#still very scattered from yesterday. got cat back but i am still off my rhythm

[cutemeat]

I'm glad they're apparently going for a more natural tone for Dennis' hair this season but I justified the Superman hair to myself last season by headcanoning that Mac was the one dyeing Dennis' hair, so Mac used the same tone he uses to dye his own hair. The Gang's all in their mid-40s there's no way they aren't all going gray

o yeah me too i do like the thing about mac dyeing dennis’ hair mentioned in Texts…. nice little nod to intimacy there. but also. natural hair dilf dennis…. my wishlist always at odds with each other what else is new. but also not that conflicting really cuz dennis is the one who wants his hair dyed, i dont think mac cares much either way lol. again think mac is very familiar w who dennis is at this point and still wants that

see i got scared a little today tho cuz the caption on rob’s tiktok from yesterday was “Day 1” and so i am now like oh… oh the superman hair could still come back if they didn’t actually start filming until yesterday .. 💔 tho it seems like they were filming on kaitlins bday cuz her makeup n stuff changed thru the insta stories. and also i am so bad w keeping track of dates so i take my fears w a grain of salt

but really like. again if dennis kept up w the trends he’d know letting ur grey show is all the rage these days. the kids go white/grey on purpose so like!!!!! let it grow ❤️

[thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am]

😏 I am here to spam, friend. 1. “I am not here to kill you! I’m here for bread!”

Blackhill, can be considered a companion piece to yesterday’s prompt (because of the claws and claw marks metaphore, but doesn’t need to be read to read this or viceversa (can you tell I’m into weird metaphore and dark stuff lately?) Enjoy! (also if someone knows why Tumblr keeps fucking up my spacing on mobile please lemme know cause it makes me wanna cry)

Maria ison medical leave when it happens. Two weeks mandatory leave until herarm has healed properly, so the doctor said. She’s at the grocerystore two blocks away from her apartment and this is too close for itto be a coincidence, for her to be here by mistake.

They sayBlack Widow likes to set her traps, likes to act like the creaturewhose name she’s made her own, likes to arrange a web and wait forher prey to fall into it all on their own so that, really, they onlyhave themselves to blame for being so reckless, they have to shareher blame and guilt in their own demise.

When Mariaspots her, in that grocery store, there might as well be web threadsscattered all around her, because there is no doubt this is where shefalls into a trap.

She hasher gun aimed between Black Widow’s eyes before the woman even fullyturns to her, her left hand is steady but it’s still her weak handand she’s sure she doesn’t stand a chance if the Black Widow came forher, not with her broken wing.

“Youcame here to kill me, in a grocery store, while I’m on medical leave?That’s low, even for you,” she sees green eyes look in surprise atthe barrel of her gun, then travel up, up, up until they meet her ownand recognition finally reaches them.

Her handsslowly go up. “I’m not here to kill you! I’m here for bread!” Sheslightly shakes the hand that’s holding a loaf of it.

Mariascoffs and keeps her gun steady, trying to decide what to do next.

“Hard tobelieve Red Room sent you grocery shopping.”

“I don’twork with them anymore.”

“Hard tobelieve that, too.”

Sheshrugs, then throws the bread in Maria’s general direction. She hasthe gun in one hand and the other is held against her torso by hersling, so her only option is to duck and lose sight of Black Widowfor all of two seconds. That’s all it takes for her to disappear intothin air.

The nextsixteen hours, Maria barely breaths. She thinks about calling Fury,calling for back-up, or just going to the Triskelion and lock herselfup in her office until she’s sure New York is safe again. But shewon’t let fear win. So she waits it out.

Sureenough, Black Widow finds her apartment easily, breaking in throughthe window like Maria Hill doesn’t live on the fifth floor of abuilding with no fire escape stairs. Maria has been waiting, gun inhand, her right arm sore since she’s stopped taking painkillers, buther mind is already clearer.

Mariadoesn’t need to ask why her and why now; Black Widow’s an assassin,but she’s also a hacker and it wouldn’t be too hard to know she’s onleave and in New York. With her right arm out of order. Then again,of all the things they don’t know about Natalia Romanova they do knowsomething for sure, she never had a taste for mercy. Maria’s an easytarget and Black Widow doesn’t miss.

“I’m nothere to kill you.”

Mariadoesn’t believe her.

“I’mhere to surrender myself.”

Mariadoesn’t believe that, either. But she knows that there’s no other wayout for her but lowering her gun and taking Black Widow where shewants to be taken, she knows nobody has ever survived her if shehadn’t want them to. Her skin feels sticky when she gets up andgestures with her gun to the door, motioning for the other woman towalk ahead of her, like she just walked into a spider web face first.

When shewas little, so young she barely remembered it, she found a small birdwith a broken wing in her backyard, she brought it to her grandmotherand asked her to help her fix him. She took him to a vet, had hiswing set, fed him water through a dropper, loved him instantly andimmensely. Her grandmother told her not to get attached, becausebirds were not meant to be kept in cages. The bird healed, then flewaway unevenly, his wing not quite the same it had been before,mindless to the fact that Maria still loved him.

That’swhat happens when a cat hunts, when he takes a bite of you. You’renever quite the same you had been before. But you fly, if thealternative is staying in a cage.

Maria hadtried to convince her grandmother to keep him; she named him Charlieand loved him even though her grandma said she shouldn’t. She couldnot bring herself to keep him in a cage, but she cried when he flewaway.

Shewondered if birds loved cats, if they got too close sometimes and itwas just a cat’s nature to make a prey out of them because of theircuriosity. She wondered if humans were like that sometimes, too.

Marialoved her father, even though she shouldn’t have. She learned quicklyhow to adapt to cages and broken wings and how some humans werehunters by nature.

Marialoved picking fights, the taste of lemon liquor, and motorcycles. Hergrandmother was right; she had always loved things she shouldn’thave.

She neverquite liked cats, never learned how to love their ways of coming andgoing, never knew that love sometimes doesn’t mean staying, that itcan mean coming back.

NatashaRomanoff is dangerous and hard and the last thing Maria should everlearn to do is love her. She learns it anyway.

NatashaRomanoff comes and goes, like a cat, and is sometimes gone for weeks.She doesn’t love Maria back, but that is not a problem and kind offoregone. Maria plays the prey part well, knows when to let herselfget caught and when to run away, and Natasha keeps chasing her likethere’s nothing else in the world worth a second glance until she’sgot her.

There’srumors and labels thrown around S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters: BlackWidow is a sociopath; Black Widow is a psychopath; Black Widow is afrail girl in desperate need of saving; Black Widow is a story, alegend and nothing more, Natasha Romanoff just wears her mask well.Maria knows these to be lies, some more than others.

NatashaRomanoff enters her apartment through the window, even when shedoesn’t have to, because she doesn’t like to knock and get invitedin, rather she chooses where to be and when. She shows affection withno words but just by being there, like a cat. Maybe, Maria thinks ona night she’s feeling particularly honest with herself, there is noaffection at all to be shown. Natasha likes to use her, likes the wayMaria makes her feel human, likes the way Maria is inclined to give,give, give until there’s nothing left to gift. She likes how Mariahates people but likes her, lets her get away with things she neverwould stand in someone else.

Natashaisn’t sure she can even feel love. What she can feel, especially whenthey’re in a state of undress that makes it blatantly obvious Mariais completely disarmed, is the distinct lack of the urge to get ridof her. She usually gets that with everyone she has to spend morethan ten minutes with, she prefers to be on her own. But Maria isokay, kind of. She doesn’t hate having her close by, she has grown tobarely dislikes the look in her eyes when Maria looks at her, and shesometimes even likes to stay after they have sex for no other reasonbut the soothing rhythm of another human being’s heart – notMaria’s, she tells herself, just any heart. She wonders if she’slying to herself, but decides she doesn’t care.

Mariashouldn’t get attached to her, shouldn’t fall in love with stickyhands from the webs around her, shouldn’t be indifferent to the factthat, if this is a trap, she’s already fallen in it a long timebefore.

She fallsin love slowly but immensely, with the constant knowledge that,unavoidable as it is, Natasha can’t love her back.

Mariacan’t bring herself to care, or to stop.

For a longtime, Maria doesn’t trust Natasha further than her hand can reach.She waits for the trap to snap, she waits for the fallback. Theyunravel together, trust can only work that way, they learn how to bedefenseless with each other and it’s recharging, those walls theykeep up are exhausting.

Natashahas a cat, pitch black, named Liho. Maria hates her and the cat hatesMaria, they avoid each other as much as possible, until one nightMaria sees her staring at her from the floor while she’s pouring aglass of water and decides to squat down and holds her hand up. Lihosniffs it with disinterest, then gives it a tentative lick. She gnawsat Maria’s fingers, then tries to catch one between her paws whenMaria wiggles them.

When sherises after a couple of minutes, her palm as a small scratch and abite mark. She wonders if maybe she had it wrong all this time, ifmaybe it’s cats who love birds and sometimes get too close and end uphurting them because they have no other way to love them.

Thatthought hurts her a little and she feels a sadness she can’t explain.

Natashalikes that Maria doesn’t hold the fact that she can’t love her backagainst her. It makes her feel guilty, sometimes, that she can’t giveher that, that she can’t love Maria the way Maria seems to love her.On her part, Maria is careful never to say it and to only show itwhen it can’t be helped.

Natashaknows it stings, it harshly tugs something inside Maria that she’snever let anyone reach before, she knows she’s leaving claw marks allover Maria’s heart, but she can’t help it; this is the only way sheknows how to be with her.

It’sunfair.

She triesto cut her own claws off. Gives Maria a key to her apartment, keepslemon liquor – she hates it, hates the taste of it, hates the veryidea of it – next to her favorite vodka in her cabinet, she letsMaria leave stuff, bit by bit, until her things are scatteredthorough Natasha’s place, she tries not to hurt her anymore.

Mariadoesn’t seem overly concerned. She never asks Natasha to love herback, to hold her hand or stupid stuff like that, to tell theirfriends they’ve been seeing each other for months, for over a year atthis point.

She letsNatasha take, take, take, up until the day Natasha starts giving.Giving her a key, space, liquor, giving her anything she can think ofgiving Maria so she can be as content as Natasha feels on the nightsshe gets to sleep with Maria’s heartbeat under her ear.

One time,Maria mentions wanting to learn how to brew beer and Natasha signsthem up for a class, giving as the only explanation: “Anything youwant, I can get it for you.”

Marialooks at her funny, she knows Natasha means that she can get anythingfor her in lieu of loving her back, but she also knows, Clint is likea brother to her and he once asked her to borrow five bucks andNatasha laughed in his face, insulted capitalism, and left him withan empty stomach and the knowledge she didn’t like to take care ofothers like she didn’t care when others took care of her.

The thingis, Natasha takes care of Maria in every single way she can.

Mariaknows it before her, maybe that’s why she never asks anything of her,she never asks to be loved back.

One day,she just points at Natasha’s chest after she spent an hour cookingMaria’s favorite dish, and tells her: “That thing that makes you dothis kind of stuff, listen to that thing and tell me it’s notscreaming love.”

Natashascoffs, but listens carefully. That thing inside her has no claws,doesn’t hurt, doesn’t take but likes to give. That thing inside her,if she indulges it, will fill up her whole body with its warmth andstrength. That thing has no reason to be there, but it is,nonetheless. Natasha wonders for how long Maria has known Natashaloved her, how long she could hear it from inside her chest, whenNatasha refused to hear it herself.

Natashadidn’t walk inside that grocery shop to kill her, wasn’t there to seta trap. Maria fell into it anyway.