#still learning abt these characters so if these feel ooc my apologies

[dvrcos]

my emo twins that aren’t twins

(click of better quality)

[walmartbrandwhatever]

okay, so I was yapping with my bestie(@inthepeachtree ), and now I'm sharing my yap session about the curtis brothers like post book. this is like super angst and does mention like struggles with food and mental health and stuff similar, so keep that in mind! this is also my opinion, so if things are ooc character, etc, I apologize :) I know you all are loved mwah<3

imagine the utter anxiety darry and probably soda have after the events.

I feel like darry wouldn't be able to sleep even though pony was back home and safe. like he would try his hardest to sleep but is tossi.g and turning until late Into the night. he's *exhausted* but his mind is screaming that pony is gone, having run away and no whwre to be found( worse if his mind was screaming pony was the one who died in the fire not Johnny and that it was all his fault) and that anxiety goes to soda who he think joined pony in running away and that now he was utterly alone which was his *worst* fear because what is he ment to do now that the two people he was living for left him? so eventually he gets up and paces around his room or makes his way out of his room and starts cleaning etc because he doesn't

a) want to worry his brothers because he's the oldest, and they don't need to have the burden of what he think he is. and b) his brothers needed all the rest they could get, especially if Pony's nightmares got *so* much worse. so he does anything to keep his mind from thinking the absolute worst. he eventually either gives up and checks on his brothers who were in their bed each hugging eachother ( he feels a ping of hurt knowing that he would never have the relationship soda and pony have but he's learned to accept it.) after checking they were in fact safe ans okay he eventually falls asleep but that shit wears him down. NOT TO MENTION the guilt he feels much about dally and Johnny. like musical him probably constantly thinks about him and days fight and he agrees with every dally says and he feels utterly guilty bc if it weren't for him they would be alive ans same goes for his parents. like that man is *struggling, but he keeps working. he also is so afraid of hurting his brothers again and is fighting with himself everytime he gets angry but on a happy note after a while his relationship with pony does get better, slowly but day by day they start to build a better relationship. bonus points if the curtia brothers find darry one night stress cleaning and end up like taking about everything and their emotions then having a cuddle session bc I stand for it. relationship

now onto soda and pony

with soda he probably is somewhat similar with needing to check that pony is safe and okay. I'm still like analysisimg soda so his might not be as detailed yk

but like, he's the type of person to like feel others' emotions, which is utterly exhausting, especially with Pony having these horrible nightmares, and he *feels* everything pony is feeling. he has had so many nights where Pony would be asleep, and he just breaks down sobbing because he can't stand to see his little brother like this. (DONT GET ME STARTED WHEN PONY WAS SICK AND IM THAT DELIOUS STATE BC DARRY AND AODA WERE GOING THROUGHT IT AND I WILL YAP ABT IT ) but soda is similar to darry about not wanting pony to worry about him because his brother had already been through so much and needs to focus on healing. he allows himself to open up to darry because he knows that his brother feels the same way, and he knows darry would rather die before ever admitting that he isn't okay. soda has found darry practically in tears in the middle of the night, trying not to wake his brothers. soda has always been better with emotions, but he's struggling with the deaths of everyone on top of Pony's horrible mental state. he feels guilty about the small part of him that still feels some anger towards darry for hurting pony but he also feels the utter pain darry feels about hurtimg pony(soda had run after pony but couldn't catch him and darry had felt so sick of himself he threw up whatever dinner he had. he also then proceeded to try to scrub his hand clean ~~no matter what he did his actions could never be undone~~) anyways like a said group cuddle session after the three of them all talk about how they feel bc God knows they need that.

now with ponyboy everything u said(this was a lot, and they can reply with what they said if they want!). It definitely is true in my mind. like he feels like everything was/is his fault and probably is near a mental breakdown/has one because they can't be gone. *they just can't* because that means death is following him and that means his brothers or two bit, ace(she is part of the gang bc I say so and I love her), he'll even steve are next ans he's not sure if he could live knowing they cpuld/will die. he struggles with food and basic needs for a while because windxcile had fuxked with him so badly. his brother worked with him a lot about trying to get him back to a healthy place both mentally and physically. it took a while but he was finally able to eat a full meal without feeling sick after a few months and darry and soda were *so proud* like soda was close to tears and so was darry. darry also struggled with food because he a)thought all the food should go to his brothers and not him bc he could live without it and b) during the time pony was going he thought why should he eat when pony couldn't? with every mistake him(darry) and pony constantly like punish themselves for the smallest things and soda tries his best to teach them that it's okay to make mistakes and tat they don't need to punish themselves.

also, I can yap about the week. Pony was gone with soda and darry bc darry was low-key, giving me not doing well vibes to me, but I can definitely go I to that.

again I'm still working on understanding ever character in the book but these are just my thoughts. if you have any comments or things to add on definitely lmk because I love to talk! love you all and lmk if you want to yap some more!!

[ionely-galaxy]

comfort.

cw; angst if you're an overthinker ; zhongli being gentleman ; malewife hex ; one shots? (tell me if there's more)

abt; sometimes all you need is comfort from your dear bf/hb. [ w/zhongli, sonny brisko, kamisato ayato, hex haywire, and levi ackerman ] (don't ask me why the fandom kinda messed up)

!; grammar can be incorrect, im still learning ; all that has been written was only my opinion/imagination, and still have the opportunity to be inaccurate/ooc ; im taking suggestions/correction

chat; my back and thigh hurt after staying in school for its event, and maybe i could upload the wattpad thing after this.

-- ZHONGLI is the best comfort character on my list. he's just too gentle that no guy can be compared with this peepaw. i imagined that whenever is time to sleep after a tough and long day, he'd cuddle you soo close to him and whisper sweet nothing until you fell into the dream world.

-- or when you be down badly, he will get you close to him, whispering sweet affirmation. and not asking 'what happened' because that was a shit of nonsense.

-- first of all, SONNY is a silly man, i mean he has a wild personality that makes him too silly. when he noticed you are in a bad mood i feel like he just gonna tell you silly jokes? he can't do 9 multiplication but at least he can comfort you.

-- but then what can he do to boost your mood? just as simple as his smile with the bright blonde color on his head can create sunshine or even the entire sun to brighten your mood.

-- well, in my opinion, AYATO wasn't there when you be down, but he heard about your condition from maids, thoma, or ayaya. after hearing that, he would also be down because he can't help you right that.

-- but as he opened the door of you two shared bedroom, what he found is just your figure sleeping peacefully. he gets close to you and starts muttering a lot of apologies, and adorations for you.

-- you could just heal up then being the entire sunshine if HEX uses his power on you, while it means hurting him too. but, he is a malewife afterall, he can just cook everything that you love, prepare everything that you want/need, and cuddle up with you until his cat gets jealous.

-- the second option is hex's voice, the one that makes you fall for him in the first stream (at least it was me). hex noticed that you L-O-V-E his voice, so he tried everything to keep you hearing that ultra-hot-deep-fried voice.

-- before we start, i need to let you know that LEVI is the sweetest thing that exists in this world, because of his tsundereness. then, i can make sure that levi wouldnt dares to tease you in your bad mood.

-- he doesnt even dare to talk anything to you at that time, he just gonna pull you into a deep and long hug and said maybe one or two safewords, such as 'i love you', he is so aware when it comes to your mental health, and feel such grief when he sees you cry, even though it wasn’t because of him.

©2023 ionely-galaxy. DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARIZE, OR SHARE WITHOUT CREDIT/PERMISSION

[fenharelxenansal]

ooc;;

so i went back into my discord history to dig up some meta i wrote a while back about briala. alice, nixe, mo, merc, and cay have all already read this, but i feel like a lot of it is really important to my characterization and i want it on my blog. maybe someday i’ll format it to read in a less disjointed, chat-style way, but for now -- have 1600+ words about briala’s backstory, i guess?

cw: lots of emotional abuse and gaslighting, lots of character death

im having a mood abt the tactics celene might have used to keep briala on her side when they were fighting and aaugh

bc i think a lot about the scene at the beginning of TME where bria is getting sexually harassed by a palace guard and the fact that nobody in that scene, briala included, acts like its anything particularly abnormal. that worries me

i mean. celene killed her damn parents. i dont think encouraging a guard to harass briala from time to time to make herself look like a saint in comparison is beyond her

and i have this mental image of briala being hurt in some way, nothing serious, a bruise here or there from someone other than celene, deliberately caused to send her running back to the empress who will make it all better

to give briala someone to hate instead of celene

to give celene the opportunity to 'make it up' to her

because i dont believe for a second that celene, grand player of the Game that she is, wouldn't stoop that low

she would do anything in her power to keep briala

because she is too dangerous, she knows too much

my headcanon is that when celene tried to send her away to live with the Dalish, it wasn't for her own protection

it was to keep her from ever realizing the truth of what happened the night her parents died, because it could destabilize celene's grip on power

and when Briala came back, well, she had to come up with another plan. and she cared for Briala enough that she didn't want to just kill her. so she made her into an intensely loyal asset

so i think any time Briala started to turn on her, started to want to leave her service even a little, she would do something to make herself look like the good guy again

the thing i always think about

Briala was supposed to be killed that night along with her parents

it wasn't 'all the servants except briala' it was 'all the servants'. the fact that she survived was pure luck, and the fact that celene didn't just have her killed after that point was because. well. Celene was a 16 year old lesbian about to ascend the throne of one of the most powerful countries in Thedas. One might imagine her a bit lonely.

im pretty sure she knew sending briala away was sending her to likely bandits or death by starvation

but she didn't have to feel so personally responsible for that

its easy to kill a palace full of servants whose names you dont know

theyre just numbers on a piece of parchment saying how many bodies you have to clean up

briala made herself real to celene and that makes her harder to kill

because she could have just killed her right then herself

but celene never had the stomach for killing people herself. she just gives the orders.

and so when faced with that situation, with her personal handmaiden traumatized, crying, covered in her parents' blood saying 'they're all dead', the smart thing to do would have been to kill her. but celene didn't do that. she just sent her away to near-certain death instead.

Briala is incredibly dangerous to Celene

especially post-TME, post realization of exactly how Celene orchestrated her rise to power

she is the only one who knows that Celene's claim on the throne is truly illegitimate, no matter how much Gaspard tries to argue it

not only did she have her own palace servants murdered

she had the emperor assassinated

which i think everyone misses?

she had him assassinated and then staged the murder of her palace servants to paint herself as an innocent victim who just happened to not be there that night

thats why all the palace servants were killed

so that suspicion would not fall on her for Florian's murder

the point was to make it look like the same assassins who went after her uncle were also going after her

when in reality she was the one calling the shots all along

i did briefly toy with writing a verse where Briala never met Felassan, where she made it to the Dalish safe at 14 years old and tried to become one of them

but the fact is that the moment he sent her back to Celene was a defining moment for her, something that fundamentally changed her, and she wouldn't have been anywhere near the same person without that

it told her, right there and right then, subtextually and insidiously, that the cause was the most important thing, more than her safety - because she knew it was dangerous being anywhere near the Empress-to-be, she wasn't stupid. she didn't even really know what the cause was at that point; he never told her what he got out of their meetings. so the cause to her became helping elves. and then that really quickly became warped to helping celene because she convinced her that it was the best way to serve the cause.

"what would have been different if she'd decided what she wanted to fight for on her own?"

she would have been a lot less.....not less dedicated, but less 'dedicated to the detriment of her own wellbeing'

if she had decided herself not to go to the Dalish, to stay by Celene's side to enact change, rather than just following the orders of other people, her story would be very different

concept: briala actually processing her trauma??? what???

bc you know the moment she got back to the palace with Celene after meeting Fel for the first time she threw herself headfirst into the Game

she focused all of her energy on intelligence-gathering and supporting Celene in her bid to become Empress

She never gave herself a single moment to grieve

and it isn't an uncommon story in Thedas, an elf watching someone or multiple someones they love cut down by humans

imagine if u will: briala, trying to have a funeral, not just for her parents, but for all of them

thats the thing i really feel the need to

idk

it wasn't just her parents

briala grew up in the palace. her parents were both palace servants.

she knew every single one of those servants. they were her friends and her family. and at the end of it she was left standing covered in blood in front of celene. celene was all she had left.

she didn't have any friends at the beginning of TME. she was friendly with the cook, but that was it.

celene took a generally happy, driven, and incredibly smart 14-year old elven girl and took away everyone she had ever known except herself. she made herself briala's world.

that's the real reason i hate that you can reunite them. its not that i don't believe they could be reunited - its that they can. because briala doesn't have anyone else. she has celene and felassan. that's it.

when you only have one person, its easy to make excuses for them and justify the things theyve done. its easy to believe them when they apologize and promise to do better.

thats why i want briala to have friends and lovers and people

i want to have a verse where she has grown so far beyond that point that she would laugh if Celene asked her to return to the palace

i want her to stop loving Celene but she isn't there yet

in my current writing, at least

she is still vulnerable to her in every verse where Celene is still alive

i just imagine her like

talking quietly about her childhood best friend among the servants

we don't get to see much of Briala's childhood

we get the moment of her mother telling her she mustn't try to hide her ears and that she must be proud of being an elf. that's really it.

but we do know that there were other children of servants who were considered for Celene's handmaiden aside Briala

i like to think she was friends with these other children. that she wasn't always lonely from the start

but of course that leads down the road of those friends being slaughtered as well so its a tradeoff

and then there's the question of whether when Celene kissed her when she was sending her away, if that was her first kiss, if she ever even had the chance to love someone else

i think a lot about how Briala spent 20 years learning how to love exactly 1 person the way she wanted to be loved

just imagining her trying to have a romantic relationship with someone else with that framework still in place is painful. it wouldn't work no matter how much she wanted it to because she'd be treating them like celene. she has no other model for how a relationship can work

she bypasses that somewhat with Lana, but its still there, thinking that the best thing to do is the thing that Keeps Lana Safe

she wouldn't recognize abuse if she got into another bad relationship

and she doesn't know how a relationship works where she isn't centering the other person's needs over her own

she gave up everything she ever wanted or aspired to for Celene

one time i got a prompt from a lyric starter list i made

'you can still be what you want to'

and briala just. broke for a moment.

'no. i can't. i never could - none of us ever could. thats why we fight.'

she doesn't have interests or hobbies or friends or a life

celene was her life and now she's filled that void with her cause