#still. entirely possible I'm simply wrong on how we learn to cope as we age

[uni-seahorse-572]

Internalization vs. Externalization & Keeper

this ended up longish, fair warning. I’m going to go ahead and tag everyone who expressed interest: @gay-otlc, @if-only-wishes-were-answered, @keepersofthelostbullhorn, @spellbound-fire, @simpbito

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In KOTLC, Keefe and Fitz represent a fascinating dichotomy also present in society as a whole. 

As an oversimplification, most people tend to either externalize or internalize their mental health issues and emotions. Those who tend to internalize repress it all, refusing to seek help, holding it together outwardly while also deteriorating inwardly. Those who tend to externalize lash out and hurt those around them. I’d like to emphasize that I’m not here addressing which one is “better” - they’re both simply ways to cope with difficult emotions and affect people in different ways. 

It’s easy to assign Fitz the externalized method of coping. The fandom may theorize that he has unaddressed issues from the pressure of his upbringing, but in canon, his emotions are completely externalized in times of major strife. 

Keefe seems a little more difficult at first. After all, his actions are so often drastic and negatively impact those around him, right?

What I’d like to argue is that this doesn’t matter. Part of internalization is the fact that it primarily focuses the hurt on the person who’s doing the internalizing. They lack any way to let their emotions out, and thus when their facade cracks others may see a glimpse of what they’re going through. Furthermore, internalization can lead emotions to boil over as they’re being repressed instead of dealt with, at which point they do harm those around the person in question. Sounds like Keefe. 

Here’s where society comes in: we glorify internalization over externalization. This connects to the whole “go in even if you’re sick” mentality that, well, kind of really backfired. (please note: when I say society, I am here discussing American society. I can’t speak for other cultures, though if anyone has more knowledge on how a different culture regards externalization vs. internalization I’d love to hear your thoughts). 

Among the mentally ill, the false perception that one must somehow prove their mental state to deserve help causes major issues. What this means is that people will attempt to internalize their problems until they can’t anymore, with the idea that what they’re going through is only “real” if they can no longer keep it hidden and someone else notices. This repression of feelings is legitimately dangerous. 

On the other hand, people who externalize are often blamed for any outbursts they may have. This occurs especially frequently if all it takes is something small to push them over, as they’re seen as overreacting even though it’s more related to having problems no one else can see than anything else. Emotions that are externalized are often treated as if there’s nothing deeper behind them.

Heroes in general who don’t care about their well-being are hailed. Sacrifice is hailed. Characters who are angry are demonized, and while anger is a major and damaging problem to many, when was the last time you saw a character who struggles with anger who wasn’t morally grey at best? How often do you see depictions of those who get angry, occasionally to the point where it’s controlling them, as just... people who aren’t perfect?

In all honesty, Shannon Messenger herself handled this pretty well. Fitz is often made to apologize in ways Keefe isn’t, but the narrative as a whole is pretty understanding of both of them. We can also see how Fitz’s externalization does lead to disastrous fury but also means that’s both released and obvious, instead of festering into a huge mistake like it does with Keefe. Grady is a good example of this as well, as someone who gets protectively angry and may go too far once in a while but still means well and is a good father and husband. This complex representation of anger isn’t all that common. 

But it’s the way that the fandom reacts to the two of them that’s revealing. 

Fitz receives an incredible amount of hatred for his anger. By many, it’s viewed as toxic towards those he cares about. Among many, the general consensus seems to be that he’s so privileged he needs to stop getting so angry because everything isn’t perfect and be quiet (allegedly because “Keefe has it worse”, yet so many things have happened to the Vackers that if Fitz internalized his emotions I believe the hatred wouldn’t be near as much of an issue). Depending on the site you go on, there’s a good amount of blatant bashing in fics and comments, largely centered on somehow both his anger and apparent perfection at once - would they view internalization of feelings a legitimate flaw that makes him complex and less than perfect?

Keefe, on the other hand, is embraced by most of the fandom. People talk about his trauma quite a bit from what I’ve seen, his quiet inner pain that he only lets Sophie see, that he tells her she shouldn’t have to deal with. Unlike with Fitz’s occasional bouts of anger, his penchant for running away, putting himself in danger, and his lying to Sophie isn’t, on the whole, seen as toxic. His internalization has led to a lack of self esteem and perceived worth that creates a selfless sacrificial streak too often hailed. 

Now, you may say, however, that not everyone has these opinions. But the truth is this often exists in a way that inadvertently reinforces society’s treatment of externalization and internalization. 

Those who dislike Keefe tend to focus on the ways he’s hurt others with his decisions. While this makes sense, as he doesn’t have to do much for forgiveness in the narrative, it also attempts to frame his emotional reactions as externalization. Fitz, on the other hand, is often depicted as someone who struggles with internalization, particularly when it comes to pressure. Just look on AO3 for proof - in all honesty I’m guilty of it. This interpretation of his character isn’t necessarily wrong, as it can allow authors to write what they relate to and addresses the issues Fitz must have in a way the narrative ignores, yet still focuses on internalization. 

We as a society are deeply uncomfortable with externalization. We don’t know how to discuss it. And we continue to glorify internalization.

At this time, I can’t say I have a good conclusion as to how we might try to counter this, though approaching both Fitz and Keefe from a more complex viewpoint would be a good place to start. Consider looking for this in both society and other fiction as well, perhaps. It’ll be interesting to see where Keeper itself goes going forward. 

[boneheadduluc]

I'm in need of some Andrea smut every time I read something about him there is no sex because this was in the 30's and it would be inappropriate to do it before marriage. So...let's get inappropriate (?

no mommy kink please, i can't cope with that

Actually this was going to happen v/ soon in my fic of Andrea BUT I'll write a quick drabble/one shot for you bc same! we need that in our lives :) I'll be doing gender neutral reader for dis ;) Warnings!! 18+ , loss of virginity, perhaps slight edging? oral on reader (female presenting) and NO mommy kink per request :)

Rules were rules. Marry a nice man, then lose your virginity. You had been following those rules. Even now, you lived alone in a small cottage on a hill. And you still haven't lost it. You never felt inclined too really...and you were fine with that. It's just everyone in the village usually was a kid or a senior. No one was around your age, so you preferred a secluded kind of life. 

 Even if that meant following rules you didn't want to follow. You hated that you didn't have a choice. You hated how your parent's voice replayed in your head over and over. Telling you “wait! get married first!” You were sick of it, you were desperate sure, not desperate enough to lose it to whoever you met, but then...

 a new boy showed up, you learned his story since you were a bit close with Janet and Ursula, the old sisters who were housing the young man. So you met him, and god... he was just your type.

Plus they invited you over so he could play for you? meaning the violin. At first, you felt a little out of place... until he started playing. Needless to say, he was more than talented than you expected. You’d never heard anything like it, afterward, he wanted to talk to you surprisingly. 

“What is you name?” he tried his best to speak, you were told his English wasn't the best so you found it more endearing than anything and applauded his effort since he’d only been here for a few weeks. So you looked to him, sitting beside you with wide eyes and rosy cheeks. His hair was a bit shaggy as he shook the hair out of his eyes.

“Oh, my name is (y/n).” You gave a warm smile, shifting in your seat to face him more. “And you are Andrea, yes?” and he nodded before he repeated your name warmly, and honestly you loved the way it sounded in his mouth.

------------------

Weeks passed, you visiting, Andrea playing for you, afterward, you would talk to Andrea, his English noticeably getting better. And sometimes he would even be a bit of a flirt. So one day you just asked the sisters if they would allow you to take him into town. You did your best to sound as friendly as possible and it seemingly worked.

You showed him a few of your favorite places, took him dancing to the pub. Though he wasn't a very good dancer, you had to kind of show him. Guiding his hands to land on your hips and pull you close, telling him to watch your feet as he got red because honestly he couldn't help but stare at your face. 

Then finally he asked to see your home. And you couldn't help be nervous, he had been making eyes at you all day, smirking like a cat with cunning eyes. Like he had so much more in that head of his, thoughts that he wasn't sharing. Plus he was already holding hands with you, keeping you close to him as he kept calling you ‘Liebling.’ And of course you didn't refuse him, not at all. So by the time, you were halfway up the path on the mountain and he slowly stopped walking, staring at you with a sweet smile. 

“Something the matter Andrea?” you questioned- confused as to why he had stopped. He moved slowly, stepping closer to you, leaning in, quickly pressing a kiss to your cheek. Then backing away, checking your eyes for permission. You nodded and Andrea knitted his brows together, exhaling through his nose as he slowly moved to press a kiss to your other cheek. Gently. Wonderfully. Then your forehead. The tip of your nose, then finally his mouth hovered over your own. Breath shaking with feverish anticipation.

You ached to lean in and finish what he started, but you wanted to see if Andrea would do it himself, and after about 5 nervous seconds you felt him roughly slot his lips against your own.

You were lost, blindly lost to pleasure and yearning. You barely realized the way you pulled him up the hill, mouths slotted together as you rushed backward, your back soon up against your door, your hands at his waistband, he moaned against your mouth.

And soon enough you were turned around and inside and he was walking backward as you led him to your bed. Pushing against his chest as he sat and you climbed his lap. Kissing him so harshly you felt your teeth clink against his own, embarrassed you pulled back, your hand coming to your lips. 

“I apologize, Andrea-” You were breathless, with shy eyes and flushed cheeks. 

He looked the same, though less embarrassed. More lustful than anything. 

“No, no-” He started softly. “You are wonderful.” He spoke slowly, catching your eyes as he brushed your hair out of your face with his thumbs. Putting a strand of hair behind your ear lovingly. 

“But...I need-” He started up again, and he groaned out, almost a whimper really, like he was in pain and that's when you felt something poke against your inner thigh, and then you understood. You ground forward and watched as his mouth fell open. Andreas eyebrows furrowing, his face growing red, a moan caught in his throat.

“Oh, you wonderful creature.” You mused. Almost amazed at the power you held over him. So you did it again and again until he was begging for you to let him cum. 

“Please...Please (y/n)-” He buried his face into your neck, his large hands on your waist, fingers digging in deeply, his shoulders going tense at your dry humping. 

A part of you was nervous honestly. You didn't know if Andrea was also a virgin, but judging by his closeness already ...you were gonna bet on the fact he was, but then again you didn't know what you were doing anyway. 

So instead, you simply stopped. And he stopped breathing. He was frozen actually, and you wondered why, a part of you wanted to laugh, he was curled up into you, unmoving, holding you. 

“Andrea?” you questioned and finally he moved, looking up at you, 

“I do something wrong?” he slowly drawled out, voice tiny and nervous and you shook your head. “No, of course not I just...have you ever done this before?” It was your turn to be tiny and nervous now, especially self-conscious. 

He gulped, Andrea understood. And he slowly shook his head ‘no’

“I'm sorry,” he whispered and it almost broke your heart. 

“Oh my love, no! You have nothing to be sorry for. I have never...done this... either. So it's okay Andrea. And...and honestly, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to.” You cupped his face, giving him a warm smile and he returned one. Slowly pressing a kiss to your lips. 

“I want you.” He whispered after breaking the kiss barely. 

And that was all you needed to push him back on the bed so he was laying down. You climbed atop him, undoing his pants slowly. He raised himself on his elbows, watching you, breathing heavy, eyes flickering back and forth between you and your hands. 

And suddenly he took your hand, putting it away from him. Softly and gently and lovingly.  “first you. Let me...help.” He muttered, looking to you for permission and so you switched roles and he was helping you undress from your light dress. 

And you were naked and self-conscious and nervous in front of him. 

But he was smiling, eyes running over your perfect form. You were perfect to him, everything about you, even the things you considered a flaw, he would reach out, brushing his fingertips lightly over them. He muttered how you were beautiful before reaching with both hands to your thighs. Parting them slowly, gently as all his movements were. 

He slowly moved off the bed, to his knees as he pulled you to the edge of the bed, your legs over his shoulder, his eyes on yours, looking up to you the entire time. Your hands gripped the blankets harshly and nervously. But you nodded at him and he leaned forward, delving his tongue over your entrance. And you moaned, the feeling making you throw your head back. 

And he did it again, though opening his mouth even wider, taking you into his mouth, his tongue lapping up your wetness. Moving up to run over your clit. And you shivered, sensitive all over. 

He realized that was the spot, so he did it once more and got the same reaction, actually an even bigger one. Your back was beginning to arch. Toes curling. 

And he kept eating you out- tongue sometimes delving into you, into your warmth and he would moan against your wetness and heat. Eyelashes fluttering and closing as you would spread your legs further, pushing your cunt against his mouth- thighs shaking and quivering as you felt a knot of heat in your lower stomach slowly coming closer and growing bigger. And finally you were gripping his hair, pulling as he whimpered against you. 

“Oh Andrea- Andrea Im so- Im going to-” You could barely get a full comprehensible sentence out before your thighs were convulsing around his head and your back arching and a loud moan was drawn out from deep within you moaning- screaming his name as a intense orgasm slapped you right across the face, and god- you were exhausted in all honesty. You even fell back on the bed, his tongue still on you though as if he couldn't get enough, nose sometimes even nudging up against your clit as he hungrily and greedily tasted everything in you. 

And as much as it was amazing soon you were becoming over sensitive and with each lick and moan of his against your pussy you were being shocked, body twitching and you pulled back, breathless, a mess for a lack of a better term. 

And you began to chuckle as well as he rose up now, smirking at you, his lips and chin, all slick with your wetness and his own spit. And you grinned right back at him, and pulled him down to meet your mouth as you kissed him, without a care in the world. It was almost satisfying to taste yourself on Andreas tongue. 

But finally you broke the kiss, cupping his face as you knew what came next. “Your turn my love.” You muttered. Sitting up now as you went for his belt, undoing it slowly, hoping he wouldn't stop you again. Though it was worth it last time. But he allowed you to- Andrea even began unbuttoning his shirt. Throwing it to the floor along with your dress, as you followed up with taking off his belt and pulling the pants away- his cock finally free and hard. Fully upright, beads of pre-cum forming at his reddened tip. He was so desperate, it was clear in his expression. Mouth slightly agape as he watched you. 

You thought for a moment, wondering on what you should do now. On what position and honestly how all of this was gonna go. A part of you was scared as you shuffled back on the bed, and patted the space beside you, signaling him to come be by you, but first he began shuffling out of his shoes, then along with his pants until he was fully naked. The look on his face signaling he didn't want you to feel self conscious with him being half clothed, so he decided he too would be fully undressed for this.  He moved beside you now, huffing out a short breath, nervous. It was clear so you pulled him close, kissing his jawline softly.  “Lets go slow, yes?” You mumbled to him softly. He looked up at you, shoulders tense as he nodded. “Yes mien Liebling.” he whispered back, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he furrowed his brows again for you were laying back now, resting your head on the pillow as you slightly spread your legs for him to fit in between. So he moved to lean over you, head of his cock teasing against your lower belly softly, it made him whimper as you couldn't help but giggle as you looked up to him, he looked beautiful this way.  “Should I- uhm..” he stuttered, cheeks burning red as he lowered himself slightly, trying to align himself with your entrance.  “Yes Andrea- go ahead.” You bit at your lower lip, eyes gazing as he closed his eyes, throbbing tip budding at your opening, he pushed his hips forward, his tip sliding in before it slipped upwards, you really were that tight- though you felt bad, for if you were more relaxed it would've gone in easier. “I apologize-” you mutter, exhaling shakily but he shakes his head.  “No- not your fault.” Andrea shares a calming smile, his eyes shining as he looks deeply into your eyes.  “I try again.” he reassured and positioned his cock to your entrance once more, this time sliding it in your slickness and heat easily. You held your breath, feeling him stretch you wide, Andrea on the other hand groaned out, whimpered as his head fell into the crook of your neck. You couldn't imagine how sensitive he must be at the moment.  He kept sliding in until he couldn't anymore, and he filled you to the brim, you felt so full and couldn't help but moan softly, your hands going to the back of his nape, playing with his hair, twirling it around your fingers, admiring the feeling of his warm body atop of yours, holding you. he stayed still, immediately understanding you would need some time to adjust. So you two stayed still, breathing and trying to figure this all out, he lifted his head, and you just stared at him until the two of you broke into small laughter. Warm chuckles filling the air around you, and you caught his lips softly, he laughed into your mouth even- so shy and nervous, Andrea couldn't help it. But after a minute of kissing and nervously giggling you finally felt ready. You broke the warm kiss. And caught his eyes. “Andrea I think I'm ready...move...please?” You muttered shyly- you didn't want to sound demanding but were soon relived when he just smiled at you. Giving you a look as to say “of course.”  And he pulled out halfway, inhaling deeply as he then slid back in setting up a pace, not to fast not to slow, just right honestly. And that's when you felt the pleasure slowly beginning to take over the slight discomfort. When he soon began pumping into you like a animal in heat. You moaned his name over and over, arching your back as you watched his face turn desperate. He would mutter in polish and German. whispering into your ear and you couldn't help but scratch at his back. He changed his angle slightly, cock hitting your g-spot. 

“Oh! Oh Andrea you- oh fuck.” You cursed, closing your eyes. “Yes harder please.” you moaned out, feverishly. Everything felt so hot, you were even sweating across your forehead slightly.  And he did as you commanded, pushing harder, fucking into you, moaning brokenly each time he pushed in. The squeeze of your pussy around him making him lightheaded even. He dropped his head to your chest eventually. Tongue finding its way to your nipple. Opening wide and sucking on your breast. And you felt so sensitive, everything overwhelming you but in the best way possible. 

“Oh yes, yes-” you chanted, breathless and suddenly wrapped your thighs around him, flipping the two of you over so you were on top, he gasped- eyes wide as he looked to you, his face becoming flushed once more- the sight of him was enough to push you to the edge as you began to bounce on his cock, suddenly reaching you climax, steadying yourself by putting your hands to Andreas chest- your back arching as you clenched around his cock, falling forward now- pushing your lips together. 

He kept thrusting into you though- desperate to cum inside, “Please- please.” He begged for release, closing his eyes as you groaned softly, your insides sensitive as you sat back up, and it only took 2 bounces on his cock for Andrea to be moaning out your name- as he gripped your thighs and soon you felt his warm seed fill you up, he whimpered and fucked into you harshly now- sitting up and pulling you close, fitting his mouth over your tit to muffle the shameful sounds spilling out of him. 

As he fucked through his climax he soon began to slow down, exhausted as you moaned- feeling him suck your nipples softly now, closing his eyes as his breathing calmed. 

You ran your fingers through his hair softly. Kissing the top of his head- satisfied now and he now popped off your tit, lips a bright color that matched his cheeks. He smiled at you and you grinned back, pressing a kiss to his nose. You raised yourself off of him, and you felt his warm seed inside of you, you adored the feeling as you rolled off and laid down- he lowered himself to be by you. 

“You were amazing Andrea- absolutely wonderful.” You sighed softly as his hand reached your stomach, drawing invisible lines with his fingers over the soft skin. Andrea shyly smiled now. “Danke.” he whispered in German, you knew what it meant and chuckled softly. 

“Im sleepy.” you whispered, and it was true- your eyes were heavy and Andrea nodded. “Sleep.” he kissed your cheek warmly. And so you did, you fell asleep to him cuddled beside you, humming a tune that was familiar to you. 

[osayoko-blog]

How about all the questions except 100? ( ◠‿◠ ) See, I'm nice.

ASK ME THINGS

( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Nothing, because they would still be snoring away happily next to me. My favorite thing to hear in the early morning.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?☼♥ ☾

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?I think that’s the stupidest question someone could have come up with. Shouldn’t you care about every little thing concerning them? Ranging from when they experience minor headaches, to drug abuse, to their well being in general?

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?Ozaki = 5

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Sober, maybe a little drunk on sleep.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Yes. But we’ll always go our way.

7. What does your last received text say?I don’t remember right now.

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?∞

9. Where was your last kiss at?The hospital.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?I don’t have a sisiter but two older brothers.

11. What do you drink in the morning?Decaffeinated tea.

12. Where did you sleep last night?At the hospital.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?They are if you invest everything you’ve got. If they’re not, you’re probably just wasting away your days ignoring each and every occuring problem.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?No. Although not everything went the most perfect way possible, I wouldn’t change anything. Life isn’t a video game you can restart if you made any mistakes that influence the progress of it. You have to live with your mistakes and the bad phases that come and go. Coping with the consequences makes you grow, cheating doesn’t help you improve but to eventually make the same mistakes again without learning through them. Everything happens for a reason and everything that has occurred to me within the past five months has gotten me to where I am right now. I like it, I’m happy. I’m enjoying my life and the connection I have to the people in it.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?None.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Summer rain.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?I don’t have a middle name.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?Leggings.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?It doesn‘t matter if it’s a relationship or just “us”. I think it will still be “us” three years from now.

20. Does anyone like you?Yes.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?Technically.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?No.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?Yes. Are you human?

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?I appreciate art in every shape and form it comes in. I have considered it a couple of times. I love this kind of unforgiving commitment to whatever you choose to carry underneath your skin with you for the rest of your life.

25. In the past week have you cried?Yes. Never hold it in.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?It was a cute Pomeranian. I can see why this question is important. It honestly made my day to see this white ball of fluff bouncing around and wrapping his leash around his owner’s legs in the process. They were all annoyed but it was an adorable sight to witness for me.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?Drying off in the shower is such a pet peeve of mine.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?No.

29. Do you think you’re old?I have an old soul but a young heart.

30. Do you like text messaging?It’s not that I like it to an extent where I can say that I enjoy it, but it has become ultimately vital for the people of our generation. Especially in my business it’s a great way to stay in touch with important contacts but also a comfortable possibility to talk to the people close to you when you find yourself being constricted by a busy schedule but don’t want to miss out on anything in their lives. I still prefer face to face conversations but I’m grateful we’re given these endless possibilities nowadays.

31. What type of day are you having?My day has been an odd mix so far; a little bit busy, a little bit boring, amazingly challenging.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Actually, yes. I’ve done a shooting with Brooklyn All Day a while back where they put a fake septum on me and I actually thought this look was pretty cool and refreshing, enough to briefly wonder if it would be something I could enjoy on the long run, but I came to the conclusion that it’s not too convenient in this kind of profession. When I was younger, I always admired people with belly button piercings, too.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?I like both extremes. I like them, but I also find myself moaning as soon as I’m forced to cope with extreme cold or extreme warmth. Yet I enjoy being surrounded by snow or going to the beach on beautiful summer days. I don’t have a preference as it seems but I’m grateful for every season and its perks.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?Always. My best friend.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?I’d prefer no labels. They only do harm depending on the type of person you are. My answer will be neither, but I strongly believe that certain things don’t need to be named. Strong emotions don’t need such limiting cages. You will only find yourself clutching these golden bars, wishing to escape so the two of you can be free. But most importantly together. Why limit yourself when those feelings go far beyond human vocabulary.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?I am as simple as I am complicated.

37. What song are you listening to?Bon Jovi - Living on a Prayer

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?It depends on who you are to me. But usually, yes. Especially when you’re close to me. The tighter the bond, the more I’ll have to swallow my pride to apologize. When I do, I do mean it.39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?My friend Akane.40. What made you start liking the person you like now?This is the toughest question so far. Mainly because I don’t want to write a bible for an answer, so I will try to keep it short. What made me like them, the very first thing that did, was realizing that for some reason our minds worked strangely alike. He spoke out things I couldn’t put into words, but he also took entire sentences off my tongue I wanted to write down and yet he was faster, just like he knew what I put my mind to that very moment. It was like speaking to my reflection in the mirror. And I hadn’t even seen him in person back then. This conversation got under my skin. Ever since I’m tied. Since day one.41. When did you last receive a text message?Yesterday.42. What is wrong with you right now?I think I’m frightened of the unknown and of the familiar, both at once.43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Barely.44. Does anyone disgust you?Remotely.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Yes and no.46. Are you in a good mood right now?As good as your mood can be when all you can think about is sleep.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?Sono.48. What color shirt are you wearing?Grey.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yes. I don’t think either of us liked it but it was necessary. I’m glad we had this conversation.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?The slow and mechanic form of life I have been the past couple of months. Goodbye.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?Sometimes. But it’s never without affection.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?Who didn’t?53. Do you like rain?I love rain. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?I think I will simply refer to the question concerning drug abuse here. Though it also depends on how severe the consume of alcohol is.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?Yes. Although I’ve learned not to waste emotions as I grew older. 56. Do you like to cuddle?Actually, yes.57. Are you shy?It depends. But a huge part of me is. 58. Do you get along with girls?I do. But I have a tendency of getting along with boys much better.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Yes. 60. What do you carry with you at all times?My phone. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?Yes, but I’d probably chicken out as soon as I hear as much as a creaking door. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?Yes. 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Yes. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?I think it makes for a sensation of warmth and comfort, feeling utterly cared about.65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?Yes. My son produced his absolute worst diaper. So… cute…

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?Well, one of them was very very old, almost ancient. Rumor has it he’s almost fourty. The other is currently 4 months old and last but not least, I’m not going to give away my mom’s age.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?I have phases where I feel artistic and want to do a cool design on my own nails, but let’s be real, it’s better and easier to just get them done by a professional.   68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?Leo.69. Do you have any stickers on your car?No.70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?Lil Wayne.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?iPhone.  72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?I only recall having pizza from Domino’s.   73. Do you like diet soda?No. Go hard or go home.74. What color are the walls in your room?White. I can’t have my walls painted in extreme and distracting colors. It makes me feel uncomfortable because they’re too loud. White is very soothing.75. Are you 16 or older?I’m 10 in spirit.  76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?No.  77. Do you have a job?Professional food enthusiast.  78. What are your initials?S. O.79. Did you ever have braces?No.   80. Are you from the south?Damn right. From the best city ever! I also think Northerners are cavemen.

81. What does your last status on facebook say?I don’t really use this site.82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?Not really, no.   83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?I’m close to both of them. They give me more support than I could ever dream of. I’m close to either of them in different ways, I believe. I talk a lot about my concerns and problems to my mom. She gives the best advice. My dad is my rolemodel. He teaches me lessons about life whenever we interact. And he was the one making me attached to the sea ever since I was a little girl. I’m grateful they raised me the way they did.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?Gymnastics.   85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?Resident Evil.   86. Do you smoke?I used to smoke. I can’t say that I don’t miss it these days.   87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?I love any kind of shoe. It depends on the occasion or the setting.    88. Is your phone touch screen?Is the sun hot?   89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?I like to wear it curly if I am in the mood to do anything with it. Otherwise I prefer to have straight hair since it doesn’t require any work while I get ready.   90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?When I lived back home with my parents I used to sneak out of the house or back inside often. Those were my wilder teenage years. Rebel phase, Kurt Cobain lover, living the gyaru lifestyle.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?A lake.   92. Have you ever made out in a car?Yes.   93. …Had sex in a car?Yes.   94. Are you single or in a relationship?Maybe something so precious, no label in the world could ever express its beauty.   95. What were you doing last night at midnight?Driving to the hospital.   96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?New Years.   97. Do you like the camera on your phone?It’s okay but since photography is a hobby, I prefer my Canon.   98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?Yes. It’s common in Japan though.    99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?More often than I’d like to admit.101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?Yes.  102. Name your favorite Kesha song: Blah Blah Blah  103. Do you have any tan lines right now?None.   104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?I used to when it was a thing for gals.