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bitterbutblue · 2 months ago

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our times

turns out, you're the fortune i want to keep most ☆ multi x reader

~ this is a multi x reader!! hatssun was talking about writing angst and i really said omg my turn! sorry hatssun ur idea was so good and it works so well w yukong and feixiao... ill credit u so hard bro i swear. WVERYONE BE PREPARED FOR WHEN THINK FAST DROPS🙏🙏🙏

UMM ALSO THE FEIXIAO ONE IS SOLONG FOR NO REASON LOTS OF DIALOGUE SORRYYYYY

characters: feixiao, yukong, ruan mei

song: 小幸運 - Hebe Tian ~

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

i was too busy chasing shooting stars in the sky ☆ feixiao

The day Saran ran away, something in you ran with her. The day Saran ran away, you didn't know if you would ever see her face break into a smile again, or if you would see her hanging the next day. The trace of her slowly faded with time, but even when you finally had the guts to bolt for it she was still the only thing on your mind. That day, you didn't mind if you died running, because it would've been better than staying there but alive. You didn't mind if you died running, because you died with her on your mind.

God knows how many decades had passed since the Luofu took you in. You only count days in how much your heart ached for her. Eventually it dulls down, it goes from a sharp thud to a muted nudge every time you see a dash of silver hair in the crowd or a sharp but soft smile on Jing Yuan's lips. You've heard of how far she had gotten, and you wished it didn't hurt so much to hear about it. You forced yourself to forget about her, because you couldn't keep living every day haunted by her. You were finally able to live your days how you wanted to, even if it meant without her by your side.

"Yukong, can you run these by the general for me?"

You were absentmindedly sitting at your desk, filling in whatever forms the general had sent to you about all the legality things they had to sort out for the Wardance. You spin your pen, signing your name down and ticking the last of the boxes. You huffed at the lack of response from the woman who should be sitting across from you.

"Yukong?"

"She's not here."

You look up at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, and the world decides to take a break for a moment. In that small fraction of a second you feel yourself going back in time for decades until you are standing face to face with the young foxian, bruised and battered with an undying flame in her eyes. She is now much taller, her face pale but not the sickly kind that she harboured before. Her eyebags faded, hair flowing as if it had been just washed- a sight you never saw before in those camps.

She looked healthy, she had everything she wanted.

So why did she look like she was about to break down in front of you?

It wasn't fair.

"Saran?"

She only nods, standing with her arms by her side like a fool who doesn't know how to speak. She clears her throat, moving to cross her arms so she looked less awkward standing in front of you.

She wears clean clothes, she smells of petals.

Her scent of blood long faded, but you feel the pain behind her stance.

"How have you been?" Is all she asks as she eyes your desk warily, as if not knowing how to approach the conversation.

"Well. You?"

"Good enough."

Your old banter had long faded now, your previous ability to make each other laugh despite knowing the imminent death that looms over you two every day.

"Neergul died."

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

It's like talking to a wall, or to just a mirrored version of yourself with how either of you refuse to look at each other.

"I never knew if you died or not until I came here."

Your shaky voice finally cuts the tension that has been simmering for far too long. She swallows, looking up and you know she is holding back tears because she has only ever looked up when the night sky is open and she can see the stars that granted her hope.

"I found out you became general. I was happy for you."

She says nothing.

"Why didn't you reach out?"

The edge to your voice has her breath knocked out of her lungs for a second as she tries to formulate an answer. She tries to weave incoherent thoughts and jumbles of emotions into a sentence and it's much harder to be done than she realised.

"I couldn't."

Of course she couldn't. Why would she admit to you how much of a coward she was? Knowing she had abandoned you after kissing you goodnight that evening.

"Why?"

But you want answers. It's not every day your presumed dead lover comes back to see you after years and years of crying yourself to sleep and hoping that in another future you could be in her arms without having to fear for your life.

"I was scared."

The general cannot be scared, or show any signs of fear in any situation- especially emotional situations where they need to stay calm so that people can feel secure around her but right now it all falls apart.

"Of who?"

"You."

"Why?"

You really did not like to raise your voice but you couldn't help it- she infuriates you. From the moment she flooded your heart you realised why love and hate go hand in hand because you hate that you love her.

"Why now?"

"I don't know."

Is all she manages to stutter out after an incredulous minute of silence and you just sigh.

"Why didn't you come find me?"

Her question has you going speechless now.

You were a hypocrite.

"I don't know."

She just nods with an unreadable expression on her face.

"I don't regret what I did that night."

You squeeze your now-fisted hand tight, taking a deep breath in to try to not only steady your voice but calm your racing heart that threatens to beat so hard it shatters in your chest.

"But why? Why make me love you for decades if you never planned to return?"

"I wanted to return. I always did."

Her words come out much more rushed than she intended it to come out. You feel your world shatter in that moment as you speak your next words.

"You never moved on?"

She steps closer.

"I dreamt about you every night. Under the sea of the shooting stars."

You shake your head, quickly wiping away at your own tears and she has to take a sharp breath in so her tears don't fall.

"Don't say that." You whisper "We can't. Please."

She looks at you, more intensely than ever as her voice quivers.

"Why?"

You shake your head.

"It'll only hold us back."

You still adorn matching scars from the torture you both had gone through in those camps. She is the scar on your heart, and you are the scar on hers.

"We can't." Is all you say.

She turns around and you want to pull her into your arms, you want her to be able to look at you but from that moment on, the look on her face as you ended what it was and what it could’ve been would be the face you see every night you close your eyes.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

somewhere in the sky i could not see, was you ☆ yukong

The evening Caiyi died in her arms, Yukong vowed to never see the skies again. That was the same evening you went missing, the same evening she breaks down because how can she lose two of what she loved most in her life within the blink of an eye? The reason for her to wake up every morning, the reason she smiled even through the roughest of the days- now faded into nothing but memory and a distant bitter taste in her mouth.

You were not presumed dead, only missing. The false sense of hope had Yukong staying at her desk for hours every day, going through files and files, records upon records to try and maybe find some trace of you somewhere but after years of searching she finally gave up. She had to care for Qingni for Caiyi, she had to keep loving you because if she doesn't then she feels like she's lost herself.

It was the day Qingni flew to the skies when she finally looked up once more. She looks to the planes to see her daughter flying the same path that doomed her from wanting to live but the sky was the reason she had the two people who made life worth living. It was that day a plane crashed and Yukong felt the familiar, sickening feeling from decades ago as she runs to the sight. She's panicked, flustered, heart racing and feeling like throwing up as she pushes past crowds amongst crowds-

She doesn't know if she should scream or sigh in relief when they pull the lifeless-looking figure out of the starskiff. The model was old, the same she used in the war where she lost....

You. The figure they pulled out was you and she feels like she's going to be sick. She runs up to them, asking if you're okay and the medics are telling her to back off but she needs to know. She puts her head down, ear against your chest and almost sobs when she hears your heart thud weakly. It's so soft she really could've missed it but she hears it.

"Oh baby..."

She whispers as she cradles your head on her lap.

She sits by your side in the hospital until you wake up. She doesn't move, doesn't eat or drink or anything unless Qingni drags her to the bathroom or to the cafeteria. She holds your hand weakly, squeezing it every once in a while to see if you'd respond.

A cough jolts her awake and she quickly scans the dark, dimly lit room to find you- blinking weakly as you scan the room wearily.

"Oh, oh my god."

She quickly gets off her chair, rushing by your side.

"Are you okay? How are you feeling? Nurse-"

"Yukong."

She never thought she'd hear her name fall from your lips, to hear her name mumbled out so softly and hoarsely again.

"I'm here, I'm right here."

You don't say anything as you close your eyes, taking in a deep but pained breath as you close your eyes. She can feel her hands go cold, trembling violently as she tries to calm herself down. Her fingertips feel like they've been dipped in ice water and her throat feels like its closing up violently.

"You're here."

Yukong couldn't help the sob that escapes her lips at your words.

"Yes, yes baby. I'm right here."

The tears are already falling before she can even bother trying to control them, and she can already feel herself slipping away when you smile softly at her because she had always been a fool for you. She put the whole world down for you and she would lift it up for you if you needed it to be lifted again.

"I- I came back."

"You did, you did baby, you're back." She whispers, finally moving to take your hand in hers. You feel so much smaller, your hand much rougher than it used to be and when she finally takes in how scarred you are she feels like breaking down.

"Wanted to see you..." you whisper weakly, voice shaking as you look directly into her eyes.

Your eyes were nothing like the eyes she used to look at every night before she drifted off to sleep. Now they were hollow, every trace of who you once were has faded into the past that only resides through her dreams.

You were back, but you'd never really be back.

She just squeezes your hand gently as she tells herself it's okay, telling herself that you're physically here and you were somehow still alive and that's all she's been praying for since the day you fell.

So why does it hurt so much?

If all she's ever wanted was to have you back in her arms, why does it hurt so much to have you back now? Looking at her with a smile that no longer meets your eyes and a sense of coldness washing over her like a suffocating blanket every time she sees you.

She still loves you.

She still loves you and it hurts that her lover has died, reincarnated into a broken version of who she once loved. But she doesn't care. She will learn to live with the cold if it means being able to hold you once more. She would spend as long as she needs, puzzling every piece of you back together until you are able to smile at her without the history of all that happened haunting your every waking move.

She vowed, from that moment on, she'd start looking at the sky again because the sky brought you back. Every evening she stares up at the moon, watching it dim the lights to another day, and whisper her gratefulness to have her lover back. Every evening, she brings you out to look at the moon, the same moon you looked at during the two decades apart where the only thing you had together was the moon draped in the sky that she was too scared to look at.

"I love you."

You just lean your head against her chest.

You just listen to her heartbeat, and with each thud the cracks in your body begin to renew themselves- you would never be who you were, but you would always love her.

"I love you too."

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

every scene was you ☆ ruan mei

The day she left, she vanished. No note, no text, nothing. Ruan Mei had become nothing but a shadow on earth when she decided to leave your house and you questioned if it was even worth searching for her at that point.

She had always been obsessed with aeonhood, aeons, power- whatever. You knew she was. Yet you still loved her for it, and she always promised you that one day you two would be able to love each other for eternity, for as long as you wanted to and until time itself faded into nothing but what was a mere idea of the past. She held you close that evening when she promised you, your head resting on her chest as she wrapped her arms around you.

A week later, she vanishes.

Lab empty, notes packed away, it was like as if your house had gone back in time to before you met her with how empty it all was. You called her number, texted her phone, contacted everyone she knew which was not a lot but you still tried because you loved her.

The day she revealed herself as the 81st member of the genius society, you felt your entire being shatter into pieces of who it once was. That was why she left you. Ultimately, Ruan Mei was selfish, and she had always been a selfish person.

You were foolish for loving her.

But you couldn't stop.

By the time you finally encountered her again, your history had become just a speck of dust in her mind but it was still your reason for hurt. It was still the reason why getting out of bed was a bit harder and why looking in the mirror hurt just a bit more than it should.

"Oh, it's you."

Her monotonous voice has you wanting to squeeze her throat, strangle her until she can't speak but you don't move. You stare at her, her lack of reaction, her poker face and you just swallow.

"How are you?"

That was the only sentence you could manage out and if you looked closely enough, you could see her eye twitch slightly as her throat tightens- her composure begins breaking at the sound of your voice.

"Well." She nods. She sounds too composed to you despite all the pain she is desperately trying to hide. She hates you for making her feel this way. She hates how weak she feels when you make that face at her, when your eyes widen and your mouth tightens into a line, body tense and breathing shallow. "You?"

She notices how your body tenses even more at that question, how your eyebrows begin to furrow as your face grows pink from anger.

"Not very good."

"Oh."

Her response had you fuming even more. How she was so careless and thoughtless towards you and how you felt drove you off the walls. She doesn't give a shit about you, why would she even ask?

Because you don't see the guilt that eats away at her heart every night as she stares at the photo of you that she has on her bedside table.

"Congratulations. You did it. Genius society."

It came out bitter and harsh, and Ruan Mei doesn't flinch but she feels this twist in her gut that's too unfamiliar and too painful for her to fully register. She doesn't understand this feeling. She wants to, because she wants to know how to stop it.

"Thank you."

You scoff at her response, physically unable to stop yourself from rolling your eyes as you stepped closer to her, jabbing a finger into her chest.

"You're a fucking bitch."

She hates how her heart leapt at the feeling of your touch, she hates how your words actually manage to hurt her when it really shouldn't be affecting her at all. She's been called so much worse, so why does this, coming from you, hurt so much?

"Is this because I left?"

How can she be so dense?

"You left without saying a word! You just disappeared off the face of the earth, I don't hear from you saying where you are. I don't know what happened, I thought I did something wrong, but no- I remember who you are. A narcissistic bitch who only cares about herself."

The last part hurt more than it should've.

"I don't only care about myself."

You can't help but falter at how soft her voice suddenly goes as she looks down, not making eye contact as she shifts her bodyweight from foot to foot.

"I really cared for you."

Those words shouldn't affect you. You should've moved on from what happened almost twenty years ago now but you can't. You just stare at her and you hate how you feel tears start to form in your eyes as you blink violently, trying to hold it back.

"Don't say that to me."

She goes silent.

"I hate you."

She looks down and you don't see the tears that well up in her eyes.

"I really hope you succeed. I hope you get everything you've ever wanted."

She doesn't even get to see your face for the last time, because by the time she finally gets the courage to look up you were already gone. Your last words to her haunt her every time she begins her studies, or every time she tries to focus on figuring out creating a new life species. She knows you didn't mean it, yet she can't help but want you to notice her just one last time.

Maybe this time, she could fulfil her long broken promise to you.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

@44rtem idk ifthis is the ruan mei content u wanted... but here u go <3

#hsr #honkai star rail #feixiao #hsr feixiao #yukong #hsr yukong #ruan mei #hsr ruan mei #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #feixiao x reader #yukong x reader #ruan mei x reader #angsty angst time #honkai #honkai sr

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otterneuvillette · 1 year ago

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✧ HER HIGHNESS, MY DIVINE ! ✧

⋆⚡️— Pairings: jing yuan x fem! reader

⋆⚡️— Sypnosis: You are the oldest heir to the throne of the Xianzhou Luofu and as per tradition, you needed to find a spouse to rule the kingdom with, for diplomatic reasons. Jing Yuan seemed to oppose that.

⋆⚡️ — content: fem! reader, jealous jing yuan, and angst (slight Dan Feng x reader.)

⋆⚡️ — A/N: You and jing yuan had grown up together, he was assigned to you when the two of you were 17.

Also life has been very busy rn, so part two will happen but it'll take a while.

✧✧✧⁠✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

“I will dispose of him for you,” Jing Yuan says, on his knees in front of you. His hands are rough, but so gentle as they clasp your hand.

“Your Highness, please, it is of little consequence to me. I would rot in prison if you asked me to.”

He doesn’t care that he’s been reduced to begging. He cannot stand to let you marry that man. You’re the heir of the Xianzhou Luofu, you should deserve someone better. As your knight, Jing Yuan only wants the best for you.

"There's no reason for you to do so, This is only marriage for the benefit of the kingdom, it is my duty. I will be fine, my dear knight."

Your silk-gloved hands covered his in a soothing manner.

"It will be okay." You whispered softly.

"As you wish, Your Highness,” Jing Yuan said, but he was clearly not at ease with your decision. He keeps his mouth shut and his hands at his sides.

You can't see the tension in his shoulders. He knows it’s not his place to interfere in the affairs of the empire, but he wants nothing more than to protect you from your impending marriage to the Imbibitor Lunae.

Jing Yuan would do anything for you.

You only have to ask.

"I may be blind to some things, my knight. But I'm not blind to the fact that you are concerned about this matter. Be at ease, my knight, there is no need for you to worry."

Your hand ruffled through his soft snowy hair at his kneeled position. Jing Yuan's whole being relaxes. Any tension he held within himself melts away like sunlight melting fresh snow in spring. Your touch is pure magic.

His knighthood is both an honor and his entire world. He has dedicated his life to your service... but your touch makes him forget about that for a moment. He is your best friend, first and foremost.

Your eyes crinkled as your eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh, My knight, My Jing Yuan. Please do not feel anguish, There's still a chance for you to serve another princess...maybe one of my sisters?"

Sighing softly, your gloved hands retract from his hair and rest on your lap.

Jing Yuan shakes his head firmly.

"I...I cannot serve any princess like I serve you," he tells you. "To serve anyone else would be an insult, Your Highness."

It is his duty to be a knight, you see, but it is more than that for Jing Yuan. You are his world. He cannot imagine spending the rest of his life serving another.

"I only want to serve you," he tells you softly.

"Now, don't be like that, my knight. I will not let you wallow in your sorrow because of me."

"I cannot help but feel sorrow, Your Highness," He explains. He takes a deep breath, trying to regain his composure.

"But you are right… I cannot let that get in the way of my duty to you. No matter what comes next, I will remain faithful to you."

He stands up, finally, and offers you a slight bow.

"My sword is yours to command, Your Highness."

Jing Yuan's expression is resolute.

"But, If I cannot serve you, I will serve no one," he says. "There is no other princess whose life matters to me. I am your loyal knight, and your loyal knight you will always have."

Jing Yuan will not be swayed by your wishes. He will not leave your side and serve some other princess.

You sighed, your frame shivering by the coldness of the royal hall, cold and empty.

"Stand, my knight." You whispered.

JIng Yuan stands up quickly.

"Yes, Your Highness."

He is standing at attention, ready to hear your next wish. Anything you want. He will follow all your orders, even if you wish to marry another, he will stand by your side.

It is his life's purpose. His raison d'etre.

"Please call upon my lady-in-waiting. I must prepare for dinner with Lord Dan Feng tonight."

You leaned against the armrest of the throne for support as you stood, the thick fur coat weighed heavily on your shoulders.

"And please....be on your best behavior, Jing Yuan."

"At once."

He left, and after a few moments, he returned.

Jing Yuan bowed deeply as he stepped in front of you.

"Is there anything else Your Highness requires?" He asks.

"I'll be heading to my chambers."

Your steps were light and quiet against the floor. The sleeves and the ends of your hanfu brushed against the smooth marble floor.

"Oh, and please tell the maids and chefs to get the dining hall ready for dinner at once."

You adjust the fur coat over yourself to protect your body from the cold and you let out a sigh.

You walk towards the doors of the throne room, feeling a heavy weight on your shoulder.

"It will be done, Your Highness," Jing Yuan replies. His voice is formal, but there is a clear pride and reverence in it. He serves you and is happy to be your knight.

Jing Yuan watches you as you walk down the length of the hall. Even as you leave his line of sight, your back is still straight, your steps proud, your beauty… unmatched.

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Your maid and chefs have quickly turned the dining hall into a place worthy of Lord Dan Feng.

You are seated at the head of the grand table. With Jing Yuan lingering near the door, but still close to you. Servants bustle around the room in preparation for the main course of the evening, but your head chef serves you and Lord Dan Feng a meal of various dishes of meats, vegetables, seasonal desserts, and sweet rice wine.

"Lord Dan Feng, I hope you enjoy the meal."

With elegant movements and a well-mannered way of talking, You started the conversation.

Dan Feng, known as Imbibitor Lunae was a feared emperor in his kingdom. Rumors spread across nations, for his strict and slightly unjust way of ruling.

He had sharp ears, as well as teal horns. A son of a Vidyadhara indeed. But he was beautiful, with a tall, slender figure with black hair, fair skin, and agate green eyes, enhanced by the red eyeliner that underlined them.

He was draped in a green and gold hanfu, paired the the black fur that was once from a magnificent beast that was a disturbance from his kingdom the Scalegorge Waterscape.

"Your Royal Highness, the food in your kingdom is as exquisite as I remembered."

The two of you make polite small talk as you eat your meal. Dan Feng is the first to return to the main topic.

"Your Royal Highness," he asks, as your servants fill the two of you’s glasses. "What is your impression of our latest round of negotiations with your neighboring kingdom?"

"It has been well executed. Our kingdom's affairs will be settled at a much faster and smoother pace now."

Dan Feng nods, accepting your response.

"Indeed. Our kingdom's harmony will only advance from here onwards."

Dan Feng's face becomes serious. He puts his glass down.

"It is a great honor to be invited to your table." His voice is low and measured.

"But I would be a fool to not think about what this dinner could mean for the future." He takes a sip of his wine.

"We have talked business. Now, I would like to talk of union."

Jing Yuan's grip on the sheath of his blade tightened.

"Yes, I've been wanting to talk about that."

Your frame sat straighter, as you examined Dan Feng's expression, he had a sly smirk on his lips and his vibrant eyes looking into yours.

Your rose-colored lips curled into a soft smile after you took a sip from your wine.

"A marriage between our kingdoms would secure a political alliance the likes of which has not been seen by our nation in decades."

He leans closer towards you.

"I wish to have an empress, who is as radiant and wise as you. If our kingdom joined together, the entire world will tremble."

He reaches out to your hand and takes it into his own with a gentle touch.

Jing Yuan felt his jealousy coiling around his heart like a serpent.

Dan Feng has made a direct and deliberate show of his intentions. Not only is this dinner a display of his political strengths, it is also a declaration of his intent to marry you.

Jing Yuan watches this exchange from his station by the door. He cannot hide his jealousy�� or his anger.

His eyes are fixed upon you, his princess, his every sense alert to any threats that may come your way.

"I am flattered, Your Grace. Thank you for your sweet words." You were flustered, trying to keep composure.

Dan Feng leans in closer. He seems to be studying you, but it does not feel like an inspection as he looks over your face, your hair, your hands. It feels like you may be the most important, most beautiful thing in the room.

Finally, he leans closer, your breath catches in your throat.

All you can hear are the quiet whispers of the servants, the crackling of the fire....

And Jing Yuan's armor clinking as he moves.

You notice Dan Feng's gaze on you, studying your face like someone who has already decided what they wants to do. He is direct and leaves no room for uncertainty. His words are simple, yet his message is made clear: he wants you to be his wife.

"Lord Dan Feng, I believe this would be inappropriate to do before marriage." You whispered, breathing quite heavily.

It was clear that you were put off by the close distance. The smell of the sickly sweet wine and the scent that Dan Feng had, made your head spin.

"My apologies for my forwardness, Your Highness," Dan Feng replies quickly. Jing Yuan can practically feel in insincerity of Dan Feng's words as his temper boils within him.

"I meant nothing by it."

Dan Feng is a gentleman when he wants to be. He pulls away, leaving the smallest bit of space between you. He is no longer trying to make physical contact.

He has learned to control his emotions and is once again calm and collected.

"The marriage is to be arranged soon," Dan Feng adds, "It will be of benefit to our people."

You nodded.

"It will, I hope this will bring prosperity to our kingdoms."

A small smile plays across Dan Feng's lips. His eyes remain on you.

"I see what my advisors have said is true. You are beautiful and wise."

His words are like poison to Jing Yuan's ears.

"Our unions will be fruitful. Together, we will lead this world into a new age."

His words are laced with honey. His gaze never breaks from yours.

Jing Yuan's jaw clenches.

The two of you continued eating in silence, enjoying the atmosphere as the royal bards were singing a tune. A few cups of wine later, Jing Yuan could see the color spreading across your cheeks, you were never a heavy drinker.

Dan Feng was eyeing you from across the table, like a prize that he needed to grab and keep for himself. The fact that you failed to notice it made Jing Yuan even more possessive.

Dan Feng leaned closer yet again, seemingly wanting to kiss you.

Jing Yuan couldn't stand it anymore. He stood next to you, a gentle and possessive gesture.

"Your Grace," His voice is gentle yet firm, "I believe that Her Highness said that close contact is not appropriate before marriage."

He said that with a mocking tone.

His eyes are focused on the man beside you, who has taken such liberties in his conduct with you, His princess. Dan Feng seems unfazed as he meets your knight's gaze. Jing Yuan wants to strangle this man for his audacity.

"Please refrain from doing anything to Her Highness, or I will-"

"Jing Yuan."

You said in a warning tone.

"At ease."

Jing Yuan snaps to attention immediately upon hearing your voice.

"Your Highness," he bows his head deeply.

He will not let a single thought in his mind or emotion escape his body unless you, his princess allow it.

He stares daggers at Dan Feng, but his expression remains neutral…. but any outside could see the burning, lethal gaze in his eyes. Jing Yuan will not dare say a single word out of turn again.

A servant refills Dan Feng's wine.

Dan Feng drinks deeply and grins wolfishly at your knight.

"I see that you care deeply for the Princess," he says with a sneer, looking over at Jing Yuan. "Your service to her is admirable."

Your Knight stares right back, expressionless.

"I hope you do not mind me being so close." Dan Feng leans towards you again, his green eyes fixed on your face. His voice is sweet, like honey, but the threat in his words is clear.

Jing Yuan does not answer.

He is clearly upset, angry, and jealous at the sight of this man. This man, who is trying to steal you from him.

He stands by your side, unmoving, trying his best to hide his emotions… not only from you but from himself.

His loyalty will never falter, but he wants this man to go away, Jing Yuan gets the impression that Dan Feng doesn't like him either.

The glint in Dan Feng's eyes irked him.

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"It's getting late, Lord Dan Feng. Would you like for my maids to prepare a room for you?"

Dan Feng smiles, and puts his glass down.

"Why, thank you, your Highness."

He rises from the table, and bows his head.

"Please, allow me to spend one more night as a guest of the Xianzhou Luofu. I will be on my way tomorrow before dawn."

He gives you a little wink, which you notice, and so does Jing Yuan, who can only give Dan Feng a death glare.

"Then, I'll let my maids see you to it."

Dan Feng is taken away to a guest bedroom.

Your knight stands next to you, looking out the large window into the darkness.

Finally, he clears his throat.

"Your Highness." He whispers. His body language is stiff, almost as if he wants his jealousy to be noticed. It is difficult for him to contain his emotions, but he cannot allow himself to say words that may bring harm to you.

"Could we speak in private?" He says quickly.

But that made you even more agitated.

"What happened back there?!"

Jing Yuan was surprised by the tone of your voice.

"He's trying to seduce you, Your Highness."

Jing Yuan is angry, his arms crossed, his body tense.

He's not sure how to process what has happened. His mind is spinning as he tries to remain calm and professional for your sake.

"He was being…inappropriate. If it were anyone else, I would have removed them from your presence myself."

He is talking as little as he can, in calming his anger.

"That doesn't mean you have to threaten him like that! Did you forget who he is?!" You whisper-shouted.

"His Grace is a guest, Your Highness."

Jing Yuan's face is full of conflicting emotions. He is worried for you, angry at Dan Feng, but even so, he does not want to risk harm upon to you or your kingdom by acting against Dan Feng.

He is used to keeping his emotions in check. But it's almost painful for him not to go over to Dan Feng and throw him out of your palace with his own two hands.

"I cannot allow some foreign prince to touch you so freely, to gaze at you with such lust and hunger…"

Jing Yuan's voice trails off.

"And he is going to be my wedded husband by contract! Do you know the consequences if you harmed him, our nations would go to war !" You exclaimed.

"Yes, I'm aware, Your Highness."

His face is blank, but his heart is full of turmoil.

He hates having to stand by as some foreign prince takes such liberties with the woman he loves.

But he cannot betray your trust. He will not defy your orders.

The knight turns back to you, eyes darting between your face, the floor, and the windows… anything to avoid looking at your face directly.

"Your Highness," Jing Yuan's voice is tense and formal. "May I ask why you are… entertaining his advances?

You sighed, your body seemed to deflate like a balloon.

"Because I thought that maybe, it would assure me that he wouldn't back out from this agreement."

Jing Yuan's face twitches in confusion.

"Your Highness, are you saying you… do not want this marriage?"

His tone and face are utterly blank, but you can tell that he is surprised by your admission.

He clears his throat, hoping to move this subject of conversation into more acceptable terrain.

"Why would he back out of this arrangement? This marriage would benefit both kingdoms, this is simply a political decision. You have no intention of… becoming close with him?"

"The kingdoms' safety is paramount and my hands are tied politically. But you must understand that… I need this marriage to happen. I cannot let the sacrifices of my parents go in vain."

You swiftly avoided his question.

There is a deep conflict in your heart. "I have to marry him. It's the only way this kingdom would survive."

"Little finch," you feel Jing Yuan's eyes burning into you. Your knight yearns to touch you, to kiss you, to hug you. His desire becomes more and more apparent. But he knows this is not the way. He is to be your knight, your protector, nothing more.

But the way you put it so clearly. Your marriage is necessary to keep your kingdom safe. He understands the importance of your duty… but even more so than that… He wants you to be happy and he knows this marriage is the opposite of happiness.

You chuckled sadly. "You haven't called me that in years."

"Just please, Jing Yuan. You have been my best friend since we were 17. Please understand how this means so much to me and this kingdom. It's my responsibility as the oldest heir."

You've never seen Jing Yuan so… sad before.

He's always been disciplined and has never let his emotions get the better of him. But this… this is hurting him greatly.

He takes a deep breath and then looks up at you.

"I will not stand in the way of your marriage, Your Princess."

He kneels before you and puts his head down, letting his hair fall forward. His expression was steady but his voice wasn't.

"The interests of the Kingdom come before my personal affairs."

"Personal affairs? Jing Yuan, what do you mean by that?"

Jing Yuan remains focused on looking at the ground, his voice clear as he answers.

"Little finch, I have fallen in love with you," he says, the words falling from his lips as if it were no big deal, and yet, he feels it weigh upon him like the heaviest burden.

"The thought of you… marrying Dan Feng hurts me greatly. It pains me that I cannot offer you my love and honor in place of his."

There is a slight pause before he continues.

"And yet, I will not interfere."

"Jing Yuan, I— How long have you felt like this?" You stuttered.

"It started as a childish crush," Jing Yuan answers promptly, not bothering to look up from the ground.

You have never seen him show this much emotion around you before. You didn't think he knew how.

"But as time went on, these feelings… this love has only ever grown stronger. I can't put it into words, Your Highness!"

He shakes his head slightly, ashamed of his emotions.

"I will always protect you, to care for you as your best friend, and yet…my love for you is too much to ignore."

"When I saw him touch you... when he took your hand and stared at you... when he winked at you," Jing Yuan takes a deep breath.

"It made my blood boil."

"I wish I could give you everything. I wish I could give you my heart."

This statement rings in your ears louder than anything else before.

It's an admission of love and an admission of how painful it is for him not to be your lover.

"A knight has no reason to fall in love with his Princess. It is a betrayal of everything I am. But I cannot deny it," his voice drops to almost a whisper, but the sheer amount of emotion behind them carries the words far.

"My divine princess, I love you." He whispered.

Your gaze shot up to look at him as those words escaped his mouth,

"You probably will not see me as anything more than your knight, but I cannot deny my feelings. I want you to be happy, and I will continue my duty, but... I wanted to confess my love for you before you married Dan Feng."

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Love.

The words burn in your ears as more and more emotion pours out of his words

He is not ashamed of his words. He does not hide his love from your eyes. He holds nothing back and tells you the truth.

Jing Yuan, your best friend loves you. He loves you so much.

And he will never be yours.

Your mind is spinning.

Does he think he has no chance with you? Or does he already know and is merely professing his love before it is too late?

"Jing Yuan." You let out a choked sob.

"I can't-"

Jing Yuan's heart breaks as you sob. He cannot help but place a hand on your shoulder.

The movement is gentle and careful, but you can feel his hand tremble slightly. His voice is soft, gentle even.

Pleading.

"My princess, you do not have to say anything. I just wanted… I just wanted to tell you how I felt before you married Dan Feng. That is all."

He looks down at the ground.

"I will not… I cannot be anything more, I know this. But I had to tell you…"

"…you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen…the most wonderful person I have ever met," Jing Yuan whispers.

"I will cherish my time as your knight, as your best friend, until you no longer need my protection."

He bows his head deeply, looking at the floor.

"Your happiness…is my happiness. For as long as you allow my services, I will offer them gladly. Even if you marry Dan Feng and have heirs, I will still guard you," The sliver-haired man says, his voice still filled with emotion.

"Jing Yuan…." You were devastated, you couldn't process this, everything was happening so fast.

He seems to brace himself for the worst— for an outcry from you, for a scream or a slap, anything negative.

But you simply take his hand.

You take your knight's hand without a word.

"I understand…" Jing Yuan says quietly.

"It was selfish of me to tell you this when it will only hurt you, but I do not regret my words. Your happiness is my mission… your joy is my joy, and your sorrows are my sorrows."

He is utterly loyal to you, and you alone.

"You should go, I need a moment to myself." You said quietly.

He stares at you… looking into your eyes. It's impossible for him to look away.

"As you wish," he whispers, releasing your hand.

He stands, turning to walk out—but he takes a second before he leaves.

"Please know that… regardless of how this marriage pans out," Jing Yuan's voice drops to a whisper, "I will always be here for you. Whenever you need me, a whisper of my name is enough."

With this, your knight leaves, allowing you to collect your thoughts.

He just hoped that you wouldn't hate him after this.

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#jing yuan x reader #jing yuan #jing yuan angst #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #jing yuan fluff #honkai star rail fanfic #dan feng x reader #hsr x reader #hsr angst #hsr #hsr fanfic #⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ottervneuvillette's thoughts

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the-writer-arrived · 1 year ago

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Dan Heng NSFW Alphabet

Synopsis: let's take a peek on how your lover is in bed, shall we?

Character: dan heng.

Warnings: afab!reader; reader is part of the astral express but isn't the trailblazer; spoilers about dan heng's past and his companion mission.

A/N: in celebration for dan heng imbibitor lunae release (finally!!), i give you all this! may our dragon boyfie come home to all who wants him <3

(p.s. that mf made me lose the 50/50 💀 his light cone better come home 😭.)

(edit: IT WORKED HIS LIGHT CONE CAME ON THE 31 😭😭😭😭)

This work has sexual themes and is not suitable for minors. If you click on read more, I am not responsable for any discomfort you may feel reading this. You have been warned.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Dan Heng's nickname in Belobog's fight club may be "Cold Dragon Young", but he's anything but cold to you especially after sex.

After your sexual lives began, Dan Heng made sure to always have a box of tissues, a towel and a bottle of water at hand's reach.

He prefers to do the deed in your room instead of his since, you know, it's the Express databank...

Therefore, those things are usually inside a drawer of your nightstand for easier access to the both of you.

Also cuddling is a must for him.

On days Dan Heng is feeling particularly clingy, he will wrap his arms AND tail around you, not minding the feeling of your sweaty and sticky bodies.

But don't worry, he will take you to the bathroom to clean you and him in the shower/bath, before returning to bed.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

If someone had asked him that before he got together with you, he wouldn't know what to answer.

Now, however, he'd answer his hands.

Curiously enough, you've always been fascinated by Dan Heng's hands.

You loved holding it, playing with his fingers, saying they were so soft, even softer than your own!

You also loved dragging him to the sleepovers in March's room, which you would paint your boyfriend's nails while March would do the Trailblazer's.

Now, about his favorite body part of yours, it's an easy answer: your neck.

It goes hand in hand with his kink (or rather, instinct) of marking you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He cums an embarrassing (to him) amount.

Although the Vidyadhara can't have offsprings, they still are a dragon species and, considering Dan Heng has a much closer conection to the water dragon he controls, his instincts are stronger than others of his kin.

Yes, this is just a roundabout way to say he has a breeding kink

It's usually thick and gooey, but when he's in heat, it becomes more watery.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

When you joined the Astral Express, you were sure Dan Heng disliked you.

Although he was never outright rude to you during the (very few) interactions you two had in the beggining, he would never be in the same room as you.

Himeko assured you that the young man was just shy, but even she was at a loss at that unusual behavior of his.

Dan Heng was avoiding you, yes, but it wasn't because he hated your guts or anything.

It was because your scent was driving him crazy.

The second he landed his eyes on you, your scent invaded his system and every single fiber of his being was being pulled to you.

But he couldn't, he shouldn't. There was too much danger in his life.

But by the Aeons... He had to do something, or else he might lose his mind.

So, when everyone in the train was asleep, Dan Heng would let his thoughts be consumed by you and guide his hand to his shaft...

He would rather go through molting rebirth again than admit he did such debauchery to you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

My guy has been in the Shackling Prison ever since he was born and after being banished from the Luofu, he had to keep looking over his shoulder for a psycho who's out for his blood.

It's suffice to say that Dan Heng doesn't have any experience in relationships or sex.

Please have patience with him, he will fumble but he really wants to make you feel good :(

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I believe Dan Heng would prefer positions which he can see your face, be it directly or through a mirror's reflection.

What he must have, however, is access to your neck, his favorite body part of yours as mentioned on B.

So, if you do positions like cowgirl/reverse cowgirl, you can expect to have a restless (dragon) lover under you, squirming for wanting to have you closer in order to mark your pretty skin.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's definitely not one to be funny in bed... intentionally, that is.

Have you seen him throwing peace signs when the Silvermane Guards were pursuing the trio in Jarilo-VI?

Or him doing that when March took a photo of him next to the High Elder statue on that short animation?

Or even the things he says with the most poker face ever?

Anyway, what I mean to say is that Dan Heng is funny without trying to and that (unfortunately to him) sometimes happen in bed.

He will huff while you're giggling with yourself, before bringing you back to the right mood with a searing kiss.

What were you laughing at again? I don't know, maybe you should focus on those hypnotizing eyes darkened with lust staring down at you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

As said on E, Dan Heng doesn't have much experience in relationships, therefore never really worried that much about pubic hair.

After joining the Express and having a safe place to be, he would groom himself and trim a bit just so it wasn't too much or too long.

Now that he's with you, he likes to keep his bush small and very well groomed, so it won't bother your nose when you suck him off.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

His draconic instincts aside, Dan Heng really, really, REALLY enjoys keeping you in his arms.

99% of the time you guys "make love" instead of fucking.

This is the first time in his life (as Dan Heng) that he feels utterly safe and conected with someone in so many different aspects.

When he says "I love you" during the deed, it comes from the deepest, most precious part of his heart.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Honestly, he used to masturbate more before you two got together.

Again, he will never tell you that or, at least, not any time soon...

Now? It's rare for him to do it.

If he's in the mood, usually you are as well.

Sure, mutual masturbation is hot and all, but he'd much rather be inside your warm and inviting pussy.

The only time he'll jack off is when you are away from each other in trailblazing missions.

You know Dan Heng will try to hold off touching himself until he can go back to the Express, but he becomes soooo snappy and with a permanent frown on his face.

So, please, send him some photos of you or audios to break his resolve and make him relax a little until he returns to your side.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

As mentioned in the very begginning of the list, I am 100% sure Dan Heng has a breeding kink, even if he can't procreate.

It's such a filthy sight, your hole fluttering after he pulls out, your mixed fluids leaking from it... A voice, primal, in the back of his mind telling him he should push it back inside or, even better, stuff you with his cum once again...

He can't get enough of it.

Also, you won't leave the bed without at least a dozen marks on your skin.

Bites, hickeys, marks of his fingers for gripping you too tightly... You'll see all of that and more on the morning after.

Your boyfriend is considerate enough to not leave them on places you can't hide with your clother or make up.

...Unless you made him jealous on purpose or has been teasing him throughout the day.

I guess scent kink is also a thing for him.

You almost make him delirious with lust when you're on your ovulating period.

Praise your guy to your heart's content, it works wonders when you want Dan Heng to let loose and fuck your brains.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

No matter how horny he is, Dan Heng will only touch you on the privacy of the bedroom.

Preferably yours since he doesn't really have a bed on the Data Bank Archieves.

Which is fine, considering he basically moved to your room.

The reason for that is the comfort and sense of security the private space gives him.

He doesn't have to be on alert for any kind of danger and can give you his undivided attention.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Call him corny, but it's when you show him you love him.

For most of his life, he has been followed by the shadow of Dan Feng and his deeds, both good and bad.

Even after Jing Yuan revoked his banishment from the Luofu, there are still many people, especially the Vidyadhara, who look at him with contempt.

Not to mention Blade hunting him through the universe to make him pay the price for his Dan Feng's sins.

So, when you cup his cheeks, stare at his eyes so softly and tell him you love him for who he is, not the shadow of his precious reincarnation...

His heart can't barely handle all the feelings that well up inside.

Dan Heng tries his best to show you how he feels by the breathtaking kisses and relentless pace of his hips snapping with yours, with chants of your name like a devotee does to their beloved deity.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

If you enjoy feeling a bit of pain in bed, I'm sorry to tell you, but Dan Heng refuses to do anything that may cause even the tiniest bit of pain to you...

Okay, it's not like he'll NEVER do it if you do enjoy it, but it'll take a lot of coaxing and reassurance.

His worst nightmare is to hurt you in any shape or form.

One thing that he will not do, no matter what, is share you.

So no threesome with Blade, sorry.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I see Dan Heng as the giver type, to be honest.

Not that he dislikes you sucking him off, far from it!

He just adores being nestled between your thighs, your drooling cunt on his mouth...

And if you convince him to eat you out on his Imbibitor Lunae form? It's a sure way to send you to heaven.

Grab his horns like your lifeline, it will make him moan into your folds and grind his cock onto the bed.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

On normal days, the pace is slow but deep.

No matter how much you ask, beg, demand for your lover to go faster, he won't and it drives you crazy (in a good way).

He's addicted to the way your core tightens around his member like a vice when you're so close to the edge.

Only then he will concede to your wishes, so you can cum together.

When he's in heat? Good luck walking tomorrow soldier 🫡

Each of his thrusts are so deep, so fast, so hard, but never deep enough, never fast enough, never hard enough to satisfy his desires.

I hope your bed is strong enough to survive the whole night.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Doesn't like it.

To Dan Heng, being physically intimate with you requires a process, a moment when the two of you tune out the world and just focus on each other.

Like I said on P, he likes to take his time with you, to really feel every single inch of you.

Sure, there are times when both of you are too horny to wait until you are in the comfort of your bedroom and there's too little time to spare.

Even so, quickies don't satisfy him completely.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Another thing that he doesn't enjoy it.

Dan Heng is a bit self conscious about the thought of other people hearing or, Aeons forbid, see you two doing it.

A spoiler for the V part, but this guy isn't exactly quiet during the fun 🤫

That's one of the reasons why doing it on a public or semi-public place is a no for him.

Using a vibrator though, especially on him, now that's something that may happen.

Again, it'll take some coaxing from you, but there's a bigger chance of him agreeing in the end.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Even when Dan Heng is in his human form, his stamina is above average.

When he's in heat? Again, good luck walking tomorrow.

If it was up to his draconic desires, he would go all night without a break.

Fortunately for you, he can hold on to his senses enough to remember that you would not survive if that happened.

You'd die happy, but he doesn't want to lose you.

On the morning after, you two are "gently" reminded by Himeko and Welt that there are other passengers on the Express and everyone would very much like to sleep in peace ✨

Poor March had to sleep over with the Trailblazer in their room, which was the furthest from yours.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Our boy knows what a dildo and a vibrator are on theory, never tried them himself.

You'll have to be the one to introduce them in the relationship, if you want to.

I see Dan Heng as a switch, leaning to the sub side tbh.

With that in mind, I believe the toys are used more frequently on him than on you.

His favorite is those vibrators that can be controlled by a phone app, it's discreet and you can keep your partner on their toes.

His collection isn't big, maybe he owns two or three at max.

His first sex toy was one of those male masturbators, a gift from you.

Poor guy was so confused on what the hell that thing was (totally understandable, some of those look like a blender???).

Needless to say that his face turned red in no time after your explanation.

It doesn't come close to your hands and mouth, but it does a good job when you two can't be together for whatever reason.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If there is someone who loves to tease to hell and back, it's you.

You can't help it! Dan Heng looks sooooo adorable, trying his hardest to keep a straight face while a pink tint warms his cheeks.

Your teasing can go two ways: you may have him whimpering and begging for more under you OR he will retaliate and have you whimpering and begging for forgiveness under him.

In any case, you see it as a win in your book ✨

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

*Me, speaking into the mic.* Dan Heng is a whimperer and whinier.

*The crowd boos and I leave with my head down.*

She's right! *There is a yell coming from the back.*

*It's you, with Dan Heng dying from embarrasment next to you.*

Jokes aside, I do believe our Cold Dragon Young isn't loud per se, but a whimperer for sure.

He's embarrassed by that, so he does all he can to keep his sounds at bay.

When he's in Hot Dragon Young mode, he'll do a 180°.

Embarrassed? Shy? Quiet? Not Vidyadhara Dan Heng.

He growls, he moans, he curses, he straight up purrs the more he pounds and bullies your pussy with his cock(s).

Yes, he has two, it's a consensus between writers and artists.

Please gift everyone in the Astral Express ear buds, they will need them.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Despite having a breeding kink, of course Dan Heng is aware his species isn't fertile.

He knows there are no chances of him creating a new life by the conventional means of procreation.

And yet... Watching you interact with Hook and the other children of Belobog... Watching you hold Bailu in your arms...

He can't help but daydream of the 'what ifs' and 'would be'.

If he could, he wonders what would your child be like?

Would they look more like you? Or him?

Would they have similar personality to you or him? Perhaps a mix of both?

Would they inherit his draconic features?

...Would they have a long life span like him?

...Would they still be by his side, after your passing..?

...Will he even be able to handle to live a life without you once again...?

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I am terrible at describing things, let alone dicks of fictional characters, so bear with me OTL

Okay, so, it's been established that Dan Heng has two cocks. Good? Good.

I like to think that they also change when he turns into his original appearance.

Human Dan Heng: only one dick, but still has a bit more length than average, on the thiner spectrum, slightly curved upward

Imbibitor Lunae Dan Heng: two dicks, a growth in girth to leave you full but not stuffed, the veins are more proeminent.

How does one describe a pretty dick? Idk, but it's the first thing that comes to mind when you see it.

He's a pretty guy after all.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I know I've talking about his heat period like a broken record, but that's because watching aloof characters becoming crazy with lust makes me absolutely feral 🥴

But honestly? Among all the Honkai Star Rail men, I see Dan Heng with the lowest sex drive.

Not that he isn't interested in you physically, far from it! He adores your body and when you show it off to tease him, it's always very effective.

It's just that I see he has bigger emotional needs than sexual needs in the daily life.

Lover boy can go two, three days without having sex with you just fine.

It depends more on how is your sex drive.

If you ask him, he'll gladly go down on you whenever you wish.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Dan Heng will only fall asleep after you do.

It comes from a desire to protect you from anything and everything.

He won't allow himself to completely rest until you are fully comfortable and in deep sleep.

Only then, he will kiss you on the forehead and bring you into his arms, giving you a sense of security you won't be able to find anywhere else in the whole universe.

#blue.writes: honkai star rail #blue.writes: dan heng #blue.writes: smut #honkai star rail x reader #dan heng x reader #dan heng smut #honkai star rail smut #minors dni #not suitable for minors

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keyotos · 1 year ago

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the only exception

summary ⎯ where blade thinks there is no more hope for love, but you may be the only exception.

tags ⎯ soft blade. mentions of blade's past. reader uses his real name (yingxing) like once on accident. emotional rollercoaster. blade goes through the 5 stages of grief except its not grief it's love. blade is bad at feelings.

tana's thoughts ⎯ gave into the voices and i starting writing this.

the xianzhou is not like it used to be, yet it has not changed that much either. at least, that's what blade noticed as he stood by one of the railings at starskiff haven. he watched the starskiffs come and go as he stood there, motionless.

he had a cup of tea from the tea parlor nearby. some customers wanted him to engage in tea discourse with them because he was an "outworlder," but with one glare from him, they knew better than to press on. so now, he was alone in the dark with sunglasses on.

starskiffs seemed to improve throughout the years. his favorite snack stand was gone, one he used to visit with you. blade tried to ignore the burning sensation in the middle of his chest at the thought. but the stupid mungbean soda vending machines were still there. damn them, he thought.

blade took off his sunglasses momentarily as he rubbed his eyes. sunglasses were obviously meant to be worn in the sun, not in the dark: they were causing him eye strain. he tried to be as subtle as possible, not trying to attract any cloud knights or realm-keeping employees. his face was still on a wanted poster, after all.

"ahem."

blade turned back to find a cloud knight with a mung bean soda in their hand. his mind instantly turned to you, given that you were also a cloud knight who loved mung bean soda (unless that changed as well), but he snapped back to the current situation. he was about to be arrested. the cloud knight cornered him, spear in hand as they slightly lifted up their helmet to take a sip out of their drink.

have cloud knights gotten sloppier? why are they drinking soda when they were about to arrest someone? blade furrowed his eyebrows, but still got into a defensive position.

he was about to swing at the cloud knight until they held their hands up in surrender, "woah, dude," they slowly said, raising their hands up, "i'm not gonna arrest you," they placed their mung bean soda on the railing, and removed their hat.

and it was you. he was just thinking about you, and you appeared. the sight felt surreal. you, who he had been so close with all those years ago. you, who became his first friend on the luofu. you, who still lingered in his mind after all these years, who he thought about even when the mara was affecting him.

you've changed. though you haven't exactly aged, you look older. you look exhausted; your face didn't glow as it used to. blade thinks he is partial to blame for that. your posture is profoundly straight and no longer slouched⎯something you used to struggle with.

the wind blows through your hair, scattering some leaves around with it. your expression is neutral as you throw all your armor on the ground and dust yourself off. there is no smile adorning your face. everything feels so identical, but so different.

his stance softened, but he didn't let up. when you saw that, you only sighed in response. after kicking some stray pieces of armor to the side, you lean your back on the rail as you sipped your soda. the sound of the armor colliding together on the floor made blade cringe.

"i don't actually wear armor, by the way," you swung the drink in his vicinity, offering him a sip using a hand gesture. when he didn't respond, you took another swig. "i have my own uniform. pretty cool, isn't it?" you tilt your head down towards your outfit.

blade doesn't understand. why were you speaking to him as if you two were still friends? could you recognize him under the glasses? it has been so long, he'd be surprised if you recognized him at all.

blade tries to maintain his cover. he is silent while you raise an eyebrow inquisitively, wondering why this stranger wasn't responding to you. you're waiting for him to speak, blade notices. he doesn't say anything. you tilt your head to the side, and blade tilts his head the other way.

you sigh, "you know, not many people are out here so late," you sip out of your soda can, looking at blade while he looks at the starskiffs. you continue, "an old friend of mine used to do this. we'd go out every night and create elaborate stories about strangers, and then stare at starskiffs."

you're telling blade about himself. or, his past self anyway. there's a present ache in his heart, hearing how you speak about him. blade feels like an imposter, standing here with sunglasses on while you talk about him. you sound melancholic, like you miss him. a stupid thing for you, blade thought.

"he's gone now," you turned and leaned forward, now watching the starskiffs with blade. he gets a sense of deja vu, and the feeling sends chills all over his body. you rest your head on your arms on the rail, "i miss him though. he was a little awkward, but he was kind."

"and sometimes," you turn your head towards blade, "he was a little annoying. like he would keep hating on my soda," you hold your soda up to blade, but all he could think about was how you just called him annoying, "or he'd force me to go to bed early. coddle me. nag at me to do my laundry⎯that was very annoying. like, hello? i'm an adult, i could totally do my own laundry," you ranted as you watched the starskiffs.

"maybe you should've done your laundry earlier," he mumbled to himself. he made sure it was low enough that only he would be able to hear it. if you noticed, you didn't say anything; you were still focused on the starskiffs passing by.

blade takes the time to look at you. to study you. it felt like everything about you was so different, but you were still the same. you still chatted about anything to strangers (something he always chided you about). you still drank mung bean soda. you didn't have that growth spurt you dreamed about.

but you were quieter. ironic, because you just jabbered about the annoyances blade had caused you years ago. but you didn't give out too many details. you didn't mouth off about what tea parlor was best, or recent gossip from earlier. you kept things to yourself. blade doesn't know if he should be happy or not.

something was off. there was a wall between you now. and it felt so wrong. blade knows he isn't entitled to anything⎯not anymore, at least. but the feeling of disconnect between two people who were once rooted together physically pained him. even with everything that has happened, he did not want to see you like this.

"i hope he visits soon," you look at him with eyes that glitter among the stars. you're still hopeful; that has not changed. you speak like the sun is shining in your body, and your words are laced with warmth that eases enough for blade to let his guard down. that's when he realized that you're still glowing, and you never stopped.

but your words also bring a stabbing pain into his heart. why are you still longing for him? you should have moved on. you should have found someone better for you. someone who will not harm you at any given moment. but here you are, missing him. hoping he comes back.

"seriously? i just told you that i missed you and hoped you came back, and you say nothing??" you grimaced, looking exasperated. there's a slight crack in the wall now, but blade doesn't notice.

he had other things to concentrate on. like what you just said.

blade did not find this very amusing. his eyes widened underneath his sunglasses and he took a few steps back. after all these years, you could still find him in a crowd full of people. it was love he did not deserve, yet still begrudgingly craved.

"how did you know it was me?" was all blade could utter. he was too alarmed to ask any other questions, or press on your story. or to ask more about you.

you glower and huff, "so he does speak," you cross your arms over the railing as you turn to make eye contact with your past ally.

"how did you know?" blade snarled. he didn't intend for his words to come out as harsh as they did, and the moment they left his mouth, he wanted to shove the words back in and eat them. he had forgotten how you made him feel like an idiot sometimes just by doing absolutely nothing.

your eyes widen and your eyebrows slightly jump up; blade wishes he could erase that expression from his head permanently. however, instead of reacting to it, your composure remains calm. it unsettles blade; he has never seen you so calm before. when you two were young, you got into arguments with those who barely picked a fight with you. you were straightforward and aggressive: blade shouldn't have admired that about you, but nevertheless, he did.

you're less temperamental, and blade doesn't know if he likes it or not. he was worried. after a lifetime of emptiness and recklessness, blade worries. he worries about you: your life, your job, your wellbeing. he worries if you got promoted or not, or if you're living happily.

do you have a partner? blade tries to ignore the flames surrounding his heart as he thinks about your love life.

"oh please. after all the years we've spent together, you'd think i wouldn't be able to spot you in a crowd?" you let out a dry and curt laugh, "just because your hair got darker and you changed your outfit, does not mean you are unrecognizable."

"not to me, anyway," you quietly add, turning your gaze away from him and back to the starskiffs. there's an overwhelming feeling that was welling up in blade's body. it wasn't mara, because it felt more peaceful. but the urge was still strong. he wanted to grab your chin and turn you back towards him; he wanted you to look at him again and explain. to tell him about everything. he doesn't care about the topic, but he will listen no matter what.

blade feels foolish. how could one conversation (if you could even call this a conversation) make him feel so lovestruck? every single feeling for you⎯that he thought he had discarded a long time ago⎯reappeared out of thin air. it all came rushing back at him: your personality, your terrible jokes, and every single thing he grew to love about you. blade tried so hard to dismiss those feelings in the past century, and in the midst of a few minutes, all his past work crumbled.

when blade doesn't say anything, you take a sip out of your drink. the silence is tense; it is opposed to the once comfortable silences you two shared while watching starskiffs. blade thinks that, in another life, nothing would have changed: he would not have become mara-struck, and you two would watch starskiffs fly for hours on end.

but everything has changed now. and there's no going back to fix it. blade will shove down every morsel of affection he feels for you again. and this time, they won't come back up. starting tonight.

you give him a small smile, "so, wanna tell me what you've been up to?"

he will shove down every morsel of affection. starting tomorrow night. another crack in the wall between the both of you.

the feeling of wanting to capture someone's smile is maddening. you drive him crazy, and you make him more insane than mara ever could. all of this because of one smile? blade pictures your small smile once again. it's incomparable to your true smile, though. one where you're showing all your teeth and your eyes crinkle with such bemusement it drives him amuck.

once he pictures your toothy smile, he sinks deeper into the talons of endearment.

"aren't you supposed to arrest me?" he deflects, trying to stem away from his previous lovesick thoughts. maybe, if you arrest him now, he could flee from the luofu forever. maybe then, he'd have a reason to avoid you for life.

you make a 'pfft' noise with your mouth, and the sound is familiar and stupid. it has no reason to make his heart flutter the way it just did.

"if i wanted to arrest you, then you'd be in the hall of karma ages ago," you boast, "luckily for you though, i'm on a break."

"didn't know cloud knights slacked off now," blade rolls his eyes under his sunglasses. he thinks that if he's rude enough towards you, then you'd get the message that he's changed, and you would leave. he's not the same person he was before. if he didn't deserve you back then, he most definitely did not deserve you now.

"well, i'm not a cloud knight anymore," you step closer to him, "i'm a lieutenant."

so you got promoted. blade deeply tries to ignore how his breaths get more shallow after the mention of your promotion.

instead of congratulating you, blade instead replies with, "so you're the same rank as that kid that follows the general around?"

your face falls, and dread swarms throughout his body, spreading through every vein and artery and organ. every regret blade has does not compare with whatever he just said. blade finds that, whenever he thinks about regret, your face has always remained through his sea of remorse. you are the one thing he regrets in many different ways.

blade regrets meeting you. he regrets indulging in your offers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. he regrets spending his nights with you. he regrets every time his heart leapt multiple beats whenever you were near. he regrets letting his guard down around you, because even now⎯whenever he is with you⎯he feels incredibly relaxed, despite not having to see you in centuries.

he regrets you. he regrets not being able to say goodbye to you. he regrets leaving you with so many qualms. he regrets not being able to see you change. he regrets the fact that he never got to confess to you. he regrets the fact that he still loves you, because why else would he be feeling this way?

the idiot keeps his mouth shut, even though he wants to apologize. "i didn't mean it," he wanted to say, "i'm sure you are very capable now. you stand up more straighter and you look more put together. not that you didn't look put together before. well, actually you didn't, but that's not the point."

it occured to blade that he was rambling about you in his mind. he was describing you in his mind. he was going crazy. nobody else notices these things about you. but blade physically could not tear his eyes away from you. the more he stared, the more he noticed more: such as the way your shoulders were more upright, your breathing was slow and even, and you surprisingly didn't look like you wanted to kill him. the you from centuries ago would have thrown him off the ledge.

you sigh, pressing your fingers to the bridge of your nose, "i see you've met yanqing."

blade says nothing, which simply prompts you to keep talking. a tiny slither of comfort enter's blade's body: it was refreshing to see that after years, some things will never change.

"he's jing yuan's retainer," blade internally (and bitterly) revels in the fact that you don't use any formalities with jing yuan anymore, "he can be a bit... much. but it makes sense. he's only a kid, you know? i like him," you move your soda can to the side to make room for your arms. you're leaning on the railing again, and you were not looking at blade anymore. it should not scatter uneasiness around his nerves.

he wants to share an anecdote of his own. blade yearns for connection with you for just once more. when he is around you, there's an ache in his heart. it was always there; past and present. he thought it would be subtle, like a symptom of a short-term illness. but soon he realized, the symptom he shrugged off was a manifestation of something bigger. and blade never truly recognized how long his sickness would last. because here he is right now, sick as a dog in your presence.

if wanting to fuel your everlasting fire was a sickness, blade decided that he would be diagnosed as terminal.

blade tsks at your statement. you are not impressed; your face looking slack and skeptical. there have been many times where he has been on the receiving end of that look, yet he feels the air swirl all around in his stomach every time you look at him that way. he also tries to slow his heart rate down: there should be no reason why he should be elated at the fact that you're looking at him.

"don't give me that," you cross your arms, "he reminds me of you," you pause, letting the silence overtake the both of you. there are so many unsaid things that the silence feels full, yet still too quiet. you know that the past is a sensitive topic for blade (and you as well, but you choose to dwell on that another night).

"back when we were kids, anyway," you quickly add on.

blade scoffs. scoffs. he does not see himself in yanqing, and he also does not know how you came up to that conclusion. it was ridiculous and strange. blade had to fight a scowl off his face: yanqing and him were nothing alike. if anything, the child was the spitting image of the general.

at least time hasn't changed your terrible analogies.

"terrible?" you point a finger at him, nearing his sunglasses. oh. he said that out loud. "i'll have you know, my analogies are great!"

"you compared me to yanqing, who resembles jing yuan the most," blade shifts his head to the side as he crosses his arms. your finger made his glasses shift down slightly. he could see you a lot better now without the dark obstructing his view, and he internally curses at the wanted posters for being the (indirect) reason he has to wear the glasses.

you let out a sound of disbelief, which resembled blade's scoff and your huff from earlier, "first of all, i was describing temperament. second, terrible?!?"

"if you were describing temperament, then that child would be your twin," he says, trying to fight off the feeling of his lips turning up. this feels familiar. it feels homely, almost. the world melts away when he is around you. every person, place, worry: disintegrated away by your warmth. did you know that? how do you do that? how do you make all the problems in the world disappear so easily?

you let out a breathy laugh, turning away from blade one more time. except, this time, you turn back, a grin evident on your face. it's dark in starskiff haven at the moment, but blade is sure that he just saw the sun in your smile. out of his peripheral vision, he looks to see if anyone else has noticed. have they noticed the light coming from you? how do they notice notice it?

the world continues to move, but with you, it seems that everything is perfectly still.

"i'll have you know, i worked on that whole temperament thing," you held up a hand to his face, "i'm chill now."

"oh really?" blade skeptically raises an eyebrow. you can see it through the crack in his facade left by the sunglasses. you can see his eyes a little bit more clearer.

"oh yeah," you drag out, taking a long sip of your soda. you turn on your back and spread your arms across the railings, mimicking a tired soldier, "i'm chill."

and this feels so normal, like if it was a typical night on the luofu. you and him spending time together once again. everything fell back into place so easily, as if the events of all those years ago never happened. why was it so easy?

various emotions coarse through his body, each feeling worse than the last. he can't stay. he can't live. he knows that the longer he stays here with you, the harder leaving you gets. but things have changed, even if you have not. you probably couldn't even love him the same either, logistically speaking. there were too many obstacles standing between the both of you: loving him was impossible.

he still does not understand why you still speak to him.

greeted by his silence, you choose to continue the conversation further, "this soda really helped," you slide the drink over to him again, "it's been a few years. you should try it again."

"a few years, huh?" blade eyes the drink. biggest understatement of the year.

"yeah," you eye him. your eyes are telling him to say something. blade, in all of his fearlessness, is scared. he has not been scared in a long time. the feelings of fear rushing back into him leave him stranded to his own devices, and he has no clue how to react. he used to turn to you for these things, but now, you are the reason for his fear.

you step closer to him. you are close enough that your shoulders are now touching. when you speak, blade tries to control the agitation growing in the pit of his stomach. destructive thoughts impede and pervase through his mind.

"they hate you."

"things will never be the same."

"whatever you had once, it has all gone down the drain now."

"please try the mung bean soda."

what?

blade snapped out of his head to see you holding up your drink right next to his face. he leaned his head backwards as he was met with your pleading eyes.

you took him out of his trance like it was nothing. you didn't have abilities like kafka did, yet you were able to take him out of his spiral using only six words. how was it that everything surrounding you became so easy?

"i'm not drinking that," blade says with a stern voice. he hopes that his glasses hide the panic that was once apparent in his eyes.

"c'mon," you begged, "just one sip⎯"

"why are you even doing this?" blade irritatedly snapped.

you raise an eyebrow and pretend to not know what he was talking about, "because i want you to try new things...?"

"you know what i mean."

you set down the soda can again and let out a long sigh. you run your hands through your hair, and blade thinks this is it. this is the moment where you snap back like you usually would. this is the part where you tell him that he should leave. he's too difficult, too hard to love.

"did you think i was lying back when i said i missed you?" your entire face softened. there was no light-heartened smirk or grin. you look sad. there are no other words to describe how else you look except sad. blade could not think of any other words. all he could focus on was you.

"i wasn't lying," you say, sounding more desperate than before, "i miss you so much, yin⎯blade." your tone turns sharp when you say his name now. this is it, blade tells himself, this is the part where you leave.

"you matter to me," you eunicate, "i still believe in you. i don't care about the past; i'm not letting it hold me back. which, i know is probably wrong on some level, but i don't care. because i miss you a lot."

"it's not even the fact that i miss us from before," you're rambling now. blade does not have the heart to stop you, "but i just miss you. blade or yingxing, i couldn't care less. i miss our late night talks, so when i saw you here tonight, i jumped at the opportunity to talk to you," you threw your hands up in the air, and then ran another hand through your hair, "and when we spoke⎯even with everything that happened⎯everything felt so easy while talking to you. and everything was okay. and i just wanted that so badly," your voice trailed off. blade swore he could hear it crack a little.

you had felt the same way he did. blade does not know if he was just consumed by an overwhelming sense of air flowing through his chest, or feeling something drop in his chest after you said what you said.

"sorry," you had nothing to apologize for, "i just word-dumped on you," you were using another one of your weird terms again, "i just wanted to let you know that i've always missed you. i've missed everything about you. and i don't want to let you go."

i still love you.

you don't say that. you finish your tangent with a long sigh and another swig of your soda can. it's almost empty. mentally, you feel like that soda can right now. you just dumped years worth of feelings on blade, and he responds with silence.

this is it, you think, this is where he leaves.

but he doesn't. he brings you closer. blade grabs your wrist before you can put the drink back down, and he brings the can to his lips. he faces the fact that he just put his lips where yours were. for a brief second, he imagines that he was pressing his lips onto yours⎯not the soda can.

blade takes back everything he said earlier. he does not regret you whatsoever. he yearns for you. he needs you to function. he wants you: all the time.

he does not regret meeting you. he is not a believer of gods, but he wants to praise whichever higher power that allowed your fate to intertwine with his. he does not regret spending every moment of his time with you; those have been some of the happiest memories in his life.

most of all, he does not regret loving you, because who would regret the warmth of an everlasting flame?

love has been something blade has lived without for many years. but it all comes back so effortlessly with you. and now he realizes why: he loves you like air fans flames. he will keep on giving into your love, so long as you are still there. it doesn't matter when or where: it just matters if you are there.

"i thought you didn't like mung bean soda," you look at his ear rather than his face, not ready for rejection.

"you wanted me to try something new, didn't you?" blade only looked at you, wrist still in hand. he ponders how he was ever scared of your love.

“i didn’t think you would try it so soon,” you pathetically laughed.

“sooner than you’d think,” he quietly mumbled, only so the two of you could hear it. his fingers were grasping the top of your hands as he still held onto your wrist.

“look,” you place the drink down, slinking your hand out of blade’s hold, “i know you’re probably going to be gone soon. that’s fine. couldn’t really expect you to stay because of your… you know. job,” you awkwardly explain, tucking your hands behind your back.

“but,” you sounded more optimistic, and it seemed as though the street lights all lit up, ��you know that friend i was telling you about? the annoying one?” blade rolls his eyes, you only laugh at his reaction, “i hope that he visits more often.”

hope. you hope for him to come back. you hope for more. blade hopes for more too. he wants more, actually. craves it.

but he plays hard to get, “well, if you keep calling your friend ‘annoying’ i doubt he’ll visit as often as you’d like,” and he smirks. you have to bite your lip, hard, to restrain your giddy smile.

“well, i was just telling it as it is,” and it’s easy again. and you want this as much as blade does. and this is hope. this is hope that, even after everything, you’re still here and love is still alive. the wall is broken so easily.

“mhm, okay.”

“yup!”

“i’ll see if i can sort something out,” blade tells you, taking another drink of your soda. he’s emptied at this point. he’s only taking the “drink” so he could try to hide his (growing) blush from you.

“i thought you ‘weren’t going to visit’ as often,” you pouted, rolling your eyes.

“well, i never said that. i said your friend was going to do that. just giving you some advice, that’s all,” he teased. you felt your heart swell up: everything was going to be fine.

“your advice is shit.”

“you’re shit.”

yeah. everything will be okay.

if this looks familiar it’s bc this is an expanded ver of the xianzhou men hcs i did like a week ago. this was from blades part and i liked it sm i wrote more. wish i could have done the end a little bit more justice but i am TIREDDDD it was 4:30 in the morning.

but if u made it all the way down here i hope u enjoyed!! i put my tanussy in this and i wrote for like 5 hrs so pls enjoy LMAO

#tana writes (∗´ ᨔ `∗)#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr #hsr x reader #blade x reader #blade x you #blade x y/n #this was supposed to be longer but it’s 4:30 in the morning and i’m done #like my brain is fried and i cant do this anymore 😭#the ending was rushed asl but yk other than that i didn’t hate this

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358jours · 2 years ago

Text

Jing Yuan x GN!Reader⎢Bird in my hands

Word Count⎢1840

Genre/Tags⎢SFW, fluff, Reader has wings, wing grooming, softness and non-sexual intimacy, written and posted before game launch⎢Crossposted on AO3

Jing Yuan, now labeled ‘Dozing General’ behind doors, used to reign upon the battlefield in his younger days. His awareness, his foresight, his strategy, his instinct, his strength, all made him terrifying to fight. With the aid of the lighting element, few were the enemies he wasn’t able to take down. Perhaps the no man’s land was waiting to be claimed by him, to be renamed “Jing Yuan’s land”.

He wasn’t perfect of course, he had his share of lost battles. But he had led his men to victory far many more times than he ever had defeat.

Peace has claimed Xianzhou since then. Everything has changed, and no longer does he need to kill for victory. The battles moved from warfronts to conference rooms. Through diplomatic negotiations, treaties, alliances, trades, the living conditions of the citizens improved. His did too.

He has adapted, and every day still uses the many skills he learned on the battlefront. He is meticulous in his routine, planning everything so that no problem arises. Perhaps another person would’ve complained about the mental toll. But he is Jing Yuan, to deal with the consequences rather than preventing them is not his style. Better be safe than sorry as many say, and surely, all of this is why he follows the path of erudition.

He savors peace in his own way. Taking a nap, laying in the sun, going on a stroll, enjoying the way he can just be bored– those are all the fruits of his hard work. His drowsy demeanor makes him appear lazy in the eyes of others, but he is content knowing none have to deal with his “actually acting like a general” persona. It is much less enjoyable for everybody.

He was often compared to a lion back on the battlefield, and it still fits him now, in different ways.

You were attributed to his flagship, the Xianzhou Luofu, not as a soldier but as a scout for reconnaissance and investigation. After all, there is little use in making you a regular fighter when that pair of wings on your back gives you many other opportunities. Bird people aren’t the hybrid norm in Xianzhou as it is the known territory of Foxians.

Perhaps this is why you caught his attention– his subconscious feline instincts reacting to your rare avian attributes. Natural prey and predator, or something along those lines. He had listened to his urges once– to tease you for one of your miscalculations despite being barely acquainted general and subordinate. The face and noises you made had been far too entertaining. Playfully bothering you and seeing your honest reactions to his banter became one of his favorite pastimes.

Which is why when he finds you squirming around, he doesn't announce his presence. You are trying to reach something on your back, stretching yourself into unspeakable positions to achieve your goal, but with no luck. The curses leaving your lips constantly make the general raise an eyebrow. He has never heard you swear this much in a single instance.

As much as your floundering entertains him, it is getting a little painful. “May I help?”

“Ah!” To say you jump in surprise would be an understatement. Your wings flap instinctively, and bam, into the ceiling. Your landing is quite off too. You grasp at the top of your head with your hands, ‘ow ow ow ouch’. Yanqing, passing by right at that moment, laughs his heart out. The loud sound rings out throughout the halls, even after he is gone. Your embarrassment deepens.

Finally you turn around. “Is there anything amiss, General?”

“It seems you are struggling with something. I was wondering if you needed my aid. I’d rather you don’t end up with a concussion.” Jing Yuan laughs.

“I– I’m pretty sure a concussion is harder to get than simply this, sir.” You look at the floor, abashed. He only chuckles, his trademark lazy smile on his face. One moment pass, another, and finally you cave when your eyes meet his. “As for help, well… Something in my wings is bothering me and I don’t know where I put my brush. Just combing through with my hands is usually fine but my arms are errr too short for this I fear. If you have the spare time I would appreciate the help. I’m a bit embarrassed to ask you that as you are my superior though.”

All in one breath. Jing Yuan smiles a bit more. “Of course, to be allowed to touch a bird-person’s wings, isn’t that the highest honor possible?”

Your hands scratch the back of your head sheepishly before you turn around to lead him somewhere else. He follows, nonchalant. Though you’re trying your best not to open them in enclosed space, he sees your wings flutter every now and then. He wonders how long it has been bothering you, where you’re taking him to. The only sounds covering the silence between you two are the clanking sounds of his armor and your footsteps.

He gets his answer when you two walk into a somewhat large room. Judging by the furniture, it’s half a lounge. But by the hammock suspended in the room and personal items scattered all over the place, it’s half a private bedroom. It’s not located in the living quarters either. He sees you remove your shoes and put them in a shoe rack by the door. The tension in your body seems gone in an instant. He inquires then, “Is this your room?”

“Technically it’s no one’s, but I’ve furnished it and have been living in it the longest. Please remove your shoes and come here once you’re done.” You walk to a chest in the corner, and take out a bunch of pillows that you throw on the fluffy rug.

He does as you say and puts his boots by the rack. It’s odd, having to remove his shoes in a bedroom, it’s a habit he lost with time after he was assigned this ship. It’s something he does when he gets back to the mainland, something he does when he visits friends. Even in his own room, he has grown out of it.

The wooden floor creaks under his weight, until his feet land on the soft and fluffy rug. He arranges the pillows around before he sits down cross legged. He’s honestly surprised by how nice it feels.

“Yanqing and I found this room together, it was pretty much empty back then. I was sleeping in the shared quarters, which was quite a problem since every time my wings would move in my sleep, it’d wake someone up. I asked him if I could have it as my own. He already has his own quarters, so I could have it as long as he could visit anytime. He likes to nap in the hammock and take care of his sword here whenever it rains.”

You come to sit before him, your back facing him.

Jing Yuan blinks slowly. His mind is computing what you just told him. He hadn’t considered that aspect of you having those wings, he had viewed them –and you by extension– as an advantageous asset, and forgot to take other situations into consideration. This is proof that he still has shortcomings, even in his meticulous planning. “I apologize, I would have prepared something had I known sleeping arrangements were going to be an issue.”

“Ah no, no, it’s me! We didn’t tell anyone about it and besides, it worked out in my favor at the end of it.” Nervousness suddenly takes over you, afraid you accidentally offended your superior.

“Do not worry, you have not offended me. Besides, this is your personal space, we are equals here. Please don’t treat me as your superior when we are alone, yes?” He only laughs. The second information is something he has to verify himself– “I’m glad you are so close to Yanqing.”

“Ah I wouldn’t call it ‘so close’, I’m not sure if we’re even true friends. He’s a good lieutenant when he needs to be, but the rest of the time he’s… I’m not sure how to say it, I don’t think I’m anyone special to him. He’s so extraverted and friendly, it’s hard for anyone to dislike him, or to not tell him whenever they need help with something. He probably knows all the latest gossip too.” you laugh too.

“That is true. I’m lucky to have him as my lieutenant.” With your back facing him, you don’t get to see his relieved expression, or the way he smiles at you so fondly. “Are you ready?”

“Ah! Yes, of course!” Your wings stretch wide, and Jing Yuan is impressed with the size of them. No wonder sleeping has been a problem for you. “You can pretty much go through the feathers like how you would with your hair. Though they’re pretty sensitive, they’re also sturdier than what most people believe. Do not hesitate if you have to use strength.”

The general hums in response. His hand slowly touches the base of your wings, curious. He has pet small birds in the past, those who didn’t fear him due to his laidback aura. But your feathers are different, for obvious reasons. They are all lined up almost perfectly, their colors much more vibrant up close. They’re incredibly soft to the touch, the smoothness surprising him somehow.

While he’s very tempted to, he has to do more than simply pet your wings. He’s smart however, and figures he can go at a slower pace so he can enjoy this feeling a bit more. It’s a guilty pleasure he won’t mention.

It’s his first time doing this of course, but somehow it feels like he has much more experience. He starts combing through the feathers with much care, paying attention to each bump and irregularity. He massages the wing bone before his hands go back through your plumage. You told him he could use more strength, but he’s skilled enough not to. He removes dead feathers so very softly that you don’t feel it. He notices your form relaxing gradually. Your back slumps bit by bit, your wings slowly getting closer to touching the ground. Pride blooms in his chest.

He’s not sure how much time has passed, but once he’s done with both wings you’re sitting asleep. You stir, and when he realizes you’re about to fall, he catches you in his arms. It doesn’t seem to bother you all that much as you try to make yourself comfortable against his armoured chest. He thinks about his options carefully, what were his planned duties for the day. But… he is the Dozing General for a reason.

He’s careful when he moves to lay on his back, avoiding big sounds made by his armor. You, already in dreamland, don’t seem to mind it and only protest when he moves your head to put a pillow under it.

With the both of you comfortable, Jing Yuan finally closes his eyes.

#jing yuan x reader #star rail x reader #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #jingyuan x reader #x reader #x winged reader #hsr #nekonohanashi

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nerinefy · 10 months ago

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FOREVER YOURS, TRULY...! — NEW YEAR'S SPECIAL PART II

PART III — GEPARD LANDAU (TO BE FOLLOWED)

★ synopsis: nothing much, just yanqing spoiling jing yuan's plans. pretend you didn't hear anything.

★ details: pronouns: you/yours | imagine | fluff | 600+ words

★ JING YUAN ★

It was a chilly evening at his office. Laying comfortably on a chair that surprisingly appeared after visiting once, you watch your significant other- Jing Yuan, focus on the paperwork he's been stuck on for what felt like an eternity. "Why are you even taking care of those? You're a general." You asked the man beside you with puffed cheeks and a pout which made him chuckle in amusement.

"My love, do you really think all I do is...throw hands and wish for the best out on the battlefield?" He asked, seemingly curious.

"I mean...don't you? Or am I missing something?" You tilt your head as he stifles a laugh.

"It looks like I left you alone for too long, come now." He stands up and reaches for your hand, you take them as you let him lead you outside, leaving numerous documents behind. You watch as his steps take you to the balcony. The wind was blowing fiercely and you shiver at the cold. "I'm sorry 'hun, I forgot it was quite breezy here because of the fire back inside," he apologizes, taking off a large coat he had on to wrap around you. The remaining warmth he'd spread on the coat envelopes you, as you feel a hand intertwine yours.

"You're so warm you know? Like a big fuzzy lion." You utter in between giggles.

"That just shows that..." he leans down inching your face, "I really am fit to be yours, you cold-blooded creature," he mumbles as his eyes stare intensely at yours.

"I am not! It was just co-" You exclaim in defense, when suddenly you feel soft lips crash towards yours, stopping you from completing your statement. These soft lips lingered for a moment, relishing the taste of yours. Warmth spreads throughout your body, and you feel as though it's not just from his touch. After a while, he breaks free from the kiss, catching his breath in the process. "That was rude, General, I was still talking." You say in mock annoyance, him laughing in turn.

"I'm sorry, could I ever make it up to you...?"

"Oh shush."

The cold wind continued to rush through you, as you watched the skies above in astonishment. Slowly, you wonder, and later ask, "Hey um, why are we here exactly?"

"Oh, there's no such reason...It's just that, it's been quite a suffocating few days and I thought I could have the time to breathe here..." He trails off, pausing to think of what to say next. "Anyway, it's nothing really, I'm just glad you're next to me right now." He finishes a slight smile appearing on his face. "I'm grateful, truly, even though I've been very busy with numerous responsibilities I hold with the Luofu, you've been nothing but patient and understanding. It's hard to juggle through my workload but ever since you came and been by my side, it felt like it was a little bearable." He then smiles as he faces you, "It's times like these when I'm reminded that...you're here and I don't have to keep it all in my chest. So my love, thank you-"

"Happy engagement! You didn't tell me it was supposed to be right now- you left the ring at your desk when I came to check in." A voice was suddenly heard, disrupting your man's speech (?) for you. He sighs, looking clearly disappointed despite being surprised for a moment.

He can only mutter a, "Yanqing..."

"Oh, oops..." The boy murmurs, breaking into a cold sweat.

"...What ring..?" You ask with raised brows, still surprised.

"Can we uh, do a redo for the actual thing- just pretend to be surprised when that happens."

"Yanqing..."

author's note: this took- um...a while. better late than never ig hehe

#★ ꒷₊˚ ꒰ఎ rinnie's works! ໒꒱ ‧˚₊꒷#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail jing yuan #hsr jing yuan #honkai star rail #honkai: star rail #hsr #jing yuan x reader

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soapssuds · 6 months ago

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jing yuan x fem!reader

warnings | smut , tit-fucking. slight man-handling & dom!jing yuan

He was depraved, he was sure of it. There was no other way to describe what he was, who he was, and how he was acting in this very moment.

It had been a long and tiresome day at the divination commission and all he could think about and look at was you. You worked with the commission closely, and your uniform was as tight as ever. It would be no secret that many would stare at you, admire you, and undress you with their eyes from afar.

Jing Yuan should know because he was doing the same thing. He would always find himself wondering how you even got the uniform, but then would remember that he was the one who ordered you to wear it. Even being extra sure to give you a size that was a bit too small and would accentuate your tits and thighs more.

And, unlike the others who always ogled you, you belonged to him. You both have been married for some time now, so he made it clear to you how he was feeling throughout the day. Accidental caressing. Soft kisses on the cheek or on the lips. Or how he ordered you to fuck yourself on his fingers during a meeting he had (it wasn't an in person meeting, mind you. he just had to show up as a hologram. That's all.). And god did he enjoy how you would bite your hand to keep yourself quiet as you would rock against his deft digits that would dig and plunge deep into your cunt. Your walls squeezing his fingers as he would hit, curl, and scissor all the right places.

And now that night fell the Luofu, all the workers of the divination commission had clocked out. All except for two which just so happened to Jing Yuan and you, his lovely spouse.

"Fuck! Keep them together!"

He ordered you easily. Forcing you on your knees as you pressed your tits together as best as you could as he rutted his hips against your chest. His breathy moans echoing into the room - loud and clear as his dick slid between the tight valley that your breasts created for him.

He moaned at the sudden sensation as you helped work his dick. Pushing your tits impossibly tight around his cock.

You dart your tongue out, letting it flick against the head of his cock at each upward thrust. He couldn’t control his hips by this point, his movements becoming slightly jagged as he began humping against you harder than before. You began moving faster around his cock, syncing up with his thrusts.

Earlier, he thought you getting off on his fingers alone would be enough for the day. On how your cunt clenched each digit as he would curl, scissor, and stroke your inner walls, and massage all the right places. How you would roll and rock your hips, trying your best not to make a sound as he was still in a virtual meeting. But for fuck's sake. This was so much better, and he promised to himself that he would ravish you the moment you both get home.

You were struggling now to keep your hands tight around your cum covered breasts. Your grip loosening on each upward thrust he made, your tongue still trying to keep up. Jing Yuan needed more friction, craved it. In an instant, his hands let go of his desk. And instead rested his big hands atop your own, which were still trying to keep your tits pressed together. He squeezed you impossibly close around his cock, not even missing a beat in his thrusts. You whimpered at the sudden squeeze. You couldn't deny the fact that you loved this, craved it just as much as him.

"Feel that," he grunted, "I'm- I'm so close hah, and you better take it."

His words held a bit of a threat within them as you opened your mouth for him. His dick immediately leaving the slick valley of your breasts as he let go of your hands and went to grab your hair and force your mouth to wrap around his tip.

"Make me cum one more time and I promise that once we get home, it'll be all about you."

He glanced at the clock across from them, a slight chuckle escaping his lips.

He was depraved. He was sure of it.

"We're already past overtime. And I'm already getting tired, so you have five minutes to make me cum. Get to work."

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr smut #jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan x reader smut #jing yuan smut #jing yuan x you #jing yuan x y/n

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eggluverz · 1 year ago

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TASTE OF THE UNIVERSE

PAIRING. jing yuan x gn!reader

WORD COUNT. 1,600

GENRE. fluff, pure fluff

SUMMARY. in which jing yuan occasionally gets tired of being general and you are there to cheer him up. but what exactly are you to him? jing yuan thinks you’re more important to him than you probably know.

NOTE. brain empty jing yuan thoughts only _(:3」z)_ if anyone else has jing yuan thoughts feel free to share my ask box is open <3 in the meantime, pls enjoy !! xx

Jing Yuan joined the Cloud Knights to escape a life of boredom that was bound to await him if he followed his parents’ wishes and joined the Realm-Keeping Commission. And while he believed he ultimately made the right decision for his life, there were parts of being leader of the Cloud Knights that didn’t align with the future he had always dreamed of when he was a child.

Some days, especially those days filled with stacks upon stacks of papers, Jing Yuan wished he could ignore his duties and explore the galaxies. Though, he reckoned everyone with any sort of career must have felt that longing before. Longing for a different life, different experiences, more time to explore.

Such was human nature, after all.

At least during those times that being a Cloud Knight general felt overbearing, Jing Yuan had you to alleviate the feeling.

His relationship with you was nothing more than a friendship if you based it solely on labels. That is to say, neither you nor Jing Yuan have called each other anything but a friend. However, it’d be a lie for him to say he had never felt the implications of anything more with you.

You were just friends, yet he gravitated towards you when he craved someone’s warmth and solace.

You were just friends, yet you insisted on getting dinner with him whenever you could after work, no matter how late his nights were.

You were just friends, yet Jing Yuan found himself wishing it was something more.

With that wistful thought, he pulled out his communication device and opened his messages with you. To his delight, he found an unread message from you only half an hour ago.

Y/N: Hey! :) How’s your day going? If you’re not too busy today, do you want to have dinner with me again?

His eyes lit up at the invitation. He had piles of paperwork to get through, and Luofu’s duties were ones he would never neglect so long as he was the Arbiter-General of the Cloud Knights. But leaving some of the matters with less urgency to be dealt with tomorrow in order to make it to dinner with you was something he could accept. Not so much neglecting as it was prioritizing, he called it. Or work-life balance, as you had told him.

Jing Yuan: Good afternoon, Y/N. My day is good. Better, now that I saw your message. And yours?

Jing Yuan: As for dinner, perhaps we can go to my place today? I can have the chef prepare your favorite foods if you wish.

He let out a soft sigh he’s been holding in. While it was common for the two of you to see each other, having dinner in a more private, intimate space wasn’t something regularly on the agenda. But if Jing Yuan wanted to get to know you on an even deeper level, he reckoned dinner at home would be a good step.

Y/N: My day is also good!

Y/N: I’d love to have dinner at your place. But maybe we can give your cook a break tonight :)

Y/N: I visited Belobog for my last vacation and learned how to make Snapper Jam during my time there. Since you’re too busy to visit yourself, maybe I can make it for you! You can have a little taste of another planet.

Y/N: Though… I won’t have the ingredients from Jarilo-VI, but we can make substitutions accordingly!

Jing Yuan chuckled to himself. Of course it’d be rather difficult to make authentic Belobogian cuisine without the exact ingredients, but he trusted your imitation would still be delightful to the taste.

Besides, it was the thought that counted most and the fact that you wanted to share a part of the galaxy you experienced with him meant more than the quality of the meal.

Jing Yuan: Hahaha, I’d be delighted to taste your cooking. Let me know what ingredients you need. I’ll have someone gather them before you arrive.

Y/N: Okay! I’ll send a list soon.

Y/N: I’ll see you in a few hours! :)

Jing Yuan: I’ll be counting down the seconds!

˖⁺‧₊˚❀˚₊‧⁺˖

You weren’t one to be particularly bashful around Jing Yuan. Perhaps in the beginning when you only knew him as general of the Cloud Knights. But the more you got to know him, the less hesitancy you felt in opening up. Now, you would consider him one of your closest friends.

A close friend who occasionally gave you butterflies and heart palpitations, naturally.

And tonight happened to be one of those occasions.

You haven’t been alone in Jing Yuan’s home before— Or rather, Jing Yuan’s palace is a term more befitting. Despite the vastness of his living quarters, there was an air of intimacy still present in the room.

Jing Yuan watched as you cooked a meal for him in his kitchen, asking if he could help in some way even though you knew that man had not had to cook for himself a day in his life. You asked him to prepare some vegetables as the sides while you worked on the main dish.

When the two of you finished, you had a smile on your face. One the Jing Yuan matched. He placed your plates on the dining table, making sure the two of you were seated side-by-side. You poured a glass of wine for him before filling up your own cup.

“Cheers to this delicious meal made by the lovely Y/N,” said Jing Yuan with a grin, ready to toast.

You clinked your glass against his, not breaking eye contact as you had your first sip. “With the help of the even lovelier Jing Yuan, of course.”

“Naturally.” He smirked. His tone changed into that of a more serious one as he took a bite of the Snapper Jam. “I don’t know if I expressed it well, but I truly am grateful that you did this for me. It’s almost like I’m in Belobog myself.”

You laughed off his compliment, knowing your dish tasted almost nothing like its Belobogian counterpart. But there was only so much you could do without the authentic ingredients. You hoped you were able to do it some justice— Enough to make it enjoyable for Jing Yuan at least. “Well, if you can’t travel the universe yet, I can at least try to bring the universe to you.”

“You already have,” he said, “even without the food.”

Placing another bite of fish in your mouth you raised your brow in question. “How so?”

“You’re here with me aren’t you?”

It dawned on you that he was flirting with you. In the cheesiest most poetic way possible.

A giggle escaped your lips as the realization set in. “General Jing Yuan,” you said teasingly, “if you’re not more careful with your words, I’ll start thinking you’re hitting on me.” You paused. “Unless, that is the intended implication.”

“And if it is?” In contrast to his usually impeccable table matters, he rested his elbow on the table and propped his head on his palm, staring up at you with hooded lids. An almost cocky smile spread across his face, but his eyes shined bright and hopeful.

“I can’t say I’d be opposed,” you said, pretending to be nonchalant about the entire thing. That didn’t last for long before you burst out into a smile, almost bouncing in your seat. “In fact, I’d be rather ecstatic if that were the case. Almost happy enough to kiss you.”

Jing Yuan instantly straightened up at that, no longer lazily leaned over the dining table with that cool composure of his. He craned his neck sideways, examining you with his intense stare.

“How do we get you even happier then?” he asked, gaze flickering from your eyes to your lips. “Would confirming I am flirting with you be enough to suffice?”

You nodded, taking another sip of wine to quench your suddenly dry throat.

“I do like you,” he said sincerely, turning in his dining chair so that he was facing you directly. “And while it may be too soon to truly say you are my universe, I have no doubts it will get to that point, if you’ll only allow it.”

“I like you, as well,” you admitted, placing your hand on his cheek and leaning forward for a kiss. Jing Yuan’s eyes never left yours even as he reached out to cup your jaw. “And you’re well on your way to being my universe, too.”

He let out a low chuckle, brushing your lower lip with his thumb. “Then… What are we waiting for?”

You replied simply by tilting your chin up and meeting his mouth with yours. His lips felt warm and inviting and you instantly hoped there would be more of this to come. The half-eaten food sat almost forgotten on the table, but you had more pressing matters to attend to.

For now, all you could focus on was Jing Yuan’s lips moving against yours, his hand making its way down to the small of your back, his knee brushing against your upper thigh.

Him, him, him.

The thoughts were all-consuming as you melted into the kiss. You wanted nothing more than to enjoy this moment with him. And you knew he felt the same.

Slowly, you pulled away as he rested his forehead gently against yours. His golden eyes burned deep into your own and you found yourself unable to look away.

“Wow.” Jing Yuan smiled as he licked his reddened lips. “The universe sure tastes wonderful.”

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail #jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #hsr fluff #honkai star rail fanfiction #hsr #hsr fanfiction

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owlespresso · 4 months ago

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bedtime stories III. jing yuan. tags: not beta read lmao, jing yuan babies u

You do not love Jing Yuan, and that’s what makes him easy to come home to. To love, to want, is to place your beating heart in the hands of another—is to risk the deadly creep of mara, gingko gold and bitter.

Jing Yuan is easy to come home to because there is no fanfare. In the palest hours of the morning, when the moon hangs low in the sky, you rest your working shoes next to his boots in the foyer. Sometimes, it takes hours to come across him.

The estate is large, and he spends much of his time in the gardens, or in his study, or asleep in bed. You creep in quietly, always, slow and silent as winter’s first snows. Footsteps mouse soft and body obscured by looming shadow.

You avoid the master bathroom. The one on the bottom floor is just as cavernous, a luxurious space complete with a fancy shower, two sinks and a tub easily large enough to fit four. Your toiletries ans soaps make their home in the tall, multi-tiered shelf in the corner. On any other day, you would scrub yourself of the day’s grime before luxuriating in the tub, letting its oatmilk infused waters melt away your anxieties. It’s a part of your routine that you’ve come to look forward to the most, away from the doting hands and knowing smiles of your part-time paramour.

You open the door, and freeze in place, blinking at the hulking form of one Jing Yuan, clad in a cozy, grey robe. You look at him, and he looks at you, lips curling into a delicate smile. His eyes crinkle with it, genuinely delighted to see you. Something in your gut squirms.

“Ah. Welcome back,” he says, toweling off his face. “You look like you’ve had a long night.”

Your skin prickles with discomfort at the nonchalance he reads you with, as he stands in a space you have come to know as your own—which is silly, you know, because it is his house, and his hospitality you so freely encroach upon.

It’s stupid. It’s paranoia, but you can’t help but wonder if he’s done this on purpose—

“It was fine,” you reply, just a little curt. You snatch a fluffy towel from t he nearby rack and wet it. “Still no leads. We’re no closer than we were last week to finding the guy.”

“Mm.” Jing Yuan nods, contemplative. “It comes as no surprise. The individual in question likely traveled as far from the Luofu as they could—and Galaxy Rangers are notoriously difficult to track.” he g;ances down at you, at the cloth clutched in your hard grip. “Allow me?”

“What?” you blink. He plucks the poor piece of fabric from your cramping hands. You’re too surprised to stop him. The day has stolen from you your usual reflexes, long hours spent sifting through the dive bars and dim taverns Galazy Rangers ave been known to frequent whilst aboard. You’ve batted your eyelashes and pulled scraps of information off the wagging tongues of their susceptible patrons. It had all been useless, in the end. Just drunkards eager to brag about better days and past, undoubtedly exaggerated achievements. You stand there as he pumps a dollop of your face wash onto the towel.

The oversized sleeve of his robe dips down to his elbow, exposing the toned muscle of his pale forearm. You behold it for a flash, and then the towel is warm on your cheeks. Jing Yuan hums while he does it, touch tender yet firm. The soap suds against your skin. He’s careful around your eyes, and it takes you an embarrassingly long time to notice they have indeed closed, lulled shut but his gentility.

“How about I run you a bath?” Jing Yuan murmurs as he rinses you, taking great care to not scrape your tender skin. He blots, rather than drags. One, massive hand comes to cradle your jaw—a move that on any other night would have sent you reeling.

“I’m just gonna take a shower,” you mumble as he dries you off, plush fabric wicking away the remaining moisture.

“I’m alright,” he sighs, striding around you—you presume to exit, but then his fingers and playing up your sides, jolting you from the warm stupor. “At least allow me to help you out of this, then.” His breath brushes the shell of your ear. His fingers toy with the zipper at the back of your dress, a classy black number that’s been hidden away in the depths of your closet until now.

“Sure. Be my guest,” you shrug, as if you wouldn’t have asked him regardless.

He’s delicate, in the way he undoes it. The cool zipper glides slowly over your spine. His other hand slips its straps off your shoulders, rumbling in approval when you shimmy out of them yourself. The sound is deep, almost inaudible, felt more than heard. It’s in your best interest to suppress your shivers, promptly busying yourself with kicking off your stockings. The moment of odd tension dissipates and the dress comes off, slid down to your knees.

You expect him to just drop it. He doesn’t. Perplexed, you glance over your shoulder and find the general knelt on the bathroom tile behind you. He looks up at you with a coquettish glint in his eyes while you are jarred by the consideration he shows to even your possessions. It awakens something ugly in you, something wet and shriveled and bleating. The feeling washes over you like a douse of cold rain.

“Well?” Jing Yuan raises a brow, curl of his lips just a bit mischievous. Silently, face aflame, you step out of your dress. He folds it over his arm and smiles at you, so exposed and undone, and does he even know that? “Come to me when you’re finished.” He says, honey sweet, like he’s soothing you. “I’ll get us some snacks, okay? Take as much time as you’d like.”

He doesn’t ask which ones, because he already knows your favorites. You stand beneath the spray and convince yourself that the general is just being exceptionally kind, that it’s only natural for him to keep you close and healthy while you investigate at his behest. After you capture the Galaxy Ranger who so foolishly infiltrated last month’s IPC-sponsored banquet, this will all come to a sudden, unceremonious end.

You wash off the day’s grime, the sweat and the smell of smoke and cheap booze from your earthly form. The weariness, as much as you wish it would follow suit, still clings.

The towels Jing Yuan keeps stowed in the small bathroom closet are massive on you, and downy soft. Each tender brush of the fabric against your naked skin makes you feel swaddled. You trudge the familiar path to his bedchambers. His home is nice, but Jing Yuan is here even less than you are. He indulges in only a few, choice things—his bed being one of them. When you enter, he is sat on a cluster of furniture surrounding a cypress coffee table, bowls of fresh fruit and tempting sweets laid across it in a few, modest portions. Enough for the dinner you admittedly skipped.

“You didn’t have to,” you say flatly.

“How could I not, when we so rarely dine together? Come,” your general orders, and so you take a seat next to him. You’re wedged between his hulking form and a plush cushion, a blanket thrown over the sofa’s back. It’s prettily patterned with stripes and repeating triangles—not from the Luofu, you think, but are promptly wrenched from that train of thought as a piece of sliced peach is pressed against your lips. You blink. Jing Yuan beams when you tentatively open, taking the piece onto your waiting tongue.

“Good?” he asks while you chew. You nod, and he seems oddly contented, wearing an expression you have only seen him wear after he emerges victorious in an especially close game of star chess. You can’t figure out why, but you nod and swallow anyways.

Now that you are bathed and off your aching feet and away from prying agzes, you can feel your appetite returning, clawing at your stomach with a vengeance. That’sthe only reason why you accept a second piece from his calloused fingers, and then a third.

“You didn’t eat dinner today, did you?” Jing Yuan inquires once the fruit is all gone. He licks the remaining juice off his fingers, sharp canines flashing with each broad sweep of his tongue. “Perhaps I should start packing you lunch every day? Yanqing tells me my cooking is much improved since I started.” he teases, and you’re struck by the visual of you, walking inside the Seat of Divine Foresight, with a brightly colored lunch box in hand like a child being sent off to school. Your mortification at the very idea must show on your face, because he laughs at you. “What’s with that expression? Do you truly have such little faith in me?”

“No!” you splutter, and look away, at the dim lamp on is nightstand. “I can take care of myself. I wouldn’t presume to take up so much of the general’s time.” you say, voice curling with the barest hint of sarcasm.

“I am a general, but I am also a man like any other,” Jing Yuan hums. He wrangles you with a strong arm, draws you into his side. Cradled so close, you can smell him—ffresh from a recent bath, clad in only the softest of robes. And warm, warm above and below and everywhere. “And any man is obligated to care for what is most precious to him.” He murmurs. His voice vibrates through his chest. Warm as a hearth, steady as the sun-warmed earth.

You’re a little too dazed to make sense of it all, right now. But he has implied something severe, something you ignore because you are not strong enough to face, yet. Wind erodes stone and the tides weather the shore—but lightning splinters trees and sparks fires. You pretend not to hear the bolt as it lands, drawn from his soft lips.

He shoves a cracker up to your mouth. You eat from his hands with no hesitance, because you really are so tired. Tired enough to barely listen to the soft timbre of his voice as he describes his day—one-sided quarrels with the master diviner, a ceremony in Aurum Alley to celebrate its recent rebirth, the sparrows which frolic in his garden. You’ve seen them, fluttering from branch-to-branch, little things which land on his shoulders and chirp in welcome and receive soft kisses on their little heads for their trouble.

The general is kind to all creatures, you think, half-asleep. He moves around you, porcelain clinking quietly as he gathers the empty bowls and cleaned plates.

It’s not good to sleep so soon after a meal, but you’re helpless to the siren song of sweet sleep. You’re halfway submerged when you are gathered close to his broad chest and abruptly moved. Like you’re a mere babe, swaddled in the arms of your mother. Your head knocks into his shoulder, body feebly wriggling as you register the sudden lack of ground beneath you.

“It’s alright,” Jing Yuan holds you fast. “I’ve got you.”

His reassurances soothe you still. Jing Yuan ferries you across his bedroom. The sheets are already pulled back, cool and buttery against your skin as he settles you down. You stay there, where he’s left you, writhing against the bedding just to enjoy the feeling, the warmth. The scent of him pervades the entire room. But here, it is inescapable. You shove yourself further up the mount of pillows, pleased to find them just as cool against your skin.

The mattress dips next to you. He slips into his nest like a seal taking to water, yanking up the blankets to your shoulders. Your eyes have shut. The ease with which you let your guard down with him demands careful inspection. But that can wait until tomorrow.

For now, the general pulls you close, drags you to him with an effortless tug. He envelops you shamelessly. Every second hoarded close feels like a nap in the sun.

#jing yuan/reader #jing yuan x reader #hsr fanfic #hsr/reader #hungering for hsr

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mono-dot-jpeg · 1 year ago

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a child and their 9ft pet - astral express crew

summary; the adventures of a 7 year old and their large mythical beast called ossy.

genre/extra tags; bullet fic/headcanons, anxious! reader, reader is connected to most animals (but mostly their companion), reader is from the luofu, i made reader a bit know it all sassy but it's okay it's only for a little bit, reader is a smart baby

[platonic] [7 year old! reader] [gender neutral! reader]

[buy me a kofi to support!]

a/n; this is the most steven universe shit i've seen /j /nm, that's what popped into my mind upon reading this ask. nothing wrong with it. just pointing it out KSDJKSJ also this is based off lion dog from chinese mythology which is what i assume you were describing from the shih tzu and also im rather familiar with the lion dog myself as someone who used to visit temples with my family (love those statues). anyways, hope you enjoy, you didn't really specify what type of work you wanted, so i did bullet fic/hcs

the crew met you when you were trying to avoid them

you're not really normal in the luofu, you were not really an anomaly but you weren't a normal kid either.

the general knew of you due to your larger than life pet.

well... it was more of a beast of mythic lore turned real but who's arguing about definitions here?

even if your pet was in a smaller form, they were still pretty big. about 4ft. maybe twice your height almost

but jingyuan let you have your pet as long as you weren't making trouble

anyways, back to the actual subject at hand.

the astral crew needed to find you since you were supposedly the young scholar of the luofu who seemed to know everything and loved learning about everything

you were almost a historian some would even say

but you didn't really like the idea of being a historian

you just like learning about everything

but you weren't the best around people

so when you met the crew .. .

you jumped right into your pet's fur, disappearing without a trace

"HUH?!"

"how did they disappear like that?"

"did they just jump into that animal's fur?"

march tries to reach out, but the dog barks angrily and backs up

"okay okay! sorry.. puppy?"

"they're not a puppy!" your voice erupts from the soft fur of the dog (?) your head pops up startling the express crew, "they're a lion! get it right!" you scolded them.

"but they don't look like a lion."

"and you don't look like a local, so what's it to you!?" you huffed. "you don't know everything about the luofu!"

"that's why we're here. we need to know more about the history of your home." the eldest man, welt yang, spoke gently. "general jingyuan sent us."

you sigh as you cuddle into your pet's fur, still leaving the crew to wondering how you're being contained in it. "okay. what do you want to know?" and you begrudgingly answer their questions. you eventually leave your pet's fur and they keep your feeling less anxious about the strangers who imposed on your reading time.

and that's it for now.

the crew is mildly concerned and curious about you\

they spot you around different parts of the luofu as they continue their adventure.

let's say that they even had more time to get to know you better. how you're kind of a wild card for the luofu cloud knights and how you'd rather do a plain hobby than fight.

but you're perfectly capable of doing so

well, mostly your pet.

boy were they shocked when they saw your already large ish lion change and grow into a true creature of mythology, and fought the marastruck with ease.

"no chewing! marastruck isn't good for your diet!" you had scolded after the fight was over. "put them down ossy!" despite their cowering size, they almost shrink at your words and remind the crew of a sad puppy or cat. but ossy listens to you and spits out the marastruck, letting it disintegrate into the air.

yeah.. the crew was even more curious after that.

trailblazer was the only brave enough to speak what they were all thinking. what is your pet and how did you get them?

and you told them the simple story that you gained them as a family heirloom and bonded a contract with them. you even formed other contracts with other animals but not as strong as ossy's contract.

ossy was sort of a present from your family as you came from a line of mythic beast tamers and now you're here with them

and after that, you visit the express once in a while with ossy by your side to get a break from the streets of luofu

you take up your other hobbies when you're in the express, often knitting or drawing and you make drawings and little bracelets from the crew. while your drawings and knitting works arent as amazing as your knowledge, you don't mind because it just means more to learn and improve on.

you love being with the crew now and you love ossy more than ever of course!

#honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail welt #honkai x reader #honkai star rail dan heng #hsr march 7th #honkai star rail march 7th #caelus honkai star rail #stelle honkai star rail #caelus x reader #stelle x reader #march 7th x reader #welt yang x reader #dan heng x reader

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generalsdiary · 2 months ago

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the spice will warm me from the inside

Jiaoqiu x Moze

warnings: description of injuries, mentions of the 2.5 events, Jiaoqiu’s history, Moze’s history, nightmares, anxiety, breakdowns, knives/weapons mentioned, one swear word, assassination attempt (dw)

word count: 5.5k

description: a hurt/comfort fic, angst & fluff, life after the events of 2.5, kinda found family trope as well. Jiaoqiu's life with his newfound trauma and disability, Jiaoqiu and Moze living life and communicating in healthy ways. As much as it goes over their "angsty" pasts and traumas it is very healing and focused on moving forward and learning to find a way to go on even when all has gone dark (pun not intended). Feixiao shows up a few times, Sushang comes to visit. As much as it is hurt/comfort, dw as soon as it hurts you, you will be comforted. One has to process through their past traumas and everything they have been through in order to start moving on. A realistic approach.

Jiaoqiu's fingers pressed against the smooth surface of the window. Cold, smooth, glossy. Traveling between the ships of the Luofu wasn't something new to him, but the experience felt different. The darkness, the shadow didn't move no matter how wide he opened his eyes, hoping for light to seep in, for a picture to form. It was hopeless, the poison took its toll.

“Moze.” his voice was gentle as ever, trying his best to hide the tremble in it. The fear as every space feels unfamiliar. The small tremor in his hands that hasn't left since he was... rescued.

“Yes?” a deep-toned voice beside him makes his ears perk up, trying to pinpoint the location, to naturally turn to the man as he usually would. With the way he could before. He turns, hopefully towards Moze. A small crinkle in his eyes as he recalls how March corrected him twice because he wasn't facing her nor the others. Jiaoqiu expected his hearing to be better, to be a better aid, especially as a foxian.

“Describe the room for me. Please.” there's a small pause. A silence. The shadow guard was incredibly quiet, not even a rustle of his clothes.

“It is the same as the last time. Small room, red velvet seats, three across three, sliding glass door, warm light from the headlight, grey floors. The regular transportation.”

Jiaoqiu nods, bringing his fan out, hiding half his face and gently moving it creating a small whiff of air. He remembers some of it... such a mundane thing, he never paid it too much attention. It hurts. Leaning his head back against the soft seat he closes his eyes. They are straining him. an unfamiliar feeling this early in the day.

“Mhm, thank you, Moze... and. General Feixiao, where is she?”

“Arranging a private port for us three to exit at. to avoid crowds.” Moze keeps his answer concise.

The trio is still greeted by guards and some of the general’s usual caretakers. They have received the news, and a man eagerly approaches the trio. His hand is quickly gripping Jiaoqiu’s forearm, making him lose his balance, making him stumble. He desperately uses his tail to balance and tug his arm back. The irritation barely hidden in his voice, “You do not take my arm- one does not simply drag a blind man with them.”

Commotion. Calming words of the general. And a voice that cuts through the multiple voices talking. A low tone, beside him. “I’m on your right, half a step in front of you.” being taller than Jiaoqiu, Moze’s soothing voice is heard easily, mouth so near the foxian’s fluffy ears.

Jiaoqiu takes a calming breath. Another one. This is fine. No. It is not fine. He just has to get home. Home. Yes. Everything will be fine when he gets home.

His hand reaches out into the unknown, the rough fabric meets his fingertips, he gently rests his arm tucked into Moze’s and then grips his forearm. “Thank you. Please. ..Slowly. I can’t.-“ Jiaoqiu’s voice breaks, why did it- no he is fine. He is not breaking down in public. It has been years since has was able to cry. Not after he served in the military. Those tears have long dried up.

You don’t need to cry to break down. To feel the pain engulfing you. The war took most of his ability to taste away. The once lover of subtle, bland flavors, now chased the spiciest, hottest meals- no matter how much it burned his tongue or hurt his throat. It made him feel alive. The spice burned inside him, warming him up when all he could feel was an icy cold throughout his bones.

The familiar crack of the wooden floor beneath his feet lets him know he is finally home. Jiaoqiu immediately took his shoes off and let go of Moze. Stretching out his arms, feeling the smooth texture of the walls in his home. Navigating to his bedroom. Through many dark nights, he could move around his house effortlessly- but this wasn’t a dark night. No moonlight. No lamp. No candle. No soft lights coming off the electronics. He bumps into the couch, and a cabinet, until he finally sits down on the soft bed. Opening his eyes. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. Nothing? Jiaoqiu wants to rage, to throw furniture around. Hasn’t he done enough? Given enough? Deep breaths. He will not succumb to the anger that wants to drown him. Mindlessly caressing the cotton sheets beneath him.

“G-give me a scarf.”

Silence. Jiaoqiu cannot hear him. Moze was always someone he could see, even in his shadow form, he could always SEE him. he could not even smell him. the clean man. Not a single scent.

A fabric touches his hands, soft, strange patterns swirling on it. He drags his fingers across it. Deep breaths. Calm down. He folds it neatly and brings it over his eyes. Tying it up around his head.

“Why?” Moze asked quietly. The sound seems to be coming from below. He is… kneeling beside the bed?

“Every time I open my eyes I hope they will heal. That… that something maybe changed. And every single fucking time that hope is crushed. And I-“ his voice wavers, “I cannot deal with that. I cannot bear another time of my heart getting broken by my inability to see. … with this, I won’t be able to open them. Just. Just… until I get used to… things.”

“I can order a cane for you.”

“No,” Jiaoqiu says a bit too harshly. “I will not. I can’t. I… just. Please, I.” he stumbles over his words like he is falling down the stairs. Shaking his head. Hands trembling. Moze’s habit of not speaking is upsetting at this moment. The bed squeaks under the weight of the other man, strong arms encircle him. Firm chest pressed against the foxian’s back. Calm breathing on his shoulder and a strong steady heart beating against his own works wonders. Making him ground his own breathing in the pace he feels the other’s ribs expand and contract. Heartbeat soon enough coming into sync with Moze’s. A comfortable silence. Although to Jiaoqiu it isn’t a silence. The inhale, exhale, a reassuring sound in this abyss.

Jiaoqiu’s fingers gripped the peeled onion a bit too roughly. He worried it might roll away. Just have to tuck in his fingers, and it is okay. Chop, chop, chop.

Cooking is a big part of him. and his situation will not take it away from him. The last thing that makes him feel like himself. His hand hovers above the deep pan, warmth seeping in. It is hot enough. He chops more veggies and meat and puts it all on a low simmer. Doors open and close, and as per usual he turns towards the sound. It has to be Moze or Feixiao. A burglar wouldn’t enter that casually, right? These thoughts don’t ease his life. The constant worrying and anxiety-

“It’s me.” he doubts he is able to recognize everyone’s voice. Humanoid hearing is simply not suited for it. Expect that it is Moze. Jiaoqiu can recognize his voice. “I have brought you something” With a quick step he is beside him, warm hands holding his and handing him something… smooth. “You said no cane. This is a walking stick. Older people use it- I know, you maybe don’t want it, and it may cause more trouble. Simply put, at least it’s here to help you not fall. okay?”

That’s a lot of words for the shadow guard who prefers to stay silent. Jiaoqiu feels out the walking stick, tapping the ground with it a bit. “I appreciate the thought, I will. I will keep it near.” With that, he sets it against the kitchen counter and stirs the food. Sour and spicy notes hit his nose. Home. Breathing it in like smoke. Wishing it could take him back.

“Why are there green peppers in the trash? They appear fine.” Moze questions. Jiaoqiu exhales, his throat tightens. Opening his mouth to explain but the strain stops him from voicing anything. Why are they in the trash can? A perfectly good ingredient, still fresh, he is never wasteful. The everpresent tremble is his new companion, his imagination makes him feel the finger that pressed against his back causing immense pain so he may give away secrets about Feixiao. The claws that ripped his clothes apart and left rough textured scars- still wounds, they have yet to heal to become scars. The makeup that ran down his face. The tugged hair. Flashes of scent induced fear. The last thing he ever saw was that monster. Hoolay. Green peppers. No. It isn’t something he can see- … it isn’t something he can smell, eat, or feel again.

Moze quietly observes the way Jiaoqiu grips the counter, the way his breathing becomes shallow, the silence piercing his ears, worry coloring Moze’s face now that he doesn’t have to conceal his expressions anymore. “I will take the trash out.”

“Please, thank you.” Jiaoqiu answers in a shaky, broken voice. The voice one sounds like right before they will break down. With swift movements, Moze ties the bag and takes the trash out.

With a slow step and one hand on the walking stick, he carries the food to the table. Plate by plate. Chopsticks, spoons. Beverages. If it were any other normal day he’d carry the pan to the table. But it isn’t any other normal day. This is the new normal. And carrying a heavy, soup-filled pan is risky. Finally satisfied, he sits down and smiles gently. Like he used to. Small wins, little joys.

Moze returns and wishes to say how he could’ve helped. Those words die down in his throat. Would it be more condescending than helpful? Would he even care for his words? Moze lost his voice, his will to speak, from his “second family”. Where no one cared for what he said. He convinces himself that this time he isn’t speaking because it might be rude.

“Would you text the trailblazer for me?” Jiaoqiu inquires during the meal, once Moze returns from washing his hands.

“Now?”

“No, no. after we eat. And could you switch the settings to voice commands and audio-specific notifications?”

“Consider it done.”

Technology is another thing Moze has a great understanding of. Updating the phone and other digital items in their home poses no issue. “When I call you in the future, or anyone whose number you have saved this is how it will sound” Moze calls Jiaoqiu’s phone, and instead of making a pleasant melody, a robotic voice starts talking ‘Moze Moze Moze Moze…’ Jiaoqiu nods with a small smile. “That is helpful, I appreciate it.” “And you can text the trailblazer by giving voice commands to the phone. You don’t need my assistance.” Moze sounds proud, showing Jiaoqiu that he is perfectly capable of doing it alone, just a bit differently than what he is used to.

“I’m going to meet Suyi. You can take the time to clean, Moze” Jiaoqiu takes his cane and exits their home. Hopefully, by giving him obligations and keeping clear of the area, it will make Moze not follow him.

It has been a few weeks. He took an orientation and mobility class. Learning how to use an actual cane. It felt easier to exist. Jiaoqiu was once again mobile, he could go to the market, buy fresh produce, and go out to meet old friends. Tap tap taping his way to the café. Jiaoqiu had a preference for a nonfoldable cane. The subtle vibrations carried through much better. And concrete felt like hell so he tried to stick to the pavement the best he could. The Yaoqing, sadly, had no pathways adjusted to those with impaired vision. Tap tap tap. Jiaoqiu made do with what he had. Walking in public with his cane made him feel free again, akin to feeling in control again. There is a lingering hope in it. Reminiscent of a small candle’s light, not too strong, yet it may illuminate a whole room.

Another assassination attempt failed. Moze groans. The general suggested asking for advice from others, and the trailblazer, the first person he asked, had nothing useful to say in that regard. The silver shine of the knife glistened in the artificial sun. Like sharpening it will make the attempts successful. Feixiao killed his entire family. His family. His close ones, they healed him, gave him a roof over his head, they fed him… poisons under the claim he will live forever with it, his words ever only falling on deaf ears, mantras shoved down his throat like rose spikes. Intoxicating his insides even after he knew of the evil those same words caused. Not to mention the first family that abandoned him, the village that left him to die.

Is this what you call a family? Moze asks himself as the sharp blade lingers above Feixiao’s throat. There he stands. About to succeed. To win his freedom. Is he not already free tho? No, no, she killed his family. This was the agreement and the rightful vengeance. Moze outdid her. Snuck into her home, he won. Yet his hand is frozen. It stands still in the dead of the night. Unmoving. Static. Immobile. Eyes observing the resting face of the woman who saved him. Educated him, showed him kindness, and actual warmth. And in his adult years, she is the one who introduced him to his current partner. Be that as it may, what becomes of him if he let go of it all now? What is his worth? This was his goal, all this time. The driving force of his medically adjusted body. Is this what you call a family? Is this who has been his family all along? The general and the healer? The borisin and the foxian. The air is deathly still. His hand is calm, free from tremors. His brow furrows deeper, thinking through all of it. Until he comes to a decision.

“Feixiao.” Moze says in a normal tone. The knife was still against her neck. The general stirs awake, eyes widening at the surprise, however she makes no move to shove him away. Feixiao knows if he wanted to do something, it would have been done.

“I have won. … I shall remain your guard, General. Death will have to walk through me to get you.” in the blink of an eye he is gone. Feixiao exhales and returns to her sleep with a smile on his face. Moze finally, slowly, started to move on. Decades later, he managed to take small steps toward acceptance.

A few minutes later he is holding his partner in his arms. “Jiaoqiu” Moze whispers into the soft ear. The foxian stirs, “hm?” “I have succeeded in my revenge.” Small shuffle and a sharp inhale, Jiaoqiu turns towards him, “Hm?” sleep-driven hum. “I couldn’t bring myself to kill her. She is my family. I cannot. I would never bring harm upon the ones I care about. Never.” Moze speaks his vow aloud and nuzzles his head into Jiaoqiu’s neck. Nothing more had to be said, in his opinion, time to sleep. A gentle hand caresses his hair, “Good.” Jiaoqiu leaves a feathery kiss on the grey hair after which he continues sleeping.

Misty rain soaked his clothes and the small boat rocked along the smooth surface of the Rainsoar lake. Jiaoqiu used to come here often. Alone he’d collect herbs and fruit in the herbal basket on his back.

“You didn’t have to come with me, one of the locals could’ve taken me.”

“It is not a problem for me, Jiaoqiu. I’m glad to be in your company, we see each other less… and it brings me joy to be beside you.” Feixiao answers, slowly rowing the boat through the lake covered with heart-shaped foliage, blossoms, water chestnuts, and the occasional fish jumping out. A beautiful sight, a tranquil atmosphere surrounding the two.

Jiaoqiu reaches out beyond the small boat, dipping his fingers into the icy cold water to collect the lotus flowers and floating heart plants. An old tradition for him, one he did even before he joined the army as a doctor. The cold fingers pluck a wild rice stem and open it up. Bringing the fresh rice to his mouth.

Years before it had a wonderful sweet and refreshing taste. His taste changed after he came back from war. Jiaoqiu’s taste buds were the price he paid in the war. A renowned chef, and healer, lost his delicate sense of taste. The gaze of an Aeon who looked down upon the thousand-year war, and their choice to end it, burned everyone involved. Jiaoqiu’s tongue was the price he paid for running into the white light to save the young kid. Feixiao. The cold region was something he got accustomed to. Nonetheless, when the almighty power sliced down the battlefield, Jiaoqiu felt a cold unlike any other. Freezing him from the inside. With the leftover survivors, he decided to cook a stew. A warm flame. Some spice. More spice. Chili peppers. Not enough. All the spice he had in his pouch. Until he finally felt a taste on his tongue. A burning sensation. The last flavor he can actually taste. For it made him feel alive despite everything that happened, everything around him, the cold air, the cold insides, the tasteless tongue. And the heat… it sent a jitter down his body. So alive. … the sensation bordered on pain. As spice tolerance grows, surely his grew as well. And he might today very well be dancing with pain every bite. After he returned from the war the rice stems tasted too bland. No flavor to them. He reaped the consequences of his actions. Of choosing to save the girl. His scars from the war.

Years later, at the same lake, with the woman he saved during the war, the boat rocks with her movements. The second time he saved her he paid with his sight. Jiaoqiu never blamed her, why would he? It was his choice the whole way and his goal. The jump to save her from the Aeon. To drink… Tumbledust. To give everyone a fighting chance and to heal Feixiao’s moon rage. Jiaoqiu is an adult and he made his decisions to the best of his judgment in the circumstances that were given to him.

The wild rice lands on his tongue. For a sacred moment, he feels a tinge of sweetness, however, it is only for one moment. And gone with the wind. Even so, for one moment it was there. Is it because he lost his vision that his other senses have enhanced the tiniest bit giving him a single second, less than a second of something that used to bring him joy? The foxian could cry at that moment if his eyes had not dried from any tears while he was still in the army. A moment is still a moment. It is enough. Enough to give him more hope. To keep him moving forward. To have faith in the future. To even dare to look into the future.

For a man to willingly drink poison, deadly poison, he had to give up all hope. Any faith toward the future, any life he thought he had left. Jiaoqiu had to make peace with the fact that no one was coming to recuse him- that he would not be saved. So what was the last thing he could do? After Hoolay drained him of any secrets about the general, humiliated him, treated him less than the ground they walk on, and broke his ego and pride by allowing him to walk around knowing he will “always return to his master”. The only thing he could do was give the others a fighting chance, somehow use the knowledge he acquired; to save Feixiao and sacrifice himself.

The sweet flavor of rice on his tongue. A small flame of a candle, a hope. Hope for the future, he gets to live in. as he slowly finds his self-worth again, his self-respect, and his hopefulness for the oncoming days.

“We may return. I got what I came for.”

“Hm- I’m still-“ Feixiao speaks with her mouth full and Jiaoqiu angles his head a bit analyzing the sound, and a chuckle is ready to part his lips. “You are eating?”

“-mh, hey the water chestnuts are really good!” Feixiao probably has her mouth full of food. The general likely got bored and hungry. Jiaoqiu’s warm laugh cuts the silence of the lake. He hasn’t laughed in a long time. It makes his tummy hurt and he has to stop to not make the boat flip over. Feixiao laughs with him… after she chews down the food in her mouth.

How does one make noise when one walks? A question Moze never thought he’d ask himself. Hence, doing his best, it sounds like a child purposefully stomping the heel of their feet onto the floor. Heavy steps. It is ridiculous. Moze finds himself hilarious, ironic even. His stoic front breaks down when he hears his partner laughing from the couch. The sole reason why he is doing this. To fill the void Jiaoqiu sees. Moze will not move like a shadow in their home. He shall make noise. Even if it sounds like an overgrown toddler throwing a tantrum.

“I’m trying!” Moze voices between bursts of laughter.

“Ooh, I can hear that indeed~” Jiaoqiu nods and giggles.

A knock on the door interrupts their conversation. Jiaoqiu stands up, slowly making his way to the door, while Moze opens it.

A girl with a cloud knight uniform on and long dark brown hair with a big bright smile stands in the doorway. “Hello!” she says cheerfully, “It has been so long, I thought I’d come to visit, how are you, Uncle J?”

Jiaoqiu angles his head a bit, the voice not ringing any bells. “I’m sorry, you-“ Moze quickly buts in, “It is Sushang.” “Yeah, and I brought a gift!” Sushang happily stretches out her hands, handing Jiaoqiu a small box. There’s a few seconds of silence. Moze once again says, “She is handing you a small box, approximately the size of a human head, and by the looks of it not too heavy.”

“Ah, thank you, Sushang. Your presence is unexpected but I’m glad you came over, are you hungry?” Jiaoqiu carefully takes the gift in his hands and smiles. “I mean, I could never say no to your cooking Uncle J! Also... I’m sorry, you are..?” Moze sighs. This is the third time he has seen her and she fails to remember him. The shadow guard, proficient in remaining hidden, wonders why she never remembers him. Jiaoqiu speaks in his stead as he slowly walks to the kitchen, “This is Moze, my partner.” “oh! Hi there, Uncle Moze!” Sushang flashes him a bright smile and moves past him to sit at the kitchen island, ready to yap a whole storm about her life and catch her uncle up with it all. Starting with her best friend, Guinaifen. Once she finishes her stories, Sushang is more than happy to sit in a slump position, stuff her face full of dumplings while Jiaoqiu shares some new stories of his life (the happy ones). In her eyes, he tells them better than the storyteller at Sleepless Earl.

“You know I care about your thoughts, opinions, even random comments with not a single thought behind them, right?” Jiaoqiu’s hand effortlessly treaded through Moze’s silver hair, facing him on the couch. “I will try. I have learned differently and… despite it being a bad habit, those are even harder to let go of.” Moze’s eyes are closed, melting under his lover’s touch. Jiaoqiu’s voice is smooth like butter, continuing, “I know, Moze. When it gets hard, just remember that I care about you and what you have to say. I always have. I love you.” Moze leans forward, pressing his forehead against Jiaoqiu’s, “I love you too. I will do my best.” Moze softly kisses the bridge of his nose, where the cotton scarf lays across his eyes.

Jiaoqiu reached behind his head, untangling the scarf. Weeks, months have passed since he started wearing it. Taking it off only when he bathes or sleeps. He opens his eyes. “I missed seeing them. Such beautiful golden glow, Jiaoqiu.” Moze muses, enjoying the view of bright orange eyes. “Thank you. I feel finally… strong enough mentally to exist and move without it. I have gathered… hope and mental strength.” Jiaoqiu nods, the darkness beyond his eyes unchanged. “They still look beautiful to you, Tumbledust didn’t affect them?” “Even if it did, the fact would not change. To answer your question your eyes are unchanged. They cannot meet mine, but I was never big on eye contact.” The simplicity and honesty in his answer made Jiaoqiu feel secure and loved. The foxian smiles, and their home feels warm. So warm with them together, kind, loving, patient. Healing through their traumas and pain. One thoughtful word at a time.

In the peaceful moment, Jiaoqiu caresses Moze’s cheek and leans in to kiss him. One of the moments where darkness is welcomed… because of the way Moze makes him feel during the kiss, it makes Jiaoqiu feel like he can taste colors.

“The divine traces of Abundance shall heal your body... quick. Drink this...” Moze’s body was covered with sweat, his breathing was shallow. Hooded figures surrounded him.

“I don’t… don’t make drink… no…no” he mumbles helplessly, the thick liquid forced down his throat again. Goosebumps rose on his skin, “Drink child. You will… immortal… save… others…” Moze’s throat closed up, drowning on dry land and his mind disconnected from his body in an all too familiar way. Dying and fighting in the same breath. Half a second away from a silent scream or spitting the medicine back out. “Please… please… I…” his voice trembled, powerless against any of them. Once more his voice is ignored. His yelps and pleading for help, his begging for mercy shushed, ignored… put aside. Nothing more than a good test subject, convinced this is what family does. This is how it must be. Others live like this too, right? This is completely normal, right? He is cared for and nourished here, right? He will survive this, right? I will survive this…right?

A hushed voice hummed in the distance. The worn down building, cold and exposed cement his everyday environment, and the sound he didn’t recognize. “shh, shh, shh.” Rhythmical, paced… soothing? No one ever soothed him. Then he feels it. A delicate tender touch. Fingers brushing his hair. Moze’s breathing sped up as his surroundings changed, he inhaled sharply, his vision going black, all sound stopping into a painful echo of silence, a deafening sound, his lungs moving up and down with irregular breathing until there was none of him left. Abyss. Darkness. Black dots of midnight oil. A window. A window? Moonlight vaguely illuminated the space. A bed. And… “shh, shh, shh. There you go… back with me.”

Moze’s face felt wet, his vision blurry and his eyelashes stuck together, a salty taste on his lips. The sight of his partner holding him so carefully, gingerly, and taking care of him… Moze had no words. The nightmare swallowed him up again. He hated the feeling. Immediately he turns to press himself fully into his partner, to hide his face away from the shadows in the room, “Jiaoqiu” he whispers. “Yes, my precious. I’m here. You’re here. In our home. In our bed. Safe. With me.” For the next few minutes, Jiaoqiu keeps murmuring comforting words and hushed hums until Moze grounds himself in the present moment.

“I hate them. I hate my nightmares.”

“May I offer my healing abilities? A nine-squared grid hotpot will surely have a pleasurable effect on this, and help out.”

“I… that sounds good. If you say it will help, then I’ll take it.”

Jiaoqiu starts sitting up, “Very well.”

“Wait,” Moze utters, squinting his eyes to look at the clock, “it is 3 am, you don’t have to cook now.”

“Then when am I supposed to cook, Moze?” Jiaoqiu replies with a smile, “It isn’t hard. It doesn’t bother me.” He stands up and faces somewhat in the direction of the bed. “I’m happy to take care of you, Moze.” Jiaoqiu sits back on the bed and finds his partner’s face, cupping it in his hands. The texture of Moze’s unshaven face against his fingers feels rough but familiar, and in that familiarity, he feels safe. His home. He presses his lips against the younger man’s forehead and stands back up, already on his way to the kitchen.

Approximately half an hour later, a freshly bathed Moze sits across Jiaoqiu for a late night or an early morning meal. The warm liquid filled with various vegetables and spices feels good as it goes down his throat. It isn’t poison. It doesn’t hurt. It isn’t a threat.

“Thank you, Jiaoqiu. It tastes amazing.”

“Always a pleasure.” He answers with an all-knowing smile. “I could add a little more chili oil next time…”

“eh- I… it is spicy enough, darling.” Moze voices his thoughts hesitantly, which makes Jiaoqiu softly laugh and add a few drops of chili pepper flakes to his own bowl.

On the other hand, Jiaoqiu’s nightmares didn’t stop. Many nights he wakes up in fear of where he is. Is he still captive? Still kidnapped? Still surrounded by borisin and under the effect of lupitoxin? Jiaoqiu wakes up with heavy breathing every time, sitting up quickly, feeling the space around him- more often than not, waking Moze in his desperate attempt to gather where he is whether he is home or there. There’s a phantom pain where Hoolay pressed his finger onto his back to drain information from him. An itch on his chest where the wounds will form into dark pink scar tissue. In the beginning, it was every night. Every night for weeks, months. Jiaoqiu started relying on afternoon naps. Time has passed but his nightmares are still often. On the rare nights when Moze isn’t in bed, he has a good sleep schedule- most likely went to drink some water, Jiaoqiu is quick to spiral and clumsily get out of bed. Moze usually finds him kneeling on the floor, hanging onto the wall, mumbling, “No, no, no, no, no, no. I am not. This is home. This is home. It is. My walls. M-moze…Moze”

The curse of a doctor, a healer, they cannot heal themselves. The trauma he has been through, the scars from it that he carries still with him, most of them not even visible, it isn’t something that passes overnight. Healing is a long and slow process. It will take time. Sometimes he has no nightmares for weeks, only for them to torment his peaceful night’s rest for days on end. Some days, Jiaoqiu will have a bit more anxiety while walking around. What if everyone and anyone he talks to once again is under a guarantee of a death filled with fangs and claws?

Hence, he takes it slowly. When the world feels like it is crushing him, he takes a deep breath and eats spicy food. He grounds himself in his environment. Reminds himself that he is safe, Hoolay is dead, the borisin are under control, he isn’t being targeted, and everything is fine. Everything is fine. He will be fine. With time. One deep breath at a time.

The tremor in his hands never left him.

A breeze rustled various branches and leaves, providing a lovely melody of an artificial autumn on the Yaoqing. The scent of cooked apples dipped in caramel and baked cinnamon rolls filled the air.

“I see no threat in my retainers. The man you cannot see is my guard, and the foxian is my personal doctor. Surely, we don’t pose a problem?” Feixiao questioned the men in front of her, attempting to enter a highly secure space, on a very important and very secret mission.

Moze appears by her side, “I shall leave all my weapons with you.” he takes his time to slowly strip himself of his hidden knives and make a full scene out of it.

Jiaoqiu stands still with a small smile and his cane in his hands. “I do not carry weapons. I am a healer, I wouldn’t hurt a fly.” If at all possible, his smile widens subtly with the honey-dripped words that coat the actual truth. “Moreover, I am retired. I’m here on the general’s command to accompany her to this… wonderful occasion.”

Rustling, murmuring, quiet chats, “…what could a blind man do…” “…the guard left all of his weapons…” “….yeah, we can let them through..” “You may come.”

Feixiao slowly walks towards the entrance with a confident stride, Jiaoqiu steadily taps his cane following her with the same smirk on his face, Moze soundlessly steps last, with at least, still 32 weapons on him.

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