#still not 100% back on tumblr but slowly easing into it still but yeah

[logicheartsoul]

I don’t expect everyone to remember my birthday, especially if people are really busy and time flies by, but you would think at least one of my parents would, right?

Nope, lmao

So I guess that’s my birthday “surprise” from him today

[midknightwritings]

Helloooo just checking in if you’re still alive lmao

I hope you have a very good day! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

HI !! I'M ALIVE I PROMISE 🥺

I'm so sorry for being inactive for so long, I'm gonna be real with yall... Classes wooped my ass for the past few months LMFAO

It was project after assignment after project after exam... I was honestly so busy that I wasn't even able to open Tumblr this entire time 😭 Today was the first time I hopped back on orz

So yeah !! I'm so sorry for just disappearing without even giving you all a heads up... That's a bad habit I tend to have especially when something irl pops up out of nowhere.

It was kinda annoying because every time I genuinely thought I'd get time to write, my classes went "SIKE" then immediately flooded me with assignments LMFAO

BUT I'M BACK FORREAL THIS TIME CUZ IM FINALLY FREE WAHAHA~☆

Don't worry !! I'm going to be catching up with all your requests [ I read through them all and I love them so much !! ] so I'll slowly ease my way back into the rhythm with one post per week minimum 💕

THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME, I'M SO SORRY AGAIN FOR MY SUDDEN INACTIVENESS BUT I'M BACK I PROMISE~

I also wanna say thank you for all the support you guys gave me even when I was inactive, especially with 100+ followers 🥺 It means a lot to me that you guys enjoy my works ❤️

I have something planned for the 100 followers special but I'm also open to ideas if you guys wanna see anything specific from me :D So just let me know !!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Taking a Break.

(Aug 24 to Sept 14/20)

So.

You may have guessed this was coming with my hinted responses to recent posts. I talked with a few Lovelies behind the scenes to help ease my fears about this decision. I’ve done a lot of reflective thinking for the past few weeks, and I’ve decided that when I have a three week break from work, I am also going to take advantage of that and take a three week break from here as well.

This is not something any of y’all did. Please do not think this. This is a “Steph hasn’t had time for herself since last summer” thing, a “Steph puts too much on her own shoulders because she doesn’t feel she deserves her own time” thing, a “Steph just needs a break” thing. And it’s been made even worse with C-19 because I’m NEVER off of the same computer nor couch. Before, I’d go to and from work, and blogging in the evenings was fun, because I didn’t do it during the day. Then on weekends, I’d answer asks and leave for the gym, spend a bit of my day running around, and come home, play again on Tumblr, and repeat.

Now, on work days, I literally wake up, spend 16 hours on my laptop, and then go to bed. Weekends, I FEEL obligated to be on Tumblr to help curate the community I love treasure so dearly, so ANOTHER day or so of my weekend is dedicated to making sure I have content for the following week to come, because HEY I can’t leave home anyway, MAY AS WELL. 

My blog is nearly a full time job, one I volunteer my free time for (I have a Ko.fi, shameless segue). I spend about 30 hours a week answering asks, filing my posts, searching for stuff for people, collecting reblog threads and chains, and generally trying to keep a positive attitude because I know so many of y’all come here for safety, love, happiness, and escapism. And I do it ALL because I LOVE doing it. I love being a curator of fandom. I love having a blog that people know they can come and generally have a good time. I love all of my friends and lurkers and the people who help me make this blog an interactive one.

The problem is that with never leaving home, I am becoming emotionally drained, very depressed, and am slowly not enjoying doing this anymore. I DON’T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. So after a lot of discussions with a few people and self reflection, I’ve decided I need Steph-Time™, and I need to FEEL like I’m not obligated to be here all the time, just like I needed time away from work. As I explained to my boss, I just need that time to not feel obligated to answer calls and Slack messages without feeling guilty about it. It’s different when I have a Work Computer and a Home Computer. My home computer is supposed to be Fun Stuff. Now it’s not, because work bothers me on my fun computer. He agreed, as did the Lovelies who I talked to behind the scenes.

I love you guys SO MUCH, and I love receiving the asks I get, but some days, a dozen asks daily becomes overwhelming and new fic lists and song recs become intimidating. I need a break. It’s taken me a lot to say that, because I am crying writing this because I feel so many people need me, and I genuinely don’t feel like I deserve a break ever, because there are people who come to me for comfort and need it more than I need a break.

But the ironic thing is that I can’t help anyone if I’m not taking care of myself. How fitting that my own advice to others comes back to slap me in the face, eh?

So, here’s what’s happening then, because I KNOW I can’t 100% stay away from here...

I am taking 3 weeks off from work starting August 24 until September 14. My “obligation break” from Tumblr will be during that time as well. I say “obligation” because Tumblr feels like I HAVE to do it. I don’t want that. I want to see what it’s like being you guys again, just taking in content, and coming on occasionally, post up shit photos of myself, LOL.

During said break, ALL ASKS AND SUBMISSIONS WILL BE TURNED OFF. I want to, IF I FEEL LIKE IT, take the time to answer some old asks. Essentially, I just want to do my blog because I feel like it, not because I NEED NEW CONTENT. Yeah, I think that’s what stresses me out, is because I’m TERRIFIED that y’all will leave me if I don’t keep producing new stuff, so I just.... never stop, and it’s draining me.

As an exception to the off-inbox rule, ASKS WILL BE TURNED ON ON AUGUST 27 ONLY. That is my birthday, and I know some people will want to send me well wishes. If you send me an un-related ask on that day, I probably won’t answer it unless it’s one of those ones I can answer quickly. But yeah, my birthday is on the 27, if anyone is interested in that sort of thing.

WEDNESDAY FIC LISTS WILL NOT BE PUBLISHED DURING THESE THREE WEEKS. Namely because I have exactly 4 lists ready to go, and I plan on using them for the this and the three subsequent Sundays. 

Five Fics Friday is still on, as is Fic Rec Sunday. 5FF will probably be fave fics instead of new MFLs, so I’m sorry about that. The Sunday lists are already done and therefore not going to stress me out.

I’m not leaving completely. I’m still here, I just, like I said, need that obligation element removed from my brain. You guys have NO CLUE how guilty I feel every day when I have to choose one or another ask because of the quickness of one ask over another, or the fact that This Day was a Bad Day™ and I can’t answer advice asks in a bad headspace. I need that element removed to just the asks I’ve already got, and let myself answer them on my own time. Draft a slew of them to post when I return (I mean, y’all have been waiting months/years on some of my asks, what’s another three weeks, LOL), and head back with a clear head to better help you guys.

So LITERALLY, the only difference you guys will notice is the lack of NEW posts. My queue is full for the next MONTH, so literally you would not even know I was gone unless you tried to send me an ask or a DM.

Let’s be real here, guys, I’m not going to completely disconnect for 3 weeks. Y’all will be yelling at me to get off and go outside, LOL.

So what am I doing with my 3 weeks then? Updating my resumé, learn some new art skills, go for my Big Walks™ I haven’t been doing, play some video games, get my hair cut, maybe get my cat. Do and post up some of my art I’ve been meaning to finish. You know, stuff that not-losers do, LOL.

Anyway, unlike Mofftiss, please don’t give up on me after three (weeks) :D I just need a mental health check, is really all this is. I’m having a hard time disconnecting work from leisure and I need to do that again. <3 

I will be back, I promise!! And hopefully better. <3

This is a very difficult decision for me, because I’ve been running this blog at full steam for about FIVE YEARS NON-STOP. All because I’m scared of hurting people. I hope you all understand.

I love you guys so much. <3

~Steph

[one-boring-person]

You Died!

Alaric Saltzman x Reader

Context: Set towards the end of episode 20 of season 3, just after Alaric has completed his transformation. The reader is Ric's best friend and is distraught after finding out he will ultimately die, not yet knowing Esther has made him complete the transition.

Warnings: Blood, some death, "lethal" biting

A/N: This is my first time using Tumblr as a writing platform, so forgive me if the format is a bit off.

Exhilaration courses through me at the sensation of the wind rushing around me, the cold air blocked out by my riding leathers, thankfully, my helmet preventing my eyes from tearing up, keeping my vision clear enough for me to navigate the dark, twisting road with ease. Beneath me, my black and chrome roadster growls loudly, the vehicle responding to my every move with a sensitivity it’s always had, the engines revving as I push the bike into a faster pace, knowing no one else will hear me out here. Normally, I would never consider going out at this time, especially not on the motorbike, and definitely not at this ungodly speed, but after today’s events, I feel as if nothing else will clear my head sufficiently.

Tightening my grip on the handlebars, I try to ignore the grief gnawing away at my heart, planning to deal with it tomorrow in whatever way I feel fit, whether that be drinking ridiculous volumes of whiskey or beating up some poor punching bag somewhere, or doing something much more dangerous. For now, all I want to do is forget about the fact that my best friend died, or is currently dying, and that there’s nothing I can do about it. And I never got to tell him how I really feel. At that, I grit my teeth and accelerate the motorbike again, nearly hitting the 100 mph mark on the metre as I drive around the winding bends of the deserted road, the thrill at riding at such a speed doing little to cure my current state of mind, only reminding me of what he would say if he saw me being as reckless as this. Under my helmet visor, I feel a tear roll down my cheek, leaving a hot trail in its wake.

Turning a corner, I brake a little as I catch sight of the thick bank of fog that seems to occupy the road, unsure of whether or not to continue on into it; after all, Klaus is still out there and up to his tricks. Too late, I figure out the bike won't slow down in time to avoid it, so I carry on through the eerie white mist, cutting the speed slightly, only to push it back up again as I decide to get through it as fast as possible, even if I can barely see a thing. The headlight seems to do nothing, the pale light catching on the fog, making it appear thicker than it actually is, illuminating only what is directly in front of the front tyre.

For what feels like hours but is in fact only minutes, I drive through the bank of fog, slightly confused as to its sudden appearance, until I reach an abrupt break in the suffocating cover, everything becoming clear and visible very swiftly. I only have a second to register the figure standing in the road, in which time I sharply pull the handlebars to the side, tilting the bike dangerously as it skids past, the wheels losing traction on the slick tarmac, careening into the side of the road. As it makes contact with the barrier, I am flung from the seat, the world spinning in my view briefly before I crash to the floor, my body smashing against rocks and tree branches as it rolls over and over, coming to a halt at the base of a road sign, pain exploding across me from multiple points of my body. Breathing hard, I try to move, only to find myself incapable of doing so without invoking a sharp stab of agony from my new injuries, leaving me lying helplessly at the side of the road, bruises littering my skin, my conscience slowly starting to fade.

A pair of hands on my waist snap me from the cloud of pain, the appendages roughly pulling me up onto someone's shoulder as they carry me back onto the road, their breathing as heavy as mine. A whimper of pain leaves my lips at the jolting motions, the air leaving my lungs as I am thrown, violently, onto the tarmac, my head cracking against it slightly as my helmet absorbs the shock. Agony erupts in my limbs and chest, drawing a long, low groan from me as I try to find my assailant, confusion and horror filling me as I recognise the person standing over me. Bending over, he harshly pulls my helmet off my head, revealing my bruised face to the world as he looks down into it in disgust.

“Alaric?” I croak out coarsely, thinking I’m hallucinating, spitting out a mouthful of blood as it wells up in my throat, signalling to me that I have internal bleeding. Above me, my best friend and crush of six years eyes the trail of crimson liquid as it flows over my face, a hungry look in his now-dark eyes.

“(Y/N).” His voice is low and sinister, the tone proving to me it’s not the caring man I know and love, but the side of him I’ve come to call Psycho Alaric, due to his murderous tendencies.

“Y-You died...” The words are forced as I feel the agony of my injuries, both mental and physical, start to take over my body, more blood flowing from my parted lips.

Above me, Alaric crouches down to my level, a predatory look on his handsome face as he stares at my prone figure, taking in the torn riding leathers, as well as the darkening bruises surrounding my jaw and temple.

“I did.” He simply states before reaching down to me, pushing his arms under my torso as he pulls my body closer to his, one of his hands cupping the back of my head, threading his fingers tightly in my hair, the overall movement wringing a quiet whimper from me. Hearing this, Alaric licks his lips, his eyes roaming over the blood covering my chin, dropping to the skin at my neck.

“What...What're you doing?” I question him, fear starting to accompany the throbbing pain in my body as he lowers his face to mine, his breath fanning over my skin, hotly. At any other time, I would’ve felt giddy at the thought of being so close to him, but now it scares me – there’s something off about him.

In way of reply, Alaric leans further into me, his familiar scent overwhelming me, as well as the sharp odour of blood, swiftly swiping his tongue over my chin, drawing up the crimson liquid staining my skin, a surprised grunt leaving my lips as a hungry groan leaves his. Pulling away, he looks down at me with obvious desire, his face suddenly changing as familiar veins form under his eyes, his lips pulling back to reveal razor sharp fangs, the overall expression not unlike that of a vampire's. In seconds, he pulls me to him, crushing my body against his as he sinks his teeth into my neck, biting into the soft skin with ease, blood flowing from the wound into his mouth, his hot tongue swiping over the area a few times to draw up every drop of the hot liquid. Around my head and shoulders, his grip tightens, the sensation of him sucking my blood out of my arteries somehow feeling euphoric in comparison with the previous, agonising pain from the crash, a sigh falling from my tongue, moans and grunts of appreciation and need leaving the lips he has pressed against my neck.

Already, I feel my conscience leaving me, black spots appearing all over my vision as he finally pulls away, blood coating his chin and lips, satisfaction evident in his eyes as the veins and fangs retreat, dropping my limp body to the ground as he stands, wiping the substance away with his sleeve. Giving me one last glance, he smirks down at me before leaving my broken body lying on the tarmac, the pain becoming too much for me to bear as I finally fall into the darkness at the edge of my vision.

*

Bright light assaults my eyes as I crack them open, a dull ache starting in my head as I try to lift my hands to rub them, trying my best to remember where I am and how I got here. Coming up blank initially, I look around at the room I’m in, recognising the bed beneath me as belonging to one of the Salvatores, Damon in particular, meaning I'm in the boarding house.

“Morning, sleepy head.” A familiar voice greets me from the corner behind the bed, a quick look proving to me that it is, in fact, Damon.

“W-what happened?” I manage to croak out at him, confusion lacing my voice as I try to recall how I got here, staring blearily at the raven haired vampire as he rolls his eyes, exasperated at my question.

“You crashed your motorbike, I think. I found you a couple of hours ago with your body broken and bruised as hell, and with an impressive bite mark to top it all off. You were nearly completely drained of blood.” He responds, his tone light even though I can see the worry in his piercing eyes.

At his words, the events that got me here rush back, the images of Alaric drinking from my neck sparking a sense of dread in me.

“Alaric.” I mumble, knowing Damon will hear me, even from his position across the room. Instantly, I find the vampire standing at the side of the bed, having used his unnatural speed to reach me, a confused and curious look in his eyes.

“Alaric? What do you mean?” His voice is tight at the thought of his friend.

Swiftly, I explain everything to him, watching as a look of grim horror crosses his handsome face, realisation setting into me. Alaric, somehow, made the transition.

As if on cue, a bang from another room interrupts the silence that has settled on us, drawing my attention towards the door, a confused look on my face.

“That’ll be Bonnie.” Damon muses, brow creased a little as he stands, looking back down at me.

“Bonnie?” I question him, puzzled.

“Yeah, Alaric got her, too.”

Shock fixes me in place for a second before I can speak again.

“He did? How?”

A pained expression crosses his face at my question, the subject obviously a sensitive one.

“Our old friend the Original Witch possessed her to go and help him complete the transition. It was her blood that sealed the deal.”

“Esther did this?” Horror and hopelessness well up in at the idea of the witch being back, especially when I consider the fact that Alaric's fate has been sealed by her, at which point anger accompanies the initial feelings.

“Yep. I’m gonna go deal with Bonnie now. Get some rest, you'll need it for tomorrow.” Damon suggests, smiling slightly as he turns and leaves the room, allowing me to try and fall asleep once more, which is easier said than done, what with the turbulent thoughts and crippling grief churning around in my mind. Eventually, though, I manage to tire myself out, my body forcing itself to sleep.

[svts-junhui]

Wonwoo x Reader | I Promise

A/N: I wrote this for a friend of mine like 2 years ago and honestly 🤷🏼‍♀️ I was kinda proud of it but I didn’t know how tumblr would react to it.

Count: 969 (I swear this wasn’t on purpose)

Warnings: other than ~drug use~ (don’t do drugs, kids) nothing really bad about this one

“Take a hit of this,” Wonwoo said, passing the joint that was rolled tightly to a crisp. It was still lit, and smoke was pouring out of the end of it.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You know i’m not into that stuff,” you spat at him, not meaning to come off as harsh as you did. You pushed his hand that was holding the illegal substance away, drawing imaginary circles on your left thigh with the other hand. It was just a nervous tick that you had, especially when you were being pressured into something.

“C’mon, just one hit. It’s not going to hurt you, rather, it might help you.” He held out the blunt, flame now extinguished. “I can even light it for you, if you want. Just listen, whatever happens will be kept between us, okay? I promise.”

Those two words sent a million different scenes running through your mind, the painful memories slowly seeping back in, causing you to almost shut down completely.

*****

“Just give me your hand. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

You grabbed Yoongi’s hand, and he helped you pull yourself up the rock wall. It was your first date. You’ve never done anything like this before, and you sure as hell wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of your crush. His gesture to help you through this first obstacle gave you hope that maybe he would help you through others in life.

“You got this, love. I promise.”

The words he said to you before your first performance. You were casted in your favorite musical and had your dream role. Nothing could possibly get better, but in the back of your mind, you knew it could get worse. When your anxiety kicked in, you knew it was going to be awful. Yoongi helped you through your attack, and you managed to kill the first show, despite being mentally unstable.

“If you don’t want to do this, I’ll stop. I promise.”

The first time you gave yourself to someone. You completely let go. You let Yoongi take full control. You loved every second of it, but knew you would regret it later. Eventually, you came to realize why this was such a bad decision on your part.

“I’ll never forget you. I promise.”

The words he said the day that he left you. Tears were streaming down your face, and puddles were forming on the fabric of your t-shirt. Thinking of everything you were and could’ve been fucking hurt. But there was nothing you could do, as it was completely inevitable.

*****

“Is everything alright? I’m really not trying to get you to do anything that you don’t want to do. I just know that you said you wanted to try it,” he shrugged. “I figured I’d give you the opportunity now.”

You thought about it for a bit longer, running the possible outcomes that could result from this through your head. “I mean, you do realize that weed is good for people with high stress levels, right? Like, you definitely could use this. It would be dumb of you not to-“

You reached out and grabbed the joint, putting it into your mouth. Having no knowledge of what to do or how to do it, he blatantly chuckled at you when you coughed a lot after your first hit.

All you could really remember was how you felt a sudden relief wash over you. After the giggling, you felt calm and relaxed (only to feel extremely paranoid that the police would find you, to which you brought it to Wonwoo’s attention, and he eased your worries yet again).

The small remainder of the joint was shared between the two of you, with Wonwoo letting you get the last bit of it. You were now curled up into him, your head rested on his shoulder and his arm was draped around you. Silence fell over you two, and you oddly looked at each other at the exact same time.

“You’re so beautiful,” he stated, to which you didn’t know if it was the marijuana talking, or if he was actually being truthful.

“You’re more beautiful.” You booped his nose, causing you go into a laughing fit yet again. Wonwoo rested his hand upon the side of your face and turned your head so that you were looking straight at him. Something in your head told you to look away, but you knew you couldn’t. There was no way that you could possibly turn your head away from such a handsome boy like him. He dropped his hand down to your chin, lifting it up slightly. He loved the way the light shined on your defined cheekbones.

He leaned in, placing the softest little kiss on your lips. One little peck turned into multiple, then turned into frenchs, and you were both just exploring each other’s mouths.

You’ve never felt so on fire. The feeling that he gave you during this intimate time was unlike anything that Yoongi made you feel.

Oh, yeah.

Yoongi.

You felt a bit of guilt. Until you thought about the day he left you. This caused you pain, and Wonwoo noticed that you still felt hurt.

He pulled you in closer. “Baby, I know that you’re hurting, and I would love to be able to fix you. Please, let me give you what you deserve.”

And with that, your heart was pounding harder than it’s ever pounded before.

Let’s just say, you were also pounded harder than ever before. ;)

The night was filled with weed, sex, and pure love. You finally found someone who cherished not only your body, but your personality. He’s 100% in it for you and your mental well-being.

And, trust me. That is the most attractive thing a man has to offer.

[femmequixotic]

It’s been too long...

Hello, sweet Tumblr, long time, no see!

Please forgive my four and a half month absence; I have been experiencing real life drama worthy of Tales from the Special Branch itself, including an extended ridiculously stupid work brouhaha that has been an enormous headache, as well as dealing with some health things: the cancer recurrence watch is still on a wait-and-see, we-don’t-know-wtf-is-going-on, it-could-be-bad-or-it-could-be-nothing-who-the-fuck-knows protocol, but, due to extreme stress over that and work, this spring I’ve also had the worst Ehlers-Danlos flare that I’ve had in years, which has caused a rather difficult amount of sometimes excruciating chronic pain on a near-daily basis for months so far. Fuck my stupid achy bendy dislocating joints. :| Anyway, long story short, despite some good aspects, overall it’s been a rough few months for both Noe and myself, and I went from not having time to write to not having the emotional space to write when my schedule eased up. 

Honestly, it took me months to also realize that the exhaustion and lack of interest I had in anything that wasn’t work or playing Bubble Witch 3 on my phone was not a normal life response but rather the depression that runs in my family raising its head again. Fun times! It always surprises me how insidiously depression creeps up, and how hard it can be for me to recognize it when it does. I’ve lived with depression so often through my life that my baseline feels pretty high and a lot of times if I’m not weepingly sad, I don’t always understand what my brain chemistry is doing right away. This was one of those times when I thought I was coping until I wasn’t. Looking back, I can see how and why my depression hit me, but in the middle of it all, I just thought I was so damn tired from too much work and being in pain. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.

Trust me when I say that if you need medication to deal with depression and anxiety, please talk to your doctor about what might work for you. I finally scraped together the gumption to ask, and it is amazing what a difference meds can make. For the first time in months, I feel maybe not great but okay, which is all right for now, I think. I’m starting to write again, and Noe and I have been rereading Special Branch and smoothing out the upcoming plot. So you should be seeing a chapter of Set Me Free in the next week, week and a half, if all goes well. (My wife has been an incredible support in encouraging me in how to begin to pull some of the SMF threads together whenever I’ve been overwhelmed with the practical process of writing because my brain is still a little wobbly. She is a gem among women, let me tell you.)

Finally, thank you so much to those of you who’ve left me messages recently, asking how I’ve been doing. Please know how much I appreciate your concern. I never intended to worry anyone; unfortunately that sometimes is an unexpected side effect of depression. :( My mental and physical health may not be back to 100%, but depression-wise I’m better than I have been recently, and even if my body is still hurting and I don’t really know what’s happening with my health, I’m finally wanting to write, and hey, all in all, that’s pretty okay, yeah?

So tl;dr, yes, I’m still writing, if slowly, and those of you still following Tales from the Special Branch should all keep an eye out for a new SMF chapter very soon!

[writehardwhumpharder]

OC Drabble - Nick faints from low blood sugar

Quick rant: Ugh, I live right in the middle of town, totally urban area, and yet my wifi thinks I'm in the fucking mountains or something. I'd probably post more fics if it didn't take me at least 2 or 3 tries just to get tumblr to actually post anything. And each time I have to rewrite the tags and title and stuff.

They were all in the same boat here -- well, airship -- but Nick felt like he was struggling more than everyone else seemed to be. They crash landed in the desert four days ago, and only packed enough emergency food for two. So now the whole team, Nick, Leah, and Dylan, moped around the beat up ship waiting for someone to come save them. Leah was still hard at work trying to fix the main control board, how she had the energy to do it he had no idea. There was plenty of water on the ship so they weren't in any real danger, but somehow that thought didn't fill the empty void in his stomach.

"Nick, come over here and hold the wrench for me." Leah called from behind a heap of metal. Nick's entire body protested the idea but he dragged himself to his feet and shuffled over to her. The least he could do was sit there and hold some tools.

"I'm starving." Dylan groaned as he walked onto the bridge. "I've searched this place top to bottom and there's nothing, nothing!" He said, being his usual melodramatic self. Leah sighed.

"I told you two days ago that we had depleted the ship's food reserves. I checked the entire cargo log and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He muttered, flopping down into a cushioned seat and closing his eyes. Nick was a little jealous. He wanted nothing more than to sleep. He didn't feel like he could do much more than that anyway. Leaning against the ship's control panel, holding various tools while Leah messed around inside, Nick tried to get his sluggish brain to think of anything other than food. Or their lack of it.

His stomach cramped suddenly and he groaned in pain. Nick was pretty sure his intestines were eating themselves at this point and that's why they hurt so god damn much. Stifling a moan, Nick wrapped his free arm tight around his middle and waited for it to pass.

"If you're hungry, go drink some water." Leah said. Anger welled up inside Nick at the sheer ridiculousness of that statement. Even the hot broth Dylan made last night did little to ease any of their hunger. Nick got up and pretended to go grab some anyway. He really planned on just going to his quarters and not coming back. As much as he knew he should be helping, he didn't want his team members to see him like this. The narrow hallway swirled around dizzily like it sometimes did when he had too much to drink and he found himself banging his right shoulder on the hall as he staggered every couple steps. Maybe the hallway was slanted from the crash, he wondered, yeah that must be it.

"I swear to god, if someone doesn't come rescue us soon..." Nick said to himself as he more or less fell down on top of his bed.

"You'll what?" Dylan asked from the doorway.

"You followed me? Seriously? Go away, I'm sleeping." Nick made a show of turning his back to Dylan as he pulled a thin blanket over himself.

"Well, actually. I was kinda worried about you... You look... bad." He said quietly, knowing how Nick wouldn't like acknowledging the poor state he was in. Though he was too tired to get geniunely annoyed.

"Oh yeah? Look in the mirror." His voice was muffled slightly by his pillow. Dylan stayed where he stood in the doorway, watching him.

"I'm serious. You look like you're about to pass out or something. We all feel pretty bad right now, but you..." He trailed off. Dylan had the terrible suspicion that Nick wouldn't tell them if something was really wrong with him because everyone was hungry and he didn't want to complain.

"Hence why I'm laying down, asshole," Nick's breath caught in his throat as another sharp pain shot through his stomach, "Leave me alone." Nick growled, his voice strained. Dylan didn't take it personally, Nick always got grumpy when he was hungry, and right now they were a couple days past that. Once Dylan's footsteps retreated into the hallway Nick sighed then wrapped an arm tight around his stomach as his intestines twisted into knots. Why did he have to skip breakfast before this mission?

A few hours passed before Nick gave up on sleeping entirely. The hunger just wouldn't let him. He pushed himself to his feet shakily and not a second later the emergency alarm started blaring. This loudness alone was enough to inspire an instant headache. Nick buttoned up his shirt in an effort to not look like total crap and staggered toward the bridge. Despite how weak he felt, he managed a light jog, using the wall for support. The alarm only seemed to get louder as he approached the bridge, the sound echoeing around the oddly shaped room. By the time Nick reached the control panel where Leah was working the alarm abruptly shut off and a sharp ringing pierced his ears in its absence. Dylan got there at about the same time he did and the two made confused eye contact.

"What's going on?" He asked, out of breath. The short jog left Nick incredibly winded.

"Sorry. The alarm was triggered automatically after I got the power back on. The ship is just now reading the damage from the crash." Leah said from behind the control panel. She'd been working on it almost nonstop for the last four days and sagged visibly from exhaustion once it was finally done. Nick stepped past her, checking their communication equipment. If the base didn't get their distress signal he would need to tell them their location. The radio crackled to life but they were met with empty static. Nick started repeating a brief statement about their status over and over again until someone from their base responded.

Well, saying they responded would be generous. The warbled sound of a women's voice came through in choppy pieces, bits of whatever she was saying getting cut off every few seconds. Nick put his finger down on a button and a little red light turned on to let him know that they were transmitting. He repeated the statement a couple more times before giving up. They just had to hope that someone could track their location and come get them, preferably soon.

A wave of dizziness washed over Nick's body, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. He leaned forward on the control panel heavily, closing his eyes. He tried to take a deep breath, letting his head fall forward. When that didn't help he put his elbows down on the raised console to better steady himself.

"Guys, are you really, like, 100% sure that there's nothing left to eat?" Nick said, his voice sounding weak and far away. Dylan looked up at him, his eyes going wide at how pale he had gotten in the past few seconds.

"We split the rations evenly, stop complaining. There's no food and whining won't-"

"Shut up, Leah!" Dylan snapped in concern.

Nick's vision swam and blurred out of focus. He tried to blink it away but everything around him only got fuzzier.

"Ni- you, can- you, hear m-" the sound of Dylan's voice came to him from some long tunnel, the words fading in and out. His brain tried to pick apart the question but everything was out of order. Nick was dimly aware of his his arms going slack as he fell forwards, hitting his head on the control panel, hard. Leah winced at the sound his skull made on impact, quickly moving to grab him under the arms before he got the chance to then smack his head on the metal floor too. His eyes fluttered for a moment before rolling back completely and Leah struggled to gently lower him to the ground. Nick had gone completely limp in her arms and crumpled down to the floor in a graceless heap. Dylan was by his side in an instant.

"Nick, hey, wake up." Dylan slapped at his cheek, noting the trace of blood on his forehead. A quick glance at the controls confirmed a matching red spot where his head had hit. While Dylan hovered over Nick's face Leah grabbed one of his wrists and felt his pulse, ever the practical one.

"His pulse is a little too fast. And I'm worried about his head." Leah informed. Dylan gave her a "no shit" look and felt the spot at the top of Nick's forehead which was already beginning to swell.

Nick groaned suddenly, twitching his head. The movement must have hurt because his eyes closed even tighter as he grimaced. Dylan tried calling his name again, touching his face gently.

Nick's eyes opened slowly and stopped at about halfway. They were unfocused and lazily trailing around the ceiling above him.

"Can you hear me? Come on Nick look at me!" Dylan demanded. He wasn't too worried about the fact that he fainted from low blood sugar. It was the fainting AND the head-slamming.

"Nngghhh." Nick made some sort of noise which was neither a yes or a no. He tried to focus his eyes on Dylan which only made him feel dizzy and nauseous. "Aghh." He moaned in pain. His body which was completely boneless a second ago was suddenly tense as Nick curled in on himself in what was, unmistakably, the fetal position. He looked so vulnerable like that with his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. The hollowness in Nick's stomach bit at him again. Someone tried to nudge a glass of water in his direction but Nick didn't dare to move when he was in so much pain.

"It might help." Leah said, her voice as kind and soft as it ever got.

"I don't want any- f-fucking water." Nick said through clenched teeth.

"Hang in there buddy," Dylan said. He only called him 'buddy' when he was somehow sick or injured. Which, now that he thought about it, happened way too often. "I'm sure someone will come for us soon."

Nick suddenly became aware of the fact that he was lying on the floor with Leah and Dylan sitting on either side of him. He took one look at Dylan's tired and sunken eyes and was confronted by a wave of guilt. They were all suffering and here he was making a scene.

Dylan nearly jumped when Nick bolted upright without any warning. His body screamed at him as he forced himself to straighten.

"Woah, woah, woah. Lay back down you just passed out AND hit your head really hard on the way down."

"Is that why my head hurts so much?" Nick asked dryly continuing his slow battle to a standing position. Using the railing next to them he pushed himself to his feet, swaying dangerously.

"Seriously, you're gonna hurt yourself." Leah chimed in, rising to stand behind him as a precaution.

"I'm fine." Nick said, sounding not at all convincing. Nick clutched onto the railing for dear life as he swayed drunkenly. He tried to take a shuffling step away from his worried team but it was like a rug was ripped out from under his feet. Luckily Leah was ready to grab him again when he pitched forward.

Nick just felt so tired, so empty. And his head was starting to throb like a bitch. His breathing sped up as he tried to make some sense of the world spinning around him.

Strong hands replaced Leah's and Nick felt someone pick him up, one arm around his back and the other under his knees. Dylan was careful not to jostle him too much as he picked him up with ease, making it look as simple as picking up a small child who fell asleep in the car. Looking down he noticed that Nick nearly was asleep. He hit his head pretty hard but not hard enough for a concussion so Dylan let him doze off. The last thing Nick felt was something soft under his cheek as Dylan set him down on his bed.

[imnotcameraready]

hey um tumblr wasn’t letting me. put in a read-more on this? and im not here to post a 100+ word fanfiction without a cut off so im reposting in the hopes that staff doesn’t wreck me :’D @forrestwyrm here ya go!

Prompt 16 — “YOU SAID TO BE HONEST STOP HITTING ME!”

Warnings: u h h self-deprecation, swearing/cussing, Insecure Roman and Insecure Deceit™™™™™ — mostly a lot of fluff lm a o 

Words: 2013!

enjoy!!! <3 

Deceit hadn’t expected Roman’s hands to be so soft. Sure, it made sense, Roman had a skin care regiment and had lotion on his hands nearly constantly, but Deceit thought that would just make his scales feel greasy. Like, he might actually become a slimy snake after this, as Thomas so colorfully phrased it.

“Stop creasing your brow,” Roman whispered, leaning in closer.

For the third time in the past hour day, Deceit had to refrain from rolling his eyes. He didn’t want to ruin anything Roman had already done. Instead, he just shifted his hold on Roman’s back, hands sliding down to his hips as Roman scooted closer in his lap. Of all the ways to be sitting, too. It was bad enough that he was letting Roman so close to his face, but this was just degrading.

“Of course, your highness,” Deceit’s voice may have dripped with sarcasm, but that was only to hide the fact that he was actually enjoying the situation.

Finally, after days, probably weeks of asking and hounding and begging, Deceit was letting Roman do his make-up.

Roman had roped everyone into it at least once. First was Patton, as always. Patton was always on board with Roman’s antics; he’d actually approached Roman himself, asking if Roman could do his face, and Roman jumped at the chance. He gave Patton a whole look, with everything from a light bronze highlight to some baby blue eyeshadow and dark blue eyeliner. It became a weekly tradition, then, for Roman to test out some make-up techniques he’d seen on Youtube on Patton, for the two of them to exit Roman’s room with some of the most extravagant looks that the others had ever seen.

Every so often, Roman slipped the idea of Logan with make-up. “Every so often” being nearly twice a day, much to the logical side’s chagrin, with Patton quickly bouncing between being enthralled by the idea of seeing Logan in make-up and promising that he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to. Logan never outright refused, but he did point out that it was a waste of time. When Patton pointed out that it would be a good bonding experience, ergo not a waste, Logan relented.

Roman did his best to keep Logan’s minimalist design preferences in mind, and thus kept the palette even, without too much glitter or shine. While he’d never admit it, Logan adored the blue-to-black gradient eyeliner. It was sleek, professional. His actions spoke enough, though, as he wore it for the rest of the day.

Seeing Logan enjoy the make-up got Virgil intrigued. Roman brought the idea up once or twice or fifty times, and Virgil was defenseless against Patton’s puppy-dog eyes once he began helping Roman in the convincing. He joined Roman and Patton at one make-up session immediately after Logan’s make over, because he wasn’t about to sit in a room with just Princey and let his appearance get judged.

Virgil would never admit how much he really loved the black lipstick, the way the lilac highlighter sharpened his cheekbones, the way the blood red eyeshadow matched with the black below his eyes. Okay, yeah, so maybe he almost started crying when he saw himself, but that was just because Princey got some eyeshadow in his eye. Not because he was surprised at how beautiful he was. Patton and Roman didn’t bring it up.

But now even Virgil had done it. And, as Deceit appeared more often in their common rooms, more casual with the other four, Roman decided he’d be his next model.

It had taken months — MONTHS, even Logan wasn’t that much of a stick in the mud, JESUS CHRIST — but finally, here they were, Deceit stiff as a board with Roman sitting in his lap. It was bad enough that Deceit had his eyes closed and couldn’t see what the creative side was doing, but the position they were sat in was almost too close for comfort. It was good Deceit had insisted they be alone, too. He didn’t want any of the others to see him like….this.

“I hope you know how to clean your scales after this,” Roman mumbled, leaning above Deceit’s head, “There might be glitter there.”

Deceit groaned. “There better not be too much or it’s never coming out.”

“Whoops. You’re a glitter noodle, now.”

“You are insufferable.”

Roman chuckled, then brushed a hand through Deceit’s hair, pulling it out of his face again. He leaned forward again, biting his lip and inspecting his handiwork thus far. “I think it needs one more pass with some eyeshadow, and then we’re done.”

Deceit’s lip twitched. “Wonderful.” Roman had been sitting on him for about an hour, and his legs were growing numb.

He could feel Roman’s brush dabbing lightly over his human eyelid and fought the instinct to open his eyes. Truthfully, he was excited to see what it looked like, what colors he’d chosen, if he looked okay. Deceit had considered doing make-up before, but never to make himself look pretty. When he was still planning his first interaction with Thomas, Deceit had thought of using SFX make-up to hide his scales, but scrapped the idea when he decided to impersonate Patton. If he was going to be shape shifting so much, then the logistics of shape shifting with half his face covered in thick fake-skin would add complications he didn’t want to deal with.

“Alright,” Roman patted his cheek and Deceit could feel him climb off of his lap, “Open your eyes, let’s see.”

Deceit blinked his eyes open and hissed at the brightness of the lights. Roman laughed at him, now standing beside the bed. He was packing away the make-up palettes and brushes, reorganizing them in the containers he kept at his vanity.

“It’s bright.”

“You just had your eyes closed,” Roman reminded him.

Deceit finally got to roll his eyes. “Touché. Where’s your mirror?”

He went towards the vanity, lightbulbs turned on, and climbed off of Roman’s bed toward it. Before he could get on his feet, though, Roman jumped in front of it, arms wrapped behind his back as though trying to be casual. Deceit squinted, confused by the motion.

“Are you sure?” Roman asked, now a little...well, his nonchalant tone was clearly forced, and the higher pitch betrayed his nervousness.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Deceit tried to look at the mirror around him, but Roman move in the way. He shot Roman a confused expression. “What, did you draw something on my face?”

“No!” Roman put up his hands defensively.

When Deceit cocked an eyebrow at him, Roman lowered them, exhaling slowly. He was steeling himself. “I just….okay, you have to tell me. What you think.”

Deceit frowned. What an odd request. “Of cou—”

“Honestly,” Roman said, shifting his weight on his feet, “You must be honest.”

Ah. Did Roman think it looked that bad? Deceit wasn’t exactly a model, but he didn’t think he looked that ugly. Plus wasn’t the point of make-up to make him look better?

His shoulders fell, brow furrowing. The scales might have been too hard for Roman to work with. Or Roman wasn’t confident in how he did.

You know, the more Deceit thought about it, that was probably it. Insecure as ever.

“Fine.”

Roman stepped aside and Deceit leaned in to see.

The first thing he noticed was the color differences. Roman had only applied foundation, contour, and blush to his human side — wherever there was highlight, though, it was echoed in emerald green on the scaled side. He had forest green eyeshadow with golden glitter flakes pressed in near the nose around both eyes. His lips had also been done in black, though with a golden tint near the center and smeared out.

Deceit popped his lips, looking over every inch of Roman’s work. Impressive. He definitely wasn’t ever getting the glitter out of his scales, but that would be a problem for later.

He made a face, a sneer, and hissed at his reflection. Moving his mouth made the gold on his lips glimmer in the lights of Roman’s vanity.

He was never taking this off. He was devastatingly handsome, good lord.

Deceit leaned on the desk and raised his eyebrows, moving his face around to see the shimmers change. Was the glitter two-toned? It seemed to turn green at certain angles.

His eyes, too, popped with the eyeshadow. He made a face again, smiling wide at himself. Wow.

“...Well?”

Oh, yes, Roman. Roman was here. Deceit leaned back and exhaled, trying to act cool, as though he hadn’t just spent a few minutes admiring his reflection.

Roman wasn’t even looking at him. He was starring at his feet, still teetering from side to side. The man looked so anxious for Deceit’s verdict.

“Roman, look at me,” Deceit said, “Come on.”

He watched Roman’s shoulders hike up as his head snapped up, fixing his formerly concerned expression into a brave grin. “Yes?” he asked, a tinge of disappointment — no, Deceit thought, of sad acceptance — in his voice.

It was easy, in the way Roman exuded confidence, to forget that it was mostly fake. Deceit made a pose, resting his hand beneath his face and lifting his head a little. “It’s beautiful,” he said, winking at Roman, “I love it.”

Roman blinked, twice, and his smile softened in obvious relief.

“Really?”

“Look at me!” Deceit glanced back at the mirror quickly, then back at Roman with a cocky smile, “You did wonderfully. The glitter’s staying forever.”

Roman’s shoulders fell in ease as he came closer and patted Deceit on the back, both of them turning to the mirror. “I’m glad you like it,” he said, a soft, sincere smile sitting on his face.

But, well, Deceit wasn’t going to let him get too sappy. “I look like a mermaid,” Roman snorted at that one. “No. No, like,” Deceit made a face again, sticking his tongue out, “I’m Maleficent.”

Roman laughed and smacked his shoulder. “Alright, slow down,” he said through giggles, “You need a chill pill.”

“I’m going to kidnap your princess, what are you going to do about it,” Deceit said, clapping and barring his teeth in a mock snarl, “I’m a bad bitch.”

He popped his mouth extra on the hard “b” syllables. At that, Roman hit his arm again, bending over in laughter. “Shady bitch,” he choked out, then burst into another bout of relieved laughter.

Deceit made another pose just as Roman tried to stand up, leaning on the table with his butt and looking up at the ceiling.

“You’ve armed me better than any weapon, Roman,” he clicked his tongue against his teeth and winked at him. “Haven’t you heard that looks can kill?”

Roman held onto his table, shouting between his giggles, “DECEIT!” as he kept smacking Deceit’s side.

Deceit laughed, holding Roman’s shoulders, careful to not get his face on the creative side’s clothes. He didn’t want to smudge anything, since it hadn’t been sealed yet. “You said to be honest! Stop hitting me!” he said, giving up on the flirting.

As Roman’s giggling stilled, though, he met Deceit’s eyes and brushed his hair out of his face again. His eyes slowly trailed over Deceit’s features, most likely inspecting his work with his approval in mind.

“Fine,” Roman said, “But only because you’re cute.”

Deceit chuckled when Roman held his chin, turning his head a little. “That won’t work, you’re the one who made me cute.”

Roman raised his eyebrow and, for a split second, Deceit was worried he’d offended him. The mirth returned as Roman smiled, sly and quick, and kissed him quickly on the cheek. “Oh, you didn’t need my help with that,” his voice was so quiet.

Deceit smiled, hoping the redness in his face was masked by the foundation. “You’re right. I’ve always been a bad bitch.”

He decided, then, that he’d have to ask Roman for another make-up day. If only to hear him laugh like that some more.

[dr-m-r-ma]

The Design in Her Mind

Part 1/?

Genre: drama, romance Rating: PG-13 Group: Monsta X

Summary: Sooyeon meets Monsta X by chance on the streets when they try to help her and her friends shake off creepers, but the meeting ends on a sour note. Some time later, Sooyeon meets the boys again, but at Starship’s headquarters. Although they act cold to each other, Shownu becomes more and more curious about her.

Disclaimer: This is 100% fictional and my own story. It is unrelated to the actual events and real persons of Monsta X and Starship. In regards to this particular fic, I’ve created new K-Pop groups (they don’t exist) so I don’t have to study up on other people and to avoid other complications. Parts will be written in Korean with English translations. I did not major/study in English/Korean, nor was I ever strong in English/Korean grammar, so there will be grammatical mistakes. This fanfic is written in third person and past-tense for ease of writing.

September 24 I was nervous to be talking with celebrities, but at the same time annoyed at what they said. I should have brushed it off but everything piled up and I couldn’t help but lash out on them… but oh well, I probably won’t see them ever again.

Hair tied back tightly, simple eyeliner and lip tint on, loose graphic tee hanging over shorts.

Shownu looked curiously at the girl who sat relaxed laughing with her friends from a distance. The other two didn’t look like Koreans, but the girl that caught his eye didn’t seem completely Korean as well. At least, her mannerism and her clothing seemed to tell a different story. Without realizing it, he had begun to walk closer to get a better look.

“어디가?” (Translation: “Where are you going?”) Wonho hissed from under his mask.

When Shownu didn’t respond, Kihyun scurried off to catch up to Shownu while Hyungwon pulled Wonho along. Luckily, there were enough people wearing masks that they didn’t look out of place, but Wonho and Hyungwon still pulled their caps down to hide more of their face. It wasn’t exactly like they wanted to run around unannounced in front of a popular university.

As Shownu walked closer and closer, he realized there were two foreign men, one blonde and the other with ash gray hair, nearby talking to them, but they seemed to be ignoring the two men.

The blonde man glanced up to find the four boys and he nudged at his friend. They both looked up and down at the boys before continuing to talk to the girls. “Hey, so, how about it? A drink, yeah? It’ll be on us.”

The girl with the loose graphic tee turned to the man and she snapped in perfect English, “We said no half an hour ago, it’s still going to be a no.” She seemed to notice the attention coming from Shownu and the others, as her face slowly turned the other way in Shownu’s direction. And in that moment, Shownu stiffened up, unable to breathe momentarily.

She had an extremely annoyed and angry look on her face, but the expression slowly turned to confusion when her eyes met his.

Why isn’t he wearing a mask? was the first thought that passed through Sooyeon’s mind. She recognized the four instantly, since they were noticeably more attractive and obviously standing out. In addition, she saw that two of the members weren’t even hiding their faces with masks like the other two were.

“--ey. Soo. Soo!”

Sooyeon turned back and saw her two friends, Vera and Nicole, staring at her with worry. She smiled at them to let them know it was okay and she was fine.

Nicole glanced at the two foreigners and whispered, “Let’s just leave. We can come back another time… we’re in the area for another couple of days. Let’s not bother with these guys.” Sooyeon sighed, having looked forward to the busking events that were planned for the evening in front of the school, but agreed with Nicole. As they all got up, different voices stopped them.

“저기… 불편하시면… 경찰 불러드릴까요?” (Translation: “Um… if you’re uncomfortable, should I call the police for you?”)

Sooyeon’s eyes gazed up at the owner of the voice and used everything in her to stay calm. Holy shit, did Shownu… that Shownu… just ask me if he could help?? Her mind went haywire but she let no change in emotion show on her face. Clearing her throat, she coolly responded, “감사한데, 괜찮아요.” (Translation: “Thanks, but it’s okay.”)

Before she could walk away from the attention, a hand wrapped tightly around her arm and yanked her back.

“Soo!”

Nicole’s yelp startled Sooyeon and only then did she notice one of the foreigner’s hand latched onto her arm. He glared at her while growling, “Why did you respond so kindly to them and not us? You prefer those gay-looking asses over us?”

Wincing lightly at the tight grip, Sooyeon calmly let herself be swung around by the arm. When he noticed her quietness, he yanked her towards him. The perfect chance has come! She positioned herself and stuck out her elbow as he pulled her back to him.

*Crrrrack*

“AGH FUCK!!” Instantly, he let go of Sooyeon and she backed away from him, while his friend ran over.

Her heart was beating wildly and the adrenaline rush got to her as she spat, “Fuck off before I call the cops on you guys. You’ve bothered us long enough.”

The other foreigner glared intensely at Sooyeon and moved as if to lunge at her. However, a broad back covered the sight. Her eyes moved along the back and up to the head, only to realize Shownu had stepped between her and the menacing men.

As she opened her mouth to warn him away, a voice squeaked out from the back, “아, 네, 경찰서죠? 여기--” (Translation: “Ah, yes, is this the police? There’s--”) And in a matter of seconds, the two men muttered strings of curses before running off. Look at those tails between their legs, ha! She turned around to see Kihyun wave a blank phone -- he had merely pretended to call the police.

The rest collectively sighed in relief. Nicole and Vera ran over to Sooyeon and Vera screeched, “Hey!! What were you thinking, acting out like that?! Bitch, you scared me shitless!”

Sooyeon flinched at her friend’s words, mumbling, “It was just self-defense though… I couldn’t help but defend myself against that asshole…” The moment the words were out, she instantly regretted them as she could visualize the steam spewing out of Vera’s ears. Glancing at the boys in the back, she slapped on a business smile and bowed her head politely, avoiding Vera’s outburst.

“정말 감사합니다! 혼자서 해결할수 있다고 생각 했는데… 아니었나봐요…” (Translation: “Thank you so much! I thought I could handle it on my own… but I guess I couldn’t…”) She continued to bow, but when she heard Kihyun’s soft voice speak sharp words, she couldn’t help but raise her head with a frown.

Exasperated, Kihyun rolled his eyes and said, “하… 좀 생각이 있으면 그렇게 감정적으로 행동하는게 잘못됐단걸 알텐데…” (Translation: “Ha… if you thought about it a little more, you would have known acting out like that would be bad…”)

What… “The fuck?” The words rolled off her tongue so quickly, Sooyeon stared back at Kihyun in confusion, not realizing that she didn’t complete the question in her mind only. She saw Kihyun’s eyes turn cold while in the corner of her eyes, she saw Wonho and Hyungwon stand protectively around Shownu. Rolling her eyes, Sooyeon started to explain, “이봐요, 제가 그렇게--” (Translation: “Look, I only did that--”)

“쟤… 약간… 이상하지? 보니까 욕도 많이 하고… 문신도 있고… 되게 쎄 보이는데 우린 그냥 가자.” (Translation: “Doesn’t she… look a little weird? She seems to curse a lot… has tattoos… and looks really aggressive, so let’s just go.”) Hyungwon nudged Shownu and Wonho, while pulling Kihyun away from Sooyeon. Scoffing at the sight of the four male adults huddling and making assumptions about her, Sooyeon squinted at them in annoyance. She couldn’t believe they were making assumptions based on her appearance and her speech.

Though she noticed Shownu’s curious eyes lingering on her, Sooyeon couldn’t ignore the hostility coming from the other members. And neither could Vera.

“What the fuck? Why are they acting as if you’re going to attack them?? Let’s just fucking go, bro.” Vera frowned as she pulled Sooyeon and Nicole away from the group. With that, Sooyeon let herself be dragged away, choosing to forget the annoying encounter, while Shownu never took his eyes off her.

*** TBC ***

A/n: I’m back! Work has been... so rough... I’m really dying on a daily basis so I haven’t been able to write that much ㅠㅠ and... I know the beginning is weird but o well I never plan my stories out too well... (lol) also what happened to Tumblr’s horizontal line function... -_-

[brownjet-archive]

smuggled love {2}

pairing: bellamy blake x reader

summary: as (y/n) and bellamy continue to clash heads, an easy-ish yet strained bond forms between them. surviving just became a lot more difficult.  

wc: slightly less than 15.5k

warnings: have you watched the show?? Yeah, it’s like that; pain, blood, swearing, death, reader cries a lot and I have a limited vocabulary

an: takes place immediately where part 1 took off, so the first 1.5k words are literally before the first three minutes of the ep, and I fudged with the timeline a little but i’m too tired to fix it. shoutout to @pinkypiesjournal​, @mostbeautifulbroomstick, and @spiderboytotherescue for beta reading!

based of of The 100 episode Earth Kills (1x03)

TAGS AND READ MORE ON MOBILE MAY NOT BE WORKING

given that it’s 15k words and tumblr might not put on a read more i’m so sorry

“So, how much medicine can we use?” Clarke asked, and your hand went to your pocket, fishing out the bottle of painkillers, tossing it over to her. She rattled it, trying to gain a feel for how full it was, before popping the lid open, seeing that the seal was still on.

“One bottle of five hundred.” You said, watching as she examined the bottle. “It’s just acetaminophen.” You informed, as she popped the lid back on, tossing the bottle back to you. You caught it with one hand and placed it on top of the medicine crate, leaning against the crate in a way that you weren’t sitting but were nearly sitting. “And it’s all I could get.”

You stood up, lifting the crate with some difficulty, even if there wasn’t a necessarily large amount of medicine for a hundred people, it was still relatively heavy. You plopped the crate down in front of her and Bellamy, opening it, to reveal that there were a few complete first aid kids, a stack of reusable bandages, and, the few stitching supplies you were able to get.

You saw two very different looks flash over both of their faces, despite the same impressed look. Clarke was a bit in awe, though also looked very anxious, whereas Bellamy looked both angry and impressed.

“Where the hell did you get this?” He demanded, and you rolled your eyes at him.

“You know about Nygel?” You asked, a cocky smirk on your face as they both nodded. “I’m way better than her.” You said, not wanting to explain how and where, knowing that what you said would mean more anyways.

Clarke stayed silent, and in your peripheral you saw her expression become more worried, and she open her mouth as if to begin to speak, before closing it, repeating that several times.

“It’s not enough, right?” You asked, so that she wouldn’t have to say it, to which a sad smile creeped onto her face as she nodded stiffly.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have this, it’s just…” She trailed off.

“Not a lot.” You said, nodding in understanding, despite the pit settling in your stomach, a lingering sense that you could’ve gotten more, despite knowing that you couldn’t have.

“So, which crate we gonna take out first?” Bellamy asked, and you could hear the annoyance in his voice, boredom seeping into his tone.

“Tents would probably be most logical.” You said, moving over to the largest crate, picking up one end as Bellamy picked up the other, both of you struggling to move the heavy crate.

You breathily thanked Clarke as she opened the siding for the both of you, grunting as you maneuvered the large crate. You felt the weight of the crate lighten, looking over to see that Wells and Finn had both grabbed a side of the crate. The four of you set it down in front of the dropship, making a relatively loud noise, displacing some dirt.

You coughed as some dust went up your nose, squinting to avoid getting dust in your eyes fanning in front of your face to sort of clear out the air. The loud bang seemed to have attracted the rest of the hundred, all looking at the crate in awe, before looking between the four who had set down the crate.

You sighed deeply, still fanning the air in front of you, before addressing them, never really one for giving speeches. “There are fifty tents in this crate, they’re pretty small but we’re gonna have to make do. One tent for every two people, got it?” You asked, trying not to seem condescending, and people seemed to collectively nod.

“There’s some more stuff.” You continued loudly and quickly, not going to let Bellamy speak because otherwise he would do what he had been doing with the meat. The thought left a rotten taste in your mouth. “Soap, clothes, blankets. Everybody will get some, if they want to keep their band on or not!” You yelled, shooting a dirty glare at Bellamy. “We’re gonna bring out the other things, but for now choose a partner and get a tent.” You instructed.

You moved over to Wells and Finn, talking to them lowly. “You guys distribute them, I’ll keep an eye on Bellamy.” You told them, and it seems that you looked determined enough for them not to argue.

“Blake! Atom!” You yelled to them. “You’re with me.” You said, turning around and beginning to walk back to pick up more crates, wincing momentarily as you felt a sharp pain in your leg, feeling your calf begin to throb.

You continued on, grabbing the next biggest crate with the other two lifting up their sides with relative ease, and you held up your side slightly lower than theirs, trying to hide your slight limp as you brought the crate, filled with blankets, back to the front.

This continued for about an hour, till nearly the whole camp had gotten their personal supplies: one toothbrush, two bars of soap, three vats of communal shampoo and conditioner, one towel, one blanket, one spare set of clothes and a tent to share with someone else.

You let out a slight groan as you helped a girl who had volunteered to carry crates, Zoe Monroe, load the large crate filled with feminine hygiene products and condoms into the front of the dropship, Bellamy following, carrying the first aid crate.

You let out a small huff as you dropped the wooden crate on the ground, smiling softly and thanking Monroe as she left, before sitting down on the crate, grateful to be off of your leg.

You closed your eyes in relief, hearing a few brief whispers, before feeling a hand on your leg, your eyes shooting open, your reflex to kick the person away. “What are you doing?” You screeched at Clarke, feeling a bit bad that you had nearly kicked her, but still frightened.

“I’m checking your leg.” She said firmly, looking down at you with a look that dared you to disagree. You stayed quiet as she bent down in front of you, before clearing her throat awkwardly. “You’re gonna have to take off your pants.” She said, and you smiled awkwardly, before standing up and taking off your pants, holding them against your chest, feeling far too exposed.

You felt her unravel the bandage, and you hissed as the fresh air came in contact with the wound.

“You can move your leg around fine, yeah?” She asked.

You nodded in response, scratching the back of your head. “It just hurts, mostly from exhaustion.” You told her, and she nodded.

“It doesn’t look that deep, so stitches are unnecessary.” She told you while cleaning out the wound, and you nodded.

“That’s kind of what I figured.” You told her, and she offered you a small smile.

“So, try to keep off of it, and come see me every few days for it.” She informed you, applying a layer of gauze on the wound before tightly wrapping the bandage around the cut.

“Thanks.” You said softly, gently putting your bandaged leg through your pants, moving to stand up only when you needed to shimmy your pants over your hips, buttoning them and doing the zipper really quickly.

“No problem. I should go check on Jasper, though.” She said, moving to go back upstairs to where Jasper was, before gripping her shoulder.

“No, Clarke. You need to get some rest.” You told her, trying to convince her into getting a few hours of sleep. “I’ll sit by Jasper and if there’s trouble, I’ll wake you up immediately, how’s that?” You suggested, though you made it clear that that is what was going to happen.

“Sure.” She simply said, climbing up the ladder in the center of the dropship. “But, I’m gonna sleep up here.” She yelled down from the ladder.

“Fair enough.” You decided, hobbling over to the ladder, before realizing that you were screwed. You just shrugged your shoulders, and began the climb up the six-rung ladder, gritting your teeth the entire way up, feeling sharp pains shooting through your leg, before you reached the top, your feet dangling in the trap door and you figured that was good enough.

You smiled softly when you realized that Clarke was already asleep, and you looked around to see Monty and Octavia sitting next to Jasper, both asleep, your smile widening a little as you felt your heart melt a little bit, filled with an overpowering love for your friends, even if you had just truly met Clarke and Octavia.  

You scooted over to the general area where Jasper was, leaning your back against the wall of the dropship, sitting in the silence for the next few hours, trying to ignore the worries you had about Jasper and Dave.

It was quiet for awhile; Octavia had woken up and quietly excused herself. About an hour after she had left, you heard whimpers and looked over to see Jasper writhing in pain, every alarm in your head going off.

“Hey, hey, hey.” You whispered, scooching closer to him, running your hand over your face, trying to soothe him, becoming alarmed at how hot his skin felt.

“Clarke!” You whisper yelled, standing up and limping across the room as fast as you could, feeling bad that you had to wake her up, though Jasper was slowly growing louder and louder. “Clarke!” You whispered loudly, shaking her slightly, seeing her eyes open, a startled look on her face.

You had an apologetic smile on your face, before Jasper started moaning in pain again, and you saw her face eyes widen, before she rushed over to Jasper, and began soothing him. You limped over, sitting down on the other side of him, moving to hold his hand. “His fever’s too high.” You commented, and she nodded in agreement, silently reassuring you that you had done right in waking her up. You gently brought his hand up to your lips, gently kissing his hand, trying to soothe him, though it was more for your own peace of mind than his.

You looked up and saw that Monty had awaken, and had crawled to the other side of the room, and you saw the guilt instantly flash in his eyes, looking over at Jasper. He stood up and moved towards you, gently sitting down next to you, gripping lightly at Jasper’s wrist, offering a small sad smile directed towards Jasper, whispering quietly to him that he was going to be fine. You felt your heart break; you didn’t want to see your friends so hurt.

At some point as Jasper grew louder, Monty moved back to where he was before, grief and guilt overtaking him as he looked over every so often, a look of shame across his face. You smiled sympathetically at him, understanding in your eyes.

“His pulse is 380.” Clarke whispered, and you felt your own heart beat increase at hearing that. Your heart was caught in your throat, knowing that having such a high pulse was really, really bad.

“Shut the fuck up!” “Go back to sleep!” People yelled as Jasper continued to whimper in pain, and you felt anger overtaking you, angry unshed tears burning in your eyes.

“Sh, don’t listen to them.” Both you and Clarke reassured softly, as you gently squeezed on his hand to reassure him that you were there.

“You’re gonna make it through this, I promise.” Clarke said, and you looked over at her, seeing that she avoided eye contact with you, and you knew then that at this moment, his chances were looking slim.

“Can he just die already?” Someone from below yelled, and you inhaled shakily, the tears falling from your eyes, rolling down your cheeks, as you stubbornly wiped them away with the back of your hand.

“Don’t listen to them.” You murmured to him, gently carding your fingers through his hair with your other hand, and you were unsure if he had calmed down a little, seeming a little more peaceful.

“I’m gonna get clean water.” Clarke announced, and you could hear the anger, exhaustion, and, exasperation in her tone. “Keep an eye on him.” She commanded, and Monty moved over to sit where she had, immediately grabbing hold of Jasper’s hand, his gaze deliberately avoiding yours.

You looked over at him, closing your eyes momentarily as Jasper groaned loudly, feeling more tears threatening to fall. You opened your eyes, whispering softly to Jasper, as he calmed down a little more. “It’s not your fault.” You said softly, this time directing your words towards Monty.

He sighed deeply, and you looked over at him to see him on the verge of tears, his lower lip trembling. “Yes it is.” He whispered out croakily.

“Hey.” You whispered, moving your hand from Jasper’s and placed it over Monty’s squeezing a little. “It’s not.” You reassured gently. “You caused this is no way.” You continued, your eyes filling with tears.

He smiled at you sadly, and you knew that he wouldn’t believe you, so you instead squeezed his hand once more, leaning over to gently kiss him on the cheek, before standing up. “I’m gonna go see where Clarke went.” You told him, wanting to give Monty some space, limping to the trap door, before hobbling down the ladder, wincing as sharp pains shot through your calf.

“Whoa, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” You heard someone demand, and turned to face Bellamy.

“Finding Clarke.” You said tiredly, trying to discreetly wipe the unshed tears away by pretending to rub your eyes, before putting your finger up to your lip to signal for him to be quieter, pointing upstairs to remind him that Jasper was up there.

“Not on that leg.” He said, almost scoffing, and you rolled your eyes, limping out of the dropship, ignoring him, scanning the area for Clarke. “Were you trying to climb up the ladder?” He asked, and you could hear a hint of scolding in his voice.

“No, I was climbing down it.” You replied, not really thinking about what you were saying, feeling his annoyance with you grow, waving him off, before you heard a scream that definitely did not come from Jasper, and you dashed off in the direction of it, despite Bellamy shouting at you to not run, and the pain it caused.

You found the source very quickly, seeing Clarke talking to a twelve year old girl, and instantly you found yourself mad at the shitty government. You walked over, and saw that Clarke was holding the water, her arm around the younger girl.

She saw you, and smiled slightly, before turning to the other girl. “Hey, Charlotte. My good friend (y/n) here will sit with ya? How does that sound?” She asked, and you waved slightly to the little girl, a small smile on your face.

She nodded carefully, regarding you with slightly scared eyes. “Okay.” She said, her voice meek, and Clarke stood up, running for the dropship as you moved to sit next to the girl, letting out an ‘oomph’ as you hit the ground a bit harder than expected.

“Charlotte’s a really pretty name.” You told her, and you immediately saw her worry vanish, a small smile spreading carefully across her face, a guard still up.

“So’s (y/n).” She said, returning your compliment, causing a smile to appear across your face, and her face finally relaxed, her body loosing, her posture becoming slightly more relaxed.

“So, you had a nightmare, huh?” You asked, keeping your tone light, and you saw her nod. “Do you wanna talk about it?” You asked, and she moved a little closer to you, resting her head slightly on your shoulder.

“I already told Clarke.” She admitted.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” You told her, and she offered you a grateful smile.

“Jack told me about you.” She said, changing the subject. “He said that you’re really nice and you stand up for people.” She said, causing you to laugh a little.

“Some would argue about the nice part.” You quipped, and you saw her genuinely smile a little, warming your heart.

She took a deep breath, and your expression changed to worried as she began to cry silently, and you immediately wrapped your arms around her, allowing her to sob into you. You gently whispered to her, kissing the top of her head, trying your best to comfort the twelve year old, though ultimately felt ast an impasse.

She stopped crying for a little bit, and you loosened your grip on her, allowing her to pull away from you. You gently wiped away her tears, offering her a sad smile, taking her hand and squeezing lightly.

“What’s wrong?” You asked softly, and you saw a few more tears fall from her eyes, a small hiccup wracking her body.

“I have nightmares about my parents. They got floated, and, and…” She blubbered, before crying again, silent sobs wracking her body, and you wrapped your arms around her, feeling your heart break.

“I understand.” You whispered to her. “My parents were floated when I was about six.” You admitted, your bottom lip trembling as you tried to keep from crying, not for your parents but rather for hers. “Actually, I was probably younger.” You said, as you thought about it. “I wasn’t old enough to grasp the concept of death.”

“Was it hard?” She asked, her voice trembling, looking up at you with tear stained cheeks.

You shrugged slightly, a sad sympathetic smile on your face. “I was too young to actually remember my parents.” You said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as she leaned into you. “You’re strong, Charlotte.” You whispered to her.

“You get some rest, yeah?” You murmured, as she nodded sleepily, already dozing off. “I’m gonna stay here, don’t worry.” You whispered, as she fell asleep.

“Thank you.” She murmured, before soft snores emitted from her body, and you kissed the top of her head, before falling asleep yourself.

—

You awoke to see that Charlotte had gotten up already, and you smiled lightly. You moved to stand up, your legs buckling under you as your weight shifted. You inhaled deeply, placing your hands behind you on the tree trunk for support, as you slowly lifted yourself up, limping towards the center of the camp to find that everyone had seemingly fell back into a consistent rhythm.

You looked around, doing a quick mental check, alarms going off in your head as you noticed that two people were missing. “Where the hell is Trina and Pascal?” You asked rather loudly, to which people didn’t really seem to care.

“Atom’s leading a search party for them.” Bellamy called out to you, engaged in conversation with Murphy a few feet from the tree you had been sleeping at, before glancing down at your leg and then up at your face. “Why the hell are you walking?”

“You and Atom okay, then?” You asked, ignoring his second question, knowing that something had happened between the two of them because Atom made out with Octavia? You were unsure and didn’t really care.

He just nodded briefly, trowing an ax at a tree, embedding itself in the bark, as Atom and the others strutted up. “We searched a half mile, all directions. No sign of Trina or Pascal.” Atom said.

“Why didn’t you search more?” You demanded, worry seeping into your tone, although logically you understood why they didn’t.

“Visit your special tree when you were out there?” Murphy drawled, confusing you slightly, and you saw a look of shame flit across Atom’s face, realization hitting you, your body shaking with anger, though you tried to contain in, settling for physically vibrating where you stood.

“Atom took his punishment. Let it go.” Bellamy ordered Murphy, and that was a bit too much. You turned on your heel to face him, glaring dangerously at him, your hand in fists, shaking by your sides, your jaw clenched in anger.

“What the hell did you do!?” You spat at him, and he you gasped, appalled, when he half rolled his eyes.

“Could be grounders.” Atom suggested, effectively interrupting you, and you turned away from Bellamy, considering elbowing him in the stomach, though decided not to, to try and remain at least a little bit civil.

“Yeah, or they could just be in pound town.” Murphy droned, and you felt yourself beginning to shake with anger once more as Atom looked away from Murphy. “Lot of that going around recently.” Murphy continued, both you and Bellamy both shooting him a dirty look, Bellamy walking up to the tree, retrieving his ax.

You saw Atom glance over, away from the small group, and your gaze followed his, settling on Octavia. It seemed that she noticed you as she gave a small wave which you returned, Atom effectively ignoring her, as he turned away to face the older Blake sibling.

“Look, Bellamy.” He began, as you hobbled over the three or so feet to be a little closer. “People are scared, and that dying kid. He’s not helping the morale around here.”

You took in a shaky breath, anger flooding through your system, before you felt yourself overflowing, immediately yelling at Atom, your arms flailing around dangerously to emphasize your point. “That, dying kid,” you spat out, feeling your nails digging dangerously into the palms of your hands, “saved Octavia’s life. That, dying kid, is my friend, so why don’t you shut the fuck up!” You yelled at him, so angry that tears began to fall from your eyes, knowing that your argument had derailed, but it didn’t matter. Nobody was going to trash your friends. Not even another friend.

You lips quivered, hot, angry tears burning in your eyes at you glared at him, feeling a reassuring hand on your shoulder, and almost immediately you didn’t feel angry. You looked over your shoulder briefly, and saw Bellamy standing there, a rather stoic look on his face, though as he made brief eye contact with you, his face softened ever so slightly, and immediately you felt your anger melt away, only left with a pit in your stomach, the nausea that tends to follow your angry outbursts. You closed your eyes and took a shaky breath, and immediately noticed the regret in Atom’s eyes, which made you feel a bit ashamed for your outburst.

“Morale will go up when I find them more food.” Bellamy said quickly after your outburst, his response a bit pointed, as he gently removing his hand from your shoulder.

“What do we say when they ask about Trina and Pascal?” A kid asked, and you were a bit embarrassed that you did not remember his name.

“They’re probably lost.” You said surely, trying to reassure yourself that the were probably lost, despite the gut feeling that something was wrong.

“Now? Nothing.” Bellamy said gruffly. “(y/l/n)’s right, they’re probably lost.” He said, reiterating your point. “Keep an eye out for them when we go hunting later.” He said, and you took that as your cue to leave the little group, hobbling back towards the dropship, not noticing that Bellamy and Murphy had lingered behind.

You sighed as you entered the dropship, staring up at the little ladder, closing your eyes tightly. And before all of your confidence abandoned you, you started up the ladder, gritting your teeth as pain shot up your left leg. You hissed slightly as you managed to get to the top of the ladder, sitting in the trapdoor for a moment, before pulling your legs up onto the second level, as you limped over to where Jasper was, immediately grabbing his hand.

“The medicine working?” You asked Clarke who was hovering over Jasper, cleaning out his wounds, a perplexed look on her face.

She just shook her head sadly. The perplexed look returned, as the inspected the poultice (you think that’s what she had called it), before speaking. “The grounders cauterized the wound. Saved his life.”

“Couldn’t you use that for medicine?” You suggested.

“Saved his life so they could string him up for live bait.” You did a double take as you heard Finn’s voice, not realizing that he had been up there, your sole focus being Jasper.

“This is infected. It could be septic.” Clarke said, ignoring the both of you, turning frantically towards Monty. “Any progress on using the wristbands to contact the Ark?”

You tuned out momentarily, your face scrunching up as you tried to keep yourself from crying, and you felt a reassuring hand resting on top of yours, your eyes jolting open to see Wells giving you a sad, sympathetic smile.

You responded with a sad teary smile, as he let go, and you discreetly tried to wipe the unshed tears from your eyes, before standing up and hobbling over towards Monty, tuning out of whatever menial spat Wells and Clarke were having, sitting on the floor next to his chair, immediately grabbing his hand, squeezing gently.

He turned towards you, and you immediately saw the distraught in his eyes, placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “It wasn’t your fault.” You reassured, though from the broken look in his eyes, you knew he didn’t believe that. You didn’t really blame him; had you been him, you wouldn’t have believed you either.

“Alright, you wanna help? Hold him down.” Clarke commanded, and you immediately knew that whatever happened next, you would not be able to stomach.

“Hey, I’m gonna go help with hunting.” You said shakily, though no one was really hunting, and you gently squeezed Monty’s hand before hissing in pain as you jumped down the rungs of the ladder, trying to put as much distance between yourself and reality as you could.

You panted slightly as you reached the bottom of the ladder, looking over to see Atom sitting near the foot of the ladder. You didn’t really pay much attention to him, as you hobbled over to the miscellaneous crate, overlooking a small box in your zeal to leave, pulling out a spool of twine. You looked over and saw that Octavia had entered the dropship, and you immediately began to move faster, wanting to avoid whatever their conversation was about, as it seemed a bit personal.

You exited the dropship as Jasper bellowed in pain, your hands moving to cover your ears to keep from listening to the cries of your friend, biting down on your lip to keep from screaming out in anguish, as tears fell from your eyes. You felt your heart breaking for your friend, and you closed your eyes, trying to shut it out, as Octavia rushed past you into the dropship, confusing you a bit because you had just seen her inside of it.

The scream stopped, and it remained eerily calm for a second, your stomach dropping in fear that the worst had happened, but as you heard another groan of pain, you felt your pulse begin to regulate. You took a painful step away from the dropship, your bottom lip quivering as tears pooled in your eyes, each step you took away from the dropship -from Jasper- becoming harder and harder.

You closed your eyes briefly, taking a shaky breath, before you hobbled out of camp, pushing your anxiety deep down, your sole focus having to be finding a meal for everyone.

—

You had been walking for about an hour, before you finally stopped, leaning on a tree to rest for a brief second, before scoping the area slightly. It was at the top of a slight hill, the bottom secluded with some rocks which would make a good vantage point, as you pulled out the twine, setting two traps; one which would be better for catching small creatures and one better for catching larger ones.

You took out your knife, and quickly jabbed the tree, wincing as you did so, you didn’t want to hurt the tree giving you a marker as the where the trap was. True, these traps were really only practical with someone waiting nearby, because if the animal had too much time they would most likely be able to free themselves. But it was more important, you decided, to set up multiple traps so that the odds of catching something would be a little higher.  

You meandered around for a few more minutes, before walking limping towards a different section of the forest, which was a little closer to the camp, though in a place that was far enough away that animals wouldn’t be scared away.  

You set up a trap, and looked around, seeing a good perch a few yards away, before you sat down, wincing slightly as you did so, your leg throbbing in pain. It slowly ebbed away the longer you sat, and you glanced down at your watch, and saw that only ten minutes had passed before you stood up, hearing the oinking of a warthog, as you creeped closer to it, seeing it head in the direction of your trap.

You looked around, and saw a head of hair moving around in the tall ferns, a hand shooting up to cover your mouth, unsure of if it was a group from camp or grounders. They shifted forward, and you saw Bellamy’s face, and you relaxed a bit, slowly moving forward in the ferns towards the pig, hoping that it would walk into the trap.

A tree branch snapped from behind you, and you saw an ax fly through the air, and you ran in the direction the ax had been thrown, ignoring the pig that was running away.

“Charlotte!” You cried out, as you saw the ax embedded in the tree next to her, a small smile spread across her face as you wrapped your arms around her, enveloping her tightly in your arms.

You heard a sigh from behind you. “Oh great, you’re here too.” Bellamy mumbled, and you let go of Charlotte, and turned around to see Bellamy’s eyes closed in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose, before he sighed once more.

“I’m not little.” Charlotte said, letting you know that you had walked in on the middle of some conversation, and you slowly moved away, heading in the direction in which the pig had went, letting them continue their conversation.

“I’m not done with you, (y/l/n)!” Bellamy yelled out, after you.

“That’s great, Blake!” You sassed, waving your hand at him, not bothering to turn around. You ignored him, purposefully veering off of the path from where the pig had gone, because you had left camp to be away from people. If you were going to be around people, you’d rather it be around people you liked. And you didn’t like Bellamy and his little posse.

You had been wandering for about 10 minutes, when you came upon a little clearing, and set up another trap, when you heard a bellow in the distance, and you looked up from where you had been squatting, seeing a large plume of yellow fog, and you felt your feet rooted in place.

You saw Bellamy running towards you, grabbing Charlotte, before you felt your wrist being yanked, as he pulled you with them. You ran with them, faster than you could painlessly, a slight whimper escaping you as the pain spread throughout your leg, feeling as if your calf was on fire.

He motioned for you and Charlotte to climb up the small little hill, and he gently pushed her into the cave. You lingered in the mouth of the cave, seeing Bellamy look around frantically, hearing someone scream his name, though the fog was now surrounding him, and you grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside of the cave.

You both walked speedily, reaching the end of the cave where Charlotte was, and saw her sitting on some rocks, and as you looked at her you saw the exhaustion settle on her face.

“You should get some rest.” You told her, as you sat down next to Bellamy. “We don’t know how long we’re gonna be here.”

That seemed to do the trick, because after about five minutes she got comfortable and was almost immediately asleep, you and Bellamy sitting down, your heart beating rapidly, exhaustion settling into your limbs.

You took a deep breath as you laid you head back against the wall of the cave, closing your eyes briefly, before opening them to see Bellamy’s angry gaze on you.

“What?” You asked, not in the mood for whatever he had to say.

“What the hell were you doing?” He asked, and you rolled your eyes slightly.

“I was setting up traps.” You said, and he looked at you blankly. “You know, for hunting?” You said condescendingly.

His face lit up with realization, before he shook his head, scoffing slightly. “We didn’t think of that.” He admitted quietly.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. “Of course you didn’t. You never think about anything.” You said, your exasperation seeping into your light tone.

“You’re one to talk.” He quipped, and you glared at him, as if daring him to continue. “You’re not supposed to be walking around on your leg.” He scolded, motioning towards your leg.

“Clarke said it was fine.” You lied, trying to keep yourself from wincing as the pain in your leg started to throb a bit more.

He gave you a look, rolling his eyes. “No she didn’t.”

“Yes she did.” You said, a fake smile pulled across your face as your face scrunched up.

“No she didn’t because she told me that you weren’t allowed to be on your leg. Also, you should elevate your leg.” He said, and you were a bit flabbergasted, at a loss for words. When had they had this conversation? What? Why? They had talked about you?

Your mouth was slightly agape, a look of disgusted confusion on your face, as you sat there, trying to piece together what to say. He sighed deeply in exasperation, and gently gripped your leg, pulling it slightly so that it was draped across his legs, your hips touching, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“What are you doing?” You said frantically, your voice high and squeaky, feeling a bit uncomfortable being so close to someone.

“Elevating your leg.” He replied, as if it were obvious.

You stared at him in confusion for a few seconds, before shaking your head returning to his previous question. “Clarke said that I should avoid being on my leg.” You corrected, and he snorted slightly, and you could practically hear him roll his eyes.

“So then why’d your stubborn ass not listen to her?” He asked, and you stared at him, in slightly disbelief, scoffing while shaking your head.

“You’re one to talk, Blake.” You said, and he laughed slightly, shaking his head.

“I’m not the one with an injury.” He reminded you, and you shrugged your shoulders, laughing bitterly, the tone of the conversation changing.

“Bellamy.” You began, and he chose not to comment on the fact that this was the first time you had said his name as opposed to Blake other than the time you had screeched because you though a giant panther was gonna kill him, and he decided that he quite liked the way his name sounded on your lips, sounding far more natural than Blake. “We’re trapped down here.” You said, your voice slightly shaky. “We have no idea how to survive, and literally everything is killing us. Forget the grounders for a moment, we still don’t know how to survive. If I stay off my leg, I’m a sitting duck.” You said, laughing bitterly, feeling tears prickling at your eyes.

“Yeah, but you just slow everyone down with your leg.” He said rather callously, and immediately regretted it as you sniffled slightly, trying to suppress the tears that were threatening to fall.

“Bellamy, I’m not even eighteen.” You said, your voice cracking. “I don’t want to die.” Your voice quivered, and you brought your hands up to your eyes, wiping away the unshed tears, a small teary laugh escaping your mouth.

He sighed deeply, regret etched onto his features, and he subconsciously moved to drape his arm over your shoulders, but instantly stopped himself, resulting in his arm jerking slightly. He closed his eyes momentarily, before changing the subject. “Does your leg hurt?” He asked carefully, not letting his worry seep into his tone.

You instantly nodded, not realizing exactly how much it was hurting, feeling a much more acute sense of pain now that it had been mentioned. “There’s not really much I can do.” You told him, trying to focus on something other than the pain.

“Yeah, I’m sor-”

“Sorry.” You interrupted him, teeth gritted through the pain. “Can we talk about something else? Talking about this makes my leg hurt more.” You told him, indirectly indicating that you needed a distraction.  

His eyes widened briefly, before he nodded awkwardly, a bit mechanically. He cleared his throat, slightly. “Did you get any sleep last night?” He asked.

“Yeah, like two hours.” You said shrugging slightly, exhaustion seeping into your very being, as the last of the adrenaline wore off, trying to fight off the exhaustion.

“You should rest.” He commented, and you scoffed rolling your eyes.

“I’m not tired.” You say stubbornly, stifling a yawn immediately after saying it, your eyelids becoming heavier as you shivered slightly, a sharp cold wind seeming to pierce through you.

He scoffed, and cocked an eyebrow as if to say ‘really?’ before shaking his head slightly, and amused smirk on his face.

“You should rest, too.” You told him, and you glanced at your watch, seeing that you had only been stuck in the cave for 15 minutes. “How much sleep did you get last night?” You asked pointedly, because given the fact that you had seen him up at around 4 in the morning was an indicator that he got about the same amount of sleep as you.

“About the same.” He answered gruffly, reaffirming your suspicions, before continuing to ask you another question, not liking when the focus was on him. “Why did you only get two hours of sleep?”

You shook your head in thought. “Um, I was up watching Jasper so that Clarke could get some sleep. I had to wake up Clarke and then she went to get water, so after a few minutes I went to find her.”

“When you were climbing down the ladder?” He interrupted, anger seeping into his tone, his jaw clenched, and you felt yourself get angry.

“Yes, and I don’t see what the big problem is.” You said arrogantly, enunciating every word. You scoffed slightly and rolled your eyes. You didn’t understand why he was making a big deal about it, after all you were the one with the bad leg.

He laughed bitterly, staring up at the ceiling of the cave, shaking his head slightly. “You are impossible.” He muttered out.

You stared at him in disgust, your mouth agape, as an appalled gasp left you. “Excuse me!?” You demanded, as if daring him to repeat what he said. Your anger usually had an impact on people.

He just rolled his eyes, and you felt more offended. “When did you actually sleep?” He asked, ignoring your outburst, and you were so shocked that you stared at him blankly for a few minutes, no witty retort popping into your brain.

He sighed deeply, his expression changing, his brown eyes melting. “You should rest.” He repeated, though this time his voice was soft, his eyes tender, and you felt your heart catch in your throat as realization hit you.

Bellamy Blake was gorgeous.

Sure, he might be a self-centered, power-hungry jackass, but damn if he wasn’t pretty. Did good genes just run in the Blake family?  

You blinked out of your momentary stupor, shaking your head as if to shake the thought away from your head, not going to let him catch you staring at him. You leaned your head back against the wall of the cave, looking up, a small sigh escaping your lips, before sitting up again. “I couldn’t, even if I wanted to.” You admitted.

He looked at you oddly, a soft smirk on his face, waiting patiently for you to elaborate. “And why’s that?” He asked, when you didn’t, his voice rumbling deeply.

You scoffed slightly, shaking your head, because you weren’t sure if you were being ridiculous or not. “I can’t sleep when I’m cold.” You said to him, biting on your lip to keep from yourself from laughing at your ridiculousness.

A small smile appeared on his face, a small snort escaping him, and you felt his smile to be infectious, your face morphing into a small, genuine smile, giggling slightly.

“It was colder last night.” Bellamy pointed out, and you shrugged your shoulders, an exaggerated confused look on your face.

You motioned with your head over to Charlotte, who was sleeping rather peacefully. “She kind of used me as a human pillow.” You said.

Almost immediately, Bellamy wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him, and you could feel the body heat radiating off of him, your body feeling more relaxed despite the panic that you were having.

“What are you doing?” You hissed at him, your eyes frantic, the tips of your ears burning, and your cheeks began to warm up. Too much touch made you feel uncomfortable, and you felt your anxiety begin to bubble over, a lump forming in your throat, internally yelling at yourself that this was not something to freak out about, especially since you always craved touch. Overall, you felt as if you weren’t in control, which made you feel this overwhelming sense of anxiety.

“Relax.” He said gruffly, unaware of the momentary inner turmoil you were experiencing. “Body heat.” He said simply, gently bringing you closer to him, careful so as not to disrupt your leg, still on top of his. His hand gently moved up to the side of your head, gently nudging you, so that your head rested upon his right shoulder, your anxiety instantly melting away as you felt heat radiate off of him, embracing you softly.

You breathing evened, your eyelids growing heavier, his steady heartbeat lulling you to sleep even faster. His shoulder slouched slightly, and his head rested gently atop of yours, and you could feel his breath tickle your forehead, your eyesight growing misty as sleep came closer.

“Bellamy?” You asked, your eyes closed, on the brink of sleep, voice soft and hoarse, scared that if you spoke too loud you might disrupt the peace that was slowly accumulating.

“Hmm.” He hummed in response, his chest reverberating as he did so, causing you to smile subconsciously.

“Good night.” You muttered, nearly incohesively, before you drifted to sleep.

“Good night, Miss Proper.” He muttered out, a soft smile on his face, having said it too late for you to hear.

—

You awoke to a scream, jolting up, immediately noticing that your position had shifted. Somehow you and Bellamy had ended up lying down next to the boulder which Charlotte was sleeping on, one of his arms under your neck, your head resting in the crook of his neck, one of your arms slung over his chest, his other hand resting gently on your stomach. Your left leg was still precariously draped over his, though twisted at an angle which allowed you to cuddle into him.

You both immediately untangled your limbs from one another, shooting up into sitting positions, him shaking Charlotte awake as she still thrashed in her sleep, and you instinctively reached for her hand, squeezing lightly as she woke up, fear apparent on her face.

“I’m sorry.” She said almost instinctively, a look of guilt etched onto her face.

You and Bellamy shot each other momentary glances of concern, the same look of worry and sympathy on your faces.

“Does it happen often?” He asked gently, still kneeling in front of her, as you moved to sit next to her on the boulder, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, and she melted into you.

She sighed deeply, and you breathed out shakily, trying to keep your emotions in check for her sake. Getting angry or emotional wouldn’t help in this situation.

“What are you scared of?” He asked, and she looked away from him, trying to keep from looking at him and you, and instantly you knew the shame she felt. When she didn’t answer, he continued, “You know what? It doesn’t matter.” He said, and you felt angry.

You shot him a dirty look because why the hell would he try to invalidate her fear? He seemed to ignore you or not notice you, because he continued, “The only thing that matters is what you do about it.” He said, a small sympathetic smile on his face, and your angry look softened, a sad sympathetic look replacing it, feeling a bit ashamed at your lack of faith in him.

“But…I’m asleep?” Charlotte asked, despite it being a statement, confusion lacing her voice.

“Fears are fears.” Bellamy told her, his face soft and genuine, unlike the raging hothead with the clenched jaw and anger lines that you always saw. You much decided that you liked this Bellamy better.

“Slay your demons when you’re awake, they won’t be there to get you when you sleep.” He said, gently tapping her leg. The amount of wisdom in his words scarily surprised you. You winced silently, the angle you were sitting on hurting your leg.

“Yeah, but how?” Charlotte asked, while you slowly moved off of the rock, sitting so that you were leaning against it, your leg screaming in momentary pain at the sudden shift, but it ultimately subsided, and you moved your hand up again to grip Charlotte’s and she sent you a soft grateful smile, squeezing your hand gently.

“You can’t afford to be weak.” Bellamy said, and although you hated the sentiment of telling her that she couldn’t be weak, you also knew that it was necessary, which is why you couldn’t afford to rest your leg. “Down here, weakness is death. Fear is death.” He said, and she stared at him blankly.

“Think about it like this, my leg is injured.” You began, trying to explain a bit to Charlotte, while also trying to get Bellamy to truly understand his own words. “There’s nothing I can do about it, but continue on. If I don’t do that, and try to rest, I’ll be dead, like that.” You said, snapping your fingers, and it seemed that you didn’t reach her, but your words reached Bellamy, his face hardened, and you could see an angry glare in his eyes. But somehow you understood that it wasn’t directed towards you.

“Let me see that knife I gave you.” He said, his eyes softening, and she carefully took it out, and handed it to him. “Now when you feel afraid,” He continued. “You hold tight to that knife and you say, ‘Screw you. I’m not afraid.’” He said, as she gingerly took the knife back from him.

You sighed to yourself, knowing that that wasn’t the wisdom that you wanted to impart on children, but what you wanted wasn’t an option anymore. You would need to shove away some of your opinions if you were going to be able to survive.

“Screw you, I’m not afraid.” Charlotte echoed with her eyes shut, her voice monotone. She opened her eyes to be met with an amused look on both Bellamy’s and your face, before she closed her eyes momentarily, beginning again.  

“Screw you, I’m not afraid.” She said again, with a little more conviction in her voice, staring at Bellamy, and you glanced over and saw a proud smirk on his face, and suddenly you felt a pit in your stomach; this poor child, none of you in fact, should have to have that mentality, or have to say that to themselves. You turned away, nausea consuming you as you laid back down where you were before, shivering from the lack of body heat.  

“Slay your demons, kid.” Bellamy told her. “Then you’ll be able to sleep.” He said, before lying down next to you, his body inches from yours.

You were able to sense his presence, and shook your head slightly, trying to keep your teeth from chattering as you heard a sigh from next to you, as Bellamy slowly scooched closer to you, heat radiating off of his body.

“What are you doing?” You asked, your teeth chattering slightly, and you could practically hear him roll his eyes.

“God, you’re impossible, (y/l/n).” He muttered, and you just scoffed, turning around to face him, a look of disbelief on your face, unsure of how to answer that statement.

You paused as you searched his face, a look of amused frustration gracing his features. You propped your elbow in the dirt, using your hand to prop up your head, tilted slightly as you looked at him, an amused confusion spread across your face, your lips slightly parted, despite your small smirk.

He rolled his eyes, the amused smirk still present on his face, patting his right shoulder, and without thinking you rested your head there, subconsciously nuzzling into him, the warmth overtaking your body.  

You both lied there, relaxed for a few minutes, and you nearly felt all of your worries melt away. If you had thought about it a little bit more, you would’ve been a bit more concerned, because how could you have fallen into such an easy intimacy with someone you hate?

You were pulled from the moment as Charlotte shivered, seeming to jar you back into reality. You sat up, feeling your cheeks begin to warm, pressing your lips into a thin line, avoiding glancing at Bellamy.

“Charlotte.” You called out, and she glanced over at you. You threw her a small smile, before scooching slightly to your left, patting the now empty space between you and Bellamy, offering it to her.

She nodded enthusiastically and crawled over to the two of you, settling into the space, throwing you both a grateful smile. You returned it, slowly combing your fingers through her hair in a soothing motion, pressing a kiss to her hairline, while Bellamy hugged her gently.

She slowly dozed off in the center of you two, and you continued your small motions, smiling sadly at her, feeling tears prick at your eyes. You felt Bellamy’s gaze on you, before you looked over at him, worry apparent in his eyes.

“It’s my fault.” You explained hoarsely, your voice prickly with the anticipation of tears.

“Hey,” He said, moving his hand to rest on yours, squeezing gently. “It’s not your fault.”

You smiled sadly at him, shaking your head, because you knew that that wasn’t true. “It actually is my fault.” You said, shaking your head, a bitter laugh escaping your lips, before you looked back at him, your voice more even, though still whispering. “Do you remember when there was like a five or six year old that was arrested?”

His eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought, his lips parted slightly, before he remembered, his eyes widening momentarily. “Yeah, that was about, um, 12 years ago, right?” He asked, his face scrunching up as he tried to remember if he got the details correctly.

“Yeah.” You reassured breathily, exhaling before shaking your head, a sad smile on your face. “That was me.” You told him, and his eyes widened in shock as he stared at you, trying to possibly formulate what that meant.

“Shit.” Was all he could say, a sad look of sympathy on his face.

“Yeah.” You agreed, laughing slightly. “Um,” You started, unsure of whether he was the right person to share this story with, but it didn’t really matter; you had already started. “So, my parents were floated when I was either five or six.” You began.

“You don’t remember how old you were?” He asked, his question genuine, not laced with any hints of sarcasm or malice.

You just shook your head while shrugging your shoulders. “I don’t really know.” You admitted, though it was a bit hard for you. Who the hell doesn’t remember when there parents died? “I… I, was too young to understand death.” You stammered, talking about this still a bit difficult for you.

“So, I was about five or six, when they came for my parents. Um, the guards.” You clarified, and he nodded slightly in understanding. “I had no idea what the fuck was going on.” You admitted, laughing sadly. “So, I attacked a guard, and basically, they arrested me, but I was also somehow able to go see my parents get floated?” You said, a bit confused. You shrugged, and shook your head slightly. “I don’t know, I don’t really remember the details. It was a long time ago.” You said, hoping that your lack of an explanation made a little bit of sense.

“I still don’t get how Charlotte being down here is your fault.” Bellamy said, and a hollow laugh escaped your lips as you looked around hopelessly.

“Well, that was when Marcus was first appointed to the council.”

“Hold up, Marcus?” He asked while laughing, a look of bewilderment on his face, confused as to why you were referring to Kane by his first name.

“Yeah.” You nodded, your tone slightly condescending, though you wore an amused smirk. “Vice Chancellor Marcus Kane.” You said, speaking to him as if he were a child, and he just rolled his eyes the shadow of a smirk apparent on his face.

“Anyways, he thought the claim was ridiculous and fought for me not to be arrested.” You told him, going back to your story. “He ended up winning, and then they instated the ‘law,’” you said with finger quotes, “that children under the age of 10 cannot be arrested.”

When he said nothing, you just shrugged your shoulders, the feeling of hopelessness returning. “So, it really is my fault.” You explained, your voice softer than before, though your voice cracked with emotion, anger and shame seeping into your tone.

“It’s not.” Bellamy said, finally. He reached over and gently squeezed your hand to reassure you. “It’s the shitty government’s fault.”

“Yeah, but I could’ve pushed for it to be older.” You blubbered, trying to reason with him that it was truly your fault. Because nothing would ever change your mind that it wasn’t.

“You were six!” He exclaimed, flabbergasted. “And your parents had just died.” He said, shaking his head as he laughed hollowly, and you wondered why he would be so upset about this because it didn’t involve him. “It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.” He said, and instantly any warm or fuzzy feeling you had for him flew out the window.

“You would know all about that, wouldn’t you.” You commented, your voice stony, a look of pity morphing into disgust on your face.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He asked, his face hardening, no longer the soft Bellamy from moments before.

You just scoffed at him, shaking your head in disbelief. “You tell me, Blake.” You rolled your eyes, anger and disappointment seeping into your tone. “You’re hiding something, and you’ve been hiding it the entire time.” You accused, and you saw his jaw clench, a clear indicator that you were correct.

“You’ve got no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.” He hissed at you.

“I don’t?” You asked haughtily. “Because, you’re a twenty-three-year-old adult on the ground with a bunch of teenagers. You’re a jackass, and you want to stay in power, and for you, that means that all communication with the Ark is severed.” You said, laying out all the facts. “So yeah, you’re hiding something, and the rest of us are gonna die because of your selfishness, Blake.” You accused, rolling your eyes, feeling too disgusted to look at him.

He stayed quiet for a moment, and it confirmed your suspicions, feeling like a hollow victory. You heard him take a deep sigh, before speaking. “Octavia’s all I’ve got.” He whispered, his voice shaking, and you felt compelled to look back at him, seeing tears pricking at his eyes, his mouth slightly agape, his bottom lip quivering slightly.

He looked lost, a hopeless expression on his face, and he shrugged slightly, not looking you in the face. “My mom was floated last year. Never knew my dad.” He said briefly, though his comment seemed to reflect that he didn’t care much for his father, even if you assumed that he only knew very little.

“My entire life ended last year. My mom was floated and Octavia was arrested, and I was demoted to janitor. I can’t let my sister die.” He said, his voice trembling, and your reached for his hand, gently squeezing as he had done minutes before.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, and he just laughed bitterly, shrugging his shoulders.

“Nobody really understands, because they don’t have siblings.” He said, and you realized that that was true. “I love her so much.”

“I get it.” You said, sympathizing with him. You smiled slightly at him, taking a moment to catch your breath, trying to push away the lump which had formed in your throat. “I don’t have an actual sibling, but I was raised to have one.” You said briefly.

He threw you a quizzical look, and you took a shallow breath, a small smile appearing on your face. “I always say that I’m lucky.” You began.

He looked at you oddly, as if all your statements confused him. He seemed as if he was trying to piece it together, though in the end he looked a bit more confused than he had before. “But you’ve been an orphan all your life.” He commented, and you just shrugged your shoulders.

“I don’t actually really remember my parents. But, I always say that I’m luck because I was raised by three wonderful humans.” You said, your smile growing wider as you remembered them. “So, the parents of my best friend, and Marcus.” You elaborated.

He snorted, looking at you, his eyes widening with amusement. “Kane rose you?” He asked, a tone of disbelief in his voice. “He’s a dick, though.” He said, and you laughed brightly, shaking your head slightly.

“He is now. But, he wasn’t a while ago.” You agreed, the smile from your face fading slightly as you remembered the man he was now. You sighed slightly, and shrugged your shoulders, “He’s a different person now. He was really kind, but I guess working so long for the government changed him.” You said sadly, feeling a bit hollow as you remembered the change in him.

“But anyway, my best friend’s parents raised me, and I think of him as a brother. I mean we did everything together, and we got into stupid fights about stupid things and he would push my buttons and there were days where I yelled and scolded him. I would either pretend not to know him or he would be my best friend, often my best friend.” You paused, looking over at Bellamy. “I don’t know if that’s what it’s like to have a sibling, but I always thought that he was the closest I would have to one.”

A half smile lit up Bellamy’s face as he laughed a little, a look of confusion and amusement in his face as he looked at you while you were talking. “That’s pretty close actually.” He admitted, and you smiled back at him.

“Hey, um, how long we’ve been in here?” He asked, feeling his cheeks become warm at seeing you so peaceful, an awkward pit forming in his stomach, as he avoided looking at you, trying to stomp out those sensations, his tone not reflecting any of the inner turmoil he was going through.

“Um, it has been,” You paused momentarily, squinting at your watch in the dim light, “about two hours.” You told him.

He nodded slightly. “I think I’m gonna sleep.” He said to you, momentarily adjusting himself slightly, careful not to disturb Charlotte. “You should too.” He said.

You nodded slightly in response, slowly lowering your head down, resting just below his forearm. You loosely wrapped an arm around Charlotte, smiling slightly from the warmth that she radiated, feeling your exhaustion hit you like a truck. You yawned tiredly, your body curling up slightly as you subconsciously inched closer to them, feeling a hand move to rest on your waist, a bit too tired to say anything about it.

“G’night (y/n).” Bellamy mumbled sleepily, his breath fanning across your face, and you smiled softly, feeling a bit comforted by it.

“G, night.” You mumbled back as he fell asleep, almost instantaneously, soft snores emitting from him.

Despite your exhaustion, you didn’t feel particularly sleepy. You laid there, conscious enough for your eyes to keep open, though drowsy enough for you to not be able to control your thoughts; you were admiring Bellamy’s sleeping features. The hard lines and clenched jaw which were often present, seemed to have vanished, his face softening. You were close enough that you were able to count all the freckles on his face, and you found yourself smiling a bit, because he really was gorgeous. It truly wasn’t fair.

Some distant part of your brain was yelling at you to stop doing this, because first of all it was a bit creepy, and second of all you didn’t even like him. He was rude and arrogant, although he was still somehow soft and vulnerable. You shook your head slightly, shaking the thoughts of admiration from your head, knowing that at some point soon you would clash heads once more.

You sighed, exasperated that sleep would not come to you, and you glanced at your watch once more, seeing that an hour had passed, and you groaned softly in frustration. You shivered slightly as a cold breeze entered the cave, and you scooched closer to them, before your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

If a cold breeze had entered and none of the thick porous fog had, did that mean it was gone?

You listened silently for a few moments, no longer hearing the steady whoosh of the fog, and you softly moved away from them, before attempting to stand up, gripping onto the rock on the side of the cave for support, standing fully. You limped towards the mouth of the cave, wincing as you stepped a bit too roughly, a burning pain shooting through your calf. You closed your eyes tightly, trying to will the pain away, before walking forward with gritted teeth.

You saw that there was no fog, and you felt a small smile form on your face, as you walked back into the cave, trying to keep yourself from jogging back, knowing that it would hurt.

“Bellamy!” You whispered to him, shaking him slightly, and he woke up, looking alarmed, his face immediately relaxing at seeing you. “The fog’s gone.” You told him, and you thought he would have been happy.

Instead there was a scowl on his face. He opened his mouth, about to chastise you for walking on your leg, though stopped himself, before scoffing and shaking his head, moving to wake Charlotte up.

You huffed as he ignored you, and you rolled your eyes at him because he was being a child. You walked to the mouth of the cave waiting for him and Charlotte to catch up, both rubbing the sleep from their eyes, all of you squinting at the harsh morning light that came from the outside of the cave.

“It’s all clear.” Bellamy said, and you turned to him with a ‘what the fuck’ look.

“Yeah. I just said that.” You said, shaking your head in disbelief at him.

“Anybody out here!?” He yelled out, ignoring you, and suddenly you remembered the voice that had screamed for him, bile forming in your mouth.

“Jones!” He yelled out, and you felt a paralyzing fear that you had lost someone, feeling your stomach contort.

“We’re here!” Jones yelled out, and you and Bellamy shared a momentary glance before you headed in the direction in which he had yelled from, Charlotte following the both of you.

You felt a shaky sigh of relief escape you as you saw three other making their way towards you.

“Lost you in the stew. Where’d you go?” Bellamy asked, and your face scrunched up in confusion, because it was a bit of an odd phrase.

“Made it to a cave down there.” Jones said, motioning behind them with a makeshift spear. “The hell was that?”

“I don’t know.” Bellamy answered, and you mentally did a head count, before your mental alarm went off that someone was missing.

“Where’s Atom?” You asked shakily, though in your gut you already knew the answer. The silence from them was enough to confirm your suspicions, and you let out a choked sob, your hands moving to cover your mouth, in an attempt to keep you from screaming out.

Your bottom lip trembled, a look of panic on your face as you looked between them momentarily. “What are you waiting for? We have to find him!” You yelled, blood pounding in your ears as you took a few shaky breaths, feeling as if you were drowning, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. Ignoring your emotions, you turned on your heel and began to run though the forest.  

“Fuck.” Bellamy muttered, immediately chasing after you, calling out for you, though you continued to run, despite the throbbing in your leg, only stopping once he caught up to you, your leg screaming with exhaustion.

“Bellamy, we have to find him.” You said to him, biting your trembling lip to keep from whimpering out, a few tears beginning to fall as you stubbornly wiped them away, knowing that they wouldn’t help.

He sighed, looking away from you, feeling his heart catch in his throat at seeing you so distressed, and he nodded slightly. “We will. I promise.” He said to you.

You heard Charlotte scream from behind you, and you and Bellamy ran towards her as she screamed again, your heart catching in your throat as you saw Atom at the bottom of the slight hill, his skin chapped and bloody, as if the fog had been eating through his flesh.

You breathed shakily, feeling your heart pounding in your chest, your feet rooted in position till you saw his chest rise shakily, and instantly you moved forward, tumbling slightly over a few roots. Bellamy followed you as you crouched beside Atom, gently grabbing his hand.

“Hey, you’re gonna be okay.” You said, your voice quivering with the lie.

His face contorted in pain, and you shifted slightly so that you gently rested your hand on his forehead, remembering that that often comforted people.

Bellamy looked concerned and unsure of what to do, and you thought that you saw a bit of shame flit through his eyes, and your other hand moved to grab Bellamy’s wrist, trying to reassure him that this wasn’t his fault.

Atom began muttering, his words slowly becoming comprehensible. “Kill me.” He begged raspily, and you shut your eyes, letting a few tears silently fall, before looking over at Bellamy who had the same unsure and scared look on his face.

You continued to gently whisper to him, gently carding your fingers through his hair. “You’re gonna be okay.” You lied tearfully, trying to believe it, as you repeated it like a mantra, as if the more you said it the more it would make it true.

You looked up and saw that the rest of the group had gotten there, and Atom continued to write in pain.

“Can’t. Breathe.” He choked out, and you shut your eyes tightly, continuing to gently card your fingers through his hair, before opening your eyes to see Charlotte hand her knife to Bellamy.

“Don’t be afraid.” She said simply, and you shook your head slightly.

“Bellamy, no.” You choked out, seeing the determination in his eyes, and you shook your head, hoping that he wouldn’t.

“Go back to camp.” He told the others, looking away from you, and you closed your eyes, trying to reason with yourself that this was something that had to be done, despite the fact that you were in pain that this was the only option.

“Charlotte, you too.” He said, his voice heavy and pleading, trying to get her to leave.

“Charlotte, please.” You elaborated, begging her to go back. You couldn’t let her stay for this.

She reluctantly walked away, and you slightly adjusted Atom’s head so that it was propped up slightly, resting on your thigh, as you began to sing gently to him, nodding slightly at Bellamy who had kneeled down next to him, placing the knife against his throat, letting him know that this had to be done.

He hesitated with the knife, and you saw the fear and anguish in his face, your other hand grabbing his free hand squeezing slightly to let him know that you were there. That he wasn’t alone in this.

“Bellamy.” You said softly, his eyes meeting yours, a look of pure anguish on his face. He gripped your hand tightly, closing his eyes tightly in pain, before his grip on your hand gentled and he looked over his shoulder, Clarke standing there.

You returned to singing to Atom, trying to ease his mind, as she immediately walked over and kneeled down on the other side of him, before looking between the both of you.

“I heard screams.” She said.

“Charlotte found him.” Bellamy told her, and your voice quivered as a slight sob escaped you, though you continued to sing softly. “I sent her back to camp.” He said, his voice breaking slightly, and you squeezed his hand again.

You saw her look between the both of you, and she smiled sadly, and your eyes widened in realization of what she was gonna do, and you shook your head softly at her, and you stopped singing briefly.

She gave you a sad smile, and a small questioning look, and you nodded in understanding, before singing to him again, carding your fingers through his hair, as he stilled a little bit, though his body still wracked with pain.

“Ok.” Clarke whispered to him, a sad small smile on her face, her voice cracking. “I’m gonna help you, all right?” She said, taking the knife from Bellamy, and you both looked at her in painful awe as she stuck the knife into the side of his throat, the blood slowly seeping out of his neck and onto your pants, as she hummed with you, gently stroking his face as the light slowly vanished from his eyes.

You lip quivered, as you whimpered slightly, and you felt Bellamy wrap his arms around you, resting your head on his chest as you quietly cried into his shirt, your hand gripping Clarke’s fiercely as the three of you sat in quiet for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened. What the three of you had just done.

You found the peace a bit unsettling, tasting bile in your mouth, your stomach churning as you tried to scream -you wanted to scream- though you found no voice in your throat.

“How’re we gonna take him back?” You finally asked, your voice sounding chalky and broken, scared that if you spoke too loud it might make things worse.

“I’ve got some tarp in my pack.” Bellamy answered, his voice shaky as he took it out, and you and Clarke gently rolled his body onto the tarp, as she shakily stood up.

“I’ll go get Finn and Wells.” She said softly, before running away from the blood stained dirt, leaving her backpack abandoned.

“Bellamy?” You whispered out, your voice shaking as more tears threatened to spill from your eyes.  

“Yeah?” He asked gently, staring down at you, your body not having moved from when Atom’s head rested on your lap.

“I can’t stand up.” You said softly, your voice quivering.

He looked at you briefly, his eyes shutting momentarily as he bit down at his bottom lip, before looking down at you, reaching down to grab your arms and pull you up.

“Thank you.” You whispered to him, as you stood up, your legs trembling with pain.

Clarke, Wells and Finn appeared in the clearing momentarily, Clarke grabbing her backpack as Wells grabbed the other side of the tarp that Bellamy was holding, and the five of you began the trek back to camp in silence.

You whimpered slightly as you stepped wrong, immediately feeling a reassuring hand on your shoulder and looked back to see Bellamy with a look of worry on his face.

You laugh hollowly, shaking your head as you continued to walk again. “We never got food.” You commented to yourself.

You realized that you had slowed the group down considerably, despite the fact that you were walking as fast as you could, as it was nearly pitch black once you got back to camp.

Bellamy and Wells slowly placed Atom’s tarp covered body down, and Bellamy instantly walked up to you, placing your arm around his shoulders to use him as a crutch.

“Get Clarke whatever she needs.” He ordered to some kid, and he nodded, immediately turning to follow Clarke.

“I better go get this grave dug.” Wells said to you both.

“I’ll help.” You offered.

“No. You’re not.” Bellamy said to you, and you rolled your eyes at him.

“I’m fine, Bellamy.” You argued.

“I have to agree with Bellamy on this, sorry (y/n).” Wells said, offering you a sympathetic smile. “Try to stay off your leg and let it heal.” He said kindly, moving away to begin digging the grave.

Bellamy glanced at you, and you rolled your eyes. “What?” You asked, annoyance in your tone.

“I’m not the only one who thinks you should stay off your leg.”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever, Blake.”

You saw Octavia run to Clarke, and your eyes widened, remembering that she didn’t know. “Bellamy.” You whispered to him, and he looked at your briefly, your eyes flickering over to see Clarke trying to keep Octavia from heading towards you guys. “It’s not your fault.” You reassure quickly, before Octavia reaches you guys.

“Octavia, just stay there.” You told her, your voice a little shaky, as she tried to move past you and Bellamy.

“O, please, just stay back.” He pleaded, his voice heavy, his free arm trying to keep her from seeing him, though she pushed through.

“Stop.” She whined, gently pushing on his shoulder, and he let her pass, a look of despair on his face. You gently squeezed his hand, trying to reassure him that it would be okay, as the both of you waited for her response.

She knelt down and gently pulled the tarp back, revealing Atom’s mauled body, and you closed your eyes, instinctively hiding your face in Bellamy’s chest, his arms gently yet protectively wrapped around you, your stomach in knots at seeing his body again. You suddenly became hyper aware of the dried blood on your body, and felt a wave of queasiness wash over you, as you gulped, trying to keep your stomach from lurching, before looking back, trying to be there for Octavia.

“There’s nothing I could do.” Bellamy said, shame and guilt filling his voice.

“Don’t.” Octavia said shakily, and you shook your head at her, knowing that your response would’ve been similar, but still didn’t like the edge of accusation in her voice.

“We did all we could.” You told her, and suddenly her hardened expression reserved for her brother broke, and you saw the resemblance between them again; they had the same look of vulnerability: eyes quivering, lip trembling and shaky breathing.

She placed the tarp back onto him, her expression becoming angry as she walked past you both.

“O. O, please.” Bellamy begged, briefly leaving your side to follow her, leaving you a bit shaky.

“Don’t.” She repeated, this time extending her hand to keep Bellamy from her.

“It wasn’t his fault, Octavia.” You tried to reason with her, and she just scoffed, shaking her head.

“Whatever.” She said simply, before stalking off and you were sure that you could see tears in her eyes, though you decided not to press.

“It’s not your fault.” You repeated to Bellamy, though he avoided your gaze, and you saw the guilt on his face. “Bellamy.” You said trying to grab his attention, though he just continued ignoring you. “Bellamy, look at me.” You said gently, your hands moving to gently cup his face so that he would look at you, a hollow expression on his face.

“It’s not your fault.” You said softly, your voice quivering slightly as tears burned your eyes, threatening to fall.

You saw his broken expression change slightly, a fraction of the guilt leaving his eyes, and he seemed to nod, not quite in agreement with your words. He sniffed slightly, his expression becoming stoic as Murphy strolled up to the two of you. Your gaze hardened as he approached, still very wary of him.

“Lose anyone here?” Bellamy asked, his voice hard, and you were unsure if Murphy heard the slight tremble in his voice.

“No.” He replied curtly.

“Jasper?” Bellamy asked, and you were grateful that he did, not trusting your voice to come out in trembles if you asked about your friend, and you were not going to show vulnerability to John Murphy. Your feelings about being vulnerable in front of Bellamy Blake had changed, though.

“Still breathing. Barely.” He said, and you felt a little bit of relief set in. “I tried to take him out -”

Your eyes widened and your nostrils flared, anger seething in your bones and you would’ve lurched forward and strangled him if Bellamy hadn’t had a firm grip on your shoulder preventing you from doing so, so instead you stood still, visibly shaking with anger.

“But your psycho little sister-”

And that’s when Bellamy seemed to have lost it, his grip on you disappearing. No longer anchored, you punched Murphy in the stomach, your hand colliding slightly with Bellamy who gripped him by the collar.

“My what?” He screamed at him, and suddenly you became afraid, because even if your temper was always as bad as this outburst, Murphy wasn’t worth the amount of anger that Bellamy was exuding.

“Bellamy!” You exclaimed, placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to pull him off of Murphy, and he instinctively shoved your hand off with his shoulder. “He’s not worth it.” You told him, trying to calm him down.

“Your little sister.” Murphy said, rather calmly though you heard the slight hint of fear in his tone, and he pushed Bellamy off of him.

“Bellamy.” You cried out, trying to pull him away from Murphy, though he remained rooted in place, your hand still resting on his shoulder.

“Yeah that’s right. My little sister.” He spat out. “Got anything else you wanna say about her?” He challenged.

“Bellamy.” You begged softly, breathing shakily as you tried to pull him away from Murphy.

“Nothing.” Murphy drawled, rolling his eyes slightly. “Sorry.”

Bellamy turned away from him, gently grabbing your hand from his shoulder with a gentle squeeze as if to thank you for not letting him escalate the situation more. He looked at you briefly, guilt flashing over his face as he saw the fear and exasperation written across your features. He took a shaky breath, his anger leaving him, before glancing back at Murphy. “Get him out of here.” He said, motioning towards Atom’s body, and you could hear the exhaustion and exasperation in his tone. He walked off, a group of people moving to bring Atom’s body over to the small graveyard that had already begun.  

You followed, hobbling after him, and you saw him come up to a relatively empty section of camp, sitting on a log with his head in his hands, a look mixed between guilt and shame on his face.

“What do you want, (l/n)?” He asked, not looking up, and you ignored his question, sitting down next to him.

“You look like you could use a friend.” You said simply, and he looked up from his hands, a slight look of confusion on his face.

“We friends now?” He asked, and you laughed slightly shrugging your shoulders. Your laugh seemed to be infectious, because his lips gently curled up into a smile, though the sadness was still apparent in his eyes.

“How about on a trial basis?” You joked, and he rolled his eyes, snorting slightly, shaking his head.

“That’s awful.” He said about your joke, his warm soft melancholy smile on his face.

You shrugged your shoulders in slight defense. “I never said I was funny.” You defended. “Although it’s sort of true.” You were sort of friends.

He laughed silently, though the heaviness returned, and he sat up a little, though avoided looking at you, and you saw the vulnerable Bellamy Blake. The real Bellamy Blake, the one you were fond of.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk.” You gently reassured him, placing your hand on top of his, offering him a sad half-smile, understanding the inner turmoil he was feeling. He offered you a grateful smile, readjusting his hand so that he was loosely holding onto yours, looking away from you, letting his face darken, his eyes quivering, his bottom lip trembling and breathing in shaky shallow breaths.

You both remained like that for about ten minutes, before he spoke, breaking the thick, though comfortable silence.

“Do you wanna check on Jasper?” He asked, and you looked at him with surprise, because every time you went to check on Jasper he chastised you.

“Are you gonna let me, Blake?” You asked, laughing in confusion.

He laughed, shaking his head. “Even if I said no, you would do it anyway.” He pointed out, and you felt slightly embarrassed as he pointed that out, though mostly proud.

“Yeah.” You agreed, laughing with him. “But why are you asking then?” You asked him, still confused.

“It hurts to climb up the ladder, right?” He asked, and you nodded reluctantly, trying to push the memory of the pain out of your mind. “I’ll help you up then.” He said, and you looked at him with your mouth slightly agape, a doubtful look on your face.

Before you could say anything he stood up, helping you to stand on the log, before he wrapped your arms around his shoulders, his hands hooking under your legs, and you were unsure of how he had managed to get you onto his back in a matter of seconds, any witty remark leaving you.

“I still don’t see how you can get me up.” You said as he entered the dropship, still giving you a piggy-back-ride.

“Can you hold on with your legs and arms if I let go?” He asked.

“I… I think so.” You said slightly nervously, and felt the support from his hands leave your thighs, and you felt yourself slip slightly, tightening your hold, but not to the point of suffocation.

He started up the ladder, and once he reached the second to last rung, you reached behind you and pulled yourself onto the floor, offering him a small nod.

“I’m impressed, Blake.” You admitted, and he smirked at you.

“G’night (y/n).” He said, his smirk melting into his genuine smile, and you felt a smile grow on your face.

“Good night, Bellamy.” You said softly, and he offered a slight wave as he climbed back down the ladder.

“How is he?” You asked gently, crawling over to Jasper, who was surrounded by Clarke, Octavia and Finn.

Octavia just sort of turned away from you, though Clarke gave you a small nod reassuring you that he was gonna be okay.

“I’m really sorry about Atom.” Clarke said to her gently.

Instinctively your hand moved to rest on Octavia’s, gently brushing your thumb over her knuckles to silently reassure her that she wasn’t alone. She looked at you briefly, and you offered her a small smile, your lips quivering and eyes trembling with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry.” You reiterated, your voice warbling slightly.

She gently squeezed your hand, to reassure her that she wasn’t alone, sighing and looking down at Jasper before looking between you and Clarke. “Guess we’re gonna have to get used to people dying down here, aren’t we?” She stated, her voice trembling in an attempt to sound strong.

“But not you.” She whispered to Jasper, on the verge of tears. “You’re not allowed to die.” She said to him, and you closed your eyes momentarily to keep from crying.

“He’s not gonna die.” You said as softly as her, your voice trembling. “He knows that I’d kill him if he died.” You said jokingly, earning a teary laugh from Octavia and Monty, who was still sitting far-ish away from Jasper.

“Yeah, that’s why Jasper and I won’t die. (y/n) won’t let us.” Monty joked, his voice warbled from emotion, and you offered him a small smile, moving away from Jasper to sit with Monty, resting your head on his shoulder, grabbing hold of his hand.

He smiled sadly at you, and you returned his sad smile, gently kissing him on the cheek, before shifting, so that he rested his head on your shoulder, your fingers peacefully playing with the ends of his hair.

“When’s the last time you slept?” You quietly asked him, and he stayed silent, and you felt your heart lurch. “Go to sleep, okay?” You told him, and he nodded in acknowledgment, quickly dozing off.

You smiled softly at your sleeping friend, gently shifting his body so that he was now resting on his pillow, still on the cold metal floor of the dropship. You quickly grabbed the blanket that he had been using and gently placed it on top of him, pressing a small kiss to the top of his forehead, before standing up.

“I’m gonna go see how things are running in camp.” You informed them. “If anything changes, please get me.”

“I promise.” Clarke told you, and you nodded in response before you hopped down the rungs, noticing the pain though pushing it from your mind.

You exited the dropship and saw that everything was in relative peace, and it was quiet. It seemed as if most people were in their tents, and you checked your watch, before deciding that you would go see if Wells needed any help with Atom’s grave.

Nothing could’ve prepared you for what you saw.

Your breathing increased, blood pounding to your ears as you saw Wells on the ground, bleeding out from his neck, choking slightly. Instantly you fell next to him, placing pressure on the wound, a choked sob escaping you, your hands becoming warm and bloody.

“Bellamy!” You screeched, hyperventilating, unsure of what to do. “Bellamy!” You yelled again, and in less than a second he was there, his eyes widening as he saw you cradling Wells’ head, who was still choking out. “Get Clarke!” You screamed at him frantically, and he was gone.

“Hey, hey, hey.” You whispered frantically to Wells. “You’re gonna be alright.” You said, nodding your head frantically. “You’re gonna be okay.” You whispered, tears falling from your eyes, as you continued to press on the wound, your fingers slippery, feeling his pulse become weaker and weaker.

Within less than thirty seconds Bellamy and Clarke had returned, a shuddering cry escaping Clarke as she immediately sat next to you, grabbing Wells’ hand, pressing a kiss to it, sobbing.

“I’m so sorry.” She said to him. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve trusted you.”

“Wells, no.” You cried out, bunching the sleeve of your shirt over your hand, trying to absorb the blood, before pressing your hand on the wound again, barely feeling his pulse.

“Hey, you’re not gonna die.” Clarke whispered, shaking her head. “You’re gonna be fine.” She sobbed.

He gently squeezed her hand, and she looked up at him with her tear stained face, and he just smiled softly, before the light left his eyes, his head going limp in your hands.

“No. No. No!” Clarke screamed, sobbing violently, and you just sat there, your mouth agape in horror, waiting for a scream to escape you as tears pooled in your eyes.

You began hyperventilating, not being able to scream out, not accepting it. “No, no.” You rasped out, shaking your head. “Wells!” You yell at him, waiting for him to move or speak but he doesn’t. “Wells.” You whimpered out, gently shaking his shoulders, waiting for a response you knew wouldn’t come.

“No.” You whisper softly, your mouth agape as you sit there, not processing anything. You could hear Clarke crying and sobbing next to you, though it all sounded fuzzy, your vision focusing on the space in front of you, your mind blank, not being able to process what had just happened.

Bellamy had come back with a few others, who had started to begin to dig a grave for Wells, dragging Clarke back up to the dropship, and you had just sat there with Wells’ head still resting in your lap.

You didn’t remember when or how you had moved, though you knew that someone had spoken to you, and grabbed your hand, pulling your body away from Wells and you had ended up in front of the dropship, staring out into the empty night.

You didn’t sleep. You were in too much shock to even move, much less sleep. Everything felt foreign, as if you were in your body but watching from above with no control as to what was happening.

Instead, you just stared off into space, your mind trying to process the deaths of two of your friends in the span of five hours. And they’d both died with their heads in your lap. It seemed that you weren’t properly equipped to deal with that information, remaining mentally blank for hours.

At some point the feeling changed, and you slowly became more aware of your body, feeling less numb that you had before, though still too numb to properly process what had happened.

It wasn’t until the sun came out that sitting there was causing you anxiety; you reeked of blood and felt awful, before you immediately stood up, and walked to your tent grabbing your towel, soup, and spare set of clothes, mechanically walking to the stream nearby.

You didn’t necessarily know what you were doing, still a bit numb to process anything, before you came upon the stream, and your nerves seemed to calm and heighten at the same time.

You placed your towel, with your soap resting on top of it, on the edge of the river, your clean set of clothes resting next to your towel, though a little further from the shore, your boots next to your towel. You haphazardly threw off your clothes, and waddled into the river, the cold running water jolting you awake, your emotions beginning to slowly turn on, slowly beginning to pour out of you.

You slowly waddled back to shore, grabbing your bar of soap, rubbing it furiously between your hands to create suds, no longer able to see your hands. Placing the bar of soap back down you began to scrub your body furiously, before a wave of sensation hit you, silent tears beginning to wrack your body as you scrubbed harder, your skin progressively feeling more raw.

You scrubbed until you ran out of tears, before wading back into the water, the suds coming off of your body, and you looked on as it began to foam in the water, and you couldn’t help but think if this was wheat sea foam looked like, no wonder Aphrodite was born from it.

The water began to tint red as the blood came off your body, your eyes widening and you felt your throat seem to choke up, your heart beating rapidly as you stared forward, the unbearable static silence seeming to grow louder and louder, making it harder to think.

You ran to the shore of the river, wrapping your towel around you as you shivered slightly, having felt your anxiety become too much, scared that you might drown in the water, the same way you felt as if you were drowning in your mess of thoughts and emotions.

You quickly dried off, and put on your clean clothes, warmed from the sun. You involuntarily smiled, the feeling of clean clothes alone making you feel at momentary peace. You sighed, looking at your bloody and torn clothes, and with a sudden burst of energy you placed them in the water, some blood immediately washing out.

You grabbed the bar of soap once more, rubbing it on the bloody stains across your clothes, before they mixed out of the fabric, and you pulled your clothes out of the river, clean but now soaking wet.

You quickly gathered your things, a piece of your mind conscious enough to tell you that you should return back to camp, before turned away from the camp to see an angry Bellamy Blake emerge from the trees.

---

tags: (still open!) @vxidnik @multifandom-states @thearachna-kid @colie87@jodiereedus22 @greygarbage @lovingcupcake51002

[sweet-cool-twins]

KyouTen Fanfic: Raimon Jr High Ch 2

Summary: Matsukaze Tenma enrols into Raimon Jr High! Join her on her adventures while she tackles club activities, meet new friends, and fall in love? Plus, the bully, Tsurugi Kyousuke, from her elementary school enrols into Raimon with her! Wait. He's nice now! IEGO Rewritten as a Shoujo High School Romance series. Fem!Tenma, KyouTen and other pairings.FF.net: 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13237659/2/Raimon-Jr-High

Hm...was it because my upload was on a monday, that’s why there were no notes from tumblr regarding my fic? Well, now I’ve uploaded on sunday, so it should be better! :)

Disclaimer: I seriously, 100%, totally don't even own the charas, their backgrounds, their clothes, their whatever. My name is not Hino and I'm not even Japanese. Lots of genderbend characters. You've been warned.

"You are late, Tenma!" Aoi reprimanded, placing her hands in her hips, after hearing running footsteps coming towards her. They had agreed to meet once break time started. It was already fifteen minutes past that!

"Heh heh...Gomen, Aoi." Tenma stopped in front of the blue haired girl, looking apologetically at her. Aoi continued fiercely staring at her friend before noticing the short brunette girl beside her.

"Aren't you the girl who asked to be the student councilor president's girlfriend just now?" Aoi crouched down to be in the same level as her.

"Yes!"

"You're not embarrassed?" Shinsuke shook her head. Aoi smiled, finding the girl very brave, and introduced herself,

"I'm Sorano Aoi. Nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too, Tenma's childhood friend! I guess you know my name already." Shinsuke rubbed the back of her tilted head while looking down in embarrassment. Aoi smiled back with a wider smile. She stood up and eyed Tenma.

"So how is Tsurugi?" Aoi asked, remembering seeing the bully's name in the class list when they both looked for their new class. She took her friend's hands, worry in her eyes, "Did he demand for your money? Tell me whatever he did to you."

"Eh!? Tsurugi Kyousuke is in our class!?" Shinsuke didn't realize the navy blue haired boy was in the same class as her and Tenma. "Tenma, are you alright?" Aoi looked around, hoping not to spot for any familiar navy blue. She turned back to Shinsuke and placed a finger on her lips, signaling her to soften down her voice. It would be bad if he heard them.

"Ah...he's..." The voice of Tenma lead to the other two girls to face her. Tenma gazed upwards, trying to find a word that best described Tsurugi, "he's changed..."

"Changed?!" Both girls eyes widened, their eyebrows shot up into their bangs. Tenma brought her head back down,

"He didn't do any of those things, the bullying, the beating. He just said hi and then continued on with the lesson." Tenma explained further. Aoi and Shinsuke stared at her for a long time before the blue haired girl touched the brunette's forehead.

"Tenma, don't talk nonsense. This is Tsurugi we are talking about." Aoi said after she removed her hand. She did not seem to have a fever.

"Yeah! It's Tsurugi Kyousuke, Tenma! Is she feverish, Aoi?"

"No. She isn't."

"Girls, I'm telling the truth and I'm perfectly fine! Tsurugi is no longer a bully!" The two stared at her again but their disbelief expression was replaced with worry. Aoi spoke up,

"Tenma, maybe we could let you see a Guidance Councillor at least-"

"I'm telling you the truth! You girls aren't believing in me!" Tenma turned around and briskly stomped back to her classroom. She was mad, how could her friends not believe her!? What she said was true, totally true! Tsurugi seemed to really have changed. She could feel it. Why won't they trust her? Tenma continued down the hallway and was so into her thoughts that she did not hear five girls whispering to themselves as they hid behind a wall, shadowed.

"She's the one, Matsukaze Tenma, big sis!" A short haired girl informed a girl with long, light brown, almost passing for blond, curly hair, and with a pink ribbon headband. The latter was glaring at Tenma with anger stored in her emerald eyes. She seemed to be the leader of the group, judging by the way the short hair girl called her. The leader gripped the wall that her subordinates were sure could break off anytime soon.

"Grrr...curse that girl for stealing my Shindou-sama! I'll make her pay!" The girls around her kept quiet, knowing the next thing she was going to say were orders to get rid of that girl and teach her a lesson for getting close to Shindou Takuto, their idol. The leader grinned, "Lets corner her after school."

Tenma was walking down the hallway after school with her head down, sad about what she had said to her two best friends. She shouldn't have shouted. Who shouts at their friends when they were concerned about their well being? Especially Shinsuke who admires her. Would her image of Tenma still be strong after that outburst? Tenma decided she should apologize.

"Matsukaze Tenma." A voice called from behind. Hearing her name, Tenma turned her head around to find five girls standing in front of her. The four girls at the back and an eye-catching girl, the leader, with curly hair at the front. She had a haughty look on her face as she grinned at Tenma.

"Y-yes...?" Tenma stuttered, something about those five girls told Tenma that she was in big trouble. Very big trouble. The girl's face twisted in disgust, but switched back to her arrogant grin a second later. Tenma guessed this girl does not like her for some reason. That was why these girls were confronting her. Not that Tenma could figure out why. She had never met this girl before.

"Tch. Who do you think you are talking to Shindou-sama!?" S-Shindou-senpai? Were they his fangirls? Tenma did talk to the prince during her break. Were they jealous of her getting his attention? Wait, Shinsuke was there too! She even confessed to Shindou back at the hall. Tenma had to get to her immediately!

"C-calm down. Let's just talk ok?" Tenma was trying to ease the situation while side stepping away from the group to get pass them, but she was cut off by the leader grabbing her uniform.

"No buts girl! You have no right to speak to Shindou-sama!" Tenma shut her eyes, her grip was too tight that it hurt her skin too. Tenma tried to use her hands to remove the grip but to no avail.

"But I-"

"Stop talking!" She threw Tenma to one side, letting her back hit a locker.

"Ah!" Her back hurt, yet Tenma was sure those girl wouldn't let her go just yet. The curly haired leader of the girls bend forward in front of Tenma, and slowly raised her arm back, ready to slap her. Tenma closed her eyes, bracing for impact.

"You'll regret ever getting close to Shindou-sama!" The girl swung her hand down, when a voice shouted,

"Leave her alone!" The palm stopped in front of Tenma, inches away from her face. All of them turned to the voice. A girl stood there, wearing the second year blue ribbon on her Raimon uniform. Her soft and silky pink haired was tied by mint green hair ties to two low pig tails that reached her mid back. Her azure eyes shone under the sunlight, making it looked like the clear blue sea. She stood with her hands on her hips. Tenma's eyes widened. She was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

"Tsch. You're lucky, Matsukaze Tenma." The curly haired girl let go and glared at Tenma. She then turned to the newcomer and grinned, "Let's go girls." She flipped her hair and then walk away passed the pink haired girl with the girls following her behind. The pink haired girl ran up to Tenma,

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah...it hurts but I'm ok." Tenma slowly stood up with the help of the second year girl.

"Those girls...They bully any girl who gets is close to Shindou. Even me." The last part was spoken in a harsh and sad tone. The pink haired girl looked down as she said that.

"Eh? They target you too?" Tenma asked, oblivious to the change in the pink haired girl's tone.

"Yeah..." The girl looked back up with a half-hearted smile, trying to get rid of her sad thoughts,

"I don't get why they did this. I've never done anything to steal Shindou-senpai from them. We just met him when Shindou-senpai wanted to apologize to my friend for rejecting her. She's the one who confessed to him in the hall an- Ah!"

"What's wrong?" The pink haired senior jumped from my sudden exclamation. She blinked curiously,

"Shinsuke! My friend who confessed to Shindou-senpai in the hall! She was with me when he apologized to us later during the day!" Tenma explained, "Those girls, they might be targeting her too!"

"You should call her." Her senior replied, but Tenma had already whipped out her phone to dial Shinsuke's number. It rang for a couple of rings before the call was picked up,

"TENMAAAAA! I'M SO SORRYYYYYY!"

"Ah!" Tenma flinched, pulling her phone away from her ear to save her eardrums. She noticed her senior winced as well from the yell.

"I'm sorry for not trusting you! I don't deserve to be your friend! Tenma-san please forgive meeeeeee!" Shinsuke cried from the other line. Tenma smiled. It seemed Shinsuke was not mad at her. And it also seemed that the bullies were not targeting her, but Tenma had to make sure.

"Shinsuke! Where are you right now? Are you okay?"

"Eweh? I'm at home. W-what happened, Tenma-san?" Tenma shook her head, then remembered Shinsuke was not physically here with her,

"Nh hm. Everything's fine now. Some of Shindou-senpai's fans cornered me just now-" She heard Shinsuke taking a breath, about to say something, in which she quickly tried to placate her, "B-but I'm fine, don't worry. A senior saved me." Tenma briefly glanced at said senior, "I was worried they might target you too, so I called."

"Oh. T-Tenma-san, you are so kind!" Shinsuke sounded like she was tearing up. Tenma scratched the back of her head lightly in embarrassment,

"Heheh...It's nothing. That's what's friends do, right? And could you stop calling me with the suffix? I'm not used to that." The pink haired senior grinned at her side, causing Tenma to blush red,

"Tenma-sa-...Tenma. Nhm! We're friends! Heheh." Tenma could almost see Shinsuke's nod. Tenma was so glad she still valued their friendship. "About Tsurugi, I'm sorry for what happened today. I believe in you, Tenma! If you say he's changed, then he has!" Tenma blinked. Shinsuke believed her! She trusts that Tsurugi has changed from his bullying ways.

"Shinsuke...Thank you." Tenma said with teary eyes sincerely.

"No problem, Tenma."

"A-anyway, I have to go now. I'm glad you're alright, Shinsuke. Let's talk tomorrow okay?"

"Of course Tenma! See you tomorrow!" There was a short pause before the line clicked off.

"That's your friend Nishizono Shinsuke right? The one who confessed to Shindou this morning." The senior piped up once the call ended. Tenma nodded,

"I wonder why Senpai's fangirls didn't confront her." Tenma fingered while looking down at her phone, deep in thought. The pink haired tapped her chin in a thinking pose,

"Well I guess the reason why is because Shindou rejected her, so they have no need to target her as Shindou doesn't like her."

"Eh? But Shindou-senpai apologized to Shinsuke after that! That's why they targeted me because they saw me with Shindou-senpai! Shinsuke was there too!"

"Uhm...maybe she was too short that they couldn't see her but only you?" That made both of them burst into laughter. It was true, Shinsuke was very short for a middle schooler, "I see that you can stand well. I'll be going now." The girl picked up Tenma's school bag and handed it over to her.

"Thanks." Tenma took it and the girl dashed off, "Ne, what is your name!?" The girl stopped running and turned around to face Tenma,

"Kirino Ranmaru!"

"I'm Matsukaze Tenma! Thanks for saving me!" A smile graced Kirino's lips, and then she dashed off. Tenma watched her leave, even her name was beautiful. Tenma then turned around and walked in the direction of her home.A little note written by my past self :P, but with some slight edits by my current self cuz some explanations just don't make sense -cries-. My plan was for Tsurugi to save her. I'm trying to follow the typical Shoujo High School Romance cliché, and it's usually the love interest saving the main character from bullies. So Tsurugi would have been the best to interfer. Especially if I wanted to showcase that he's a better person than before. But I wanted Kirino to come in sooner because I love him and also, in my dream (I didn't really state properly before but this entire fic was created from my dream), Tenma somehow knew who Kirino is. So I decided she should appear in here. I did add a bit of a past between the leader of Sindou's fangirls and Kirino. And before you guys think too overboard. They were not friends in the past, they were not fighting each other for Shindou's love and the leader's not Shindou's fiancée. If there's anymore dramatic guesses, no. Thank you all for reading! If you liked this chapter, please leave a review. It would be much appreciated and would really give me the boost to churn out the next chapter :)

[unsettledink]

Damage Control

Almost forgot to post this to tumblr as well!

Damage Control (Ao3 link at the bottom)

Word Count: 3300

Summary: Quentin cannot believe the nerve of Tony— showing up in the middle of the day, in front of everyone Quentin works with, so Quentin can give him a blowjob behind barely closed doors? Is he insane?

Sure, it's really hot, and Quentin isn't 100% against it. He's not going to say no.

But he's really starting to wonder what might happen if he did.

(Semi-Public Sex, Dirty Talk, Humiliation, Exhibitionism, Consent Issues, Sass, Tony's still kind of an asshole, Quentin is getting more in over his head by the second)

*

"Beck!"

Quentin jerks. "What?" he snaps, even though he shouldn't be using that tone on them. They're still his supervisor. For now.

But he's so— on edge lately. On edge today, after the other night, after all of last fucking week and Tony's stupid, excessive gestures. Tony's— Tony's everything.

"You've got a visitor; he's waiting for you," they say, nodding at one of the stupid glass walled offices across from the lab. Quentin looks over.

Fuck. Fuck.

Tony looks up when Quentin opens the door; looks down, rather, from staring up at the ceiling while spinning idly back and forth in his chair. "What are you doing here?" Quentin asks, and he can just feel everyone staring at them behind his back. They're such gossips, always so hungry for drama.

“Hi to you too,” Tony says. The corner of his mouth quirks up. “See, I was just sitting there, thinking about how much I wanted your mouth, and then it occurred to me that I didn't have to just sit there after all.”

Quentin stiffens. "What?" he says. "Really? Are you insane? I am at work, Tony. I'm fucking— it's the middle of the day. Everyone I work with is probably staring at us right this second, wondering what you’re about to chew me out for, and you want me to give you a fucking blowjob?"

He cannot believe this. The nerve of Tony, to just— barge in here, into Quentin’s space, and act like he can just have Quentin whenever he wants.

Tony's smirking now, openly, and Quentin doesn't want to think about what people are seeing. It’s small consolation that at least these offices are sound proof, but this still has to look bad. "Yeah," Tony says. “That's exactly what I was thinking. FRIDAY,” he adds, “take care of the privacy issue, will you?” and the glass all around them goes frosted, opaque. Quentin stares.

“Oh, that helped,” he snaps. “Now they know something’s going on.”

Tony raises an eyebrow and crooks his finger at Quentin, spreading his legs. Quentin shakes his head, slowly, but he already knows how this is going to go. "I'm at work," he says again as he goes to Tony, but it's weaker, defeated.

"Didn't bother you last time I was down here," Tony says, which is true. And Quentin can’t completely deny that— that the thought of being watched, of everyone out there knowing what’s going on is... still something of a turn on.

“I think I can get the boss to give you a special dispensation,” Tony says, and it feels like he’s mocking Quentin.

That’s not the problem, Quentin thinks of saying, but there’s no point. Tony’s not going to give a fuck that he’ll get to leave without a whisper, while Quentin is going to look used and smell like sex and there’s not going to be any keeping this quiet, whatever Tony might think. It’s going to change what people think of him.

Maybe Tony doesn’t care, but Quentin does.

He gets on his knees.

“There you go,” Tony murmurs. “It’s cute when you protest, like you expect me to believe you don’t want this.”

Quentin’s hands still on the fastening of Tony’s slacks, and he can feel his face heating. He doesn’t look up, just concentrates on getting Tony’s cock out and in his mouth.

Weirdly enough, he hasn’t given Tony a blowjob yet. They’ve been... busy with other things. He knows what Tony’s cock feels like inside him, in his hand, up against his own, but not in his mouth.

He teases Tony a little, taking his time and licking at his cock first, acting like he’s about to go down on it and then pulling back a little instead, every time, letting the tip rub against his lips before he moves back down, licking and kissing his way.

Tony’s hands are in his hair, starting to twist it up, pulling just a little, and Quentin knows he’s right on the edge of taking over; well, Quentin’s not going to give him the chance.

He gets a groan from Tony when he takes him in his mouth, a brief, painful tightening of fingers in his hair. He huffs around his mouthful, protesting, and a moment later Tony’s… almost petting his hair instead, soft.

Tony’s not all that long, but he is thick, and dripping precome like crazy; it’s a little tricky to keep his lips sealed around Tony’s cock the whole time he’s bobbing his head. It starts leaking out the corner of his mouth, messy and slick.

“Fuck,” Tony says. “Of course you’d give sloppy head.”

Quentin jerks off his cock, glaring up at Tony. “If you’ve got such a problem with it,” he says, “feel free to get it somewhere else. You’re the one that wanted this.”

Tony’s smirking at him, entirely unperturbed and Quentin hates that. Tony should at least acknowledge the favor Quentin’s doing him here. He doesn’t have to cater to Tony. Tony’s hand slides down, curling around the nape of Quentin’s neck, pulling him back in; Quentin resists for a moment, Tony’s cock pressing at his lips. Gives in a second later, mouth opening, still glaring at Tony as best he can.

“What I was going to say,” Tony tells him, “before you threw your little fit, was that of course you give sloppy head; everything about you is just perfect.”

Quentin stops, his mouth going soft around Tony’s cock. That’s— that’s not something Tony’s ever said to him. “Yeah,” Tony says, pulling Quentin further down on him, “maybe you should start listening before you get all snappy at me.”

He clenches his hand in Quentin’s hair then, holding him in place, and starts thrusting into his mouth instead. “Maybe not,” Tony says. “I do like a smart-ass. Wouldn’t want you to get too easy; it’s so much more fun when you’re a little trouble,” and fuck, Quentin likes that, likes that Tony recognizes it. After all, isn’t Quentin well worth whatever trouble he might be?

He’s more than willing to be a little more so if Tony’s going to appreciate it properly.

“God, Quentin. Look at you, taking me so well,” Tony groans as he goes deeper, Quentin closing his eyes, pushing himself to not gag as the tip brushes against the back of his throat, over and over. “So fucking good. Doesn’t matter where I put it, does it; you’re a cock hungry slut no matter how I fuck you.”

Quentin’s hands are digging into Tony’s thighs and he’s so hard, so turned on by how into this Tony is, how into Quentin he is. Maybe Tony’s the one fucking his mouth, but Quentin’s the one that can make Tony come whenever he wants, can make Tony look at him, want him.

“Look at me,” Tony says, a rasp in his voice. “Want to see you, handsome,” and when Quentin opens his eyes, glances up, catching Tony’s gaze, Tony sucks in a breath. “Fuck,” he says. “You have no idea how much I want to use your mouth till you can’t even talk, want to come all over your face while you look as fucked stupid as you do now. I’m being— shit, ugh— I’m being so nice to you, just coming in your mouth, letting you swallow— fuck!” and he’s coming, filling Quentin’s mouth.

He makes a helpless sound around Tony’s cock as he tries to swallow fast enough, nearly choking on it; some of it oozes out of the corners of his mouth anyway. More, when Tony pulls out, dripping come down Quentin’s chin. He wipes it off best he can with the back of his hand; it’s too much to hope Tony’d actually have something to clean up with.

Tony sighs, long and loud. “Worth it,” he says. “Gonna have to have your mouth so much more often, sweetheart,” and Quentin really hopes that’s in general rather than like this.

“By the way,” Tony says, catching Quentin’s chin, rubbing his thumb over Quentin’s bottom lip, still wet, tacky. “I almost forgot. Did you like your ‘something nice’?”

Quentin stares at him blankly, struggling to make sense of it. Wait— oh. Oh. The fucking— he didn’t ask for it, didn’t want— it doesn’t matter if he likes what Tony gives him or not, he doesn’t like the feeling of being… paid off.

“I’m not going to say thank you,” Quentin says, his voice rough.

The smile grows slowly across Tony’s face, broad, almost smug. He presses down on Quentin’s lip, harder. “I wouldn’t expect you to,” he says. Slips his thumb into Quentin's mouth, holding down his tongue.

Quentin narrows his eyes and sets his teeth against Tony’s skin, hard enough Tony can’t pull away. Tony just— fucking laughs, low. “There’s nothing sweet about you today, is there,” he says.

Keeps his thumb there a moment longer after Quentin lets it go. “Is there ever?” Quentin says, because he is not sweet.

Tony gets his hand against Quentin’s throat, lightly curved around it, thumb and finger pressed into the edge of his jaw. “Yes,” he says. “Alright, trouble. Lemme see you get off; I know you’re close.”

“I— but—” Quentin starts, because what, Tony wants him to just pull his cock out and jack off like this? It’s not that he doesn’t want to come, but he doesn’t want to think about the mess, about how he’s not going to have the convenience of a nice warm mouth to get rid of it in.

But Tony knows, he’s sure, and Tony does not care. He doesn’t have a lot of fucks to give when it comes to making anything easier for Quentin. “Fuck,” Quentin mutters. “Fine,” and he rushes through pulling his cock out, getting his hand around it. It won’t take long; he is close, has been for ages.

It doesn’t— help, doesn’t help, that Tony’s grip on his face doesn’t ease, that Tony keeps it tipped up, staring down at him. Keeping Quentin on display, watching like this if for his amusement. And shit, Quentin likes that, wants Tony to look at him, but it’s— it’s the way Tony is holding him there, trapping him there, that stirs up something else inside him. Something hot and almost nervous and nearly humiliated.

It’s so quiet in here now that every noise Quentin makes seems obscenely loud; the sound of his breath, harsh and fast as he gets closer, the wet slap of his hand on his cock, the broken gasp when he tries to swallow under Tony’s hand. He whines, horrible and needy, fucking up into his hand at the same time.

“Better be careful what you come on,” Tony says, and fuck, Quentin knew it, he knew Tony had thought of it and didn’t care, god—

He’s pretty sure he manages to aim away from himself, from Tony, as he comes, jerking forward into Tony’s hand around his neck and groaning. He shudders, gasping, and Tony still keeps him pinned in place, still keeps his face on display even as Quentin goes limp enough he’s nearly hanging from Tony’s hand. Lets him go, finally, thumb tracing along the line of Quentin’s jaw, and his head drops against Tony’s thigh, pressed into it and feeling blank.

Tony’s hands are in his hair again, slowly, gently scraping against his scalp. Soft, the sort of thing that’d send shivers all down his spine if it was just a touch harder. It’s nice.

He opens his eyes after a bit, glancing down, and it looks like he did manage to miss coming all over himself. Almost managed to miss Tony as well, though he might not have minded that; just a few lines and drips on his shoe. He sighs and shuffles back, ducked out of Tony’s hold.

“You’d better clean that up,” Tony says, sliding his foot forward. “Unless you want me walking out of here with your come on me.” Quentin huffs; fuck no.

Of course Tony didn’t bring anything to clean up with, or if he did, he’s not offering it to Quentin. He reaches down; guess he’ll just get it on his hands like everything else, and make a run for the bathroom as soon as Tony lets him go.

“Ah!” Tony says, sharp, yanking his foot back, out of Quentin’s reach. “Not like that, Quentin. You know what I want.”

Quentin stares at him again; he hates how he feels stupid all the sudden, like he can’t make obvious connections.

And then he does and wishes he hadn’t. Tony— Tony wants it like it was for the armor. Tony wants him to fucking lick it up off his shoe—

It isn’t thought through, isn’t controllable, the way he physically recoils at the thought, his back straightening, his whole body tensing as he jerks back away from Tony, sucking in a breath and glaring at Tony with all the disgust and anger he can manage. “I’m not going to lick your goddamn boots,” he snarls. “I’m not your fucking servant, asshole.”

Tony’s face darkens, eyes narrowing, and his hand twitches like he’s about to reach for Quentin, about to make this happen no matter what Quentin wants. He won’t, he won’t— he doesn’t know what he’ll do if Tony pushes this, pushes him. He feels hot, a shuddering, tingling wave passing through his body. That Tony would even ask this of him, would try and humiliate him like this, demean him like this— would make him, when he knows perfectly well Quentin not going to risk saying no to him.

But he will, if Tony tries; he will.

“Don’t you dare treat me like that,” he says, and it comes out all wrong, too soft.

There’s a long, strained moment, Quentin tensed to— to do something, if Tony goes for it, something. Tony’s looking at him, frowning faintly, his head tipped to the side, and Quentin doesn’t know what the hell he is thinking.

He moves, Quentin flinching back, but Tony just brings his leg up, resting his ankle on his other knee. Reaches down and wipes up one of the streaks with his finger, Quentin watching him carefully.

Offers it to Quentin, so close to his mouth Quentin almost goes cross eyed trying to look at it. It’s— he—

He feels sick. It’s not licking it off Tony’s foot, face nearly against the ground and Tony watching him the whole time. It’s not, but… it’s still so close.

It’s probably the best he’s going to get, this compromise Tony is offering him. He has to take it.

Fuck.

Quentin shoots Tony one last look, last glare, searching for something, some reason Tony’s insisting on this; knows he won’t find one.

He closes his eyes and opens his mouth.

Keeps his eyes closed the whole time, as Tony’s finger slides into his mouth, the taste of his own come on it. As Quentin closes his lips around it and licks, sucks it off. As Tony’s hand comes back, again and again, more than seems possible. It’s— it’s easier if he tries not to think about it too much. Tries not to concentrate on the shivery, awful feeling in the pit of his stomach, the way he wants to get away from Tony entirely. He just— he doesn’t know what would happen if he said no, if he made it stick. There’s so much at stake for him, and he knows he’s just another plaything to Tony. It’s risky to say no to this, to anything Tony wants.

He doesn’t think Tony would just shrug and let it go.

He clenches his fists and tries to ignore the thought of where that come is from.

Tony stops, eventually, runs out of anything more for Quentin to clean up, but Quentin keeps his eyes closed. He doesn’t want to look at Tony right now. Keeps his eyes closed even when Tony trails his fingers down the side of Quentin’s face instead, delicate. Curves his palm around Quentin’s jaw, fingertips pressed behind his ear, along his neck, and tilts Quentin’s head back.

It’s gentle, Tony’s hands on him. It’s— it’s a sharp contrast to what Tony just did, how Tony just treated him like he was nothing, the taste of it still in his mouth. This slide between extremes, it’s shifting ground Quentin can’t figure out, can’t find a way to use. He hates it; doesn’t know if he wishes those bits of something almost kind would disappear entirely or if wants it more than— Tony’s other hand is smoothing through his hair, purposely, fussing with bits here and there. Straightening it out, Quentin realizes, trying to undo whatever damage Tony had caused earlier. It won’t be entirely fixable; can’t be, without some sort of gel. It gets… fluffy, without anything in it. Probably is right now.

Tony laughs softly. “Put your cock away,” he says, still messing with Quentin’s hair. Quentin fumbles a bit getting himself tucked in and put back to rights, still refusing to open his eyes. Tony brushes back another piece of hair, a faint touch on Quentin’s brow, and pulls him up a bit.

Kisses him, warm and deep, kisses him like he hasn’t since— well, not today, for starters. Quentin finds his eyes open without deciding it, looking at Tony.

Tony tilts his head and tweaks one more strand above Quentin’s ear. “There,” he says. “That’s better. Can’t fix everything,” and he smirks, tapping his finger against Quentin’s lips, and he knows how red and swollen they must look just from how they feel. “But you look almost presentable now, handsome.”

He stands, zipping himself up, slipping on a pair of vivid yellow glasses. He looks like nothing’s happened at all, and Quentin hates him a little. “What do you think you’ll tell them we talked about, hmm?”

“Fuck you,” Quentin says, but it’s weak, flat.

“Not likely,” Tony says. “Not unless you’re very, very good, and that’s going to be hard for you, isn’t it,” teasing him, fucking teasing him. “I’ll tell them to give you a few minutes,” he adds, heading for the door.

Quentin glances over as Tony opens it, and fucking— sees people, glancing up at the movement. Catches the eye of the timid guy that transferred in last week, both of them frozen, staring at each other. The door swings shut, cutting them off, and Quentin is horrified. They— they saw him, saw him fucking kneeling on the ground, looking like this, god, they saw him and there’s no way they don’t know what was going on here, Jesus fuck—

He jolts to his feet, too fast, swaying as he head spins. Drops into the chair Tony was just in, still warm, and presses his head into his hands. He— he has to go back out there; Tony just swanned by all of them, probably smirking and not being in the least bit subtle and now Quentin has to go back out there looking like this, smelling like this, and finish the rest of his shift. Has to go out and try to work, everyone watching him, knowing that Tony Stark just came down for a— a fucking booty call, Christ.

How are they supposed to respect him after that? How is anyone with an ounce of common sense supposed to believe he hasn’t been sleeping his way up the ladder, that he hasn’t earned his place in bed? Goddammit, he worked for this, he earned it himself, not a single bit of help from anyone.

He— fuck! He should be feeling smug right now, not like he wants to hide here forever. He might not be high up in the ranks yet, but he’s fucking the boss. He should be flaunting the fact that Tony fucking Stark wants him so much he couldn’t wait even a few hours, couldn’t manage to be discrete or smart about it, just wanted Quentin beyond reason. They should be so envious of him it makes them sick.

Quentin presses the heels of his hands harder against his eyes, until he sees bursts of light. There’s— there’s a lot of shoulds. A lot of things he should be feeling. And he will, he’ll find them, he’ll make them if he needs to.

He’s just having a hard time summoning them up right now.

*

Rest of the series:

1 - Hands Off / Ao3

2 - Make Sure / Ao3

3 - Get a Handle On / Ao3

4 - Damage Control / Ao3

5 - Getting Started / Ao3

[embhm]

Chapter 195: A SURPRISE ATTACK on the STREETS

NOTE: This chapter is dedicated to my canine best friend and running companion Boomer. I’m sure there are lots of beaches to run along on and lots of squirrels to chase in Heaven, I’ll miss you buddy. <Alec>

Also, thank you very much to Miss Sae for translating this chapter, you won’t know the depths of our appreciation for your and the other translators’ work on this novel. Thanks again. <3

As a continued notice, please be advised that the “Addicted: The Novel” blog will always update the chapters earlier than here on Tumblr. Please visit https://addictedthenovel.wordpress.com for up to date postings on the translations. <Alec>

THANK YOU ALEC! For always editing when given the time. I would hug you if I can, but here’s a virtual one ٩꒰ ˘ ³˘꒱۶ⒽⓤⒼ♥♡̷♡̷ <Sae>

NO SPOILERS PLEASE!!!, in the comments or anywhere on this account. We have not finished reading the novel. No copy/paste and all that other shenanigans either. Votes/likes/comments are highly appreciated.

While reading, if available, please read the footnotes at the end of the chapter for clarification.

Translator: Sae                     Editor: Alec

As always, THANK YOU for reading and enjoying the journey with our RAMBUNCTIOUS boys:

GU HAI & BAI LUO YIN

《你丫上瘾了》

Chapter 195: A SURPRISE ATTACK on the STREETS

In the twinkling of an eye, two weeks have peacefully passed by since they have been in Qingdao. During the second week, the two had ended their days in the hotel and moved into a rented apartment for the time being. The reasons being, one to save money and two, to avoid having to go out too frequently. During the day, they would hide in the room together and review their assignments but once night fell, they would head out and take a stroll on the beach. It was in this simple way that their days together were enriched with contentment.

“It looks like someone is knocking on the door.” Bai Luo Yin stretched his head out to look at the doorway.

Giving Bai Luo Yin a glance, Gu Hai immediately stood up to open it.

“Hello, it’s the express delivery company. This is your package. Please sign here.”

Once he saw the shape and heaviness of the item in question, Gu Hai’s face sank; even the color seemed to become slightly ashen. Needless to say, it contained books again. For the last few days, Bai Luo Yin had nothing better to do than to search online for school books. From text books to reference books and even workbooks of various subjects, he purchased nearly 100 already. Every day, when the deliveryman arrived at the usually appointed time, Gu Hai was the one who signed for the package. To make matters worse, nine out of ten times, the books were all bought for Gu Hai himself to read while Bai Luo Yin was only in charge of supervising. Consequently, every time Gu Hai saw the delivery man, he had the urge to kick the bastard out!

“Why did you buy more books huh?” Gu Hai’s face darkened even more than before. “Can’t you buy something else as well?”

“What else is there to buy huh? It’s not like we are lacking anything.”

“What do you mean, we aren’t lacking anything?” Gu Hai fiddled with the cigarette lighter in his hand, “There are no more condoms, why didn’t you think about buying a box of it?”

Bai Luo Yin gritted his teeth, “A box……”

“And sex toys too. I looked online yesterday and there were so many different kinds. There were some really interesting looking ones that we’ve never used before. Why didn’t you pay attention to any of it huh? Those would definitely improve our quality of life. Look at what you’re buying……nothing else but books!! Damn it!” Gu Hai bitterly threw the books in his hand to the ground.

Upon seeing this puerile act, Bai Luo Yin narrowed his sharp eyes towards him, “Pick it up.”

Feeling wronged, Gu Hai pouted his lips and cast an angry look at Bai Luo Yin for approximately three seconds. Then, as if sensing the sudden change in the atmosphere, he slowly bent down to pick up the books without waiting for Bai Luo Yin to start counting down.

Satisfied, Bai Luo Yin faced Gu Hai and asked, “Did you finish reading the book that I gave you two days ago?”

“Yeah, I finished it.”

In just seconds, Bai Luo Yin’s seemingly all-knowing eyes scrutinized Gu Hai, but even then, Gu Hai’s clear conscience persevered.

“Bring it to me. I’ll take a look at it.”

Bearing in mind Bai Luo Yin’s tenacious demand, Gu Hai readily handed the book over to him. Although somewhat suspicious at first, Bai Luo Yin nonetheless flipped through the book in a rather calm and casual manner. True to his word, Gu Hai had indeed finished writing in it.

Not surprisingly, when Gu Hai was first handed the book, the answer sheet had already been confiscated by Ba Luo Yin early on. With that, it was clear that these questions were all answered by Gu Hai. Furthermore, in order to prevent him from contriving any tricks, Bai Luo Yin intentionally examined each situation listed in the book thoroughly. This was to further see if he had foolishly written anything without thinking it through. As a result of the examination, everything looked good.

“How is it? I didn’t lie to you, did I?” Gu Hai reached out to take the book back.

However, Bai Luo Yin suddenly withdrew his hand and gripped hard at the seam of the book. There, he felt that the thickness of the book was slightly strange. As he flipped the book open again and looked at the page numbers, he was immediately enraged.

Motherfucker!

Flipping through the book one page at a time, he noticed that every other page was missing. He flipped again, another page was missing. Needless to say, this rascal must have torn them out!

Noting that Bai Luo Yin’s expression had fallen through and his own deceitful actions had been exposed, Gu Hai hastily fled to the other room. Bai Luo Yin pursued closely behind. It was not hard to tell that he had taken this as a challenge and refused to let it go. After a short while, he was finally able to capture Gu Hai in the bathroom. Without much trouble, he grabbed the mop leaning behind the door and ruthlessly struck Gu Hai. The guilty boy scuttled to all corners of the room while the mop flew down to attack him repeatedly. Ultimately, he ended up at a small corner, struggling to survive in between hits.

“Stop hitting me. Baby, you’re hurting me. Who will serve you later huh?”

“I don’t need you to serve me. I’ll still be able to live well even if it’s just me.”

With much ease, Gu Hai roughly pushed Bai Luo Yin against the wall. This sudden contact caused the huge item, once hanging out silently between his legs, to press up against Bai Luo Yin’s family jewels. Taking advantage of the crude moment, he pruriently rubbed even harder. When he detected Bai Luo Yin struggling, Gu Hai bit hard on his earlobe.

“In other words, you only have me. Who else can satisfy you huh? Even if both your hands were rubbing it until they’re dislocated, it still won’t be able to keep up with half my speed.”

Before any more titillating words gyrated out of his lips, Gu Hai suffered another round of beating!

“Hey, I can hear the phone ringing,” said Gu Hai.

Still not releasing Gu Hai, Bai Luo Yin listened carefully for a moment. It seemed Gu Hai’s cell phone was indeed ringing. Slightly pursing his lips, Bai Luo Yin finally loosened up his grip and let him go before the two made their way out of the bathroom together.

Seeing that it was Gu Yang’s number with just one look, Gu Hai answered the call and casually said ‘Ge.’

“I’ve already arrived in Qingdao. Where are you staying at?”

“Why are……” Gu Hai was flabbergasted, “What did you come to Qingdao for?”

“Your dad sent me here to capture you!”

Gu Hai snorted, “Look at the person he sent. He looked for half a day only to end up sending an accomplice!”

Carefully listening to the small conversation, Bai Luo Yin picked up his own cell phone and browsed through its call history for the last couple of days. After looking through it for a while, he suddenly became aware of something.

“That’s enough, where are you right now? I’ll go look for you.” Gu Hai said indifferently.

“Up to you.”

After hanging up on the call, Gu Hai faced Bai Luo Yin and said, “My dad already knows that we are in Qingdao. He’d even sent my brother here to capture the two of us. Tell me, is he brainless?”

“Do you actually know if Gu Yang is on your side?” Bai Luo Yin asked without restraint.

“What about it?” Gu Hai answered with a question instead, “If he was working with my dad to vent out his anger, why did he help us that time?”

The color on Bai Luo Yin’s face changed at those words, “I’m just urging you to be a bit more cautious.”

“Okay, I know. I’m going to head out.”

Just as Gu Hai left, Bai Luo Yin immediately gave Bai Han Qi a phone call.

“Dad……”

“Son!” Bai Han Qi’s laughter trickled from the other side. His voice was crisp and bright, making it sound as though his mood was pretty good.

“Has Gu Hai’s father gone to our house for the last few days?”

“He hasn’t!” Bai Han Qi let out a light sigh, “I’ve also wondered about this. It’s got me confused too you know. Since the two of you left until now, he hasn’t shown up at all. You mother hasn’t either. Neither of them came here to ask about anything.”

Compared to Bai Han Qi’s relaxed state of mind, Bai Luo Yin’s mind was being ravaged by an unwavering sense of uneasiness that caused his chest to tighten.

“Dad, if it’s convenient, use someone else's ID card and change your phone number. I might have to change my number as well.”

Startled, Bai Han Qi’s breathing became heavier, “Son, what’s wrong? Did something happen over there?”

“No, nothing happened.” Bai Luo Yin quickly consoled him with a few more words, “I’m really good over here. Aren’t I doing this for the purpose of guarding against the unexpected?!”

“There’s no need to worry. If something were to happen, dad will cover for you!”

Those few words bitterly gripped at Bai Luo Yin’s heart.

“Oh, that’s right son! Dad has some good news to tell you. Two days ago, a teacher called here and said that the school has already fixed a recommendation for direct admission into the university for you. This time, there’s no need for you to worry about it anymore. Just relax and have fun over there.”

Bai Luo Yin’s brows rose slightly, “From what I remember, the recommendation needed to pass through two evaluations. I haven’t returned to school since, how did it pass the evaluations so thoroughly?”

“I don’t know either!” Bai Han Qi made a huffing noise, “When you’d just left, I took a trip to the school and asked about it. At that time, the teacher said that if the student doesn’t come, it doesn’t matter if someone else does. But strangely enough, yesterday a call came over to notify us that your evaluations have been approved and complied with their conditions. Afterwards, it was immediately classified as a direct admission into the university. As of yesterday, the file has been submitted.”

Bai Luo Yin became suspicious at the peculiarity of that event.

“Son, in two days, I’m going to chat with the teacher again. You two should come back as soon as possible! Since our ancestors have brought such a brilliant student worthy of Qinghua University, I should arrange a few tables and invite some close relatives and friends over. We should at the least show our faces!”

“Okay, I know dad. Just don’t forget to change your phone number.”

Immediately after hanging up, Bai Luo Yin began to rhythmically tap his fingers on the writing desk as if they were a set of drums. With each successive round of taps, the heavier they struck the table and thus they became louder and more intense. Suddenly, his fingers halted and huge waves of light flickered from what seemed to be the depths of his eyes. Without hesitation, he picked up his phone to call Gu Hai.

“Da Hai, don’t go meet up with your brother. Quickly come back here now!”

Listening to Bai Luo Yin attentively on the other side of the call, Gu Hai was raided with confusion. “Why? I’ve already arrived at the hotel’s entrance.”

“Don’t worry about the reasons. It’s enough if you just return here immediately.”

Thinking that something has happened to Bai Luo Yin, Gu Hai’s mind was immediately smoldered with anxiety. Just as he turned to leave, he suddenly sensed a gust of chilly air rush towards him from behind. He took a large stride to the side, compelling the person that attempted to mount a sneak attack on him to engage.

Gu Hai had the brim of his cap pulled very low and was also wearing a pair of black sunglasses. At first, this person only had some suspicions, but after the quick exchange with Gu Hai a moment ago, he was certain that his target was indeed Gu Hai.

This was a skilled individual. His fighting skills were not in the least bit concealed. After Gu Hai punctiliously hurled several tempestuous fists at him, he realized that this man was completely different from all the other skilled men that he had encountered before. As their fists met each other, Gu Hai quickly noticed that the attacker was not the least bit afraid of hurting himself. Instead, the assailant was refraining himself from hurting Gu Hai, since his goal was to try his best to subdue his quarry!

Sensing the odds of ensuring success were not too high after exchanging a few more punches, the attacker suddenly lowered his head and said a few words. “Huidu Hotel. At the corner of East street.”

Although in full combat mode, Gu Hai was well aware of his surroundings so when he heard those words, he immediately discovered that there was a small instrument hanging loosely from this man’s collar. Composing himself but still not feeling too encouraged about the turn of events, he gave the man a ruthless kick and rushed off. To make matters worse, Gu Hai didn’t know from where those men were going to ambush him from, all he could do was leave it to chance as he made haste and continued westward.

Soon, the two footsteps sounding off from behind him multiplied. Gu Hai knew clearly that the situation was not too optimistic but for now, besides running, there was no other alternative. So as long as there’s an opportunity for him to make it out alive, he would firmly grasp onto it.

A couple of minutes later, Gu Hai scampered into a bustling commercial street. He swiftly maneuvered his way through the throngs of people in the surrounding areas before entering a shopping mall. Then like a mad man, he rushed towards the third floor and charged into the staff lounge. As he swung his head, left and right, looking for a way out, he noticed a window and immediately jumped out of it without much thought. Surprisingly, he landed safely on his feet without hurting himself. This thoughtless jump led him down to the back alley of the shopping mall and distanced him further from the main streets.

Gu Hai stopped to catch his breath. By chance, just scanning his surroundings, he observed a youngster standing to the side.  

“Buddy, help me out. In a moment, wear my clothes and cap and run over there. I’m being chased by a group of debt collectors. Don’t worry. They won’t make it difficult for you once they discovered that you’re not the one they’re looking for.”

The youngster’s face immediately paled as he waved his hands repeatedly to object. “I don’t want to wear it. I don’t want to wear it……”

Without another word, Gu Hai stubbornly gave his clothes to the youngster to put on. Then he took the kid’s hand and shoved it into the pants side pocket where there was a stack of bills inside.

“Help me with this and all that money is yours. If you don’t help me, there’s no use in having it! Consider and handle it yourself!”

This youngster’s face turned purple with pain as Gu Hai’s hand, like a pair of iron pliers, tightly gripped his shoulder. Eventually, under Gu Hai’s attentive gaze, this unlucky individual wore his clothes and bolted north.

“I see him! He’s over there. Follow him!!”

Gu Hai’s nerves tensed. Looking to the side, he saw a car and quickly fled towards the back of it. By chance, there as a beautiful woman crouching on the ground looking for something. Out of options, Gu Hai pulled her up, pushed her against the nearby wall and kissed her!

The group of men majestically passed by Gu Hai from behind.

As the sounds of their footsteps gradually faded, Gu Hai let the woman go. He didn't even know where he had kissed her. It was soft and had a trace of fragrance to it. The woman’s luminous eyes looked on at the face in front of her. It was bright and seemed to be lit with rays of sunshine, handsome and unruly. At first, she wanted to slap him, but she unexpectedly was not able to raise her hand.

Making sure the area was clear, Gu Hai gave her a quick glance and laughed awkwardly. “Sorry. Seeing that you were so beautiful, I couldn’t hold back for a moment.”

For someone that had just met with an event that was quite sudden, the woman’s mental state was exceptionally good. Not only did she not get angry, she even faced Gu Hai and laughed.

This was the first time Gu Hai’s roguish behavior succeeded like this!

At the roof of a high building, a lone sniper stood still with the muzzle of his gun aimed at Gu Hai’s calf. This person couldn’t help but sneer.

He obviously has skills. In spite of everything, he’s still able to stealthily make the best of a bad situation. Fortunately, there’s also a skilled person here, otherwise, this reckless kid would’ve fooled us.

With that in mind, he rapidly pulled the trigger.

Just as Gu Hai was about to leave, he suddenly felt a sharp pain strike his leg. He bit down hard on his teeth while his face distorted into a grim and pale complexion.

What had struck him was not an ordinary bullet. Although it was not lethal to the body, the painful sensation that it produced was just as bad if not worse than a normal bullet. Worse, after the pain slowly subsided, an intense level of numbness will take over and the spot that was struck will instantly lose its sensation. Gu Hai was aware of the numbness that began to creep in the moment he found it difficult to lift his wounded leg. Meanwhile, the group of people that ran the other way were coming back towards him.

Trying to will the numbness away, Gu Hai truly believed that he was now screwed. But, with just a few short sentences from the beautiful woman, he was able to find a way out of this seemingly impossible predicament.

“Why does your complexion look so unsightly? Are you not feeling well? I’m about to head home so I’ll take you to the hospital on my way there!”

“Is this your car?” Gu Hai asked.

The beautiful woman smiled, “What if it is?”

Taking that as the answer, Gu Hai promptly opened the back door and crudely stuffed her in before he sat in the driver’s seat. With haste, he started the car, maneuvered it towards the main road and stepped on the gas pedal, rushing off.

As the group of men rushed ahead, a car swept by them from the side. It was then that they discovered that their target has escaped.

----------------------------

Are you addicted?

The original novel is written by Chai Ji Dan.

We do not own any of its content, we are translators and editors.

[ohnohetaliasues]

Kidnapped by Sexy Men (Ch.21)

(Kat)

I still suck at intros. 

This morning was NOT pleasant...all because of a certain Southern Korean.

Oh no.

*Flashback to this morning* You were sleeping peacefully on your bed. You were currently in a dreamless sleep, which was nice every once in a while, so you got to just plainly sleep and relax. You were so comfortable and you were lost in your sleeping so that you didn't even notice the pervert loom over you. He smirked as you turned onto your back, revealing your boobs. The ones he would squeeze.

Arm breaking time.

As your chest continued to rise and fall in peace, Yong Soo started to go in for the kill. He tried to move very slowly until he couldn't handle it anymore, his hands groped your breasts. "AH!" You jumped up at the feel of a grip on your breasts. Your eyes shot opened as you looked to seen who your pervert was. And you wouldn't surprised that it was none other than...Korea.

His arms are currently in critical condition. Send me asks to check how they’re doing. "What the hell?" You screamed as he smirked and snickered at you and your blushing face. It was no surprise that the first thing Korea would do on his day would be to grope you.

"But your bigger than Yao and Kiku, Da-Ze~!

Well, duh. I’m a girl.

Yao and Kiku are men.

 He said as he sat down at the foot of his bed. This is then when you noticed how..attractive and hot Korea was. His hair was literally shining and it gracefully moved across his soft skin when he moved his head. He was wearing a plain black button-up shirt with a matching dark gray hoodie. And to top all of THAT off, he wore dark blue male skinny jeans and black HIGH-TOP SHOES! Since when did Korea get stylish? Oh he just did this for you today...if only he wasn't to shy to tell you this.

Korean fashion is amazing, may I just say. I love Korean fashion.

"Why are you so red for, (Kat(?" Korea asked as he tilted his head in slight confusion. Oh Mein Gott...did he look so hot/cute like that. You couldn't help it...you fainted. ... When you woke up, you were dressed and in the living room. This really bothered you since no one was in there with you so you got up and said,"WHO THE HELL DRESSED ME?"

As soon as you were done shouting this, Liechtenstein came in with a smile on her face. "After you fainted Korea got scared so he came to me. I dressed you and did your hair after I made sure that Korea understood that you weren't dead." Your mouth made the shape of an "O" at this explanation.

Thank you, Liechtenstein. At least Korea didn’t dress me. If he was the one who dressed me, his arms would be broken and dislocated. 

"Where's Korea?" You asked as you thought of how worried he must've been. As if right on cue, Korea came bursting through the kitchen door and into the living room. "I GO TO GET SOME WATER FOR A SECOND AND YOU WAKE UP ON ME!" He yelled as he sat down on the couch next to you. He grunted as the room became silent. "I'll leave you two alone now. See you later, (Kat)."

My name is still not Jessica.

It’s Kat.

It’s spelled K-A-T

 Liechtenstein said as she ran up the the stairs and rushed up to the second floor. You watched her until she was out of sight. You smiled, what a nice girl...you just hoped she didn't get in the way of you an Switzerland.

But I don’t want Switzerland.

I want Canada.

"So are you ready for to-" Korea started but was cut off...by one of the best things of your life. Wow, could your life get any better than this? "I'M FINALLY HERE!" Hong Kong yelled as he barged through the front door. He huffed as he put his bags down and collapsed on the recliner. He then opened his eyes to see you and Korea sitting together.

Hey Hong.

How are you today?

Can I be your Tumblr friend?

"Did I just walk in on something important?" He asked as he sat up in the chair and raised his bushy eyebrows. "How adorable." You thought as you took a picture in your mind of his appearance. If only you had a real camera. it was too bad that your phone was in your room in the nightstand. This was a perfect Kodak moment.

???????????

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

"No you didn't, Li Xiao...you just interrupted the starting of my day with (Kat)." Korea said in a sarcastic tone. It was adorable to hear him talk like this, it sent butterflies to your stomach. Hong Kong laughed, like a shota. 

How does someone laugh like a shota?

He then spoke to the two of you in his English/Japanese dialect.

Do you mean Chinese? Because Hong Kong is not a part of Japan.

 "I don't even know why all of you guys are trying, she's gonna end up with me obviously." He said as he crossed his arms behind his back. His tone was pretty serious yet determined at the same time and it spun your fangirl wheel.

No. I’m ending up with Canada.

"And you're the last one to come? What took you too long? Drawing explicit pictures of (Kat), Da-Ze?"

Not again. 

Korea said in a serious tone this time. He was starting to get scary now with this specific tone. "I bet I have more explicit pictures than you and Japan!" 

Hong Kong said as he took his bags, and stomped up to the second floor. He even walked up with a little sashay in his hips that made you squeal on the inside. Korea made sure that Hong Kong was fully up the stairs before he turned back to you. "So (Kat) I thought that we cou-" Korea stopped mid-sentence due to his surprise at the look of you. You were obviously not in a normal mood...you were at...FANGIRL LEVEL 8! Your cheeks were red, your palms were sweating, blood was coming out of your nose, and you were speaking gibberish. Hong Kong's statements...were just too much for you to handle. To much to not go fangirl level 8 over.

Wha...?

"Are you alright, Da-Ze?" Korea asked as he randomly pulled out a tissue for you. Only to have your nose bleed even more. Oh Mein Gott...Korea was acting sweet...how tsundere!

That isn’t a Tsundere thing to do.

"I-I-I'm f-f-fine. J-just...f-fangirling." You stuttered as you "Fusososososo"-ed yourself in your mind to calm yourself down. And it was working too. Thank god that Spain was funny. You didn't know what you might've done...glomped Korea or run upstairs and glomp Hong Kong. 

More like punch him.

You were just glad that you could calm yourself before you COULD do any of this. Korea then smiled as he removed the tissue and tossed it to the small garbage can in the corner of the room. "So what were you saying, Yong Soo?" You asked Korea. You instantly covered your mouth. Why did you just call him by his name? You only said real names when the moment was right or when it was a serious, romantic, mad, or sad time. Right now wasn't a perfect timing. You felt just normal now. "W-well, I thought that maybe you could h-help me with making a new song for m-my vocaloid, SeeU? I've heard f-from Japan that you l-liked vocaloids, e-especially SeeU." he slightly stuttered. You took a deep breath in then out so your wouldn't start to fangirl out again.

Actually, I do like Vocaloids.

I carry a Hatsune Miku charm on my computer bag. 

"Of course." You said normally. You did love vocaloids. They were really cool; programs that you could make sing any song or make them sing a song that you made! You always wanted one but, it was either vocaloids or Hetalia cosplay, and naturally Hetalia won. "Awesome! Come on let's go to my room!" He yelled with excitement as he grabbed your hand and dragged you upstairs. ... South Korea's room. FILLED with anime, Kpop, and drawings. His weren't as detailed as Japan's but, the most appropriate ones were on the wall. The most inappropriate were in his locked drawer. You were already used to pictures being drawn of you because of Japan but, Japan's was mostly tentacle and Korea's was mostly...boobs and romantic. 

I will never get used to that.

He didn't really draw anything of you and him but, when he did it was something cute like the two of you holding hands, kissing, blushing, or just hanging out or going on dates. It brought a smile to your face. He was pretty good at drawing and he used it for something good and not as explicit.

"You like them?" Korea asked as he brought out his laptop and turned it on. He placed it on his desk as it started to boot up. "Yeah, it's unique." You said as you smiled at him. Korea looked at you for a second before he turned his head back to the laptop. You could've SWORN that you seen HIM BLUSH. "I w-wrote a song for the one with the pink, purple, and red sunset. The one where we're holding hands and looking at the sunset together. It's in Korean b-but Japan told me that you could speak almost all of everyone's languages."

I CAN DO WHAT NOW?! 

He said as he pulled out a microphone and plugged it in. He opened up SeeU's program and turned to you. "All you have to do is sing along to the lyrics right here. There is no tune yet so you can make one up. I'll make the music for it." he said as he handed you a sheet with Korean kanji and romaji on it. "I didn't know which one you could read so I did both." He added as you took the paper. "I could read both. And I taught myself tons of Asian syllables."

I’m actually good with Japanese syllables. 

And as for Korean, I can count to almost 100, and I understand commands for TaeKwonDo, but nothing else.

 You said as you walked over next to Korea. He pulled up a recording program that would take you words and have SeeU sing it. Korea counted to three before he turned on the recording, you then started to sing. (I'll put the English lyrics but, it is sung in Korean. I made this song.) "Butterflies fly up around us as we watch the sun go down. Our hands intertwine like the vines on the strong trees. This hold we have on each other represents our love." You finished singing the first verse with ease. You decided to wait a few seconds before going on to the second, which was longer. *time skip* "Great! I can finish it by tonight, Da-Ze! I'll send it to your YouTube when I'm done." Korea said as he saved your singing file onto SeeU's application. You smiled as you started to get up. That was fun, unpervy, romantic, cute and now you could go to sleep. You were tired after singing so much.

It was fine, I guess, but I don’t speak fluent Japanese or Korean.

"Goodnight, Korea." You said as you started to leave. "Wait. let me walk you to your room. I'm not the only pervert here." You squealed on the inside at this. Korea just admitted of his pervetedness!

... "Goodnight, Jessica." Korea said as you opened you door right as soon as it was almost closed you could make out one, loud, sentence. "I love you, (Kat)."

I’d love you more if you didn’t grope me.

Cuz geez.

As you got ready for bed for that night, you thought,"Three have confessed now."

And I still want to kill myself.

~Kat

[bluefacecowboy-blog]

Weekly Update

Right, hi tumblr people (so Debbie and maybe Chelsea and really bored people scrolling through tumblr) hi to all!

Fun fun week! I really don’t have photos but who knows some might show up if I search twitter and I don’t know if I will yet!

Right so this week started bright and early and featured two big big events. The first: Bike to work celebration.

This was Monday Morning starting at 6:30 and since I forgot to make it start on my calendar at 6:15 I sorta arrived ten minutes late. Ugh I forgot to ground the reader right. Right so National Bike to Work Day is a day where all of the Trans Alt Staff gives out free breakfast along popular commuting corridors.

(For the reccord, in 97.87% of the time, I’m a big fan of editing just not in journaling because journaling seems a way to be free and just reccord or recount what’s going through your mind and yeah I know tumblr maybe isn’t the best place to go even on mimi rants like this but it is 1:45am and I’m playing great music.) By the time I finished this it was almost 3am. Good thing I get Monday’s off.

Right I was explicity told to be very topical so that should be the last of that, it’s just I really hate feeling constrained in journaling so back to topicalness) As well as giving out breakfast the day is also the day where T.A gets the most new members so that really was the focus going in and I have a wierd thing where I can sell things that I don’t believe in so much easily than things that I believe in because I have to think about the selling points. It definitely took me a minute (or the whole time) to get comfy selling membership because I know how great it is and I kinda assumed everybody else did. It was kinda crazy windy out and being right alongside the Hudson certainly added to things. It was a fun day though, roping people in with free breakfast and then asking them if they would be interested in signing a petition which I felt comfy with.

Rant about honesty below (in all likely just an idioscracy of mine)

(I will be very honest about everything probably too honest but I’m not supposed to be shit, like I have no problem saying mistruths in person but writing is so much more perinement and it is what lasts and I want to be honest because the exact words of a conversation even in the very best ones are just fading details but when you can scrutinze every word I find it so much more important to be honest, because whatever I did, I did and I own it, even if I’m not proud of it. Okay see this is how I can get side tracked for real, though if you are a future employer reading this then hello! Hope you are well whatever concerns you have about me in this reading have hopefully been worked on, okay for real back to it)

Rant over

It felt so much comfortable then selling membership after luring people with free breakfast (I hope this is topical and not too much) to try to get them to open their wallet, though I completely understand why we were all supposed to. A petition felt like a fair trade because then there is still good will and ease. Also it was too cold for ice coffee, if we had Friday’s wheather on Monday double the amount of people would have stopped. It was fun and very odd being finished with things before I generally wake up. (bold generally means the future, like there is no way I’m up before 10:30)

I had Tuesday off, so everything there is truly untopical.

Wednesday, that was site visit day and truthfully I was definitely at least vaguely nervous because I never had a formal realationship with Debbie and it was definitely more than a touch off balencing to see Debbie standing outside when my head was still in the books I was reading on the subway. Generally the time in the elevator is the time I need to ground myself in what is ahead but I didn’t have that so if I seemed a touch cold, I aplogize Debbie. The meeting went great, I really do enjoy the work I do at TransAlt (my head is just in the album playing now (25 annual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Concert)) and my supervisor Chelsea is such a great boss. The enviroment (at TransAlt) is great because it really is a great match. Like there are people who are all working on politics but also on bikes and also on pedestrian plazas and making the streets more joyous (shit I’ve been at this half and hour and I still have the next two days) The meeting went very well after I got over the inital in my headness and was present in the meeting. The rest of the day was spent working on Buisness Outreach things or the rest of the day at the office was.

Fuck after I left the day was properly crazy! From the most boring of ceremonies (kinda like the first ten minutes of a Deblassio speech but for three hours) to immediately after having great conversations, looking forward to a double episode of Survivor, to on the whim of a moment joining a group of two incredibly interesting and brilliant strangers and a close friend of my father to suddenly entering this art studio looking for Five Five Freedie to entering a park I never knew existed (148 and Riverside, check this stuff out!) to five hours later lying on the bust of Houdini for a half hour nap.

OVER

Just know I was kinda wrecked and hungry for more adventure going into Thursday. This was my first day of outreach with my boss Chelsea and just going over the ropes of how to petition on the streets. Similarily to a lot of other things you just need to get into a grove and stay the hell out of your head and just ask people “Hey would you like wider sidewalks or summer streets” and then asking the same person to sign the petition. It was great fun to get to use signs I created and see the process through, after petitioning for two and half hours we called it quits and I felt really good about engaging passerbys.

There was a meeting afterward for Manhattan T.A volunteers and while the meeting was definitely productive I was in the complete wrong headspace and probably fairly exhausted ( I went to bed late the night before)

The next day was Bike Home From Work Party in the DUMBO Triangle. It was a real party with a D.J and fosball and food and a bunch of sponsors and free food. I was tasked with floating shift which means to help where needed and float throughout. There was only one person at the membership tent so I joined her there (The person was Kelsey and we really get along great and she is super easy to get along with) and we started pulling people in. I quickly found the best pitch was to call out asking someone if they were a TransAlt member and if they said no I quickly found the best to engage them was to inform them of the free beers for members, that got people listening so quickly it was great and I feel like as many if not the majority of non-members who I was able to engage with became members. If people said yes I would inform them of the free beer and make jovial conversation. There was a free t-shirt (exclusive to the week) so with the free beer and the men’s wearhouse coupon the membership paid for itself when people became members. (The following is half selling membership, 100% honest) Really becoming a member is a great deal, because for fifty dollars a year, or ten a month if you prefer, you get discounts at over a hundred thirty stores throughout the city and you support TransAlt’s lifesaving work! It was great fun working with Kelsey and later Libbey and the party was a great atmosphere and there was a competition to win a Free Brompton Bike, the person who could put out at the highest maxium wattage on a trainer would win a bike. I had the lead throughout the night but each time I checked I would see the person before me edge me out, literally every time! So I go to check in to see if I’m still in the lead. The person warming his legs is a mountain bike racer, so is friend who would go immediately after him. He goes and gives absolutely everything and ended up beating my wattage by 20 watts and I’m thinking alright with Daft Punk Playing I can probably beat that. His friend (person 1’s friend) goes up and blows person 1’s wattage up by fifty watts. Daft Punk is still playing. I have beaten person 2’s wattage a couple of times throughout my 18 years on my bike which is a sweet toy and fits me exactly to the millimeter. I start spinning. Another TransAlt emlpoyee is besides me. The time starts and I start giving it everything but my power was only slowly trudging upwards. I scream and give it one last primal effort. My wattage jumps surpassing person 1’s wattage. I keep digging and I can see person 2’s wattage slowly getting closer. 25. 23. 24. 17. 16. 15. Then I pop. Okay whatever bad story. The night was great! The director of membership was please with me and gave me this amazing pin that says

  “OFFFICAL MEMBER”

All Powerful Bike Lobby

Yeah the party was great fun, so much fun to see so many TransAlt members and people having fun with bikes. Yeah I’m sure this is like 10 times more reading then I should have made it. Mistakes were made. Have a great week! After reading it, this feels relatively constrained by my standards. There was also Staff Pizza which was very nice and just great conversation’s throughout the night, alright it is 3:01 I’m gonna hope this is alright in some way. Bye all!