#still somehow got the squares misaligned

[quillyfied]

Crochet update! Getting places with it, and have awakened the inevitable new hunger: more yarn varieties. In the meantime…gonna keep practicing, I guess.

[illarian-rambling]

Character design ask:

Tell me everything you want about our unfortunate knight who's only armor (Mashal) 👀

Everything I want, you say? Well, I do like me a good character description >:)

Mashal stands at about 6'10" and is very broad, as is fitting for a killer robot. He was not nearly that tall as a human and is kind of pissed about it to be frank, especially when his head dents every time he smacks it on a door frame. His plating is made of bronze, while most of his internal structure is steel. His eyes are glass and the runes within glow white, bright enough to provide a fair bit of illumination in dark spaces.

Originally, his face was just a crude plate with disc shaped eyes and a slit for a mouth, but Astra eventually got tired of guessing at his expressions and made him a new one. His current face can move a bit - he can shift the corners of his mouth up or down, close his eyes, and move his eyebrows - but it's still far from a human face. He's got a long jawline with a square chin, high cheekbones, and a very rectangular nose. Somehow, he knows it isn't quite the same as his human face.

As for clothing, he's got one set that Astra made him. It's heavily patched on account of metal joints chewing through fabric and is very full coverage. Almost unconsciously, Mashal tries to cover all the bronze he can, as he's got some dysphoria going on. He's got a loose, high-collared shirt with long sleeves tucked into baggy pants, which are tucked into an old pair of riding boots. He also has an embroidered half-cloak he wears sometimes. His bandana he wears all the time. Mashal doesn't like being 'bald', so he ties a bandana over his head instead. Really, the only bronze left showing is his face and hands. Despite not having genitals and the fact that many robots frequently go without clothes, he's very self-conscious about being naked, which some cons unfortunately require.

As for mannerisms, he stands uncomfortably still. One might think this is a robot thing, but no, he's just still got those army habits. Sometimes, when he's nervous, he'll tap his fingers on his arm. He tends to keep any sudden movements minimal, as he knows his strength could seriously damage something if he's not careful. There's a constant whir that follows him on account of a misaligned drive shaft Astra never got around to fixing, and sometimes his eyes will brighten in luminosity, usually when he's excited. When he's frightened or furious, he forgets to move his face or put any human inflection in his voice. He would almost appear calm to an outside observer. Speaking of his voice, though, he will often sigh or clear his throat despite not having lungs. When he's nervous, he tends to sound more staticky and will stutter a bit.

And I think that's it! Except, I suppose I could add a little more...

Human Mashal, before he was captured by Vermir, stood at about 5'10" and had some decent muscle. He'd grown up as the chubby kid among his peers, so he worked out a lot to keep the weight off. His skin was dark brown, and he had shoulder-length locs he often kept tied in a ponytail. His face was a little rounder and less harshly angled, his nose broader, and his ears sticking out a bit. He wore gold earrings, as befitted one of the Sulu'Okan nobility. A scar from a training accident sliced a fine line from over his left eyebrow to past the corner of his eye. His eyes were brown, and he was frequently smiling.

Ok, yeah, I think that's all. Thanks for the ask!

[thesilverdragoon]

The Musica Universalis

Previous: Tomorrow

Next: The Crystalline Mean

“If anyone is to ask you where you are from, and other...potentially difficult questions to answer, might I suggest feigning amnesia?

It wouldn’t be out of the realm of the pixies to potentially torment an unlucky (yet for whatever reason, perhaps deserving I admit, they are terribly fickle beings...) soul to the point where he hardly remembered where he came from.”

Ves moved his prosthetic arm in circles, wincing at every jolt that came through it and down his spine.

How it had potentially become damaged, or misaligned or something, was beyond him (not that it would have been surprising…)

“So, is there any reason why you decided not to come out and show yourself as you normally do??” He asked, seemingly to himself to any passerbys he stumbled across.

Every turn in this gigantic and winding city only introduced him to even more of its residents, who did not recognize him and made that much very obvious.

And now the stranger was talking to himself?

Oh what misfortune had to have befallen upon this poor soul? They quite possibly wondered.

Puffy groaned inside his coat. “Don’t remember.”

“What do you mean you don’t remember??”

“Nothin’. Not a thing. ZIP.”

“But I- ...Hmph, well… whatever the case. He has no idea what you are, I have no idea what you are, or whatever we were- and now, we’re stuck here, in this place,” Ves continued to mutter, more so to himself than to the worm.

He paused at a crossroads, unsure of where to wander off to next. In the center of the round room made of glass lied an enormous aetheryte crystal, not unlike the ones in the major cities back home.

Many things seemed rather similar to home...

Staying in the Crystal Tower too had been quite the experience, but he’d grown bored of the enormous amounts of blue and gilded metal and stone within a relatively short period of time. And as generous as the Exarch was, something about him that the Ishgardian couldn’t quite place… Something that unnerved him? No, not unnerved. Made uncomfortable? Possibly, but that didn’t feel like the right word either.

To the south he spotted gardens and dark green lawns and continued on in that direction, stepping out into another rather large series of decorated glass domes, with walkways high above the main path on the ground floor.

He’d never seen a city like this before. Nothing on Eorzea even came close. It was quite beautiful, to say the least.

He couldn’t marvel at the wonder for entirely long. Not without all the worry seeping back in.

How would he get home? If he could even go home at all?

Would he have to live here in this city for the rest of his life? However long that was??

The thought of not being able to see anyone ever again made him sick to his stomach, and gave him a rather dreary expression as he walked along the pathway and into what looked to be a marketplace.

Stalls upon stalls and little shops lined the outer rings of the dome, cram packed with merchants selling all sorts of things. Again, not unlike home… Just things from places he’d never been.

Puffy too peered out at their surroundings every now and again, keeping quiet and very still, almost as if the worm too were nervous. Maybe he was. Ves could only feel some of it, as the rest seemed to be blocked off from his mind somehow.

As they neared the center of the marketplace, Ves slowed to a stop, looking down at his boots.

He could ask himself what he was going to do all day long, and never be satisfied with the answer. And it gnawed at him.

This was real.

This place, these people- those monsters outside of the city limits?

All of it was real.

The realization made him dizzy, but not enough to make a fool of himself in public. Not yet.

He continued on. Maybe he could sit on the grass somewhere, and think.

Every so often he would catch glimpses of more of the soldiers. Unlike their counterparts that seemed to patrol the woods outside, the ones stationed at nearly every corner within the Crystarium donned scarves of crimson instead.

They were quite fetching, as a matter of fact. But he quickly pushed that aside, moving out further onto one of the lawns.

Off in the distance he could see children running around playing and screaming. It was probably ok to sit there.

Once he found a spot out of the way, he did.

Puffy came out of his collar, cautiously of course. “What a weird place.”

“I don’t know if weird is quite the word for it… Different maybe. Uncanny in some parts? Definitely… It’s like… being in a mirror. You know, where you see you but- but it’s not you, but it LOOKS like you- I don’t know how to explain it. That’s just the feeling I get.”

“...YOU’RE weird.”

“Ugh…

What would you understand.” He should have known.

Puffy hissed, “I’m STUCK here with YOU. I don’t know WHERE I AM- I DON’T KNOW ANY OF THESE FREAKS- AND I DUNNO WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO!!!” Ves didn’t answer, eyes half lidded as he carefully laid back onto the grass, sprawled out and with his eyes closed.

“THIS ISN’T THE TIME FOR A NAP!!”

He ignored him and instead focused on listening… on breathing…

The people noises remained. The clatter of daily life continued on without a care.

This was real.

“LOOK OUT!!!”

The leather ball hitting him square in the face was real too, he quickly found out.

Ves sat up and held his hands over his nose and mouth as both of them throbbed, tears welling in his eyes he squeezed shut. What in the world-

Beside himself he could hear several pairs of feet running right for him, and then slowing down.

“Sorry sir- Arval didn’t mean to kick so hard-”

“I didn’t see him!!”

The Ishgardian opened an eye carefully, spotting the children. One an elezen with dark hair, another a au ra child, and a miqo’te behind them both.

All positively adorable.

“Can we have our ball back?” The elezen boy seemed to be the leader of this small gang. “We’re sorry, honest!” He looked distressed over the whole thing.

Ves blinked a few times and looked to his side, picking up the ball with a hand and rolling it back. “Here- it’s all right- it was an accident-”

“Are you a Eulmoran??” The miqo’te girl asked, or squeaked rather.

“Huh?”

“That’s a very fancy coat,” She continued, coming forward with her tail swishing with interest behind her.

The au ra boy squinted critically before realizing that she was correct in that it was quite fancy. “It looks expensive.”

The elezen tilted his head, “It kind of does…? Are you?? Sir??”

“Wh-”

What in the world was a Eulmoran? A surge of panic welled up in Ves’ chest immediately, only to sink back down again once he realized that Puffy was no longer within sight.

That hardly helped him answer the question.

“I er…” The Exarch’s words circled in his head. “I don’t remember I’m afraid.”

“Don’t remember?”

“No, I’m afraid not. Someone told me that uh… pixies got to me.”

“Pixies!” The miqo’te almost chirped. “I’ve heard stories- they’re downright scary! Even if they are shiny and small and pretty-”

“Mostly scary.” The elezen rolled his eyes. “But they live in Il Mheg and they stay there. They wouldn’t leave for anything.”

“Come on, let’s go!” The au ra complained.

“Alright- fine!

Sorry again sir, we’ll try to be more careful.”

Without any further words, all three of them darted off to the same patch of grass they were playing on earlier, kicking the ball around just as recklessly.

The Ishgardian watched them for a few moments before getting to his feet again, groaning as another jolt ran down his arm and his back. It felt sharper that time.

“I need to do something about this...” The pains, albeit extremely short, were very troubling.

Maybe there was someone around who could at least take a look at it… Or perhaps he could find that secret compartment within it somewhere that held an extra manual in it. Or some other sort of convenient gadget that would solve the problem instantly. Was that wishful thinking? Absolutely.

As he moved his legs, another pain shot down his spine again and towards his toes on one side.

That one, in all likelihood, was just from being old.

[thenegativelee]

Bad Things Happen Bingo 1: Hiding an Injury

(Thanks a million to @nicolethewhumpatee for the request! Yellow squares are claimed, red squares are filled.)

It wasn’t the cold that worried Theo. He’d had colds before; the tiredness, the fuzziness in his head, the tightness in his chest, all that was normal. It would pass. What was worrying him was the scrape on his elbow. He’d got it yesterday, and it was still there. Smaller, definitely, but it should have been gone a dozen times over.

An illness that could wear out his body enough to slow down his normal healing rate that much, that was unusual. If Jan or Dirk found out- it was just his luck that this would happen while they were all in the same house- they’d be worried. They’d be worried, and they’d probably want him to stay in bed, and ask him if he was okay, and try to do things for him. It would, in short, be terrible.

So he splashed some water on his face, rolled his sleeves down, and trotted down the stairs like nothing was wrong.

“G’morning,” Jan greeted him from the kitchen table. “You look tired.”

“Do I?” he replied, all breezy and nonchalant. “I don’t feel tired.”

“Well, that’s good.” Jan looked back down at his coffee, losing interest in the conversation. Theo walked over to the coffee pot, considered it, then changed his mind and poured himself a glass of orange juice. It didn’t look much more appealing, but he had to have something.

“Theo? You’re still going to help with the garden shed, right?” Dirk called from the living room, and Theo grimaced minutely before summoning up a smile.

“Of course!”

“Me too,” Jan added, standing up and pushing his chair in. He walked over to set his mug in the sink, then turned and gave Theo a funny look.

“You’re sure you’re not tired?”

Theo frowned, suddenly seeing himself through Jan’s eyes- a bit pale, probably, with dark circles under his eyes, hair a little less tidy than usual; small things, but impossible to ignore when they were all added together. “Mmm, maybe a little bit,” he said, as though that had just occurred to him. “I didn’t sleep that well last night. I’m good, though.”

“Oh, good. As long as you’re not gonna leave me to put the roof on the shed by myself.”

“Of course not!”

The garden shed was a skeleton, three metres a side with a tarp for a roof and its actual roof sitting on the grass in three pieces. No more than afternoon’s worth of work there for the three of them, Theo was sure, even with his limbs feeling heavy and his balance a couple degrees off.

The first piece went up without a hitch. The second was a few inches too far forward, and when they lifted the third up, it didn’t quite fit.

“Okay, okay, put it down for a moment,” said Dirk, and Theo did so gladly, rubbing his sore forearms when he was sure neither of them were looking. Dirk walked all the way around the shed, assessing the situation, and then looked back at his sons. “Theo, can you get up onto the wall and guide us from up there?”

Up on the wall? “Of course,” Theo agreed immediately. He wouldn’t hesitate under normal circumstances, so to hesitate now would look odd. He took a deep breath, stepped up onto the edge of the empty side window, and pulled himself up onto the top of the wall.

Seven feet down below his feet, dangling over the shed’s concrete pad floor; eight feet down behind him. Somehow it felt a lot higher than that; he felt distinctly uncomfortable. He looked over his shoulder and gave the thumbs-up.

“Okay. Jan, you’ve got it?”

“Yes, got it.”

With one of them on each side, they lifted up the heavy wooden truss, and Theo leaned forward as far as his balance allowed, watching, making sure it was centred.

“A little to the left,” he directed, letting go of the wall to gesture and nearly overbalancing. His breath caught between his teeth, and his heart leapt painfully.

“How about now? Theo?” There was the slightest note of hurry up in Jan’s voice.

“Right, ah, no, no, it’s still not on all the way. It’s no good, it’s not going to fit- Oh! Put it back down, quick.”

They did, and Jan looked up at Theo with his head tilted to the side, squinting in the sunlight. “What is it?”

“It’s not going to fit, because this one is too far forward, see? You didn’t push it all the way in.”

“I can’t see,” said Jan with a short laugh, “but I believe you. Can you fix it?”

Could he fix it? “Yeah, definitely,” he said confidently, leaning over a bit to get a better look. It wasn’t far off at all. Two inches to the left maybe, and another inch further back, and it would be perfect. Just a little push. That was obviously well within his limits.

“Wait,” Dirk began, “it’s okay, Theo, I can-“

“I got it,” Theo said, leaning just a little further forward- just enough to grab the misaligned edge of the truss- just enough to tip his centre of gravity past the point of no return.

He fell with a sharp cry of shock- falling? I never fall!- and his hand, grasping instinctively to catch him, brought the roof truss down with him. They crashed down onto the concrete floor together, and the rough surface tore through Theo’s palms and knees like paper before heavy beams fell onto his back.

Jan was yelling, Dirk was yelling. Theo couldn’t make any of it out through the ringing in his ears. “I’m okay,” he tried to say, but he had no breath to say it with, and the attempt sent a stabbing pain into his chest. 

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.

“Theo! Damn! I got you, I got you-“ Dirk’s voice. Suddenly the weight was gone. He managed a short breath before being cut off by an agonizing coughing fit that tried to twist his body in half and brought tears to his eyes.

“Huh… Fuh… fine… ‘m fine.“

“Are you sure? That looked really bad.” Jan’s voice, full of concern. Theo gritted his teeth and pushed himself up on his elbows.

“Yeah, ‘m sure,” he hissed. He winced as he got his weight off his knees and stood up, steadying himself against a wall. “Looked… worse than it was.” He couldn’t get his breath back. Fuck, he hoped he hadn’t broken a rib. Blinking the dust out of his eyes, he looked down at his skinned hands and torn jeans and swallowed down a cough, his shoulders shaking momentarily.

Dirk stepped over the fallen truss to stand next to him. “What happened?”

Of course he would wonder. Theo never fell down, never lost his balance, never did anything so clumsy and stupid. “The… wall moved. Wasn’ expecting it.”

A poor excuse, and to judge by the looks on the faces of his brother and father, neither of them were buying it. Damage control time. He stepped away from the wall and made a show of brushing the dust off his jeans, biting his tongue to keep from grimacing in pain when that dust stuck to the raw flesh of his palms. “Guess we’d better… get that back up there,” he said as casually as he could manage.

“Yeah,” Jan agreed uncertainly as Theo turned away to catch his breath. He couldn’t quite manage it. His chest was starting to burn.

It took some awkward maneuvering to get the truss out of the shed and back into lifting position, and Theo thought he made a good show of it. He held one end of the beam, despite his hands burning as though he was holding hot coals, and in breathing shallowly through his teeth, kept the pain in his chest to a non-distracting level.

As soon as he let his end fall to the grass, though, the pain flared up savagely. He flinched and stumbled back, and his feet no longer seemed to be in contact with the ground. In fact, no part of him seemed to be in contact with anything. He was floating.

The world tilted wildly. Someone yelled his name from far away: two sharp syllables of alarm.

For the second time in five minutes, he fell.

[toekneetv]

These Are the Ugliest Crossovers and SUVs of All Time

Not only did Karl Benz invent the car, he invented the ugly car in the same effort. His 1885 Benz Patent-Motorwagen wasn't exactly a looker, as it resembled a bicycle-tired kitchen chair. But you’ve got to start somewhere (we're talking, of course, about ugly vehicles, not cars in general). It would be many decades after the world was put on wheels for SUVs to appear, though not long after that ugliness caught up with that vehicle format, too. Pretty much everyone is (or should be) in agreement that Pontiac's Aztek, produced from 2001-2005, is the most repulsive of the breed. Nearly 20 years later, the misshapen crossover, with its narrow hips and insectilian face, remains the butt of jokes and the scapegoat for the death of the Pontiac brand. But is the Aztek really the ugliest SUV ever? Here we've gathered a list of 20 others that have a shot at the title; many also count among the greatest automotive flops of all time. To give these uggos a shot at fairness, then, we've arranged them in unbiased, alphabetical order.Pontiac

Acura ZDX (2010–2013)Our original road test of the 2010 Acura ZDX begins: "We're tempted to believe that ZDX stands for 'zero demand expected.'" Our clairvoyance proved accurate, and the fastbacked, bubblebutted, and birdnosed ZDX found few takers and lasted just three years in the U.S. Acura put this chopped-top version of its popular MDX out of misery in 2013, ironically right as today's "crossover coupe" trend, such as it is, was beginning to build steam behind BMW's X6 and the format spread elsewhere in that brand's lineup, as well as Mercedes-Benz's.Acura

Bentley Bentayga (2016–present)Regardless of what you’ve heard, Bentayga is not a Swahili word that means cross-eyed cow, but the mistake, were you to make it, is understandable. Despite the Bentley Bentayga's severe case of Strabismus, known more commonly as misaligned or crossed eyes, it has become is maker's best-selling model. It also is Bentley's first and only SUV.Chris Doane Automotive - Car and Driver

Buick Rendezvous (2002–2007)Sharing its platform and therefore its unsightly, lumpen-potato shape with the Pontiac Aztek, this poor mutant was doomed from the start. Although there is little resemblance between the Aztek and the Rendezvous, which was produced from 2002 to 2007, the Buick proved GM’s design studio could make many of the same mistakes twice.AARON KILEY

Chevrolet Trailblazer EXT/GMC Envoy XUV (2004–2005)In the early 2000s, GM’s design studio was apparently looking to corner the market on ugly SUVs, and it mostly succeeded. Two of its worst projects-besides, of course, the Aztek-were the extended-wheelbase versions of the Chevy Trailblazer and the GMC Envoy. GM stretched these rigs limo-style, adding 16-inches to their wheelbases, deforming the three-row SUVs into proportions so misshapen they have a fun house mirror quality. That the Envoy XUV's roof could be partially retracted (the part over the cargo area) for carrying tall things both made no sense and was completely overshadowed by the GMC's hideousness.

Chrysler Aspen (2007–2009)Based on the second-generation Dodge Durango, which itself looked like a Pug sucking on a lemon, the Aspen was the first SUV marketed by the Chrysler brand. That is pretty much where the fun facts end, unless you count the hybrid version Chrysler sold a few hundred of before pulling the plug. Anyway, the Aspen's overly chromed flanks go poorly with the overly flared wheel arches, while the grille appears to be pulled from a 1972 Mercedes and turned on its side. Somehow, the Chrysler still managed to be vapid and generally unattractive. Since most Americans that drive do have eyes, it was a flop.Chrysler

Dodge Nitro (2007–2012)Chrysler doubled down on hideous SUV design in 2007 by launching the Dodge Nitro, a rebadged and offensively squared-off version of the Jeep Liberty, right around the same time as the similarly bad Jeep Commander and Chrysler Aspen. Despite its overwrought flared fenders, the Nitro manages to look tall and narrow. Even more intriguing is its underbite face, which appears bearded in the style of C. Everett Koop.

Honda Crosstour (2010–2015)Honda's design team must have shaped the 2010 Crosstour on a bet. As in, "I bet we can make this new wagon/crossover look like a Platypus and the executives will still sign off on it." Well, they did and they did. The resultant Crosstour wasn't popular, but it sure was hunchbacked. After just five years and a single generation, the Crosstour was crossed out.Honda

Honda Element (2003–2011)The Honda Element seemed to be inspired by Picasso's Figure dans un Fauteuil, but it's no exercise in Cubism. Instead, it looks like a mail truck got busy with a Honda CR-V-actually, that's not far from the truth, as this relentlessly rectilinear SUV was based on the un-weird CR-V crossover. Later in its life cycle, the Element became slightly less repugnant, thanks to Honda's decision to paint more of its previously raw gray plastic bodywork.Honda

Hyundai Santa Fe (2001–2006)The original Hyundai Santa Fe is so frumpy it surely was designed by at least a dozen people who didn't talk to each other but enjoyed group play with clay like Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost. The SUV's shape is wrought with odd concavities and bulges, like Play-Doh squeezed by a child's fist; from some angles it actually appears dented, as if its front fenders have been hit with a baseball bat.Hyundai

Infiniti QX56 (2004–2010)The first-generation Infiniti QX56 (now known as the QX80) was a chromed-up version of the Nissan Pathfinder Armada, meaning that both full-size SUVs were based on the Titan pickup truck. Infiniti fitted the massive QX56 with a car-like nose and elements from its sedans, creating a centaur-like monstrosity with an oddly domed roof and none of the mystical creature’s elegance or muscularity. Its immediate followup wasn't great either, with a beluga-like front end; a refresh for 2018 transformed the design into something actually good-looking.Infiniti

Isuzu Vehicross (1999–2001)If the Suzuki Vehicross has a calling card, it's that it appears to have more bottom than top, if that makes sense. It also predates the Pontiac Aztek. When the concept version debuted at the Tokyo Auto Show in 1993, we called it fish-faced. Later, we said the production version looks like an escapee from the set of "Battlestar Galactica." Hey, it's still the only SUV ever produced with vampire fangs.Isuzu

Jeep Compass (2007–2017)The design of the current Jeep Compass is clean, decently proportioned, and appealingly upscale (in sharp contrast to the rest of the little crossover, which is decidedly down-market). Mostly, this is because the second-generation Compass resembles a smaller Grand Cherokee. Too bad the original Compass was the exact opposite, with a bug-eyed face, weird roofline, and blocky lower-body detailing. It sold in strong numbers from 2007 to 2017, though for the life of us we can't figure out why.Jeep

Lamborghini LM002 (1986–1993)Cool can be ugly, and vice versa. And SUVs don’t come much cooler or much uglier than the Rambo Lambo. Angular to a flaw, the LM002 could use a curve or two. Its body panels are as flat as Fenway’s Green Monster. And the styling, such as it is, is applied liberally and seemingly without consideration. Hey, why not bend this that way, or toss an angle there? Originally designed for military use in the 1970s, Lambo built about 300 twelve-cylinder "civilian versions" from 1986 to 1993.Al Satterwhite

Lexus LX570 (2012–present)If there’s one vehicle that combines everything wrong with Toyota and Lexus design over the last 30 years, it’s the current LX570. The luxurious Lexus version of the venerable Toyota Land Cruiser is now in its third generation and has been homely ever since it debuted in 2008. The LX grew downright grotesque in 2012 when, to the already cosmetically challenged SUV Lexus began adding mutations of its spindle grille along with low-hanging rocker trim. Today’s version of the SUV seems to be a caricature drawing of itself, and, wait, isn't it supposed to be for off-roading?Chris Doane Automotive - Car and Driver

Lincoln MKT / Town Car (2010–present)Sometime around 2006, someone at Lincoln must have decided American luxury car buyers wanted a three-row SUV with the grin of a baleen whale and the appearance of having a loaded diaper. So began the development of what would become the 2010 Lincoln MKT (at least, so we think), which was based on the Ford Flex. A minivan-esque silhouette, grossly long overhangs front and rear, and, though we've already mentioned it, that awful grille are co-conspirators in the Lincoln's ugly play. Even though the MKT remains in production for fleets and hired-car services, it has never sold in respectable numbers; fewer than 3000 were bought last year.Lincoln

Nissan Juke (2011–2017)According to Nissan, the Juke's greenhouse resembles the visor of a motorcycle helmet and the small SUV’s curvy fenders evoke the so-called "Coke bottle" styling popular in the late 1960s. It sound pretty cool, but in reality the Juke’s design is a hot mess, exacerbated by a painfully overdesigned, frog-like front end the likes of which hadn’t been seen since the Aztek was put down in 2005. Some people actually find the bug-eyed design cute. We don't.Nissan

Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet (2011–2014)Allegedly, Nissan's now-former CEO Carlos Ghosn pushed the Murano CrossCabriolet into production because his wife liked the idea of it. Well, nobody (okay, almost nobody) else did. The two-door convertible crossover was a packaging disaster and visually challenged whether its cloth top was raised or stowed. Like the Aztek 10 years its senior, the Nissan became a punchline and it lasted just three years on the market before we had to say goodbye. Bizarrely, these days CrossCabriolets enjoy a cult following; meanwhile, Mr. Ghosn, for the first time, has bigger problems than being tangled up with the CrossCab's birth story.Nissan

Subaru B9 Tribeca (2007–2014)Subaru claimed the B9 Tribeca's front-end design was inspired by Alfa Romeo race cars of the 1930s. And you could see the resemblance if you squinted really, really hard. The look, which debuted in 2006, triggered more gag reflexes than sales-or, maybe, it was the three-row crossover's inexplicable name-and an updated model with a less controversial face was rushed into production for the 2008 model year. At the same time, Subaru mercifully dropped the "B9" part from the Tribeca's name. Apparently, this arbitrage was enough; the SUV lasted essentially unchanged until its discontinuation in 2014.Subaru

Suzuki X-90 (1995–1997)The next time someone tells you there is no such thing as a bad idea, show them a picture of the Suzuki X-90, a two-seat SUV with about the passenger and cargo space of a Mazda MX-5 Miata. Basically a chopped down Suzuki Sidekick, the X-90's tiny dimensions and odd proportions kept its appeal in check. With its narrow track, high stance and tall greenhouse it looked like roller-skate. It's of little surprise, then, that the Suzuki was only sold here from 1995 to 1997.

Suzuki XL-7 (2007–2009)Automotive designers are always looking to other art disciplines for inspiration, and the designers of the Suzuki XL-7's second generation divined their vision from the face of rock god Alice Cooper. At least, they must've-how else can you explain the drooping, curvy headlights on the unpopular SUV? The XL-7 also features-if that's the right word-an oddly long nose and too long a wheelbase and overall length for its narrow gait.Suzuki

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