#still grateful for any love my work gets too bc while I don’t rly keep it ‘clean’ anymore

[toorurii]

Hihihiii

I noticed in your past art its very clean and tidy but your more recent art its pretty loose and explorative in color and shape!! Was it an active journey for you to make that transition or did your style just naturally evolve that way? If it's the former how'd you get over being so clean for a looser style?

Thank you takin' thee time to read this!!!

Hiiii tbqh I think I started loathing the process enough for me to start getting ‘messier’ and less precise with my strokes and color choices if that makes sense 😭 over the past few years I graduated college and got a job which drained the living hell out of my energy, so ig it might have just put me in the mentality of ‘I’m spending way too much time thinking abt this shit’ and then drawing became a lot more fun… and for me that’s what rly matters if it ain’t a comm or something that’s GOTTA be cleaner 🤔

[isagisyoichi]

YOU MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!

SYNOPSIS: niko as your boyfriend

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: niko ikki aka my boyfriend hello

WARNINGS: swearing, pretend all the boys go to the same school and they're all friends for plot, normalize not writing serious boys as someone that practically hates their s/o and never opens up to them god bless, also no such thing as ooc since we dunno shit ab him so everything i say is law. SUPER LONG LOL, it's like 2k+ words 😭

A/N: i love my boyfriend and i'm v happy about all the attention he's getting (even if he will prob will b subbed out 👎) this was fun to write bc i think he would b very soft as bf and also i hate the notion that stoic and serious = boring and detached in a relationship. also first post w the new user yayyyy rip yoichisagis an end of an era for realsies.

FOR: fox anon my beloved this one is for u😩

it takes a while for you two to get together, just because niko wants to think things through and be sure he’s making the right decision, as well as him being naturally apprehensive about this whole dating thing.

when you do eventually start going out, keep in mind you're probably his first real anything, so-

niko needs to take it slow for the first month or so because he needs time to adjust and get used to being in a relationship.

when he gets comfortable around you, niko starts to talk a lot more.

niko starts to talk about his interests more-soccer, stem stuff (idc i'll die by my hc that he's a stem boy), etc. and niko's really happy that you're genuinely interested in what he has to say :)

and as your relationship progresses, niko becomes more inclined to share his inner thoughts.

“this song is so bad, i hate it and how it's everywhere,” like, babe that sucks, but what do you want me to do, take it off the radio myself? 😭

you find out that niko’s kind of a hater LOL, but it’s okay, because it means he can be himself around you <3 and the mini debates you have with each other are fun.

he’s someone you can take shopping with you if you need a solid second opinion.

“ikki, is this cute?” you niko as you adjust the shirt you tried on in the fitting room mirror.

“no.” he’s so straight up LOL. “the blue one from earlier was better.”

“this one?”

“yeah, that one. you look really pretty in it.”

ngl though, niko’s not much of a mall person. he'd just follow you around like a little puppy LOL, but he doesn't mind too much because it's for you.

communication is important to niko!!!!! he wants someone that he can have real conversation about the things that matter to him, so he rly makes an effort to have that kind of connection with you.

niko's naturally funny but he isn't aware that he is lol.

but when he does try, i feel like his humor comes in the form of sarcasm and dry wit. likes poking fun at you here and there with a lighthearted jab.

"you're so weird, y/n," is the most common one.

niko’s naturally closed off emotionally (male aquarius 😒) but i, personally, think he’d really try and push himself to be more open with you, especially if you expressed for him to do so </3

he'd be really appreciative of someone patient and understanding of the fact that he doesn't open up easily, though.

but eventually, you become the person closest to him- niko confides in you a lot, which he’s grateful for because he usually holds everything in.

not one for pda or other lovey-dovey things in public, other than the occasional holding of hands but behind closed doors, niko’s so soft around you, it’s like he’s a completely different person.

also, i feel like niko’s real handsy with you, i get the vibe he’s super touch starved 😭

although it does take him a while to get used to physical affection, once he has, niko cannot get enough. he’s always touching you when he has no real reason to.

(and because you're his first relationship, i feel like it’s just natural that niko’s going to be kind of clingy towards you.)

“you okay, ikki?” you ask as niko suddenly wraps his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“mhm,” he mumbles. “just wanna be close to you.”

niko likes when you sit on his lap when he’s on his computer. you can have your arms wrapped around his neck, your head resting in the crook of his neck, or you could just be on your phone or whatever, it doesn’t matter, niko just likes you near him.

you guys don’t really talk to each other when you do this, aside from niko occasionally checking up on you and asking if you need anything from him.

but other than that, you guys just enjoy each other's touch in silence. it’s one of his favorite things to do with you.

however, if you start kissing him in the middle of whatever he’s doing and keep it up for long enough, niko will drop everything to make out with you right then and there (also one of his favorite things to do with you).

speaking of kissing- you kiss niko first.

niko would try to plan your guys first kiss out because he wants everything to be perfect.

but, he ends up taking forever to execute it because he keeps overthinking and you can only wait so long before kissing him, so you take matters into your own hands.

his kisses are sloppy and juvenile at the beginning, but he’s smart and learns quickly what you do and don’t like.

likes being kissed on his jaw and forehead the most :')

if the team ever happens to see niko kissing you, they're gonna be so annoying 😭

"yooo niko's making big moves ‼️" "my son's growing up on me!😩" "good job *pats on the back*" and niko is red all over as he drags you away from them, muttering about how childish and annoying they are 😭.

but, they're all very supportive of you guys, even if they're embarrassing as hell 🙄.

they even give niko relationship advice- which luckily, he doesn’t follow (most of the time), because, let’s be honest, if you're getting unsolicited dating tips from a bunch of teenage boys, it’s probably bad 😭.

you’re the only person niko shows his forehead to. just know that having the opportunity to see it means that niko trusts you more than anyone else :’)

repay his trust by kissing his forehead lovingly and showering him with compliments whenever you can !!!!!!!!!!

“y/n, why’re you so embarrassing,” niko says under his breath, blushing as you hold his face and litter soft kisses on his forehead, rambling about how cute he is.

always looks for you in the bleachers when he has a game and you’re always the first person he talks to after.

and the fact that you make an effort to come as often as you can means sooo much to him. definitely considers you to be his biggest fan.

real classy with nicknames- uses “my love/love,” and “darling,” the most.

his favorite petname from you is "pretty boy." gives him butterflies each time he hears it.

the first time you call him that, he's confused, but after you explain that being called pretty is basically the highest compliment a boy can receive, he gets all soft on you.

only uses instagram to like and comment on your pictures and that's it 😭.

comments stuff like “you're so pretty” and "beautiful," without any emojis because niko refuses to use them LOL.

remembers the compliments you give him! they help with his self esteem and i feel like he values your opinion a lot.

so, tell him all about how cute and smart and talented and hot and funny he is and how much you love him and he'll replay it in his head 24/7.

i think he prefers to be the big spoon, unless he's sad- then he really wants you to hold him.

niko gives me homebody vibes, so expect relaxed dates, but still nice, yk?

what i mean is niko's not gonna take you out to get gas station food and call it a day 😭 he's classier than that and he always puts in effort towards dates.

he always plans them ahead of time and takes into consideration what he thinks you'd enjoy. and he insists on paying 🤗.

but, niko always does something special for days like your birthday or an anniversary, like go somewhere fancy if you wanted to or buy a nice gift you've been eyeing for a while.

helps you with your schoolwork, 100%. most of the time niko tutors you because he wants you to actually learn the material, but if you're feeling lazy and just wanna get it over with, niko will just give you the answers.

this is a big deal because i love him and all but, niko gives me the vibe he's super stingy with his work 😭.

"this is the last time i'm going to just give you the answers, y/n." niko sighs out. "you have to start doing your homework by yourself."

niko's said that dozen of times but he's still giving you the answers free of charge. can you guys say #whipped 🤣?

LOL speaking of school, if you ever text him during class, i highly doubt that niko would entertain you 😭😭 (it's out of love, though)

y/n 💗: hiii baby imy 🥰

pretty boy: do your work, y/n.

y/n 💗: ALL I DID WAS SAY HI

pretty boy: pay attention.

y/n 💗: fine ur so lame 👎

pretty boy: whatever you say. i miss you too, by the way.

he likes to moves your hair out your face because he wants to see your pretty face better.

which is why you have to do the same with him 🥰!!!!!! makes him blush like crazy.

gets soooo soft when you post him or even take pictures of you and him together :') just the thought of you wanting to show him off makes him soooo happy.

he won't entertain you if you make a tiktok, though LOL. he's very stubborn in his belief that it's stupid.

just stands in the background with his arms crossed if you try to make him do a dance or something 😭 (he does think you look cute, though).

niko has such nice eyelashes but i doubt he's aware of it 'cause he's, y'know, a boy 🙄.

"my eyelashes are ... cute?" he questions. niko wasn't even aware that such a trivial thing like his eyelashes could be considered cute.

"yes, oh my god," you gush. "they're so long and nice, i wish mine were like that," you groan, examining yours through the camera of your phone.

"you're so weird, y/n," he says, a blush staining his cheeks. "your eyelashes are nicer," he mumbles as he kisses your forehead.

he's one of those people that prefers to be alone, but you're the exception. you know?

niko likes to keep to himself most of the time, but that whole thing doesn't apply to you, because he'd choose to be with you over being alone anytime :')

[ppersonna]

repentance - knj | m

now, let's imprint my name on that trophy and come back home - come back home, BTS

↳ summary- your boyfriend, Kim Namjoon, doesn’t like it when you flirt with other guys

↳ rating- explicit / 18+

↳ word count- 6k

↳ pairing- namjoon x reader

↳ genre- smut, this is all smut, there is nothing but smut here, there is no god in this chili’s tonight. this actively takes us further from the light.

↳ warnings- very hard BDSM, name calling, degradation, humiliation, spitting, caning/spanking, collaring, bondage, squirting, overstimulation, impreg kink lmfao, face fucking,  Namjoon is a v sadistic dom but he is still sane, after care is important,

↳ a/n- well folks.  here it is.  The fic that pushed me past my comfort zone lmfafskadf.  i am 100% grateful to @sombreboy​ for assisting me with this and being silly as fuck in the google doc.  i could not have done it without his guidance lmfaooo.  this was requested by anon and i hope i did it justice and i rly appreciate getting sent things that make me write things i normally wouldn’t!  thank you for believing in me lmfao.  pls feel free to interact with me however u want bc i love you all.  Thanks for reading! namjoon if ur reading this pls forgive me

“I hope you had your fun, doll,“ Namjoon whispers harshly in your ear as you walk with him away from the dance studio.  You’re covered in sweat, hot, and still you’re shaking like a leaf at the tone of your boyfriend’s voice.

So maybe you broke the rules.  Maybe you danced with Jimin at practice a little too intensely, a little too provocatively.  Maybe you grinded up against the blonde harder than you should, making the dancer sport a tent in his pants.

And maybe you did it in front of your boyfriend, that man who loved and dominated you.

Is it too late to say oops?

Namjoon is silent on the drive home.  His face is expressionless, but his eyes give it away.  He looks a touch angry, a touch excited, but he mostly radiates possession.  If there’s something that Namjoon hates, it’s sharing you.  

Your playful flirting with Jimin had been just that—playful.  Jimin was your dance partner going on 10 years now, ranging from ballroom to jazz and tap, to contemporary and international.  Jimin was always your go-to guy, best friend, and occasional fuck buddy.  Namjoon knew this, knew the history between you two, but still allowed you your freedom in dancing and competing with the blonde.  Sometimes it was just so easy to fall back on old habits, when you’d grind on Jimin so hard that he’d rip your shorts down and take you against the hardwood floor of the studio.

Even though you were quite happy in your relationship with Namjoon, it was hard to re-route the synapses that led elsewhere when you were dancing.  

But you loved Namjoon, and you had for a long time.  It was something you were working on, the flirting and the carelessness.  Namjoon was supportive, loving, and a natural caretaker.

He was also a sadistic Dominant.  

Where Namjoon was sensitive, sweet, communicative and giving in the streets, he was disgusting and filthy and downright heinous in the sheets.

And you loved every single aspect of it.  There was nothing that thrilled you more than the control he wielded on you, the power in his gaze and in his hand, and the possession he took of you.

It was the reason none of your relationships worked out before him.  Sure, there had been pleasant guys and excellent fucks like Jimin.  But Namjoon was the entire package, plus some.  You trusted him with your entire life, your whole being.  He grew up alongside you, and you knew the man would rather injure himself than ever cause you harm.

It’s what made the punishments, the pain, even more delicious.  He took you to your breaking point, sometimes even further, because he knew you could take it.  And you trusted, loved and adored him for it.  

But that didn’t mean it was easy.  

No, while the punishments and pain were fun in the long run, they still sent a thrill of fear down your spine.  

It’s been awhile since you got your boyfriend this worked up.  Things had been pretty smooth sailing for the last few months.  Sure, he was still a maniac in bed, but it was the scripted and practiced scenes you both knew by heart.  Schoolgirl, nurse, secretary.  

But this was real.  Tangibly real.  You could feel the tension rolling off his toned body, the heat of it ensnaring you, tying you up tight.

You want to apologize, open your mouth and begin the litany of sorry’s and I didn’t mean to’s, but your throat felt dry.  You knew it was useless to try now, and the act might make him more upset.  

The punishment he would inflict upon you would absolve you, baptize you of your sins.  He’d sacrifice your flesh to be remade.

The car pulls into the garage of your shared home.  Namjoon parks, closes the heavy door behind the car, then sits in the car staring straight ahead.  

He’s silent for a moment.  It puts your nerves on edge and he knows this, knows you hate the silence more than anything else.

“You are going to get naked.  Right now.” He orders, still not facing you.  He focuses his eyes on the wall of your garage.  “You will leave your dirty clothes outside where they belong.  And you will crawl from the car into the house.”

You nibble at your lip, waiting for more instructions.  He turns and levels a look at you, and your body lights with fire.  

“I want you to retrieve your collar and the handcuffs and bring them to me in the bedroom. You will get in position for me.”

He looks at you once more, seeking your eyes for any sign of fear, anything to tell him he’s going too far.

While your heart races, you nod and swallow tightly. You’re scared but not enough to stop him. You have a safe word for a reason but you haven’t needed to use it yet and you trust Namjoon more than you trust yourself.

He takes stock of your agreement and exits the car, leaving you alone as he trudged up the stairs leading to the house.

It takes one shuddering breath before you step out of the car, peel your sweaty workout clothes off, and slide down to your knees. There're cameras in the garage for security, and you know he’s watching them to ensure you’re listening to his orders.  

The floor of the garage is dirty.  You take one movement forward and look at your hands to find they’re already covered in black soot from the dirt and oils of the car tires driving in and out.  You make a face but quickly pull out of it. This is your punishment.

You crawl up the steps and gingerly open the door, then make your way to your linen closet where your collar and handcuff remain when you’re not at home.

Namjoon gifted you with a home collar and a public collar. The public collar is a beautiful diamond circle pendant that hits right at the hollow of your throat.

The home collar, however, is made out of a study leather material, embedded with gorgeous diamonds.  It’s heavy against your throat when you wear it.  It’s a constant reminder of your subservient relationship to your Dom, your boyfriend.

The handcuffs hang from their specified hook.  Black leather with chains connecting the cuffs.  They’re strong, incredibly so, and the thought of being locked up makes your core tighten in excitement and fear.

With the items secure in your grasp, you return to your kneeling position and continue crawling towards the bedroom where your boyfriend awaits. Something inside you bubbles fiercely—what does he have planned for you?  It’s been awhile since you’ve been quite literally at his mercy.

Namjoon is standing in front of the bed, arms crossed over his chest as you enter the room. You keep your eyes down, not making contact until he instructs for you to do so. You can feel the power and heat oozing off him, surrounding him like a cloud of authority. You approach and sit in front of him, knees spread wide and sat back on your heels.  Your hands offer up the collar and the cuffs, palms up, as you avert his gaze.

“Look at you,” he tuts. “Filthy...”  He removes the collar and cuffs off your hands and gazes at the black soot remaining from the dirty garage floor,

“But it suits you perfectly, doesn’t it?”, his voice was almost mocking you, ‘’A dirty slut.’’

Quite literally.

Namjoon sets aside your collar on the edge of the bed before crouching in front of you, a lopsided grin curling on his lips as he grabs your wrists as to inspect them,

‘’Even your pretty little hands are soiled, angel.’’ he tsked in disapproval, the mere sound of it making you feel smaller, eyes still fixed on the floor. After all, he hadn’t told you to look at him as of yet.

You don’t know why you thought he would ask you to wash your hands, but you quickly threw aside your anticipations  as it catches you off guard with what he does next.

‘’Palms up, angel. Show me your hands.’’

A confused second passed, but you obliged nonetheless, raising both of your hands, palms up to him as if you were begging for something.

The mere sight was absolutely gorgeous to Namjoon.

Without a word, Namjoon collects enough saliva in his mouth, grabbing your wrists to pull your hands closer, letting his spit drip from his tongue down to pool in your hands. Your eyes widen as they stare at the floor, arms twitching instinctively at the foreign sensation.

His grasp around your wrists tightens, ‘’Stay still… Be a good girl, yeah?’’

You nod, relaxing your arms. However the muscles in them feel tired from holding them out for him like this. He knows, he can tell, but says nothing about it. He loves to watch you struggle, adamant to please him.

Besides, you deserve it, don’t you?

Once more, Namjoon spits in your hands. This time, it has a degrading intention; a harsh spitting sound as it lands in your hand. He stands up again, the angle even more delicious from above as he watches you obediently hold his pooled saliva like it was the most precious gift from him.

‘’Go on...  Clean up.’’

You bite your lip as the slick saliva spreads in your hands.  Your body thrums with humiliation and desire, mixing to make your legs quiver where they kneel before him.  You clasp your hands together and rub your boyfriends spit in your hands, attempting to remove as much of the dirt as possible with what he’s given you. It’s messy—the spit is black from the soot.  His eyes take you in, the image of you cleansing yourself with him, accepting his spit like the dirty whore you are, that he loves. It makes his cock throb in his jeans. Nothing gets him off quicker than putting you in your place, seeing you accept his degradation with pink cheeks and frightened eyes.

He pulls his shirt off his body and throws it to you carelessly.

“Use it to dry your hands,” he orders.  

You comply, wiping the last off you with his shirt.

“Let me see.”  You hold your hands up for him to inspect and he smirks, ‘’Good little slut.’’

His hands open the collar wide and you jerk slightly as you feel the pressure of it on your neck.  Namjoon pulls it tight around you for a moment, cutting off your air supply, before he releases and secures the collar to sit high on your throat.  The ‘O’ ring sits at the center proudly, a place he often uses to leash and drag you around like his pretty, perfect pet.

He moves away from you and towards the armoire at the side of your bedroom.  Your heart gallops wildly. The armoire is full of his toys, punishment and reward alike.  The unknowing of what he’s getting out to use on you has your cunt dripping with desire and fright.

There’s silence as he gathers his tools, then returns and places them on the nightstand.

“Look at me.” His voice is firm, unwavering.  

You let your eyes flick up to his and your breath catches.  He looks incredible.  Shirtless, tight pants straining with the bulge of his cock, power exuding from his very pores.   Your eyes dance on his chest for just a moment, soaking in the refined lines, then settle at his eyes.  They’re darkened with lust, with intention.  He looks at you like you are his next, and final, meal.

“I want you to bend over the bed. You will spread your legs and push out your pretty little ass.  I’m going to cane you for what you’ve done today.”

Your eyes widen, and he relishes in the fright lingering. He hasn’t used the cane on you in a long time.  It’s the most intense tools of impact you own—the one you’re most frightened of.

“You know your safe word, don’t you?” He asks.

You nod.

He tsks. “I asked you a question. Don’t make me open up that mouth for you. You won’t like what I’ll do.”

A shiver runs through you as you weakly open your mouth. “Yes, sir. My safe word is orange.”

He nods. “Good girl. Let’s hope we won’t need it and you’ll take what you are given, hm?” Another nod from you. “Now, do as you’re told.”

You hop up quickly, knees painfully red and sore now, and move towards the bed. You arch down, sticking your ass out towards your boyfriend and spreading your legs shoulder-length apart.  He can see all of you, slick folds weeping with desire and anticipation, legs shaking in fear and arousal.

It’s intoxicating to Namjoon, the way you behave and listen. He loves the fright inside you, the way it soaks your cunt for him.  He knows the cane is on the verge of being too much, he knows you’ll be weeping both from eyes and pussy at the end of it.

The wood is heavy in his hands.  The cane is only a bit longer than a paddle, but it packs an even more intense blow.  

“Tell me what you did today. Why do you deserve my cane?” He asks, allowing the cane to tap at your cheeks lightly.  It makes you jerk and clutch at the blankets below you.

“I—I was dancing with Jimin, sir,” you murmur, voice tight with anxiety.

“Ah ah, you weren’t just dancing,” he corrects. “Don’t pretend to be innocent.  You know what you did.”

As you open your mouth to speak, he brings the cane down at the tops of your thighs.   It cracks heavily on the skin and makes your knees give out. The sting is like white, hot fire on your thighs. It burns, and makes your cunt clench around nothing.  Tears spring at your eyes as you try to answer him.

“I was grinding on him!” you cry as your legs return to standing to accept the next blow.

“You were being a little. fucking. slut.” he intones, then punctuates his words with another whip of the cane—right at the center of your ass. The sound of it hitting your flesh echoes in the bedroom you share, and it makes you cry out in pain.  Your knuckles were white from the grasp of the blankets—tears flooding you and spilling onto the duvet. “Say it!” He orders.

You whimper through your words. “I was being a slut, sir!”

‘’That’s right, you were being a filthy, horny cockslut.’’ He snarls, another whip echoing in the room as it falls harshly on your skin, ‘’Horny for Jimin’s cock with the way you were grinding on him, by the looks of it, isn’t that right?’’

He laughs mockingly, landing another whip on the same spot he previously caned, it would definitely bruise. But you didn’t care. And neither did he, he fucking loves your cries.

‘’Tell me, who’s cock are you really a whore for?!’’

He holds the cane high, anticipating your answer.

‘’Y-yours, daddy-- p-please!’’ You cry out, clawing at the sheets, legs quivering.

‘’That’s right, but apparently, you didn’t remember that today, angel.’’ He says with an awfully calm voice, cane still held high.

He ends his caning with one final blow, and it makes your vision black out with the intensity.  You’re sobbing now, weeping into the blankets as your legs shake.  

It’s the most intense pain you’ve ever felt, ever been dealt from your loving boyfriend.  It forces you to understand just how upset you made him, just how angry watching you attempt to seduce another man makes him.

“You’re my little cumslut, you hear that? Mine!”

His hands smooth over your reddened ass, harsh burgundy lines marking where he punished you thoroughly.  It makes you whimper through your cries, his warm hands simultaneously soothing and agitating the marks.

He only remains for a moment, ensuring the flare of pain is soothed.  As sadistic as he is, he remains sane enough to ensure your safety.   Your whimpers have slowed slightly, and he takes it as his opportunity to move on.

He reaches for the handcuffs and takes advantage of your prone position, bent over the bed.  He works them around your wrists, tightening them just enough to leave you helpless.  He pulls you up and presses his back against you, face at your ear.

“You took your first punishment well,” he encourages as he licks a stripe on your throat, right above the collar that symbolizes you as his.  “But I’m not finished with you,” he sighs. “Little cock whores like you are never satisfied with just one little punishment, aren’t you?”

You sniffle and nod. “No sir, I n-need more.”

He chuckles—it’s dark and ominous.

“Dirty fucking slut.”

He turns you to face him and he kisses you roughly, no sign of the sweet and sensitive boyfriend. It’s the Jekyll to his Hyde; the sadistic Dom now kissing you cares only of getting off and making you take it.  

His mouth is fiery—teeth biting at your lips and growling when he slips his tongue in your mouth.

“Gonna make you remember who the fuck you belong to, baby girl,” he warns as he pulls away.  He urges you down to your knees and you’re easily complying.

His hands are at his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping and making your mouth salivate in anticipation.

He steps out of his jeans, and you’re rewarded with his thick cock springing free from the confines of his jeans. You should have expected your boyfriend to go without boxers, but it’s a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

“Look at you,” he notes. “So desperate for my cock.”  He grips it and teases it in front of you. You want to lean forward, capture it in your lips but you refrain and wait for the order.

“You think you deserve this? You think I should let you suck my dick after that little show you put on today?” He gives his length a stroke and it makes you nearly whine with need. “Little fucking bitch wants any cock she can get, why should I let you have mine?”

Your eyes shine with tears, still lingering from your caning and refreshing now with wet, hot desire for him.

“Beg.” He orders, holding his dick in front of your face tauntingly.

“P-please, daddy. Let me suck your cock,” you blubber. “Let me show you that you’re the only cock I need.”

He hums and strokes himself. Watching you nearly weep with want and beg to suck him off has his head reeling. The power rushes through his veins like a drug.

“I think you can do better than that,” he sighs. “Why shouldn’t I just jerk myself off and cum on that pretty face of yours?”

Tears freely spill down your face now. “I want you to use me, I want to let you fuck my throat raw, please, sir!” You sound completely gone and Namjoon feels his impossibly hard cock flex at your needy tone. “Please fuck my throat like the cock whore I am!”

“That’s fucking right,” he grunts. “Open that fucking mouth for me.”  Your mouth opens and he’s leaning down to spit harshly at your waiting tongue. It makes you jerk, but you reserve yourself and accept it. “Filthy little bitch.”

He moves forward and sets his cock on your tongue and almost groans at the feel of your hot mouth, swirling with his spit now.

“Make me cum with your mouth, you don’t get to use those hands today.”

He wastes no time on shoving his length into you and down your throat. He gives a few precursory thrusts and sighs as he feels your throat gagging around him and hears your desperate, wet sounds. Tears flow freely—your mascara is smearing down your face as you look up at him, mouth stuffed full.  It’s the prettiest sight he thinks he’s ever seen. You’re desperate, absolutely fucked out for him. Saliva dribbles down your mouth and he fucking loves it when you become a mess on his cock.

“Pathetic.’’ He murmurs. But truly, he thinks it was beautiful—the way you desperately take his cock down your throat, the needy look in your teary eyes and the muffled whines vibrating in your throat at his fake disapproval. It makes you work harder, eager to make him feel good.

You bob your head, keeping your eyes locked on Namjoon—he loves it when you’re giving him your undivided attention.  It’s sloppy, and you’re loud. Namjoon fucking lives for when all your inhibitions are gone and you’re wanton and horny like a porn star desperate for work.

“Fuck, such a good throat,” he drags a finger up it as he forces his cock to the back of your mouth. He can feel the ridge of his cock through your neck and he nearly cums from that alone.  “Taking it so fucking good.”  He grips your head and desperately fucks into your mouth.  You squeeze your eyes shut and will your gag reflex away, let him use you as he sees fit. You egg him in with licks of your tongue as he thrusts in and out, and by the filthy noises you make with each press.

Saliva is dropping out of your lips, and his it covers his cock. Namjoon feels his balls tighten impossibly and knows he’s close.

“Does my cockslut want daddy’s cum? You want me to coat that little throat with it?” He keeps his pace and you nod through your tears.  He grunts his approval and picks up the pace, only to explode through his orgasm soon after. His cock pulses as he emptied himself into your mouth and throat, and you suck harder as if thirsty for it.

He pulls it out a moment later with a sated sigh. “My little cum dump,” he smirks as he runs a finger over your lips.  “Swallow it all.”  You nod and visibly swallow his load, then hold your tongue out to prove it.

“Shit—so good. You’re such a whore you could drink my cum all day, couldn’t you?”

“Yes, daddy,” you whisper. Your throat is rough and sore from his thrusts but you can’t find it in you to care, not even a little bit.

You remain on your knees and he puts a finger under your chin and lifts it higher. “Doing so good, angel. Making me proud.”

It makes your heart nearly implode.  Namjoon is sadistic and thrills in your anguish, but loves you all the same.  He knows you’re not just able to take it, but you’re desperate to take it. You trust him to never hurt you in a way you couldn’t handle.

“Still have more for you, little one. I don’t think you quite understand who this body belongs to.”

Your eyes shine with excitement and Namjoon can’t help but to smile at it. He uncuffs you and you look perplexed. He never lets you out early.

“Up on the bed, on your back,” he states as he ignores your questioning look. You know better than to deny his order, so you rub at your wrists as you move towards the bed.  Your knees are still throbbing from the pressure and you heave a pleased sigh as you melt into the mattress.

“I wouldn’t feel too comfortable,” he chuckles. “It won’t last long.”  

In Namjoon’s hands is red shibari rope. It makes your stomach flip. It’s been so long since he’s trussed you up and it thrills you to see the familiar smooth bindings.

“Thighs to your chest,” he orders. “Spread them wide, show me this needy little cunt.”  

You do as he says, pulling your thighs up to meet your chest and spreading them open. He stares at your core, it’s dripping now. It drips down you and stains the comforter.  Namjoon tuts. If you’re this wet already, he knows he will need to change the sheets after he’s done with you.

“Look at you,” he intones. “A dumb little slut, open and ready for any cock she can get.”  He drags a finger up and down your thigh.

Namjoon gets to work. He loves the way he loses himself in the art of tying you up. He loves watching your chest rise and fall and the little squeaks that come out of your mouth as he knots you up.  He loops the rope around the left thigh, then draws in your left calf to tie it in.  You’ll be spread open, unable to stretch your legs out until he gives you permission.  

He glances up at you every so often as he continues, checking to make sure he’s not cutting off any vital circulation. As cruel as he is, he doesn’t intend to actually maim you.  You never show a sign of pain, just the glazed look you hold as your body gives in to your subservient intuition.  It makes Joon smile and his heart clench in his chest.  He really fucking loves you.

You’re soon tied up completely from the waist down, both legs tied together and spread open with pussy on display. Your hands are free and just as you’re about to relish in it, Namjoon is looping more rope to tie each wrist to a bedpost. He grins as you gasp. You’re completely tied up and at his will, and you’re embarrassed at how open you are in front of him, how dripping wet you get from being tied up and useless.

Namjoon is moving around and you suddenly hear a vibration and it gets closer as he approaches you.

“Gonna make you cum for me, babygirl...  Gonna play with you until you fucking squirt everywhere.”

Your legs clench together as you notice he is holding a Hitachi wand in his hand.  You know the power it wields.  It brings you to your finish nearly instantaneously.  Which means Namjoon has decided your next punishment will be denying you any orgasm and continually bringing you to the edge… or making you cum so much your cunt hurts.   You don’t know which is worse.

He notices the look on your face and grins.  “Yeah, you know what this is, don’t you?”

Namjoon places the bulbous head of the wand on your cunt and you cry out instantly.  He drags it up and down your drenched slit and you’re already feeling so close to the edge.

“You better fucking scream, don’t hold back,” he orders. “Remind this whole fucking neighborhood who gets you off. Make sure Park fucking Jimin hears it.”

He stops rubbing it up and down and lets it sit right on your clit and watches your face contort as your tied legs struggle against the wrappings.  It’s too much, it feels like you’ve been lit up.  Namjoon gloats in your struggle.   He sees your cunt dripping with increasing fervor, can tell you’re squeezing those walls around nothing.  He can’t wait to bury himself inside you once and for all and coat your walls with his cum.

“You know you better fucking ask permission to cum,” he reminds you.  “You better not cum unless I tell you.”

Your tear-streaked face is twisted in pleasure, in pain.  You feel yourself unwinding, increasing towards your finish like a bullet.  

“D-Daddy! Please! I need to cum! Please!” You’re begging harder than you’ve begged in your life, you’re certain.  It feels like the string inside you will snap any second now and you’re holding off the orgasm as hard as you can.  Without the use of your legs, you find yourself unable to slow the inevitable.

“No,” he states firmly.  “Fucking take it. You can keep going.”  He growls his words and watches as your cunt is helpless.  “Little whores like you can fucking take it.”

It’s useless, you’re falling apart at the seams.  You’re pleading with him to let you cum, legs now completely convulsing in their restraints.  It snaps, the coil inside bursts and you’re careening towards the end.  You whine and cry helplessly as your pussy pulsates around nothing and oozes out your arousal.  Your face burns in shame as you come down-—you know exactly what you’ve done wrong.

“S-sorry! I’m so sorry, Daddy!” Tears fall harder and you’re gasping for his forgiveness, for his mercy.  “I’m so sorry!”

‘‘Tsk, tsk.’’ Namjoon tuts.  “My little slut couldn’t even follow her one and only instruction.’’  He removes the wand for just a moment.  “You better fucking listen this time.”

Your body feels overstimulated.  The pleasure is bordering on painful and you yelp as Namjoon places it back on your overworked clit.  

“You can make up for it if you squirt for me,”  he grits.  “Maybe I’ll stick my fingers in this tight cunt.  Always so desperate for Daddy’s help, aren’t you?”

You whine at the thought of him filling you, but it’s overtaken by the feeling of the wand back on you.  It’s painful, but it feels so good.  Your body is held back by one single tripwire, ready to snap at any moment.  Namjoon knew that restraining your arms and legs left you completely helpless to slow your own orgasms.  He wanted you to fail, wanted to punish you for cumming when he knew damn well you wouldn’t last a fucking second under the wand’s vibrations.

“P--please!” your whines are breathy.  You feel as if you’ve just run a marathon and you’re desperate for air.  Your entire body is singing with rapture, with pain.  You feel a deep desperation to feel him inside you.  “I need you! Need your fingers!”

Namjoon groans at the sound of your whines.  It’s his favorite, when you’ve finally snapped past a breaking point and he pushes you beyond.  The way you’re desperate, begging and crying for him is pathetic. He fucking loves it.

“Fuck, listen to yourself,” he comments.  His cock is raging again, hard and ready to bury itself inside you.  But he waits.  He’s nothing but patient for you.  “You sound like a little fucking whore.  Are you Jimin’s whore?”

You blubber a cry and shake your head, feeling the oncoming orgasm approaching again.  It feels even more intense.  

“No! I’m yours! O-only yours, Daddy!”  The simple crying is turning into sobs and you both can tell you’re nearly on the edge.

“That’s fucking right,” he snarls.  “This pussy belongs to me.  Not fucking Jimin. Not even you. I own you.” His words run cold through your body, it feels as if your veins have iced over.  You’re absolutely under his spell and control, and you’ve never loved anyone more.

“Cum for me, filthy slut.  Let me see you get Daddy nice and messy.”  He shoves two fingers inside you, and curls them to reach the spot that has you reeling. He knows he’s made it when you’re arching on the bed and screaming through your sobs.  

“G-gonna cum, oh god--” you’re gasping for air, greedy for it.  “There, f-fuck!”

The orgasm that hits you is stronger than any before.  It feels like your cunt turns into a vice and you’re squeezing around his fingers so hard it makes Namjoon hiss.  Your body spasmed and trembled as you came, and finally Namjoon is rewarded when your cunt gushes all over his fingers, dripping down his hand.

“Holy shit,” he gapes as you finally return to earth from your skyhigh completion.  “Dirty fucking slut.  You did so good.”

Namjoon’s cock is pulsating.  He’s sure if he doesn’t get inside you, now, he’ll shatter.

“Nasty whore is going to get one more.  You’re gonna cum on Daddy’s cock, aren’t you?”  

You’re nodding weakly.  You’re far gone, mind so dizzyingly high and body exhausted.  “P-please, need you.”

He takes no care to line himself up or take time.  He’s pressing against your hole in one moment and is buried to the hilt the next.  You’re so wet it feels like he’s drowning and he throws his head back in bliss.  Even after two explosive orgasms you’re tight around him, molding around each ridge of his cock.

“Oh, god--” he groans.  “Sweetest pussy I’ve ever been in.” The praise doesn’t last long, so you soak it in while it lasts, ‘’Gonna pump you full of my cum, angel-- f-fuck..’’  You’re crying and whining as he pumps into you.  It feels so good.

‘’Gonna have you nice and swollen with my child, so everybody knows just who the fuck this little whore belongs to.’’  His thrusts are so powerful that it’s almost as if he’s trying to fuse with you, he’s no longer holding back any reservations.  His hips bump against you as he stuffs you full, chasing his end.  He drops a hand to your clit, knowing it’s battered from the wand but can’t find it in him to care anyway.  He wants you to orgasm again, and he’s going to get it. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?  To be so plump and pregnant that everyone will know what a depraved, little bitch in heat you are for me.”

Impossibly, you feel your belly tighten and tug and you’re edging closer and closer to yet another orgasm that Namjoon will wrench out of you. You’re crying out, only able to whine and sob his name.  He’s fucked the ability to talk right out of you, and you can only think about Namjoon and his fat cock drilling into you and filling you up as if his life depended on it.  

Namjoon loves it when you’re fucked out completely. He can tell he’s close, and nearing closer as he watches your sobbing face, smeared with mascara, cry and gasp for his cum.  He could cum from watching you beg alone, and now as he pounds into your juicy cunt he’s surrounded in pleasure.

“I’m going to cum--fuck. Gonna fucking fill you,” he hisses as he thrusts so hard it’s nearly bruising.  His grip on your hips tighten, blunt nails digging into your skin as he lets out a loud and guttural moan as his cock desperately throbs inside of you.  He keeps his power, but the pace dies down with each thrust.  He fucks his cum deep inside you, and rubs at your clit punishingly.  His warm seed jammed inside you snaps everything and you’re crying pathetically as you reach your high, walls contracting and milking him.  Your vision is black and you only hear the rush of your blood in your ears.

It takes a few stuttering breaths to finally come to, and your vision returns to normal.  Namjoon remains buried inside you and he’s panting just as hard as you.  You’re both dripping in sweat and covered in your combined juices.  He cups a hand on the side of your face and smiles at you as you both attempt to return to normal.

“That was good, wasn’t it?” He asks with a chuckle.  He slowly pulls out of you and you’re wincing at the loss.  You’re sure you won’t be able to walk, let alone even stand.

You nod gingerly. “Really fucking good.” you whisper. Everything is sore, and it’s a feeling you can’t compare to anything.  It’s a burning ache that reminds you of Namjoon, of your love, of the trust you willingly hand over to him and the bliss he gives in return.  

“Let’s run a bath,” he states as he leans down to kiss you, pressing his lips on yours in a sweet kiss.  The Namjoon you love is back, the sweet and compassionate lover who cares about every single aspect of you.

“I would love that,” you sigh.  “But, could we maybe untie my legs before I lose any more circulation?”

The both of you erupt into laughter as his hands work over the intricate knots.  He winks.

“Needy little whore.”

© ppersonna - 2020 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.

[slytherflynn]

Old and New | Pt I

Blaise Zabini x muggle!reader

word count: 1971

summary: y/n is new to France on a study abroad trip. Blaise is visiting France post-Hogwarts. rags to riches story of an unfortunate muggle falling for a complicated, ridiculously wealthy person who just so happens to also be a powerful Wizard.

a/n: this started with an idea, became a moodboard, then became an entire fleshed out fic! I thought it would be short but my brain had other ideas. enjoy! note: I did write this from my personal perspective in life. as a result it is not very inclusive. I plan to change that with my next fics, I’ve just been having a really hard time lately and have been writing a lot of comfort fics and/or self-inserts to escape from irl bc irl is rly shitty for me rn

It’s a brand-new start, in a brand-new apartment, in a brand-new city, in a brand-new country... an ocean away from home. I can bring Tacoma to France, right? At least, that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. Study abroad is fucking... scary. I kinda regret it. It’s a good opportunity and for someone who doesn’t travel, it should be a fun experience. But I’m currently having an anxiety attack over taking out the garbage, so I’m not sure my positive self-talk is working.

I look out the window of my top floor apartment, wait until someone finally finishes walking down the stairs, and run out my door - I nearly trip about five times going down the spiral of death, my arms feel like jelly thanks to perpetually pushing my garbage deeper in to avoid this trip, and I swing with all my might to hurl my garbage bag into the trash compacting dumpster - only it hits the bottom lip and falls to the ground, splitting open.

“Great!” I say, sarcastically, “First they send my luggage to the wrong location, then they try to say my passport isn’t valid because my apartment was a temporary address, then I’m greeted with a fridge full of rotting food and no power, then I’m bitten up by fleas and now - I just- fuck. Why can’t I just- do anything- right-“ I cut myself off when I hear a screen door slide and blink a couple times to erase the threat of tears that had been creeping up on me while I ranted.

When I look up, I see a tall, dark-skinned guy about my age - handsome. He’s wearing a suit, and expensive jewelry. Combine that with the fact he’s living in the apartment building next to me, which is worth more than my life just for one month of rent, and I put together that he’s probably rich beyond belief. I quickly look away, not wanting to stare. I silently pick up my garbage, piece by piece. As I work, I feel eyes drilling holes in the back of my head. I ignore it. It continues, and I still ignore it as I finally shove my ripped garbage bag in the compactor and slam the door shut. I hear a slight jump up above, and chuckle to myself.

I zoom back up the stairs and almost make it to the top, but I trip 5 stairs away from my door - and fall, hard. Body laid out flat hard. Cheek scraped and stinging from the metal grating on the stairs, hard. Lost the goddamned slide that caught on the stair, and can see it gradually falling, bouncing and rolling down the stairs, hard. I lift my head and see blood on the stair. I feel it running down my face. All I can think is that this really fucking hurts. The tears come, a combination of pain and frustration, and I pick myself up and stumble my way into my apartment, completely forgetting about the attractive rich boy who just watched me be a danger and inconvenience to myself.

I rush to the kitchen and grab a roll of paper towels, and run to the bathroom, I see the markings in the mirror and can tell it will leave a sizeable scar. Do I need stitches? I don’t know. Anyway, I start dabbing at everything and blood is still oozing out of every nook and cranny, to my displeasure. I’m about to start bandaging my face when I hear a knock on my door. “Fucking Christ!” I mutter to myself as I slap a wad of paper towels on my face and sulkily go to fling open my door.

I’m not sure who I’m expecting, but to see the same rich guy on my doorstep, slide in hand, probably wasn’t it. “Hey, um, I saw what happened, and I thought you might want your shoe back.” His accent sounds very British - I was expecting it to sound more like a snooty Frenchman’s.

“Oh. Um. Thanks.” I say flatly.

As my muscles twitch to begin closing the door, he says, “Would you like some help cleaning that up? I have certifications to give medical aid... and stitches. My name’s Blaise, by the way.”

Doctor, maybe? Probably. “Sure,” I say, opening the door wider and standing back so the blood doesn’t drip on his suit. “I’m y/n.”

A few minutes later we’re in my bathroom, me sitting on the toilet, him sitting on the bathtub as he helps me fix my face. “So, Mademoiselle y/n,” He asks, “Do you find yourself in these predicaments very often?”

“Which one? Poverty, flea bitten, or bloody?” I say.

“I suppose whichever you’d like to think I was referring to.”

“Well, in *that* case - I’m usually caught unawares in all kinds of predicaments - though I’d say self-injury due to clumsiness is an uncommon one. And do you usually find yourself in predicaments requiring you to treat someone’s wounds?”

“I used to, though now it’s only on the occasion.”

“Sounds like an improvement,” I note. “I won’t guarantee it, but I think I’ll get the hang of walking up the stairs soon enough, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily mind it if I did worry about you once or twice more. Why were you running? It seemed like you wanted to get away from something. Does your garbage compactor smell that disturbing?”

“It doesn’t smell great,” I admit, “But truth be told, I’m not a fan of human interaction. It’s scary. Especially when everything is new to me.”

“How long have you been In France?”

“A few days, just enough to get myself physically settled.”

“I see. And you are from America?”

“Mhm. Let me guess, my accent gave it away.”

“And the slang, I’ve yet to hear someone from France use certain terms that you seem to favor.”

“Oh, most of my slang is specific to my city, not just my country.”

“Your city?”

“Yea, Tacoma. It’s near Seattle, if you know where that is. Tacoma’s better, though.”

“I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never been there. My mother is a fashion designer, but she only travels where there’s inspiration or a business deal.” So that’s how he gets the expensive clothes. The rest of the money too, probably.

“Must be nice, having a handmade closet.” I muse. “Not that I care for having any more clothes than I brought. They’re pretty reliable, if I do say so myself.”

He laughs. “Yes, well, if the blood stains don’t come out of your jumpsuit you might need a new one. They shouldn’t be too difficult to remove, though.”

“Yea, I’ll just dump a bucket of Oxi-Clean on it and call it a day. That is, if any stores nearby have it.” I frown, realizing I have no clue if France carries any of the products I usually get. This is gonna suck. Hopefully the internet has some answers so I don’t have to ask anyone for help.

“Why don’t I take your jumpsuit back with me? Save you the trip. Believe it or not, I used to have chronic nosebleeds, so I know a thing or two about stain removal.” Blaise offers.

I smile, only just. “Well, if you insist. But I love this jumpsuit practically more than myself, so I expect it back right away!”

He returns the smile. “A fan of fashion? You ought to meet my mother.”

I chuckle. “I’m sure your mom would despise me - I only own seven jumpsuits and some athleisure for going on runs.” I pause, then tack on: “Oh, and some fuzzy pajamas for when I’m sick.”

Blaise cocks a brow at me. “And when you’re not sick?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I grin mischievously.

A wave of recognition graces his eyes, and he very quickly looks away, I assume for being flustered.

“You Americans, always so scandalous.” He tsks in mock scorn.

“That’s what we’re known for, is it not?” I say cheekily, “Beer, boobs and gun barrels. And all the other problems that come with that, but that’s a can of worms I am not looking to open today.”

He ties off his handiwork, and says, “It looks like my job is finished, other than stealing your jumpsuit off your back to fix it. I can wait in the other room, if you’d like?”

“Um, yea, that works. Lemme just, grab my next jumpsuit. Gonna have to do laundry early, I suppose-“

“I can wash your jumpsuit for you. I’m pretty good at reading labels, if I do say so myself.” He jokes.

“Oh?” I say, “Then you must be a real genius! Who taught you, Einstein?”

“No, but it was another white-haired, eccentric man, so you’re not that far off.”

“When all teachers are like that it’s kind of impossible not to hit relatively close to the mark.” I remark, then change clothes as quickly as I can, tossing the dirty outfit into a trusty plastic bag and tying it shut.

When I walk out to the living room, Blaise is toying with one of my sculptures. He’s definitely been meandering and lurking around. “Enjoying yourself?” I ask, at which he jumps. “You’re rather skittish, Blaise.”

“And you’re rather quiet on your feet, y/n.” He observes. “But yes, I quite like your eclectic style. If only you had an apartment that let your customization shine. Something more minimalist.”

“Yes, well, it’s something I’ll forever dream of and likely never accomplish. I don’t suspect I’m going to be someone leaving the income level I was born into.” I say, just a little bit cynical.

“And why is that?” He asks.

“Because most people don’t, and the ones who do are the ones who make money. My career isn’t going to make me money.” I reply.

“So why did you pick it?”

I sigh. “Because somebody has to care about the people like me. The politicians don’t, the middle class don’t, and the rich are hell bent on keeping us there so they can have factory workers and have people going straight to prison after they graduate because we’re all desperate and miserable.”

He frowns. “That’s terrible.”

“It’s reality. And I don’t want to be like the people who get rich and stop caring because all they see is the wage difference and pretend it’s justified so they don’t have to feel complicit in the system.” I look him in the eye, my face grim. “Not all luck is by chance. Most of it is by design.”

He nods. “I understand, in a way.”

“Everyone does.” I say. “But understanding in a way and caring enough to do something about it are two different things.” I look away from him when I see his posture change. “I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s impossible not to notice the wealth gap between us when you’re wearing designer clothes and living in what looks like a mansion and I’m living in a building made in like 1900 with no elevator. It’s just the way things are, though.”

“I know.” He says quietly, thoughtfully. “I’d better get going. Your clothes?” He reaches out tentatively for the bag I’m still holding.

“Oh. Right.” I say, handing it to him. Our fingers brush against each other slightly, and it sends chills down my spine. He heads to the door while I’m rooted to the spot, collecting myself.

“I look forward to seeing you again, y/n.” He nods, meeting my eyes with a rather changed expression.

“I’ll see you soon, then?” I ask, not quite sure which answer I’m expecting.

He smiles, only just. “As soon as I am able.” Seconds later, he’s out the door, and I’m alone in my dingy ass apartment. How in the fuck did any of that just happen?

[conelly]

( luke hemmings, twenty-two, cismale, he/him ) did you see BYRON CONELLY walking down main street earlier?  you know who i’m talking about, they’re a DECKHAND.  everybody in town says that they’re SANGUINE & NONJUDGEMENTAL, but have a tendency to be IMPRESSIONABLE & VOLATILE too.  BYRON has been in town for ONE AND A BIT years. c'mon, they’re always requesting SWEET CAROLINE by NEIL DIAMOND at karaoke nights.  well, i’m sure you’ll see them soon! ( ooc: sunny, 22, she/her, est )

hi thanks for tuning in, SUNNY here to tell you all a lil bit about westmere’s very own new nd improved favorite loser below. sorry for this summary being all over the place, it’s kinda how my brain works heh which is kinda perfect bc byron will for SURE be all over the place too ( u can rly tell at a certain point i was like ok i give up + i’m posting mf ). let me know if u have any questions about ‘em and most importantly, lmk if you would like to plot a lil connect or sumn 😙

@westmerestarters​ 

FAMBAM + BACKGROUND

born 14 years after the elder conelly ( wanted brother connect !!! ) entered this word to two parents who didn’t seem to read the job description, it was clear that byron wasn’t planned. and down the line, he’d soon realize through the tumultuous household he was brought up in - perhaps never even wanted.

byron’s parents had one constant - and that was fighting. over anything, all the time. there just wasn’t any love between the two and they stayed together for whatever meaningless reasons until byron hit middle school. ( there might’ve been a super short lull in toxicity once byron was born, but it had to be short as his first memories are nothing shy of toxic. )  it was a messy separation ( they never paid the full legal fees for a full divorce ) - his father moving to the coast of nj & his mother moving to a smaller apartment nearby her own mother ( which, due to the negative relationship among his mother + grandmother, also called for more tension ). he’d often be dropped off @ his grandmother’s house for baby-sitting or when he was ‘ becoming too much to handle. ’ eventually his grandmother moved into his cousin’s house ( MONROE ) and although grateful he made a practically new brother, similar tendencies of feeling unwanted occurred when byron noticed their grandmother praising and coddling and favoriting monroe just a bit more.

( his mother was a struggling addict ( and had been her whole life ), but the loneliness, newfound pressures and whatever excuse she was able to name caused her drinking to spiral worse than byron remembered ( even at his young age ) before. )

( his father was rarely in his life, but when he was, he was THE coolest. always played good cop in any situation regarding his mother, despite choosing not to have an active role in byron’s life. byron looked up to him like no other. when he WAS around, he taught byron how to surf, skateboard, play sports, they’d play video games, they’d eat junk food - honestly anything that byron wanted to do. his dad was an adrenaline junkie and created the stepping stones for byron to be one too. he was a marine biologist & pretty successful at that. passionate,  intelligent, but seemingly finding his newfound life a lot better than his previous - which is why he never wanted byron to stay too long, the boy reminded him of her, of the past. )

( his older brother moved out of the house when byron was just a lil kid, they’re not very close and don’t have much in common ... or so it seems. he lives in nyc and they only talk here and there on holidays. he was never a huge part of his life, but it does bum him out to think what could’ve been / could be. )

TO GET THE GIST 

due to never receiving the attention he craved from his family members, he made up for it tenfold in school. he was always talking to everyone, loud, boisterous, gregarious, life of the party; he wanted people to like him and they did. he become a total people pleaser, molding himself to make sure everyone was content and stayed around. impressionable, adaptable. he felt less this way towards adults and had a bit of a rebellious phase, hanging with the wrong crowd & getting into things he probably wouldn’t do otherwise. old habits die hard and he still tries his best to make everyone crack a smile, to remember him - since he believes he won’t be remembered for much else.

after he just barely skated by in high school ( his grades were never as good as his cousin’s and never lived up to his father’s expectations ), byron felt a bit lost. a lot of people had plans, were heading off to college - but already under the assumption he couldn’t reach any expectation in that realm ( a lil self fulfilling prophecy am i right pals ), he stayed in town - caring for his mother who hardly had anything together, his uncle who got sick very quickly & passed, spending time with his grandmother, while he himself fell into a rut. most of his days meant he drove out towards his dad’s place ( dad hardly there now, out and about with his new family ), surfing, smoking, and grabbing some cash doing odd jobs any way he could. he lost any purpose he once had ( but yall would never know it bc who wants to be in someone’s life who’s a buzzkill ? all smiles, baby, all smiles. )

IN WESTMERE

when his cousin offered the opportunity to travel cross-country in his van, byron had nothing to lose. always adventurous in spirit, he immediately said yes - deciding to ignore that ‘obligation,’ that feeling to make sure they were a-ok that he felt towards his parents. he needed an out and this was it. 

after landing in the small connecticut town for the night, the two fell for it - especially since when they got there along the water, it was a summer night + everything landed into place. they decided to stay there a bit longer ... and that eventually turned into more than a year. still antsy to keep traveling and to move around, byron has been ready to head out ... but stays for a few reasons - and them all being people ( bc lbh the surf is not even on point here ok )

his current job is a deckhand ( on a bunch of boats, ppl prob hired him as word of mouth got around that he knew what he was doing ). prob got that knowledge from being by his dad’s on the water when younger ( he’s ... obsessed with the water ) ! and also he’s just a quick learner ok ( ps: if your charrie has a boat pls let’s make somethin happen )

TO KNOW [ headcanons + more ]

his fav karaoke song is sweet caroline bc he knows everyone will be able to sing nd party along. he does it for the ppl, ppl.

he never saw too many baby / kid pics of himself which was kind of a bummer bc he really only remembers negative times - somehow they overpowered ( i bet lil byron was cute as fuck too fml )

he’s super into drugs, hallucinogenics, honestly you name it. it started off w/ him being impressionable, then bored, and now he just enjoys it. despite his mother’s addiction running through his blood, he still continues to do his thang.  

longboards around town so watch your toes

uses 🤙🤙 all the time and not ironically 

has an existential crisis on the daily about purpose but keeps that to himself most times 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone pls give me a sugar mama idc how we plot it out they don’t have to hook up they can idk idc i just want someone giving him money or expensive things it can be so much fun ok ,, pool boy ? idk sign me up

pls if your muse has a boat, let him be the deckhand ok it will also be so fun and potentially angsty if he fucks something up

a fling 100% - even multiple ? idc listen he is currently sharing a tiny VAN with his COUSIN he needs a place - like an actual bed - to crash on at night

can he save someone who was potentially drowning pls??? he used to be a lifeguard, it can be a cool/fun thread to write out

omg off of that can he teach someone how to swim 

look if anyone is into marine bio, can they somehow know byron’s father ?? i feel like that could make room for a cool plot

also i have an older brother connect on the w/c’s page lmk lmk

give me a good influence that will somehow have him open up + tell him that it’s weird to be so sunshiny all the time. maybe someone who witnesses him at his worst + stays, ya know ??

a bad influence plot where y/c takes this impressionable young lad and puts him through the ringer tbh ( srrsly he’d do a lot for ppl, so ask him to do something illegal for them it’ll be fun )

party pals, smoking pals, on the water 24/7 pals, 

co-worker, other ppl that work on the water ( fishermen?? more deckhands?? captains??)

gimmie someone he accidentally bumped into while longboarding ( he’s a large human it might’ve done damage ok )

i want and need enemies ok i know he’s chill as fuck and wants everyone to like him but there’s always a way to find enemies >:o. anything angsty for REAL.

unrequited thing? where he led someone on?? i’m sure he does this constantly

don’t ruin the friendship thing omg plsssss always so fun

look i’m open for it ALL. every plot u have in mind so lay it on me

[absolutiions]

´   ･   .   ✶   ⧼    madchen   amick,   non   binary,   she   &   they   /   fucked   my   way   to   the   top   by   lana   del   rey   +   eyes   the   color   crimson   and   hands   stained   in   crimson,   too.   victim   of   the   underworld,   you   are   not.   you   came,   not   to   sit   silent   at   his   side   as   dutiful   wives   do,   but   to   whisper   in   his   ear.   pouted   lips   smeared   ruby   stoke   the   flames   of   his   darkest   impulses   and   his   deepest   desires.   you   are   the   conqueror.   you   are   the   queen.   and   may   god   have   mercy   upon   anyone   who   underestimates   this   :   because   you   will   not.    ⧽   ━━   don’t   look   now,   but   that’s   ATHENODORA.   the   TWO   THOUSAND,   FIVE   HUNDRED   &   TWENTY   TWO  (   varying   physical   )   year   old   GIFTED   VAMPIRE   has   been   here   in   seattle   for   three   minutes,   and   is   considered   a   member   of   the   VOLTURI.   they’ve   always   been   MACHIAVELLIAN   &   INDOMITABLE,   but   i   guess   this   town   just   brings   out   the   worst   in people   ;   apparently,   they’ve   been   way   more  INSOUCIANT   &   SUPERCILIOUS   than   usual.   it   wouldn’t   surprise   me   if   they   knew   what   was   going   on.   click   HERE   to   check   out   her   stats.

they   told   you   that   you   were   a   nobody,      so   you   became   the   QUEEN.   (   now   everybody   knows   your   name   )

SECTION ONE OF THREE : background / human era. trigger warnings for talk of pregnancy, death, abuse

born circa 502 bc, in a little village that has no lasting name nor impact in ancient greece. 

five of the children born to her parents survived to adulthood, and since she was the last one... it is almost like, her whole life, she has been suffering from younger child syndrome. who knew !

she very literally grew up in a diff time, so when i say she wasn’t rly close to any of her siblings, i don’t mean it in a like... horrible way. it’s not a reflection of character. they just didn’t have a tight sibling bond, though she loved them greatly. 

same w her parents. they were unexceptional people who lived unexceptional lives, and though she was grateful for, u know... their creation of her - they were not close. they did not, in laymans terms, have the lorelai and rory gilmore dynamic. 

her whole family were content to live their dismal lives, and... tho athenodora did not vibe, she, again - grew up in a diff time. of course she dreamt of more. of course she prayed to the gods for something better. but she was achingly aware of the fact that no such future would ever exist for her. such is life in 400 whatever bc, bumfuck, greece.

she was just barely eighteen when she was married to athanasios, to secure land, or smth, because those were the times. of course it was something like that. 

he was... fine, at first. a little small minded ( that wasn’t the ONLY thing that was small, haha ). he, like everyone, was content to live the same old life, and athenodora just... wasn’t. she had been raised on stories of grandeur, and her parents had thought she would settle for the regular - it should not have been a surprise that she didn’t want to, but gods, did she try.

she never loved him, she can safely say ; but she wished that she did. for a long while, athenodora thought it would be easier, and thought that she could do a lot worse. unfortunately... she cld not.

their lives were meant to follow a certain pattern. they had gotten married, and now he would work all day, make them money, tend their land. she would stay home. cook. clean. raise the children that they were sure to have. athenodora was capable of almost everything expected of her, except for the most important part - she couldn’t seem to give him children. not strong sons. not beautiful daughters. 

at first, he told her that it was fine. 

after a year or so, he still told her that it was fine, but she could see in his eyes that it wasn’t.

two years after this, he called her the ancient greek version of defective for the very first time - and things only got worse from there.

he had always been a perfectly fine husband, until he was not, and athenodora had always wanted to love him, until she did not. she prayed to the gods every morning and night, to give her what her husband so desired. to give her that which would make her life better, even if she knew it would not heal the wounds already caused.

sometimes the gods r not dicks. a miracle! she becomes pregnant, aged twenty four ( i kno it sounded like she was a crone but again please remember the times ). she always thought it was just what was best n only athanasios would care, but , wow... suddenly. she cares. she has never felt this level of love with anything, until now.

but, tragedy :// straight white men ( idk, i just feel like her husband was the root of all evil ) are not so easily satisfied. who wld have guessed he wld continue to be an abusive asshole even after his wife succeeded in getting pregnant? i bet i shocked u all. who wld have guessed that a huge part of his problem wld end up being that suddenly, athenodora clearly cares abt something - and it isn’t him. again. got you all!

over the course of her pregnancy, he becomes, for the first time, a real threat to her - or maybe, athenodora simply never took him seriously until there is another person to think of. either way, she TRULY fears him and what he’s capable of by the time she gives birth, and after he makes some passing remark abt their baby, she yeets the FUCK out of there in the middle of the night, eirene ( baby ) only a handful of days old. she takes what she can carry and nothing more, and she... makes it pretty far, thanks to the kindness of strangers. you love to see it.

she settles somewhere ( she considers to be ) far away, and she makes up a good story : her husband died in a war ( there were probably a lot of time, i dont know ) and she was widowed, left to care for their young daughter alone. i know. its really original. they didnt have tv shows back then to rip stories from though.

stays in a hovel on the edge of their village. think the shittiest home you’ve ever seen and then make it shittier. there are rumors about her being a witch, and she kind of appreciates them, because it keeps kids out of her yard. and shock of all shock : in spite of being... u know. a woman. and not very skilled. she finds a very hot ticket job - working for the very wealthy volturi family who live on the other ( opposite ) outside of town, but like, in a considerably better home, obviously. 

honestly, i don’t kno what the ancient greek equivalent of that secretary in new moon is, but that’s the vibe we’re going for, here. she’s like, a chambermaid or smth. and she makes a tidy little sum. doesn’t question her weirdo bosses that much. doesn’t know what anemia is because im p sure it wasnt discovered by then, but presumes they have it.

and maybe, just maybe, it’s the finesse of the century : or maybe, just maybe, it is destiny. in no time at all, she has caught the eye of the volturi’s most eligible bachelor(tm) : caius volturi. many another worker is made upset by this fact, as athenodora is very quickly alotted VERY special treatment as the apple of his eye, which includes, i don’t know... hand delivered baskets of pomegranates, a nicer home and in due time, the simple pleasures of the flesh.

so that’s pretty neat. and life’s pretty fine. she feels like an ancient greek sugar baby, and honestly, isn’t that all she’s ever deserved? she’s got some nice digs ( i don’t think she’d have called them that ) and a man who worships the ground she walks on and who spoils her with pretty things, and most importantly : she is taking care of her daughter, who i absolutely didn’t forget about. eirene is the literal light of athenodora’s life, and everybody knows it. if i say jean valjean and cosette vibes, can we all pretend we get it?

and then it goes to shit. as things do.

her daughter is fourteen years old, when her father finds them ; and she doesn’t know, she never knows, if he was seeking them out or whether it was all DUMB luck. regardless of it all, he is stood inside her home, his breath coming in angry half pants, and athenodora is convinced that this is it. that her end has come. that her freedom is over. she dies, she thinks, or she returns back to the house that was not her home with him. these are her options. 

she tells her daughter to leave. she stops him from following. when she is shoved and her head hits the table, she is aware of the option he has chosen for them more than all else - but the gods, or perhaps, just one - intervenes.

until this night, athenodora had never known the truth of the volturi. but when her beloved saves her from athanasios, she sees him for what he is. she UNDERSTANDS. and she isn’t frightened. she should be, for sure, she should be running as fast as she can - but all she can think in that moment is that she is free now in all the ways she has never been... and caius, her love, is something so much larger than this life. 

for the first time, the godhood that athenodora has always dreamt of is within her grasp. she makes him promise that once eirene comes of age, he will make her into the same creature that he IS. she makes him swear a solemn oath, and he who has been so infatuated by her for so long cannot argue.

four years. this is all it takes, and then eirene is eighteen - capable of standing upon her own two feet. athenodora leaves her everything - all the gifts she has ever been given, all the wealth accumulated, the home. everything she will not need, once she is gone. and she says a final goodbye.

caius turns her himself. the greatest gift he could ever give her.

and reborn, athenodora is MORE than everyone in her life could ever dream of being. she is the queen of the underworld, the goddess of death. she is all of this, and more. at his side, she finds GREATNESS. and once she had it, athenodora decided she would never again be without. 

SECTION TWO OF THREE : volturi era.

became cool. became powerful. very emma frost of her, rly 

didnt rly care for the rest of the coven outside of caius but sometimes u gotta hang w scrubs 

didyme dies sometime after her turning, and that kind of fucks everybody up

not so much her bc like i said she didnt rly care but... caius b frightened of losing her, i guess

kind of throws a spanner in the works 

she spends a lot of time ‘locked away’. not , like, literally ( bc that’s gross! ) but... caius takes over protective to the extreme

uses this time to harness her power and fuck

not always in that order

also spends a lot of time telling him he deserves to b leader

deserves to b the new aro

who needs powers?

not u, caius

go kick their ass baby i got ur flower-

( he doesn’t go kick their ass but man she wishes he wld )

she’s genuinely devoted to him, however, as much as it sometimes seems as if she’s using him as a means to an end

she DOES do that with a LOT of people, but caius... that’s her baby! her darling! her sweetie pie! fuck everybody else in this house caius, she respects YOU ! 

she jus wants to see him be the best there ever was, and he’s.... p... happy to giv her everything she wants, so their dynamic is actually p equal 

we love to see it

anyway lots of years happened and now she’s here

seattle sucks -athenodora’s official review

but she’s fucking SICK of aro’s shit and thinks her 2020 birthday wld be the best time for an official change of pace

obviously aro can read minds so he knows athenodora has high aspirations but he has learned his fucking lesson w killing ppls mates, i guess

lucky for her!

that’s all i got

hehe

SECTION THREE OF THREE : power.

athenodora is an ungifted vampire in twilight canon, but to that i say : fuck ya chicken strips. in equinox, she be special. her power is life force manipulation, in a pretty unique ( and dare i say ) way.

she was a forty two year old woman, when she was turned. she had lived a life, and she had the MARKS to show for it. but the very first time that she drank human blood from the vein, athenodora realized that she was not as unexceptional as she had always been lead to believe she was. vampires do not change. they’re frozen in time, like statues, portraits, photographs... and yet, before caius’ very eyes - athenodora did what no other vampire could. mere seconds passed, and suddenly ; she was stood before her beloved, decades younger. it lasted as long as her thirst was sated, with her age returning to her as her eyes darkened once more. and it happened all over again, when next she fed. 

over time, she’s come to understand it well enough. she has a particular love of younger humans ; those in their twenties, and thus, physical primes. she thinks that is, in part, down to her gift ; she seeks these out to drink from because when she feeds, she’s not simply drinking their blood, but also, their life force. she’s taking theirs to add to her own.

like many gifted vampires, she has spent time learning what she can of her gift, and learning whether there is some other way to apply it. it took almost two thousand years, but eventually - athenodora discovered that with a touch, her fingertips to their skin ( and a great deal of focus ), she could render another changed, also. it lasts for only a short amount of time - an hour, maybe a little longer, depending on how strong she is. but it works. and it makes her think that, in all her unlimited time : she might just be able to do even more. be a danger. manipulate life force in a way that can DESTROY. she’ll keep on working on that for as long as she lives. 

[flvshlights]

courtney eaton. 24. genderfluid. they & them. the front bottoms. | i can’t believe i just saw LUCINDA “LUKE” ARCHULETTA walking out of cadence records. they’re the GUITAR & LEAD VOCAL from the INDIE ROCK group WE TRIED USING A BAND NAME GENERATOR who have been in the industry for SIX YEARS. the tabloids love to focus on their ALOOF nature , but they’re also pretty HONEST and they seem to give off a vibe that reminds people of TYING FLANNELS AROUND YOUR WAIST, NEVER BEING WARM ENOUGH, PLAYING AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR IN A SHARP TUXEDO, CLAIMING YOU DON’T SMOKE MARIJUANA WHEN YOU DO, THE COMFORT AT THE BOTTOM OF A SWIMMING POOL. 

                                     she started talking backwards , but nothing                                      good it brings her. so the next time that she                                      sees him, it’ll be peace sign + middle finger.                                      to listen as you read.

listen i always say i’ll stick with one muse and that never happens so i’ll just skip the part here where i berate myself for being weAK and instead introduce u to lukey-pookie here !! they’re a very new muse ( while also combining some essences of other muses of mine ) since normally i pick from a premade roster of my own ocs and normally use courtney for a... very different character but 1.) i’m gay and 2.) i love the front bottoms so HERE WE GO !

tws : depression, divorce, arrest, drug usage / overdose

HISTORY

So Luke was born to a regular working class family in Wilmington, Delaware - they have some relation with the famous DuPont family that built their name there, but don’t have anything to show for it since a few generations ago Luke’s great grandmother cut off the rest of her family and now they don’t speak. So Archuletta it is.

Their mom worked a typical 9-5 job and their dad was an aspiring painter - but he was always... sick. Not sick in the physical sense, no - sick in the fact he never was himself. Sick in way that Luke always thought he was so tired and sad and nothing could ever cheer him up, and they rarely spent much time with him due to his tendencies to keep to himself. So that led to an early divorce between him and Luke’s mother when they were about six years old.

So Luke’s life was relatively normal. Maybe even too normal for them. And they’d try and put themselves out there - even joining musical theatre in attempts to try and find “their group.” Musical theatre was where they’d meet Krista.

A beautiful girl who had a passion for Broadway, booze, and marijuana - she’d become Luke’s greatest friend, and even taking Luke to meet their friends she hung out with regularly after class. But they weren’t the kids you’d want to bring home to hang out with in your parents’ house. No, in fact - they were the opposite.

Bad things, those friends did - well - bad ( or rather, illegal ) things, and Luke followed along. Such as smoking pot and getting caught for it, spraypainting and defiling public areas, maybe getting into a fight or two. In an effort to fit in, Luke would do the same - but they faced the consequences they’d never thought - considering those kids seemed invincible. Untouchable. 

Setting off fireworks from the roof of an abandoned building it a bad idea. Getting arrested the cops is an even worse idea. Your friends running off before they can get caught, leaving you alone to wait for your mom to pick you up... The worst idea.

Nobody came to check on them after that.

Not even Krista.

But the next day, Luke hung out with them like nothing was wrong, following that crowd still - and it’d only reach a breaking point when they were sixteen and had to call the ambulance since Luke found Krista in the bathroom of a party unconscious due to overdose. And thank god she survived - 

And there they were again, without many friends since Krista was seemingly the only person who even came close to genuinely liking them and everyone else, they barely knew anything about. And Luke would grow, finishing high school and clinging to the only other friend they had since childhood - being convinced to write out their issues since by NOW, Luke maybe turned out a bit more cynical than they used to be.

Writings of prose and poetry turned to translating that to music - and that would be the beginning of their new life: We Tried Using A Band Name Generator.

ABOUT ‘WE TRIED’: 

‘We Tried Using A Band Name Generator’ - or more conveniently just referred to as ‘We Tried’ is probably Luke’s pride and joy. It was their friend’s idea for them to originally write out how they felt - and they mutually came up with the decision to try and write songs out of that.

A small band from Wilmington didn’t seem like it was going to get notice, and it took a little while, sure - it started with an EP titled Slow Dance to Soft Rock ( 2013 ) that made Cadence turn their way. Since the indie community definitely liked the acoustic sounds paired with raw, blunt, honest emotions pushed out in songs like The Beers and Swimming Pool. And that was when they got signed.

The first album they’d release would be six months later - self-tilted, We Tried Using A Band Name Generator. They didn’t have too much of a following at the time, but they were making good momentum enough to convince them to keep going.

Things were going so well, in fact, that during touring, Luke & their best friend / drummer actually attempted dating since - there had to be a reason they worked so well together. There had to be SOME feelings. But a million arguments later and stressful tours, overall mentally testing experiences, pushing out an EP called Rose which was as amazing as it was tacing to complete... they couldn’t do it. It was thought that when their best friend left the group in early 2016, it was thought that everyone’s new favorite indie rock group was done for.

And... Luke couldn’t let that happen. It was selfish, too, in the sense that We Tried was their biggest method of release and comfort. So instead of just giving up, they got off from tour and IMMEDIATELY hit the studio for recording and song-writing.

The product of a few months of straight work would result in their 2016 album , Talon of the Hawk - all songs pulling experiences from the split between them and their drummer to their experiences with Krista in high school. 

Au Revoir/Adios was 100% written the day after their ex-drummer left. 

Another year of touring and thankfully, four more members joined the group - producing the EP Needy When I’m Needy as a sneak peak of what was new to come. A few months later , a surprise album called Back on Top would come out. 

The next three years would work well - with the band releasing another EP titled Ann and the inklings sprinkled of the next album - Going Grey.  

SO IN CASE THAT WAS TOO COMPLEX BC I RAMBLE... again, general timeline:

February 2013: Release of Slow Dance to Soft Rock

March 2013: We Tried is signed to Cadence

August 2014: Release of Self-Titled.

September 2014: Both members of We Tried start dating.

July 2015: Release of Rose.

December 2015: Nearing the end of touring, We Tried’s drummer quits and the pair breaks up. Touring officially ends later that month.

January 2016: Luke Archuletta announces they’ll be taking time to focus on a brand new album.

August 2016: Release of the rushed but extremely well-received Talon of the Hawk.

July 2017: We Tried introduces four new members.

October 2017: Release of Needy When I’m Needy.

March 2018: Release of the surprise album Back on Top.

January 2019: Release of the EP Ann, paired with the announcement production of the next album will begin soon.

March: Two songs - Peace Sign & You Used to Say (Holy Fuck) are released to tease Going Grey.

July 2018: Release of Going Grey. 

SO YOU CAN SORT OF TELL THE TIMELINE IS SPEEDY - because that’s a big part of how Luke sort of... overworks themselves and hyperfocuses on their music. Especially since ever since their first drummer left, they haven’t let go of the idea they can only rely on themselves. 

BUT MORE ABOUT THE BAND - We Tried’s aesthetic is sort of The Front Bottoms mixed with the Young Veins - Luke’s especially fond of showing up in suits, vests, etc. despite the normally blunt & uncouth content of the songs. 

There is literally always something being made. Luke can’t sleep without having something in the works. 

And... yeah that’s it honestly it’s rly just TFB but with a TWIST! 

ABOUT LUKE 

5′10, genderfluid bisexual bby who honestly just wants a nap

SOOOO yes, Luke’s a very chill individual but chill in the sense that... they just. Don’t care. Except when it comes to their work - then they work the hardest they can on that shit and have to pay attention to every little detail.

They’re still not actually sure if they have any talent - musical theater never seemed to work out, so why is a band doing that??

But they do have one thing down pat - directing. All of We Tried’s videos have so far been directed by Luke, save for a few. 

This comes from Luke’s longtime adoration of film and cinema, from the perspective of an observer and a director.

They DO have a tendency to be a little... clingy and aloof at the same time. They’re always worried about being in the position of trying to keep a band of only one person alive again but also they don’t really notice they can other people to do things for them now.

They’re independent to a fault, in that case.

And also now finally getting a hang of not falling into peer pressure since it’s just made them cynical and aloof from people now.

They’re v grateful for their bandmates tho!! Don’t get me wrong, they love them!

Luke’s more of someone who communicates their appreciation through gestures and actions than words - setting a blanket on you while you sleep, getting new drumsticks if you broke yours, making coffee in the morning when you’ve forgotten. That kind of stuff.

They don’t get a lot of sleep for the sole reason they sort of have tendencies to keep themselves awake just... thinking. Luke thinks a lot. Luke’s actually wack-levels of intelligent, and it does show in their music save for when they’re making odd comments and obscure references.

Luke talks about tattoos a lot, but they’re actually barren since they’re afraid of needles. 

They also don’t drink, but they do smoke marijuana. But they’ll never admit to it - ...like TFB even though they have a MILLION songs that mention recreational use of the drug.

They sort of don’t really know where their purpose is, still - and that does lead them into a depression of their own, much like their father. They don’t talk to him and their mother that much nowadays - considering, the dream was always that Luke be a lawyer or a doctor and not the crass musician that they are.

They’re lowkey a fucking comedian but in the dry, deadpan humor sense. Most of their interviews consist of them making some joke that either takes a little while for the interviewer to get or one that makes the room silent for a quick minute. Or, even worse, they’re taken seriously.

Despite this aloofness, though, they actually thrive on being around other people. They’re sort of relearning how to accept that, though, since again, they’ve been shelling themselves up in their own work for quite some time. 

Also lowkey a bit of a flirt bt u didn’t hear that from me

Rides a motorcycle partially to look cool and also... bc they have the song ‘Motorcycle’ which was about them. Trying to learn how to ride a motorcycle so it just kind of stuck.

They’ve got another talent in dancing, since they took ballet classes throughout middle school to high school - but had to quit after they got arrested. Shame.

Their one dream was to be Ariel in the Broadway production of The Little Mermaid when they were younger since... they also love the sea and Disney Princesses so much secretly, but they’ve sort of given up on that.

Their love for the sea’s also because of where they’re from - Delaware beaches are beautiful and were Luke’s happy place back then. 

Most of their loves and interests are sprinkled in their songs, in that case - Delaware scenery, references of Disney films, etc.

They’re a very... complex individual. But god I lOVE them.

WCs

THE DRUMMER. PLS GIVE ME THE DRUMMER. I HAV IT ON THE MAIN... PLS GIVE ME THE OG DRUMMER THAT LEFT AND NOW HAS A SOLO CAREER OR IS IN ANOTHER BAND ELSEWHERE. PLS.

also the current bandmates. that would b. cool.

if ppl from luke’s old squad can show up now w/ their own careers... that would b. cool.

kids who they went to high school with that r surprised where they are now.

enemies in the music scene who don’t like luke or we tried for a multitude of reasons

maybe they think luke’s secretly a conceited dick underneath the ‘distant mysterious songwriter’ schtick

mayBBEEEE they think the nature of we tried’s songs are some sort of keep gimmick to try and cash in on being ‘casual’ and ‘relatable’

maybe they just don’t like the damn band i mean. yeah.

any reason. pls.

hook-ups bc i’ll b honest they are... a bit of a flirt. let luke serenade u w/ shit like “historic cemetery” cowards,

a rebound sort of?? probably very short-lived, but i can see luke wanting to get their mind off from their ex/drummer leaving and falling fast into another relationship - and that wouldn’t work out bc of it.

i’d also lov a plot where maybe sb discovers luke’s talent for dancing bc they do it for recreational purposes semi-often now?? 

maybe they can attend a class together or smth

or they just do it for fun at luke’s place

idk this cld go anywhere n it’s honestly adorable

ppl that they befriend who they can just. take back to delaware one day.

or even ppl they just hang out with to relive the ‘good ol days’

trips to the beach

buying store bought fireworks n setting them off

going on camping trips n shit

i’d lov a plot where there’s one person who just thinks luke is like... a MYSTERY and they just get closer and closer in attempts to try and figure that mystery out

also 100% open to brainstorming! i’ll actually get 2 interacting tmr bc it’s 2:30 AM nearly here n i want to sleep so yeah! chances are tho if u like this i’ll message u for plotting!! again if u want my discord - hmu @ rocky lynch lovebot / hylia.#0329. :^)

i love the front bottoms so much

[rkbyunbaek]

( HAPPY TWO YEARS ♡ ) ;

oh my god it’s already time for this tbh i’ve been excited for today for weeks bc i still can’t believe it but, yeah, it’s actually RKBYUNBAEK’S 2ND ANNIVERSARY here in rookies!!!!!!!! srlsy i’ve had him for two whole years like.. honestly, i know ppl have been here since the start but, like, this is such a long time and i can’t believe that we made it that far. during his first year i had so many struggles with him, too many times where i wanted to drop him and after he got into royal i never had any troubles with him again-- it’s amazing, he’s amazing.

having rkbyunbaek as a muse is giving me so much fun and joy and i love him dearly and what he’s become.

and tbh i have to admit that he isn’t even one of my favorite ( baekhyun ) muses ( if i were to rank them all ) but he still has this special place in my heart no other muse has as he’s the longest muse i’ve ever had and bc he’s had so much character development throughout his time here. he’s been through a lot, he’s going through a lot and it will take him a while to get through it and it all happened without me planning a single thing, it just happened and i love this. it makes it special to me somehow how rookies alone gave him the chance to grow, to fall, to get up again. this roleplay shaped him into this amazing muse and i’m so glad about it. he has his place here, his place is here. but mine too -- rookies is important to me and it’s funny bc at first i didn’t want to join before roma finally got me to give in but i don’t regret a single second.

baekhyun made some amazing friends here, he’s met great peple and formed fascinating relationships. i love the person he’s been and the one he’s now, i love how he constantly grows and evolves and i’m grateful bc it’s all thanks to you people here and your muses. i’m being real sappy here but i’m glad i joined, i’m glad i’m still here and that even after two years it’s still as fun as it was at the beginning. no, it’s even more fun than back when i first joined. i’m grateful that i got to make some amazing friends as well through this roleplay who make my life a lot richer, whom i love very much and i’m excited to meet even more great people.

i’m excited about the relationships rkbyunbaek will make in the future and how he’ll continue to grow, what his direction is going to be. i’m excited for his development and his character development. i’m excited for so many things and i hope i’ll keep this muse for many more years. i plan to do so, at least. and this is getting rly long, i’m rly sappy and tired from work so it makes me so emotional but to cut it short, i love you guys, i love your muses. i love it here. and, most importantly tbh, i love rkbyunbaek with all my heart. goodbye and thank you for another awesome year here!!!! ♥♥♥

[kuan1in]

Kang Daniel // Highschool!AU

kang daniel: the school’s treasured, handsome football quarterback

literally has a group of girls that sit at the front row of the bleachers for every one of his games… it’s wild

he’s quite popular among students, teachers, janitors, etc…

honestly people who don’t know him very well get the impression that he’s just a jock that get what he wants because he’s the star player but those people are immediately proven wrong by everyone else

everyone and their mother agrees that daniel is one of the most genuine and kindhearted people in the school

honestly he’s just a silly guy who spaces out a lot and talks to himself in class abt what he’s going to get for lunch

he’s always finding something to laugh about, whether it be seongwoo’s usual antics or jisung’s never ending list of things to complain about

all in all, he’s a pretty simple guy with simple tastes… but there’s one thing that only his closest friends know about

daniel loves cats. (i bet you saw that coming.)

most of the guys on the football team know he owns two cats but it’s only his friends that know the sheer amount of LOVE he has for them

daniel’s not exactly afraid to tell anyone about it, it’s just that no one asks so he doesn’t really bother (even if he really wants to tell the story of how he had to climb up a tree last week because peter got too excited while chasing birds)

obviously you know who daniel is… he’s the topic of every conversation at school after a game the night before

you never really interacted with him because, to put it simply, you had no reason to

none of your schedules aligned and you never saw him in the halls so honestly? it seemed like he was just a myth to you. an entity that existed only by word of mouth

you weren’t exactly someone who was into sports… although you had to admit football games sounded fun, you would just rather spend time in the warmth of your own home, not on some cold metal bleachers in the chilly season of fall

that, and you were the president of a club that didn’t seem to be very popular with the student body… animal welfare club

no matter how many posters you made, how many announcements you submitted to be said on the intercom, how many classmates you’ve tried to recruit, nothing changed the dwindling members of your club

really, they weren’t even active members… they were just kids trying to join a club to place on their college applications and pretend they actually did something while in high school

however you’ve refused to give up… you just wanted people to be as passionate as you were when it came to the protection of animals

moving the storyline along, there’s this one day when football practice is cancelled because the sprinkler system messed up and turned on during lunch. as a result, the grass didn’t have enough time to dry and was too dangerous to play on

daniel doesn’t really know what to do seeing as seongwoo is his ride home, but he was currently occupied with cross country practice

he’s wandering the halls, wondering what he was going to do until seongwoo was done when he happens to stop in front of a poster for animal welfare club

daniel never really pays attention to the flyers and stuff due to constantly being surrounded by people, but now that he’s alone, the cute little clip art of a cat caught his eye

he skims over the flyer and realizes that a meeting was actually going on at that point in time, and with time to kill, he heads over to the classroom

meanwhile, you’re setting up a powerpoint with the other members apathetically skimming through their phones, just wanting to get things over with

you’re having some trouble so you look up to ask someone to help you with the tech, but your eyes widen when you see a really tall,,,,,,,,, really cute guy,,,,, poke his head into the classroom

he looks over the class quickly and makes eye contact with you and to be quite honest, you were positive your soul left your body

he then SPEAKS and you almost fall just from hearing how deep this guy’s voice is

“is this… the animal welfare club? i hope i’m not too late…”

everyone’s attention immediately goes to the door and they’re staring in disbelief n talking under their breath like……. oh my god is that kang daniel in the FLESH

and when you realize who it is, you almost had a heart attack bc he’s????? real????? kang daniel is handsome and real?? and he’s at your club meeting????

daniel takes everyone’s silence as a yes and makes his way into the room, where he literally sits at the front, center desk. right in front of you

you get super flustered because oh my god why is he so close why did he choose that seat of all seats this is practically an empty classroom and he chose THIS ONE

and in the midst of you freaking out in your head, one of the members in the back of the class lets out an irritable grunt

“can you hurry up? we all have places to be.”

this happens a lot and you’ve just learned to keep your mouth shut and let them complain but this time…. someone speaks up for you

daniel turns around in his seat and says “they’re trying their best. you shouldn’t rush them when they’re practically running this club on their own.”

and his tone isn’t menacing at all but it still manages to strike fear into that one kid and shut them up immediately

and when you finally get the powerpoint to work, you look up to see daniel smiling and giving you his full attention while everyone else is just on their phones

you basically give the weekly presentation to daniel (who actually asks you questions and nods along) and the second you end the meeting, everyone but him is out the door.

even when you’ve finished shutting down the projector and putting back all the tech, you see daniel still sitting in the same seat just scrolling on his phone

you’re unsure of what to do seeing as you just lock the door and leave most of the time, but you were still grateful that he spoke up for you earlier…

so you muster all of your courage to gently tap him on the shoulder and when he looks at you, you almost want to turn around and RUN bc…….. he’s so handsome up close hnsjsksbdj

“i just wanted to say thank you for earlier… you didn’t have to say anything, really, but i still want to express my gratitude”

and then he gives you this grin that almost makes your heart jump out of your cheST and says “it’s no problem! i’m glad i decided to come here… i think i’m going to come back more often”

and you rlly cant believe that star quarterback kang daniel.. wants to join your club

there’s like.. this awkward silence bc you’re still in disbelief about the turn of events when he suddenly asks “oh, am i keeping you behind? i was waiting for my friend to get out of practice but if you need to leave i understand –”

and you honestly aren’t rly in a rush to leave.. so you’re like “oh it’s fine!! i can stay here and do some homework while you wait”

and daniel is at first insistent that he’s keeping you back and he keeps making attempts to leave but you’d feel bad to just shoo him out so you essentially force him to stay by just plopping yourself in a desk and taking out all your work

daniel stares at you for a second before bursting into laughter simply bc of how stubborn you are abt having him stay… and you can’t help but laugh either bc of how ridiculous the situation is

in the end daniel takes a seat beside you and the next thing you know, all your work is forgotten and you’re talking abt whatever happens to come to mind..

at some point you ask him if he has any pets and you see his whole face light up like an excited child while he tells you about his cats peter and rooney and it’s so cute you that you need a moment –

and you guys end up talking for so long that daniel gets a call from seongwoo asking where he is… and that he’s been waiting in the parking lot for half an hour

daniel sheepishly apologizes to seongwoo and tells you that he needs to go… you think he’d just say bye and leave but this boy actually helps you pack up your stuff and lock up the class and you’d be LYING if you said your heart wasn’t beating so fast…

you end up walking to the school parking lot with him and he asks for your number and you’re like ??????¿??????¿¿?

with fumbling hands you manage to put your number in his phone and once he leaves you’re still staring at the text he sent you to make sure it was the right number like… you can’t believe you met the faceless entity kang daniel, got him to join your club, AND got his number all in one day???

that night you’re just lying in bed with the message from daniel still open… and part of you wants to ask him how he’s doing or if he ate yet… and you don’t know why you keep on thinking about him but realistically, you eventually conclude that that he only did it to be nice… there was no point in texting him or whatever. so you just close the message and go to sleep

a week goes by and daniel never messages you.. you knew it was bound to happen bc he’s a busy guy but wow.. reality hurt.

you think he’s just joking when he says he’s going to come back to your club meetings… like you weren’t dense, you knew football practice always occurred during the club meetings

but alas… it’s the next week’s club meeting and you’re setting up the powerpoint when a familiar figure sits himself down in the front center seat. it’s daniel.

at this point you don’t know what to do, so you just ignore him and start the meeting, only acknowledging him to answer whatever questions he had to ask

as usual, everyone is out the door the second you end the meeting but daniel sticks around again… you’re purposely putting things away really slowly in hopes of him leaving but alas… when you’re done he’s still in the same seat, on his phone

he notices you’re done and looks at you with a smile n is like “hey, you never texted me?”

and you just ???????? he was???? expecting a text from you???

and he continues like “i seriously thought i had the wrong number or something… but you’re probably busy so i understand if that’s why!”

and you’re like “HJFKSHJ NO No it’s not that… i just thought that maybe you were busy and i didn’t want to bother you”

daniel lets out this cute chuckle and he’s like “i’m never too busy to have a conversation!!”

and you let out this breath that you didn’t notice you were holding and then you realize… “don’t you have football practice?”

daniel shrugs n is like “yeah but i told coach i had a club meeting n he let me go… i have to be back for the rest of practice tho”

and you’re like “!!!! what are you doing still here then?? go to practice!!!”

he gives you this small frown and is like “but i don’t want to leave you to lock up alone…”

and you nearly dIE BECAUSE????? HFSJHJFSHJHJFKW????????? WHY IS HE SO THOUGHTFUL AND CUTE????????

and it’s because of that interaction that you find yourself laying in bed once again.. staring at his contact name…… and finally mustering the courage to send him a quick message asking if he’s eaten yet

and to your surprise, he replies almost IMMEDIATELY and the next thing you know it’s 3 am and neither of you want to go to sleep

eventually it’s daniel who falls asleep on you but it doesn’t change the fact that you have butterflies in your stomach and you’ve acknowledged that hey… you might actually really like daniel

even if you never see each other during school hours, he’s literally always texting you (even during class, which results in you telling him to focus LMAO). and of course you still see each other at club meetings and he always takes the time to help you lock up.. even if you don’t know that his coach actually yells at him for coming in late

and one day you get a text from daniel telling you that he won’t be able to make it to the club meeting bc of a really important practice for the last game of the season

and you reply like “oh no i understand! good luck at the game!!”

and daniel is like “actually… i was wondering if you wanted to come? i can get you a ticket for free and everything”

and the game is on a friday night and you have nothing better to do… so why not? you accept his offer and he says he’ll give you the ticket the day of

it’s friday and you’re sitting with your friends at lunch when you feel someone tap you on your shoulder and it’s daniel with seongwoo and jisung

he hands you the ticket with a smile on his face and he’s like “i’ll see you there?”

and you return his smile and nod.. you then turn around to continue your lunch but like your friends are literally staring at you like omg…………………. kang daniel rlly just gave u a ticket to the game?? HE WANTS TO SEE U THERE?? OMG DOES HE LIKE YOU?????

and you feel yourself blushing at the possibility but you profusely shake your head like “as if he’d like me…”

your friends are like sure lmao okay whatever and they drop the topic but you can’t stop thinking about it like? does daniel really like you?

and the game rolls around and you’re on the bleachers still stressing over the idea that daniel could like you.. but also he can’t bc he’s daniel.

like he’s nice to you? but he’s also nice to everyone… and he probably has multiple people he’s texting like?? you’re only thinking realistically… and realistically it’s not going to happen

you look over at the crowd of girls cheering for him and you feel your heart drop a little bc at the end of the day… you’re probably just like one of them to him.

you decide to just forget about whatever feelings you have about him and focus on the game.. and turns out football games are just as fun as you thought. you find yourself shouting school chants with everyone around you and cheering for the various players like.. wow? why haven’t you gone to a football game before

and when the game is over and your school wins, everyone’s celebrating and cheering and your jumping out of your seat in excitement and before u realize it.. you’re cheering for daniel

and he’s celebrating with his friends on the field but somehow? he looks up at the bleachers to see you and he possibly the BIGGEST smile on face.. he runs up to the wire fence that separates the bleachers and the field and he’s calling you down

at first you don’t realize it’s you but you notice he’s ignoring all the girls sitting at the front row showering him with compliments.. his eyes are only on you and he’s repeatedly shouting your name and telling you to come down

in the moment of excitement, you completely forget about what you were thinking about earlier and you run up to the fence and you’re telling him good job and how well he did

and he’s just grinning and nodding along at you while you continue to go on and on about how cool he looked on the field

when you finally finish talking you realize that his gaze has been switching from your eyes to your lips

and before you know it… he’s kissing you through one of the gaps in the wire fence. it’s messy n he probably tastes like gatorade but it completely takes you by surprise

and you tense bc you can feel people staring at you and daniel seems to notice this so he pulls away.. he’s looking at your face trying to read your expression but it’s unreadable

and you want to say something so badly but you’re starting to hear those girls from earlier whisper things and daniel’s smile from earlier is completely gone n has been replaced with confusion

daniel opens his mouth to speak but all you can manage is an “i’m sorry” before you just… run away

daniel’s calling your name for you to come back but you ignore him and you just leave

you don’t know this but daniel’s standing there completely unsure of what to do… and probably for the first time in his life… daniel isn’t smiling and he doesn’t have anything to laugh about

you’re at home and you’re curled up in your sheets and you honestly don’t think you can ever face daniel ever again… like he probably only kissed you in the heat of the moment it was probably an accident or smth

you end up deleting all your past conversations with him and cancelling club meetings for the next two weeks just so you don’t have to see him again

little do you know daniel is DEVASTATED and he thinks everything is his fault

he’s constantly telling seongwoo and jisung that he scared you off and that he shouldn’t have kissed you and that you probably hate him now

jisung is like “daniel it’s not your fault… i’m sure it just took them by surprise” while seongwoo on the side is like “WHO ARE THEY ANYWAYS?? THEY’RE MISSING OUT YOU DON’T NEED THEM!!”

seongwoo and jisung are doing everything to try and cheer up daniel again but.. nothing is working. not even cute cat videos work

daniel’s now spacing out in class more often… and to everyone’s shock he’s even ditching practice and just sitting in the student parking lot waiting for seongwoo to finish practice and take him hime

it’s been a month since you’ve last seen daniel… and you think you’ve put aside your club for too long. if you were going to see him then you might as well suck it up

so the next weekly meeting come and you’re setting up your powerpoint and… daniel doesn’t come

you don’t know why part of you is disappointed but you just push those thoughts aside and start the meeting

once it’s over and everyone’s gone, you can’t help but realize how lonely it is without him there… like you’ve been doing it alone months before but now? it’s just so…. lonely

just as you shut the classroom door behind you, you see a tall figure approaching you from the other end of the hall.. but it’s not daniel. it’s seongwoo

he doesn’t seem to have a pleasant expression on his face and you think he’s just going to walk past you but he stops in front of you and is like “daniel’s in the student parking lot. he’s not acting like himself, so go talk some sense into him.”

and you’re just like “but why do i need to do it?? it’s not like i mean anything to him.”

and seongwoo would’ve smacked you upside the head if it wasn’t for the fact that daniel was smitten with you n he’s like “are you dense??? the guy likes you so much and you’re just out here breaking his HEART!!!”

seongwoo lets out this huff of frustration and just leaves you standing in the hall dumbfounded like… he rly… he rly does like you??

and your feet end up taking you to the student parking lot against your will and like seongwoo said, he’s just sitting on one of the parking blocks beside seongwoo’s car

the voice in your head is telling you to just turn around and leave but… you find yourself stepping over the parking block and sitting next to him

daniel doesn’t really say anything and he kind of just… ignores you to the best of his ability until you finally say something

“i’m sorry i ran away from you.”

but he just says “if you hate me you can leave. i get it.”

but the thing is he doesn’t sound hostile at all.. he just sounds hurt

“but.. i don’t hate you, daniel.”

and hearing you say his name, he finally looks at you and is like “then why did you run?”

and you just let out this sigh and you say “it’s because… you’re daniel.”

and he’s just sitting there like ???? what’s that supposed to mean

and youre like “idk you’re rly cool and popular and everyone at school likes you.. meanwhile i’m just a forgettable person who runs a failing club”

daniel sits there in disbelief like “listen…. if you were forgettable… i wouldn’t have spent the past few months spending as much time with you as i can after meetings. i wouldn’t be sitting around waiting for you to text me and immediately replying when you do. and i wouldn’t be constantly thinking about how you’re doing… also i wouldn’t have begged seongwoo for his game ticket to give to you.”

“so… does that mean you like me?”

and daniel finally cracks a smile that makes your heart melt and is like “was it not obvious before?”

and you smile at him back and this time you’re the one who kisses him.. and neither of u run away :’)

also seongwoo scares the two of you by turning on his car alarm. thanks seongwoo.

now that you’re dating daniel… word gets out QUICK

the football team is like “god he FINALLY got a significant other… he finally put those muscles to use…”

jokes on them. u love him for his big goofy grin and his cute laugh and his cute face and his cute love for cats!!! the muscles are only an added bonus!!!!

jisung is constantly cooing over you two like “ah… young love rly is the most beautiful thing to exist…”

seongwoo was a bit hesitant at first bc of what happened before, but he soon gets over it and is constantly complaining abt how you stole his soulmate from him… his bromate.

daniel still spaces out in class but now he’s just talking out loud like “i wonder what class they’re in rn… i hope they’re having a good time…. maybe i’ll buy them lunch today..!”

and the students around him are trying to focus but they gotta admit… it’s kinda cute :’)

daniel goes out of his way to find you during school and walk you to your next class, even if his class is on the other side of the building. he’s also v insistent on carrying all your books for you

there was this one time after you closed up the club classroom and you just made a small remark like “i’m kinda tired”

daniel straight up said “ok. get on my back”

“what”

“get on my back i’ll carry you to the parking lot and ask seongwoo to take you home.”

“daniel i was just saying –”

“get on my back”

also………… he gave you his football jersey n you wear it as pajamas

you guys facetime before bed and he noticed you were wearing it and he almost LOST IT

told you to send him a selfie in it and now its his home screen dhsvdhdbfhfu

he’s always super sleepy and you tell him to sleep earlier but he refuses like.. 1) he wants to talk to you and 2) he has no other time to read his comic books….

ends up falling asleep with a comic book in his hands while facetime is still on. u learned that he talks in his sleep… and one time u heard him say he loves you and you almost died

also did i mention dates to the animal shelter to volunteer and take care of the cats?

anyways… daniel refuses to say it out loud bc its embarrassing but he finally has something he loves more than cats… and it’s you

[starkissr]

would u look at that I just had my first break down in a rly long time

today I honestly thought that things have never been worse for me. but u fucking know what? fuck my anxieties. fuck my fears. fuck every doubt and insecurity that's been replaying in my mind. I literally don't fucking deserve to put myself thru this emotional turmoil anymore than I already have. Friday started stressful. yesterday I relapsed back into my bad bad habit. I didn't even mean to but I couldn't stop it. I knew I was doing it and I couldn't care less and altho I just realized it but the level of dgaf I was abt it and how it got so bad literally so quick scared the fuck out of me. now I see it meant I didn't care abt myself anymore. I did see it was wrong but I rly didn't trust myself to take care of myself so my plan was to tell my most trusted friend n roommate here abt my problem so she could also look out for me and help me a little n yesterday I thought abt it but brushed it off. today I texted her and told her I needed to tell her something when were alone. I was so proud of myself for telling her that bc I was like ok now I can't back out of it and I rly rly have to speak up abt this. I guess I should've emphasized that it was v important to me but anyway she left before we got a chance to talk and that was yet ANOTHER thing that went wrong. I swear I've heard like just numerically more bad news today than I have in my life I think. everytime something else came up n I thought shit can't get fucking worse another thing would pop up n fucking emotionally destroy me all over again. but this one was so shitty bc this girl is MY GIRL n the only one I feel comfortable enough talking abt this and I even told her how I desperately needed a solid cry 2 n she wasn't fucking here for me when I needed her. I'm not mad at her like she's been thru v srs shit as of late too n ik she was stressed and why we weren't able to talk but it still fucking hurt bc all day when the hot tears would flood my eyes I kept trying to tell them and all my shit thoughts to sh go away. I would tell them at the end of the day u will come flooding out and I would stop torturing myself and not hold anything back and just say out loud every fucking last thing that's going wrong rn but then it would be ok bc at least it'd all be out of my head. so like I said I'm not mad at her bc that would just be selfish of me but I'm still hurt and i hate so much that I don't feel comfortable having that conversation w her anymore. I'm scared that no one here knows that I don't feel like I can take care of myself rn. I actually decided right now that it's ok that I don't wanna tell her anymore. I rly can't force myself to make myself feel uncomf and tell her something that deeply personal when I don't have the desire to anymore. but the only reason why I'm ok w that is I just compromised n I'm gonna go to talk to the psychologist at my school tm. even tho I rly can't afford to waste a fucking second of my time this week I literally have to go tomorrow or I'll never go. I've been telling myself for legit 4 years that I would start seeing someone but when it came down to it I would never go bc I would tell myself it's not like I have any like life or death problems anyway n when I would think abt making an appt since it would be scheduled in like 2 weeks I automatically would assume whatever the issue was would go away by then. but I fucking need to do this for myself so even tho I'm not planning on killing myself or anything I honest to fucking god need immediate attn rn and everytime I would consider doing the emergency mtg b4 I would be like oh I'm taking that time away from someone who honestly might wanna kill themself n since of c my problems aren't nearly as valid as that I would just be wasting everyone's time. but I need to be selfish this once. I need help I know I desperately fucking need it but I fucking can't stand myself that even tho ik that I still feel like I'm not worthy of going and getting the help I need. I'm still gonna make myself go but like shit man I should not be thinking that way abt myself. whatever idk I'll try to work on it

anyway I still rly did need to talk to someone even if it wasn't to tell my secret I still needed to vent abt all the other million things that had just gone to shit. I had a weird thing that wasn't a fight but like we never fight so it was just even weirder that happened w my best friend who I never have a problem spilling my heart and my soul to so that also was like ugh but I still woulda been down to call her until I remembered how she just started grad school n has more going on now than ever and that rn wasn't a good time for her. there's this other girl here who just within like the past couple of weeks I've gotten to know better n we just vibe so I thought abt dumping my shit on her but then I felt stupid bc I was literally just w her all day n of c now after she left I feel like bitching abt all my shit but I was like that's not a good enough reason to not talk to her so I decided to reach out

I honestly dk what I would've done if she hadn't been there for me. if ur actually reading this ridiculous thought process no like I said I wasn't gonna kms but that anxiety attack was sooooo bad n I've had my fair fucking share so I don't say that lightly but regardless I'm sosososoosososo grateful to her for being there n hearing out all my irrational concerns and being patient n eventually talking sense into me. I felt so vulnerable at first bc even tho she already knew abt some of what went down I honestly felt ashamed abt these problems I'm facing n it takes me a while to warm up to ppl and be THAT open even if it may not seem like a big deal to some I'm super private w somethings idk but she was so fucking amazing I even did kinda preface or hint or like not in as srs of a way but still did lightly bring up a lil part of my secret. she prob didn't even know it but that was so cool n felt liberating tbh. I'm so happy bc while we were studying earlier today, in a moment when those tears found my eyes again n I was tryna keep my cool n not bawl my eyes out in the library n just take deep breathes I drew this simple as can be flower at the top of my page with a cute smiley right in the flowers center in an effort to make myself feel better n showed it to her n when I was showing it off I decided i would want nothing more than to have this be my next tattoo. she laughed n we just talked n then I was like no but I'm not kidding I rly am getting it. to me it was so real that I was having a day from literal hell but that lil silly flower smiley lit up my insides n made me feel soooooo happy I can't explain n it was just a nice thing to try to redirect my thoughts to bc I already love flowers but idk this drawing is like literally a stroke of genius idc if it sounds crazy n anyway she looks at it longer n told me she honestly rly liked it too n said she would get it tatted n I told her again like I'm so srs this thing is giving me LIFE n she surprised me n said yeah me too n so we decided we would get matching tats n I thought abt all the past friends who I've had this convo w like obv abt diff tattoos but I was just asking myself if I rly would want to share this lil treat w her n I can't explain how but all the other times I've talked abt getting matching tattoos w good friends it just felt like a game and not real but this felt different. I'm so stoked were gonna do this together n the fact that I'll have one of my own doodles on my skin like I just love every bit of it. n I thought abt how it's gonna be so magical even when we graduate how the same smiley flower on me will go and see the world thru her eyes. she's from Dubai so even tho it's sad we can't live in the same city forever idk I genuinely feel like I'll be connected and there w her no matter where we go. it's unbelievable to me just how much of the same person we are n how close we've gotten so fast I'm so blessed to have her in my life

wow what an experience. hopefully tm is better

[tayegi]

Hii u lovely creature. First i just wanted to say i love ur work, this last chapter was...quite shocking since well how Jk was talking and reacting towards the OC. Im really not good with theories really and specially if i gotta write them down in english but i was thinking since u said this would have 3 parts that maybe...just maybe was like one part of each of the characters? Like one were we view in detail the feelings of the OC, then JK and the Jimin? Maybe? Idk sorry. Anyway love ur work :)

Anonymous said:Thank you for being able to find the time to write equilibrium, and thank you for being able to find the time to update it as well- and come on tumblr at all tbh. I know it must not seem like it but most of us really really appreciate it. Please don’t feel rushed to update and take as much time as you need. Thank you again for your work.

Anonymous said:hey! thank you SO much for continuing equilibrium. I’m really enjoying the plot and character development. its very interesting and you do a rly good job at weaving all the layers of meaning together. you’re one of my favorite writers 💗 hope ur having a great day!

Anonymous said:(3) I wonder what is it that jimin saw on jungkook as well, I don’t think that just good looks and the fact that he is good at a lot of things are enough to fall in love or accept being in that kind of relationship ¿ or maybe yes or I’m missing something. Anyways I absolutely adore this fic!! I love your detailed descriptions and how you put important little things and hints and how you think of every single word!! Really thank you for sharing it with us! You have created a huge masterpiece.

Anonymous said:(2)The days when jimin went away must have been the best days of his life, and I wonder now with Jungkook away how the dynamics between jimin and the oc would be, especially her. It would be really wow and not wow at the same time if she turned like kook. I doubt because she knows she doesn’t have a “connection” with jimin, and is more than aware that he wants jungkook. But maybe things will change like they did with him.

minsuguk said:(1) It surprises me how the oc feels about jimin, accepting jungkook’s possesiveness and mad terms in order to keep him in that crazy relationship which is the only way she can have a just little bit of jimin. But again, I’m not surprised because it’s kind of what Jungkook felt ¿ I mean he saw something in her, and she saw something in jimin. And jungkook was aware of her and jimins feelings and he proposed being together in order to be with her as well.

Anonymous said:I want to feel bad for all of them, but I feel bad for none of them. That’s a lie I feel slightly bad for o/c but shes doing it to herself because she wants to keep this tiny connection to Jimin and that’s the start of her problem! All in all this is gonna end badly. I knew that necklace was gonna come back and bit her in the ass.

Anonymous said:(part 2) You know how Jungkook is all fucking crazy in denial about having a connection with her could she be in the same denial except (but not crazy) I mean Jimin had to have noticed the reader was always with him in the beginning now they don’t even touch each other its all so fucked up because you cant feel bad for anyone at this point (I am scared for the reader though because how far will jungkook go if she let jimin touch her)

Anonymous said:Jimin CAN’T be oblivious to this whole situation if he was able to hear his name being called when Jungkook was fingering the mc he had to have heard something else. Could he be ignoring this situation to make sure he is able to stay with jk the same way jk and mc are using each other for the same thing? bc if it was obvious that jimin was in love with jk before anything happened did he have to “get through” 1 on 1 with the mc like she did with jungkook (part 1)

Anonymous said:oh dude the relationship in equilibrium is on the verge of becoming a huge trainwreck but i can’t stop reading it cos i want to see how big of a trainwreck it will become. can’t wait til we get to the point where the relationship just swerves off the track and just goes kablooey! rip.

Anonymous said:oh my gosh I absolutely adored reading the new chapter of equilibrium! I’m so amazed that you find the time out of your busy day to write so much! thank you so so much for the new chapter. i’m really curious to see how this story line will progress, and I do wonder what will happen with jimin and y/n over that weekend… hmm anyways thank you again!! this is my first time writing to you aha I’m so nervous and also !! I love you please take care of yourself

Anonymous said:I HATE YOU SM I’m kidding I love you lu 💕💕 I can already feel the angst approaching aghhssh I’m going to die

Anonymous said:The new update has me a bit fearful of jungkook. He seems to be a little bit to possessive-at least to me anyways. I wonder if jimin has noticed the change in jungkook as well? When he said that the oc was the only one who understood him it reminded me of the conversation they had in ch4 about his family not approving of his major. When i read that scene the first time, i kinda got the sense that that was why jungkook liked the oc.

Anonymous said:Shook again from Equilibrium updates @.@ Thanks as always!!

Anonymous said:omggggggg equilibriummmm the tension just keeps building and building up I AM SO READY FOR THE SHIT TO HIT THE FAN

Anonymous said:It’s really interesting because there are elements that show a legitimate fear the OC has when it comes to Jungkook. I can’t wait to see more (well I can obv and I will NO PRESSURE FJDKSKSKS but you know what I mean~). Also thank you for updating so often like. I have barely any work & a shit ton of free time and I still just can’t write so you’re??? Like how??? Thank u sm. 💕

Anonymous said:First of all - thank you for updating. You could throw a sentence of Equilibrium in my way once a year and I’d still cry of happiness. And second - I love this story so much you don’t even know. Their relationship has taken such a sharp turn suddenly and Jungkook’s motives are clearer and clearer while the MC still seems to be sort of oblivious? Ah I have so many speculations but there’s not enough characters in asks haha. Anyways it was amazing once again, thank you!

yaja-time said:Equilibrium is too my favorite writings of your.. probably one of my favorites out of all the fics I’ve ever read. But I love it so much I would wait 10 years for you to update. Shit I’d even be happy if you updated with only using 10 words. I understand you have a life and I for one am very grateful for your writings, because they are amazing. So thank you for writing.

Anonymous said:Poor Equilibrium OC :( Sadly this scenario hits close to home with her and Jungkook. But good job as always Lu! I appreciate the work you do, have me on the edge of my seat!

bluefullmetaltitan said:Lol. I’ve been waiting for you to say that!! Yayayay! I support you 100% cause like, it shouldn’t matter how long it takes. I’m in love with all of your writings!! Thank you!!

Anonymous said:bruh, equilibrium tho. i loves it like i loves you. but for real, its amazing and incredible reading smaller details from earlier chapters come back into play and seeing how everything slowly links together (how you have the willpower to write so much is incredible)

Anonymous said:I loved equilibrium babe it's so good keep up the amazing writing I loved the last chapter it's a very good storyline 👍🏼👍🏼 and please In the equilibrium let her end Up with jimin and more jimin smut please 😂😂 seriously loved it 💋💋

Anonymous said:When I first started reading equilibrium I thought it was about the three of them learning how to function in a polyamorous relationship. But in the first 4 chapters, you revealed the MC's feelings towards Jimin, & then showcased Jungkook and MC alone. Then, when Jungkook got possessive, & you wrote Jimin's and MC's back story, I was like, "she's not seriously trying to romanticize this relationship, is she?" BUT YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE SHOWCASING LEGIT PROBLEMS IN A REALISTIC STORY. I AM HERE FOR IT

Anonymous said:Im living for Equilibrium rn🔥🔥🔥🔥, your such a good writer. Loving all your works 💖💖

Anonymous said:why do I feel like jungkook semi poisoned jimin so he couldn't go 😫equilibrium is so good rlly got me questioning everything lol

Anonymous said:Hello tayegi, i just want to say, you're the first writer I read in this bts fandom and im so thankful for that. And im so pumped for equilibrium jajajajajaAaaaa 🙏

Anonymous said:I have to be honest I was all for jungkooks protectiveness in early chapters cause I thought it was hella cute but after reading equilibrium chp 11... Im not too sure anymore. Like he actually made me kinda scared and trapped especially during the end (guess that's how good you're writing is). On a positive note, loving this series and I hope all three characters get backlashes for this messed up relationship lmao

Anonymous said:I don't get how anyone can complain about ch11 being "only 3k" like there was so much that happened in that chapter it didn't even feel like it was "short." I'm even amazed you can write such great quality stories despite being a phd student (do these children know what that is???) AND it's like midterm season rn like the quality doesn't drop despite this. And honestly I feel like these chapters have been getting updated pretty frequently these days I feel really spoiled haha

Anonymous said:EQUILIBRIUM IS SOME OF THE BEST WORK I'VE EVER SEEN ON HERE!!! LIKE I WAS AT SCHOOL TODAY AND I READ EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER AND I WAS SO OVERCOME BY WHAT WAS HAPPENING. AND WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT JUNGKOOK WANTED THE READER TO HIMSELF I GOT SO SHOOK!!!! LIKE I KINDA KNEW SOMEHOW THAT HE WANTED HER ALL TO HIMSELF. HE JUST WASN'T GONNA LET JIMIN HAVE HER ANYMORE HUH? BUT I'M SO EXCITED FOR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!! *sorry for yelling i was too excited for this series ily~*

Anonymous said:Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! There was an Equilibrium update?! *runs to open tab so that it's the first thing I see after class* Bruh, I can't wait to dive in. Thanks for being a thug about all of those comments. Best part about creating works of art/expressing creativity is that you get to make people think, invite them to have an opinion and start conversations. If anything, Equilibrium provokes its readers to have a clear opinion. That's a success in my book. ;) Fighting always! - Happy Reader

yonggukssmolgf said:I love you. I love your blog. I love your writing. I love the equilibrium series. And I just love how you just take your time to update. Like you do things at you own pace and I like that about you. I followed you because you're an amazing person, you love your followers, and you never disappoint with your fics. Thanks for existing and I hope I made your day a little bit happier!🐼😙😀

Anonymous said:Excuse me young lady... yeah I'm talking to you Lu...Yupp.... you're being mad disrespectful, how dare ruin my nights peaceful sleep but updating equilibrium like that... do you not want me to graduate... it's senior year and I'm head deep into my writing... yeah thanks a lot for ruining my life... JK I LOVE YOU 💕

Anonymous said:I just read chapter 11 of Equilibrium and it made me want to CRY! I love the story so far and it's written amazingly well but it's tOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS! I'm super excited for the updates 💙💙💙💙

seokjinniemin said:oml I just finished chapter 11 of Equilibrium and boy howdy am I SHOOK. Equilibrium is by far one of my favorite fanfic series I've ever read! You're such an amazing writer, they way you convey the stress and anxiety of the oc is just phenomenal. And the small details you put into it like damn! I'm so anxious about this and how it's going to progress, especially with the oc and Jimin being alone. I feel like shit is going to hit the fan real soon o_o

Anonymous said:oh my god that new chapter of Equilibrium actually murdered me LMAO. i absolutely LOVE how every detail counts; like all the little small things that readers wouldn't think matter end up mattering the most. i love this series so much and ily Lu!!

Anonymous said:oh my god that new chapter of Equilibrium actually murdered me LMAO. i absolutely LOVE how every detail counts; like all the little small things that readers wouldn't think matter end up mattering the most. i love this series so much and ily Lu!!

Anonymous said:wtffff please ignore that anon i think you've been updating so quickly!! and i love the story sooo much it's so great no matter how lengthy it is. the content is what matters quality >>> quantity i really love it and know you work hard and appreciate it ❤❤

Anonymous said:Sometimes I think people are just plain dumb. Like, wtf, i am happy that you updated such an amazing story! You do not have the obligation to provide anything for us, you do it because you like it. People should be more grateful and learn to respect. Thank you for de update, you are straight up amazing

aichan11 said:I just read Equilibrium 11, it's so good! I sent you a message before, sorry if it was out of line. Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing :) of course I have my own wishes/hopes about how the 3 people in Equilibrium would turn out but I don't want to risk influencing your writing. I can't wait for the whole balance to just tip over and see what happens. Is that too evil of me? Hahaha

Anonymous said:The new chapter was intense! I wonder what Jeon is hiding.. I feel bad for both Jimin and OC. Poor jiminie doesn't know what that kid is doing, and OC is stuck cos of jjk. I love your work Lu, stay classy ❤️❤️

Anonymous said:ahhhhh!!! another amazing chapter babe!!! Love the dynamic,screwed up characters

[ortheaux]

i’m home, and despite my last two days not being that chill i still has a really lovely time out there lol!

it was gorgeous and served to be the break that i wanted it to be, but it was as if the final two days were there to bring my ass back to earth bc i got in a really fucked situation by getting severely lost for hours (on foot/walker) w/ all my luggage on my way to the last hotel by the airport, and then the next day i got caught in torrential downpour after resolving to just do my hair and makeup despite 1. feeling really, really rough and 2. having to literally over medicate myself really hard to move about because the pain was delayed and climbing, and moving was getting harder and harder and my co-ordination was dipping - and then i nearly missed a bus that i had to wait five (5) hours for and had to like trot? as fast as i could physically manage through the rain towards the bus and i could see the bus stop in the distance but it was too far to make it and i like burst into tears (because ow and also like... what the fuck actually was that 24hour period) and someone hopped straight out of their running car behind me and sprinted ahead of me to stop the bus(i was yelling ‘don’t go, please’ at this point lol but the driver couldn’t hear me) and it waited for me and the driver was so nice once he’d seen me!! he helped me and told me not to cry in french which was so nice, i felt like such a sausage but like i had really had enough by then lol! then i got to the airport and i’m ngl, i think this next bit is just londoner privilege because the service at the airport was really bad, and on top of having rude staff, minimal facilities and vegetarian options(so i couldn’t even buy anything to cheer me up until the plane) and no priority (disabled) customer assistance on the Bordeaux end for some reason (so, pain!) until the very end when i was like dragging my suitcase on the verge of tears(but honestly they were so rude and clipped that i wasn’t gonna let them see me cry) and taking like one heaving step every ten seconds and the British Airways staff on the plane had just caught sight of me and were exchanging looks at the door like ‘um... wtf why have u just left this passenger’ THEN the men/bordeaux airport staff that were stood there finally found their job descriptions and began taking my bags off of me and holding onto my arm to support me after leaving me by myself through the whole airport and having me get on last which isn’t supposed to happen, because it makes things so much harder for me - especially with a neurological condition that affects my balance trying to get down a full aisle without hurting anyone or myself? not to mention my spine but... ok. anyway, they left after i sat down and were schmoozing in front of the BA staff and i was having none of it, so after they left the BA staff rushed to me and asked if i was okay and gave me tissues and a water bottle which i thought was rly kind!! they promised to have my assistance ready on my return (and they did) as usual and i did my best to relax on the flight, having to actually medicate on the plane for the first time which i found really embarrassing but i also had some really yummy vegetarian sandwiches at a discount which was really nice!!

when i arrived, london kicked in the way i know it to be and i was immediately glad to be home despite everything. everyone helped patiently with my bags and brought me to a wheelchair with luggage space at the plane door and i was SO relieved!! i felt like my body was hanging on by a thread by this point and i was a bit medication foggy so i wanted to bloody hug them all lmao. then LGW staff took me in the wheelchair to a giant golf cart and i was sooooo excited!! not only was i not going to have to keep stressing my body, but the guy that’s come to get me is really jolly and sweet, and the experience is actually going to be kinda fun and i’ll have my first time in a golf cart! so we transfer into there, and he whizzes me around the airport and we chat the whole time about his life and mine and my holiday, and he drives me through border control/the passport bit, customs, baggage claim and we blast through all the steps at the airport together and then he drops me off right at the entry gates to the station at the other side of the airport and i was so grateful, i wanted to hug him too for being so kind and making my return as smoothe as possible! (i didn’t tho us londoners are shy lmao)

i definitely think that the last two days were an emotional rollercoaster for me, but i don’t want it to come across like i didn’t enjoy the rest because i actually really did!! i had a lovely time for the whole time i was in central Bordeaux, everything went really smoothly until i had to change hotels - but in my mind, that last chunk was almost a separate experience from the rest of my break (and it was in a way, it was almost 6 miles away from the area that holds all of the fond memories!!) and it was vastly, vastly different which actually helps me separate it. so last night, and even yesterday people were asking me if i enjoyed myself and i was stammering because i couldn’t find the words to say like ‘the last two days/day and a half or so has been really taxing and the physical pain is still setting in so i’m hurting at the moment but everything that happened before i left quinconces and got lost was magical and i learned some lessons about myself and saw lots of beautiful things’ but yeah, i did really like bordeaux and would definitely go back to explore when the circumstances are back to normal - but maybe i’d visit from my preferred haunt of the south of France and catch a train there! i’m a bit put off by bordeaux airport hahaha

now a boring life stuff summary: i was actually going to just force myself to go straight into a meeting at work later today with all my ‘change starts now’ guns blazing, but obv i think the body has reached the pain peak so it’s probably better to have a rest for a day, maybe take my time and get anything sorted that i can without moving about too much instead such as important phonecalls and chasing up any pressing matters! i know that i have a habit of going really hard and juggling everything i possibly can at once sometimes to my own detriment, so i’m still going to just get stuck in with productivity straight away in a way that satisfies me and is in my best interests - just at a pace that’s actually sustainable for me both physically and emotionally which is what i think is really important right now. i think instead of relying on sheer force of determination, strategising and tapping into that when i need to is ultimately more effective long term. i’ve got to apply the few inner lessons i took from bordeaux and from really being with myself for a while and i’ve got to apply these things along with what i already know and where i see myself going wrong sometimes, and i have to keep in mind that i’m going in without a lot of the coping mechanisms i used towards the end of the year - but also ones that i know how to live without already!! no more burning out, no more burning out!! that’s our main goal for 2019. (tho if i can manage a bit of tidying instead of going into work straight away today... just a little!!)