and shoved him aside. ââŚBlitzo!â She checked her face in a small hand mirror, a wolf design on it. She then bumped into a long furry arm.
 âOh. Whoa,â she breathed. Glancing down at her was none other than Vortex. Redness crept up to her cheeks and she wagged her tail. Blitzo briefly smiled at Loona before gasping in shock. He dashed between Loona and Vortex, arms out.
 âHi big man,â he said. âWhereâs your bitch bag of an employer?â
 âSheâs in her office,â said Vortex in a low voice. âThere wasnât room on the second floor so they rented one here on this one. Itâs way cheaper.â
 Vortex mentioned toward a room down the hall, across from the I.M.P. office. Three neon hearts stood right above two blue double doors. A large pink âVâ and a pink âMâ were painted on the door windows, standing for Verosika Mayday (and Vivienne Medrando, creator of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss!)
 âOh come on!â Blitzo yelled.
 Vortex chuckled with a shrug of his shoulders. âSorry man,â he said before walking away.
 âOh no you donât, bitch,â Blitzo muttered.
 âSir,â Moxxie began. âHow about you let me go in and try to reason with her. I donât really listen to whatâs classified as âpop genreâ music, so her status to me isâŚâ
 Blitzo tuned out Moxxieâs rambling.
 âMoxxie,â he said, âShut the fuck up.â
 âAll righty then,â Moxxie replied, pushing open one of the blue doors and going inside. Electronic music briefly sounded from inside the room. The room had been converted into a dimly lit recording studio, with mixing consoles, effects units, microphones and separate booths. The neon pink border just under the ceiling gave it a club-like atmosphere, as did the rows of beer bottles on the counters. The silhouettes of Moxxie, Verosika and her gang of demons were visible from a large glass window.
 âHello Miss Verosika was it?â Moxxie asked, his eyes golden and glowing. âI work for Imp and it is actually rather important for us to retain the singular parking space we were assigned becauseâŚâ
 A woman succubus with a bob of hair pointed at Moxxie. âAw, look at the little one. Heâs got a wittle bow tie!â The gang snickered.
 âPlease donât condescend me, maâam,â Moxxie replied. âIâŚâ
 A male incubi leaned close to Moxxie. âWanna kiss, you little guy?â
 Moxxie stepped back. âAâŚA kind offer, butâŚIâm married.â
 Verosika stepped forward as her gang surrounded Moxxie. âHey, why donât you send a little message from me back to your limp-dick boss?â
 Verosika and her gang hissed with sharp shadowy mouths over Moxxie. The imp screamed âDonât touch that!â Blitzo raced over and pressed both hands on the window pane.
 âMoxxie, do not let her access any of your holes!â he cried.
 Moxxie raced back into the hall, his back against the closed doors. He was shaken and battered, with red lipstick kisses all over his face.
 âIâŚI gotta go lie downâŚnow,â he stuttered as he walked away.
 Blitzo fumed, veins popping in his yellow eyes. âOh this wonât stand!â
 He boot-kicked both doors open, gaining the attention of his ex and her crew. There were other succubi and incubi with reddish pink skin, horns, pointed tails and small bat wings. A white-haired man wore a black collar with a black upside down cross around his neck. He wore a black short sleeved shirt with a red logo that read âburn forest burnâ on it. His taller male partner wore a ripped black tank top with a circled X on it. His hair was black and he had a black goatee. Two demon women partners sat together as well. The first had long dark hair and wore a fishnet top and leggings. The white-haired succubi next to her wore short revealing overalls. Verosika stood poised in the middle.
 âAlright, (censored)! Thatâs it!â Blitzo yelled, marching over toward Verosika. âIf youâre gonna be shitty to my employeesâŚâ he pointed a finger at her, ââŚthen I challenge you to a fuckingâŚchallenge!â He leaned his head back in frustration. âFuck, I said that twice.â
 The woman with long dark hair chuckled. âIs this imp boy starting a demon duel?â
 âI think he is,â Verosika replied with a snicker. She bent over toward the imp. âWhatâs the game then, Blitzo?â
 âEvery year, you STD spreaders go topside for easy pickings while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds!â Blitzo responded. He grinned, âSo I betâŚyou succu-bitches canât fuck as many people as we can off by the end of the day.â He briefly made a hand gesture of a gun.
 Verosika and her gang burst into laughter. Blitzo glared in determination. Verosika and the others stopped laughing. âOh, youâre serious?â Verosika asked. She leaned in and spoke to Blitzo in a low whisper, âGame on, bitch.â
 Later at I.M.P. headquarters, Blitzo stood in front of an easel full of paper and a large whiteboard flanked by bat wings near the top. There was a large bar graph drawn on the board along with horse drawings. On the left hand corner, Blitzo had written, âPotential Horse Names: âGrape Fiestaâ, âPaperclipâ, and âSoapâ, -32.â  Moxxie, Millie and Loona sat in their usual spiked chairs around a long table to listen.
 âAlright, shut your assholes, hereâs how were gonna do this shit,â Blitzo announced.
 âFirst, we find a fuck ton of clientsâŚâ
 The animated childish drawings on the paper showed Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie and Loona standing together. A crowd of imps and clients surrounded them and gave them hugs and piles of money.
 âWe portal upâŚâ
 The Blitzo drawing snapped his fingers and the I.M.P. figures fell down to earth.
 âWe have our fun murder time as per usualâŚâ
 The I.M.P. figures used guns to kill the human figures around them.
 âWe pile all the bodies into a big fucking canoeâŚâ
 Drawing Blitzo tossed the dead humans into a canoe that read âS.S. Cum Gutter.â
 âWe push said canoe into some water. We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles and maybe a goose, too. Fuck itâŚâ
 Animated drawings of sharks, snakes, eagles and a goose ate at the bodies on fire. A large octopus sea monster snapped the boat and everything up in its mouth.
 âThey come and eat the bodies, we win the betâŚâ
 The I.M.P. figures cheered, while the Loona one wore a party hat and blew a noisemaker.
 âWe rub it in that sloppy bitchâs drunken whore ass face.â
 The Verosika drawing burst into tears on her knees as the I.M.P. figures flipped her off several times.
 âDo you have any questions?â Blitzo asked as the real meeting continued.
 âUh yeah, why was that nonsense?â Moxxie deadpanned.
 Blitzo walked over to him. âThat wasnât a question.â
 âThat wasnât a plan,â Moxxie retorted.
 Blitzo put a hand around Moxxie. âIâm sorry, but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox. Itâs not my fault youâve got a smooth little brain upstairs.â
 âA what now?â Moxxie asked, eyebrows raised.
 âIâm calling you slow, Moxxie. God, why donât you learn to take criticism, you talentless baby dick troll?â He pointed his finger into Moxxieâs chest several times as he spoke.
 An angry Moxxie stood up on the table. âWell why donât you take an art class?â
 Blitzo grabbed Moxxie by the collar and threw him back onto the chair. âWhy donât you see how expensive they are?!â
 Loona interrupted the argument, still holding her cell phone. âHey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?â
 Blitzo crossed his arms in disapproval. âAbsolutely not. I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. Spring break is no place for young vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of freaks up there who drool all over you.â
 All four characters glared into the camera, breaking the fourth wall.
 âWell, I can blend in with humans easy enough,â Loona explained. âJust let me tag along.â
 âWait, say that again,â said Blitzo.
 âI can blend in?â Loona reiterated.
 âYou have a human disguise?â Millie asked.
 âYeah. Donât you?â
 The three guilty imps nervously looked at each other, eyes darting from side to side.
 âYou three have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time, without human disguises?!â Loona asked in disbelief.
 âOkay, new plan!â Blitzo called, rapidly scribbling on a piece of paper. He placed the paper on the easel, showing Loona surrounded by human figures with tiny hearts around them.
 âLoonie can help lure the humans to us and weâll take care of the rest. Okay how about that?â
 âFlawless logic,â Millie smiled in agreement.
 Moxxie held up a clawed finger. âI think youâre missing the biggest issue, sir. Isnât it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet? We arenât just going up to massacre.â
 Blitzo smirked in response. âI got that covered, Mox.â
 Not long after, Blitzo stuck a flyer onto a pole. It read âSpring Break Victim 50% Off!â It had a drawing of Blitzo, a dead victim and little cartoon horses.
 Blitzo strode to Moxxie. âNow, we wait.â
 Moxxie shook his head. âSir, there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day with one poorly spelled bad grammar flyer!â
 Both Moxxie and Blitzo paused and looked over to see a line of a dozen creatures looking in curiosity at the flyer under the Pride Ringâs blood red sky. They arrived in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some of them were imps and others were sinners. There was a pink fluffy monster with black eyes, an orange fly trap plant wearing librarian glasses, a fox with thick white hair, a humanoid dog with pointed ears and a hook for a hand. Next to a teal lizard lady with dyed hair stood a tall man wearing a blue suit with a deer skull for a head. Even Travis, a gray owl demon, was there.
 Blitzo elbowed Moxxie with a smug grin before strolling over to the other demons. âNow, whoâs first?â
  Part Two: At the Beach
 The beach in the human world was alive with humans from everywhere. Men, women and children happily walked around, relaxed under umbrellas, or had snacks. Several surf boards stood up in the sand by a decorated teal wall with a wavy orange design taking up the center. The crowd was positioned between a wooden dock and a makeshift stage. Two women wearing sunglasses got comfortably close and kissed each other in the shade. A muscular dark skinned man talked with a red haired woman while a blonde guy wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap shook a bottle of pills into his mouth. Above the beach lay a small row of shops. One sign read âPawn Paradise.â One sign read âhotelâ in red letters while another sign read âSea creamâ with a teal ice cream cone structure next to it. Another sign read âPico Puncho Pizzaâ and another read âDagon Juiceâ and had a green fish with a sailorâs cap on it.
 In the shadows under the dock, the I.M.P. crew emerged from algae covered rocks.
 âNow remember, we canât be seen, alright?â Blitzo reminded them. âAnd loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona can help with leading targets to a better spot to off them. You got the list, Loonie?â
 Loona skimmed the list in her hands and gave it a sniff. âGot it.â
 She dropped the paper, stood up and walked into the light. A rush of swirling blue magic enveloped her before it vanished.
 Loona was now in human form. She opened her red eyes and brushed her thick light gray hair with her hands. She wore her same dark crop top and high black shorts but she now had white skin, two bars in her right ear and a partially shaved head. She had gray eye makeup on and a black choker around her neck. Her pale midriff, arms and legs were visible.
 All three imps stared in amazement.
 âOh Loonie, look at you!â Blitzo breathed. âYou look downright awful!â
 Loona glared at him.
 Blitzo wiped a tear from his eye. âIâm so proud.â He pointed ahead. âNow go fetch!â
 Loona peered in front of her with a hand over her eyebrows to help block out the light. Her target humans were outlined in red in her vision. Loona smirked and strolled over to a tall dark haired muscular man wearing sunglasses. She moved a finger toward his chest and gave him a flirtatious grin. She mentioned behind her to a private alleyway. Loona led him into the alleyway and leaned casually against the wall. The man reached out to grab her in lust but was immediately shot in the head by Blitzo spying on the roof. He gave Loona a thumbs up.
 Later on, a blonde man ran to Loona in an alleyway with a hungry lustful look on his face. He was caught in a noose by Blitzo. A random âmusic bandâ poster hung on the wall. On a rooftop, a brown haired man leaned in to kiss Loona, but Millie knocked him off the roof with a kick. The man fell into a green dumpster that Moxxie slammed shut. Loona walked with a fat man down the sidewalk and a flower pot crashed fatally into his head. Blitzo killed a woman with a knife, Millie killed a white haired woman with a spiked baseball bat, and another woman got shot in the head.
 Blitzo and the gang put the bodies in bloodstained dark trash bags, closing them. In the background, Millie happily jumped on another body.
 âThatâs nine kills in the bag!â called Blitzo. âIâd like to see that waily snatch orgasm that manyâŚâ
 The imps froze when they heard a voice through a microphone. It was Verosika Mayday on stage, in her human form. Her shadowy silhouette in the clearing smoke resembled her demon form. She had blonde hair, tan skin and wore black leggings and high heels. She wore a pink skirt and a matching frilly top that revealed her right shoulder. She had a small black heart on her right cheek. The background lights were pink, giving the appearance of moving hearts. âVerosika Maydayâ was on a pink banner overhead. Verosika appeared on two screens on either side of the stage, showing moving hearts of red, pink and white for the background. Six pink spotlights shone on her.
  âAll right spring breakers! Are yâall ready get fucked up and make some bitching bad choices?!â
 The crowd cheered in affirmation. A white teen boy with short blonde hair tore off his shirt and yelled âVerosika!â He had her name written in pink on his bare chest.
 Verosika sang her song:
 âAll aboard
 Pack your bags
Sunâs out
Take a vacay babe
Take it straight to Bonetown
 V-time, free time, baby relax
Self-care, no hair, Brazilian wax
Hardtop succu-bus to the beach
Catch some rays while catching some D
 Pack your bags
Sunâs out
Take a vacay babe
Take it straight to Bonetown
 Hot dog, hot bod, sausage and buns
Threesome, fivesome, having some fun
Back to my place, welcome to Hell
Sunâs out, hormones out, how does it smell?
 Pack your bags
Sunâs out
Take a vacay babe
Take it straight to Bonetownâ
  Verosika performed her song on stage and took a drink from her bottle. âFuck you Blitzoâ appeared on the screens as Blitzo seethed. The humans made out with others around them. The humans kissed, hugged, and gave each other anal. One dark woman succubus showed a love-struck man a popsicle with semen-like saliva on it. She grinned and threw herself onto the human male. An incubi with dark hair in human form smiled and snapped his fingers at a blonde manâŚhis sunglasses fell off his surprised sunburned face. Several more succubi and incubi grinned and snuck up on the humans.
 Blitzo was furious. âGod dammit, that bitch started her godish mating call! Now sheâs gonna win all those sex maniacs. We gotta pick things up, guys! He on the list, Loonie?â
 Blitzo mentioned to a vomiting long haired blonde man in boxer shorts.
 Loona appeared distracted, not even looking at him. âHuh? Yeah I think so.â Loona was staring at a tall muscular black skinned bouncer by the stage: a human Vortex.
 âGood!â Blitzo called.
 The blonde man looked up at Blitzo in a stupor.
 âWhoa, what are you? A leprechaun? Hahaha!â
 Blitzo raised a sharp black and red ax. âOh yeah, pretty cool, huh?â
 Blitzo smashed the manâs head open with the ax, causing blood and brains to splatter.
 âBut you sure as shit ainât gonna tell nobody.â He looked over. âAll right, next one, Loonie, come on.â
 Blitzo rapidly glanced around, but Loona wasnât where she was a moment before.
 âWhereâs my baby?!â he cried in a panic. Millie pointed toward the stage. âLook!â
 Loona nervously made her way through the crowd, avoiding a French-kissing couple and tossing aside a bra that landed on her head. A squealing fanboy ran toward Verosika but Vortex punched him into the ground, head first. He dragged the teen away in the distance as Loona watched. A male incubus appeared as a white skinned human with short white hair. Putting both hands on her shoulders, he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at her. With a roll of her eyes, Loona landed an uppercut on his chin, causing him to fall. Â
 âNow, who wants a piece of this?â Verosika called as she took one last gulp.
 She tossed her flask into the ocean, creating a small golden portal. A fish appeared, which rapidly grew in size.
 Loona walked sideways over toward Vortex.
 âHey, you,â she tried.
 âHey,â Vortex replied. âYouâre the hound working for my bossâs freaky ex.â
 âYeah. Sorry if thatâs weird.â
 âItâs cool,â he shrugged. âHer beef ainât mine. Iâm not paid enough to care.â
 Loona laughed nervously. âYeah. Yeah.â She pushed her hair behind her ear. âIâm Loona!â
 âOkay.â In her giddy tone he repeated, âIâm Vortex!â Both chuckled.
 âThatâs hot,â Loona said with a grin. Then her face turned red and flustered. âI mean like literally you know because vortexes, you know, they give off heat. Probably.â She pointed both fingers in a snap, trying to act cool.
 Vortex chuckled lightly. âUh, yeah. I guess. But my friends call me Tex.â
 âOh yeah. I wish I had friends. I mean no, I mean, I donât. IâŚI donât have friends.â
 Just then, Blitzo arrived, moving himself between them.
 âAm I interrupting something?â
  âNah man. Just having a conversation,â Vortex replied.
 Blitzo narrowed his eyes and wagged a finger at him. ââConversationâ leads to HPV!â Loona clenched her fists in frustration.
  Meanwhile, Moxxie and Millie hid behind several metal beer barrels.
 âAnd⌠we lost him,â Moxxie declared. âHuh, itâs looking like itâs up to us handle this list.â
 Millieâs face shone in excitement. âHell yeah! Team M and M, getting shit down, making the money!â
 Moxxie and Millie ran off holding hands in the sunset and killed more people. A sign read âSenpai, notice me.â
  Loona pinched her nose. âLetâs get the fuck out of here,â Loona said to Blitzo in concern. âYouâre gonna get us all into shit.â
 âI just wanted to see what was so important that youâd be distracted from your job.â
 Loona angrily pulled Blitzo away from Vortex.
 âWhat, I canât have a break?â
 Blitzo yelled at the top of his lungs. âWe have a parking spot on the line!â
 âHey dude,â Vortex mentioned as he walked over. âWhy donât you chill out?â
 Blitzo wagged a finger. âWhy donât you stay out of it?â
 He turned back to Loona.
 âOkay, this is our business.â He pointed to the ground and in his tail was a drawing of Blitzo killing a person, a horse followed by an equal sign and dollar signs. âLiterally.â
 Loona clenched her fists and briefly leaned forward in anger. âOh fuck Blitzo! Why canât you stay out of my face for like five minutes?!â
 âBecause I adopted you! And that should mean something.â
 âOh what does it matter? Youâre not my real dad! I was almost eighteen.â
 âIt still counts.â
 âWell it shouldnât. I didnât need you then, asshole! I donât need you now.â
 A tense silence followed. Both of them crossed their arms, their backs to each other. Both faces showed hurt expressions.
 As a young pup, Loona had been left to fend for herself by her real neglectful parents. She had lived a life of meth addiction, sex, fighting and insecurity with no real friends. Blitzo was perhaps the first person to truly care about her. He took her in as a teen and adopted herâŚand she had worked at I.M.P. ever since. Loona already felt bad at what she had just said. But there was no taking it back.
 She stuttered, trying to say something.
 âUh, BlitzoâŚIâŚâ
 âEnjoy your break, Loonie,â he replied. âIâm gonna go kill something.â
 Loona sighed sadly as he left.
 âDamn, girl. That was savage,â Vortex remarked sympathetically. He placed a large comforting hand on her shoulder. âYou okay?â
 Loona blushed heavily, forcing a smile.
 âYeah, Iâm fine. Heâll get over it. He usually does.â
 âIâm glad you could stick up for yourself, at least,â Vortex mentioned. âHmm. Takes guts.â
 âThanks,â Loona smiled.
  Meanwhile, Moxxie looked to the left and right from behind the beer cans on a table. Beer can and bottles were everywhere. Moxxie ducked back behind them, watching as Millie loaded her crossbow. The two imps smiled and kissed.
 A man with a baseball cap, sunglasses and a tie-dye shirt that read âKoolâ threw down a beer can. âYeah! Party!â he yelled. The man pointed both fingers in the air and then promptly flipped the table, sending the imps flying. Moxxie landed on the ground as the beachgoers stepped back.
 âEww!â exclaimed a red haired woman in disgust, pointing down at him. âOh my god! Itâs a fucking possum!â
 Moxxie tried to scurry off, but a man picked him up. âOh crumbs!â
 âI got it!â called the guy with âKoolâ on his shirt, holding up Moxxie in the air. A muscular blonde man held a large beer barrel. The first guy tossed Moxxie inside while the second one closed the lid. âWe put him in the keg,â one of them said. The other people cheered as Moxxie was carried away. âBeer is awesome!â they cheered. While he was inside, he gulped down the beer around him. The people tossed the barrel and played catch with it before leaving it behind.
 Millie dashed from behind the beer cans, arriving at the barrel Moxxie was in. The barrel wobbled, surprising Millie. She placed her ear to it before tipping it over. Moxxie spilled out on his back with the remaining beer.
 âMoxxie!â Millie cried.
 âMillie! Hi! Hey!â Moxxie slurred, rolling onto his back and looking at her upside down. âHey, when did you get four heads? I wanna kiss âem!â
 He made smooching noises before Millie picked him up.
   Suddenly, a large gush of water rose up from behind them. A dark shadow passed over their faces, darkening the sky. The humans glanced up in shock. Even the demon gang and Verosika looked on in fear and surprise. A woman pointed upwards and several people ran off. A giant foot crushed a man lying on a turtle towel. Blood splattered everywhere and onto the crowd of humans. Another woman screamed and the humans ran for their lives. Blitzo was in the process of chocking a drinking man from behind, when he, too, stopped to look.
 It was a giant black Leviathan fish monster!
 The fish had large teal eyes, fins, white whiskers and dozens of blue sharp teeth. The beast let out a fierce, ear-shattering roar.
 âOooh, fish,â Moxxie grinned stupidly in his drunken haze.
 Like a deadly vine, a long spiked tongue wrapped around Moxxie and pulled him toward the fish. Millie watched in horror as Moxxie was wrapped up above the large maw before the fish snapped its jaws shut.
 Millie got into a fighting stance. She glanced to her left and spotted a fat man drinking and wearing sunglasses. She stabbed him with a knife and tore off a piece of his towel. With her knife in her mouth, she lit the cloth on fire over a vodka bottle, creating a Molotov cocktail. Millie tossed it toward the monster, sending the fish stumbling and crashing down into the sea.
 Wasting no time, Millie swam toward the monster and cut upwards along its scaly body with her knife. Using all her strength, she pried open the monsterâs mouth. Moxxie was punching the monsterâs uvula, still wrapped up in the tongue.
 Millie reached for him with her hand. Moxxie reached too, then gave her a high five. Millie grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled him up. She used her other hand and foot to support herself on the monsterâs teeth. She pulled as hard as he could, but Moxxie wouldnât budge.
 Just when she lost her grip, she slashed her knife across the tongue, slicing a piece off. In a roar of pain, the monster spat Moxxie out. Moxxie spread out his arms, enjoying the feeling of flying. Back on the beach, a man flinched as the tongue piece landed on the ground. Moxxie landed in Blitzoâs arms. The man cheered before Blitzo shot him with a gun. Moxxie cheered drunkenly.
  Back inside the monsterâs mouth, Millie rapidly punched at the tongue, trying to get out. The monster roared in pain and anger, slashing around as Millie wrestled with it.
 âI love that woman!â Moxxie declared.
 Blitzo smirked. âOh she totally pegs you, doesnât she?â Indeed, Millie was dominant in the bedroom and Moxxie loved it.
 Millie leapt into the air, knife aimed downward. She fell back inside the mouthâŚthen sliced off the fishâs head from the inside. A gush of blood flowed out from the monster before it landed with a final thud into the water. Millie walked back to shore and dropped her knife, exhausted.
 Blitzo and Moxxie cheered. âOh yeah, way to show off, Mils!â Blitzo called.
 âIs Mox okay?â Millie panted.
 Blitzo glanced at the drunken Moxxie. âOh yeah, heâs fine,â he casually said before dropping him onto the sand.
 Millie raced over and held Moxxie in her arms.
 Moxxie grinned at Millie with a doped expression. âThis is funny. Iâm soooo⌠drinky.â
 Millie just smiled and hugged him.
 Blitzo scowled and crossed his arms. âOkay, this is too wholesome for my liking.â
 âBlitzo!â Verosika called.
 âOh perfect,â he said sarcastically. He turned around to the human-disguised gang of seducer demons. âThat must be the whores!â
 Verosika was flanked by four succubi and an incubi disguised as humans. âThat was handled ratherâŚobvious, donât you think?â She grinned a smug grin.
 Millie held up Verosikaâs flask. âI donât think this belonged to any of us.â
 Millie tossed the flask to Verosika who caught it with one hand. She dropped it into one of the succubusâ hands.
 âWould be a shame if anyone found out you guys were behind a giant monster fish in the human world,â Millie added with a grin.
 Even Moxxie laughed out loud, pointing at them. âOh Satan! You all be so fucked!â
 Verosika briefly looked concerned, then sneered. âYeah, well you three nasty ass gremlins will be in shit for not being in disguises.â
 Moxxie fell to his knees and face-planted into the sand. He lifted his head up. âA human called me a possum. I am not a possum.â He face-planted again.
 Blitzo stepped forward and moved Moxxie out of the way with a foot. âYou know, we could keep this little B movie scene on the down low if you agree to let us use that parking space.â
 Verosika, not wanting to get in trouble, relented with a sigh. âFine.â
 Blitzo raised both arms in the air. âWe fucking won!â
 âFuck yeah!â Millie cheered.
 âIn your face, bitch!â Blitzo taunted Verosika, who scowled.
 She glared at Blitzo one last time. âCome on, letâs get out of here. Tex!â
 Vortex stood with Loona not too far from the empty stage. âWell, guess itâs time to bounce, but hey, if youâre ever down to party, Iâll give you a ring sometime.â
 Loona smiled in excitement. âReally? I mean, Yeah. Yeah.â
 âYeah. My girlfriend throws a ton of crazy hound parties.â
 âNice. Canât wait for my first one.â
 âLetâs get you some friends, girl.â
 Vortex gave her a playful punch before following Veroskia. Loona looked downcast at seeing Vortex leave and being reminded of her confrontation with Blitzo. Vortex already had a girlfriend and he wasnât coming with her. Now she would go back to doing her usual secretary work. With Hell being âevery demon for themselves,â it was hard to make true friends, especially if one was of lower class and lost in dark thoughts all the time. Loona could not deny to herself that she often felt like a lone wolf.
 Millie carried Moxxie and jumped into the portal.
 âCome on, Loonie tooney!â Blitzo called to her. âLetâs go back and park our fat fucking car in our fat fucking space!â He ran off into the portal.
 Loona followed Blitzo and fell through the portal on her back.
 Blitzo mockingly gave Verosika double middle fingers through the portal from behind her. Verosika growled in anger after noticing. She and her gang made their way up the stairs and onto the street.
 A policeman yelled, âPut your hands up, you sick deviants!â
 The gang huddled in fear as guns were trained on them. They were surrounded by police cars, a SWAT team, men on horses and a helicopter. A clown and a mime robot were also with the police.
 Verosika sighed in defeat. âAlright, sluts, get ready to suck a lot of pig dick.â
Her gang members groaned in disgust as they raised their hands in surrender.
6 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Helluva Boss (Remix)
Not too far away from Pentagram City lay a shady place in the bowels of Hell. âWelcome to Imp City: est. 1981â was posted on a worn wooden sign with a white painted eye toward the top. Under a crimson sky, a wide array of buildings made up the city, some with spikes on the roofs. Downtrodden imps of various colors and sizes mulled around the streets and ghettos. Mugging, sex, drugs, poverty, and murder were common aspects of their everyday afterlives. Indeed, being considered âlesser demonsâ and the âlowest of the low,â not very many had opportunities granted to them.
Well, save for a unique family of imps, trying to get their business running.
 Just who were these imps?
   A nearby screen showed old fashioned numbers ticking down, 3, 2, and 1. Blitzo, a red and white faced imp, appeared on stage in front of purple open curtains. âHi there, Iâm Blitzo, the âoâ is silent, and Iâm the founder of I.M.P.â He put out his hand and the logo appeared above it. The âMâ in I.M.P. looked like imp horns, black and white in color. Down below were the words âImmediate Murder Professionals.â
Blitzo spoke again. âAre you a piece of shit who got yourself sent to Hell?â A picture of Blitzo with a mustache and two black top hats over his horns was grinning evilly as a building burned in the background. The sign nearby read âOrphanage for elderly, blind, and newborn dogs.â
âOr are you an innocent soul who just happened to get fucked over by someone else?â The next image showed Blitzo in a white angel costume, throwing away a Styrofoam coffee cup in the garbage in an office.
In the next shot, Blitzo held up a sign which read âSome guy who hired us!â A buff horned red demon wearing a white Ohio shirt stood not too far from the camera, a 666 News billboard in the background. He punched one fist into his hand.
âAfter lovingly killing my wife for fucking a delivery man, you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the state of Ohio killed me. I really wish I could stick it to that yapping charter who saw me hiding the body!â
Blitzo appeared again, this time with his fellow imps Millie and Moxxie in the background. A white-clothed altar with a mirror and skulls on it was in the very back. White candles were spread around the room. The two imps were sitting at a pentagram drawn on the floor. Blitzo held a blue Satanic ritual book in his hand.
âWell, luckily for you, thanks to our companyâs special access to the living worldâŚâ
He waved his hand and a flaming portal appeared in the center of the room, causing Moxxie and Millie to scatter.
ââŚwe can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who may have screwed you over when you were alive!â He happily fell through the portal on his back.
 Then the musical jingle started:
 âWhen you want somebody gone
And you donât wanna wait too long
Call the Immediate Murder Professionalsâ
  âWhether grenade or cyanide
Weâll make it look like suicide
The Immediate Murder Professionalsâ
 âWe do our job so well
âCause we come straight up from HellâŚâ
 âWeâll kill your husband or you wife
Weâll even let you keep the knife,
 The ImmediateâŚMurderâŚProfessionals.
 Kids die for freeee!â
  A white person appeared with a thought bubble of his enemy with a red x. A demon fell to the floor and the person looked up. The I.M.P. logo appeared, Millie with a spear, Moxxie with a gun and Blitzo in the middle, spreading out his arms to make an âM.â
Fast paced shots flashed through the ad.
 Moxxie throwing a grenade out a window as his companions grinned.
Blitzo hanging a person in an office building while Moxxie watched. Millie held a piece of paper in her hand.
 Then more killing scenes flashed: Blitzo electrocuting a person, Millie using a mace, Moxxie choking his victim.
 Blitzo led the way through a portal to Earth, Millie and Moxxie following. Moxxie tripped on a book and landed on his face while the others posed. They then stood shockedâŚat the people in a church staring at them.
Millie killed a naked couple with a chainsaw while Blitzo looked greedily at a womanâs underwear.
Blitzo repeatedly stabbed someone else tied up.
The three imps used more methods to kill Earthlings: Medieval torture racks, shark attacks, fire and gasoline, pillow suffocation, crushing someone to death with a grand piano, electrocution in a labâŚ
 âKids die for freeeee!â ended the ad.
 Moxxie and Millie sang a murder love song in their living room before the meeting. Moxxie played on his purple guitar as Millie watched him with love in her eyes. It reminded them of the good times when they would shot at demons together in the streets, drag a bloody sack behind them and when Millie got a grenade as a present and used it to blow up a building.
  âOh what a thrill when the crimson starts to spill
And my Millie goes in for the kill
She takes away my breath
Sheâs the angel of death for me
Oh Millie
Queen, itâs like a dream
When I hear her victim start to scream
Get him out of the sack
Sheâs a maniac for me
Oh Millie
When the blood starts dripping down the sides
And the bodies start to fall from the skies
My heart skips a beat
When my Millieâs guns a blazing in the night
Thatâs in love
She makes the murdering fun for me
A lottery for all the wins of Hell
Itâs for her that I fellâŚâ
 Both of them hummed before Moxxie finished,
 âOf all the imps in HellâŚ
Millie joined in, âItâs for him that I fellâŚ
âOh Millie.â They leaned in for a kiss.
  They paused. Moxxie yelled, while looking out the window. His boss, Blitzo was pressed against the window with a video camera. âAre you fucking filming us right now?!â
Moxxie sighed, as a smiling Blitzo held up a sign which read âMeeting in 20 min: nice job banging yoâ wife!â
     Just before the meeting, the head imp, Blitzo walked into the receptionist room.
âBlitz!â called Loona, the hellhound, holding a bone shaped phone in her hand. âThat clingy rich assholeâs on the phone! Says itâs urgent and wants to talk to you!â Then she added in a lower voice, âSounds a little DTFy.â (Down to Fuck)
Blitzo spilled water on himself as he talked with Moxxie by the water cooler. âOh god that was one time! We wouldnât have access to the living worldâŚif I hadnât slept with that privileged asshole!â
âYou what?â Moxxie asked in disbelief.
âBlitz!â Loona barked in outrage.
âI heard you already!â Blitzo yelled. He stomped into his office and picked up his red cell phone. He played with little bobble heads of his imp coworkers, Moxxie and Millie. Signs were tacked to the wall, reading: âThe Incredible Blitzo! One night only! Tickets now at the Big Top!â
 âSoâŚâ Blitzo beamed nervously, âWhat can I do for you, Stolas?â
The owl overlord replied, lounging on his couch in a royal red robe and a crown.
âRemember that time when I told you that a political candidate was causing problems on Earth? That he tried to convince the world that global warming existed?â
âYes?â Blitzo answered.
âAnd that it does, but more people die when nothingâs done about it? Oh, how lonely I felt.â
âThat make sense,â Blitzo said.
âBut nowâŚâ he hooted in laughter. âThere are tons of new sinners coming down here every day! I just had a feast and a murder party several nights ago. I wondered why a horde of people arrived and itâs because of a disease called the coronavirus! My, itâs the best thing to ever happen since my wedding with my queen Melody and my darling daughter Octaviaâs graduation from flight school. Oh, how marvelous!â
âWellâŚIâm very happy for you, sir,â Blitzo said. âI hope thatâŚcorn-ah virus does its thing.â
Stolas sighed. âMy wife wasnât happy with me, though. She said you fell onto a cake in the middle of a lunch with the queen and the royal officials. What did you say to her?â
âI saidâŚsorry I fucked your husband.â He gulped.
A tense silence.
Blitzo examined his chest and arms. âI still have the talon scars and peck marks to prove it.â
âAnd she also said that you stole one of my books, is that true?â
âNo! No way!â Blitzo lied, with a nervous laugh. âThat was another imp long ago. Can I tell you how great it feltâŚsleeping with you?â
âIndeed,â Stolas agreed with a contented sigh. âYour sharp horns and claws ruffling through my feathers, and my talons and beak exploring your multicolored fleshâŚâ
âOh fuck a dickâŚâ Blitzo muttered.
Stolasâ eyes grew red. âDonât get into trouble, Blitzy. When Iâm angryâŚor excitedâŚwhich I amâŚI become hungry. Want to know what happens? I want to choke on your ****lick your *****, tear through your **** leave you screaming as I ***** as you scream like a fucking baby!â
Blitzo hung up the phone, the words reading âcreepy mouth: aka one night stand bird dick.â and smashed it with another old phone. He threw the pieces into a blender and mixed it up.
âHere, eat this,â he told Loona who walked in and drank the red liquid.
âAnd you know that bridge over the freeway?â he asked.
âYeah?â
âShit off it. Itâs time for the meeting, letâs go.â
   The imps currently resided in a tall office building that seemed to stand out among the other structures. Along with spikes jutting from the roof and sides, there were a pair of giant black and white imp horns attached to the sides of the building for decoration. The lights inside near the top floor were on.
Posted on a door were the words âIMP Headquartersâ with âIMP Meeting in Progressâ written on a piece of paper taped to the door, a smiley face off to the side.
On a white board was a bar graph and a line graph, the line graph pointing lower at a drawing of a raging horned demon. âFix this shit!â was written in big bold letters that took up much of the board. âBlitzo is the best, by Blitzoâ was scribbled off to the side. Several tall chairs with spikes jutting from the top boarders were set near a brown table in the center of the room. A white pentagram was drawn in the center of the table.
 Up front, a black, white, and red colored imp paced back and forth, sprouting long curved striped horns: Blitzo. He wore black fingerless gloves with what looked like a yellow eye design on each glove. He was dressed in a slender navy blue business suit with light red buttons. A small round pink pin with black eyes and a stitched mouth was attached onto a red undershirt below his slender chin. What looked like a black two-clawed print mark lay over his red forehead. Along with sharp teeth, the imp has red iris eyes with yellow sclera. Like a typical devil, he also had a red pointed tail. He had four red finger-shaped claws on each hand.
Blitzo began to speak, pacing back and forth. He looked toward his audience of two imps and a hellhound sitting on chairs around a table.
âAll right, now I know business has beenâŚa bit slow, lately.â
He mentioned to the board at the downward sloping line. âIn fact, there seems to be less people seeking out our services; 1,056 in comparison to the 1,066 from last month. Weâve basically spiraled from the True Blue Market to that of the Raging Bull.â He pointed at the roaring demon head drawing on the board.
âShouldnât it be the Bull Market is good and the Bear Market is bad?â said a voice.
âLoona, nobody cares,â Blitzo said. He continued.
 âAny decrease could spell disaster for us, not to mention how lots of people use our services and yet look down on us.â Blitzo cleared his throat and spread out his hands. âNow, Iâm not saying itâs, *cough* Moxxieâs or anyoneâs faultâŚâ
Moxxie raised his eyebrows. The serious imp had a red face, yellow eyes, white hair framing his face and stripped horns jutting off to the sides in slight curves. He wore a large red bow-tie and a navy blue suit. White freckles were present under his eyes.
Blitzo continued, ââŚbut letâs discuss how we can improve. Now does anyone have any ideas on how to get business drumming up again?â
Millie, the bubbly demon raised her hand. She had a red face, messy black hair with a white flower patch near the top, and short black horns with faint white stripes. Her eyes were also yellow and she wore a black top, black torn pants, high heeled shoes and a little black choker around her neck. Her eyelashes extended past her face.
Millie waved her hand and beamed, eyes shining. âWhatâŚaboutâŚa car wash?!â
âThis is Hell, Millie, no one cares about cars being clean here, okay?!â
 Just then, there came a coughing from the other room. A small cyclops demon with hot pink hair with a patch of yellow opened the door and walked in. She brushed off soot from her hot pink skirt and waved at the group, who stared in surprise.
âHi, Iâm Niffty! Itâs nice to meet you. Are you part of I.M.P.?â
âUh yes?â Blitzo replied, unsure of what to make of this random maid.
âOh great, because one of my friends sent me here to investigate, heâs a busy chap, you know, and oh so dreamy!â
She darted around the room and began removing cobwebs from the windows. âIt looks like there are two men, a woman and a dog here, a nice balance.â
Loona, the grey hellhound glared at Niffty, narrowing her red eyes. âWhat was that, you little shit?â
Loona had a red cell phone in her clawed paws, the back of the phone displaying a black upside down cross. She wore a grey top with black strings in the shape of an inverted pentagram. A spiked collar was around her neck. Her pants were dark and torn, with a white crescent moon on them. Her feet were bare and her hair and tail were thick with white and dark fur.
 Niffty stopped in her tracks. âNow, did you guys need any cars to be washed?â
 Blitzo shook his head. âWe donât have any cars here, weâre broke as fuck.â
Millie stared at Niffty and cupped her own cheeks with her hands. âOh my Satan! Sheâs so adorable! Can we keep her?!â
âNo!â Moxxie and Loona said at the same time. The two workers then glared at each other.
Moxxie crossed his arms. âWeâre in the middle of a meeting right now. Do you mind?!â He pointed to the door.
Niffty laughed nervously, âOh okay, sorry about that, hehhehheh. Iâll be outside if you need me!â
She scurried out of the room.
 Blitzo paused for a moment, then said, âOh right! Ideas for our company!â He waved his hands, his eyes shining. âHow about a billboard?!â
Moxxie crossed his arms. âWe canât afford a billboard, sir.â
Blitzo rushed over and held Moxxie in a headlock. His voice was rushed and sarcastic, âSo helpful, Moxxie, Iâm really glad youâre in the room right now.â He shoved Moxxie away.
Blitzo stared in frustration. âHave you guys forgotten what service we provide?!â
He picked up a remote and turned on an old fashioned TV.
After static appeared on screen, the footage showed the group killing off individuals.
Blitzo bashing a red demonâs head with a mullet.
Moxxie shooting a blue person tied up to a chair.
Loona grabbing a red person in her mouth and shaking the person side to side like a wolf.
Millie beheading a blue person with a spear and laughing.
  Blitzo watched with a relaxed smile on his face, holding up a blue bowl of popcorn. Loona sat on the table, popping popcorn pieces into her mouth. Millie perched on the table, enjoying the show, but Moxxie stood off to the side with a grumpy face.
Posters hung from the walls, one showing Blitzo and his two sisters, Tilla (an imp with long black hair) and Barbie Wire (a smiling imp with ram-like horns.) It was a picture of them at a circus, the banner reading âThe Amazing Imp Siblings!â Blitzo remembered the good times he had with them when they performed on stage. Barbie Wire would balance on a tightrope, holding a pole with flames on either end. Tilla tamed and evaded manticores, dragons and other beasts that were released into the arena. Blitzo would sing songs about murdering people and they would all pose and bow at the end as the crowd cheered.
That was before Blitzo moved on to form I.M.P. recruited Moxxie and Millie, and adopted Loona.
 Blitzo moved his hand toward his chest and sighed with content. âAh, those were good times.â
Moxxie spoke up as Millie ate a piece of popcorn. âWe donât need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week, one that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel, nobody watches!â
Blitzo turned his head, insulted. âHey, uh, excuse me?â He stood up. âWhatâs âobnoxiousâ about a super fun jingle, all right? Itâs a fun distraction when an advertisementâs spitting bullshit.â He walked across the room.
âPeople love musicals, sir,â Millie added.
Blitzo smiled. âExactly, Millie, and weâre basically doing a musical.â Blitzo did jazz hands before pointing rapidly at Moxxie with a scowl.
âAre you gonna crush my musical theater dreams like my dad did?â He lowered his head.
âSirâŚâ Moxxie began, but his boss cut him off.
âBecause right now, all I see is just my dadâs asshole talking to me, crushing my dreams of being, who I truly am inside.â He turned his head away.
Millie leaned in toward her husband and spoke with a teasing tone. âAre you trying to crush his dreams, Moxxie?â
âIâŚwhat?â he asked, looking at her. Millie leaned in close and stuck out her tongue, tail curling. âI thought I knew you.â Moxxie rolled his eyes; his wife loved to annoy him.
Blitzo turned back to Moxxie, tears in his eyes. âI canât believe you, Moxxie. And after I made you Employee of the Month.â He held a picture of Moxxie with his mouth open in a roar, snake tongue showing.
 Moxxie threw up his hands, âOkay, sir, Iâm sorry, but a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theater. Nobody actually likes the jingles.â
âI liked it!â Millie pipped up.
Moxxie turned to her, finger shaking, âDo notâŚdo not agree with him in front of me.â
 Loona sat, bored, playing on her phone. Moxxieâs head appeared on the screen but was crushed by a weight and then blown up by a bomb. At one point his face was sliced in half as âboom!â flashed across the screen.
 âRemember that actual scene we shot for our commercial on Earth?â Blitzo asked.
 Moxxie got a flashback. âOh, right. I shot that boy who was walking around licking strawberry ice cream. It was an accident.â
 âAnd did you know those human nurses and the doctor who beat up the kid on a stretcher and shocked him?â
 âYes,â Millie said rolling her eyes. âI still remember my line as that pink haired nurse. âDoctor, heâs not responding.â
âWho ordered a stat?â Moxxie repeated, dressed up as a blue-haired man.
Millie laughed, âThen I beat him up and Moxxie said, âIt didnât do anything.â
Blitzo added, âThen I walked in and said âDamn it! Weâre not losing another one! âClear!â Then I shocked him and he somehow survived. I was like âWow that actually worked.â
 Millie then explained that the three of them sat in the waiting room, with their costumes off. In a separate shot, Blitzo had imitated the human doctor by saying, âHe appears to be in stable condition, but heâll need surgery. Now what kind of insurance do you freaks have?â Then Blitzo said, âThe fuck is insurance?â
 Moxxie sighed, ââŚand then the real doctors came in and kicked us out and we fell back into Hell. Personally, I felt like those scenes were confusing and very risky!â
 âIt was brilliant!â said Blitzo. âWe all did a great job, and it was in the human world. Why not cover up Moxxieâs mistake with a theater scene?â
 âYouâre so dead!â Moxxie seethed, clenching his fist.
 âI know. Weâre in Hell. No big deal,â Blitzo replied.
 âBut are you sure the doctors were us or where they actually dumbass humans who didnât know what they were doing?â
 âHow the fuck am I supposed to know?â Blitzo replied. âHow did that kid manage to survive being shocked so much? Why is it that music logic works on some and not on others? Why even have a Hell thatâs a modern paradise and a shabby shithole at the same time? We might as well be in a large cartoon circus being mocked at by other beings.â
 Millie gasped. âDid you just break the 4th wall?â
 Blitzo winked. âGotta practice my theater skills at some point.â
   Moxxie spoke, hands forward in front of him. âIâd like to go on record and say that incident with shooting the kid was Loonaâs fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. Itâs very simple.â
 âOh sit on a dick, Moxxie,â Loona replied without looking up.
 Moxxie stuttered angrily, looking for a comeback. âYou sitâŚsit on aâŚaâŚdo your job!â He slammed his palm on the table.
 Blitzo scolded him. âHey, now we donât blame our screw-ups on Loona, okay? She didnât do anything wrong.â He hugged her and nuzzled his head against her cheek, the hellhound growling at him to get off.
 Moxxie stared in disbelief. âAre you kidding me, sir? Sheâs awful!â
 Lonna looked at her phone. âThe other day, right? I answered the phone and said âHello, I.M.P.â Millie was yelling, âMy husband got stabbed!â and then I hung up. Wasnât my problem. My Hellhound Monthly magazine was much more interesting.â
 âDonât forget about my adoption anniversary gift I gave you,â Blitzo said, scratching his neck.
 Lonna seethed. âDonât remind me. It wasnât a cure for syphilis, I didnât want it, and it so happened to be black spiders, crawling all over me!â
 âAgain, Iâm sorry about that,â Blitzo said.
 âGod damn it, apology not accepted.â
 âYou should be thankful that I rescued you after your hellhound family kicked you out,â Blitzo remarked.
 Loonaâs ears twitched. Millie stared nervously. âI was perfectly capable of fending for myself,â barked Loona, looking up from her phone for the first time. âThere was nothing special about them, other than all the alcohol, meth and drugs they took. My parents never cared about us. I mean, they sent off my other siblings to work for other overlords and were never seen again. Perhaps I was fortunate enough to not have to deal with them.â
 Blitzo had tears in his eyes. He hugged her again. âWell, at least youâve got me, Moxxie, and Millie as your new family!â
 Loona hid a smile and just bared her fangs. âGet off of me before I bite your face off!â
Blitzo stepped back.
 Loona then smiled and looked at Moxxie, a look of mischief in her red eyes. âAt least it was funny when Moxxie got that weight loss ad.â
 âWhy would anyone send me that?!â Moxxie argued.
 âCome on, you know why.â
 âIâm not chubby, thank you very much! Not to mention, you were the one who ate my avocado salad lunch! How rude.â
 âBut why would you drink on a workday?â Millie asked.
 âI was hungover from that morning, dumbasses!â Loona said to Moxxie and Millie. âI already told you that. I was getting tired of your petty talks and assaults. I kicked a baby in a carriage and caused some destruction to let out some steam. Felt good afterwards.â
 Blitzo mentioned to Loona. âLook, back to the topic. The point is, Loona is a valued member of our family and we donât get rid of families.â
 âWe arenât a family, sir,â Moxxie pointed out. âYou are the boss. We are the employees. You treat her like sheâs some troubled teenager. Sheâs more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones.â
Loona flipped him the bird.
 âThat is offensive,â said Blitzo, walking to the window, pulling open the blinds. âWithout homeless people, I wouldnât have half the joy and laughter I do in this life.â
 Outside, a homeless imp with a broken horn and ragged grey clothing held up a sign that read âMonee helps. Satan Bless.â An imp woman with black clothing and little bat wings blushed at Blitzo who waved and did a playful raise of eyebrows before closing the blinds.
 Moxxie crossed his arms. âWhile weâre on the subject of âfamily,â can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?â
âCome on, itâs not that big a deal,â Millie said.
 Moxxieâs eyes grew wide. âExcuse meâŚwhat?! He was in our fucking fridge! He was spying on me while I was asleep. And worse, he fucking filmed me and you while we were singing and about to kiss!â
 Blitzo giggled. âI still have it on camera.â
 âItâs fine, honey,â Millie replied to Moxxie, patting his shoulder. âThe âspoiler alert, butterâs spoiled!â was a funny use of wordplay Blitzo used.
 âNo way,â Moxxie countered. âI had a great dream about my parents being murdered and Blitzo interrupted it.â
 âI was just curious,â Blitzo responded.
 âJustâŚstopâŚdoing that,â Moxxie growled.
 âI donât see what the issue is,â said Blitzo. âSomething you donât want me seeing?â A mischievous silly look crossed his face.
 âNo!â Moxxie spat.
 âYour baby weiner havor?â Blitzo asked, another term for a small dick.
 Loona giggled under her breath.
Moxxie was fed up. âSir, what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!â
 Millie pulled him down gently. âCalm down, Mox, youâre gonna have another panic attack!â
 âI AM CALM!â he yelled.
Millie rubbed his head and soothed him. âShh, there, there.â Moxxie whimpered.
 Blitzo spoke again with a childish grin, making a hole with two fingers and tapping the opening with one finger. âLook, I donât judge the boring couple stuff you do outside of work hours, so donât judge me.â
 Veins popped out of Moxxieâs yellow eyes. âOh I do judge you, sir. Quite a lot, actually.â He crossed his arms as Millie gasped in horror.
âMox, heâs our boss!â
 âNo, itâs fine, Millie,â said Blitzo with a wave of his hand. âYour husband is justâŚhow do I say this without being offensiveâŚretarded.â
 âDoes immaturingly insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single, life?â
Blitzo leaned in toward Moxxie. âYes it does, actually.â
 Loona appeared to agree, because she added to Moxxie, âThe only reason you have a wife is because youâre easy to manage.â
Moxxie gasped. She had called Moxxie submissive.
âNo heâs not, you turd!â Millie yelled, holding up two middle fingers.
 âDo not talk to my assistant that way!â Blitzo demanded. âSheâs sensitive!â
âYes I am!â Loona barked.
 Then a squeaky voice sounded from nearby: âYou guys are fucking assholes.â
Everyone turned and stared at a boy wearing an orange shirt with a planet on it. He had brown hair, a blue baseball cap on and was connected to a monitor.
 Blitzo pointed at him. âOh shut up, kid, youâre lucky to witness this.â
 Moxxie pinched his nose and sighed in frustration. âUgh, this companyâs such a mess!â
 âDid someone call me?â Nifftyâs voice rang from the hallway. She opened the door a crack. âI can clean up any messes you may have!â
 âNo!â Moxxie called. âGo away!â
 Niffty slowly closed the door.
 An awkward silenceâŚ
 âAlright, letâs get back to talking about my outfit!â Blitzo said out of nowhere.
âNobody was talking about that,â Loona mentioned.
âWhich is why Iâm trying to get that ball rolling, so how does it look? Itâs good, right?â
 The kid pointed his finger at Blitzo. He ripped off the wires from his stomach.
âIt was hell pretending to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldnât kill me, but now? I want that. I want death. You!â he pointed to Blitzo. âYouâre a selfish, greedy clown. And Iâm a kid! Weâre supposed to like clownsâŚeven the creepy ones!â
 Moxxie scoffed. âHey now, thatâs not veryâŚâ
 The kid cut him off. âIf I wanted to talk to a spineless jackass, Iâd rip out your spine and ask you some shit.â
 Moxxie shivered in fear.
 âThatâs my husband youâre talking to!â Millie yelled.
 The kid snickered. âThatâs your husband?! I figured you for a slut, but I didnât know you needed it that bad!â Â
 Millie fumed at her husband being called ugly and weak. To think that she would have sex with anyone else at randomâŚ
 âAnd you!â The kid pointed at Loona.
 âYeah? What about me?â Loona asked.
 The kid crossed his arms. âNothing. I donât talk to dogs. Iâm a cat person.â
 Loona whined.
 âWow,â said Blitzo. âYou know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit.â
 âOh you gotta admit, heâs good,â Moxxie muttered.
 A ding came from Loonaâs phone. She smiled. âOh fuck guys, I just got a text from our client. Guess he was the right target after all.â
 âWho?â Blitzo asked.
 âHim.â
 âMe?â asked the kid.
 âYep,â she confirmed.
 âThey wanted us to kill an actual child?â Blitzo asked.
 âThatâs what theyâre saying,â Loona said.
 Blitzo grinned and twirled a gun in his hand. His job just got more fun and easier. âWell Christ on a stick, I guess there is a god!â He fired and shot the boy in the chest. He flopped down dead in a pool of blood, smoke and sparks lingering in the air.
 Blitzo spoke about I.M.P.: âYou know folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that weâre capable of doing the same things anyone else can, like killing people. So from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money is gone and youâre never getting it back and you can write us a bad review but weâll play dumb to it because itâs Hell and no one fucking cares.â
 Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie kicked the dead kid on the floor, enjoying themselves. Loona snapped a picture with her phone. After the imps left with the body, Niffty came in and gasped.
âWell, time to clean this up. What a mess!â She hummed a happy tune as she mopped up the blood at rapid speed.
 Blitzo and Moxxie wore gas masks and green suits as Blitzo sawed off the boyâs arm and Moxxie sawed his chest, organs spilling out into a sack below. Millie tossed an arm into the sack and Loona helped hold open the sack. Moxxie dropped the boyâs severed head inside and shared a loving smile with his wife.
 Etched in red graffiti on a dumpster behind them were the words âDevil,â âHell,â âHappy Hotel,â and âIâm always chasing rainbows.â A pentagram, and wide smiles were also doodled on the surface.
 Blitzo embraced the entire group in a forceful hug, knocking the phone from Loonaâs hands.
âYou know, even though this kid was a target, heâs still a child. Itâs important that weâve handled this going forward, respectfully.â He wrapped his long tail around the group, all of them smiling genuinely. For despite all their problems, they were still a company family.
   Back in the human world, a crying blonde mother wearing a pink shirt and a necklace held up a paper saying âmissing boy.â Below in large letters read on the news: âMom sucks at drawing own kid!â
 The mother spoke into the microphone, âPlease, if anyone has seen my little EddieâŚâ
She gasped as a sack dropped into her hands. She and the news reporter looked up to see a smiling Blitzo, Millie, and Moxxie through a portal up above.
 âYouâre welcome!â Blitzo called with a wave before the portal closed.
The mother looked inside the bag and screamed. âMy son! Heâs dead! NOOOO!â
   Back in Hell, the three imps laughed out loud.
 âWe did the right thing,â said Millie.
 âYep, at least now she knows what happened to her kid,â said Blitzo.
 They turned around and spotted Niffty finishing up mopping the floor and walls. The water in the bucket was crimson red.
 âWhat theâŚ?â Moxxie asked in disbelief. âWhy is she still here?!â
 âOh, hi, your back!â Niffty said. âJust in time too! Iâve talked with my friend and heâs coming over to chat with you.â
 âWe donât have time for any more chit-chat,â Moxxie spat. Loona sat in a chair, staring at her phone. âWhatever.â
 There was a knock on the door.
 âOh here he is!â Niffty squealed and opened the door.
 Blitzo and the others saw a black and white scowling cat demon with red wings. He wore a small top hat and a large red bow tie. His wings had card symbols on it: diamonds, hearts, spades, and clubs.
 âOh hello, Husk!â Niffty greeted as Husk slouched in.
 Husk narrowed his eyes at Niffty. âAlright, you said that these imps had an underground stash of cash and booze. Where is it?â
 Blitzo shrugged. âI donât know what youâre talking about. Weâre broke.â
 âHusk,â said Niffty. âDonât let this shabby town fool you. Thereâs loads of treasures hidden in plain sight.â
 Husk looked around as the imps shook their heads in confusion.
âYouâre a fucking liar! You thought it would be a big ho-ra to trick me into following you? To meet these clown imps and to find thereâs no booze at all? You think Iâm some kind of fucking joke?!â
 Niffty just shrugged. âWell, it got you here and thatâs the important thing.â
She darted around and shook the impâs hands. âItâs so nice to meet more friends. It gets a bit boring at the hotel.â
 âWhat hotel?â Moxxie asked.
 âThe HazâŚHappy Hotel, of course! The one that princess Charlie runs to help redeem sinners.â
 Blitzo and the others looked at each other, then burst into laughter, while Husk scowled.
 âWhat? Thatâs the craziest shit Iâve ever heard!â Blitzo giggled, pounding on the desk. Even Loona howled in laughter.
 Blitzo wiped tears from his eyes. âYouâre telling me that Hellâs princess decides to turn sinners into do-gooders? Next thing you know, sheâll make the homeless rich. And I like homeless people too much to let that happen.â
 Moxxie face-palmed. âWhy would royalty do something so pointless? If the princess wants to help out, then she should help us imps and hellhounds. We may be hellborn and above sinners, but weâre still treated like scum based on where we live and how easy it is for others to get us into service!â
 Loona nodded. âFor once, I agree with him. And I could care less about what she does.â
 âWell, if you ever want to visitâŚâ
 Moxxie glared at Niffty. âNo. Thanks.â
 Millie sighed in defeat. âAw, Blitzo, are you sure we canât have her around? Or at least visit the hotel?â
 Blitzo stared into her wide pleading eyes and shook his head with a sigh. âIâm afraid Moxxie is right. As fun as it sounds, itâs too risky for us to go there by ourselves. At least not without weapons. Besides, we have work to do here.â
 Niffty mentioned to Husk. âThis is my friend, Husk. Though he wasnât the one who wanted us to come here.â
 Husk scoffed. âIâm no oneâs friend. It was annoying enough to get dragged out of the bar and into this shady shithole of a city. I wouldnât be here if it wasnât for Niffty and that crazyâŚâ
 Husk paused and stared at the hellhound, with wide eyes.
 Loona took out a dark brown bottle marked with three xs on it and took a drink.
 âIs that hard booze?â Husk asked.
 âYep,â said Loona.
 âCan I have it?â
 âNo.â
 âHand it over, bitch!â
 Loona growled, âShut it, pussy!â
 Husk hissed. âFuck you!â
 Loona held up two fingers.
 âOh you did not just go double on me!â
 âSure did.â
 âOkay then,â Husk said, swiping the phone from Loonaâs hand. Â
 âHEY!â Loona barked, spitting out her drink. She got up from her chair and chased Husk around the room. The sounds of cat screeches and dog barks filled the room.
  Hey, Husk!â Blitzo yelled. âDo not insult my assistant!â
  âWhat ya gonna do, boss man?â Husk called, leaping onto the table, Millie jumping out of the way. Loona threw a book at Husk, who ducked. The book instead hit Niffty in the face, sending her flying across the room and against the stripped wall. âIâm okay!â
  Moxxie face-palmed as he watched the chaos. âI might as well quit, but I donât have any other means to support myself.â Millie embraced Moxxie who whimpered again. Â
 Everyone yelled, adding to the chaos.
 âORDER IN THE OFFICE!â Blitzo yelled, pounding his hand on the table.
 âMY PHONE BACK, JACKASS!â Loona snarled loudly.
 âGET ME RICH OR IâM LEAVING!â Husk added.
 Niffty cleaned up the room, muttering to herself.
 Millie practiced singing out loud, trying to drown out the noise. âINSIDE OF EVERY DEMON IS A RAINBOWâŚâ
 âHOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT SONG?â Loona asked her.
 Moxxie covered his ears. âWOULD EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP FOR ONEâŚâ
 A sudden screeching sound brought the yelling and erratic activities to an abrupt halt.  Everyone winced at the sound, which vanished as quickly as it came.
 âWhat wasâŚthat?â Blitzo asked, shaking his head.
 âDunno,â Loona said. âSounded like somebody testing a microphone.â
  A very slow âShave and a Haircutâ knock filled up the silence. It came from behind the door that led to the hallway.
 Loona and Husk froze, maws open in mid-brawl. Moxxie raised his eyebrows and suddenly started to shiver. Millie and Blitzo suddenly felt an oncoming sense of dread. Husk crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. Niffty, however, clapped her hands in excitement. She took some steps forward, but froze at Moxxieâs glare.
 âDo not answer the door,â Moxxie whispered in a harsh tone.
 Niffty stared in confusion. âWhy not? Heâs my friend.â
 Moxxie narrowed his eyes.
 âFrom the other side!â Niffty emphasized.
 âJust donât go any further.â
 Niffty grinned and tiptoed closer to the door.
 âNo, no, no,â Moxxie breathed, moving his hands across in a signal. âStop right there.â
 Niffty stopped and slowly reached her thin black hand toward the round handle.
 âOh for Luciferâs sake!â Blitzo announced, walking toward the door. âItâs Nifftyâs coworker. How bad can he be?â
 He opened the door and grinned. âHi Iâm BlitzâŚâ
 His eyes widened and his face fell.
 ââŚo.â
 Blitzo stared at a towering tall demon wearing a tattered red dress coat with vertical thin stripes. Burgundy colored pants covered his legs and ended in red patches along the ends. He wore black dress shoes with red deer print marks on the soles. His undershirt was red and had an upside down black cross as part of the design. A black bow tie was displayed below his slender neck. One of his four clawed hands held a red vintage microphone staff.
 Blitzo stuttered, at a loss for words. Fear was constricting his throat. He stuttered as he looked up at the manâs face, âWelcomeâŚâ
 Blitzo stared at the manâs red and black hair, with large deer ears and antlers. His large red eyes blinked to life from a pale face. A monocle gleamed under his right eye.
 ââŚtoâŚâ
 The man displayed a grin of sharp yellow teeth, his smile too wide to be considered natural.
 ââŚI.M.PâŚâ
 The demon opened his mouth, âHellâŚâ
 Blitzo slammed the door, catching his breath. He opened it a crackâŚ
 ââŚo!â
 Closed it again. âGuysâŚâ he began.
 âWhat?â Moxxie asked in frustration.
 âI think we need to move away. Niffty, could you please send your friend away? Heâs giving me the creeps.â
 Niffty shook her head.
 âDonât let him in, sir!â Moxxie said. Husk nodded in agreement.
 Millie gasped, âThatâs a rude way to treat a guest!â
 âOkay then, do you want to open the door?â
 Millie gulped.
 Blitzo sighed and opened it again.
 âMay I speak now?â the man asked.
 âSure, whatever,â Blitzo muttered.
 The overlord swooped into the room. âGreetings fellow sinners! Iâm Alastor but people call me the Radio Demon. I heard from my little darling Niffty that you imps are part of an assassination organization, yes?â
 Blitzo took a deep breath and cleared his throat. A smile appeared on his face, now that he was feeling confident. âThatâs correct, good sir! Iâm Blitzo and Iâm the founder of the Immediate Murder Professionals, I.M.P. for short.â
 Alastor laughed. âWhat a clever name! I.M.P. run by imps! And who are your associates?â
 Blitzo mentioned to the other imps, âThis is Moxxie and Millie.â Millie waved and blushed while Moxxie glowered.
 Loona looked up from her phone.
 ââŚand this is my sweet daughter, Loona,â Blitzo finished.
 Loona growled and snapped her teeth at Alastor, causing him to take a step back. Retaining his composure, he continued. âThat little maid is Niffty, and that cat over there is Husk. I saw your commercial on the picture show and was intrigued. Murdering people in gruesome waysâŚa classic form of entertainment! It even makes my methods look standard. All thanks to Niffty for finding your location.â
 Niffty smiled and waved.
 âNext time, donât mention Imp City in the ad,â Moxxie spat at Blitzo in a low voice.
 Alastor walked slightly closer to Blitzo, leaning in. âIs it true that you have access to the living world?â
 âUhâŚyes?â Blitzo answered. He felt Alastorâs fingers make their way along his curved horns. Despite himself denying it, Blitzo felt his cheeks go pink.
 âAnd you can create portals? Splendid, indeed. Thereâs no other being in Hell who can do that.â
 âSmooth liar,â Husk muttered from a distance.
 âThatâs right!â Blitzo replied. âOur company has special access to the living world due to our abilities. I may have also stolen a Satanic ritual book from a bird dick overlord several days ago. Top secret.â
 Moxxieâs face turned purple, he made the hand signal for âzip it!â to Blitzo, but of course, he wasnât paying attention.
 Alastor smiled and put a finger to his lips. âRest assured, whatever happens here, stays here.â
 He waved his hand and two bottles of booze appeared in front of Husk. Â
 âYou might think you can keep getting away with bribing me like thatâŚâ Husk said, narrowing his eyes, ââŚbut we both know you can!â He picked up a bottle and started drinking. Loona snatched the other one.
  âWhat exactly are you doing here, anyway?â Moxxie demanded to Alastor.
 âWhy Iâm here to help out your company, of course! Iâm already involved in helping Charlie with her hotel, so I figured I could expand my horizons.â
 The Radio Demon walked over to Millie. âHello, dear, itâs a pleasure to meet you.â
 He gently kissed her red hand, making her giggle.
 Moxxie slapped his hand away. âNo one touches my wife, you got that?â
 Alastor just shrugged and walked toward the table.
  âDonât you walk away from me, Mister!â Mooxie stood from his chair and walked over to him. He pointed at his chest, making the demonâs smile more strained. âYou look like a shady showman to me, so listen here. You have no business whatsoever in interfering with our company. Or messing around with my coworkers and my boss. So, donât go around harming anyone here, or weâll kick you out of our officeâŚor just slice you to bits, Dapper Deer!â
 Alastor just laughed softly. Millie and Blitzo walked over to calm Moxxie down.
 âIf I wanted to hurt anyone hereâŚâ Alastor saidâŚ
 He then spoke in a creepy tone: âI wouldâve done so already.â
His eyes turned into red moving radio dials and the air filled with radio static and floating red voodoo symbols.
 He shook his head and the sensations ceased. His eyes returned to normal. âSo, now letâs talk about how I can help you out.â
 âWhat?â Millie asked.
 âHow can I be of assistance? You want donations? Promotion? An upgraded outfit?â
 Blitzo scoffed, âMy outfit is great enough as it is. But⌠you said something about promotions?â
  Alastor nodded. âYou ever feel like your work goes unrecognized?â
 âYeah,â Blitzo replied. âPeople do come to us a lot to murder people, butâŚâ
 Alastor tilted his headâŚ
 Blitzo continued, ââŚbut the imps and residents here look down on us. Not to mention even the sinners brush us aside like weâre trash. Thatâs why weâve kept to ourselves a lot. We imps have to stick togetherâŚand hellhounds, too.â
 Loona rolled her eyes.
 âBut your company is so unique, and with such special access, I donât know why others would look down on you,â Alastor mentioned. âWhoever those horrible people areâŚwho are they?â
 âMy asshole father,â Blitzo said. âHeâs kept me from achieving my musical theater dreams.â
 Alastor placed a hand on Blitzoâs shoulder. He spoke in his sympathetic tone, reserved for making others feel at ease.
 âOh, believe me, Iâve been there. Iâve loved singing and music ever since I can remember. And my dadâŚwell itâs a long story, too tragic to go into. Have you ever thought ofâŚkilling the person in your way? Itâs surprisingly simple, and you of all people should know.â
 âIâŚumâŚâ
 Moxxie nodded. âI had a dream that my parents were being murdered, and I wanted to get back to that.â
 âWhat if I told youâŚthere was a way for your dreams to come true?â
 âThatâs impossible,â Moxxie scoffed.
 Alastor appeared behind him, from his shadow form, making him jump. âI donât think so! I can do so many things for your cause.â He stood in front of the three imps. A flaming bag of money appeared in Alastorâs outstretched hand, in front of Blitzoâs eyes. It changed to fiery silhouettes of Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie dancing to the clapping of a crowd coming through his microphone. âThis may seem like a bit much, but so far, youâre a well-established company.â The I.M.P. logo appeared in his hand before he closed it. âI could improve you ads, extend your business to Pentagram City, all under my protection. Imps wonât have to be the lowest of the low ever again.â
 Blitzo and his associates looked at each other, lost in thought. Alastorâs grin grew wider.
 âDo you really want to give up this golden opportunity?â
 Moxxie paused. Blitzo found himself shaking his head. Millie smiled at Niffty and Husk nearby.
 Alastor turned to leave. âWell, it was worth a try. I could give you some time to think about itâŚit was only a suggestion.â
 He slowly walked toward the door. â3âŚ2âŚ1âŚâ
 Blitzoâs eyes went wide. âNo, no, wait! Donât leave.â
 Alastor turned his head, smile wide. He turned back to them and held out his right hand. âSo, do we have a deal?â
 âNo deals!â Moxxie yelled, pulling Blitzo away. âThereâs something shifty about this guy. The stuff he says is too good to be true.â
 âYou sure about that?â he asked. âPerhaps I need to persuade you a little moreâŚâ
 He snapped his fingers and the table and pictures vanished. The room turned a dark purple and the floor became wooden like dance floor. Deer antlers and voodoo symbols lined the walls in neon colors. The posters now showed deer with black bloody circles in place of eyes. Alastorâs outfit changed into a red suit, with a red top hat with pins sticking out. Soon, everyone was wearing attire from the early 1900s: dapper dresses and round hats of purple, green and yellow for Millie, Niffty, and Loona, and suits of light blue, white and black for Blitzo, Husk and Moxxie.
  âTake it boys!â Alastor called, snapping his fingers. Shadow spirits emerged from a newly created portal in the ground. One played a saxophone, one a trumpet, and the other played the drums.
 A jazzy remix of the I.M.P. jingle played. Moxxie and Millie danced and spun around in the spotlight as the music played. Husk and Moxxie glared at each other in a corner. Niffty smiled and danced along, while Loona stared at her phone again.
 Alastor mentioned for Blitzo to come on stage and sing with him. Blitzo blushed and slowly made his way next to him.
  Alastor sang through his vintage microphone, which lit up.
   âWhen you want somebody dead,
And you wanna poke fun at their head
Call the Immediate Murder Professionals
 Whether homicide or genocide
Weâll make it look like suicide
Immediate Murder Professionals
 We do our job so well
âCause we come straight up from Hell
Weâll kill your husband or your wife
Weâll even let you keep the knife
 The ImmediateâŚMurderâŚProfessionals
 The song was followed by an electro swing solo and a repeat of the verses.
Blitzo was lost in a blissful trance as he and Alastor spun around in a dance.
 They both stopped to catch their breath as the music slowed to a relaxing jazz melody.
 Alastor held out his right hand. âWhatâd you say? Wonât you shake a poor sinnerâs hand?â The area around him glowed an eerie green and a strange wind gusted.
 Millie ran over and eagerly shook his hand. âI accept! Thank you for your help!â In the shadows, Moxxie was pulled toward Alastor by black tentacles wrapping around his waist.
 Blitzo stared at Alastorâs hand in front of him. Common sense told him to stay far away from this demon.
 But Millie had shaken his hand alreadyâŚand he did offer to help themâŚ
 Blitzoâs musical dream was just beginning, and so was his company. Why back out now?
 He slowly moved his hand closer, hovering over Alastorâs fingerless glove- covered hand.
 Loonaâs eyes grew wide. Her fur stuck on end and her instincts kicked in. She could smell deceit and evil coming from the demon. She hadnât thought it would go this far. For the first time, she placed her phone down on the ground. âBlitz!â she called.
 Blitzo briefly looked behind AlastorâŚand saw his adopted daughterâŚwith fear in her eyes for the first time. He was sure he was dreaming. There was no way magic like this could exist, and surely his daughter wouldnât show this much concern for him.
 But then againâŚBlitzo could create portals to Earth, so anything was possible.
 âAnything is possible,â said Alastor, as if reading his thoughts.
 âDonât do it!â Loona barked. She raced over to BlitzoâŚonly for Husk and Niffty to block her. Huskâs eyes and Nifftyâs eye glowed red. âAhh, the fuck?!â Loona exclaimed, in shock.
 Blitzoâs shaking hand inched closerâŚ
 Moxxieâs hand was forcibly guided to the demonâs other hand by the tentaclesâŚ
 Loona growled and swatted Husk and Niffty aside with her paws.
  Blitzoâs hand touched Alastorâs at the same time Moxxieâs did.
âNoooo!â
  The Radio Demon cackled in triumph as Blitzo and Moxxie shook his hands. All three imps briefly opened their eyes wide, all glowing red. Small streams of evil black energy from their souls traveled from each of their mouths and into Alastorâs staff. Husk and Niffty stood up and stared at each otherâŚfor this had happened to them as well. All five of them stood still like soldiers, each with too-wide grins on their faces as static and symbols filled the air. The static was overwhelming to Loonaâs ears, and she soon passed out.
   Then suddenly, the room and everyoneâs outfits returned to normal. Everyoneâs eyes cleared, and the portal and tentacles vanished.
Moxxie and Blitzo removed their hands.
 âWhatâŚjust happened?â Blitzo asked.
 âSomething amazing,â Niffty said.
 Loona sat up and rubbed her head. âI think I just had another hangover.â
 Husk had already thrown up after all the dancing and spinning.
 Niffty sighed. âLet me clean that,â and rushed off.
 âWell, Iâll say that was quite entertaining!â Alastor said. âLook.â He pointed to a radio which hadnât been there before. Blitzo listened and he could hear the jazzy version of the I.M.P. jingle being played. A low announcer voice said, âCall the Immediate Murder Professionals! Founded by the Incredible Blitzo, and his associates Moxxie and MillieâŚ.and Loona too.â
 Loona raised her middle finger.
 âCall 1-800-666-Hell or go online to I.M.P. .com today!â
 Alastor grinned. âItâs now been broadcasted all over HellâŚand it should appear on the Picture Show very soon!â
 âWait, Picture Show?â asked Millie.
 âHe means the TV,â Blitzo replied.
 Alastor grinned. âWell, Iâd love to stay, but Iâm a busy man. Good luck with your business. Come along, Niffty, Husk.â
 Niffty scurried over and opened the door for Alastor. Husk gave one final âfuck you,â to Loona and Moxxie before leaving.
 âBy the wayâŚâ Alastor said as he reached the door. âSince Iâve helped you out, it only seems fair that you help me out as well. Donât be alarmed if youâre suddenly summoned to help me out in my various conquests of Hell.  Loona, your services are not required.â Loona grunted in response before he finished, âConsider my deal as an inevitable new career for youâŚâ
 His eyes turned into dials againâŚ
 ââŚas my slaves.â
 His eyes turned fully red once more. âTa-la for now!â
 He waved goodbye and the door closed behind him, everyone staring wide-eyed. No one noticed that the Satanic book had disappearedâŚ
  The imps didnât believe that was the caseâŚ
 âŚuntil one day, they were transported outside near the Hazbin Hotel. Their auras glowed red and their bodies became dark shadows. They surrounded Sir Pentiousâ blimp, giggling as dark power flowed through their veins. The tentacles wrapped around the blimp and the shadow imps scattered before the vehicle exploded in a cloud of pink smoke. Charlie, Angel Dust, Husk, Vaggie, and Niffty watched in horror as Alastor stood with a sinister grin on his face.
 The group walked back to the hotel as Alastor talked about his motherâs jambalaya. With a snap of his fingers, the âHappy Hotelâ words on the roof changed to âHazbin Hotel.â
 âStay tuned,â Alastor finished with low laughter.
1 note
¡
View note