#still have no idea how to format these posts in a nice way but hello there tumblr and sskk nation

[forpiratereasons]

i found a genre of longform videos that is just 8-10 hours of someone driving around freeways during thunderstorms and i have a lot of thoughts about this but also: stede the driver who films long pov driving vids and extremely stressed ed who gets addicted to his channel

it's meditative, and it reminds ed of being in the car with his mum, driving across aotearoa. he feels like she's there with him sometimes. but the more he watches, the more he becomes aware of the driver--a sigh here, the shuffle of fabric in the seat there.

there's almost no information about him on his channel, the gentleman driver, not even a name or a pic, and ed becomes a little fixated on picking up details about him. doesn't happen often, but once or twice ed catches the driver humming a few beats before falling silent again, clearing a throat, sighing, clicking his throat like he's talking silently to himself.

once, on hour six of a ten hour vid, ed's rewarded by the view of an elegant hand reaching across the screen to grab something that must be on the dash in front of the camera. four seconds ed plays over and over.

"is there someone in the car with you while you drive?" ed asks in a comment. "or is it just you?"

the gentleman driver writes back, "just me and the open road!"

maybe it's the format that makes ed ask, the anonymity. maybe he's just half asleep. "don't you ever get lonely?"

it's days before the gentleman driver writes back again. "do you?"

ed's not got an answer for that. or, he does, but not one he's willing to face head on. he asks instead how the gentleman driver chooses his routes.

the driver doesn't get very many comments and definitely not very many questions, and soon they're having little conversations in the comments of every video. ed gets another glimpse of that elegant hand, with a big turquoise ring, freckled forearm; hears another few bars of 'here comes the sun' hummed.

then the driver does something new: he stops at a rest stop.

and he leaves the camera rolling.

ed watches in rapt fascination as the driver crosses the screen in front of the car, goes into the rest stop. blond hair, broad shoulders, floral shirt. he's actually wearing jeans for an eight hour drive which is insane, and ed gets a glimpse of his profile as he smiles. insane.

if the driver's ever stopped before, it's been very carefully edited out. maybe he forgot this one. maybe he wanted ed to see. that's delusional, ed thinks, but he still navigates to the driver's about page and pokes around until he finds an email address.

nice shirt, he sends.

oh god, the driver sends back, and the video disappears from his page half an hour later. i forgot the editing. i'm sorry if it was distracting.

no, i liked it, ed tells him. it was nice to see the man behind the steering wheel. and then, hesitating only a bit, he adds: i'm ed.

hello, the driver writes. i'm stede.

the emails go on, and on, and eventually they turn into texts too, and promises from stede to check in on his longer drives, to "call if you ever need someone to keep you awake."

"i'm supposed to be sending you to sleep," stede argues.

"i'll sleep better knowing that you're safe," ed writes back.

the next video stede posts, he lets the camera run all the way until he's pulled into a parking spot at a roadside motel just outside of denver. the camera runs one minute, then five, and any reasonable person would've turned it off by now, but ed waits until he hears, very quietly: "safe and sound, now. go to sleep. goodnight."

is it stupid, to think you can fall in love with someone after just one sentence? is it still stupid, if that one sentence repeats at the end of every new video?

then one night the phone rings. it's late, dark out, and ed knows stede was doing a drive that wouldn't have him at his next stop until nearly one in the morning. he picks up. "hello?"

"oh, ed," the voice says. "you've no idea how good you sound just now."

it's a voice he's only heard before in hums and whispers, but it doesn't matter. lots of things about love are stupid, ed decides. this isn't one of them.

stede's blown a tire. "i'm okay," he insists. "i was just hoping for some company while i wait for the tow."

"where are you?"

"middle of nowhere," stede says, but when he names the spot, it's only two hours out. ed can be there faster than a tow probably would, and there's a note of anxiety in stede's voice he doesn't much like.

he's got his shoes on and his keys in his hand before he can think twice.

stede hems and haws but in all his fussing he doesn't actually tell ed not to come, and he stays on the line while ed piles blankets in the car and as he gets behind the wheel and as he sets out on the freeway. he stays on the line and they talk until they're both creaky with exhaustion and dry air, and then they're quiet, just like in stede's videos, but together this time. then ed crests over a hill and there it is: a car pulled off to the side with its hazard lights blinking. reminds ed of a lighthouse. 'i'm here,' the lights say. 'i'm here.'

he pulls to a stop behind, starts his own hazards. the driver side door of the car opens, and then there's a leg, and a body, and there he is. stede. he's still got his phone pressed to his ear; ed can hear him breathing.

"i'm going to get out," ed says.

"okay," stede says.

it takes another long moment, watching stede stand there in the dark, waiting for him. stede, with his hair and his voice and his hands and the way the quiet in him already feels like home.

"i might kiss you," ed says.

he watches stede swallow, hard. eyes widen. "okay," he says.

ed reaches for the handle. pops the door open. puts one foot out on the pavement and looks up to meet stede's eyes as his cabin lights come on, as the car starts to ding its door-open warning.

"oh," stede says.

ed takes a step. they both still have their phones in their hands, their breathes in each other's ear. ed takes a step and takes a step until he can reach out to take stede's phone from him. press the call end button.

"hi," he says.

stede kisses him.

after that there are other, shyer hellos, and other, more awkward ones too. there are ten minutes to a 24-hour macdo drive-thru for coffee and another ten to a motel and a late night that becomes an early morning by way of conversation. there's laughter, and more kisses, and careful fingers learning the planes of each other's faces. in the morning there's breakfast and a tow truck and an invitation to a place just two hours away.

and there's a long break in updates to the gentleman driver's channel.

when he comes back, weeks later, his update schedule isn't quite as frequent, and his drives don't usually go as far. there's giggles sometimes, in the background, like there might be someone else in the car with him.

"do you miss it," ed asks. "driving the long drives?"

"no," stede says. "i found what i was looking for."

*

@ kninjaknitter also podficced this one!

[umbreonkin197]

Journal of a Questioning Otherkin (Entry 1) (Repost)

Hello Tumblr! This is my first time ever posting on this site, so please forgive me if my post is dumb or formatted weird.

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I've heard it can be helpful to keep a journal of your thoughts and experiences as you explore your identity, so I may as well try. I've never used Tumblr before either, but I've heard that there's a good otherkin community here, so I guess I'm going to shout into the void and see where this takes me.

This week, I realized I might be an otherkin. Before now, I didn't know too much about the community or what it means to be an otherkin other than the general idea of what I've heard about it in passing.

As soon I started actually researching what an otherkin was, it was like everything just clicked. It felt as though I had just unknowingly opened Pandora's box, and now there's no way to go back to how I was.

It's been... A lot, to say the least. A lot of things that I used to do as a kid make a lot more sense now, things that I forced myself to stop doing because they weren't "normal", feelings that I've been shoving down for years and trying to ignore, and hating myself and my body without even really understanding why.

I could write for days on all the conflicting feelings I have on what's going on inside my head, and maybe I will write more later.

After a whole week of stress and research and soul searching, I think I am fairly confident that I am some sort of otherkin or alterhuman. On one hand, I feel like I should celebrate this new discovery, but for some reason I just feel scared and uncertain about what this all means for me going forward.

I don't know who I am, I don't know what I am, and I don't really know many people who I can talk to about this sort of thing either. I'm lost and confused and isolated, and I don't like not knowing what lies ahead of me.

Anyways, fears aside, I still want to learn how to connect with this part of me that I've repressed for so long.

I've been thinking a lot about what my kin identity might be, and the thing I've felt by far the strongest connection to is Umbreon, the pokemon. I don't want to jump to conclusions, so I'm still trying to explore a few more options, but every time I picture myself as an Umbreon, I feel so light and euphoric that I can't stop myself from bawling. Is this what I've been missing all this time?

So, it's nice to meet you. I think... I think I might be an Umbreon.

[sitp-recs]

Fandom creators self rec game! Choose five favourites from your own creations (and tell me why, if you like!), then pass on to at least five other people. I'd love to hear what you're proudest of.

Hello beloved! It’s always a privilege to see you in my inbox, thank you so much for this lovely ask and apologies for taking two centuries to reply lol this was a quite emotional trip down memory lane for me - I couldn’t decide whether to go with rec lists or single recs (oof I haven’t written one in so long 🥲) because they’re both so different and special in their own way. In the end I’m gonna do lists because I think they’re generally more helpful and popular! I’ve been going through a creative / fandom slump for a while now, so this was great encouragement as it made me look back at my own recs with joy and kindness. Thank you babes 💜

1. I actually still love the Drarry for Beginners series! Fun story, I wasn’t very confident about it at first - I was getting many requests for a classics rec list back then but I don’t really vibe with the “MUST read these or you’re not a valid fandom member” mentality so I tried to come up with a different format that felt more like an invitation than a lecture. I think I found a good balance of well known fics and hidden gems, so I’m very proud of that. Also, the banners looked really good! Especially the redemption arc and the Muggle!Draco AU ones if I do say so myself.

2. The Hidden Gems series is also one of my most precious babies - it took me a long time to plan it out, read all fics and prepare the small blurbs for each one and I really love how it came across, the authors I chose to highlight, and the fact that I was able to mix Drarry and rare pairs. I remember getting an ask back in the day that accused me of only reccing my friends (anon really overestimated my network size 🤣), they could have at least checked the hidden gem series before going for public embarrassment lol there’s so much to explore there, and I really wanna come back to it one day to finalize the second edition that I started posting in 2022. Hopefully this year!

3. 35 Romantic Shorts: my heart is so very soft for this one, not only because the ever generous @bluebutter-art has let me use her stunning art for the banner, but I’m also such a passionate champion of short form and I feel like this list really embraced the concept and delivered great recs. I’m not a fluff gal by any standards so this was a nice exercise finding the softest, most romantic and soothing reads that made my heart beat faster. It would be lovely to go back and maybe add a couple more lists with new shorts, or alternatively make new lists for medium-length and long fics. So many ideas, so little time!

4. It feels like a lifetime ago but I’m still very fond of my “smutty recs week” that I made to celebrate one of my first followers milestone. Ahh the nostalgia! All lists can be found here and include a wide variety of themes and kinks like voyeurism, dirty talk, gang bang and others. Those banners are some of my favourites too, they turned out very sassy and clever if I do say so myself. I had so much fun with them! I gotta find the time to sit down and update some of those lists with newer treats!

5. Now highlighting something more recent (from Feb 2023… LOL) I’m super proud of my Rare Pair Romance list for Valentine’s Day. It was a great chance to compile (most of) my favorite rare pair fics in one place and include different ships and tropes. I’m always looking for an excuse to rec het pairings which I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, so this was the perfect way to do it.

[orchidyoonkook]

Do you have any tips for new writers/accounts to get popular???

Hello!!!!!

SO:

I was a shit writer for a very long time cuz I never wrote. But one day I wanted to change that so at 19 I made up a story and wrote down all my plot points and then did a DEEP DIVE on Pinterest of all things collecting every bit of advice I could. I’m talking ideas, how to do this, how to not use the word said, how to start sentences. How sentences should flow and their lengths, big uncommon words. EVERYTHING.

Anything and everything I could get my hands on. 

And on top of that I’ve been a reader for forever. I have so many books I don’t even know how many I have. And so I use that knowledge when editing. I don’t read it from a writing POV after I write it. I turn into a reader and think about how I would feel about it from a readers POV and if something doesn’t work. I fix it.

I have a small background in script writing from my college days which definitely helped a bit. But if you’ve ever studied script writing you know it doesn’t really help creative writing outside of structure.

And when I write I’m someone who writes until I think the story is done. Not the arc. Not the characters. But the overall story of what I’m trying to portray. I don’t actively think about putting the climax of the story here or some foreshadowing there. I write intuitively if that makes sense. I try to sense out what feels right. And some of that comes naturally, some of it doesn’t and I have to work on it.

Me and @violetsiren90 were actually talking roughly about this last night. Our differences in how we write and how my advice from her last fic that I edited had already helped her with her new one cuz she can now see all of the little things that I pick up on from my style of writing versus the times where she tells me why she writes in that specific way and why she will be keeping it as is. Vi if you wanna add anything in the comments I’m forgetting, by all means feel free.

Most writers will tell you to practice. To tell you to write something even if it’s just a sentence everyday. But that didn’t help me. The stuff on my blog are the very first things I’ve written for myself ever. I didn’t write in highschool or college outside of what I was forced to write and my one story that the Pinterest board was initially for.

For me it was about researching style and reading posts like these from other writers, being confident in your style and learning what rules to break and when to break them. It was about reading over your work a hundred times and to be impartial when you read so you can fix the mistakes that won’t work.

The benefit of writing is you can go over something you’ve written a hundred times until you think it’s ready. A thousand times. I can go back and rewrite that first story if I want too. Nothing can stop me.

But don’t get me wrong. I go back and read all my works on here from time to time and I still constantly find things I would change now. Word changes. Phrasing changes. Everything. But that’s just another sign of improvement. Writing is a constantly improving art form. There is no limit. Only growth.

And the last thing I do is write down everything. I have a TERRIBLE memory. So I write down every single idea. On a scrap piece of paper. In my phone. On a computer. In a notebook. Cuz you never know when you’ll use it.

My most recent story, The Devil Wears Valentino, I got the idea for that name sometime in the immediate aftermath of Valentino Yoongi. I was in the shower after watching the devil wears Prada and my mind just connected the two. And then it sat unused in my notes all until the week before Halloween 2023. I would’ve forgotten had I not written it down. But there it was right when I needed it, a gift from past me. And here we are.

As for popularity, dude I have no goddamn idea. I don’t even think I count as a popular/big blog. I utilize the HELL out of aesthetics, formatting and tags and I’m nice. That’s my spiel on that. Aesthetic. Format. Tag. Kindness. Talent, sure. I guess. But writing is one of those things, ESPECIALLY in fic, where it doesn’t have to be the best cuz folks just wanna read their comfort character or person in the same scenarios over and over again. Source: I do that. And I’ve read stories that don’t have the best writing. But the story was good, or vice versa. People are way more forgiving on here.

I didn’t come on here(tumblr) with the intention of writing let alone giving writing and popularity advice. I just wanted to read and support people and then the community I’ve built for myself has just grown and grown and I’ve been so incredibly fortunate, which is where kindness comes in.

Leave reviews and like and reblog stuff. Tell people how much you love their work. Let them know you write too. Create friendships with people who wanna support you. And people who you wanna support. Community is the base of everything.

[6okuto]

NIA OMFG SO ABT THE DATING APP POST U MADE (replies could not handle the novel I am about to impose on you)

the way I am so in love with iwa but he’s the epitome of not my irl type 😭 gym bros and their bland responses to hinge prompts scare me and I feel that he would have the exact profile you were talking abt. his redeeming quality would be like. a dog.

SAME WITH ATSUMU AND IT PAINS ME. PHYSICALLY PAINS ME BC THAT IS MY HUSBAND.

Bokuto would be the exception to the gym bro thing bc he is also a himbo and it shows (in the best way possible) and no one can resist that.

half of hq would not be my type irl and the other half that would be?? I’d be too scared to try to match cause they’re. gorgeous??????? Hello???

HOWEVER Akashi’s profile would totally be like cafe date vibes, libraries and very just. CALMING AND NICE AND I’D DO THE SAME AS YOU. The only thing is I think his prompt responses (I’m on hinge so this is the only dating app format ik) wouldn’t really give you tooooo much to work with but it’s ok no one can be perfect.

I think kuroo’s would be like super bf material tho. Like the kind of profile that you’re certain gets a lot of interaction and makes you wonder if he’s even active on the app anymore LOL. also gives good responses, he’s just slightly dorky but it’s so endearing and it adds to the appeal of his profile.

I think suna’s would be super chill with like humorous undertones and I’d probably end up trying to match with him bc of that. he gives gooddddd responses that are genuinely fun and non repetitive. he’s also not dry if you end up matching.

yk what no I’m giving atsumu a chance here. his prompt responses are. interesting to say the least. dry. he comes across a bit cocky. but his pictures don’t if that makes sense??? like he comes off as a genuinely sweet guy in his photos and videos. maybe I’m just too soft for him and I’m projecting, this is embarrassing.

I wanna add something abt oikawa but I genuinely cannot think of anything other than his photos would be insanely aesthetic and pretty. responses need a bit of work and his opening lines come off a bit strong but. it’s okay. he’s perfect and can do no wrong imo 🤷🏻‍♀️

ANYWAY SORRY I JUST GOT EXCITED AND WANTED TO SHARE. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO THE SMAU, I WOULD EAT THAT UP!!!!!

HAIII REV!! EXACTLY. exactly. i'm sorry but not even a dog is enough for me i'm like Omg little dog and then don't match I'm sorry hajime.. Bokuto... my cutie pie naoooo 😭😭 i'd like to hope he'd answer the prompts cutely/in a funny way but i still wouldn't think we'd match well and skip him... BUT!!!! I think if they replied to one of my prompts i'd reply...?! < girl who Never Ever matches first Ever. like there's a photo where their smile looks very cutesie and i'm like Why not!

Akaashi. 🙂teehee. my favoritism i'm sorry everybody. he doesn't really have photos of himself so he has to ask friends for some and there's like one photo that's dimly lit where he's smiling with fluffy hair that would make my jaw drop and tears form in my eyes i'd want him so bad. one of his prompt answers would be like. a joke about how tired he is with all the work he has. something kind of basic But i love him so it's ok. for me specifically i mention my dislike for HTTYD 3 and i think he'd reply and be like wait you're so right can u explain more or something like that and I would Start Crying tears Of Joy PLEAASELEAASE PLEAPSAPPSLEPLEPA

omg kuroo. i understand. i actually first had the idea he looks kind of dorky (/affectionate) but he has a couple good photos and a meme and it's like Oh he's so real for that. also he's totaallyyy somebody who does an audio prompt 😭 it's something fawking stupid /Affectionate and i'd show my irls and we'd be like wait he's kinda cute while we laugh BJSHFBJSD there's also a group photo somewhere on there ! and maybe a video where you can hear him cackling! silly guy...

suna would have a stupid ass block text meme somewhere on his profile LOLLL there's a photo where he's in his room in the dark but i can also imagine he has one with good lighting outside that's one of the few he has... he Would be funny! he's all lowercase until u say something that gets him to laugh and he goes LMFAOOOOO WAIT and it's like Yes I got a good grade in Hinge. BFJSHBJSB

ATSUMU! totally has a pic where he's showing off his muscles or spiking But also wait he looks kind of cute and dorky in this other photo and also his prompt responses are funny this is crazy? I UNDERSTAND!!! maybe it could be like... he's not someone you'd swipe on initially but he sees Your profile and tries to switch it up to cater to you before replying to one of your prompts LOL. and maybe there's a pic of him helping samu make onigiri or just... something kind of domestic that makes u go oh alright he's nice?!

HMM OIKAWA.... also a volleyball pic somewhere. maybe with a medal or trophy of his LOL. but he can take good selfies Unfortunately smhhh /j so you're like aw fuck... i think i'd be like oh you're out of my league or Not my type but if that kind of guy replies to one of your prompts...Would you not be a little curious to see how that convo goes. he's good looking enough that he could just like people's first pic and move on but You're special and Funny and he's Curious okay!!!

THANK U!!! HTANKYEWWW I LOVE THINKING AND TALKING AND SHARING AND HEARING IDEAS IT'S SO FUNSIES NEVER APOLOGIZE 2 ME! i have So many smau series ideas bouncing around in my head i've never tried but if i ever do this one...U will b the first 2 know.

[chaiandsage]

Hello! Tis I, the binder, back again to bug you with updates about how the bind is going so far, mostly because I think my friends are getting sick of hearing about it, lmao (I kid, my friends are very supportive of the random things I do)

But yeah! I have actually finished the main bulk of formatting! There are a few little things I need to go through now, but I managed to fix the little things that got mess up in transfer (and by that I mean for some reason after a dash, the quotation marks were backwards, so I had to fix that). Book two - the longest part, chapters 25 to 57 - sits at a grand total of 444 pages (or, technically 456 pages if we count the title pages and a few extras thrown on the end to fill out the final signature)! Book 1 (1-24) is 219 of actual story and about 228 with the extras. And then book 3 - or as I have been calling it, Happily Ever After - is 181 pages of text, or 192 with extras

Oh! I also thought you might be interested to know, this will be the first time I'm doing a cloth binding instead of just using paper, so I bought and painted my cloth and will be turning into into book cloth when it's had a chance to fully dry! Let me tell you, it's probably a good thing I'm sending this in annon or else I would add photos and just completely ruin the surprise of the long long long post I am probably going to write about this process and the things that I learned from this specific bind, lol

Anyways, I will now go back to my cave for a while and stop bugging you with my info dumps

- 📖

You have successfully blown my mind. What you gotta understand is that I wrote most of this in chunks or chapter-by-chapter on different documents so I had no idea it would have actually been that many book pages. Did I really churn out a trilogy’s worth of minecraft fanfiction? Idk whether to be proud of myself or horrified /hj

But aside from that, that’s also so cool to know! And this is your first time cloth binding? Wow, well I certainly hope that goes well for you. Knowing you’re making literal books from this still feels so surreal to me but in a very positive way!

And I might not always get back to them right away but you know I find your info dumps incredibly fun to read through. Feel free to send them whenever :)

I am wishing you a nicely smooth process on this project <3

[omori-in-odd-places]

Blog Update

Hello everyone! I know it's been a while since I first said I'd be taking a break but I realised I needed longer away from constantly making edits and that I'd have to figure out a way to make running this blog more sustainable. It did begin to feel like chore to try to rattle through everyone's requests and having a break from doing them all made that more clear to me. Don't worry I'm not abandoning this blog, far from it! I will however be making some changes to how I run the blog to ensure it says enjoyable for me as well as being managable alongside my uni work. (Whilst this year I don't have to write a dissertation, next year I do and I would like to futureproof because I intend to keep this blog running a while).

First off just a bit of general stuff. There are currently 5 new posts in the queue, one of which is a submission and the others are my own post. I am thinking of making a few more edits tomorrow but we shall see.

Requests:

This is probably the area that will see the most change as these are what came to cause me the most trouble when trying to feel motivated to continue working on the blog.

I shall now be operating a request limit system where I only accept a fixed number of requests before closing them until my ask box is empty of requests. The current limit is 5 but this may be subject to change

I will not be carrying out any of the outstanding requests of which there are 28. There are a few ideas I really like in there but I don't think it would be fair on everyone if I only pick certain ones to fulfil. If you still remember and still want a specific request done please feel free to leave another one

I will now require that requests for images from a certain fandom are accompanied by specific images or link to a wiki page that contains images that you would like me to edit. This is to save me time when trying to get specific images, especially with fandoms I'm not familiar with as well as relieving any doubts that the image I would have picked is not what you had in mind

Frequency of posts:

Before taking my break this blog had daily posts for just over 4 months and whilst that was awesome it was draining to maintain. That is why I am now going to be less strict with myself in trying to keep daily posts up. When I make edits I usually sit down and make a few to a lot at a time so there will be periods of daily posts then periods of nothing. I really appreciate getting submissions and these would help break up the periods of nothing so please feel free to send in submissions.

I hope I've explained everything clearly here but if you have any questions please don't hesitate to reply to this post! I will be updating the intro post to reflect these changes as well as changing the format to make the rules a bit clearer. I shall reblog the intro post once the changes have been made.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you have a nice rest of your day :)

[foibles-fables]

hey i was hoping for some advice on how to stop planning fics and actually START?? like i feel like i have to plan out every chapter and then just feel paralysis at actually starting at the fear of the fic derailing into something else (which is part of the beauty ik) any advice helps :’(

HELLO NONNY! First of all, totally flattered you'd want to come here for advice. Second, gosh, yes, this is one of the most difficult parts of fic writing. Happy to try to help out, though this might get long!

So I see that you're primarily concerned with multi-chaptered/longfics here! It's been a minute since I've hunkered down to work on one of those myself--but this is a good warm-up question for me, as I've got a couple current ideas (including original work) that would necessitate more long-term planning.

When you're writing and publishing a longfic, you pretty much have three options, each with a varying degree of rigidity.

Plan your entire fic (however you like--outline, flow chart, etc.!) and finish writing it in its entirety before posting on a schedule per chapter. Benefits here include the ability to let your plot/characters grow organically without being bound to something you've already posted. No worries about a plot "derailing" if you're able to course-correct something earlier in the midst of it! Also, you're able to write in genuinely any order in this case. Downside, though, is that motivation can be a struggle here.

Plan your entire fic roughly and start writing at the beginning. Give yourself a few chapters of leeway (maybe 3-4 ahead of posting??) and post on a schedule while working on future chapters. You'll still be able to account for organic growth, here, but you are more bound by items that have already been posted. A good plus, though, is the motivation you might get from readers along the way.

Plan your entire fic, start writing at the beginning, and post chapters as they're finished without leeway. GREAT for feedback, but it's super easy to get yourself stuck as new ideas develop.

For an original work with the goal of publication, obviously, I'd use option one. For fic writing and posting on AO3, though, I'd make it my goal to pursue option 2. It's a really nice balance of keeping yourself and your plot on track but also picking up some sweet serotonin along the way.

Regardless of your posting method, it also seems like you'd benefit from hearing how I plan longfics in general. Using a typical indentation format, I start with the bare-bones structure of the plot to help determine chapter breaks (which can change as the actual writing occurs) and overall actions. Once I have the main ideas spelled out, I'll go back and fill out each section into as much detail I have in mind at the time. This will definitely vary chapter section by chapter section. Some ideas will already be specifically developed! Others might stay bareboned.

From there, I head to the opening chapter, as I personally write in order (you might not!). I'll fill in the chapter section with as much detail as possible (scenes, dialogue, in-depth prose notes, etc.) to make actually writing out the chapter as easy as possible for me. Using an excerpt from one of my longfic outlines, here's how a ready-to-be-written chapter section might look:

also note how messy they actually are lol

Once I have that level of detail done, I'll write the chapter. It really helps because while the planning was still "planning," it becomes a lot easier to translate the Plan into actual prose. After the chapter drafted and then finished, I'll move on to the next section and flesh it out exactly the same way before writing. Rinse and repeat!

That way, I have my overarching framework all good to go, but the little living details are the ones that can change as the work itself is completed! I think it's a happy medium between rigidity and natural flow, in which neither really impedes the other.

Bottom line, though? Best way to start writing is to just start. Easier said than done, and something that's really hard for my brain to accept as well. It's a universal struggle. But when you find the tools that work for You, it's fantastic!

God this got so much longer than I intended. Apologies and thanks if you sat through all of this without your eyes glazing over. As for me, I'm off to keep agonizing over planning and actually starting various one-shots, lmao.

[skarloeyspa]

While You Were Away

Saw a "make a story" tweet and was like why not so this is the result. Based on the Seven Years Later AU by @ryan1014n2, here you go bestie I hope I didn't mess up your characterizations too much. Formatting was a bit awkward for this one since I'm still inexperienced when it comes to this platform, so apologies for that lol.

Warning for self-deprecating talk, Skarloey gets recurring nightmares and at one point hints toward no longer wanting to be around, there are parts where this is written in 2nd person, but the role "you" play isn't really integral to the story. General warning for grief as well since this is a bit of an unprofessional exploration of its five stages, I personally have not experienced grief from a deceased person so this might not be the best depiction.

While helping declutter the director’s office, you found an old wooden crate with several envelopes, browned from age. The envelopes were addressed to some workshop in Wales, but no mention of a receiver, nor a person to return to should the envelope become lost. There was no stamp on the envelopes, no glue to keep them sealed, only a date in the corner. Within the envelopes you found letters, written by someone who hadn’t had the best penmanship. Curious, you decided to read through the letters by date.

Dear Brother,

Driver said it would be a good idea for me to send you letters while you are away, and I thought it would be nice to keep you posted about the railway, so I hope you’ll have time out of your busy day to hear from me. How are you? How’s your overhaul going? I still don’t know why they thought it was necessary to send you all the way to the Mainland, but at least that means you’d be getting the best care there is, right?  I’m doing alright, it’s a bit lonely here without you, but it’s not as if driver lets me be alone much, so don’t you worry about me. Your driver’s been swapping out with mine with you gone, and the stories they tell me are just hilarious! How come you’ve never told me about the time you had to stop abruptly because a cat jumped out onto the tracks? Your driver said he spilled his morning tea all over your cab, and I didn’t even hear a word of complaint from you. By the way, I had sort of a strange dream last night. I dreamt that-

An entire sentence was scribbled out. You managed to make out the word “boiler” amongst the mess. The letter continued as normal after.

-you got into a nasty accident that resulted in some serious boiler issues, so serious that you would have to be sent for a heavy overhaul overseas. Ha! Isn’t it strange? I know you’re overseas right now, but I still managed to dream of such things. But perhaps the strangest part of it all was the pit in my boiler from when I woke up, it just felt so real. I’m alright. It was just a nightmare, all engines have those. But I can’t say I don’t miss you just a little. I hope your overhaul is going well.

Much love, Skarloey

You picked up the second letter, the paper was noticeably more wrinkled than the last.

Dear Brother,

Hello, it’s me again. I haven’t heard back from you since my last letter, but it’s not like you could have read it anyway.  I got into trouble today. I was shunting some trucks in the yard and broke some loaded trucks, I spilled slate everywhere and the trucks were deemed irreparable. Mr. Sam was quite cross with me, but he didn’t punish me as I had thought. He simply made me stay in the shed for the rest of the day while those new engines ran the line. I guess I should have felt more apologetic, but those trucks had it coming. I don’t want to tell you what they said, but it was about you, and it wasn’t nice. Just-

The word seemed to be written in a rush, as a single pen stroke tore across the page as if whoever was writing this had to quickly drop the letter to handle something else. The letter continued as normal after.

Sorry, thinking about it makes me upset, driver said I shouldn’t talk about it. Oh, let me tell you about those new engines, Sir Handel and Peter Sam. They’re fine, I suppose. They kept our line running while I was kept in the sheds.  But I must say, I’d much prefer you return. Sir Handel is quite arrogant and irresponsible, and Peter Sam is so cheery it’s almost annoying. But driver didn't seem to mind, he even called me a grouch! Me!  I miss you, brother.

Much love, Skarloey

You picked up the third letter, the writing a lot more scratchy and rushed.

Dear Brother,

I had that nightmare again, remember the one I told you about in my first letter? You probably don’t, but I don’t blame you. It must have been so annoying for you to have to listen to all my nonsense, huh? I hope you’re at least getting some silence wherever you are. Sorry, about my nightmare, I hope you don’t mind my rambling once more. It’s still the same, only now it’s more clear to me what that nightmare was really about. It’s still about you, but now it’s about me as well. It was never something I made up, and now I can’t stop seeing it in my sleep. I keep seeing you over and over again, and it keeps replaying in my head. Your

The ink colour changed here, as if the writer had to pick up a new pen because the old one dried up. But the previous ink was still well-pigmented, you had a feeling something else happened that forced the writer to put down their parchment.

Incident. I could still hear that loud sound, it’s still ringing in my head whenever the night gets quiet. And every time I see piping on the side of houses, I see you. I see your 

The ink colour changed again, you realized this happens several times throughout this letter.

Broken boiler. Your piping sticking out where it’s not supposed to. I couldn’t see your face, and you couldn’t reply to me. And every time I think about it, the pit in my boiler only gets wider, and it feels like a million ants are crawling all over me, trying to dig their claws into my shell, it feels like the fire inside my own firebox is trying to burn me alive, melting away until all that’s left of me are the charred remains of my chassis. Perhaps that would have been a better fate. I wish you were here to berate me, to tell me that I’m just being silly, tell me to get back to work and to act my age. I should have noticed, I should have realized that something was wrong. Why wasn’t I more vigilant? Why did it happen to you? It should have happened to 

The paragraph ended abruptly there, with no harsh pen strokes or blotches of dripping ink, as if whoever was writing this simply decided not to write down their thoughts.

I’m sorry, I’ve just been thinking a lot these days, maybe a little too much. I keep getting this impending feeling that something would go wrong, like something would stop our trains from running or worse, shut down our railway.  And those new engines as well, Sir Handel and Peter Sam. They were fine when they first got here, but lately they just keep making small mistakes. How hard is it for an engine to stop properly at a station? And don’t even get me started about their work in the yards. Any engine can shunt, but that Sir Handel just won’t stop complaining. And I understand treating others with respect, but you can’t be too lenient with trucks, and that Peter Sam simply couldn’t understand that. Oh, but I shouldn’t be talking about them, when I’m such a wreck myself. I’m sorry, brother, that you have to hear from me like this.

Love, Skarloey

You picked up the fourth letter, written on a different type of paper entirely, small and fragile. The writing was awful, almost incomprehensible.

Dear Brother,

I keep having nightmares, every night they end the same. There’s nothing I can do, there’s no one I can go to, no one would understand. Everyone seems to have moved on already, and I should as well.  But when I think about leaving you behind, when I think about you, I just can’t. I’m so sorry, brother. I’m so sorry for letting our railway fall like this. I can’t even bare to leave my shed these days, there’s no point if you aren’t there.  There’s no point when you’re not here. 

Skarloey

You move on to the last letter, seeming much less weathered than the rest. The penmanship was also different.

Dear Brother,

Hello, it’s been a while. I hope you’re well, wherever you are.  I’m doing fine, better than the last few years. It seems that our railway is doing better now as well. You wouldn’t believe the new flowers that have started blooming at Rheneas! Oranges and reds and buds and petals, all blooming strong under the sun.  Whenever I see them, I think about you. Don’t worry, I really am better. I think about how you would have been concerned about how distracting they are for passing locomotives, but you would secretly love them yourself. I even dare say some of the bigger ones match your livery perfectly. While I was away, I think they fixed some of the old tracks around the railway. It’s so smooth I could barely even recognize it. I think it’s some well-needed change, wouldn’t you agree? Oh! Speaking of the tracks, Sir Handel was being cheeky again. He almost derailed himself at the junction again. His wheels saved him just barely, and now he won’t stop talking about them. Silly engine, he looks like a steamroller! Also, I hope you wouldn’t mind. I know you wouldn’t, but I felt this deserves to be mentioned at least once to you. I talked to your crew the other day about you. I was very happy to find that they shared similar feelings as me, albeit less strongly. It was a nice change of pace, I haven’t allowed myself to speak of this with anyone for a very, very long time.  And I know you would tell me there’s no need for an apology, but I do feel like saying sorry, maybe just one last time. Talking with your crew finally woke me up, I can’t cling on to you forever. There’s still a railway to run, with you or without. And I’ll be damned if I don’t keep our railway running till my very last puff.  So please, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine here. I’ll keep your memory alive, and I’ll do it properly this time. I don’t think I’ll write to you again, I doubt you would need a written parchment to understand my thoughts anyway. 

Thank you, Rheneas.

Much love, Skarloey

That was the last letter. With the paper still in your hand, you looked out the slightly browning window of the old director’s office. Just outside, a vermillion well tank engine and a dark blue saddle tank engine chattered, laughing about something you couldn’t quite hear. The vermillion engine laughed particularly hard at something the dark blue engine said, their eyes crinkling from joy. The dark blue engine simply smiled, with such a warm look in their eyes you could almost feel your heart melt.

The director’s voice calling your name knocked you out of your observations. You hastily returned the letters to the old wooden crate and shoved them atop an old shelf. The excitement from this morning returned, you couldn’t wait to watch the two old engines double-head their first train since Rheneas’ successful overhaul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OKAY IT"S DONE

Hi hello thanks for making it this far I don't have much to say besides errrrr is it implied that Skarloey got someone on the railway to write the letters for him or he grew fingers and wrote them himself uhhhh I dunno that was the prompt I got so I'm just gonna roll with it

[tears-of-taelia]

First of all hi!!

And regarding your last post omg I been fearing for Ren's life the *moment* we learned Madame X can get rid of grunts who fail too much remotely. Like- like????? They have his body in HQ???? His soul in a mechanical body????? She can so *so much harm* whenever she pleases I'm so scared for the raid-

Nastasia's protection can only get so far hhhh-

omg hi! it's nice to meet you, i'm Sophie :)

(i see on your blog that you're infj and taurus! i'm intj and capricorn! earth introverts rise up!)

i got excited answering this and went off on a couple of spoiler-filled tangents, so I included the rest under the cut.

I 10000000% agree, especially about the upcoming raid! Team Xen grunts literally sign away their bodies and souls when they join, so it's no wonder why seemingly redeemable characters like Eli and Sharon are forced to stay on.

[aside: I'm pretty sure that Team Xen "recruitment" in general follows a standard format where people in life-threatening or easily manipulable situations are offered either a second chance at their own life or the chance to save the life of a loved one. I mean, there's Neved with Francesca, Madelis with Lisbeth, Keta with Aelita. I mean, there's a grave marked "Eli" at Carotos Peak and I don't think that's a coincidence. Why else would all these people fight (presumably) for the destruction of the world? All those fires in Aevium's past (like the lab fire with Jenner, Maddie (prob Madelis), and Cas (prob Cassandra)), could in part be a massive recruitment effort.]

Anyway, I think the only hope for Ren in the upcoming raid is what I mentioned before, about how he is somehow integral to Team Xen's overarching plans, as per renegade 13.5. My best guess is that these plans include using the energy emitted from a Xenpurgis rampage in GDC to fulfill the dark prophecy, using "the four shadows" mentioned on the Absol Statue back in Blacksteeple to bring back Storm-9.

The shadows that shade the earth shall be known in the end. The one of raw evil, the one of obsession, the one of betrayal, and the one of greed. These four shall see the world be lost forever.

We don't have enough information to definitively say who the one of raw evil, obsession, or greed could be. But betrayal? It fits Ren. In the scene where he is first "hired" or whatever and meets Madame X, I feel like this idea is pretty spoon-fed to us.

MADAME X: Have you brought him? The one I've detailed. NASTASIA: Yes. Please, come forth. Introduce yourself. REN: …Hello, Ma'am. My name is Ren. NASTASIA: Ren used to be comrades with [player] and the rest. But based on what he's told me, if accurate, would display the attributes of the one we're looking for. MADAME X: And just why would one of [player]'s comrades want to betray them?

I mean, the word "betray" is explicitly used here.

On Nastasia: Yes. Absolutely. She's strong as hell, but she can't stand up alone to Madame X. Like you said, her powers can only go so far. After all, presumably, her body and soul are in the control of Madame X as well.

In general, Nastasia is an absolutely fascinating character imo... and I have a feeling the Ren might not be the only double agent working for Xen. Nastasia is "the woman who sacrificed everything for the one who loved her." I think we can say with 99.999999% certainty that she is the grown up version of little Anastasia, Katsu's daughter. Out of all the Execs, she seems to be the most devoted to Madame X. That tracks if Madame X is somehow tied to Maria, or is Maria herself. Is Anastasia, by working for her, possibly trying to save Madame X/Maria from herself? Is Madame X/Maria perhaps even being controlled by a darker force, and "unbound soul" like Vitus? In that way, is Nastasia still the little girl trying to reach her best friend?

All this to say I think Nastasia may be more on our side than we think. She is seemingly the most devoted Xen Exec, yet she has gone on multiple dangerous, rogue missions--including one that really did nothing but aid our side--helping Aelita get to the Spring of Rejuvenation and saving the lives of Venam, Erin, Allen, and Alice. She clearly knows that Ren is a double agent, and she hasn't ratted him out (or, possibly, she has ratted him out and Madame X simply does not care, because with Xen having completely control over his soul and body, he can still be used to fulfill his purpose, regardless). There's the fact that Nastasia, an apparent wunderkind with machines and technology, "missed" the fact that the Sigils in Blacksteeple were being sabotaged by Nancy (something Melia immediately noticed). And there's the fact that she clearly trusts and loves Ren (in a maternal way, I think), cheering him up, helping him sneak out of HQ in his actual body. You know, usual mother-son activities. But yeah, I guess the point I'm getting at here is that I could see Nastasia doing her darndest to protect Ren, maybe even sacrificing herself to do so, but I don't think that would be enough to save him, with the level of control Xen has over the both of them at this point.

Back to Ren, there's another things that's been bothering me: the whole twin prophecy with Reina. I have... thoughts... about this. I def could see it playing out exactly how Reina expects: one twin (Ren) fights for the destruction of the world (likely against his will), and the other (Reina) fights to save it. But another part of me (that's read way too many thrillers) feels like this is too cut and dry, and that this presumption is going to be flipped on its head. Let's say Ren does die in the upcoming raid, and he dies fighting to save the world. What if... destroying the world, following Madame X's plan, would undo his death somehow? What if it would save him, or bring him back? We know that souls get recycled in this universe, after all. Would Reina consider switching sides to bring him back? That would be a betrayal, for sure. And that would also play into the whole Life is Strange moral quandary pervasive throughout the game--save the one you love, or the lives of millions? This would also fulfill the prophecy, but in a way that we do not necessarily expect. Because otherwise, I feel like this prophecy is pretty superfluous. By the time we hear it, we already know that Ren is Xen [hehe], so what new information does it really present?

Anyway, yeah, um, thank you so much for the ask! Sorry for the long winded response. There's way too many theories about this game bouncing around in my brain and it's nice to have an outlet for it. Thank you for your support on my art, it really means the world to me! Particularly since you're so talented yourself<3

[hisui-cotton]

Hello Hello! Today I’d like to talk about my experience in going to digital art as my primary workflow over the past 5 or 6 years and what I’ve kinda wanted to do for my art in the past and now in the future. Overall I wanted to share my thoughts on the two primary programs I use, how I critique myself and what I’ve learned about art on a personal level.

To preface, as this is a newer format, you expect a level of self-reflection in this that may seem odd! This is both a report to my own brain cave (in lore it's Ithod my "home planet") and a personal exploration of aspects of my life that have taken my interest. This is one of my big steps into finding what I enjoy creating as a VTuber. So please look forward to it as the future has more of this type of blogging but on a variety of topics I find interest in in addition to my Art posts!

Alright let’s start from the…beginning? One of the first times I got a genuine chance to use digital art was in 2013 on a Acer laptop and a tablet I can’t remember the brand of. I didn’t learn too much, I kind of just went for it. It’s hard to explain that I was not really looking at digital art as something I needed to relearn compared to traditional art, not to mention that I was still not improving my art in a….genuine way? I think I was just trying things out to explore how it works. The main problem was that I just didn’t know what I wanted to be using it for at the time. Like yes I wanted to draw but what did I want to be using digital art for that I could use traditional art to do? Overall I didn’t do a whole lot with that tablet other than play around with it but that was a good entry nonetheless.

Sometime after that in 2016/2018-ish I began to draw on my phone and I got a Windows Surface Pro. These were the two steps that really gave me perspective on some of the stuff I can do in digital Art compared to traditional, especially since I had also by that point learned way more about concepts in art and planning my work. This is really where I leaned into taking stuff I learned concept wise and played around with the ability of digital programs like layers, clipping, and being able too revert to old phases of the process without having to totally restart. I played around a lot with making sure I was atleast TRYING to get fullbody work in my compositions as I noticeably struggled with getting body gestures down. Everything felt stiff and I couldn’t figure out how to get rid of that while getting line art in. A lot of that went on to mean that I just did a lot of sketching, studies and generally drew things I felt I had a vague idea for. I typically didn’t go beyond the testing/planning either there because that wasn’t what I was really aiming to do. If I wasn’t thinking of an image beyond it’s initial idea then I had no need to try things beyond that. This wasn’t like a bad time for my art though. In the one year of drawing on a Surface Pro I went from basic fanart doodles to a fairly well developed digital style. I hadn’t even really looked back at the progress of that first year of drawing on the surface pro till now. In the year before I had been drawing fairy consistently on my phone but it was doing basic little portraits and stuff like that. If I had to say I learned one specific thing in the time I used the surface pro (which was for about 3 years) it’s likely that the screen/tablet type you use has a greater effect on how you draw that you may realize.

The ability to draw in my phone was great for at work during lunches or for jotting down sketch ideas which I could use/develop later if I wanted to. I very much loved this convivence because I didn’t want to risk taking my Surface Pro to work or something like that and then it breaking or getting stolen. So the phone usage was very nice especially in our modern era where a good mini-stylus or just the right free app is enough. Specifically I worked in Pixiv Sketch, and still do when I draw on my phone. It’s got a great basic variety of brushes and then a layer function with a decent amount of layer limits.

The Surface Pro’s ability to make the process feel smooth and clean even at various pen pressures was really interesting to realize after switching to an XP-Pen Tablet. It was also really nice to have something to just pull up a full drawing program but also be able to lay in my bed lmao. It may not have done much for my quality but it made me feel like drawing wasn’t something that I had to be up and ready to do if I just wanted to doodle. It also ran really well with decent memory space. This bring me to Paint Tool Sai, the program that I’ve been using for most of my digital art.

I bought Paint Tool Sai back on my Acer laptop. It was $75 at the time which was a lot for me but now looking back…I’ve had like a lifetime art program that can be used at a professional level. I remember recently watching one of the BTS of Genshin Impact and seeing Paint Tool Sai open in on one of their PCs was really refreshing lmao. It was the same hat meme. It was great. But also the fact that it’s made by one guy in Japan, who has been developing the 2.0 for the past few years is crazy because it’s honestly such a great program. I got the 2.0 upgrade for free as well which was even nicer in regards to the fact I only paid for it once also 10 years ago.

Because of it’s program nature with various brush folders and texture folders, it’d similar to Clip Studio in it’s customization for brush textures and settings. You can create your own textures, brushes and such and import them into the program. I find it’s overall feeling when drawing is really smooth even in a lot it’s brush settings. It’s got great reaction time and feels a lot like traditional art for that reason. Even with a really high Stabilization it’s reaction and accuracy to the line is really nice. The digital coloring on the other hand doesn’t really feel as good. I like to use the marker tool because I personally enjoy the look of washed colors so it isn’t too bad for me but when I need flat colors or blended rendering I tend to personally struggle with getting it done at a decent speed. But all the conveniences of the placement for in-program functions like new-layer, merge layer, copy/paste and blank layer are in the same place which I prefer over Clip Studio’s spread out options. It’s possible I can move them around more but the built in thought of the placement for a lot of things in Paint Tool Sai is a nice start for someone looking to just get started within digital art and needs a program with just enough stuff beyond the essentials to let you do really good quality work.

Now I’ve upgraded to a full PC, which I got in 2020. I use an Omen as I expected that if I wanted to use other art programs or draw on even bigger canvases that I should need a more robust system than what I used on the Surface Pro, but I didn’t need anything too crazy that would require a custom system. I also took this as a time to get a slightly larger tablet. Currently I use a XP-Pen tablet which is noticeably different to use than a surface pro. Since a surface Pro is also a laptop/tablet it had a smoother screen, untextured and such, where as the XP-Pen has a slight Matte to it. The XP-Pen also has a layered screen, where theres a slight slight space between where your pen is and the actual place it’s drawing at.

My use of Sai has gone down in the last month however as I finally began using Clip Studio. I admit that theres still something about the feel of the program I don’t like in comparison to Sai but it’s a better overall experience for making higher quality, more complete work at this time. Partially because I still haven’t figured out my art process. Clip Studio has made the convenience of coloring much more accessible to me on a variety of levels. It let’s me feel like I’m not overly perfectionist on my sketch process or lineart in comparison to just laying down a few colors because I don’t have confidence with them. Now even without confidence in my color choices or usage I at least feel like I’ve been able to fake it. In sai it was very dependent on you knowing what colors you wanted to use and what tool you’d use to lay them down. So far it doesn’t feel that way in Clip Studio. I can choose a basic brush and paint bucket and get color laid down in about 20 minutes if I wanted or take more time with a slightly varied brush and get that washed style I like while also being able to properly fill the spaces of the work.

Overall in my art process itself it’s been a lot faster as well than in Sai, perhaps because I’m still taking it slower with the express reason of really learning to use it for efficiency. My progression through the years has sort of allowed me to take that previous knowledge I’d gained and use it in what I do next which is generally what one does when making a change to their professional processes. A lot of doing things new successfully depends on how much you can make it work with what you already know.

Finally let’s talk about my art process itself, what my sort of mentality is behind it. A lot of what I do is based on “Oh I really want to see something like this!” or “That would be a fun/cool image” if I’m drawing for myself. I start with a thumbnail sketch, enlarge that and then do another more detailed sketch on top of that. Typically I haven’t done lineart in the past because it adds a lot of time to the process and I never feel like it looks good compared to sketch. Now that I have clip studio though and the coloring process can go a lot faster with better lineart, I’ve been trying to do a bit cleaner sketches or full lineart. Coloring usually is flat colors first, washed shading next and then multiple layer styles on top of that of highlights and shading. I usually do washed shading as a sort of “sketch” for the shades. Usually a rough colored drawing takes about 2 hours? Sometimes a bit more depending on how much I clean up the lines, sometimes less if I just slap on the colors and lines.

The things that I feel I need to work on the most are usually in regards to colors and composition. I tend to focus up my character compositions to fill the whole page either by intentionally drawing them large or by enlarging the sketches to fill the page size. But if it’s a composition that isn’t character focused or has some more environmental aspects then I tend to struggle. My color choices also are hard to do because I don’t usually consider them in my sketching phase. Since I usually go into pieces with an idea of what person, character or outfits I’m drawing then colors tend not to be something I think too much about. This is something I notice a lot in environmental drawings though because the colors get so clashed when actual lighting and such needs to be planned out against a certain layout. Which sucks because I absolutely LOVE vibrant coloring and such but I don’t know how to make that work with environment stuff yet.

A lot of what I want to draw, in both style and “substance”, is character driven. I like action that shows a lot of atmosphere or feels very in character. When a still image can feel like it captures the feeling of a moment or feels like it was made with a real idea in mind that means a lot to me, so that’s what I try to go in with when I’m drawing. For characters and such that can be a variety of things from just lounging around or hanging out to getting dressed-up or a variety of actions. It’s really fun to see so much more in the things that I like and to be able to share those things through art is wonderful.

To send you off I want to say that…I like being an artist. It’s so nice to know and learn a skill like art since it can be a sort of perspective into a person’s views. People’s ability to connect over concepts and such is so cool and I feel like even today when we have fine art, fanart and everything in-between that it really sets up the fun of creativity and community. Right now there’s an ongoing official art series of Miku and Pokemon drawn by various artists. Some people have begun taking that concept and drawing it themselves, putting their own spins on it in their version of the pokemon style and outfits. It’s so cool that looking through it all I can barely tell which ones are official and which are fan made. Like it’s a clear cut conversation where everyone can give it a shot with their own ideas and can still be talking about the same thing. I think that’s lovely.

For my art in the future, I want to be able to design and draw a buncha stuff. I really like stationary and want to make some stuff in the future for it. These report logs are one place I’ll be playing around with that to test it a bit so I’m excited to continue these. I also want to better my Background drawing because I really love the idea of being able to put characters in a location, somewhere I can imagine them being. I’ve gotten better at character interactions but I want to think about how much further that can go if I add an environment. For the future of my style…I don’t know! I like to have a very dreamy or washed style but also bold colors and expressive lines. But I’ll definitely be thinking about it even more in the future as I start developing a finished my process (getting fully rendered colors, lineart, etc.).

[emerald-x-green]

Hello this is more of a question than a request but what advice would you give to a person trying to become a writer that does requests and reader scenarios?

Oh my god, this is a milestone moment! I am so honored you want my advice. ❤️

Honestly, most of my writing isn’t requests/reader scenarios. I usually write one shots or fan fictions with multiple chapters. Transferring that to the typical bullet point format of headcanons was really tough at first.

(more under the cut)

What I learned was that you really have to go more with the flow than anything else. If a thought pops into your head, put it in a bullet point. You don’t really have to outline a post as long as you have a general idea or vibe for each character or situation.

Of course, sometimes you have a mini storyline you want to write. In that case, write it like you’re telling your friend a story. It can be a bit jagged, and it doesn’t have the flowery and long descriptions that traditional writing does, but it does still tell a story. Overall, writing requests and reader scenarios is a lot more informal than other styles of writing.

When it comes to specifically taking requests, it’s definitely a lot tougher than using your own ideas. Sometimes I can’t picture what other people are picturing. Absolutely try your hardest to write any request you get, but sometimes you just can’t. And that’s totally fine! You’re doing this for free, so you have no obligation to keep going or fulfill every single request you get.

Another piece of advice I’ve got is to set boundaries for what people can request. A popular thing for people to request is hurt/comfort related to their mental state at the moment (such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc.). I’ve sent similar requests to other people. It’s totally normal, but some people either feel uninformed to write on those topics or deal with it themselves and it would be detrimental to their own mental health to take those requests. Other people have different things they won’t write as well. So I’d suggest making a pinned post about what you will and won’t write (as well as how many characters one request can ask for because writing for 5+ people every post can get exhausting) as well as what to include in a request. (And a link to your master list when you feel you have too many posts to scroll through.)

And a piece of advice that I love to give wherever and whenever I can: write it stupid and fix it later. Have a certain word in your head but it just isn’t coming to you? Write a silly description of that word, keep writing, and come back to it later. Plotting a story and you know points A and C but not B? Put some bullshit down after point A and fix it later! Trying to write a perfect first draft not only takes infinitely longer but is so much more exhausting. Find a way to mark the ‘stupid’ and just keep those fingers moving!

Also as a little tidbit- even if you have 500+ requests in your inbox, always try to write some posts for yourself. It keeps your motivation high and is also a nice reward bevause writing- unless someone is paying you good money- should first and foremost be about you.

Good luck! (I’m trying to act cool but I was literally squealing when I saw this ask because oh my god you like my stuff that much???)

[onlyswan]

hi, art, my love!! first of all thank you so much for the sweet treat you just posted. I have so many things to say but to start, I want to say that this drabble made me realize how open and carefree our lovely oc has become around jungkook. it makes my heart ache so much imagining how much courage they must've gathered to show jungkook their messy, unpredictable, uncensored, and vulnerable side of them considering how they've been independent for so long.

second is, it's such a refreshing experience being able to view oc in jungkook's lenses. eyes that twinkle with eagerness fluttering shut; you pull away with smacking sound, giggly and bubbly, might be his favorite version of you; you're so pretty, everywhere, even when naked and bare. no especially. it's all he can think about. those are just a few that I could recount at this moment but even in the silliest, simplest, or even most risqué moments of oc, he is still talking about them in a lovesick way - his heart is hopelessly pierced, chest bleeding with so much love, and the arrow is oc's existence itself.

third, I would like to talk about the moment where oc whining about them running out of protection and them abruptly wanting out of the car because they saw a cart of their favorite snack. really. jungkook, I understand you now. oc is such a stubborn and I could say even more spontaneous than him and how kook put up with that and seeing it as just oc being oc is such a... I have no idea how to put it into words but you know how most guys (or people) would consider that being immature and wanting their partners to change and seeing such traits as a flaw just because they aren't like that? I don't know, it's just crazy for me to see such a small thing like that possible in a relationship.

fourth is... "he turns around, and he knows it's going to sound extreme silly, but damn, you make his life feel like a movie - because you're jogging towards him, and the universe begins moving in slow motion." art, when I tell you that I fell in love with you at this moment, I mean it! as someone who likes to read, the format of how you wrote it, literally made everything play out inside my head so vividly that I could see it and describe every little things inside that moment. I love how you use words to paint a picture but at the same time you remind us that we are inside jungkook's brain and that this is the pov of this certain character. also, the cuts of every scene and how you continue it with a different scene but without us getting lost. like really, you even do that with flashbacks such as the lost key in the ocean drabble, it's just so amazing how it felt like you are holding my hand with a tight grip as we both travel into someone's library full of their memories and you are the librarian that guide us throughout. you get me? I hope it makes sense hahsha!

lastly, I could say that oc is right, being one dimensional is boring, but being different things all at once is sexy. I am personally, have interests that are in different ends of spectrum and with all these aesthetics and stuff going on with people my age, I struggle to really know who I am because I like a lot of things therefore, I couldn't really find an aesthetic that fits for me. But oc made me realize that maybe it's okay to not fit in, or just be me and maybe, make your own.

I'd like to end this review/long message with a song recommendation by beadbadobee called "lovesong". It reminded me of the in which couple as it talks about devotion, connection, as well as longing and missing your lover constantly. I just think that the lyrics describes them so much. I hope you enjoy it!

I would never get tired of expressing my gratitude for sharing this little adorable and gut-wrenching story with us. I hope the universe would always be nice to you and give you all of the things thwt makes you happy!

🦢⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

hello my sweet swan anonie 🥺🩷 i’m sorry for getting to this so late, i wanted to read your thoughts in my free time so i could take it all in <3

first!! 😭 you’re already making me cry from the start lol god this is so true :( oc really took a gamble on jungkook and bared theirself to him </3 oc must be protected at all times i do make the rules !!!!!

second!! hehe i’m so relieved to hear that 🥺 i was worried that it would feel off or boringhdjskdjfdjkf but it was really so much writing from his pov!!!

his heart is hopelessly pierced, chest bleeding with so much love, and the arrow is oc's existence itself.

🥲🥲🥲 i’m so emotional. you said it so perfectly!!!! cupid found jobless due to oc’s charms LOL

third!! jungkook, I understand you now. oc is such a stubborn and I could say even more spontaneous than him. lmaoooo idk if i said this answering an ask or in a drabble but jungkook definitely met his match in spontaneity in oc and it’s been interesting writing about this dynamic 😭

how kook put up with that and seeing it as just oc being oc is such a... I have no idea how to put it into words but you know how most guys (or people) would consider that being immature and wanting their partners to change and seeing such traits as a flaw

our kook is just so hopelessly in love ☹️ loves oc for everything that they are and as someone who’s spontaneous aswell he loves that oc is so unpredictable sometimes looool. i remember someone pointing this out too !! after the drabble where oc lost his car keys went out lol and considering this was set in 2018 and that one in 2023… 🥹 i won’t start talking bcs then i won’t stop </3

fourth!! art, when I tell you that I fell in love with you at this moment, I mean it! 😚😚😚

I love how you use words to paint a picture but at the same time you remind us that we are inside jungkook's brain and that this is the pov of this certain character.

thank youuuuu oh my god this is honestly something i’m very conscious about when i’m writing 🥺 as much as possible i really want those pictures i describe to feel alive !!!

also, the cuts of every scene and how you continue it with a different scene but without us getting lost. like really, you even do that with flashbacks such as the lost key in the ocean drabble, it's just so amazing how it felt like you are holding my hand with a tight grip as we both travel into someone's library full of their memories and you are the librarian that guide us throughout.

ohhh my god this makes me so happy to hear you have no idea thank you 😭🩷 trying to connect scenes seamlessly is not easy like generally i imagine it like a movie but it’s not really the same with writingsjdhfjfhjf and yeah what the hell it totally makes sense that’s literally the vibe i’m going for with the entire series !!!! 🥹🥹🥹 i could kiss you rn for real

But oc made me realize that maybe it's okay to not fit in, or just be me and maybe, make your own.

this warms my heart so much 🥺 i think having your own identity instead of fitting yourself in a mold is so important to live a happy life. humans are complex and we should embrace that :")

LOVESONG !!!! is one of my favorite songs in the album 🥹 brings me so much joy that such a beautiful song is associated with the iw!couple i’m tearing up. thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to write this long message <3 your kindness is very healing to the soul :( i wish you all the best things life has to offer 🫂 love you

[immortaldesiresproject]

Hello friends and fans!! I finally have some updates for ya’ll!

I’ve been working on this project alone for months, specifically since the day Pixelberry announced they will no longer continue forward with Immortal Desires. I was so crushed and saw so many other players and fans feel the same way. So, I decided to start messing around with making my own fan sequel after seeing @itlivesproject @thedistantshoresproject and @nightboundthesecond doing so well and seeing amazing products. I’m going to school for a BA in Game Art and Design, and my minor is Creative Writing, and I thought this would be a good go for my first video game. And I couldn’t be more excited to see things falling into place! I now have a writer onboard! Meet Mir! @timetravesty​ Hey everyone, I’m Mir and I’ll be helping out with the Immortal Desires 2 project! I’m a writer here on tumblr (couple of months till I hit the 1 year mark😯) and am really excited to be a part of this amazing project with everyone, but more importantly, helping deliver an amazing story to a series that ended too soon! Since we might know each other for a bit, some fun facts about me 🤔I’ve wanted a dog since I was around 6. I probably listen to my Spotify account 20/24 hours in the day.My favorite video games to play are animal crossing, stardew, undertale, Minecraft, and I was pretty into Haven recently, which I highly recommend 😌My favorite ghibli movie (since I had a marathon recently) is spirited away.I’m very excited for the future of this project and please look forward to future updates! 😗Nice to meet you all!

We’re still slowly moving, but, Mir and I have started expanding upon the plot points I’ve had planned for a while. We’re confident we’re going to be able to work well together to deliver a wonderful, full story for all of you.

And I couldn’t forget Ally! @fuckyeahilovemarcolinfan​

I’ve been a long-time fan and player of Choices; I started playing in December of 2016, but I started getting into the fandom somewhere around the end of 2018, and started on an IG that I created way back in 2014. I didn’t really intend to make my IG account about Choices, but I wanted to connect with people who have the same interests as me, and to share my ideas and opinions about the book releases. A very dear friend of mine started teaching me how to collect assets at some point in time, and I’ve been kind of considered a Spoiler Queen ever since then lol. I focused on posting premium scenes because I want everyone to see those scenes since not everyone can afford them. I started making edits way back in October 2019 because I really wanted people to distinguish me. All in all, I’m very fortunate that my best bud showed me how to access these assets.

Ally has been wonderful in helping me acquire assets and just being super supportive and so helpful. She is so enthusiastic about this project and has been just giving the best vibes!

Now that you’ve met the team, time for some awaited updates for ya’ll! First, lets start with the preview!!.

So, to state the obvious, this is everyone in their formal wear! I have also given all of the side characters formal wear, but I felt like these are what the people are screaming for! And of course, we have our lil Sethy-poo included in here too and he got a makeover! If you would be so kind to click play at the video at the top because it’s featuring a rough draft of the title song. It’s my own lil creation, however, I’m recruiting folks from my local music scene to not only help out with this project, but to help support their bands and their projects!

Super bummed that the quality of these dropped because of the formatting, but I have included all three of the new expressions I’ve created: playful, shy, and disgusted. All of the main and primary characters have these faces! I have also gotten all of the female MC sprite sheets done, most of the female clothes, and all of the hair; I’m so excited to give you guys that update in the future!! From here, Mir and I will be working on a very rough draft of the story. I will continue working on assets for the MC since almost all of the primary/main characters are done. 

The next update will likely be a few weeks from now; I’m not sure what I’ll have for ya’ll quite yet, but please stay tuned and ask any and all questions. Thank you all for the overwhelming amount of support and love; it’s greatly appreciate between me and the team.

[whatsnewalycat]

Just Dumb Enough to Try

Chapter 5: We're Going to be Friends

Word Count: 3.2k

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Warnings: angst, swearing, smoking, alcohol use, pining, existential crisis, abandonment issues, mental health spiral, attempts at jokes, movie nerd shit, i just wanted to call javi a narc

Series Summary: In 1993, you met Javier Peña in San Antonio. You made an emotional and physical connection with him. Now it's 1998 and you're starting a new chapter of life in Laredo with your fiancé. And who else walks back into the picture, but the man who left you high and dry five years ago.

Chapter Summary: Our heroes go to on their first (unofficial) date.

Notes: Oops I projected too much onto this character and made myself sad. I'm still trying to figure out how to format all these notes/ summaries/ disclosures/ links in a way that doesn't make my eye twitch. If you have any ideas, or any general comments on the story, let me know!! Chapter title from "We're Going to be Friends" by the White Stripes. Spotify playlist for this chapter. Cross-posted to AO3 here (UN: glitter_diety). Update weekly on Sundays.

[ First Chapter ] [ Previous Chapter ]

151 Fir St N, Laredo, TX

June 3, 1998

You walk back and forth in front of the phone, arguing with yourself about whether or not you should see if Javier wants to go with you to your Wednesday movie.

Pro: Company. Aside from your excursion to the Pour House on Monday, you’ve essentially been alone. Dan worked late on Monday and Tuesday, and today he’s going straight to softball in San Antonio after work. You desperately needed to talk to another human.

Con: Movie selection. You want to see Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and you’re not ready or willing to negotiate that detail.

Pro: You like being around him. You two got off to a rocky start, but seeing him on Monday was really… nice. And you are actually looking forward to spending time with him.

Con: You like being around him. The crush you’ve always had is still lingering, which seems dangerous.

You shove that last thought to the back of your brain and quickly pick up the phone to dial the number he gave you on Monday. It rings twice before he picks up with a curt, “Yeah?”

“Hi, Javier. It’s your favorite Minnesotan,” you say, then cringe at your low-effort attempt at being cute.

“Hello, beautiful. How are you today?” His tone makes a 180 from the initial greeting.

Heat rises to your face because did he just call me beautiful?

“I-I’m just seeing if you have any plans for tonight. I’m going to see a movie… if you, um, want to come with,” you sputter.

“Are you asking me on a date?” he teases. Your heart leaps into your throat and you’re practically sweating, your face is so hot.

You throw your head back, “I swear to god, I will hang up right now.”

He laughs on the other end, “Yeah I’m free, let’s do it. I’ll pick you up?”

—

You jump up into the passenger’s seat of Javier’s dusty red pickup truck and slam the door closed behind you. Glancing over at him, you notice he’s wearing aviator sunglasses, a tan short sleeved button-up, and dark jeans. The radio is off, which you find curious. No radio?

“You live on a dirt road or something?” You question, fanning away the cloud of dust that puffs out of the upholstery when you sat down.

“That and I use this on the ranch all the time.” He shifts the truck into reverse and backs out of your driveway.

“Good thing I’m wearing all black.” You joke, trying in vain to brush your dress off. “How is that- working on a ranch?”

“It’s not exactly what I would have chosen for myself. But it’s something to do. I spend a lot of time working with my dad, which is nice, mostly.”

You admire that he has a good relationship with his dad. Chucho doesn’t look like the most approachable person, but he’s been very kind every time you’ve talked to him. Like father, like son, you suppose.

There’s no A/C in the truck so you roll your window down. Then you kick your feet up onto the dashboard to make yourself more comfortable as you watch the scenery go by your window. He doesn’t scold you to get your feet down, which is appreciated.

“If you could do any job, what would it be?” You ask, loud enough for him to hear you over the rolled down window.

His tilts his head to the side, furrows his eyebrows, “I’ve thought about it a few times. I’d like to be a private investigator. A little more mellow than DEA, still get to use my brain. Not as much bureaucratic bullshit.”

“Huh. That would be a really good fit for you. You should do it,” You peer over at him, then look down and start to pick at your nail polish.

He clears his throat, “Have you ever been to this movie theater?”

You don’t look up from your nails, just continue to chip away at the lavender polish, “I go every Wednesday.”

“Why Wednesday?”

“Dan has softball on Wednesdays. He doesn’t like going as much as I do, so I usually just go by myself when he’s not home,” you explain.

He shifts in his seat and looks over at you, perplexed, “How do you keep finding the people who don’t like movies? First that horrible person you lived with, what was her name?”

“Javi, you spent more time with her than you did with me, how do you not remember?” you ask in disbelief.

“My memory from that time is shit. I do remember I didn’t like being around her other than uh…” he trails off, likely realizing he’s within close proximity to the elephant in the room.

“The fucking?” You prompt.

“The fucking, yeah,” he couldn’t keep a boyish grin from breaking out on his face, “Not like you…“

What the fuck does that mean?

You pull your feet off the dash so you can sit up straight and stare at him, waiting for him to finish the thought. He doesn’t. You blurt out, “What do you mean not like me?”

He presses his fingertips to his lips and shrugs, “I like being around you.”

You grin and blush immediately, then settle back into your seat and admit, “I like being around you, too.”

A comfortable silence falls over the cab of the truck until you remember what spurred this conversation in the first place, “Her name is Michelle.”

He snaps into a finger gun, “Michelle, that’s right.”

—

By the time you’re settled into your theater seat, there’s about 10 minutes to showtime. There are a few other people scattered throughout the theater, but it’s mostly empty, which is typical for Wednesdays. Javier sets his pop down into the cup holder between you two.

“I can’t believe you got a tub of popcorn that big and nothing to drink,” he comments, grabbing some popcorn out of the container in your lap and tossing it into his mouth.

“I don’t really like pop. Besides, you’ll share with me, right?”

“What did you just call it?” he snickers.

“Pop”

“ Pahp ” he mocks your accent. You smack him in the chest, as a playful gesture, but your heart skips a beat when you make contact with him.

“Yeah, I’ll share my pahp with you,” he laughs while taking more popcorn.

You start laughing with him, “Shut the fuck up, Javier.”

“What’s this movie about?”

Oh. Oh, shit.

“I didn’t realize until just now that… I asked you, a fucking narc… to come see a movie entirely about heavy drug use,” you giggle nervously, not sure what to expect out of him. He doesn’t strike you as someone overly judgmental about drug use, but he was literally a narc, so…

“Of course you did,” he starts laughing again, “Incredible.”

“We can go see something else if you want,” you tell him half-heartedly, knowing it’s not really an offer you’re willing to follow through on.

He scoffs, “What? No. I don’t care if it’s about drugs,” then pauses before asking, “Did you call me a fuckin’ narc?”

A woman walking up the aisle stops next to the row you’re in and calls out, “Javi?”

His head snaps up to her and he squints, “Beth?”

Beth steps into the row and shuffles closer… so they can talk… directly over you.

“Hey, this is my friend-“ he tries to introduce you before she cuts him off.

“We’ve met I think, you’re Dan’s fiancé?”

You nod.

“Interesting,” Beth says in a- is that a snarky tone ? She turns her attention back to Javier, “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you, did you get any of my messages?”

You sink into your seat and grimace, trying to disappear into your popcorn tub.

Javier holds eye contact with Beth, jaw jutting and body rigid, before admitting, “I did.”

Damn that’s cold.

Beth’s nostrils flare, her eyes roll, and she lets out a cold laugh, “Wow. Ok. Well, don’t bother calling me when you get bored of her,” she gestures to you. You sink down deeper into the chair.

Javier doesn’t say anything.

Then she awkwardly shuffles sideways out of the row, which looks… objectively funny. People in their seats crane their heads around to see what the commotion is as she stomps out of the theater.

“What the fuck, Javier?” You whisper to your companion, who is sulking. He doesn’t respond.

You’re suddenly so relieved to have a significant other as stable as Dan. But you also know the pain of rejection that Beth is feeling right now, so you have a duty to advise him that he’s being an asshole.

“Speaking from experience,” you say delicately, “maybe you shouldn’t just… drop off like that anymore on people. It… it feels shitty, you know?”

He looks down at his hands and sighs, “Yeah, you’re right.”

He lifts his head to face you. His gaze softens and his dark eyes search yours. The way he’s looking at you places a weight on your chest. Your whole face feels like it’s on fire and your eyes drop to your popcorn.

Thankfully the lights dim to black as the movie trailers start. You shake the bucket of popcorn at him. He releases his breath in a sigh ‘ if I have to’ as he takes a handful. You smirk and then pick up his pop to take a drink.

—

The two of you chat animatedly on the way home about the chaotic drug-fueled adventure of Hunter S. Thompson. He seems to like it, even though he’s a ( former - as he argues) narc.

When the truck’s headlights bounce over the front of the white rambler as Javier pulls into your driveway, you turn to him and say, “Thank you for coming with me. I had a really good time.”

“I had a really good time, too,” he peers through the windshield at the house, “When does Dan usually get home?”

“He stays with a friend, since it’s such a long drive.”

“Do you want any company?” He offers quietly.

Do I want company?

As if someone else shoved the memory inside your brain, you remember what it felt like to be wrapped around him. Your skin aches at the thought of being touched by those hands again. This twists your stomach in knots.

Just friends. This is what friends do. It’s fine.

There’s a tingling in your center that reminds you that you’re a liar. You don’t heed its warning when you raise an eyebrow at him and smirk, “Only if you promise to behave yourself.”

“Me? Always.” He kills the engine and winks, which causes you to scoff immediately. You both hop out of the truck and he follows you into the house.

You take off your shoes and walk into the kitchen, shouting back at him, “Do you want a beer?”

He replies in the affirmative so you grab two of them out of your fridge before returning to the living room. He’s standing shoeless in front of a large bookshelf with his hands shoved into his front pockets, grinning at either your knickknacks or books. Either way, it’s endearing. You pass one of the beers to him, then open your own.

“You have a lot of Halloween stuff.” He observes, referring to your skeleton and jack-o-lantern figurines, then points to a picture of you as a toddler, “Is this you?”

“It is.” You nod. He looks like he’s trying to absorb all of the odds and ends you have on display, which tugs at your heart a little. You interrupt his studying, “So what do you wanna do? Wanna play cards?”

He snaps his attention back to you, “Sure.”

You find a deck of cards and sit down in front of your couch, one leg folded over the other underneath your coffee table. Javier sits across from you, also on the floor. The two of you play rummy and talk about how you and Dan met and came to be in Laredo.

“No shit? You were in softball?” he laughs. “I wouldn’t have pinned you as a sports kind of person.”

“I’m really not, I fucking hate softball,” you shrug. He flinches backwards a bit and his eyebrows furrow. He’s confused. You clarify, choosing your words carefully, “I only joined because my therapist at the time wanted me to join an activity so I could… meet people. I didn’t really have any friends here… once Michelle stopped talking to me.”

He nods and lays down his discard, “Was that because of us?”

Us

Your cheeks start to burn and you don’t move your eyes from the cards in your hand. Your stomach flips when you remember how it felt to kiss him. You try to keep a poker face (card pun) when you draw a card and nod yes.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs. You discard.

Your eyebrows press together as you put your hand face down on the table to think out loud, “It’s not your fault. I knew what I was doing, and I don’t regret it. I think maybe… everything happens for a reason. And maybe this all was supposed to happen so I could… meet Dan.”

You both seem to ponder this for a bit. Before you met Dan, you were planning to move back to Minnesota once you finished the masters program at UTSA. What would have happened if you didn’t join a stupid softball team as a Hail Mary to appease your therapist? You’d be back in Minnesota. Probably living with Claudia or in a cramped apartment back in your hometown. You wouldn’t have met Dan.

I wouldn’t have reconnected with Javier.

Shaking your head like an etch-a-sketch to get out of this rabbit hole, you look up at your opponent, who also seems to be stuck in his thoughts. “It’s your turn,” you remind him gently.

“Oh shit. Sorry,” he pulls a card and brings focus back to his hand. He lays down his play, discards, then glances up at you, “You really think everything happens for a reason? Like fate?”

You frown as you pick up from the discard pile, “Yeah, I think I do. I think… I’m always exactly where I need to be.”

He hums acknowledgement. You concentrate on your play, lay down all of your cards except one, so you can discard it.

“Rummy,” you grin.

“Fuck off,” he throws his cards down to light a cigarette.

During the next game, he tells you a little about his time in Columbia. Broad strokes stuff, mostly, about his DEA partner and the basics of what they did.

“Were you able to make any other friends down there, or just your partner?” You ask absentmindedly while trying to figure out your next move.

“Just Murphy. Well, and his wife, Connie. Everyone thought I was an asshole,” his head tilts sideways thoughtfully, “Easier that way, though.”

You shrug and deadpan, “You are kind of an asshole.” He throws his hands up in a what the fuck did I do? gesture. Laughter bubbles up out of you. Once it settles, you’re a little more serious, “But really. I get how it’s easier that way. It’s like… if they stay away they can’t hurt me and I can’t hurt them. It’s not as scary.”

He nods his head vigorously and exclaims, “Exactly!”

You smile from ear-to-ear. It’s sort of amusing that this man, who used to chase Pablo fucking Escobar’s cartel down, is agreeing with you that vulnerability is terrifying. Even though you’re overwhelmingly attracted to him, which makes you feel all kinds of conflicted; you sense a friendship blossoming. And, ironically enough, instead of feeling shellshocked like you normally are at the concept, you find it makes you giddy. You realize that you really do like being around Javier.

You kick his ass in two more hands of rummy before he decides to head home.

“Thank you for your company today,” you tell him while he puts on his boots in the entry way. You turn on the living room tv and settle into the couch with a blanket wrapped around you.

“Anytime. Have a good night,” he opens the door to leave and pauses to glance up at you, cocooned into blanket, and chuckles.

As he’s closing the door you call out, “Goodnight, Javi.”

Your chest flutters and your relax into the softness surrounding you. All things considered, that was probably the best case scenario of him hanging out with you when Dan wasn’t here.

You tilt your head and wonder what you’re going to tell Dan about Javier. Surely, you’ll have to say something. Beth will tell Kim (if she hasn’t already) that you were at the movies with Javier fucking Peña, Kim will tell Dan, Dan will assume the worst (assuming he gives a shit at all).

Sure, you don’t have anything to hide technically, but don’t I, kind of? You take note of how you feel so magnetized to him, the way your stomach flips if he looks at you for longer than one second, how effortless it is to be open with him…

There’s no way he feels the same, though, so it doesn’t matter. Even if he did, you don’t think you could bring yourself to trust him not to abandon you. Hell, you’re not sure if you can trust him to not abandon you strictly as a friend.

Easier that way.

Even though you hesitate to let down your guard with almost anyone, this fucking guy totally disarms you. It makes you wish you had more time with him; you contemplate calling him tomorrow. Panic starts to rise from your chest into your neck. You absolutely cannot call him tomorrow. There’s no way he would want to spend two days in a row with you .

The voice of your ex-girlfriend Mel echoes in your head, “I can’t spend every day with you. I’m not that kind of person.”

You recall the dozens of times you've been called needy or annoying. 

The pit in your stomach grows as you picture the way your father would grimace when he could hear you laugh, or the way he would become snippy with you after spending an extended amount of time with you.

There’s a sharp pain in your chest when you remember your own mother hasn’t wanted to spend more than 10 minutes in the same room as you.

Even Dan stays away from home as much as he can. When he is home, it seems like he avoids you. When you’re invited out with him and his friends, you understand that you can be too much. If you talk too frequently, laugh too loud, say or do something odd , you see him grimace, the same way your father did. So, you sit quiet. He talks for you. It’s less embarrassing for both of you that way.

And each time I lose myself a little bit more.

See, Javier just doesn’t know how to tell you yet that you’re being a nuisance. If you get close enough, though, he will. It’s something you can’t bear to go through again. One more person you enjoy being around that can’t stand you.

All of the good feelings you cultivated today wither and die. A great emptiness takes their place. You sink deeper into this cavern until nothing can touch you anymore. No one can hurt you here.

Easier that way.

[ Next Chapter ]

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙