#still thinking about the ‘i don’t regret it’ in the first verse though… i left it as-is in my shady tl but…

[deus-ex-mona]

n o thoughts, just minakuru being the hurt/comfort couple e v er

[sierrale8ne]

40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS CHAPTER FOURTEEN

thought i’d be lying if i said ‘i didn’t want you to myself.’ when you look me in my eyes and, tell me that it’s mine, i…

pairing wnba!paige bueckers x singer!oc

taglist @thaatdigitaldiary @ohbueckers @wbbgetsmewetter @rosemariiaa @tndaqlifwy @pboogerswbb @xxloveralways14 @makethemhoesmad @slvt4her @luvapaigeeyy @hedidnotpleaseme @paigesbabygirl @mopopshop @omg-imtumbling @numberonepartyanth3m @wbb4l @authentic-girl03 @slut4uconnwbb @unadulteratedcyclepaper @kplum10 @fuddfanatic35 @avvwritesstufff @paigesluver @bueckersbitch

warnings none! my girls are getting on the right track in this one.

kalena speakss 🪽! this chapter might be a little underwhelming for y’all but it’s so key for the ending of this story and allat!

July 2025 — Kia Forum, Inglewood, California 

I never imagined that singers— especially really fucking good ones— could be so terrible at singing happy birthday.

Backstage at Kia Forum I’m joined by none other than Destin Conrad and Victoria Monet, and multiple other members of my team, just minutes away from going out on stage.

I can hear the crowd and feel the rumble under my feet even though no one is out yet. 

“You guys do know my birthday isn’t until tomorrow, right?” I laugh when the singing comes to an end.

Destin drapes an arm over my shoulder, slightly bumping his hip against mine. “Yes, but it will be by the time we’re off stage.” He responds, squeezing my shoulder gently and leading me closer to that black stage. The instrumental of Unpredictable plays, and Destin is walking out to start his verse.

I shake off any nerves that reside on my mind and adjust the grip on the microphone in my hand.

There’s always a moment of clarity whenever I’m about to go on stage, like the feeling of being so loved by thousands of people is surreal. 

Footsteps grow increasingly louder behind me, I tug out my inner ear monitor to look over at who is behind me.

“Kea?” My eyebrows furrow and I gasp just slightly surprised. I knew she would be here, she made a big deal of explaining how Cameron, Paige, and herself would get comfortable in their suite and cheer for me the loudest of anyone in the arena.

So I fully expected her to be, well, in her suite. Not here.

“Listen—”

“I have to go—”

“I know, just listen. I know about Paige. She told me everything, and I'm not mad it’s just,” Rickea pauses with a sigh and I look at her pointedly, silently telling her to hurry it up before I miss my cue.

“You should hear her out. I know you’re hurting over it all, and rightfully so, but I know Paige. And I don’t think she’s ever been more regretful of something in her life.” She adds.

“Is she here?” I ask.

“No, she thought you didn’t want her here.”

It makes me frown. Because even now, after all the things I’ve said, or rather left unsaid, I still wish she was here. 

When she came and saw me the first time, I didn’t even know she was there and it sucked. It sucked because I was so desperately missing her. My mind was racing over thoughts of her and she wasn’t there. Somehow, knowing that she stayed home tonight hurts even more.

Knowing that Paige thought I’d rather have her at home than here, fucking hurts. I did that. I made her feel like that.

I didn’t think that it was possible to miss someone this bad. Paige had literally weaved her way into my life and in two months had me wrapped around her finger.

She should be here. No matter what. She said she would so she should’ve followed through. Why didn’t she follow through?

I reluctantly nod at Rickea’s words, hearing Destin’s voice echo through the building as my verse approaches. I look back and forth from my sound manager and herself, my words resting on my tongue, mouth slightly parted.

“I— I gotta go.” I murmur wrapping my hand tighter around my microphone and backing up towards the stage, and Rickea looks defeated. I can only imagine how many conversations about me she had to have had with Paige in order for her to tell me to speak to her.

“I will.” I called out. “I’ll talk to her, I mean.”

That’s all I say before beginning my verse, exiting to the stage and being greeted by the cheers of my sold out audience.

—

July 2025 — Two weeks ago

“Your birthday is coming up soon.” Paige mumbles into the air. 

We sit on her couch, my legs resting on her lap while we do nothing but talk. I didn’t want to go home even though I knew I should. After the entire argument I had with Julian earlier, my phone has been blowing up with texts and calls from him. I knew that if I were to go home, I’d be responding and giving him the exact response he’s wanting.

So instead I sit here, letting Paige rub up on my legs and tell me everything I want to hear. All too intimate for two people who aren’t supposed to be seeing each other.

“Yeah.” I respond, feeling goosebumps travel up my skin from the way her fingers play with the charm anklet by my foot.

“Why you say it like that? You ain’t excited?” She asks me, a chuckle tumbling past her lips.

“No, no! I am!” I smile. Her eyes on me are almost suffocating, I still can’t even find it in me to break the eye contact. “There’s a lot to be excited about. The show. Imma drive out to San Diego too.”

There’s a sly bite to Paige’s lip as she looks at me, taking in everything I tell her. “San Diego? Whatchu doin’ out there?” She asks.

“I used to spend my birthday with my grandma. She got this nice ass place in La Jolla.” I start, thinking about all the birthdays I got to spend in California before even moving here. “She passed away a few years back, so I try to stay at her place for my birthday weekend. It’s like she’s still here with me, y’know?” 

Paige frowns a bit, trailing her hand up my leg to squeeze at my calf. It’s comforting, saying all the words she has yet to.

“I’m sorry ‘bout that.” She says, her eyes softening just slightly.

I shrug. “Don’t be, it’s alright.” I slide my legs off of her lap and they drop to the floor. She looks at me almost disappointed that I’m no longer touching her. It’s late, past one o’clock, and the city is nearly asleep. We should be too. “You coming to the show?”

“Wouldn’t miss it, ma.”

That damned pet name is about to make me lose my mind. She knows exactly what she’s doing when she says it. The eye contact and lick of her lip, sometimes she smirks after and it turns me into a puddle every time. It’s almost more sensual than when she calls me ‘angel’. When she does that, I just feel warm inside. Giddy almost. She’s being a sweetheart. 

But when Paige fixes her lips and relaxes her jaw and opens her mouth to call me ‘ma’ it’s raunchy, and I can only imagine how it would sound when she's breathing all heavy. Whispering it in my ear, talking her shit to me in a way that would make me fall apart just for her. On her hands or mouth or literally anywhere.

“We should do sum. Like dinner after the show.” Paige suggests, voice sort of quiet. The sweet suggestion takes me out of my otherwise dirty thoughts. I can tell she’s been thinking about how to bring this up. Like she’s trying to get a feel of whether that would be too forward or not.

“So y’wanna take me on a date?” I smirk, watching the way her face flushes. We sit even closer to one another, my knee pressed up against her thigh as I sit on my haunches.

“I wanna do something nice for your birthday, actually.” She teases. “But if you wanna call it that, then sure. Lemme take you out then.”

I look at her incredulously, this was the same woman who just told me she didn’t want to be a home-wrecker, the same woman that swore she would give me space and time to figure my shit out. Yet here she is, with the bite of her lip and eye contact that makes me feel naked. The words fell from her tongue so sultry, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I was blushing so bad that I was pink.

“Stop it.” I laugh, pointing at her with a squint of my eyes.

“Y’ont wanna go out wimme? I thought I was doin’ a great job at being all charming and shit.” Paige leans into me, her head just slightly angled as she bores into my eyes. “I think you and me would have a great night at dinner.”

“I think you are very bold.”

“I think you should kiss me.”

It shuts me up, and I freeze and look at her like she has three heads. Paige, however, looks very proud of herself. Smug, even.

“You’re crazy.” I mutter, sitting up from my spot on her couch to trot towards the door. She follows me instantly, her laugh echoing in my ear. Paige grips my wrist, pulling me to her until my back is pressed against her chest and her arms are wrapped tight around my waist.

“C’mon I’m just kidding.” She mumbles.

“No you’re not!” I laugh, attempting to get her off my back, but really really I don’t want her to move. I like this feeling of Paige all on me like this. Her body is warm, breath fanning my neck.

“Okay, just one last kiss.” Paige turns me around in her embrace. I always forget how tall she is, because most of the time we’re just close enough where it feels eye to eye.

But she towers over me right now, Calvin Klein scent traveling down to my nose, blonde hair tickling her tanned skin. She’s stunning. Gorgeous in a way that I’ve never seen before. 

“Just one, before you go.”

“Are you begging me?”

“Will it make you kiss me if I say yes?”

I roll my eyes, but it doesn’t stop me. I’m instantly reaching for her face, cupping her cheeks in my hands and angling my head towards hers. She kissed me slowly, lips barely even moving against my own as she grabbed my hips.

I don’t think I want this to end, if I could spend the rest of my life kissing her I think I’d be happy. 

“—Good kisser.” Paige groans against me.

I pull back from her sucking on my bottom lip which is now wet from her saliva. “Whatchu say?”

“Said you’re a good kisser, ma.” She repeats. Her thumb traces over my bottom lip. “You break up with what’s his name, and we can do a lot more of that.” Paige shrugs, moving in and kissing me again. It's even shorter, something I could barely consider a peck.

But I’d be a fool to stop her.

—

July 2025 — Los Angeles, California 

Only I would be distracted by Maraye while she isn’t even in the room.

My flight to Indiana is in the morning and I should be packing the clothes that surround me where I sit on the floor. But I can’t tear my eyes away from my TV, the Amazon Prime replay of her birthday bash playing on my screen.

She looked incredible last night. A long crystallized black dress was what she wore first. Then some baggy jeans and a vintage Atlanta Falcons jersey that was tucked just right where I could catch a glimpse of a new tattoo on her rib. The camera can barely make it out, but I saw it and it was occupying a spot in my brain all night.

I shouldn’t be here. I mean sure, I should be packed and ready to go for the weekend. But I shouldn’t be sitting on the floor like an idiot.

I should be at some fancy restaurant, Maraye sitting across from me in some pretty dress with that fucking lip combo she wears that makes me forget my name. 

It’s her birthday for God’s sake, I should be wishing her a happy birthday and telling her how fucking important she is in my life. I texted her earlier today, first thing when I woke up actually. Just like my other texts, it went unread and unanswered.

I reach for the rest of my clothes on the floor, packing jeans and shorts and shirts into my suitcase haphazardly. It was hard to focus when I could hear her singing in the background. 

SOS. The first song I ever heard of hers, the song that is probably to blame for what became an obsession with her. She sounds just as perfect as she did then. Maybe even more. But I'm not sure if that’s because she’s gotten even better as a musician or if it’s because I’m so embarrassingly down bad that the slightest change in tone makes me think that.

Probably both.

I can feel my phone vibrate against the carpet, my lock screen, or rather the bible verse written on it flashes bright. John 13:7.

I see her contact name almost as bright.

It’s been what feels like forever since she’s texted or called me. Even longer than when I saw her at the gala. My mind short circuits and I haven’t even opened it yet.

When I do, I feel like I can breathe again. It’s minor, not an emoji or exclamation mark in sight but it still makes me feel like everything is right again. 

Happy birthday angel, missin you extra today sent 7:02am

thanks sent 6:12pm

That’s it. Thanks. But it’s something, something that lets me know she knows I exist. That’s all I can really ask for right now.

i miss you

can we talk soon? i know you’re busy with all star stuff but whenever ur ready, i am too sent 6:15pm

That one I didn’t expect. Not in the slightest.

But I smile anyway, staring at my phone like a fucking high school girl with a crush.

i miss you too

i’m free rn, i’ll come over just say the word  read 6:16pm

maraye 🫀 started sharing location 6:16pm

When I click her location I nearly scoff. La Jolla, San Diego. Over 2 hours away. I’d be crazy to get in my car, and drive out there when I have a flight at four in the morning. When I have clothes that still need to be paired together and shoes that need to be picked and toiletries to be packed.

I’d be crazy to drive to San Diego to see her when I don’t know what she wants to say. She could tell me she doesn’t want shit to do with me.

But then there’s that other possibility. The one where she could tell me she wants me, needs me, loves me. I think the fact that there is a chance, no matter how slim, that she could forgive me and that I can fix this means more than everything else.

So I’d be crazy not to go. Right?

—

July 2025 — San Diego, California 

I’m crazy.

I know she’s leaving, maybe tonight, probably in the morning. And I am too. A flight to Indy is waiting for me tomorrow morning. I shouldn’t distract her before the biggest weekend of her life with this. With something that could’ve been fixed forever ago if I just let her speak.

I was going to let the silence go for the rest of the weekend. Talk to her when we get back, maybe even after the game.

Then Rickea got to me, and Paige was texting me happy birthday, and then I saw them.

Texts that started with long paragraphs, apologies that then I would’ve called phony or weak. They dwindled from those long thought out messages to short ones. A few sentences that turned into a few words. 

But they never stopped. She never stopped texting. 

So now, when I read them, I know she was serious. I know she was sorry.

I know that when she texts me, saying she stayed up at night thinking of me, or that she funnily enough thought she was playing terrible without my live texts— she meant it. All of it.

I’m otw

Traffic is shitty but I’m coming

Stay up for me?

Omg I just triple texted like an idiot.. ignore all that sent 8:00pm

i’m waiting :) read 8:01pm

That’s all I really can do. Just wait. 

And when I do hear that knock or get that phone call I know where I’m going. I’m going back to her. Because it’s always going to be her.

Paige is my person.

[broidobe]

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔦𝔩𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔞𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔲𝔰

requested! this is a sequel to "the silence between us" so please read that first!

⁎⁺˳✧༚the silence between us

⁎⁺˳✧༚guns and roses masterlist

months had passed since that morning at the diner, but the weight of those final words lingered, heavy and unrelenting. life didn’t stop, though. the world outside moved on, indifferent to the pieces of your heart that axl’s temper had shattered. you’d left the city, settling in a quieter place where the nights didn’t hum with the sound of his voice echoing from crowded venues.

but even here, in this borrowed stillness, memories of him found you. it was in the songs on the radio, in the way the rain drummed against the roof, in the dreams that never quite faded upon waking. axl’s face was a ghost haunting the spaces between the mundane moments of your days.

you told yourself you were healing. maybe you even believed it sometimes.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

axl’s world had changed, too. the band was busier than ever, their shows selling out night after night. but fame didn’t erase the ache of loss. if anything, it amplified it. he buried himself in the music, in late-night sessions with his guitar, in lyrics scrawled on napkins and crumpled pieces of paper.

even so, he felt you everywhere. in the crowd’s faces when they screamed his name. in the empty hotel rooms after every show. in the way his bandmates stopped asking about you but still cast him worried glances when he’d retreat into himself. axl rose was larger than life to the world, but in the quiet of his own mind, he was just a man with too many regrets.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

it happened by accident, as these things often do. you hadn’t meant to be at the same venue where axl’s band was playing. a friend had dragged you to see the opening act, swearing up and down that they were the next big thing. you’d tried to leave before the main set, but the crush of the crowd had kept you pinned in place.

and then he was there. axl, stepping onto the stage, larger than life and painfully familiar. your breath caught as the spotlight hit him, and for a moment, you thought he saw you. but his eyes swept over the crowd, distant and unreadable.

you tried to leave again, but your feet wouldn’t move. his voice filled the room, raw and unyielding, and it was like no time had passed at all. the songs were the same—fierce, unapologetic—but there was something else now, a sadness woven through the notes. it was unmistakable, and it felt like he was bleeding out every unspoken word between you with each verse.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

against your better judgment, you waited outside the venue. the night air was cold, biting through your jacket, but you couldn’t leave. not yet.

when axl finally emerged, flanked by security, his eyes found yours instantly. he stopped, his expression shifting from shock to something softer, something fragile.

he waved off his entourage and walked toward you, his steps hesitant. “you’re here,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“so are you,” you replied, trying to keep your tone steady.

he laughed, a short, humorless sound. “i didn’t think i’d see you again.”

“neither did i.”

you stood there, the silence between you filled with all the things you wanted to say but couldn’t. finally, axl spoke.

“i’ve… i’ve been trying to be better. i don’t know if i’ll ever be good enough, but i had to tell you.”

tears pricked at your eyes again, but you blinked them away. “i know you’re trying, axl. but we… we can’t go back to what we were.”

his face fell, but he nodded. “i know. i just… i needed you to know i’m sorry.”

“i know,” you said softly. “and maybe someday, we’ll find our way back to something. but for now… take care of yourself, okay?”

he smiled faintly, the sadness in his eyes still there but tempered by acceptance. “you too.”

as you walked away, you felt lighter somehow. the pain wasn’t gone, but it was quieter now, like a wound finally beginning to heal.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

you didn’t turn back, but for the first time in months, you allowed yourself to smile. life would go on, and so would you both—separately, but with the echoes of what you’d shared lingering in the spaces between your steps.

[inbetweenshadows]

I have a theory A GA-

No ok so. Dragon Age Veilguard spoilers under the cut. Theory/speculation on the Chantry, chant of light, and Mythal/Andraste.

The chant of light, the foundation of the Chantry. We know it’s bullshit but what if it both is, and is not. It’s not hard to deduce through watching Solas’ regrets that there is no ‘Maker’. But there is. But who? Solas. Oops. Leave it to a trickster to accidentally become a focal point for a new religion. So why do I think this? Well the chant of light, minus a few verses that deal with the ‘present’ versus Andraste’s visions, directly explain the history of the ancient elves. Don’t believe me? Take the Canticle of Andraste:

The canticle of Andraste is:

> There I saw the Black City, towers all stain'd,

> Gates once bright golden forever shut.

> Heav'n filled with silence, then did I know all

> And cross'd my heart with unbearable shame.

NOW CONSIDER: Andraste is a dreamer, having a vision of solas making the fade, and the magsters breaching it. She watches in dreams as the blight escapes.

COUNTER: Mythal still in spirit watches the veil get made, watches as the magisters breach the fade and release the blight. That piece of her dove into andraste

But wait there’s more, we also have the canticle of Erudition, which explains elves, SPECIFICALLY THE EVANURIS, coming across the veil:

> The first of the Maker's children watched across the Veil

> And grew jealous of the life

> They could not feel, could not touch.

> In blackest envy were the demons born.

-Erudition 2:1

They were envious, but of who? We go next to The Canticle of Exhaltations, which describes the titans and dwarves;

> Seven times seventy men of stone immense

> Rose up from the earth like sleepers waking at the dawn,

> Crossing the land with strides immeasurable,

> And in the hollows of their footprints

> Paradise was stamped, indelible.

-Exaltations 1:5

i dont feel like I _need_ to get into the Canticle of Threnodies because that’s just about the breach of the golden city, which we know now is the prison of the Evanuris.

shit does start to get really interesting though when we hit the Canticle of Trials. Especially when we take into consideration the quest in Inquisiton 'What Pride Has Wrought' and how it's the quest in which we enter the TEMPLE OF MYTHAL. It could also be an exerpt of Felissian. (i spelled that wrong) and how he never stopped wandering the crossroads after the formation of the veil

> I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade

> For there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light

> And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost.

-Trials 1:14

"nothing that he has wrought shall be lost" The veil is permanant. nothing will be as it was.

im skipping the canticle of Victoria bcs it's regarding Divine Victoria [Successor to Divine Justinia V] and is only added if Cassandra becomes divine.

THE CANTACLE OF SILENCE, HOWEVER

> The Old Gods will call to you,

> From their Ancient Prisons they will sing.

> Dragons with wicked eyes and wicked hearts,

> On blacken'd wings does deceit take flight,

> The First of My children, lost to night.

-Canticle of Silence 3:6

again, DAI made reference to this in a quest. "Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts”

but it's DIRECTLY EXPLAINING HOW THE EVANURIS STILL WHISPER TO THEIR DRAGONS

'The first of my children' the evanuris. 'on blackened wings does deeceit take flight' the archdemons

Skipping the Cantacle of Shartan tho bcs again it's regarding immediate people and not history.

AND HERE WE HAVE THE CANTICLE THAT BASICALLY CANONIZES MYTHAL ENTERING ANDRASTE

Canticle of Maferath; Telling of Mafarath's betrayl

> Spite ate away all that was good, kind, and loving till nothing was left but the spite itself, coiled 'round my heart like a great worm.

> And in my darkest hour, I turned from Her and vowed that I would destroy Her.

> At the moment of Her death I knew what I had done, and I wept.

> I shall bring the lands of my fathers to Her Word. Therein lies their salvation and mine.

> And She came to me in a vision and laid Her hand on my heart.

> Her touch was like fire that did not burn. And by Her touch, I was made pure again.

> Despair not, said She, for your betrayal was Maker-blessed and returned me to His side.

> I am forgiven.

how is this NOT SOLAS AND MYTHAL.

Anyway. That’s it. Andraste might have been among the first carriers of Mythal. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[rcubens]

Southern Hospitality

TASK 2— A Eulogy by Reuben Sharpe

So he had finally found a tie. Did it fit with his outfit? He wasn’t exactly sure and with the compounding weight of a White Russian hangover and an impending funeral, he couldn't care less. He was grateful that Angus had given him a heads up about the eulogy, he spent the entirety of his night restless staring at the ceiling of his second childhood bedroom trying to string a cohesive sentence together. Nothing sounded right, it was either too sappy, or too vindictive, or too guilt ridden. As Mrs. Tristan read out the order of proceedings to the small group he almost asked if he could be excused; the cue card in his jacket pocket burning a hole in his side.

Reuben wasn’t well versed in funerals— something he used to be grateful for but, currently regretted. The whole weekend had been an exercise in time-travel. The same rooms, the same halls, the same bickering and same ridiculous thing they called a family. And to Reuben it seemed as though nothing had changed. He wanted to remain there forever. Sell his DC condo, quit his job and just roll out of bed and into the kitchen where breakfast was already prepared. Walk around the grounds, drink the wine cellar dry, bother all of his siblings daily. In DC, he was an island— well, there was Angus but, still he was alone. A solo office, a one bedroom off Columbia, an only child.

Hyperaware of his own presence and looking to the other wards for guidance, like he was thirteen again. This time he walks through the cemetery without his mother by his side, but rather, in his breast pocket. He needed her strength today, thinking about her for the first time in a long time. Today, he might very well be orphaned. There are too many people here for his liking, people he doesn’t recognize. Rich philanthropists, local politicians and other old geezers that probably knew Richard back when his dad did. Red rimmed eyes dart around, maybe his aunt was here. Or perhaps she moved her practice back to Georgia, or maybe she was dead. Maybe Reuben was orphaned long before Richard left.

As he sat listening to the other eulogies, he’s fidgeting with his father’s cufflinks. The smooth gold beneath his fingers reminds him of his father. He’d know how to do this. How to wrap your venom in niceties, Southern hospitality or some bullshit. Before he knows it, someone is nudging him and motioning him to stand. Suddenly, his attention seeking efforts don’t feel so brave. It’s like that reoccurring dream you have when you’re walking down the hall of your high school stark naked and everyone’s laughing at you. His cheeks are hot, and he’s trying not cry, to not deceive these people into thinking he cares.

He stands at the pulpit, hands gripping the sides so tightly his knuckles are white. He can’t look out at this crowd and say the things he wants to say. He looks down at the worn wood as he slips his notes out of his pocket. Looking up for a beat through blond curls at Mrs. Tristan, her face says Reuben is on very thin ice…or maybe that’s what mourning looks like on someone who did all the work and received none of the credit.

He stands a little taller and takes a deep breath. “For those of you who may not know me, I’m Reuben Sharpe— my father was Senator Benedict Sharpe and my mother is Evangeline Louise Marston Sharpe, and after the death of my father I was brought here to Woodrow House.” He pauses to chew the inside of his cheek, which is raw from all the nerves of the past 48 hours.

“Richard Woodrow was not a good father—” a wave of anxious energy floods every vein in his body. But no one rushes to silence him or chalks it up to Reuben just being Reuben. Fortunately for him, there’s a captive audience. “A good father loves unconditionally— there’s no favouritism for the smartest, or the ones who could charm the birds out the trees or the one’s that mirror those he’s lost. No, a good father is there for them all, not his money or the people he hires to stand in but, the man himself.”

While it feels like an opportune moment to cry, Reuben feels the absence of feeling at all. Like he was slowly floating upwards like a rogue balloon that escaped the hands of a small child.

“But I don’t blame Mr.Woodrow, he wanted to do the right thing— shit, we all do. It’s not like they write a manual on how to raise 16 kids at once. He did the best he could and delegated all the harder tasks to Mrs. Tristan, whom I don’t think likes me very much right now but that’s nothing new—” he smiles sheepishly, mostly to himself.

“I spoke to Mr.Woodrow last week and said some things I don’t exactly regret but ,would take back if I knew it was the last time I’d ever see him. If I got to speak to him one last time, I think I’d say something along the lines of: thank you for being the next best thing. You did your best, and now I think I understand.”

Whatever tension he’d been holding had rapidly dissipated. If he didn’t get horizontal quickly, he might pass out. He raps his notes against the pulpit before stepping down and walking out of the ceremony.

[angelus-apocalypsis]

Whumptober Day 2

I chose “Confrontation” for this fill because this is a scene from the story I’m currently working on, Simiel’s Fall in the AFCFH verse, that I’ve just been stuck on. I’ve never actually written emotional confrontations, I’m pretty sure this is my first original work with a romance, and while I’m still not entirely happy with how this turned out and will undoubtedly write it a couple more times before it goes into the story here it is.

~~~~~~~

Carwyn wasn't sure how the confrontation had started. How it had all gotten to this. He hadn’t meant to sound accusing. Knew how defensive Simiel was about his family. He was just as bad sometimes. But it had just been too much. The final drop that caused the cup to overflow after a day of fighting with his sister. And now found himself stuck in an argument he couldn’t win but didn’t want to give in on.

“We talked about this I thought you understood!”

“Keep your voice down.” The last thing they needed was for Lyn to come out to see what was wrong. “I did understand, I do, but you have to understand that you can’t just expect me to be okay with always being least important.”

Simiel looked like he’d just been slapped and Carwyn couldn’t help the flair of guilt he felt at the sight. He didn’t want to hurt him, just wanted him to understand.

“You’re not least important.” Simiel said voice almost pleading.

A bitter broken laugh escaped Carwyn at that. “How can you expect me to believe that? Words are just words when your actions seem to show you don’t care.” One day, that was all he wanted. Simiel’s presence with him for one day. And Simiel had promised him that. But now his brothers had better things for him to do. “You say they don’t care you still visit me. I say they want to make you stop on your own. So it’s not their fault.”

“That’s not fair. I’m an archangel it’s my duty to…”

“What about your duty to you?” As much as he loved Simiel he had only agreed to the change in their relationship if the angel would begin to think of himself as equal to his siblings.

“Maybe this is for me. Maybe this is what I want!”

And that shouldn’t hurt like a physical blow. Even if it felt like Simiel was agreeing with everything he’d just said. How will you of all people keep an angel interested in you? Bethan’s words did nothing to soothe the pain and Carwyn swallowed to keep his voice even.

“Then that is your choice. But you cannot blame me for my reaction to it. You are welcome to your choices but I would pray you not lie to me.” Because this was worse than a simple refusal would have been. Because he had hoped he wouldn’t be alone to remember his parents now that Bethan felt he shouldn’t spend it with them.

“I-” Simiel regretted his words. Vividly remembering Carwyn baring his heart and fears to him in a way he did with no one else. I just don’t want to be alone. “It was not my intention to lie. I had every intention of visiting.”

“But now you won’t.”

“I may still have time.” But even he didn’t believe that. He was supposed to be gone days and slipping away would undoubtedly not be taken well. “I must do my duty to Heaven.”

“Or risk punishment. How is that anyway to live?”

“So you would rather I fall? Be cast out from my family?”

“No? Yes? How am I supposed to answer that? Of course I don’t want you to lose your family, they mean the world to you. But I fear losing you when you don’t!” Because Heaven clearly didn’t feel like sharing no matter how short a time it would be.

“That means yes then.”

Carwyn felt anger bubble up inside him but he squashed it down. “You know full well that’s not what I said.”

Simiel’s answering shrug seemed forcefully uncaring. “Isn’t it?”

“No it’s not. I just want to feel like I matter to you.”

“That’s selfish!” Simiel spat even though it wasn’t and he knew that, regretted the words even before they’d left his mouth. It was the sort of thing his siblings would say to one another when they wanted something that in his opinion was completely reasonable. He hated it, got angry at them even though he knew they didn’t mean it. And now he was doing it himself.

Flinching slightly Carwyn clenched his hands to his side to try and hide their trembling. Even Simiel’s muttered apology didn’t lessen the sting of his words. Because he trusted Simiel, trusted him with his insecurities, trusted he wouldn’t use them against him. It felt foolish given everything they had been arguing about but somehow this truly was the final drop.

“I think it would be best if you leave.” He said softly only managing to look Simiel in the eye for a moment before dropping his gaze. “And consider what exactly it is you want. For both our sakes.”

For a moment Simiel hesitated, shifting slightly like he wanted to reach out or move forward. But then he was just suddenly gone. Immediately Carwyn slumped back against the wall legs suddenly too weak to hold him up. He shouldn’t have done that. Should have just kept his mouth shut. Pretended everything was fine. His whole body trembling he let himself sink to the ground. No. It had been the right thing to do. For both of them. Even if- even if Simiel decided this wasn’t what he wanted. Maybe even decided not to come back at all. Carwyn sobbed burying his face in his knees. It would be fine. He would be fine.

[palmviperlover]

The Late Night "Tino’s Bawdy Show"

The explanation

Pamela:

The inspiration for this track appeared while I was looking at this girl in my class. I was also talking to this girl called Marie and she gave me some motivation to keep striving. So when I got home, I thought about these two girls and just wrote the chorus and the verses. I then changed some of the lyrics to "What the fuck is this? Party Malibu the bliss!" and this gave me my inspiration behind the saying "Ready-to-go package to the Malibu Club and the City of Vice". Around that time me and my brother were also playing Vice City which gave me inspiration for the whole project. I then end the song by saying "All I gotta say you do you, I do me and I’m.." pretty self explanatory but in the end I’ll be chilling, we good.

Choker:

This is a very special track to me because I still remember the feeling of getting my flows right and coming up with the main idea of the song.

The first verse is me talking to emilie and second one is her answering me.

I remember her just echoing through my walls only problem, I was vacant and couldn’t be with her in the present moment, which eventually led to regretting my decision.

She then answered by saying she couldn’t leave me, that she would be nothing without my presence. She needed to hold me, but I left. I remember her showing me the pills she had in her cabinet, to this day I don’t know what happened with them.

All of this to conclude that I just don’t want to die now over this, I got more to see, but she’s playing with me, taunting me into an unending cycle of karma for what I did to her.

In the end, I will try to let it go by creating all this music and eventually flying from state to state.

The instrumental then switches and we enter the dark second half of the cover.

I found this voice message on youtube and I swear this is literally just like her voice, which she did call me once like this but on a more happier tone.

The instrumental then loops back around.

Vanity:

What I will say about vanity is that I wonder how people will fuxk with it

I think it’s a very original track in terms of the instrumental, far from my best work but very catchy.

If you go back on to my tumblr you can see a post where the feeling of vanity is mentioned. I was seeing it in my mirrors. This gave me inspiration to write on some more "I got it and you don’t" type of feeling. Even though I was pretty much going crazy.

The cover for it is from october 2021

My brother got a mansion!

Party up and in the hills!

Palm trees cover me like Vercetti from Vice City

Mk Ultra they be hiding oh oh

And then I think my ex is near

her answer: Fuck You!

The news clip at the end is basically in correlation with the cover. In 2021 I was very fucking deep into fucked up crimes and lost media so the Boca Raton Mall Murders were on my radar. Thus why I found the cover.

Luv Me "The Violent $truck":

So first off Slippy Toad’s voice is kinda like my conscience and it plays throughout the song.

I then found the Kanye clip and it blew my fucking mind, everything he was saying was the same exact feeling I was having towards emilie.

I listened to Flashing Lights the first time with her, and lost her.

Thus why the first verse

I want to let her go but I just can’t

Ending with her probably feeling bliss with someone else and me just having to deal with it.

So runaway,

but don’t forget me.

While working on these 4 tracks me and my brother watched scarface in his basement, and the next week we flew to Miami which gave me even more inspiration when I came back for exemple, the cover to Choker and many more tracks that will soon be released.

We then came back and I worked on Zone

Zone "Take To The Bottle":

This song might deserve its own post from how much it means to me but I’ll try to explain it as clearly as possible.

So first off, the cover is also from october 2021.

While working on the instrumental I wanted to make this as an homage almost to SpaceGhostPurrp and what he did for me. Thus why the mix has this 90s vibe to it, kinda like you just picked up a cassette and this is the track that plays on it.

I was listening to Pheel tha phonk with emilie and it changed a lot for me, so I wanted to recreate that feel.

Now, every single lyric I could explain but I’ll pick from the most important

So I wrote this song 3 times and ended up with what you have.

It starts with me going to her house and ending up in her sheets, just like what happens, she was my cleopatra with her black hair.

I now enter the Zone

And my personality switches, I can control her because she loves me.

I’m feeling so confident that no matter who talks to me I’ll take it.

I then decide to break up with her and even though she told me multiple times she would kill me if I left her, I’m flourishing and I’m aite!

So fuck it throw a party to this good news.

"Didn’t you say I were to die if I left you off behind me I ______ "

This here can be interpreted as "me I’m aite" or "me I might". This double entendre plays off with the lyrics before and after it.

But come on ride it with your jeans cause I’ll be having 30 000 bands chilling next to me soon enough.

To cope, she’ll be dealing with all sorts of drugs.

And then a switch in my voice appears,

I break character, I realize I can’t play this card forever.

I loved her and fucked her up, it’s all on me.

But I said all of this just to finally push her away from me because I can’t live with this on my conscience.

Did it work?

No, but let’s go celebrate because I now have the phonk because of this song.

I made Purrp proud and fucked my relationship with her even more.

I got the phonk,

but she’s in my mind telling me,

"I need you".

[rainsmediaradio]

NF - Pandemonium Lyrics

NF - Pandemonium Lyrics Verse 1 Something special 'bout me, you can already tell the energy is different Confidence is at the highest level, I don't ever see it dipping (Yeah) Try me if you want, I guarantee though you gon' wish you hadn't did it That's a war that you could never win, but hey, I like the optimism (Woo) Given over half my life to this, I think I made a good decision (Made a good decision) Trust my gut, I hear it talking, then I know it's time for me to listen (Time for me to listen) Mastermind consistent, matching my commitmеnt, that's not realistic (Woo), ayy Feature prеsentation what they came to see, I open up the curtain (Whoa) Oh my, pandemonium, it's showtime Got they noses up, I know why Jealous of me 'cause the flow nice Did it all without a co-sign Shoot, I always hit the bullseye Barely even putting effort in this, effortless, imagine if I did try (Whoa) Acknowledge me or not, that don't really make no difference to me, I Operate the same no matter who's around me Who's around me is important to me (Ah) Keep my enemies at arm's length, but Close enough to make me feel safe, my Diligence can't be competed with, an easy win for me, this is a small taste of—what? Verse 2 What I'm capable of doing with my talent Stretching my imagination, watch it turn a small idea into something that you have to (What?) Tip your hat to when you see it, the whole package Ain't got nothing missing, check off every box It's unavoidable at this point, don't you act like (What?) You don't see me out here making waves I got a air about me, I don't play the game the way they want me to They tell me, "Take a left," I take a (What?) Right, I'm not the one to pick a fight with Try and bully me, make you regret it quick The only person I allow to push me around is myself Body language, read it well Tweeting on your face, I'm flipping through your pages, you don't have to scream and yell It's clear to me, yeah, I can tell The front you put on isn't real That poker face ain't hiding nothing new, the hand you have before the cards were dealt I got what they lack, first in every class Never come in last, family's on my back Wifey on my lap, she my better half Heavy when I stack, pockets getting fat Passion never left, say it with my chest Got a problem? "Yes," meet me in the flesh You don't cut the check? I don't do the set Not a fan of threats, always been direct Nothing but the best, rarely do the press Promise me the world, not holding my breath They want me to fail, haven't done it yet Stacking up the bread, thankful 'cause I'm blessed Sharpest in the shed, pen is cutting-edge I get in the booth, perfect, nothing less Key to my success? Keep a level head "We want something fresh," what you think this is? (Is) Verse 3 What you think this is? Deadly with the raps, how could you forget? Thought I mighta left, thought I mighta quit Thought I hung it up, thought I—think again Petty? That depends, what's the latest trend? I don't have a clue, I don't follow them They just follow me, keep 'em on the edge Keep 'em on they toes, keep 'em wondering (Ayy) Keep 'em wanting more, eating out my hand Don't look at the score, don't look in the stands (No) Focused on my goals, execute the plan Beat me at my game? Never, not a chance Walk you through my pain, show you who I am Don't care what it pays, loyal to my brand Foot is off the brake, stepping on the gas No one at my pace, catch me if you can (Ayy) Verse 4 Far from done, got so much left to give you Not the man I was, that person detrimental 2020 me could never hold a candle to the present-day me standing here before you Overstep (Woo), destroy you, give up, can't afford to keep my Standards high and change and never know (Never know) When digging deep, still got that hunger, press record, you hear it in my voice Can't let the fame and fortune get the best of me (Hey), see clearly what's important Not impressed with me? Ain't looking for endorsements Dropping masterpieces left and right, ignore the hate Life testing me, passing with flying colors (Hey) Always been unique, can't be no dime a dozen I take pride in this, won't catch me cutting corners Have no tolerance for ignorance, I heard you lost your confidence in me They should be sorry, can't ignore this Read the full article

[sandycookie]

Quick thought about Chrollo

Something I’ve sort of noticed about Chrollo is that he doesn’t really create. 

Like, yes, he did create his Hatsu, but his entire Hatsu’s concept is to steal ideas, other people’s creations. By itself, his Hatsu does nothing other than maybe allowing him to throw an easily summonable book. 

And he reads, but does he write? I doubt it. It makes sense, since Chrollo’s character mostly revolves around a search for identity, so it only makes sense that he verses himself in literature, in other ideas, to try and understand himself beyond the purpose he created for himself with the Phantom Troupe. 

(More under cut, as well as very slight spoilers for the manga)

But why would a person such as Chrollo ever write, beyond an empty love poem or something to woo some lady in order to get information for a heist? Because he is a blank slate. Even his Hatsu reflects this, because without the creations and ideologies of others, he is left with an empty book that demands for those stolen Hatsus, because otherwise it would be left empty and therefore useless. 

I think that Chrollo is always putting up a mask or front of some kind when needed. Around the Troupe he may be slightly more transparent, but he still comes before them as their boss, a man of high intellect and intimidating to those who dare cross him. Around Neon, he is a friendly and charismatic stranger who seems to have her best interests at heart. However, that’s not to say these masks of his become absolute when he wears them. Remember when he read the fortune he received from Neon? He shed a single tear. For his leg, for his fellow member, for Uvogin. Now, you could say this was done to gain sympathy from Neon, but I don’t think he really considered that. He already had Neon wrapped well enough around his finger, so there wasn’t any need to really hammer in that. Given how trusting and naive Neon is, I doubt Chrollo really needed to try in order to gain her trust and ability. 

I’m not saying that Chrollo has no will of his own or anything, nor does he not possess his own philosophy or view on life. In his fight with Hisoka, he clearly states his views on humans and how fascinating he finds them, as well as how he sees corpses and puppets as one in the same.

There’s one last thing I noticed about Chrollo. It’s that he always operates for someone or something else. 

What do I mean by this? Even though Chrollo himself feels alone and isolated, he can’t really operate without others that matter to him, at least not in a way he would find fulfilling. Think about it. Chrollo’s entire reason to live is the Troupe, a group of thieves, of other like-minded people who care for each other. Chrollo may not be loyal to an individual, but he is damn loyal to the Troupe, a group of people he places the welfare of above all. So long as the Troupe lives on, Chrollo will not regret a thing. And again, back to his Hatsu, it cannot work without the Hatsus of other people in the first place. 

It makes me really wonder what would happen to him, should the Troupe fall. 

[crazycookiecrumbles]

The Getaway Trip

A/N: This is a prequel series to my Stark!Readerverse series. Those are all my stories that start with “A” and have some other shit following it. 

Masterlist

Stark!Verse Masterlist

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Stark!Reader,

Warnings: Flirting and Fluff

Summary: You and Steve had been doing al ot of work lately, and he felt like it was time for a break.

W/C: 1,792

You were exhausted. You collapsed on the sofa in the tower and groaned. Staring up at the ceiling, you ignored the sound of footsteps until someone was blocking your light. You whined and brought your hand up to cover your eyes, the cast on your arm doing a good job of shielding you from having to look at this person.

“Told you that you were doing too much,” Tony said. “But, no. Spawn doesn’t want to listen to me. Spawn thinks she knows more than her dad.”

“I mean, don’t I?” You joked.

“Kid, everything you think you know, I’ve done a hundred times over.” Tony sat down on the sofa, not caring that he was squishing you between himself and the back of the sofa.

You whined, “Don’t fart on me, please. I smell your green drink from here.”

“No promises,” Tony took a long sip of his beverage. “Can I get you anything? Spa day? Snacks? Want to make a fort and watch movies and tell everyone else they’re not allowed and gatekeep the shit out of having fun?”

You sighed, “No…”

Tony scoffed, “Oh, I know what it is. You just want your boyfriend, don’t you? Isn’t he a million years old? Is this grooming? I should be against this.”

You rolled your eyes and lifted your arm away from your eyes to stare at your dad and his dumb smirk, “You’re dumb, dad, and you love him.”

“That’s a strong word. I tolerate him,” Tony said as he grabbed your cast and looked it over, “This should come off soon. Still don’t regret trying to warn Fury about Hydra?”

“Nope,” you  replied. “Cool first car-related broken bon ,though.”

“Probably not your last,” He quipped.

“Probably,” you agreed. “Hey, maybe we can go out tomorrow? Farmer’s markets, snacks, drive out to Long Island to go to the Aquarium?”

Tony thought about it. You didn’t know what was coming, but he did, so he couldn’t in his right mind make plans with you tomorrow. “I’ve got something to do tomorrow. How about we do it on Saturday? Farmer’s market is open then, too.”

“Okay,” you nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Okay,” Tony leaned down and kissed your forehead. “Rest up, kiddo. And don’t worry, I bet Steve’ll be back before you know it and you two can knit sweaters or whatever the fuck old people do.”

You snorted and kicked him, “Rude!”

“That’s my charm,” He squeezed your leg and excused himself after telling you to get some rest.

With a yawn, you shut your eyes and continued to relax on the sofa. You had been working a lot to avoid the fact that you missed Steve while he was off with Sam for the last two weeks.  They were out searching for Bucky after that whole Washington incident. You’d go with, but him making Fury’s car flip while you were taking cover in the backseat sort of made you break your arm.

Which absolutely could’ve been avoided, had Fury let you out to fight these guys, but instead, he wanted you to stay hidden in the backseat because if what you were saying was true, you were in danger as well: and you absolutely were, but that’s a story for another day.

For now, you had fallen asleep on the sofa and hadn’t realized it. You were out like a light, finally taking some much needed rest after all your computer work these last two weeks. You didn’t even hear the ping of the elevator announcing someone’s presence or catch the footsteps heading directly towards you.

Steve chuckled as he saw you. Upon arrival, he had asked Jarvis where you were immediately, wanting you to be the first person he saw. He stared at you for a moment and took in your sleeping form. Shaking his head with a smile on his face, he grabbed the blanket left on one of the other chairs and brought it over to you. As softly as he could, Steve draped the blanket over you and brought it up to your shoulders. He leaned down to give you a kiss on your forehead, and the action made you stir and open your eyes.

“Shoot,” he muttered under his breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’fine,” you murmured sleepily and rubbed your eyes. “I’m up. I wasn’t sleeping.”

He snickered, “No? You weren’t catching up on sleep?”

“Mmm, no. Why would I need to?”

“Oh, no reason. Not like you’d spent the last two weeks at all hours of the day and night sending me possible leads on Bucky,” he teased.

You shrugged a shoulder making him sigh and shake his head, the smile never leaving his face as you turned to your side and brought the blanket with you, “No luck on Bucky?”

“Not yet, but I know we’ll find him,” He nodded so very sure of himself. After a moment he grinned, “Hey, doll.”

You beamed, “Hey, Steve. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” He leaned down to peck the top of your head before stealing a kiss from your lips. “I had plans for us, but you’re resting, I don’t want to ruin this.”

“No, no, what were your plans?” You grabbed his arm and yanked him down to sit on the sofa with you. “Hit me with it, Capcicle.”

“Well,” he reached over to grab your hand and lace his fingers with yours. “I was thinking I could take my best girl out to dinner since I’ve been gone for two weeks.”

“That is so sweet,” you began, trying and failing to stifle a yawn. “I can go, I’m not tired.”

He hummed, “Tell you what. I’ve got something planned for us tomorrow. We’ll be back Friday. Why don’t I just make a dinner for the two of us? We can sit here and watch movies, and head out early tomorrow.”

Your eyes lit up, “You’re taking me somewhere?”

“It’s nothing big or crazy,” he said quickly. “I hope you’ll have fun. I think it’ll be a nice time. I mean, well, now that I think about it —“

“Hey,” You squeezed is hand to get his attention. “As long as I’m with you, it’ll be amazing. This is exciting. What do I pack?”

“Oh, nothing. I asked your dad to take care of it to surprise you,” Steve said, then paused. “Which I’ve ruined.”

You laughed. Sitting up you grabbed his face and peppered it with kisses, “Steve Rogers, you are an adorable little Labrador. Come on, I’ll help you make dinner. Anything in particular you want to watch?”

Steve shrugged his shoulders and helped you up from the sofa. He left his duffel bag there on the floor as the two of you left the living area to head down to the kitchen, “Sam was telling me about some movie called The Hurt Locker, said there’s some actors in there that kind of look like him and Clint.”

“Huh,” You nodded. “Okay. I haven’t seen that for awhile. Let’s give it a shot. I think it’s a war movie.”

Steve groaned, “Can we —“

“Save it for another day? Yes. Let’s see, how about a TV Show? We can watch an episode or two.”

“Sure. What do you have in mind?”

You chewed on your bottom lip as you thought about it while Steve went to the kitchen to find some ingredients to whip up something for the two of you, “Ever watch The Sopranos?”

“Can’t say I have,” he said. “I just know that the ending upset a lot of people.”

“It was the perfect ending! Ugh. Okay. We’ll give it a shot tonight. Okay?”

“Sounds good, doll.”

~*~

True to his word, early the following morning you and Steve had hit the road. Tossing him the keys to your truck, Steve climbed in and set off on a journey that he did not disclose with you. All you knew was that you were on the road, his clueless copilot when it came to directions since you didn’t know where you were going, and you were in charge of music and getting snacks at every rest stop you went to.

Naturally, this trip was peppered with selfies and silly videos to send to the team showing that Captain Steven Grant Rogers did, in fact, know how to have fun.

When you were closer to your destination, Steve knew he had to say what you were doing. You caught the sign that said, ‘Welcome to Newport, Connecticut,’ and you stared at him in surprise.

“I,” he seemed sheepish at the suggestion. “I thought it’d be a cute getaway. There’s a lot of historical things around here, and you mentioned wanting to get away to somewhere quiet. I got us a room at this place called the Hydrangea Inn. I thought we could see the Illustration Museum, check out a tour for a winery or brewery, go through the orchards, have some nice, quiet candlelit dinners?” 

Steve watched your face as you stared ahead of you silently. He worried that maybe this wasn’t going to be the best idea, and your silence was deafening. He gripped the steering wheel tighter and took a deep breath so he could figure out what to say. Just as he was about to say that if you didn’t want to be here, he’d drive back home, you screeched and clapped your hands.

“Yes!” You exclaimed. “This is exactly what I need right now! And I get to be here with you!” You were beaming as you turned slightly stare at him, “Thanks, Steve. I’m, I’m, I don’t know! I’m excited. This is perfect. Thank you, I can’t wait to spend the next few days here with you.”

Relief washed over him as a toothy grin appeared on his face, “Me too, doll. After everything that happened in Washington, I just thought this would be a good idea.”

“It’s an amazing idea,” you sighed dreamily. “Ya know, I’ve never met a guy like you Steve.”

“You always say that, you know, what do you mean?”

You shrugged, “Everyone wants to fuck me as a bucket list item, ‘I fucked Iron Man’s daughter!’ which is so rude, because I’m an awesome Avenger,” you explained. “Or they just want to get close to my dad through me. But you, you don’t do that. You just want to be with me.”

He reached over and took your hand in his, giving it a tight squeeze as he spared a glance in your direction, “Always, doll. Just you and me.”

You felt your heart flutter out of your chest. To you, this was Steve. Romantic, caring, adorable, he was a dream, and you never wanted to wake up.

[silkenstarlight]

body is a temple

Summary: Bucky and reader are training when she finds him staring at her ass. She tries to rile him up, but quickly learns that he doesn’t tolerate teasing.

Pairing: Personal trainer!Bucky x reader

Warning/s (18+ only, minors dni): enemies to lovers, dirty talk, degradation, spanking, multiple orgasms

Word count: 2.8k

My masterlist

Join my taglist

Author’s note: i wrote this while wine-drunk, so if it’s extra horny, you know why

“Fuck!”

You tumbled onto the mat, back slamming against cool polyethylene. The breath whooshed from your body in a dramatic, crushing exhale, your lungs desperately trying to pull in air but failing beyond shallow, raspy puffs. Bucky looked down at you, the fluorescent lights of the gym feathering behind his head in a blinding halo, smirking as he drank in the image of you sprawled on the mat below him, completely at his mercy. He let you lie there for one, two, three seconds, before holding out his hand for you to grab onto. It was a kind gesture, something that completely contrasted with his previous rough treatment. You squinted and firmly grasped his hand, feeling your back leave the mat as he propped you upright again.

“Is that the best that you can do, (Y/N)?” He stepped back, walking to the edge of the mat and retrieving your water bottle for you.

You huffed, raspy breathing slowly returning to normal. “Is this really necessary?”

He handed you your water bottle, frowning. “Of course it’s necessary.”

“I was told that you would be my personal trainer. Nowhere in the program description did it say that you were going to beat my ass all day,” you shook your head, slightly incredulous, and took a few grateful gulps from the water bottle. You felt more comfortable talking back to him because you were the last ones left in the gym today, with no one but him to overhear your complaining. You had expected some light cardio, maybe some weight training, when you had signed up for individual sessions with a personal trainer at your new gym. You didn’t think you would be paired right away with Bucky, who seemed to exclusively work with experienced heavy lifters, and you definitely didn’t think he would take it upon himself to teach you self-defense, a skill which he was surprisingly extremely well-versed in. Every day for the past week, you had ended up in a similar supine position on the mat, beaten and scrambling for air, accumulating a mottled collection of nasty bruises and scrapes on your knees and elbows. The most frustrating part was that he remained unscathed through it all. Every time, it was you on your ass, and him helping you up. It made you want to scream.

Well, that actually wasn’t the only thing about this whole situation that made you want to scream. He was incredibly good-looking, exactly your type, all brooding looks and dark eyes. You actually had to pick your jaw up off of the floor when he walked in to your first session last week. But, the worst part was, he was a cocky bastard. He had to know the effect he had on you, and yet, he chose to do nothing about it.

“Well, you’ll just have to do better if you want me to stop crushin’ you every time.” He dabbed at his forehead with the hem of his shirt, and even though he frustrated you to no end, it took everything you had in you not to let your eyes drift down to look at his toned stomach.

“Now I think you’re just trying to make me mad.” You huffed, walking to the edge of the mat and returning your water bottle to its perch, preparing for another round.

“Well, if I’m pissing you off, why don’t you use that anger? Beat me. Just once,” he smirked, as if firmly believing that you couldn’t, that you didn’t have it in you. But, you were just stubborn enough to take the challenge.

“Fine.” You cocked your head and gritted your teeth, digging your heels into the mat and crouching in a ready position. 

“3… 2… 1… start.” The ghost of a smirk still graced his face, but he was concentrating on your movements now, eyes darting as you approached.

Jab, cross, jab. Knee, high kick, and--

“Damn you, Barnes.” 

One quick sweep, and he had you pinned. You wanted to scream, to thrash in frustration, but his body pressing against your back limited any movement on your part. Wonder if he likes having me pinned like this. You tried not to let that thought develop further, lest the heat you had worked up from sparring travelled up your neck for him to see, or worse, somewhere farther south--

“Why are you still panting, (Y/N)?” You could feel a puff of hot breath against your ear as he chuckled.

Fuck. “My, uh… my asthma must be acting up again.” 

“Didn’t think you had asthma.” He flipped off of you, arching a brow as you slowly stood.

“Forgot to tell you, then,” you fibbed, trying at all costs to avoid spilling the truth, that your panting was the effect of an illicit fantasy that you had thought about in bed, alone, on more than one occasion.

“Uh huh,” he said, unconvinced. You both got into a ready position again.

“3… 2… 1… start.”

This time, you took more of a defensive strategy, evaluating him before striking. Maybe, if you weren’t so focused on completing the flourishing movements, on hitting with perfect precision and strength, you could anticipate his attack instead. You circled around each other like sharks, his eyes glinting almost hungrily, but doing nothing to bely his next move. It was like trying to size up a brick wall.

Suddenly, he darted forward with a speed that no man his size should have, and he swept your legs from under you, flipping you with ease. You fell ungracefully in a prone position, cheek smacking the mat, eyes squeezed shut in embarrassment. You groaned, aching muscles begging for you to stop and rest instead of getting up and accepting his challenge. You pressed your forehead into the mat, weighing whether it was worth the hassle of asking him to cut your session short today, when you noticed that he was completely silent.

You furrowed your brows, eyes flying open. Every time he had defeated you in previous rounds, he had uttered some sarcastic, infuriating quip, trying to rub in his victory even more. But he hadn’t said anything yet.

You pushed your chest up off the mat, craning your neck to look back at him. He was obviously looking at your body, eyes transfixed on your lower half, but when he sensed your sudden movement, he broke out of his trance. He quickly got up from his kneeling position, clearing his throat and walking to the water jug on the far wall. A smile slowly grew on your face as you realized that he had been staring at your ass.

You stood up, slowly walking toward him, assessing him with a sly expression on your face. “Were-- were you doing what I think you were doing just then?”

His back was to you as he filled a little paper cup with water. “If you mean pummelling your sorry ass into the mat yet again, then yes.” His voice still carried its usual snarky tone, but it shook slightly, as if he were just caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Not exactly what I meant.” You stepped closer until a foot separated you, and he turned around to face you.

“Then what do you mean, doll?” He smiled smugly, but you noticed the pink blush that was creeping its way up his neck.

You hummed a laugh. “What I mean, Barnes,” you cocked your head, relishing how your sudden onset confidence wiped the smirk from his face, “is that you were enjoying the view back there. Isn’t that right?”

Now it was his turn to huff a laugh. “Well, what can I say? You’ve got a nice ass. Gotta get something out of these sparring sessions.”

You scoffed. “Fucking pervert.”

“Call me that again.” His tone was more serious, suddenly bereft of the saccharine sarcasm you were so used to.

You paused, weighing his tone against the risqué direction the conversation was heading, and you smirked, deciding to provoke him further. “You’re a fucking pervert. Beatin’ girls up, just so you have a chance to get a good, long look at their bodies. What the fuck is up with that? Can’t get some like a normal person, can you?”

He let that sink in, head dipped, eyebrows raised. But then, a thought seemed to cross his mind, and a wicked smile crept onto his face. He looked at you with hooded eyes, and your stomach flipped, unsure if you were extremely turned on by your sudden proximity to him, or if you were preparing to balk.

“You’re going to regret saying that.” His voice was low, rasping with something you’ve never heard from him. Your mind was telling you to back up, to leave this encounter before it got messy, but your feet stayed rooted in position as he bridged the gap between your bodies. He grabbed your shoulders and turned you around before pinning you roughly against the wall.

“You know,” he said, breath hot against your ear, “you really shouldn’t be calling me a perv, when I know exactly what goes on in that head of yours during our training.”

“Wh- what do you mean?” You decided to play dumb, hoping that he wasn’t astute enough to deduce your secret, licentious desires.

“Oh, you know. Whenever I pin you, you’re always blushing.” He laughed mockingly. “It’s cute. It’s like you secretly want to be dominated.”

You huffed a breath as his hands traveled down your waist, before settling gently on your hips. His lips dragged across the shell of your ear and down your neck, pressing against your pulse point. You arched your back, grinding against the hard bulge that was forming in his shorts.

“Is that right, (Y/N)? You want me to pin you down and fuck you dumb?” He mumbled against your neck.

A wanton moan tumbled from your lips in response, but it wasn’t good enough for him. His fingers dug harshly into your hips. “Use your words, sweetheart.”

“Yes, p-please.” You hated how breathy your voice was, but you were too overtaken by desire to care whether he was just doing this to get a reaction from you.

“Please what?” You could feel his mouth curl into a smile as he reattached his lips to your neck, sucking lightly.

“Please, please, please, fuck me, Bucky.” Another moan slipped from your mouth.

“That’s better, baby.” His fingers relaxed against your hips, tracing upwards to the hem of your leggings. He tugged them down with your underwear so that they settled just below your ass, and he pulled back slightly to look at your bare backside.

“Goddamn,” he said, voice gravelly and low. He squeezed one cheek with his hand, kneading it slightly before letting it go and slapping it. “Been dreaming of this ass. It’s just as good as I imagined.”

You gasped, giggling. “So, I was right.”

“Right about what?” He asked, pulling down his shorts and freeing his cock before pressing it against your backside, hot length already dripping with precum.

“You’re a fucking perv, Bucky Barnes.” You smiled coquettishly.

He stilled behind you, and you could feel his glare burning a hole through the back of your neck. You kept smiling anyways-- this was the exact reaction you had hoped for.

He guided the tip of his member down to your slit, dragging it from your perineum to your clit and back again to gather your wetness, before completely sheathing himself inside of you in one motion. You moaned loudly in response to the harsh intrusion, body struggling to accommodate his size.

“Thought you learned not to call me that,” he said, voice level, unbothered by the fact that you were throbbing around him.

“Guess I n-never learn.” Your voice was barely a whisper as he began to move, slowly thrusting to allow your body a chance to adapt to the thrilling ache of being so completely full. It was a harsh sensation, but it felt good, each stroke dragging pleasantly against your tight walls.

“Oh, you’ll learn.” His left hand travelled up your body, drawing under your shirt and flipping the band of your sports bra up. Your breasts bounced free, full and heavy. “Let’s see those pretty little tits, huh?”

He pinched one nipple, rolling its rosy, peaked bud between his cool metal fingers and making you squeal in delight. You ground back against him, encouraging him to move faster inside of you.

“You like that?” He switched to the other nipple, kneading your breast gently in his hand, and you arched into the motion. “That feel good?”

You bit your lip and shook your head, trying to swallow your moans, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of seeing you fall apart so quickly and completely at his hands. “N-no.”

“You know,” he said, driving into you harder and harder with each thrust, but remaining frustratingly unperturbed and casual, “you don’t have to lie to me. I feel how drenched you are. You can admit how good it feels, baby.” His feigned affectionate tone, paired with the way that the tip of his cock was starting to brush against your g-spot, made you cry out. His permission to let go just made you want to disobey him even more, but the pleasure was slowly overtaking your body, overriding your sense of shame. You rocked on your heels, trying to take back some semblance of control, but when his left hand dragged from your breast to your neck, squeezing slightly, you were a goner. You shattered around him, your muscles fluttering around him and coaxing a gruff moan from his throat. But, he kept his focus, fucking you through your orgasm and watching your face as he did, your eyes scrunched shut and your lips dropped open in a soft “o.” He let go of your throat and you gasped. 

As the waves of your orgasm subsided, he refused to slow down, his unrelenting pace repeatedly hitting your deepest point. You could feel him grinning stupidly at you, proud that he had already coaxed an orgasm out of you despite not cumming yet himself.

“B-Bucky,” you whined, your body limp against his. Though your first orgasm had abated, you quickly felt tension building again inside of you.

“Not so cocky now, are you, (Y/N)?” He said between heavy breaths. You knew he was close, just by the sound, but you also knew that he wouldn’t leave this room without teasing another orgasm from your body. “So docile once I put my dick in you.” He panted, laughing at the way you mewled and gasped around him.

His hand drifted down to where your bodies met, finding your clit in the slippery mess of your combined arousal. He pressed his fingers against it in erratic little circles, your body keening for him, completely at his mercy. 

“Look at that, makin’ you gush around me again,” he said, almost to himself, reveling in your neediness. “Looks like I win at this, too.” And, with that, you were done for.

Your muscles squeezed around him in a sweet, warm vice, and he groaned at the sensation of you cumming around him a second time. You mewled pathetically, body spent with unabashed pleasure. He followed closely behind you, losing himself inside of you and spilling his arousal in hot, vulgar stripes. His head was thrown back, claiming your body as his in sweet, silent throes. Once his hips finally stilled, his body slumped against yours, completely and utterly spent. You stayed like that for a moment, leaning up against the wall, the battle between you clearly over. And then, he grasped your hips, his cock slipping out of you with a vulgar sucking sound.

You bent down, pulling up your pants, when you heard him clear his throat. You looked back, reaching underneath your shirt to pull your sports bra back down over your tits, when he chuckled. You arched a brow, but he just shook his head slightly. “That was… much more fun than beating you up.”

You frowned slightly, but when you saw his goofy smile and suddenly relaxed demeanor, you couldn’t help but mirror his expression. “Does that mean that we get to do that, instead of my training?”

“Oh, absolutely not,” he said sternly, crossing his arms but smiling slyly nonetheless. “But, we can do it outside of training. As long as I get to take you to dinner first,” he added quickly, his voice almost shy as he averted your gaze.

You smiled, laughing, and he looked up, expression nervous. Now, you shook your head. “Considering how good you just fucked me, I should be the one buying you dinner.”

He smirked, grabbing your water bottle and handing it to you, his fingers brushing against yours. “Now, that’s an offer that I can’t refuse.”

[dragonmuse]

Also feeling sick, would love a little sickfic about any of your the leda house verse couples, dealers choice

(being sick is the pits. So Eddy gets a turn)

“I can go,” Eddy protested and made to get out of bed. 

“You sound like you’re dying,” Stede sighed. “Lay back down, honey.” 

“I can just sit in the audience or something.” Talking was a bad idea. The cough started up again, doubling them over. They hacked up a nasty glob into the wad of tissues they’d been holding. 

“And get all our regulars sick?” Stede tsked. “I’ll call Lucius and put him in charge for the night.” 

“No,” she lay back down reluctantly. “You should go. I’m just going to lie here and be miserable. I can do that without you.” 

“But-” 

“It’s been two days, you must be going out of your mind. It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” she said firmly. 

He still didn’t leave until he’d made sure she had everything she’d need within easy reach even though she was more than capable of getting up. Damn bronchial infection was just harder to shake than they might’ve hoped. 

Of course as soon as Stede left, Eddy regretted pushing him out the door. It was boring laying there in bed with the same shows to watch. They couldn’t concentrate enough to read and they’d taken two naps today already. Boredom was not a good thing for Eddy. It itched under her skin and made her want to do highly inadvisable things.  

Her phone rang with a video call from Stede. Bemused, she hit accept and Lucius' face filled the camera. 

“Hello, Typhoid Mary,”  he said merrily. 

“Fuck off,” she grumbled. “What?” 

“Welcome to your evening’s entertainment,” he gestured at the bar. “We are under strict instructions to keep you company so you don’t do something destructive.” 

“I wouldn’t,” she protested weakly. “....what’ve you got?” 

“I am going to read to you from, hm.” Lucius ducked under the bar and re-emerged with a book. “I have Dragons Love Tacos. One of the kids left it behind last Junior Bingo.” 

“Yeah, all right. Lay the tacos on me then,” she laughed. 

Lucius read to her very gravely while the Swede bustled in the background doing some of the opening work. 

“I think maybe you’re a dragon,” she decided when he finished. 

“You cough after eating one ghost pepper and suddenly no one thinks you can handle spicy food,” Lucius rolled his eyes. “I’m passing you on. Try not to die, it’d be very annoying.” 

“Working on it,” she promised. 

“Hi.” The brim of Jim’s hat took up most of the screen. “Wanna hang out in the dressing room?” 

“Take me,” she agreed. 

Jim swung up to their usual spot and it was interesting to see the dressing room from their perspective. A lot of wig caps. Leda was mostly done with her makeup, applying some rosy blush. She waved at the phone, but otherwise concentrated on her work.  Jim didn’t make much commentary, but it was nice to just sit and watch everyone. Usually Eddy was busy getting ready too and missed the fine details. 

“We’re on first, here’s Frenchie,” they announced suddenly and the screen tilted down and then landed in fresh hands. 

“Hey, Eddy,” Frenchie must’ve propped the phone against the mirror. “Gotta finish my makeup. Want a song?” 

“Wouldn’t say no.”  Sure it was all a little ridiculous, but it was lovingly ridiculous and she wasn’t bored. 

Frenchie sang to her, then John showed her a new fabric that had arrived in the mail, Pete took them backstage so they could watch Leda’s act, and Miss Buttons gave them a twenty minute view of the inside of her nose while she explained the benefits of essential oils in puppet care. Roach saved them from that affair to head back to the dressing room and discuss the finer points of a number they were planning together with Pete’s long desired fire eating. 

“There you are, honey,” Leda scooped the phone up from Roach. “You’re up next. Mind the front row, they’ve been a grumpy bunch. 

“Night, Eddy!” Roach waved before heading out. 

“How are you?” Leda asked. “You look done.” 

“Probably should sleep,” they conceded. “But I had fun, thanks for that.” 

“Couldn’t do the night without the Kraken,” Leda sighed. “It really isn’t the same without you here. Sleep well, love. I’ll try to be quiet when I get in.” 

“You’re quieter when you don’t try,” Eddy laughed. “I won’t mind waking up for a bit to talk to you. Night, Leda.” 

“Good night, my love.” 

[aminiatureworld]

Affection II

Characters: Childe, Ganyu, Kaeya, gn!reader

Word Count: 5,577

Warnings: None

Premise: Sometime we know something is impossible from the start. But still we walk towards it, even if we know it will hurt us. It’s only flirting, only a smile or a hug or some food. Even if nothing comes of it, there is nothing to regret. Even if it hurts.

In which the reader gives affection, expecting nothing in return.

Author’s Note: Evidently I’ve really missed writing these properly. I had such a great time writing, and I hope you guys enjoy these just as much as I did.

Also I’ve decided the version on Ao3 will now always be without bullet points, so if you prefer that format the link will be in the reblog.

Childe

You’d been floored by Childe pretty much since the day you two had met.

What had turned into the two of you meeting had started out a most unfavorable encounter. You’d gone to Lingju Pass, trying to survey some of the carvings of the old structure, and attempting to see the sort of methods used to construct such vast rocky complexes at the time. Unfortunately this goal had quickly turned into a goal of “don’t get caught”, as you’d found the Pass crawling with Fatui members. Though you weren’t nearly helpless, you’d also not come prepared for battle; and had spent most of the “fight” dodging around various blows while trying not to drop the expensive equipment that you’d borrowed from other Guild members.

Just as you’d come to the conclusion that the options were either drop everything and run or get thoroughly injured by a bunch of arrogant Snezhnayan soldiers there was a change in the air. The Fatui soldiers’ expression turned from one of glee to one of confusion, and then one of panic, as one by one a streak of blue began to throw them this way and that. As you regained focus of the terrain your realized that it wasn’t a streak at all but a person, a person who was wildly adept at sword play. Eventually the number of unconscious people had risen to five, and there was no one left but him and you.

“Need any help?”

The words might’ve been kind, had it not been for the smirk on the man’s face. Though you felt that the right answers would’ve probably been to scowl, you found you couldn’t, too wrapped up in the memory of this mysterious person darting this way and that, handling his water-made daggers with the grace of a ballet dancer.

“I’m Childe.” These words finally brought you back to the present.

“You’re a member of the Fatui.”

“I am.”

“Then why did you knock those guys out just now?”

“Boredom.”

You stared at Childe incredulously. Of course you’d heard his name, the man who, it was whispered, almost pulled Liyue into the sea. You’d formed a sort of mental picture of him completely divorced from the redhead now standing in front of you, bouncing slightly on his feet as he smiled cockily. He looked more like a rogue adventurer than one of the heads of a crime syndicate. Maybe that was why you found yourself infatuated, rather than afraid.

This infatuation only grew, fed by the encounters that you had with Childe. It seemed now you couldn’t avoid him, not that you wanted to. What had begun as a chance encounter multiplied into two, into four; soon enough you two had struck up a sort of friendship, one that baffled everyone else around you.

Of course you hadn’t lost all your sense, knowing quite well that the puppy love you were feeling could never be anything more. The way Childe talked about his work, about his duty to the Tsaritsa, made it very clear that he wouldn’t let a partner in his life or in his loyalties. And even if he changed his mind, why would he choose you? You were an adventurer sure, but you hadn’t even been able to properly defend yourself the first time the two of you met, and your oversight of that would’ve surely turned Childe away. Besides, Childe could probably make a partner out of anyone he wanted, if they were foolish enough. Why should that person be you?

Perhaps it was that knowledge that allowed you to be so free in your affection, spurred on by Childe’s own open nature. Hand holding, hugging, leaning one’s head on the other’s shoulder, it was the language of friendship that you two had adopted, and something that you greatly appreciated. There was something nice about a friendship in which one could be so open about caring about someone, without expecting things to go farther. Because you didn’t, you really didn’t. And though that might’ve been a bit painful, it was a small price to pay for Childe’s company.

“I’m going off to Mondstadt for a bit.”

“What?”

You drew away from Childe a bit to look into his face. The two of you were walking along the path towards Yaoguang Shoal, as Childe had taken a particular liking to the Starconches that lined its shores. Now he smiled awkwardly, squeezing your hand and shrugging his shoulders.

“I know, I know. There’s apparently this branch of the Fatui holed up there right now, and I’ve been asked to consult about something, though archons know what it is.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“I’m not sure, I think about two weeks? I’m not sure what exactly is going on, but the troops really must be in disarray if they need me skulking around for the next two weeks.” He let out a awkward laugh.

“I’ll miss you.” You replied, bumping your head into his shoulder and frowning. “It’s very boring without you.”

“I’m sure you’ll be perfectly capable without me.” Childe smiled, one eyebrow raised slightly. “After all, what would you do if I left someday, permanently. You’d have to find a way without me.”

“Let’s not talk about that.” You replied hurriedly, switching the conversation towards something more pleasant. Unfortunately however the words had already been said, and the damage had already been done.

It had been two weeks since Childe had left for Mondstadt, and though normally you might’ve been waiting at the city gates for his return, you found yourself on the familiar road towards Lingju. Childe’s words had been ringing in your ears for the past two weeks, and you’d found the more time passed the more you kept thinking about them.

What would you do if I left someday, permanently. Is that what Childe truly wanted? To leave? The idea made your stomach hurt, as you began once more to run all your interactions through your head, as if trying to find a flaw in the strips of memory you had of Childe. Was that what Childe truly wanted, or was it simply that he was sick of you? When he’d said “you’d have to find a way without me” did that mean he wanted to find a way without you? Perhaps you’d been too forward, too demanding. Perhaps he’d managed to realize your feelings and felt repelled by them. Had it been too much, meeting him almost everyday for some periods of time, eating lunch together and sometimes dinner. What about that time you’d invited him over to your house to play a game? Had that been too much?

You sighed, dragging yourself over the final ridge. Sitting down to take a rest you closed you eyes. You hated that your mind wandered this way, that no matter what you couldn’t help but ask yourself again and again, what had you done. What would Childe think about this sad person laying on the ground, the sad part was you couldn’t answer that question.

The sound of footsteps brought you back to the present, and you let out a suppressed groan at the figures in your line of sight.

“Don’t you guys ever get posted anywhere else?” You rolled your eyes, reaching behind your back to summon your polearm.

“You’re trespassing.” The voice that came out of the Electro Vanguard was so deep and distorted as to be hilarious.

“Lastly I checked you were neither a citizen of Liyue, nor Rex Lapis, so if anyone’s “trespassing” on public territory it’s you.” You sighed. “Oh well. Unfortunately you caught me on a day where I’m somewhat prepared.” With that you lunged towards the Hydro Legionnaire and the fight began.

Fighting when one is already frustrated is both a blessing and a curse. The fight itself was almost invigorating, the first Fatui hit the ground and with it you felt part of your worries fade away, if only for the small window of time which this fight offered. Was this why Childe fought so much? The though crossed your mind as you whirled behind the Pyro Bracer and pressed as much Electro as you dared into the back of his head, tripping him with the staff of your polearm on his way down.

Soon enough there was only you and the Electro Vanguard left. Unfortunately you were beginning to feel the other side affect of anger, that being misfocus. Being more versed in using your polearm as a sort of lightning rod your found the Vanguard much harder to deal with, more than once barely diving out of the way of the hammer he was swinging around, surprisingly light on his feet considering what the weight must be. Your anger was quickly draining, turning into something more akin to panic, and as you found yourself stumbling more and more you realized that today was really, really not your day.

The Vanguard was becoming aware of how fast you were tiring, a gravelly sort of laugh emerging from behind his mask. As you found your with you back to the slope you wondered if it was just worth it to make an escape. The Fatui swung his hammer once more, barreling towards you. Having nothing left to do you put your polearm out in front of you, hoping that your arms were strong enough not to recoil against the inevitable blow. Closing your eyes you thought of nothing, drowning in a sea of panic. If there was any coherent part of your brain it wished that you weren’t here, that you just stayed home, or swallowed you pride and gone to the gate. But it was too late now, and you were about to get hit.

However the blow never landed, instead a loud sound pierced the air. Whipping your arms open you saw the Electro Vanguard stumble, his hammer having been dropped on the ground. He was grasping towards his ankle, in which was stuck an arrow, glowing a faint aquamarine. Swearing the Fatui member glanced around, before stumbling away, dragging his weapon and his left leg behind him like dead weight.

“Some things never change, huh?”

“Childe!” You whirled towards your once again savior, face burning from embarrassment. “I took out the rest of them this time.”

“I can see that,” said Childe, surveying the area, a telltale smirk on his face, “very impressive. Although, if I may suggest, next time try to take out the Electro Vanguard first, especially since you don’t wield a weapon made for pure damage.”

“Is this turning into a teaching moment?”

“Absolutely not.” Childe laughed.

You found the sound catching, and soon a smile spread across your face as you let your polearm disappear once more. You ran up to Childe, and were about to throw you arms around his neck in a characteristic hug, when the thoughts of before came ramming back into your brain. Taking a step back you planted your arms firmly in front of you, hoping that maybe Childe hadn’t noticed what you’d been about to do.

However Childe approached you instead.

“You weren’t at the gate today.” He said coyly, lips drifting somewhere between a smirk and a frown.

“I’m sorry.” You lowered your head. “I just thought, well maybe that would be better. Since you said you might be leaving permanently and all, and since you were right when you said I’d have to figure things out without you, I don’t know, I thought maybe it’d be for the best.”

Looking up the expression on Childe’s face could only be described as one of complete disbelief. For a moment he stayed frozen in place.

“What in Teyvat do you mean I’m leaving permanently?”

“You said that! Remember… when we were going to pick sea shells you said that you were leaving.” You stepped back, cheeks flushed. “Or maybe you were just sort of sick of me or something.”

“Why would you ever think that?” Childe walked up to you, enveloping one of the hands at your side in his own and bringing it up towards him.

“I… I don’t know,” you replied, feeling very confused and very foolish, “I thought maybe that I was being too affectionate, or too clingy. I mean I know you don’t like me or anything like that. And I thought maybe that I was crossing the boundaries of our friendship.”

“I don’t like you? I’ve liked you since almost the first day we’ve met!”

“Not like that! I mean, like like, you know? As in… well, as in I… I love you.” You let your voice peter out.

“I love you too!” Childe let out. Shaking his head he smiled widely. “That’s what I’m trying to say. I’ve liked you since almost the first time we’ve met. I wasn’t trying to shoo you away.”

“What?” Your brain was short circuiting. Something had gone terribly wrong. You’d definitely been knocked out at some point, and was now hallucinating. There was no way Childe liked you, loved you. He could love anyone, why would he love you.

Childe stepped closer, moving so that your foreheads were almost pressed together.

“May I?” He whispered, voice almost shy. You nodded, a just as small “yes” escaping your lips before Childe cut off your ability to say anything more. It was a short kiss, sweet and chaste, and yet you felt everything around you suddenly come into sharp, almost lucid clarity. You weren’t dreaming. This was happening. This was Childe and he liked you. Childe like you. He liked you, he really liked you.

“Why?” You let out, when the two of you separated. Thankfully Childe remained close to you, being without his presence now would’ve been quite lonely.

“Why what?”

“Why me? I’m not, I don’t know, I can’t even knock out an Electro Vanguard without help.”

Childe let out a laugh, lovely as music.

“I don’t know,” he replied, eyes sparkling, “because you’re you. And I like you.”

And all of a sudden you found that that was enough.

 Ganyu

The days that you accompanied Ganyu on her various errands were the ones in which you were most aware that you were on a level utterly below her.

Of course humans could never really measure up to adepti, after all they made the world and humans simply lived in it. Still in terms of humans, well you weren’t exactly pushing exceptional. If Ganyu represented all that was exceptional about the adepti, well then you represented the average human who didn’t like their job and overall went about their day as unnoticeable as an ant on the road.

Of course Ganyu never acted in a way that would betray the imbalance between the two of you. Indeed Ganyu was nothing if not kind, sweet, and utterly without a semblance of hierarchy. It was one of the things that you adored about her, the straightforward honesty she carried with her, and the way that she appeared not to judge living beings on a scale, even if that was the right of those who were higher and didn’t have to worry about said scale.

“Can you carry this for me?” Ganyu’s voice was soft and somewhat hesitant. You smiled widely, knowing that Ganyu simply had difficulty asking other people for help.

“Of course I can!” Scooping up the package that was stretched out towards you, you saw Ganyu let out a short sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

“Of course! I’m always happy to help you. Where are we taking this?”

“Over to the funeral parlor. It seems that there are some tiles in here that are being used for a specific ritual. Hu Tao said that the family wanted it, I hope she doesn’t actually mean she pushed them towards it.” Ganyu let out a soft sigh. “She once suggested advertising for cremation. Somehow I feel that won’t exactly be welcomed by the people.”

“No one likes to be reminded of their own mortality. Ah, but Hu Tao is doing her best, and if these tiles end up being insulators, I suppose we can’t do much about it. I’ll make sure not to drop them anyways. Getting on Hu Tao’s bad side feels like asking for a prank.”

“You’re probably right.” Ganyu chuckled.

You blushed slightly, loving the way her laugh sounded, soft and open. You knew Ganyu struggled sometimes; she admitted to you herself that it was very difficult to live an existence defined by liminality. Was she an adeptus? Was she a human? She was neither, and yet both would claim her and call her other. In understanding this Ganyu had retreated into herself. Perhaps that’s why her laugh meant so much.

As you strolled down the docks an angry voice cut through the air.

“Qixing!”

Both of you turning around you saw Bolai, heaving slightly, teetering his way towards you. His face was stormy, and for a moment you wondered if someone had stolen something. His words when he caught up however revealed a very different motivation.

“I demand justice!”

“What for?” Ganyu asked, voice deadly serious once more.

“What for? For what Huixin said in regards to me! For the Liyue Qixing complying with disgusting rumors as to the ways in which I conduct my business and my finances. As to the way that you promised to help me then turned on me!”

“I see…” Ganyu sighed as you wracked your brain, trying to remember what she’d told you about the time that she and the traveler ran around trying to detangle various examples of tax fraud. “Have you considered putting up a formal complaint?” Ganyu meanwhile was still trying to keep professional, something that you admired her for.

“How am I supposed to trust the Qixing after what happened? No! I demand compensation now!”

“Sir, I’m sure you’re quite upset, but there’s no need to act in such a way. If you wish to clear your name, then we can meet in private and review the testimony and documents we received. If not, then I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for you. I’m very sorry.”

Ganyu turned back towards the direction in which you two had been previously walking. Evidently too agitated to think properly Bolai let out a strangled cry.

“We’re not finished yet!” Reaching out, he seemed to be attempting to turn Ganyu around by the shoulder. Having been standing there unthinking you now moved to block the action, knowing that Bolai didn’t really mean anything by it, but not trusting the man who looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel. Bolai’s hand instead smacked into the box in your hands, which slipped from your grip and fell to the floor in a great crash.

Time seemed to slow down somewhat after this, as Bolai stepped backwards and Ganyu turned around, face one of evident horror at the scene. You felt your face begin to burn as you looked at the unassuming box, which now looked a little bit the worse for wear.

“What…” Ganyu trailed off. Bolai waved his hands about in a panicked sort of way.

“That wasn’t me! That wasn’t my fault! It was this person they… I don’t know what they were thinking, getting in the way like that. How idiotic! This is nothing but a mess, a disgrace!”

Normally you wouldn’t pay Bolai’s words any mind, but now they seemed to pierce right through, as you realized all the trouble you’d just caused Ganyu. Glancing over towards her you found you could neither look her in the eyes nor stay where you were.

“I-I’m sorry!” You stammered. Moving to pick up the box you found your hand hesitating. Fearing that you’d just make things worse you pulled yourself and dashed in the opposite direction, speeding up the docks and towards the outskirts of the city.

Normally the view from Mount Tianheng was one that stole your breath away. Today however the mountain seemed completely uninteresting, especially when compared to the thoughts racing in your head.

How had you gotten here, how had you messed up so much? Ganyu didn’t need your posturing, your attempt to help. She was an adeptus for Morax’s sake! And who were you? Someone who couldn’t even carry a box from Point A to Point B. And now you’d just caused more trouble for Ganyu, when she already had so much to do.

“I’m such a failure.” You groaned into your palms.

“You aren’t!” You lifted your head at the soft exclamation, already knowing who the voice belonged to. Ganyu sidled up to the ledge of the mountain silently, fidgeting with her hands. “May I sit next to you?”

“Of course.” You replied, grateful that Ganyu was even talking to you. Smiling softly the Qixing Emissary let out a soft sigh.

“I love the view of the city from here.” She spoke softly, eyes on the horizon.

“I do too.”

“There’s something so lovely about watching everyone go about their day, isn’t there? To see the people work in harmony to bring prosperity and peace to the city of Liyue. To see how everyone continues on the legacy of Rex Lapis.”

“That’s a lot to see.” You joked, still feeling a little uncomfortable, as if Ganyu might in a minute get up and leave.

“But can’t you see it?” Ganyu’s voice was earnest and her eyes shined. “It’s wonderful how people do it, how they continue to make this city thrive, to keep the contracts of Morax alive and within living memory.”

“Perhaps it’s just harder for humans to judge it themselves?”

“Perhaps.” Ganyu’s expression shifted into something, almost shy, not quite melancholic. “Just like how you’re finding it difficult to forgive yourself.”

“I’m so sorry Ganyu. I don’t know what I was thinking! I just… I just, wasn’t thinking.”

“You were trying to be kind.” Ganyu replied, something almost akin to blush coating her cheeks. “And I have to thank you for that.”

“But I just caused more trouble…”

“You were trying to be kind,” Ganyu repeated, “like I said, you’re finding it difficult to forgive yourself. But you have to. You didn’t truly do anything that needs forgiveness.”

“But I was doing it for completely selfish reasons!” You blurted out, embarrassment and doubt turning into the words you never wanted to utter. “It’s because I like you, and not just because I was trying to be nice. But because, because maybe I wanted to do something for you, and then maybe I’d be good enough maybe.” Realizing how odd that just sounded you turned your head away. For a moment your words hung in the air, and the longer the silence continued the longer you thought about how utterly selfish you were.

“Thank you.” There was a smile in Ganyu’s voice, and as you turned your head once more you could see it plastered across her face.

“For what?”

“For telling me you like me.”

“But… but isn’t it just burdening you? After all I’m not good enough for you.”

“You are!” Ganyu’s voice was firm. “You’re absolutely good enough for me. And what you did, you call it selfishness, but I don’t understand that. Being kind to people you like isn’t selfish, even if you like them. Because this time you were genuinely helping me. Besides, if that’s selfish then I’ve also been terribly selfish.”

“How?”

“By asking you to accompany me everywhere. Because maybe, maybe I like you too.”

For a moment you wondered if you hadn’t accidentally slipped off the cliff, so weightless did you feel. A bit lightheaded you leaned forward.

“Really?”

“Yes.” Ganyu smiled nervously. Reaching out she took your hand in hers.

The two of you watched the sun set over the city of contracts mostly in silence. Every once in a while there would be a spurt of conversation, but mostly there was nothing but the sounds of the birds and the cicadas, and the pounding of two hearts, hearts both a bit ragged from the events of the day.

For what a day it had been. And how wonderfully it had ended.

 Kaeya

If you could use anything as justification for your crush on Kaeya, he did flirt with you. Unfortunately he also flirted with everyone else in Mondstadt.

“How’s my favorite knight of Favonius?” Kaeya’s cocky voice was clear as a bell, and for a moment your heart flipped as the handsome knight came into view, smile as lovely as it had been the day before.

“Blessed by the presence of our beloved cavalry captain.” You replied in a singsong voice.

The first time Kaeya had used that line on you it felt like your soul had left your body and your heart had run a marathon. Unfortunately you’d heard him use practically the same line on Rosaria the next day, his favorite mysterious nun, robbing you of your fantasy in which Kaeya had any interest for you.

Your banter however was not without genuine feeling. You were utterly infatuated with Kaeya, having fallen for the handsome knight about two weeks into your own training. Originally having been an adventurer you’d joined the knights relatively recently after a series of Abyss attacks on the City of Freedom. As such Kaeya had by then already occupied an exalted position among the ranks, and the hours of being trained, teased, and flirted at by the mysterious cavalry captain had been enough to throw you head over heels.

Not that you’d ever expect things to develop more than they already had. Having a crush on the flirtiest man in Mondstadt did mean that you were praised every once in a while, but it also meant that the praise meant little more than empty words, and that there was always someone else who had heard them. Not that you begrudged those people, not knowing them or not caring. It was Kaeya’s right to be as he was, flirty and irreverent; and you’d never ask him to change that part of himself, or any other.

To do so would be to change the person you’d grown to love.

You trotted up the steps of the Favonius headquarters, opening the door with a slight “oof” before stepping into the cool building. Today was going to be a quiet sort of day for the knights, and you’d been assigned to pick up a few books from Jean’s office to be recorded by Lisa before being sent off to the Church. Going to open the door you paused at the voices inside.

“– saying it’s nothing.”

“And I’m saying that it’s becoming a distraction. I don’t want to control your actions Kaeya, but this pining has been slowing down your work, and we need you as one of our most crucial members to be on top of things.”

“I’m not pining.”

“What do you mean you aren’t pining,” Jean let out a snort, “as if it’s not obvious to everyone around you. Look, I’m not saying you have to break things off –”

“Good, because they haven’t even begun.”

“Then maybe that’s part of your problem. Maybe if you told them you liked them then you’d be able to get back on track.”

“I’m doing my best.”

“You aren’t doing anything. And that’s the problem.”

You didn’t hear the rest of the conversation, having made your way over to the library as to make sure that you were get caught, and to cool your head in regards to what you’d just heard.

So Kaeya liked someone. You shouldn’t’ve really been surprised. Kaeya was a wonderful person; intelligent, good with a weapon, polite, handsome. What person wouldn’t fall in love with him? And when everyone’s in love with you, well, it was unsurprising that eventually Kaeya would find someone who he loved back just as much. Then, why did it hurt?

You fought the urge to wrack your brain for the people Kaeya spoke most about, finding the act beneath you. Still, your mind wandered. Perhaps it was Rosaria after all, or maybe it was only because you remembered her. Perhaps it was the sword smith who came twice monthly to check up on the weaponry. Or perhaps it was the tailor, who could sew anything with the utmost care. Or perhaps it was a musician, or an archivist, or another knight. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Your head swam and you found your eyes stinging. Now wasn’t the time to cry, not when you needed to honor your appointment with Jean, not when you were somewhere where any one of your colleagues might discover you. Not where Kaeya might walk in any minute and realize what you’d done. This thought finally brought you out of the spiral of your mind. Making sure that any tears that might’ve escaped were wiped away you took a deep breath, steadying yourself before you walked out of the library and into Jean’s office.

Evidently you must’ve looked much worse than you thought, for Jean took one look at you and ordered you home, grumbling about how much trouble there had been recently. You thanked her half-heartedly before making your way out of the Headquarters, heart heavy as lead. At least work would’ve been a welcome distraction.

Arriving home you saw what Jean meant. Though you weren’t particularly teary, your face had taken on an ashen pallor that made it look like you’d either just gotten a shock, fainted, or had suddenly contracted consumption. Letting out a sigh you collapsed on the couch of your apartment. You knew you should probably do something, should eat or work on some extra work or something. But right now you didn’t want to do any of that. You just wanted to forget.

The knock that sounded at your door was extremely unwelcome, and you bit back bitter words as you made your way over to the door. Any protest however was silenced at the sight of Kaeya, hair slightly tussled, expression opaque, on your doorstep.

“Kaeya.” You meant to sound more peppy, but the action felt too tiring. “What’re you doing here?”

“Making sure that you’re alright. Jean told me that you looked unwell, and we can’t have our best knight getting sick, now can we?”

“I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

You went to turn around, when Kaeya reached over and place his hand on your forehead. Freezing you let out a sound somewhere between a strangled cry and a shriek. Kaeya didn’t react to this however, or the red quickly spreading across the bridge of your nose. Instead he let out a sigh, before smiling, something which also caused your heart to seize up.

“Not running a fever. I’m glad. Do you know what’s wrong by any chance?”

“Yes. No! I mean, I think, I, I just need rest.”

“You can tell me if something’s wrong. I might not be able to help, but I can try. Consider it the duty of the Cavalry Captain. Have to keep up appearances, even among the ranks.”

“Really Kaeya, I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.” Kaeya’s eye seemed to pierce through your soul. “You seem… upset, exhausted. Please, let me help.”

“I can’t…” Your voice cracked and you turned your head away, mortified by your inability to control yourself.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Kaeya’s voice was filled with sudden worry. “Is someone doing something to you?”

“No! No one is. I just can’t because, because it’d be selfish.”

“What do you mean?” Kaeya’s tone had become utterly perplexed, and for a moment you felt the crazy urge to laugh. As if it wasn’t painfully obvious why you couldn’t. This was so tiring. You were so tired.

“Because it’s not fair of me to take away your happiness just because of my own feelings.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I heard you talking to Jean,” you explain, face burning, “she said that you liked someone. Or maybe you did, I don’t remember. Anyways you like someone and it’s not fair of that to hurt me, I have no right to your feelings. But, but it hurts, it really, really hurts.”

The silence when you finished was miserable. You weren’t even looking up at Kaeya, not wanting to see the destruction of a friendship you valued so much.

“Have you considered that the person I’m so infatuated with might be you?”

When you looked up you caught a wave of emotions, similar in strength to the ones currently going through you, plastered over Kaeya’s face. Happiness, sadness, regret, relief; all these things danced in his eyes. In that moment you loved him even more for it, for knowing that he understood, and that he too couldn’t hide the affects of having someone you loved so close and yet so far.

Saying nothing you walked over and slowly stretched your hand out. Kaeya took the hand in his, and you reveled in the small intimacy, in his calloused fingers enveloping yours.

“I’m not good enough.” You pointed out, voice soft.

“You aren’t the one who decides who I love.” Kaeya replied, voice firm. “To me there is no one else worthy in the world. Only you. And I hope that I can be the same for you, that I can be worthy.”

“Yes. Oh yes.”

For Kaeya was more than simply worthy. He was the one you loved the most, as well as the one who’d now made you the happiest person you could ever dream of.

[forever-rogue]

Only You (A Good Man)

A/N: Hello my sunshines! I’m back with another little installment of the AGM ‘verse with our favorite Javi and Dulzura! I love them so much and I’m glad y’all do too! This is just some sweetness - enjoy!  As always, comments and feedback are welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged let me know! Xx

*can be read as a standalone or part of the ‘verse as a whole*

Pairing: Professor! Javi x Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: language, smut (18+ only!)

A GOOD MAN ‘VERSE MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

JAVIER MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Dulzura?” Javier’s voice sounded concerned as he walked in the door and was immediately greeted by a large sigh from the dining room. He kicked off his shoes and dropped his briefcase by the door, pausing for a moment to reach down and pet Stevie. A quiet slew of curses met his ears as he padded down the hall to find you. 

He paused in the doorway, leaning against it as a small smile crossed his features. You were sitting at the head of the table, papers and fabric samples and flowers all around you. Your hands were threaded in your hair as you stared at everything with an exasperated expression. Even if you hadn’t heard him come in, you easily sensed your fiancé’s presence and looked up to meet his soft brown eyes. Tension seemed to leave your body at the sight of your lover as he strode over and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. Humming slightly, he looked around at everything that appeared to be the bane of your existence as he realized this was all for the wedding. 

“Hi Javi,” you relaxed ever so slightly as his large, skilled hands massaged your aching shoulders. Biting your lip, it became a herculean task to hold back your moans as he worked on easing the knots that had been plaguing you, “fuck Javi.”

“Normally you save that for-”

“Shut up!” you jokingly groaned as you put your hands on top of his and gave them a small squeeze, “such a cocky bastard.”

“And yet you’re marrying me,” you turned to face him but before you could do anything else, he captured your lips with his in a soft, saccharine kiss. That was definitely the best, and his favorite, way to get you to relax. 

“I’m starting to question that,” you huffed when he pulled back, a confused expression crossing his features. His heart instantly felt like it was about to burst out of his chest as he stared at you; sometimes this still all felt like some sort of fever dream and you weren’t actually real. Like you were a figment of imagination that he used to cope with the reality of everyday life. But then...you were there to welcome him home with open arms every night. You were there, warm, soft, and gentle next to him every morning; sometimes you even woke him with gentle touches and kisses. You were here now, in his hands, literally and metaphorically, the ring on your left hand catching the light perfectly as he grounded himself and forced himself to remember that this was all real. 

You noticed the momentarily distressed look on his face and shook your head, “oh, Javier, no! You know I didn’t mean it like that, my love. If there is one thing in this world I am sure about - it’s you. I just...I don’t know about all of these wedding planning. It’s starting to drive me crazy.”

“I feel like I haven’t helped,” he sighed as you slammed the book of cake photos shut and pushed it away and quickly stood up. Javier wasted no time in wrapping you up in his arms as you buried your face into his neck and inhaled his familiar scent; an instant sense of comfort and relaxation washed over you, “I’m sorry for not being more helpful. I’ll make more of an effort - this isn’t all your job.”

“It’s just...who knew that planning a wedding takes this much time and effort,” you groaned as you thought about all the plans you still needed to finalize and settle. It seemed like a task akin to an odyssey and you weren’t sure if it would ever come together, “all this trouble - and for what? One day of celebration for the people in our lives? To prove to them that we love each other?”

“It’s still months and months away,” the ex-DEA tried his best to reassure you as you just huffed with a bout of sarcastic laughter in his shoulder. He’d been through a lot of shit - seen even more - and yet none of that seemed as daunting as planning a wedding. Needless to say, he hadn’t played a big part in planning his first wedding, the one that had never happened thanks to him. It was all for the best, he’d come to realize over, because all of this had led him to you. He kissed your cheek, “we’ll get it all done.”

“I hope so,” you groaned lightly, deciding to push the thought of more planning out of your head; at least for this evening, “come on baby, let’s go out tonight, what do you say? I want a break from all of this, and I’m sure you’re just as tired.”

“Sounds perfect,” he beamed at you, “how about I take my wife to her favorite restaurant and then a movie?”

“How did you know what I was thinking?” you grinned at him before gently kissing his nose, “only one problem…”

“Oh?”

“I’m not your wife - not quite yet,” you reminded him as he just responded with a hearty laugh, “and who knows when it will be at this rate!”

“Relax, Dulzura,” he whispered as he held you close, “it will happen in time, just as it was meant to, I promise.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Fuck,” you could barely hold back your moan, biting on your bottom lip so hard you were sure it would bleed any moment as Javier buried himself between your legs. He hummed in content as you reached down and hand a hand through his hair, scratching at his scalp, “Javier, right there - please.”

“Always taste so good,” he whispered as he pulled back for a moment and kissed along your thigh; you were so close, and he knew exactly what he was doing - getting you closer and closer and then drawing out your orgasm. Sometimes you could kill him for doing so, but tonight it felt just right. He licked up your soaked folders, nose nudging your clit as he ate you out like a man starving, “just like fucking candy.”

“Jesus,” your eyes snapped shut as he added in two fingers, curling them just right to find your sweet spot. He moved his free hand to your hips as he tried to keep you still as you writhed under him, “so close, Javi.”

“Then you need to cum for me,” he insisted with a wicked smirk you could feel against your skin, “come on baby.”

“No, no, no,” you tugged lightly on hair, pulling his face away and causing him to look at you in confusion, “want you inside of me - want you to cum in me.”

“Shit,” he made a low, almost visceral sound as he hastily worked to pull off his jeans and threw them into the heap that contained your clothes. You reached for him and brought him up to your lips, kissing him as though your life depended on it, making it a point to leave marks that everyone would see, letting the world know he was yours. He moaned into your mouth as he lined himself up at your entrance before slowly pushing in. His eyes closed as your tight, warmness hugged him perfectly, “fuck, you feel so perfect - always do.”

“I love you,” you whispered softly at him, as he buried his face into your chest, “only you, Javier.”

"I love you, Dulzura," he kissed along your jaw as he set a languid, slow pace, hitting it right with every thrust. You reached up and grabbed his face, pulling him down to your lips and you could practically feel him smiling against you as he worked to pull small moans. And then - it hit him.

"Let's get married tomorrow."

"W-what?" it was somewhere between shock and a moan as Javier rolled his hips in a particularly deep thrust. He pulled back slightly and judging by the look in his soft brown eyes, you could see he meant it. This wasn't just some spur of the moment thing he'd decided on in the throws of passion. 

He slowly switched positions so he was lying on his back and you were on top. The newfound angle made your eyes almost roll back as he stared at you in reverence. His large hands found purchase on your hips as you slowly bounced on his cock. His hips moved in time with yours, "I mean it. Let's just get married - fuck. Want to call you my wife already."

"Javier," you looked down at him with searing intensity before leaning down to kiss him. You could feel him start to twitch within you as your velvety walls started to clamp down on him, "I'm gonna-"

But you didn’t get a chance to say anything else as your orgasm washed over you, and nothing but soft mewls and moans spilled from your lips as you kissed him. Javi was close behind, filling you up with his hot cum, as he pulled you down to body and held you tightly. 

The two of you stayed like that for some, trying to catch your breath and slow your racing heart as he continued to kiss you silly. It was such a tender thing, but so sweet and intimate that you never wanted it to end. 

Once you came down from your high, you pulled back and grinned at him, nuzzling your nose against his before kissing him again. 

“Did you mean it?” you asked him gently as a grin spread across his features and he nodded slowly, “you really want to skip the whole wedding and just go and get married at the city hall?”

“Mhmm,” he promised, “planning a wedding...it’s so much stress and time, and for what? Other people? We already know we love each other and we’re not going anywhere, what does it matter? This is for us.”

“Our families will be pissed,” you laughed as he just scoffed and shrugged his shoulders, “but they’ll get over it. I love you, Javier - and nothing would make me happier than being your wife. Let’s do it.”

“You’re sure?” he put his hand on your cheek as you nodded, “I don’t want you to do this and then regret it. If you want a big wedding, I’ll get you the biggest fucking wedding you could want.”

“I just want you,” you beamed at him, running a hand through his dark curls, “just you. Maybe we can have a big barbecue or something later once it’s all said and done. Besides, the whole thing just seems overrated, you know?”

“You’re perfect,” he whispered as you rolled off of him and stood up, nodding towards the bathroom. He wasted no time getting up, knowing exactly where this was going, “you’re going to be the death of me, you know that?”

“Hmm,” you mused thoughtfully before sticking your tongue out at him, “there’s one more thing I want to tell you.”

“Go on…” he quirked an eyebrow before you began pulling him into the bathroom and pointing at the small trash can. He studied it for a moment before realizing what was at the top, “really?”

“Uh huh honey,” you grinned and kissed his cheek as you glanced at the birth control that was placed on top, “we’d talked about it and said after the new year we could...try but not try. And well...I’m ready if you are, Javi.”

“I love you,” he looked back at you with wide, soft brown eyes. The ones you’d loved for what seemed like an eternity now, “fuck...yes. I want this, all of it - with you.”

“Me too,” you grinned back at him, “me too, Javier. You are the best man, and nothing you say or do will ever change that.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Baby," Javier poked his head down the hall as he looked at his watch. There wasn't even a time you had to be at city hall or anything but he was...nervous. Gods, he was so nervous. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd ever felt like this before. He hadn't.

"Almost done, Javier," you called back to him as you finished putting your earrings in and turning back to your mirror. You let out a breath as you looked yourself over; your whole body was trembling with anxious energy. But you'd dressed the part and were happy with how you looked - you hoped Javi would like it too, although you could have worn an old potato sack and he would have called you beautiful. A creak from the floorboards caught your attention as you laughed, "no peeking, my love! Its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!"

"Are you planning on keeping me blindfolded on the drive? Are you going to drive Miss Gets Lost in Our Neighborhood?" you could practically hear the smile in his voice as you sighed dramatically. You finished off your hair before slowly opening the door.

"Close your eyes!" you insisted for just a moment before moving into the hall and stopping in front of him. Reaching over, you slowly grabbed his hand and held it tightly in yours, "alright. You can open!"

And he opened them ever so slowly as soft brown eyes studied you with intense scrutiny.

"Wow," he was almost speechless as a smile tugged on the corners of his mouth.

"Is it too much?" you asked as your cheeks warmed up, suddenly wondering if you'd made some sort of mistake and gone too far. Javi beamed at your with a fervent shake of his head as he pulled your towards him, lips ghosting over yours as he tried not to mess up your lipstick.

"You look absolutely beautiful," he promised, "I must be the luckiest man in the world."

"Now you're just being dramatic. You clean up pretty well yourself, handsome," you laughed at his praise, but relished in it nonetheless. You'd picked this particular green dress on the whim that he might like it. It had been hanging in your closet for some time, and you'd never had the occasion to wear it before. What better day than your wedding day? He just sighed contentedly as you fixed a few stray hairs and straightened his tie. It was a simple black suit, but gods, he looked handsome as ever and it nearly made your hair stop, “ready?”

"Definitely," he promised as he slipped your hand into his and started to tug you towards the door, "you ready?"

"Almost! Hang on," taking a step back, you smiled as you held up your hands in the shape of a camera and pretended to snap a picture when he laughed, "I'm taking a mental picture - of my husband on our wedding day."

“Husband,” his smile was infectious - brighter than you had ever seen and you swore you fell a little more in love then and there, “I like the sound of that. Come on - let’s get married.”

“You know this doesn’t change anything between us, right?” you asked as he held the door open for you, “I’m still going to love you just as much. It’s just a piece of paper.”

“And yet...it feels right,” he shrugged as you made sure the rings were in his coat pocket as he opened the car door for you. On your seat was a beautiful bouquet of vibrant tulips in your favorite colors. A small sound of surprise left your lips as your eyes immediately stung with tears, “w-what? You don’t like them?”

“I love them,” you took them in your arms and clutched them to your chest, “they’re perfect. I love you - you didn’t need to do this, Javier.”

“I wanted to,” he insisted, with a kiss as he went to the driver’s side, “every bride needs some flowers on her wedding day.”

“Who knew you were such a sappy traditionalist?” you snorted as you climbed in, “big softie.”

“Cállate,” he jokingly shushed as he turned on the car and drove towards city hall. This was it - later this afternoon you’d officially be Javi’s wife - Mrs. Peña. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

"And do you, Javier Peña, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Javier grinned at you, his single dimple proudly on display. He slipped the simple golden band onto your finger, snugly next to your engagement ring. You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you looked at the matching band on his finger.

"I do," he was confident; in all honesty he had never been this sure about anything else. 

"Then I pronounce you man and wife," the officiant nodded at the two of you before Javi leaned over and kissed you gently. 

It all felt so surreal - like you were going through everything in a daze. Javier's hand was holding onto yours, fingers laced together as you both signed the marriage certificate and received multiple congratulations from random strangers. It seemed like it all went by so fast, a blur as you became husband and wife.

Before you knew it, you were walking out of city hall and clutching onto his arm and giggling at something he said. Before you could get back in the car, Javier let go out of your hand and took a few steps back. You gave him a confused look before quickly realizing what he was doing; he held up his hands as he pretended to take a photo.

"First picture of my wife," his voice almost cracked as he watched you pose and hold up your flowers. He made a small sound in the back of his throat, "perfect."

"Javier," you threw your arms around him and held him tightly against you, burying your face into his neck, "I love you so much."

"I love you, Dulzura," kissing the side of your head, he picked you up and spun you around, "all mine forever."

"I was already yours forever," you promised him, "always - from the start."

"From the start?" he chuckled warmly as you nodded, grabbing his hand and pressing a kiss to his new wedding band, "even when I was your professor?"

"Mhmm," you reached up and cupped his cheek gently, "even back then. First the first moment when I thought- oh no he's hot to when you got mad at me for coming into your office to when you got me the tea."

"Ahh," his hands found purchase on your face as he leaned into you, "back when I was a complete asshole."

"It only lasted for like fifteen minutes," you smiled against his lips, "and I was a goner. I've loved you for a long time, Javier, when I didn't realize it."

"Shit," closing his eyes, he gently pressed his lips against yours, "and to think I felt guilty about thinking you were beautiful when I first saw you."

"You did?!"

"Uh huh honey," he repeated your favorite phrase softly, "I couldn't get you off my mind for...well since then. Nothing's changed. I loved you then and still do. It was easy I think, to fall in love with you - it just happened."

"I love you," you whispered before pulling him in for a long saccharine kiss, "so much, Javier. You are everything. You have made me the happiest woman in the world."

"I love you," he repeated softly, his hands on both sides of your face as he studied you,  "mi alma, mi vida -  my wife."

»»————-　♡　————-««

Permanent Taglist: @secretsweetscollectionblog  @sheridans-dynamos  @queenbbarnes  @persephonesnebula   @ah-callie  @blushingwueen  @thisis-theway @rosetophighlander  @rae-gar-targaryen    @hiscyarika  @readsalot73  @huliabitch  @ollyoxenfrees @coffeeandtodd  @beepbeepsephy   @scarlettwitcher  @nerdyknightwritersblog  @choicesarcade  @arrowswithwifi  @everythingaboutnothingstuff  @suckerfor-fanfics  @bestintheparsec @javihoney  @aeryntheofficial  @hail-doodles @engineeredfiction @aeryntheofficial  @asgardianvamp21  @keithseabrook27  @karmezii  @dearspacepirates  @thatsuitlooksgoodonyou  @paintballkid711 @mrpascals @lv7867 @artsymaddie @gooddaykate @rosiefridayrogersunday @heyitmelexie @criminalmind1927 @justanotherblonde23 @coni-martina @thewayofthemandalorian @phoenixhalliwell @lucifer @cosmoschick @kochamcie @linkpk88 @leaiorganas @nikkixostan @haley-the-comet @chibi-yuki @computeringturtle @4ng3lf43​ @intu-witch-tion​ @wondergal2001​ @gingerbreadandpaper​ @willowtheewisp​

AGM Taglist: @misslolasworld  @mrsparknuts  @siempre-pedro  @domino-oh-damn  @weasleywinchester  @wickedfrsgrl  @fioccodineveautunnale @wonder-jedi @zoogrl05  @annathewitch​  @thinemineours  @prettyjewel93 @jawabear @standalorian @cryptkeepersoul @maddoggrahaml @roxypeanut​​ 

[rapsgoddess]

Washing Machine Heart Part 1. (Erik Killmonger x OC)

This is unedited so please have mercy on me in the notes 😭

Nahla knew she didn’t mean a thing to him. Next to being a mercenary, Erik was a player. He came and went as he pleased, spent his nights with more than one woman, and didn’t feel a single shred of regret whenever his girls would pour out their hearts to him. 

Nahla knew she didn’t mean a single thing to him, yet she still somehow fell in love. 

It was a painful realization. One that she came to during one of Erik’s many long term absences. It was another sleepless night for her and she was sitting in bed with her laptop open to her right and her keyboard directly in front of her. For the past week, the same melody had been on loop inside her head. A broken tune that conveyed so much sorrow that it nearly brought her to tears whenever she hummed it. Each day after she got home from work, she would add onto the melody bit by bit, putting in different instruments and sounds to create a beautiful symphony. 

When it came time to write lyrics for the song, all she could envision was a tune about unrequited love. The same unrequited love that she had been feeling for a while. 

It wasn’t until she put a name to that feeling when she finally realized how she truly felt about Erik. 

She decided to try and keep things suppressed for a while, hoping that her childish feelings of romance would disappear after a few days. 

They didn’t. 

When Erik returned a few weeks later, she didn’t, know how to act. The man made it known that he was not committed to anybody, and Nahla was no exception. On the rare occasion Nahla would catch a glimpse of him on social media, she would see him surrounded by women who looked as if they could be models. Women who were leagues ahead of her. The photos never failed to resurrect her insecurities. They made her question why Erik even bothered to give her the time of day. Yet those insecurities melted away whenever he came to visit her. 

Flash forward to the present, and Nahla found herself laying next to Erik’s naked frame in her bed. The faint sound of her washing machine echoed throughout the house, giving a sort of rhythmic banging as her shoes tussled around inside. The night was still fairly young, having only been a few minutes past seven, but all of the plans that Nahla had for that evening were discarded the moment Erik showed up on her doorstep. 

It didn’t take much for his words to lull her into bed and for his lips on hers to enrapture her. His low, smooth voice was like music to her ears, and her moans being music to his. Each praise that left his lips was like a toxic lullaby. Nahla knew that he had repeated the same words to dozens of women in the past, yet in the moment, they made her feel as if she were the only woman in the world. 

“You feel so good around me baby…”

“You don’t know how much I missed this pussy.”

“Say my name so everybody know who’s fuckin’ you right.” 

Thinking back to his words sent shivers down her spine. She was wide awake, restless and too excited to fall asleep. It was rare for Erik to stay after having sex, let alone fall asleep before her, but her inner turmoil prevented her from falling asleep. 

She turned back to look over at Erik, taking in every aspect of his being as if it were the last time she would see him again. No matter how many times she laid eyes on him, she would never be able to find the words to describe how beautiful he was. He had a smile that could light up a room and warm eyes that made her heart flutter each time she looked into them. It often left her wondering why exactly he even entertained the thought of her when he was way out of her league. 

A heavy sigh left Nahla’s lips and she threw the covers off the lower half of her body. She looked back at Erik one last time while putting on her robe, making sure that he stayed asleep. Slowly and quietly, she crept out of the room and down the hall to her makeshift studio, closing the door behind her and turning on the lights. She used her studio as an escape from both the real world and her own mind, and right then she needed an escape from both. Turning on her equipment and opening up her laptop, she opened up the file that held her latest project. The one that helped her come to her realization in the first place. She made sure the speakers were low as to not wake Erik up and pressed play, listening to her voice blend with the gentle melody. 

She had only written a few lines so far and could feel the next verse just on the tip of her tongue, but lyricism had never really been her strong suit. Muttering random words under her breath, she opened up the notes section on GarageBand and began writing down whatever sounded nice, replacing and adding words where she deemed fit. 

“Might as well give it a go,” she sighed, getting up from her chair and walking over to the small corner where her mic and the rest of her recording equipment was set up. She pressed record on an empty track and began singing the second verse, her voice coming out soft and almost broken in contrast to her usual strong, belty tone. She was tired, both physically and emotionally, but she couldn’t walk back to that room. Not with him still laying asleep in her bed as if the two of them were a couple. 

After a few more takes, she had finally gotten her voice warmed up enough to where it didn’t sound completely like shit and she walked over to her work station to edit the track on top the music. 

With her mind now completely engulfed in her music, she didn’t noticed the sound of her toilet flushing or her bathroom sink running down the hall. She didn’t notice the sound of footsteps leading to her studio and her door opening slightly. 

It wasn’t until the feeling of a hand snaking its way around her neck drew her from her work as she jumped in her seat while clutching her chest in panic.

“Whatchu scared for? It’s just me,” Erik muttered, his voice still laced with drowsiness. “What are you doing up? Any other day you’d be knocked out.” His fingers gently squeezed at her neck and he leaned down to plant a kiss on the top of her head. It was weirdly intimate of him.

“I couldn’t sleep so I decided to work on something.” Nahla spun her seat around to face him. He had on a pair of low hanging shorts. She recognized them as being one of the pairs she bought for him whenever he decided to stay over. She mentally scoffed at the thought; buying clothes for a man who she wasn’t even in a relationship with. 

“You’re not leaving?” She asked. It had just dawned on her that, miraculously, Erik was still there. 

“Nah. I haven’t seen you in a while so I figured I’d stay for a little bit.” 

The sentiment made her heart flutter but she quickly grounded herself back to reality. She couldn’t afford to get her hopes up. 

“So, what are you working on?” He asked, his arms folded across his chest as he looked past her and at the open editing software on her computer. 

“Oh. Well I had a melody that was stuck in my head for a while so I put it down and write lyrics. I lowkey wanna find a mini orchestra to record it though.” 

“Well can I hear it?” He suggested. 

Nahla’s eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat. Despite knowing each other for the better part of two years now, this was the most he had ever expressed genuine interest in her music. 

“U-Uhh, I’m not sure… I get really sensitive about my stuff. Plus it’s not what you’d expect it to be,” she said, swirling her chair back around to face her work station as she hesitantly placed her hand on the mouse  and moved the cursor over the “play” button. After taking a deep breath, she played the song and closed her eyes as she waited for it to be over. Throughout the entirety of what little she had to play, Erik was silent, giving no response, comment, or critiques. When it was over, she reluctantly turned around to face him. 

“So? What do you think?”

“Yeah, I can definitely hear an orchestra going behind that. Maybe start off with piano first, then bring in strings or some shit during the hook,” he suggested, walking over to the other chair in the corner of her studio and sitting down. 

“Okay. Thanks.”

For about an hour or two, the two of them stayed up in her studio talking about random things while sharing a blunt together. They eventually migrated back to the bedroom and made their way beneath the covers together, Nahla’s body molding perfectly into Erik’s as they cuddled. 

“Nah, I’m deadass. I thought I had locked his cage, but he always finds a way to get out,” Nahla giggled, referring to her pet chameleon who always managed to get out of his cage. “I remember a few day ago I had just woken up and went into the kitchen to get some juice and I see him inside the sink just sitting there. Then he have the nerve to look up at me like ‘what are you doing here?’ No sir, what are you doing here.” 

Erik laughed softly while shaking his head. “Nah, I don’t think I could handle an animal just freely roaming my shit like that.”

“You get used to it after a while. I was low-key thinking about getting a snake too, but I gotta figure out where to put the tank.”

“Oh hell nah. If you get a snake, I’m not coming by anymore.”

“What?! You used to be a whole Navy Seal and you’re scared of snakes, E?” She asked, a bit surprised that he even shared that information with her. 

“Girl, I don’t know how you can even stand them things,” he mumbled, “slithering around and shit. What if it gets out when you’re sleep and starts choking you?”

“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” she giggled, earning an eye roll from Erik. 

Though it didn’t seem possible, she pressed herself against Erik even harder, somehow managing to get even closer to him. Resting her head in the crook of his neck, she had a perfect view of the many scars and keloids that littered his body. She could tell some of them are new. Whether or not they were accidental or self inflicted, she didn’t want to know. 

It was times like these where Nahla wished that her outlandish fantasies of romance weren’t fantasies at all. Having never been in a real relationship before, she constantly longed to be loved by someone in a romantic sense. Though she knew that Erik probably never thought of her as more than a fuck buddy, it was nice to feel his warmth underneath her. Even if it was an illusion, it was nice to imagine him as her lover while he was holding her close. 

“What’s on your mind?” He pried, letting out a deep sigh before closing his eyes and relaxing his muscles. 

“Where do you go when you disappear?” She partially lied. Even though that wasn’t what truly was on her mind, it was still a question that lingered over her head for a while. 

“That, I can’t tell you ma. At least not right now.” 

She wasn’t satisfied with how curt his reply was. Sitting up, she supported her head with her hand, her elbow buried into the pillow beside his head as she peered down at him. 

“You can tell me,” she pried. A childish grin spread across her face. “If it’s something illegal I promise I won’t tell.”

Erik peaked one up up at her, a smile of his own taking over his featured. He pushed his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. “Mm… Maybe I could tell you a little bit. I don’t even know where to begin though without you thinkin’ I’m crazy.”

“I won’t think you’re crazy.”

“You say that now.” There was a pregnant pause, and then, in the most serious tone ever, he said, “I’m apart of African royalty.”

“So there’s this country in Africa called Wakanda. At first glance, it seems like a small lil third world country, but in reality, they’re the most advanced civilization on the planet. They got this metal called Vibranium that allows them to all sorts of things, but they keep it hidden from the rest of the world.”

“How? And if they kept it hidden from the world, then how do you know about it?”

“They have a dome that surrounds the entire country. It’s practically impenetrable. And the only reason I know is because my father was the prince. He was sent here on an undercover mission in America but quickly saw how shitty thing were here, so he wanted to change it. “

“Wait, your father is the prince of an African country?” Nahla couldn’t believe her ears. Despite being secretive and mysterious, she knew that Erik wasn’t one to lie. After all, what could he possibly gain from lying about something as far fetched as this?  

“Was. He was killed before he could enact any change; by his own brother no less.”

She could hear a pain and vulnerability in his voice that she’d never heard before. Now she definitely knew that he wasn’t lying. 

Erik’s face had turned to the side in a fruitless attempt to hide the tears that welled up in his eyes. He’d never brought up his family or much of his life before he met her in a conversation, and now she could see why. 

Hesitantly, Nahla reached up to wipe away the tears that left his eyes. “So you plan on going back and getting revenge?” She pondered. It would make sense why he’d want to stay under the radar,  having no social media accounts, no permanent phone number, and constantly disappearing for months at a time. If he wanted to infiltrate an entire hidden country, then he’d have to be the closest thing to a ghost a person could be. 

“It’s on the list,” he replied, sitting up in bed while resting back against the headboard. “But, my main goal is to change the world. Wakanda has technology and weapons that people can’t even begin fathom. If our people were able to get their hands on that kind of fire power, we wouldn’t have to worry about the White man oppressing us any longer.” 

The sadness that was once present in his eyes had long disappeared, instead being replaced with a burning passion. It filled her with joy to see him get passionate about something, but it also put her on edge. Nahla knew what his plan implied, and she didn’t put it past him to sacrifice countless lives in order to see his vision come to life.

Staying silent, she simply nodded, too afraid that she’d say the wrong thing if she opened her mouth. Tearing her gaze away from the man, she began contemplating on everything she had been thinking about prior to his arrival. Her feelings for him were still unwavering, but now she was starting to ponder on whether or not being with him was a wise decision. It didn’t take being a genius to know that Erik’s path was a set one. He was a determined, goal-driven man, and when his mind was made up, there was no convincing him to go back on his decision. 

If she followed him down that path, she wouldn’t be able to turn back. 

“Do I scare you?” 

Nahla looked back up only to be met with obsidian eyes boring straight into her deep brown ones. His question threw her for a loop, no doubt, considering how Erik was never one to be considerate of other people’s feelings. 

“H-Huh? What do you mean?” She knew exactly what he meant. 

“That look in your eyes… You’re scared of something. What is it?” He demanded in an eerily calm manner. 

Attempting to spare his feelings would be a futile decision; Erik read people like his favorite novel. Yet, for some reason, Nahla had no control over the words that left her mouth. 

She almost never did when she was around him. 

“Nothing. I just get a bit spooked in the dark,” she chuckled. 

Erik simply blinked at her, a look of uncertainty and doubt dancing around in his eye before he shrugged it off and laid back down in the bed, facing her completely. 

“You should get some rest. Goodnight,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving her. 

Upon hearing his words, Nahla felt an immense tiredness wash over her as if he casted a sleeping spell over her. She glanced over at the clock and noticed how it was nearly 4 AM. She had only three hours before she needed to get up and get ready for work. 

She was tired, but fear kept plaguing her mind. A fear that he wouldn’t be there when she woke up. Or, even worse, a fear that she had dreamt the entire night. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll be here when you wake up,” he whispered. 

Nahla wanted to believe him, so she did, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep. 

[rosiehunterwolf]

CONGRATS ON 100 FOLLOWERS FREN 💖💖 you deserve it and so much more

If you're feeling up to it (DONT FEEL OBLIGATED DO U HEAR ME MY DEAR) movie verse Jay my beloved

asfljdlkj tysm Amour! I'm so glad to have you as part of my tumblr family, ur one of my best friends on here 💕✨

i really needed to write something movie!verse because I LOVE movie!verse and haven't written anything yet, so I was excited for this one

(@fabro-de-omres you've said in the past that you would love to read it if I wrote something movie!verse, so here's ✨content✨)

I'll chase you to the moon and back

Summary: When you’re in a secret ninja force and are your city’s primary protectors, pulling your weight is important.

Jay tries to be an asset to his team, but it’s difficult when he’s viewed as the scaredy-cat who cracks lame jokes. He loves his friends with all his heart, but sometimes it’s hard to know if they return those feelings.

Jay wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t.

Sometimes, Jay felt like he was a burden to the team.

He tried not to, he really did- he knew the others liked him and cared about him. But standing next to strong Cole, smart Zane, brave Kai, determined Nya, or warm-hearted Lloyd, it was difficult not to feel… inadequate.

It didn’t help that Cole hadn’t answered any of his recent texts.

It could be anything, Jay told himself as he stared down at the unread messages, resisting the urge to send another text. He could have an appointment he forgot to tell me about, or maybe he’s just not looking at his phone right now, or he simply doesn’t share my urgency to answer a text message so quickly. Cole had always been much more laid back about that, raising an eyebrow as Jay always scrambled to answer the text from his mom, or whoever had sent it this time.

But Cole was also Jay’s best friend. He knew he got anxious when someone left him unread for too long. Because of that, he had always been good about answering Jay’s texts quickly, even as the others still groaned about the earth ninja taking ages to respond to them.

For him to go an hour without responding was… concerning, to say the least.

Jay pushed the thoughts aside. He was probably just overthinking this, like he always was. Cole would get back to him soon. It wasn’t like he was ignoring him, or anything.

Maybe the others are up to something. He opened the group chat, but although there were usually a hundred notifications at any given time- he had learned that the hard way the first day he had joined, turning on his phone after school to a whopping 785 texts- it was empty now. The last text was from Lloyd, asking Kai to meet him at his locker before lunch.

Jay felt his heart rate spike. The lack of an argument between Kai and Nya in the last five minutes alone was worrying- because heaven forbid they actually talk things out in person, even if they literally lived one bedroom down from each other- and his mind quickly spiraled into possibilities. Had someone kidnapped them? Had their parents grounded them? Or maybe they had committed a crime and gotten thrown into jail. He wouldn’t put it past Kai and Nya to pull something dumb- Cole and Zane would go along with it, and Lloyd would never speak up enough to voice his disproval-

No, don’t be ridiculous, they wouldn’t commit a crime.

Well… Kai might. But the others would stop him.

What if they made a separate group chat without me?

No. His friends would never do that. They’d be more likely to commit that crime.

But the thought wouldn’t leave Jay’s brain, and before he knew it, he was sending a text in the group chat.

jaybird123: What r u guys up to? Wanna hang?

He immediately regretted it. What if he came off as too clingy? Too overbearing? They probably just wanted some time to themselves.

That didn’t sound quite right to Jay, but he stuffed his phone in his pocket, forcing the thought out of his mind.

He decided to go to the park- watching the people there always gave him good ideas for inventions. He was too late to catch a bus down there, but it wasn’t too far to walk.

His phone buzzed, and he glanced down.

thegreendragon: sorry jay, got plans 2nite. maybe tmrrw?

Jay tried to stop the pang of disappointment. Lloyd wouldn’t lie to him. The others probably were just busy. It was no big deal. Tomorrow, things would be back to normal.

A couple of blocks away, he caught the sounds of annoyed shouts, the kind that usually hinted towards the presence of-

He stopped, blinking, as a boy darted past the onlookers and into the shop.

Huh. Lloyd?

Starting towards the store his friend had vanished into, Jay peered through the window, looking for Lloyd-

Jay froze. Lloyd was standing with the others, animatedly babbling something to them as they watched him happily.

Jay shrunk back. They really had met up without him, and had lied about it, too. He wasn’t being paranoid- his friends just didn’t want him around.

For a moment, the shock left Jay floundering. He had no other friends. The other ninja were his entire livelihood. What was he meant to do now?

He quickly wiped at the tears pooling in his eyes. I’ll go home. My mom will know what to do.

He had the worst feeling that this was something that even his mom couldn’t fix, though.

About halfway home, a buzz in his pocket interrupted him from his stupor. Pulling out his phone, he saw there was a new message in the group chat.

rock’n’cole: hey jay, something just came up, can u meet us at the warehouse asap?

Jay just stared at his phone for a minute, debating whether to actually show up or not. After all, the others had ditched him, why shouldn’t he do the same? And he still felt hurt- he wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk to them yet. He really should just go home.

jaybird123: sure, i’ll be there in 20

Jay had never been good at holding grudges.

Thirty minutes later (he had ended up stalling a little bit just for the spite of it) he pushed through the doors of the warehouse. It was pitch black inside, and as he fumbled around for the lights, he couldn’t help but notice that no one else was there. It was stupid of me to come. They just abandoned me. Again.

Suddenly, the lights burst on, and the others were jumping out from behind the furniture, cheering and hugging him. Jay stumbled backward, taken aback. “What’s going on?”

Kai looked at him like he was crazy, gesturing widely at all the balloons and streamers that Jay could see now that the lights were on. “It’s a party, dumbass, what else do you think?”

“What for? It’s not my birthday!”

Nya scoffed, as if he had just told her that men lived on the moon. “Of course not, this is for your Ninja-versary!”

“My… what?”

“The anniversary of the day you first became a ninja, stupid!”

“Oh.” He blinked around at all the decor. “All this? Just for something as simple as that?”

Kai wasn’t the only one looking at him like he had sprouted a second head, now.

“Are you kidding?” Cole said. “We’re not going to skimp on celebrating the day one of our favorite people came into our lives.”

Jay blinked at him. “I…” I’m so sorry for ever doubting you. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

“Now, what are we waiting around for?” Cole threw an arm around Jay’s shoulders. “Let’s go get some cake!”

As the ninja hurried over to the table, squabbling over who would get which slice, Jay squashed between the middle of his big, loud, bickering family, he couldn’t have felt more at home.