#still yearning…esp for the beach

[putergenius]

missing her🫶🏽

[spikeinthepunch]

had to whip up a drawing of my founder medicine cat, Foggorse... she just died at 157 moons, swept into the ocean. All the remaining founders were so sad- esp her leader Hailstar and her first apprentice, Bonepelt. 7 years with her friends... im so sad she died

you can read her full bio below the cut :')

Foggorse is the clan's first medicine cat, and after 3 moons had a crush on the leader Hailstar. However, Hail does not seem to have these feelings. Fog imagines what their life could be like, even imagining their kits together. But with little implication that they share feelings, she starts to question her place in the clan wondering if its right for them to hold these feeling for their leader.

In time, Foggorse feels slightly more hopeful despite Hailstar declaring a mate. Hailstar has gone on more patrols with them to find herbs, and Hailstar has been glad to talk to them and ramble. Shes glad about it, but still feels this doesn't mean much in the end.

Foggorse sees the same prophecy as Bonepelt, and starts to become far more nervous than the other medicine cat. And as multiple young cats lose their lives to the sea including Hailstar's own litter, they try their best to warn those apprentices too unaware to think about it. Regardless.. many are still lost to the sea, bringing the beachside clan to a fear of the thing right outside their doorstep.

When Mrytlebracken dies, she is striken with greif losing a good friend has taken a toll, and they do not want to be comforted. Over the moons Foggorse loses more old friends to flood, the sea, and sickness. They can't handle the feelings and find themself incapable of doing her work when the grief takes over.

Foggorse continues her later years still yearning for something with Hailstar, but in many ways has settled in the fact it'll never be. Hailstar had declared another litter with Patrirdgetail, and Foggorse has never held negative feelings for her mate either, they are all good friends. She could never forget that. (note! i determine that Hailstar is aromantic over their lack of romantic feelings for Fog, or her mate, Partridgetail. literally has NO romantic points with either of them no matter how many mediator meets lol)

After the death of the dear founding member Sweetclaw, Foggorse struggles to regain herself, torn at the loss of such a friend. In the early morning before the rise of her clanmates, Foggorse finds herself walking the beach, only for the rough tides to rise unexpectedly. The only witness to Foggorse's fate is her former apprentice Bonepelt, having witnessed her swept into the sea after trying to find where Foggorse had gone. The powerful and monsterous wave crash down and sweeps Foggorse away.

Foggorse died at the old age of 157 moons, leaving behind many who loved her.

[lucatielsgirlfriend]

good morning. i mean afternoon <3

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

18. ideal weather?

19. sleeping position?

21. obsession from childhood?

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

28. five songs to describe you?

32. top five favorite vines?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

56. favorite tradition?

64. favorite website from your childhood?

66. favorite flower(s)?

72. worst subject?

82. pc or console?

88. your greatest wish?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

94. favorite season?

96. desktop background?

and i have to ask this one ^-^ 98. favorite historical era?

omg you love me and you want to know everythig about me ^-^

5. bottles is easiest, but a crisp glass soda feels so nice!

6. out of those the styles that i think look best on me are boho and sportswear :) i like goth but im not really in the culture

7. headphones. i found this really nice compact travel set so im not totally unaware when i wesr them out!

8. tricky. I do love movies, but tv shows are easier to digest for me so i watch those more

9. um. probably when water hits the hot ground. rain or otherwise. like waterguns. bbqs are also really nice :>

10. i was a fat kid so not many. i really enjoyed badminton and tennis and also rounders or baseball

15. i remember liking Kensuke's Kingdom for a book report but idk if holds up... I also enjoyed when we analysed poetry in our final year ^^

17. um i have three pairs of slip on sketchers so those. theyre easy and shoes r expensive :p

18. heavy summer rain 🤤 thunder or not

19. i roll around a lott in my sleep, so i wake up in all sorts of positions. its usually easiest to get to sleep on my side tho.

21. i was a pokemon kid. show, cards, games and merch. always on that damn ds

26. i kinda hate the heat, so chilling in front of a fan with a sippy drink and music is sooo good. i liked the beach when I last went though!

27. stupid-cold bonfire nights are realllly nice. my birthdays right around guy fawkes so lots of nice memories there. im also more active in winter because it gets darker faster and i dont sweat as much.

28. five... umm: 'Laughing Gas - The Fratellis'; 'Override (A) - Area 11'; 'Knees Deep - The Beths'; 'To Be Better - Miracle of Sound'; 'Moment of Forever - Willie Nelson'. ^-^;

32. umm idk i was never really on vine... literally none come to mind sorrry

46. naked for sure especially in summer. t-shirt and bottoms on the coldest nights. ^-^

56. tradition... not sure I have any anymore. when i was a teenager we used to go to the lake and follow a river and have a shitty bbq by the side with a bluetooth speaker. and everyone would jump in the water and I never would hehe

64. YouTube. I yearn for the old days of YouTube... I was just becoming sentient when youtube was coming around so i was on it a lot

66. tulips! esp orange ones :>

72. maths. numbers hard.

82. PC all the way from my shitty laptops to here. i love my compuper

88. umm many. to be a girl. to be able to be social without anxiety attacks. to be able to afford things. to not be scared of intimacy. for my pets and family and friends to live forever and always be happy. many many wishes.

92. lamps. i hate overheads especially white ones.

94. Autumn. idk I like the colours. and there's usually a lot more happening around then. halloween and birthdays and getting cooler.

96. usually a game still. or art from a steam trading card or smthn. right now it's a boss from Slay the Spire :)

98. I dont know a lot about history as I should. but I'm interested in gold rush/ westward expanse era stuff, what little I know of it. I should learn more history... Idk sometimes ot just doesnt go in, and I have fuck awful recall ^-^;

[youcanfindthisone]

I made this blog feeling calm, hopeful, and like. at peace. I feel like a kid, I have memories of being happy again (six flags, going to friends houses, being outside in the backyard) and I don't want to let it go, its so fleeting and it scares me. I feel happy. like. more like at peace AND content? If they're ... not the same thing. but this is so surreal almost. Like last time I felt this way, this significantly, was when I was high on mushrooms.

im also trying pepc*d as a pmdd help. I feel clarity for the first time in g-d knows how long. my brother sounded concerned bc of ulcers. so I don't know what to do about that but I don't want to suffer anymore, so.......

I'm enjoying this. I'm feeling really grateful. I'm feeling so good. ? so strange. so so so strange

feeling very. early combo of brown, light "baby" green, yellow-y beige, and baby pink. like arcade games. pixel-y images and bright colors (nothing vibrant, just glow-y?) like hamtaro ham ham heartbreak when they're at the beach or a tropical place. like point pleasant when its early in the morning, foggy, and cold enough for a hoodie walking around the new construction of these huge apartment complexes a little too far from the place we were renting ((and they were so grey. so huge and grey and beautiful with everything else going on around it). I always thought that time made me so happy (i do remember feeling one of the lowest feelings in my life there, at around 12-13 y/o. something about an eyebrow pencil? (not related to being at one of my lowest). and like... that time in my life felt so good, because I didn't care about too much and my interest in hurting myself/feeling good in the process of neglecting myself blossomed beautifully into something that still tugs at my heart strings, and still feels very much like a ingrained and complete, very confident in it, part of me - and something I can never ever fully communicate. I'm trying because I'm scared I'll forget about these memories and feelings and catalysts (?) and everything is just. blending together so beautifully and the feeling is so fleeting that I had to describe it. It's so precious and such a huge, important chunk of my life for me. I remember when I was beginning to get sad for a second, at the boardwalk i was almost unfamiliar with, but we've been there plenty of times when I was so so so much younger than I was at the time. I felt like, a strange mix of yearning and jealousy, and like. not to be dramatic, but despair. and with that came a ("well, this is such a pleasant place that I think I'd wanna die here") which, thinking further back, now feels like a direct tie to my suic*de plans I made when like, I was 15 probably. and to this day it sounds perfect, it makes my heart flutter a little bit bc I get excited. I wish I didn't get excited thinking about the suic*de plans I was mapping out and scheduling when I was a KID

i can't stop thinking about all these places and thoughts and daydreaming I had as a kid. And tomorrow I will wake up and not remember how I fell asleep, or this contentedness with little details of some of the happiest places I've been to as a kid - or the majority of my day, now that I try to recall it. That scares me. That's very scary, it feels very different than normal "I'm out of it" memory loss. I hope writing helps me with this a lil. If I remember this tomorrow without being reminded, then I'll be super happy! if not, I'm celebrating this now. either way I'm feeling a lotta gratitude still!

I need something to change. I stress drastically and soon - but I don't mean that, I'm hardy and know i will be fine most of the time, but like.. I'm so tired. I don't know how long I can deal with these feelings I can't handle. I don't know how to deal with me being scared ill just lose my mind one day and never be lucid again. i feel so sensitive sometimes. I wish K held me, I wish K WANTED to hug me, to touch me, to hold me and just lay with me. she's never tender with me. I wonder if that's why I have a lotta s*x nerves. I don't wanna unpack that tonight, I'm a little tired now. But surprisingly, even though it LOOKS like i spiraled, I feel so comforted by typing all this out even though I worry about it not making sense and then being embarrassed. I'll get better at this. maybe I won't give up this time (memories of the hospital that I think my grandma was in when we were so much younger. "flashes" of her room that she shared with someone and the discomfort that came w that and wondering about death. I remember looking out onto the grey white roof and also maybe begining to like/be comforted by industrial (?) aesthetic. I remember being very scared and also feeling like we were doing something wrong bc we just walked in. and also feeling like my mom or maybe dad or maybe both were mad at me, and rushing, esp in the lobby walking to the left big hallway. and feeling lots of dread bc I thought mom was mad at me. there was a cafe. There was a store with crackle nail polish that I wanted. Now I feel like I'm mixing up hospital visits, but it feels like the same hospital. Idk)

That's all I can do for tonight! good night, thanks.

[sacrecean-archived]

OLYMPIAN AESTHETICS. repost, do not reblog!

TAGGED BY : stole it from @heirbaltasar TAGGING :  anyone who wants to do it, but esp @sutadusuto

APHRODITE / LOVE. laughter-loving, sweet smiles, dressed in silk and satin, flower in their hair, sees the world as a runway, unapologetically sexual, the sea washing their ankles, in love with love, stirrer of passion, cunning concealed by painted lips, secret daggers, doves, revolution in their kiss, delighting in the waves, flirtatious winks, strolling along the beach, staring wistfully from a balcony, this is how to be a heartbreaker, wants to be adored, gets turned on by danger

APOLLO / SUN.   glitz and glamour, art galleries, turning the volume up, being made of gold, neatly-organized music sheets, notebooks filled with poetry, bathing in the sunlight, the powerful urge to create, collecting vinyl records, beautiful cover of wonderwall, playing multiple instruments, tasting like sunshine, healing touch, speaking in prophecies, smile mingled with wrath, shunning lies, sporting shades, hanging out at music festivals with their friends, sleeps naked, arrow to the heart, paint brushes, probably has a tinder account

ARES / WAR.   armed for battle, wants to raise a dog with their significant other, soft spot for children, gives piggyback rides, scarred body, blood on their hands and face, willing to fight the world for the ones they love, fights against injustice, warm hugs, well-worn combat boots, boxing gloves, bandages wrapped around bruised knuckles, fist raised in protest, ignites revolutions, fear is a prison, more sensitive than what their tough shell would have you think, exhausted, damaged goods, force to be reckoned with, red roses, curses under their breath

ARTEMIS / WILDERNESS.   keen sense of a hunter, freckles like constellations on their skin, piercing eyes, disheveled braid, moonlight peeking through the shadows, the calm of the forest at night, lying on the grass and staring at the stars, mother doe and her fawn, protecting their kin, the moon shimmering on a still lake, quiver full of arrows resting against the bark of a tree, running with wolves, bonding while circled around a campfire, not being much of a people person, arrow hitting a target, popping egos, patience on 3%, touches heaven and returns howling

ATHENA / WISDOM.   discerning gaze, unreadable face, quiet museums, owl perched on their finger, armor that intimidates, eye for architecture, plays the sims for the sole purpose of building houses, studied the blade while everyone else was busy getting laid, big fan of logic, loves brain teasers, ancient buildings, sweaters in neutrals and cool colors, hair done up, can kill you with their brain, heads to the library often to research, sharpened pencils, abs that can cut steel, stoic statues, pottery classes

DEMETER / HARVEST. soil-covered hands, smile that can bloom flowers, skin loved by the sun, being the mom-friend, can lift you and your friends, flowers kept in the pockets of overalls, takes pride in their beautiful garden, speaks to their plants, leaves rustling in the wind, stalks of wheat, picking fruit, greenhouses, heart as strong as a mountain, values simplicity, daisies dotted across a collarbone, curls crowned with flowers, folded pile of sweaters in warm hues, pulling out fresh-baked bread out of the oven and the smell wafting through the air

DIONYSUS / MADNESS.   drunk shitposter, on their sixth glass of wine before you’ve even finished your second, seductive smirks, untamed curls, rich fabrics on dark skin, sleek-furred panthers, theater masks, stage productions, receiving a standing ovation, rose caught between their teeth, being the baby of the bunch, wild parties that last from sundown to sunup, creeping vines, inspiring loyalty, grand opera houses, masquerade balls, rolls of film, shattered chandeliers with broken glass scattered across the wine-spilled floor, pouring champagne into flutes, lives for the applause

HEPHAESTUS / CRAFTSMANSHIP.   the calloused hands of someone who knows labor, sweaty brow, flame burning in their eyes, inventive mind, broad shoulders, steampunk goggles, nuts and bolts stored away in little boxes, ashes, striking a match, blueprints for future projects, fixing up a busted up car and giving it cool upgrades, wrestles embraces with bitterness, work boots have seen better years, wrinkled plaid shirts, iron melted in blazing fire, huge jackets, crafting masterpieces, greased-stained overalls, fascination with robotics, pain is fuel, stack of weaponry, even their muscles have muscles

HERA / MARRIAGE.   resting bitch face, dressed to the nines, cows grazing on a pasture, cool rain, loving and hating fiercely, hand clutching a string of pearls, large chandelier with glittering crystals, plays the sims for the sole purpose of killing off their sims, romance to realism, pictures of the sky while flying on a plane, files that under fuck it, downs glasses of wine as they relax with a scented bubble bath and netflix, like their selfie or you’re grounded, knows 57 convenient ways to murder a man, dark eyes that penetrate your soul, marble and gold

HERMES / MESSENGER.   devil-may-care smile, always up-to-date on the latest technology, will steal your french fries, does it for the vine, shitposter, puts googly eyes on everything, meme hoarder, long drives on the highway, ma and pop diners, spontaneous road trips, folded maps, fingers dancing across the keyboard of a laptop, shooting hoops on the basketball court, chatting up strangers as you all journey to your own destinations, goes jogging swimming in the morning, mixes redbull with coffee, menace on april fool’s, hoodies and sneakers

POSEIDON / SEA.   storm with skin, colorful coral reefs, waves crashing against the shore, stroking the soft fur of a cat, their heart pounding as their horse’s gentle trot speeds into a gallop, tousled locks, clothes smeared with paint, owns several sketchbooks yet always yearns to own more, leather jackets, fondness for diy projects, handwriting that flows across the page, nimble fingers playing the strings of a violin, velvety singing voice that haunts your dreams, mood as ever-changing as the sea, the roar of a motorcycle, compass with a spinning arrow

ZEUS / SKY.   thunder in their heart, running on coffee, flash of lightning, natural charisma, eloquence, badass in a nice suit, aficionado of history, force of nature, lenny face, nightmare-filled nights, proud arm around their lover’s waist, high-rise buildings, planes soaring through a cloudless sky, technician on the piano, maintains order, strong handshake, juggling multiple events on their busy schedule with ease, expensive watch

[thankful2day]

Saturday 14th January 2017

So its been a long time since my last post & so much has happened i don’t know where to start…

So i ended up having dinner with Mr Uber. It was great, we talked, we listened to music and we did it on his lounge…it was definitely a lot better & intimate than the othwe times, it was nice but not amazing. But it felt great, very liberating & empowering. I can do it without feelings & that is sooo amazing. Even though i get emotional but its fine. So after that i ended up going out dancing with the girls regularly, uber guy even came out with is lol, getting really drunk, dancing & pashing hot guys lol. Yeah ok that’s not me but you dont know how liberating that is. So that takes me to J. He made it clear he just wants sex & i think I’m kinda fine with that. I don’t want a relationship, esp not with him & i told him that. So before he went overseas he invited me over for sex…i got really drunk & there was no sex only morning rushed sex which was fine…i waa so embarrassed but whatever i dont for him so blahh Now that he’s back he’s been messaging me to go over but i still haven’t gone. So the thing is the boy. He’s still my biggest weakness & he said he might see me tonight so I’m conflicted. Although i shouldn’t because i really doubt he wants to see me…so the last few months he’s been distant. He’s come over only a few times & is acting really distant. I guess it didn’t help that professed my dying love for him…idiot me!! So now he’s pulling back even though i know he says he’s not & is fine. I guess I’m just romantising the whole thing with the boy. It isn’t real & never will be & i have to just accept it. So updates on the others…Daddy is gone. I told him i wouldn’t see him again & .com is done too. No more contact which is fine with me. The other guys I’ve met have also not turned into anything. So its just the boy, sleazy J and uber guy. But none of them compare to the guy i met last weekend, N. Amazing is not a strong enough word. I was definitely his summer holiday fling, or 1 of many. So i met him on the friday night out with the girls, we instantly clicked, we just vibed & i felt so comfortable with him like no one I’ve met for the first time. We exchanged numbers & on the Sunday we went to the beach for the afternoon. We talked, joked, laughed in the sun, swan in the ocean, massages on the beach, stollen kisses & stolen glances… he was so easy to talk to, we think so much alike & it felt like our souls, our minds just clicked…our bodies yearned for the same & we ended up at my place where he stayed overnight having non stop passionate hot sweaty intense sex. It was amazing. We did everything and anything & every position imagined for hours & again in the morning until it was time for him to go. I've never connected with someone like that so much, not even the boy. It left me feeling invigorated & hopeful of what could be out there for me. He left me with such a positive vibe, calm & release. I guess its something i needed & although he's back interstate now it's something I'll never forget...