#still albertovill

[maheelove]

“A veces pienso que tú eres todo el sol que necesito. Lo siento cuando salgo a caminar por las calles y, si no me tomas de la mano todo es tan frío y las metáforas son tan baratas y los sueños tan superficiales.”

Todo lo que fuimos.

[icaruskey]

I don’t hate Ilyssa anymore. 

I did a lot, when I was newly cracked and understanding the world.

It took me a really, really long time to let go of the anger I felt towards her. And sometimes it’s still there. Because I knew of LGBT. I had heard the word transgender before and I had one bisexual and one gay in a high school of 500 kids. I was actively watching Fox and Friends when Rowling said Dumbledore is gay. 

Really the only thing I still agree with Fox and Friends is that Dumbledore was not at all gay coded in the books. It’s a fucking reach at best.

But I’m not angry at her anymore. She didn’t know better. She got sat down by her father at 8 years old with a failing math test and told she’s “not allowed to have a crush on BJ because we don’t date boys like him.” BJ is black btw and I loved him. 

She grew up in a town where government housing was called “the projects” you got drugs either at “the hill” or on the mountain, and a house down the road from me was a meth lab that blew up. We thought calling a neighboring town “Albertoville” was funny because they had a high Hispanic population. 

I don’t hate her anymore even though I hate so much of what she stood for. 

Ilyssa was me. She will be a part of me forever, and I wish I could go back and tell her all that I’ve learned, to not be scared, to become an artist and a writer, to be Icarus and find Sam and Brier and everyone I love today and never let them go. 

But that can’t happen. So I’ll joke that I traded names with Icarus so I could fuck the sun and I’ll remember her and who I was and hang her on the rearview mirror so I never forget where I came from and how much further I have to go. 

But I don’t hate Ilyssa anymore. And you can’t make me hate the girls and boys who are growing up just like her, ignorant and hateful not because they want to be but because they have no choice.